By Shannon

At one time or another in their lives every girl has chased a guy only to realize that this drove him away farther.

And, at one time or another, in their lives every girl has stopped giving a men the time of day only to find that he comes crawling back the second she turns away.

I mean I am constantly hearing No Contact Success Stories (If you want to read some just click on this link) that feature these questions:

“Why do guys always come back after you get over them or after they think you’ve moved on?

“Why do guys always come back after they dump you?”

“Why do they always seem to come back when it’s too late?”

What is it about giving them space that makes them come back?”

I know… right now you’re like…

I mean everything in you is telling you to chase him right?

So, what gives?

To women this logic does not make much sense. Women want men to fight for them, they want to feel wanted. So when we break up with a man this is how we tend to react, by making them feel how much we want them.

In fact, we make them feel it so much that we smother them in it and they feel like they can’t escape our love.

No man wants a yo-yo. That is, they don’t want something/someone that comes right back to them every time they throw it/them away. Every time he pushes you away and you force yourself back in it decreases your value and makes you seem a little more desperate.

What Men Want Is The Chase

Men are driven by competitions and this applies to love, as well.

In order to have value you need to make him feel as though he has earned you, make yourself seem like a prize that he needs to work for.

You might ask what is the best way to accomplish this?

And the answer is by ignoring him.

This can be effective in all sorts of different situations. Including recent break ups, new crushes, and yes, even if your Ex was the one who dumped you to begin with.

Yes! It IS possible to get him to come back even after he dumped you.

Let’s talk about what he’s thinking when he realizes you are ignoring him.

If prior to finding the EBR guidelines you had been pestering your Ex, or any love interest for that matter, then they will have grown to expect hearing from you multiple times a day. They may even get some pleasure at ignoring you and watching you get increasingly upset by it.

Imagine with me now…

One day you just stop. You disappear from his notifications with no explanation. It may take him a little while to notice but eventually it’ll dawn on him.

Once he notices he will try to draw you back in.

Phase One: The Investigation

He may start sending little mean-nothing texts. Things like this:

“Hey sorry I didn’t reply yesterday, I was busy.”

“Have you seen my blue shirt anywhere”

“What’s the password to the Netflix?”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“I saw your mom today”

The list goes on and on but what all of these texts have in common is that at the core of them, they mean nothing. Very little thought has gone into them and he doesn’t really care about the conversations that they could start. He is just trying to figure out where you went.

Phase Two: The Reaction

Once he reaches out and hears nothing back from you he will react in some kind of way. This could look different depending on what type of personality your guy has.

Here are a couple of possibilities:

Anger

“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature”

Jealousy

“Guess you must have moved on now.. Hope you’re happy”

Cluelessness

“Hey.” “Hi” “Hello?” “What’s up?” “How you been”… etc, etc

Fishing For Pity

“Thought I meant enough to you to at least get a text back.. guess not.”

It’s Fine, Everything Is Fine

“You must be pretty busy, that’s good. I’m happy for you. Really”

Panic

“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls 12 times” “HELLO?!”

Mock Silence

“…….” “..??”

Actual Silence:

All of these reactions are different but all of them, except possibly the last one, have the same end goal. They are looking for you to react. All of these different responses are playing on your emotions to trick you into responding to him. As your guy tries to process how this change in your behavior affects him, he may send any combination of these texts.

For example:

“Hello.”

“Hi?”

“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature.”

“….???”

“Thought I meant enough to you to get a text back… guess not…”

“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls twice*

“Fine. Don’t text me back. I don’t want you to anyways.”

As you can see he transitioned from clueless to anger to mock silence to fishing for pity to panic then back to anger again.

These reactionary reach out attempts may come all on the same day, they may come spaced out over the course of many days, or they may not come at all.

Here is a quick example of a message that my Ex sent me during my no contact period. This text was sent towards the end of the no contact period and there were numerous other texts both before and after this one which took the form of every single one of the types listed above.

Important note: This Ex broke up with ME and turned me down multiple times when I asked him to get back together.

