Question: Who do you think the best person to listen to is when it comes to getting your ex back if you are a single mother and share that child with your ex?

Is it me, Chris Seiter, a man who has never been a single mother?

( I am a man, hello?)

Or is it a woman who is a single mother who has successfully gotten her ex back?

I don’t think it takes rocket science to figure this one out.

Now, some of you may remember Shauna who I conducted an interview with a few weeks ago. Well, she was kind enough to write a post on her experience for you guys.

In other words, this is what worked for her to get her ex back!

Getting your ex back when you have children together is going to be emotionally challenging as there is more than just the two of you involved,

You have to focus on your children too…

When you become a mother there is truly no better job. It is rewarding in many ways but what no one tells you about becoming a single mother is that it can be challenging, exhausting, lonely and just plain hard.

Now, when it comes to your ex your biggest advantage is that you have already been a family and you probably know him better than most people do.

Ultimately, the end goal here is to make his life as difficult as possible without you and your children.

You truly want to make him regret leaving you.

And in order to do that you have to make some positive changes to yourself and execute some tough actions to make him see you as everything he actually wants.

Limited No Contact

The first step towards making your ex regret his decision to leave you and your children is to implement a period of limited contact.

Now, what is limited contact?

I am so glad you asked,

It means you literally only speak to him about your children, regarding their health, pick up and drop off times or if there is some type of emergency. Basically you are only talking to him about the children and nothing else.

A lot of people think that because they are in a limited contact period they should be messaging their ex about what they’re doing with the children today.

Wrong!

All that will accomplish is making him think that he is still a part of your life and often times men won’t take the actions that you want them to take if they are comfortable.

Remember what I said at the beginning of the article?

About how it’s important that he feels miserable without you?

But don’t forget that the limited contact is for you as well as him; it lets him miss you and the children and also gives him time to realize what he has lost.

In addition, it lets you grow too, heal from the break up, focus on yourself and what you need to do to make yourself happy again without him.

That’s a scary notion, isn’t it?

Being happy without him.

Actually, being happy without him in your life is real progress to becoming what I like to call an ungettable girl.

But don’t let the simplicity of “limited contact” fool you.

It’s going to be tough; you have to be hard on yourself to not reply to any messages that don’t involve your children.

Limit what you’re willing to discuss with him, he isn’t in your life anymore and he’s about to become a part time parent in your child’s lives too.

By limiting information he will begin to feel like he is missing out.

Don’t forget, you have an advantage here of him missing your family life, he just lost sight of that when you broke up and was hurt or angry.

Now, this brings up an interesting question.

How long should the “limited no contact period” be for?

How Long Should The Limited No Contact Be?

Generally speaking, there are three time frames that are acceptable for LC (limited contact,)

  1. The 21 Day Rule
  2. The 30 Day Rule
  3. The 45 Day Rule

How long you choose to stay in limited contact is up to you but as a baseline I would recommend starting for around 30 days.

And remember, this no contact period is best time to work on you,

Work out and focus on yourself!

Try and remember what you enjoyed doing before you met him!

Generally when you get into a relationship you change, but when you have children with that person, you change even more; it becomes your whole world.

The biggest mistake I made when I became a mother is I stopped being everything else.

  • I wasn’t a girlfriend
  • I wasn’t a care free/fun person
  • I focused solely on my children and their needs.

I neglected my relationships with my family, partner, friends, even my own needs.

It’s ok to pamper, treat and love yourself again. Do the things you enjoyed doing before you had the children. Focus on the relationships around you, friends, family and your bond with your children.

They will be hurting too!

Now, the best part of this limited contact is that it forces you to become this independent, strong and confident single mother who handles her life all by herself.

There is something so empowering knowing you’re doing it all without him. It feels like you’ve grown so much more than when you were almost relying on him, even if it was only emotionally.

If you can reach a point where your life is just fine without him and you and your children are happy, then that means you’re doing it right.

Limited Contact – What To Do When He’s Around

Having children with your ex means you undoubtably will have to see him from time to time. Try not to allow it to be too often, remember, he needs to miss the children and you for him to value you all again.

When he comes to pick up the children or drop them off I want you to go out of your way to make sure that you always look good, happy and like you’re about to go somewhere.

This will give him the impression that you’re doing just fine and that you are moving on with your life.

