Do You Even Have A Chance At Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back? Let’s Find Out!

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

I imagine that if you want your ex boyfriend back there is one question that is constantly running through your head,

“Is this even worth it?”

“Do I even have a chance?”

If you are wondering this then I want you to know that you are not alone.

Without a doubt the number one question I get asked is,

“From everything I have told you about my situation do you think I have a shot of getting my ex boyfriend back?”

Usually I give a generic answer to the women asking me this. Something like,

“Sure you have a shot but having a shot doesn’t guarantee success.”

Now, I realize that, that is not the in-depth answer that the women coming to this site are expecting. However, as Ex Boyfriend Recovery has gotten bigger and bigger it has become harder for me to dedicate the proper amount of time to the women asking me questions about their situation.

In fact, that was one of the reasons that I created the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. I wanted to get that one on one personal connection back with my readers and I think the podcast has done a great job of doing that. Of course, there are a lot more readers of this site than there are listeners of the podcast.

So, in an effort to reach my audience as a whole and answer one of the most complex questions that is asked of me on a daily basis,

“Do I even have a shot of getting him back?”

I have decided to create this page.

I Am Going To Coach You… For FREE!

And that’s where I come in!

Secret 4 Step Training

What if I were to tell you that I have put together an “On Demand Coaching Class” where I am going to coach you for free?

All you need to do if you want to join my FREE coaching class is click the green button below,

Yes, I Want You To Coach MeSign Up For Free On Demand Coaching

I thought would be kind of cool to show you some of the actual results women have gotten through my “On Demand Coaching,”

Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

This is another Facebook testimonial from someone who is on the Private Facebook Group.

I’ve got about 300 more Facebook testimonials just like this.

If you are interested in joining my Free On Demand Coaching please click the link below,

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What This Page Can Do For You

index

Wouldn’t it be cool if there was a page that you could go to, to figure out how much of a shot you have of getting your ex boyfriend back in pretty much every situation you can think of?

Well, welcome to that page!

This page is the ultimate guide on figuring out how much of a shot you have with your ex boyfriend.

The way it works is simple.

I am going to list all of the MAJOR breakup situations,

  • General breakups
  • He cheated on you
  • You cheated on him
  • He has a new girlfriend
  • Long distance relationships

And then I am going to pick them apart one by one and show you how good of a chance of success you have in each one of the situations.

How am I going to do that?

Simple, by assigning a certain “tag” to each of the situations.

How The “Tags” Work

tag

There are four types of tags that a situation can be assigned.

  1. Good Chance
  2. Average Chance
  3. Bad Chance
  4. Horrible Chance

Good Chance

If a situation is labeled with this tag then it means that you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back. Now, that doesn’t mean you are guaranteed to get him back (I don’t want to mislead you.)

Having a “good chance” of getting your ex boyfriend back simply means that based on everything I have seen this type of a situation is the most likely to succeed.

Get it?

Good, let’s move on.

Average Chance

If your situation is assigned as an average chance then that means that while your situation may not be the easiest to succeed in I have seen plenty of successes.

If you have an average chance of getting your ex boyfriend back then it is essential that you play your cards right because one wrong move can turn an average chance into a bad chance.

Speaking of bad chances.

Bad Chance

There is no way around it so I will just come right out and say it.

If your situation is considered to be a bad chance then that means the odds are stacked against you.

Having a bad chance means that in my professional opinion (and based off of everything I have seen) you don’t have that great of a shot of winning your ex boyfriend back.

Of course, if there is a silver lining it is this.

I have seen quite a number of cases that I consider to be “bad chances” succeed.

That’s why there is a level below this one…

Horrible Chance

This is as bad as it gets.

If a situation has been labeled with a horrible chance that means that I have RARELY seen a success in that situation.

Now, I am not saying that I haven’t seen them because I have it’s just that they are super rare.

For example, maybe 3 out of 50 women in a situation with a horrible chance are able to succeed.

Putting It All Together

So, now that we have gotten the “tags” out of the way do you understand what is going on?

No?

Ok, I will do a quick recap to make sure I really hammer the point home here.

Basically what this page is going to do is take a situation and label it with one of the four tags above. Then I will go on to talk about why that situation has been given the particular label and what it means for your chances of winning your ex boyfriend back.

