Has He Moved On? How To Get Him Back If He Has A Girlfriend

What Are Your Chances of Getting Him Back?
Take Our 4 Minute Quiz and Find Out Now

It can really hurt when an ex boyfriend (who you still have feelings for) seemingly moves on to another girl. For many women out there they lose all hope of getting their ex back. Others will get angry and immediately look to start or cause a fight. Rarely will you ever come across one that does the smartest thing, stack the odds in her favor! That is really what this page is all about, how to get your ex boyfriend back if he has a new girlfriend by stacking the odds in your favor.

If you haven’t already read my epic article on how to get your ex boyfriend back I suggest you drop everything for the next 30 minutes (yes 30 minutes) and go read it.

What You Really Want..

When I first created this site I wanted to create the best online resource for getting your ex back. So far, I feel I have done a decent job of that. However, as I started interacting with you I began to notice that what I was writing wasn’t enough, you wanted more. This was especially true for those heartbroken women whose ex boyfriends have moved on to a new girlfriend. I understand how you particularly feel because I have interacted with so many of you. So, I decided to do something I have never done before.

I began writing a “super guide” on how to get your ex boyfriend back. I am talking about everything I could possibly think of. Eventually after 100 pages of writing I finished Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. Think of it like the ultimate step by step guide to getting an ex boyfriend back. It will teach you everything you will need to know. So, if you feel you want some more in depth instructions on how to get an ex boyfriend back then please click the link below:

Learn More About Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

Remember The Most Important Thing

Before you take any major steps to getting your ex boyfriend back it is important that you implement the No Contact Rule. Now, I am not going to go too deeply into that. In fact, I wrote an entire page just covering the no contact rule and what to do during it. You can visit that page here: No Contact Rule Guide.

If you don’t have the patience to read that entire page let me sum up some of the most important points for you.

No Contact Rule Main Points

  • No contact what-so-ever for 30 days (1 full month.)
  • This means no texting, calling, emailing, letters, facebook stalking or Googling.
  • During your 30 day freeze out make sure you improve yourself both mentally and physically.

You may be wondering why learning about the NCR (No Contact Rule) is so important. After all, this page is about a very unique situation, trying to get an ex boyfriend back who has a new girlfriend. Well, the importance of NOT CONTACTING YOUR EX is crucial in this particular situation. The fact that your old boyfriend has a new girlfriend can be heart crushing and you are going to want to contact your ex very badly (and you are definitely not going to have many good things to say.)

How Did He Get His New Girlfriend?

(Disclaimer: I promised myself that I was going to use this page to legitimately help people. So, I feel that this section is important. While this may not be a section about how to get him back it is a section that is something I added in to prevent you from making a big mistake, going after a guy that will only hurt you very deeply again.)

Believe it or not but how your ex boyfriend got his new girlfriend matters in a very big way. I am going to outline three situations for you, two of these situations are going to focus on guys that you should be trying to get back and one of the situations is going to be focusing on guys that you should not be trying to get back. Let’s begin.

Situation 1– You broke up with your ex, realized you wanted him back but found out that he got a new girlfriend after the breakup. If you are in this situation then you are free to go ahead and try to get your ex boyfriend back.

Situation 2– He broke up with you and later got a new girlfriend. Again, this is a really common situation and you are free to go ahead and try to get him back.

Situation 3- He left you for another girl. He was either cheating or was in love with someone else. Ladies, I am going to be completely honest here, this guy is not someone that you should want to get back with. Sure, you can try to get him back but he needs to prove to you that he is trustworthy.

4 Truths To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back With A New Girlfriend

This section will explore some of the most important steps to getting back with an ex who has a new girlfriend. Admittedly you are at a bit of a disadvantage since he has moved on, or has he? Let’s explore!

Truth 1: Not contacting your ex is a must. Not only should you have implemented the No Contact Rule but you need to stay strong. Getting mad, breaking down and texting your ex a hateful message about his new girlfriend isn’t going to help your ultimate goal is it? Instead, be cool and don’t worry, every dog has it’s day.

Truth 2: It’s not always easy dating someone new. Especially if you came out of a relatively serious relationship. It may be entirely possible that your ex is uncomfortable in his new relationship. It happens all the time. This is one of the symptoms of what everyone likes to call a rebound relationship. This leads us to our next step..

Truth 3: Rebound relationships are relationships that usually form right after a breakup. Lucky for you rebound relationships don’t last forever. In fact, statistics show that 90% of rebound relationships are bound to fail. So, the odds are in your favor just make sure you keep your cool while he is dating his new girlfriend. Remember, if you freak out you are going to make a lot of mistakes and mistakes aren’t going to help get you two back together.

Truth 4: It is entirely possible that the further away from a breakup that your ex boyfriend gets the more nostalgic he will become about your relationship. Basically, instead of remembering all the bad things (like fights, disagreements or whatever caused your breakup) he will remember all the good things. This can definitely work in your favor.

How To Cope

It is not always easy to want someone back so badly and see them in another relationship with someone else. I put this section together to give you some advice on how to handle what you are feeling. Remember, just because he is dating someone new doesn’t mean your chances are gone completely. Sometimes men need to go out with someone new to realize just how good they had it with you.

Keep The Focus On You- Try your best not to obsess over his situation. You can’t control what he does but you can control what you do. Go out and have fun. Make new friends. Basically, just ramp up your social life so you can focus on the most important thing, yourself.

It’s Not Your Fault- Sometimes women have a tendency to believe that their ex started dating someone new because of something that they did or something that they could not provide. Dating isn’t always black and white like that. Whatever happens, make sure you don’t let an ex boyfriends actions affect how you feel.

Accept That There Will Be Pain- You are not a robot. You can’t just turn off your feelings. It’s ok to feel pain over the situation but once that pain starts creeping into your everyday life and effecting how you live then you have problems.

Beware Of The “I Want What I Can’t Have” Syndrome- This particular piece of advice probably should have gone higher on this page. Sometimes a select group of women will want their ex boyfriend back once they see him with someone new. If you find that you are in this situation be very careful about proceeding to get him back. You may need to go back and do some serious searching on whether or not you want him back for a legitimate reason.

Resist Any Comparisons- It is only human nature to want to compare yourself to the new (hopefully temporary) girlfriend. Are you better looking? Do you have a better personality? Comparing yourself to the new girl is not productive. You only hurt yourself in the process and that is not going to help your cause at all.

Are There Any Actions You Can Take To Help Your Cause?

So far this page has really been about personal things that you can do to get your ex back if he has a new squeeze. Now, I want you to realize that I laid this page out that way on purpose. The fact of the matter is that a certain amount of this is out of your control. I mean, if you have found a way to mind control someone please let me know because I could put that skill to good use. However, in this section I am briefly going to discuss certain actions you can take to drastically improve your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back.

