By Shannon

At one time or another in their lives every girl has chased a guy only to realize that this drove him away farther.

And, at one time or another, in their lives every girl has stopped giving a men the time of day only to find that he comes crawling back the second she turns away.

I mean I am constantly hearing No Contact Success Stories (If you want to read some just click on this link) that feature these questions:

“Why do guys always come back after you get over them or after they think you’ve moved on?

“Why do guys always come back after they dump you?”

“Why do they always seem to come back when it’s too late?”

What is it about giving them space that makes them come back?”

I know… right now you’re like…

I mean everything in you is telling you to chase him right?

So, what gives?

To women this logic does not make much sense. Women want men to fight for them, they want to feel wanted. So when we break up with a man this is how we tend to react, by making them feel how much we want them.

In fact, we make them feel it so much that we smother them in it and they feel like they can’t escape our love.

No man wants a yo-yo. That is, they don’t want something/someone that comes right back to them every time they throw it/them away. Every time he pushes you away and you force yourself back in it decreases your value and makes you seem a little more desperate.

What Men Want Is The Chase

Men are driven by competitions and this applies to love, as well.

In order to have value you need to make him feel as though he has earned you, make yourself seem like a prize that he needs to work for.

You might ask what is the best way to accomplish this?

And the answer is by ignoring him.

This can be effective in all sorts of different situations. Including recent break ups, new crushes, and yes, even if your Ex was the one who dumped you to begin with.

Yes! It IS possible to get him to come back even after he dumped you.

Let’s talk about what he’s thinking when he realizes you are ignoring him.

If prior to finding the EBR guidelines you had been pestering your Ex, or any love interest for that matter, then they will have grown to expect hearing from you multiple times a day. They may even get some pleasure at ignoring you and watching you get increasingly upset by it.

Imagine with me now…

One day you just stop. You disappear from his notifications with no explanation. It may take him a little while to notice but eventually it’ll dawn on him.

Once he notices he will try to draw you back in.

Phase One: The Investigation

He may start sending little mean-nothing texts. Things like this:

“Hey sorry I didn’t reply yesterday, I was busy.”

“Have you seen my blue shirt anywhere”

“What’s the password to the Netflix?”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“I saw your mom today”

The list goes on and on but what all of these texts have in common is that at the core of them, they mean nothing. Very little thought has gone into them and he doesn’t really care about the conversations that they could start. He is just trying to figure out where you went.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Phase Two: The Reaction

Once he reaches out and hears nothing back from you he will react in some kind of way. This could look different depending on what type of personality your guy has.

Here are a couple of possibilities:

Anger

“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature”

Jealousy

“Guess you must have moved on now.. Hope you’re happy”

Cluelessness

“Hey.” “Hi” “Hello?” “What’s up?” “How you been”… etc, etc

Fishing For Pity

“Thought I meant enough to you to at least get a text back.. guess not.”

It’s Fine, Everything Is Fine

“You must be pretty busy, that’s good. I’m happy for you. Really”

Panic

“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls 12 times” “HELLO?!”

Mock Silence

“…….” “..??”

Actual Silence:

All of these reactions are different but all of them, except possibly the last one, have the same end goal. They are looking for you to react. All of these different responses are playing on your emotions to trick you into responding to him. As your guy tries to process how this change in your behavior affects him, he may send any combination of these texts.

For example:

“Hello.”

“Hi?”

“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature.”

“….???”

“Thought I meant enough to you to get a text back… guess not…”

“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls twice*

“Fine. Don’t text me back. I don’t want you to anyways.”

As you can see he transitioned from clueless to anger to mock silence to fishing for pity to panic then back to anger again.

These reactionary reach out attempts may come all on the same day, they may come spaced out over the course of many days, or they may not come at all.

Here is a quick example of a message that my Ex sent me during my no contact period. This text was sent towards the end of the no contact period and there were numerous other texts both before and after this one which took the form of every single one of the types listed above.

Important note: This Ex broke up with ME and turned me down multiple times when I asked him to get back together.

