Do You Even Have A Chance At Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Let’s Find Out!

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

I imagine that if you want your ex boyfriend back there is one question that is constantly running through your head,

“Is this even worth it?”

“Do I even have a chance?”

If you are wondering this then I want you to know that you are not alone.

Without a doubt the number one question I get asked is,

“From everything I have told you about my situation do you think I have a shot of getting my ex boyfriend back?”

Usually I give a generic answer to the women asking me this. Something like,

“Sure you have a shot but having a shot doesn’t guarantee success.”

Now, I realize that, that is not the in-depth answer that the women coming to this site are expecting. However, as Ex Boyfriend Recovery has gotten bigger and bigger it has become harder for me to dedicate the proper amount of time to the women asking me questions about their situation.

In fact, that was one of the reasons that I created the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I wanted to get that one on one personal connection back with my readers and I think the podcast has done a great job of doing that. Of course, there are a lot more readers of this site than there are listeners of the podcast.

So, in an effort to reach my audience as a whole and answer one of the most complex questions that is asked of me on a daily basis,

“Do I even have a shot of getting him back?”

I have decided to create this page.

BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know

I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that getting an ex back is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.

Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only get your ex back but to understand why they are acting the way they are acting.

All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below!

Get Relief FasterWith Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...

 

What This Page Can Do For You

index

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a page that you could go to, to figure out how much of a shot you have of getting your ex boyfriend back in pretty much every situation you can think of?

Well, welcome to that page!

This page is the ultimate guide on figuring out how much of a shot you have with your ex boyfriend.

The way it works is simple.

I am going to list all of the MAJOR breakup situations,

  • General breakups
  • He cheated on you
  • You cheated on him
  • He has a new girlfriend
  • Long distance relationships

And then I am going to pick them apart one by one and show you how good of a chance of success you have in each one of the situations.

How am I going to do that?

Simple, by assigning a certain “tag” to each of the situations.

How The “Tags” Work

tag

There are four types of tags that a situation can be assigned.

  1. Good Chance
  2. Average Chance
  3. Bad Chance
  4. Horrible Chance

Good Chance

If a situation is labeled with this tag then it means that you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, that doesn’t mean you are guaranteed to get him back (I don’t want to mislead you.)

Having a “good chance” of getting your ex boyfriend back simply means that based on everything I have seen this type of a situation is the most likely to succeed.

Get it?

Good, let’s move on.

Average Chance

If your situation is assigned as an average chance then that means that while your situation may not be the easiest to succeed in I have seen plenty of successes.

If you have an average chance of getting your ex boyfriend back then it is essential that you play your cards right because one wrong move can turn an average chance into a bad chance.

Speaking of bad chances.

Bad Chance

There is no way around it so I will just come right out and say it.

If your situation is considered to be a bad chance then that means the odds are stacked against you.

Having a bad chance means that in my professional opinion (and based off of everything I have seen) you don’t have that great of a shot of winning your ex boyfriend back.

Of course, if there is a silver lining it is this.

I have seen quite a number of cases that I consider to be “bad chances” succeed.

That’s why there is a level below this one…

Horrible Chance

This is as bad as it gets.

If a situation has been labeled with a horrible chance that means that I have RARELY seen a success in that situation.

Now, I am not saying that I haven’t seen them because I have it’s just that they are super rare.

For example, maybe 3 out of 50 women in a situation with a horrible chance are able to succeed.

Putting It All Together

So, now that we have gotten the “tags” out of the way do you understand what is going on?

No?

Ok, I will do a quick recap to make sure I really hammer the point home here.

Basically what this page is going to do is take a situation and label it with one of the four tags above. Then I will go on to talk about why that situation has been given the particular label and what it means for your chances of winning your ex boyfriend back.

For example, lets say that we pick a long distance relationship as the situation.

From there we are going to look to see where it falls on this label scale,

scale

Let’s just pretend that I labeled it as a “good chance.”

(It really doesn’t if you look below but I am trying to make a point here so stick with me.)

Well, if you look at the scale graphic having a good chance means you have a really good shot of winning your ex boyfriend back. Heck, any time you are in the green it’s good.

Do you kind of get it now?

Still no?

Ugh… Look, just read on and I am sure you will get it eventually 😉 .

Situation 1- General Breakups (Good Chance)

What is a general breakup?

It it one where an army general breaks up with someone?

general

No…

Are you insane?

I would classify a general breakup as a breakup that occurs as a result of many of the common reasons people break up.

What are some of the most common reasons people break up?

  • The two of you fell “out of love”
  • Fights were a common occurrence and ruined things
  • He/she stopped doing the romantic things that they used to do at the beginning of the relationship
  • He/she was not very ambitious when it came to their career
  • Friends and family did not like them
  • He/she lied about something causing trust issues

Personally speaking I would say that my ex girlfriend and I had a “general breakup.”

Why?

The two of us fought too much.

She would yell…

I would yell…

It was a yell-fest.

Now, I would say that I am a very patient human being and even though it is hard sometimes I can move past difficult situations. However, in this particular relationship there was so much fighting that it ruined my feelings for her so I couldn’t move past it.

Instead of feeling how I felt at the beginning of the relationship every single time I would see her I would be filled with dread.

I was constantly on edge at when our next fight was.

Heck, at one point it was so bad I remember thinking to myself,

“I hope we can just go one week without fighting. One week is all I want.”

We never did…

But I am getting off topic here.

Again, a general breakup is a breakup that is caused as a result of the most common reasons for breakups.

Now, if you scroll to the top of this section you will notice that I have labeled general breakups with a “good chance” tag.

What I would like to do now is talk a little about why you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back if you have a general breakup.

Why General Breakups Have A “Good Chance”

Let’s look at our handy dandy “chance scale.”

Yup, I am totally calling this thing the “chance scale.”

scale

You will notice that on the chance scale I have put an arrow next to “good chance.”

You may also notice that “good chance” is hovering around the greenest part of the scale.

That’s good news!

That means that if you have a general breakup you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back.

In other words, if you are on the green part of this scale then that means you have a very workable situation.

But why?

Why is it that you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back if you have a general breakup.

Take a look above at what I said the most common reasons for the breakup were.

(Just because I know you are lazy and won’t look up again I will repeat them below.)

  • The two of you fell “out of love”
  • Fights were a common occurrence and ruined things
  • He/she stopped doing the romantic things that they used to do at the beginning of the relationship
  • He/she was not very ambitious when it came to their career
  • Friends and family did not like them
  • He/she lied about something causing trust issues

While each one of these situations is challenging to overcome it’s not like any of them occurred because something devastating happened. In other words, the things that you can do post breakup to overcome each one of these situations are prevalent (which isn’t the case for some of our other situations below.)

Oh, and here is a bit of good news as well.

I have had a success story in each one of the situations above. In fact, now that I think about it I have had hundreds of success stories scattered all throughout each of the situations above.

Let’s move on to situation 2.

Situation 2- Your Ex Boyfriend Cheated On You (Average Chance)

cheating

This one isn’t that hard to understand.

However, for those of you who don’t know what I mean when I talk about this situation this small section is for you.

Lets say that you caught your ex boyfriend cheating on you (either physically or emotionally) and you broke up with him. In other words, the entire reason for the breakup revolved around his infidelity.

That’s it…

That’s the situation I am talking about here.

Now, before I get into why you have an average chance of getting your ex boyfriend back in this situation there is one thing I would like to discuss with you.

If your ex boyfriend cheated on you there is one scary reality that you might have to face.

The reality?

Having it happen to you again.

I would not feel good about myself if I helped you get an ex boyfriend back and he were to cheat on you again which is certainly a risk here (and has happened before.)

Now, I am not sure I buy into that, “once a cheater, always a cheater” thing.

I believe there are a lot of different reasons that people cheat and a lot of times they cheat because they aren’t getting something that they want out of the relationship they are always in.

However, I can’t help but mention a trend I have been seeing lately on this site about ex boyfriends.

An ex boyfriend who has cheated on you is a little more likely to cheat on you again (especially if he is still friends with the person he cheated on you with.)

Consider yourself warned.

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Cheating Has An “Average Chance” Of Success

If you have been cheated on by your ex boyfriend then I am sure you can’t help but feel a little bit devastated about the whole situation. However, if you are here reading this section of this guide very intently it means that you have decided to give your ex boyfriend another chance.

However, is it as easy as just giving him another chance?

After all, he is the one who screwed up, not you.

You will notice that I have tagged this particular situation as having an average chance.

For those of you who are confused as to what that means take a look below,

scale

Notice that the “Average Chance” tag on the picture above covers the six, seven and eight.

Six = Yellow

Seven = Light Green

Eight = Light Green

The greener the colors the better the chance.

So, an average chance of getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t necessarily horrible but you will also notice that it is covering some yellow (which isn’t so good.)

Looking at the cheating situation specifically there are a few things that I think you need to look at.

Does Your Ex Show Remorse For Cheating?

This is kind of sad to say but there are some men out there who will not feel bad for cheating at all.

How can you determine if your ex boyfriend is one of these men?

Well, if he left you for the woman he cheated on you with then that means he isn’t currently feeling remorse. Now, that doesn’t mean he won’t feel remorse down the line (because I have seen that happen in a lot of cases.)

Men who do feel remorse for what they have done will probably do the following,

  • Apologize profusely
  • Admit their wrongdoing
  • Ask how they can make things better
  • Cut off all contact with the woman they cheated on you with

If your ex boyfriend is showing remorse after he cheated on you then it is definitely going to be easier to convince him to get back into a relationship with you.

Hence, that is why the “average chance” has two light green colors and only one yellow.

The yellow color is important to explain though because that is really what pulls this situation down into being just “average” instead of “good.”

A man who cheated on you may be hesitant to re-enter into a relationship with you because of the fact that he was pushed to cheat on you in the first place.

In his mind the relationship wasn’t meeting his needs enough that he had to look elsewhere to have them fulfilled. So, in his mind when he is having that inner debate that all men have when they are considering whether or not they should get back with their ex he is going to think to himself,

“Wouldn’t things just be the same if I got back with her? Would my needs really get fulfilled by her or would I be forced to look elsewhere again?”

It is this type of headwind that really makes getting him back if he cheated on you just an average chance of success.

Otherwise it would be good.

Anyways, let’s move on to the other side of the same coin.

Situation 3- You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend (Horrible Chance)

cheated

Again, this is one of those situations that doesn’t need a lot of explaining.

When you and your boyfriend were together he caught you cheating on him and your whole breakup stemmed from that.

For those of you who don’t know what a man considers to be cheating allow me to educate you (since I am a man.)

Men would consider any of the situations below as a form of cheating (though some are less severe than others.)

  • A woman kissing another man
  • A woman passionately hugging another man (less severe but some men consider this to be cheating)
  • A woman sending provocative photos or nude pictures to another man
  • A woman telling another man she loves him
  • A woman having sex with another man
  • A woman “dirty dancing” with another man
  • A woman holding hands with another man

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head.

All in all, cheating on your boyfriend is a pretty big deal to a man. In fact, I outline that in this article I wrote about how to get a man back if you cheated on him.

You may notice that I have tagged this particular situation with a “horrible chance…”

Uh oh, we have our first “horrible chance.”

DUN DUN DUNNNN….

Let’s see if we can find out why it is so difficult to get an ex boyfriend back in this particular situation.

Why YOU Cheating Has A “Horrible Chance”

Lets take a look at our handy dandy scale of “chances” and see where YOU cheating on your ex boyfriend falls.

scale

Ouch, a horrible chance…

That’s as bad as it gets.

In case you have short term memory loss if you have a horrible chance at getting your ex boyfriend back it means that the odds are really stacked against you for success.

Buy why?

Why is it that this particular situation has a horrible chance.

Well, in order to understand that I think I need to tell you a little about myself.

I am a male (obviously.)

Now, I like to think that I am a benchmark for the average male. In other words, what I am trying to say is that I think most men are exactly like me.

So, what I believe about certain things is probably what they believe about certain things.

When it comes to cheating I have very strict views.

Strict Views = I will not stand for being cheated on under any circumstances

What I mean by this is that if you and I were dating and I found out that you cheated on me not only would I break up with you on the spot but I would probably never take you back.

Why?

Because to me cheating on your significant other is the single worst thing you can do to them. Nothing worse hurts as much as knowing that your significant other has cheated on you.

Heck, most men get so paranoid about cheating that it makes them insecure (even if they haven’t even been cheated on.)

That is the power of cheating right there.

(IT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF US.)

So, when you look at a situation where a man has been cheated on by his ex girlfriend he isn’t going to be very open to taking her back because of a few reasons,

  1. He feels betrayed by her
  2. He is afraid that she is going to do it to him again
  3. He will look at you and only see the other man you cheated on him with

I will admit that out of all the situations I have encountered here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery a woman cheating on a man has been the one with the lowest chance of success. Thus, I have labeled it as having a horrible chance.

Of course, I do have a bit of good news to go along with this.

There Is Good News?

Not all men are like me.

In fact, a lot of men out there are willing to give women a second chance which is really good news when you are dealing with a “horrible chance” like this.

I talk about that here and here.

Oh, and just because I mentioned that you cheating on your ex boyfriend has the worst chance of success when it comes to getting him back doesn’t mean that I haven’t had any success.

Take a look at the email below,

testimonial-5

This is probably one of the proudest achievements that I have ever had on EBR.

The woman in this email, Melissa, cheated on her boyfriend and not only used my strategies to get him back but she got him to propose to her.

All with my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

So, I guess what I am trying to say here is that even when a situation has a horrible chance of success doesn’t necessarily mean you have no shot at all.

Just ask Melissa.

Let’s move on to our next situation.

Situation 4- Your Ex Boyfriend Get’s A New Girlfriend When You Are Trying To Get Him Back (Bad Chance)

new girlfriend

This is one of those situations that is always hard to talk about.

If your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend I just want to tell you that I am really sorry that you are putting up with this.

I understand that it’s hard to watch a man who could be “the love of your life” run around with some other woman.

Heck, most of the women whose boyfriends haven’t started dating someone new won’t even mention the possibility that it could happen. It’s almost like even mentioning it or putting the idea out there in the universe will jinx everything and he will marry the next girl he sees.

Well, I am just going to level with you here.

It’s possible…

Your ex boyfriend could very well meet someone new, fall in love and stay with her long term.

So, assuming this what are you chances?

Before I get into that I want to make a quick note of something.

With situation 4 here I am not talking about a situation where your ex boyfriend “may” be dating someone new.

I am talking about a situation where your ex boyfriend is definitely dating someone new and has been dating her for a minimum of 2 weeks.

So, everything I write about this situation will be operating under the assumption that your ex boyfriend has been dating his new squeeze for at least 2 weeks.

Got it?

Good, let’s talk about what kind of chance you have in this particular situation.