If your Ex does not reach out at all do not panic. Some men are more composed than others and some men are just plain stubborn. If he does not reach out it DOES NOT mean that he isn’t thinking about you.

During this period of reaction your guy is starting to wonder what you are up to. He grew so used to having you there whenever he wanted you and now you have taken that away. In a sense men are like little kids… They only want something once you make them realize that they can’t have it anymore, or worse, that someone else might get it.

While you are ignoring your ex, continue to work on yourself and post about it on social media where either he or his sphere of influence (his friends and family) will see it. The happier and healthier that you sees you becoming, the more frustrated he will get that you aren’t giving in to him.

Phase Three: Regret

Once it hits him that you might not care about him anymore he will begin to wonder if losing you is really what he wanted and what was best for him. Feeling like this is going to freak him out.

Men don’t like to feel vulnerable or afraid and once again, he could react to these feelings in a couple of different ways.

He may continue to reach out as if nothing is wrong

After I initiated no contact on my Ex he continued to text me telling me about funny things that happened or about something that our dog had done and did not acknowledge the fact that I was not responding to him. Every now and then he would say something like “I know you are ignoring me but…”

He May Lash Out

If you have ever been ignored by somebody that you care about then you know how frustrating it is. Your Ex may lash out and say some pretty cruel things. Hurtful as it may be it is important not to take them personally and to maintain your calm.

He May Act Out

During my no contact period with my Ex we still lived together. One night I came home and he had drank five or six shots of Jamaican spiced rum and was stumbling around the house. When I continued to ignoring him despite this he grabbed his truck keys and announced that he was going to the store. Fearing that he would get hurt I frantically called several of his close friends and asked them to check in on him. If you find that your Ex is posting on social media about strange things that they have done or if friends tell you that he has been acting odd lately try your best not to react to it. In my situation once my Ex realized that I was still worried about him he stopped showing interest in me again (more on that later)

He May Vanish

I read somewhere once that the best way to protect your heart is to pretend that you don’t have one. Once your Ex realizes that you are ignoring him and that it scares him, he might disappear in order to protect himself.

During all of this time you will not just be ignoring your Ex and obsessing over he reacts to it though, right? RIGHT?!

No, you’ll be working on yourself. Continue to develop your health, wealth, and relationships and don’t be afraid to humbly flaunt your “new you”

If part of your self-development is to go on dates with new men take a tasteful photo of the dinner setting with the guys hand just visible in the corner of the frame. Small gestures such as this will drive your Ex crazy thinking that you are moving on.

But what makes them seem to come back right when you start to move on?

Phase Four: Action

Men are not going to take action until they feel like they have no other choice. It is not until your Ex thinks that he really, truly, is losing you that he will try to stop it.

Now that your Ex has realized you are ignoring him, has realized that his mean-nothing texts aren’t working, and has realized that he is afraid of actually losing you and not getting you back- he will take action.

It may start out small so the important thing is not to get sucked in too quickly. Giving your Ex the satisfaction of knowing that you still care about him after all can undo days and weeks of ignoring. It only takes one small reply, one small slip up for your Ex to realize that he still has you in the palm of his hand.

SIDE NOTE:

The general rule is not to reply to your Ex unless he explicitly asks for you back.

As in, actually says,

“I want you back.”

A second rule is not to reply until your Ex has sent you SEVEN positive reach out text. Positive. Not neutral. These are texts like:

“I miss you.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you.”

“You look beautiful in that new picture you posted”

One or two of these types of messages is not enough. There needs to be at least seven to show consistency.

What You Should Take Away From This Article

Now where were we…

In the beginning of this article we mentioned how men like competition. What men do not like is when they lose a prize that they wanted or when someone else seems to be winning.

They love a competition but they hate to lose.

Treat yourself like a prize and your ex will see you that way too.

If you have stuck to your no contact successfully and have been working on your health, wealth, and relationships then your Ex is going to be thinking that he has lost you and this will lead him to take action and reach out to ask you back. Just like my Ex did here:

This is a man who swore up and down that he could not handle the stress of a relationship.

He said over and over that he “needed” to be single.