If your Ex does not reach out at all do not panic. Some men are more composed than others and some men are just plain stubborn. If he does not reach out it DOES NOT mean that he isn’t thinking about you.

During this period of reaction your guy is starting to wonder what you are up to. He grew so used to having you there whenever he wanted you and now you have taken that away. In a sense men are like little kids… They only want something once you make them realize that they can’t have it anymore, or worse, that someone else might get it.

While you are ignoring your ex, continue to work on yourself and post about it on social media where either he or his sphere of influence (his friends and family) will see it. The happier and healthier that you sees you becoming, the more frustrated he will get that you aren’t giving in to him.

Phase Three: Regret

Once it hits him that you might not care about him anymore he will begin to wonder if losing you is really what he wanted and what was best for him. Feeling like this is going to freak him out.

Men don’t like to feel vulnerable or afraid and once again, he could react to these feelings in a couple of different ways.

He may continue to reach out as if nothing is wrong

After I initiated no contact on my Ex he continued to text me telling me about funny things that happened or about something that our dog had done and did not acknowledge the fact that I was not responding to him. Every now and then he would say something like “I know you are ignoring me but…”

He May Lash Out

If you have ever been ignored by somebody that you care about then you know how frustrating it is. Your Ex may lash out and say some pretty cruel things. Hurtful as it may be it is important not to take them personally and to maintain your calm.

He May Act Out

During my no contact period with my Ex we still lived together. One night I came home and he had drank five or six shots of Jamaican spiced rum and was stumbling around the house. When I continued to ignoring him despite this he grabbed his truck keys and announced that he was going to the store. Fearing that he would get hurt I frantically called several of his close friends and asked them to check in on him. If you find that your Ex is posting on social media about strange things that they have done or if friends tell you that he has been acting odd lately try your best not to react to it. In my situation once my Ex realized that I was still worried about him he stopped showing interest in me again (more on that later)

He May Vanish

I read somewhere once that the best way to protect your heart is to pretend that you don’t have one. Once your Ex realizes that you are ignoring him and that it scares him, he might disappear in order to protect himself.

During all of this time you will not just be ignoring your Ex and obsessing over he reacts to it though, right? RIGHT?!

No, you’ll be working on yourself. Continue to develop your health, wealth, and relationships and don’t be afraid to humbly flaunt your “new you”

If part of your self-development is to go on dates with new men take a tasteful photo of the dinner setting with the guys hand just visible in the corner of the frame. Small gestures such as this will drive your Ex crazy thinking that you are moving on.

But what makes them seem to come back right when you start to move on?

Phase Four: Action

Men are not going to take action until they feel like they have no other choice. It is not until your Ex thinks that he really, truly, is losing you that he will try to stop it.

Now that your Ex has realized you are ignoring him, has realized that his mean-nothing texts aren’t working, and has realized that he is afraid of actually losing you and not getting you back- he will take action.

It may start out small so the important thing is not to get sucked in too quickly. Giving your Ex the satisfaction of knowing that you still care about him after all can undo days and weeks of ignoring. It only takes one small reply, one small slip up for your Ex to realize that he still has you in the palm of his hand.

SIDE NOTE:

The general rule is not to reply to your Ex unless he explicitly asks for you back.

As in, actually says,

“I want you back.”

A second rule is not to reply until your Ex has sent you SEVEN positive reach out text. Positive. Not neutral. These are texts like:

“I miss you.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you.”

“You look beautiful in that new picture you posted”

One or two of these types of messages is not enough. There needs to be at least seven to show consistency.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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What You Should Take Away From This Article

Now where were we…

In the beginning of this article we mentioned how men like competition. What men do not like is when they lose a prize that they wanted or when someone else seems to be winning.

They love a competition but they hate to lose.

Treat yourself like a prize and your ex will see you that way too.

If you have stuck to your no contact successfully and have been working on your health, wealth, and relationships then your Ex is going to be thinking that he has lost you and this will lead him to take action and reach out to ask you back. Just like my Ex did here:

This is a man who swore up and down that he could not handle the stress of a relationship.

He said over and over that he “needed” to be single.

