One of the most difficult/annoying situations to be in is one where you start seeing some incredible progress with your ex.

  • You have him responding to your text messages.
  • He’s the one reaching out via phone calls.
  • Heck, he even tells you that he still loves you.

However, despite all this amazing progress you can’t seem to get him to take that crucial next step of admitting that the two of you are official again.

In other words, you can’t get him to commit.

Such was the case with Vanessa, a woman who left a voicemail on my SpeakPipe page. It seemed that no matter how hard she tried she just couldn’t get her ex to take that extra step and commit. To make matters worse she is caught between a rock and a hard place as she has taken a job out of the country which could be causing her ex to not want to commit.

So, how can she make him commit to her?

But before we dive in to that I have a bit of a favor to ask,

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How Vanessa Can Make Her Ex Commit To Her

You’ll notice in the episode I gave Vanessa a very clear and detailed game plan about how she can make her ex commit to her but a lot of the things I recommend to her are universal in the fact that when the time comes you can apply them to your own ex.

I’d like to take a look at those things now,

Getting a man commit to you really revolves around two main factors

  1. Investment
  2. Reassurance In Moderation

Now, investment can come in many shapes or forms but generally when I am talking about investment I am talking about things like,

  • Emotional Investment
  • Physical Investment

If you can get your ex investing a lot of time into you the more he is going to want to lock you down.

The other thing that you need to take a look at is the reassurance part.

Sometimes your ex boyfriend will say or do certain things to test the waters to see if you are ok with the idea of getting back into a relationship. It’s important to not forget that while you may be frightened of rejection, he is too!

If you notice him doing or saying things that are indicative of him testing the waters then I’d recommend you to reassure him but don’t get into a habit of doing it. Make sure you do it in moderation.

Interview Transcript

  • Hey, hey,hey!

    What’s up and welcome to another episode of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast.

    Its been a while since I’ve done one of these traditional episodes.

    If you’re new to the podcast, I used to do episodes almost every single day it felt like, where I would take what’s in our questions and one by one just answer them and that is what I’m going to be doing again today.

    Kind of going back to the roots.

    I know I’ve been kind of slacking a little bit on this podcast but I’ve made it a point to reinvest my time and make a bigger deal about this podcast because so many people love it.

    Now before we get started today and before I start with the question that we’re going to be answering today from a woman named Vanessa, before we do that, I’d like to ask you for a little bit of a favor, if you could.

    One of the big things the podcast rely on are our subscriptions and ratings and reviews. So, I’m actually going to call in my favor for you, hopefully I’ve earned a favor at this point.

    If you could please just take a minute, it doesn’t take more than a minute but go on into iTunes and leave this podcast an honest rating or review. It’s pretty simple to find the podcast.

    All you have to do is go to iTunes and search in ex boyfriend recovery and the podcast will come right up and you can leave an honest rating or review. In addition to that, if you’re really enjoying this podcast and you like to listen to it on the go, on your phone or whatever what have you, please if you could, subscribe to the podcast through iTunes.

    That way you could get updates every single day because I am trying to make it a point to at least post 3-5 episodes a week, where I am going be taking on some of the most difficult questions relating to relationships or ex boyfriend or ex girlfriends for that matter. But anyways, today we’ve got a pretty interesting question from a woman named Vanessa.

    So, I’m going to throw it to Vanessa and she’s going to ask me a question.

  • HI Chris,

    This is Vanessa. My ex broke up with me. We were just moving together as we had a long distance relationship. Everything was fine and he always told me that he was so happy and loved me when he suddenly broke up with me out of the blue.

    During no contact, he tried to reach out to me several times and I ignored it. When I finally texted him after no contact, he seemed so relieved and tried to keep the conversation going. When he suddenly called me, he told me that he still cares about me and wants me so desperately as he loved me so much.

    He said he followed me on Instagram and was actually so surprised that I was doing so well, I have to mention that he found that I want to move to a foreign country for work.

    I made this decision as I thought he didn’t love me anymore to start a new life. Although he says he love me and can’t imagine to be with someone else. He says he broke up with me so, I could finally become happy.

    He says he feels lost, can’t make me happy as he has to figure out what is going on in his life and why he feels so depressed. He’s desperate. He says he will hate himself and is a bad person. He wants to let go of me so, I can move on. I love him so much.