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Getting A New Girlfriend Has A “Bad Chance”

If your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend then you have a bad chance at getting him back for a number of reasons.

The first one that comes to mind is the newness factor.

What is the newness factor?

I am glad you asked.

The Newness Factor– States that human beings are more intrigued by new things as opposed to old ones.

Some men love jumping from relationship to relationship because of the amazing feeling they get when they date someone new.

You will often hear these men cite this reason for the breakup with you (assuming they left you.)

“I don’t feel the same as when we first started dating.”

Lets dissect that statement.

Assuming your ex boyfriend said this to you he is claiming that his feelings have changed.

Well, that’s not entirely true.

He is just to dumb to realize it.

You are aware of what the honeymoon period is, right?

It basically is this period of time right when you start dating where your partner can do no wrong and you both are walking on cloud nine.

You’d be surprised to learn that a lot of men think a relationship should be like this all the time.

The reality is that no relationship is like this all the time.

The honeymoon period will always end.

Now, that doesn’t mean that the relationship has to go downhill from there but the fact of the matter is that you are kidding yourself if you think any relationship you have will have a never ending honeymoon period.

Unfortunately, some men do love to kid themselves about the never ending honeymoon period and will break up with their girlfriends because “something changed.”

So, what happens next?

They move on to someone else in search of the ultimate honeymoon period.

Lets say that this happened to you.

Lets say that your ex boyfriend broke up with you because “something changed.” After he broke up with you he quickly moved on to another girl.

If you wanted him back the only way that you could accomplish that feat would be a complete paradigm shift in his mindset.

You would have to make him understand that no matter who he dates the honeymoon period will end and in my experience it is very difficult to convince someone of this.

It’s not impossible but it is difficult.

Lets move on and talk about another aspect of him getting a new girlfriend.

The Role That GIGS Plays

I want you to take note of the scale below,

scale

Notice how an ex boyfriend getting a new girlfriend only has a “bad chance” of success.

In my opinion, this is a bit of good news.

Most women are under the impression that in this particular circumstance they have a horrible chance of success. After all, their man is with a new woman now.

Well, one of the reasons that this particular situation isn’t considered horrible is due to the grass is greener syndrome.

Some men who are in a relationship with someone will think to themselves,

“I think I can do better than her” 

So, they end up breaking up with their current partner thinking that they could do better.

Reality is often a b**ch though.

Over time they begin to realize that they can’t do better.

That they made a major mistake in breaking up with you.

Sure, there is always that chance that the new person that your ex boyfriend is with exceeds his expectations and he thinks to himself,

“I made the right choice.”

But there is just as good of a chance that he thinks,

“I made a mistake.”

It’s a flip of a coin really…

50/50

Situation 5- You Were In A Long Distance Relationship With Your Ex Boyfriend (Average Chance)

I don’t know if you knew this about me but I am a long distance relationship veteran.

Yup, I married this gal!

Jennifer Chris W-354 copy

Hint… Hint…

We were in a long distance relationship together.

Yup, you are talking to one of those rare success stories where I actually married my long distance love.

So, when I say that I know a thing or two about long distance relationships you can believe me.

In addition to my own experience in the “trenches” I have witnessed thousands of couples in long distance relationships and have learned quite a bit about the subject.

In my infinite wisdom I have assigned the LDR an “average chance” for success.

scale

Does that shock you?

I mean, common sense tells us that most long distance relationships fail.

So, how the heck can I assign an “average chance” to a long distance relationship?

Let’s find out.

Why Long Distance Relationships Have An Average Chance

LDR’s get a bad rap.

Society thinks they are destined to fail.

Heck, if you were to ask me before I met my wife if I believed in long distance relationships I would say no.

I would probably even say something like,

“I don’t believe in them.”

My perception was shaped by the stereotype that society placed on LDR’s.

Of course, when you are comparing actual statistics to stereotypes the statistics win out every time.

Numbers don’t lie.

So, lets look at some numbers associated with long distance relationships.

According to Statistic Brain,

40% of LDR’s end in a breakup.

Do you know what that means?

It means that if 40% of LDR’s fail then 60% of them succeed.

SIXTY PERCENT!

That’s incredible.

That tells us that more often than not a long distance relationship is successful.

Here’s another interesting statistic about LDR’s.

75% of engaged couples were in a long distance relationship at one point.

Count me in on that statistic. I was engaged at one point (and was in a long distance relationship.) I guess the main point I am trying to make here with LDR’s is that they are not the kiss of death that so many people believe them to be.

Heck, statistics show that being in a long distance relationship is arguably one of the safest relationships.

Weird, huh?

So, what does any of this have to do with you having an average chance of success?

Getting an LDR ex boyfriend back isn’t as challenging as some people make it out to be. Sure, oftentimes the distance is hard to navigate and there is always the threat that you don’t have the physical intimacy you crave. However, in my experience LDR’s are slightly more powerful than regular relationships because more often than not they succeed.

So, generally when something has a high level of success that also translates to winning an ex back.

For example, according to the statistic I cited above a long distance relationship has a 60% chance of success.

Now, I don’t know about you but that is a HUGE chance of success in my opinion.

Of course, that is a general statistic and doesn’t talk specifically about the other side of the coin and how much of a shot you have of winning an ex back in a long distance scenario.

Well, in my experience when something generally has a huge chance of success there is an overflow and it also raises the chance of success for winning an ex back.

Get it?

Good.

Conclusion

Above I cited the five most common breakup situations.

However, here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery we are all about going above and beyond.

If there is any situation that you are in that I didn’t cover on this page that you want me to cover I would like you to leave me a comment below asking how much of a shot you have. While I can’t guarantee that I will answer you in a few hours I do try to get all the comments of this site answered within 48 hours.

Why 48 hours?

As EBR has grown to be more and more popular I get more and more comments.

Unfortunately, this is a one man operation and answering 300 comments a day isn’t an easy task.

Nevertheless, I do want your feedback so I promise that if you do comment below I will do my best to get back to you as soon as I possibly can.

Thank you so much for everything you have done for the Ex Boyfriend Recovery brand.

You ladies are the most incredible visitors/fans/people in the world.

I really do mean that.

October 25, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (612)

  1. Kate - 0

    Kate

    I have just broken up with my boyfriend. We had a great relationship and I didnt see it coming to be honest. About 18 moths before we started dating his wife left him suddenly, which shook him a lot. I am the first serious relationship since and the first to meet his son (14 from a fling). We have only been dating for about 5 months and 2 weeks ago I had an abortion (mutual decision, just the wrong time & he was there at every step and was great). Then out of the blue he comes to my house and said that he couldn’t be in a serious relationship, that with his son etc things might get too intense and I might leave, that he cant rely on somone again in case they leave. I feel like with everything that has gone on he has got a little overwhelmed. I asked him if he was sure and he said no, but he is woreied he cant give ne what i want or guarantee where we will be in a year (who can that is the risk with relationships). I am trying to no contact rule now and just wanted to get your view on my chances and any suggestions considering the last few weeks have been very intense emotionally for both of us (way more than it should be at this stage) and his trust issues around his ex wife?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kate,

      I think you both need a breather.. so yes, the no contact rulw will probably help you both..

  2. Kristy - 0

    Kristy

    Ok so this is a Doozy.
    I’ve been listening non stop to the podcasts, I just started reading the book, and there are things that are similar to our situation, but nothing super concrete. I have a very complicated and long story. And wanted to find out if the book is still applicable to me and if I have a chance. I feel like I need a slight adjustment since there are extenuating circumstances.
    My ex and I dated on and off between the ages of 19-21. I had never been in love before and didn’t know that I truly was. But I had commitment issues, and 2011 was a VERY bad year for me. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and had a prophylactic double mastectomy, I lost my job, and I wasn’t in school. Everything spiraled out of control and I felt as if I couldn’t be in a relationship 100% at the time and needed to figure myself out. I took time, reflected, and grew up. My ex, started dating someone not 2 months after we broke up. He’s a serial monogamist. And by the time I figured out what I wanted, how I felt, and got my life back on track, they had been together for several months. I continued to have feelings for him for 3 years, but I missed my best friend. We have always been AMAZING friends. His gf was insecure about me. He’s loyal and an incredible human being, and would never have cheated on her or anything, but she didn’t allow him to have ANY contact with me, even when I occasionally reached out. Fast forward to 2014 (3 years later) I made a bold career move, and moved to a different city across the country on a whim. I knew that my career would be here, I had felt stuck for quite some time where I was, and needed more. So I up and moved. Not even a week later, LinkedIn told me I had a new connection to my ex. I didn’t send a request, so I think it’s just when it sends out to your email address book. I said hello, we chatted a bit, and switched to FB messenger. We got more and more friendly. The feelings were still there for me, but he had a gf in my eyes. His profile photo was still of them. A few days of chatting later, he slipped it in that they had broken up. I felt something in me that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Hope for us. Because I had been convinced that he was going to marry her. He then told that they had planned a 3 year anniversary trip to Universal in Florida, but she broke up with him soon after planning for it and he paid for everything. I told him he should still go. And then I offered, if he wanted company, I’d love to go. We were great friends, and thought it might be a great chance for us to reconnect. He changed everything to my name, and I paid for my own flight. When I finally got there, and we saw each other in person for the first time, it was chemistry like I’ve never felt. We connect on such a deep level, that time only seems to make us better. We were so comfortable around each other, even after 3 years apart. During this trip, we ended up sleeping together, since the trip itself was romantic. I didn’t regret it, because for both of us, sex is something deep and emotional and both of us takes it seriously. When we parted ways, we were constantly texting, and a few days later he told me he missed me. I missed him too. So I invited him to come visit me, since he was still in my hometown. We talked, laughed, facetimed, called, everything. We decided to be exclusive but didn’t want to make it social media official, to respect his ex as far as a time frame since it had only been 3 months. We were so connected, and so into each other. He arrived, and it was magical. We made our relationship public, and it was amazing. We would alternate visiting each other, and when he graduated college, I told him to consider finding a job near me, and that we could live together, because I was committed to him. He agreed, and said he wanted the same thing. He looked, and found an amazing opportunity that allowed him to go back home once a month, since he was concerned he wouldn’t get to see his family very much. He moved out here several months later. We got our own place together about 2 months after that, it was slightly out of our means, but we made it work. We loved being together, we were blissfully happy. We even got a cat a few months later. In June of 2016, we had a talk about looking to the future. I wanted to make sure we were on the same page. He said we were, I told him I wanted to marry him, have his children, and he said he wanted the same thing, and at the time I didn’t know he had asked my mom for her blessing the month before. He proposed 3 months later, since I did make it known I would like to be engaged by the end of the year (we both want kids before we’re 30 and this gives us a good timeline). Cloud nine for weeks. We came up with wedding ideas, and everything, we brainstormed together, but realized we couldn’t afford that kind of wedding, and that my job didn’t allow me to plan something like that. So we became realistic and scaled it back. But in our excited, we thought, “we’re ready, we want to be married, we’re blissfully in love and make each other so happy” So we thought, let’s get married Black Friday (2.5 months after the engagement). I planned to go to home in October for a full weekend of wedding planning with my mom. We were so happy, in our little bubble of bliss. But it turns out, my fiancé was expressing stress and anxiety to his family about planning something so quickly. He never truly understood what planning a wedding entailed, and didn’t communicate with his family about things like the actual date, time, guest, and location yet. So when we posted our blissfully smiling faces when we got our marriage license. Shit hit the fan, for lack of a better phrase. He had made all these plans with me, but hadn’t relayed anything to his family. So that weekend, he came to me and said “I can’t do this without my family.” He’s not the best communicator, and to me that says “I can’t get married without having all 200 of my family there” (we had to shave it down to 100, which was “small” for him) I was crushed, we didn’t have the money for that, and I became heartbroken and hysterical in my grief. I was emotional, and completely illogical trying to bend over backwards to make the wedding happen. I interpreted everything as him wanting to cancel the wedding. We then decided to have a sit down with his parents, and thought they were coming over to discuss details, but they ended up coming to support him backing out of decisions he had made with me. I didn’t coerce him or manipulate him. He struggled with a few things, like the wedding party, and the guest list, but when we talked, he would always agree with me. We ended up cancelling that wedding. I was too devastated to put my heart back into it. We decided to see a counselor, since that weekend was traumatizing and we realized there were things we needed to work on as a couple, like fighting, since we never really had before. I was insecure about his commitment to me since he was unable to give me a date. He has a tendency to put his family first, not our family, he and I. And I always felt second, and less important and the months moved on. I wanted our wedding to be about us. He focussed on who could be there or not. He had the expectation that every single person invited should be able to attend. We tried again, but this time in where we currently live, it was closer, and more convenient for me, since I don’t get a lot of time off for work, I am restricted. He struggled, but tried to focus on us. And whenever we talked things out, he would feel better. We had been going to counseling for several weeks, and he was going back to visit his family for the first time since the blow up and cancelled wedding. The day he was coming back, I knew something was off because he didn’t text me before his flight. That night, I had gone to a concert for one of my favorite bands, where the bartender fed me free shots all night. When I got home, I was hammered. To the point where I don’t remember some things. But he said something along the lines of, “I feel like I’m pushing my family away” and I reacted so poorly. I didn’t stop to listen what he meant, I immediately thought he was cancelling our new plans for the wedding again and putting his family before us/me again. I freaked out. I screamed, I cried, I packed my bags, called my aunt to see if I could stay with her, I threw my ring at him, and said “fuck you and fuck your family”, I made him look at the wedding band I bought for him and the inscription, and made him look at my wedding dress. I did and said so many things I didn’t mean, and just wanted a reaction out of him, to feel wanted and important, but he doesn’t react, he completely shuts down, which made my belligerent state so much more upset. I had a moment of clarity during all of this and after, and handed the ring back to him and said “Only give this back, if you really mean it”. I never got it back, but we continued counseling, I punished myself and I felt as if he was punishing me too. He was distant, and scared, which I understand because I scared myself, and never want to be that person again. It was slow but it seemed to be getting better, we love each other so deeply, and he told me he wanted to figure this out and make it work, but something he struggled with was his self identity. Part of his serial monogamy, is that he has never taken the time between relationships, to be himself, figure out who he is, and really identify who he is as a person, without all the labels of life. He’s been in serious relationships non stop since high school. He lacks a certain level of maturity that I reached several years ago. This past weekend (New Years) we looked at each other and said we could make this work, and we were going to be ok. On January 2nd, he did a complete 180 and said he didn’t think this was going to work. I didn’t see it coming at all. I knew we were shaky, but I thought our love and connection was deep enough to withstand it. He realized he isn’t ready for marriage. He knows he loves me, all of the feelings are still there, and he’s still attracted to me, but he wants to be alone. He doesn’t want to date, or look for a relationship. He truly wants to be alone for the first time in his life. The complicated part is, we live together, and we signed an 18 month lease last month. I even expressed my concerns after the December (2nd) blow up, whether or not we should move forward with it. He said we should, and that it would be a good change of scene and give us more space, since its bigger and is a 1 bedroom. He can afford the apartment on his own, but I do not have the means or the support system here, to break up and move out quickly. I am scheduled to move back to my hometown in 3 weeks. Getting back together, if it happened, would be easy with me there, since we’re both back and forth once a month, and have done long distance before. But I don’t want to be where we currently live and not live in my home with him, and move in with strangers and not have a solid support system. He tells me he isn’t writing off what we have, that he’s not 100% sure we won’t get back together, but doesn’t want me to wait, he wants me to try and move forward. He acknowledges that what we have is very deep, very special, and insanely unique. That we are best friends. But he is 100% sure he can’t be in a relationship right now. Which I respect, because I went through the EXACT reason we broke up 5 years ago, but reversed roles. So I can understand that need, I just don’t know how it could have happened so unexpectedly when we are so deeply interwoven together. I want to know if too much has happened where I don’t have a chance to get him back. How can I adjust the No Contact (on day 3 currently) to living together, at least for the next few weeks, and after I move. I fully believe in us. I know we can make this work, I think he just needs to grow and grow up. I don’t want to lose him, and I know what we have is worth fighting for.
    I really hope to hear back from you. I feel desperate, I am so in love, and don’t want to waste so much amazingness, for a few horrible instances.

