By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 27th, 2021

Have you ever wondered why it’s so hard to get an ex boyfriend back?

I mean, if you really think about it from a big picture perspective the simple act of winning an ex back means you have to change their mind about you.

Lets pretend that you and I dated for about a year. Throughout our relationship we constantly fought and things weren’t very good. Eventually, I have an epiphany one day and realize that I am better off without you. This epiphany causes me to break up with you. In other words, my mind is set on the fact that my life would be better without you in it.

Now, if you are trying to win me back then that means that you have one of the hardest tasks known to man, changing my mind into believing that my life needs you in it.

In this guide I am going to be discussing what things have to occur in order for your ex boyfriend to change his mind and take you back. In other words, I am going to be teaching you how to change the mind of a man!

I feel the best way to kick this guide off is to talk a little about resistance.

How Resistance Relates To Changing A Mind

resistance meme

When you think back to your relationship with your ex boyfriend you probably have a lot of thoughts.

Good thoughts..

Happy thoughts..

Bad thoughts..

Sad thoughts..

I think you get the picture.

Well, if we are going to do this correctly then that is going to require a bit of empathy from you. In other words, you need to be able to put yourself in your exes shoes and try to determine how he views the relationship when he thinks back to it.

What kind of thoughts is he having?

What are the good thoughts?

What are the bad thoughts?

Do the good thoughts outweigh the bad or vice versa?

Right now I want to focus specifically on the bad/sad thoughts your ex boyfriend may be having about your relationship.


Simple, the bad/sad thoughts create resistance that prevents your ex boyfriend from changing his mind about wanting you in his life.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Good Feelings Vs Bad Feelings Theory

good vs bad

My favorite food in the world is chicken fried steak which I suppose makes sense since I am from Texas. Of course, my least favorite food would have to be something like eggplant or spinach.

Now that you know this interesting tidbit of information about me what food do you think I would associate with tasting good and what food do you think I would associate with tasting bad?

Good = Chicken Fried Steak

Bad = Eggplant or Spinach

So, it makes sense that I am always going to be drawn to the thing that I associate with tasting good (chicken fried steak) as opposed to the thing that I associate with tasting bad doesn’t it?

Relationships work the same way in a sense except instead of focusing on how things taste you are going to be focusing on how things feel.

Lets pretend that you and I are dating each other.

If I were to treat you like a queen, spoil you, say all the right things, be passionate, communicate properly, always have your best interests at heart and be dedicated solely to you the chances are pretty high that you are going to associate being with me with good feelings.

On the other hand, if I were to fight with you all the time, forget your birthday, be distant, flirt with other women, cheat on you and not really listen to you at all then without a doubt you are going to associate me with bad feelings.

As a whole people are drawn to things that make them feel good and they shy away from things that make them feel bad.

So, when you look at your relationship with your ex boyfriend do you think he associates you with good feelings or bad?

Well, the two of you are broken up so I am going to take a guess and say that he associates you with bad feelings since breaking up with someone is essentially like shying away from them. Perhaps the more interesting question we need to look at here is why are bad feelings so harmful to changing your exes mind about being with you?

Bad Feelings = Resistance

you are bad

Here is how it works.

If you treated your ex boyfriend badly in a relationship by doing any of the following,

  • Constant fighting
  • Cheating on him
  • Manipulating him
  • Being a drama queen
  • Becoming too clingy

Then you can pretty much bet the house on the fact that he is going to associate you with bad feelings. Now, why are bad feelings so harmful to your quest to getting your ex boyfriend back?

Simple, they create resistance.

Lets pretend that you and your ex have been broken up for a while. At some point after the breakup he is going to think to himself,

“Hmm… I wonder if I should get back with her?”

Of course, when he thinks this we already know he associates you with bad feelings so all this resistance is going to be created that will convince him that it’s not a good idea. For example, he may think to himself,

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

“Oh, she manipulated me…”


“Oh, she cheated on me so why would I want to get back in a situation like that?”

The truth is that this resistance is really what you have to overcome if you want to change your exes mind about getting back together with you. That basic concept is quite easy to understand. The hard part is actually having to overcome it because most men are stubborn when it comes to changing their minds.

Men Are Mostly Stubborn Once Their Mind Is Made Up


Men are tricky creatures in that we sometimes aren’t very open to changing our minds once it’s made up.

I can use multiple examples to illustrate this point perfectly from my own life.

One of the many common interests that I share with my father is sports. As a small child I always used to sit and watch the major sporting events like baseball, football and basketball on TV with him. Over the years the two of us have learned a lot about the different players playing these sports.

Recently we have gotten into small little arguments over statistical or technical facts about the players.

The last disagreement I can think of occurred over the famous Basketball player LeBron James.

My Dad– What position does he play? Small Forward?

Me– No, I think it’s shooting guard.

My Dad– There is no way. He is too big for that position.

Me– He definitely plays shooting guard.

My Dad– Look it up on your phone and I bet you I am right.

What we have here is two men, my father and I, who have our minds made up on the fact that LeBron James plays a certain position and neither one of us is backing down. You see, I believe with all my heart that LeBron plays shooting guard. Whereas my dad believes with all his heart that he plays small forward.

In other words, we are both being very stubborn on the fact that our way of thinking is right and the others is wrong.

