By Shannon

At one time or another in their lives every girl has chased a guy only to realize that this drove him away farther.

And, at one time or another, in their lives every girl has stopped giving a men the time of day only to find that he comes crawling back the second she turns away.

I mean I am constantly hearing No Contact Success Stories (If you want to read some just click on this link) that feature these questions:

“Why do guys always come back after you get over them or after they think you’ve moved on?

“Why do guys always come back after they dump you?”

“Why do they always seem to come back when it’s too late?”

What is it about giving them space that makes them come back?”

I know… right now you’re like…

I mean everything in you is telling you to chase him right?

So, what gives?

To women this logic does not make much sense. Women want men to fight for them, they want to feel wanted. So when we break up with a man this is how we tend to react, by making them feel how much we want them.

In fact, we make them feel it so much that we smother them in it and they feel like they can’t escape our love.

No man wants a yo-yo. That is, they don’t want something/someone that comes right back to them every time they throw it/them away. Every time he pushes you away and you force yourself back in it decreases your value and makes you seem a little more desperate.

What Men Want Is The Chase

Men are driven by competitions and this applies to love, as well.

In order to have value you need to make him feel as though he has earned you, make yourself seem like a prize that he needs to work for.

You might ask what is the best way to accomplish this?

And the answer is by ignoring him.

This can be effective in all sorts of different situations. Including recent break ups, new crushes, and yes, even if your Ex was the one who dumped you to begin with.

Yes! It IS possible to get him to come back even after he dumped you.

Let’s talk about what he’s thinking when he realizes you are ignoring him.

If prior to finding the EBR guidelines you had been pestering your Ex, or any love interest for that matter, then they will have grown to expect hearing from you multiple times a day. They may even get some pleasure at ignoring you and watching you get increasingly upset by it.

Imagine with me now…

One day you just stop. You disappear from his notifications with no explanation. It may take him a little while to notice but eventually it’ll dawn on him.

Once he notices he will try to draw you back in.

Phase One: The Investigation

He may start sending little mean-nothing texts. Things like this:

“Hey sorry I didn’t reply yesterday, I was busy.”

“Have you seen my blue shirt anywhere”

“What’s the password to the Netflix?”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“I saw your mom today”

The list goes on and on but what all of these texts have in common is that at the core of them, they mean nothing. Very little thought has gone into them and he doesn’t really care about the conversations that they could start. He is just trying to figure out where you went.

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Phase Two: The Reaction

Once he reaches out and hears nothing back from you he will react in some kind of way. This could look different depending on what type of personality your guy has.

Here are a couple of possibilities:

Anger

“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature”

Jealousy

“Guess you must have moved on now.. Hope you’re happy”

Cluelessness

“Hey.” “Hi” “Hello?” “What’s up?” “How you been”… etc, etc

Fishing For Pity

“Thought I meant enough to you to at least get a text back.. guess not.”

It’s Fine, Everything Is Fine

“You must be pretty busy, that’s good. I’m happy for you. Really”

Panic

“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls 12 times” “HELLO?!”

Mock Silence

“…….” “..??”

Actual Silence:

 

All of these reactions are different but all of them, except possibly the last one, have the same end goal. They are looking for you to react. All of these different responses are playing on your emotions to trick you into responding to him. As your guy tries to process how this change in your behavior affects him, he may send any combination of these texts.

For example:

“Hello.”

“Hi?”

“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature.”

“….???”

“Thought I meant enough to you to get a text back… guess not…”

“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls twice*

“Fine. Don’t text me back. I don’t want you to anyways.”

As you can see he transitioned from clueless to anger to mock silence to fishing for pity to panic then back to anger again.

These reactionary reach out attempts may come all on the same day, they may come spaced out over the course of many days, or they may not come at all.

Here is a quick example of a message that my Ex sent me during my no contact period. This text was sent towards the end of the no contact period and there were numerous other texts both before and after this one which took the form of every single one of the types listed above.

Important note: This Ex broke up with ME and turned me down multiple times when I asked him to get back together.

If your Ex does not reach out at all do not panic. Some men are more composed than others and some men are just plain stubborn. If he does not reach out it DOES NOT mean that he isn’t thinking about you.

During this period of reaction your guy is starting to wonder what you are up to. He grew so used to having you there whenever he wanted you and now you have taken that away. In a sense men are like little kids… They only want something once you make them realize that they can’t have it anymore, or worse, that someone else might get it.

While you are ignoring your ex, continue to work on yourself and post about it on social media where either he or his sphere of influence (his friends and family) will see it. The happier and healthier that you sees you becoming, the more frustrated he will get that you aren’t giving in to him.

Phase Three: Regret

Once it hits him that you might not care about him anymore he will begin to wonder if losing you is really what he wanted and what was best for him. Feeling like this is going to freak him out.

Men don’t like to feel vulnerable or afraid and once again, he could react to these feelings in a couple of different ways.

