Question: Who do you think the best person to listen to is when it comes to getting your ex back if you are a single mother and share that child with your ex?

Is it me, Chris Seiter, a man who has never been a single mother?

( I am a man, hello?)

Or is it a woman who is a single mother who has successfully gotten her ex back?

I don’t think it takes rocket science to figure this one out.

Now, some of you may remember Shauna who I conducted an interview with a few weeks ago. Well, she was kind enough to write a post on her experience for you guys.

In other words, this is what worked for her to get her ex back!

Getting your ex back when you have children together is going to be emotionally challenging as there is more than just the two of you involved,

You have to focus on your children too…

When you become a mother there is truly no better job. It is rewarding in many ways but what no one tells you about becoming a single mother is that it can be challenging, exhausting, lonely and just plain hard.

Now, when it comes to your ex your biggest advantage is that you have already been a family and you probably know him better than most people do.

Ultimately, the end goal here is to make his life as difficult as possible without you and your children.

You truly want to make him regret leaving you.

And in order to do that you have to make some positive changes to yourself and execute some tough actions to make him see you as everything he actually wants.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Limited No Contact

The first step towards making your ex regret his decision to leave you and your children is to implement a period of limited contact.

Now, what is limited contact?

I am so glad you asked,

It means you literally only speak to him about your children, regarding their health, pick up and drop off times or if there is some type of emergency. Basically you are only talking to him about the children and nothing else.

A lot of people think that because they are in a limited contact period they should be messaging their ex about what they’re doing with the children today.

Wrong!

All that will accomplish is making him think that he is still a part of your life and often times men won’t take the actions that you want them to take if they are comfortable.

Remember what I said at the beginning of the article?

About how it’s important that he feels miserable without you?

But don’t forget that the limited contact is for you as well as him; it lets him miss you and the children and also gives him time to realize what he has lost.

In addition, it lets you grow too, heal from the break up, focus on yourself and what you need to do to make yourself happy again without him.

That’s a scary notion, isn’t it?

Being happy without him.

Actually, being happy without him in your life is real progress to becoming what I like to call an ungettable girl.

But don’t let the simplicity of “limited contact” fool you.

It’s going to be tough; you have to be hard on yourself to not reply to any messages that don’t involve your children.

Limit what you’re willing to discuss with him, he isn’t in your life anymore and he’s about to become a part time parent in your child’s lives too.

By limiting information he will begin to feel like he is missing out.

Don’t forget, you have an advantage here of him missing your family life, he just lost sight of that when you broke up and was hurt or angry.

Now, this brings up an interesting question.

How long should the “limited no contact period” be for?

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How Long Should The Limited No Contact Be?

Generally speaking, there are three time frames that are acceptable for LC (limited contact,)

  1. The 21 Day Rule
  2. The 30 Day Rule
  3. The 45 Day Rule

How long you choose to stay in limited contact is up to you but as a baseline I would recommend starting for around 30 days.

And remember, this no contact period is best time to work on you,

Work out and focus on yourself!

Try and remember what you enjoyed doing before you met him!

Generally when you get into a relationship you change, but when you have children with that person, you change even more; it becomes your whole world.

The biggest mistake I made when I became a mother is I stopped being everything else.

  • I wasn’t a girlfriend
  • I wasn’t a care free/fun person
  • I focused solely on my children and their needs.

I neglected my relationships with my family, partner, friends, even my own needs.

It’s ok to pamper, treat and love yourself again. Do the things you enjoyed doing before you had the children. Focus on the relationships around you, friends, family and your bond with your children.

They will be hurting too!

Now, the best part of this limited contact is that it forces you to become this independent, strong and confident single mother who handles her life all by herself.

There is something so empowering knowing you’re doing it all without him. It feels like you’ve grown so much more than when you were almost relying on him, even if it was only emotionally.

If you can reach a point where your life is just fine without him and you and your children are happy, then that means you’re doing it right.

Limited Contact – What To Do When He’s Around

Having children with your ex means you undoubtably will have to see him from time to time. Try not to allow it to be too often, remember, he needs to miss the children and you for him to value you all again.

When he comes to pick up the children or drop them off I want you to go out of your way to make sure that you always look good, happy and like you’re about to go somewhere.

This will give him the impression that you’re doing just fine and that you are moving on with your life.

I know…

I know…

It feels unnatural to let your ex think you’re happier without them, but it makes them worry and question what is making you so much happier without them.

And if you can do that they will begin to rethink their reasoning for why they left in the first place.

Now, I am going to get controversial here for a second.

When we become mothers, some of us do let ourselves go slightly due to the baby taking up so much of our time, being exhausted and let’s not forget to mention if you have a less than helpful family or partner.

In these cases it’s even harder to look good and feel good. But you need to force yourself; it makes a world of difference to your self-esteem and confidence.