For example, lets say that we pick a long distance relationship as the situation.

From there we are going to look to see where it falls on this label scale,

scale

Let’s just pretend that I labeled it as a “good chance.”

(It really doesn’t if you look below but I am trying to make a point here so stick with me.)

Well, if you look at the scale graphic having a good chance means you have a really good shot of winning your ex boyfriend back. Heck, any time you are in the green it’s good.

Do you kind of get it now?

Still no?

Ugh… Look, just read on and I am sure you will get it eventually 😉 .

Situation 1- General Breakups (Good Chance)

What is a general breakup?

It it one where an army general breaks up with someone?

general

No…

Are you insane?

I would classify a general breakup as a breakup that occurs as a result of many of the common reasons people break up.

What are some of the most common reasons people break up?

  • The two of you fell “out of love”
  • Fights were a common occurrence and ruined things
  • He/she stopped doing the romantic things that they used to do at the beginning of the relationship
  • He/she was not very ambitious when it came to their career
  • Friends and family did not like them
  • He/she lied about something causing trust issues

Personally speaking I would say that my ex girlfriend and I had a “general breakup.”

Why?

The two of us fought too much.

She would yell…

I would yell…

It was a yell-fest.

Now, I would say that I am a very patient human being and even though it is hard sometimes I can move past difficult situations. However, in this particular relationship there was so much fighting that it ruined my feelings for her so I couldn’t move past it.

Instead of feeling how I felt at the beginning of the relationship every single time I would see her I would be filled with dread.

I was constantly on edge at when our next fight was.

Heck, at one point it was so bad I remember thinking to myself,

“I hope we can just go one week without fighting. One week is all I want.”

We never did…

But I am getting off topic here.

Again, a general breakup is a breakup that is caused as a result of the most common reasons for breakups.

Now, if you scroll to the top of this section you will notice that I have labeled general breakups with a “good chance” tag.

What I would like to do now is talk a little about why you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back if you have a general breakup.

Why General Breakups Have A “Good Chance”

Let’s look at our handy dandy “chance scale.”

Yup, I am totally calling this thing the “chance scale.”

scale

You will notice that on the chance scale I have put an arrow next to “good chance.”

You may also notice that “good chance” is hovering around the greenest part of the scale.

That’s good news!

That means that if you have a general breakup you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back.

In other words, if you are on the green part of this scale then that means you have a very workable situation.

But why?

Why is it that you have a good chance of getting your ex boyfriend back if you have a general breakup.

Take a look above at what I said the most common reasons for the breakup were.

(Just because I know you are lazy and won’t look up again I will repeat them below.)

  • The two of you fell “out of love”
  • Fights were a common occurrence and ruined things
  • He/she stopped doing the romantic things that they used to do at the beginning of the relationship
  • He/she was not very ambitious when it came to their career
  • Friends and family did not like them
  • He/she lied about something causing trust issues

While each one of these situations is challenging to overcome it’s not like any of them occurred because something devastating happened. In other words, the things that you can do post breakup to overcome each one of these situations are prevalent (which isn’t the case for some of our other situations below.)

Oh, and here is a bit of good news as well.

I have had a success story in each one of the situations above. In fact, now that I think about it I have had hundreds of success stories scattered all throughout each of the situations above.

Let’s move on to situation 2.

Situation 2- Your Ex Boyfriend Cheated On You (Average Chance)

cheating

This one isn’t that hard to understand.

However, for those of you who don’t know what I mean when I talk about this situation this small section is for you.

Lets say that you caught your ex boyfriend cheating on you (either physically or emotionally) and you broke up with him. In other words, the entire reason for the breakup revolved around his infidelity.

That’s it…

That’s the situation I am talking about here.

Now, before I get into why you have an average chance of getting your ex boyfriend back in this situation there is one thing I would like to discuss with you.

If your ex boyfriend cheated on you there is one scary reality that you might have to face.

The reality?

Having it happen to you again.

I would not feel good about myself if I helped you get an ex boyfriend back and he were to cheat on you again which is certainly a risk here (and has happened before.)

Now, I am not sure I buy into that, “once a cheater, always a cheater” thing.

I believe there are a lot of different reasons that people cheat and a lot of times they cheat because they aren’t getting something that they want out of the relationship they are always in.