He may continue to reach out as if nothing is wrong

After I initiated no contact on my Ex he continued to text me telling me about funny things that happened or about something that our dog had done and did not acknowledge the fact that I was not responding to him. Every now and then he would say something like “I know you are ignoring me but…”

He May Lash Out

If you have ever been ignored by somebody that you care about then you know how frustrating it is. Your Ex may lash out and say some pretty cruel things. Hurtful as it may be it is important not to take them personally and to maintain your calm.

He May Act Out

During my no contact period with my Ex we still lived together. One night I came home and he had drank five or six shots of Jamaican spiced rum and was stumbling around the house. When I continued to ignoring him despite this he grabbed his truck keys and announced that he was going to the store. Fearing that he would get hurt I frantically called several of his close friends and asked them to check in on him. If you find that your Ex is posting on social media about strange things that they have done or if friends tell you that he has been acting odd lately try your best not to react to it. In my situation once my Ex realized that I was still worried about him he stopped showing interest in me again (more on that later)

He May Vanish

I read somewhere once that the best way to protect your heart is to pretend that you don’t have one. Once your Ex realizes that you are ignoring him and that it scares him, he might disappear in order to protect himself.

During all of this time you will not just be ignoring your Ex and obsessing over he reacts to it though, right? RIGHT?!

No, you’ll be working on yourself. Continue to develop your health, wealth, and relationships and don’t be afraid to humbly flaunt your “new you”

If part of your self-development is to go on dates with new men take a tasteful photo of the dinner setting with the guys hand just visible in the corner of the frame. Small gestures such as this will drive your Ex crazy thinking that you are moving on.

But what makes them seem to come back right when you start to move on?

Phase Four: Action

Men are not going to take action until they feel like they have no other choice. It is not until your Ex thinks that he really, truly, is losing you that he will try to stop it.

Now that your Ex has realized you are ignoring him, has realized that his mean-nothing texts aren’t working, and has realized that he is afraid of actually losing you and not getting you back- he will take action.

It may start out small so the important thing is not to get sucked in too quickly. Giving your Ex the satisfaction of knowing that you still care about him after all can undo days and weeks of ignoring. It only takes one small reply, one small slip up for your Ex to realize that he still has you in the palm of his hand.

SIDE NOTE:

The general rule is not to reply to your Ex unless he explicitly asks for you back.

As in, actually says,

“I want you back.”

A second rule is not to reply until your Ex has sent you SEVEN positive reach out text. Positive. Not neutral. These are texts like:

“I miss you.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you.”

“You look beautiful in that new picture you posted”

One or two of these types of messages is not enough. There needs to be at least seven to show consistency.

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What You Should Take Away From This Article

Now where were we…

In the beginning of this article we mentioned how men like competition. What men do not like is when they lose a prize that they wanted or when someone else seems to be winning.

They love a competition but they hate to lose.

Treat yourself like a prize and your ex will see you that way too.

If you have stuck to your no contact successfully and have been working on your health, wealth, and relationships then your Ex is going to be thinking that he has lost you and this will lead him to take action and reach out to ask you back. Just like my Ex did here:

This is a man who swore up and down that he could not handle the stress of a relationship.

He said over and over that he “needed” to be single.

And yet, thirty days of silence resulted in this text.

Looking back on this conversation now, I wish that I had not responded to his text quite as quickly as I did but I got the reaction to the No Contact period that I was hoping for.

A final important thing to note is that, like we mentioned, some men are more stubborn than others. Just because your Ex does not reach out first means nothing.

Going back to the competition reference, giving in to you and contacting you first would be a sign of weakness to your ex and may be seen as “losing”.

If after the no contact period you have not heard from your Ex, reach out to him yourself and start the texting phase of the no contact process. Follow The Texting Bible guidelines and try not to come on too strong.

In the meantime, here is a video that covers the things you should DEFINITELY avoid going forward.

 

 

Alright, so now that you have all of the information to understand WHAT makes your ex come back. I want to hear about your specific situation.

In the comments below tell me:

  1. About your breakup? Do you know the underlying cause?
  2. What actions have you taken? Have you made any of the Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Back?
  3. After Reading this article, and (hopefully) the rest of the EBR Material, what do you plan on doing moving forward?

Once you give us this information, our experts will help you figure out what the next best step is for you personally.

Let’s go!