(Remember, these actions should only be taken after you have completed the 30 Day No Contact Rule.)

Watch For Trouble Signs- No one is perfect and this is especially true of relationships. Each one has it’s ups and downs. Your job is to keep an eye out for his troubles with his new girl and be there to provide support and remind him how good he had it with you.

Initiate Contact Via Text Message- Test the waters with your ex boyfriend via text messaging. There are a whole set of rules and regulations that go with texting an ex. I am not going to go into those here but if you want to know them then please visit this page.

Be Very Nice To Him And His New Girlfriend- If you are on good terms with your ex or you have tested the waters via text messages and gotten a positive response be very wary about trashing his new girlfriend. It may be tempting but however strong that temptation is you are going to have to avoid it.

Published April 27, 2013, | Modified November 8, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (3,360)

  1. Marie - 0

    Marie

    I followed NC and I improved myself greatly, and many men now notice me, but I still long for my ex. Shortly after I ended things, he got into a new relationship, and oddly the girl has the same name as me. I also heard he regrets losing me, and that he is not serious with this girl and already is facing problems with her. He hasn’t initiated any texts with me, but he responds to them every time. We also agreed to meet up soon, but he isn’t that commital to our plans (uses maybe/might, and says how busy he is). I want to know if I still have a chance to take him back? I know we were right for each other, but I needed space to improve my own issues.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marie,

      I think you have but take things slow.. If he’s hesitant in meeting you, dont ask for now.

  2. Yonni - 0

    Yonni

    My ex and I broke up back in July after a 2 1/2 year relationship and a week later we started back talking. One minute it seemed as if it was going well and the next it felt like he was pushing away. He had alot of family issues going on and I was trying to be patient and just be by his side. I asked him one day if he was talking to someone else because I had a weird feeling. He told me he liked someone else but they don’t talk like that and it isn’t like what we have. I was crushed but still determined to get us back on track. After a while like within the last month our contact wasn’t that great and we really haven’t seen each other. I stopped reaching out and then he would text me like normal and out of no where it’s like we were back on track. Just a few days ago I was at his house and things started off great but the night ended horribly and I ruined everything and I was very intoxicated. A couple days later he tells me he is awesome without me and he is done and that he is going to pursue this other girl and even if she doesn’t like him I should move on because he is done with me. I am on day 8 of no contact and it is driving me crazy. I deleted his number but I am still friends with his mom, sisters and aunts on fb…which I have now unfollowed but before I unfollowed I saw a video that was posted and I believe the new girl is in the video.I will go thru my phone and look at our pics together and listen to old voicemails. I have now deleted. He looks happy in the video. What should I do? Is there still a chance for us? Should I be worried about this girl he says he is pursuing? Please Help

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Yonni,

      since you were friendzoned for a long time, I think you should do at least 30 or 45 days.. Make the most of the nc by improving yourself. Set thinking about them aside.. because after nc, you still have to maintain your new routine.. Improve yourself to that point that you’re far better than the old you. Don’t compare yourself to the other girl, compare yourself to the old you.

  3. Rosella - 0

    Rosella

    Hello,
    Me and my exboyfriend we’vebeen dating for 2years and 6months. but we broke up 1month ago. I’m now on my 10th day of no contact.
    He was so distant before we broke up. always outside and returned home late. First, he was always with her cousin eating at the restaurant, drinking till late at night. I was always upset due to our work we couldn’t find time to meet each otherand seem to be distant. I was the first one who broke up with him because i was so angry he didn’t even bother to ask my day when i was ill. (my mistake i know)then 3days later he didn’t call so i called him, asked why he didn’t even contacted me (as the first time he did that, usually even the smallest thing we argued he always the one who wanted to fix things between us). shortly he said he wanted to be alone. he said there’s no one he likes, he just wanted to be at peace no responsability and even he told me if i found someone else it’s ok for him. i was hurt. so i gave him space but i broke it and asked him by chat if he’s still llove me and i can’t do it anymore and i want to give up on him then he asked to meet me. he was so sweet when we met and told that he now thinking to go with the flow. and because ego hits me that time told him that for now i was also like him going with the flow, then told him that someday if we still like each other maybe someday. then after that we were still chat each other.. till i felt that he was so distance and became colder than before, that he even only sent me goodmorning and goodnight message etc. so i broke it. i told him again i couldnt anymore that i give up on him. then i gone with the no contact till 5 days later he deleted all our pictures on facebook and added a girl he liked long time ago and he was with her before our first break up happened, he even invited her to his birthday.. then at his birthday i called him crying.. he was so cold. i can’t even remember what he said. but only one i know he doesn’t want to be with me, and told me his loss not mine that i shouldn’t be crying. i asked him why this happened and he said he didnt know with sad face. he always told me that he didn’t know why, he was just wanted to be alone.. etc.

    then i hung it.. and go to no contact. now it is 10days.
    i tried my best not to contact and stalked him but 2days later i was curious and stalk him again. he likes her pictures of this girl, commenting etc.
    i don’t know what to do. will he come back? why is it that he moved on so fast? why ? ;(

    (sorry for my english)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rosella,

      YOu have to be actively improving yourself during and after no contact. I think he’s in a grass is greener syndrome. Check this:

  4. Janice - 0

    Janice

    I came across this website when my boyfriend (well now ex) and I broke up for the first time. I did not necessarily follow the no contact rule at the time, but I did keep myself busy and unavailable for him to talk to for the most part.

    Basically when we started dating, everything was great. But slowly I noticed small changes in his behaviour. He wouldn’t let me touch his phone, he’d stop telling me if he had plans with friends, he’d be commenting on other girls pictures, and he stopped being affectionate. I tried to suck it up and told myself I was overreacting. He’d talk to multiple girls and get mad if I brought it up. However I wasn’t allowed to hug my best guy friend or talk to any guy.

    So he ended up breaking up with me over the summer. I was 100% positive we wouldn’t get back together, however it still stung. A day later I see him flirting with this beautiful girl that hated my guts. It hurt a lot, but I kept myself busy and unavailable for the most part. We talked, but very little.

    A month later, right before school started, he started to talk to me more and wanted to hang out. I was ALMOST completely over him at this point, but I was curious as to where things would lead. One night he completely broke down and said he missed me and wanted me back. I told him I’d have to think about it, but he was very persistent. I ended up taking him back and things were good.

    That was about three months ago. He started flirting with other girls again about a month ago, so I called it off a week ago after he ditched me for some girl he just started talking to. But this time, im still in love with him. I want him back. I asked him if maybe in the future we’d be able to be together and he said “maybe, but probably not”. He said that he didnt really see our relationship going anywhere. Now I see him a lot with the girl he was flirting with. I don’t know what to do. I feel like they’re a better match.

