What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Why Do Men Come Back After You Ignore Them

At one time or another in their lives every girl has chased a guy only to realize that this drove him away farther.

And, at one time or another, in their lives every girl has stopped giving a men the time of day only to find that he comes crawling back the second she turns away.

I mean I am constantly hearing No Contact Success Stories (If you want to read some just click on this link) that feature these questions:

“Why do guys always come back after you get over them or after they think you’ve moved on?

“Why do guys always come back after they dump you?”

“Why do they always seem to come back when it’s too late?”

What is it about giving them space that makes them come back?”

I know… right now you’re like…

I mean everything in you is telling you to chase him right?

So, what gives?

To women this logic does not make much sense. Women want men to fight for them, they want to feel wanted. So when we break up with a man this is how we tend to react, by making them feel how much we want them.

In fact, we make them feel it so much that we smother them in it and they feel like they can’t escape our love.

No man wants a yo-yo. That is, they don’t want something/someone that comes right back to them every time they throw it/them away. Every time he pushes you away and you force yourself back in it decreases your value and makes you seem a little more desperate.

What Men Want Is The Chase

Men are driven by competitions and this applies to love, as well.

In order to have value you need to make him feel as though he has earned you, make yourself seem like a prize that he needs to work for.

You might ask what is the best way to accomplish this?

And the answer is by ignoring him.

This can be effective in all sorts of different situations. Including recent break ups, new crushes, and yes, even if your Ex was the one who dumped you to begin with.

Yes! It IS possible to get him to come back even after he dumped you.


Let’s talk about what he’s thinking when he realizes you are ignoring him.

If prior to finding the EBR guidelines you had been pestering your Ex, or any love interest for that matter, then they will have grown to expect hearing from you multiple times a day. They may even get some pleasure at ignoring you and watching you get increasingly upset by it.

Imagine with me now…

One day you just stop. You disappear from his notifications with no explanation. It may take him a little while to notice but eventually it’ll dawn on him.

Once he notices he will try to draw you back in.

Phase One: The Investigation

He may start sending little mean-nothing texts. Things like this:

“Hey sorry I didn’t reply yesterday, I was busy.”

“Have you seen my blue shirt anywhere”

“What’s the password to the Netflix?”

“Hey. What’s up?”

“I saw your mom today”

The list goes on and on but what all of these texts have in common is that at the core of them, they mean nothing. Very little thought has gone into them and he doesn’t really care about the conversations that they could start. He is just trying to figure out where you went.

Phase Two: The Reaction

Once he reaches out and hears nothing back from you he will react in some kind of way. This could look different depending on what type of personality your guy has.

Here are a couple of possibilities:


“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature”


“Guess you must have moved on now.. Hope you’re happy”


“Hey.” “Hi” “Hello?” “What’s up?” “How you been”… etc, etc

Fishing For Pity

“Thought I meant enough to you to at least get a text back.. guess not.”

It’s Fine, Everything Is Fine

“You must be pretty busy, that’s good. I’m happy for you. Really”


“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls 12 times” “HELLO?!”

Mock Silence

“…….” “..??”

Actual Silence:


All of these reactions are different but all of them, except possibly the last one, have the same end goal. They are looking for you to react. All of these different responses are playing on your emotions to trick you into responding to him. As your guy tries to process how this change in your behavior affects him, he may send any combination of these texts.

For example:



“Okay, guess you’re ignoring me now. That’s pretty mature.”


“Thought I meant enough to you to get a text back… guess not…”

“Why aren’t you texting me back?” *Calls twice*

“Fine. Don’t text me back. I don’t want you to anyways.”

As you can see he transitioned from clueless to anger to mock silence to fishing for pity to panic then back to anger again.

These reactionary reach out attempts may come all on the same day, they may come spaced out over the course of many days, or they may not come at all.

Here is a quick example of a message that my Ex sent me during my no contact period. This text was sent towards the end of the no contact period and there were numerous other texts both before and after this one which took the form of every single one of the types listed above.

Important note: This Ex broke up with ME and turned me down multiple times when I asked him to get back together.