77 thoughts on “Why Do Men Come Back After You Ignore Them”

  1. Maria

    September 21, 2018 at 2:50 am

    A friend of mine found out that I liked him because I vented my feelings for him to a common friend. This common friend of ours mistreated him because he thought that he was stringing me along. The guy that I liked blamed me for all the stress that he went through. A year later, he came back to my life and we reconciled. However, just recently i wasn’t in the mood and I accidentally lashed out on him. I know it was my fault for arguing and things became escalated when we argued. I tried to call and apologize the next day but he doesn’t want to take my apologies. He said it’s over. He is tired of me. He said that I easily gave up on myself, I don’t trust him and I make conclusions that doesn’t even exist. He blamed me for everything thinking it’s all my fault because according to him he kept giving me chances yet I kept clawing to foundation until nothing is left. I was devastated and begged for him to come back. My last message to him was accepting his decision but still reinforcing that I want to explain my side. He did not respond to my messages. He blocked me right away to every portal of communication including social media. He also blocked my sister on social media. I don’t know what to do. My heart is broken. It’s been 2 months and I haven’t heard anything from him. Do I even stand a chance to win him back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 21, 2018 at 4:25 pm

      Hi Maria!

      I know all this is tough on you. You don’t have to go thru it alone. Its best to have some kind of program to follow and you can go to my home page and explore the tools and resources I offer. But right now, your focus should be on your healing and recovery. Take a look at this resource

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 21, 2018 at 4:25 pm

      Hi Maria!

      I know all this is tough on you. You don’t have to go thru it alone. Its best to have some kind of program to follow and you can go to my home page and explore the tools and resources I offer. But right now, your focus should be on your healing and recovery. Take a look at this resource

  2. Vanessa Lara

    August 15, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    Hello,
    My Boyfriend or ex boyfriend, broke up with me a week and a half because I was his first everything and he wanted to meet more women. He also mentioned that he doesnt really know what he wants. We have been together for 4 years (1 yr of long distance relationship). He also told me that he couldnt handle long distance. I am heart broken!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:33 pm

      Give it some time Vanessa. You both have a lot invested in each other and perhaps he has not figured that out yet. Utilize the program I discuss and the resources found on my home page!

  3. Joanna

    August 10, 2018 at 9:34 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 2 + years together. We started dating in 2016, and I met his parents during the holidays. I have two boys, divorced, and am 10 years older than him. He’s 27. He ended it about two weeks ago saying he is not happy where he is in life right now, and wasn’t happy in our relationship for a while. He said he couldn’t bond with my kids, as much as he tried, although I know he could’ve done more. And said he realized he’s not ready to be a stepdad or move forward in our relationship, we had made plans to buy a house and get married in about 2 years. Right now he’s waiting to start the police academy and he said he’s overwhelmed about not being where he wants to be in life. I told him I’m setting him free, because I love him. The rational mind knows this is the right thing to do, but my emotional side doesn’t understand why he’s doing this. He says he wants to focus on himself and maybe someday we can reunite again. The last time I saw him it was hard for both of us to let go of each other, he kept on hugging me and kissing me and we even had dinner. While we were eating, he kept on looking at me and smiling, I was acting like I didn’t see him.
    Then we had sex for one last time 🙁 and it was really nice. But then he left and I haven’t talked to him since, and I’ve been crying and going through the grieving pain. I want him back so bad, I don’t know why he’s acting this way. We had such a good relationship, we worked through problems together, we went through a lot of things together. I can’t accept that he just threw all of that away.
    His family loves me and they always welcomed me in their family gatherings, they gave me cards for special occasions etc. We were very involved in each other’s lives. I miss everything about our relationship, the calling, the messages, time spent together. I can’t even think straight sometimes and
    I feel like my head is gonna explode from thinking so much. It hurts so much
    I want to move on and get over this pain, but I know it’s gonna take time. Do you think we have a chance of getting back together in the future? I know I can’t love waiting, but that does give me some kind of relief.

  4. Amy

    August 8, 2018 at 3:17 pm

    Hi, so I’ve been talking to a guy I met online.. for 9 months we spoke nearly every other night.. And messaged everyday.. we still haven’t met.. even tho he lives in the next city.. hes now just ignoring me I did make the mistake of messaging and messaging him and calling him, someone passed away and he also hurt his head and got a fracture to his skull.. I messaged asking if he wants me to leave him alone and never message again but he comes out with everything but the answer to what I’m asking.. I think I’ve been very selfish and not considered his feelings.. but it wasn’t like he personally told me about what was going on.. I message my goodbyes and wishing him luck.. will i still here from him?

  5. Biba

    August 8, 2018 at 10:19 am

    My ex said he couldn’t be with me because he couldn’t “get serious”. We were high school sweet hearts and very close friends. I first talked to him and requested him to come back then we tried friendship and when I tried no contact he called me up on the 9th day three times just “as a friend” and told me to call him once in a while since I was his friend.