    Reply
  3. Lize - 0

    Lize

    Hi.

    After two years the person I thought is my soul-mate broke up with me two days ago. The reason is my fault. What happened was that an ex of mine tried to contact me over message asking how I was doing (a non feelings related conversation and totally innocent converstation) anyways the guy said he was in trouble and like any human being I felt that i I should contact him for that stupid reason and I phoned the ex saying Merry Christmass and I hope everything is ok ( yes well done on me picking Christmass to do it) anyway as I got out of the room talking to the guy for littarly 5 seconds my boyfriend (soul-mate) was standing there asking who i was talking to, out of shock I lied and said I talked to my girl friend and he knew I was lying. It broke his trust and broke his heart and he packed his bags while we were on holiday together. The thing is that about a year and a half ago I broke his trust the same way by trying to hide it and I know it was the worst mistake I could have ever made in my life. I took a plane back home and decided that I should give him some time so I haven’t contacted him so far. Everybody keeps on telling me that I should just give him time and we will be able to work it out but he gave me a reason saying that his trust is broken and he won’t be able to trust me again and he can’t be in a relationship like that. I am broken beond compare, this guy means the world to me and I know once apon a time I ment the world to him. What should I do, give him the week that he is still away on holiday and only contact him when he gets back or should I send a proper apology to him hoping that that might help him clear his mind as well? Please help me try to mend this relationship I feel like my heart is ripped out of my chest..

    Reply
  4. Sami - 0

    Sami

    I’m so desperate plz I need ur help. My fiancé just broke up with me and I’m just so hurt cause he was my whole world and he told me I was his it’s just so bad I can’t do anything anymore I had a passion for art and I lost all interest in it after the break up last week. We met online (I’m in Texas and he’s in Nebraska) and about 2 years into our long distance relationship we finally met,then after I few months I stayed with him for a week. Then a few days before Christmas he broke up with me with a single text and I’ve tryed texting him but he’s either ignoring me or blocked my number and it just makes me really scared just thinking about it. Abd I’ve texted him on other apps that we both have but he won’t respond. In his break up text he pretty much broke up with me because he said we are two different (which we arnt really we pretty much like the same things with a slight difference here and there) and that he wants someone that plays video games and loves horror stories. Now I like video games and I do play them but not as much as him and I’m honestly not into the horror stories he’s into. I know this is my fault for not taking more interest in the things he was interested in and in trying now and I’ve told him this which he probably didn’t see (I’m playing games more and listening to the stories he likes) but I just want him back so bad….. I can’t stop crying,I’m crying several times a day and I’m so upset that I barley eat. I talk to his sister and when she saw him she said he looked a little sad and not himself. I just don’t know what to do……. there’s no way for me to get through to him since he’s ignoring my messages. I was getting my GEd for him and we were planing on moving in together and that day he was just fine and telling me he loved me and then later that day he broke up with me….. he broke up with me last week on Wednesday and we were together almost 3 years…… and I’m 19 and he’s 20….

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sami,

      I think it’s more because he realized both of you are too young to get married. Stop making your world revolve around a boy. Improve and grow for yourself. Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  5. Crys218525 - 0

    Crys218525

    I met my guy online just over a month ago, we’re early 30’s and we live in different cities. It has been an insanely intense connection, like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. To give you some extra information that I think makes this situation unique I’ll tell you that I’m Bipolar and he’s ADHD. So I know what it’s like to feel extreme intensity, even when not warranted. This goes beyond anything I thought possible, unless I stopped taking my medication that is. We openly discussed how strong our connection was and we were on the same page every step of the way. We spent an insane amount of time talking, texting, skyping. About an average 10-15 per day, so you can imagine how deep the conversations became and how much we learned about eachother.

    Everything felt right, but when I looked at it using the typical societal views on ‘proper’ timeline it was going way too fast. So I panicked and started looking for a reason that this wouldn’t work out. I attacked him by stating that he wasn’t going to achieve any of his goals because he wasn’t taking any steps towards them at this moment. I didn’t know until after that he had issues with past girlfriends accusing him of lying, among other things and he has not healed from this. As soon as this all happened he withdrew, said he needed time to sort out his feelings. I told him to take all the time he needed but after 8 days I gave in a called him. He said he still didn’t know what he wanted, but he was coming to my city to visit his children in a few days so he agreed to meet me then. This was our first time seeing eachother in person (which happened to be on my birthday). I spent a few hours over 2 days with him but we didn’t discuss much. He told me about some stressful events that were going on in his life and that he wasn’t able to “go there” to deal with our issue. I was too afraid to push for any answers incase he’d feel too pressured and tell me he didn’t want to see me again. I could see how overwhelmed he was so I let it be.

    We left it with him saying “I’ll see you later” and I haven’t heard from him other than his reply to my Merry Christmas text (which was 2 days after I saw him). Since I’m still on the dating site where we met I can see that he views my profile daily, sometimes more than once. I’m trying not to read into this because I don’t know if it means anything. I haven’t contacted him since xmas because I don’t know what to say and I don’t want to ruin any chance I might have. I’ve never been one to chase or ‘give in’ emotionally for anyone in the past, nor have I felt a connection anywhere near this with anyone else. So this time I want to fight. Not sure where to go from here…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Crys,

      since you only had a short time ..if you are going to do the no contact rule, I think you should just do 21 days..

  6. Holly Evans - 0

    Holly Evans

    Hey Chris, I’m officially 10 days into the no-contact period which was initiated 2 weeks after I broke up with my first and only partner of 2 years. I’ve had depression since I was 12, we are both 20 now and after seeking medical help after the breakup, I began to see and behave more rationally. I lost my feelings for him and couldn’t figure out why at the time. During this NC, I realised it was because we were all about each other and neglected other facets of our lives such as our careers. My eyes wondered to another guy, but it was because he seemed to have ambition and drive – a quality my partner and I both sacrificed. I figured we never had a proper shot at resolving the issue since we couldn’t figure out why I didn’t feel the same, I do know what it is now. I regret breaking from him. I did beg and cry over the phone and only got his icy silences as a reply, but he said that he wants to be single for a while and work on himself (“to go where the river takes me”). He says he still has feelings for me but he doesn’t know how long it will take for him to come around or even decide if he wants to be with me again. I gave him an ultimatum: to either have me or let me go, but he broke down. I did NC with him because every time I saw him, he’d still be initmate and want to kiss me and hug me and hold me and it confused the heck out of me because he said he wants to be single. I haven’t had sex with him; I did NC without telling him before it got out of hand. I hate feeling like I was being used. I didn’t want to defeat the purpose of being in a relationship with him by letting him do hide the things couple would normally do; it’s not fair for me. He told me it was just going to be him by himself, he claimed had no time interests in dating. We barely ever fought, we were like one person we were so much alike – I just want to know if we have a chance, if so, how much? Do you think, based off what I’ve described, he would move on quickly or he might have met someone judging by his mixed signals?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Holly,
      I think you have a chance. Both of you need space to have a restart…

  7. Trish - 0

    Trish

    Hello. My boyfriend and i had a lot of multiple break ups and this time it seems like it’s the final break up.. He was the one who broke up with me. He said that he’s already fed up with fights and that he wants peace of mind. I know he’s been going a lot of problems lately. I tried to apologize as much as i could. I have begged him to give me another chance but he said “enough already” . Now i’m starting to give him time and space (NC). We’ve been through a lot.. on and off’s . i just want to know if there’s still anything i can do to make him come back to me.. or is it really over and that i already need to move on..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Trish,

      I was going to suggest a different post, but I saw you commented there too.. are you going to follow the advice there?

  8. Simone - 0

    Simone

    My ex and I were dating for 9 years. I was clingy, had low self esteem, needy and jealous. The break up was shocking, he took a week and a half to tell me if he wanted space or if he wanted a break up. He was chatting with an 18 year old. He was telling me he doesn’t love me anymore and when he hug me he said he wish he could feel by there is nothing, he withdrew from me emotionally 2 months before we broke up. When I was packing his stuff I found something he wrote that he didn’t find me attractive. After the break up I was trying to convince him and did testing terrorism until he said to text him only when it’s business related. So did one week no contact and called to talk to him about the outstanding bill I was still upset and sent a text to apologize. He called next day and he was upset and sent a text apologizing. I did 2 weeks no contact and called yesterday since he been telling ppl that I wasn’t paying him attention and also thinks I do by love him. So I called and ask if we can meet weekend to talk and he said yes. He still have stuff at my place and he coming to pick some up. Today I went to his work to get my keys from him because he still had my keys. He couldn’t look at me but did when he hand me my keys, I was acting happy. He said so whenever I needn’t get something from the house inbred to contact you and I replied yes I am paying the rent and so I went and havnt made contact however he said he will come weekend.

    My ex came over for some of his stuff was amazed how the house looked, I did some rearranging. He said twice that the house looks nice and that I looked happy and then stated that he was probably the one holding me back. He said this about 2 times, the second time he said it I ask why he is saying something like that and he said he said he know perhaps he just feels guilty and so I told him that he wasn’t holding me back and then he notice I had a mini burn on my hand and ask me what happened I told him I got burnt from the stove. And so I got ready while he was checking his email on the computer, pretending that I was going out and he ask if I’m going some where and I said yes. And then I tease him a bit about his hair since he havnt. After that he said I looked happy and I said I am, that stuff got shift these pass weeks. And when he came out the gate walking on the road he said it again that I looked happy and I said I am. And so since he doesn’t have FB I texted him suggesting he get a fb account and add me, personally it would have been good if he saw some stuff I posted. Anyway he respond and said
    ”U look happy and like u trying to take care of yourself that’s good. And no thanks i don’t like fb. I forgot to ask does my friend mother still have that place for rent?”
    “I hate being by the apartment feel like a kid there. i just need a place and some time to myself to let out my rage and sadness the way i want I’ve been holding back since they in the house all the time ”

    I did something stupid, so my cousin and been searching net and she found something called the Second chance letter and so I wrote one and gave him when he came to pick up some of his clothing. I wrote it just as explained, saw a sample and did it that way, In the beginning I put that I accepted the break up and then apologize that I didn’t showed that I appreciated him and then the part stating that good things been happening and someday would like to tell him about it but right now we both still needing space.

    The next day in the morning, he texted and said he read it and doesn’t mind sitting down and talking someday. Then in the night he sent a text asking me if he can ask me something and I said okay sure.

    “Why do u want me back? What is it about me that u love so much? and he feels like he wasn’t doesn’t his best as a partner as well.

    I respond to him that it would be best to talk in person about it when he is ready and then I got to go.

    I havnt texted him since nor have he reached out. Sigh I guess blow this , What to do now, surely feeling stuck to win him back. I shouldnt have done the letter because now he knows I want him back sigh this sucks. Not sure how to reverse that either.

    Timeline of contact & no contact.

    After the break up we went one week no contact and the week after that on a Monday I initiate contact so that he but his half the pay the bills. The Tuesday he initiated contact that he have paid his half. It was more a business conversation. On Wednesday was my birthday and he initiated contact through text to enjoy my day

    On the 22 he initiated contact that he was coming by the house, I didn’t answer and 29 of November he initiated contact again Stating he was coming by the house I didn’t answer. The reason I didn’t respond was because he at the time he had my house keys so he had access, whenever he wants. He sent another text on the 29th Asking if I had paid a bill only then I respond. During this same week, I knew he was angry since his coworker told me that they didn’t kiss, since her called got transferred to my phone and I ask her and she told him that I ask her. He then called me 7 times back to back but I didn’t answer. I went 2 weeks no contact although he was the one to contact.

    On the 1st December I initiated contact asking if we could talk just to tell him what’s going on that when he came to the house for the clothing.

    Since Monday December 5 2016 he haven’t reach out and so I sent a text 10 December “you are truly one for a kind, unique in every way. I am so glad I met you because there is nobody else like you in the world”

    and today I2 December I sent ” You changed me in positive ways that I am still just starting to understand”
    I got no response, should I cut off contact, or have I just blow my chances of getting him back. Sigh

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Simone,

      The texts last dec 10 and 12 were sent after the letter or before? Because even without the letter, that really shows you want him back because it was a personal text. And to be honest, repeated no contact period will work less over time. If you are going to restart it this time,make it really seem like you get the message, you’re going out and dating others and moving on.

  9. Mimi - 0

    Mimi

    We are co -worker same company but we are in different teams. We have been together more than 4 years. We were mutal broke up 2 weeks before my ex went back to his country. Broke up reason is common i.e Fight more often, no more connection, lost attraction etc. On top of it i am a single mom. His family & friends dont know about it excepts his 2 bestfriends. We were still texting & became close again on the 1st week. Statred on 2nd weeks he became cold & distant from me. after 3 weeks vacations., He told me he is in new relationship and is serious with the girl who live in his country. He wanted us offically broke up. I agreed with his decision. I started no contact right the way. I am in 3rd week of Nc. In my situation i know we wont have a happy ending because his family wont accept the fact that i am a single mom. I am also older than him 2 years. It was totally shocking and dont know why he could change that quick. We said he want us to keep in toucc but today he blocked my contact from his phone. I found out because i have emergency issue. Is this grass greener symtom? Is he in rebound relationship.?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mimi,

      More like a rebound. How old are you both? If you know that he’s family’s opinion matters to him, how do you plan on getting him back?

