People deal with breakups in different ways but I’m sure most of us are familiar with the feeling of losing your mind after a breakup.
These feelings can manifest in the form of depression, or intense emotional roller coasters where you feel upset one moment and angry the next.
Today I’m going to talk about how you can overcome this depressing feeling of losing your mind after a breakup and how to maximize your chances of success at whatever you decide to do after your breakup.
It doesn’t really matter whether you want your ex back or if you just want to move on, getting over this feeling is equally necessary.
Exactly What To Do If You Feel Like You’ve Lost Your Mind
So you’ve all probably heard of the classic five stages of grief:
Everyone kind of assumes that people go through these stages as a methodical step-by-step process, but 10 years of experience working with thousands of individuals going through breakups have taught me otherwise.
A breakup is a soul-crushing event and people have different emotional reactions to it.
Not all of us experience these emotions with the same intensity or in the same order.
In fact, it’s kind of a pet peeve of mine when you are just expected to go through the five stages in their exact order.
I’ve seen people bounce between stages and or even get stuck at one stage forever and sort of skip the next stage because they don’t process it properly.
When you break up with someone who you considered to be your soulmate, you feel like a part of your heart was torn away and there is no “right” emotion to have or timeline of healing to follow.
Sometimes it can take years to get over a breakup and you have to embrace that process. You might even be a mess of different emotions but it’s important to understand that this pendulum swing of crazy emotions you feel like you’re going through is part of the process. It’s completely normal.
So here are the two main points I want to hit home here:
- You should be expected to go through these five stages of grief
- You’re probably not going to go through them in a steady order like you would expect.
In fact, it’s very common to have setbacks.
After all, you’re going through a grieving period, and accepting a loss doesn’t just happen overnight so it’s unfair to ask that of yourself.
Realize That Life Isn’t Supposed To Be Fair… So Your Ex Won’t Be
A few weeks ago YouTube popped this video up into my feed and I spent the next five minutes just captivated,
That ever happen to you?
Where you’re in the middle of working and then just get distracted and end up down the rabbit hole?
You see, I was prepping this article and what’s in that video is SO TRUE to what I’ve noticed with my clients.
Everyone expects their ex to play fair and treat them kindly after a breakup, but that’s not always the case.
In fact, in most of the people I work with, their exes can be cruel or unresponsive, making it harder to process the breakup.
This is especially relevant if you’re trying to get your ex back because you can do everything right and still fail.
That’s right. I just admitted that even if you follow all my instructions to a T, you might still fail to get your ex back.
That’s just how it is in this process and in life. I’d be lying to you if I promised I could 100% predict your ex’s reactions to your advances and if anyone else is promising you that, I’d probably steer clear of them.
You need to make peace with the fact that no matter what you do, there are just some circumstances that are out of your control.
And for many of my clients, this is a very disheartening and upsetting thing to hear.
I mean, how many people will come up and publicly say that you could do everything right and still fail.
Honestly, I think this is what deters people from trying in the first place but here’s what I’ve learned:
- Generally speaking, the people who are successful at not only getting over their exes but getting their exes back have mastered the concept of acceptance.
- They’ve master basically accepting fate for how it is. They’ve mastered the fact that there are certain aspects out of their control, but what is in their control they’re going to maximize to its highest potential.
Why The No Contact Rule Helps Maximize Your Potential
So if you’ve followed me for a while and have read any of my other articles, watched my youtube videos, or listened to my podcasts, you’ll know that I’m a huge proponent of the no contact rule. It’s something that I talk about extensively because to me, it’s the foundation upon which everything is built.
Now, most of the time when you go through a breakup your first reaction is to fix the breakup, especially if it’s an unwanted breakup.
You just want to jump right in and remedy the situation however you can so you keep pushing your ex.
You beg them to come back and you say things like how you’ll act differently from now on- basically saying whatever you think it takes to get them back.
Here’s the thing though – the more you push people, the more defensive they get.
If you keep pushing your ex eventually they’ll get annoyed and defensive.
They may even end up blocking you which will leave you in a worse situation than before.
This is why we recommend everyone to implement a no contact rule and take a timeout immediately after a breakup. Both you and your ex probably need a break to process your emotions before you can interact with each other again and the no contact rule is perfect for that.
Depending on your circumstances, a no contact rule can last anywhere from 21 to 45 days.
If you want to learn more about what length of time you should implement no contact for, I highly recommend scrolling through my website because I’ve written extensively about this topic.
However, figuring out the time frame for your no contact rule is only the first step. Actually doing the no contact rule is a whole other beast that a lot of people don’t even properly understand.
The Correct Way To Do A No Contact Rule
Before I get into how to do a no contact rule, I want to share the biggest mistake I see people making during it:
Incorrectly assuming that the no contact rule is only about making your ex miss you and thus wasting your time without bettering yourself in any way.
You see, most people think of the no contact rule as playing hard to get so their ex wants them back, but that’s only a small part of it. In fact, most exes don’t just automatically come back and engage with you after a no contact rule.
So there’s no point just sitting there in hopes of your ex changing his mind.
What you really should be doing is investing time and energy into becoming the best possible version of yourself. The more you focus on yourself during this time, the more attractive you will be to everyone around you. But how do you know that that is the best approach if you feel like you’re losing your mind after a breakup?