  6. Marta

    July 29, 2018 at 12:21 am

    So I met a guy in a party, we ended up sleeping together, then I blocked him on social media because I Was embarassed but later on Instagram I unblocked him and then we met up again and slept together and we talked all night long and I felt a connection and I think he did too.. The Next day he texted me and stopped answering.
    A few days later I texted him but he was taking a long period of time to answer but he said he wanted to be with me again. So I stopped answering him because we Was taking too long.. Before This I saw that he unliked my pictures and wasn’t watching my instastories anymore. But The second I jumped his instastories he started to Watch them again. In This time he posted a picture of a girl’s body on The beach. He has a lot of female “friends” wich is annoying and It’s confusing. It’s been two weeks and he still hasn’t said anything. I feel sad because I really liked him and I know I shouldn’t have slept with Him but we had chemistry.. Should I still ignore him or he just isn’t going to talk to me anymore?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 29, 2018 at 1:34 am

      Probably best to give it some time, employing your own no contact, then follow my teachings covered here on my site on how to initiate contact

  7. Varinda

    May 13, 2018 at 3:40 am

    We were in a four years of relationship. Always almost together, the whole day. And also he used to be a stubborn guy before but transformed throughout the four years. He really cared for me, always used to come around running when I needed any help, and even supported me emotionally. We always discussed the future and thought we would end up together. His parents were opposed to this, thought i wasn’t that pretty and was short. But hr always took a stand for me. And also I was very possessive and always loved his company.
    Lately, he thought that he wasn’t getting any space, he didn’t have any friends and that he didn’t have identity as his own for we were always together. He said he changed alot for me and isn’t happy with what he has become. So he broke up involving all my and his friends and told them that he had to do it forcefully since i won’t let him go. Now he talks to my friends and say that he’s happy without me and feel confident about the breakup.
    Here I want to get him back, because i truly loved him. I realise what I did wrong on my part, ready to change. But he is so adamant that he doesn’t want to give a chance. He has blocked me from every portal of communication. Its been 12days since the breakup. I tried to contact him before, but stopped later.
    I really want him back, because I believed what we had was wonderful and very few people have it. But I’m in constant fear because he is very stubborn and I don’t think he’ll give our relation one try. And also his friends say that he is very sure of what he has done ans doesnt want to give a chance ans is very adamant. He also said to my friend that he knows I wont be able to change for him, also that he doesnt want to ruin his future just for few good days in present.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2018 at 5:05 am

      Hello Varinda….Unless I am missing something, it sounds like your ex was having a bit of an identity crisis and his approach in breaking it off with you seems heavy handed which would suggest a certain lack of experience or maturity or both. The talk coming from him could be just that…talk, mixed in with some bravado. Four years with a person is not insignificant and creates some traction. Its not easy at all for someone to just wipe that all clear. They can try in their mind, but often they are deluding themselves. So I suspect this story…this situation has more chapters before its clear what is going down. This may not be over yet! You just need a blueprint of some kind to help you along. Consider my ebook, “Ex Recovery Pro” which you can find in this website’s “Product” section. Just click on my Menu to find your way there! It is chalk full of strategies and tactics!

  8. Ioana

    April 22, 2018 at 5:16 pm

    Hi! We were together for 1 year and and we had a fight about him talking to other girls on instagram. I told him that it is not what I want and we should go our separate ways. He promised to not do it again and he insisted to be together, wanted to kiss me and hug me and said he loved me. But I insisted to break up. I was angry. However, the next day I said I gave it a thought and we should go on with our relationship. But he said “maybe you are right.. we should go our separate ways. I want you to be happy and maye you were unconfortable with me.” So I simply agreed, because I knew there was not much I could do, I could not convince him, right? But I knew I wanted him back, and I had to do something. I new about your advice and went no contact. no texting no calling, nothing. 2 weeks later my birthday came and he texted me thoughtful message, saying he is sorry for not being able to tell me in person and he signed it “Yours, R”. This made me hope that he had second thoughts and I suggested to meet. He seemed hesitant at first, he even said “we could meet, but only so I can tell you happy birthday in person, ok?” but I knew he was just playing games. He called me the next day to set up the meeting. He bought me flowers and a gift. The meeting was more like we were friends. He did not bring up the relationship or the problem we had, nor the future (if we still have one). And he did not text me after at all.. What should I do? I really love this guy and I want him back.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 22, 2018 at 10:35 pm

      Hi Loana…perhaps he is testing you and is still “smarting” from the breakup you initiated. Sometimes it takes a while for those resentments to wash away. I think you have done a lot of good things thus far. Stay the course and remember not to rush things. Just as my ebooks talk about, you want to continue to build value in yourself and let the attraction build slowly such that he is making more of the little moves.

    2. Ioana

      April 23, 2018 at 3:51 am

      Thank you for your answer!

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 23, 2018 at 5:01 am

      Your welcome Ioana…let me know how it goes for you and check out any of the resources I have here at the website if you need further assistance!