    What can I do so he realizes that I’m happy with him and still wouldn’t give up on my own life? However, I definitely can be happy even without him but there is no doubt that we could make it work if he just stop thinking about it and about if he’s really good enough for me.

  • Alright Vanessa, thank you so, so much for taking the time to ask that question. Hopefully, I can give you an answer but just to recap.

    So, I have a full understanding and for all the people who are listening to have a full understanding. It seems like you are actually doing pretty well. You look like you were about to move in together because you’re a long distance relationship, which I can actually raise my hand there because I have personally been in a long distance relationship before.

    They suck. But then almost all of break ups, it came out of the blue. He broke up with you, and immediately after you must have done some reading and you learned about the no contact rule and you did it and it seems it went really well.

    He reached out to you several times.

    Things went well after your no contact `rule was completed and you texted him. He was `responding,`He admitted that he still cares for you, he loves you so much, blah blah blah.

    We know how that all goes but then you mentioned, or he rather found out through Instagram that you had actually taken a job out of the country and it kind of made him back off a little bit and he kind of elaborated a little bit more about why he broke up with you.

    Now tell me listeners if you’re listening to this and you’re going through a break ups, tell me if this sounds familiar because I cannot tell you how often I hear this on our private support group.

    So, Vanessa, you are not the only person who’s had an ex boyfriend say,

    “Oh, I broke up with you so you could become happy.” or “I just need to figure out what’s going on in my life. I feel so depressed but at the same time, I love you and I want you back.”

    Wow, I can’t tell you how often our private support group, I have seen men use that excuse and often times when I hear a man using that excuse, I just kind of roll my eyes and think BS. I do not buy that one bit.

    Often times, people are not going to do things, specifically men, when it comes to relationships, they’re not going to do things that they don’t thing are in their favor.

    So, with that in mind, let’s get into answering your question. I think your question more revolves around.

    “Chris, I kind of got him back but he wont like commit to me.”

    That’s kind of where you are right now.

    You’ve pretty much got him back, he’s admitted that he wants you back. He’s admitted that he still cares for you and loves you and all that mumbo jumbo but how can you get him to take that extra step and commit to you?

    Its such a difficult question because so many women have such trouble around it. I got a bit of good news and a bit of bad news. Now, if you’re anything like me, you want the bad news out of the way first. So, here is the bad news.

    I think your ex is actually a bit of a commitment phobe and here’s where I’m basing that off of.

    You are in a long distance relationship, so commitment phobes generally dont mind long distance relationships because there’s kind of no strings attached, you’re out of sight out of mind. And addition to that, he broke up with you, right as you were about to move in together.

    So, what does this tell us?

    It tells us that he was more a bit comfortable with you being in a long distance relationship and maybe seeing each other once or twice a month or however many times a month you saw each other where it’s super exciting and electric and the chemistry is just off the charts but when push came to shove, when time came to move in together or be closer together, he backed up and broke up with you.

    So, that is what I’m sort of basing the commitment phobic nature and if you want to go a little bit deeper Vanessa, I also think your ex is a commitment phobe simply because he’s admitting that he loves and he cares for you and he even wants you back and he wants you to work things out but he wont actually commit to you. It’s the sort of the carrot and stick method.

    You know, he’s saying, “Hey, look, you know I love you but I”m not going to commit to you.” It’s sort of that kind of thing and that’s really annoying.

    So, that’s the bad news Vanessa.

    Here’s the good news though.

    The fact that you were in a long distance relationship might help you.

    Now, why am I saying that? It’s pretty simple.

    You admitted to him that or he found out somehow that you are taking a job out of the country.

    Now, I can understand why almost any man in the world would be hesitant to get to a commitment at that point because he’s thinking,

    “Well, I don’t want to get back into a long distance relationship.”

    But the fact that your ex is a commitment phobe and the fact that you already have experience with long distance relationships actually might mean that this thing could potentially work out really well between the two of you. So, that’s the good news.

    Now. how the heck are you going to get him to commit. I think before we talk about the commitment aspect, we need to talk about your over all game plan. I think specifically with this man, it’s going to take some time before he gets comfortable with you. I think actually getting back into a long distance relationship with him is not the worst idea. I think that’s actually one of the best ideas due to his commitment phobic nature.

