What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

The Anatomy Of A Breakup (Part One)

(If you want to read part two of “The Anatomy Of A Breakup” Series click here.)

Okay, I feel like I’ve been with you guys long enough to be honest with you. I have written this article FOUR different times. Not because it’s difficult to write, but because I get so excited about the science and psychology of human interaction that I tend to go off on tangents.

Seriously, the first version of this article was about 24 pages long with tiny margins and size 10 font. Which is great if you’re going for quantity over quality. But I reread it and realized that no one other than me would read past the first few paragraphs.

I really didn’t want to do that to you.

I mean the goal of the whole thing is to lay out the facts about what happens to you mentally and physical when you’re in a relationship and after it ends. The idea being that understanding what is happening to you on an intrinsic level would give you the power to get through it and move forward with your life.

So I rewrote, and aimed for less overwhelming facts and more fun stories about real life experiences, because we both know you like to hear that my friends and I have done some pretty stupid things in the name of love.

The result from this venture was a combination of crazy stories about the things I’ve seen. But there wasn’t a lot of helpful information to it, just entertainment value.

So I set out to try again.

About that time, I was hit with a plague of death in the form of an upper respiratory infection and, in my frustration and medicated state, I deleted all efforts and replaced them with garbled half-thoughts that didn’t make any sense.

So after all of that I set out to create something both entertaining and helpful, because we can all agree that the few months after a breakup are tough enough without me making you feel like your back in Ms. Krebinsky’s eighth grade Chemistry class.

In fact, you’re probably having waves of “I can’t live without him,” moments as we speak, and you don’t want to read tons of science-y stuff. So here goes effort number four.

And I’ll try and keep the nerdy stuff to a minimum. It is necessary though.

Even though preserving the romance of a relationship is important, it is also important to grasp that happiness and sadness can both be reduced to chemical reactions that you have absolutely no control over. Just try not to check out on me. Not only can you get through the educational part of this process, but you can get through the next few months and be even better for it.

How do I know?

Because I’m going to tell you how to.

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A Story You Need To Hear

true-story

I’ve told a portion of this story before, but I’m going to tell it again with a little more story… to the story.

My friend in college, we’ll call her Becky, met this GREAT guy, we’ll call him Chad, on the web. She and Chad had simply connected on Facebook due having a few friends in common.

Nothing special, right?

Not exactly a kismet meeting.

They didn’t really hit it off right away, but they were cordial. He resided in the wings on her page for a long time while she dated, got dumped, dated, dumped him, dated, then got dumped again.

One day she noticed him and she was shocked she hadn’t before. They started talking online. He was perfect on paper, everything a girl could ask for.

He had a good job, that he loved, and was very successful. He had a house and a dog. He was close with his family. He volunteered with a charity. All that was missing was the white picket fence.

They went on talking casually like this for weeks!

She had a skip in her step, a gleam in her eye, and Becky was positively glowing.

Finally, he got the guts up and asked her out on a date.

Now, I don’t remember where they went or what they did, but at school Chad was all I heard about. Essentially I had so many Chad-facts in my head that, to this day, I can’t remember some fundamental things I was learning in school at the time.

But I know Chad’s birthday.

Thank goodness for that.

Anyways, Becky and Chad were head over heels for each other and virtually inseparable. They went on like this for a little over a year.

They were in love.

Becky loved him, and could clearly see a future with this guy.

You can imagine her devastation when Chad made two statements that turned her entire world upside down.

“We need to talk. This isn’t working for me anymore.”

Boom, in mere moments Becky went from being a ray of sunshine to being a real life version of Eeyore, from Winnie the Pooh.

Her life, suddenly, started spiraling out of control.

She stopped going to class. She just didn’t see the point anymore. She stopped putting on makeup or cleaning her apartment. Seriously, you had to use the door to shove things out of the way if you actually wanted to open it to walk in.

This went on for weeks.

One day, I went to go see if I could snap her out of her out of it even for just a little while. Somehow, I convinced her she needed to buy groceries. It looked like she had been surviving on pizza and some old Halloween candy.