Of course, we are men so this disagreement won’t be settled until we consult the internet.

Who was right?

Turns out that we both were as LeBron has played both positions in the past.

What Your Ex Boyfriend Believes About Your Relationship Right Now

im thinking

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

I am going to make this simple for you.

If your ex boyfriend wanted to be with you he would be with you.

I know that may be a hard pill to swallow hearing things verbalized like that but its the truth.

Take me for example, I am the type of man that usually never does what I don’t want to do. Sure, sometimes I do, do things that I don’t want to do but I can literally count those things on one hand (and in most cases I am forced to do them,)

  • Pay taxes (because you are forced to.)
  • Go someplace I don’t want to go but because my significant other really wants to (doing it for her really.)
  • Be cordial to someone that wronged me or my family (to not further add drama into the equation.)

(Now, most people would say that they don’t want to go to work but the truth is that I love my job so I can’t really say that.)

My point is really simple, generally speaking human beings don’t do things that they don’t want to do unless they are forced to do them. It just so happens that relationships are one aspect of your life where YOU are in control. This means that your ex boyfriend has actively chosen not to be with you.

This is where the good feelings vs bad feelings thing comes into play.

If you were able to consistently create good feelings within him he probably would have opted to stay in a relationship with you. Unfortunately, a lot of bad feelings probably occurred during your relationship and he high tailed it out of there.

But what specifically could he be thinking?

What are some of the bad feelings that are preventing him from wanting to be with you?

Below I have compiled a list of some of the most common thoughts that men can have after a breakup that prevent them from wanting to come back.

Thought 1- I Can Do Better…

Ah, the old grass is greener syndrome.

Essentially this thought occurs in men who exit your relationship thinking they can find someone better than you. In the link I just provided I talk about “bar theory.”

Bar Theory- Everyone a man dates sets the “relationship bar” at a certain height. If your ex thinks he can find someone who can set the bar higher than you then he is likely to leave you and go find that someone.

The interesting thing I have found about the GIGS (grass is greener syndrome) is that a lot of men end up learning that they finding that someone who can set the bar higher is a very challenging task.

Thought 2- She Cheated On Me…

I have to say that for me personally this is the one thing I don’t know if I can find it within myself to forgive.


Because to me infidelity is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship. Nothing hurts more than learning a woman you love on a deep level shared a part of themselves (that’s only supposed to be yours) with another man.

Hmm… perhaps it would be smarter to use an example here.

If you had cheated on your ex when you were dating then anytime the two of you kissed he would be thinking,

“Wow, another man kissed her like this probably.”

If you were making love then he would think to himself,

“I bet another guy did this with her…”

It ruins things for a guy. It ruins kissing, cuddling, sex, pretty much everything and it can take a long time to get over that.

Thought 3- Nitpicking At All Of Your Flaws

Human beings are flawed.

That’s the way it has always been since the beginning of time.

Here’s the thing though, people often get tricked into thinking that human beings are not flawed when they are in the midst of a honeymoon period where the other person can do no wrong. However, the honeymoon period almost always ends and that’s when you start to notice your significant others flaws.

Of course, an immature man may not take the flaws in stride and break up with you because of them.

If that is the case then he is in for a rude awakening when he realizes that every girl he will ever date is going to be flawed once the honeymoon period wears off.

How To Change Your Ex Boyfriends Mind About The Breakup

You probably have one of the hardest tasks in the world ahead of you, changing a mans mind.

In this section I am going to be covering everything I know about what it takes to change an ex boyfriends mind about a breakup.

First though, I would like to direct your attention to the graphic below,


With this graphic I have listed all of the things that will have to occur in order for your ex boyfriend to change his mind about being with you.

What are those things?

Well, there are four of them,

  1. It has to benefit him.
  2. You have to find a way to combat any resistance he may have.
  3. Persuade him through both reason and emotion.
  4. It has to be his idea to change.

Of course, me just simply listing these things isn’t enough. No, what you really want is for me to give you my insight into each of these reasons. Well, today is your lucky day because that is exactly what I am about to do.

It Has To Benefit Him


I want to ask you a question.

To your ex boyfriend, how does being with you benefit him?

Can you make him laugh like no other woman?

Can you provide the type of emotional support that he needs?

Are you the prettiest girl he has ever dated?

In other words, what I am asking is what sets you apart from the rest of the pack?

You see, human beings as a whole tend to gravitate towards the things that benefit them. For example, one of the most popular sales tactics out there is the buy one get one free sales tactic.

How does it work?

Lets pretend that I was trying to sell a $500 laptop. Now, while you may need a laptop you feel that $500 is too pricey so you have made up your mind that you are not going to buy it. So, the challenge that I have to overcome if I want you to buy this expensive laptop is sweetening the deal to the point where it benefits you.

Unfortunately, I can’t lower the price from the $500 mark so that means that I have to find some other way to benefit you.

Oh, I know.

If you buy this laptop at the $500 price you can get $500 worth of store credit. That means that in my imaginary store 😉 you can spend $500 on any amount of items you want.

Now all of a sudden that laptop turns into a pretty attractive deal doesn’t it?

And it’s all because I sweetened the pot to the point where it benefited you greatly.

So, the question you have to ask yourself right now is how does being with you benefit your ex boyfriend?