  10. Holly - 0

    Holly

    I started dating my ex earlier this year, but neither of us were ready for a relationship. We dated casually for 2-3 months before it fizzled out. There were no hard feelings on either side, it just wasn’t the right time for either of us. After a month of no talking, we randomly started talking again and about a month after that we started dating exclusively.
    At this time, he had just started part-time grad school along with working full time, which was definitely stressful and took a toll on his free time and sleep. We were together exclusively for 3.5 months, making plans for things in the future (ie. weddings, birthdays, trips), met each other’s friends and families, zero fights, very affectionate with each other, shared similar interests, values and life goals.
    A week or two before we broke up, it felt like he was pulling away a little, but being behind with school and work, I assumed it was just stress. He was also sick for the 2 weeks leading up to the break up and on antibiotics. When I finally approached him that something felt off, he agreed and said he felt himself pulling away but couldn’t understand why. We talked about it and he told me that his gut tells him I’m not forever, which is something he ignored in his previous relationships. This feeling only came up in the last 1-2 weeks (which have been the most stressful and busiest, along with him being sick), and I’m hoping this is more about stress than him not feeling it. Since we broke up (2 days ago), I have not talked to him and am doing NC for 30 days. Do you think there’s a chance after the craziness of the holidays and school calms down, he’ll want me back? Also my 30 days will end on NYE but that feels like a desperate time to end NC – should I wait a few days past that?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi holly,

      yeah, it would be better if you extend a week after nye before initiating.. I think there’s still a chance.. Yes, it can all be because of the stress..

  11. Cass - 0

    Cass

    My boyfriend of a year recently broke up with me. We had an amazing relationship and never once fell out of love with each other. Towards the final months, the arguing increased and he felt like I got mad at him over everything he did or said. We did not have a nasty break up (though there was lots of crying from the both of us). He did not want to break up but felt as if we needed to work on ourselves before we could be happy with one another. He said I made him happy there was just a lot of stress that neither one of us needed at the time. He is about to graduate from college. We both agreed to not have any contact with each other anytime soon. He is my bestfriend. We spent every single day together and loved each other very much. I am devistated. I feel like it’s hard to function because we did everything together and everything I do reminds me of him. Do I have any chance? What do I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Cass,

      Yeah, I do think you have a chance.. Do you want to try the no contact rule!

  12. ZL - 0

    ZL

    Hello,

    My ex have just broken up with me today.
    It was probably 3 weeks ago where I found out that her interaction with me isn’t that sporty as usual, thus I have asked her last week and she told me that her feelings have faded.
    We didn’t had any quarrel prior to this, our usual quarrel was from her stating that I have a “Male chauvinism” character and she thought that instead of bearing it, why not end it now?.
    I do admit that I promised to change after quarrel, but when things gotten back, complacency gotten back in me.

    We were once talking about marriage and future, but ended up in such situation. Is getting back this relationship possible?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi ZL,

      yeah, it’s possible. Do you want to try the no contact rule?

    • zl - 0

      zl

      Yes, I’m trying to do it, meanwhile have to keep myself calm as well i guessed

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yes, and you need to improve yourself too.

  13. George - 0

    George

    My girlfriend just recently decided that we needed to take a break, because I lied to her. We also just moved into a new place almost a month ago, and decided that we will stay living together but sleep in different bedrooms and just do our own thing for a while to see if we can get back to a place where we were once happy and so she can trust in me again. We have talked about every scenario possible. I was just wondering what you thought my chances might be with this particular situation?

    Reply
  14. Lara - 0

    Lara

    Hello,me and my ex were in Ldr for 11 months. We broke up 3 months ago because of things i never properly accepted about him from day one and just petty stuff. When we broke it seemd like he forced himself to leave me. He told me he wanted to stay with me for many more years but we arent meant to be and his feelings have been fading and we will never be together again and such and i begged and he cried and i cried. Then days aftee i still begged him to take me back which i know is bad. But then i decided to do no contact which was very hard bc we use to talk every single day. Everymonth atleast once he would say somrthing like saying he hopes im doing well or somethjng like that.after 3 months we finally talked properly and and got the chance to explain myself for my reasons and to apologise for exagerrating with things and such and he said he had also exagerrated with things. So we had a decent talk and got to sort out the major issues between us and we are now friends and he said he is glad at the changes that have happened in me. But i still want him back.what should i do now? My guy friend said it could be possible that we could get back together again but i dont want to get my hopes high too much. My ex once told me he wants to do his own thjng for a while before thinking of jumping into another relationship.any advise ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lara,

      how much did you improve from the last 3 months? And how did you talk about his relationship views? Did you ask him if he wants to get back together?

  15. CChan - 0

    CChan

    I recently broke up with my boyfriend, I was the one that broke up with him in anger, I didn’t want to I was upset with him, but he said he doesn’t want me to come back, I pleaded to make up since I was the one that left him so I thought it was the right thing to do for me to be the one to make up. He was really committed to me even found the promise ring to put on me. After I pleaded for another chance after I broke his trust of leaving him every time I get upset (4times total but we get back the next day or two afterward), we are 4hrs long distance apart which is not a big problem because we could still see each other often when we can. Anyway after we had a heart felt conversation about everything 5days ago he said he can give me another chance but we have to start over as a “date” not in a relationship, it still hurt me knowing there’s no guarantee if we ever get back together. He still said “I love you” and I still love him. I heard of no contact rule as well can this still apply to my situation? what if he’s doing the same thing? I am so lost and confused…..What can I do? or just what to do?
    We dated for about 4 months but he fell very hard for me and was very committed, talked about marrying me and have our own family. We have alot of common interests and have done so much traveling together in just short time. It has been 5 days we are still friends on Facebook, Instagram, all our pictures are still on each other’s timelines. He motivated me so much to be a better version of myself, I am working on myself, I have work, online school for my degree, gym and other hobbies I would do to distract myself. But it still wouldn’t stop me from wondering if we are ever going to get back together because I love him so much…..We don’t cheat, I am not needy, also we don’t get jealous/insecure. I have all the qualities he needed in a woman to be married to (I am 26 he is 28) but I have flaws and anger that controls my actions. What is my chance of getting back with my ex ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cchan,

      you have a good chance..I think he just got tired.. So avoid getting angry

  16. K - 0

    K

    My boyfriend of 4.5 years and I have broken up twice before; the first time was because of miscommunication and leaving the house as a way to end arguments plus work stress after about 3 years. It lead to me moving out for a week but us soon getting back together since we decided to move as a couple altogether. The move affected my boyfriend negatively. He got a new job, but wouldn’t make new friendships or go out to do anything socially. He would stay inside and play video games in his late 20s for hours. This frustrated me since I didn’t want to distract him from gaming, but once he started it felt like I shouldn’t interrupt him, and I didn’t want to go out to parties on my own at night. It got to the point where I started resenting him since I felt trapped. I pulled away. Eventually it lead to a big blow up fight about him saying why should he stay, and out of frustration I told him to then go. He moved back to the original town we met in where his friends are at and we attempted to try long distance a week after his moving away. It fizzled out from work stress on my side now, but at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I want him or “us” back. The long distance ending was almost three months ago of us not talking besides a hope you’re well” text. Now that I feel mentally rebuilt and want to try again… I realise he’s the only man I want to work hard at being with everyday but he might not be interested. I’m visiting him next week on the pretext of seeing friends and getting some of my old things back. When I told him I was excited to see him he said good and that he was interested in me still, but not ready for a relationship. What should my next step be? I want to be hopeful and just quit my current job and move back to start a life with him again, but I don’t want to scare him away by jumping back into relationship mode too fast. What do I do from here?

    Reply
    • K - 0

      K

      I’m sorry I didn’t see that my original post actually posted

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi K,

      just be friendly when you meet him.. take it as a chance for a kickstart in texting him when you go back to your place..from there slowly build rapport through texting and calls and then meet ups later on

  17. Brandon - 0

    Brandon

    My girlfriend of 1 year and I broke up (for one month now). Shes 31, and I am 29. Our relationship was beautiful for a while, and we considered each other soul mates and true loves and we believe fate brought us together due to the immensely unlikely circumstances in which we met. We became very seriously, we discussed marriage, family, kids often. We even went engagement ring shopping and I put a downpayment on the ring. However, 8 months or so into the relationship our communication began to deteriorate and a lot of needless arguments kept taking place and would be held onto for too long and turn into resentment, by both of us. The breakup itself dragged on for a few weeks, as we both felt like the stress and arguing was becoming too much, but we both loved each other so deeply and didn’t want to end it. Everything came to a head, when I forced her to decide between actively working on our relationship or ending it. She asked for time to think, I only gave her one day, and pressured her again into answering where we go from here, and she said “lets end it then.”

    I took the breakup horribly. I went from anger, to bargaining, to severe depression. She is my best friend, and my only good friend in this area (just moved across the country), and I made a terrible decision to keep texting her over and over as I went through the stages of grief. She told me that we just are not working out, and our relationship is not healthy with all of the constant arguing. She told me that she needs to be in a relationship where she feels loved, needed, and supported. She said we can be friends, but at this time she cannot date me. Maybe one day we can date again, maybe not. What is meant to be will be. She cannot force anything, it has to be organic.

    After pushing her with my emotional texts, she said that whether I like it or not, we will date other people. She is not going to force anything in her life anymore, and what happens happens. If someone from her past re-enters her life and things happen organically then thats that. If not, then not. I felt from that comment, that she started dating within two weeks after us splitting. And I had a break down in text with her, saying that I cannot believe she has moved on so fast, I thought we said we were taking a break to work on ourselves etc etc. I explained that I love her, I want no one else in this world, ever, and I was so hurt that she was giving up on us so easily and that I must not have meant anything to her.

    I apologized to her later for all of the emotional drama. She said that she wants to be there for me, but I took it to a whole other level. I sent her an email apologizing for my mistakes in the relationship, and that I was terrible at expressing my love. And that this was all out of fear, and how I was scared about starting a family with a broken home like the one I grew up in. She said the letter made her cry, and it was beautifulyl written, and that she would respond tomorrow. But she never responded.

    It has been a week since the email, and one month since our breakup. I still know this is my one true love. I am in so much pain because I believe that I have pushed my true love away. I never showed her how much she means to me, and that I value her in my life above all else. I regret that I have come to these realizations about how to act in a relationship too late and that I have to lose her forever in order to learn this lesson.

    I do not want to lose her. I love her so so much. I truly believe that we are meant to be a family. I feel so lost now. I do not know what to do. I know I went too far during and after the breakup. Have I ruined it? Have I pushed her to the point of no-return? What do I do? I want to send her a text that simply says “I am sorry for the overly emotional texts. There has been a lot for me to handle all at once, and I clearly did not handle it well. Messaging you was extremely unfair to you, and I’m sure this must have been difficult to see and I know this must have made you feel very uncomfortable. I hope you have a great weekend. Take care.”

    Is the apology too much? Have I completely scared her away?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hello,

      Ok, enough with the chasing now.. And given her choice of guy now, it would be easier for you to show that you’re the better one by improving yourself.. Start with the no contact rule of 45 days, (because of all the chasing done) it’s not a punishment, it’s just to help you reverse and change your image in her mind.

  18. Mia - 0

    Mia

    My boyfriend and I dated for 2 years until he broke up with me 4 weeks ago. He said he wanted to be single to do his own thing. Everyone was shocked about the break up, and he sort of dropped off the face of the Earth. He didn’t say explicitly, but I assumed he wanted space so I didn’t contact him at all. Two weeks after we broke up he sent me a message asking to meet up the following week for lunch. I agreed and we met up; however he just acted like nothing had happened, if anything he was being a bit arrogant which isn’t like him. Then the following week he messaged me out of the blue, just talking about random stuff so I went along with it and for a day we just spoke normally and joked around. He asked to meet up again but I was busy so declined. He then asked about a different day and I said I’d get back to him but then I got sick so had to cancel. He was nice about it when I cancelled, and it has been 2 days and I haven’t heard from him since. I am scared of meeting up with him because I don’t want him to act as if nothing happened when I feel like a great relationship was thrown away just because he “felt like being single.” Every time we have spoken he has initiated contact, and I think he is trying to be nice to me but I am unsure whether he wants to talk about our relationship, whether he wants to be friends or whether he is only talking to me to make himself feel better about the break up. I am too emotionally exhausted to know what to do from now, please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mia,

      I think he misses you but he doesn’t want to get back together yet, so instead of asking for you back, he just asks to hang out.. Do you want to try doing the no contact rule?

    • Mia - 0

      Mia

      Hi Amor,

      I have done the no contact for 32 days now, the only time I’ve spoken to him is when he’s contacted me first. I am now out of ideas of how to cope with the situation!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s not really a no contact rule if you’re weren’t focused in improving yourself.. And also it was broken when you met up for lunch after two weeks of breaking up and also when you kept talking to him when he initiates..no contact means not replying, no social media stalking and no liking of posts too..so, do you want to try that now?