I know…

I know…

It feels unnatural to let your ex think you’re happier without them, but it makes them worry and question what is making you so much happier without them.

And if you can do that they will begin to rethink their reasoning for why they left in the first place.

Now, I am going to get controversial here for a second.

When we become mothers, some of us do let ourselves go slightly due to the baby taking up so much of our time, being exhausted and let’s not forget to mention if you have a less than helpful family or partner.

In these cases it’s even harder to look good and feel good. But you need to force yourself; it makes a world of difference to your self-esteem and confidence.

When he does speak to you, control yourself.

There is no need for talk about your previous relationship and do your best to steer clear of any emotional talk and certainly no tears.

I want you to appear to be happy and civil, you do not answer to him so there is no need to tell him where you’re going, if you’ve dated or who you’re with…

But let’s say that he does confront you.

Let’s say that he asks you,

“Hey (insert name) where are you going?”

The simple answer you should give him is “Oh I’m just going out for the day”, he does not need to know any more than that.

If you don’t show yourself respect he won’t show any either.

Just because you want this man back, it does not make you his doormat, so do not bend over backwards to please him, stand your ground and be firm with what you agree and expect from him as the father of your children, including financial help.

It won’t push him away from coming back; it just sets the record straight that he must provide for his child and just because he’s not living in the family home anymore doesn’t mean he doesn’t mean he shouldn’t help take care of them.

(Now, if he refuses to provide for the children, given that he will probably have them less than 3 nights a week then seek legal advice in your local area.)

Go On A Date With Someone Else

After having children with someone, moving on and dating someone new will feel very strange to you. After all, you’ve had this person in your life for a long time and have probably gone through some special moments.

So, inviting someone new into your life is a big step for some women.

Remember you’re not dating to find the next love of your life; you’re doing it to meet new people, help you to heal and move on from the break up.

And make no mistake about it, if your ex finds out that you’ve dated someone else then he isn’t going to be happy about it. Most likely, he will have a reaction and his mind will go into over drive.

Even if he shows it or not he’s probably not going to like you dating someone new.

This new man has the chance of eventually meeting his children.

No man wants to be replaced…

And you’ll be surprised at how a man will react when he thinks he can be.

Now, when you have children it is harder to date and socialize if you don’t have anyone to depend on to look after the children now and again, but you need to make the most of your alone time when they’re with their father.

In other words, the correct play is to let your ex watch the kids as you go out on a date.

This will further hit home on the fact that he can be replaced and it will force him to take a good hard look at his decision.

I forced myself to go on a few dates during my break up, I met three new men, each different than the last.

The goal was to heal from the break up. And it truly worked. It changed my attitude towards my ex straight away and I stopped looking at him and longing for him.

I thought ok I love you, but I am doing just fine without you now.

That change in attitude obviously worked as he soon had a big change in his attitude and the way he was with me.

The Ungettable Mamma

As I mentioned before, it is pretty common for mothers to let themselves go slightly when they have children.

I mean, we’re busy ladies after all with the house work, children to take care of, working on our careers, teachers, nurses, cleaners, cooks… you get the idea. We are on call 24/7 and for those of us who have small babies, it can actually be through the night.

If you’re children are anything like mine, it feels like they never sleep.

(Note From Chris: As I was interviewing Shauna for a podcast episode a couple of weeks ago. Her kids interrupted her several times as they were supposed to be asleep. This woman isn’t kidding.)

So the best thing for you is to make a list of things you want for yourself, whether it be to lose weight, change your career, finish an art project, anything that makes you happy and is an interest of yours.

For me it was the way I looked,

  • I started working out
  • I bought some new make-up
  • Got my hair done.

It made a world of difference instantly and then working out became something I did when I needed to pick myself up from the break up.

Find something that makes you forget your pain even if it’s only for a few hours.

The Children

One thing that people seem to forget in a break up is that the children are actually losing one of their parents in the family home…

For babies, yes, it will have less of an affect, but for toddlers and older it is hard for them to adjust to the new situation. So you have to focus and find your inner strength to keep going and make sure they are properly cared for.

Your heart may be broken, but they are confused, they don’t understand why one of their parents have left them and why they suddenly aren’t around anymore. So, you do have to try and keep their lives as normal as possible.

As a single mother, the best thing you can do is set order into your life, have a schedule and always plan your days to keep your little ones busy.

