By Shannon

At one time or another in their lives every girl has chased a guy only to realize that this drove him away farther.

And, at one time or another, in their lives every girl has stopped giving a men the time of day only to find that he comes crawling back the second she turns away.

I mean I am constantly hearing No Contact Success Stories (If you want to read some just click on this link) that feature these questions:

“Why do guys always come back after you get over them or after they think you’ve moved on?

“Why do guys always come back after they dump you?”

“Why do they always seem to come back when it’s too late?”

What is it about giving them space that makes them come back?”

I know… right now you’re like…

I mean everything in you is telling you to chase him right?

So, what gives?

To women this logic does not make much sense. Women want men to fight for them, they want to feel wanted. So when we break up with a man this is how we tend to react, by making them feel how much we want them.

In fact, we make them feel it so much that we smother them in it and they feel like they can’t escape our love.

No man wants a yo-yo. That is, they don’t want something/someone that comes right back to them every time they throw it/them away. Every time he pushes you away and you force yourself back in it decreases your value and makes you seem a little more desperate.

What Men Want Is The Chase

Men are driven by competitions and this applies to love, as well.

In order to have value you need to make him feel as though he has earned you, make yourself seem like a prize that he needs to work for.

You might ask what is the best way to accomplish this?

And the answer is by ignoring him.

This can be effective in all sorts of different situations. Including recent break ups, new crushes, and yes, even if your Ex was the one who dumped you to begin with.

Yes! It IS possible to get him to come back even after he dumped you.

Let’s talk about what he’s thinking when he realizes you are ignoring him.

If prior to finding the EBR guidelines you had been pestering your Ex, or any love interest for that matter, then they will have grown to expect hearing from you multiple times a day. They may even get some pleasure at ignoring you and watching you get increasingly upset by it.

Imagine with me now…

One day you just stop. You disappear from his notifications with no explanation. It may take him a little while to notice but eventually it’ll dawn on him.

Once he notices he will try to draw you back in.

Phase One: The Investigation

He may start sending little mean-nothing texts. Things like this:

“Hey sorry I didn’t reply yesterday, I was busy.”

“Have you seen my blue shirt anywhere”

“What’s the password to the Netflix?”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“I saw your mom today”

The list goes on and on but what all of these texts have in common is that at the core of them, they mean nothing. Very little thought has gone into them and he doesn’t really care about the conversations that they could start. He is just trying to figure out where you went.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Phase Two: The Reaction

Once he reaches out and hears nothing back from you he will react in some kind of way. This could look different depending on what type of personality your guy has.

Here are a couple of possibilities:

Anger

“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature”

Jealousy

“Guess you must have moved on now.. Hope you’re happy”

Cluelessness

“Hey.” “Hi” “Hello?” “What’s up?” “How you been”… etc, etc

Fishing For Pity

“Thought I meant enough to you to at least get a text back.. guess not.”

It’s Fine, Everything Is Fine

“You must be pretty busy, that’s good. I’m happy for you. Really”

Panic

“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls 12 times” “HELLO?!”

Mock Silence

“…….” “..??”

Actual Silence:

All of these reactions are different but all of them, except possibly the last one, have the same end goal. They are looking for you to react. All of these different responses are playing on your emotions to trick you into responding to him. As your guy tries to process how this change in your behavior affects him, he may send any combination of these texts.

For example:

“Hello.”

“Hi?”

“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature.”

“….???”

“Thought I meant enough to you to get a text back… guess not…”

“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls twice*

“Fine. Don’t text me back. I don’t want you to anyways.”

As you can see he transitioned from clueless to anger to mock silence to fishing for pity to panic then back to anger again.

These reactionary reach out attempts may come all on the same day, they may come spaced out over the course of many days, or they may not come at all.

Here is a quick example of a message that my Ex sent me during my no contact period. This text was sent towards the end of the no contact period and there were numerous other texts both before and after this one which took the form of every single one of the types listed above.

Important note: This Ex broke up with ME and turned me down multiple times when I asked him to get back together.