When he does speak to you, control yourself.

There is no need for talk about your previous relationship and do your best to steer clear of any emotional talk and certainly no tears.

I want you to appear to be happy and civil, you do not answer to him so there is no need to tell him where you’re going, if you’ve dated or who you’re with…

But let’s say that he does confront you.

Let’s say that he asks you,

“Hey (insert name) where are you going?”

The simple answer you should give him is “Oh I’m just going out for the day”, he does not need to know any more than that.

If you don’t show yourself respect he won’t show any either.

Just because you want this man back, it does not make you his doormat, so do not bend over backwards to please him, stand your ground and be firm with what you agree and expect from him as the father of your children, including financial help.

It won’t push him away from coming back; it just sets the record straight that he must provide for his child and just because he’s not living in the family home anymore doesn’t mean he doesn’t mean he shouldn’t help take care of them.

(Now, if he refuses to provide for the children, given that he will probably have them less than 3 nights a week then seek legal advice in your local area.)

Go On A Date With Someone Else

After having children with someone, moving on and dating someone new will feel very strange to you. After all, you’ve had this person in your life for a long time and have probably gone through some special moments.

So, inviting someone new into your life is a big step for some women.

Remember you’re not dating to find the next love of your life; you’re doing it to meet new people, help you to heal and move on from the break up.

And make no mistake about it, if your ex finds out that you’ve dated someone else then he isn’t going to be happy about it. Most likely, he will have a reaction and his mind will go into over drive.

Even if he shows it or not he’s probably not going to like you dating someone new.

This new man has the chance of eventually meeting his children.

No man wants to be replaced…

And you’ll be surprised at how a man will react when he thinks he can be.

Now, when you have children it is harder to date and socialize if you don’t have anyone to depend on to look after the children now and again, but you need to make the most of your alone time when they’re with their father.

In other words, the correct play is to let your ex watch the kids as you go out on a date.

This will further hit home on the fact that he can be replaced and it will force him to take a good hard look at his decision.

I forced myself to go on a few dates during my break up, I met three new men, each different than the last.

The goal was to heal from the break up. And it truly worked. It changed my attitude towards my ex straight away and I stopped looking at him and longing for him.

I thought ok I love you, but I am doing just fine without you now.

That change in attitude obviously worked as he soon had a big change in his attitude and the way he was with me.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The Ungettable Mamma

As I mentioned before, it is pretty common for mothers to let themselves go slightly when they have children.

I mean, we’re busy ladies after all with the house work, children to take care of, working on our careers, teachers, nurses, cleaners, cooks… you get the idea. We are on call 24/7 and for those of us who have small babies, it can actually be through the night.

If you’re children are anything like mine, it feels like they never sleep.

(Note From Chris: As I was interviewing Shauna for a podcast episode a couple of weeks ago. Her kids interrupted her several times as they were supposed to be asleep. This woman isn’t kidding.)

So the best thing for you is to make a list of things you want for yourself, whether it be to lose weight, change your career, finish an art project, anything that makes you happy and is an interest of yours.

For me it was the way I looked,

  • I started working out
  • I bought some new make-up
  • Got my hair done.

It made a world of difference instantly and then working out became something I did when I needed to pick myself up from the break up.

Find something that makes you forget your pain even if it’s only for a few hours.

The Children

One thing that people seem to forget in a break up is that the children are actually losing one of their parents in the family home…

For babies, yes, it will have less of an affect, but for toddlers and older it is hard for them to adjust to the new situation. So you have to focus and find your inner strength to keep going and make sure they are properly cared for.

Your heart may be broken, but they are confused, they don’t understand why one of their parents have left them and why they suddenly aren’t around anymore. So, you do have to try and keep their lives as normal as possible.

As a single mother, the best thing you can do is set order into your life, have a schedule and always plan your days to keep your little ones busy.

If they’re old enough to understand what is going on be honest with them, there is no point hiding the truth from them.

Also the happier and more in control of the situation you are, the better you look in your ex-partners eyes, and if you are sending upset and hurt children to him then he feels like you’re tuning them against him. Whereas if you create a happy loving fun home for them, they’ll be happy to go and return.

I have a baby and a four year old, the baby when my partner first left didn’t want to go to him, he couldn’t get him to sleep at night. I remember at the very beginning I had him calling me saying,

“I can’t calm him down, he’s been crying for hours. Please help me”.

I had to drive 35 minutes to help him settle and calm our baby to sleep.

At first my four year old was happy to go as he was seeing it as a sleep over, but after a few weeks of me sorting myself out and focusing in my children and what made them feel better, my eldest son stopped wanting to go. He would as if he could go to see his dad but come home at night time.

My point here is, make sure your children feel safe, secure and that you are there for them, if they see you falling apart crying and having an attitude of, ‘I can’t do this without him’.