  9. Sarah

    April 18, 2018 at 1:25 pm

    Temporary place*

  10. Sarah

    April 18, 2018 at 1:23 pm

    Hi everyone,

    I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 months after 3 months dating. We went to travel together and I moved in to his place as a permanent living place for 3 months because something wrong with my rental contract. We were all fine and happy and we never even had one argument. After that one day he suddenly told me he has to breakup with me because he felt we went to fast and he felt trapped. So we broke up but he kept sending me messages everyday. I replied but with a neutral tone. After 2 weeks of breakup, he dropped me stuff off to my place. He said he missed me and we chatted just like before. We kissed and even had sex. But he didn’t mention anything about getting back. Two days later he started seeing other girls by using online dating app. I found out and deleted him on my social media. He asked me if I deleted him. I didn’t reply. He kept silent now. I’m so confused atm I don’t know what he wants and what I should do. Pleas give me a hint and help me.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 18, 2018 at 10:46 pm

      Hi Sarah! Thanks for stopping by. You would really benefit by having a Companion Guide….sort of a blueprint to help you through this breakup process as it is indeed a process of dealing with your own emotions and tactically what you can do (e.g. No Contact). So check into my ebook (website Menu/Products) to learn more about some of different resources available. I think there is upside here. He is probably going through a little angry stage about being deleted, but obviously he is the instigator of the relationship breaking up.

    2. Sarah

      April 21, 2018 at 1:54 am

      Hi Chris, thank you for your reply. I’m reading your book and trying to implement no contact rule right now. And you are absolutely right about he is the instigator of the breakup. Does this mean there’s no chance to get him back and he made his decision already?

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2018 at 2:42 am

      Oh no, Sarah. Just because he initiated the breakup doesn’t always mean things are doomed. People do all sorts of things everyday that are against their best interests. Emotions can get in our way. Our judgement can change over time. There are endless variables that control the knobs that tune our emotions, needs, wants.

  11. Daniella Liranzo

    April 12, 2018 at 5:52 am

    Hi everyone, I was in a long distance relationship with my ex for a year and 3 months and he broke up with me about a month ago. He said he was confused and didn’t know what he wanted. He says at times he felt like he wanted to be with me and was super happy with me and he had other times that he would wake up and feel like he just wanted to be alone and I guess single ? It hurt him a lot to let me go because him and I never argued everything was going well and I was about to move to NY in a couple months so we could be together. He told me to not think about what I did wrong because he said I did nothing wrong if anything I did everything right and that is sounds cliche but it really was him. I asked him if feelings he had for me faded in that way and he told me no that he still loved me but he just wasn’t sure if he wanted to be in a committed relationship right now that their was other priorities on his mind. While asking him multiple questions one stood out the most to me and hurt so much but I feel like he only said this because he’s confused himself and he said that sometimes he just felt that I might have loved him a little bit more than he loved me and that blindsided me because he was an angel to be prior to him feeling these feelings he showed me through actions that he loved me and wanted to be with me and now all of a sudden he’s confused so that makes me confused. I don’t know what to do I tried to make it work during for like 3 days but once he told me I think it’s best if I just stay by myself right now I never initiated contact with him again. During the first 3 weeks of us being separated he reached out about 4 times and the last time I kinda of told him “ look I respect your decision but I need time to heal, I care about you but I need to take care of me to.” He’s 31 and has a different mentality so I know he would only respect the decision I had made. That same day he did apologize and just said he’s sorry for putting me through this and it wasn’t his intentions. Anyways ever since then he hasn’t initiated contact I’ve only heard of him through my sister and her boyfriend because I probably should have mentioned that my sisters boyfriend and him are best friends. And he would basically bring me up in conversation whenever around my sister or with his best friend I found out that he called him saying he wanted to be with me but he doesn’t know why he wakes up and feel like he wants to be alone and that he hates that he feels that way because he knows how good of a girl I am. Anyways I have not reached out but he has also not reached out to me and it concerns me because it makes me feel like I was worth nothing to be and he didn’t see the value in me when I KNOW what I brought to the table. I’m still in no contact but it’s their any hope? I’d love to hear some feed back I’ve really been struggling with this.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 5:08 pm

      Hi Daniella…it seems you are in the throes of a breakup situation and it certainly can turn and twist you inside out. Consider taking a look at my ebook, Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro. It is designed to provide folks like yourself a comprehensive blueprint on what to do given lots of situations. You can learn more about it in Product Section of my website Menu.

    2. Daniella Liranzo

      April 13, 2018 at 1:32 am

      I already purchased your texting bible I’m still reading that but I wanted a guess another persons expert perspective on what they believe is happening during this time of no contact or if he will even realize that he’s making a mistake. Idk what to do, thanks for the fast reply I really appreciate it.

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 13, 2018 at 3:41 am

      Daniella…thanks for dropping by! Yes, the book is comprehensive and covers a lot of topics. There is a psychology at work behind the No Contact Period. Both for you and him. You want raise yourself up, set goals, improve your confidence and gain a greater perspective of what is truly important in your life. For the guy, it facilitates a process in which he will slowly begin to appreciate you and value you. Some of the fun and fulfilling things you did together come to his mind. Some men realize they erred. They can start to miss you. Others don’t and don’t learn. But those are the ones you don’t want anyway. Better to learn that earlier than later. As to what will happen in your case, it is so difficult to predict given all of the variables. The best you can do is to formulate your plan and move forward with it. But the most important part of ex recovery, is YOU…your recovery. Because it is you that will assuredly go forward with or without him.

