By Chris Seiter

Updated on November 15th, 2022

I imagine that if you want your ex boyfriend back there is one question that is constantly running through your head,

“Is this even worth it?”

“Do I even have a chance?”

If you are wondering this then I want you to know that you are not alone.

Without a doubt the number one question I get asked is,

“From everything I have told you about my situation do you think I have a shot of getting my ex boyfriend back?

Usually I give a generic answer to the women asking me this. Something like,

“Sure you have a shot but having a shot doesn’t guarantee success.”

Now, I realize that, that is not the in-depth answer that the women coming to this site are expecting. However, as Ex Boyfriend Recovery has gotten bigger and bigger it has become harder for me to dedicate the proper amount of time to the women asking me questions about their situation.

In fact, that was one of the reasons that I created the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I wanted to get that one on one personal connection back with my readers and I think the podcast has done a great job of doing that. Of course, there are a lot more readers of this site than there are listeners of the podcast.

So, in an effort to reach my audience as a whole and answer one of the most complex questions that is asked of me on a daily basis,

“Do I even have a shot of getting him back?”

I have decided to create this page.

What This Page Can Do For You


Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a page that you could go to, to figure out how much of a shot you have of getting your ex boyfriend back in pretty much every situation you can think of?

Well, welcome to that page!

This page is the ultimate guide on figuring out how much of a shot you have with your ex boyfriend.

The way it works is simple.

I am going to list all of the MAJOR breakup situations,

And then I am going to pick them apart one by one and show you how good of a chance of success you have in each one of the situations.

How am I going to do that?

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Simple, by assigning a certain “tag” to each of the situations.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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How The “Tags” Work


There are four types of tags that a situation can be assigned.

  1. Good Chance
  2. Average Chance
  3. Bad Chance
  4. Horrible Chance

Good Chance

If a situation is labeled with this tag then it means that you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, that doesn’t mean you are guaranteed to get him back (I don’t want to mislead you.)

Having a “good chance” of getting your ex boyfriend back simply means that based on everything I have seen this type of a situation is the most likely to succeed.

Get it?

Good, let’s move on.

Average Chance

If your situation is assigned as an average chance then that means that while your situation may not be the easiest to succeed in I have seen plenty of successes.

If you have an average chance of getting your ex boyfriend back then it is essential that you play your cards right because one wrong move can turn an average chance into a bad chance.

Speaking of bad chances.

Bad Chance

There is no way around it so I will just come right out and say it.

If your situation is considered to be a bad chance then that means the odds are stacked against you.

Having a bad chance means that in my professional opinion (and based off of everything I have seen) you don’t have that great of a shot of winning your ex boyfriend back.

Of course, if there is a silver lining it is this.

I have seen quite a number of cases that I consider to be “bad chances” succeed.

That’s why there is a level below this one…

Horrible Chance

This is as bad as it gets.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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If a situation has been labeled with a horrible chance that means that I have RARELY seen a success in that situation.

Now, I am not saying that I haven’t seen them because I have it’s just that they are super rare.

For example, maybe 3 out of 50 women in a situation with a horrible chance are able to succeed.

Putting It All Together

So, now that we have gotten the “tags” out of the way do you understand what is going on?


Ok, I will do a quick recap to make sure I really hammer the point home here.

Basically what this page is going to do is take a situation and label it with one of the four tags above. Then I will go on to talk about why that situation has been given the particular label and what it means for your chances of winning your ex boyfriend back.

For example, lets say that we pick a long distance relationship as the situation.

From there we are going to look to see where it falls on this label scale,


Let’s just pretend that I labeled it as a “good chance.”

(It really doesn’t if you look below but I am trying to make a point here so stick with me.)

Well, if you look at the scale graphic having a good chance means you have a really good shot of winning your ex boyfriend back. Heck, any time you are in the green it’s good.

Do you kind of get it now?

Still no?

Ugh… Look, just read on and I am sure you will get it eventually 😉 .

Situation 1- General Breakups (Good Chance)

What is a general breakup?

It it one where an army general breaks up with someone?



Are you insane?

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I would classify a general breakup as a breakup that occurs as a result of many of the common reasons people break up.

What are some of the most common reasons people break up?

  • The two of you fell “out of love”
  • Fights were a common occurrence and ruined things
  • He/she stopped doing the romantic things that they used to do at the beginning of the relationship
  • He/she was not very ambitious when it came to their career
  • Friends and family did not like them
  • He/she lied about something causing trust issues

Personally speaking I would say that my ex girlfriend and I had a “general breakup.”


The two of us fought too much.

She would yell…

I would yell…

It was a yell-fest.

Now, I would say that I am a very patient human being and even though it is hard sometimes I can move past difficult situations. However, in this particular relationship there was so much fighting that it ruined my feelings for her so I couldn’t move past it.

Instead of feeling how I felt at the beginning of the relationship every single time I would see her I would be filled with dread.

I was constantly on edge at when our next fight was.

Heck, at one point it was so bad I remember thinking to myself,

“I hope we can just go one week without fighting. One week is all I want.”

We never did…

But I am getting off topic here.

Again, a general breakup is a breakup that is caused as a result of the most common reasons for breakups.

Now, if you scroll to the top of this section you will notice that I have labeled general breakups with a “good chance” tag.

What I would like to do now is talk a little about why you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back if you have a general breakup.

Why General Breakups Have A “Good Chance”

Let’s look at our handy dandy “chance scale.”

Yup, I am totally calling this thing the “chance scale.”


You will notice that on the chance scale I have put an arrow next to “good chance.”

You may also notice that “good chance” is hovering around the greenest part of the scale.

That’s good news!

That means that if you have a general breakup you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back.

In other words, if you are on the green part of this scale then that means you have a very workable situation.