  19. A lot to say - 0

    A lot to say

    My situation is VERY strange, my boyfriend and i were best friends, he always said the reason he never said anything for aprox 7 years was due to the fact he believed he never had a chance with me. Eventually after his family began commenting, we got together, he was extremely dubious and wanted to keep it a secret until we were 100% sure we would work -he even tried to push for us to stay friends but couldn’t help himself. He had many barriers up and wasn’t a great boyfriend at the start, always worried about being seen as under my control or power to everyone and never wanting to succumb to what he liked to call ‘my influence’ in which by he had (as my best friend previously) seen other boys fall under and get hurt. I broke up with him because he hurt me a LOT but after he begged and pleaded, standing outside my front door in the pooring rain for hours on end I took him back because i did love him. After realizing i was in it for the long haul, and how much his protest behavior was hurting me (he would take everyones side but mine, refuse to compliment me etc), he began to change and became the most amazing boyfriend in the world, it was clear how besotted he was by me and i definitely wore the trousers -he ultimately became what he was scared of but said he was happy that way and would do anything -give up any person/job/thing in his life to make me happy/our relationship work. I had many trust issues with him because of how he acted at the beginning of our relationship and although he basically devoted his whole life to me and worshiped the ground i walked on, I loved him so much too, we were the most fiery couple, we loved too much and when we argued it was because we were both so sensitive and in love with the other that any small thing had the potential to hurt us. The whole way through our relationship his jealousy and insecurities were extremely prominent but he didnt want to ruin my life when i went to university 2 hours away, he came up every other week and had started a high pressure job but didnt commit to it and kept getting low gradings at work due to only being focused on me and leaving dead on time to get out to speak to me (unhealthy i know), he did not socialize with people from work for fear of upsetting me because of the remaining trust issues i had with him. Eventually i told him he needs to go out and make friends etc but he refused being too scared to hurt me or lose me even though i endlessly encouraged it and told him his lifestyle was unhealthy. He did not want to ruin my university experience and constantly pressured me to go out with friends. We both loved each other so dearly and fought so intensely, but when it came down to it, it was all because we did not want to be without one another. When i came home for summer break he began to tell me things had changed and that he did not believe i loved him anymore or that he could fulfill what i wanted in a partner. As a sufferer from depression, and a very long term illness, my moods were up and down regardless of him, but i guess that reflected in how i acted distant towards him sometimes. Eventually he began working until 11PM at night, he became slightly distant -only slightly and when i pulled him on it he broke up with me and said I needed a break to go out and be single and live my life for a couple of weeks and i would relaise i would be happier without him, but after if i still wanted him, he would be there. I desperately did not want this and tried phoning constantly and he started going out getting drunk with his friends and not wanting to speak to me, i ignored him for a couple of days and came back to our home town, he eventually contacted me the next day asking since i was home did i want to talk? I said yes and we went to speak and the more i tried to convince him how happy we were together, the more he protested we should not be together and he does not believe i truly love him even if i think i do, in the end i told him to drive me to his and i’ll pick up my stuff, he then started to cry and eventually said @to hell with it lets try again!’ as he realized the two week break he had in mind (although at first he did not tell me this was the duration he was thinking in his head) would not work, obviously from this point, our issues were not going to be swept under the carpet and over the next few days when we were good he said he couldnt believe he almost threw us away, when we were bad, and trying to combat our problems he stated thats why we should not be together. We left on a good note none the less and he took me back to my university. Whilst i was there that week, he began to hardly reply to my messages and worked extremely late, he also never wanted to talk to me. I went out with my friends and he got jealous and exclaimed that i am no longer his priority and he would no longer do anything to make me happy since he didnt think it was reciprocated. As the week went on he grew more and more distant. I dealt with it, until the night he did not say i love you, his explanations flipped from ‘it is probably just my mood swings and emotions i am so stressed i do not want to talk to anyone’ to he doesn’t know ‘to what extent he loves me’ to he does not know if loving me ‘is enough’ and how he doesnt want to live a lie to me or himself and if he isn’t fully in this he doesnt want to string me along. When i said i love you he said ‘hearing that i love you to but i dont know if its enough’ This guy was the guy who had planned our childrens names, where we should get married and all the other silly future ideals -he was the one who planned all that and was head over heels for two years -yet all this changed in a week? At this point i broke up with him as i simply could not stay with someone who said they do not know if they loved me -even though i loved him. The next day my crazily romantic best friend convinced me to go back to london and stand outside his work and fight for him as he had for me at the start of our relationship -i did this and it failed massively, he was very nice about it but put his foot down and said we were not to be together even though he’s not sure, he said i had interrupted his pub night with his friends and that i should have been with mine. We went for food and he could not look at me or drink alcohol saying if he did he would just succumb to his feelings and tell me how he loved me because he did. He held me while i cried and pleaded and told me i was going to be OK and im strong -he said i will eventually be happy whether that is with or without him. He held my hand and kissed my forehead but would not kiss me properly even though he said he wanted to. He told me to go with other guys as it might make him realise and push him back to me -but also not to do this since he might go the other way. He was not sure on his decision i know this but he was trying to do the best thing for me as i believe he still deeply cares and loves me. He promised to tell me if he got with another girl or fell for someone else. I asked him to promise he would text me the moment he was 100% sure he wanted to be with me -he said no because he knew he would wake up the next morning and want to be with me… he needed to be ‘sure he was sure’ as to not hurt me again and said something silly like he would text me the week he was sure, but not to expect a text within the next two weeks since thats way too soon. He told me he was going to tell his parents it was just a break if they asked, even though ‘on paper we are broken up.’ He told me this would not be the last time we saw each other but he did not know if we would be together in the future although he was sure this was going to be his biggest regret and he will not throw the scrapbook i made him away -he said he will put it in the loft and probably look back and be sad that he lost me, He told me he would try to remember the negatives of our relationship and there was a reason we broke up everytime he missed me to stop himself coming back. He did not reply when i said i loved him until we got to my front door and he told me he loved me and i was so important to him and so special and hopefully soon the promise ring he bought me would go back on my finger. He told me not to throw myself at guys for a rebound because thats not going to help and im worth more, he told me to carry on studying because in 5 years he joked he wont want me if i fail my degree and he told me my values are so amazing and not to change for anyone and that even if i do kiss a guy, doesnt mean he wont get back with me in the future and so to do what i want. He deleted me on snap chat because he didnt want to be hurt seeing me out clubbing. He also deleted my best friend who i club with. I did not text him and he has not text me -i have been in NC for 11 days but im not sure if he realises this because after all, the ball was in his court and he said he would text me when he was sure/if he was sure he wanted to be with me. Will the NC have the same effect?? . He left me in all his social media profile pictures even though he was not in any of mine, he liked two photos about messing up with the perfect girl and hoping to have someone in your life forever on instagram during these 11 days. On the weekend i went out and posted about it on facebook -that night he removed me from his profile pictures on instagram and whats app but left the facebook one as me and him -the one in which his family will all see – his family still interact with me on facebook like normal and his brother even added me on facebook during the 11 days of NC we have had so far leading me to believe he has not told them! So yea 11 days in and im finding it ridiculously hard and he has not contacted me -he is known for being stubborn but in this case he is not stubborn and adopting a ‘she needs to text first’ attitude since he knows the reason im not texting him and knows he has the ball in is court -although on social media i have appeared fine and like i am happy over these 11 days. Two days into no contact he text my best friend and told her not to tell me but to make sure i had gotten back to university safely. Will the NC still work in this situation since he knows the reason i am not texting him and i know the reason he has not text me? He has always said not talking to me and ignoring me is the hardest things he has had to endure during arguments in our past throughout our relationship and he said he will definitely not text in two weeks and it has not been two weeks yet so i should not be expecting a reply anyway. I am so proud of myself for doing 11 days no contact as it has been so hard -but is it going to work if he knows the reason im not messaging him?? Or will this be eradicated by the fact i seem fine on social media. Also he has always been insistent that if i need him as a friend to text him straight away. Everyone is shocked by this since it is all so out of character for him, my friends and family have all said they would have bet their house on it this would never have happened. Apologies for long message.

    Reply
    • A lot to say - 0

      A lot to say

      just to add that our two year anniversary is next week during the 30 days NC

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi A lot to say,

      You did have a lot to say! But that’s ok! You need to extend it to 45 days, it would be better that way so, that even if he knows you’re doing nc, there’s still an element of surprise because he probably doesn’t expect you to be in nc for 45 days.. Both of you need to mature and to just take things slow.. You’re taking the relationship thing too seriously.. Just enjoy each other’s company.. Nobody should be higher than the other.. When you’re in a relationship, you still need to have your individual lives and be able to do the things you love without worrying if it will upset the other person.. If you’re not doing anything bad, why would it upset your partner?

  20. Adriana - 0

    Adriana

    Hello,

    My boyfriend of 8.5 months just broke up with me out of the blue. One day it was “promise you’ll never stop loving me ok” and the next day he said “I just can’t do this”. He had just recently gone through basic training for the US Navy and says that he feels differently about everything that he is lost in his own life and that I don’t deserve to be with someone like that. I deserve to be with someone better. Now, he reached out to talk to me as friends but he was so negative all the time “I don’t know why you are with me” and called himself some mean names. He started being really mean to me so I told him that I don’t deserve to be treated this way and talk to me in a few weeks. He said ok. But the two of us are so in love, we had plans on getting engaged next year and married the next. I just don’t know what to do to save everything we have. When I know that he’s the one, and he’s just so confused.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Adriana,

      that’s good that you’re giving him space.. I think it can help him think and sort things out.. Treat this as a no contact period and then start improving yourself too

  21. Cyrus Swart - 0

    Cyrus Swart

    Hello,
    So me and my boyfriend were in a relationship for about a month, we had feelings for each other during that time, it was really great. We would text non-stop, joke around, and even met up to make cookies at his apartment.
    3 Days ago though, he told me that we should just be friends, and that he felt that there was this spark missing.
    I messaged him the same day saying that I understand why he wanted to break up.
    The next day I messaged him if he wanted to meet up in a couple of weeks, which not only has he responded to, it says that he hasn’t read it yet either (Which he probably is avoiding it for emotional reasons). Since then I have started No Contact, but I’m concerned that he is completely over me.

    Is there any chance for us? Since our relationship was only 1 month, how long of No Contact should I do? And if he messages me during those No Contact days, how should I respond to him?

    Thank You!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cyrus,

      do at least 21 days, and don’t answer if he messages you.. how old are you both?

    • Cyrus Swart - 0

      Cyrus Swart

      We are both 18 right now.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, be very active in improving yourself in this three weeks.. Even if you only have three weeks, make the most of it and continue the activities you started in it, even after no contact.

  22. Rachel Braithwate - 0

    Rachel Braithwate

    Hi my boyfriend of 2 years just got back from basic training in the army we have been close since age 6, I was his first crush ,he recently broke up with me,After being back for a month from bootcamp.We are an hour long distance now and only saw each other like 12 times. He was so emotional when he broke up with me,he originaly had to do it over the phone. I think he is just confused and needs time(he dropped out of school,pushing away friends and family, and me!) ,then we can rebuild our relationship. After a week he texted me something random is that him trying to reach out? I responded once and didn’t respond after that .Do you think Im going the right thing by waiting even though he claimed there is no hope and is “no contact” going to help this?

    Reply
    • Rachel Braithwate - 0

      Rachel Braithwate

      Also he has left up me as his profile picture and our realtionship on facebook to this day ,this isnt a big deal to most but I think it means he cant move on

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rachel,

      there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but yes, it can help increase your chances.. if he’s undecided, then do no contact.. let him have his space and miss you

  23. J - 0

    J

    My ex broke up with me 7 days ago, We were together almost 2 years, and we had a pretty good relationship, but I struggle with past drinking issues. Ive toned them down but im sure I have more work to do. He was never pleased with this and would ask me numerously to control or stop drinking. When I would have a drinking fail moment hed be done with me. We were on and off 4 times in the 2 years, focusing on not following what hes asked, which was to control the drinking or stop. Rather than focus on the good moments they were always over shinned by my negative, and to his advantage hed use them as a source of reminding me how crazy I was, not to forget my insecurities that would appear. Only to make me feel down. When were not dealing with this issue we are great together, and its obvious how much we enjoyed each others company. But he felt enough was enough so we ended things. On the first day we had a conversation which mainly involved how good he was to me and how much ive took him for granted. Followed by he only asked one thing from me and I never did that. Not to mention I seen his online dating profile the day of the breakup, so I asked him and he said it was old and it was being deleted. Today being the 7th day he text asking for keys back, we agreed to swap them out with no contact. Before returning he continued to text about how Good he was to me and this is all my fault, and he had any part in the ending. I understand his anger, and ive genuinely apologized the for wrong I have caused and I am still in the process of focusing on changing my habits for the better. I havent contacted him after the texts from today. Does it seem like theres any hope left for this relationship? Does it seem to toxic? Do you think he has intentions of moving on? Im holding it together…but its pretty hard.

    Reply
    • J - 0

      J

      I wanted to add, During an outing with some of our friends we had some drinks and were walking around talking, thinking nothing of it, I happend to grab the arm of our male friend as I was talking, he completely took it as a disrespectful gesture and claimed it to be intimate. He stated hes lost lots of respect for me based on this…and according to him its not jealousy hes showing. Plus with the online profile I explained how hard it was for me to see him attempting with other woman..which his reply was “now you know how i feel” Overall im just really confused with everything going on with this situation…and any advice would be appreciated.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi J,

      even if it was only one negative, if it’s a non-negotiable standard for him, then you have to either change or move on

  24. Jamie j - 0

    Jamie j

    My ex and i were together for 6 yrs. Recently 1 month ago i found out he cheated on me for 2 months with one of my friends and his best friends soon to be ex wife.
    Now he and the current wife are official. I know for a fact both famikys and friend dont support the relationship and both live at home with there parents. So they meet in empty parking lots.
    She… the new gf.. also has cheated in her past relationships.
    Im in week 2 of NC
    Im currently went to therapy this week and some how he remembered and texted asking how therapy went…. i did not answer.
    Now 4 days later he texted asking about the warranty for the couch we bought together. Also saying that i can contact his mom with the information about the warranty if i dont want to contact him. I did not answer then 1 day later he texted again about it and called me.
    Last time i saw him. He told me i need to let him go. I need to try to move on. An we cant talk anymore. He want to give this other girl a shot…. so why his he texting me asking stupied stuff.
    I have not responded. I dont know if i shoukd contact his mom about the warranty or not?…
    But i also have a fb business page.and its obviously public and cant block anyone. An he looks at is 5 to 10+ times daily.
    Im wondering whats going on in his head….
    Do u think i have a chance of getting him back?
    He also has his new gf blocked on all social medias to and has not made it public.
    What shoukd i do…. continue no contact?

    Reply
    • Jamie j - 0

      Jamie j

      I also forgot to mention that before i started the NC that we did have sexual relations. Then i started NC lasted 2 weeks. Then he texted me about this truck. I didnt answer. Then he texted me again 5 days later saying he had naked pix of me…. an obviously i respond then and broke the NC. Then we chatted. 1 month after then break up . That when i found out they were official.
      Then he wanted his mail. So i met up with him and then he cheated on his current gf with me twice.
      I feel like he misses me. But not sure if he wants me back.
      He is remorseful about what he did cause he keeps apologize for it.
      But he says he doesn’t want to be single.
      I think he just chose the easy route out.
      Im just so confused on what to do.
      I really want to finish the 30 day no contact

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jamie J,

      is he black mailing you with the pics? If he’s continuing to do that, you need to confront him that he has to stop it because it’s illegal. Yes, he is missing you but that doesn’t mean he wants to get back with you so, don’t break nc and be active in improving yourself. Don’t sleep with him again until you’re not really back together. And about warranty, do you really need to talk about that? If yes, then it’s ok to talk to his mom about it.

    • Jamie j - 0

      Jamie j

      No i think he said that about the naked pictures to get me to respond.
      Cause ive never taken naked pictures. And when i responded the pictures magically disappeared.

      The warranty…. its a 5 yr warranty. So he has 3 years left. So pleanty of time to do whatever repairs he needs. But dont understand why he waited 3 weeks to ask.

      I just seems to me he makes stuff up to text me.

      I have been super active. Working out, learning new hobbys like wake surfing, i got 2 new jobs and saving to move to my own place in a few months.
      Also tons of girls night. An a few dates with guys

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah, looks like he just used it to check up on you.

  25. Megan - 0

    Megan

    I broke up with my boyfriend, last week and I haven’t contacted him once since then, I was going to write a letter cause he was never too great at texting but the site says that was desperate and creepy but I don’t know what to do.. I should probably start from the beginning..