And yet, thirty days of silence resulted in this text.

Looking back on this conversation now, I wish that I had not responded to his text quite as quickly as I did but I got the reaction to the No Contact period that I was hoping for.

A final important thing to note is that, like we mentioned, some men are more stubborn than others. Just because your Ex does not reach out first means nothing.

Going back to the competition reference, giving in to you and contacting you first would be a sign of weakness to your ex and may be seen as “losing”.

If after the no contact period you have not heard from your Ex, reach out to him yourself and start the texting phase of the no contact process. Follow The Texting Bible guidelines and try not to come on too strong.

In the meantime, here is a video that covers the things you should DEFINITELY avoid going forward.

 

 

Alright, so now that you have all of the information to understand WHAT makes your ex come back. I want to hear about your specific situation.

In the comments below tell me:

  1. About your breakup? Do you know the underlying cause?
  2. What actions have you taken? Have you made any of the Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Back?
  3. After Reading this article, and (hopefully) the rest of the EBR Material, what do you plan on doing moving forward?

Once you give us this information, our experts will help you figure out what the next best step is for you personally.

Let’s go!

99 thoughts on “Why Do Men Come Back After You Ignore Them”

  1. Avatar

    Shawna

    February 11, 2020 at 10:10 am

    Hi EBR,
    It’s almost been 90 days of no contact… We met online Jan 2019 .. from the moment we met we talked all day every day either through text phone messages etc.. he told me he loved me after 2 months… I swear I felt the same but I never met the guy in person and he had some demons…to make a long story short.. after 4 months of dailyyyyy correspondence he left for rehab 🙁 we met the night before he went in and then could only write for the next 6 months. FF to Nov and he’s getting out…he’s texting me and calling me saying we’re going to meet up and his buddy is telling me that he had plans to continue to get to know me… I sent him one stupid text about how he kept talking about himself and hadn’t asked how I was and all of a sudden I’m “drama”..I’m really not but when I thought I lost him I did get dramatic…I really messed up.. a week later I sent him an apology and he responded kindly saying that he understood and didn’t judge me. I said thank you and told him he was welcome to reach out and chat if he needed… sadly 88 days later and not a peep from him… I really thought he would realize that I was an awesome friend and could have been an awesome lover… I know he’s an avoidant because he would tell me about previous friendships (I was one of the only friends he had at the time)….anyway, why hasn’t he reached out? Ugh I’ve been in no contact and it feels like there was some major unfinished business between us.. he’s gotta feel it too…. should I reach out? Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 9:58 pm

      Hey Shawna, you can reach out to your ex with a text like Chris suggests to get your exes attention and invest in a conversation with you and then you end the conversation at its peak to leave him wanting more time to talk to you

  2. Avatar

    Ellie

    January 31, 2020 at 12:07 pm

    We are both 25 and had been together for 9 years. Not to forget to mention that this was a long-distance relationship. He suggested that we should have a break until I found out that he’s broken up with me through a friend… so I’m not really sure why we have broken up… I’m just assuming that he is running away after realising that its time to take the next step.
    Our relationship was near enough perfect apart from the distance, we had no serious issues what so ever. Never doubted his feelings towards me, until now… We have had no contact for 13 weeks apart from once when I confronted him saying that “at least I deserved to know it was a breakup and not a break” we said bye and that was literally it.
    My plan is to not contact him in any way and hope that he realises what he has lost. But there has been no contact, or any attempt to find out how I am what so ever, which makes me think he’s never going to come back as its already been over 3 months.