I dragged her out of bed, threw some clothes on her.

Let’s face it, if I didn’t pick out her clothes, she was going to look like a laundry hamper that grew legs.

I finally got her out the door. On the way to the store, I helped her figure out what it was she needed to get.

Shampoo, conditioner, and soap were a must. I could tell just from sitting next to her that she had run out weeks ago. She looked rough and needed to pull herself together before she got dropped from her classes.

When we got to the store, I went off to get something from another department while she went to snag her shampoo.

Terrible idea.

When I returned moments later, I found here sitting in the middle of the isle clutching a bottle of body wash like it was a child and sobbing… loudly.

eeyore-body-wash

We finished our shopping and I took her to my apartment. She couldn’t stay in her apartment in the state it was in.

I told her she could stay there if she promised not to leave a trail of disgusting sadness throughout the house.

She agreed.
I told her I had to go to class and I’d be back in a bit.

That was a lie. I gathered my cleaning supplies and went to her apartment to tame the beast. Three loads of laundry later and a few hours spent rearranging the entire place, it looked brand new and unlike the atrocity it had been.

One bubble bath and a pep talk later and she was talking a little more like the Becky I knew and loved.

The next day she was back in class.

She wasn’t happy per say, but she did see the point in moving forward, which was a huge step.

I mean, I’m not saying I kept her from failing out of college…

Okay, who am I kidding? I saved her butt.

So, why did I tell you all of that?

Because, Becky did a lot of irrational things, both during before and after the relationship ended.

She lost control, a feeling I’m sure you are familiar with.

It is possible to regain that control over your life. However, without understanding what is causing you to feel this way, it can be a LOOOONG and drawn out process.

By understanding what is going on with your body during and after, you can get back on solid ground a lot faster and get back to your life.

Let’s begin.

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The Usual Suspects

First, let’s get acquainted with the chemicals we’ll be discussing. I don’t want to assume you know what they are or what they do and have you getting lost halfway through this thing.

So I created some information cards to help you keep them straight while we discuss their effects.

Dopamine is pretty much the heavy hitter.

dopamine-facts

It’s the one that goes romping around your body like it owns the place. It’s the instigator and Norepinephrine (AKA Adrenaline) and Serotonin are just kind of the two friends that tag along and help.

norepinephrine-facts

seratonin-facts

When there is Dopamine there is Epinephrine. They’re best friends. They might as well hold hands and skip.

dopamine-and-epinephrine-skip

If the level of Dopamine rises, so does the level of Epinephrine.

Think about it. Dopamine is present when you experience pleasure. When you’re happy do you not feel more energetic? Don’t you find yourself more motivated?

Cortisol is released in response to stress. It is released at both the beginning of a relationship, during the initial moments of a breakup and during any stressful moment in between.

cortisol-facts

The presence of Cortisol lessens the amount of Serotonin in the body. This means that the more stressed you become the more erratic your moods will be and the more out of control your life will seem.

There are two of these chemicals that are primarily released during sex or other moments of intimacy, Oxytocin and Vasopressin.

oxytocin-facts

vasopressin-facts

They are responsible for creating a bond between two people, or pair bonding. Oxytocin fights anxiety and brings out that Nurturing and mothering instinct in women. Vasopressin is a short-lived hormone that helps regulate social behavior.

Okay so now that you’re familiar with all of the players in the game, let’s go ahead and lay the ground work for what we are trying to achieve.

As Chris and I have discussed in the past. There are two ways to look at recovery. Recovery can be seen as a verb, as in “to recover” or to repossess. I call this the “Get Him Back.” However, recovery can also be seen as a quest of sorts, to move past something, an addiction, an injury, or a bad relationship. I call this the “Get Over It.”

If you hadn’t noticed, I’m a fan of the “Get Over It.”

Well you’re here with us for a reason. And whether you’re seeking to recover, or recover from, a lost relationship, it can all be boiled down to a much simpler goal. Currently, things are out of your hands. You want to take back control and steer things in the desired direction.

