Getting your ex boyfriend back is a pretty tricky task.
You essentially have to convince a person, who wants nothing to do with you, that you are the best thing for them.
A lot of work goes into that “convincing.”
So, lets just assume that you have done everything right when it comes to getting your boyfriend back.
- You have gotten back on speaking terms with them.
- The two of you are engaging in a little flirting.
- He seems to be back into you and you are clearly still into him.
How do you seal the proverbial relationship deal?
How do you actually go about asking this person that the two of you should be in a relationship again?
Well, that’s what we are here to talk about today.
First though, there is something super important that you have to understand.
How This Guide Works
I am going to do my best to put this in a way that is easy for you to understand.
Getting an ex boyfriend back is a very complex process.
I almost look at it like a puzzle.
So, going off of that example Ex Boyfriend Recovery (this website) is meant to be a resource for you to put the pieces of the puzzle together. Every single post I have ever created is meant to be a small piece of the puzzle and I leave it up to you to piece them together.
(Hey, we don’t want you getting lazy now do we?)
What’s the point of me telling you all of this?
Simple, this page is meant to be the ultimate guide when it comes to the moment of asking your ex boyfriend to be in a relationship with you (hopefully you can work things to your advantage to where HE will ask you.)
Of course, everything that is required to get to that point isn’t covered here.
All the strategies of getting back on good terms with your ex, leaving him wanting more and getting him on a date is not going to be talked about.
Those things are all separate pieces of the puzzle that you are going to have to look elsewhere to find.
Now, if it sounds like I am leaving you out to dry a little bit I assure you that I am not.
Luckily for you, I have already create a resource that puts every single piece of the puzzle together.
It’s called Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
It’s my 46,000 word E-Book that details every single step of this process from start to finish. So, if you are interested in having a complete step by step guide for putting the “puzzle” together I implore you to click the button below,
Ok, now that we have that out of the way lets talk about the first aspect of asking your ex boyfriend to be in a relationship again.
The Two Things About “The Talk”
From now on I am going to be referring to asking your ex boyfriend to be in a relationship with you again as “the talk.”
So, there are two things I would like to talk to you about today about the big “talk” with your ex.
Thing 1- Him Initiating The Talk
Thing 2- You Initiating The Talk
What’s the best protocol for this?
Generally speaking when it comes to men its always a bit more powerful if they initiate things as opposed to you initiating things. However, sometimes men can have trouble with “the talk.” This is especially true of exes who are hyper sensitive to everything.
So, here is how I am going to approach things in this guide.
I am going to operate under the assumption that you want your ex boyfriend to be the one to initiate “the talk.” So, I am going to give specific game plans on what you need to do to entice him into committing to you.
Of course, there are some cases where no matter what you do your ex still won’t be the one to initiate things so you are going to be forced to be the one.
If you find yourself in this situation then don’t worry, I got your back.
I am also going to be providing strategies on how to do that.
So, essentially I am dividing this guide up into two sections.
Section 1- Getting HIM To Initiate The Relationship Talk
Section 2- YOU Initiating The Relationship Talk
Pretty cool, huh?
Well, lets get right to it.
SECTION ONE: Getting HIM To Initiate “The Talk”
There are really two aspects to getting a man to initiate a talk where he asks you to be his girlfriend again.
To illustrate these aspects I have decided to put together a little graphic.
For those of you who had trouble dissecting the graphic let me make things easier for you.
Aspect 1 = Your ex boyfriend feeling influenced/affected enough to want to solidify a relationship with you.
Aspect 2 = You dropping subtle hints that your ex picks up and eventually realizes that you want him to ask you to be in a relationship again so he takes the initiative and does it.
So, here is what I have decided to do.
I am going to dissect these aspects a little more in-depth (one aspect at a time) and then once we fully have a grasp on them I am going to integrate the two and show you how you need to use them to get your ex boyfriend to have “the talk” with you.
Ok, lets start with aspect 1.
ASPECT 1: Influencing Your Ex Boyfriend To Have “The Talk”
How can I put this in a way so that you understand it with perfect clarity?
Ok, this is the best I can come up with.
A man is not going to do something (relationship wise) unless he feels a strong influence to do it.
Take my wife for example.
Some of the more hardcore readers of Ex Boyfriend Recovery know that my wife and I were in a long distance relationship for close to 5 months.
One thing that she did phenomenally is hold such an influence over me that I was willing to consider a move from Texas to Pennsylvania.
Every single day that I was in Texas my mind was consumed with one singular thought,
“I have to find a way for us to be together permanently.”