    Think of it this way, a commitment phobic man, is probably going to be freaked out a little bit getting into a relationship where he’s in close proximity to someone who’s going to be constantly down his throat every single day or calling him and seeing him every single day when he doesn’t feel like he has any time to himself.

    Whereas if you pitched this idea of a long distance relationship which kind of is going to be enforced because you’re going due to your work to a foreign country, it might be a little bit easier or him and the fact that you’ve already done it before, tells me that this thing might have some wings.

    Ultimately a long distance relationship cannot survive on it’s own but hey, we’ll worry about that when the time comes.

    For now let’s just worry getting you back in his arms. So, that brings me back full circle to the original question I asked. How the heck are you going to get him to commit to you?

    So, one thing in all of research and all of my experience shows that men are basically are going to commit on, when you look at the factors, they’re going to commit based on three factors:

    how satisfied they are with you and the relationship, if they think there are better alternatives to you out there and how much they actually have invested into the relationship. So, when I look at sort of your brief synopsis of you situation, it seems like he was actually pretty satisfied with your relationship. Now, why am I saying that? I’m saying that pretty much because he admitted to you that he loves you, cares for you, he’s only going to do that after he takes some time away from you and realizes, “Oh my god. I miss her so much.”

    So, that means, at some level he is satisfied with his relationship with you which is good news, yay! Unfortunately, it’s not enough to get him to commit to you yet. So, what other? Let’s look at alternatives.

    Does he have a better alternative out there?

    I often see it happen with men who feel like they don’t have better alternatives is they get a little bit of the grass is greener syndrome when they’re in a relationship with you. They’re sitting there and thinking,

    “You know what, I could find someone better than her.”

    But then when they break up with their ex or they break up with their current gf and leave you, they start to realize that the dating world isn’t easy or forgiving as they initially had thought and that sort of makes them realize how good they had it with you.

    Truly is the grass is greener, turns out the grass wasn’t greener on the other side.

    Do I think that happened to you Vanessa?

    No. I don’t probably due to the fact that generally speaking, satisfaction and alternatives have this really interesting bond or like, if a man is unsatisfied with the relationship, he’s more likely to look at other alternatives and the fact that it seems like your ex was satisfied with you in the relationship, probably means he wasn’t thinking other alternatives when he broke up with you. That would also light credence to my theory that he’s a commitment phobe. Now, where I think you’re struggling is the investment aspect.

    You have not gotten him to invest enough into the relationship. Now, we know you’re broken up. So, getting him to invest into the relationship like marriage wise is like crazy right?

    A commitment phobic is not going to want to want to get married to you right away. You have to kind of like work him up to it. I think you were trying to do that with moving in together but maybe it was too much. I don’t know if you guys were moving in together totally but maybe it would have been smarter to maybe you move into his home town or something but you don’t move in with him.

    I don’t know exactly how that went down, but I do know, it seems like investment is where you’re struggling. So, in order to get him back, I think you got the satisfaction aspect covered. I think you got the alternative aspect covered. I think you need to work on investment.

    Now, there’s two types of investment: There’s emotional investment and physical investment. Now, if you’re long distance, you really can’t do much with the physical investment because emotional investment, I actually think is more powerful.

    Often times the most affecting experiences dont happen when I’m physically touched or affected by someone. They happen after the fact. They happen after I have some time to kind of sit and think on it and think back to how amazing that experience is.

    It’s all emotional. It’s all happening inside my head and I think what you can do is get him to make this little emotional investments throughout in time with rebuilding rapport, rebuilding attraction with him. Now, an example of emotional investment is getting him to do something for you.

    He’s not going to physically touch you or physically kiss you or you know, do that thing. He’s going to do something for you. Not to 14:41 there. So, emotional investment, a good example of that is if he bought you flowers. That’s a form of emotional investment.

    By buying you flowers he’s saying, “I care for you.” He’s also sort of making a financial investment as well, Another small emotional investment would be if he complimented you. So, I think the idea behind the strategy I’m going to recommend to you is it would be a mistake to try to get him to buy you flowers right off the bat. There was actually a girl in our private support group who I recommended that to.

    I was first kind of strategizing about this emotional investment idea, I recommended, “Hey, why don’t you try to see if you can get your ex to buy your flowers?” And she couldn’t get him to do it because I think it was too much too soon.