They will sense it and they will lose the confidence in you as their parent and safe place.

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136 thoughts on “How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them”

  1. Avatar

    Vic

    November 26, 2020 at 5:05 pm

    I have been with my husband for 13 years and married 5 we have two children together a 10 year old and 6 year old. He left us back in July. He said I pushed him away. We were seeing him nearly everyday as he run a coaching business from the garden and we were getting on really well up until about 5 weeks ago when he became distant. I tried to ask him to sort it out and probably I’ve come
    Across needy at time. I’ve found out that he’s seeing another women now and to be fair I haven’t heard good things about her. She also has children. I have found out that he’s met one of her kids already which again I wasn’t happy about. I’m absolutely heart broken and I just want him to come back to his family but he doesn’t want to sort anything out and keeps going on about a divorce. I am still in contact with him for the kids but I just feel like we are strangers. What can I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2020 at 5:48 pm

      Hi Vic, I understand this is a difficult time for you and seeing him on a regular basis isnt easy either! You need to follow a limited no contact where you speak to him as little as possible. Only when it is an emergency with the children. I understand essentially he “works” where you live but try to avoid being around him too much right now. The fact he is with another woman already it is likely to be a rebound but your limited no contact needs to be 45 days

  2. Avatar

    Nat

    November 22, 2020 at 2:17 am

    When doing no contact when we have kids together, if he texts me about non kid related things, is it okay to respond? He’s the type to think I’m being rude and immature and I don’t want to make him feel as if I’m that. I won’t be reaching out to him about anything unless it involves our daughter but what if he texts me about something?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2020 at 9:39 pm

      Hi Nat, so yes you can reply when it comes to your children, only if its about their wellbeing – something has happened or his visitation. The rest of the conversation and small talk is a no go. If he reaches out to you – you deem it as important or not. This can be your daughter, shared bills, emergencies.

  3. Avatar

    Fianoo edem

    November 8, 2020 at 10:19 am

    Thanks this really help me do overcome all the fears , I decided to do no contact and this morning he send a text saying when am I leaving his apartment the landlord is asking about the rent just confused but still doing no contact

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2020 at 6:05 pm

      Hi Fianoo, you are allowed to reply to those type of messages – unless you are able to speak to the landlord directly yourself

  4. Avatar

    Lesly

    October 17, 2020 at 12:45 am

    Hello me and my babys father broke up 6 months ago. We were dating for 5 years and i was his longest relationship and he is 17 yrs older than me. We had great times but alot of bad times. I always felt like he was afraid to really commit to the relationship because i felt like he was afraid to get hurt. While we were still living together i tried to fix things and i saw how he was so confident that i was still inlove that he said things just didnt work out but he wanted us to live together for our son. I was so hurt and angry with that and so the nxt day i filed for child support a week later we were moving into our new home but 2 days b4 he found out i placed child support. He got so upset and told me i couldnt move in with him. So i left the nxt day. We would communicate everyday but i would end up arguing because i wanted us together after 2 weeks he said he would never live under the same roof as me because i stressed him out alot and he wasnt happy. I told him i would leave him alone. I changed my number that same day and didnt talk to him for 2 weeks. He contacted ppl trying to get a hold f me because he supposably wanted to send money for the baby but i know it was to have communication with me. At first he would tell ppl he missed me our son and my other 2 kids (from previous relationship) i stopped tlkn to him and i had told him i would only communicate about our son..and at first he would send me pics f things he bought for our son and i would reply but then i stopped and he stopped txtn as well..now we only txt strictly about our son.. truth is i love and miss him. But idk if there is any hope..he has tried dating and moving on but hasnt worked out for him. And he has told ppl if he didnt stay with me he wasnt gonna stay or be with any1 else. Idk what to think or if there is a chance for us. I would love to try things out 1 last time b4 i completely fight myself to forget him and move on.

