Social media has taken over the dating world!
In today’s episode we discuss exactly what you have to do if you want to increase the chances of getting your ex boyfriend back through social media.
We hear from Ash, a woman who is curious as to what is going on with her ex boyfriend (who just liked one of her Instagram pictures.)
Here is quick recap of Ash’s entire situation,
- She “un-friended” her ex boyfriend on almost all forms of social media.
- Her ex boyfriend still seems to be following her around though.
- Wonders how she should handle social media relating to her ex.
Ash’s question wasn’t too long but I managed to dive into an amazing discussion over how to use almost all forms of social media to your advantage if you want to get your ex boyfriend back,
What I Cover In This Episode
- Why there is a 90% chance your ex is checking up on you after the breakup.
- Why there is a 70% chance that your ex is using a friend to check up on you.
- The importance of your ex boyfriend “liking” something.
- How to use social media to your advantage.
- Why I don’t recommend “un-friending” an ex after a breakup.
- The importance of pictures.
- Why some jealousy here and there is good for you.
Important Statistics About Social Media Mentioned
- 88% of people check up on their exes using Facebook after a breakup.
- 70% of people admitted to using a friend to check up on their exes Facebook profiles.
- 64% of people over-analyzed wall posts & messages from their exes.
- 50% of people delete their exes pictures after a breakup.
- 33% quoted a song/lyrics about their ex.
- 31% posted a picture in an attempt to make an ex jealous. (31% succeed jk jk.)
IMPORTANT Links Mentioned In This Episode
How To Use Social Media To Get Your Ex Back
1. Don’t Un-friend Your Ex Boyfriend
Social media is one of the most effective weapons at creating interest within your ex boyfriend during the no contact rule so it is important that you don’t unfriend your ex boyfriend. Of course, if you did unfriend him or he unfriended you there is still a good shot that he will look at your profile down the road.
2. Pictures Are Important
Pictures are super important for creating interest in your boyfriend. Men are very visual creatures so if you post pictures on social media platforms it can go a long way to achieving the “ungettable” status you are trying to project. Make sure you post pictures that show you having the time of your life! I explain this thoroughly in the episode.
3. Jealousy Can Be Effective
A little jealousy through social media can work wonders but you have to be careful. Make sure you listen to the entire episode for a full run down of how you can use jealousy because if you don’t use it correctly you could completely ruin your chances.
4. The Ideas Is To Get Him Hooked To Your Profile
Your ex boyfriend visiting your profile every day.
The idea behind using social media to influence your ex boyfriend is to get him to put a “check up” on your profile into his daily routine. If he is consistently coming back to your profile you have done something really amazing!
Welcome to Episode 24 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I’m really excited to have you here today. This episode is going to be focusing specifically on social media and how to use it when you go through a breakup. I’m going to throw out some interesting statistics that not many people have heard before. We’re going to leverage these statistics and hopefully formulate a game plan to help you get your ex back.
Here is the format of this podcast. People call in and ask questions. I answer those questions. Today’s question is from Ashe, who is wondering how she can use social media to get her ex back, specifically what it means when her ex-boyfriend likes certain pictures on Instagram. Let’s hear from Ashe:
“Hi, Chris. I have a question. My ex-boyfriend is still following me on social media. He still looks at my Snapchat stories. What should I do? I unfriended him on everything but he still looks at my stuff. He just recently liked my Instagram picture.”
That’s a great question, Ashe. First, thank you for having the guts to leave me a voicemail and ask this question. Let’s get to it. You didn’t specifically ask a question about getting your ex-boyfriend back. I’m going to assume that you want him back.
There is something that you have to understand about mediums like social media. You mentioned Instagram. I’m going to expand the reach, not just to Instagram, but to all forms of social media such as Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram. Back in my day, everyone was using Myspace. I don’t even know if that still exists. It’s such a small market share in the social media industry right now. I’m going to talk about what you have to do in these mediums to increase your chances of getting your ex-boyfriend back.