And yet, thirty days of silence resulted in this text.

Looking back on this conversation now, I wish that I had not responded to his text quite as quickly as I did but I got the reaction to the No Contact period that I was hoping for.

A final important thing to note is that, like we mentioned, some men are more stubborn than others. Just because your Ex does not reach out first means nothing.

Going back to the competition reference, giving in to you and contacting you first would be a sign of weakness to your ex and may be seen as “losing”.

If after the no contact period you have not heard from your Ex, reach out to him yourself and start the texting phase of the no contact process. Follow The Texting Bible guidelines and try not to come on too strong.

In the meantime, here is a video that covers the things you should DEFINITELY avoid going forward.

 

 

Alright, so now that you have all of the information to understand WHAT makes your ex come back. I want to hear about your specific situation.

In the comments below tell me:

  1. About your breakup? Do you know the underlying cause?
  2. What actions have you taken? Have you made any of the Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Back?
  3. After Reading this article, and (hopefully) the rest of the EBR Material, what do you plan on doing moving forward?

Once you give us this information, our experts will help you figure out what the next best step is for you personally.

Let’s go!

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136 thoughts on “Why Do Men Come Back After You Ignore Them”

  1. Avatar

    Sia

    May 16, 2020 at 4:19 pm

    I walked away from him. I blocked him on social media and changed my number because he gave me no other choice he was hot and cold. The last straw was when I decided to let him talk to me and meet me after nine months of him trying to contact me with vague messages and hi and hello and don’t you dare ignore me. I gave him that time to grow and work on himself and that’s why I stayed away and also for me to grow and have a life without him. When I let him back he tried initially but went back to his old ways of being manipulative and changed his mind when I discussed that I had started meeting and talking to another guy who was treating me very well. My ex wanted me to leave this potential new guy for him but I couldn’t do my ex did a 180. We agreed to parting and then a month later he was asking to meet up. I told him he wasn’t listening that I was interested in a undefined relationship and that this wasn’t fair. He said it had nothing to do with fair. I tried to call him to discuss what was going on with him he rejected my call. He said no to the call and said if I didn’t want to meet then to leave it. I was hurt deeply because he couldn’t even speak to me yet he wanted me to come and meet him for his own needs. Luckily I only went so far with him on the physical side of things because that’s all I was starting to feel like a conquest. When he rejected my call I told him not to expect anything from me anymore and that I was changing my number and he said that’s fine. I was really hurt that one moment he would be begging for me to come back because I was the only one that cared then switching to this cold behaviour. I proceeded to change my number even though it pained me to do so and even though I deeply cared for him. He tried to add me on various Instagram accounts after but again he was just saying hello, ?, I want to see you. He wasn’t saying anything that demonstrated that he’d treated me like rubbish. I last heard from him two months ago and haven’t since. I did this to stop the cycle that had been ongoing for over a year where I felt undervalued even though I still care for him deeply. I don’t know if I’ve done the write thing and made him just hate me. I know it was the only choice to preserve my mental health. Over the 9 months I stayed away he’d used three numbers, two Instagram accounts and a new Facebook to just get a reaction from me. I think he’s probably moved on now but I don’t know why there’s a part of me that wants him to fight for me it’s silly and unrealistic and most unlikely to happen and so I should probably focus on myself.

  2. Avatar

    Candice

    May 15, 2020 at 2:08 pm

    Hi
    My ex told me we needed to drop contact until I decided what I wanted so I did 30 days no contact and he contacted me a few times but ignored until I reached day 30. We chatted for a week, first day he was lovely and then gradually he dropped into saying things about not talking again he wainting to date, giving me an ultimatum to decide or he will move on. I basically ignored the comments where as in the past I would react, he then said he was surprised by my lack of fight. I ignored it and then half an hour later he wished me luck for the future and said it was the last time I’d hear from him. I didnt reply. I know hes on dating apps. What do I do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 20, 2020 at 7:15 pm

      Hi Candice, so your ex sounds as if he knew you wanted to get back with him, this time around when you complete your NC you need to be sure that you are also on dating apps and appearing to be moving on while also following the texting phase. I suggest that you complete another 30 days while working on your holy trinity

