How do you make someone want you back?
It’s an interesting question, isn’t it?
In fact, I’d argue that it’s a flawed question. Making someone do something implies that you are removing choice from the equation and as you’re about to learn choices or a lack of choices often inform missed opportunities.
But enough mumbo jumbo talk.
Today I’m going to be teaching you what you have to do to make an ex want to get you back.
4 Ways To Make Someone Want You Back
In my opinion, four things need to happen for someone to want you back. When I say that you get into “checklist mode.”
That’s the wrong way to look at this.
Instead, try to look at these four things as working together in tandem.
One isn’t more important than the others and doing one alone isn’t going to get you success. It’s only by doing all at once that you’ll see results.
- Understand The Ultimate Strategy Is Filled By Regret
- Regret Is All About Missed Opportunities
- Understand The Reasons For Why Exes Commonly Come Back
- Find Subtle Ways To Hit On Those Reasons
I’d be shocked if you weren’t.
Allow me to explain.
Way #1: This Strategy Is All About Regret
If you want to make someone come back back to you then one thing you’re going to need plenty of is regret.
If you’re well read in this area then you’d know that tactics like the no contact rule, tide theory and date theory are essential for getting someone back. However, those strategies only work if regret is built into it.
Now, just to be clear when I say regret I’m not talking about you feeling regret.
I’m talking about your ex feeling regret.
Regret often creates action and that’s exactly what we want.
Let’s use a real life example.
Let’s pretend you are talking to your best friend after their parents passed away.
Rightfully, they are a blubbering mess and keep going on about how they regret not talking to their parents more.
You are very empathetic and start thinking about your own parents and how you haven’t talked to them in a while. So, because of your friends awful experience you take the action and decide to call your parents just to talk.
In this particular example, you are taking action based off of watching someone else’s regret.
That’s how powerful it is.
It didn’t even happen to you and you are still taking action.
The only question is how?
How do you make someone regret leaving you?
Way #2: Regret Is All About Missed Opportunities
For those of you that want the quick version,
Missed opportunities and regret go hand in hand.
I’ll give you a few examples.
Consider the idea of a vasectomy or a tattoo.
With a vasectomy a man is permanently removing his ability to have children.
With a tattoo you are permanently placing a picture on your body.
Johnny Depp knows all about this as he got this tattoo when he was with Winona Ryder,
The problem was that Mr. Depp wasn’t with Winona forever so he came to regret the tattoo. In fact, he regretted the tattoo so much that he got in covered up,
Now it says “Wino Forever…”
Now, I just gave you two examples of decisions that people can easily regret.
- A vasectomy
- A tattoo
What do these two decisions have in common?
Without permanence there is nothing to regret with those decisions. In fact, they can only be regretted because of their permanence.
I suppose with a tattoo this is a debatable point but let’s pretend that it’s not.
The fact that once you make this decision it’s a done deal.
You’ll have to live with your decision forever is enough to create regret. So, in a strange way it’s all about the future opportunities you might miss.
Sure, you might not want to have kids now but what about later when you get married and you change your mind?
Oops… you can’t.
You got a vasectomy.
Here’s my point.
The more permanent the decision the greater the potential regret. One of the biggest mistakes I see people making is wanting their exes too much. This is a mistake.
Breaking up with someone is not a permanent decision.
Everyone knows they could always reconnect.
However, things get real and regret can take hold if you can convince your ex it is permanent (even if it’s not.)
Permanence Is All About The Future
Have you ever stopped and wondered why permanent decisions are so easy to regret?
It’s because the potential for a future isn’t there.
I’ll give you a real life study to back this up.
Scientists were curious as to how people responded to regrets. They wanted to see if people would regret pass misses or future misses more. So, here’s the experiment they performed.
They had people choose between two mugs.
One mug had a discount given a few weeks ago while the other mug was going to have a mug offered at a discount in the future.
Scientists found that possible future regret influenced peoples decisions more than regret caused by a past miss
In other words, more people chose the future based discount as opposed to the past one.
Here’s my ultimate point.
If you want to get things firing on all cylinders then you’d be very smart to highlight future missed opportunities to your ex as opposed to past ones.
Way #3: Understand The Reasons For Why Exes Typically Come Back
Let’s move away from regret and on to a different tactic.
I’ve been doing this a long time and one thing that I always find interesting are the real reasons people come back to their exes.
They are all over the spectrum.
To date, here’s what I’ve seen,
- A Need For Victory
- It’s Harder Out There Than They Think
- A Fear Of Being Alone
- Unfinished Business
- A Desire To Change
You may have noticed that I’ve put four of the seven reasons in bold.
Why do you think I did that?
Quite frankly, those are the most common reasons I’ve seen exes reconnect.
They also happen to be the only reasons you have some measure of influence over.
What do I mean by that.
Well, I mean that as you go about trying to get your someone back you can do or say certain things that can help your ex feel more possession for you. You can bring up the high points of your relationships to highlight nostalgia.
You can aggravate their fear of being alone by actually leaving them alone.
Hell, you can even simply just talk to them and without doing anything make them feel they left business unfinished with you.
Way #4: Find Subtle Ways To Hit On Those Reasons
Last night I was thinking about what makes a good story.
It’s something that fascinates me because I’ve always had ambitions to write my own book.
We all have certain types of stories we are drawn to.
Personally, I prefer stories that are more serious as opposed to funny.
However, I got curious if this was actually true or if I was just selling myself short so I did something I never thought to do before.
I started listing out my favorites stories in pretty much any medium,
- TV Shows
The list got big,
And that’s not even half the list (so far.)
The interesting part about this list is that not all of the stories are dramatic.
Some of them are comedic.
Some of them are straight up actions.
Hell, some of them are horrifying,
Each of these stories make me feel different things and that’s when the light bulb when off.
What makes a story great to me isn’t that it goes all in on being dramatic.
It isn’t that it goes all in on being funny.
It goes all in on making me feel.
A great story has the ability to run the gauntlet of human emotions,
- It makes me laugh
- It makes me cry
- It makes me angry
- It makes me scared
- It makes me giggle with glee at two characters interacting
- It makes me throw a book across the room
- It makes me need to find out what happens next
- It makes me feel love
If someone were to put up a scale of human emotions a great story would make me feel all of the possible emotions.
Now, this seems off topic but it’s really not.
Before this section I just gave you a list of reasons that exes actually come back.
I even went further and listed out the reasons you have control over.
Instead of just assuming that your ex is going to fall into one of those categories why not take my story approach and do your best to influence all of the reasons you possibly can.
Imagine if you could make your ex feel not only regret but you could also,
- Hit on their nostalgia
- You could do subtle things to make them obsessed with you
- If you could make them feel paranoid by making them feel they will be alone without you
- Hell, what if you could subtly highlight that they have unfinished business with you
That’s how you get someone back.