  5. Avatar

    Alyssa

    October 15, 2020 at 8:05 pm

    Hi; I’ve been with my ex since the middle of my pregnancy. This is where things are a bit confusing. I’ve known of him since church and he was close with my brother . I use to walk pass him in church never have I ever thought that he would be the love of my life ; or that I would have had my son by him. My son is 3 months old . Years later from when we went our own way from church and from not seeing each other ; we met up again while I was sitting in my car while I was on my lunch brake . I was working at Walmart at the time , I had stopped him and asked him how he was doing and he did the same I was very attracted to him when I seen him . A year later I was working at my new job and he had messaged me on Facebook out of the blue and asked me if I wanted to hang out . I was very surprised and nervous because I didn’t even know we had each other on Facebook and it’s been so long that we ran into each other .. I get off of work and go home to freshen up before I go over to his house . We were talking and catching up then we ended messing around . Afterwards I felt like it was just a hit in quit it so I asked him . He basically told me yes . I got upset and was never going to talk to him ever until he checked up on me and then weeks later I took a pregnancy test and it came back positive. Once I found out I told him . He asked if I’ve been with someone after him; I told him no . Then later on that day he asked for a and test as went straight to saying we are going to co parent . I was so hurt and mad . I told him I didn’t want him at any appointments etc. eventually we started talking and trying to be respectful to one another . We went out to eat for the very first time in my day off and I was nervous . Because I didn’t know how he felt . He said I looked nice . We talked and smiled he ate I watched him eat . We drove separately cars . Afterwards we talked on the phone for hours. At that time I didn’t know how to tell him that I want to stay on the phone more because I like hearing his voice . Then it went from him asking to see me after work . To spending hours with me . I was 4 months pregnant when I met his mother and by default . I felt like she didn’t like me off of the bat . He was having some problems at home and I was concerned about it so I told him 2 months later as that was still going on in his home , that he could come over and stay some nights so that it could release some tension and arguments in his house hold. That day he told me that his mom didn’t not care for me and I knew it from the time I met her .I just waited for her son to tell me on his own without me asking him . Fastford , he starts spending nights over . Everything is going good , at some point of time we have some ups and downs and arguments . Where we questioning if we should be together. We stuck it out and there would be times where we would talk about living together and having more kids later on after our first at that time we were happy . He was there for me during my pregnancy. He went to most of my appointments at this time . I met his father . He welcomed me into the family . He would drop his plans with his friends and or projects to be with me most of the time . I encourage him to have a better relationship with his mother because deep down I knew she’s very important to him which it important to me . As time goes by we get into this huge argument with my sibling and her significant other . We ended up going to mother grandmas for a couple of weeks ; at that time I’m 7 1/5 months pregnancy. And he’s starts spending nights with his mother again because they are on good terms and she had mention to him that she didn’t like him shacking up at my grandmas house . During that time I see a change in him he starts become frustrated more it feels like with me and makes me feel like he doesn’t want to be with me any more . The night before I go to the hospital and be induced I felt like I was sleeping with a stranger.. the next day he isn’t speaking to me In the morning as I prepare myself to go to the hospital. I was scared and worried because this my first child and no one but him could only be in my room. Because of the COVID-19 . After my son is arrived he happy and kisses me in my cheek . He was there for me in the hospital as I was sick with COVID-19. After my son arrived he sent a picture to his mother and my family as well and she said the baby looked like me . After that he started to act different again . He didn’t sign the birth certificate . He broke up with me within the week of my child being born and said we’re at never getting back together. I cried and I didn’t get help from him until the dna test came back . At point we were co parenting very nice . Then it went left very quickly. He is taking me to court for joint custody . I’m so torn why things ended the way it did . I’m trying my best to do better because it’s about my kid . We only communicate about our son because that’s what he told me that what he wanted . So I do only just that . I’m hurt because I fell I love with him and gave him my heart which I don’t do often because I have security issue from when my mom passed away when I was 4 years old . So I don’t know if he ever came back if mid take him back because he really hurt me badly . I miss him a lot . I cry when I’m remind of things that reminded me of the really good times we had . And even when I look at my son because he reminded me of him so much . I love and miss him a lot but he has really hurt me bad . I really do want him back .. I just don’t want to over step my boundaries and I don’t want to overly push him away . Maybe I just need really let him go .. and co parenting is fir the best . And that I have to be ok if I see him happy with another female . I rather him to be happy with someone else if I can’t make him happy anymore and that is he truly doesn’t love me anymore even though it hurts a lot I’ve apologized to make it be peace between me and him so that my sons grows up and can have both of his parents in his life . I remember as he was picking up our son .I was dressed up going to the courts to send back the court papers. He didn’t know I was doing that ; he had an whole attitude with me and the very next day he was being rude with me as if the apology didn’t mean anything. So we both got into it and it got to a point where I felt he questioned my mothering character and disrespect me . I stop responding to him . His parents order another dna test in order to meet my family . I’ve talked to him mom and things were ugly .. currently it’s been five days and he hasn’t checked up on his child .. so I personally feel like it’s over . .

  6. Avatar

    Tasia

    October 9, 2020 at 8:17 am

    Hey my boyfriend/baby’s father of years broke up with me a week ago and before that we’ve been having an on and off relationship one minute he’s here the next month he’s breaking up with me again I really want us to workout because I put alot in this relationship and I don’t see myself with no one else I want to know if I still have a chance or should I give up because he only wants our son in his life he told me doesn’t want anything to do with me and that we will never ever get back together and that he’ll rather be single the reason we broke up because we got into a big fight that led him to having to get stitches I started the contact rule today make two days of no contact but is the contact rule going to work if he says he never wants to get back together with me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 16, 2020 at 9:51 pm

      Hey Tasia, I think whats happened is your ex knows he can have you when he wants you so if things get rough he leaves knowing that he will be welcomed back when he is ready. I would suggest that you work on yourself and follow a limited no contact before speaking to him properly again. Only speak about your shared children in emergencies and when he is collecting/dropping them off for visitation. Do not spend time with him or be around him when he has the children. Let him deal with them on his own.

      https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-when-you-have-a-child-with-them/ check out this article for help!

