Gather round, gentle viewers!
It’s storytime!
I got a really interesting question the other day from a woman whose name I’m not going to even try to pronounce…
Jariwah…
Jarieewah…
Jahrawah?
Ugh, I give up.
Nevertheless, this awesome lady asked,
Can you just tell me what the heck is going on in his head?
And this got me thinking,
You know what, I can!
So, I decided to peel back the layers and tell you guys some of the things that my fellow men don’t want out there. Now, this is really good stuff because I am going to be going into some of my own breakups and the thoughts that had influenced my actions.
My hope is that as you listen to my epic (kind of lame) story you will be able to bridge the gap between your ex boyfriend and you.
After all, don’t all women wonder what the heck is going on inside the head of a man right after a breakup.
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What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizAlright, let’s begin!
Marie
November 20, 2019 at 7:13 pm
My ex reached out to me 1 day after he broke up with me and said he wanted us to pray for our relationship. Which is normal for us, but I was under the impression there was no relationship and I wanted to know if that meant we were working on us. He broke up with me because all we did is fight. Every day. I don’t think he has cheated, but he lied to me about things and that’s what created the fights. Well when he told me that I wanted to know what he meant by it. He said it didn’t mean he wanted a relationship. So of course I got emotional and it created another argument. Would you say this was the only chance I had at making him want to work it out with me? I have never done the NC and I’m doing it now and only on day 5. He has not reached out to me anymore.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
November 23, 2019 at 1:30 pm
Hi Marie, so if you havent yet make sure you complete a NC starting the day after you last spoke to him. And in that time work on yourself to become Ungettable and then reach out to him as a friend later down the line.
Phoo
December 30, 2018 at 12:11 pm
My ex boyfriend dumped me after dating for 3 months and 2 days.He said he wants to focus on his life and he can’t give his time for me anymore.He said he’s no longer happy when he can’t focus on our relationship.He told me I won’t be happy too and to just find someone who can takes care for me.He chose his family over me.He’s scared that he won’t meet his parents expectations and just because his mum told me she doesn’t want him to have a gf yet,he dumped me without considering my feelings.He said he only wants to be friends with me.He even told me that he won’t be angry if I’ve already moved on.And he told me he is breaking up with me before it’s too late because it’d be harder for us if we were to break up after a long-term.He said our relationship was kinda just like friends so it won’t hurt me much.When I asked him if he no longer loves me,he said he still does but he just can’t think about relationship anymore.He also made it sure that he isn’t seeing or interested in anyone else.When I asked him if we still have a chance after school,he first was like”Let’s just be friends till we graduate and then we go out again”then he suddenly was like”I don’t know if we can still meet after school because we both will be busy with work.Let’s just be Friends.”It’s been 3 weeks since the breakup.He looks happy and doing OK with his friends.He also becomes to hang out with female friends(those girls are my fris too)more than before.I no longer contact him but I see him at school every day plus he is my classmate!He seems like he isn’t affected by my existence.Does it mean he’s moved on completely?Does it mean he no longer has feelings for me?He told me he still loves me so.I doubt it tho.Do we really not have another chance?I really love him and I just can’t let go easily.Our country is really poor and I’m yet to be 18 so I can’t even afford the relationship coachs or their e books.So is there any way that I can do to get him back?You can see I am really desperate.I pretend to be emotionally stable in front of him but no!Deep inside,I am dying.He used to see his future with me.He even told me about marriage many times!How could he change his mind?(P.S there wasn’t any fight or conflict before break up.We were hanging out at school as usual, then when we returned home,I got a breakup msg from him)
Chris Seiter
December 30, 2018 at 11:14 pm
Hi Phoo!
Probably best to embrace a sensible ex recovery plan, not just for the sake of trying to get him back, but also for your ongoing healing and recovery. Visit my home page as I list out a lot of resources and tools for you to make use of.
Rachel
December 28, 2018 at 9:40 am
Hello,
I have been with my boyfriend for about 1 and a half years. We’ve been LDR and later he moved to a city next to mine(a two-hour train ride). We were very close and loved each other but then a new situation occured. I was a person of great insecurity and it has been 2 months already that we fought a lot and hang up on each other’s phone calls but usually problems were solved overnight or in one or two days. However, two weeks ago I was at his place and we had a big fight the other night and the next morning he declared the break up and said that it was over. We were both angry at each other. Following that I wrote to him talking about my regrets and that I was sorry and that we could be together if we try(I didn’t know NC yet). He replied eventually saying stop messaging him and later even called me for a closure(while I was talking about we could get together and try), and on the phone I sensed he was still angry and reluctant to believe that I would change etc. and hang off the phone. The same day he sent me a long message saying that all the fightings and everything made him unhappy and we were two different ppl and it was over. I was very depressed and at loss. I wanna get him back but I don’t know what to follow next. Should I contact him again? Thanks for the advice.