But why?

Why is it that you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back if you have a general breakup.

Take a look above at what I said the most common reasons for the breakup were.

(Just because I know you are lazy and won’t look up again I will repeat them below.)

  • The two of you fell “out of love”
  • Fights were a common occurrence and ruined things
  • He/she stopped doing the romantic things that they used to do at the beginning of the relationship
  • He/she was not very ambitious when it came to their career
  • Friends and family did not like them
  • He/she lied about something causing trust issues

While each one of these situations is challenging to overcome it’s not like any of them occurred because something devastating happened. In other words, the things that you can do post breakup to overcome each one of these situations are prevalent (which isn’t the case for some of our other situations below.)

Oh, and here is a bit of good news as well.

I have had a success story in each one of the situations above. In fact, now that I think about it I have had hundreds of success stories scattered all throughout each of the situations above.

Let’s move on to situation 2.

Situation 2- Your Ex Boyfriend Cheated On You (Average Chance)


This one isn’t that hard to understand.

However, for those of you who don’t know what I mean when I talk about this situation this small section is for you.

Lets say that you caught your ex boyfriend cheating on you (either physically or emotionally) and you broke up with him. In other words, the entire reason for the breakup revolved around his infidelity.

That’s it…

That’s the situation I am talking about here.

Now, before I get into why you have an average chance of getting your ex boyfriend back in this situation there is one thing I would like to discuss with you.

If your ex boyfriend cheated on you there is one scary reality that you might have to face.

The reality?

Having it happen to you again.

I would not feel good about myself if I helped you get an ex boyfriend back and he were to cheat on you again which is certainly a risk here (and has happened before.)

Now, I am not sure I buy into that, “once a cheater, always a cheater” thing.

I believe there are a lot of different reasons that people cheat and a lot of times they cheat because they aren’t getting something that they want out of the relationship they are always in.

However, I can’t help but mention a trend I have been seeing lately on this site about ex boyfriends.

An ex boyfriend who has cheated on you is a little more likely to cheat on you again (especially if he is still friends with the person he cheated on you with.)

Consider yourself warned.

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Cheating Has An “Average Chance” Of Success

If you have been cheated on by your ex boyfriend then I am sure you can’t help but feel a little bit devastated about the whole situation. However, if you are here reading this section of this guide very intently it means that you have decided to give your ex boyfriend another chance.

However, is it as easy as just giving him another chance?

After all, he is the one who screwed up, not you.

You will notice that I have tagged this particular situation as having an average chance.

For those of you who are confused as to what that means take a look below,


Notice that the “Average Chance” tag on the picture above covers the six, seven and eight.

Six = Yellow

Seven = Light Green

Eight = Light Green

The greener the colors the better the chance.

So, an average chance of getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t necessarily horrible but you will also notice that it is covering some yellow (which isn’t so good.)

Looking at the cheating situation specifically there are a few things that I think you need to look at.

Does Your Ex Show Remorse For Cheating?

This is kind of sad to say but there are some men out there who will not feel bad for cheating at all.

How can you determine if your ex boyfriend is one of these men?

Well, if he left you for the woman he cheated on you with then that means he isn’t currently feeling remorse. Now, that doesn’t mean he won’t feel remorse down the line (because I have seen that happen in a lot of cases.)

Men who do feel remorse for what they have done will probably do the following,

  • Apologize profusely
  • Admit their wrongdoing
  • Ask how they can make things better
  • Cut off all contact with the woman they cheated on you with

If your ex boyfriend is showing remorse after he cheated on you then it is definitely going to be easier to convince him to get back into a relationship with you.

Hence, that is why the “average chance” has two light green colors and only one yellow.

The yellow color is important to explain though because that is really what pulls this situation down into being just “average” instead of “good.”

A man who cheated on you may be hesitant to re-enter into a relationship with you because of the fact that he was pushed to cheat on you in the first place.

In his mind the relationship wasn’t meeting his needs enough that he had to look elsewhere to have them fulfilled. So, in his mind when he is having that inner debate that all men have when they are considering whether or not they should get back with their ex he is going to think to himself,

“Wouldn’t things just be the same if I got back with her? Would my needs really get fulfilled by her or would I be forced to look elsewhere again?”

It is this type of headwind that really makes getting him back if he cheated on you just an average chance of success.

Otherwise it would be good.

Anyways, let’s move on to the other side of the same coin.

Situation 3- You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend (Horrible Chance)


Again, this is one of those situations that doesn’t need a lot of explaining.

When you and your boyfriend were together he caught you cheating on him and your whole breakup stemmed from that.

For those of you who don’t know what a man considers to be cheating allow me to educate you (since I am a man.)

Men would consider any of the situations below as a form of cheating (though some are less severe than others.)

  • A woman kissing another man
  • A woman passionately hugging another man (less severe but some men consider this to be cheating)
  • A woman sending provocative photos or nude pictures to another man
  • A woman telling another man she loves him
  • A woman having sex with another man
  • A woman “dirty dancing” with another man
  • A woman holding hands with another man

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head.

All in all, cheating on your boyfriend is a pretty big deal to a man. In fact, I outline that in this article I wrote about how to get a man back if you cheated on him.

You may notice that I have tagged this particular situation with a “horrible chance…”

Uh oh, we have our first “horrible chance.”


Let’s see if we can find out why it is so difficult to get an ex boyfriend back in this particular situation.

Why YOU Cheating Has A “Horrible Chance”

Lets take a look at our handy dandy scale of “chances” and see where YOU cheating on your ex boyfriend falls.


Ouch, a horrible chance…

That’s as bad as it gets.

In case you have short term memory loss if you have a horrible chance at getting your ex boyfriend back it means that the odds are really stacked against you for success.