I don’t blame you. That’s really all anyone wants, control over their life.

And by the time we get through this, you will have a better understanding of how to grasp that.

That understanding comes from looking at the details of your relationship.

There are three parts to it; The Relationship, The Break Up, and The Aftermath.

The Relationship

you-playing

Before you can go through a break up you have to actually have a relationship.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’ve had to get over the loss of a few imaginary relationships, mainly every time a show I watch ends. You don’t know real pain until you’ve loved someone pretending to be someone else for money and fame. (Hmm, sounds just like my ex minus the money or fame.)

I’m assuming that if you’re here you had a relationship and it ended.

Although if you’re just here because you like us, well then, awesome!

During a relationship, a lot of things happen. Not just on the outside where you can see it. On the inside your body is teaming with activity.

At the beginning of a relationship, your body was so chock full of Dopamine, Norepinephrine, and Serotonin, that you could hardly contain yourself.

You remember those days, the days when your heart leapt into your throat every time you heard a phone, even if it wasn’t your own.

The chemicals were staging a takeover.

They made you do a lot of things and you didn’t even realize it.

You see, as children we imagine an idyllic version of the person we will become. It is ever-changing with our interests, dreams, and aspirations. We imagine ourselves as adventures and heroes.

As we get older, we become more realistic. We focus more on success and trying to hold onto a sense of adventure, the goal always being that better version of ourselves.

However due to… life, things rarely pan out the way we hope. We find ourselves working jobs that aren’t quite as adventurous as we hoped, that have hours that are slightly longer than we thought. We realize that adventure costs money. We make compromises.

When we are young, we look for attractiveness and adventure in the opposite sex. Whereas, as we come to realize that life isn’t exactly how we imagined, we start to look for someone that has that missing piece factor. You know, the person that makes you feel a little bit more like you’ve accomplished the things you wanted to with your life.

If your life is slightly out of control, you’ll find someone who has their life together much more attractive. If you find your life to be a little boring, you might find yourself desiring a bad boy. Too often I hear women tell me, “I need him. Without him I am incomplete.”

That’s what the search is for, a feeling of completeness. Most people are convinced that this only comes from another person.

However, all of those feelings of “completeness” come from those chemicals.

Let’s look at some of the things that they do to us.

OBSESSIVE BEHAVIOR

All you could think about was him. Your phone was permanently glued to your hand just in case he called. You’d jump at every chance you got to be around him. That was the Dopamine.

Dopamine, is closely tied to addiction and will have you jumping through hoops until you can satiate the need to be near or even just to please him. It’s like those old anti-drug commercials, “One taste and you’re hook.”

Cortisol has a hand in the actual act of falling in love too. It’s the stress hormone. It’s the reason you feel nauseous when you give public speeches and the reason you get butterflies and sweaty palms every time you talk to that cute guy at the coffee shop.

Serotonin is in on this one too, or to be exact… OUT on this one.

Donatella Marazziti, a psychiatrist at the University of Pisa did a study. She compared levels of serotonin in couple who are madly in love to those who had been diagnosed with OCD. The levels in lovers where equivalent to lower levels in OCS patients. And if you’ve ever had or met someone who had OCD, you know a little goes a long way.

When you are crushing on someone, your Serotonin levels drop and Cortisol and Dopamine are left to take over and give you waves of excitement, making you wonder when you would get your next hit. The chemicals had beaten you, you were addicted. And like a drug user, you craved him.

PRIORITY DERAILMENT

There’s that Dopamine again. I told you he was the ring leader.

You’ll know Dopamine has its hold on you when you start to set aside important things to focus your attention on the object of your desires.

You find yourself going out of your way, and away from the things you considered to be important, to focus on the things he cared about.

Your hoop jumping capabilities are endless when Dopamine rears its head.

The only thing is, they’re someone else’s hoops.

You blew off things you care about, like a family get together or a couple of classes that you need to reach your goal of being the first person in your family to graduate from college, to spend time with him.

