Making an ex regret their decision to leave you isn’t easy.
In this post, I intend to change that by giving you a clear and concise game plan to make your ex regret not being in a relationship with you.
Oh, and it get’s better.
All of these strategies that I’m about to unveil to you have been used by my clients who have gotten their exes back.
In other words, every strategy here has been proven by real life people who have gotten their exes back.
How To Make Your Ex Regret Losing You
To make an ex “regret” implies that you are hoping they become sad or disappointed over the missed opportunity of being with you.
Unless you have extreme confidence, this isn’t going to be a cake walk.
In all, I have identified five strategies or mindsets that you need to adopt if you want to dramatically improve the odds in which your ex regrets not being with you.
- It’s All About Positioning (They can’t regret losing you if you beg for them back)
- Utilize The Theory Of Reactance
- Sprinkle In The Fear Of Loss
- Double Down On The Best Parts Of Your Relationship
- Bring Your Ex Back To The Good Old Days Emotionally
Some of you may be reading that list and thinking,
“But Chris… I don’t understand anything on there… How am I supposed to use this?”
To those people I say, buckle up because I’m going to teach you everything you want to know.
1. It’s All About Positioning
I’ve been doing this for half a decade as you can see by my best selling book and the one big takeaway I’ve learned in my six plus years is that most of the time people struggle to get back with their exes because of two simple concepts,
- Timing (Meaning the timing isn’t right)
- Positioning (Meaning they aren’t in a position to where they have a shot.)
Today I’d really like to zone in on the positioning portion of the struggle.
Most of the people who fail to make an ex regret their decision to leave the relationship fail because they aren’t putting their ex in a position where they are regretting their decision.
I’ll give you an example.
Let’s say you have two people trying to get their exes back,
Person A begs and pleads for their ex back. When that doesn’t work they begin to stalk their ex. This essentially reinforces Person A’s exes decision,
And then you have Person B. This person takes a completely different approach and instead of trying to get their ex back they start to implement specific strategies designed to show their ex what they are missing.
The results are clear,
Here’s what I’m getting at.
You can’t expect an ex to regret losing you if you are poorly positioned.
Poorly Positioned = Begging for them back, looking desperate, being needy, not leaving them alone
Once you have accepted this mindset shift you will begin to look at the rest of this list as not so much a “make them regret losing me” strategy but more a positioning one.
2. Utilize The Theory Of Reactance
What is the most popular strategy in the industry when it comes to getting an ex back?
It’s the no contact rule, right?
Here’s the funny thing about that though.
If you ask most experts out there why the no contact rule tends to be so effective they have no clue.
But I do!
The no contact rule works so well because of a psychology theory called “reactance.”
Here’s the technical definition in case you were wondering,
Reactance: is a motivational reaction to offers, persons, rules, or regulations that threaten to eliminate specific behavioral freedoms.
So, what does all this mumbo jumbo mean?
Quite simply, if someone is faced with a situation where they encounter a rule that takes a way some type of behavioral freedom they are likely to react in a way to try to take that freedom back.
It’s a close brother to “reverse psychology.”
Are you looking for evidence of how this works?
Check this picture out,
Pretty funny, right?
But how does this apply to making an ex regret losing you.
Well, when you implement a strategy like the no contact rule you are actually taking away your exes freedom to talk to you.
By doing that you are stacking the odds in your favor that they are going to reach out and try to take that freedom back.
Remember, it’s all about positioning.
3. Sprinkle In The Fear Of Loss
Did you know I have a three year old daughter?
One of the most interesting things about her is that she has trouble focusing on one thing for an extended period of time.
I’ll give you an example.
Sometimes my wife and I let her watch TV.
Usually she’ll sit still and watch it for about twenty minutes but inevitably something else will catch her interest.
It’s at this point when I tell her that I’m going to turn off the TV that she throws a tantrum,
Why is it she is throwing a tantrum?
Well, I believe it’s because she is afraid she won’t get to watch TV ever again. In other words, she’s afraid she will lose it forever.
It really ties into the theory of reactance that I was talking about above.
And that brings us to how you should be handling your ex if you want them to regret losing you.
Sometimes exes need to see someone else enjoying your company for them to react with regret.
Why does this work?
Well, lets say that you decide you are going to go out on a date with someone whose had the hots for you for a very long time.
Inevitably a picture gets taken while you are having fun on the date and gets posted to social media. Your ex, who is a pretty avid social media person, sees the picture and reality hits hard.
You see, your ex may have wondered if you were dating anyone else but wondering and actually seeing it are two completely different things.
And sometimes it takes this cold hard dose of reality before your ex starts to realize what they are missing.
4. Double Down On The Best Parts Of Your Relationship
Are you familiar with something called “the peak-end rule?”
Well, you’re in luck because today I’m going to teach you about it.
It’s actually something I talk a lot about when I coach people and have even talked about it in my book (link).
Here’s the break down,
The Peak-End Rule: When human beings remember an experience they remember it based on two points, the peak of the experience and the end of the experience.
This is a perfect psychological concept to grasp when it comes to breakups.
Most of the time this is the general arc of a relationship,
Notice how there is a sure rise at the beginning of the relationship and then eventually that rise plates and it’s all downhill from there.
According to the peak-end rule your ex is going to remember your time together based on two points roughly here and here,
A huge reason for why an ex doesn’t regret their decision to leave is because every time they think back on your time together they aren’t thinking of that peak portion where things were great.
Instead, they think of the end and usually the end is synonymous with some really bad stuff.
It’s hard to regret something that isn’t really anything to get excited about.
So, what you should be doing is finding subtle ways to highlight the best parts of your relationship which will reinforce that peak part of the relationship.
Luckily, I have a few strategies in mind for you.
5. Bring Your Ex Back To The Good Old Days Emotionally
This may sound a little strange but I want you to take out a piece of paper and start to list all of the best times you had with your ex.
I’d also like to add another level of complexity and require that you focus only on writing down the best times as it relates to your ex.
In other words, try to take yourself out of the equation and ask,
Did my ex really enjoy this?
If you come to the conclusion that they didn’t then it isn’t going to make the list.
Do you have your list?
Once you have your list I actually want you to slip in some of these memories during conversations with your ex.
I actually talk about this technique a lot in my book and call it, “the memory text.”
I’ll give you an example from my own life.
One of my fondest memories is the time that my wife and I actually went on a hot air balloon ride before we were married.
Perhaps the coolest part about this experience was how it ended.
I was always under the assumption that hot air balloon pilots had a very specific place that they would land.
Turns out reality is a bit different.
Our hot air balloon pilot literally landed in someones backyard. To make matters crazier the whole neighborhood saw us coming and came to watch.
AND TO MAKE MATTERS EVEN CRAZIER.
The backyard we landed in was having a birthday party.
Here are pictures,
Do you see how awesome that story is.
Can you imagine if I told that story in a text like this,
The key is to really pick a memory that is going to incite a lot of emotion within your ex. Something that will stop them in their tracks and make them reminisce.
If you are looking for ideas I suggest you check out this guide my buddy Brad Browning did for texting your ex.
There are tons of ideas there for you to look at.
You made it to the end!
To be honest, I never know how to end these articles so here is all I’ll say.
I answer everyone who comments.
So, if you have any questions about your situation make sure you comment and I usually get back to people within 24 hours.
See you next time!