    I met him at work last summer, Mid June and we were flirting till the start of October and that’s when we made things official. After this we were both let go after Christmas and he was struggling so over the course of our 11 month thing I have lent him just over €3,000.. Obviously I did this gradually and because I loved him and wanted to help him wherever I could. Things didn’t start to seem wrong until the end of July this summer, when he started missing my texts and calls (which his friends said he actually does to them aswell and to not take it personally, but how could I not) and getting mad at me for calling on certain days when he had already told me to ring back on a different day previously. I began to think back to the times he said he was emotionally unavailable because he was adopted as a child and that he doesn’t like commitment. He invited me to his house one day in August and we just sat and talked and laughed as normal so I thought we were fine but it was after that he got angry about calls on days etc. So I tried to meet with him several times to find out what was going on and he wouldn’t meet me, eventually he relented and I asked him what was wrong and he said he didn’t know and his heart wasn’t in it anymore I said that nothing had changed so maybe we should end it and he said he thought something in him had changed and maybe that yes, we should end it.. I asked him if it was something about me or something I’d done and he said no and he doesn’t know what was wrong.. After that he said he’d be in touch and I thought it would be to check if I was OK or something but no he said he’d contact me about the money. I was obviously hurt by this and told him so but he didn’t like that people could hear us arguing so he proceeded to ask if I cared that they could hear us and I said that I didn’t and then he said the most hurtful thing of all, that he used to care but in that moment he’d forgotten about it.. We then just walked angrily away from eachother, both crying, and now all I want is him back because neither of us had a proper reason to break up. I don’t know if he’s scared so he pushed me away or something, I honestly don’t know, so now I’m here asking for your opinion of what just happened and how to fix it

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Megan,

      he meant he would stay in touch to pay you slowly right? So things started to go down this July.. what was happening in his life since then? work stress? Were you too demanding? But rght now.. do you want to do a proper no contact? That means focusing in improving yourself.

    • Megan - 0

      Megan

      Yes he’s going to pay back slowly and he had no stress that I could see or that he told me about but he was very closed off and I wasn’t any different to how I usually am except maybe I called him more to check on him cause I was worried. I would like to complete no contact if you think it would help?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s not a guarantee that no contact would work but I don’t think it would help to keep checking in on him right? It was natural that you did that before because of course you are worried. So, yes, right now I think it’s better to do no contact.

  26. CK - 0

    CK

    Hi Amor..
    My ex boyfriend who is an introvert and i have been dating for 2months and we just broke up few days ago.. He said he has no feeling anymore to continue this relationship and that love does not matter to him.. He said i have nothing to do with him having no feeling anymore and that it is his own problem.. But i still feel like because of me getting so needy that i push him away indirectly..
    Will i have a chance to get him back with NC?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Ck,

      It was just days ago, so, yes, you still have a chance.. I think you should do either 21 or 30 days and be proactive in improving yourself.. how old are you both and are you in long distance relationship?

  27. Claire - 0

    Claire

    Hi, I have been seeing someone for over a year. I went away for three months during that time and when I came back we both expecting things to escalate quickly. But things didn’t go as planned. I guess the first reunion nerves got in the way and confusion came, with both sides feeling it didn’t go well and miscommunication of feelings. Since then, we still continued to text everyday as we had always done. We would see each other maybe once or twice a month.. Rarely would be more than that due to living an hour apart and busy lives. When we’d see each other things would be great. But when i would leave, I guess I would put pressure on things to move forward by asking where a stood etc.. I began to leave saying the things that I had wanted to say to him in person, about how i found things hard. I didn’t say them when I would see him as I wanted to make sure we enjoyed the time we had together.. More recently we have had little bickers.. Nothing major, nothing nasty said, but dissagreements. But this has become too much for him now. He has said that he feels like we are going backwards not forwards. He just can’t see things getting back to how amazing things once were. He said he knows he might be making a big mistake, I’m the nicest anyone has ever been to him, but he feels ending things is the right thing to do. So I know this comes under a general reason for things ending…but when things haven’t gotten nasty, there has been no arguement about it, we have just both heard each other out…..when he hasn’t said it under a heat of the moment and things have ended so civil, does this mean this is really what he wants and there is no coming back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Claire,

      it does sound like it is what he really but that doesnt really mean there’s no turning back..

  28. Cree - 0

    Cree

    So about a month ago me and my boyfriend had a chat and he told me that he felt like things had got really boring, we lost the spark, he didn’t have the urge to see me and never missed me. We have been together for 3 years and he’s my best friend and he says I am his, in our relationship we have never had a single problem, not a single argument (we do bicker) no cheating, everything has been perfect for so long. He said that he had been feeling that way for about 2 months but during that time we had gone away on 2 holidays and he said that he never felt that way on either of the holidays. We decided to go on a break for 2 weeks after the chat and he said he only missed talking to me everyday during that time not missing me, we then decided to cut down on seeing eachother as much and go on amazing dates once a week and although he said that he was having the best time he still felt weird about everything. So last week we decided to just break up and see how that goes as he said he feels like he isn’t in the right frame of mind to be in a relationship at the moment, his parents are going through a split and he is losing a job that he loves. Do you think I have any chance of getting back together with him because we are both still so in love with eachother I just feel like because he is so laid back he might not care enough. Please help me x

    Reply
  29. Steph - 0

    Steph

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for a while. He told me that he was happy when he was around me, that the relationship was great, and that I was the first person that he ever told he loved and meant it. We never had fights, just small disagreements sometimes. Friends would tell us that they’ve never seen either of us so happy before.

    We broke up Sunday, and we both were bawls our eyes out. He said his heart wasn’t in it anymore, and he didn’t know why he felt like that. He didn’t have answers for anything and would get upset if I thought it was something I did. He told me he never wanted me to feel like it was my fault. He said it wasn’t me, or is, that it was him and he didn’t know why. I told him that I wished it would have worked, and that I really thought that this relationship was the one. He said he thought it was too and that he wished it would have worked.
    I’ve been in relationships before where my heart wasn’t in it, and the break up was the easiest thing I did. Not a tear shed.
    He told me two days later that he cares about me, and that maybe he needed some time. We had been texting 3 and 4 days after the break up.

    I feel like he was scared of the future and began to panick. We both graduate college this year, and he will be commissioning as an AirForce officer, along with training for a year. I think he was scared of what would happen down the road and didn’t communicate those feelings to me or know how to process it. I just feel like it’d be a waste if we didn’t try again because of how happy we were together. Everyone thinks we could make it work. It’s up to him though.

    We talked a few days ago, and he told me that he’s happy around me, and that he still cares about me. He said he’d was just going to need some time to think about things, when the day before he told his roommate that he had made up his mind. I asked why he kept texting me, and he told me that he wanted to see how I was doing and that he was used to talking to me. I asked him before I left if he thought things could work, and he said yes, but he needs time. I told him that if we were going to make it work again, that he was going to have to communicate the things that he was afraid of and nervous about in the future.
    I’m not going to talk to him until he’s ready to, and work on myself. Right now he hasn’t had a reason to miss me because he’s been texting me.

    His friends have said that they have never seen him as happy as he was when he was with me, and that he changed as a person. No one thinks that we should have broken up, and that he was going through normal emotions and phases in a relationship. I would’t be this hopeful if I didn’t think things could work.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Steph,

      I think you’re right and it looks like you know what to do Steph.. What’s your plan in mind?

    • Steph - 0

      Steph

      Amor,

      The only thing I can do right now is give him his time, and for me to work on myself. I’m not really sure what to do though. I’m scared of what’s going to happen too. I know we could make this work, but I’m worried he won’t change his mind or even consider it. I know relationships go through these phases. I just think he didn’t know what else to do.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Have faith and let time do it’s thing. If you keep improving yourself, he’ll probably miss you more and he will get to thinking.

  30. somita - 0

    somita

    hello.i have a bf,after this summer we are in 5 years that we know eachother-we like togather and never fight.i help him alot to reach his dreams.he behaviour me very good and never insult me and respect me in any way.he alwayes say me he doesnot want to get marry,he says u r best girl and u donot have any problem as a woman but i dont want to marry.u know we dont have any differnt idea in evry thing in family in education or in wealth..nothing.we work togather and we could collect money.he even fived me his creadit card bcz i could collect his sallary.he used to talk me about his problem and his familly and how his familly hurt him.but i dont know why he doesnot care me enough and doesnot want to marry me.i really love him because i tested other men but he is best he has rather everything not alot of money not phd graduated but evrything he has it is enough for me..we are good partner in work behaviour entertament…pleas help me how should i do

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Somita,

      so, you’re not actually broken up right? You just want him to propose to you or want to marry you someday?

      How long have you been together? Are you too available for him?

      And you need to read this article:
      HOW TO MAKE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND COMMIT

  31. Andrea - 0

    Andrea

    Hi,
    My ex boyfriend and I were in a relationship for 4 years. He even proposed last year! Well, it seems in the last 4 or 5 months, we have been having a lot of arguing issues. This is personal, but my ex is in debt horribly. His family and I thought this could be the problem. So, two weeks ago… We got into an argument over the smallest thing. We exchanged words that we probably shouldn’t have, so I left. I went home and didn’t speak to him for the rest of the night. Later that night, I ended up texting him and asked him what was going on. His reply was similar to “you’re tired of it, and so am I. I can’t handle the extra stress anymore.” And it went from there… Sadly, he did end up breaking up with me. About the third day in, I texted him and asked if this was really the end, he asked me to “please quit” I explained to him how I was feeling and he said “just forget about it, it’s not easy for me either trust me but stop.” So I did not reply. I have not talked to him since then and he hasn’t tried to contact me. I am constantly on EBR looking up advice… But am also starting to wonder, is he moving on and should I just give up? This has happened a couple of times before… Once we were broke up for three months before he contacted me. I am afraid that since its been done before, is this going to be the stop? His mother randomly texted me last night and said that she talked to him and all he said was that he didn’t want us to be going through this either but he “doesn’t know”. What is going on? What advice do you have for our future together? I still have hope, many other people believe we will be back together but I’m so terrified that he’s done. I will continue no contact. I’m just so confused by the situation, and praying that something will reunite us back together. I am already realizing my faults, and things I would change if we got back together. But, if that time comes…. There was no cheating or anything like that. Just small arguements frequently. Is there any hope that he will try to contact me… I will not try to contact him even after no contact because I don’t want to be turned down. Broken heart.
    Andrea

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Andrea,

      if he has a big problem, the least he would want to think about right now is handling small problems, like arguments.. If he’s looking at you like a responsibility that he needs to tend to while tending to another responsibility, then he would really get tired. Let him be for now.. Let him sort out his problems while you rebuild having your own life..

  32. JB - 0

    JB

    Hi,
    I’m wondering if do I still have any chance and if No Contact Rule make sense here. My boyfriend broke up with me 2 weeks ago, a week before our third anniversary. We’re both 21 years old. We were fighting a lot. Recently almost every our bigger fight ended up like this: he had enough and he want to end this but everytime on the next day he gave us another chance. But because of these fights he was seriously thinking and talking about breaking up with me. He cared less everyday.

    3 weeks ago we were spending a weekend together I tried to be nice but he was mad at me because of the fight we had a couple days earlier. Finally we argued pretty bad on saturday evening he said a lot of bad things and on the next day in the morning I went back to my home without talking. We didn’t speak for the rest of the day (usually we were texting all the time). I wanted him to cool down. Rest of the week we were texting I tried to apologize and act nicley but he was cold and distant.

    When we meet next weekend he broke up with me he said this is well thought decision, that he gave me so many chances that I wasted ( I complained too much, I was needy, caused a lot of fights) and he doesn’t want to be with me any more. I was begging for another chance, I promised to change but he said he doesn’t want to be with me even if I would really change, no matter what, that it is too late and there was so many bad things in me he couldn’t be happy with me because he will always remember them.

    I asked if he still has any feelings for me and he said ”I think I don’t”. He said he doesn’t feel neither happy nor sad about breaking up with me, that he already accepted the fact it is going to end. I asked if I could still be in contact with him, meet each other some time and he agreed saying ” yeah meybe, if I’ll have time”. We were texting during the 2 weeks after break up. He didn’t ask any questions only I keept the conversation going. I did ask him to get back several times everytime he said he doesn’t want to continue this anymore. He even said that would be the best if I found myself someone new.

    We met after 2 weeks to exchange items he didn’t want to spend too much time with me he said he has other plans but we spent almost 2 hours he was emotionless, takling about neutral topics. I asked if he misses me or anything about our relationship and he said that he has better things to do than thinking about it.

    I did a lot of mistakes after break up I contacted him I asked for a chance and do everything I shouldn’t. I didn’t know about NC rule I started it 3 days ago but I don’t know if it will work if we were talking for 2 weeks and he seems like he just want to move on and this break up wasn’t a rash decision. I’m afraid he’s glad he doesn’t have to respond me anymore.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Jb,

      that means if you kept contacting him, he would be annoyed right? So, it means even if you don’t do nc, it won’t help either.. Improve yourself during nc and just focus in that.. if he lost attraction with you, the last thing you want to do is chase.

  33. Benedict Ang - 0

    Benedict Ang

    Hey , ive been looking at your website and i have to ask a question if that’s fine.
    I have just broke up with my partner like 3 days ago , although we have just been dating for one month , she decided it was best that we should break up because she was going to overseas for internship and relationship isnt really her priority now. She also did mentioned that because she was leaving it was too fast for her to be together because we only dated for a month and she said i dont know her well enough and she dont know me well enough yet. She also did mentioned that she liked me and she still does like me now. Just that its not the right timing. In my heart i really believed that she was really the one i really want and i dont want to lose her now. Do you still think i have a chance with her ? Even if it means starting out as friends again. Do you think theres a chance?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Benedict,

      try to start out as friends when she’s alrady there

  34. Ana - 0

    Ana

    Hi Amor, what are the chances like to get back with an ex after he broke up with me for a second time? We’ve been together for about 4 years in total and he broke up with me once last year and he initiated contact after about a month and we started talking and eventually got back together but unfortunately he broke up with me again just recently this year. Is there still a chance as he did say that he knows this will happen again even if we got back together again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ana,

      it depends..why did you break up?