  3. Avatar

    Beau

    January 20, 2020 at 11:01 am

    Me and my boyfriend have been together for nearly a year he is 21 and i am 29. We were really happy and never argue, have great communication and regularly check in on how each other are feeling and agree that we help each other grow and progress. We were still going on dates, out with our friends together, had regular sex and love each other very much. We have a few obstacles ( age but have assured eachother we are on the same path) i am not from his country but keep reapplying for my visa yearly as i was just about to do and he broke up with me compltley out of the blue, we went on a date the night before, and broke up with me the next day with a ring and flowers. He tells me he loves me and is happy with the relationship but doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore and is angry all the time (not at me but as a person) and has been in a emotionally toxic relationship before me. He has cried alot about our break up to me and tells friends hes confused. He says he doesnt want to be single so he is able to meet other people and if he was with anyone it would be me. He says he only thought about it a few days before and didnt feel like this a week ago.
    what do you think is going on?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 22, 2020 at 7:17 pm

      Hey Beau so it sounds more like he needs time to himself, some head space to deal with what ever negative emotions he is dealing with, follow a no contact where you leave him alone and dont speak to his friends about this either, let him feel like you are allowing him to have the space he needs. He has been in a toxic relationship in the past he may be having issues from that break up and has not dealt with them well enough to be in another relationship

  4. Avatar

    Mac

    January 7, 2020 at 10:19 pm

    Hi mine is a bit of a weird situation. One I’m black,he white. Two I’m currently a Student in eastern Europe and he’s a native here. Divorced from his wife over a year ago but they’ve been having custody issues. He started off pursuing me hard and doing all sorts of romantic things but our relationship only lasted a couple of weeks. The last yime I went to his place I left in a hurry and I ended up leaving my favourite pair of gloves that my mom bought me at his place. Then about a month ago he started getting more and more distant over text until he eventually stopped talking to me altogether and deleted whatsapp. But he’s posting on instagram and facebook,mostly vids of him and the kid. I took to Facebook to ask him what went wrong and he told me that he needed to be alone and deal with the custody things and that he can’t give me attention right now. But when I texted him and asked for the gloves back he just doesn’t answer that part of the text.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 11, 2020 at 4:59 am

      Hey Mac, so you need to reach out to him in a few weeks when things have calmed so that you can directly ask for gloves and explain the sentimental value of the gloves so that he understands why you are so persistent about getting them back.

  5. Avatar

    Sue

    December 4, 2019 at 1:11 pm

    So I started dating this guy about 4 months ago, have known him for 3 years. I’m aware he liked me for that time and pursued me hard. Those four months were amazing which he admitted recently too. He separated from his wife 18 months ago due to her cheating. He took this hard. In mid October he started to back away and ignore my messages and say he needed time and space and wasnt sure he could be in a relationship, was stressed about house sales, childcare and the divorce process happening. I backed off not enough and he ignored most messages. I went no contact for 10 days then stupidly drunk messaged him and he reiterated the same points how he was busy up to christmas and needed to think. I went no contact for 2 weeks but saw him at a party and stupidly asked him what he wanted me to do move on or wait. He said it was up to me but he didnt want anything (a relationship) with anyone at this time. I asked him how he would feel if he saw me with someone else. He said he didnt know as I hadnt but what we had was amazing. I told him I was moving on. He seemed angry, I guess could I wouldnt drop it. I’m now in no contact and moving on properly. Is there any hope??

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 10:57 pm

      Hi Sue, so I would suggest that you start dating and do a no contact on your ex for the time being so they get a chance to miss you

  6. Avatar

    sakshi

    September 2, 2019 at 6:09 pm

    My story somewhat goes like this:

    We met on social media when I was studying and had no interest in dating. Somehow, very randomly we started talking and in midst of these conversations, the sparks were so strong that we fell in love and we eventually started dating, and I had to give up my no dating policy because he was overtly romantic, always making me smile and saying the most wonderful things. Our relationship was nothing but perfect. Although he was a very introvert person, he didnt like to hang out and I on the other hand was very social. THis somewhat was a barrier, but I accommodated since I loved him too much. However, 4-5 months into dating, we had a professional crisis, where I couldnt clear my papers and he was out of job and was facing a lot of rejections. During this phase, things got ruined that we decided to breakup. However, we still met because we couldnt let go off each other, I tried pulling the relationship together, but he just wanted an out and wanted to focus in his career. However, we were very much in love. However, gradually he started moving away and started distancing himself from me but would time to time say that he still had feelings but he had to focus on his studies and work. He had decided to move abroad for further studies but would still sometimes talk to me saying the same things. However, eventually he started distancing himself which started to annoy me since I was really trying to get us back together. In one of our arguments he hung up on me and said he didnt want me in his life and he asked me to never contact him again and then he blocked me.
    He was always a very sensitive and loving guy and it got really difficult to see him turn into a cold insensitive person.
    I just couldn’t understand why would he do this. He said he didnt want any part of me in his life and he wanted me to just go away. After he blocked me, I made my frn text him to tell him that I’m always there for him and I respect his decision. He didnt reply. However, it hurts really very much.