    My ex and I still talk though. He says he always wants us to stay friends and that he really loves me, just not the same way as before. I feel like he’s just leading me on and keeping me around incase things dont work out with anyone else. I dont know if I should just move on, or try to win him back. If I decide to win him back, can I still start the no contact rule, even though it has been a week since we broke up? It’ll be hard to, since we sit next to each other in one of our classes and I always see him around.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Janice

      Yes, you can still start it.. Be active in improving yourself and doing new things.. Be polite and give short replies if he initiates talking to you but avoid him as much as possible and don’t initiate talks

  5. Samantha Bouck - 0

    Samantha Bouck

    Hi, my ex and I were together for four years and engaged. He got a new girlfriend a week later, then three weeks after they started dating she found it she was two weeks pregnant. I know he didn’t cheat on me. We still talk every day. Did no contact for about a week. The other day he came over and we had sex. I know, it makes me sound like a horrible person. He and get gave both admitted to only being together because if the baby and she’s admitted to me that she doesn’t love him. They are fighting an awful lot right now. I want him back so bad. Please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Samantha,

      I think it would be better to give them space. Let him settle that situation first before talking to him

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      I’m also a little worried about trying to build rapport because that could boost his ego and I think it’s a little hard to do when he was very wrong just as much as I was if not more during our last fight. I don’t want to be stubborn but bc I have let him back into my life so easily each time I’m worried he will take advantage of that.. I’m a little worried he’s doing that now. For the fact that I have always taken him back. And. I just don’t get how all our pictures are up on instagram and he’s posting all this stuff even with my parents still friends with him on fb..

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That means just talking like a friend. Don’t bring up the other girl.. Like, you know, after a long time, you’re just being friendly.. Like, when you just met, and you have a crush on him, and you want to get to know him.. How would you pique his interest without appearing too into him?

  6. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hey so I have commented on here in the past about my ex of four years that has broken up with me a few times. I have been in no contact for some time and have never broken it. I was told to do 45 days NC. It has been 55 days no contact. I didn’t contact him on the 45th day bc I saw he took a trip to another state and I didn’t want to interrupt it. I also had a feeling he was going out there to see a girl he had been commenting on her pictures on social media since 2 weeks into our break up. I wasn’t completely sure if he was going to see her until he posted photos and so did she of them at the beach, getting dinner together, and watching the sunset. My worst nightmare. It’s been a little less then two months and he flew to another state for some broad? Idk if this is considered rebound or not. He always goes back on dating websites when we break up an then cries back to me and says they just distract him bc he wants to try and move on. This girl did used to live in my old town a very long time ago so idk if he knew her from school. FYI he is 30 no. So a long time. But idk what to do. I’m also away for a month now in a foreign country and I thought maybe that’s why he hasn’t reached out like he usually does, but thanksgiving past yesterday and he just posted the photos. He still has our photos up and he has all my family and friends on social media. Which I told them to delete him bc I need to actively stop looking at his stuff. He also recently made his page public.. So even not being friends with him I can see it. Wondering if e did that on purpose. What do I do? I feel like he made our relationship look like a joke to all the people we know. And he’s been training at my sports school while I’ve been gone which he always told me he hates my school. I’m confused, deeply hurt, and don’t know if they are even serious, they looked so happy together. I’m freaking out but trying to stay calm. Why do I want him back although I know I’d be an idiot to give him another chance. Idk what to do 🙁

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      think first.. If you’re not sure, don’t initiate contact. If you want to try, don’t mention the other girl because that would be obvious that you’re checking his account.

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Do you think he’s posting that stuff on purpose to get my attention? He still has my family on social media and our pictures as well. I’m definitely not sure of contacting him. He always turns me down and then does things on his own terms. I’m worried me reaching out with boost his ego and he’ll get standoffish. Also would this girl be considered in the rebound time frame? I’m so devastated that he would fly to another state to see her… Or is he that desperate to find someone else that he had to go to another state. I’m scared to death maybe it’s really over but I try to keep telling myself that he is allowed to see other people and he has in the past during a break up and that if we are meant for each other either he will realize or he won’t. I also don’t want to give him the power of reaching out first bc he did a lot wrong to cause all this and I shouldn’t even be giving him another chance. I hate that I love him. And I miss my dog he took from me.

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      I also read your rebound page and I can’t figure out if she is a rebound? She lives 34 hour drive away from our state and he flew to see her… It says on the rbound page that 1-3 month together is rebound and anything longer is less and less chance of rebound.. So how do I figure out what he’s in if she lives far away. Idk if she’s just in that state temporarily. But it looks like she is trying to get a job out there. Do I even take that serious bc she lives so far or is it serious bc he must like her to fly out and see her. I’m confused on where he fits in that graph. So far i see it as a rebound bc we have almost 4 years together and he has been commenting on her social media pics since 12 days after the break up… And I’m guessing the first time they saw eachother was right before thanksgiving for a weekend bc her account looks like she’s been in this other state this whole time.. Idk what to think.

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Also I noticed his page is now public… So I can see it and it says he’s in a relationship since 2016… Doesn’t say with who though. When we were together on Facebook it said Ina relationship since 2013… I’m wondering when he deleted me did it just take my nAme away and left it as ” Ina. Relationship” and updated the year he deleted me… Idk how that crap works but I’m worried maybe he’s in a relationship with that girl he took those happy photos with over that weekend getaway. What are the odds that will work out? I don’t know if I should reach out. I wrote a letter but I just can’t send it

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he’s making more effort just to see her, it can be more of a grass is greener case..

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      So what do you suggest I do? I’m coming home to the states tomorrow. It’s been over a month and I am so nervous. Everyone at home is telling me he’s out at bars drinking and posting photos. I just don’t even look at social media at this point. Half of my family has deleted him but my dad noticed he liked one of his photos the other day which is weird. I wonder if he’s being spiteful or if he really just doesn’t care.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you still want to try, you have to tread carefully. Slowly build rapport and not appear like a threat to his current relationship and to keep improving so, when he compares you to the old you, he will think you’ve really changed

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      So do i contact him or no? It’s been 2 months exactly today since any contact. Usually I just wait for him to reach out, I’ve never done it first. What do you mean slowly build rapport? I’m also not sure he’s in a relationship, I just saw he flew across country to meet this girl. Unless it’s long distance relationship. But who knows.. I also don’t want him to think I am contacting him as soon as he posted a pic. He once contacted me after I posted a photo with anew guy in our last break up. He contacted me right away. I don’t want to have to win him back against some other broad.. I want him to want me back at his own will and choice. If that makes sense. I’m also a little nervous that the grass is greener with this girl, she’s older so maybe more mature, she lives in a beautiful state, and she snowboards, surfs and works out just like I do. She’s very similar to me actually. So weird.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That means just talking like a friend. Don’t bring up the other girl.. Like, you know, after a long time, you’re just being friendly.. Like, when you just met, and you have a crush on him, and you want to get to know him.. How would you pique his interest without appearing too into him?