However, I can’t help but mention a trend I have been seeing lately on this site about ex boyfriends.

An ex boyfriend who has cheated on you is a little more likely to cheat on you again (especially if he is still friends with the person he cheated on you with.)

Consider yourself warned.

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Cheating Has An “Average Chance” Of Success

If you have been cheated on by your ex boyfriend then I am sure you can’t help but feel a little bit devastated about the whole situation. However, if you are here reading this section of this guide very intently it means that you have decided to give your ex boyfriend another chance.

However, is it as easy as just giving him another chance?

After all, he is the one who screwed up, not you.

You will notice that I have tagged this particular situation as having an average chance.

For those of you who are confused as to what that means take a look below,

scale

Notice that the “Average Chance” tag on the picture above covers the six, seven and eight.

Six = Yellow

Seven = Light Green

Eight = Light Green

The greener the colors the better the chance.

So, an average chance of getting your ex boyfriend back isn’t necessarily horrible but you will also notice that it is covering some yellow (which isn’t so good.)

Looking at the cheating situation specifically there are a few things that I think you need to look at.

Does Your Ex Show Remorse For Cheating?

This is kind of sad to say but there are some men out there who will not feel bad for cheating at all.

How can you determine if your ex boyfriend is one of these men?

Well, if he left you for the woman he cheated on you with then that means he isn’t currently feeling remorse. Now, that doesn’t mean he won’t feel remorse down the line (because I have seen that happen in a lot of cases.)

Men who do feel remorse for what they have done will probably do the following,

  • Apologize profusely
  • Admit their wrongdoing
  • Ask how they can make things better
  • Cut off all contact with the woman they cheated on you with

If your ex boyfriend is showing remorse after he cheated on you then it is definitely going to be easier to convince him to get back into a relationship with you.

Hence, that is why the “average chance” has two light green colors and only one yellow.

The yellow color is important to explain though because that is really what pulls this situation down into being just “average” instead of “good.”

A man who cheated on you may be hesitant to re-enter into a relationship with you because of the fact that he was pushed to cheat on you in the first place.

In his mind the relationship wasn’t meeting his needs enough that he had to look elsewhere to have them fulfilled. So, in his mind when he is having that inner debate that all men have when they are considering whether or not they should get back with their ex he is going to think to himself,

“Wouldn’t things just be the same if I got back with her? Would my needs really get fulfilled by her or would I be forced to look elsewhere again?”

It is this type of headwind that really makes getting him back if he cheated on you just an average chance of success.

Otherwise it would be good.

Anyways, let’s move on to the other side of the same coin.

Situation 3- You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend (Horrible Chance)

cheated

Again, this is one of those situations that doesn’t need a lot of explaining.

When you and your boyfriend were together he caught you cheating on him and your whole breakup stemmed from that.

For those of you who don’t know what a man considers to be cheating allow me to educate you (since I am a man.)

Men would consider any of the situations below as a form of cheating (though some are less severe than others.)

  • A woman kissing another man
  • A woman passionately hugging another man (less severe but some men consider this to be cheating)
  • A woman sending provocative photos or nude pictures to another man
  • A woman telling another man she loves him
  • A woman having sex with another man
  • A woman “dirty dancing” with another man
  • A woman holding hands with another man

That’s all I can think of off the top of my head.

All in all, cheating on your boyfriend is a pretty big deal to a man. In fact, I outline that in this article I wrote about how to get a man back if you cheated on him.

You may notice that I have tagged this particular situation with a “horrible chance…”

Uh oh, we have our first “horrible chance.”

DUN DUN DUNNNN….

Let’s see if we can find out why it is so difficult to get an ex boyfriend back in this particular situation.

Why YOU Cheating Has A “Horrible Chance”

Lets take a look at our handy dandy scale of “chances” and see where YOU cheating on your ex boyfriend falls.

scale

Ouch, a horrible chance…

That’s as bad as it gets.

In case you have short term memory loss if you have a horrible chance at getting your ex boyfriend back it means that the odds are really stacked against you for success.

Buy why?

Why is it that this particular situation has a horrible chance.

Well, in order to understand that I think I need to tell you a little about myself.

I am a male (obviously.)