If your Ex does not reach out at all do not panic. Some men are more composed than others and some men are just plain stubborn. If he does not reach out it DOES NOT mean that he isn’t thinking about you.

During this period of reaction your guy is starting to wonder what you are up to. He grew so used to having you there whenever he wanted you and now you have taken that away. In a sense men are like little kids… They only want something once you make them realize that they can’t have it anymore, or worse, that someone else might get it.

While you are ignoring your ex, continue to work on yourself and post about it on social media where either he or his sphere of influence (his friends and family) will see it. The happier and healthier that you sees you becoming, the more frustrated he will get that you aren’t giving in to him.

Phase Three: Regret

Once it hits him that you might not care about him anymore he will begin to wonder if losing you is really what he wanted and what was best for him. Feeling like this is going to freak him out.

Men don’t like to feel vulnerable or afraid and once again, he could react to these feelings in a couple of different ways.

He may continue to reach out as if nothing is wrong

After I initiated no contact on my Ex he continued to text me telling me about funny things that happened or about something that our dog had done and did not acknowledge the fact that I was not responding to him. Every now and then he would say something like “I know you are ignoring me but…”

He May Lash Out

If you have ever been ignored by somebody that you care about then you know how frustrating it is. Your Ex may lash out and say some pretty cruel things. Hurtful as it may be it is important not to take them personally and to maintain your calm.

He May Act Out

During my no contact period with my Ex we still lived together. One night I came home and he had drank five or six shots of Jamaican spiced rum and was stumbling around the house. When I continued to ignoring him despite this he grabbed his truck keys and announced that he was going to the store. Fearing that he would get hurt I frantically called several of his close friends and asked them to check in on him. If you find that your Ex is posting on social media about strange things that they have done or if friends tell you that he has been acting odd lately try your best not to react to it. In my situation once my Ex realized that I was still worried about him he stopped showing interest in me again (more on that later)

He May Vanish

I read somewhere once that the best way to protect your heart is to pretend that you don’t have one. Once your Ex realizes that you are ignoring him and that it scares him, he might disappear in order to protect himself.

During all of this time you will not just be ignoring your Ex and obsessing over he reacts to it though, right? RIGHT?!

No, you’ll be working on yourself. Continue to develop your health, wealth, and relationships and don’t be afraid to humbly flaunt your “new you”

If part of your self-development is to go on dates with new men take a tasteful photo of the dinner setting with the guys hand just visible in the corner of the frame. Small gestures such as this will drive your Ex crazy thinking that you are moving on.

But what makes them seem to come back right when you start to move on?

Phase Four: Action

Men are not going to take action until they feel like they have no other choice. It is not until your Ex thinks that he really, truly, is losing you that he will try to stop it.

Now that your Ex has realized you are ignoring him, has realized that his mean-nothing texts aren’t working, and has realized that he is afraid of actually losing you and not getting you back- he will take action.

It may start out small so the important thing is not to get sucked in too quickly. Giving your Ex the satisfaction of knowing that you still care about him after all can undo days and weeks of ignoring. It only takes one small reply, one small slip up for your Ex to realize that he still has you in the palm of his hand.

SIDE NOTE:

The general rule is not to reply to your Ex unless he explicitly asks for you back.

As in, actually says,

“I want you back.”

A second rule is not to reply until your Ex has sent you SEVEN positive reach out text. Positive. Not neutral. These are texts like:

“I miss you.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you.”

“You look beautiful in that new picture you posted”

One or two of these types of messages is not enough. There needs to be at least seven to show consistency.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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What You Should Take Away From This Article

Now where were we…

In the beginning of this article we mentioned how men like competition. What men do not like is when they lose a prize that they wanted or when someone else seems to be winning.

They love a competition but they hate to lose.

Treat yourself like a prize and your ex will see you that way too.

If you have stuck to your no contact successfully and have been working on your health, wealth, and relationships then your Ex is going to be thinking that he has lost you and this will lead him to take action and reach out to ask you back. Just like my Ex did here:

This is a man who swore up and down that he could not handle the stress of a relationship.

He said over and over that he “needed” to be single.