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Oh that’s not gonna be easy. I feel like if I decide to reach out now he will know I saw the pic he just posted a week ago. Maybe I should wait a bit so it doesn’t look too obvious, also I just got back to the states yesterday. He knows I would never want to be just friends so he would know exactly why I’m contacting him, that’s the only problem. Do you think this girl is a rebound? Or is it too late in the break up for it to be that. He’s been commenting on her page since two weeks after our break up.im just worried about the seriousness of him and this girl if he went out of his way to fly there, or is he desperate bc he hasn’t been able to find anyone around here. I also don’t think I’m ready to forgive just yet. So maybe I’ll hold off for a bit and get through the holidays with my family. Idk I feel very nervous and out of character to reach out first. I guess it’s weird since he did all four times we parted ways.

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Oh that’s not going to be easy considering the fact that he knows I would never want to me friends with him after a break up. I guess it just seems out of character for me since he has always come back to me four times. Also he just posted that photo with her last week I don’t want to make it obvious that I saw it or the fact that I just got back to the states a day ago. I also don’t think I’m ready to forgive him just yet so maybe I should take sometime for myself at home before reaching out, maybe get through the holidays with the family. I’m just worried how serious could he be with this girl, it worries me that he went out of his way to fly and see her, or is he just desperate bc he can’t find anyone here. Or did he go on a getaway bc I’ve been away for a month and a half. Is it too late in the break up for that to be a rebound for him? Then again he has been commenting on her photos since 10 days after the break up. It still makes me sick. And he’s not one to go to bars all the time but man is he getting tagged in all kinds of club and bar photos every weekend.. Hanging out with all his single buddies. Not something he always wanted to do even when I asked him when we were together. It shocks me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      She can be a rebound. That’s ok if you want to take time. I agree with you that it would be more natural if you want before initiating contact.

    • Jane - 0

      Jane

      Thank you for reading and always responding. I think I will wait it out. I shouldn’t have to convince someone to want to be with me, and I feel if he truly loves me he will come back. And hopefully a long distance rebound won’t mean much to him. Hopefully… I think I definitely will take time for me, my intuition is telling me I shouldn’t reach out yet, so I’ll def hold off and try to spend time with family and settle down here at home. Hopefully he doesn’t move there or her move here or he doesn’t do anything detramental to make me regret not reaching out. Thank. You again, I’ll def send an update!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good! You’re welcome!

  7. Samantha - 0

    Samantha

    I would like to know how to get my exboyfriend back but he is with my older sister who does not really want to be with him she wants someone else and I hurt him really bad and it’s been about a year now that we stopped dating I didn’t think I deserve him and what he did for me and I want to tell him that she goes to see the other guy all the time and gets in bed with him all the time but I don’t want him to think that I’m telling him that just because I want him back and I don’t want to be the one to hurt him again we are trying to be friends but it’s really hard not to say anything about it to him because how much I feel I need him in my life can anyone please help me find away to tell him what she is doing if it wasn’t my sister it wouldn’t be that hard to tell him

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Samantha,

      did he leave you for your sister? Why dont you talk to your sister instead?

  8. Jane - 0

    Jane

    Hi
    Me and my fiance were together nearly 6 years 5 1/2 of them we were great, we went through alot of amazing times but also hard ones with losing people but always got through it because we worked and knew how to help and deal with one another, we lived together for 5 years the last 6 months got really hard his work situation and me taking the pressure of the bills ect He started saying things like I didn’t love him and my life would be better without him
    Two weeks before I asked him to leave he was in the spare room he was low and he didn’t seem to be the person I was with so long I tried to talk to him but he wouldn’t talk I now see where I should have noticed there was something wrong
    I didn’t know how to help him and couldn’t take it anymore so I said he would have to find somewhere and leave so after a week he did
    Since then (he has been gone 9 weeks) I have found out he is already seeing someone and introduced her to his family and his two children I am so disappointed not only with him but his family too I don’t know if he was talking to her before he left or she was just someone to talk to when things were hard and it has now become more
    When we first broke up we would see each other once a week and he would say he loved me ect then on emails say he didn’t he would always say he can’t go back he had lost all confidence in himself and us and that I will be better off without him and he just wouldn’t be able to give me what I want in life He promised me there was no one else and that he wanted to be alone then even after he introduced her to his family he still denies to me that he is seeing her, he hasn’t put anything on facebook or anything but has blocked my number
    He doesn’t pay any of his bill and they are now constantly writing to the house chasing for money
    All his stuff is still in the garage and he keeps saying he doesn’t want any of it but to me that is everything we worked for why wouldn’t he want any of it?
    This new women is slightly older than him and is his best friends wife’s friend and the other thing is his parents live on the same road as me!
    I just don’t understand how he can just move on after such a great thing and I sit here thinking that I’ve made a mistake and things were fixable after emails I have since started NC it’s been 4 days but he hasn’t contacted me at all I just keep thinking he has forgotten about me and has moved on with this new person?
    But I know we were so happy and in love for such a long time, he was such a huge part in my family and we are all now so disappointed and shocked in what he has done this person now is not the person I was with for so long is this really it now?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,
      maybe she’s a rebound.. Try to focus in improving yourself and in healing..do that for 30 days before initiating contact but continue the routine you started during nc

  9. Sierra - 0

    Sierra

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me two months ago. He broke up with me because he said we had different goals and morals. we both had morals on sex but he was willing to abandon them and he knew I wasn’t sure I wanted to do the same. He supported me and wanted to give me the world but it was a big key to his love in an relationship. I started the “no contact” after texting him 20 times with no responds. I did things moving on like gym, losing weight and book club. Day 20 I saw him with a girl and he waved. I looked shocked and walked on. Later my friend saw him in the club depressed by himself. I finished no contact text him and he didn’t answer. So I continued no contact until my friends dragged me to his job (he is a server at restaurant) kind of drunk and asked for him. We sat quietly and ate dessert. He didn’t want to see me, he hid in the kitchen. He finally came out cleaning the Restuarant but didn’t talk to me. He observed me from afar and probably saw I didn’t want to be there and my friends were to blame. I keep asking to go home. As I was leaving he came over to me. We talked. He said he was still partying, doing his thing, He didn’t answer my messages because he knew we’d end up together and with his lifestyle now he would hurt me. I told him I missed him, support him through anything and that he made me hate him for hurting me. He said don’t hate him because he loved me. I left. Next day I found out after flirting with multiple girls, finally one accepted his invitation to be his girlfriend. He should have told me. I tired to call him to apologize for being drunk at his job but he never answered. I went back to no contact with him hoping that would clear the air. But I still want him even now? What can I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sierra,

      the change has to be genuine and continuous, even after no contact.. There’s a small chance now..so for a chance of him being attracted again, you have to look and act like you’ve moved on, became the ungettable girl so, you would appear more attractive than the new girl.

