Most of the stories out there you hear about cheating revolve around men cheating on women but did you know that in many cases just as many women cheat on men as men cheat on women.
This holds true to our guest today, Brianna.
Brianna cheated on her boyfriend and in this episode I help lead her down the path to redemption.
Check it out,
For those of you who read the show notes here is a quick rundown of Brianna’s situation.
What We Are Dealing With Here
- Brianna dated her ex for two years.
- She admits she could have been a better girlfriend to him.
- She cheated on him.
- She tried no contact and only lasted 2 weeks.
- She has hooked up with him since then.
- Feels she needs to regain his trust.
What I Cover In This Episode
- What happens to a man when he is cheated on by a girl
- Expecting him to be paranoid
- You will have to go above and beyond to get a man back who you cheated on
- It can takes a long time for him to forgive you
- The importance of re-assurance and proving your innocence if you get him back
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
Screenshot of the women who cheated on her ex and got him to propose to her,
What do you say we get down to the game plan for how to get an ex boyfriend back if you cheated on him?
How To Get An Ex Boyfriend Back If You Cheated On Him (The Game Plan)
The No Contact Rule
As I explained in the episode.
You can’t expect an ex boyfriend to want to take you back immediately after a break in which he found out you cheated on him.
He needs more time to settle down emotionally.
Well, the no contact rule perfectly gives him this time and allows him to miss you.
Brianna, you have to last longer than two weeks.
In this episode I explained the idea of paranoia and how paranoid some men can be after their exes cheated on them.
The last thing you want to do is give your boyfriend any ammunition that could potentially make him dislike you anymore so make sure you don’t flirt with any guys. Don’t go on Facebook and like a “hot guys” post.
You need to make sure that you cut ties with the person who you cheated on your ex boyfriend with.
And when I say cut ties with him I mean in every form imaginable.
You need to erase him from your life entirely.
Defriend him on Facebook…
Block him from your phone…
Never talk to him again…
Is it extreme?
Does it have to happen for you to have a shot at winning your boyfriend back?
Lets say that you get your ex boyfriend back.
Well, if you cheated on him then you are going to have to constantly reassure him that it was a one time thing that will never happen again.
Be Willing To Prove Your Innocence
I explain this much better in the episode but basically if there is ever a situation where your ex boyfriend accuses you of cheating in your current relationship you need to be willing to prove your innocence to him.
Hand over your phone.
Show him your Facebook account.
Prove to him that you are innocent and you are his and his alone.
Remember, he is paranoid.
Welcome to Episode 20 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Wow, we have made 20 episodes of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. We’re almost legal drinking age. That’s pretty cool.
Today we’re going to talk about a situation that, quite frankly, I’m shocked that I haven’t covered. I guess I have to wait for the voicemails from all of you before I can cover certain situations. This particular situation is how to get your ex-boyfriend back if you’ve cheated on him.
We’ve already talked about what to do if your ex-boyfriend cheated on you in one of the episodes. Today we’re going to flip the script a little bit and talk about what you need to do if you cheated on your ex-boyfriend and a breakup resulted.
Let’s hear from Brianna, who is today’s featured guest. Unfortunately, she’s been having a pretty rough time post breakup:
“Hi, Chris. My name is Brianna. I dated my boyfriend for two years. I wasn’t the best girlfriend. I would criticize for him. I didn’t respect him the way he deserved. I broke up with him several times and I even cheated on him once. He was a great boyfriend. We broke up.
Seven months later, I called him and asked him to meet up. We began hooking up. After that, he broke up with me because he said he was confused about me. I tried no contact for two weeks and caved by sending him an “I miss you” message. We saw each other last week but it was really weird. Friendly, but weird. I have really changed but I think he doesn’t trust me at all. I really don’t blame him. Please help me out.”
I’ll do my best, Brianna. I have to say, out of all the situations, this is probably the hardest to recover from. Most men won’t take their ex-girlfriends back if they’ve cheated on them. However, that’s not to say that it’s impossible. In fact, I’ve helped a lot of women get their exes back who have cheated on their exes and admitted that they made a mistake.
My crowning achievement is a woman who contacted me a few months ago. She told me that I helped her get her ex back after she cheated on him. Her ex not only came back to her but proposed to her. In the show notes, I will take a screen shot of the email that she sent me to give you motivation and help you understand that this is not an impossible situation to recover from.
Nevertheless, it’s going to be hard. Personally speaking, I’m loyal. I’m probably one of the most loyal people out there. Cheating is the number one no-no on my list. I’m not sure I could take anyone back for cheating on me. However, Brianna, I’m going to approach this like you were trying to get me back and what you would have to do to get me back.
Cheating is the worst thing that you can do to someone in a relationship. If you can get me back after you cheated on me then you can get anyone back. I am as tough as they come when it comes to this topic. I would not take anyone back. But if you were to attempt to get me back, I would approach it the way I’m going to teach you here.
First, let me give you some general knowledge about men who have been cheated on and what goes through their minds. Men who have been cheated on are scarred. They’re scared that it’s going to happen to them in the next relationship. They’re scared in their current relationship if they’ve been cheated on. It’s not good.
I know multiple people in my life who have been cheated on who are so scarred and messed up that they haven’t dated since. It has quite an effect on men. You should never take this for granted. In your voicemail, you mentioned cheating in a small portion. But I think that’s the reason why you’re not going to get your ex-boyfriend back, until you overcome this headwind that he will have because you cheated.
In addition to the headwind of you cheating, you’re going to have to go out of your way to get him back. You’re going to have to go above and beyond if you want him to trust you again. To me, that’s what a lot of this is about. You cheated on him. He doesn’t have any trust in you.