    You have to start out like a little smaller. What you can do is try to post a picture on Instagram, post a picture on Facebook where you’re looking absolutely gorgeous and then get him to look at the picture and compliment you through text on it.

    And then from there slowly work him up with a little deeper form of investment.

    Maybe the next time is you get him to send you a video through text of himself or something and then you just kind of work it up from there. Now, there’s one other thing that I think is important to talk about here.

    You had mentioned that he had said to you that he wants you to be happy while he figures out what is going on his life. and he feels depressed. Now, why would he say that? Well, he probably said this after he learned that you were taking a job outside of the country and he’s looking for reassurance from you that actually care. Men, we kind of crave affection from women constantly.

    The funny thing is, I often teach women because women who come to me, want to work with me, they’re so in love with their ex, they’re so caught up in their ex’s I don’t know words, or actions or whatever he says that they lose sight of the bigger picture of playing hard to get.

    We do know from scientific studies that playing hard to get works, and it works really well and often times I have to teach women it’s ok to play hard to get. You don’t have to trip over yourself begging for him back every 5 seconds. But for you Vanessa, I think playing hard to get you maybe a little too good at it.

    The fact that you made it through the no contact rule without breaking it is like awesome right? it tells me that you’re a very disciplined person. The fact that things are going really well means you did a really good job of creating this environment where he feels pressured that he’s going to lose you forever.

    The problem is men also need reassurance every once in a while. So, do I think you should give him reassurance that you know, like you can reciprocate his feelings? Like all at once all the time?

    No. I think that would be a mistake because if you do that then you’re not playing hard to get anymore. What you need to do is give him reassurance in moderation. Give him reassurance sometimes and then other times completely ignore and dont give him reassurance.

    That way he’s constantly in this push pull method, constantly seeking your approval. I think if you do this things you’re going to actually make him want–first of all, you’re going to be this ungettable girl, which is sort of what I teach but you’re going to–he’s going to look at you as having higher value because you’re a difficult woman to get. No man likes an easy woman.

    Well, I shouldn’t say that completely. Men do like easy women. They just don’t like–they just don’t ever commit to easy women. They commit to women that they deem impossible to get.

    Think of it, if you’re committing to someone you’re saying, “I can have her. No one else can have her. ” Right? You’re not going to do that with a woman that you know you can get constantly.

    You’re going to do that with a woman you know is too good for you. That’s kind of the perception you’re trying to have him have. So, by giving him reassurance every once in a while.

    Sprinkle it in there. You’re going to do enough to keep him engage but not too enough or not to so much that you force him to disengage. Hopefully that makes sense.

    So, to recap, good news, bad news Vanessa.

    Good news is you’re long distance relationship experience actually might help you. Bad news is he’s a bit of commitment phobe and in order to get a commitment phobe to invest, we need to really, really work on the investment aspect.

    So, doing things that forces to do or create emotional investment, things like complimenting you, buying you flowers, etc. Those are the kind of things that you really need to have to do with him.

    The other thing from your question or from your answer that I think you need to do is actually sprinkle in a bit of reassurance every once in a while so he feels that you still care about him but don’t do it so much that you’re actually disengaging him.

    Alright, so that is going to do it for this episode of the ex boyfriend recovery.

    We’re going to be doing a lot of this awesome fun bite size episodes. If you want to ask me a question, it’s pretty easy. Just go to the contact page on ex boyfriend recovery.

    That’s www.exboyfriendrecovery.com.

    Go to the contact page.

    You can actually leave me a voice mail and I may feature your question and give you an in depth answer here. The other thing I want to encourage you to do if you haven’t already is go to iTunes and subscribe to this podcast and if you’re enjoying this podcast, look this podcast–I’m going to level with you guys. Not a lot of podcasters out there will admit this but this podcast absolutely relies on the ratings and reviews that you can give it.

    Because without the ratings and reviews, we can’t keep doing this podcast. So, just take some time. It will take no more than 5 minutes to log into iTunes. Go to the ex boyfriend recovery podcast page and leave an honest rating or review.

    The more of those that we can get, the better for everyone because I’ll keep churning out the content, you’ll keep asking questions and hopefully we can work towards getting your ex back. Like I said, that’s going to do it for this episode of ex boyfriend recovery.