  10. Evergreen - 0

    Evergreen

    I met this guy in January last, he wasn’t seeing anyone and then we began dating n everything was going smoothly. I traveled miles to visit him all we were cool tho. Six months later he told abt some girl he was seeing years before he met me and that they were trying to get back together. Finally we broke up. I blocked him on every social media, he could not reach me at all. some months later4 months later I began a relationship with someone else. One day while I was with the present guy he messaged me on Facebook as I at that point unblocked him. He said he wanted to see but I didn’t give in to him. He asked for my number which I refused to give him. Unfortunately he called my cousin who gave him my number so he rang me and begged to me but I refused n told him I was with my boo. Little did I know that his family wanted to officially meet me but I rebuffed cos the new guy was there. Some hours later I called him back n he still insisted to see me, again I refused. And then I blocked him again on all social media so he couldn’t reach me again. 2 months later I broke up with the new guy cos I didn’t love him no matter how hard I tried. During my birthday I texted my ex that I wanted him to be around for my birthday, he accepted and he came around and the did the boyfriend thing for me. I happened to spend the night at his that night and yeah. Then he told me how much he had missed me and all. Truth be told, I never stopped loving him for over a year we broke up. In fact when I saw him again he never went away. We started getting close, I visited him again. The third time I was going to visit me he came to mine instead. And then he told me he went back to that same girl when I rejected him he couldn’t reach but that he still loves me but he’s scared of hurting someone or even himself. He’s in a dilemma. He’s with the girls he’s always known her but then he loves me n I’m his dream girl and all. Yeah we both cried that night but then he said nothing has changed and we’re still together, it means he’s still seeing both of us tho the other girl is not in the country as shes studying in the UK. So it’s just the 2 of us here but I Dunno what my chances are. Should I still hold on to him? Cos I can’t even walk away cos I love him so much. Pls advise me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Evergreen,

      why cant he leave the other girl?

  11. Kayla - 0

    Kayla

    Last year my boyfriend and I met and everything was perfect. My family and friends loved him and even told me they knew he was the one. His family adored me when I met them. We spent weekends together and never had a fight. Both of us were extremely happy.

    About six months into the relationship, he told me we should take a break because he needed to figure himself out. We agreed to be friends (strictly that), and still saw each other all the time and talked everyday.

    Three months later, we began a casual relationship again, still agreeing we were both allowed to see other people, however neither of us did. Another three months went by, and he said we needed to stop seeing one another but remain friends. He said something was missing but he could not put his finger on it.

    We talked less, but I still made sure he initiated all conversations. About a week ago, he told me he is seeing someone and that she is meeting his family. I asked why her over me, and he said he just thought their personalities meshed and that he still thinks there is something missing with me. As he said this, his face lit up when he said but I loved our time together. I asked him if he wanted to cut off contact with me, but he said no he wanted to continue to have me in his life.

    He said he is not allowed to see me, or any of his female friends, but we can still talk. I told him that wouldn’t work for me and that if he wanted to be my friend he needed to prove he was a good friend to me. He agreed to this and said I was too important to lose.

    Honestly, I cannot stop feeling like this person is who I am meant to be with. I know what he says, but his actions prove differently as he still reaches out to me. Please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kayla,

      he’s trying to friendzone you because he’s used to talking to you..Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  12. Kayla - 0

    Kayla

    Last year my boyfriend and I met and everything was perfect. My family and friends loved him and even told me they knew he was the one. His family adored me when I met them. We spent weekends together and never had a fight. Both of us were extremely happy.

    About six months into the relationship, he told me we should take a break because he needed to figure himself out. We agreed to be friends (strictly that), and still saw each other all the time and talked everyday.

    Three months later, we began a casual relationship again, still agreeing we were both allowed to see other people, however neither of us did. Another three months went by, and he said we needed to stop seeing one another but remain friends. He said something was missing but he could not put his finger on it.

    We talked less, but I still made sure he initiated all conversations. About a week ago, he told me he is seeing someone and that she is meeting his family. I asked why her over me, and he said he just thought their personalities meshed and that he still thinks there is something missing with me. As he said this, his face lit up when he said but I loved our time together. I asked him if he wanted to cut off contact with me, but he said no he wanted to continue to have me in his life.

    He said he is not allowed to see me, or any of his female friends, but we can still talk. I told him that wouldn’t work for me and that if he wanted to be my friend he needed to prove he was a good friend to me. He agreed to this and said I was too important to lose.

    Honestly, I cannot stop feeling like this person is who I am meant to be with. I know what he says, but his actions prove differently as he still reaches out to me. Please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kayla,

      he’s trying to friendzone you because he’s used to talking to you..Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  13. Amy - 0

    Amy

    I am beyond devastated right now.

    My ex and I have a long and complicated history. We met almost 7 years ago and then ran into each other two years later and started dating. Things were perfect for a little while until some communication problems developed mostly because I was scared to tell him something I should have told him.

    We broke up a few months later. But not long afterwards there was something serious that happened that brought us back together this time as friends because he had started seeing someone else. When we were just friends we got really close and a few months later, he ended things with the girl he had been seeing and it seemed like we were going to get back together. Until we had a big fight over nothing but caused by our prior communication problems and we stopped talking. After that, we would touch base a couple of times a year but that was it.

    I sent him an email last year and explained myself. I apologized for my mistakes and I explained why things had developed the way they had. I saw him a couple of months later and we chatted and things were okay. I asked if we could have coffee or something but he said he was too busy. Instead, all of a sudden his sister started trying really hard to be my friend. At Christmas, he and his family showed up at my church for christmas eve and christmas day ceremonies. I was surprised because they are devout but they go to a different church. But then at the reception afterwards, his parents (who I’ve never been introduced to) kept coming over and talking to me.

    He and I started talking more after that. Nothing major, but regular communication. Then this summer, all of a sudden, we were spending time together. We were talking a lot. We were having all of these mature conversations about things and resolving past bad habits. I was excited because I thought things were going somewhere.

    Then before labor day weekend, we were texting and he invited me to do something but he phrased it weirdly, I didn’t realize he was asking me to come and I just kept chatting about something else. He became cold and said he had to go. The next day, I told my friend about it and showed her the text. She pointed out that he had asked me to go and I had changed the topic. I felt like an idiot. But I texted him and apologized and said I had totally missed what he had asked but if I was still invited, I would love to come. He ignored me for a day and then told me I wasn’t invited. I told him that wasn’t very nice of him and left it at that.