The important thing to realize when you’re dealing with social media is the fact that it’s impossible to fully get your ex-boyfriend back with social media. It takes more than just sending a clever Facebook post or picture through Instagram. It takes more than that to get a man to be convinced to get back into a relationship with you. But that’s not to say that Facebook can’t be a weapon.
The first thing I’m going to do, not just for you Ashe, but for everyone listening is to throw out the statistics. From these statistics, we’re going to make certain assumptions on how you should approach getting your ex-boyfriend back. I believe this was reported in the Toronto Star. A Canadian university student did an interesting master’s thesis on exes, breakups and Facebook. I know that Facebook isn’t Twitter or Instagram, but never before has a study been done like this that looks specifically at what happens when exes go through breakups on social media.
This woman is Veronika Lukacs. I will link to her research in the show notes. Veronika found something really interesting about exes, breakups and social media. She found that 88% of people that go through breakups check up on former boyfriends and girlfriends on Facebook. Think about that. There is almost a 90% chance that your ex-boyfriend is going to stalk you on Facebook.
Just like, I’m sure, you’re stalking your ex-boyfriend on Facebook. Women ask me, “Why does this social media stuff matter?” when I mention it on my site or in my book. This is why it matters. Your ex-boyfriend is looking at you. He’s just not going to shout to the hills that he’s looking at you. You need to understand it logically. The odds are in your favor there. There is a 90% chance that your ex-boyfriend is taking a look at your pictures and profile.
This fascinating to me. Veronika also found that 70% of people used their friends to keep track of their exes. Here is an example. Let’s say that you break up with your boyfriend and you are very curious about what your boyfriend is up to. He unfriended you on Facebook. You go to your best girlfriend, who is friends on Facebook with your ex.
You say, “Hey, can I check out his profile?” She’s your best friend so she’s going to say yes. Seventy percent of people who went through breakups did this. Even if you’re being unfriended by your ex or you have unfriended your ex, there is still a high likelihood that your ex will still stalk your profile.
Here’s another interesting tidbit that Veronika found in her study. Sixty-four percent of people overanalyzed wall posts and messages from their ex. For example, if your ex-boyfriend posted on Facebook and you saw it, you are going to overanalyze it. “What does that mean?” You’re going to look at the pictures on his wall, him liking someone else’s comment, other people talking to him.
You’re going through this analytical phase. You’re overanalyzing things. This is important because, if you flip the script here, that means your ex-boyfriend is probably going to do the same thing to you.
Here’s another interesting tidbit. Fifty percent of people deleted their ex’s pictures. Half of the people deleted their ex’s pictures and half of the people kept them up. Here’s another one. Thirty-three percent of people quoted a song about their ex.
I always hear those situations where a girl comes to my website and says, “My ex keeps posting these really morbid or depressing lyrics. I think it’s about me.” There is a 33% chance that it is about you. In my opinion, I think it is about you. The statistics here say that 33% of people quoted songs about their exes after a breakup.
Thirty-one percent of people posted a picture in an attempt to make an ex jealous. That’s pretty interesting. That means that, if your ex is trying to make you jealous, you’re still on his mind. He still cares about you. That’s fascinating information to have.
When I was reading this study, she said that one guy admitted to hacking into his ex’s Facebook account. He was really embarrassed about it, but it happens. That’s why it’s important to change your password. If the temptation is there and you had a shared password with your ex on Facebook.
Some couples say, “If there’s nothing to hide, give him the password.” I understand that. I understand the thought behind that. If you’re going through a breakup, I would say to change your password. There is a high chance that your ex will log on to your Facebook account and check you out if the temptation is there. They will check out your messages, pictures, likes and notifications. Men do this.
