Hello, and welcome to another great episode of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery podcast.
Today we’re going to be talking about what to do if your intuition or your gut is telling you that your ex is going to come back. And how maybe, just maybe you shouldn’t ignore that.
But I would be remiss if I didn’t first introduce you to the ultimate starting point that I think everyone who’s even considering getting an ex back, or wanting to move on from an ex should start. And that’s by hopping over to our website at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com and taking our ex recovery chances quiz.
Now a little bit about the quiz, the quiz we designed in three parts, specifically to ask you probing questions about your relationships so that we can get to the bottom of taking those questions and then comparing them to the average situation that we see.
And how often those average situations get their ex’s back.
So it’s a great way of putting your answers through a sophisticated algorithm and spitting out a score, that’s an approximate idea of if you should be trying to get your ex back or if you should be trying to move on. So again, if you’re interested in taking that quiz, all you have to do is stop by our website, www.exboyfriendrecovery.com.
And all the information will be there on the homepage for you.
Should You Trust Your Intuition If Your Gut Is Telling You That Your Ex Will Come Back?
Okay. So intuition, if your gut feeling is telling you that your ex is going to come back, maybe you shouldn’t ignore it. So I’m a firm believer in logic and looking at reality, and the intuition side of things is almost the exact opposite of that.
Oftentimes you’ll hear from people who have their ex’s come back to them.
They’ll say something like, “I just had a feeling he would come back.” Or, “My gut is telling me this is not over. My gut is telling me I need to keep trying.”
And also you’ll have those people who say that, but they’re not looking at their situation in a clear manner. They really have no chance of getting their ex back.
Well, let’s look at intuition as a whole. And intuition by nature is a pseudo science. Often people will call it hocus-pocus, it’s sort of the psychic side of things. But let’s look at what is commonly referred to as women’s intuition.
Which is ironic because I think it’s usually men that are calling them… that are labeling it that way. So what does research indicate about intuition, specifically when it comes to women? Well, research has clearly shown that nonverbal communication skills within women as a group are better.
They’re better at reading facial expressions of emotions than men. They’re also seen as more empathic than men, and that they’re more likely to see themselves as more empathic. Therefore, they tend to be more open to others, emotional messages, nonverbal cues, things of that nature. Women seem to have a headstart on men.
The Main Difference Between Men, Women And Intuition
And I find this extremely fascinating and I think I’m a really, really good person to point this fact out, is the fact that I do have two websites. One for men, and one for women. Now the women’s website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery versus the men website, Ex Girlfriend Recovery.
The women’s website is obviously so much bigger because there’s not only more women out there searching for help, but it’s just the website I started first. So it’s obviously has more of my soul poured into it.
So that may be one of the reasons why it’s more successful.
But what’s interesting is I have a lot of data between how women act when they go through breakups and how men act when they go through breakups. And for the most part, the reactions are exactly the same. I mean breakups are one of the more stressful aspects when people are going through it in general.
So it’s not shocking to see men and women act the same way. But there are some really, really interesting differences that I noticed.
The first difference I noticed is that women actually struggle more of a starting things, right? They have a have a lot of struggle with creating a spark, sparking up a conversation, sparking up a relationship. Starting the rapport building to rebuild attraction and things of that nature.
Whereas men don’t really struggle with that. And my theory has always been that men, because they are… There’s this socially acceptable nature in which men, they’re basically the people or the person in the relationship that takes the lead. It’s socially acceptable for that. So by nature it seems normal for them. Women necessarily aren’t.
Now what’s interesting though is the opposite is true when it comes to keeping things started, right? So men tend to struggle not with starting things up, not with starting a conversation or starting the attraction building process. They struggle with keeping their ex’s interested.
They struggle with keeping things going, so to speak. Now, what does that tell us about intuition? Well, I’m not really sure it tells us much to be honest with you. Other than the fact that when it comes to starting things up with an ex, women seem to have a clear disadvantage, right?
But maybe, I guess the point of why I’m trying to explain this to you very, very poorly if I might add. Is that maybe men struggle more with keeping things started because they aren’t as adept at reading nonverbal communication skills.
They’re not as adept at reading between the lines which women seem to specialize in. And maybe that specialization, the nonverbal communication skills, the empathic side of them allows women’s intuition to be stronger, which allows them to keep things started much more adeptly than men.
But when it comes to intuition, I think it’s kind of impossible to ignore the fact of statistically, what does the average sort of thing happen when it comes to breakups? How often do ex’s try to get back together? How often are ex’s thinking about their partners? How often are they staying friends? Well, it just so happens for this particular podcast episode. I wanted to do just that. So I went through and found some very, very reputable sources and looked at how on point women’s intuition was when it came to breakups.
What Do Statistics Say About Your Overall Chances With Your Ex?
So here’s the first thing that stuck out to me. NBC did a poll maybe 10, 15 years ago where they surveyed people and asked them, “Well, how often have you stayed friends with their ex?” And 48% of people that they surveyed had said, “Yeah. I have stayed friends with my ex.”
While 18% of people said, “Well, I tried to stay friends with my ex, but it didn’t work out.” So if you’re actually doing the math, that means after a breakup there’s a 66… According to NBC at least, there’s a 66% chance that your ex is going to be open to staying friends with you.