    I’ll see you next time.

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20 thoughts on “My Ex Boyfriend Won’t Commit To Me”

  1. Avatar

    Gabrielle

    April 8, 2018 at 8:05 am

    Afternoon,
    Been watching your YouTube channels for many months now, but I feel I need more help in my situation,
    My ex broke up with me back in January , it was almost like he turned into the person I didn’t know anymore, I kept reaching out to him but that backfired terribly every time , I tried no contact then after 2 weeks back in February he reached out to me saying he misses me and wants to take me for dinner etc so then we met up had a lovely meal, then I thought this is it he wants me back but I think he might of felt differently, he just panicked thought that he lost me but when reached out to him after the meal it would go back to backfiring and back to square one I go, then over February TIL now we’ve been texting and meeting up etc, but I’m confused why he doesn’t want to commit , he just says he enjoys my company , he doesn’t really like to met if I’m the one asking to met , so I would say it’s quite one sided in that sense, he said he’ll always love me , but why does he want to hang out and not commit, I want him back , I do feel he’s the one but I feel from him that he doesn’t even get emotional from this one bit. If you could help me out in how to get him back, I love him to much to mutually say let’s be friends, but even if we don’t work out I don’t want to not have him in my life, but then how would I move on , I’m a 22 year old girl been dating since we were 18 , maybe we have just changed as people?
    I just want him to commit
    Many thanks
    Gabrielle

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 10, 2018 at 4:02 am

      You’ve been watching my YouTube Channel?

      Seriously?!? I appreciate that so much. I’m actually thinking of starting over on a different account.

      Anyways, I am going to give you a grain of wisdom that I’ve learned in my half decade of helping people through breakups.

      You have to be willing to lose the guy to get the guy.

      If you can’t convince yourself of that then you’ll most likely end up losing.

  2. Avatar

    Rania

    October 23, 2017 at 10:10 am

    Hi ex boyfriend recovery team, I need your help as I am in a very bad situation
    I was engaged to a great person who was emotionally available and each day tells me that he loves me and wants to marry me. But I was actually the one who is not sure at all about marriage as I was in a relationship before this one and I tried to get over it but couldn’t . although he was really great handsome and wants to make me happy all the time.

    We stayed 2.5 years engaged trying to find a solution but eventually I broke up with him 11 days before marriage .
    He stayed in contact with me after breakup and then after a year in contact suddenly he decided to get engaged with another girl and he engaged her for one year and then he broke up with her.
    During his engagement he kept asking about me and kept in contact with my friends and family
    I moved to another town during this period for work in a good organization.
    After he break up with his fiancée, he contacted me again in 2014 and at this time, I was emotionally available as I was healed .
    But the problem is that he became emotionally unavailable and each time I open the talk about marriage he freak out and refuses the idea and breakup with me.
    we stayed on and off for 3 years now but he is not emotionally available and cannot give himself emotionally to me . he also had some other short relations in the separation time with me.
    It became a very long relationship as I gave and get nothing in return and i got very weak and afraid of losing him.
    each time we come back he tries to keep me distant like an option and can give no promises
    Lately we got back together and stayed for 4 months. He was great .we were going out sharing food and he brought some gifts and did some great things there was a development comparing to previous times
    I felt that it is the time to raise the issue that I want to take our relation to the next stage , he didn’t answer and he postponed talking in this subject
    I stayed for another month an
    d I asked him about marriage but he was really scared and tough and refused
    he said that he is not sure that he wants to marry in general or not, and he is not sure that he wants to marry me and he cannot take the responsibility of making me wait again and he said that if i want to stay with him we can stay with no commitment just like friends and he said that he doesn’t want to promise me any thing he can’t do in this time
    i was shocked , how he became like that after the great love in the engagement time
    i feel guilty towards him to cause this hurt and now i can’t do any thing
    The problem is that I am 39 and he is 5 years younger. He is 34 years old
    I love him
    Is there any hope in this case or any solution ?
    Please advise
    Ps. I am from Egypt , please excuse my bad English Sir

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 24, 2017 at 5:22 pm

      Hi Rania,

      So right now, are you broken up? Because if yes, start the no contact rule of at least 30 days