And yet, thirty days of silence resulted in this text.

Looking back on this conversation now, I wish that I had not responded to his text quite as quickly as I did but I got the reaction to the No Contact period that I was hoping for.

A final important thing to note is that, like we mentioned, some men are more stubborn than others. Just because your Ex does not reach out first means nothing.

Going back to the competition reference, giving in to you and contacting you first would be a sign of weakness to your ex and may be seen as “losing”.

If after the no contact period you have not heard from your Ex, reach out to him yourself and start the texting phase of the no contact process. Follow The Texting Bible guidelines and try not to come on too strong.

In the meantime, here is a video that covers the things you should DEFINITELY avoid going forward.

 

 

Alright, so now that you have all of the information to understand WHAT makes your ex come back. I want to hear about your specific situation.

In the comments below tell me:

  1. About your breakup? Do you know the underlying cause?
  2. What actions have you taken? Have you made any of the Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Back?
  3. After Reading this article, and (hopefully) the rest of the EBR Material, what do you plan on doing moving forward?

Once you give us this information, our experts will help you figure out what the next best step is for you personally.

Let’s go!

What to Read Next

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By Chris Seiter | 4 comments

Why Ignoring Your Ex Is So Powerful

By Chris Seiter | 9 comments

How To Get Your Stuff Back From Your Ex

By Chris Seiter | 3 comments

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153 thoughts on “Why Do Men Come Back After You Ignore Them”

  1. Avatar

    Ann

    October 15, 2020 at 5:05 am

    Hi

    I’m a single mom and I’ve been dating this guy for 6months. He met my daughter told me he loved me introduced me to his entire family and was going to get down on two knees for me one day. I will admit I put a ton of pressure on him and pushed marriage bc I’m a Christian and felt guilty having sex with him and am under a lot of financial pressure .

    He said he felt like he had way too much pressure on him and can’t be who I need him to be right now. He kept breaking down in tears and said he doesn’t want to break up…. and kept asking me what I wanted to do. I said “I want to be with you but if that’s not what you want then that’s okay I’ll be fine” he said it’s not a matter of want. He said he needs to figure things out (he stayed for 3 hours and waited until I finally said “what do you want me to do beg you to stay” and broke down in tears to leave). He left with promising me he would figure “this” out and I haven’t heard from him since (almost a month now).

    At what point do I ask for my things back and begin to move on (date other people). Should I contact him to see where his heads out? I don’t want to put more pressure on him than I already have.

    I have not contacted him at all and he has refrained from viewing any of my stories on social media but views my best friends almost immediately. I am very confused.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2020 at 5:22 pm

      Hi Ann if you want to be with this guy then you need to understand that you need to put the breaks on with the marriage talk! You have known him for 6 months, that is way too soon to be talking about getting married, it is more than likely why he has got cold feet because you should still be getting to know each other at this stage. I would suggest that you go into a no contact for 30 days where you work on yourself and understand that you cannot pressure someone into marrying you, you also need to take some time to think if you want to be with HIM, or not. If the the belongings he has of yours are urgent you can ask for them back, but if it can wait, then follow the No Contact first.

  2. Avatar

    Suz

    October 11, 2020 at 9:14 am

    I was dating this guy for 3 and a half month – he pursued me from day one and although there was a small bump a month in and I immediately said if that’s the case, “bye”, he didn’t stop pursuing me. Later he’d tell me more about the “small bump” being another person he dated a few months back and still having a bit of a crush but deciding I’m the one. Sent a good morning text every day, spent every day possibly together. Then visiting his home country, my home country (during the pandemic) because he wanted it. Everything was going smooth we started living together a bit and then one day he quit. He wants us to be friends and maybe it’s better if he has his doubts but then again I want him back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 22, 2020 at 9:05 pm

      Hi Suz, it sounds as if this guy is thinking about his choices – meaning that you need to go into a No Contact for 30 days (45 if he gets into a relationship) and show him that you are not willing to stand around and wait to be chosen by him. If he freaks at the loss of you and chases you then you know he is interested. Make sure that you stay strong and work on yourself and the Holy Trinity that Chris speaks about in his articles.