And what’s interesting is maybe the intuition a lot of women have is also from the fact that research has clearly pointed out that staying friends with an ex, usually only ends in one of two ways. Now I say usually because there are always outliers to it, but usually ends with a reconnection or another sort of break of the friendship.
Now here’s the other interesting thing. YourTango, the website YourTango, also did a poll a few years ago where they asked their readers, “Well, how often do you guys think about your ex?” And 71% of people said that they thought about their exes too much. And one of my favorite studies, I think that was done maybe in 2014 or 2015, is We TV did a poll, where they asked their exes, “Well, how many times have you guys actually gotten back together?” And 41% of people admitted that getting back together with an ex happened in their lives.
So when people or women… When I hear women saying, “Yeah. I have this intuition, my gut is telling me he’s going to come back.” Statistically the statistics are on your side. Now I’m always really quick to point out that these polls don’t exactly measure the thing that we really want measured is, how often do ex’s get back together?
Well, one thing I do have tons of measurement on are our success rates. And I am very, very candid about them because I like to be honest with people.
A lot of people actually believe the odds are stacked against them. And that’s kind of true. But one thing we have made clear so far, at least I hope I’ve made clear in the research portion of this sort of podcast episode, is that a lot of people try to be friends with their ex. A lot of people think about their ex’s too much. And even though it’s not a… Even though it seems kind of low, 41% of people have admitted to getting back together with an ex.
So at the very least your ex is probably open to talking and being friends. But what does a success rate look like when you’re actually attempting to get your ex back and you’re using the strategies that we teach?
So over the course of, I think this year maybe we haven’t had that many, but we’ve taken on… I’ve been injured for most of this year, so most of them this year has been me trying to recover from three surgeries. I don’t know if I opened up on the podcast and told anyone that, but that’s what’s been going on with me. But anyways, over the course of this year, we’ve taken on 10 high value clients.
Now these are clients that are not normal. And what I mean by that is, normally we do one-on-one coaching sessions over the phone. We usually do an hour, to an hour and a half. But for people who pay top, top, top dollar that we’ve been working with for months and months and much months, we’re responding to all of their messages all the time, we’re holding their hand throughout the entire process.
For those people, we estimate… Not estimate, seven out of the 10 have gotten their ex’s back, right? So that’s, if you are trying to get your ex’s back, the odds are actually better than you think. So that still kind of skirts the issue of intuition and what I personally believe about intuition. Now, one thing I’ve tried to move Ex Boyfriend Recovery towards or the ex Recovery program, or any of my little relationship empire towards is this idea of logic, and how we’re going to make informed decisions based on logic.
Intuition Vs. Logic
Well, here’s the funny thing.
Intuition is the exact opposite of logic, isn’t it? I mean if you were to add it, or look at it as a spectrum, intuition would be on one end and the logic would be on the other end.
They just sort of don’t coincide. But what’s interesting I find is that I can’t tell you how often that the people who have success in winning their ex’s back, assuming that’s what they want to do. Well, will say something along the lines of, “I don’t know why I said that.” Or, “I don’t know why I did that. I just felt that it would work.” Or, “I can’t really explain to you Chris, why I said this certain text to him that sort of sent him off in a positive way. I just felt that it would work.”
So I think there is a time for intuition.
I think there is a time for trusting your gut, but I think the ultimate goal should be for everyone who’s going through this process is to try to trust your gut in a logical way. So it’s kind of like finding a balance between both logic and intuition.
And oftentimes I think everyone is connected to their intuition, but often they don’t label it as intuition.
We’ll say, “It just felt right.”
Well sometimes, and this is especially true when you’re reconnecting with your ex, you’re talking to them again and you’re trying to rebuild connection with them, or attraction with them. That’s like I said, where most women shine.
And I think they shine because they are able to trust their gut. Whereas men have maybe a little bit of a harder time because they don’t have that honed in intuition. They’re not great at picking up nonverbal cues.
They’re not even great at picking up texting cues or things of that nature, where I can’t tell you how often women in our private Facebook support group are literally dissecting everything that their ex is sending them through a text message.
And trying to understand it and they’re getting all sorts of views from all sorts of other women, and a few men as well. So I think trusting your gut is an important thing to do once you are in the proper place.
Now what do I mean by that? The proper place? Well, the worst thing… The biggest mistake that I see people making always happens around the no contact rule. They’re either breaking it too early or finding an excuse to break it early. So I think what’s important is at the beginning you just almost want to be clinically logical, right?
Because you do not want to break the no contact rule for a trivial reason. But after the no contact rules over, after you feel like you’re in a better place emotionally and you do start talking to your ex again. And you get into a conversation if you feel the flow is right. I think it’s okay to trust your gut sometimes.
I’m always saying adaptation is the one thing that I’ve seen successful people do, that unsuccessful people don’t do. Unsuccessful people are too book wormish. I know that’s a horrible thing to say, but they don’t allow conversations to unfold organically.
And I think that’s more of an intuition or gut type of a feeling.
So if you’re sitting there and you feel, “I feel like he is going to come back.” I think it might be okay to trust your gut.
Don’t ignore it.