    • Ana - 0

      Ana

      Both was kinda similar and general reasons like it’s not you it’s me, you deserve better and I don’t feel the same way anymore etc.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      so, it looks like he lost desire.. og that is it.. yes, there’s still a chance

  35. ADS - 0

    ADS

    Hi,

    So my boyfriend and I were together for 4 and a half years. The last year we started I guess falling out of love? We never really went anywhere, we never really had sex, I didn’t really have friends so he was pretty much my only and best friend, and I have some social anxiety so it was really hard for me to see his friends/family for the last 2 years and I know it hurt him a lot. He said he wants to work on himself because he feels like he doesn’t know where he’s going or what he wants in life and just wants to be able to focus on himself. He’s lived with me the past 2 years because his dads house was really dirty and feels like he doesn’t really have a space of his own either. He also said he wants me to focus on myself and my friendships, and for me to be happier but we both can’t do that if we’re in a relationship. I really wanted to work it out but he said it wouldn’t be worth it. That night we went to the beach, came home and cuddled and cried and stayed up until around 3am and agreed we’d be friends because we still really want each other in our lives and made plans to see each other this weekend. The last two nights we’re really hard for me and I cried whenever I talked to him, and then we decided this week we should probably not talk until the weekend. So I didn’t talk to him for one night and he called me today and told me he was proud of me and we talked a little. He asked how I was and I said alright, he said he was fine (he’s been staying at his friends house since we broke up so he’s been getting through it a little easier) and said we’d see each other this weekend. The night we broke up we also planned to see a band at the end of July once he gets back from hawaii (I got the tickets for his bday) he said it was a special band for us and we should see them together. I love him so much and just miss him because our relationship wasn’t horrible. We didn’t have horrible frequent fights, and we we’re always laughing when we were together. My hope is that once we are both in a better place we’ll find each other again but he told me he probably wouldn’t want to be in a relationship for a long time (I didn’t tell him I hope that we end up together in the future, he just told me this when breaking up).

    Is there any hope for us in the future? I love him and miss him so much and just want us to work in the end.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi ads,

      why can’t you culture your other friendships when yiu’re still with him? don’t close off your world to just one person.. because you will become needy..

      you’ll want all of his time and attention because he’s the only person you can connect with and it becomes less of a healthy relationship but just something you need to stay into because you’ve got nothing left..

      it’s not real love when it’s like that..

      time to go out and expand your world and have a new routine.. have your own life..you would feel much better once you do.. do that first before trying to rebuild rapport with him.. you must reconnect with old friends and meet new people

  36. Mich - 0

    Mich

    My boyfriend and I had been dating for 2 months and he had introduced me to close friends etc. He wanted to see me nearly every day and whenever he couldn’t see me, he’d give me a call to chat. Suddenly, he breaks up with me, saying he doesn’t feel like he’s ready for a relationship and that he doesn’t feel he would be able to balance his work and me well enough to be a good enough boyfriend to me. I was gutted to say the least, as everything was going great and he made me super happy.
    The breakup happened 5 days ago and he asked me if we could remain friends, to which I told him politely that I don’t know if I would be comfortable with that. 3 days ago, I called him and encouraged him to reconsider, without begging, as I believed he is making a hasty decision he will regret. I told him that I could sense he was really into me, and this seemed out of character for him as he usually likes to work on things and see things through to the end – but instead he gave up so easily without trying to make it work with me.

    He told me he would take time him to think this over and asked me to give him a week as he needed space. I agreed to this and have not spoke to him since. I’m managing to resist the urge to contact him pretty well, and a friend of his contacted me and told me that he regrets the decision but isn’t sure if starting over would be wise considering he’s trying to get a day job while also maintain his freelance work wherever he can get it. He hasn’t unfriended me on Facebook and he still has my number.

    Do you think that if I continue to give him this week to reconsider, will I have a chance at getting him back, or is his mind made up? And should I contact him after the week is up or leave the ball in his court for him to make first contact?

    I know he was super into me, he was referring to me as his girlfriend, telling me how lucky he was to have me, and it was all so genuine. I know for a fact it was no act.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mich,

      if that’s for a fact, he’ll say abd show it..or at least break up with you personally and not ask his friend about it..

    • Mich - 0

      Mich

      Hi Amor,
      He contacted me today, telling me that he doesn’t wanna leave me hanging. Told me I’m a great girl and he had so much fun during the relationship but still doesn’t want to be in a relationship with anyone right now. I asked him if he feels that whenever he gets a job again, will he wanna try again, and he said no.
      Should I just give up and move on? I really liked this guy..

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do active nc first and then decide after that what you want

    • Kevyn - 0

      Kevyn

      I don’t mean to intrude on your thread, but I just wanted to say that our situations are practically identical in every aspect. I wish you the best of luck.

  37. Kam Fuller - 0

    Kam Fuller

    My ex boyfriend and I dated for 5 years. Our break-up is still unclear to me because he could never pinpoint what went wrong, or why he decided to end our relationship. My only assumption is that he broke-up with me due to the fact that he would soon be moving out-of state to pursue a business degree. At times he’d accuse me of being unsupportive (which is a complete lie! I helped him write his scholarship letters!) and he also made me believe having a girlfriend & long distance relationship would be a distraction for him. Long story short, he decided to end our relationship just weeks prior to his move. In spite of breaking up, we continued to communicate and he also flew me out to visit a few times. Months go by and the calls/facetime dates become more and more infrequent; he even begins to ignore text messages from me. I took the hint and decided it was time for me to let go because he was no longer showing interest in me. After 4 months of not speaking, I received a happy birthday text message from him. I responded with “thanks” and that was that. About 3 months later I learned he got himself a new girlfriend. We continued to avoid speaking to one another. After another 3 months had passed, he graduated and received his MBA. I took it upon myself to congratulate him because by now, I had started seeing a therapist to help get me thru my break-up and I was ok with reaching out to him at that point. He responded thanks and told me how much it meant to him to receive a congratulations from me. Maybe 2 weeks later, a mutual friend convinced me to reach out to my ex to have a sit down. I reached out, he agreed, we talked. We didn’t talk as much about our break-up as I would have liked, but I didn’t want to press the issue since we hadn’t seen each other in almost a year. After we talked, we became intimate the following day. Now, we have been intimate on multiple occasions (against my better judgment). After the first encounter, he apologized saying he disrespected me and his new GF; however, as I mentioned before, it has happened multiple times now. I guess my question is this… why would he avoid having a LDR with me after dating for 5 yrs, but turn around and get himself a long-distance GF? What are my chances with him now that he has a new LDR? I am single, but dating by the way. Please help

    Reply
    • Kam Fuller - 0

      Kam Fuller

      I left out a huge piece of information here, but I figured you might put 2 and 2 together… my ex no longer lives in the same city as his current GF. He has moved back home and is in the same city as myself.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kam,

      How sure are you that he’s not doing the same thing to his new girl now? We’re not sure that he doesn’t plan to do that. First, don’t sleep with him. HOw often do you see each other now?

  38. Alexandra - 0

    Alexandra

    What about the communication problems? What chances there are if he broke up with me because of this reason?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Do you still live in the same house? If he initiates a conversation, then listen to him.. let him finish talking.

      If he’s not initiating but he’s in a very good mood, then you can break nc and talk to him.. But the key is that he is in the best mood.. Because if he is not and you push talking to him, it will probably not have a good result.

    • Alexandra - 0

      Alexandra

      Yes, we still live in the same house. I started NC for one week, the conversations we have are a little basic… he still thinks he took a good decision breaking up with me. He calls me durring the day but I don’t answer the phone… How should I do? I mean should I stay stick to NC when it comes about basic things and when he starts talking about our relation should I broke NC? What if he reffers to our relation in a negative way?

  39. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    I could really do with some advice to do with the above article, which was so very helpful!
    My ex and I were together for 18 months, I moved into his flat after about a month or so as it was around the corner from my work rather than over an hour from my family home. Things were great, we fell madly in love, meet each others friend and family. He is from South America so only had a small chance of meeting his family when they visited in the summer, but it was amazing!
    We went away and had such a lovely daily routine for day to day life.
    Yes we argued a lot of such stupid little things, really quite pathetic looking back at it! But over the last 6 months he seemed to think it increased and always felt like he was treading on egg shells with me. I know I can be moody and a crazy opinionated at times, but he also has his right to be the same way. He truly believes that couples should never argue and that if they do like we did then we are not compatible for each other- ridiculous really! I hate arguing yes like anyone, but it will happen of course it will, we are only human!
    He also gets so stressed out with work that it takes over a lot of his life. I am happy to deal with this and was there to support him when he needed. I understood how crazy and high pressured his job was. He also has the extra pressure of needing a Visa to like in the UK and so he can’t really do much if he isn’t enjoying the role or always worried he could be layed off ( not that they every would, he is amazing at his job, and I kept telling him this!) Me being from the UK… we would always joke about getting married so he wouldn’t have to worry…we did talk alot about the future and our plans together too.

    The last month before the break up the arguing was every weekend yes. But this was because during the week we were so tried and had busy life it would just build up to then. He is 10 years older than me (35), and this has never been any issue at all. Over the last few months as well we were starting to look at somewhere bigger so we would have more space etc and I could properly move more of my stuff in. He was keen like me, even though he is quite up and down with his mood and opinions about things. One day he would be into it and the other not so much!? He was like this with a lot of things…

    Then we were on our way to meet a friend of mine for dinner and on the way we had a silly argument about something so stupid. It led to him saying he wanted a break, to spend some time apart. So the next day I took some of my stuff and went back home. We didn’t set a time limit on it and both just let ourselves see what we felt. It broke my heart and I was so upset and down about it. After the initial heartache, which he felt also it was starting to feel as though it was needed and he was right. I didn’t disagree that we didn’t need it but just couldn’t see it clearly at the time.
    Now we spoke every day, just casual ‘hi, how are you,’ nothing more than that really, but the contact was still there.
    After just over a week we meet up at the flat and spoke about things, ‘he generally was just still confused about everything. In short he thinks that not everyone is compatible ( including us), he is trying to save my feelings in the long run as he knows what he is like, the arguing isn’t acceptable, he may not be ready to commit and is just not sure why about any of it. It was all very vague and you could see he didn’t really believe in what he was saying.
    We went on a dinner date that week, his idea, it was lovely, like a first date again! Then the following week I went around, he cooked, we watched a movie, cuddled, like old times. I stayed the night, but we over all this time was not intimate in that way.
    We would be messaging and speaking every day and we arranged to see each other the next week. I was away at the weekend and he called me on Sunday after not hearing much from him, I could tell something was up.
    He called me and basically said it was over. He said it was all him, I asked for a reason and he couldn’t give me one. He was so nice about and I couldn’t have got angry even if I had tried. He keep saying it will be fine and I was the most important thing and that I was ok, and not to worry about him, just to sort out myself. It was all so general and cliched, I could tell he even didn’t believe what he was saying, like before. I was heartbroken obviously and couldn’t even get words out.
    We knew we both loved each other and should be together but he was just too scared about taking the risk and it being not efficient way of spending his time. Now he works in computers/ code/ high end security etc. He treats life just like a computer. If its not working easily and straight forward, delete it. If things arn’t black and white then they are not good and a waste of time and effort. I feel sorry for him that he sees life that way and more importantly would want too lose us over it.
    I kept telling him how differently I see things and how many options we had to work at things, but he sees it as he has already tried and that he can’t give anymore in case it doesn’t work. I know there is always this risk too, I’m aware that is the case. But this isn’t over you can tell, not over this stuff!

    Anyway, I moved all my stuff out a week later and we talked every other day, just checking in on each other etc. When I moved my stuff out he was there. It was so normal, we were laughing, making jokes over my stuff, catching up about things, family/friends etc. Had a cup of tea and it was just so normal and like he was about to snap out of it or wanted to at least but not go back on his word. We didn’t discuss anything about the break up, no begging from me or anything about feelings etc. It was only until I left he cried and then me and was very sad and got to both of us.
    I was then away on holiday ( great timing) and told him I had no contact on my phone. This was after leaving him a letter under the mattress of the bed for him to read while I was away. It wasn’t anything emotional, me just saying my peace to him so at least I had it off my chest. When I came back all I had from him was ‘ Hi, I got your message have a great time.’
    Thats it! Not that I knew what to expect anyway!?
    I had t call him a couple of days ago as we had to arrange some bill/ flat stuff to move into his name. But again, it was lovely we caught up, he asked about my holiday, family etc. We were joking about other things going on and having a great time just like before. Again no talk of the break up or the letter!

    I am really trying to work out what my next steps are. I love him more than anything and even though I am trying with all my strength and will to move on and start to deal with it I can’t. I want to still fight for him. Show him I am there for him and that what he is trying to save me from is my choice to make not his. I don’t know if I am just being optimistic but I feel from the way he is acting and has acted he does too but just is too scared or confused.
    I am not sure what to do next or if there is any chance of getting back together? Any thoughts or advice would be much appreciated and suggestions on how to get this amazing man back in my life….

    Thanks and apologies for the lengthy explanation!! xx

    Reply
  40. Amy - 0

    Amy

    We met online and dated for 2 months before I went on a trip and left for another 2 months. We had good chemistry and never ran out of things to talk about. But my personality is a bit strong and often we clash and have arguments because of this. I finished my trip last week and finally saw him a couple days ago, he was nice but didn’t initiate any physical contact – hugging etc. 2 nights ago I asked if he still wanted to be together and he said we should stop seeing each other. We had a long talk today, and he said he felt I wasn’t respecting him and that he wanted stability in life and I caused too much emotional stress. He said it was ironic that what initially attracted him to me later became the cause of our split – communication. He thinks that I’m too blunt and we argue too much – even thou I consider some of those just as discussion.
    He said a couple times that he doesn’t think we will work out long term. I’ve realized the problem now but just wondering if it’s too late already

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Amy,

      if you’ve already apologized. Give it time, maybe three weeks before initiating a text again.

    • Amy - 0

      Amy

      He said repeatedly that he doesn’t think it’ll work out long term. Does it mean he already gave up on us?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmmm..it looks like that but it can also mean he doesn’t see the change in you

  41. Omar - 0

    Omar

    My girlfriend decided that we don’t belong together and it’s a long distance relationship we have been together since 1 year and three months we had a fight through Skype I said a lot of mean things and it was just 5 days before I fly to see her for three months and after two days off trying to win her back she said that she is not changing her mind and she doesn’t want to be in any relationship right now.
    During the second night of Skyping she said that maybe I should fly to he to say good bye the proper way and I agreed with her so she said that first she need to sleep over it first so in the morning she asked me if I respect her decision… So I answered yes so she said that I can come for a week and we can Skype in the afternoon.

    Is there any chance for me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Omar,

      did you meet up? after it, you should try no contact to increase your chances of making her miss you and want to get back with you

  42. Chris Seiter - 0

    EBR Team Member: Amor

    Hi Kirby,

    You have to make him miss you during no contact by improving yourself and going out more with old friends and doing new things and meeting new people, and being active in social media in showing your activities.