  7. Avatar

    Tanya Lundy

    September 30, 2020 at 4:00 pm

    Hi my husband left 6wks ago saying he hasn’t been happy. He has only seen our 2 daughters age 7and 5 once for an hour in this time even though he has had plenty of opportunity to see them. I can’t understand why he has not wanted to see them as he was such a good father to them before he left. I did txt him in the first 2wks after he left asking him to come home and to reconsider breaking our family but I got no reply so I stopped texting him altogether after a wk of no contact he sent a letter from a solicitor looking to sort finances and contact with children, I replied through the solicitor that he could see them any time he wanted , still no contact. A wk later he txt to discuss finances again I said I wasn’t at that stage yet as I’m still dealing with the emotional fallout of the separation he got cross and said he will no longer be discussing the separation with me only through the solicitor. I asked him to build his relationship with the girls and got no reply. He seems so angry and not just with me the our daughter too. Should I just leave him alone or keep trying for the girls? .

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 9:10 pm

      Hi Tanya, so as much as I know it can be important for you to have a family unit you need to get your ex back for YOU not for your kids. Because eventually they will have grown and living their own lives. Kids adjust to separations much better than us adults do. I would say that if you want your ex back then you need to do it for yourself. Because you want to be with that person.

  8. Avatar

    Angel

    August 15, 2020 at 9:27 am

    So I started Limited Contact only because we share 2 kids and they are very younger ages under 4 and the older one especially struggles to have mommy and daddy in 2 separate houses (he moved out 15days ago after 11ish years of marriage) The problem is older child my son wants to see mommy and daddy every day so it makes my limited contact s much harder. When daddy has older kid somewhere by 11am my son starts asking his daddy i want to go mommy’s home I am trying to work in polite manner in giving him tips that he needs to learn how to redirect child’s attention from it bcz I feel like the moment any our kids causes him trouble he contacts me so I fix it and dumb me falls for it MAINLY bcz I dont want kids to be in the stress because both of the kids are on Autism Spectrum and my husband almost never can handle their tantrums well. I mean he told me he had to cover the younger child’s mouth when he was screaming his lungs out so he wont get into trouble for making too much noise in the apt complex he is iving in or neighbors would not think he is doing something to his kids there. I am as mom still learning how to handle autistic kids tantrum it is very challenging because they have heir own world and I know how hard for them our world is… and I do too have moments when I do not know how to handle tantrum/melt down just walk away from a child but I think I learned a few trick by now that sometimes work but not all the time so I think that why it’s feels like I am tying to do limited contact but he is just not leaving me alone with his inability to handle a child. I am struggling to chose between kids comfort while we go through hard times or do I fully pursue my goal… one morning I did not respond to his call (well simply bcz I was sleeping lol ) and then I wake up on the door bell ring and there he is with younger child saying did you want to see him and exchange kids? by the time my brain was waking up trying to find what I need to say “per Limited guidelines” 🙂 my older child jumps to daddy’s hands and go like I want to go with you daddy… so technically I could of have another day of LC day but he does this UNPLANNED things that kind of for the sake of kids but they do side me off track with my trinity I am trying to work on… need advice or feedback what is a good approach I should take with all this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 4:05 pm

      Hey Angel, you need to speak with your ex about the issues directly. Explain that your children need to adjust to this change and the break up. You have to agree to set days and times where he is going to take the children out for the day, or to his place for the night etc. And there is no need to see the children in the mean time because it is unfair that there is no structure. You need to agree on days, times and places and then you tell him, unless there is an emergency we do not need to speak. Your child wanting to see Mam and Dad on the same day is just going to have to be something he adjusts to. Explain that Dad / Mam is working while he is with the other and they can see them tomorrow. Children adapt better and happier when they have routine and structure. So be kind, firm and clear with the new changes.

