Your ex obviously liked you at some point, otherwise he wouldn’t be an ex.
So, in theory, it should be easier to get someone who had already liked you once to like you again as opposed to someone who didn’t. So, we have that going for us.
So, lets talk about this.
Your relationship ended. So, I have to ask HOW it ended.
Was it neutral or negative?
A Neutral Breakup would be without a lot of fallout
A Negative Breakup would be with a lot of fallout.
Pretty self explanatory, right?
Okay. So, according to the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Program you’ll have to go through No Contact no matter what. The length of time that it lasts depends on the type of breakup.
No Contact is a strict rule stating that you can’t call, email, text, Facebook, Instagram, or Google+, or use a carrier pigeon to contact your ex for a set number of days. If you break the NC (No Contact) period then you will have to start over from day one.
There is a Limited No Contact that refers to situations where you might, live with, work with, or share custody with your ex.
In my opinion, there are three optimum time frames:
- 21 days
- 30 days
- 45 days
Notice how none of the time frames are crazy like 60 days or 90 days. Some programs will tell you something crazy like that.
Here’s how I’m going to lay it out for you.
- 21 days – Neutral Breakup
- 30 days – Negative Breakup
- 45 days – Negative Breakup and Negative Response
To read up on No Contact you can follow this link to an article on specifically that. You see, there needs to be time before you actually re-establish contact with your ex.
The truth is, getting your ex to like you revolves around one point in time and that is when you contact him again.
We are going to split the actions we are going to talk about today into three sections:
- Pre-Contact (AKA No Contact): Because nothing in our program really works without this part.
- Contact: We’ll cover how to reach out to your ex to make him more likely to like you again.
- Post Contact: How to get him to keep liking you.
Seems simple enough, right?
Pre-Contact Actions: Self-Awareness & Getting Your Ex to Like You
It is no secret, your ex will check up on you at some point even if you do absolutely nothing. It is up to you what he sees.
It will be tempting to lean into playing the victim and making him feel bad that the two of you aren’t together. But let’s be honest, who wants to be with someone out of guilt? How long do you really think that will last?
No, you are actually going to do the opposite of what your instincts tell you to do do during No Contact.
Relationship Assessment: What Did Your Ex Like Most About You?
What did your ex like about you when you were together? What characteristics do you know that he will miss most about you?
There are four categories you can consider in this instance:
Physical – What physical traits did your ex find most attractive about you?
Mental – Did your ex admire your wit, your intelligence? Did you have an innate ability to understand where he was coming from?
Interests – Did the two of you have common interests?
Abilities – Do you have talents or a passion that he admired about you?
Make a list of all of the things your ex found attractive in each of these areas.
Once you have done this, you are going to decide what areas you want to focus on. You have a unique knowledge of your ex. Only you can determine what areas will have the biggest effect on him.
When you are down with your list you should have a list of things about you that you know for a fact your ex found attractive when you were together and two improvements you want to make in your life.
The goal is to make improvements that serve to make your life better and also make you more attractive to your ex.
During No Contact, you are going to focus on this list and making those two improvements.
Now, because social media plays such a big part in our lives these days, we are going to use it to our advantage.
First, take a moment to do a self-assessment. You can use the format below if you like.
Once you have this done, you are going to turn all of your focus onto these areas.
Do everything you can to improve on them. For example, if your ex liked your eyes, you are going to learn how to accentuate them with makeup. How to take care of them and avoid crow’s feet. how to shape your eyebrows to draw attention to your eyes.
Same with other features. If he liked your legs, you are going to learn to dress to draw attention to your legs, what shoes to wear, etc.
If he liked that you were passionate about something you are going to turn your focus to that.
The idea is to use what you already know about him to your advantage and play into those factors.
Now, you are going to be tempted to wallow in self pity rather than actual do any of these things I’ve told you. So, we are going to turn thoughts of your ex into a sort of alarm system.
Just like an alarm clock signals for you to wake up. When you find yourself sitting around just feeling sorry for yourself or living in the past, that is going to signal you to actually get up and DO three things that play to the things on this list.
Now, if you are in No contact, how will your ex know that you are doing all of these things.
Well, that’s why I mentioned that your ex checks up on you. With the way things are going today, he has plenty of ways to do so. But there are two things in particular that you can use to your advantage.