  3. Avatar

    cami

    August 5, 2017 at 5:05 am

    I understand we are different but I am a 22 year old female turning 23 end of the year and is in love with this man. I am middle eastern and was born in New Zealand but the culture isn’t an issue… we have been friends since December 2015 and got close then stopped and mainly just saw each other at clubs and kissed but never had sex… then he had on and off’s with the girl he was seeing but he wasn’t faithful to her because he wasn’t feeling the girl.. but then we got close around april when I told him I liked him and he wasn’t sure about us.. didn’t really like me like that and his friend even told him if you don’t know you want something don’t be a dickhead and lead her on.. but obviously he said things turned out well.. so from mid april to 1st of august the story ended.. he asked me to be his girlfriend July 12th.. the issue is:

    Him suddenly being cold on Saturday after he went out on Friday night and didn’t message me for 7-8 hours right… I get that’s who he is and I don’t know why I let my friend get into my head that he doesn’t care… so i confronted him about it on Saturday morning and he obviously felt cold “but you know me cammi… you knew I was like this? do you need constant messaging? 24/7?” I SAID NO… I do not.. just 1 or 2 and yeah after that I guess he thought wow she keeps needing reassurance and doubting me…? so got put off? I apologised and said I was sorry… i know who he is and shouldn’t let other people get into my head.. he said it’s fine dont’ stress and we’re all good.. then yeah the coldness.. calling from 3-4 times a day to barely 1.. replying really late… the old Kiros was coming back.

    That’s the issue so I called him monday asking if we were fine and he said yeah.. I said babe if there is anything wrong you can tell me and i can work on us .. or the situation? Anyway fast forward to Tuesday night.. he calls me at 10pm after not messaging me from 2:40 pm that day.. and asked what I was doing and how I was doing and I said same same.. and then he wanted to come see me… I live 30-35 minutes from me (can’t drive either) so he saw me.. tried to be all cuddly.. “come over here on this side” but i was being an idiot and was annoyed due to the coldness and aloofness. Then we talked about my brother’s new girlfriend and how he knew her before … they caught up on two dates.. she liked him and was persistence but then gave up because he wasn’t that attracted. (With me… there is a lot of sexual attraction) So they did stuff but not sleep with each other and he got tired and dropped her home.. anyway we agreed to not tell my brother about it and i said what does that mean for us? he said I don’t know… then mentioned..
    how he has been cold and how his heart hasn’t been 100% into it anymore.. that’s why he think’s he can’t cater to a relationship… doesn’t want to be in one because before he got in one he said “I don’t even know what a relationship was” (he hasn’t had many serious relationships.. I am probably the first) So obviously something he said nothing you did or could’ve done more cammi… it’s just me. I started crying a lot and he was just hugging me and holding me tight.. kissing my head and was so upset. I asked for a second chance he said “what’s the point … I know myself.. ” i kept asking for a second chance until I cried for so long and he said “okay im here, I got you… we’ll try it out..” so then I kiss him.. and yeah the next day we didn’t text but his friend messaged me and sent his “condolences” and i got really upset and paranoid thinking.. he said he would give us a shot? then Kiros called me and said i don’t know babe… let’s say I give us a chance.. it’s not fair if it’s just a temporary fix? I know myself.. I have my plate so full this semester.. final one then I graduate.. Have to help parents with mortgage and work.. barely have time for the boys how can I put you through that? How can I give you 20-50% when you deserve 100%.. I don’t do wishy washy… Im either fully into it or not.. obviously I cried again ( I couldn’t help it..) and yeah we talked I asked if I could see him for the last time on Saturday so tomorrow hopefully I can because he agreed..