  3. Avatar

    Danica

    September 11, 2020 at 2:56 am

    Hi I had a boyfriend we’ve been in a relationship for 6 months. I am 8 years older than him. He is always busy with his friends, that thought me that I am not his priority an I admit it. whenever he is moody I just keep silent and say nothing. As far as I know we had petty quarrels but after that we immediately make things up. Unfortunately out of the blue he did not reply to my texts and don’t seen my messages. Until today I ask him what he is up to but no reply. 🙁

  4. Avatar

    Ally

    August 26, 2020 at 12:00 pm

    I still live with my ex and step child (not married, but basically were). My ex broke things off after 3+ yrs out of nowhere a month ago and it’s taken me until now to accept it, even though seems ridiculous to me. We plan to stay living together for the time being. Each day is different, he’s like warm and cold, but sometimes will disappear all evening. I’ve stopped initiating contact this week and he reached out about bills & asking if need things from the store. Other days he’s very friendly and does little acts of service like changing my laundry, buying my fav wine, etc., almost like things are normal. I’m so confused what this means (still feelings or guilt?) and what I should do. It feels awkward to do no contact when we’re getting along and living together. Plus when the child is here that’ll be impossible. He still refers to us as “we”, talks to me about work etc, and we’re still in group contact with his family, although I’ve stopped replying. So they clearly don’t know. Feels like mixed signals? Confusion on his part? Or am I just reading into it? Any help would be appreciated!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 10, 2020 at 6:54 pm

      Hey Ally, yes it can be confusion on his part as you are still living together at the moment. However you do not want to allow this hot and cold behaviour. You need to read about the limited no contact and work on yourself in that time. It is difficult as the child is around but you need to spend as little time with them both as possible while you are in no contact.

  5. Avatar

    Melissa

    August 5, 2020 at 12:12 am

    My ex and i broke up last year, initially i did the no contact and it worked, we started dating each other again and were meeting for over 6 months to work on getting our relationship back. I recently found out he has been seeing another girl, he begged me to give things another shot stating this was a huge mistake however I’m not so sure, i am currently not speaking to him and I’m unsure what to do about the situation I’m in. He says he loves me dearly but needs time and space, what should i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 8, 2020 at 11:23 pm

      Hey Melissa, you go into a NC and work on yourself and the Holy Trinity to show your ex that you are not going to wait around for him to be ready, start dating casually when you feel ready and use social media for your ex to see that you are doing great and positive things with your life during your NC and afterwards too.

  6. Avatar

    Stacy

    July 29, 2020 at 8:00 pm

    my boyfriend always blocks me after argument , sometimes over unnecessary things juss because he thinks I’ll alwayd be there for him and that i love him so much. last four days he blocked me because of some bullshit he made me do . had enough of him and I’ve blocked him back. juss wanna do this for months juss to know if he’ll stop that nonsense . is that too much? my intention of blocking him is juss to let him be scared and end that stupid behaviour. am i wrong?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 11:25 am

      Hi Stacy, I would say that you need to evaluate your relationship as blocking each other when emotional / angry is quite immature way of dealing with problems but it also causes deeper problems in your relationship. If your ex and you start to speak again, I would suggest that you both agree to learn how to communicate healthily if you want your relationship to work long term

  7. Avatar

    Andrea

    July 29, 2020 at 2:47 pm

    My ex and I dated for three months and everything was perfect (he himself admitted that), but he was “too scared” to continue the relationship and suffers from insecurity and self esteem issues. I did everything perfectly during our relationship and as we ended things (told him I respected his decision and just wanted him to be happy). I started no contact, but a week later my father ended up in the hospital and he found out from one of his siblings who is friends with my sister. He reached out to me and we talked for about ten days but I would ignore his texts for hours or up to a full day and he would continue texting until eventually he left me on read as I had ended the conversation (I had tried to end the conversation before but he would initiate again). Will he come back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 9:55 am

      Hi Andrea, it is hard to say if he is going to come back. But you can start following the program and work on your connection so that you speak more often and see if it progresses

  8. Avatar

    Turiella Kanyky

    June 17, 2020 at 5:37 am

    He started ignoring me and after I called him multiple times he mentioned he was ignoring me cause of my attitude.