Buy why?

Why is it that this particular situation has a horrible chance.

Well, in order to understand that I think I need to tell you a little about myself.

I am a male (obviously.)

Now, I like to think that I am a benchmark for the average male. In other words, what I am trying to say is that I think most men are exactly like me.

So, what I believe about certain things is probably what they believe about certain things.

When it comes to cheating I have very strict views.

Strict Views = I will not stand for being cheated on under any circumstances

What I mean by this is that if you and I were dating and I found out that you cheated on me not only would I break up with you on the spot but I would probably never take you back.


Because to me cheating on your significant other is the single worst thing you can do to them. Nothing worse hurts as much as knowing that your significant other has cheated on you.

Heck, most men get so paranoid about cheating that it makes them insecure (even if they haven’t even been cheated on.)

That is the power of cheating right there.


So, when you look at a situation where a man has been cheated on by his ex girlfriend he isn’t going to be very open to taking her back because of a few reasons,

  1. He feels betrayed by her
  2. He is afraid that she is going to do it to him again
  3. He will look at you and only see the other man you cheated on him with

I will admit that out of all the situations I have encountered here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery a woman cheating on a man has been the one with the lowest chance of success. Thus, I have labeled it as having a horrible chance.

Of course, I do have a bit of good news to go along with this.

There Is Good News?

Not all men are like me.

In fact, a lot of men out there are willing to give women a second chance which is really good news when you are dealing with a “horrible chance” like this.

I talk about that here and here.

Oh, and just because I mentioned that you cheating on your ex boyfriend has the worst chance of success when it comes to getting him back doesn’t mean that I haven’t had any success.

Take a look at the email below,


This is probably one of the proudest achievements that I have ever had on EBR.

The woman in this email, Melissa, cheated on her boyfriend and not only used my strategies to get him back but she got him to propose to her.

All with my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

So, I guess what I am trying to say here is that even when a situation has a horrible chance of success doesn’t necessarily mean you have no shot at all.

Just ask Melissa.

Let’s move on to our next situation.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Situation 4- Your Ex Boyfriend Get’s A New Girlfriend When You Are Trying To Get Him Back (Bad Chance)

new girlfriend

This is one of those situations that is always hard to talk about.

If your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend I just want to tell you that I am really sorry that you are putting up with this.

I understand that it’s hard to watch a man who could be “the love of your life” run around with some other woman.

Heck, most of the women whose boyfriends haven’t started dating someone new won’t even mention the possibility that it could happen. It’s almost like even mentioning it or putting the idea out there in the universe will jinx everything and he will marry the next girl he sees.

Well, I am just going to level with you here.

It’s possible…

Your ex boyfriend could very well meet someone new, fall in love and stay with her long term.

So, assuming this what are you chances?

Before I get into that I want to make a quick note of something.

With situation 4 here I am not talking about a situation where your ex boyfriend “may” be dating someone new.

I am talking about a situation where your ex boyfriend is definitely dating someone new and has been dating her for a minimum of 2 weeks.

So, everything I write about this situation will be operating under the assumption that your ex boyfriend has been dating his new squeeze for at least 2 weeks.

Got it?

Good, let’s talk about what kind of chance you have in this particular situation.

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Getting A New Girlfriend Has A “Bad Chance”

If your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend then you have a bad chance at getting him back for a number of reasons.

The first one that comes to mind is the newness factor.

What is the newness factor?

I am glad you asked.

The Newness Factor– States that human beings are more intrigued by new things as opposed to old ones.

Some men love jumping from relationship to relationship because of the amazing feeling they get when they date someone new.

You will often hear these men cite this reason for the breakup with you (assuming they left you.)

“I don’t feel the same as when we first started dating.”

Lets dissect that statement.

Assuming your ex boyfriend said this to you he is claiming that his feelings have changed.

Well, that’s not entirely true.

He is just to dumb to realize it.

You are aware of what the honeymoon period is, right?

It basically is this period of time right when you start dating where your partner can do no wrong and you both are walking on cloud nine.

You’d be surprised to learn that a lot of men think a relationship should be like this all the time.

The reality is that no relationship is like this all the time.

The honeymoon period will always end.

Now, that doesn’t mean that the relationship has to go downhill from there but the fact of the matter is that you are kidding yourself if you think any relationship you have will have a never ending honeymoon period.

Unfortunately, some men do love to kid themselves about the never ending honeymoon period and will break up with their girlfriends because “something changed.”

So, what happens next?

They move on to someone else in search of the ultimate honeymoon period.

Lets say that this happened to you.

Lets say that your ex boyfriend broke up with you because “something changed.” After he broke up with you he quickly moved on to another girl.

If you wanted him back the only way that you could accomplish that feat would be a complete paradigm shift in his mindset.

You would have to make him understand that no matter who he dates the honeymoon period will end and in my experience it is very difficult to convince someone of this.

It’s not impossible but it is difficult.

Lets move on and talk about another aspect of him getting a new girlfriend.

The Role That GIGS Plays

I want you to take note of the scale below,


Notice how an ex boyfriend getting a new girlfriend only has a “bad chance” of success.

In my opinion, this is a bit of good news.

Most women are under the impression that in this particular circumstance they have a horrible chance of success. After all, their man is with a new woman now.

Well, one of the reasons that this particular situation isn’t considered horrible is due to the grass is greener syndrome.

Some men who are in a relationship with someone will think to themselves,

“I think I can do better than her” 

So, they end up breaking up with their current partner thinking that they could do better.

Reality is often a b**ch though.

Over time they begin to realize that they can’t do better.

That they made a major mistake in breaking up with you.

Sure, there is always that chance that the new person that your ex boyfriend is with exceeds his expectations and he thinks to himself,

“I made the right choice.”