    Why do men change?
    WHat should I do?
    will he ever come back?
    should i take him back?

    all my friends say he’s a douche and i should move on, however still some part of me is holding back. Please suggest.

  7. Avatar

    Mad

    August 16, 2019 at 5:23 pm

    Part 2 from my first post. I’d like to add he’s said things like “there are no comparisons, you’re the companion of my life” multiple times.

  8. Avatar

    Mad

    August 16, 2019 at 4:19 pm

    Hi
    So my ex and I have a long history. We dated once about 4 years ago for about a year. I was his first serious relationship and he fell deeply in love with me. (I was 19, he was 24.) We broke up because he was not ready for a serious relationship. We went our separate ways, dated other people. We came back together for a second time in January of this year, me just coming out of a 2 year long relationship with the most wrong guy. He was ready for a relationship this time. However, we moved WAY too fast. He immediately asked me to move in with him, and I accepted. Everything went well for about 4-5 months, then he started becoming distant as his work schedule picked up (he works 2 full time jobs, is training for the local SWAT team, and is selling his house to try and build his own). The reason we broke up this time is because he felt as if he could not devote as much time as he thought he could and what he thought was appropriate to me. We never actually said the words “breakup”. We talked about separating for some time (never discussed how long) and seeing how we both felt. He told me not to wait for him, I said I wasn’t but I’m also not looking and focusing on myself. When we had our talk, we talked about how he loved me, but he was just concerned about his schedule and how busy he is. He knows this is fixable, and he is willing to get outside help to try and cut some things down or to add more time. Is there a chance he actually will do this and come back? He is the love of my life and I’m pretty sure I’m his.

  9. Avatar

    Pragya Puri

    June 24, 2019 at 3:28 pm

    Hey , this post was really helpful.
    I want to share my story . I really like a guy since the day we met and he likes me too . He would go out of the way to make me feel special.But is commitment phobic. It’s been an year and I expressed to him that I have feelings for him. It was third time that he told me he doesn’t feel that way . But his actions tell a different story . It’s like he wants to keep me on hold and explore other girls as well but doesn’t want me to leave either. So I finally decided not to talk because it’s frustrating . But then I saw these signs . He texts randomly and everywhere to get a reply . He gets angry and paranoid if I don’t talk back. But I am genuinely scared of loosing him. And would like you to advice me through. I generally don’t give up on people and can’t do the ignoring part as well .

  10. Avatar

    Tina

    May 13, 2019 at 12:43 am

    Okay, so my boyfriend over a year broke up with me 4 days ago. He stated he didn’t feel like he loved me anymore and he didn’t feel like he wanted me. However, he wants a relationship with me. I told him that I hope this break up makes him realize what he wants. He said that is what he hopes as well and I was confused of what he meant so i replied back with “Like i’m the one for you?” He said partially yes and talked about how i should keep moving on with my life though. After breaking up with me, we texted for hours, neither wanted to stop. We both agreed to stop texting and not have contact until he realizes what he wants. We had a very healthy relationship and it was very successful and i miss him very much. His best friend says he’s acting different and is being weird? Is this a good sign? I miss him so much.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 13, 2019 at 3:29 pm

      HI Tina….I think that is a good sign…I think it best to make sure you have a sensible strategy going forward. Take a look at my ex recovery plan, called, “EBR Pro Bundle” as it offers an array of resources.