  3. Avatar

    Naomi

    May 3, 2020 at 4:52 pm

    My boyfriend and I have had an on/off relationship for the past 3 years. He fights and gets angry about my past sexual experiences, but always comes back after 1-2 days. This time I gave him an ultimatum to either leave the relationship for good or to get engaged and never talk about my past again.
    He said it’s hard for him to just forget my past and suggested to stay friends. I told him that I wouldn’t accept it. That was the last thing I wrote to him. Will the no contact period work for us and will he ever change?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 9:04 pm

      Hi Naomi, it is unfair that he is using your past against you when you were not in a relationship. However yes I think No Contact could work if he wants to be with you, the best thing for you to do is work the Holy Trinity and work to be the best version of yourself, he is going to see this more than likely get jealous, but be sure not to be flirty with other guys during this time. Your no contact needs to be around 30 days. I also would not put pressure on getting engaged when the relationship is not solid at this time, he needs to accept that people have pasts, just as I am sure he does

  4. Avatar

    Jacquelyn Ruggiero

    April 29, 2020 at 5:52 pm

    We had been dating for a while things were great but I noticed he got comfortable and starting texting less throughout the day I would mention to him and he would get very irritated. One Saturday he told me it was his friends birthday and he only invited his girl and guy friends. I got upset and sort of went off he got angry and said leave me alone your making me mad. I sort of broke up with him and tried to communicate and apologize but he went cold. We agreed to meet up 2 times and he never followed through. I text him once a week to try to meet up for 3 weeks. He agreed each time but never happened. I never mentioned I missed him or I love him after our argument that Saturday
    It’s been 3 weeks and he only reached out one time to tell me his friend shot a video of him jumping off the pier with a random girl and he told me not to worry and get upset that it’s just a random girl. He called me babe when I tried to follow up with meeting up he said he was drunk so I’m guessing it slipped out. Should I start absolutely not contact ? Help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 6, 2020 at 4:19 pm

      Hey Jacquelyn, so yes you need to start a no contact period – one where you spend your time focused on you and do not watch any of his online activity.

  5. Avatar

    Heather

    April 23, 2020 at 8:17 pm

    He broke up last week out of the blue! I did not see it coming at all. The only thing he said was that “he doesn’t want to answer to anyone” we were together for a year and a half. Never once did I expect him to answer to me. Spoke with a mutual friend and this friend said my ex said I did nothing wrongs don’t he just didn’t want to answer to someone. I don’t get it. We had a good thing going. Didn’t fight, but talked things out. We always had a good time when we were together. He told a mutual friend he could see being with me for the rest of his life. I am so hurt and still in a bit of shock

  6. Avatar

    Jessica

    April 23, 2020 at 4:50 am

    Hey, for me and my ex is the 5th time that break up. I every time had accepted the break up and let him think i was just fine (but only my friends know the truth, opposite). After nearly one month of pause he always comes back to me begging, and we say it is the last time. This time it was me who initiated the break up because he lied to me and wasn’t apologizing in a proper way, he seemed so indifferent. He said we will talk about it later and he still haven’t contacted me after 2 days of saying that. He is with his friends doing things. But i want him back badly, even just to discuss about all that happened. Will he this time come again but he does this only because he knows I’m always here waiting? Or he is not in love with me anymore? We had 5 years together…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 11:42 am

      Hi Jessica, it sounds as if your relationship is classed as an on and off relationship which would mean that your ex probably would come back eventually but you also would probably break up again too as you are falling into the same patterns. You need to complete a 45 day NC and during that time work on yourself, assess the relationship to why you keep breaking up, what needs to be improved and what you can do to help.But if he spends the whole time not working on himself then the issues could repeat. Working to becoming Ungettable is important part of this process so spend your time doing that