But there is just as good of a chance that he thinks,

“I made a mistake.”

It’s a flip of a coin really…


Situation 5- You Were In A Long Distance Relationship With Your Ex Boyfriend (Average Chance)

I don’t know if you knew this about me but I am a long distance relationship veteran.

Yup, I married this gal!

Jennifer Chris W-354 copy

Hint… Hint…

We were in a long distance relationship together.

Yup, you are talking to one of those rare success stories where I actually married my long distance love.

So, when I say that I know a thing or two about long distance relationships you can believe me.

In addition to my own experience in the “trenches” I have witnessed thousands of couples in long distance relationships and have learned quite a bit about the subject.

In my infinite wisdom I have assigned the LDR an “average chance” for success.



Heck, if you were to ask me before I met my wife if I believed in long distance relationships I would say no.

I would probably even say something like,

“I don’t believe in them.”

My perception was shaped by the stereotype that society placed on LDRs.  It is better to shape one’s conclusions on actual experience and considering that I have both personal and work related experiences with LDRs, I don’t believe they are inherently destined to fail.

I guess the main point I am trying to make here with LDR’s is that they are not the kiss of death that so many people believe them to be.

So, what does any of this have to do with you having an average chance of success?

Getting an LDR ex boyfriend back isn’t as challenging as some people make it out to be. Sure, oftentimes the distance is hard to navigate and there is always the threat that you don’t have the physical intimacy you crave. However, in my experience LDRs can be successful.

Get it?



Above I cited the five most common breakup situations.

However, here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery we are all about going above and beyond.

If there is any situation that you are in that I didn’t cover on this page that you want me to cover I would like you to leave me a comment below asking how much of a shot you have. While I can’t guarantee that I will answer you in a few hours I do try to get all the comments of this site answered within 48 hours.

Why 48 hours?

As EBR has grown to be more and more popular I get more and more comments.

Unfortunately, this is a one man operation and answering 300 comments a day isn’t an easy task.

Nevertheless, I do want your feedback so I promise that if you do comment below I will do my best to get back to you as soon as I possibly can.

Thank you so much for everything you have done for the Ex Boyfriend Recovery brand.

You ladies are the most incredible visitors/fans/people in the world.

I really do mean that.

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699 thoughts on “Do You Even Have A Chance At Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Let’s Find Out!”

  1. Danish Girl

    May 3, 2022 at 9:15 am

    Yesterday, I was broken up with by my boyfriend of almost 4 years whom I live with. He broke up through text after staying at his parents for a week to think things through, since he was apparently beginning to think that he was entering a depression. During the week I have done minimal contact and only texted him twice, which gave me a lot of time to think about our relationsship. I realize that we are both to blame for the relationsship taking a bad turn. However, I also realized that I want to work on it and get my boyfriend back. I have not contacted him in 24 hours now, but how do I do no contact when we live together in a rented apartment and need to figure out the logistic? Should I simply do it over text to respect his wish since he wrote that due to his mental state, he can’t talk to me right now?
    I hope that you can give me some fast advice, since I don’t want to ruin the chances of getting him back someday. I really want to respect his wishes and give him space and time, but I also want him to remember all the good that we shared and not just the bad.

  2. Danish Girl

    May 3, 2022 at 9:05 am

    Yesterday, I was broken up with by my boyfriend of almost 4 years whom I live with. He broke up through text after staying at his parents for a week to think things through, since he was apparently beginning to think that he was entering a depression. During the week I have done minimal contact and only texted him twice, which gave me a lot of time to think about our relationsship. I realize that we are both to blame for the relationsship taking a bad turn. However, I also realized that I want to work on it and get my boyfriend back. I have not contacted him in 24 hours now, but how do I do no contact when we live together in a rented apartment and need to figure out the logistic? Should I simply do it over text to respect his wish since he wrote that due to his mental state, he can’t talk to me right now?
    I hope that you can give me some fast advice, since I don’t want to ruin the chances of getting him back someday. I really wish to respects his wishes and make him remember the good times and not focus on the bad.

  3. Beverley

    April 13, 2022 at 5:10 pm

    My partner left in January after being together for 23 years. I’m 59 he’s 52. We have two teenage girls.
    Dealing with teenage girls had caused problems between us. He had a quick temper and didn’t like the way I was handling the situation. When my relationship with my eldest daughter broke down and she left home he was devastated.
    Our youngest daughter started to refuse to go to school and stopped eating. I had to deal with her on a daily basis when he’d declare he had to go to work.
    One day my daughter and I got into a fight. He demanded I leave the house, I refused. It was down to me to seek help for her, and me, via school and mental health services.
    My relationship with my partner had declined over the years and intimacy stopped over 5 years ago.
    He had a number of stressful jobs.
    As I struggled with my own mental health I stopped being attentative to his needs (washing his clothes etc). He felt taken for granted. He announced 3 days after Christmas he was moving out.
    He expected our youngest daughter to go with him but she refused, wanting to stay with me.
    Our eldest daughter and I have a better relationshio now as she has been having therapy.
    A week after moving out my ex posted on a local neighbour social media page seeking advice. A woman reached out to him and he entered a ‘friendship’ with her.
    Our daughters have met this woman casually and it is evident her ‘friendship’ with my partner is a rebound relationship. They were witnessed arguing with the ‘friend’ storming out (my partner will not refer to her as a girlfriend). The following day my ex was heard bellowing at her ‘why don’t you go and stay at your sister’s’.
    His behaviour has taken a turn for the worst. Everyother word is a swear word, he’s not eating healthy anymore and he’s putting on weight.
    He does make occasional digs at me with reference to things I did in the past. He’s done this in front of me and in front of my youngest daughter.
    I’ve been wanting him back because I do love him. I hate our family being broken. Do I have a chance when he declared I’d killed his live for me on the day he left?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2022 at 12:32 pm

      Hi Beverley this does sound as if your ex needs some professional help with his anger and his mental health. It could be possible to get back together but I would imagine you would need couples therapy to help you find your way back. He sounds angry towards you that things went wrong but not realising he did wrong himself. Focus on yourself and your daughters for the time being while I know you love your ex if he is not willing to help himself at the moment there is not much you are going to be able to do apart from take this time apart and hope that he calms.