  11. Avatar

    Vicks

    March 12, 2019 at 8:33 pm

    Great post! So I started seeing someone at work, it started about a year ago when he was heavily persuing me in summer of 2018 and wanting to spend a lot of time with me. Around August things seemed to stop and then in December 2018 things seemed to progress again, we would text all day everyday, spend lunchtimes together but from my perspective there were mixed messages and I was never quite sure how he felt and whether he was breadcrumbing me, always telling me how much he missed me but then never putting in any effort to see me outside of work. On Friday I felt like the right thing to do was to walk away as I’m just not getting the investment I’m looking for from somebody and so I told him this. He has not replied since, I have been avoiding him as much as possible at work but we only sit one table apart so that’s quite difficult. He hasn’t reached out at all and has now stopped looking at my Instagram stories and seems to not care at all.

  12. Avatar

    Zan

    March 3, 2019 at 5:02 pm

    Hi,

    So this story goes back about 2 years ago. I dated this guy whom was a childhood friend for about 3 months. He ended up going ghost. And I was of course crushed. I did everything wrong, reaching out and begging. Got blocked on social media. So I just did NC and decided to actually move on. But since then, he’ll reach out every now and then and we’ll have a conversation to meet up but then he ghosts again. The last I spoke to him in November, he explained he hasn’t been in a good place and he is now and knows he can be the best boyfriend. I wasn’t buying it, so I decided if that was the truth, he has to try now, not me. So I maybe didn’t hear from him for a couple weeks and I changed my number. I didn’t message him with my new number. And at the beginning of February he just messaged me on Instagram with a heart emoji. I guess he realized I changed my number. I never messaged back and I’m sure he seen that I seen it. I haven’t been able to get him off my mind since then. I’ve done everything, focused on relationships, health and wealth and despite dealing with all of this I have been doing amazingly for myself. Do you think he’ll come back around and we can rekindle?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 3, 2019 at 6:01 pm

      HI Zan…so i think you are moving in the right direction. If he has something truly meaningful to say, he will say it, otherwise, just keep your focus on the Holy Trinity of your personal recovery. In my 245 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”, I talk a lot about recovery activities and how you detach from an ex so give that a look!

  13. Avatar

    Mckenzee

    February 6, 2019 at 10:47 pm

    I met someone on Bumble and we briefly dated for 2 months. He came on very strong and things moved pretty quickly. I’m those 2 months I definitely fell in love with him. We both have children and they got along really well. His children like me and my daughter loves them. I also spent some time with his brothers, their wives and children. It did always bother me that he never removed his bumble account but I don’t think he was seeing anyone else. There were a few instances that were bothersome but I pushed them aside because I care for him so much. He once made me hide in the art room from his housekeeper, who I saw and know he wasn’t attracted to. He told me it was because she cleans the ex mother-in-laws house and she is EXTREMELY hard to deal with and he didn’t want to deal with that yet.

    I would think he was hiding me from another woman except for the fact that I was around his family and children often.

    Things continued and we would talk on the phone and text numerous times each day. One weekend our communication was a little off and I was waiting for him to text me about coming over and he was waiting for me to text him. This happened 2 nights in a row.

    We talked dirty often and I was the one who always initiated it but a few weeks ago I was feeling a little distance between us and was feeling insecure and worried. When I told him I missed him he said he could come over and then made it into a sexual thing. Because I was feeling insecure and he didn’t respond how I wanted ( telling me he missed me too) I asked him if we could not talk dirty all the time because it made me worry him and I were just a sexual thing. That’s when he said he was sorry and that he thought it was ok to joke about because I always initiated it. He then said he thinks he’s done because our communication is lacking and our schedules weren’t really lining up.

    He came over that next evening and we didn’t really talk about things but has an amazing time. From the next day on he was distant and weird so I told him I would give him space. I reached out 4 days later and he said he missed but didn’t know what to do and was just hanging tight so he didn’t do any more damage.

    In the meantime I got a tattoo and he reached out about that. He said it kinda scared him that I got one and had never mentioned it to him. That’s when I said maybe we should just move on and that I’m exhausted and I told him he has broken my heart. He said he is extremely attracted to me. INSANELY attracted and he thinks I am one of the best mothers he has ever known. He also said he isn’t against trying again later on. He said he just doesn’t know how to get that good communication and chemistry back. He said he doesn’t know why he’s feeling so blah. He said things are different and he just doesn’t know how to get it back. I told him my heart is broken and he said he is so sorry.