  9. Avatar

    Jade

    August 3, 2020 at 9:54 am

    Hey, reading this was like reading exactly what my ex is doing to me!! I want him back but he literally refuses point blank to even talk to me unless it relates to the kids! It’s like he has implemented limited NC himself on me! I feel that there is absolutely no chance of him wanting to get back together. We were together 5 years, split about a year ago, in that time we have tried to sort things out but we would always end up arguing. I can feel him becoming more and more distant and it’s breaking my heart. Like before when he dropped kids off or picked them up he would come into my house and we would chat and be friendly, now he just drops them at the door and he doesn’t even speak to me. When we first broke up I knew he missed being a family as he always text asking what I’d done with the kids that day and how were they etc. Now he makes absolutely no contact at all unless it’s about arrangements for pick up/drop off. In fact he’s even blocked me on everything apart from email. I started to date someone else and he didn’t seem bothered at all until the possibility came up that this new person was going to meet the kids. Then he got angry with me. I’ve since finished with this person because I can’t date someone when I just want my ex back and want to be a family again. Also this lockdown has made me realise so much, what’s important in life and what my priorities should be. I look back and can see I wasn’t the best partner to him and wish I could’ve done things differently. But he won’t even let me speak to him about anything let alone suggest trying to get back together! My main fear is that he gets with someone else because I know it will devastate me but I can see it about to happen and then it makes me start to panic and want to reach out to him! What should I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 2:59 pm

      Hey Jade, as you are working the limited no contact as it stands with your ex, your next move is working on your holy trinity and being ungettable. You need to show your ex that you are making positive changes to yourself and that you are happy with out him around. This idea is going to get him questioning his decision because you are happy and he isnt.

  10. Avatar

    Nicole

    August 1, 2020 at 9:39 am

    Hi,
    I have been with my ex for 11 years we have a 8 year old and a 9 Month old. Long story short 1
    Month ago he told me he cheated on me with a girl he had met for 3 weeks he said he did that because he felt our connection had been lost for a couple of years now. Well he left me and said he needed space because he was confused as to how he felt towards me and this girl. He keeps telling me that he really loves me but he is into the other girl. I decided to give him a chance since he told me he had thought about it and he knew he wanted to be with me and loved me so much, well everything was good for 3 days then he started acting the same way like when he told
    Me he cheated! He went fishing then the next day told me that he had to leave because he missed the other girl he told me he really likes her
    Personality and That he wanted to see where it would lead with her. All this time he still kept saying that he loves me he knows he is making a mistake that he is going to regret everything he’s doing but he left anyways. 1 week went by and I had no contact with him. He came to see his daughter he broke down and said he misses me he loves me to forgive him to let him know what he can do to win me back. I know the girl didn’t want
    Anything to do with him and now he comeS back and tells me to take him back ? I’m basically a rebound to him but he says it’s not that. I’m
    So confused I really love him
    And I know he loves me but he has hurt
    Me way to much what should I do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 17, 2020 at 10:58 pm

      Hi Nicole, this is such a horrible thing to go through for you, and your children too! I suggest that you follow a limited no contact where you only speak with him about the children and nothing else for the time being. (45 days NC because there is another person involved). Read about the being there method during this time, spend some time working on your Holy Trinity and being ungettable. He is going to realise he made a mistake walking out on you, but you need to do the work to show this. And if you decide you still want him back at the end of your No Contact period that is when you start following the being there method

  11. Avatar

    DJ

    July 30, 2020 at 12:27 pm

    My ex-husband and I finalized our divorce papers earlier this month but have been separated for 1 year. I started dating someone new a month or two into our separation. He and I were together for 6 years. And have two babies under 2. I was the provider for our family, paid all the bills, cleaned, cooked, played into his desires/fantasies and took care of the children and all I wanted was his time and attention. But He made more time to play his video games than to spend time with me and his children. So I decided I wanted a separation to see if I could fall for someone else. I did. I am currently 8 months pregnant with another mans child. I tried to work things out with my ex, and he lead me on then finally said he can’t raise another mans child. However, the new guy loves me unconditionally and my children. Is a provider and would do anything for us. My ex only sees Hes children 2 times a week and seems like he is much happier without me in a his life but is cordial when he sees me. Will occasionally give me an update when the kids are with him, but won’t respond to me for hours when I text him questions about the kids. I’ve asked him point blank if he misses me or our life. He says no. He misses none of it because he has repented to God for what he did and was freed. I miss the memories and the good moments. I’m confused between wanting my ex husband back even though he cut me off and moving in with this new wonderful man.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 2, 2020 at 9:31 am

      Hi DJ it sounds as if you are romanticising your past relationship with your husband where you were actually unhappy. I also think missing him would be expected as you were together for some time. Missing someone and wanting them back are two different things though we just get confused with this when we are emotional. I think the new boyfriend needs to also be considered here. Does he know how you feel? The ex husband not wanting you back is also a reason you may feel that you want him because you thought he would maybe fight for your marriage. IF you are not sure what you want with either man then take some time for yourself and be honest with your boyfriend about how you feel considering you are having a baby with him he needs to be in your life forever now.