  12. Ineke

    April 7, 2018 at 10:55 am

    Hi, my ex and I were together for a year and a half. We are both in our first your of college and he is more the hard partyer kind of person. At firtst he broke up with me because he was having doubts about us, but still telling me it was possible to work it out, telling me he was cryig over the valentine letters I wrote him last year and saying over text he wanted to kiss me when I dropt his stuff of. After a week not talking to eachother he told me he just wasn’t ready for a relationship, he wanted freedom and not settle yet. It came as a big shock to me but I’m not ready to let him go. He is at the moment always partying and i fear he will just forget me and find someone new. Please help me. My score said 43 but it’s not clear to me whats that means.
    Thank you

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 9, 2018 at 11:33 am

      Hey there, so first off I want to apologize for being a bit late to get back to you.

      It’s a bit hectic getting everything done by yourself!

      Hopefully you understand.

      I have a hard time buying that he will just forget you. If anything it looks like he is looking for ways to not deal with the pain of thinking of you.

  13. Ivette

    March 4, 2018 at 6:06 am

    Hi so, here’s my story… We’ve been together for 15 months, today I saw he was talking to another woman for over a couple of week and he send her kisses, I confronted him about it and said he wasn’t sure about what he wanted to do with his life, including he didn’t knew if he still wanted to be with me. He asked me what I wanted and said “I want to be with you but I don’t want to be with someone that’s isn’t sure about being with me”. Anyways, when I left his house I hugged him and he hugged me back and i cried like I’ve never cried before I felt something I’ve never felt before, broken and disappointing. I felt like I was worth nothing to him, like all the love I gave him was in vain. This day I have him a gift, his favorite action figure to keep on his car chain, when I left it was on his key. Anyways… This happened exactly today I haven’t talked to him since, I’m devastated. But one thing I told him was, that I deserve more than that (meaning the text to that girl) and that I was worth so much more than what he did. My friends told me I acted really mature, but I’m destroyed. A plus to this story, we work in the same office.

    Please help, I just feel so sad

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 8, 2018 at 11:53 am

      Hi Ivette,

      I think it’s a grass is greener case and check the link below too:
      EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

  14. 6years

    March 3, 2018 at 10:25 pm

    Hello, I have been reading up on this website a lot lately! My ex and I were together for almost 6 years. We did two years home together two years long distance when I went to college and he was home working and now have been up at school(he came here to try to get in to the university and finally did it this last fall, his first semester of college and joined a fraternity, we are both 23…) and living together. When we came back this spring semester he started to act distant. He said he wanted to take a break. I freaked out cause this is the person who has loved me unconditionally for almost 6 years and we have both planned a life together. I’m not sure if he freaked out because all of his family was asking him when we were getting engaged over Christmas break and I know he wants to wait till after college and has a job. Probably two more years. Anyway, we took a break then a week passed he came back wanted to try to work things out, started acting weird again. I planned a date night the following g Friday and he came home from class saying he wanted to break up and is tired of the ups and downs of our relationship, really caused by a lack of honest communication. That’s really been the only fault in our relationship. Until this year when he joined a fraternity and I saw younger college girls acting desperate with him I acted jealous. Even though I know he would never do anything I compared myself to these girls. The day after he broke up with me he came back and said he hated the way things went and he wanted to just take a couple weeks to figure things out but not have a label on our relationship right now. I texted a couple of the girl friends in the fraternity asking for advice on how they handle their relationship with someone so busy in the fraternity. They told him I reached out and a couple days later he came back passed that I “disrespected his space” by reaching out to them and decided to officially break things off. It was aweful I cried and he cried and he was angry and said things he didn’t mean. We didn’t talk for two weeks until I told him we need to figure out what we are doing with the apartment. A day after he responded and we met up on that following Monday. When he came over I told him in order for me to make my decision with our apartment I needed him to look me in the eyes and say he didn’t love me anymore and that he didn’t see his future with me. He broke down to me and started crying saying how uneasy he has felt these last two weeks and how he has missed me. He was balling and wanting to hug and kiss me. I wiped his tears and I was calm and collected unlike previous times. He couldn’t stop saying he loved me. He then asked if he could have a week to find a solution on how we can make this work. He ended up staying the night and we had great conversations catching up on the last couple of weeks and we had sex twice that night. He told me he wanted to see me
    Thursday for dinner before he left for a trip with his fraternity over the weekend. He also told me he wanted me to text him goodnight each night. Week went along I would text him tell him goodnight and I love him only he would respond but all of a sudden without I love you. Thursday came along and he forgot he signed up to volunteer at a school fundraiser. I told him I understood. We would see eachother Sunday to talk. I sent him a message saying I was confused why all of a sudden he couldn’t tell me he loved me and that if he changed his mind to let me know now and not wait till Sunday and if he changed his mind tell me if not we would talk Sunday. Never heard from him. Saturday at the bar his friend approached me asking how I was. Told him I have been better. He said that my ex is just confused right now but to give him his space and he will come back and that he has cried to him about us a couple of times. Sunday came along and he got back too late and had a meeting that didn’t end till 10 and I had to be up too early so we decided to meet Monday night after he got out of class. He came over and I made him dinner. He told me he can’t tell me he doesn’t love me and can’t tell me he doesn’t see a future with me but can’t think of an ideal situation for us right now and doesn’t want to break my heart any more or lead me on so to end things. I started balling. He held me and hugged me and brought me water and tissues for three hours. I told him I knew this wasn’t what his heart wanted and he started crying and saying he was sorry but he made up his mind. Even though he doesn’t want to lead me on I mentioned how I didn’t want to be alone on our anniversary(2 months away) and all he could say was that’s 2 months away let’s not worry about that far we don’t know what would happen. He also said that if we get back together it would be best not to live with eachother right away. All sending me mixed signals and leading me on in my opinion. He said he didn’t want to hold me back I told him he wasn’t that I’m capabale of making my own decisions and that I left to come to college without him 4 years ago why would I let him hold me back now. He understood. When he left he asked me if I wanted one more hug I said yes and he hugged me and gave me a kiss on the forehead. I asked him not to text any of my friends but he texted my best friend to check on me. He said he would check on me but hasn’t yet. He has a lot of responsibilities with fraternity now and is a terrible student but taking hard science classes and I know he wants to pass and focus on that and I know it’s stressing him out. His mom has cancer and that’s another stressor. He has a lot going on and I think he is overwhelmed and doesn’t know how to focus and fix our relationship with everything going on. What do you think about what’s going on? Do you think he will come back if I keep no contact? His stuff is still at our place and he still pays rent while he has been sleeping on the couch at his fraternity. I love him and I know he loves me but I don’t know what to think. He also said he has no interest in being or Pershing anything with anyone else right now but he wants me to learn to be happy without him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 7, 2018 at 1:56 pm