  7. Avatar

    Bart

    April 19, 2020 at 7:15 am

    Im in the relationship with my partners and we are both men..
    Is this method still works in my situation,
    The root cause yes i already knew it but after we brokeup, im just too needy and pushy, and kind of insecure as well.
    I believe i made him feel stuck.
    He ask for his space and his own time but i failed to provide him because im afraid of losing him, so i always want to be by his side.
    I did beg for him to come back at first because i have no idea of what im doing and how am i supposed to do to get him back.
    But i noticed since the day we broke up, he didn’t even get out of his house, hes isolated him self in his room, hes seems soo depressed, untill a week after i didnt met him and contact him, i came to met him at his house, he dont say much for every question i ask, he just used his head to communicate, and very few words.
    I told him i dont like to see him living his life like this, he should go out and enjoy his life as i no longer disturbing him, he seems sad.. his eyes told me everthing, i know he loved me soo much before..
    And day after that he started to go out to reach for his friend, before this yes im the type of person who had issue with jealously.. hes cant be comfort to hang out with anyone because of me, but after i realized everthing was my fault, i did my best to give him all his friend, his life, his everything.
    Hes started to smile to everyone, and started to laugh again, but not to me.. but i dont really mind about it as long as i did what i have to.
    Hes even come to my place with his friend and seems enjoy but not fully.. because we’ve been together for almost 3 years with serious deep connections, sexs and everthing happen in the relationship.
    I left him again for another weeks and after that he came to my place again with his friend and was mine too..
    I call him to the room for a chat, nothing much just asking hows hes life now, he said much better, hes not angry with me and doesn’t hate me anymore but he didn’t love me.. maybe hes lying bcoz when he hate me i know he wont even want to come to my place even with anyone.
    At the end of conversation before we get out from the room i ask for a hug, and he hug me tightly, like never before, i kiss his cheeks and he kissed mine.
    Yesterday i ask about whether he want to get back or not he just kept silent..
    I told him i cant go on like this, i cant be friend with him like this because it hurts me and him too..
    So i decided to let him go completely at least for a period of time.
    I told him i done my part and the rest is up to him.
    If he want us to get back then he should let me know,
    And its also depends on me, i didn’t promise i will accept it anytime he want it.
    Soo i guess i did the wrong thing..
    Is it ok if i proceed NC for a couple of time again?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 5:55 pm

      Hey there Bart, yes it would be a case of going into a NC be sure that you are focusing on your Holy Trinity at this time

  8. Avatar

    M

    April 16, 2020 at 7:09 pm

    My BF broke up with out of anger. He has been stressed out over this COVID19, he got laid off and admits he is scared because of his asthma. He has been taking it out on me. I supported him and told him he needs to be positive. But because he continued to be mean i walked away after he tried to kiss me. He texted me we are done and he is tired of me disrespecting him. I replied ok and left it at that. Usually after a small dispute a I would cry like a baby and tell him we need to work on us. But I gave him a whole different reaction because I dont think I did wrong. I think he really means it though that we are done. But what could he be feeling.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 24, 2020 at 7:56 pm

      Hi M allow him some space and allow him to deal with this situation the way he feels best, it is difficult as we are all dealing with this pandemic in our own ways.

  9. Avatar

    Becca

    April 16, 2020 at 2:52 pm

    Hey, what do u mean “decide if you want him back or not then you start the texting phase” how should i do this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 20, 2020 at 1:29 pm

      After you have completed No Contact and are due to text your ex. If you decide that you no longer want your ex back then just dont reach out keep with the NC indefinitely. If you want your ex back then start the texting phase

  10. Avatar

    Zara

    April 14, 2020 at 8:59 pm

    Hello! I was in a long distance relationship with someone I’ve known for 3 months. We fell in love really quickly but later is started to feel he was turning a little cold and a little distant. I was going through a personal loss and I broke up with him because I didn’t feel he was investing enough in the relationship. He said although he loved me, he would respect my decision. This was 5 days ago, NC during this time. I’ve realized I miss him, I love him and I want him back. Is it ok to reach out to him? I’d rather lose my pride than losing him forever

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 10:23 pm

      Hi Zara, I would follow a 21 day rule and then reach out to him so that he has some time to adjust and know that you have taken time to work on yourself before starting the texting phase to get him back

