By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 23rd, 2021

Today we’re going to talk about the 7 signs that indicate your ex is miserable without you.

At ExBoyfriend Recovery, perhaps one of the greatest things about having an audience and a message that works is that we see a variety of success stories. We get to see how our strategies work on specific types of exes.

Therefore, we meet and know a lot about the exes who are miserable without their former partner. So, today, I would like to give you 7 real life signs that we have noticed about exes who are miserable without you.

Here are the 7 signs:

  1. They Glorify the High Points of the Relationships
  2. Their Fatal Flaw is Being “Stubborn”
  3. They Envy Your Successes
  4. They Can’t Stop “Rebounding” After a Long-Term Relationship with You
  5. They Increase their Contact with You Significantly
  6. They Act Sad On Social Media
  7. They Become a Hermit

Now, let’s jump right in and talk about the details of each of these signs.

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Sign #1: They Glorify the High Points of the Relationships

When you communicate with an ex, it’s likely that the tone, topic, and mood of the conversation will vary each time. Sometimes your ex will act kind of standoffish or indifferent about talking to you. Sometimes they will be incredibly excited to talk to you.

An ex that is extremely miserable without you will often talking positively about your relationship – in other words, they will glorify the high points of your relationship.

Now, what makes this interesting is HOW they glorify the high points.

A miserable without you ex will constantly bring up moments when you enjoyed each other’s company or did something fun together in conversation. They will say things like,

“hey, do you remember that time when we did this thing? ”


“hey do you remember that time when we did that thing?”.

They will talk about how fun a memory was and how you should do it again someday.

This is perfect example of someone who glorifies the high points of the relationship. This ex is spending a lot of time thinking about the positive parts of your relationship in their free time, so they can’t help mentioning it when they communicate with you. It’s one of the first signs that we see when it comes to exes who are miserable without you.

Sign #2: Their Fatal Flaw Is Being Too Stubborn

Often an ex who is miserable without you has a fatal flaw – they are extremely stubborn.

Let’s be honest, you are clearly the source of their misery, because they are no longer in a relationship with you.

Yet, they are too stubborn to let you know they are missing you. Some men are so stubborn that they view any kind of concession – like admitting they were wrong for breaking up with you in the first place – as a weakness.

This type of ex may not be willing to change their mind, despite their own suffering without you, without a good reason.

This is exactly why their stubbornness is a fatal flaw and the source of their misery.

So, what is the fix here?

Well, ideally, your stubborn ex would just stop being stubborn and admit they miss you and want to get back together. But that never happens, because most of the time the exes who are extremely miserable are too stubborn to make things right.

Sign #3: They Envy Your Success

On our websites, one of the big ideas that we encourage women to do is to become what we call “ungettable”.

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Essentially, what becoming ungettable means is that a woman embodies what every man wants, but no man can get.

I’ve even talked about it in quite a few videos,

There are a lot of ideas, strategies, and philosophies about how a woman can become ungettable. One simple philosophy is just to create success in every aspect of your life – from your health to your wealth to your relationships with friends, family, and lovers.

We have noticed an amazing thing occur when we explain how to become ungettable to our clients and they then succeed in some way, shape, or form at becoming ungettable — their exes actually start to take notice and envy their success.

So, how do you know your ex is envying your success?

Well, quite frankly, it happens a lot on social media. Let’s say you get a big promotion at work and you post the news on social media. Then the first person to comment and like the photo is your ex. Let’s say you are super excited because you had this amazing workout and you posted this incredibly sexy picture of you working out. Then your ex is the first to comment, like, and say something. If you notice this pattern going on time and time again, it is a good sign that your ex is envying your success and they feel like they are missing out. It’s also a great sign that they are thinking a lot about you and are probably a little miserable without you.

Sign #4: They Can’t Stop Rebounding After Your Relationship

Now, I think the key words here are “long-term relationship”. If you and your ex recently ended a long-term relationship, and he’s had three or four new girlfriends that he’s slept with since, this is actually a huge sign that shows he is miserable without you.

Now, why would he be miserable?

He’s dating all these new girls and maybe even sleeping with them. Well, in truth, it’s because he has not found someone he wants to settle down with since your relationship. So, he’s just going from rebound to rebound to rebound, in an attempt to replace or distract himself from these feelings of despair since your breakup.

Now, if you’re sitting there and calling BS, I want you to sit back and listen to what I’m about to say.

The ExRecovery Team and I don’t just coach women trying to get their exes back or trying to move on from their exes, we also coach men who are trying to do the same thing.

And, what’s interesting is that many of our male clients share the common behavior of dating to distract themselves after a long-term relationship breakup.

We even had a few male clients admit they’ve slept with other people just to avoid dealing with their feelings. So, if you’re sitting there and thinking there’s no way that your ex could rebound in this way, we’ve seen it time and time again.

Trust us, if your ex is constantly going on the rebound, it could be a sign that he’s miserable without you.