It got to the point to where I was obsessive about it.
It was all I would think about and to be honest it kind of made me depressed to have to wait around.
Obviously we all know how things ended up there.
Because of the influence my wife held over me I was willing to take some drastic measures (like leaving my family and friends to move to PA to be with her.)
Now, lets play devils advocate here a bit.
Lets pretend that when my wife and I were dating that she didn’t hold that type of influence over me.
What do you think happens then?
Personally speaking, it was very hard to move away from my family. I am not quite sure I realized the full extend of how hard it would be until I had moved. I mean, subconsciously I think I knew it would be hard but thinking it and experiencing it are two different things.
Anyways, if I was dating my wife and she didn’t hold a big influence over me then I guarantee you that moving wouldn’t have been in my vocabulary.
She probably would have just been some girl I had dated long distance for a while and I would have been the same to her.
But she wasn’t…
She held an insane amount of influence over me.
So much, in fact, that I believed that I was going to marry her (I did.)
I guess the point of my whole spiel is to show you that without influence your ex boyfriend isn’t going to be asking you to be his girlfriend again.
This begs an interesting question.
How do you gain the right type of influence over your ex boyfriend?
How To Gain Influence Over Your Ex
There are a lot of ways of gaining influence over your ex again.
I want to start off by saying that going over every single one of those ways is going to be impossible.
Because I could write an entire article on them.
Besides, that is kind of why I wrote Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
So, instead of boring you with a long complicated explanation I am going to cover the main factors that cause a man feel an insane amount of influence to his woman.
Factor 1- He Has To Think She Is Better Than Him
This is a weird one, huh?
I mean, it seems like it’s made up, doesn’t it?
I assure you it’s not.
You are talking to a man who was influenced by a woman to move all the way across the country. Do you think I would have done that if I didn’t think the woman I was moving across the country for was worth it?
Of course not.
Rather, I had this innate belief that she was better than me and it intrigued me.
For example, I look like this,
She looks like this,
She is better looking than me.
Oh, what about intelligence?
Well, let me put it this way. When I am writing for this site and I get stuck and can’t think of anything who do you think I go to?
Yup, she gets me right back on track and brings a new idea to the table that I would have never thought of.
I guess the point I am trying to get at here is that part of the reason she fascinates me is the fact that I have this innate belief that she is better than me and that gives her influence over me.
Factor 2- You Can’t Be Too Available
Look, I get it.
You want your ex back.
Heck, some of you want him back so bad that you probably would be willing to sell your soul for another chance.
I understand how bad you want him back but you want to know a secret?
The more you appear available to him the worse your chances of getting him back are.
Too available to a man is essentially the same as being needy.
Once again I am going to go to the well that is my wife and I’s relationship.
You know one of the things that she did to me before we officially started dating?
We would be texting back and forth and I was really hooked into the conversations. In fact, I was so hooked that I would be drooling like a dog waiting for my next response. Unfortunately, the response wouldn’t come.
Still makes me angry to this day.
Of course, while it made me angry it also intrigued me and made me want to find out what was going to happen next.
Kind of like a good TV show that just ends abruptly…
All in all, it made me feel like I wasn’t the most important thing to her (which I wanted to be.) I think this was important because it set this dynamic where I was always craving her attention. If you are too available for your ex boyfriend then that dynamic isn’t going to exist.
Factor 3- Flirting, Friend Zone, Flirting, Friend Zone
This is a relatively new idea that I have come up with but it’s rooted in some sound logic.
Based on everything you have learned so far what is it about a woman that has a lot of influence over a male?
Well, for one he has to feel like she is better than him and taking things a step further he has to feel like he can’t get her. I don’t think it’s any secret that men are drawn to things they can’t have.
Take me for example.
The last big purchase I made was on something that I told myself I couldn’t have.
You see, my old TV was getting a little bit… well, old. So, I decided it would be time to upgrade to a new TV.
I told myself that the maximum I was willing to spend on a TV was $1,200.
What do you think I ended up spending?
Quite a bit over my limit, huh?
Why did I spend so much more than I had originally planned.
It’s because I kept getting seduced by TV’s that I told myself that I couldn’t have. As a result, all the TV’s I couldn’t have looked ten times more attractive to me. In fact, one had caught my eye so much that I actually pulled the trigger and bought it.
Bottom Line = Men Want What They Can’t Have
But how does this tie into gaining influence over your ex?
The tactic we are studying here, flirt, friend zone, flirt and friend zone is deeply premised on the fact that men want what they can’t have.
Think about it for a moment.