  12. Avatar

    Sam

    July 28, 2020 at 11:32 am

    So since my last post, my husband has still refused to speak to me even after he said he wanted to. He said he wanted to come and speak about everything then decided he couldn’t as “I wont stop bringing up us”. In the last few months, its been him that has brought up our relationship and break up not me. I have reacted to things he has said but not brought up up myself.
    Since he has said that, he has become unusually nice to me, asking how I am and do I need anything. Asking me to message if i need anything from him which he knows I will not do. I dont start any conversations with him at all. He has also started putting x on all his messages to me after he stopped for months, sometimes I mirror these, sometimes I dont. I have my suspicions as to why hes doing all this but he refuses to be upfront and honest with me but has started telling me details of his life that I dont feel i need to know. I feel that maybe hes seeing someone new but is conflicted of his feelings. He has always been the Bury his head in the sand type of guy and if he can ignore something he will with the hope it will go away. He refuses to discuss finalising everhthing with me and still insists on having certain joint bills which I have asked why. All this behaviour is very confusing

  13. Avatar

    Rachel Hines

    July 12, 2020 at 9:49 pm

    So my parents really really (mainly my mom big time) don’t like my (baby daddy)&ex bf of almost 8 Years!!!…That I still love and do not want to be with anyone else. Sometimes I know and feel I deserve better And even my ex said that but I planned a baby with this man and want to die with him and grow to be better WITH Him. I know he loves me I really do but his parents fought a lot and he’s never truly seen healthy relationships. But he knows right from wrong.&He has his issues with drinking(he admits it and is working on it every day) and being controlling and jealous. I haven’t stopped contact with him bec it hurts so I’ve been in the middle smiling for my 5 month baby my baby makes me happy but I miss my ex every minute of every day

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 13, 2020 at 4:40 pm

      Hi Rachel, so it is your life to live not your parents, as hard as it is for them to see you with someone that they do not approve of. It is you who has to be with that man in the long run. HOWEVER, if your parents do not like him and don’t want you to be with him then you need to not go to them when times are hard with your ex because you are strengthening their negative impression of him. If he does have a drinking problem then he needs to seek professional help and I would also suggest that you avoid a relationship with him until he is 100% sober. Your child, giving that you can co parent healthily should be your main priority so make sure that you are trying to keep the environment civil with your parents so the baby has a safe and settles place. Tell your parents that you do not want to speak about your ex if they are to bring him up.

  14. Avatar

    Barbara

    July 6, 2020 at 5:38 am

    Hi I just got divorced husband left me for his best friend growing up she is very controlling he also has 2 of our kids I can’t talk to him or my kids unless she is not around than she will text me on his phone saying how happy he is and he is with someone that respects him and to stop bothering them and I don’t even text him I want my family back and my husband back I am still in love with him

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 6, 2020 at 6:03 pm

      Hi Barbara, this sounds really awful and I am sorry how things turned out, I think your first battle should be how to get your children back in your custody, or shared at least. She should not be controlling that. Seek out some professional advice about how to get access to your children

  15. Avatar

    Adriana

    July 4, 2020 at 8:24 pm

    My husband and I were together for 14 years and have been divorced for almost 8 months. We were still having sex and I had high hopes we were going to get back together. He recently met someone and introduced our kids to her without telling me and lied to me about it. I was devastated because I feel like he is distracted with this girl and isn’t willing to fight to have our family back.

    I know who the girl is but I don’t know her. I’ve contemplated messaging her and letting her know that I’m fighting for my family and that she needs to back off nicely. I feel crazy!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 4, 2020 at 9:52 pm

      Hi Adriana, do not reach out to the other woman as this is going to make you look bitter at the moment. You need to start following the program, stop sleeping with him and go into a limited no contact where you only speak to him about the children and nothing else

  16. Avatar

    Cristina

    June 29, 2020 at 4:33 pm

    Me and my ex fiancé broke up three days ago we have been together for 6 years and have two kids together a 4 and 2 year old. He basically kicked me out of the house so where I go my children go. It was over a stupid fight to be honest I have no idea where all the anger came from. He also says I don’t pay attention to him anymore. I have used it he LNC tule but it’s been so hard because he asks about the kids constantly! He also went on and said other things about our relationship but I have put a stop to it. I miss him and I miss our family so much. It hurts to see that he doesn’t miss me because every text I get is so demanding nothing With love. I don’t know what else to do. When we first met I was the one that approached him, is he used to that? Do I make him chase me? Will he chase me? I’m so scare of losing my family.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 15, 2020 at 9:33 pm

      Hey Cristina, so it sounds as if he is still angry, so you need to change the way you are doing the Limited no contact. When he asks about the kids, you reply “They’re good, speak to you later” and end the conversation. There is no need for a back and forth conversation because he is not going to miss you if you are talking ot him all day. Even if it is about the kids. He is going to get to see them when its his days and you do not reach out ot him on those days. Leave him to manage on his own without you around. IF you work on yourself to be the person he met, work to be the best version of yourself he is going to see positive changes and regret ending things with you