Sign #5: They Increase Their Contact With You Significantly

This sign is self-explanatory, but I’ll share a few examples that you may be experiencing. Let’s say you go through a breakup and you’re not communicating with each other. Maybe you are implementing something like the “No Contact Rule”, per our advice. But, after that ends, your ex reaches out to you more and more. Before you know it, hearing from your ex becomes this consistent thing.

You start to notice not only the frequency, but the intensity of the conversation with your ex increasing.

Well, why would this be a sign that your ex is miserable without you? Well, think of the cause and effect chain that’s happening. If being away from you is making your ex miserable, then it stands to reason they are going to try to slowly but surely find a way to stop the misery. A lot of times this starts with simple communication that increases over time.

If your ex is texting you, calling you, or commenting often on your Facebook, SnapChat, or Instagram posts, it’s a sign he may be miserable without you. If you see an increase not only in the frequency, but the intensity of your ex’s communication, it’s a sign that your ex is not only miserable without you, but they are likely interested in you.

Sign #6: They Act Sad On Social Media

By now we have all seen that extremely hilarious meme about how men and women handle breakups.

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At first, after a breakup, most women are extremely sad and depressed. But soon they blossom into the beautiful butterfly they were intended to be.

Men, on the other hand, are extremely excited and happy after a breakup. They think, “Yay! Ding dong the witch is dead!”.

That is, until some time has passed, and they become a depressed caterpillar.

I know, that’s kind of a weird analogy.

But perhaps the most hilarious part about the meme is the truth behind it. Yes, women often come to us immediately after their breakup. They are distraught. They are depressed. They are sad and angry. They feel all the emotions you could possibly imagine. Then, by working with us, they often blossom into a new person or feel like they moved past the breakup. Their exes, on the other hand, often experience the exact opposite.

You can often see this metamorphosis on social media sites, like Facebook.

Here’s a real-life example. Let’s say that one day you look at your ex and he’s looking pretty good. Then a few months go by and he’s gained all sorts of weight. He’s drinking and looking extremely depressed. He’s making all these mopey comments on social media about songs that have some kind of hidden meaning related to your relationship. These are great examples of men who are miserable after the breakup.

Sign #7: They Become A Hermit

Now this entire article has essentially been a masterclass on manipulation – manipulation of feelings, specifically. Now, what I do I mean by that? Well, so far, we’ve talked about your ex and the signs we often see that indicate they are miserable without you. But, like us, have you noticed the pattern?

Your ex has an extraordinary ability to distract himself or herself from their feelings for you.

It’s true that everyone responds differently to a breakup, but we have noticed that all exes who are miserable without their partner seek distraction from the pain. Some exes will eat. Some will drink. Some will rebound and sleep with a bunch of people. But, without a doubt the most common type of distraction a miserable ex will use is to withdraw and become what we’ll call a hermit.

This ex will suddenly go from being active and social to doing almost nothing. They will start to focus more inward and spend more time alone. So, if your extremely extroverted ex suddenly becomes more introverted or they have a complete change in behavior, it’s not only likely they are turning into a hermit, but it’s also an excellent sign they are extremely miserable without you.

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13 thoughts on “Signs That Your Ex Is Miserable”

  1. Kcm

    February 12, 2020 at 1:53 pm

    Hey, I’m really struggling because I want to implement the no contact as I’m finding it easier to move on and be that UNgettable girl, but my ex keeps contacting me… he gives very conflicting messages and sometimes feels like it isn’t a clean break… problem is I still live in our shared flat and he’s still paying the rent whilst no being here… so if Ignored him completely for no contact he might get angry and not pay the rent!!! I’m feeling stuck and can’t afford it alone… he also says he’s going through a phase of needing to be alone as he’s got so much external pressure… I’m so confused about his real intentions! Whether he’s giving himself time to get used to being without me or will miss me! He hasn’t moved out any stuff at all! And keeps reminiscing 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 10:01 pm

      Hey Kcm so as long as you are in contact about the flat and important information that needs to be shared you no contact him the rest of the time. If he reaches out to you about anything other than the flat then you ignore him for 30 days. IF he wants to be alone, let him have that space. In which you can owrk on yourself, look for else where to live and let him feel that he is actually going to lose you.

  2. C

    February 5, 2020 at 9:52 am

    Hi Chris,

    It’s been 54 days since my ex broke up with me. We were engaged. Ive been his longest relationship to date. He is an extremely stubborn guy. He’s been in a bad depression spell and also some ptsd after getting shot 6 months before. He stated he needed to be alone and had no place or time in his life for a relationship. Also, that there is someone suited for me out there who can give me what I deserve, and that he wasn’t that man. And that he made up his mind and told me to move on with my life. I started no contact immediately after accepting the breakup gracefully. No begging, no contact of any kind. However, I did initially block him on WhatsApp and Facebook during the first 2 weeks to just find my footing. I was really hurt, but he never saw any of this. 3 weeks post breakup I noticed that he was watching me on WhatsApp. Same time every evening. This is the time I usually chat with one of my girlfriends and it would go on for an hour, maybe more. My thoughts were that it was good, cause it would create some jealousy. And I think it did. 2 weeks later I got a text from him telling me that he wanted his backpack asap. I didn’t reply, i just couriered it to him immediately. He signed for it 2 days later. No confirmation, no feedback whatsoever. I’ve been maintaining a healthy, happy, fun Facebook wall. Nobody would be able to pick up that I’m not that chirpy. No sad posts, remarks, nothing of the sort. This morning I noticed that he has now blocked me on WhatsApp and fb… What gives? Why now? My gut is telling me this is an emotional act, why else bother doing it anyway? You’ve been seeing me through the past 2 months btw… thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 9:49 am