Chris Seiter
December 29, 2018 at 2:26 am
Hi Rachel!
I think you would benefit from following my Program..I have tons of books and other content that can help. I do think NC will benefit you and your efforts.
Britt
February 14, 2018 at 7:32 pm
Hi there,
My ex and I were together for almost 3 years and had a fairly tumultuous relationship. I felt like he was always getting away with treating me poorly when he didn’t agree with me or when we would fight. So there was one point during the summer where I finally stepped away and tried to break free of the cycle we had continuously been in. He had begged for me back however I told him that I had met someone, which In fact I did. I knew that the only way he would maybe appreciate me more was if he knew that I wasn’t his anymore. This person that I had met was just an excuse for me to leave the situation with my boyfriend and try to get him to realize that his actions would have consequences. With that being said my boyfriend still fought for me and begged for me back for 3 straight months. I had no contact until he sent me something that irked me and made me respond. The last I spoke to him was in October and hadn’t spoken since until last week. I had gone 4 months with no communication and a total of 6 months broken up. During this time I tried to move on and deal with the fact that it was over but still couldn’t get over him and thought of reaching out almost every day since we had been apart. When I spoke to him last week he came to me and we acted as if nothing had ever happen between us but then mentioned that he had a new girlfriend. He said he would leave her for me if he knew that I would be serious about getting back together and if things wouldn’t be toxic as they were before. He agreed to see me the following day and again the week after. He still says that he loves me but that I broke his heart and isn’t willing to lose this new relationship to get back with me. He Also was giving me mixed signals by saying he still thinks of me and never got over me but after having lunch with me we got into a little tiff. Did u lose me window of opportunity ? I know I put him through a lot of pain by ignoring him for months but is this his way of punishing me or is he confused and may actually consider being with me again? I’m leaving a lot out obviously but my main question is if he is trying to play a game to make me work for his affection again or if this really is over between us and he just wanted to see me again for whatever reason he felt he needed to.
EBR Team Member: Amor
February 18, 2018 at 11:09 pm
Hi Britt,
I think he’s trying to play safe.. He chased for 3 months. He might be thinking that you’re just stringing him along. If you want a restart with him, don’t date anybody else and then slowly rebuild rapport with him.
Kristina
October 8, 2017 at 1:52 pm
I first just want to thank everyone on this website for being there for so many of us going through emotional crisis. I’ve Been with my boyfriend for 21 months. We have had very little arguments over that time maybe five with the last three being this September. I believe the arguments are us both not handling outside stress well. I have been through some much stress…I just got divorced in August officially and I have a 2yoa with another guy, I’ve had to move twice since I’ve been with my current boyfriend/ex due to health concerns with my daughter. My dog is dying, a hurricane hit, among a bunch of other stuff. I never thought you would just sneak off while I was at work and leave a note that he didn’t want to be with me anymore. As he had promised day in and day out he would be honest with me always talk to me about issues and work things out with me he wanted to marry me , have a child with me etc. etc. I definitely did not see this coming and furthermore he refuses to have a face-to-face conversation with me. He claims he’s trying to spare us hard ache well unfortunately he left me in our house with all the pieces to pick up by myself and I can’t afford the house by myself or to break the lease. Just this past Monday we had agreed to go to counseling because I explained I think we both were not handling our outside stressors very well and he agreed. Unfortunately he changed is mind I guess and thinks the best thing is to run away. He won’t really tell me the reason yet but he equates one of the reasons that I got really mad when I was running late one day and told him I didn’t want to talk at the moment . He says he apologize for never telling me how deeply that affected him… I find that completely irrational as I was not even mad at him I was mad at the fact I was running behind and going to be late for work I thought I did the right thing by telling him not to talk to me at the moment so I wouldn’t say or do anything I would regret unfortunately how this against me as some sort of secret tally or grudge against me . As far as I can see most of the other reasons that he’s kind of giving our irrational I know I can’t change his mind it’s pretty much made up when he walked out on me and my little one without a word. The thing is I have to have a face-to-face with him for closure and dividing bills items up…he did agree to meet me in a couple days . I don’t know how to handle it he says nothing he can say will change anything but I still want to hear all the reasons from his mouth . Can someone please tell me how to respond or how to prepare myself I am completely heartbroken and shocked . Thanks.
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 9, 2017 at 12:12 am
Hi Kristina,
Just be calm and indifferent..
Pearl
October 3, 2017 at 5:28 am
Me and my ex broke up 7 months ago. We are in a long distance relationship by the way and we have different nationalities. He broke up with me because he was pressured with school projects & exams (he was graduating at the time) and he said he couldn’t give enough quality time for me. Even though we are over, we still have communication from time to time until now. Just friendly conversations.