  4. Franchesca

    January 6, 2021 at 11:23 am

    My (23f) LDR boyfriend (22m) of 5 years just broke up with me and now I feel so lost and alone. I am still hoping he’ll come back.

    Everything was going fine, we were planning to close the distance from Russia to Philippines already at the end of the year. The last time we met was summer of 2019. He’s currently serving in the army for a year and will come out October 2021. Earlier this week we were planning for our marriage. We were planning how to decorate our apartment. We were planning about visas for a year so we can start living together. Then suddenly he told me two nights ago that he wants to break up again because it’s been so tiring to plan for everything. He got overwhelmed.

    He tried to break up with me 3 times over the last year but I always pleaded him to reconsider and try to make things work. And he did. It’s just that two nights ago was the last straw. He cried a lot begging me to let him go because he’s not happy anymore. He’s currently going through life where he just graduated university, serving in military and still unemployed. He was being crushed under pressure of trying to fit me in all of his future plans.

    He told me that he can’t even see me in his future anymore no matter how much he tried. We broke up on a good note. We both made it clear that we still love each other but he’s not ready to take our relationship on another level or to even stay. He wants to discover himself first. He doesn’t want to be in any relationship right now, he told me not to wait for him anymore.

    We broke up peacefully though. We were laughing and crying at the same time. Our “I love yous” and “Babe” were still slipping out here and there. He told me he wants to keep in touch as I’m the only friend he has.

    I am still hoping that he will change his mind later on and will ask me to get back with him. Is there still a chance? We both love each other still but the uncertainty of life freaks him out a lot.

  5. Kat

    November 26, 2020 at 4:20 pm

    I was with my ex for 3 years (lived together for 1), then we were on-again-off-again for 2 years. He has a son from a previous relationship that I have become very close to, and we are a good match but have communication issues.

    This summer I told him that I was tired of the cycle, and that we needed to commit or completely go our separate ways. He wanted to find some middle-of-the-road, but I said no and we went our separate ways. 5 months of no contact later, I miss him, so I reached out. He responded and met me in person, but he JUST started seeing someone 2 weeks ago.

    He says that he and I have a unique and strong connection, and he definitely compares this new girl to me. However, he spent the last 5 months assuming we would never see each other again, and the new relationship is good, but he doesn’t know if it has long-term potential. He wants 3 weeks to 1) see how it plays out and 2) to think about me suddenly reappearing in his life.

    Do I just leave it?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2020 at 7:09 pm

      Hi Kat, I am sorry I cannot tell you to leave it or not, that is totally your call. I am happy to advise you as best as I can when you decide what you want to do though

  6. Rebecca C.

    November 2, 2020 at 5:45 am

    What if you mainly texted daily for a month for hours, went out twice, then he pulled back stating he really likes you but is not ready. He took his profile off Match too. Where would this fall?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 2, 2020 at 8:15 pm

      Hi Rebecca, I would say this isn’t an ex boyfriend more someone you dated and they realised they were not ready for a relationship.

  7. Amanda

    September 28, 2020 at 2:51 pm

    Hi. I’ve been in an Ldr for 2+ years. The long distance is due to colleges, so we are together for summers and holidays. This year we had extra time together due to covid and when he left we were the closest and happiest yet. He is having a hard time at school this year due to many covid related protocols and is just having a hard time in general and said he felt disconnected and that he thinks he needs some space. We didn’t talk for 2 weeks and after the break he said he didn’t know what’s wrong with him and he needed more time, but he can’t lose me because he wants me in his life forever etc. he is just having a hard time (his words not mine). I broke up with him because I said I can’t give him more time thats not fair. I want to try again and I don’t know if I should use the 21 or 30 day protocol, and I don’t even know if I have a chance. I’m fine giving him his space that he needs, but I’m concerned if I do the 30 day instead of 21 since I told him to let me go he will start moving on.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 8, 2020 at 9:01 am

      Hi Amanda, I would suggest that you take a 30 day No Contact and just work on yourself in that time. Understand that if he is going through a hard time then he is going to need that head space.

  8. Donna

    July 20, 2020 at 2:30 pm

    Hi, I was in ldr for about 2 months, we didn’t contact every day and that made me very upset, his job is really difficult and demanding, also, he is getting through some hard times, he has serious family and health problems so he started distancing, I was really frustrated and one day while I was trying to contact him he texted me that he couldn’t talk to me and asked me to respect that. So, I texted him back “OK I will here for you” but he never texted me again. It’s been 17 days by now, he likes my posts in social media and sometimes comments but hasn’t initiated. I don’t know what to do, we were really good together, I want him back but at the moment I am on nc, what do you think are my chances?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 2:26 pm

      Hey Donna, if you are going to follow the program then you are doing right to go into a NC and work on yourself and your holy trinity, but I would suggest that you start being social friends and let him see that you are not sat at home waiting for him to get in touch with you. You need to read the article about being Ungettable and apply this to yourself too. Knowing he is watching your social media is helpful, but make sure you are not responding to his comments when he does post

  9. Rebecca

    June 27, 2020 at 6:28 pm

    Hello. Me and my boyfriend broke up a month ago (during Covid). We have previously broken up last year before getting back together again which makes me think I might not have a good chance. He broke up with me as he said he wasn’t able to reassure me through my mental health issues (anxiety) and he wants to be alone and focus on himself. I am doing no contact but am I wasting my time?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 27, 2020 at 7:17 pm

      Hey Rebecca, no you are not wasting your time if you are going to follow the program properly. However I would suggest that you work on your anxiety so that you learn to have better control over it while you are apart so you are not dependant on him

  10. Jenna

    June 19, 2020 at 8:07 pm

    I have a bit of a combo general breakup/he cheated situation. He cheated but instead of breaking up we decided to work on things. After 7 months of trying he broke up with me out of the blue saying “this isn’t healthy for either of us”.