- Social Media
- Circle of Influence
Social Media pretty much permeates every area of our lives. It makes sense that your sadness over your breakup would bleed over into your social media. Well, you are going to go back through your feeds and clear out everything since the breakup that is negative or about the breakup in any way.
Now, from here on out you are going to put a filter on what you post. Before you post anything you have to consider whether each post reflects some aspect of the things on this list. That means no random reposting sad song lyrics or other posts. Also, you need to limit your posts to once every other day, unless something major like a graduation, birthday, or birth of a Niece or nephew. the reason for this is to make you actually question what you are putting out there before you post it.
Circle of Influence is basically the people in his life that he listens to. It can be filled with his close friends or family. They are the people he trusts.
Assuming the two of you were together for a while, your Circle of Influence likely interacts or even converges with his. So, you need to fight that urge to whine about your breakup to anyone who will listen. Instead you want to treat this just like your social media. Everything that the people in his circle see or hear should reflect the image you are wanting to put into the world.
That image is one of someone who is doing fine (even if you aren’t) and owning her strengths (even if it’s difficult).
Contacting Your Ex in a Way that Makes Them Like You
Here at EBR we stand by texting as a method of reaching out to your Ex for first contact after No Contact. Phone calls have the potential to get too emotional and unpredictable. Writing a letter is a little outdated and just carries a different kind of weight of importance to it.
Texting has the upside of being just informal enough not to be uncomfortable. It also allows you time to think about your responses and have his responses in written form. The only downside is reading too much into them really. but if we’re being honest, you’re gonna do that with anything you get.
I literally wrote a whole book on just this called the Texting Bible. You should check it out.
Sufficed to say, there is one thing you definitely shouldn’t do and that is GNATting.
GNAT stands for Going Nuts At Texting.
And let’s be honest, no one likes gnats.
Here’s an example of gnatting.
Whereas, this is what your texts are supposed to look like.
In order to get this to happen you have to get your ex to actually interact with you. That means that your first text should be so interesting and fascinating that it will be impossible for him not to respond.
You want to stay away from boring nonstarters like…
This seems like it’d be a good way to start a convo, but it is about as transparent as plastic wrap. Your ex knows what you want and he’s going to automatically put up a wall and fight the desire to talk to you. Either he won’t respond or he’ll respond with negatively. The conversation will peter out or turn sour quickly.
The best way to reach out is with something interesting like,
This allows your ex a chance to fill in the blank before you actually tell him your “confession.”
No, don’t confess your undying love for him. That’s a surefire way to end up blocked or worse.
You are going to confess that you are addicted to that show he kept trying to make you watch.
Or that you still have no idea what to do with the oil in your car. It open you up to asking him how to do it.
Or that you finally got the nerve up to ask for a raise or apply for that job you wanted.
Whatever it is, make sure it’s something HE is interested in, but that YOU can carry a conversation on about.
Post Contact: Keeping Your Exes Attention
One of my favorite things about contacting an ex is knowing when to play your cards close to your chest.
The downside of this is that when talking to your ex you are going to be so excited that you are talking to your ex that you can’t bring yourself to stop talking to your ex. The conversation will run into the ground.
If you’ve read anything from Ex Boyfriend Recovery before you know that men love mystery. Heck, you might just know that because… common sense.
The best way to cultivate this is to cut a good conversation short. in fact, the better the conversation, the more important it is that you cut it off!
It seem counter intuitive I know, but let’s look at it this way.
If you continue talking to him until the conversation just comes to an end, this is what the conversation will look like. It will end on a low.
Yeah, there’s a but.
If you end a conversation here, before it starts declining,
then the conversation ends at a high point. There is still potential for the conversation to get better, more interesting.
He gets done talking to you and he has the feeling that you have more to you that he hasn’t gotten to yet.
The other upside to this is that, as human beings, we can’t stand to leave things unfinished. He’ll want to talk to you and won’t know why because it feels like there is something unfinished left between the two of you. He will trick himself into thinking he not only NEEDS to talk to you, but that he WANTS to. Better yet he will thing that he LIKES talking to you.
Wrap It Up
Getting your ex to like you isn’t going to be difficult. It’s just a matter of actually doing what you know you should.
- No Contact – getting through No Contact with a positive image
- Contact – Reaching out – in the right way
- Post Contact – Following through with the right mindset
The best part is that you don’t have to do it alone. We have more than enough articles, books and coaches to help you be successful.