Now that he is working, we still chat & voice mail sometimes. One day he asked me how I was dealing with the break up. I told him that it hurt of course and I missed him but I didn’t want to disturb him with his studies that’s why I didn’t argue much. I even told him that maybe he has moved on.
But I was surprised when he said that he still loves me but he has to control it. He blamed himself that he wasn’t a good boyfriend back then.
I don’t understand because if he still loves me, why didn’t he asked me to be his girlfriend once again? It’s been 7 months. Even if we are communicating, he has late replies. It’ll take him 2-3 days before he replies back. Although every time I’m sad or has problems, he will immediately contact me and asks if I’m okay because he said that I am a special friend to him. I just think that maybe he is busy that’s why his replies are late.
I know that he is a good guy. I miss him so much and I miss our silly conversations before.
His late replies just make me sad. Does he really still loves me? I want us to be together again. What should I do?
EBR Team Member: Amor
October 3, 2017 at 9:53 pm
Hi Pearl,
Check this one:
My Ex Boyfriend Told Me He Loves Me But Won’t Commit
Britt
September 17, 2017 at 3:11 pm
So my situation is a bit different me and my ex were off and one for a little over two years . The last theee weeks he became distant and nice then mean and kept having all these excuses of why … I kept working on what he was saying was bothering him to make us work out . Finally last weekend he said he was over us and wants to be alone . But two days later randomly texted me he loved me , but I ignored him for two days because i was still upset about him ending things so finally when I called him everything was ok untill the next night he wouldn’t answer but finally texted and said he’s exhausted from work so I left it alone then the next day I texted him through the day and called once no answer , but he finally called and basically said he wanted me out his life … it surprised me . After a while he admits it’s because the way we met . I was a dancer . (Which was over two years ago) He said it bothers him now , and he often thinks about it and doesn’t want to deal with it . I kept texting him threwout the day , basically saying how his descion is dumb for a dumb reason .. then I called and he blocked me . The next day he unblocked me we talked , he basically said he’s sticking with his decision and he’s not coming back and to move on . He’s out of town . I told him I was going to stop by when he gets back and he called me crazy & I didn’t reply because hearing that made me finally accept it’s over . Later he texted me and called me weird because his family told him I came by the day before when he wasn’t answering . I still didn’t reply . So now it’s been a day I haven’t heard from him after the last two messages he sent , I still didn’t reply .
I feel bad and understand his reason completely, but I tried to explain how I was young and dumb but he’s just over it.. he also says he doesn’t want to have to have someone to answer to . hes also going to be out of town busy with work the next month so I’m pretty sure he won’t contact me ..
I don’t want to do NC because I’ve done it before & I know it becomes less effective.
So I basically am either going to move on or just give it a few days and reach out one more time . I’m not sure on which one I should do ??
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 20, 2017 at 10:52 am
HI Britt,
if you’ve only done nc once, you can still try it.. or if you want to give it a few days and reach out one last time and move on if it doesn’t work, go ahead.
Britney
September 17, 2017 at 12:04 am
So my situation is a bit different me and my ex were off and one for a little over two years . The last theee weeks he became distant and nice then mean and kept having all these excuses of why … I kept working on what he was saying was bothering him to make us work out . Finally last weekend he said he was over us and wants to be alone . But two days later randomly texted me he loved me , but I ignored him for two days because i was still upset about him ending things so finally when I called him everything was ok untill the next night he wouldn’t answer but finally texted and said he’s exhausted from work so I left it alone then the next day I texted him through the day and called once no answer , but he finally called and basically said he wanted me out his life … it surprised me . After a while he admits it’s because the way we met . I was a dancer . (Which was over two years ago) He said it bothers him now , and he often thinks about it and doesn’t want to deal with it . I kept texting him threwout the day , basically saying how his descion is dumb for a dumb reason .. then I called and he blocked me . The next day he unblocked me we talked , he basically said he’s sticking with his decision and he’s not coming back and to move on . He’s out of town . I told him I was going to stop by when he gets back and he called me crazy & I didn’t reply because hearing that made me finally accept it’s over . Later he texted me and called me weird because his family told him I came by the day before when he wasn’t answering . I still didn’t reply . So now it’s been a day I haven’t heard from him after the last two messages he sent , I still didn’t reply .
I feel bad and understand his reason completely, but I tried to explain how I was young and dumb but he’s just over it.. he also says he doesn’t want to have to have someone to answer to . hes also going to be out of town busy with work the next month so I’m pretty sure he won’t contact me ..
I don’t want to do NC because I’ve done it before & I know it becomes less effective.
So I basically am either going to move on or just give it a few days and reach out one more time . I’m not sure on which one I should do ??
EBR Team Member: Amor
September 20, 2017 at 10:27 am
HI Britney,
if you’ve only done nc once, you can still try it.. or if you want to give it a few days and reach out one last time and move on if it doesn’t work, go ahead.