Understanding all of this, Ashe, we have our work cut out for us. If that doesn’t make social media relevant to getting your ex back, nothing does. These statistics are that 90% of people checking up on former girlfriends and boyfriends on Facebook, 70% use their friends to keep track of their exes and 64% overanalyze wall posts and messages from their ex, 50% deleted pictures, 33% quoted a song about their ex and 31% posted a picture in an attempt to make an ex jealous. This makes social media relevant when it comes to getting exes back.
If you flip the script and understand that, “There is a 90% chance that my ex is looking at my social media profile,” you can use social media as a weapon to get your ex back. I’m going to teach you how to do that today. I understand, Ashe, that you said that you unfriended your ex on Facebook. I am not a fan of this.
I’ll tell you why. Those statistics that I mentioned prove how relevant social media is to dating nowadays. It didn’t used to be this way. Back in the old days, social media didn’t exist. It was a lot different. The fact that social media exists now means that you can indirectly influence your ex and improve your chances of getting your ex back.
That’s why I’m such a proponent of staying friends with your ex after a breakup. It’s not because I’m trying to encourage people to stalk their exes. I understand the temptation is there. But it is such a huge asset to you, if you use it correctly. You can really improve your chances of getting your ex back. That’s what I would like to talk about for you today, Ashe.
I understand that you unfriended your ex. This may be hard to hear, but the last thing you want to be looked at is a flip-flopper. You don’t want to be looked at as a flip-flopper when it comes to your ex-boyfriend. A flip-flopper is a person who friends their ex. Then after the breakup, they unfriend their ex. Then a few days later, they send a friend request to their ex. Their ex declines it. They send them another friend request. It gets excessive. You don’t want that. Ashe, in your case, I’m going to recommend not to friend your ex until after you use the no contact rule and build up some rapport with your ex. Don’t friend him.
For those of you who are friends with your ex, this episode is more for you. I’m creating a game plan for you. Ashe, I’m sorry to say but right now, maybe you can use Instagram. That’s the beauty of the fact that you are still friends there. Don’t friend your ex, Ashe. You don’t want to be looked at as a flip-flopper. That doesn’t mean you can’t use the advice that I’m going to give here.
Remember, there is a 70% chance that he’s using one of his friends to check up on you. Keep this in mind. I understand this episode may not be geared towards you, but it kind of is. You can still use all the information here because there is a high chance that your ex is still checking up on you. Don’t friend him because you don’t want to be looked at as a flip-flopper.
I’ve already covered why it’s important to stay friends with your ex. You’re going to use social media to your advantage. Before I start talking about how you need to use social media to your advantage, I want to answer Ashe’s question specifically about the like. She said her ex-boyfriend liked one of her pictures.
What’s the significance of that? In my opinion, here is the importance of a like. It equals that your ex is trying to get attention from you. It’s the safest way he can do so. He has that fallback. Let’s say that he likes your picture. You contact him and say, “What’s that about?” He can always fall back to the position of saying, “What are you talking about? I just liked your picture. What’s the big deal?” He’s doing it on purpose.
The moment he pulled his mouse over the picture and clicked the like button, he knew that a notification was going to go to you and you would know that he liked your picture. He understands this. It’s his way of trying to stay relevant in your mind. It’s his way of maybe trying to ruffle your feathers a bit. But he’s thinking about you. That’s the most important part.
It’s safe for him. He will always have the fallback position of saying, “What’s the big deal? It’s just a like.” It’s not just a like. He’s doing something to get your attention. Doing something to get your attention is bigger than just liking a picture. Yes, sometimes I see pictures that I like, so I like them. No big deal. But when you’re dealing with exes and relationships, there is significance every time someone does something like that. It may be small significance. It may not be the biggest thing in the world. But there is still significance there. That’s the importance of a like.
We’re going to talk a little bit about what you can do to increase your odds of influencing your ex to want to take you back through social media. Facebook is the most popular one. Nothing comes close to Facebook yet. I’m going to gear more of the information here towards Facebook. That doesn’t mean that, if you and your ex are big proponents of Twitter, Instagram or Pinterest, the information I’m telling you here can be applied through those mediums. Since Facebook is the biggest social media platform currently, I’m going to gear the information I’m teaching here towards that.