If you flirt with your ex boyfriend what is he going to naturally think?
That he can have you, right?
Well, right when your ex has this thought your are going to do something that makes him think he is in the friend zone.
All of a sudden he can’t have you anymore so your attractiveness level slightly raises.
Then after some time goes by you are going to un-friend zone him and make him think he has a chance with you again by flirting a bit.
He can have you again, yay.
Of course, what happens next?
Yep, you guessed it you are going to friend zone him again making him think he doesn’t have a shot again.
As a result, your attractiveness level will raise.
This process repeats over and over again a few times until your exes attractiveness level for you is to a point where he feels influenced enough to want to ask you out.
In fact, it’s probably a good idea for me to mention that this little tactic is excellent for those of you who seem to have trouble with getting an ex interested in you. So, make sure you put this to use if you find yourself in that predicament.
Lets move on to the next step of this process, dropping subtle hints.
Dropping Subtle Hints To Your Ex Boyfriend
Ok, I want to start this section off with a statement.
When it comes to asking women to be an “official girlfriend” just assume that men are stupid.
I know I was.
Would you like to know how I worked up the courage to ask my wife to be my girlfriend way back when I was dating her?
We were out at a concert at a bar and there was some sort of “American day” going on to support the troops.
Anyways, it just so happened that my wife was wearing an American shirt so the bar owner asked her to go on stage and say the pledge of allegiance when the time was right. When the time came she was called onto stage and I did what any guy who was falling in love with a girl would do. I ran to the front of the stage to record the whole thing with my phone.
It was interesting because she kept looking over my way and was constantly smiling at me.
Some of the people at the front of the stage began to take notice and one guy who was standing next to me tapped on my shoulder and asked if that was my girlfriend.
Now, at this point of our relationship we hadn’t really talked about “labels” so I didn’t know exactly what to say.
I paused for a moment and then I thought to myself,
“Ah, what the heck I am just going to say yes because I do want her to be.”
So I said yes.
I felt like I had just robbed a bank because I didn’t officially know if we were in a relationship yet.
Of course, that little tap on the shoulder from that guy gave me the courage to officially ask her out.
You see, I was stupid.
I should have had the guts to do it earlier but I was too scared I would get a “no” if I did so I let the fear rule me.
Don’t ever think that asking a girl to be in a relationship with you is an easy task for a guy.
We have been rejected more than you think and oftentimes that fear still rules us.
Sometimes we need a little help from you.
We need to know that you are thinking the same thing as us.
So, how do you do that?
How can you show a man or in this case your ex that you want to give things another try?
By dropping subtle hints of course.
Here is what I am going to do for you.
I am going to list some of the most successful ways to drop hints to your ex so eventually he will catch on and ask you to in a relationship again.
Lets get started.
Hint #1- Picturing An Activity Together In The Future
You and I dated before…
Ok, not really but for the purposes of this article we are going to pretend that we did (don’t tell my wife.)
So, after our breakup we decide that we are going to meet for a cup of coffee.
A cup of coffee soon turns into dinner and a movie and the next thing we know we are seeing each other more and more regularly.
In this particular instance how should you drop a hint that tells me that you want to be more than friends?
Simple, by picturing a future activity together.
Lets pretend that we are talking about travel and how amazing it would be to travel the world one day. Well, this would be an ideal time to say something like,
“You know what we should do? We should ride a train all the way across Melbourne one day.”
The idea here is to pick your spots and sprinkle little comments like the one above in as much as you can.
For example, if I talk about how much I love beaches then that is an opportune time for you to say something like,
“You know what places has the best beaches in the world? Hawaii… We should go there one day.”
Comments like these can be oddly effective for making a main think,
“Wait, she wants to go to Melbourne and Hawaii with me? Wow, she must really like me a lot.”
Comments like these essentially remove the risk of him getting a “no” for when he does decide to ask you out.
Hint #2- Drop Hints For Romantic Dates
Want to know something interesting about men?
We like romance too.
To this day one of my fondest memories is when I told my wife that I love her for the first time. We were walking on a beach, there was a full moon in the background and the mood just felt right.
Telling her that I love her was a very big deal for me and by doing it I was basically saying that I though so much of her that I would be willing to marry her in the future.
If that doesn’t spell commitment then I don’t know what does.
Here is the interesting thing about that little trip down memory lane.
Everything was perfect about it.
The mood was right…
The setting was right…
Everything was just… right.
What can I say, I like romance.
Sometimes getting a man to commit to you is all about his mood and in order to make that mood right there has to be romance in the air.