If they’re old enough to understand what is going on be honest with them, there is no point hiding the truth from them.

Also the happier and more in control of the situation you are, the better you look in your ex-partners eyes, and if you are sending upset and hurt children to him then he feels like you’re tuning them against him. Whereas if you create a happy loving fun home for them, they’ll be happy to go and return.

I have a baby and a four year old, the baby when my partner first left didn’t want to go to him, he couldn’t get him to sleep at night. I remember at the very beginning I had him calling me saying,

“I can’t calm him down, he’s been crying for hours. Please help me”.

I had to drive 35 minutes to help him settle and calm our baby to sleep.

At first my four year old was happy to go as he was seeing it as a sleep over, but after a few weeks of me sorting myself out and focusing in my children and what made them feel better, my eldest son stopped wanting to go. He would as if he could go to see his dad but come home at night time.

My point here is, make sure your children feel safe, secure and that you are there for them, if they see you falling apart crying and having an attitude of, ‘I can’t do this without him’.

They will sense it and they will lose the confidence in you as their parent and safe place.

71 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them”

  1. Avatar

    AJ

    June 18, 2019 at 12:00 pm

    My partner of 4 years left 3 months ago. We have a 3 year old together. He tells me he loves me and always will, that seeing me upset upsets him, that he doesn’t want to pretend that he hates me when he sees me… but claims we can’t be together. He thinks people can not change.

    I suffered PND for a long time after my daughter was born. We tried for 2 and half years to have baby #2 and because it didn’t happen I sunk deeper into depression. I have only just recently sought help for myself mentally and am feeling a lot better. However I understand that I put a lot of pressure on him as well.

    He is very stubborn and said he can not be together… I know we are both not perfect, but we share an incredible bond, he is a great father but I just can’t shake this pain. I love him so much and want my family back…. Please, please give me some insight because my heart breaks day in and day out.

  2. Avatar

    Kel

    May 29, 2019 at 5:12 pm

    My ex left me & our 2 sons nearly 3 months ago to be with someone else, who has an 18 month old, he moved straight in with her, introduced our boys to her in the first week, so they could tell me, I was devastated for my boys. Anyway he started drinking(hasn’t drank for 10 years), got matching tattoos with her but 2 days ago he messages my private account on YouTube(yes I have a YouTube channel, not famous yet though) he sent a soppy song and messages I was his life and he was sorry, the next day he deleted the messages, left the song and after I asked him if my life with him was a lie he replied it wasn’t a lie and he did love me but time broke it. As you can imagine I’m heartbroken, we’ve been together 11 years and I can’t seem to move on because to be honest I just want him back. I also think he may be going through some mental episode, drink makes him a very angry person and he knows I won’t entertain him when he drinks so do you think he’s staying with this woman to punish me, maybe he thinks I stopped him partying when we were together and she doesn’t care enough to help him. Do you think he will see sense and come back to us?

  3. Avatar

    Unsure

    May 21, 2019 at 11:45 am

    My husband and I have been together for three years. We got married nearly two years ago and we were planning for kids in the future but I got pregnant 6 weeks after we got married. We had a hard time adjusting to the thought of a pending addition to the family as we both had a lot of financial situations to clear. Which added some pressure to our marriage. Shortly after our daughter was born I had postnatal depression and I was not aware of it till later but I tended to take it out on him. He embarked on two affairs which I found out about when our daughter was about three months old. He blamed me and I took the blame. From there a series of different events and struggles lead to me asking him to leave home. It wasn’t what I wanted but we just weren’t on the same page anymore. Unfortunately I’ve been the worse emotional wreck possible, where he has been cool, calm and collected. Asking him to come home, talking to him, not talking to him. The problem was that I didn’t actually have another vent for any of my feelings either. For the past two weeks following a massive argument I will only text him in regards to our child, arrangements, if she’s unwell and sometimes when we are off he asks for updates on her.
    Ultimately I do want my husband to come home but I have no idea what I am doing most days. This is my second marriage and I did not enter into it lightly. I don’t have any additional support and I hate lugging my child back and forth.
    I try to not text him outside of any contact he makes with me unless it’s a picture of our child as if I don’t send them he asks anyway. But I’m not sure what I should be doing here.