  11. Rosie

    June 5, 2020 at 9:24 pm

    Hello! I’m in a bit of a unique situation: we were close distance for 2 months, long distance for 20, and then close distance for the last month. Would that be considered a long distance relationship by means of the program? Otherwise we broke up due to general break up reasons in situation 1. Thanks!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 8:17 pm

      Hi Rosie if you are near each other now then you would consider using the information as if you were not long distance. If the distance is not the reason for your break up then you take onboard what his reasons for ending the relationship were while working through our No Contact.

  12. Emily

    May 30, 2020 at 6:38 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I’m hoping to gain some insight into this. My boyfriend of 2 years broke up with me almost a month ago saying we were on different life paths. He said we could be better as friends which I’m not sure I could JUST be friends with him. It was a very out of the blue thing since he’s never expressed feeling this way and we were just before the breakup writing each other letters and being very happy. I have been doing no contact for 24 days now and am worried he will not want to hear from me after. We are still Facebook friends, we still have each other’s numbers but I worry that I’ve lost him forever. Do I still have a good chance and if so, what should I do after no contact?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 7, 2020 at 8:51 pm

      Hey Emily you still have a good chance, make sure that you are using social media to show you are happy and doing well! Use the rest of your NC to work on your Holy Trinity and prepare for your reach out text. There are many articles here to help you with that

  13. Madison

    February 26, 2019 at 2:50 am

    I was in a relationship with my bf for just under three years. We met at the university pool we both worked at, became best fiends and then started dating. Our first 3 months together as an official couple were long distance, only getting to see each other on the weekends. September to December 2017 was all long distance because I went on an exchange program for school. It was poorly handled on both ends, I got too drunk and cheated on him but told him about it when I came home. We took a break from December 2017 until about late February 2018. We started dating again and it was perfect. I moved in with him in late March because my roommates at the time were horrible. He started working off shore I was still in school and we made it look easy. We were the power couple. We adopted a dog and life was great, planning our future and talking about where our lives were heading. December 31st 2018, he got laid off from work. He started to feel depressed and down and I asked him if I could help or if it was something on my end that was bothering him. He told me it was nothing. January came and he was sort of himself but started to be more down as the month continued. He went back to his old part time student job while he was looking for more work off shore. He stopped being the guy that I feel in love with and started to get more and more distant. The second week of February 2019, he told me that he’d been talking to his mom (who loves me) and said that he didn’t want to force me to follow him for work. Even though we had previously discussed this as being totally okay with me. He made it sound like the beginning of a break-up convo but then assured me it wasn’t and stated that it was just something that would have to be discussed down the road. Wednesday the 20th, he was really down and acting weird and I knew something wasn’t right. I ripped off the bandaid and asked him if I should start looking for a new place. He told me that he didn’t know where his life was going and that if he got a job over seas for two years he wouldn’t want to bring me with him. He said he wasn’t feeling the relationship anymore and that he didn’t love me like he used to. I was destroyed. I asked him if he wanted a pause or to break up, all he kept saying was that he needed space to figure things out. He kept reassuring me that I did nothing wrong to cause the break up, which somehow makes it worse because I feel like there’s nothing that can be fixed. I moved into the spare room, I’m looking for a new place to move into. But I don’t know what to do. I’m worried that a pause with no contact like last time won’t work a second time but we’ve also grown and changed so much. I also feel like his mental health took a toll on our relationship and that caused him to feel overwhelmed by me. I want him back more than anything. I love him with everything I have. I truly do not believe this is the end for us but I don’t know what to do now. We share a dog so no contact is difficult and I still have to live here until I can find a place to live. What should I do and what are the chances this will work out. He’s got a few interviews lined up over the next little bit but nothing is set in stone. I’m still in university, he’s a year older than me. I need guidance because I’m trying to be strong and I’m not begging him to take me back. I’m trying to respect the space he asked for like when he respected it for me, but it’s so painful.

  14. Jessica

    February 12, 2019 at 9:17 pm

    Hi Chris! I’ve been scrolling through the comments, and there’s some similar situations as mine on here, so I’m hoping to get some insight.

    My boyfriend of 6 years broke up with me because he thinks he’s afraid of commitment and he didn’t see us staying together in the future. He asked for time apart.

    We were in a long distance relationship for the past year, and we saw each other every 6-7 weeks either when I traveled for work or we made plans for a weekend together. He said after I left for this new job, he just started doing things that made him happy and that it naturally pushed me out of his life.

    I really believe he is it for me, and I cant even try to imagine myself with someone else, but we’re at the no contact stage, a true breakup. I know he needs space and time to feel the loss of the relationship, but does no contact really work? I mean, am I just ignoring him and pushing him further away now?

    I feel a little lost. Most of the advice I see and hear is how to maintain a breakup with no hard feelings when you’re in the same town, but as a long distance relationship, how should I proceed in this no contact phase and beyond? I can’t really just agree to a lunch or something if he does call me at the end of this…

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 13, 2019 at 12:36 am

      Hi Jessica…I agree that NC is the pragmatic path forward. NC can be remarkably helpful in many ways. Read up on it..pick up on of my epic long eBooks that dive into NC and the entire ex recovery process during NC and afterwords. Think of it as a value building chain. I know….sound confusing, but I cover it in greater detail in my eBooks!