    When a week went by and I didn’t hear from him, I decided to go 30 days no contact. On day 21, I met someone else. On day 26, I heard from my ex, a few times over the course of the day but I ignored it and went out with the new guy that night. A couple of days later, I found out my ex had showed up at my church on day 23 looking for me. I waited til day 31 before I acknowledged him. He was super happy to hear from me and very sweet to me. I was still hurt from what happened labor day though and stupidly, I dropped hints about the new guy to try to make him jealous.
    I was having my wisdom teeth out the next day and afterwards he was texting me, checking on me around the clock. This went on for about 10 days and then all of a sudden silence. I was confused but decided not to wait and see. A week later, he asked how I was. I answered him a couple of days later. no response.

    It hit me the other day that despite how close we were getting over the summer, I hadn’t been flirting with him at all. I don’t know why because we’re both very flirty people. He tried to flirt with me a few times but I didn’t really engage it because I was too nervous of messing things up. So I decided going forward, I would try to be more flirty.

    I called him last night because I have to testify in court soon, I was told to bring someone along for moral support and I wanted to ask him. He was incredibly happy to hear from me and we chatted happily for a few minutes and then I asked him. He told me he wasn’t sure if he could come because he’s busy and because his GIRLFRIEND asked him not to talk to other girls, even friends.

    I was shocked. How can he have a girlfriend when a month ago he was seeking me out and then checking up on me around the clock? He’s not one to move fast with relationships at all either. I tried to stay upbeat but I told him I was surprised and asked how long it had been going on? He said that he had sort of known her for awhile, she is a friend of his sister’s but that they started talking a month ago and that’s when they got together. We talked a bit more and then he had to go because he was picking her up but he asked me to call him today to continue our conversation.

    I’m devastated. I don’t know understand how this happened. I know I shouldn’t have tried to make him jealous. But I didn’t say anything super bad. Could it be that he thinks I have no idea that I’m interested in him? I don’t know how. I’ve been in love with him all this time. Should I tell him that now? What do I do? The only thing I can think of is to try to stay upbeat and to try to get him to come be my moral support in court so that I will have another chance in the future to talk to him.

    Please, please help me. I’m crushed. I haven’t stopped crying since last night.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amy,

      how old are you both? I just have to ask, did he ever ask to be your boyfriend? If not, why?

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      We are both 30. No he didn’t ask. but he doesn’t use that word unless things are very formally serious. i.e., pre-engaged sort of scenario. I know that his family showed up at my church for christmas last year because he parents wanted to check me out. I found out later that they had been asking my priest about me and if I’d make a good daughter in law, etc. A few months after that, I started trying to make him jealous so that he would be more pro-active. But I guess that all backfired.

      I randomly heard from him on friday freaking out that he didn’t have time to talk to me right now. that he’s so stressed and busy but hopes I’m doing well but he’s just too stressed and busy. It was really odd because I hadn’t said anything to him in a few days. and prior to that, nothing for a couple of weeks. he literally reached out to tell me he’s too busy to reach out.

      I’m going to leave him be and ignore him for awhile but beyond that, what do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Be active in improving yourself by yourself. Check this one:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

  14. Kristina - 0

    Kristina

    My boyfriend of 2 years and 4 months decided to leave me in September. During those years he proposed and stated several times that I was the only one he sees in the future. He told me on many occasions that he wanted to grow old together. He left because he said he has been unhappy for months. We have an apartment together but he stays with friends and parents now. He does have a new girlfriend, and they started talking in October, 2 weeks after the breakup. He stated that he no longer loves me and doesn’t want to go back down the same road again. He also stated that he doesn’t go back to exes. He wanted to start a family in September and we tried but didn’t work out. I feel really confused. There was a lot of miscommunication issues. What we had i believe to be real. Now he posts their happiness on facebook. I do love him like crazy and several times he has stated that he wanted to be my husband. Now he seems to be mad, at me. Is there still hope to get back with him. He pays the rent and I pay the other bills. I really miss him and feel incomplete. When we do meet for bills and our dog he looks st me with gentle eyes and starts to smile, and then forces it away quickly. Today he hugged me and it lasted unusually long. I know he has feelings, but i appear to have hurt him. He still has lots of my items and keeps our pictures on facebook. He has no other pictures of his exes up there. After the break up we stayed in contact for 2 weeks then now he fines me a burden. He appears to be mad and acts like he can’t stand me. He hurt and I know it. I believed our love to be real. I have done some damage already. By contacting him and crying about how much he meant to me. Is there any hope in this or should I just let go and move on.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kristina,

      why did he lose feelings? And are you getting your own place?

  15. Kristina - 0

    Kristina

    My boyfriend of 2 years and 4 months decided to leave me in September. During those years he proposed and stated several times that I was the only one he sees in the future. He told me on many occasions that he wanted to grow old together. He left because he said he has been unhappy for months. We have an apartment together but he stays with friends and parents now. He does have a new girlfriend, and they started talking in October, 2 weeks after the breakup. He stated that he no longer loves me and doesn’t want to go back down the same road again. He also stated that he doesn’t go back to exes. What we had i believe to be real. Now he posts their happiness on facebook. I do love him like crazy and several times he has stated that he wanted to be my husband. Now he seems to be mad, at me. Is there still hope to get back with him. He pays the rent and I pay the other bills. I really miss him and feel incomplete.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kristina,

      why did he lose feelings? And are you getting your own place?

  16. Jennifer Smith - 0

    Jennifer Smith

    I left the home my ex (of 7 years) and I shared this past Feb. We had such a long history together and I did not leave because I didn’t love him. I’d just call it poor communication over an extended period of time on both our parts. I had an amazing summer, got back into fantastic shape and dated lots of men. I am now, 10 month later, missing him dearly and I want him back. He began dating a co-worker within only a couple of weeks of our break-up and they are still dating from what I can tell. (not officially, no social media posts together or anything like that) I only know because I have to pick up my mail from the house from time to time and I see female headbands next to the bed and her toothbrush in the bathroom. (same headbands I saw right after our break-up) So good assumption it’s the same woman. I believe she is his co-worker. For the record I do not think he was with her prior to our breaking up.

    We do not talk on a daily basis, but we are in communication at least every few weeks and our interactions are friendly but very business like. I’m assuming for him, like me, it’s because there is still so many emotions and feelings between us. Relationships aren’t perfect. I know he’s hurting, but he also never came for me. The break-up resulted after a period of loss of physical intimacy between us and he also told me he didn’t know if he could ever commit to marriage. So I left, but not because I stopped loving him. I don’t know if those are deal breakers. Certainly all relationships have hills to climb. I think I mentioned seeing a couples therapist to him once, but he shot that down. So I guess at the time, I felt I didn’t have a choice. Maybe I’m just lonely now, but enough time has passed that I think I may want him back for the right reasons. He does not know this.

    Should I reveal my feelings to him or leave him to move on with his life. Do I believe he still loves me? Yes. Because a woman knows these things.