  11. Avatar

    Becca

    April 13, 2020 at 1:31 pm

    Hello! Me and my boyfriend lasted for year. we broke up last week. Before we break up, he cheated on me. After i found out that he cheated on me, he begged for chance. So i gave him chance and i stay in the relationship for 2weeks. Suddenly, he texted me sayin that he doesnt love me anymore and he told me “i dont hate you. I just dont love you anymore”. since right now hes with his family during this lockdown, i asked his mother and sister, is he contacting other girls? and his mother said no because he barely playing with his phone. he just watching TV everyday. I couldnt stop crying since the day he left me. What should i do? Do u think theres any chances he will comeback to me if i follow the “30 days no-contact rules”. Any idea?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 14, 2020 at 11:18 pm

      Hi Becca, the 30 day NC is not about getting your ex back its about taking some time apart to allow yourself to reset your emotions, decide if you want him back or not and then you start the texting phase

  12. Avatar

    Katrina

    April 13, 2020 at 12:58 am

    Hi! I broke up with my ex around 25 days ago because he wasn’t communicating with me and I was always the one who would bring up issues in the relationship such as not having enough intimacy and time together. I sent him a very respectful message with a lot of love, thanking him as well as apologizing for my mistakes. He responded with a long message saying that he loves me very much but wants us both to be happy so he agreed to the breakup. We both cried but decided to end it. Since then, he has taken down all photos of us on social and we haven’t spoken since the breakup. Is there a chance he’ll message me or would he just accept the situation and move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 22, 2020 at 12:51 am

      Hi Katrina, there is a chance he will reach out but we advice that you reach out after 30 days so that you can start building your connection again. The important thing is that you end the conversation first not your ex

  13. Avatar

    Maria

    April 7, 2020 at 6:58 pm

    My ex and I were friends before anything. When we were first friends back then we hooked up and he caught feelings for me but I didnt like him back at all. He pursued me for 3 months before i started to like him back. We lasted around 4 months, he tells me he loves me and misses me, and always tries to reach back to me but i didnt like how he treated me after he got into a relationship with me. I always argued with him because he stopped putting in the effort after he got me so we were always fighting almost everyday and one day out of nowhere he broke up and left me and told me to block him, and to stop talking to him, I was confused but I granted his wish and left him alone. 3 days later he come back saying he wants me back that he made a mistake. So I’m like what? Make up your mind you cant come back whenever you feel like it. I speak to him once in a while because honestly I dont feel like talking to him sometimes but i do end up speaking to him. I’m not sure what to do because I refuse to settle for less. I’m ignoring him at the moment but i’m not sure if i want to move on or give him another chance. I’m also curious on why he left me and thought he can get me back just like that. I told him many times how i felt and he still didnt change his actions and sometimes dismissed my feelings.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 12, 2020 at 9:27 pm

      Hi Maria, from the sounds of things you are expecting more from a relationship than what he was giving you and this may just be who you are as people in relationships. When you say your break up came out of no where, the constant arguing would be the reason for the break up as it does take its toll on people mentally when they are always arguing with someone. The fact he wants to come back now that his emotions and negative feelings towards the relationship is common as you have stuck with NC since. I would suggest considering if you think you and he work as a relationship, from the sounds of things you both have different ideas of what one should be doing

  14. Avatar

    Carolyne

    April 2, 2020 at 7:05 am

    Well i think I am at the end of my rope here. We dated for several months in 2019 and started talking about settling down. He asked for a break and I ended things. I tried unsuccessfully to do the 30 day no contacts and then did it successfully to which he texted me. I responded and no response back. Waited another month and texted , he told me to lose his number, waited 45 days and he responded quite a lot. Suddenly he has a new girlfriend and is back to not responding again. I’ve lost weight gotten a bigger place really polished myself and garnered a small following. However his friends and family members were adding me on Facebook frequently. This new girl posted something about him “entertaining hoes” and he said he’s handled it which was effectively him ghosting me again. I just don’t know what direction to take anymore tbh. Also we’re long distant and this new girl lives in my state. HELP! Do I move on? How?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 9, 2020 at 8:29 pm