If you can’t answer that question then you need to find a way to answer it. As a general rule, I like to tell women to try to become the most incredible woman he has ever met in his life. That means you have to be sexier, smarter and more supportive that any other girl he comes into contact with for the rest of his life.

Kind of a tough task huh?

Hey, I didn’t say it would be easy.

Now, I am sure YOU could get out a piece of paper and list out all the reasons that it would benefit him to be with you but his vision is a little clouded at the moment isn’t it? I mean, right now he probably associates you with bad feelings and these bad feelings create resistance right?

It just so happens that overcoming that very resistance is the next thing that has to happen if you want to ultimately change his mind about being with you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

Overcome The Resistance He May Have


There is going to come a time post breakup where your ex boyfriend is going to think to himself,

“I wonder if I should go back to her?”

When that moment occurs, when he thinks that in his head it is going to be the bad feelings resistance that prevents him from acting on it.

For example, if your ex starts contemplating whether or not he should go back to you but then he thinks to himself,

“But she cheated on me. What if she does it again?”


“But she said all those hurtful things to me.”


“But she was so needy and naggy.”

The chances are pretty high that he isn’t going to want to come back to you.

So, now that you know this your task becomes all about overcoming any resistance he may have. Of course, in order to do that you must first identify what his resistance is. Usually if you just think very logically about the situation and think about every little thing you did wrong or everything that you know you did to hurt him you can figure out the resistance yourself.

Of course, sometimes men will flat out tell you what you did wrong in the relationship.

Some of the most common examples of resistance in men that I see is,

  • Cheating.
  • Neediness.
  • Nagging.
  • Controlling.
  • Jealousy (to an extreme level.)

Persuade Him Through Both Reason And Emotion

logic meme

I am going to open up to you for a moment here by giving you a rare look into my professional life.

As I am sure you have already surmised Ex Boyfriend Recovery isn’t my first website. In fact, it’s not my second, third, fourth or fifth website either. Ex Boyfriend Recovery is actually my 22nd website. Now, most of you may think that, that is an incredible accomplishment (creating 22 websites.) However, to me I look at this as a massive failure.

You see, I am a professional webmaster so that means that in order for me to dedicate time to a website I have to see some financial return.

Ex Boyfriend Recovery was the first time I ever struck gold. This website has given me so much which means I am willing to devote a massive amount of time to it and to you.

Of course, that also means that it took me failing 21 times before I finally figured out what worked and what didn’t work.

What did I learn from this experience?

Whenever a visitor comes to your website they don’t want to pay you any money at all. It’s really up to you to change their mind. If you are good at changing their minds you can become successful.

So, I suppose that makes me a bit of an expert when it comes to changing minds.

How am I able to do it?

Well, me doing all the stuff above certainly helps (showing you how my E-Book benefits you and overcoming any resistance you may have about buying it.) However, there are also two other crucial elements in play here. I have to tap into both your reason and emotions.

Oftentimes you find that reason and emotion are at odds with one another.

Lets use Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO, my e-book, as an example to illustrate this point.

Emotionally you probably want nothing more than to buy it. After all, it could be the ultimate answer to making that horrible feeling you are feeling in your heart go away. Of course, when you think about things reasonably you keep telling yourself,

“But it is a bit on the pricey side…”

Now, imagine if you get your emotion and reason to agree?

This is what you should be aiming to do with your ex boyfriend. Of course, I feel getting you to buy my book is a little easier than getting an ex boyfriend to change his mind about being with you.


Because you probably have work to do both through emotion and reason.

How To Persuade Him Through Emotion

I am a man so you know I am not going to mislead you when it comes to what other men (ie: your ex) are thinking.

As a man who knows what it’s like to be madly in love with a woman I know full well the power that emotion can have over a man. You see, when a man is truly in love with a woman he will do anything for her. No, I am not just talking about silly hypotheticals like taking a bullet or a grenade (Bruno Mars anyone?) for a woman.

I am talking about things like making a woman’s dreams come true.

Protecting her at all costs…

Providing for her…

Sacrificing for her…

This is the true power of emotional influence, a power you have lost over your ex boyfriend.

How do I know?

Because if he was truly in love with you then he wouldn’t even think about leaving your side.

So, the question you need to be asking yourself is how in the world can you get this emotional influence power back.

Ok, let me ask you a question.

Right now you are clearly smitten with your ex boyfriend otherwise you wouldn’t be here.

What was it about him that made HIM have such an emotional influence over you?

That’s what I want you to do to him. I want HIM to become the one that chases you instead of the other way around.

What’s the best way to do that?

Well, you have to maneuver yourself in a position to where you feel you can get your emotional hooks into him. Here are a list of things that women can do to cause men to associate positive emotions with a woman,

  • He feels the same intensity about the relationship as you do. In other words, he feels you love him as much as he loves you (you are equal.)
  • You experience new firsts together.
  • You have the ability to give him butterflies.
  • If he looks at you like your the total package. If he doesn’t then you better get on that 😉

How To Persuade Him Through Reason

For the sake of this guide lets pretend that you were able to get your emotional hooks into your ex.

However, despite that amazing accomplishment he still has some reservations about getting back together with you.

What is it that is holding him back?

That would be his reason.

You see, logic can get in the way of most men who may want to get back together with their ex.