The crazy part is, norepinephrine, or adrenaline, will mark every single moment you spend with him in the major win column. Why? Because your memory is on point and you’re all jacked up on Dopamine!

The perfect storm, if you will.

TOP-SECRET SIDE NOTE!

That’s also why dates with someone you aren’t that into are so underwhelming. And also why first time tinder users rave about the apps capabilities. Who doesn’t get a hefty dose of Dopamine when getting ready to meet someone and thinking they might be a promising mate, even if they’ve never met them?

DARING BRAVERY

When put in a scary situation, a bond is formed. That’s why so many men’s magazines and sites suggest they take you to see a scary movie or to a theme park to ride a roller coaster.

The more at risk, the more you’ll feel like you’re falling in love with him.

In a nutshell, when Cortisol goes up because you are stressed, Dopamine levels rise and make you crave adventure, or in this case, crave more of Guy Mcface, because he’s the one supplying the excitement.

How sneaky!

You are more likely to take risks when epinephrine is in high supply. That’s why when you get that urge to do things he likes. Like why you got on that roller coaster that you wouldn’t even think of stepping foot on normally.

SO MANY ENERGIES!!!

I was seeing this guy this past year. He was so freaking active. I’m telling you he ran circles around me and everyone I know. Suddenly I found myself wanting to run marathons and stay up all night talking about anything. Yet I’d still wake up at four in the morning ready to take on the world. I couldn’t really tell you where all of this energy was coming from. I honestly though he was just a good influence on me.

I was happy. Clearly he had to be the reason. Right? Nope. He was only the catalyst.

Enter Dopamine and Epinephrine again.

That cycle that you get in, well it’s basically your brain going…

“Is that all you’ve got?! SEND MOOOOOORE.”

HEALTHY OVERALL APPEARANCE

Other effects created by the increased blood flow caused by the Dopamine include, but are not limited to, the expansion of the capillaries under the skin, creating that glowing and healthy effect.

Also, our general disposition changes when hit with a healthy dose of Dopamine and epinephrine. We even seem nicer to other people, making us seem like we are even more fun to be around than normal.

HIGHTENED PAIN TOLERANCE

By tampering with our reward receptors in the brain, these chemicals also inhibit our pain receptors. Paired with our abundance of Norepinephrine, this means we even feel less physical pain.

So Put on Your Cape and Your Spandex, because falling in love is basically like being bit by a radioactive spider.

superlove

You don’t know where exactly it came from, but suddenly everything is better and you feel invincible.

Okay maybe not to the extent of leaping tall buildings in a single bound… but you can get up at 3:30AM on a Saturday to go pick him up from the airport and still have a cheery disposition. You can even binge watch your shows out of order because he’s impatient and continues watching them when you’re not there.

If you can’t tell, I speak from experience, and watching “our” show without me is pretty far up on the pet peeves list. So you know I like you if I don’t say anything about it.

And, to top it all off you’re slightly more impervious to pain than before!

WHOO!

Being in Love makes absolutely no sense.

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The Breakup

Eventually they will level out and a feeling of comfortability will settle in. You might have even felt bored with the relationship at this point, or perhaps he did. At this point the Oxytocin and Vasopressin were supposed to have created a bond between the two of you that the comfortability suits.

However, oftentimes a partial bond is created, where one sees the comfortability as acceptable and the other person still craves that excitement. Or a bond just didn’t form at all. There are two things that could happen if a significant and strong bond weren’t created for both parties. They either stay together and try and make it work, which is a recipe for an unhappy relationship, or they go their separate ways

In other words, it’s great, until it isn’t.

Sometimes this happens right under our noses and we don’t even notice.
The signs were there, but thanks to our chemical pals, you probably didn’t even see them. Perhaps, I’ll cover some tell-tale signs in another article, but for now we’re just going to leave it at that.

You see, even if you did notice the signs of him pulling away.

What is your first instinct when you feel someone growing distant?

You become the aggressor, trying to push him to come back.

But pushing, or even slightly nudging, something that is already traveling away from you will only make it continue to travel in that direction.