Why not up your chances of romance by dropping subtle hints of the most romantic places you know?
For example, maybe there is this incredible restaurant overlooking the water called “Chris’ Place” 😉 .
Well, in this case maybe you say something like this to him,
“You know, I have always wanted to go to Chris’ Place I heard the view there is unbeatable.”
Oh, perhaps I should mention one tiny little thing before you drop a hint to go to a romantic place.
It’s important to remember that the whole idea of this hint is predicated around the fact that HE has to feel the romance to ask you out. In other words, you have to suggest a place that HE is going to find romantic.
Look, my idea of romance and my wife’s idea of romance can sometimes differ. It’s the same most of the time but every once in a while we disagree on things like that. So, before you suggest a romantic place to visit with him think really hard about his interests and what HE finds romantic.
For example, if your ex boyfriend is the biggest monster truck fan in the world then perhaps suggesting seeing a monster truck rally is the ideal spot for him to feel romance.
Good, lets move on.
SECTION TWO: YOU Initiating “The Talk”
In some instances, no matter how clever you are, your ex boyfriend still won’t bite on asking you to be in a relationship with him.
This section is going to talk about what to do in these specific instances.
So, there are a lot of different ways I could have structured this section but I decided to keep things as simple and easy as possible for you. Below I have compiled a small list of the subsections within this section that we are going to talk about today.
- When You Have To Initiate “The Talk”
- Where To Initiate “The Talk”
- How To Initiate “The Talk”
Hey, all we are missing is the “who” and the “what.”
Ok, ok, I know that, that joke was pathetic but it sounded really good in my head before I typed it out.
Lets move on to talking about the “When.”
When You Have To Initiate The Talk
This ones easy.
In a perfect world you will do everything right when it comes to getting your ex boyfriend back and he will actively have “the talk” with you.
Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect world.
There are many times that no matter what you do your ex boyfriend won’t touch a “relationship” talk with you.
So, if this happens to you then you are going to be forced to take the lead on “the talk.”
Have you ever heard the term synergy?
It’s basically a fancy way of saying that two parts working together get better results than one thing working by itself.
I wrote this article with this in mind.
That’s why I divided it up into two different parts.
In case you forgot,
Part 1 = Influencing Your Ex To Have The Relationship Talk
Part 2 = You initiating The Relationship Talk With Your Ex
There is a certain synergy about these two parts.
In other words, you must do everything you can to influence your ex (part 1) before you move on to initiating the talk with him (part 2.)
It’s not a good idea for you to storm out of the gates asking him to be your boyfriend again right off the bat. In fact, the only time I recommend doing that is after you have tried everything in your power to influence him to have the talk with you.
Where To Initiate The Talk
Before I tell you about the ideal place to have “the talk” I want to take a moment to explain an interesting psychological principle about men.
Perhaps it’s best that I do this by role playing.
Lets say that you have bad news that you have to tell me.
What’s the bad news?
Lets say my dog died.
Here is my question to you now, when is the ideal time to tell me this bad news?
When I am in a normal mood?
When I am in an incredible mood?
In other words, which of these options will result in me having the best reaction to this bad news?
When I am in an incredible mood of course.
Well, having an important relationship talk with your ex boyfriend kind of follows the same line of thinking. I am more likely to say YES to being in a relationship with you if I am already in a great mood as opposed to a bad one or even a normal one.
Now, I bet you are wondering how this is relevant to where to initiate the talk.
The truth is that it’s very relevant because a lot of times a mans mood can shift based on the location he is in.
Why Location Matters To The Talk
How can I put this in a very easy to understand way?
Ok, what do you think is going to be more effective for getting your ex boyfriend in the right mood to say YES to a relationship proposal,
Asking him over the phone?
Asking him in a romantic place?
I don’t think it takes a brain surgeon to realize that a man is going to be more likely to say yes to a proposal in a romantic place.
Well, it goes back to that mood thing I was talking about above.
If you can get your ex boyfriend in a great mood then it’s an ideal time to pounce with the relationship talk.
A lot of times the location you ask him in can have a direct correlation to how good of a mood he is in. For example, if you were to ask me to be official with you over a phone conversation I am going to be thinking to myself,
“This is kind of weird… No.”
However, if you were to suggest that we go to a nice restaurant overlooking a beach with a full moon in the backdrop and then after dinner we were to walk along the beach..
You know what, I am going to post a photo here for emphasis,
If you were to take me there and then initiate the talk I am going to think to myself,
“Wow, this is one of the most incredible things that has happened to me. It couldn’t be any more perfect.”
Location does matter when it comes to this talk.