    Heartbroken in New York

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jennifer,

      so now you’re friendzoned? Because you kept talking to each other even after the breakup right? If he was not willing to commit before, I think it didnt help that you kept talking because he didnt really had a chance to think he is losing you for real because you were just there. I admit, it might be too late to start a no contact period but confessing after a long time apart and him having a gf will probably just make the situation worse for you..

      So, you can still try doing the 30 day no contact rule and then after it slowly build rapport and attraction..

  17. Jennifer Smith - 0

    Jennifer Smith

    I left the home my ex (of 7 years) and I shared this past Feb. We had such a long history together and I did not leave because I didn’t love him. I’d just call it poor communication over an extended period of time on both our parts. I had an amazing summer, got back into fantastic shape and dated lots of men. I am now, 10 month later, missing him dearly and I want him back. He began dating a co-worker within only a couple of weeks of our break-up and they are still dating from what I can tell. (not officially, no social media posts together or anything like that) I only know because I have to pick up my mail from the house from time to time and I see female headbands next to the bed and her toothbrush in the bathroom. (same headbands I saw right after our break-up) So good assumption it’s the same woman. I believe she is his co-worker. For the record I do not think he was with her prior to our breaking up.

    We do not talk on a daily basis, but we are in communication at least every few weeks and our interactions are friendly but very business like. I’m assuming for him, like me, it’s because there is still so many emotions and feelings between us. Relationships aren’t perfect. I know he’s hurting, but he also never came for me. The break-up resulted after a period of loss of physical intimacy between us and he also totem me he didn’t know if he could ever commit to marriage. So I left, but not because I stopped loving him. I don’t know if those are deal breakers. Certainly all relationships have hills to climb. I think I mentioned seeing a couples therapist to him once, but he shot that down. So I guess at the time, I felt I didn’t have a choice. Maybe I’m just lonely now, but enough time has passed that I think I may want him back for the right reasons. He does not know this.

    Should I reveal my feelings to him or leave him to move on with his life. Do I believe he still loves me? Yes. Because a woman knows these things.

    Heartbroken in New York

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jennifer,

      so now you’re friendzoned? Because you kept talking to each other even after the breakup right? If he was not willing to commit before, I think it didnt help that you kept talking because he didnt really had a chance to think he is losing you for real because you were just there. I admit, it might be too late to start a no contact period but confessing after a long time apart and him having a gf will probably just make the situation worse for you..

      So, you can still try doing the 30 day no contact rule and then after it slowly build rapport and attraction..

  18. Kat - 0

    Kat

    A guy I wasn’t seriously dating but had serious feelings for completely surprised me when I found out that he was seeing someone else. We had an open casual relationship, both agreed not to get serious but were saying I love you within 2 months of the relationship. The connection was there, we were so open with each other, like we’d been friends for years. Open casual relationship meant that we were free to date and be with other people, which is what I needed after being married (I’m going through a divorce). However he continually told me that he just couldn’t be with more than one woman at a time, not even dating, though he did go on a few dates. Things got weird between us after I had a meltdown in the middle of the night at his place, I forced him to take me home at 3 in the morning. He started becoming distant but we were still talking and having fun, seeing each other at least 2 times a week (before the weird bit it was 3-4 times a week, with me staying over there). I was dating other guys at the time and he would always get a little upset about it but I straight out told him that if he wanted to date me exclusively then he needed to say so and until then he didn’t have room to talk. Well to make a long story short I went over to see him one weekend morning only to find out that he had another girl there and that he was sleeping with her, when just 2 days before I had been with him and he never said anything about seriously seeing another girl, he mentioned dates but nothing that would have prepared me for what I saw. Later that day he told me to leave him alone, for just one month because he wanted to see how things went with this other girl. I did, sorta, I made him give me back all the stuff I’d ever written, bought or made for him a week after he said this to me. Now a month has gone by and we saw each other, I thought we had a blast but we also ended up hooking up that night, he’s still in a relationship with this other girl. After that he again became distant and moody, saying that girls and guys can’t be friends, and even though we did hook up all I want is to be his friend (for now). What makes me mad is that he’s letting this girl he’s known for 7 weeks live with him for the next two weeks and he’s getting her a job at the company that he works for, and yet he tells me that they aren’t serious. What I want to know is what am I suppose to do here? I don’t want him with that girl, but I can’t force him to be with me. I just want the guy back that I first fell in love with, even if we’re only friends, I’d rather us be friends then to never talk to him again. I was purely devastated when I found him with that other girl, but since then I’ve sort of moved on, I don’t want to date him anymore, I just want to be around him. He did make me a better person and in a way helped me through some bad stuff, how can I convince him to stay friends with me? How can I keep him in my life?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kat,

      if he gets serious with the other girl, you cant stay friends with him, especially with your history. That would be disrespectful for the girl, unless you really moved on and befriend her also..

    • Kat - 0

      Kat

      He’s told me that he can’t get serious with anyone, his family want him to marry within his religion/race and he’ll do what he’s told (or at least that’s what he’s said to me), and yet this girl is moving in with him and taking a job at the company he works for. Isn’t that a serious move? I don’t want to be friends with her, I don’t like her at all, she’s bad news. He hasn’t told her that we saw each other recently and asked that I don’t speak to him while she’s staying with him. I just don’t get it, we were really close and then he was just gone, pulled away emotionally and physically. I miss him, a lot, but I don’t want more then a friendship. I’ve got a guy that I’m seeing, which just became exclusive, so I really don’t want my ex back. All I want to do is maintain a friendship with him. Are you sure the only way to do that is become friends with that woman?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      right now, yes, because it would seem like you’re trying to get his bf if you’re being friendly with him.. If you really want to be friends with yiur ex, now is.not the right time.

  19. Nieka - 0

    Nieka

    Last weekend, I surprise visited my boyfriend at his college. He was acting distant and strange for the first day I was there, then he broke up with me and said that long distance wasn’t working for him and that he also has feelings for another girl. I flew back home the next day. Since then we have talked for closure purposes and he said that he still wants to be good friends and he would still do anything for me- he just can’t be my boyfriend. I was caught so off guard by the breakup and I am still shocked that he would ever have feelings for another girl and she likes him back. He was never that type of guy and he genuinely loved me for the past 2 years we have been dating. He seems serious about the new girl, telling his friends that he is “wants to do this one right and take it slow.” I’m not sure if this is just a phase or if their potential relationship will be long term, but I still want to get back together with him. I think the long distance made him just want someone to be there with him, but I am transferring to a school near his next year. I thought he would be able to hold out even though long distance is rough and not give up on us. We are currently messaging back and forth a bit because we are trying to be “friends” but should I not do that if I want to get him back? The next time I will see him is Thanksgiving, so about one month.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Nieka,

      yup, you’re probably friendzoned and she looks like a grass is greener case.. how often do you see each other in a month? check this one:
      The Grass is Greener Syndrome For Ex Boyfriends