If your Ex does not reach out at all do not panic. Some men are more composed than others and some men are just plain stubborn. If he does not reach out it DOES NOT mean that he isn’t thinking about you.

During this period of reaction your guy is starting to wonder what you are up to. He grew so used to having you there whenever he wanted you and now you have taken that away. In a sense men are like little kids… They only want something once you make them realize that they can’t have it anymore, or worse, that someone else might get it.

While you are ignoring your ex, continue to work on yourself and post about it on social media where either he or his sphere of influence (his friends and family) will see it. The happier and healthier that you sees you becoming, the more frustrated he will get that you aren’t giving in to him.

Phase Three: Regret

Once it hits him that you might not care about him anymore he will begin to wonder if losing you is really what he wanted and what was best for him. Feeling like this is going to freak him out.

Men don’t like to feel vulnerable or afraid and once again, he could react to these feelings in a couple of different ways.

He may continue to reach out as if nothing is wrong

After I initiated no contact on my Ex he continued to text me telling me about funny things that happened or about something that our dog had done and did not acknowledge the fact that I was not responding to him. Every now and then he would say something like “I know you are ignoring me but…”

He May Lash Out

If you have ever been ignored by somebody that you care about then you know how frustrating it is. Your Ex may lash out and say some pretty cruel things. Hurtful as it may be it is important not to take them personally and to maintain your calm.

He May Act Out

During my no contact period with my Ex we still lived together. One night I came home and he had drank five or six shots of Jamaican spiced rum and was stumbling around the house. When I continued to ignoring him despite this he grabbed his truck keys and announced that he was going to the store. Fearing that he would get hurt I frantically called several of his close friends and asked them to check in on him. If you find that your Ex is posting on social media about strange things that they have done or if friends tell you that he has been acting odd lately try your best not to react to it. In my situation once my Ex realized that I was still worried about him he stopped showing interest in me again (more on that later)

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

He May Vanish

I read somewhere once that the best way to protect your heart is to pretend that you don’t have one. Once your Ex realizes that you are ignoring him and that it scares him, he might disappear in order to protect himself.

During all of this time you will not just be ignoring your Ex and obsessing over he reacts to it though, right? RIGHT?!

No, you’ll be working on yourself. Continue to develop your health, wealth, and relationships and don’t be afraid to humbly flaunt your “new you”

If part of your self-development is to go on dates with new men take a tasteful photo of the dinner setting with the guys hand just visible in the corner of the frame. Small gestures such as this will drive your Ex crazy thinking that you are moving on.

But what makes them seem to come back right when you start to move on?

Phase Four: Action

Men are not going to take action until they feel like they have no other choice. It is not until your Ex thinks that he really, truly, is losing you that he will try to stop it.

Now that your Ex has realized you are ignoring him, has realized that his mean-nothing texts aren’t working, and has realized that he is afraid of actually losing you and not getting you back- he will take action.

It may start out small so the important thing is not to get sucked in too quickly. Giving your Ex the satisfaction of knowing that you still care about him after all can undo days and weeks of ignoring. It only takes one small reply, one small slip up for your Ex to realize that he still has you in the palm of his hand.


The general rule is not to reply to your Ex unless he explicitly asks for you back.

As in, actually says,

“I want you back.”

A second rule is not to reply until your Ex has sent you SEVEN positive reach out text. Positive. Not neutral. These are texts like:

“I miss you.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about you.”

“You look beautiful in that new picture you posted”

One or two of these types of messages is not enough. There needs to be at least seven to show consistency.

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

What You Should Take Away From This Article

Now where were we…

In the beginning of this article we mentioned how men like competition. What men do not like is when they lose a prize that they wanted or when someone else seems to be winning.

They love a competition but they hate to lose.

Treat yourself like a prize and your ex will see you that way too.

If you have stuck to your no contact successfully and have been working on your health, wealth, and relationships then your Ex is going to be thinking that he has lost you and this will lead him to take action and reach out to ask you back. Just like my Ex did here:

This is a man who swore up and down that he could not handle the stress of a relationship.

He said over and over that he “needed” to be single.

And yet, thirty days of silence resulted in this text.