Because logic tells us that realistically the chances of a couple who break up aren’t going to last the second time around. So, why is it that he would want to subject himself to the emotional pain of another breakup?

Remember, in order for his mind to change about the breakup he has to feel like getting back together with you is going to benefit him.

I have found that the best way to reach him on a logical level and show him that being with you is the best choice is to be better than any girl he could ever meet for the rest of his life. If you can make him believe that then you are in business.

Where did I get this idea?

Actually from a married couple who has been together for over twenty years.

When I was much younger I would always hang out at my best friends house which I always found fascinating because of the dynamic between his parents. I absolutely loved his parents because they had one of the most interesting stories I had ever heard.

They were high school sweethearts, got married young and had the type of success story that you are all probably seeking.

I remember one day my friends dad told me an interesting story about his wife.

Back in high school my friends dad actually broke up with his (now) wife and started dating someone else. He told me that it was the biggest mistake of his life because he realized that his (now) wife was better than any other girl he had ever dated.

Inevitably he was drawn to her because she was the best.

Now, imagine if that was you.

Logically he would have no choice but to pick you because YOU are the best.

It Has To Be His Idea

no idea

What have we covered so far?

Well, we know that in order to change your ex boyfriends mind about being with you he has to feel that going back to you will benefit him. We also discovered that you are going to have to overcome any type of resistance he may have about your getting back together. Finally, we discussed how its important to reach him on both a logical and emotional level.

In this section I am going to talk about the importance of it being his idea to get back together with you.

You see, some men are so frightened of the ridicule of getting back with an ex that they can’t stomach the idea that it wasn’t their idea to get back together with them.

For example, if you and I were dating I would probably feel a lot better at getting back together with you if I felt it was my idea as opposed to you making it my idea (which is really what is going to happen.)

Men have this constant need to feel important or in control.

Notice the example I gave above about my friends parents.

Guess whose idea it was to get back together when my friends father broke up with my friends mother?

Yup, it was the father.

What really happened?

The mother influenced the father so much that it became HIS idea to get back together.

The Truth = It was the mothers!

What to Read Next

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

902 thoughts on “What Makes An Ex Boyfriend Change His Mind About The Breakup?”

  1. Jennifer Saker

    October 28, 2021 at 12:20 am

    This all made total sense for me because I have been in a relationship for almost 4 years and any time my fiance and I would get in a fight, argument, disagreement, he then wanted to break up. I let him go several times and he’d come right back, even after 15 minutes of driving off in his car. I used to be “clingy” but he straight out said, that will push me away. So we have both had our doubts and I explained constructive criticism and that sometimes arguments, fighting will strengthen a relationship, odd but true. I believe in the old cliche if you love something let it go, if it comes back, it was meant to be. I have grown a lot in this relationship, but we still have trouble with who wants to wear the pants. We are both stubborn and now what we do is sit down like grown adults and compromise, or one of us saying , you’re right I was wrong. I don’t believe in always being right, it’s impossible. Although I have been with a narrasistic, I know far too much about being controlled, manipulated. The list goes on. My current relationship was on my terms, I believe to be friends first to have a sturdy foundation and I told my now fiance back in 2018 what I will and will not put up with. I always remind him about that and put him in check. I mean as far as I am concerned, life’s too short to be in misery and I was, I was married 20 years to an alcoholic/drug addiction and at the end I was so fed up that it didn’t matter what he said to me, I was done. I now have a relationship that I have always longed for and I am very happy. I read this because I just wanted more knowledge of how men tick and how to keep him happy. I thoroughly enjoyed reading your articles!!

  2. Katukula Shangelao Maria

    September 15, 2020 at 7:49 am

    I and my boy friend have been in a loving relationship ,we were just happy together but i don’t know what comes over me. I left him for someone but i only dated that person for a week than i realised i made a big mistake. I waited for two weeks than i contacted him,apologising for everything i did and he forgave me but he didn’t gave me a second chance. He told me i need to change to be the person he knew from the start of the relationship,i told him i will and promised him but still he didn’t change his mind. The next day i texted him again apologising again and he told me he love me naturally but he can’t trust me again. he told me he is afraid and he can only take me back if he talk to someone older than us. I really love him and i can’t just move on neither passed a day without thinking of him, the good times we had with him and i keep on dreaming about him. Is the a chance that he might come back to me oneday? Does he still love me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 6:35 pm

      Hi Katukula, of course I can not tell you if he still loves you or not. But you need to work on yourself for some time so that you can work passed the pain you are carrying from the break up. I hope you don’t take offence but you need to understand that your actions have broken his trust and this is something that is going to take a long time to earn back, so starting to work on yourself and giving him some space is the first step to getting him back. Understand that you need to complete a 30 day no contact at least so that he can get over what happened.