    Reply
  43. Sabah - 0

    Sabah

    Me and my ex where together for 4 years we broke up 3 weeks ago because he lost it over a small argument. He is not willing to drop it and has said he can’t be bothered. We had the same issue 2 years ago where we stoped talking for a month and then started talking as friends before we got back together. I have tried to talk to him here and there in the past 3 weeks and he has said he doesn’t know how he feels and he might feel something at some point down the line. What do I do. We gave decided in time wel try the friends thing but I feel like I know him so well and that he won’t be able to get over the 4 years he spent with me. Do you think I have a chance of getting him back? Before the break up we where so happy we only ever had arguments every few months. But he still expects me to call and I have decided to give him space for a week before I talk to him next. I feel like he will think about us if not now in a few weeks or months and he always answers he can’t say how he might feel down the line. He does not have contact with any other girls either so what do I think and do? I feel like the argument was not worth breaking up over. Please help!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sabah,

      Do active no contact. If it took him a month before, then there’s a chance that it will take the same time again or longer but the difference now is that you will start to improve yourself.

  44. Bex - 0

    Bex

    My boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago after one too many arguments! We have been together over 6 years and have broken up before and then got back together when i thought there was no hope. We pretty much have arguments every month at my time of the month, some aren’t too bad but others will lead to us not speaking for 4 or 5 days. I suffer very badly with PmS and have recently (since we’ve split) been diagnosed with a severe form of PmS for which I have started medication and will be seeing a counsellor. I have agreed to the split (as per your advise) and not been needy or clingy at all. We live together in a house that we have purchased but is just in his name although I put a large deposit down and have contributed financially every month. We still love each other and he told me he cares and even cried yesterday to me saying he wished I’d been diagnosed sooner as I have hurt him so much when we’ve argued but it’s too late for us now. He is being pleasant to me and saying nice things but he has said this morning that we need to have a chat about things (the fact that we are split up but both still living in the house and obviously that needs to change.) I have 2 children who love him (not with him) and I want to know if there is any hope before we end up putting the house on the market. I love him so much and I know he loves me too…He just says I’ve hurt him and it’s too late. Please help me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bex,

      contnue on with no contact but be polite if he talks to you.. just dont initiate and start improving yourself, go out more, so that you can give him a chance to miss you

  45. EB - 0

    EB

    Hi, my babys dad and I have been broken up for about 2 weeks on Sunday. We have a 11month old baby.I’ve been heatbroken to my core because when u have children this isn’t the way a family should be.

    I truly want him and for us to be a family. The argument started because he told me to pick up our son at his friends house because he was drinking and didn’t want to be doing that with our child in the car. Which he dosent do that but did this day. Im off top am mad because I work a overnight schedule which means I’m not home on Saturday but get off on Sunday. I had asked him since we don’t have our own place and we stay with family if he could bring our child home after hanging out on Sat night, he said ok and never did it and then texted me asking me if I could pick our child up after work on Sunday. Mind u I gave him my old car for him to get back in forth to work. So he texts me on the Sunday after my shift asking me to pick up our child. He was supposed to take a family member of mine to work but never did. Which meant that I had too fix that and take my mom to get her car after she let my other family member drive it to work. So I do that and try talking to him. He gets mad because I tell him hes wrong. We get to arguing and I tell him I’m coming to get my car. He says fine were over. I get there he isn’t there but my son is with a friend and I pack him up and my mom and family member are there. He gets back n is mad he won’t talk to me and starts unloading all his stuff. I try to have my family member talk to him and he js doesn’t listen. Mind u where he was at there are other people his friends watching me beg and try to talk to him. It was embarrassing and I finally js leave with my car. Next day I blow him up texting and calling him. He texts once and then dosent. I finally get him to answer on Wed talk to him for and hour and he talks to our son. We then agrue that I can bring him his things and he can c our son. Well it was a disaster. I end up not bringing his stuff he visits with our son. I get to crying and grabbing on his shirt for him not to leave and we do this arguing for about 10 minutes while my sons in my car door open on drivers side. He calls my mom to try to get me away from him. Then he finally his homegirls he is staying with and they come over telling me to dig within me to stop. He starts showing out when they get there telling me he dosent care if I cry. I leave embarrassed feeling stupid. Which I should have.

    We dont speak for days . He texts me Happy mothers day. I was told to js be cool and say thank u, ur son is fine. I did and each day that goes by its driving me crazy. I finally text him on Mon because our child got sick while I was at work. I ask him to get a ride to my car I took from him and he says no because he had no transportation and can’t even work. He has in previous comments mentioned that I should have thought about that before taking the car and involing my family in our biz. So I say ok forget it I tell him I can’t do this with u I love u but can’t force u to be with me so be happy on ur own. He texts me hours later asking about our kid. I ignore him and finally tell him the next day.

    After that we don’t speak till this Wed. It was another diaster text convo. I ask him if we could talk face to face and he says no after I wouldn’t let him go the last time. I say sorry and he still says no. I throw in the fact that we are a family and that this is hurting our child too. He says no its js u. I finally tell him to js leave me and his child alone forever. He says don’t keep our child away from me and I text watch and block him.

    I’ve talked to his parents and they can’t believe that hes acting this way. History on us is we have been together for 5 almost 6 years we were engaged. He was in jail for 9 months in the beginning of our relationship and then cheated months later. It broke me completely I lost my 2 jobs and js sat at home feeling sorry for myself for months. He has had jobs on and off but for the most part had one. He drinks but had stopped a lot since our son. Throughout our relationship sometimes he would drink and not come home. Lately since I got a new car and he has my old one its been more. He says he learned his lesson from cheating the first time and wouldn’t do it again but js recently while on vacation with some of my family hit on brothers x and didn’t remember or admitting it to me either because he got drunk. He says the reason he broke it off was because he was tired of being accused of cheating when he dosent come home. That it pushed him away from me. When he has clearly given me reason to suspect. I had finally let go of him cheating the first time slowly. He claims that I pushed him away and never showed him affection or wanted to do anything with him. I do try and did before he broke it off. I even asked him awhile ago how he thought our relationship was going and he said it was rocky but now its good. He complains of my family being in or biz. But yet stays gone and my family ends up watching my kid. It hasn’t happened often but it has My family does like him but not the way he treats me sometimes but not coming home. Do I think he was cheating no because when I want a true answer I ask him to put it on his died brothers grave. I asked him to do that when he cheated the first time and he said no. But I cant be sure if he drinks.This isn’t the first time we’ve been together its the second. I have all his stuff and he hasn’t came to get it but wants me to drop it off. I bought majority of it or my family. This is mess and I js wanna be with him and he dosent want to be with me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi EB,

      it’s a toxic relationship.. have you started limited no contact?

    • EB - 0

      EB

      Yes. I just want to make it work

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That’s good. Focus on yourself please so you can reflect… If he really wants you back, make him prove it..Put your self respect first so that others will respect you too.

  46. Mimi - 0

    Mimi

    Hi,
    I have been broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years for 2 months. I felt the relationship was great, and we seriously talked about marriage. We got into a fight, and I put my hands on him. At first he was saying that he wanted to fix our relationship and he just needed time. Now he is saying he does not want to fix it right now. I feel that I am getting mixed signals from him, and just want to give up. I haven’t been able to do NC longer than a week because we have an apartment together, and he has been moving out. I’m starting to feel that he has moved on and doesn’t care anymore. Could you give me some advice as to what I should do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mimi,

      actually you could start with limited nc.. you don’t initiate a talk and you start to go out more and do things that will improve yourself.. to be realistic, it’s been two months since you broke up right? and if things didn’t get better, he’s really leaning more on moving on.. so keep in mind that after nc is a restart not a continuation of your current relationship.. you had 5 years, it’s not that easy to forget, so don’t worry too much.. do 45 days nc and focus on healing and regaining emotional balance.

  47. La - 0

    La

    Hi there,

    I’ve been reading your site and honestly, it gives me hope but still I’m feeling hopeless that we’ll be back together. I REALLY WANTED TO BE BACK WITH HIM and DO THE RIGHT THING WITH HIM. I didn’t cheat. I became a horrible person but I got hit in my head when he left me without a word. I came home from work and found that his things aren’t in our home and our baby was at my mom’s place. YES, WE HAVE A BABY TOGETHER – our adorable 7 month old son.

    here’s our story:

    I was at my best during the beginning of our relationship. I was fat but still attractive, my attitude was not best but it was great, and I was doing well in school then got a job right after. We were okay, still geting to know each other. Then eventually we became committed to each other. We talk for hours, we text each other, update each other and during my off’s I go to his place and spend the weekend. I admit that I did the most effort at all. He was broke, didn’t have a job so I just understood everything besides, when we’re together we had fun. around 5-6 months I noticed something odd about him, he would not answer my phone, there were days wherein he would be busy, and there are also times that he’s not sweet when we’re apart. That’s when I first nagged him what was it all about. I found out that he was cheating since day 1 of our relationship. He chats other girls on facebook, courting them, inviting them, saying he’s single. and then there was one woman that he even met and had sex during the 2nd month of our relationship. THough I’d say that I wasn’t serious about him that time, it still hurt me. All of this, hurt me big time. I confronted him. He had nothing to say. He was willing to break up and needs to fix his life. but I didn’t want to let go. So we had a talk about where these cheating came from. He has done it even before courting me. He said it wasn’t me but I still think that it’s me even up to this day. He promised to change and we carried on… but it was all different. I always fret when a woman rings him even though he tells me that it was just a friend. He gave me his facebook, he changed his phone number and only gave it to people I agree.

    3 months on this, I became pregnant. He said he was happy. I was truly happy. He still doesn’t have a job. It was Januray when I found out that I was pregnant… Came March, I found out that the mistress he had sex with gave birth… this fired me up and I jumped to conclusions so I had a fight with him and hurt him physically. He left me and didn’t show himself. I searched for him for like 2 weeks but he said that he doesn’t want me anymore because I have hurt him. and I know that this is my fault. After a month of no contact, I finally went to his place and found him there. We became together again. 2 months later, we had a fight again where I have hurt him again. I found out that he has another facebook account that he hid from me and he’s still doing what he was doing before. He didn’t really changed over the months that he;s saying that he has no fb account and that I’m owning his account. This is the second time that he hid from me. As usual, I looked for him but he’s hiding and his relatives didn’t want me to see him. I talked to his mom and said my feelings and what his son has been doing. His mom doesn’t like me because I have hurt his son. Though she’s not telling me this, I can see it with the way he talks to me. I don’t kno but I think my talk with his mom helped. 3 weeks later, I found him again and we fixed things again then lived together.

    We were happy living together. He took care of me during the later part of my pregnancy although there are time that we fight. He often lies to me about things. I restricted him to see his friends as he said that he learned to cheat through them but still he sees them when I’m in the office. He still didn’t have a job.

    When our baby came out, there were a lot of adjustments. We were really happy that time, until one day. He came home from his mom, I estimated his travel time as it took him so long to come home. I accused him of cheating again and what a pig he is. I hurt him again so bad. I don’t want to justify my actions but I felt completely down that time. I thought he doesn’t love me anymore because of my looks and because I couldn’t support us financially. He left us. I only texted him but didn’t chased him. because our baby is out already and I need to take care of him. He texted me 3 days later and said that he’s going home. When he came home, it was difficult. i wasn’t sorry that time because I thought i was entitled of his understanding considering that it was less than a month since i gave birth. he wanted to leave us. i begged. I even kneeled to him. He was determined to leave but my mom stopped him. He said to me that this is the last time that we’ll be back together.

    We tried to patch things up. Honestly, I really think that he’s not cheating anymore since the day we wer back together after the second time he left. but i now realized that there’s a problem with me. i was still insecure. i suck at my job and my attitude is horrible. i became envious and extremely jealous. I restricted him so much. not to mention that fights that we have about household chores. I call him lazy, he calls me perfectionist. we used to have sex too often before but lately. it became once a month only and I’m the one who always initiates sex. He said he doesn’t want to do it because he doesn’t want to have a baby again. He’s the one who looks after our son so I really understand him as it is a big responsibility.

    Then on April 24, we had a fight that triggered him to leave. He went to his mom to reunite with his family. I was at work. I told him that Ill be calling him from time to time. I don’t trust him when he’s at his mom’s because that[‘s where he brought the mistress and his mom didn’t have a word about it. he can do whatever he wants there cause no one stops him. he wasn’t responding to my text. I became furious and texted him nasty things like what a son of b^tch he is. he said nasty thing to me as well. and attacked me bby saying bad things about my family. it hurt me. (i came from a broken home). he went home and didn’t talk to me about the fight. I stayed quiet as well as not to start a fight. He mentioned to my mom that his father read my texts to him but i didn’t know this until he left while i was at work.

    I was able to talk to him 2 night ago. His uncle gave his new number to me so I called him. He said that he doesn’t want me anymore. He’s done with me. I told him to think about our son. He said that he still want our son but not me. It’s been more than a week. I have already realized how horrible of a person I became. I’m not blaming him, but I couldn’t help but connect all of this to his infidelity. I couldn’t move on. Now I’m trying. Reading a lot about healing. I also pray to God. There are still times that I feel angry to him since he left our child. But it’s all because of me. I know I have stepped to his ego. Not thinking that he may be depressed with out situation since I’m the one earning and he’s staying at home. We’re also facing financial issues. Now his mom doesn’t want to talk to me.

    I texted him and apologized. i don’t know if he read it cause his number was unreachable that’s why i just left a text. i agreed with the breakup but i asked him to reconsider it since we have a son together. I also shard to him my plans of changing. and I’m really dead serious about this because I also can’t stand myself anymore. I don’t know what have I become. I hurt him so much.

    Is there any hope here? I hope to hear from you cause really I’m alone. My friends and mom are tired of hearing this. I’m tired of saying this. but in my head, all i wanted is to do things to be back with him again. I know he loved me in a way that he knows. I wanted to be back with him again and make our family whole but our situation is horrible. i hope you could answer me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi La,

      actually you’re not the reason he’s like that.. he’s already like that before you met him and now you’re thinking that if you change he will change.. the mistake you’re making is relying on him for your happiness and not having standards.. It’s not even your duty to keep the family afloat financially because it’s supposed to be both of you that’s doing that but then you think it’s one of the reasons he left? For me it should be one of the reasons why you should not go back to him.. when you chose to stay even if you knew you cheated, you signed up with him continuing infidelity.. YOu should have left because you didn’t like him cheating and you didn’t let him prove to you that he will not do it anymore..

      he just sees you as somebody who will always chase him no matter what.. I know it’s harsh but you have to hear the truth..

      start over with your life first.. Be strong and heal yourself.. find happiness that is not from him.. actually I won’t even advice you go back to him.. if you really want him back.. he has to work for it.. He has to find a job, get your trust back, be a responsible father, be respectful to you and pursue you if he wants you back.. but also it has to be two ways.. YOu have to learn to respect, love and have standards so the right people will stay and the wrong ones will leave.

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