Michael Kasunic
August 5, 2017 at 9:20 am
I can’t find the ex girlfriend recovery podcast you mentioned in this episode
EBR Team Member: Amor
August 6, 2017 at 7:17 pm
Hi Michael,
Exgirlfriend recovery doesn’t have a podcast yet but there is an exboyfriend recovery podcast in Itunes..
Chickoo
July 31, 2017 at 11:42 am
Hi.
My ex and I broke up a couple of days ago because he thought I was texting / calling him a lot, which led him to breaking up with me cuz he sadist feel as strongly for me as he did initially. I told him a month ago that we should talk a little more than once a week and video call a bit more. He started to find that smothering. And instead of reaching out to me, he directly ended it. He’s a very private person and doesn’t enjoy talking to anyone much (this includes his family and friends). We had been in a long distance relationship ever since we met, 6 months. He had to leave the country 5 days after we met.
I’m in the No Contact period right now( day 2 going on) . It’s his birthday in a week. If I call or text him on his birthday to wish him, does that mean I’m breaking the no contact rule.? I will have to contact him one more time during the week to inform that his gifts will be arriving (I had sent gifts for him a week before we broke up). How should I keep the conversation short on these two occasions? If he says he misses me and wants to get back together (I highly doubt that it would happen so soon), should I take this window of opportunity to make it work, even though I’ll be just a few days into the no contact rule.?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 31, 2017 at 5:07 pm
Hi Chickoo,
Check this links:
Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now
Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy
Amy
July 20, 2017 at 9:44 pm
What if someone has already lost that window of opportunity?
Amy
July 25, 2017 at 5:25 pm
Amor
I feel really hopeless because I have already told you in my previous comments with you that he came back to me and wanted to give everything a try and give us a new chance but I guess all my feelings and resentments came into the surface and we had little fights and he started getting distant and then I rushed everything and I guess he realized that I am no good and he stopped initiating conversations with me due to which I am in NC nowadays and he hasn’t contacted me at all
This is why I think I lost the window of opportunity, he is a stubborn guy and he was already uncertain about me and I gave him reasons to think he was right in his decision to stay broken up
You told me NC of 45 days, and I am studying and not stalking him but now is the second day that he has been posting really romantic quotations like a girl who is unique, different, etc!
This has really hurt me and confused me too but I haven’t showed any reaction although I might have viewed it only! I didn’t know he could see who viewed his status updates on WhatsApp!
What do you think he means by all this?
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2017 at 11:31 am
It depends on the situation.. What do you mean? Why and why did you lost that window?
Emma
July 20, 2017 at 8:29 pm
Me and my ex broke up twice over the course of one year. First time I broke up with him. This last time he broke up with me because he said we were arguing too much. So I didn’t fight him on his decision, instead I accepted it. I finally gathered the courage to confess all my feelings to him that I was suppressing, as I wasn’t too sure where things where leading this time around. He didn’t say anything, he stood quiet, and I bid my farewell in a calm manner. I wished him the best and unfriended him on FB. No contact from either side. He has two close friends who were my friends as well. One of them, his best friend, I had to cut out of my life because he went to him and told him things I said about him (my ex) in confidentiality. He (my ex) was upset, hence the arguing with my ex. I apologized and did my best to do things right but it seemed in vain. So I decided to cut them both and move on.
Then the second friend began getting close to me. He’s one of my exes oldest friends and he began to ask personal questions and what not. So he finally confessed that he had ‘feelings’ for me. Which I had suspected but I didn’t appreciate the fact that this very guy friend, sent screenshots of our conversations to my ex. In these conversations, I told him about a guy that broke my heart. That guy was my ex (but I didn’t mention names) and my ex was upset that I opened my mouth again. I didn’t see anything wrong because he and I weren’t talking anymore and I didn’t see the point in hiding anything. In fact, I was over it and was simply stating that a guy broke my heart. So he angrily said to me, don’t even talk about me or mention me at all. I agreed and we haven’t had contact since then. (This happened between January – May)
My question is why be upset? I mean he was upset because he said he never talked about my business or our business to anyone. Yet I had two people tell me things that only he and I knew. So why lie? Why say that he doesn’t talk about me when the evidence leads to that, and then get upset because I do? The first friend, best friend, that went to him and told him personal details about our conversation, is no longer in good terms with my ex. I don’t know why though.
Also, why would his second friend send him screenshots of our conversations? It just didn’t make sense to me. He also added my niece on Instagram about a month-two months after I deleted him off FB. Given, she did add him on FB for me but she did so in the beginning after he broke up with me.
EBR Team Member: Amor
July 25, 2017 at 10:27 am
Hi Emma
He’s upset because he thinks you’re badmouthing him to other people.. If the second friend really likes you then maybe that’s his way to get rid of the competition by showing your ex that he didn’t treat you right