  17. Avatar

    Nicole

    June 26, 2020 at 7:24 am

    Hi, I am just about to start the LNC rule. However we have been doing long distance for majority of our relationship and since the birth of your daughter. I ended the relationship after finding out from a friend that my baby daddy was at the beaching cuddling up with another, noted that I reacted as crazy woman and called his phone numerous times until he picked up, after picking up I told him I was going to put him on child support, change our baby last name and that he would never see her again. I said those stuff out of anger, love and frustration. No to mentioned I had to call his mom and sister to vent in order to call my panic attack. However before all of this started I was becoming overwhelmed with being in another country and doing parenting alone, having to missed work and school because the baby was sick, or having to find daycare so I could work and attend school. I started pushing him away and treated him badly when he comes to visit us as nothing change he does not try to help me while he was here just added meaning he believes I was to go to work, then school and then come home to cook and cater to him and the baby. I literally lost my cool and kick him off the bed and wouldn’t talk or touch him. However we have been trying to make it work but after the Incident of finding out about the cuddling on the beach. He said I broke up with him and that he is emotionally drained and needs a break from the relationship. We contact to speak with his toddler, I set out time frames for him to call which he misses and call whenever. I eventually told him that this is the time frame as I’m no longer obligated to receive calls any hour of the night. I do want my baby daddy as I do believe my actions of treating him badly and pushing him away, lead to this point. I truly need help I have been begging him to come back, that’s when I started researching and round this website and hoping it will work if I follow the guidelines.

  18. Avatar

    Sam

    June 19, 2020 at 5:29 pm

    So my husband of 9 years left 7 months ago. At the time he refused to discuss us or any to do with the breakup. He was only interested in the children and sorting money. He hasnt changed alot of our bills into my name after I have asked him to do so. He cut off contact with my 3 older children and only has contact with our son together. For obvious reasons I have struggled with this as he was a very big part of their lives and he has walked away from them. Until recently I was very active on social media and he has kept me on their even joining Instagram but hasn’t requested to follow me which is fine. Now in the last 2 months, I have limited the posts I have posted, changed my name and changed the privacy settings on alot of stuff on there. I also went into a limited no contact and have only replied to messages about our son only. In the last 3 weeks, he has messaged me over things he hasnt needed too, insisted on talking to me face to face and has been bringing up our breakup after he refused to 7 months ago. He has told me during an argument that he hates me but cares about me and has been using mutual friends to check up on me. He in now insisting that he wants to talk about everything including money, health and the children this week all since I went radio silent on social media and refuse to talk to him about anything other than our son. Why?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 18, 2020 at 12:08 am

      Hey Sam, so the fact you are choosing to give less information about what is going on in your life he has noticed so he would possibly be worried that you are putting your attention into someone or something else. However, if you want to get back together then you need to keep following the program as explained, there are articles on here that talk you through how to work the program when you share children and bills. It does sound as if you have his attention now, or he is assuming that you are not as emotional as you once were.

  19. Avatar

    Sarah

    June 8, 2020 at 12:38 am

    Hi, I’m on day 7 of LNC and I’m really struggling. We were together 10 years and share a daughter together. We split up about 3 months ago and about 2 weeks ago he was telling me he had missed me the whole time and wanted to come home. Anyway we were getting on great and then out of the blue he said he was done again and realization had kicked in of why we didn’t work in the first place. I’ve been so upset and didnt want to go back to the hellish three months ago of arguing since doing LNC its been hard at times effected my sleep. The thing I’m struggling with is overthinking wen he comes to get our daughter about how invisible he makes me feel. It’s almost as like I’m counting the minutes for him to crack and then panic wen he doesnt. My focus is all over. One thing I am glad about is how independent I really am. As much as I know it’s over I have waves of memories that take me off course. And am I really going to get threw this LNC and come out the other side feeling better????

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      June 13, 2020 at 11:05 pm

      Hi Sarah, if you are working on yourself and focusing in your daughter and yourself then yes you will come out of the NC feeling better, but you must be sure that you are not fixating on your ex during this time. Read about the Holy Trinity and the Ungettable so that you end up coming out of this break up as the best version of yourself

  20. Avatar

    Star

    May 20, 2020 at 10:12 pm

    I want to follow the limit encounter and less doing stuff for him. And just talk to him about the baby. But sad to say I still continue doing the stuff for him like making the food and washing the clothes because we still together because of the lockdown . I want to see if how he feels like I stop doing things for him but makes me feel conscience if he do it on his own because since then I do everything for him and knowing we live at my place he don’t have family here and he don’t speak the language so I do everything he is british while I’m filipina he has depression and anxiety and knowing that I want him back and still care for him. For now he has chatting someone new online and they plan to meet after lockdown. I’m out of idea how to handle the situation

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