  4. Avatar

    Bella

    May 20, 2019 at 10:49 am

    So I just started NC today and this morning he text me good luck as im starting working new job.. do i reply and say thank you or just ignore it.. I have to see him this weekend to drop off our daughter but then go to work.. do i still continue to ignore him if he asks about me or how my new job has been going?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 20, 2019 at 2:49 pm

      I think you stick with the NC Bella, though there are exceptions to when you should break it and reach out. I get into all of that in my eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book”. Every situation is unique and the NC period will be different for each. So give it some more time and if you have not done so already, pick up my Program (EBR Pro Bundle) as it dives into a lot of the details.

  5. Avatar

    Bella

    May 12, 2019 at 8:54 am

    Hi, so me and my boyfriend have been together for 9 years. We have a 3yr old together and we have been having problems as I dont pay much attention to him anymore as I’m either busy studying or trying to work to get money for bills as I am a student and he is only working part time. We started having problems in December and I tried all i could to make it work but it still wasn’t enough. He just told me recently that he doesnt love me the same anymore but doesnt want us to end on bad terms. I dont want to loose him especially when I’m almost finished my course and can start to relax, but i feel its a little too late. Oh and i should mention he did cheat on me (before we had our child) and i forgave him, but he could never forgive himself, especially since the person he cheated with was my brothers gf who are still together snd have their own children. Any help or suggestions?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 12, 2019 at 3:35 pm

      HI Bella….perhaps a brief break from each other may help him realize how much he really values. The power of time and space can have a positive effect on a relationship, particularly if you are doing things to showcase and reinforce your value. Checkout my Program, EBR Pro Bundle, to learn more!

  6. Avatar

    Em

    May 5, 2019 at 11:33 pm

    Hi Chris, me and my partner were together 2 years, we have a 1 year old son, we broke up 2 months ago after a messy argument, he’s been so cocky with me since, saying things he know will hurt my feelings, telling me off when I don’t message his mum back, I feel lost like I want him to love me, but he’s showing no signs of coming back, I don’t know what to do I just can’t seem to get over him.

  7. Avatar

    Deisy Covarrubiaas

    May 3, 2019 at 7:49 am

    I’m struggling. I was with my daughters dad since I was 17 (I’m now 23). We started dating and on our 4th year had our baby. When I was pregnant he was constantly going out without me and texting many girls in a flirtatious manner. This went on until my daughter was 2 and a half when I finally decided to leave him. He didn’t even try to stop me. After our break up he continued to try to hang out and hook up as if we would get back together. I held on to my pain and completely shut him out . We stayed broken up for over a year and eventually I met someone amazing and we started to date. He met my daughter and was amazing with her. When my ex found out, he made it so difficult because he wanted to fight my new guy and he would just insult me for “giving up on our family”. Everyone was constantly telling me how much of a mess he was and how he was so heartbroken. One night he poured his heart out to me and when I denied him 2 weeks later he was in a relationship with a girl he met while we were living together. A few weeks passed and we decided to try again . I felt somewhat pressured because being together makes it easier for our daughter, and just the whole family dynamic. But the thing is now I’m struggling to love him. I miss my ex guy that i dated after him so much and I feel like I’m supposed to be with my daughters dad mainly because we share a child together. No matter how much he is telling me all these nice things and wanting me to spend time with him. I have a weird feeling about wanting to avoid him. And I constantly compare my daughters dad to my ex guy I dated after him. I’m so lost and I’m scared to fall back to the cycle with my daughters dad to how he would treat me however he wanted and would constantly emotionally cheat on me. I see he’s trying now but I find it hard to feel the same emotions he says he feels for me..

  8. Avatar

    Survivor

    March 20, 2019 at 2:25 pm

    Hi, I’m 22,I’ve been togheter with my person for over 5 years, and been living togheter for over 3,we have a child of 2 years and half..
    It’s been a month and a half since he decided to go back to his parents house, because he felt like we were staying togheter just for the baby, and we didn’t actually have real conversations.
    We hear and see eachother everyday for the baby but even after a month passed it seems like he just doesn’t want to come back.. I’ve tried the limited no contact and I tried to do everything you suggested on this article but I just don’t know how to go on..
    He’s a hard head and when he gets a decision he never looks back, what can I do

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      March 21, 2019 at 2:02 am

      Then it will be his loss. Sometimes hard headed guys eventually get it and when the don’t, then you always have other paths to explore.

  9. Avatar

    Des.

