Knowing what to say to your ex after a breakup can be difficult.
And as time moves on it won’t get any easier.
The question is,
What are some of the things that you can say to your ex if you want to get them back?
Better yet, what things can you say to get positive results?
Well, that’s exactly what you’re going to learn today in this article!
Things To Say To Your Ex To Get Them Back
What if I were to tell you that there is a very specific way that human beings have conversations with one another.
We talk to people differently based on our relationships with them.
Today in our Private Facebook Group which you can get access to with a purchase of my best selling book I was asked a really interesting question,
Chris, how do you rebuild an intense emotional connection with your ex
Too often people obsess about having the perfect thing to say to an ex but the truth is that there isn’t a magic bullet answer that I can give you.
In the end, it’s all about trust.
The more someone trusts you the more likely they are to establish that emotional bond that you are craving so badly.
Well, in my experience there are really five things you can say or do to get your ex back,
- Small talk
- Telling stories
- Sharing Opinions
- Virgin Ground
- Sharing Feelings
Before we get started there is one small concept that I feel is a prerequisite for you to understand before I begin my lecture,
Everything that I am going to cover in this article today is designed to teach you what to say to your ex boyfriend or girlfriend.
Notice how there is a clear trajectory that you need to follow before you start doing something like sharing feelings.
This trajectory exists to create trust and rapport.
Without those things you will most likely fail.
It’s important that you don’t skip to the end of the process before putting work into everything that happens before it.
Step One: Small Talk
When I started writing this article I made a statement about conversations.
Do you remember what that statement was?
We talk to people differently based on our relationships with them.
You don’t just walk up to a stranger and begin telling them that you find them attractive and imagined having sex with them a few minutes ago.
That would be really creepy.
Instead, you typically talk to strangers about very non controversial broad topics.
In other words, small talk.
Small talk is all about building a witty rapport with an individual.
Getting comfortable together.
It isn’t about trying to sleep with the stranger.
It isn’t about trying to convince the stranger that you are the one for them.
It’s completely innocent.
Typical small talk topics include,
- Sporting events
- Very basic non controversial current events
- Obvious observations about what is going on around you
- Questions about location
Quite frankly, small talk is kind of boring but its purpose is to get your partner comfortable with talking to you.
Basically get into the groove of talking to each other.
Once you have a small foundation built with small talk it’s time to move on to the next step.
Step Two: Telling Stories
Generally speaking you aren’t going to tell a long winded story to someone you just met five minutes ago.
Well, it’s probably because you aren’t comfortable (which is why small talk is essential.)
Usually you are only going to tell stories to your friends, family or romantic partners.
The interesting thing about stories is that you tell different types of stories to people based on the level of trust they’ve received from you over the years.
For example, I’ll tell one story to my friends that I wouldn’t normally tell a stranger.
I’ll tell another type of story to my parents that I wouldn’t ever tell my friends or strangers.
And finally, I’ll tell different type of story to my wife that I wouldn’t ever tell my parents, friends or strangers.
You’re interested in the type of story you’d tell a romantic partner, aren’t you?
Telling a story to a romantic partner is fun because it allows you to be creative.
There’s only one rule,
Always be interesting
Oh, maybe there’s another rule too,
Paint yourself in the light you want to be painted in
Cultivating your image is pretty darn important. Let’s say that throughout your relationship you weren’t exactly the most selfless person (no shame in it) and your ex even cited your selfishness as a reason they broke up with you.
You could text your ex a story like this,
Notice how this story works to shed the “selfish” perception your ex may have had of you.
By simply mentioning that you were volunteering.
A selfless act.
Oh, and the Chris Pratt thing actually happened to one of my clients so I figured it’d be fun to include to make the story more interesting.
Step Three: Sharing Opinions
Have you ever heard the phrase,
It’s complete and utter bullsh*t.
Seriously, the more I research and learn about relationships the more I realize that opposites are huge turn offs.
What matters isn’t what you’re like, It’s what you like,
Now, why the heck am I bringing up “opposites” on a section about opinions?
Nothing can kill your momentum more than sharing an opinion you know that your ex is going to hate.
Before you bring out the pitchforks and claim that I am saying you have to change for your ex (I’m not) I want you to understand something.
Investment is a huge indicator of when you can let all of your opinions can be shared. Ideally you want to let your… controversial… opinions only be shared when your ex has invested so much into your relationship it’s too late for them to take a hike.
When you are in the process of “building attraction” I’d be conscious of the opinions you do share.
You want to ensure that you opinions will not only be interesting but will align with your exes.
If you learn nothing else from me learn this,
Alike attracts alike
Step Four: Virgin Ground
I love the movie 500 days of summer.
I feel like I quote this movie once per article and certainly within my own book and I’m going to do it again, sorry.
There is a scene in that movie where the protagonist is laying in bed with his girlfriend/not girlfriend…
There seems to be some debate on that topic throughout the movie,
Anyways, they are laying in bed together, staring into each others eyes and the “not girlfriend” says,
I’ve never told anyone that before
Doing this is an indication that he has entered into a realm that no other man has ever entered into with this particular girl.
It’s the ultimate sign of trust.
To tell something to someone that you’ve never uttered aloud before.
It’s virgin ground
People will often ask me when it’s ok for them to tell their ex that they love them or that they want to get back together.
My response usually goes like this,
“Has your ex told you something they don’t tell anyone? Have they shown you that level of trust yet?”
Now, some of you may be reading this and thinking,
What’s the big deal?
Well, it is a big deal because it puts you on a level above friends.
It’s easy to tell stories to your friends.
It’s easy to share opinions with friends.
It’s very easy to small talk with anyone.
It’s extremely challenging to get your ex to trust you enough to share a secret with you.
Step Five: Sharing Feelings
Usually I have a pretty grand commentary for each “step” throughout this process but quite frankly for this step I don’t.
That might strike you as odd, huh?
In my opinion, if you do everything right this should be the easiest part.
It should just flow naturally.
The problem is that so many people struggle with this because they don’t everything that comes before it.
Let me break it down for you,
Sharing feelings is simply the accumulation of all that happened before it.
If you struggle with it or it isn’t happening naturally that most likely means you haven’t put in the necessary work to get results.
It’s tricky because often you are so eager to see results you rush the process and rushing this process can lead to failure.