      He’s right that you should be happy without him.. The nc rule is more for you, not for a guy to comeback.. Do nc so you can think and be more rational and to improve yourself and to heal..

  15. Ellie Wrake

    February 22, 2018 at 1:09 am

    I started talking to this guy— [he asked me for my number, and pursued me]and were going perfectly fine. About three weeks in he told me that he had something to tell me but he was REALLY nervous that I’d be sad and upset and cut things off w us. NEWS: a girl from the past states that she’s pregnant and the baby is his. He says he doesn’t believe it’s his but he doesn’t want to tell her that in case it is, and that he doesn’t want to be w her if it is true, but he does want to be a part of the baby’s life! So I told him I wouldn’t break things off bc of that. He expressed that he didn’t know how to think or feel about the situation. And I told him if he needs space I’d understand, but that I’d also be there for him and try to help him figure it out if he wanted.
    Time goes on and maybe a week later I text him to tell him I was feeling like something was off w us, and I asked for reassurance. He told me that he understands and that he admits he hadn’t made building a relationship w me a priority bc he was focused on his goals and that news made him realize he isn’t ready to take care of a wife or child. He assured me that him pulling away wasn’t about me, and that he does like me. I asked if he sees something w us in the future or if this is temporary, and I got no direct answer. So I told him that I want to be respectful and that he can go along, and if he decides to intentionally pursue me in the future, then we would see what happens. So we text a bit more in the days following and he asked me if I don’t want to hangout w him anymore and I said I do and I asked him and he said the same, but that he doubts we could hang as just friends. So I’m the weeks to come I would ask to hangout and it never worked out, so I asked him if I was wasting my time by asking bc if he knows the answer would always be no, then I’d stop— and he assured me that I’m not wasting my time. So I haven’t hangout with him in nearly a month now, and of course I miss him. When I told him that I felt like I was getting the short end of the stick, he assured me that “it’s nothing personal so don’t worry” and that “I know you might think that I’m being like this bc I don’t like you or bc I’m mad at you, but that really not it. Just please believe me”. But what am I supposed to do with statements like that?! So out of irrational emotions I text him something that made him upset and he told me he was blocking my number and I told him he didn’t have to bc I wouldn’t text him anymore, and I deleted his number. BUT he still watches my Snapchat story, and I’ve talked to him once or twice in Snapchat and he responded. So this past Monday I text him (at least I think it was his number), and the message was delivered, but I NEVER got a respond, but he definitely watched my snap story again today! What should I do?! Also, should I stop watching his Snapchat story— you know people can tell if you watched theirs it not..?!
    A little background info- he was in a 3year relationship with a girl who was physically abusive to him, and then the girl that claims she is pregnant with his baby— he said she has low self esteems and she was a liar, and that she hasn’t shown him a doctors note, or photo or anything at all in regards to her pregnancy.
    PS- all of this has happened within a month and a half.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2018 at 11:36 am

      Hi Ellie,

      They’ve been together for 3 years, but you and him have been seeing each other for month right? When did they broke up? And if you’re doing the nc rule, that means you can’t watch his snaps.