    September 2, 2018 at 4:33 am

    So my person and I broke up on the 10th of Aug. I’ve known him since I was 15. I’m now 22 and 7 months pregnant. I really Miss him so much. On the 14 he apologize to me. Then on the 25 he ask if I loved him anymore because it doesnt seem like it when we text. I told him I still love him and miss my bestfriend. He said he miss his best friend too. So then on the 28th I was rereading our messages and on the app we use I pressed one of the suggestion text by mistake and it said “okay baby” at like 3am so at 6 am he text and asked was i talking to someone else and I told him no I’m 7 months pregnant with his Child why would I talk to someone else. So I asked him does he love me anymore he said “I do love you never stop” and we kept texting but he was at work and had to do a round and he will text me later I said “okay Old man” I use too call him that since we started dating. He sent the heart eyes emoji. How happy I was lol. He did text me later saying “I still do love you punk just to let you know but ttyl” but i took a little to reply and he said “I guess you don’t it’s ok punk” but i told him ” I love you too dont think I dont.  Then on the 30th we was texting and I told him I seen one of my old friends that was there when we first meet when I was 15 so he ask whos car was I driving I told him my step dads. He was like see you dont need me and ect. But I told him I had to baby sit my little sis and asked why he said that . anyways make a long story short I told him he was Important to me and he said I was important to him too. So need help because I want my boy friend back

  10. Avatar

    Angel

    September 1, 2018 at 9:22 pm

    So my person & I broke up official broke up on the 10th of August and he really hurt my feelings with some things said. Im 7 months pregnant and he is my bestfriend. I’ve know him since was 15. Like a week ago he ask me did I love him anymore. I told him I love him and Miss my bestfriend. He said misses his best friend too. So i waited he text me again because the message app we use has the suggestion the bottom and i pressed “Okay baby” I wanted to die you know how you reread massage well doing and t sent at 3 am so when he up and seen it and ask was i talking to someone. Anyways a few days I ask him did he still love me he said he never stop loving me so help please

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 2, 2018 at 3:48 am

      Hi Angel….I am sorry your ex hurt your feelings. I hope the two of you can work thru the issues. It seems you both are talking and hear each other out and come up with a plan to make things right.

  11. Avatar

    Ungettable Girl To Be...

    August 31, 2018 at 7:49 pm

    My ex is also in a rebound relationship a couple.months now but is always tell in me he loves me and that he’ll never love anyone as much as he loves me.. He said he told the rebound girl that he’s not ready for anything serious bcuz he isn’t fully over our breakup. Yet he’s still there.. I need answers please.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 1, 2018 at 1:07 am

      Well….it seems you should be implementing my program as your chances look promising.

  12. Avatar

    Ungettable Girl To Be...

    August 31, 2018 at 7:37 pm

    Hey Chris, it’s day 13 of Limited Contact with my ex and he’s constantly calling me and messaging me. Our son is 2 years old and he will call me to tell me say hi to my son whilst I’m at work. He also sends alot of pics and vids for me of what they did during their time together. I usually respond with a thumbs up or a smiley face. Am I doing it right?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 1, 2018 at 1:08 am

      Yes….I think so. If you keep getting these kind of positive interactions, then end you NC and look to open up communications.

  13. Avatar

    Hopeless

    April 4, 2018 at 6:55 pm

    Oh, he also said it would be fine if a friend (girl) and I show up at the same place to eat as he does. He eats at the same place I do and sometimes same night different times. It is like he was inviting me but not. He goes with his brother and his wife.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:28 pm

      Hey Hopeless,

      Do you mind giving me some context. I lost context here.

    2. Avatar

      Hopeless

      April 6, 2018 at 6:18 pm

      Please see the other entries by me Hopeless. I have been posting alot for your help. I do not know where his mind is at. Is he just making sure that I am not going to hurt him again and to know that it is safe to come back to me?

    3. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 2:26 am

      So, I can’t speak for Chris. Though I know him pretty well as I am married to him and one thing we’ve found pretty consistently is that men have these internal reasons for not wanting to get back together with you.

      If you can pin point those reasons it’ll give you a lot of insight into any “weird behaviors.”

    4. Avatar

      Hopeless

      April 7, 2018 at 12:54 pm

      He said I would cheat again. SO, I know know he is scared still of letting me back in

    5. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 10:30 pm

      I’m so glad he gave you that information.