Now, I like to think that I am a benchmark for the average male. In other words, what I am trying to say is that I think most men are exactly like me.

So, what I believe about certain things is probably what they believe about certain things.

When it comes to cheating I have very strict views.

Strict Views = I will not stand for being cheated on under any circumstances

What I mean by this is that if you and I were dating and I found out that you cheated on me not only would I break up with you on the spot but I would probably never take you back.

Why?

Because to me cheating on your significant other is the single worst thing you can do to them. Nothing worse hurts as much as knowing that your significant other has cheated on you.

Heck, most men get so paranoid about cheating that it makes them insecure (even if they haven’t even been cheated on.)

That is the power of cheating right there.

(IT SCARES THE HELL OUT OF US.)

So, when you look at a situation where a man has been cheated on by his ex girlfriend he isn’t going to be very open to taking her back because of a few reasons,

  1. He feels betrayed by her
  2. He is afraid that she is going to do it to him again
  3. He will look at you and only see the other man you cheated on him with

I will admit that out of all the situations I have encountered here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery a woman cheating on a man has been the one with the lowest chance of success. Thus, I have labeled it as having a horrible chance.

Of course, I do have a bit of good news to go along with this.

There Is Good News?

Not all men are like me.

In fact, a lot of men out there are willing to give women a second chance which is really good news when you are dealing with a “horrible chance” like this.

I talk about that here and here.

Oh, and just because I mentioned that you cheating on your ex boyfriend has the worst chance of success when it comes to getting him back doesn’t mean that I haven’t had any success.

Take a look at the email below,

testimonial-5

This is probably one of the proudest achievements that I have ever had on EBR.

The woman in this email, Melissa, cheated on her boyfriend and not only used my strategies to get him back but she got him to propose to her.

All with my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.

ExBoyfriend Recovery PRO

Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Learn More

So, I guess what I am trying to say here is that even when a situation has a horrible chance of success doesn’t necessarily mean you have no shot at all.

Just ask Melissa.

Let’s move on to our next situation.

Situation 4- Your Ex Boyfriend Get’s A New Girlfriend When You Are Trying To Get Him Back (Bad Chance)

new girlfriend

This is one of those situations that is always hard to talk about.

If your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend I just want to tell you that I am really sorry that you are putting up with this.

I understand that it’s hard to watch a man who could be “the love of your life” run around with some other woman.

Heck, most of the women whose boyfriends haven’t started dating someone new won’t even mention the possibility that it could happen. It’s almost like even mentioning it or putting the idea out there in the universe will jinx everything and he will marry the next girl he sees.

Well, I am just going to level with you here.

It’s possible…

Your ex boyfriend could very well meet someone new, fall in love and stay with her long term.

So, assuming this what are you chances?

Before I get into that I want to make a quick note of something.

With situation 4 here I am not talking about a situation where your ex boyfriend “may” be dating someone new.

I am talking about a situation where your ex boyfriend is definitely dating someone new and has been dating her for a minimum of 2 weeks.

So, everything I write about this situation will be operating under the assumption that your ex boyfriend has been dating his new squeeze for at least 2 weeks.

Got it?

Good, let’s talk about what kind of chance you have in this particular situation.

Why Your Ex Boyfriend Getting A New Girlfriend Has A “Bad Chance”

If your ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend then you have a bad chance at getting him back for a number of reasons.

The first one that comes to mind is the newness factor.

What is the newness factor?

I am glad you asked.

The Newness Factor– States that human beings are more intrigued by new things as opposed to old ones.

Some men love jumping from relationship to relationship because of the amazing feeling they get when they date someone new.

You will often hear these men cite this reason for the breakup with you (assuming they left you.)

“I don’t feel the same as when we first started dating.”

Lets dissect that statement.

Assuming your ex boyfriend said this to you he is claiming that his feelings have changed.

Well, that’s not entirely true.

He is just to dumb to realize it.

You are aware of what the honeymoon period is, right?

It basically is this period of time right when you start dating where your partner can do no wrong and you both are walking on cloud nine.

You’d be surprised to learn that a lot of men think a relationship should be like this all the time.

The reality is that no relationship is like this all the time.

The honeymoon period will always end.

Now, that doesn’t mean that the relationship has to go downhill from there but the fact of the matter is that you are kidding yourself if you think any relationship you have will have a never ending honeymoon period.