  3. Carrie

    November 22, 2019 at 7:02 pm

    My ex of 1 yr was distant with me for a couple wks b4 txting me to break up. He stopped msging me in morning and at night and I was initiating all contact, when I did see him everything seemed ok, but it was like I didn’t exist if we weren’t together.
    He said he doesn’t think he can give me the time & attention he thinks I deserve, I know he finds me attractive, & he comments on my thoughtfulness towards him & to others.
    I’m really confused as to why he has done this, especially the way he has done it (we are not kids, neither of us will see 40 again)
    I know he is worried about work as he is about to be promoted & is worried about the extra responsibility he will have when this happens, he doesn’t have much spare cash & I think this bothered him as he couldn’t afford to do much, he also has three kids he sees every other wknd & with Christmas coming I’m guessing he might want to pick up some overtime. I’m not a high maintenance girl & told him I’m happy at home watching tv & having dinner together, it’s about spending time together.
    I didn’t make demands to see him all the time, or make a fuss if he was seeing friends ( which was rare for him to do) but wanted to see him once or twice a week – I got on well with his boys & was happy to spend time together.
    Eventually I would have liked to consider getting a house together. I did mention this & wondered if it had freaked him out, even though I wasn’t thinking now, more 12 months down the line.
    It’s been 4 weeks since his break up txt & about 16 days since we had any contact,
    I did text him a couple of times b4 this but they weren’t angry pleading msgs. He responded in a polite but cool manner, he also tells me there isn’t anyone else involved (I know he would say that, but I have no reason to doubt him).
    I’ve decided that I deserve better & that he needs to be the one to make the effort to get in touch if he wants to.
    I just wondered what your thoughts are on the chances of him doing this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 12:24 am

      Hi Carrie, so even though I see where you are coming from and you deserve better.If you want him back you may find you need to be the one to break the ice and reach out first after you have completed a No Contact for this process to work. A lot of women believe that they shouldnt be the one to reach out first but it just delays the process for them if they want to get their ex back. If you do the work that Chris explains to be come Ungettable and do it right and post to social media you may find that your ex does reach out eventually because you will have caught his interest again

  4. Bernadette

    August 21, 2019 at 7:32 pm

    I have been a fan of yours for years but never had to use your program till recently. My bf and I were in a very lovingly relationship for nearly 3 years. The majority of our relationship was long distance but we were very good about seeing eachother every other week. I naturally wanted to start thinking about a future last year and he told me it would most likely happen for us in December of 2018. When it came to that time, he told me he didn’t have enough money which I understood and that it would happen in summer of 2019. Fast forward to this past April, we had talks of the future and he told me he had planned on asking in August. However he had concerns on our difference in faith. This past July, he became extremely distant and when I asked him what was going on, he told me that talking about marriage so often was pushing him away. After some back and forth, i asked him if he planned on proposing by the end of the year in which he replied, he couldn’t promise it. Now, I’m not one for ultimatums but I wanted some sort of clarity for how long I was supposed to wait for him. I asked him if he saw me as his wife in which he replied “I think so”. Naturally I was very hurt and requested we go our own ways. A week later a package arrived on my porch with every single greeting card I wrote to him in addition to all of our pictures (also a picture album of us I gave him for his bday). I decided to delete him off social media and not wish him a happy bday which was this past Monday. Never in our relationship was he ever so cold to me. Part of me wonders if I made the right decision since I only see myself marrying him but I also want him to realize that too. Any advice you have would be helpful. Thanks in advance!

  5. Ritika

    July 31, 2019 at 8:53 am

    My boyfriend and I were in relationship for 3 long years. But after this period I cheated on him and he found out and broke up with me. Since then I couldn’t stop thinking about him and I have realised that he is the one and how much I’ve hurt him. He says he loves me but dont want to be with me. But I want things to work between us . I know all my mistakes and I am willing to make myself a better person if he gives our relationship a second chance. Is it possible for me to change his mind and make him want to get back to me and love and trust me again the way he did?

  6. Carlie

    July 29, 2019 at 6:14 pm


    It’s been about 7 months since my ex broke up with me. I was his first girlfriend (were in our mid twenties) and he got really bad at prioritizing me and got cold feet and didn’t think he felt ready to be in a relationship. In fact when he was breaking up with me he kept saying he was terrified that he would regret it. We had talked here and there. I did no contact the first time and reached out to him and he admitted that he was still going the motions and couldn’t talk to me as he was not fully ready. We’ve have talked sporadically about once a month, mostly me initiating until I stopped because of his standoffishness and about two months later he texted me on my birthday and we met up for dinner and it went well. I set my boundaries with him and he started reaching out on Snapchat once a week until we got into a big fight (my fault) and in that fight he disclosed that he wants it to work but sometimes feels like we are very different and it feels forced (he still seems standoffish and looks guilty when we talk even though I try to be lighthearted about it) I’m at an impasse. Did I ruin my chance? Should I just go into no contact/radio silence until he reaches out again ? Should I just give up? Why does he act so guilty and what can I do about it?

  7. Lost and confused.

    July 5, 2019 at 10:52 am

    Hi Chris!

    I hope you get a chance to look at my post as I feel truly lost and confused.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and a bit. It was long distance and everything seemed to be going fine. There were a few hiccups when he told me things that he thought I wanted to hear but sooner or later, the truth comes out. He broke up with me two weeks ago out of the blue. I know we both truly loved each other, he even planned the proposal and our future together. But he is so stubborn! I made the mistake of pleading and begging him but I have started no contact now. He finds it very difficult to open up to anyone, even his best friends can’t get him to open up about the break up or anything in his life. I truly believe he’s being too stubborn to even admit this break up is a good wake up call for our relationship. I think we needed to hit this road point to build a better foundation. He suggested not speaking for a week but wants us to be friends in the end. Do I even stand a chance?