The first thing I want you to understand about influencing your ex on Facebook, or other social media, is that pictures are vitally important. They’ve done studies that have shown that human beings are more visual. They are more inclined to read things that are attached to pictures. A lot of you are always wondering why I attach these funny memes to the in depth articles that I write about ex-boyfriends, situations and what it means. That’s because pictures keep you engaged. They keep you scrolling down the page. If I had a page full of white space, there is no way you would read all of that. That’s boring.
But the pictures, gifs and funny videos make it interesting. They make it interesting. Pictures have this amazing affect to influence people more than the written word. You’re going to use pictures to your advantage. I talk a lot about the un-gettable girl. It’s predicated on the fact that men want what they can’t have. Pictures through Facebook are your best way to display this.
You display that your ex can’t have you, that you’re having the time of your life without him. You’re not being obvious about having the time of your life. You’re going out. You’re having fun with friends. You’re going to bars or clubs. You’re seeing amazing scenery. You are having the time of your life. If your ex sees this stuff, it will make him a little jealous.
He’ll be thinking, “Why didn’t she do that stuff with me? She looks like she’s having the time of her life.” Why isn’t she distraught over losing me? It hurts his ego a bit. But it works to get him chasing you. Remember, men want what they can’t have. He sees you going out. He sees you other people with you. He sees you experience the world.
Maybe you visit a beautiful city. You see a skyline that is just gorgeous. You post that to Facebook. Your ex is going to be interested in that. He’s going to keep going back to your Facebook page to see your next update. He’s going to keep doing that. The more you can get him hooked on going to your Facebook page, the more likely he is to have those feelings for you again. He’s obsessed with you, and you want him to become obsessed with you. Use pictures as much as you possibly can.
I want to be really specific about the type of pictures to use. You want to use pictures that say you’re having the time of your life, without saying it. You don’t want pictures to be obvious. You don’t want it to be you at the club with your girlfriends, you have drinks in your hands and the caption on the picture is, “Having the time of my life.” No.
You want this to be subtle. You want this to be natural. You do want to go out to a bar or hang out with your friends, but you don’t want to have captions for the picture. You want it to be really natural. You always want to look amazing. You want to look as hot as you possibly can. If your ex sees you as beautiful and hot, it’s his way of missing you. Remember, men are visual creatures. We like women who are very attractive. You’re trying to get your ex to keep coming back to your profile. If he keeps coming back to your profile, he’s hooked.
Did you know that 45% of the traffic that comes to Ex-Boyfriend Recovery are return visitors? It’s because the content I write is so good and in depth that people just keep coming back to the website. They’re expecting more. They’re expecting an update. They’re expecting new podcast episodes, a new article, more comments and answers to their comments. It creates a snowball effect where they keep coming back to the website. As a result, word of mouth spreads. I get more people to come. It’s an endless process.
You kind of want the same thing to happen with your ex. You want him to keep coming back to your profile, checking to see if there are any updates. Your pictures are the best way to do this. Don’t do any crazy, silly quotes of love songs that remind you of your ex. Post pictures of you having the time of your life. That’s what we want.
Now we’re going to get into something a little bit more advanced. That is jealousy. Use pictures of other guys to make your ex jealous. This is like playing with fire if you don’t do it correctly. How do you do it correctly? If you are posting a picture of you making out with another guy on Facebook, that’s a big no-no.
If I was in your ex’s position, we broke up and I saw you making out with some other guy, the first thing I’m going to think is, “What a slut.” I will never want to talk to you again. That is using jealousy in the wrong way. It’s akin to you going out with your ex to a dance club and then dancing the night away with some other guy while your ex stands there. That’s not going to do anything to progress the recovery of your relationship.