    He told his friend it was the hardest thing he had to do in his life.. and how he sounded sad on the phone to him.. and my friend also said “give her a chance..she loves you, ( oh yeah.. i told him how I haven’t been this happy in a while and he makes everything feel right.. how I didn’t think I’d fall for someone like him but I did .. so yeah he knows the love is real on my half.. he wasn’t put off by it just kept hugging me tight.. ) you won’t find someone with cammi’s patience and care and he said “ill go see and talk to her… ” so apparently he could be still thinking about us.. but i’ve given him space.. he has an exam next friday so for him that is key.. it’s just so out of the blue.. if he can fall out he can fall back in again? if he’s had on and off’s with his past girls before.. why can’t he with me when ours was the strongest he’s ever felt towards a girl and really gave it his all! All his friends love me and met me.. he told his sister about me when she visited from Brisbane and his parent’s knew he was happy seeing a girl. He wanted me to sleepover and meet them… his best friend said “I like this girl.. she’s changing you for the better… she’s opening you up ” and he told me ” it’s funny how a guy scared of commitment can finally be happy in one!” I said maybe because you found the right person.. and he said yeah think that’s it. So imagine how confused and heartbroken I am.. no other girl was as persistence with him.. he said i don’t like when girls chase me but you were different.. I can’t believe I didn’t give this a chance last year.. Im glad I have you and you’re my girl.. only mine.

    He told his friend that told me… he might regret this in a months time but this semester will be full on with his studies and how he can’t do casual because it will lead me on and my feelings will grow and hurt me more. He cares about me too much to do that.. his other past girls he didn’t care about their feelings to take into consideration.. with me he did… But i said I am fine with seeing him whenever and talking less.. a low maintenance kind of thing and he said “that’s not fair on you… why would I put you through that … I can’t bear to see you cry or hurt again..Im not ready for a relationship.. not just with you with anyone.. no one can be with me.. I don’t deserve you cammi.. you’re the most caring, kind hearted person I’ve ever met.. just amazing.. ”

    He literally went from ” I can’t stop thinking about you… never had a girl occupy my mind the way you have.. to if I don’t reply for hours or call it’s fine… to if I don’t see you all the time..” Im really shocked.. only happened after a span of 5 days I think he said..?

    I know from his friend that he felt suffocated and that he lost his freedom and the ideology of my love was too much that he couldn’t reciprocate… and how he has no time for himself… Yes after I see him tonight I will try NC period… and yeah.. it’s weird because we were friends for almost 2 years 🙁

    1. Avatar

      cami

      August 5, 2017 at 5:08 am

      he said he would always pick up or message back… no hard feelings like that… he was worried that I was not active social media but yeah… he is very attracted to me, the banter and rapport is amazing but when i said “you do know you can have a relationship while having space and freedom?” he was shocked?.. “really? can you though?” i said of course.. he seemed intrigued so I don’t know.. need to show him he can have that while being with me.. and for me to be less clingy and demanding..

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      EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 6, 2017 at 7:07 pm

      You already said the answer.. He doesn’t feel that it can happen with you because you act clingy..

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    Lola

    June 18, 2017 at 5:59 pm

    Hi ex boyfriend recovery team! I am currently desperate for help! My ex and I have been together for a year and a half. We were living together since last july. I was his first real long term girlfriend and he his 23 and I am 26. He started saying in March that he was not happy and that he was’nt sure if living together was the best idea. He wanted to find an apartment but still be with me in a relationship. I told him that for me it was a no no. He decided to stay but was always on and off with his feelings. In April I left the apartment and went to live at my mom’s house for a few weeks. I made the lease changed and told him that he had to leave for the first of June. I did no contact for 3 weeks but everytime he was trying to contact me I was telling him that I needed time for myself. I saw that he posted on facebook that he had booked a ticket for his vacation and it made me really sad. I deleted him from my relationship status on FB. I also unfriended him. When he came to give me my apartment keys he seemed really upset and said that it was’nt true that he loved me after all. But he did’nt say sorry or I want to get back with you. He hugged me and kissed me before leaving. He texted me right after saying that he wanted to have sex with me and I said no that he had to date me first. He seemed upset and told me he did’nt sleep with anyone since the breakup. A week after I screwed up and had sex with him. He left right after saying that he had to bring his parents car back. I havent heard from him since except for a few things related to our phone bills. I screwed up again last night when I drunk texted him for sex. He answered right away saying no thanks lol. I was so mad I told him to go back to his ugly old dates. I amso sad and I love him dearly. What should I do?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 21, 2017 at 3:36 pm

      Restart the nc and do at least 30 days, and then don’t sleep with him again.

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    M L

    June 12, 2017 at 11:34 am

    My situation is really similar to this, so this is helpful. But what exactly counts as physical investment? We shouldn’t let them get physical before committing, right?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 10:40 am

      Physical investment, showing up or letting him or call over time or ask for help with some things