  9. Avatar

    Jade

    June 8, 2020 at 8:25 pm

    Hi , me and my boyfriend were dating for two years then he broke up without a proper reason because he was going through a lot of stress including grief. He said he couldn’t handle it at the moment. I stop texting him and never contacted him but he text me a week in for three days asking me meaningless questions and I replied. Is that bad ? And then I ignored him for ages again like for barely under 30 days then I text him once about an important topic and then ignored him again . All together it’s been like a month and 2 weeks. Do you think he’ll come back if I didn’t do anything wrong and we had such a good relationship.

  10. Avatar

    Michelle

    May 23, 2020 at 1:33 am

    Please please help…
    I’m 41 and my boyfriend is 40. Everything has been perfectly fine in our relationship but out of nowhere he stopped responding and haven’t heard from him in 10 days. I know he’s alive because he has been posting things on Facebook. Were still in a relationship on Facebook so why won’t he changed his status to single? Should I change mine I don’t know what to do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 29, 2020 at 11:13 pm

      Hi Michelle, I would suggest that you let him make the moves regards to social media.

  11. Avatar

    Sia

    May 16, 2020 at 4:19 pm

    I walked away from him. I blocked him on social media and changed my number because he gave me no other choice he was hot and cold. The last straw was when I decided to let him talk to me and meet me after nine months of him trying to contact me with vague messages and hi and hello and don’t you dare ignore me. I gave him that time to grow and work on himself and that’s why I stayed away and also for me to grow and have a life without him. When I let him back he tried initially but went back to his old ways of being manipulative and changed his mind when I discussed that I had started meeting and talking to another guy who was treating me very well. My ex wanted me to leave this potential new guy for him but I couldn’t do my ex did a 180. We agreed to parting and then a month later he was asking to meet up. I told him he wasn’t listening that I was interested in a undefined relationship and that this wasn’t fair. He said it had nothing to do with fair. I tried to call him to discuss what was going on with him he rejected my call. He said no to the call and said if I didn’t want to meet then to leave it. I was hurt deeply because he couldn’t even speak to me yet he wanted me to come and meet him for his own needs. Luckily I only went so far with him on the physical side of things because that’s all I was starting to feel like a conquest. When he rejected my call I told him not to expect anything from me anymore and that I was changing my number and he said that’s fine. I was really hurt that one moment he would be begging for me to come back because I was the only one that cared then switching to this cold behaviour. I proceeded to change my number even though it pained me to do so and even though I deeply cared for him. He tried to add me on various Instagram accounts after but again he was just saying hello, ?, I want to see you. He wasn’t saying anything that demonstrated that he’d treated me like rubbish. I last heard from him two months ago and haven’t since. I did this to stop the cycle that had been ongoing for over a year where I felt undervalued even though I still care for him deeply. I don’t know if I’ve done the write thing and made him just hate me. I know it was the only choice to preserve my mental health. Over the 9 months I stayed away he’d used three numbers, two Instagram accounts and a new Facebook to just get a reaction from me. I think he’s probably moved on now but I don’t know why there’s a part of me that wants him to fight for me it’s silly and unrealistic and most unlikely to happen and so I should probably focus on myself.

  12. Avatar

    Candice

    May 15, 2020 at 2:08 pm

    Hi
    My ex told me we needed to drop contact until I decided what I wanted so I did 30 days no contact and he contacted me a few times but ignored until I reached day 30. We chatted for a week, first day he was lovely and then gradually he dropped into saying things about not talking again he wainting to date, giving me an ultimatum to decide or he will move on. I basically ignored the comments where as in the past I would react, he then said he was surprised by my lack of fight. I ignored it and then half an hour later he wished me luck for the future and said it was the last time I’d hear from him. I didnt reply. I know hes on dating apps. What do I do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 7:15 pm