You can use jealousy. A little jealousy here and there is an amazing thing. It can work wonders. But if you’re not careful with it, it can burn down the entire forest. That’s what I mean when I say that it’s like playing with fire. The best way to use jealousy is to pick a good guy friend and take a picture with him.
Don’t let the guy friend touch you on the hips. Don’t take a picture of you and the guy friend at a club and you’re grinding on him. Make it look like a couple picture, but don’t make it look like a couple picture. Side-by-side pictures or selfies are perfect for this. You want your ex to come to your profile and think, “Who’s that guy?” She’s dating someone. Remember, the more that your ex can’t have you, the more attractive you become to him. Don’t make out with this guy and don’t lead this guy on.
The last thing you want to do is lead this guy on in an attempt to get your ex back. Then this guy is going to have feelings for you. Then you may lose a friend. You don’t want that. Just be clear that you’re going to take a picture with him as friends.
Also, be sure that the guy you’re going to take a picture with doesn’t have a girlfriend. Why do I say this? It’s hurtful when a woman goes to her Facebook profile and sees her boyfriend taking a picture with another guy. Just like it’s hurtful when a boyfriend goes to Facebook and sees his girlfriend taking a picture with another guy.
You and your ex are broken up. It’s all fine. You can do this. There are no rules forbidding you from doing this. But if you were in a relationship with someone, don’t do this. It’s the same principle. If your friend that you want to take a picture with has a girlfriend, don’t take this picture with him. It will get posted on Facebook. You may cause a rift between him and his girlfriend. That’s the last thing you want to do. You don’t want to cause a rift.
Take a nice, single guy friend. Communicate clearly to this guy friend that, “We are just friends. This is meant to make my boyfriend jealous. Can you help me out?” The guy friend will be willing to do that, especially if you return the favor and help him pick up a girl. A good way to do this is to bargain with him.
You can say, “I read this website. I have this idea. I want to take a picture with you in an attempt to make my ex-boyfriend jealous. Potentially, he may chase me a little more. I can influence him to get him back. But I don’t want you to get the wrong idea. If you do this for me, I will help you get a girl at this club. I will introduce you to one of my friends.” If you do that, the guy is going to be willing to work with you.
Remember, people are always out for what’s in it for them. It’s the same thing here. You give him a little something, he’ll give you a little something. That would be my advice on how to get a guy to take a picture with you. Remember, if this guy has a girlfriend, do not do it.
Everything that I’m talking about here is meant to get your ex to continually come to your Facebook profile. While he may not be ready to admit that he’s missing you or that he loves you still, he keeps coming back to your profile over and over again. It’s going to reinforce in his subconscious that he still has feelings for you. This is especially effective during the no contact rule when you’re not allowed to have contact with your ex. If he’s coming back to your profile constantly looking for an update on your life, it means he’s obsessed with you. That is what obsessive people do. That’s when you have him.
Ashe, I hope that answers your question. That’s my best advice on how to get your ex-boyfriend back with social media. You can’t get him back 100% but you can certainly influence his decision. You can stay relevant during the no contact rule with social media.
Like I said, there is a 90% chance that your ex will look you up or check you out on Facebook. Facebook has this amazing ability to keep people coming back for more. Your ex will log into Facebook multiple times a day. Personally, I’m a guy and I log into Facebook way more than two or three times a day. My wife logs onto Facebook more than two or three times a day.
I think everyone who has a Facebook account and is engaged in it logs on multiple times a day. Every time your ex logs onto Facebook, it’s another opportunity that he has to look at your profile. This can be used across all social media. If I were you, I wouldn’t just apply this information to Facebook. I would apply it to all forms of social media.
In my opinion, that’s the best way to use social media to your advantage when you’re trying to get your ex-boyfriend back. I hope this episode was really educational for you.
If you have any questions, please feel free to comment in the show notes. You can find that at www.ExBoyfriendRecovery.com/episode24. If you have not already gone to my iTunes page and left a review for this podcast, please do so. Everything you do helps. I hope you have a great day.