      Hi Carolyne it is up to you if you want to move on I can not tell you what to do. If you want to get him back it starts with a 45 NC and working on yourself and then start the being there method

  15. Avatar

    Nikita

    March 28, 2020 at 9:42 am

    My ex and I have known eachother since I was 15. Never had a relationship until 3 year’s ago. We had a son so it makes it a little hard to ignore him the way I want to, but I just want the old him back. Hes always quick to tell people how great I am and that I’m his other half, but his actions towards me have changed. It’s like he feels like he no longer has to put in any effort. He doesn’t try until he feels like he may be losing me and then when I respond, its back to only talking to me when it’s convenient for him. With a child in the middle how can I get him back effectively without damaging their relationship? Is it possible for him to love me the way he once did in the beginning where he not only use to say it out loud to the world, but show me in his efforts to to right as my man and a father?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 4:07 pm

      Hi Nikita, by the sounds of things you are unhappy with the relationship you and he have together. If you are still in a relationship then I suggest having a calm conversation with your guy about how you are feeling he doesnt make an effort unless he worries you are going to walk away. You need to read the Ungettable information and apply this to yourself so that he realises that he can not make you feel like you are taking a back seat in his life or you are going to be walking away. Keep in mind that relationships do settle emotionally so you are not going to behave as “in love” as you did when you first started your relationship, this does not mean that you do not show respect to one another

  16. Avatar

    V

    March 11, 2020 at 3:00 pm

    Hi! My BU was really nasty, there was fighting all the time. We lived together for year and a half. The BU was on 30th of January. I have begged a lot, cried a lot till 8th of February. He said he cannot be with me because of that fights, i have been very jealous. The actual NC started on 22nd of February. He has sent me my staff and texted my mom if i have got it. I am not blocked on SM, but i am in the restricted list, so I cannot see anything. I think that he has muted me after i have started to be UG. He is in the UK now, but i know he is coming home on 24th. Do you think that there is even a slight chance for me? I really love him and miss him. He reached out only because of our flat, he doesn’t speak English very well and wanted me to deal with the landlord. Friend of mine told me he has removed our pictures from FB. I am working out, taking French classes dating… but he doesn’t show anything that he might be interested in me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 12, 2020 at 2:05 pm

      Hi V it can take longer that a few weeks for an ex to show interest again, when you have completed a NO Contact you need to reach out with a text that Chris suggests to get you and your ex talking again. It is going to take time to work yourself up the value ladder in your exes view so keep up with the great work adn you will see results

  17. Avatar

    Dixie

    March 10, 2020 at 10:13 pm

    I’m in a very wonderful relationship that I have been in for a year now. My ex though, however contacted me today. I dumped my ex and moved on a year ago and don’t want my ex. I love who I’m with more than anything. How can I get my ex to move on and find someone else?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 10, 2020 at 10:15 pm

      Hi Dixie, just dont reply to your ex, ignore all their efforts to contact you

  18. Avatar

    Kelly

    March 3, 2020 at 11:42 am

    Hurry I need help!
    I was doing great with nc. He has five kids, the 16 yr old girl is apparently harassing an ex friend and two of her friends. The friends found me on fb, reaches out and asked if I could plese help them. I sent the info to my ex briefly stating “ got this today in my inbox, the girls want me to meet them to talk to me they don’t know what else to do” Nessus “we should talk about this. Probably tomorrow”
    I said “I’d prefer not to be involved”.
    The girls the. Called me and asked me to please meet them.
    I’m torn,I want to help, I’m a mom. What if the bullying doesn’t t stop, and I could’ve helped I do not want to be in constant contact with my ex. I was doing so well and feeling great in my healing with NC. What should I do ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 7, 2020 at 10:01 am

      Hi Kelly as this situation is about his children not yours, I would again tell him that his child is bullying others and that he needs to put a stop to it. Tell the other girls that you are no longer involved with your ex and his children right now. That they need to get in touch with her father directly, or her mother.