    That was two weeks ago. I have not reached out but miss him so much. I don’t understand how everything changed so much. I am continuing to stay strong and not reach out. As much as I don’t want to hold on to hope, I can’t help it. Do I have any chance at all? Will he eventually reach back out? I’m so crazy about him.

  14. Avatar

    Chloe

    January 8, 2019 at 11:05 pm

    Hey, EXBR: My boyfriend ended it with me two and a half months ago, while he was living with me in our shared apartment. (We had a fight. He has been unable to define exactly why he wanted things to end, but mentioned something about having a “feeling” that it wasn’t meant to be. He claims to still love me.)

    Two weeks ago, we finally both decided it would be best if he moved out. We have had a mostly amicable breakup, with some emotions (mine) coming out occasionally (I’ve cried a few times in front of him). So, he is moving out in two days.

    We agreed to stay friends, but he did something insensitive yesterday that made me sad and angry. I want him back, but I think I have been too kind to him so far. I am ready to go NC. Is it too late to do this?

    How do I cut off contact without seeming unkind? Additionally, he is so stubborn and stoic that I doubt he will care all that much; Do stubborn/stoic men miss their exes too, even though they may not say so?… Finally, since I am no longer really on social media, how might I otherwise maximize the effects of the NC?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      January 9, 2019 at 12:07 am

      Hi Chloe!

      I don’t think it’s too late. NC is very adaptable for lots of situations and time periods. Just give him a heads up telling him something like….

      “I’m taking some alone time for myself to heal and improve and take stock of things. I need the space and you probably do too. Thought you should know in case you reach out.”

      So if you are not hooked into social media…then you can potentially leverage your “friends” network to get things across. Impromptu subtle/casual happen to run into each other, though this is usually better to do toward end of NC. Also, go pick up my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” or the 245 page “No Contact Rule Book” as those are golden resources.

  15. Avatar

    Louise

    January 2, 2019 at 5:30 pm

    Hi. So I was dating a guy just for a few months. He started it, he chased me all the time and eventually I gave in because I did really like him. Everything was going well, he would tell me the sweetest things, do really nice things for me, we would talk everyday and I really fell for him. Then one day, out of the blue, he stopped talking to me. He would ignore all my messages, ignore me at work (we work together, but not always on the same shift so occasionally see each other but not every day). He would even ignore me about work related matters. I was quite hurt and confused and left him alone for a week, didn’t message, didn’t bother him at all. Then I thought it would be best to ask him to talk about it as it was impacting our work lives. We met and he said that he knows he lead me on but he’s doesn’t want a relationship right now, he wants to be alone but we should be civil at work. I was really hurt but accepted his decision, and I haven’t spoken to him since. I have deleted his contact details and now, sometimes he does nice things for me at work like brings me coffee/lunch, takes some of my tasks if I am stressed etc. But if I try to talk to him he ignores me completely. I really have feelings for him. Is there any way to get him to come back, is this advice in this article likely to work in my situation?

  16. Avatar

    Maria

    September 21, 2018 at 2:50 am

    A friend of mine found out that I liked him because I vented my feelings for him to a common friend. This common friend of ours mistreated him because he thought that he was stringing me along. The guy that I liked blamed me for all the stress that he went through. A year later, he came back to my life and we reconciled. However, just recently i wasn’t in the mood and I accidentally lashed out on him. I know it was my fault for arguing and things became escalated when we argued. I tried to call and apologize the next day but he doesn’t want to take my apologies. He said it’s over. He is tired of me. He said that I easily gave up on myself, I don’t trust him and I make conclusions that doesn’t even exist. He blamed me for everything thinking it’s all my fault because according to him he kept giving me chances yet I kept clawing to foundation until nothing is left. I was devastated and begged for him to come back. My last message to him was accepting his decision but still reinforcing that I want to explain my side. He did not respond to my messages. He blocked me right away to every portal of communication including social media. He also blocked my sister on social media. I don’t know what to do. My heart is broken. It’s been 2 months and I haven’t heard anything from him. Do I even stand a chance to win him back?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 21, 2018 at 4:25 pm

      Hi Maria!