Unfortunately, some men do love to kid themselves about the never ending honeymoon period and will break up with their girlfriends because “something changed.”

So, what happens next?

They move on to someone else in search of the ultimate honeymoon period.

Lets say that this happened to you.

Lets say that your ex boyfriend broke up with you because “something changed.” After he broke up with you he quickly moved on to another girl.

If you wanted him back the only way that you could accomplish that feat would be a complete paradigm shift in his mindset.

You would have to make him understand that no matter who he dates the honeymoon period will end and in my experience it is very difficult to convince someone of this.

It’s not impossible but it is difficult.

Lets move on and talk about another aspect of him getting a new girlfriend.

The Role That GIGS Plays

I want you to take note of the scale below,

scale

Notice how an ex boyfriend getting a new girlfriend only has a “bad chance” of success.

In my opinion, this is a bit of good news.

Most women are under the impression that in this particular circumstance they have a horrible chance of success. After all, their man is with a new woman now.

Well, one of the reasons that this particular situation isn’t considered horrible is due to the grass is greener syndrome.

Some men who are in a relationship with someone will think to themselves,

“I think I can do better than her” 

So, they end up breaking up with their current partner thinking that they could do better.

Reality is often a b**ch though.

Over time they begin to realize that they can’t do better.

That they made a major mistake in breaking up with you.

Sure, there is always that chance that the new person that your ex boyfriend is with exceeds his expectations and he thinks to himself,

“I made the right choice.”

But there is just as good of a chance that he thinks,

“I made a mistake.”

It’s a flip of a coin really…

50/50

Situation 5- You Were In A Long Distance Relationship With Your Ex Boyfriend (Average Chance)

I don’t know if you knew this about me but I am a long distance relationship veteran.

Yup, I married this gal!

Jennifer Chris W-354 copy

Hint… Hint…

We were in a long distance relationship together.

Yup, you are talking to one of those rare success stories where I actually married my long distance love.

So, when I say that I know a thing or two about long distance relationships you can believe me.

In addition to my own experience in the “trenches” I have witnessed thousands of couples in long distance relationships and have learned quite a bit about the subject.

In my infinite wisdom I have assigned the LDR an “average chance” for success.

scale

Does that shock you?

I mean, common sense tells us that most long distance relationships fail.

So, how the heck can I assign an “average chance” to a long distance relationship?

Let’s find out.

Why Long Distance Relationships Have An Average Chance

LDR’s get a bad rap.

Society thinks they are destined to fail.

Heck, if you were to ask me before I met my wife if I believed in long distance relationships I would say no.

I would probably even say something like,

“I don’t believe in them.”

My perception was shaped by the stereotype that society placed on LDR’s.

Of course, when you are comparing actual statistics to stereotypes the statistics win out every time.

Numbers don’t lie.

So, lets look at some numbers associated with long distance relationships.

According to Statistic Brain,

40% of LDR’s end in a breakup.

Do you know what that means?

It means that if 40% of LDR’s fail then 60% of them succeed.

SIXTY PERCENT!

That’s incredible.

That tells us that more often than not a long distance relationship is successful.

Here’s another interesting statistic about LDR’s.

75% of engaged couples were in a long distance relationship at one point.

Count me in on that statistic. I was engaged at one point (and was in a long distance relationship.) I guess the main point I am trying to make here with LDR’s is that they are not the kiss of death that so many people believe them to be.

Heck, statistics show that being in a long distance relationship is arguably one of the safest relationships.

Weird, huh?

So, what does any of this have to do with you having an average chance of success?

Getting an LDR ex boyfriend back isn’t as challenging as some people make it out to be. Sure, oftentimes the distance is hard to navigate and there is always the threat that you don’t have the physical intimacy you crave. However, in my experience LDR’s are slightly more powerful than regular relationships because more often than not they succeed.

So, generally when something has a high level of success that also translates to winning an ex back.

For example, according to the statistic I cited above a long distance relationship has a 60% chance of success.

Now, I don’t know about you but that is a HUGE chance of success in my opinion.

Of course, that is a general statistic and doesn’t talk specifically about the other side of the coin and how much of a shot you have of winning an ex back in a long distance scenario.