  19. Avatar

    Rosi

    February 26, 2020 at 9:48 pm

    I was talking to this guy long distance every day most of the day for a month and a half he’s 26 I’m 28. We also happen to know some of the same people. He lives here just for work lives in another country some months out of the year. Towards the end of the month I kind of lost interest and stopped responding. Few days later he blows me up stating he’s here in town and I hesitated seeing him. But out of curiosity I did and we hung out everyday 5 days straight and we’re intimate and it was going well. But I was still guarded and wasn’t sure where it would go. Come vday he has “plans” so I automatically close up and think the worst but don’t voice it. He leaves my house the morning of vday he tried to reassure me he will be with his family etc. whatever.
    So my ex who is no longer in my life after this. Said if I didn’t have plans with the new guy he wanted to hang out. And I said fuck it I don’t have a bf and me and my ex are close like friends and I don’t want to be alone to be real. But of course my ex sent me flowers to work with a note. And I was sad all day that the guy I liked wasn’t the one sending me flowers. Speed up to my ex coming over and hanging out I order food and he tries to be intimate but I decline and ends up staying the night cause he lives far and I said no prob. Mind you it’s been 5 days of dating of this other guy and starting to like him all over again. 6 am I have a pounding on my window and it’s him looking for
    This item he left” I’m panicking cause of how it looks right now. Look at my phone and I have 15 missed calls. He told me he has trust issues cause of things in his past. and I make the decision to let him in while my ex leaves the room. He sees my ex’s shoes and examines everything and leaves texts me he wants nothing to do with me, fuck you etc. I say you never once told me I’m your gf and because I’m hanging out with someone and you’re assuming I slept with them. I had no clue where u were on vday. you’re leaving for another 3 months. I felt I was on a rollercoaster ride. I then waited a few days to express myself further and the situation and how deeply sorry I was if I had hurt him. Then 1 more text on how he can just be so cold. And act as if none of it mattered. He never responded… crazy When there was no time or communication on anything. I liked him and am sad it ended the way it did. Obviously as a lesson but this is hard to let go and I’m not sure why. he assumed I’m this person but little does he know I’m not.

  20. Avatar

    Ella

    February 19, 2020 at 7:49 am

    I’ve been dating this guy for about 4.5 months, not that long, but I’m totally into him and he tells me I drive him crazy (in a good way). Shortly after we began dating, I started going out of town for work for about 2-3 weeks at a time. He’s always said I’m worth the wait and he’s even talked about doing things together in the future including figuring out a way to make things work out when I go to grad school out of state. In the past while I was out of town we would FaceTime occasionally and he would always text goodnight, if nothing else. He came to be with me for New Years when I was visiting home, which was fantastic. Since then, however his interest seems to have slowly tapered off, although he says he’s just been going through some life changes and acts perfectly normal when we spend time together. I have noticed him becoming increasingly active on social media (yes, I might have snooped a little at first because I was honestly curious who he followed) though and saw that he’s following and liking pictures of hot girls in bikinis. My ex husband cheated on me and had similar behaviors and this guy told me to be open and let him know when something bothers me, so I did. He said the IG thing was for pure entertainment and nothing more. Since then though, he keeps following girls and hasn’t stopped at least visibly liking pictures. I guess that’s my own insecurity though. Another issue is that he won’t define our relationship and tells me that he’s still getting to know me and has asked me to be patient…after almost 5 months shouldn’t he know? I’m 36 and he’s 44. I have been out of town now for a week and have only heard from him a couple of times. The last time was when he couldn’t sleep at 2am. After that, I did not hear from him in over 36 hours when I texted him. I sent him a very friendly message just saying hi. He apologized for being quiet and said he had a lot of life and career decisions happening. I responded with a very positive message, but he never replied. We don’t talk much on the phone so I made the mistake of writing him again (as I have no other way to communicate with him) to let him know I am a little frustrated with our lack of communication. Crickets. Still haven’t heard back from him which is slightly unusual. I know I need to back off, but what do you suggest I do? What should I do if he writes back like nothing happened?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 28, 2020 at 8:00 pm

      Hi Ella, so I would match his response times as he is not going to realise how he is behaving if you keep responding as normal

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