  8. Y.

    July 2, 2019 at 11:41 am

    Hi Chris. Long story short. My ex boyfriend broke up with me less than one month ago after a stupid fight. Most likely he was just searching for an excuse, since we were 3.5 years together and most likely he got bored. Anyway, after 3 weeks of no contact from both sides, he came up to pick up his stuff and he was very nervous even if I was very upbeat and happy. Having changed the whole apartment decoration and my hair style. He said that he would have preferred not to see me because it will be awkward but he had no other choice because I changed my locks (and of course, I wanted to show him my change). He came with a friend. He was in a constant hurry and avoiding eye contact even if I was relaxed and making jokes. He asked me some things he had seen on my Facebook. He took everything and we returned to no contact. Do you think that this is final since after 3 weeks of no contact he did not think to come back to me as a boyfriend but on the contrary, he decided to pick up his things? Meaning that he did not miss me or anything. In addition, when we were fighting he mentioned: Don’t try to rationalize with me (I was the logic of this relationship). My feelings don’t listen anymore…In this case, how can I compensate with logic, since he does not listen to any logic?

    1. Chris Seiter

      July 2, 2019 at 3:26 pm

      The future is always moving with possibilities. So I would continue with No Contact, but be sure to do it the way I teach in my Program as NC is much more than just trying to wait out the time. I know you didn’t say that, but there are many elements to the ex recovery process. Check out my Program – EBR PRO Bundle if you have not already.

  9. Britney

    June 23, 2019 at 11:48 pm

    Hello Chris!
    I really hope you reply!
    Your statement:
    “You see, some men are so frightened of the ridicule of getting back with an ex that they can’t stomach the idea that it wasn’t their idea to get back together with them”

    My ex told me he’s been thinking of getting back with me but he is worried about my family throwing the past back in his face later and then ruining our relationship and this is causing him to stress out and have stomach/bowl issues. He loves me and wants to be with me, he says so. But he has asked for time aka space but he texts me every day at least twice.
    We were together 4 years. We are 30 and 29.

    We were friends with benefits too which I know isn’t good. I really want him back. We’ve been broken up for 6 months now.
    I was kinda needy and clingy too in the relationship and out but he was doing the same so I thought that’s what he wanted. Plus he said that he is feeling pressured and that he is still getting used to the stuff I’ve changed for the better.

    WHAT DO I DO?! I feel like I’m at an empass. I don’t want him to constantly get stomach aches when talking to me nor do we want to stop talking etc.


    Thank you!

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 24, 2019 at 3:07 pm

      Hi Britney…if what you have been doing has not been working, then its time for a new plan. Perhaps pursuing No Contact for a period of time would be the right medicine so he can get solid space without the confusion of the occasional communications which has kept him on the fence. I talk about all of the benefits No Contact can offer you in my Program, EBR Pro, so you should give that a look.

  10. InAPickle

    June 18, 2019 at 12:17 am

    I need advice. My ex and I dated 7 months. We were best friends and had a great relationship. It was long distance, but we both traveled on the weekends to see each other. I don’t know why we broke up. We’ve broke up twice. The first time, he lied to me about why he was breaking up with me (per his best friend) and then hooked up with another girl directly after and told his friends that no one better tell me. When they asked him why he was doing that, he said he didn’t know and wouldn’t talk about it. Then a week later, he came back wanting to try again. He took me to his sisters wedding and introduced me to his whole family. From that point on, his family and I have been very close. Then a month after the wedding, he broke up with me again. I don’t know why. He messaged one of my friends asking them to make me feel better because of us breaking up and said he just can’t do the whole relationship thing right now. We remained friends for a little while, but then his mom told him that he was hurting me by being my friend so he quit communicating with me. His mom and I work together, are best friends, and do everything together. About 6 months after we broke up, one of his friends told me he cheated on me. So, I told him we could no longer be friends because of what he did. He freaked out when I wouldn’t talk about it and called his mom and other people freaking out. He promised and swore he never cheated on me. I deleted him off Facebook, unfollowed him on Instagram, but left him on Snapchat and just never look at his stories he posts. He watches every story I post and still follows me on Instagram. He freaked out on his friend the day I deleted him of Facebook. I see him every time he’s home since his mom and I are best friends. He can’t look me in the eye when he talks to me and doesn’t really have conversations with me unless his mom is involved in the conversation too. He’s not mean to me though. He shows up at our work every single time he’s home now, where he never visited a single time before we broke up. When we talk, he’s his normal self and civil, except that it’s really hard for him to look me in the eyes when talking to me. Everyone says they think he’s going to come back one day when he’s grown up more and matured and we would have never broken up if he wasn’t working on the road. He hasn’t been in a relationship with anyone since me and it’s been 8 months now. I haven’t been with anyone since either. He has just been having fwb ever since we broke up. He was also actively involved with my 3yr old daughter when we were together too and his family is still active in her life. I love him still and can’t be with anyone else because of my love for him. He’s the only guy I ever could see a future with. I am about to move out of state, 2hrs away from his mom but will be back to visit occasionally. He knows I’m moving, but has not spoken to me about it or asked me to stay. Do you think there is any chance of us getting back together? Should I wait for him? No one who is close to him knows how he feels about me because he is not open to anyone about these kinds of things. They just know that he doesn’t dislike me. Do you have an advice you can give?