      I know all this is tough on you. You don’t have to go thru it alone. Its best to have some kind of program to follow and you can go to my home page and explore the tools and resources I offer. But right now, your focus should be on your healing and recovery. Take a look at this resource

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 21, 2018 at 4:25 pm

      Hi Maria!

      I know all this is tough on you. You don’t have to go thru it alone. Its best to have some kind of program to follow and you can go to my home page and explore the tools and resources I offer. But right now, your focus should be on your healing and recovery. Take a look at this resource

  17. Avatar

    Vanessa Lara

    August 15, 2018 at 6:56 pm

    Hello,
    My Boyfriend or ex boyfriend, broke up with me a week and a half because I was his first everything and he wanted to meet more women. He also mentioned that he doesnt really know what he wants. We have been together for 4 years (1 yr of long distance relationship). He also told me that he couldnt handle long distance. I am heart broken!!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:33 pm

      Give it some time Vanessa. You both have a lot invested in each other and perhaps he has not figured that out yet. Utilize the program I discuss and the resources found on my home page!

  18. Avatar

    Joanna

    August 10, 2018 at 9:34 pm

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 2 + years together. We started dating in 2016, and I met his parents during the holidays. I have two boys, divorced, and am 10 years older than him. He’s 27. He ended it about two weeks ago saying he is not happy where he is in life right now, and wasn’t happy in our relationship for a while. He said he couldn’t bond with my kids, as much as he tried, although I know he could’ve done more. And said he realized he’s not ready to be a stepdad or move forward in our relationship, we had made plans to buy a house and get married in about 2 years. Right now he’s waiting to start the police academy and he said he’s overwhelmed about not being where he wants to be in life. I told him I’m setting him free, because I love him. The rational mind knows this is the right thing to do, but my emotional side doesn’t understand why he’s doing this. He says he wants to focus on himself and maybe someday we can reunite again. The last time I saw him it was hard for both of us to let go of each other, he kept on hugging me and kissing me and we even had dinner. While we were eating, he kept on looking at me and smiling, I was acting like I didn’t see him.
    Then we had sex for one last time 🙁 and it was really nice. But then he left and I haven’t talked to him since, and I’ve been crying and going through the grieving pain. I want him back so bad, I don’t know why he’s acting this way. We had such a good relationship, we worked through problems together, we went through a lot of things together. I can’t accept that he just threw all of that away.
    His family loves me and they always welcomed me in their family gatherings, they gave me cards for special occasions etc. We were very involved in each other’s lives. I miss everything about our relationship, the calling, the messages, time spent together. I can’t even think straight sometimes and
    I feel like my head is gonna explode from thinking so much. It hurts so much
    I want to move on and get over this pain, but I know it’s gonna take time. Do you think we have a chance of getting back together in the future? I know I can’t love waiting, but that does give me some kind of relief.

  19. Avatar

    Amy

    August 8, 2018 at 3:17 pm

    Hi, so I’ve been talking to a guy I met online.. for 9 months we spoke nearly every other night.. And messaged everyday.. we still haven’t met.. even tho he lives in the next city.. hes now just ignoring me I did make the mistake of messaging and messaging him and calling him, someone passed away and he also hurt his head and got a fracture to his skull.. I messaged asking if he wants me to leave him alone and never message again but he comes out with everything but the answer to what I’m asking.. I think I’ve been very selfish and not considered his feelings.. but it wasn’t like he personally told me about what was going on.. I message my goodbyes and wishing him luck.. will i still here from him?

  20. Avatar

    Biba

    August 8, 2018 at 10:19 am

    My ex said he couldn’t be with me because he couldn’t “get serious”. We were high school sweet hearts and very close friends. I first talked to him and requested him to come back then we tried friendship and when I tried no contact he called me up on the 9th day three times just “as a friend” and told me to call him once in a while since I was his friend.

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