Well, in my experience when something generally has a huge chance of success there is an overflow and it also raises the chance of success for winning an ex back.

Get it?

Good.

Conclusion

Above I cited the five most common breakup situations.

However, here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery we are all about going above and beyond.

If there is any situation that you are in that I didn’t cover on this page that you want me to cover I would like you to leave me a comment below asking how much of a shot you have. While I can’t guarantee that I will answer you in a few hours I do try to get all the comments of this site answered within 48 hours.

Why 48 hours?

As EBR has grown to be more and more popular I get more and more comments.

Unfortunately, this is a one man operation and answering 300 comments a day isn’t an easy task.

Nevertheless, I do want your feedback so I promise that if you do comment below I will do my best to get back to you as soon as I possibly can.

Thank you so much for everything you have done for the Ex Boyfriend Recovery brand.

You ladies are the most incredible visitors/fans/people in the world.

I really do mean that.

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (638)

  1. Jay dee - 0

    Jay dee

    I’ve been talking to a woman for 2 months and been in a relationship for 2 weeks. She asked me to be in a relationship after my trip to Miami visiting family. She asked me to not go dark on her for hours and let her know whats going on through out my day. After 2 weeks of our relationship she starts to withdraw by not touching and having a attitude wednesday, thursday I tried calling her after 7:30pm and i got no response but occational text through out the day. Friday we had plans to go out and I didnt hear from her nor did she answer my call after 7:30pm again. Now my love language is affirmation and touch which shes unaware of. Saturday she texts me good morning around 11am and i told her i already packed up her stuff and she needs to come get them and she can keep all of my movies worth over a thousand bucks. We get into a argument and i said some horrible things to her and she responded with horrible things too and said she was out with a friend for dinner and a movie. Took her over a week to get her things. I asked her to meet up somewhere public to give her stuff and to talk so we can try working things out. She agreed but at last minute she sent a text saying she just want her stuff and dont want to talk. Once we got to the location we agreed on she was really upset and didnt want to talk. After she left i asked her why is she so mad and she responded with that i said some aweful things to her over text and i should of just talked to her the following day instead of packing her stuff up and saying aweful things to her. I responded with what happened and how i felt and she went silent. The following week I apologized to her after reading books on relationships and again no response so i started the NC rule. Do you think i still have a chance to get her back and what steps should i take after the NC

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi jaydee,

      Yup.. Do 21 days be active in improving yourself and in posting

  2. Bree - 0

    Bree

    Okay so it was three weeks ago my boyfriend and I of 3 years broke up, he had been a little distant for just that day his replies were a little bit off so I asked him if he was okay etc…
    He asked what I meant so I said don’t worry and he turned around with ‘I’m just scared’ so naturally I’ve gone into panic

    Anyway I told him straight out I was there for him I don’t have the words to make him feel better but I’m there, anyway he went to footy training then still asked to come over so yep sure. He came over we watched the footy show and went to bed, I got a little bit upset cause he hadn’t actually said anything anyway I upset him massively and he cried so hard all night so much he couldn’t even get words out.
    I couldn’t even cry I was so terrified I was deathly silent so he kept asking what I was thinking what was going through my mind. He was worried about the future and if I could see it working.. in hind sight I should have said yes of course and told him we will make it through this together… but I was so upset I hardly said a word just hugged him so tightly… anyway that’s basically all he said..he just kept crying and wrapped his arms and legs around me so tightly…I moved his arms off me once to see if we could talk and he freaked saying ‘what do you mean by that?’ So naturally by this stage you can imagine I’m confused as hell thinking he doesn’t know what to do but then when I push him away from me to talk he freaks out??? What???

    So we eventually exhausted ourselves to sleep and woke up the next morning he had to go he was going to Gym with friends, I left the room and came back he was literally unable to stand crying that hard and he asked ‘is this it’ I asked if it was what he needed and he just didn’t know… we hugged and kissed and he didn’t want to leave at all the minute he almost left he came back to hug and kiss all over again…

    So anyway that’s pretty much how it went, I messaged him that day not really about much but he replied and then I left it for a few days then messaged again upset him all over again and just let him know I’d always be there for him how much he meant to me and I’d always be willing to make anything work for him ect. Anyway so he was still confused and basically said he’s been feeling off and he just doesn’t know what to do and he’s confused and mentally in the wrong headspace maybe he needed to be on his own. He still had no idea what he wanted.