I know men don’t seem like they appreciate romance but they do.
When you have this talk with your ex boyfriend make sure you pick a super romantic location (by his standards.)
How To Initiate The Talk
This is the tricky part.
Everywhere I looked I couldn’t find any good information on how a woman should approach this relationship talk with her ex boyfriend.
So, I guess that makes this section in this guide the first of it’s kind.
I really want this to be good so I am going to divide this section up into three sub-sections,
- Finding The High Point
- How To Initiate
- What To Say
Now, if none of these sub-sections make any sense to you right now that’s ok. Remember, it’s my job to explain them to you. So, I guess I had better start.
Finding The High Point
You remember the principle of a man being in a good mood that I talked about above in the “where to initiate the talk” section?
Well, we are going to size that down to a smaller scale right now.
It is true that you want your ex boyfriend to be in the best mood possible (overall) when you have this talk with him. However, you also want to pick the right spot in the conversation to have this talk with him.
Where is that?
At the high point of course.
You see, in every single conversation there is a high point, a point where the conversation can’t get any better than it already is before it slowly starts losing some steam. It’s your job to find this point of the conversation with your ex when you are talking to him.
Here’s a graphic I put together that is intended to represent a conversation between you and your ex,
You didn’t happen to notice the arrow did you?
Well, that arrow represents the high point of the conversation.
Notice how after that point the conversation quality slowly but surely begins to dip.
What you want to do is initiate “the talk” at the high point of the conversation.
Look, I am all about percentages and when it comes to getting a yes answer to the “lets be in a relationship again” question your best shot is to catch your ex when he is going to be in the absolute best mood and that is going to be during the high point of the conversation.
How To Initiate This Talk
First things first, you want to stay away from phrases like,
“We have to talk about something..”
“There’s something I need to talk to you about..”
Can you tell me what’s wrong with both of these phrases?
They have a negative connotation behind them.
If you were to come up to me and say,
“I have to talk to you about something…”
The first thing I am going to think to myself is,
“God, what’s wrong?”
While there is a time and a place for these types of phrases (see the I have a confession… text) this is not the time or the place.
Our goal here is to make this conversation as positive as possible.
In other words, you need to frame this baby in as positive a light as you possibly can.
How do you go about doing that?
Instead of saying,
“I have something to talk to you about”
Try starting out with something like this,
“Whenever you are around my life just always seems to get better…”
Notice how it’s a compliment.
Look, men love to be admired and if there was ever a time for you to turn on the admiration it would be now.
So, start off with a compliment and then segue into the more juicy stuff.
What To Say During The Talk
Now that you know how to start the big talk off lets get into some of the more complicated aspects.
The biggest mistake I see women make is the fact that try to convince their ex to come back to them based on logic.
Look, logically trying to make a case to your ex to come back to you isn’t going to work.
I’m sorry it just isn’t.
When it comes to making relationship decisions men are almost as emotional as women are so you need to play to this.
So, my best piece of advice is to talk about how HE feels.
Talk about the times when you knew for a fact that he was having strong positive feelings in the relationship.
Once you have successfully done that then you can move on to the big ask.
Now, another mistake I see a lot of women making when it comes to the talk is that approach it from a weak position.
For example, they say something like,
“Do you… maybe.. possibly… want to be my boyfriend again?”
That’s so weak.
Look, don’t flat out ask him.
Just tell him what you think and let him respond.
“I think it would be a good idea for us to get together again.”
Notice how you didn’t technically ask him you just told him want you think should happen.
Perhaps it would be a good idea for me to map out this whole process for you so you can see it firsthand.
Ok, below I am going to write up a sample of how “the talk” should go so you can see it with your own two eyes.
(FYI we are going to pretend you are asking me to be your boyfriend in this mock write up.)
“Chris, you know every single time we are together you just seem make my life better. I have been thinking about that a lot lately. I have been thinking about our past relationship and these past few weeks and I can tell you seem so happy. I can just tell from your smile. Your big beautiful smile. It often reminds me of the time that we could just sit on the couch, cuddle up and watch your favorite TV show. Oh, and how could I forget the way we felt when we made love to each other. The more I think about it the more I think about how well we compliment each other in a relationship. Lately I have been feeling some very strong things towards you and I think it would be a good idea for us to make things official.”
Notice how in this “mock up” I started with a compliment and then pretty much talked about things that I knew I would appreciate to hear.
Plus there was a mention of sex…
Look, men like sex. Use that to your advantage.
Oh, and the ending was textbook.
Remember that statement it’s kind of important.