      I RARELY recommend this but you should write him an apology letter. In the letter recognize his feelings and be empathetic and truly sorry. Then go straight into a 30 day no contact.

      Restart the process after the 30 days. Make sure you read Chris’ guide on what to do if you cheated.

      I think you will do great. His emotions show he still cares.

  14. Avatar

    Hopeless

    April 4, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    We have seen each other a lot lately. Just sex. He has called at least once a day (I let him call or text). My son made a comment to someone as soon as I move out my dad will get back with my mom. Even though I do not mind at all if they do. He said he can not say what he knows. So, I know he talks to him about it. My ex sister inlaw messages me out of the blue and says that it is no big deal if I come this summer to go swim ( He did not want us to talk because we were divorce before).He told her doesn’t matter to him because we aren’t together (I do not know how true that is). She actually told me to show up to eat where they were going to be at. Again, I have not spoken to her about us talking 2 years ago. He is asking alot questions about when we stopped talking. Then he asked several times is he the reason 2 years ago you always said no to me about going to eat or cook. I said no that I was scared(like text you earlier what I said). Then last night when he left he said why did you have to be like other girls? Why did you do it? I told him I can’t say sorry enough and I live with regret everyday because I hurt the ones I loved the most in life. He said, we need to stop because you are getting feelings. He said, I do not have feelings and will hurt you. I love you because you are the mother of my kids but I know me and I will hurt you. I can not love again. So, we do not need to call, text or see each other. I told him you do not know what I am feeling and he refuses to Spears time as in hanging out, go eat or etc… so how can I fall in love. I tell him I do not have feelings because I do not know what to say. I just say I am relaxing and having fun.
    He said he likes getting up going when he wants where he wants no one to ask. I said me too! Just because I’m not going out lately doesn’t mean I don’t. I’m low on money But I don’t go to bars so no reason for me to be out late. But I said. Before we hung up just relax and have fun stop thinking! He said I always think. He has looked me in the eyes at least 4 different times and said you are falling in love with me. None of the times AI was looking at him. I was doing things around the house. He was watching me. What can I do? Does he really feel nothing for me no longer? Am I just a booty call? I see so much in his eyes. He tells me I am a good women all the time and how much better I am than most women that just cheat all the time.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2018 at 11:13 pm

      You should really read my article on how to handle sex after a breakup,

      https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/what-to-do-if-you-had-sex-with-your-ex/

    2. Avatar

      Hopeless

      April 6, 2018 at 12:32 pm

      WOW! That helped alot. If you can look at the other comments below and see Hopeless. So, what is he doing or trying to do?
      This has been an ongoing thing. Everyday it gets better than he becomes cold. Please, read it all and let me know what you think. I would be forever grateful. I know he is falling for me my gut and his actions show me. But he says different. I still think there is a chance.
      Thank you, Hopeless

    3. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 4:55 am

      I’m curious when he “get cold” is it when he isn’t getting sex?

    4. Avatar

      Hopeless

      April 7, 2018 at 12:53 pm

      At times yes or right afterwards he call Atleast twice day to see how my day went if he is not over here. He usually here every other day.

  15. Avatar

    Hopeless

    March 10, 2018 at 7:12 pm

    So, we are still on a good track of him considering coming back to me? He has called every day atleast once and atleast said hey to me. Even when he had a bad day and wasn’t in the best of mood. He just basically said hey and bye,lol I am staying so positive but he actually played a few saints and asked if I have heard them. I said, yes I love those songs. He said, me too and just looked in my eyes. I didn’t say anything back. These are songs that remind me of him so much. I know it was a way of him showing his feelings.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 14, 2018 at 11:42 am

      If he calls everyday yes, you have a chance..

  16. Avatar

    hopeless

    March 6, 2018 at 7:24 pm

    This pass month has been different for us both. We spent the weekend together at night only. He held me, which was amazing. He has called and texted several times since then. He has made contact with me each time. Then this morning he calls kinda upset. Saying he had a dream of like something that had happen in our past that he was reliving, kinda. He said I knew we should not be talking because that dream is telling me something. That holding each other is feelings. What would everyone think ( his parents, our kids and his brother) if they found out. I am stronger than this. But I just said I really do not know what to tell you. I cannot tell you sorry but so much. But I am sorry you had that dream. But for me I am having fun that is it. Try to relax, have fun and just live in the moment. So, I am hoping he is not backing off. But I read that dream is out of fear of getting hurt again. What can I do? Or say?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2018 at 6:37 pm

      What you said is right and you should live it.. Dont overthink and relax..it was just a dream.