    I messaged him twice just causally over the following two weeks and he responded positively didn’t try to keep it going but better than nothing. He then messaged me the other night telling me a girl he’d been hanging with was nothing just friends etc as a heap of people came to me telling me about her. anyway so he told me that…he obviously still cares what I think if he’s making sure I know she’s nothing???

    Anyway so i asked if we could meet up some time and talk about it all. If not it’s fine but if he ever wanted to talk I’d be up for it, told him I’d been speaking to a councillor guy who was really helpful and sent a couple of the articles he’d given me to David… I put bye on the end of my message but put that I hope to hear from him some time… he replied saying I will come out stronger than ever and thanks for the thoughts etc. then said goodbye on the end of it….

    So that’s where I’m at but here’s where it gets tricky.
    We never had any fights or anything like that leading up to it so it’s not like there’s any bad memories…it seems like he basically had an anxiety attack and ended things… he got scared which I know now is completely normal… but just a week before it all happened he wanted to sell his car and we could go to Sydney and look at a couple of four wheel drives cause he wanted to learn to tow the float for the horse..all his idea not mine.. I’ve also got a card he wrote me just a week before too says I’ll always be with you, you make my life better every day etc…so the only logical reason seems that he freaked out.. because there is nothing leading to this and he can’t explain why or anything like that… I really want to try because he’s all I’ve wanted honestly… but I don’t know how…or what to do? I’m 10 days into NC (first ever attempt at it) and it’s a month post breakup now. His friends are tagging him in sad things on Facebook etc. I think this would be in th general category but any thoughts would be helpful as it seems he just ran madea really quick decision..

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bree,

      That’s good that you’re in nc now.. be active in improving yourself and in posting.. Just let him be for now.. Focus in yourself.

  3. Denis - 0

    Denis

    is ghosting considered a general breakup? Or no. They gave the silent treatenent for a whole 24hrs therefore i texted we were done. Havent heard from them since. Its been 22days.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If you texted you’re done that means you’re the one who broke up with him

  4. Key - 0

    Key

    I need your helo please.
    my ex bf broke up with me 2 months ago after a 4 year LDR. We only saw once for a week. He is older than me. After the break up I’ve asked him to give me a chance but he ‘s been consistent saying his feelings are not the same. He told me he wanted us to remain friendships. A week after the break up he met a new woman over the internet and she asked him to erase me from facebook and now when i write him emails he says he feels deceptive that i can write ocasionales and that he has to be careful about it. He told me he could talk in secrecy. However I dont feel it’s right, i feel disrispected but If i dont write i won’t have communication with him… I dont know what to do…. Please, what can I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi key,

      Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  5. Annie B - 0

    Annie B

    My boyfriend says he just wants to be friends. He says I’m not ambitious enough and that I make excuses and that I overreact to things. This was Monday he said “let’s just be friends” and I haven’t talked to him since. What can I do? I so dearly want him back and I feel like he’s been pulling away for months so this isn’t a snap decision he made.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      are you going to do the no contact rule?

    • Annie B - 0

      Annie B

      Yes I haven’t contacted him since Monday, we are supposed to go on a camping trip next weekend that we had planned months ago. i have a feeling he will cancel but i wasn’t going to contact him until a day or two before.