Anyways, whether you both agreed it was for the best, one of you completely eviscerated the other, or one of the million other things that could have happened, you will almost always find yourself in a life that has gone off the rails while you were busy playing house with your now ex.

Now, if you are lucky enough to go about life like nothing happened and be unaffected, while I am slightly jealous and also inclined to believe that you might be a robot, or might be lying to yourself.

It’s normal to feel like your life has turned on you at this point. Most people find themselves devastated and facing a lot of cleaning up, so to speak.
Some get stuck at a stand-still, like Becky.

Regardless of how you got here, we’re going to move forward to look at the aftermath, and determine how to get through it and “Over It” faster. I’m not going to let you get stuck.

First, let’s review what we’ve determined so far.

part-one-during-the-relationship

(Yes, I made you another handy little graphic to help recap. I can’t help it. I love making things easy on you.)

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/07/Ashley.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Ashley

20 thoughts on “The Anatomy Of A Breakup (Part One)”

  1. Mary

    February 27, 2017 at 9:00 pm

    I met a guy last September. After walking in circles around each other, messaging constantly and seeing each other at least once a week he finally invited me out in the beginning of November. Everything went great between us. We had no arguments and fitted very well together. Every one around us thought we were in a relationship. He has been dealing with some lows and a lot of self growth this fall. I have supported him through it all and given him space. I didn’t push to be in a relationship with him. I completely accepted him as he was. Around Christmas he began writing he was thinking a lot about me and missing me.
    All of a suddenly in mid January he wants to talk. He tells me he thinks things are getting serious but he isnt sure if he wants to be in a relationship if he isnt 100% sure – and he isnt. He cries. I was completely calm – very aware that if I freaked out then he would remember me in a bad way. He finds my reaction very surprising. He says I am the best person he has ever met and that he feels like I am the sort of person you meet once in a life time. He said he thought it would be best if we didn’t have contact for some months – so I got some space. When saying goodbye he said he hoped to see me again. Later that evening I wrote a short message about me hoping he would continue his personal decelopment/therapy. He wrote a nice message back thanking me and saying he had enjoyed his time with me and that he still thought we had a lot of good things in common.
    He told me while we dated that he found it very difficult to open up emotionally towards people. He has some scars from his childhood. He dated a young woman in 2014. They never ended in a relationship but I think it ended badly. He ended it and I am not sure he is over it/her – even though he has told me she didn’t give him space. I now find myself constantly answering people’s question how “we” are doing – even though he and I never officially ended together in a relationship.
    I haven’t been in contact with him since Mid January and I don’t plan on contacting him before the end of March. Do you think I have any hopes on getting together? Why did he all of a suddenly go cold? What can I do?
    Thank you in advance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2017 at 6:33 pm

      HI Mary,

      that’s hard to tell.. can be because he’s afraid of committing but right now, how much did you improve? Open the link below too:
      How Do I Get My Commitment Phobic Ex Boyfriend Back?

    2. Mary

      February 28, 2017 at 8:14 pm

      Thank you for your message and the link. He lives up to all of the description regarding someone who can’t commit. I have already removed him as a friend on Facebook (private profile) but not on my work Facebook profile. I can see he looks at my posts from work. I feel like I am forgotten and ditched. Like I am heartbroken and he just continues like nothing has happened.
      I feel lost I don’t know what to do. He isn’t a bad person.
      I haven’t improved much do to two exams and moving. But I see the point. I will improve during the next month.

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 28, 2017 at 9:44 pm

      that’s good.. Keep your posts public so that he will still see it.

    4. Maryi

      March 27, 2017 at 9:40 pm

      I have now implented the no contact rule for more than two months. I haven’t heard from him since the day he dumbed me. I am afraid it is over and I have no chance of getting him back.
      I have taken care of myself as you suggested. I am not as balanced as I wished and how I was before I met him or got dumbed. Do you have any advice for my next step? Should I break the no contact rule – and how? Should I just seek closure? How do I get his interest again? How can such a connection and feelings just disappear?