  17. Avatar

    HOPELESS

    February 28, 2018 at 4:31 pm

    Well, On Valentine’s he asked me to go to lunch (after being at the hospital with our grandkid being born). It was a fun. Nothing but laughing and talking. Then he came over later that night. Which he called me baby and several other emotional comments.The next day he told both of our Son’s how much fun he had. Then his mom. My son (one that was against us getting back together) and my ex’s mom were talking and they both agreed that they think he will come back to me. He has mentioned it to them. These are some people that were so against it. Since then I have spoken to him several times when he calls only. I have texted him 2 times. I did mention to go get a drink. He said that we are not married and no. In one other conservation (last one) he said I believe you are thinking we are more than friends but we aren’t. And will not be.I told him, I know that and we are just friends. He has not said in forever that it is a hopeless situation. Just that we are not getting back together. Everyone is saying how much happier he is when he talks to me or is around me. Not just our kids. I am holding out hope still. But I do not want him to back off at all. I think he has. His brother does not like me at all. And he is always around him.
    Just need some more advise on what I can do. How from this point can I make him want, crave and miss me.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 11:40 am

      He said that because you asked him out on for drinks? If yes, that means you’re still moving fast.. If you want him to want you, let him do all the initiating..

  18. Avatar

    Kaitlyn

    February 26, 2018 at 6:06 pm

    So the father of my child and I have been on and off for the last 6 years. We started dating in high school and we were doing good in our relationship until we had our first son. Well he left us when he was 3 months old and we took about a 3 month break where he came back and then we were doing good for about 9 months and then left again. And we were apart for about 9months and as soon as I thought I was ready to start dating someone else and fully move on from him and he came back and swooped me off my feet. Well we ended up getting pregnant again and now I’m 7months pregnant with our second child and he decided to leave again. I really do love him with all my heart and I want more than anything for us to be a family but everytime things get hard he just leaves. And I’m in the minimal contact area but he gets so hot and cold about it. It bothers him that I don’t tell him any extra information that doesn’t have anything to do with the babies. It’s like he wants us to be best friends but I want him to know he can’t keep hurting me like this. He’s said some really hurtful things. And turns around and says something caring later on. I’m not sure what I should do. It would be easier if I wasn’t pregnant but the emotions just over flow me and I avoid all in person contact because of that reason. He says the same things as last time. That this is it we just weren’t meant for each other, he doesn’t love me the same. But I’ve heard it so many times before and I want to know if I should keep trying and have us be a family or is he really done.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 2:34 pm

      Hi Kaitlyn ,

      You should move on and just continue to contact him as a co parent.

  19. Avatar

    hopeless

    February 8, 2018 at 1:55 pm

    So, things seem to be looking better for us to you? I am taking it slowly. And would not ask him about saying that at all. I let him call or text me.. Which is a huge change for me.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 12:17 pm

      Yeah for me it is, just don’t rush things.. That’s good just let him initiate but when you talk either in text, call or in person make it light or fun.

  20. Avatar

    hopeless

    February 6, 2018 at 5:17 pm

    The past weekend I have been told that he has told a few people joking around that he is getting back with his ex wife. My son told me which was strongly against us talking or getting back together that he is okay with it. Which both was said to me out of the blue. Then last night he came over. He told me this is wrong. He does not want me to get hopeful because we can never get back together. He said he can not believe after 2 years he has let his guard down and is so weak. He is upset how weak he is when it comes to me. I do not understand. What is he saying to me? I do not want him to stay away as friends because of this. He looked so deep in my eyes last night I could see his feelings. I strongly believe he cares a lot more than he has said. But what can I do? Or am I loosing him completely again? Please help!??!!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 8, 2018 at 11:52 am

      don’t rush things it pushes him away.. Let’s say he did say that to friends, he didn’t say it to you so asking him about it sound like you’re demanding it from him.. If he wants to, let’ him show it and say it to you directly and focus more in your life than him.. Set a limit until when you would try slowly building rapport and observing him so that you don’t overthink.. After that limit, move on, just continue to co-parent with him.

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