    • Nieka - 0

      Nieka

      We see each other about every three weeks. However, it has only been 6 weeks into the school year. He told me he likes the new life he built for himself at his college- his new friends and excessive partying. I just heard that he is planning to bring his new girl back home during the winter break, so it seems like they are getting serious very quickly… I am on day 3 of the no contact rule. He texted/called me yesterday but I did not respond to either because I have reason to believe he is calling to just cancel on some plans for winter break we had made previously. What should I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I know it hurts, but you really have to step back.. follow the advice in the grass is greener post. Be active in improving yourself.. If he cancels, just agree

    • Nieka - 0

      Nieka

      Okay. I have been staying with the no contact rule and am almost to the end of day 5. The night of day 3 and 4 he was calling me nonstop and calling my friends to ask if they’ve heard from me or if I pick up when they call me. He told one of our mutual friends that he just needs to talk to me, but when asked what for, he said “I don’t know. I just need to talk to her.” Things with him and his new girlfriend seem to still be going good. I don’t know what he would be calling me for, but he also told our mutual friend that he wants to know where he and I stand because he thought we were “friends”/ on good terms but then I started ignoring him because of NC. Eventually he told her that he will just leave me be until I come to him. I have been a lot better these past few days, focusing on myself more and less and less on him. He comes back for Thanksgiving on 11/23, should I contact him a few days prior (after 21 days of NC)??

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      actually it looks like you should do 30 days..

    • Nieka - 0

      Nieka

      Okay Amor. Thanks. After the 30 days are up and I make first contact, what should I do if he brings up where we stand as friends?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you mean if he asks if your friends?, just agree. Because you are starting out as friends and then you’re slowly building rapport and attraction on the way

    • Nieka - 0

      Nieka

      Okay thanks for all your help. However i thought I don’t want to be friendzoned… so I am unsure of how to proceed as being friends without getting friendzoned

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re just starting out as friends.. The difference from starting out as friends now instead of right after the break up is the distance and time for yourself. He has to think you’ve moved or at least starting to. So, you need to continue improving yourself even after nc, you need to continue having your own life andbin goung out with your friends..That way, you’ll have a higher chance to do the push pull theory on him..

    • Nieka - 0

      Nieka

      Okay well I am on day 12 of no contact. He keeps trying to contact me and our mutual friends say he’s really distraught that I have been ignoring him because we have been best friends for so long. They tell him that I just need my space and that I don’t want to be friends with him at the moment, but he insists on hearing it from me and he won’t stop calling me until I tell him myself. I also found that that he is not actually dating the girl that he broke up with me for, but is actively pursuing her. She doesn’t want to commit to him. So I don’t know if this counts as a rebound or not… They say that he is either obsessed with pursuing her/what she is doing or obsessed with the fact that I am not picking up the phone when he tries to contact me… I’m not sure what is going through his mind and how I should proceed.

    • Nieka - 0

      Nieka

      Also, he is making a lot of future plans with her even though she hasn’t committed, such as getting a house for their next year of college with her and their friends and going on vacation with them.
      Since he is regularly trying to reach me, he will probably be first to contact me once I finish 21 or 30 days of no contact. If he asks to meet up/call off the bat should I accept? Or still start with texting only…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      she’s more of a rebound. If he asks for a meet up after nc, go ahead

    • Nieka - 0

      Nieka

      Thank you for all your help Amor and for continuously replying to my updates. I broke NC after 13 days because he was calling me from other peoples phones and we ended up having another closure talk (more for him than for me). Then he called me several times two days later to “check up on me.” I didn’t pick up until the 8th time he called which was at night and he didn’t have anything specific to say to me besides that he was just checking up. Not sure why he is worried about me taking his calls when he is so obsessed with the new girl. I am doing well with moving on, I no longer really care about him and the new girl and am doing well with improving/focusing on my own life. Should I restart NC? Or just be friendly and occasionally reply (not be TOO available to him) to build attraction and rapport again. I am in no rush to get back together with him because I know it will take some time for him and the new girl to run their course.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re welcome! I don’t think you need to restart the nc, but I think you need to finish the current one and do a 30 day

    • Nieka - 0

      Nieka

      Hi Amor, I’m back with an update. I’ve been attempting to finish my no contact after he was finally able to contact me after 2 weeks of no contact through a friend’s phone. He continued to attempt to contact me several times a day. When I finally picked up after a few days, he and I had yet another closure talk and he tried again to convince me to be friends with him and said that we shouldn’t stop being there for each other just because we are no longer dating. He says that the new girl he likes is physically there for him since they go to the same school, which I cannot be because we a 6 hour car ride away from each other. But he said that he didnt realize how much our friendship meant to him AFTER we broke up and he wants us to still be there for each other on a daily basis. Last week he called me very upset because the girl he is pursuing called him clingy and he was so desperate that he asked me advice on it… A few hours later his roommate told me that he was telling his roommate how I was a better girlfriend than the new girl, that i was prettier, smarter, didnt do drugs, etc, which confused me.
      We met for about an hour when he came home for Thanksgiving break and he said that not knowing whether I wanted to be friends is really hard for him and has caused him to start abusing substances, which is negatively impacting his relationship with the new girl. So he wanted to know what I wanted before he went back to school. I still couldnt give him an answer so he said he would wait. Today (3 days later) he asked me about it again. I said I can’t answer his question still because I don’t know if he will just bail on me again if his new girl asks him to stop talking to me, and that I wouldn’t be able to handle that. He said he promises that will not happen so I said okay then I guess we can be friends. And that is where we are right now…
      So basically I don’t know how I should proceed at this point. He supposedly is so troubled that he doesn’t know where he and I stand that he turned to drugs/alcohol. He said that the new girl didn’t like his substance abuse so he needed an answer from me so he could get his life back together and be who the new girl wants him to be because “she isn’t going to wait around forever.” Furthermore, I do not understand why he is so obsessed with chasing this new girl when he thinks that I am better than her in many aspects… I’m very confused by this. He will do anything to make their relationship work, but at the same time NEEDS me to be in his life. What does this mean? I still want to get back together with him but now that I agreed to be friends does this mean I am friendzoned for good? Please help Amor, thanks.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It looks like you’re about to head that way if he gets everything he wants with being friends with you while being a boyfriend to her.. She fulfills the physical aspect.. But I think if you keep building rapport and you’re not being too available, there’s a chance..
      Like always having good conversions whenever you talk but not always talking and keeping on improving yourself, aiming to be the ungettable girl.

  20. Courtney - 0

    Courtney

    My bf and I broke up two week ago. We got into an argument one morning over something so small that I don’t even remember what we argued about. He blocked me on social media and on the phone so I can’t call or text him. I was out and he was with another girl. We didn’t speak. I miss him and want to know what went wrong. Help?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Courtney,

      what do you mean that he was out with another girl? do you want to try the no contact rule?

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