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 28, 2017 at 5:43 pm

  2. Katy

    January 22, 2017 at 9:36 am

    Hello there!
    My ex and I have known each other since I was 5 years old because he has always been my older brothers best friend. He is 7 years older then I am. He watched me grow up and we have always had a good friendship. As a young teenager everyone would always joke that we were going to get married and from then on he would call me his “wifey”. Anyways when he moved back home after 9 years i was 18 and he asked my brother if it was ok and we started dating and we both were head over heels in love which we both did not anticipate. Fast forward almost 2 amazing years later, things became strained, i planned on going to university in another country but due to my dad getting sick i had to go to school at home. I believe this changed everything for me and I wasn’t happy and after a few months I started feeling anxious about my relationship and remembering every disagreement (few and far between). I then started having trouble climaxing during sex even though it was still loving and intimate, I told him this very gently and gave him a book to read which he promised me he would. A few days later I asked him if he wanted to call it quits because I felt unhappy and assumed he did too to which he replied that he loved me so much and he will try his best to do the things i need. 10 days later I got very angry with him because he hadnt finished the book we had a terrible fight and i wrote him a break up letter and gave him back his stuff. This was 3 days before Christmas, which I did not even think about because I was so pissed off. It took me 4 days to realize this was a huge mistake!! He came to my house that day to get a party ticket from my cousin but we didnt talk much. LAter at the party we both got drunk and got into an argument where I cried and poured my heart out and he argued and said some hurtful things. The next day he came over to tell me that he doesnt want to get back together because when i broke up with him he fell out of love with me, we are incompatible, things have run their course. He said that he is not shutting the door down on us getting back together but he needs time. I said we have to stay friends and he agreed and we hung out for a few hours then he left. A few days later he came up to me and we hung out for about an hour at a party and he dropped me home after because my ride was very drunk. No relationship talk happened we just got along as per usual. Then on NYE i went up to him and apologized (everything youre not supposed to do i did, lol) and again he thanked me and reminded me that he needs time to find himself and hes not shutting the door down on us reconciling. He said that he cares about me so much to the point where he is here hugging and talking to me instead of talking to girls in the party. He told me he was upset i broke things off 3 days before Christmas. Later on he offered to drop me and my friend home and i accepted but we didnt talk much during the ride. A few days later i wanted to hang out so i went to his house, the sexual tension was becoming really strong for me so I said we should go to the zoo and we did. As we were walking he just randomly told me that he wants me to go to Orlando to Harry Potter world with him around easter time (this was going to be our 2 year anniversary celebration but he said he still wants to do it for fun). I said we could make a plan. I asked after a week of silence if he wanted to watch a movie over the weekend and he said yes but he did not message me about it so I did not push him or message him about it. After this i discovered the NC rule but I have failed about 3 times now, one of which was when he messaged me to see how i was after 2 weeks of silence. After a few messages in i asked him what his plans were for the weekend and he didnt reply. I asked him 3 days later about something to do with exercise. I have started over again and I am determined not to break this time. It has been a month since the breakup and 6 days since we spoke. He seems so cool and welcoming when I initiate contact but he wont contact me. DO you think there is a good chance we will reconcile? I fear I may have messed up too badly on the man I love….what do i do? Have i really pushed him away to the point where he does not love me? I am trying to exercise, hang out with friends and get back into my old hobbies that i dropped now but i cant help but worry. Does he even miss me after 1 month?I know this is long but I would be so grateful for your response.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 23, 2017 at 12:20 pm

      Hi Katy,
      he probably misses you but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t see the old you anymore
      do new things too and make new friends..Improve yourseld massively..