  11. Anon

    May 21, 2019 at 9:36 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me nearly 3 weeks ago after an argument and he keeps saying he wants to be on his own and he would rather be friends
    We’ve been hanging out as friends and doing couple style stuff but nothing has changed

    I’m worried he’ll find someone else soon

    I’d like to know how I can change his mind and get him back

  12. Ari

    May 14, 2019 at 5:04 am

    My ex fiance broke up with me as we were having constant fights and I was not handling the fights well. I was having bad temper and irritable, a phase I am going through due to stress. Anyway, we met after almost 2 weeks of the breakup as he wanted to sit and talk and so we did, but it turned out none of us was emotionally ready to talk, we did not argue, we just calmly talk but I never asked him for a second chance although I wanted to. He ended up talking about the stuff I have left at his home and that he can drop it at my building’s reception, he wanted to return his wedding band too (as we both got our wedding bands along with the engagement ring), I refused to take it, it’s just too painful, but he said I returned the rings so it’s fair to return his. We parted ways, but I could not help but text him and told him how sad I was and seeing him made it worse. I texted him that I just want to forget about everything and be ok. I Texted him today if breaking up is what he really wants as I am afraid to not try knowing the truth, I am waiting for his reply. I really want him back though.

  13. Twinkle Ayag

    April 20, 2019 at 5:56 am

    hi im Twinkle 23 yrs old

    my boyfriend break up with me 4weeks ago and i keep beggingvfor two days and last week monday and ifuck up last tuesday and wednesday i keep tellibg him i love him and miss him and i told him that you have to tell me if he doesnt love me anymore and i will stop dealing with him and he said yes i dont love you anymore but he still not block me and delete our pictures and me too and now i keep posting pretty pictures of me because its summer last week i told him i dont wana be friends with him because i love to be with him more than a friend or more than a special friend he is my first and love him very much unexpectedly. my mistake is beeing clingy and needy and sometimes crazy easy to panick at a small things and i regret from my mistakes and learned how to control now im starting my NC hope he will still thinking of me and hoping to change his mind? will it change?

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2019 at 11:05 pm

      HI Twinkle! So i do think NC is the right path. Tap into my resources (ebooks, videos, podcasts) to help you thru all this!

  14. Lyn

    April 8, 2019 at 7:03 am

    Hi, my ex boyfriend broke up with me a month ago. We were living in one house. We were 8 years in relationship. He broke up with me because i cheated on him but i apologized him and feel so sorry with what i have done. I asked him a second chance for me to feel him how sorry i am and i regret with what i have done to him. But he was so angry with me and he said that we will end up our relastionship and he told me that he doesnt love me anymore. I will do everything to make him happy and to feel him that i really love him. What will i do?

  15. Emma

    March 26, 2019 at 7:01 am

    Hi! is it possible to get an ex back after multiple breakups, if the main reason of every breakup was my fault?
    He´s been giving me major confirmation about “i´ve never felt this strong towards a person before, i gave you so many chances because it was you, i´ve never felt this deep connection with anyone else, i gave you more chances than what i actually could give because it was you, i would never give anyone this much chances, i gave you so much chances because i´ve never felt so strong towards anyone else”

    Last years breakup he wrote to me a month after no contact, but now he seems really over this because i didn´t change after all the chances he gave me. I didn´t change because i already had him.. now i´m serious about changing. The main reasons we broke up everytime was because my ego in fights (got big ego from insecurities, anxiety, 0 trust and being immature) does no contact work after multiple breakups? please help!

  16. Mamae

    January 7, 2019 at 2:33 pm

    Hi, im needing some advice, my ex walked out last christmas he got into a new relationship couple of weeks after, after a few months he came back to me saying saying he was going to end it with this new girl she was just a rebound he still loves me and wants his family back, we started sleeping together after a month or so he changed his mind and went on holiday with her, he came back again beging for me to give him another chance he still loves me and misses me, wants his soulmate and children back, which foolishly i did, he ended it with this girl, and things were going really well until he changed his mind and said he loves her and not me it must have just been lust! Im so hurt and confused right now.

  17. Jenna

    November 16, 2018 at 4:39 am

    Hello! Quick insight – I was seeing someone who was not interested in a committed relationship; he wanted an open relationship. It had been three months, and we spoke just recently a few weeks ago. The conversation was good; he asked about my dates, if I had gone on any nice dates. We talked about meeting again. I haven’t made any effort to arrange plans with him and wanted to know if that’s best? I really want it to be his sole and genuine decision if we see one another again. Also, how long would be too long to wait? He has always taken his time in the past; drove me kind of crazy.