  15. Amanda

    January 22, 2019 at 7:41 pm

    Hey Chris! I found your site a few weeks ago, of course, while going through my mental breakdown when all of this happened. My ex and I have been broken up for 2 weeks now.

    We began by him telling me he was unhappy, I asked if there was anything we could do and he said: “I’m unhappy with you, with life, just everything”. We let it go for a bit because we were going to the gym. Later that night we got into a fight over something stupid I’m sure, and he asked for a break. I of course cried and begged and he hugged me and said it’ll be good for us.

    The break lasted about 3 days and then I called him and said “we’re either together or we’re not, I’m not doing this break thing” then he broke up with me.

    When he was moving his things out, he was tearing up and just kept hugging me and telling me he loved me. He said it wasn’t my fault and we were breaking up because “I deserve better and he needs to focus on himself”

    We were together two years and living together. I have learned and come to terms with the mistakes I made. I was controlling, nagging, and wouldn’t leave the past in the past.

    Ever since we officially broke up. He has texted me or comes over. His texts were about money and what he’s going to give me to pay the bills. Never something sweet. Last week he texted me ” I was laying down and happier by Bastille came on, made me think of you”.

    He would show up out of the blue saying “I thought you wouldn’t be home” hanging out for a bit and then leaving. He would ask me my plans for the future, underhandedly tell me he misses me and he’s miserable at his dad’s (where he’s staying), but then act like everything’s fine. He would go back and forth with telling me we never are getting back together, and who knows maybe we will in a few months, to were not getting back together anytime soon.

    I asked him if he wanted to go on a hike because his mom suggested using our dogs as an excuse to hang out together. He agreed but our schedules didn’t line up so we didn’t come up with a date.

    We had two full days of no contact but yesterday he came over.

    He took me out to lunch and told me about the party he went to and what he’s been up to. He told me he’s planning on getting his own apartment (obviously no time soon I’m guessing because he doesn’t have money for it). I was unhappy and trying to fake my happiness the whole time which I’m sure he saw. He came back home and laid down on our bed. He started asking me to “do stuff” to him (i don’t want to be crude on your site) and I said no. I continuously said no, but I admit that I was teasing him while doing it. I wasn’t really pulling away and I was touching him etc. One thing led to another and we had sex. I refused to kiss him for most of it, but just craved it so bad I kissed him and it just felt “needed”.

    Right after we finished he apologized and i asked if he was going to leave. He laughed and said no, we cuddled and took a nap. He left his phone in his car the entire time and hid his keys under the pillow. I woke up and went to his car like an idiot, and saw all the snapchats from girls. I went back inside, woke him up and he left. I told him this can never happen again and he said: “why are you in your feels, but yeah I know”. He told me he’d see me whenever I go to his dads (im best friends with his sister and extremely close to his family but I haven’t been over since the break up).

    I’m so lost and confused I just don’t know what to do. He is my absolute best friend and he even told me yesterday that I was his. His family thinks he’s going through something and in a sense taking it out on me. I texted him and told him I was worried about him and although we are not together, I’m always here if he needs someone to talk too. He said he’s fine but he appreciates it. I don’t understand how he can throw two years away like nothing. He never once said he doesn’t love me and he never once said he doesn’t miss me. I just need some help!

    Not sure if it’s important but he is 21 and I’m 22. He’s immature in a sense compared to me, like he wants to act like a teenager and party but then he wants to be home…

    I know this is a LONG one, so take as much time as you need to reply (: Love the advice you’re giving in the meantime.

    1. Chris Seiter

      January 22, 2019 at 10:30 pm

      Hi Amanda…so there is a lot going on here! You main focus should be on “you”, your full recovery and all the healing needed. That is the centerpiece of my Program. So please dive into that before you get into No Contact strategies and all the rest.

  16. Chris Seiter

    December 24, 2018 at 10:20 pm

    Hi Megan…I can see that you have been thru a lot and have a lot of logs in the fire. So I agree NC is the way forward. I just want to make sure you understand all its elements and how you can maximize the NC principle. I get into all that and much more in my 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro”. It can offer you much more than I can here in the limited time I have.

  17. Julie

    December 13, 2018 at 1:51 pm

    Hi Chris,

    Four days ago my BF of almost 11 years (in April) told me he needed space. I gave him his space and didn’t text or call him but two days ago he decided that he just wanted to go our separate ways, and he told me this by text. I asked if we could meet in person to talk about it but he rejected that idea. I accepted his decision and it’s been two days of no contact.

    Him and I have been together since we were 14 (we are now 24/25) and we’ve had a lot of ups and downs in our relationship but we’ve always been able to work things out. Last year, he broke up with me in October and went on a date with a girl he met three days later. He soon realized that the grass isn’t greener and he came back after about 21 days.

    We’ve definitely talked about marriage and kids and we were about to start the process of buying a house when he abruptly ended things. He works as a police officer and his job is stressful and I would argue with him often because I felt he want showing me the love I thought I deserved. I guess things just got too stressful and he doesn’t want to deal with that anymore.

    Part of the reason I think he broke up with me is because he doesn’t want to get married and look back and regret his decision. Wether it be because he didn’t experience anything with anyone else (we are eachother’s only bf/gf we’ve had and the only people we’ve “slept” with) or that he doesn’t want to put himself in a situation that he believes won’t work out. When we fight, we don’t yell or call eachothers name, it’s just annoying because of the tension it causes. Usually we are really goofy together and we have the same goals and aspirations in life. He knows how much I love and care about him and I just don’t understand how he could turn that switch off so quick. Please let me know what you think my chances are and if there’s anything I can to do get him back. I appreciate your help.