      Hi Candice, so your ex sounds as if he knew you wanted to get back with him, this time around when you complete your NC you need to be sure that you are also on dating apps and appearing to be moving on while also following the texting phase. I suggest that you complete another 30 days while working on your holy trinity

  13. Avatar

    Naomi

    May 3, 2020 at 4:52 pm

    My boyfriend and I have had an on/off relationship for the past 3 years. He fights and gets angry about my past sexual experiences, but always comes back after 1-2 days. This time I gave him an ultimatum to either leave the relationship for good or to get engaged and never talk about my past again.
    He said it’s hard for him to just forget my past and suggested to stay friends. I told him that I wouldn’t accept it. That was the last thing I wrote to him. Will the no contact period work for us and will he ever change?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Naomi, it is unfair that he is using your past against you when you were not in a relationship. However yes I think No Contact could work if he wants to be with you, the best thing for you to do is work the Holy Trinity and work to be the best version of yourself, he is going to see this more than likely get jealous, but be sure not to be flirty with other guys during this time. Your no contact needs to be around 30 days. I also would not put pressure on getting engaged when the relationship is not solid at this time, he needs to accept that people have pasts, just as I am sure he does

  14. Avatar

    Jacquelyn Ruggiero

    April 29, 2020 at 5:52 pm

    We had been dating for a while things were great but I noticed he got comfortable and starting texting less throughout the day I would mention to him and he would get very irritated. One Saturday he told me it was his friends birthday and he only invited his girl and guy friends. I got upset and sort of went off he got angry and said leave me alone your making me mad. I sort of broke up with him and tried to communicate and apologize but he went cold. We agreed to meet up 2 times and he never followed through. I text him once a week to try to meet up for 3 weeks. He agreed each time but never happened. I never mentioned I missed him or I love him after our argument that Saturday
    It’s been 3 weeks and he only reached out one time to tell me his friend shot a video of him jumping off the pier with a random girl and he told me not to worry and get upset that it’s just a random girl. He called me babe when I tried to follow up with meeting up he said he was drunk so I’m guessing it slipped out. Should I start absolutely not contact ? Help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 6, 2020 at 4:19 pm

      Hey Jacquelyn, so yes you need to start a no contact period – one where you spend your time focused on you and do not watch any of his online activity.

  15. Avatar

    Heather

    April 23, 2020 at 8:17 pm

    He broke up last week out of the blue! I did not see it coming at all. The only thing he said was that “he doesn’t want to answer to anyone” we were together for a year and a half. Never once did I expect him to answer to me. Spoke with a mutual friend and this friend said my ex said I did nothing wrongs don’t he just didn’t want to answer to someone. I don’t get it. We had a good thing going. Didn’t fight, but talked things out. We always had a good time when we were together. He told a mutual friend he could see being with me for the rest of his life. I am so hurt and still in a bit of shock

  16. Avatar

    Jessica

    April 23, 2020 at 4:50 am

    Hey, for me and my ex is the 5th time that break up. I every time had accepted the break up and let him think i was just fine (but only my friends know the truth, opposite). After nearly one month of pause he always comes back to me begging, and we say it is the last time. This time it was me who initiated the break up because he lied to me and wasn’t apologizing in a proper way, he seemed so indifferent. He said we will talk about it later and he still haven’t contacted me after 2 days of saying that. He is with his friends doing things. But i want him back badly, even just to discuss about all that happened. Will he this time come again but he does this only because he knows I’m always here waiting? Or he is not in love with me anymore? We had 5 years together…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 11:42 am

      Hi Jessica, it sounds as if your relationship is classed as an on and off relationship which would mean that your ex probably would come back eventually but you also would probably break up again too as you are falling into the same patterns. You need to complete a 45 day NC and during that time work on yourself, assess the relationship to why you keep breaking up, what needs to be improved and what you can do to help.But if he spends the whole time not working on himself then the issues could repeat. Working to becoming Ungettable is important part of this process so spend your time doing that