Looking back on this conversation now, I wish that I had not responded to his text quite as quickly as I did but I got the reaction to the No Contact period that I was hoping for.

A final important thing to note is that, like we mentioned, some men are more stubborn than others. Just because your Ex does not reach out first means nothing.

Going back to the competition reference, giving in to you and contacting you first would be a sign of weakness to your ex and may be seen as “losing”.

If after the no contact period you have not heard from your Ex, reach out to him yourself and start the texting phase of the no contact process. Follow The Texting Bible guidelines and try not to come on too strong.

In the meantime, here is a video that covers the things you should DEFINITELY avoid going forward.



Alright, so now that you have all of the information to understand WHAT makes your ex come back. I want to hear about your specific situation.

In the comments below tell me:

  1. About your breakup? Do you know the underlying cause?
  2. What actions have you taken? Have you made any of the Biggest Mistakes Women Make When Trying To Get An Ex Back?
  3. After Reading this article, and (hopefully) the rest of the EBR Material, what do you plan on doing moving forward?

Once you give us this information, our experts will help you figure out what the next best step is for you personally.

Let’s go!


Written by EBR Teamate

Tara O' Malley

18 thoughts on “Why Do Men Come Back After You Ignore Them”

  1. Angelina

    January 21, 2018 at 9:29 am

    Me n my ex were dng good till now we were in long distance relationship he used come here after 3 4 months to meet me wenever it is possible we used make up for meeting in person it was 2 n half year relation tym managment issues were there hewantable to make up tym as he used to get tired alot this prob was continuos till 1 year until suddenly on 11th dec 2017 1month ago he toldme tht hehas been thinking about this frong along tym n he isreally tensed about his career he wanted a break .. he dont k howmuch tym he will need he was asking me to understand his situation n tht he knws i will understand.. he asked me to be strong it wil take tym to move on may be 1 2 months so needed meto be strong n while telling this he was crying alot wen i tried harder to convince him he said he dont have feelings for me n he dont want to be in relation n wen i said i love you he kept the call n then i didnt calles back another day i msged him tht iys hard to hanfle hr called me up n we talkrd he saud we can be frnds until i m ok wen i foced him again to be in relation he said he will call back bt he didnt n he blocked me on everything after 1 week my sis talked with him n she told him to talk with me once.. he said he will be frnds with me wen ill forget about our love for him after tht he callesme n was talking rudely he said he is happy in his life n i shld move on.. wen i asked abt our future tht he promised to marry me he said first make ur career then we will see about it on the other hand he also told me tht dont be in a mind set tht he won’t go for another girl this was really confusing on one side he said we will think about marriage after our career on the other hand he is sayn he might go for another girl ik he love me but he is not showing thts wt i think bt now its been 1month n i dont feel tht love for him anymore.. is he feeling the same way,like m feeling? N how can i make him realize tht hisdecision was wrong .. n how can i make him regret his decision?n his fb posts shows tht e is enjoying with his frnds if he is so much concerned about his career then why is he enjoying n going out with his frnd instead of focusing on his classes n career.. n wen we were in relation then he was so busy tht he couldn’t made tym gor us n now he is just enjoying? One more thing our cousins wrdding is on feb 24th he eill be vumn there shld i go or not?please do help waiting for ur reply sir/mam

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2018 at 5:19 pm

      Hi Yolanda,

      That’s probably out of emotions and his way to take back his power.. Yes, you should go to the wedding.. Don’t miss it just because of him

  2. Hilde Wennberg

    January 18, 2018 at 10:10 pm

    Hi Amor,
    Bea here again. I told him last summer. Long story, but he said he is afraid of disappointing me (and kids) again. We have been in touch, often daily, about kids and other things. He compliments me, and says he took me for granted when together. At this stage of my life I do not want to be his friend, so have pulled away and not been in touch since early January. He is coming to visit in not too long to see kids.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2018 at 3:33 am

      Sorry, I’m not sure where you are, so I’ll assume mid year last year? If yes, that’s so long ago..so, at least now that you are in limited contact, focus in establishing your new routine and having your own life while co parenting with him.. He has to think you’re moving on, not chasing and improving..