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 14, 2018 at 12:52 am

      Hi Julie….Yeah….so 11 years is a big part of it. He may be having a little panic thoughts. He is letting his mind race to illogical conclusions. The last thing he really wants is you out there having sex and experimenting with other guys. And vice versa. Its a foolish though. Perhaps a break of some time would be healthy, but none of this other stuff.

  18. Eartha

    December 7, 2018 at 2:49 am

    I was in a long distance relationship (average chance according to quiz) and he cheated (once, when he was already considering breaking up because he was frustrated that he couldn’t see a near enough end goal for the long distance relationship). Cheating alao is rated “average chance”. Do two average scores make a bad or average chance overall?

    1. Chris Seiter

      December 8, 2018 at 3:45 am

      I wouldn’t get too stuck on the odds. We are dealing with estimates based on very complex factors. Better to focus on whether you have all the resources and tools to going forward with your ex recovery plan and I have lots of those for you to explore!

  19. Jan

    October 27, 2018 at 1:52 am

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend broke up with me last month after 6 months of dating. He said the last two months he had been going back and forth in breaking up with me as I had become distant (more on that later) and gave me a list of reasons for the break up: no emotional intimacy, no communication, not where he thinks we should be at 6 months, can’t see himself with me for the rest of his life, wants to be independent, not ready for anything serious or in the right headspace. He also said that I was nothing but sweet, funny, and that he truly wanted to be friends after some time and would be there for me if I ever needed him. When he broke up with me I started crying and he said he didn’t think I cared that much.

    After a few days I asked him to coffee which he agreed to. We spent and hour and a half taking and I didn’t go too much into the break up but he said intimacy and communication were the things he thought could have been better. And he talked about what he was up to and his family and he said I seemed more positive. I was distant because he had moved to his own place recently and I was worried he would want to be single in the city and he stopped taking about us doing things.

    At the end I asked if we could spend time again together soon and he paused and said yeah. That night I texted him and said it was good to see him and he agreed and said it was good to see me too.

    Two other times I texted him then gave two weeks of space and asked to meet up again for dinner. He told me that he felt we should not spend time together as he felt it would complicate things. I responded back and apologized for confusing him and let him know I wanted to be friend and was still open to it. And would give him time and space. He texted back saying he was still open too but it’s too soon and thanked me for understanding. That’s where I am now and I’m planning on taking 2 months and not contacting him.

    What do you think my chances are?

    1. Chris Seiter

      October 28, 2018 at 4:45 am

      Hi Jan!

      I think you are going about things right. Implementing no contact can help in many ways. But mainly, you want to use this time to focus on your own healing and working on being the best “you”. I wrote a 247 page eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book” among a few other eBooks that would help you in navigating through this post breakup period.

  20. Erin

    April 8, 2018 at 9:35 pm

    Chris, my now ex has ended our relationship after over 5 years. This isn’t the first breakup, he always came back. But this time is different and I feel hopeless. Before it was his alcoholism and depression that deeply affected our relationship. He has been sober and now in a new job and the feeling of purpose. His reason to separate is that he feels like I am not moving forward like he is trying to do. Our arguments always concern finances, going to bed early, and generally staying busy with “moving forward activities”. I haven’t figured out what he means by that. To top it off we live at my parents, who he doesn’t like, which is uncomfortable for me as i feel guilt for living there. I spend most my time trying to mediate and apologize for everyone’s behavior. He left because he didn’t see me trying change and we keep arguing. I see where I am at fault, but I don’t understand why he doesn’t see that change is possible if we just worked through one item at a time. The first step being to move out. He wants to save money to buy our own home, hence the financial arguments. My sanity depends on separating from my parents. He lives with his mom now, its been 2 weeks. Our lives are so intertwined it would take months to sort our things. I miss him. I feel that these reasons, although major problems, can be fixed with time but he says it’s hopeless. I miss my friend and the faith he had in me before all the stress peaked. To me, he is worth fighting for, but his actions right now feel that he doesn’t feel the same as me. Can I ever reason with a mind who seems his mind is made up? Will he even be willing to talk to me ever? I just want the man I love back and I feel helpless. I don’t have any money to move out, living with my parents makes moving forward even more difficult. Sincerely, devastated.

    1. Chris Seiter

      April 11, 2018 at 1:35 am

      Hi Erin. I know you are going through tough times. Try to start thinking and focusing on yourself more..your need to heal which will help you cope with future decisions. The future always many possibilities, despite how awful you may feel now.

    2. Erin

      April 12, 2018 at 7:02 pm

      Thank you Chris, I am working hard at moving forward. There is emotional ups and downs with random crying spells that seem to come the moment I open my eyes in the morning. I have an interview for a new job, I’ve saved money to move out, and am working hard to lose the weight I gained this past year from stress. These were all the goals we had talked about, but he said i wasnt working hard enough. I was working hard but his focus on himself didnt let him see. I always held faith it would happen. I hope he realizes that I am catch and this breakup will be his loss. Maybe someday he will be the man I know he is capable of being. He still hasn’t come for any of his things. I had planned not to be there when he did. Currently 15 days of no contact. Thst keeps me on edge, is he coming back or going to show up and remove everything. That makes me feel it’s final, and I’m dreading it.

    3. Chris Seiter

      April 12, 2018 at 9:58 pm

      Hey Erin…it OK. Just let the feelings come out. Cry it out if you must. It is very healthy. In time, you will gain greater perspective about all things. Its his loss if this doesn’t work out because you are a “catch” and when you keep moving forward with our your goals, he will indeed regret his missed opportunity if he doesn’t pursue in the time ahead.

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