  3. Carrie

    December 28, 2016 at 3:42 pm

    I dated my ex for about 3 months. When we were together he was amazing, but slowly he started withdrawing. I brought it up and he said he would try to communicate better, but it didn’t last. Finally, after 3 days of not hearing from him (for like the 4th time) I freaked and told him not to call me again (on the 18th). I don’t like the way I ended it. He is deploying in 3 weeks. Even though everything says don’t write a letter I feel like writing one just to apologize for my actions and to maybe reopen the door. But, part of me also says just let it go and no matter what I said if he wanted me he would come after me. Thoughts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 30, 2016 at 6:55 am

      Hi Carrie,

      if he doesn’t want to listen, he wont.. let him cool down first

  4. Jessica

    October 20, 2016 at 9:01 pm

    My ex and I are in our late 30s and dated for 10 months. We were serious, got along really really well, were extremely attracted to one another in every way. But I am a single mom and I felt very insecure about how he perceived that. I had been trying to introduce him to my kids and when it happened, it did not go well. We got into a fight about it. Words were said. We broke up in the heat of the moment and there has been no contact for 6 days. The last communication we had was from him – email. He wrote that he didn’t want to deal with the drama and that he felt attacked. He didn’t want to continue anymore. We rarely argued so, I’m not sure of the true reason. It was so good. We were so good together. My heart feels broken. I’ve implemented the no-contact rule. But he has not reached out. Does it sound like he ever will? I am so tempted to show up at his place and be the crazy girl. Should I give up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 22, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      Hi Jessica,

      dont do that.. Dont be insecure with being a single mom.. I’ve always viewed my friends who are in the same position as blessed..Not just because they have a child, but because if a man will accept and love her child as his own, then he’s probably a good man and will be a good father.. With single ladies, that’s hard to know of the you and the guy doesnt have a child yet

    2. Jessica

      October 25, 2016 at 6:14 pm

      Thanks Armor. But do you think I can get him to talk to me? Should I just give up?

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 26, 2016 at 7:33 pm

      I think there’s a chance. Focus in improving yourself during the 30 day no contact rule and continue doing so even after.. Even if he doesn’t reach out during nc, you can initiate a text after 30 days..

  5. Jenna

    September 26, 2016 at 7:43 pm

    I’m in the no contact stage but my ex and I broke up 4 months ago. I ended it with him there were some things that I wanted to change and he was slow to commit because he was divorced and didn’t want to do the same things wrong. After the break up he text me and we started talking and hanging out but I would always bring things up (my mistake) I finally pushed him over the edge and he told me he was done and he couldn’t ever make me happy he loved me but we needed to seperate. The on and off again never works. I freaked out became the texting gnat… begged everything I read later not to do. Its been 12 days since we spoke. He is going out and appears just fine. He unfollowed me on Instagram and deleted our pictures but still follows all my friends. Is there a huge chance he is never coming back? I’m scared he was a good boyfriend just scared and careful but loved me so much. Help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 28, 2016 at 7:47 am

      Hi Jenna,

      if it’s on and off, there’s a chance that he will come back. You should check this one:
      How To Make Your Ex Boyfriend Commit

  6. Sorcha

    September 23, 2016 at 9:54 am

    Hi there,
    I am still in NC. But I was wondering when you should talk to your ex or boyfriend (again), about how much he hurt you, and what went wrong etc. (I still don’t know the real reason for our break up). I have found that with this guide you kind of have to brush everything under the carpet until you are back together.
    So I am wondering how, and when you should approach this. I want to be completely honest, but I don’t want to make him angry, I want him to understand, and I would like to understand as well. Because I feel like once I have built up rapport and we are progressing on, he will assume everything is fine. But I think it is important to talk about it.

    Thank you! Xxx

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 24, 2016 at 9:38 am

      It would be better if it’s personal, when you’ve already build rapport and when he’s in the best mood. So, that he would be willing to listen and be more open..
      You have to avoid the topic at first, especially when you’re building rapport because that’s the least he would want to talk about.. He would feel attacked

  7. Shar

    September 21, 2016 at 4:52 am

    .

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 21, 2016 at 2:57 pm

      Hi Shar,

      it looks like you were a rebound and things moved too fast.. And I think he realized all that after visiting his brother.. I think you should check this one:
      EBR 034: Are YOU The Rebound For Your Ex Boyfriend?

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