  6. Ann - 0

    Ann

    So, today I met my ex for the second time now – lunch just as last week (that time we met after not having seen each other for three months). I casually texted him today, asking if he’d want to grab lunch together and he answered neutrally – one word, but agreed to it. It was quite alright, but not at all flirty, although we smiled and laughed a bit together (last week I flirted with him, touched him and smiled and laughed but he did not really flirt back, so this time I wanted to be less obvious about it). After lunch we sat together outside and a friend of his came up and just would not leave, so they talked and talked and talked about a subject I could simply not say anything about. After about 25 minutes of sitting there stupidly I stood up and said goodbye. I wanted to hug my ex goodbye but seeing he would not budge an inch I left without doing so. I got angry, because it looked to me like a set up to get rid of me… so after leaving I texted him asking why he would have lunch with me if he really doesn’t want to. He answered “I do…” and then I said that it did not seem so to me and he could at least have hugged me. He answered, I could have done also and that this drama was not necessary…. so, I know that this is a great step backwards, after having built up (hopefully) positive feelings through texting, but I also feel kind of better having told him since I think it’s not okay to behave in this way (“know your worth”, right?). Right now, I’m a) not sure if he’ll actually decide wanting me back / I still have a chance and b) if I should go on pursuing this goal… For a month we had no contact and then he texted me and we slowly started to get in touch, again. Although our intiating ratio would be about 40/60 (latter being me), it’s me who is really interested I think, he mostly just replies to my texts (but always pretty quick), and he initiated contact a couple of times when he wanted to tell me something about himself, for instance his result of an exam we both took. After what happened today I think, I’ll wait if he will initiate contact, again… I’m so not sure about everything, please help. Is it hopeless?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ann,

      actually, that was an emotional reaction from you.. his not your boyfriend and you assumed.. the ungettable way is to walk away politely and in high note, and then not blame him because you don’t know if what you think is true and then let him initiate.. talk about your feelings in person because you can control the tone and not sound like you’re being emotional. How often were you texting after the first meet? do you always end the conversation at high note? Right now, take a week before initiating again and always be the one to end the conversation at high note.

  7. Ayano - 0

    Ayano

    I had a talk in person with my ex after 2 months of NC, but unfortunately the talk was for us to get a closure of the breakup. That was his idea, since we didn’t end the rls well. It was weird… seeing him and feeling the emotion as if we were still in love. I don’t know about him, but my part still feel the spark between us. It has been deeply buried with his sadness and regret. Despite of saying he was out of love for me, his body language and eye contact said we’re still intimated. But I have less hope after the talk due to 2 reasons:

    1. He was very keen on the thought of him being an asshole that he has mistreated me, and I deserve someone better. He said he made a rush decision of being with me out of loneliness. I asked him would he like to try again if a chance were given, he said: “Yes I would, but people will think I’m shameless.”
    2. Another reason we had the talk was that I discovered he started this sort of ‘intimacy’ with his female friend in college short after we broke up. I feel like he’s being disrespectful to me, to our relationship. He’s an honest man tho. He insisted that he really likes her. He has been liking her since freshman year (during that time he was still in a LDR). But he didn’t cheat, he only considered her as a friend. That was same to his rls with me. But the point is… how can a ‘like’ got serious that quickly? Just ended a rls then quickly jump into a new chase. I broke this to him that he probably doesn’t even now what love is. He was upset, but didn’t say anything, because he knew I wouldn’t believe him. Eventually said he doesn’t want a rls right now. But it still hurts knowing he gives his heart to someone else so fast.

    Ever since first contact, I’m always the one initiate the conversation, he has been distant and talk less. But I noticed that he still reminds me to sleep early every day (all our conversation happen at night), when I ask what’s his problem with my sleeping habit, he said he doesn’t want me to be hospitalized like him; He was annoyed when seeing the cut on my arm, sometimes asked about my family. Just minor and subtle signs, but does that mean he still care?

    In our talk, he even said: “Do you know that you look beautiful in this angle?” I was surprised, but I decided to test by saying “Now I know, you still like me.” he was silent for a moment and added “As friends. Because you’re a nice girl. Too nice for me.”
    Are ‘friends’ supposed to care for each other like that? He still loves me, isn’t he?

    What should I do? My case is like no others. It’s so hard to get to him when he has closed his heart, and someone not a rebound got in the way. We’re still on talking term, but how can I get him back if he has accepted the end result?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he’s in a grass is greener case.. the bad thing is it’s obvious that you want him back because of your actions..there’s no chase.. so, you’re like friendzoned right now.. it’s either you move on or restart a 30 day nc, be really active in improving yourself, go out and do new things and make new friends and then take it slow in building rapport after nc, while you continue the activities you started during nc.. be an ungettable girl.

  8. Abi - 0

    Abi

    Hi, I decided to comment here because I feel like my situation applies more to this topic. Basically, I emotionally abused my ex boyfriend, and now I don’t know if I even have a chance left…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You’re not going to know if you don’t try..

    • Abi - 0

      Abi

      I know… but I need to weigh my chances. I don’t want it to be a totally gone case and then try…

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