  16. Lu

    February 21, 2018 at 11:52 pm

    My ex boyfriend broke up with me 4 weeks ago and said he can’t do it anymore the stress is too much, first he said he wanted a break then cos I pesterd he ended it. He says I argue with him too much, says he’s happy on his own now. But I begged for 3 weeks and he rejected me every time. He’s usually a really sensitive guy and cries all the time. He got really angry at one point said he doesn’t love or care for me and there’s no relationship left but he did cry whilst he told me even tho I wasn’t crying. I still sent a few messages after saying I was sad and he said if I have to stop contacting now. We left it as a nice message I said sorry for pestering I was in a low place. He said he understands and it won’t be easy for either of us and he wishes me luck but I won’t need it as I’m a credit. And since that text I havnt said anything else I’m now doing no contact! Throughout our relationship nothing was wrong it was only 10 months we loved eachother we couldnt leave eachother alone , always laughing and joking .. I was just immature with the way I handled arguments. And cause he’s sensitive he couldn’t deal with it. Do u think he will ever regret his decision?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2018 at 11:25 am

      Hi Lu,

      Yes, I think there’s still a chance.. Have you tried our quiz?

  17. Anne

    February 14, 2018 at 12:09 am

    what if u just block him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 18, 2018 at 1:39 pm

      Hi Anne,

      You can unblock him, just dont add him back yet if you’re doing nc

  18. samantha

    February 11, 2018 at 10:38 am

    firs of all sorry for my english…
    after break up he called me every time when he was drunk and he said he loved me but we could not be togwther ….I complished my no contact and after 2 month I dont say happy bithday and he called me on his bithday night to hear from me best wishes, after no contact i reach out and he was glad he said wanted to try again and started from new we were together 1.5 month everything was ok but ones i guess that he met one girl after that i ask him why didn’t say that he met someone … he said if he met someone else it means he doesn”t love me any more… he said that he wanted to be with me but he doeasn loves me anymore… i love him and i dont know what to do… we had plans about valentins day and had plans about next weekend to have romantic weekend , im realy shoked 🙁 i think his family doesnt like me and it is a big reason why we are not togethar….what can i do i love him very much 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 1:08 pm

      HI Samantha,

      YOu mean you were back together for more than a month and then he left you for another girl?

  19. Sarah Holloway

    February 9, 2018 at 6:39 pm

    Thanks Amor, the thing is I haven’t seen him in three weeks and it seems he just now doesn’t want to talk to me. I don’t even know if he’s left me or just needs space as he won’t tell me. I told him when he called that he needs to tell me where I stand, and that he has my front door key but he avoided the subject. One minute he’s texting and the next he’s ignoring me. I just don’t know what to do 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 12:25 pm

      that means he’s starting to ghost you because the relationship is going to fast for him.. Follow the advice on this one:
      How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

  20. Sarah Holloway

    February 8, 2018 at 9:47 pm

    In all honesty I don’t know what’s going on with me and my ‘boyfriend’ we met 3 months ago and were inseparable, we have absolutely everything in common and always joked that we were the male/female version of each other. He spent a lot of time at mine and met my kids and even my parents. He was the first one to say I Love You, and we even talked about him moving in later this year. Whenever he came over he said he felt like he was ‘home’ and was alway so excited to see me. We were planning a future together. We’ve both been married before, he only moved back to the UK 6 months ago after living abroad for 12 years with his ex wife. Two weeks ago he stopped talking and I didn’t hear from him for 2 days. He then called to say he was worried he won’t make me happy and was scared that I was going to start controlling him like his ex wife, then he said he didn’t know what to do and was worried it was starting to fail. I didn’t hear from him for a week, when he text to say sorry, he just didn’t know how to talk to me right now. He send about 15 messages just talking about random things, he was starting a new job the next day which i know he was worried about. I replied casually and got a couple of replies, he’s never mentioned anything to do with ‘us’… my last reply was two days ago which he read but hasn’t replied to. He’s struggling with the hours of his new job and his last message to me said ‘I’m also sick, and sulky!’ He’s not actually said we’re over, and his quietness is unlike him, he even apologised for it. Do I just give him space and leave him alone now and see if he comes back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 12:52 pm

      Hi Sarah,
      The relationship is moving too fast for him.
      check this one:
      How To Prevent A Breakup With Your Boyfriend When You Know It’s Coming

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