  3. Russell

    January 18, 2018 at 11:07 am


    My partner and I broke up 5 weeks ago after our 2.5 year relationship, I was dumped by him just before Christmas. 2 months before that he told me he wasn’t sure about how things were going in our relationship and then we both agreed we would try again. This is also he’s first relationship, I’m 39 and he’s 28.

    We never really spoke any our problems and just carried on as normal, our relationship wasn’t toxic nor did we argue that much. He went away to Istanbul (he’s Turkish) and I was supposed to be going with him for the holidays, because of the breakup I didn’t attend the holiday with him.

    Whilst he was away I reached out a few times but he was telling me that he was trying to have fun with family and friends, so from this I stopped contacting him as much.

    He reached out to me on my birthday on NYD, to wish me hb, I just replied ‘thank you’. He returned 2 weeks ago back to london where we both share an apartment together. We spoke a few times since he came back, but he’s still in the mind set that he doesn’t want our relationship to continue and that we are both different (maybe culturally as I’m britsh and he’s Turkish).

    He has recently been working away for his company during the weeks and comes back at the weekends, recently I have decided to move out, I have told him his but I explained it will be in 2 weeks time, I’m actually leave today and he will return Friday (to an empty apartment). The last time we spoke was last Sunday (in person), we haven’t communicated since.

    Do I apply the no contact rule since last Sunday, he will obviously be txting me to ask about where I have gone, and about our bills etc (all of which I will be paying to the end of feb 2018). I’m confused as I won’t be saying goodbye to him, and I don’t want to come across me leaving to be playing games, but I really don’t want to contact during this time.

    What shall I do???

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 20, 2018 at 1:34 am

      Hi Russel,

      Yes, you can start the nc from Sunday. It’s ok to talk to him about necessary stuff like bills as long as it’s only about that.

  4. Jen

    January 17, 2018 at 4:45 pm

    My ex broke up with me exactly 2 weeks ago,today! We were having a heated argument(mainly bc i love to argue) i screamed at him several times sayimg “just leave” finally he said okay amd packed up EVERYTHING and has been staying at his mothers since! Approximately 2 weeks prior the breakup we did have a long talk about how he was not happy with me anymore but he still loved me! We havent slept together, well we did once in the last 3 months….. Anyways, i want to start the NC asap(well i have today is day 1) but im a little confused on how too considering we have kids and he gets them i guess every other weekend, also we have unpaid bills that he is going to help .me catch up on! Any advice on how i can do NC when we have a lot of obstacles that we have to take care of? What if i use my older son to be the middle man? I hate to do that but i kinda dont know what else to do! Oh yeah, one more thing before i came across this page i made a HUGE MISTAKE and basically begged him to come home? How long of a NC period should i use? Thanks…. Good luck to all on getting him/her back!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2018 at 11:51 am

  5. Bea

    January 16, 2018 at 11:00 pm

    My ex broke up with me a couple of years ago. We have kids together and kept on living together for the first 5 months or so before we told the kids and he moved out.

    Some months later, he lost his job and moved abroad for work. Since the split, we have kept on being in touch, gone on holidays together with the kids and get on quite well. I was very upset for a long while, and probably did all the wrong things, but feel much calmer lately and in a good space.

    I have told him I would like us to be together again, but he seems scared and hesitant, and has been seeing someone the last 1,5 years. He has also introduced his girlfriend to our kids and they have spent time with her and her kids when visiting their dad abroad.

    I lead a busy life, work full time and look after myself physically. For more than a week I have not sent or replied to any texts or mails from him, he has kept sending me new ones. I also did not contact him on his birthday, which made him angry.

    My question is whether you think time is running out? I am happy with my life, but would love us to be together as a family. But not unless he also wants to, of course. And living in different countries makes it complicated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 18, 2018 at 7:09 am

      Hi Bea,

      when did you tell him that?