  17. Avatar

    Bart

    April 19, 2020 at 7:15 am

    Im in the relationship with my partners and we are both men..
    Is this method still works in my situation,
    The root cause yes i already knew it but after we brokeup, im just too needy and pushy, and kind of insecure as well.
    I believe i made him feel stuck.
    He ask for his space and his own time but i failed to provide him because im afraid of losing him, so i always want to be by his side.
    I did beg for him to come back at first because i have no idea of what im doing and how am i supposed to do to get him back.
    But i noticed since the day we broke up, he didn’t even get out of his house, hes isolated him self in his room, hes seems soo depressed, untill a week after i didnt met him and contact him, i came to met him at his house, he dont say much for every question i ask, he just used his head to communicate, and very few words.
    I told him i dont like to see him living his life like this, he should go out and enjoy his life as i no longer disturbing him, he seems sad.. his eyes told me everthing, i know he loved me soo much before..
    And day after that he started to go out to reach for his friend, before this yes im the type of person who had issue with jealously.. hes cant be comfort to hang out with anyone because of me, but after i realized everthing was my fault, i did my best to give him all his friend, his life, his everything.
    Hes started to smile to everyone, and started to laugh again, but not to me.. but i dont really mind about it as long as i did what i have to.
    Hes even come to my place with his friend and seems enjoy but not fully.. because we’ve been together for almost 3 years with serious deep connections, sexs and everthing happen in the relationship.
    I left him again for another weeks and after that he came to my place again with his friend and was mine too..
    I call him to the room for a chat, nothing much just asking hows hes life now, he said much better, hes not angry with me and doesn’t hate me anymore but he didn’t love me.. maybe hes lying bcoz when he hate me i know he wont even want to come to my place even with anyone.
    At the end of conversation before we get out from the room i ask for a hug, and he hug me tightly, like never before, i kiss his cheeks and he kissed mine.
    Yesterday i ask about whether he want to get back or not he just kept silent..
    I told him i cant go on like this, i cant be friend with him like this because it hurts me and him too..
    So i decided to let him go completely at least for a period of time.
    I told him i done my part and the rest is up to him.
    If he want us to get back then he should let me know,
    And its also depends on me, i didn’t promise i will accept it anytime he want it.
    Soo i guess i did the wrong thing..
    Is it ok if i proceed NC for a couple of time again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 5:55 pm

      Hey there Bart, yes it would be a case of going into a NC be sure that you are focusing on your Holy Trinity at this time

  18. Avatar

    M

    April 16, 2020 at 7:09 pm

    My BF broke up with out of anger. He has been stressed out over this COVID19, he got laid off and admits he is scared because of his asthma. He has been taking it out on me. I supported him and told him he needs to be positive. But because he continued to be mean i walked away after he tried to kiss me. He texted me we are done and he is tired of me disrespecting him. I replied ok and left it at that. Usually after a small dispute a I would cry like a baby and tell him we need to work on us. But I gave him a whole different reaction because I dont think I did wrong. I think he really means it though that we are done. But what could he be feeling.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 7:56 pm

      Hi M allow him some space and allow him to deal with this situation the way he feels best, it is difficult as we are all dealing with this pandemic in our own ways.

  19. Avatar

    Becca

    April 16, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    Hey, what do u mean “decide if you want him back or not then you start the texting phase” how should i do this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 1:29 pm

      After you have completed No Contact and are due to text your ex. If you decide that you no longer want your ex back then just dont reach out keep with the NC indefinitely. If you want your ex back then start the texting phase

  20. Avatar

    Zara

    April 14, 2020 at 8:59 pm

    Hello! I was in a long distance relationship with someone I’ve known for 3 months. We fell in love really quickly but later is started to feel he was turning a little cold and a little distant. I was going through a personal loss and I broke up with him because I didn’t feel he was investing enough in the relationship. He said although he loved me, he would respect my decision. This was 5 days ago, NC during this time. I’ve realized I miss him, I love him and I want him back. Is it ok to reach out to him? I’d rather lose my pride than losing him forever

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Zara, I would follow a 21 day rule and then reach out to him so that he has some time to adjust and know that you have taken time to work on yourself before starting the texting phase to get him back

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