      Hey C, you are right usually being blocked is an emotional reaction so something they seen would have made them feel the need to block you for some time. Keep working on yourself and work on becoming Ungettable. I think you will find that your ex will unblock you eventually

  3. Stuart Thompson

    January 30, 2020 at 4:42 pm

    Need big help with this one. So my ex just broke up with me as we apparently didnt have the same passion for working (ive been unemployed 1 year as a psych grad finding it hard to get in anywhere). So I started no contact, to which she spam video called me and asked why I was ignoring her. I caved and sent one message saying i was respecting her decisions and taking time to heal myself. Well today I broke it again, a friend saw it on tinder and my heart broke again so I questioned how quickly she returned to it, she told me it was only to check if i was on it (which i have no intention of ever again). Following that I repeated what i said and this time she replied with, she didnt want the separation, she still loves me, she only did it to give me time to look for a job because apparently ive been going nowhere the past few months weve been together becasue we’re too busy seeing each-other and shes a distraction. Now her claims are invalid as since being with her ive applied for more than ever in an attempt to start saving for a house and future and Ive had more interviews in this period with her, what do I say to her or do I just ignore her leave it on read and continue no contact. Never had a weird limbo breakup like this were they think theyre the issue

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 12, 2020 at 9:07 pm

      Hey Stuart, so even though you can see the progress you are making financially for yourself and going to interviews, some people can not see past the fact of “you don’t have a job”. However I know how hard it can be to get a job in the career path you want after being in college/University. Following and sticking to a No contact is going to show her you are not allowing her to treat you the way she has recently. While focusing on yourself and working on your career path is going to show her that she has made a mistake letting you go as you have been working towards your goal

  4. Annali

    January 26, 2020 at 9:22 pm

    My ex and I were together for six months. We loved each other with everything and planned on having a future together. He broke up with me, but says he still loves me. He broke up with me but also called it a personal break. I was not desperate during the breakup and told him I understood. I implemented no contact and he started messaging me on the third day. He said he was worried and NEEDED to know if I was ok. I told him I’m ok and agree with a break. He than kept trying to stay in contact with me, and trying to start conversations with me. I just said, “sorry, I’m hanging with some friends” he said it was alright and that was just yesterday. He obviously is struggling with me not talking to him, but idk what to do now. Should I continue no contact or talk to him?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 31, 2020 at 11:21 pm

      Hey Annali so you need to re start No Contact as the fact you replied telling him you were with friends is replying. The point of No Contact is you do not reply to anything that they say to you, and you do not reach out to them for 30 days straight.

  5. K

    January 26, 2020 at 9:47 am


    My bf of 7 years broke up with me 1 month ago and is currently dating another. I tried no contact once and broke it prematurely. Ended up getting half blocked on whatsapp because it is causing distress to his new gf that I am still in contact with him. I am still in contact with his mum cause we bonded quite well over the past 7 years and she state that he changed so much and ignore their advices… I have tried no contact again but now I am just lost cause I just know that he brought her back to his extended family gathering and introduce her. Does this means I have lost all my chances ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 28, 2020 at 9:52 pm

      Hi K, so you need to go into a no contact, including the family. Show him that you are taking a step back. Giving it 45 days no contact where you work on yourself, and then reach out to your ex following the being there method

  6. anon

    January 24, 2020 at 4:31 am

    Mine has put on a lot of weight and lost hair.
    But I’m still blocked and he hasn’t said a word.

  7. Niamh

    January 22, 2020 at 8:56 pm

    Hi Chris,

    My boyfriend and I were together 9 months but we were so in love and often talked about the future. He broke up with me (with little warning) 3 weeks ago. He was crying during the breakup, apologising, said he loved me and he tried to make it work but he couldn’t. He messaged me that evening and the next 2 days but since then we haven’t spoken (I think he assumed I would text him but I didn’t) it’s now been about 3 weeks of no contact but just last week he texted my best friend asking how I was, said he has been doubting his decision but he knows it’s for the best. He said he didn’t want to text me because he didn’t want to annoy me. I would love to find out what he’s really thinking, should I contact him again or wait for him to contact me? Is there a chance we could get back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 23, 2020 at 10:02 am

      Hey Niamh it is showing that no contact is working hes missing you and with you not replying to him he also thinks he is losing you. Keep with it and hopefully he will make the decision to come back before your nc ends. If not then make sure you work on being ungettable and reach out to him at the end of your 30 days