  6. Sabby

    January 15, 2018 at 9:57 am


    My ex and I have broken up before. We were together for over a year and split for 5 months. We got back together but didn’t really discuss what went wrong. He suffers from depression but is not willing admit it, instead he just assumed I was the issue. The second time around we were together for another 6 months. He ended things again saying it was because he hasn’t felt quite the same but I believe it’s his mental health. It’s been a month since. We work together so I can’t cut contact altogether but we are civil and professional.

    When we broke up this time I didn’t beg, I just walked away. He tried to be more chatty with me but I would cut it down as suggested in no contact. Between Christmas and New Year, I was away for two weeks and halfway through he text checking I was doing well and enjoying the holidays. I text back hours later saying I was well.

    A girl who used to tell me she was better for him than me and that I meant nothing and she would end up with him (they weren’t together, she was just stalking him a lot) kept appearing on my social media and adding all of my friends. I messaged (I know I shouldn’t) to ask him that if he was seeing someone new that information came from him. He didn’t reply. Back at work he told me that message hurt him and that he had been told I was asking loads of questions about him (I wasn’t). I was hurt he thought I would do that, it isn’t me at all! The two of us spoke about that but not about us and we both cried a lot. He asked for a hug and I said no. He asks for a hug a lot and I always refuse. We then continued the conversation outside of work and he asked for a hug and I caved and gave him one but he didn’t let go and gave me a kiss on the head, which I told him was a little cruel to me. He apologised. We have been civil since but had no more contact.

    If it gets close to us talking about us he shuts down and leaves. I never push it. My anger and upset at him assuming things about me made me think I was over it but that has since gone. I don’t know what else to do. I get the impression he has no feelings for me at all, but I don’t know if it’s true.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 7:55 pm

  7. Sarah

    January 15, 2018 at 6:43 am

    Okay so my boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks back and it wasn’t that bad and then later I got know that he left me because I used to crib a lot that he didn’t have time for me.(we’ve broken up in the past also for the same reason but somehow got back ) and then last week we had a fight and it was his fault after which I decided to do the no contact rule. And he’s been constantly calling and texting and asking to forgive him and wanting to meet. Also his friends were telling me that it doesn’t look like he wants to get back. But how can it be true when he’s calling me so much and he also texted saying that I’ve got a gift for you that I’ve been wanting to give you for a long time.and since I’m ignoring him he’s even ready to give it to my friend to give it to me. I’m very much positive and stable right now. So should I continue my nc or should I start talking to him in a few days? Also I’ve been posting a lot of pictures on social media lately which I’m guessing has made him believe that I’m very happy. I’ve also got a makeover recently. Please tell me what to do

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 7:42 pm

      Hi Sarah,

      That’s good that you’re actively improving yourself. You can do 21 days.. if he literally says he wants to get back together, you can break it.

  8. Lisa

    January 14, 2018 at 4:49 am


    My exboyfriend broke up with me 11 days ago, and i went into nc 7 days ago. We have been together for 2,5 years. The thing is that I belive some of the reason he broke up with me was bc he felt I didnt spend enough time with him (I work a lot) , that I proritized friends and other stuff over him, and that I didnt tell him i loved him enough, Even tough we talked about the fact that we show love in different ways, and I love him extremly much. Therefore I’m afraid that the nc will show him what he believed was true, that I dont give him enough attention? When I post stuff on social media “being busy”, I’m afraid that it will confirm his thoughts about me rather wanting to do that, than being with him. How can I show him i changed after the nc without coming of as desperate to show him I really love him? But still being “cool” and “not wanting him back” when that was a part of the problem?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 11:33 am

      Hi Lisa,

      If that’s really the reason, why not talk to him about first? Ask him if that’s really the reason, if he says, talk to him if you could work it out. If he says no, then start nc…

  9. Cather

    January 14, 2018 at 3:06 am

    Tara did 30 days of NC with the ex she was living with? Is that because she had to restart a few times or because she got some negative responses when she reached out and had to add some time? I’m in the same living situation, and one of the other articles here recommended 14 days. Any advice is great advice!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 15, 2018 at 11:28 am

      Hi Cather,

      Because of both..In your situation, tell him you need space from him.. If you’re moving back home and you’re still in nc, that means it would be limited nc..

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