  18. Kate

    November 13, 2018 at 2:26 pm

    Hello. I’d really appreciate an opinion from someone who doesn’t know me.
    Okay, been with A for nearly 2 years, we got engaged in the summer. He broke up with me 8 days ago, 3 days before our holiday, so I’m on holiday alone and of course, my mind is consumed with him. He’d been slowly distancing himself and pushing me away for probably about 2 months and then the day he broke up with me was just a highly emotional, teary outburst saying ‘I want to be alone, I don’t want to be with anyone, I don’t want to go on holiday, you don’t want to be with someone like me, I don’t know who I am anymore, I don’t want to drag you down’. I, of course, tried to tell him how much I loved him and wanted to marry him etc etc but he just kept repeating that stuff. I asked if this was a break up and he said yes. We cried together and then I left. AHis brother messaged me later that day (he’s lovely) so say that A was having trouble with his depression and letting life/work get on top of him. A couple of days later, he asked to come over and talk… But in the end all he said was sorry and gave me my key back. He was still wearing his ring (I’m still wearing mine). . I think the brother tried talking him into getting on the plane with me but A said it would make things worse and that I wouldn’t have wanted him there. He’s had spells of depression in the past and is on antidepressants.
    As I boarded the plane, I messaged A just to say that I loved him so much and was going to miss him. He replied straight away with the same… I’ve now spent the week alone in a hot country, just wishing he was with me. We’ve had no contact since.
    So now I’m trying to figure out this… Carry on doing nothing and move on? Or hold onto some hope for the man i love? Thank you for reading
    Love K

    1. Chris Seiter

      November 14, 2018 at 1:59 am

      Hi Kate!

      Probably best to tap into some of the strategies that you might not have employed yet. The first being a focus on your own healing and recovery. You can’t control which he chooses to do or say. NC allows you to accomplish many different objectives. Explore my site…my books, my videos, my podcasts for more insights!

  19. Mimi

    October 8, 2018 at 12:26 am

    I would like some help to ease my mind. I’ve been dating guy exclusively again after doing the NC rule starting from May. Before the NC rule we were constantly arguing and we were both so fisty with each other (over text) then one day he ended it and I was devastated. I did the NC rule and I managed to win him back. With this new relationship I have with him we never argued until 2 weeks ago as I just recently moved to my university accommodation! He came to visit me twice and he felt that I was being weird towards him. From my POV everything is new to me and I didn’t feel settled at my new place yet because I will also live with 7 new people. I could feel him distancing himself away from me. He is also a very busy guy who work 8-5 on weekdays but I just felt that he was pulling away from. Whenever I tried arranging something with him he would come up with an excuse until one day he popped up with the message “do you think we’re grasping at straws a bit? I mean last time didn’t work and now it’s becoming distant and weird”! I was so confused because he was distancing himself from me and it wasn’t the other way round. I wasn’t clingy in any form. We talked about it through text and he said that he’s unsure about the connection we have and he doesn’t think he can do it anymore because he is far too stressed and tired for it! The last message I sent him was I never told him that I’ve completely fallen for him before so I told him I love him. I also said on the message how much I appreciate him and that I’m willing to work on things as long as he is patient with me! I might have scared him when I asked him to be my boyfriend because I did it at a very wrong time. But I told him that I think he need some space and time alone to think about everything so I’ve given him a week! He agreed that he will think about it for a week!
    Now I’m at the edge, waiting for his response and thinking of the scenarios that could take place. I love him, I don’t want to lose him but at the same time I want him to be happy. I don’t want to use NC again. I can’t do anything because it is his decision ah

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 8, 2018 at 5:01 am

      Hi Mimi!

      So just think little steps. If needs more time, fine. You will benefit to because a big part of your efforts should be around your continued healing and personal growth.

    2. Chris Seiter

      October 8, 2018 at 5:01 am

      Hi Mimi!

      So just think little steps. If needs more time, fine. You will benefit to because a big part of your efforts should be around your continued healing and personal growth.

  20. Lynne

    October 6, 2018 at 4:51 am

    My boyfriend and I started dating January 2017. Everything was amazing, and we had great communication (even though mine was worse but he knew how to get me to talk and when I needed to). He always stated he didnt want kids but against all odds we became pregnant but had a miscarriage after 8 months of dating. Afterwards, we were stronger than before. We had talked about moving in after a year of dating and did so this past February. And he started bringing up the idea of looking at rings with me. He was excited to move in but when the day came, and past, a few times, he seemed reluctant. I found out a couple months later it was because he didnt feel like it was home to him since I had lived there for years, like he was intruding. My hormones were a mess over the 6 months after our miscarriage and we had a few small fights regarding my attitude but always worked through it. Since February he has lost a few jobs, and finally landed his dream job in May. Everything was great, my hormones were back on track, he had a job, life was getting back on track. Then 2 months ago his best friend wasnt around as much, his job stated they were closing up shop soon, and finances were a wreck with me finishing up school. All we have ever talked about is settling down out in California where he’s from and I’ve tried to help get us there. 2 weeks ago he lost that job, and two night ls ago he said he couldn’t do it anymore and after a couple months of non stop small arguments, annoying each other, and not communicating, he finally said he was sick of treating me like crap and called it off. I feel like we got out a lot of what’s been on our mind that night and that we really needed that to move on. We had talked about options for when he could pick up some of his stuff, and I told him I wanted to be there when he came by. But today he moved most of his possessions out while at was at work. I came home to what felt like a empty house. I called and explained that, doing that made it harder for me to process what was happening. Tomorrow he’s going to come by and get the rest. I want to talk to him and figure everything out. I starting to think after reading your advice that I should start the NC rule and just let him get his things, and give it time. I don’t want to lose him though. Do I mention things that put good emotions in his head? Then NC?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 7, 2018 at 3:35 am

      Hi Lynne!

      Well, see how things progress when you meet up. If it does not go well, then employ NC.

1 2 3 17