Well, I recently wrote about why “letting your ex go may be the key to getting them back.”
I came to this idea after interviewing some of the many success stories I’ve had over the past decade of helping people get their exes together.
I really wanted to see what differentiated our success stories from those who did not get their exes back and here’s the number one pattern I came across:
People who successfully got their exes back simply stopped caring if they got their exes back at a certain point.
It’s almost like they built up this gigantic momentum for themselves during a no contact rule and their ex coming back was just part of that momentum.
I know it might sound counterintuitive but think of it this way- when you focus so much on other things that make you a better person, worrying about your ex can take a back seat. All that time, you’re racing to the front of your ex’s mind because he’s so impressed with all the progress you’re making in life.
Getting to that mindset where you can put yourself first and tell yourself “if he comes back, cool. If not, I’m a better person regardless” will automatically give you the power and upper hand when you start talking after your no contact rule.
Most people who come to me after their breakup say that if they don’t get their exes back by the end of this process, they’ve failed, but I’m telling you that’s the wrong way to approach the situation
You should approach this situation as a learning opportunity so that even if you don’t get your ex back, you grow into finding and loving yourself.
Is Luck Real And Does It Have A Place In Getting Your Ex Back?
I recently became deeply interested in the concept of luck, especially whether there are any real differences between “lucky” and “unlucky” people.
My initial hypothesis about luck was that people who believe they’re unlucky are more likely to experience things that make them feel unlucky.
Basically, if you tell yourself you’re unlucky and the universe is out to get you, every little setback or inconvenience will feel like a product of that.
Eventually, all your internal negativity and pessimism will start manifesting in your life and taking over everything.
See how it just becomes a self-perpetuating idea where you expect bad luck and end up drawing more negative aspects of life to yourself?
According to an article I read a few days ago, lucky people are different than people who deem themselves unlucky.
People who tend to be lucky are a little bit more open-minded, positive, and risk-taking than their unlucky counterparts.
I mean we’ve all heard the saying – you miss every shot you don’t take.
Well, simple probability tells us that people who take more shots will eventually get them in. In the case of life, unlucky people might not even try things or put themselves out there because of their fears, whereas lucky people don’t care and choose to jump at every opportunity that comes knocking at their doorstep.
Now, what does this do? Well, taking more shots allows these lucky people to be in positions where luck can occur. The key is to be open-minded and allow yourself to be in a position where you could get your lucky break.
This is an important concept for you to understand after a breakup because there is definitely an element of luck involved in getting your ex back.
Thankfully, we can try to “hack” that luck to give you the best chances of success. The way to do that is pretty simple – you need to be more open-minded about the strategies of getting your ex back and about your philosophy in life.
I believe that everyone has a different philosophy or approach to life, so whenever I meet someone new I like to be open to taking bits and pieces of their philosophy that resonate with me.
Of course, most close-minded people are very stuck in their ways and are unwilling to look at other people’s life philosophies, even though that could be the game-changer they need.
So, here’s my challenge to you:
Whether you want your ex back or not, I want you to use this breakup as a learning and growing process.
Try to become more open-minded and engage in conversations you normally wouldn’t. It’s all about putting positive vibes out there because that’s what the world will reflect back at you. Here’s a classic example of this concept in motion:
In case you didn’t know, I offer an extensive audio-visual + PDF course about getting an ex back and one of the best things about it is access to our private Facebook support group. This group consists of thousands of individuals going through breakups just like you.
So what’s cool is when we see people coming into the Facebook group, they’ll post their situation and then keep posting updates. So eventually you can go back and trace everything from their first update to their 20th one and that’s how I began to notice a distinct pattern:
The happiest people, regardless of their intentions about their ex, are those who start posting things on social media for themselves and men other than their ex.
This is when a woman reaches that ultimate “screw him” point about her ex and starts living her best life, opening herself up to adoration from other men.
Believe it or not, this actually attracts your ex even more because now he sees other competition and starts experiencing a fear of loss. You see, even if he broke up with you, it might not have registered as “final” in his mind, but seeing other men swooning over you will definitely get that point across.
In fact, this is why I even recommend going out on dates after your breakup even if it’s the last thing to do. A date doesn’t have to be an intimidation move for your ex or a commitment for you, it can literally just be an opportunity for you to realize your true worth.
You see, when you put yourself out there and unlock this mindset of “I’m awesome and I deserve all this attention and more”, you’re putting yourself first. By allowing yourself to become who you want to be and reveling in compliments from other men, you can gain a more critical idea of your past relationship as well.
Now is all this strictly dependent on “luck”? I don’t think so. I believe that any woman can achieve this mindset as long as she is open-minded and willing to focus on herself.
I know it can be hard to think about going out or doing things for yourself when you feel like you’re losing your mind after a breakup. It’s totally okay to feel emotionally overwhelmed after a breakup because you’re going through a grieving process.
But remember: you can take the grieving process of a breakup and rise against it and forge your own path of strength by focusing on yourself, instead of your ex.
The feeling of losing your mind after a breakup is completely normal so don’t beat yourself up over it.
The best way to get over this feeling is to give yourself some time (using the no contact rule) and using that time to become the best possible version of yourself!