You have to find a way to earn that trust back. It could take years sometimes. That’s not to say that it will take years to get him back, but it could take years before he’ll trust you again. You have to work like a dog every single day to get that trust back. You have to go above and beyond. It’s as simple as that.
There is a bit of good news, Brianna. Your ex-boyfriend clearly still does have feelings for you. He clearly does. He wouldn’t have hooked up with you if he didn’t in this case. In some cases, some guys take advantage of friends with benefits. In this case, this guy legitimately has feelings for you. He mentioned that he’s confused. I think that’s a result of him not trusting you.
Now I’m going to give you a game plan. I’m going to treat this game plan like you cheated on me and you’re trying to get me back. I have the highest standards when it comes to this. If you cheated on me, you’re bad. I probably wouldn’t take you back. This is the approach that I would recommend if you’re trying to get an ex-boyfriend back who thinks like me.
There are five steps to this game plan, Brianna. Step one is no contact. You mentioned that you tried no contact before but you only lasted two weeks, which is pathetic. You can do better than that. You should push yourself to do better than that, Brianna. You’re capable of lasting longer than that. No contact is essential, especially when it comes to someone you cheated on.
I’m going to tell you why. After you’ve cheated on him, your ex-boyfriend is going to get angry. That goes with the territory. If you’re trying to get your ex-boyfriend back when he’s in an angry mindset, you’re not going to get him back. It’s all about timing. Time cures all. Time will heal.
Time will get your ex-boyfriend back to a level where he might be open to the idea. He might think about taking you back. Time has to pass. In many cases, it’s going to be more time than the no contact rule. I would recommend the 30 day no contact rule because it allows time to pass. It allows him to level out emotionally.
After that period, you can work to overcome some of that cheating headwind. It gives you time to earn back his trust. As a result, you can expedite the process of him potentially taking you back. It’s pretty simple so far. Do the no contact rule. You lasted two weeks. You need to last longer. You need to last four weeks. You need to start over from the beginning because you failed. It’s as simple as that.
Step two is a little bit more challenging. You have to cut all men out of your life entirely. You can’t go on dates. You can’t even flirt. I know that’s extreme. But like I said, you have to go above and beyond if you really want this guy back.
You need to decide beforehand if you want him back and if this is worth it. The game plan I’m going to give you, Brianna, is extreme. But it can work if you follow it. The catch is, it’s extreme. You basically treat all other men like they’re the plague. Your ex-boyfriend is already going to be paranoid. If he sees you on Facebook, flirting with some guy or liking his pictures, he’s going to think, “Cheater.” You don’t want to be branded a cheater, even though you cheated on him. You need to work to shed his idea of you. Don’t give him any ammunition at all.
A lot of times, I say to use jealous tactics. Those are for the women who didn’t cheat on their ex-boyfriends. A woman who did cheat on her ex-boyfriend is going to have to do something a little bit different. You can’t use jealousy tactics. It could backfire. Like I’ve explained, men are paranoid when they’ve been cheated on. Don’t give him any reason to throw you away and move on from you.
Step one is no contact. Step two is no men at all. You can’t talk to any men at all. If you work with a guy, you’ll obviously be forced to. I mean in your free time and on Facebook. Don’t like any other guy’s pictures. You can’t give your ex any ammunition, especially in a fragile time like this.
Here is step three. You cheated on him. That means that there is another guy in the picture. This other guy needs to be cut out of your life completely. I mean completely. You erase his number. You block him. You never talk to him again. He’s dead to you. Understand that.
Too many women say, “I want my ex-boyfriend back.” But then when it comes down to it and they’re still friends with the guy that they cheated on their ex with, that’s going to cause massive potential problems. If I were your ex and that happened to me, I would say, “What the heck is going on? Why are you still friends with him? You better not be friends with him.”
I’d be paranoid. I’d think, “They’re still boinking like bunnies.” That’s not cool. You need to cut the other person that you cheated on your ex with out of your life completely. You have to block him on Facebook and unfriend him. You need to stop any means of communication.
Step one is no contact. Step two is that you can’t flirt with any men. Step three is to cut the person that you cheated on your ex with out of your life.
Step four is where it gets a little more interesting. You need to constantly reassure him that you’re his. This is going to sound really weird but men like to feel like they own women. That’s sexist, I understand. This is the mind of a man. This is a subconscious thought in their mind.
Let me explain it. They like to feel like they won something and that it’s theirs, so to speak. When another man comes and takes what’s theirs, they get paranoid. It’s like stealing. You need to constantly reassure your boyfriend that you are his and his completely. Everyone else is dead to you. You only have eyes for him. I don’t know how else to put it. You need to constantly reassure him. Don’t reassure him all the time every day, but do it once or twice a day. Let him know through your actions and words that you are his completely and you don’t have eyes for anyone else. He will feel, “I’m hers. I have her. She’s mine.”
I know it’s weird, but men like to own things. They like to own the relationship. Give him that power. No man ever owns you. I don’t ever mean it like that. It’s more of a feeling of, “I’m hers and she’s mine.” They’re protective over their toys. It’s like a toddler. If you take a toy away from him, he’s going to cry. Constantly reassure the toddler that the toy is his. I’m not comparing you to a toy. A man has to feel that you’re his.
Step one is no contact. Step two is not flirting with men at all. Step three is to cut the other person out of your life completely. Step four is to constantly reassure him that you are his.
Step five is to be willing to prove your innocence. I guarantee you that this is going to happen. Let’s say that everything works out perfectly for you, Brianna. You get your ex-boyfriend back. Everything is happy. He hasn’t brought up the cheating in a long time. He’s starting to trust you a little bit more.
You’re sitting on the couch one day and your girlfriend texts you. She says, “Hey, let’s go out. Let’s have some fun.” You text back, “Yes, let’s do that. I’ll ask my boyfriend.” You ask your boyfriend and he becomes cold with you. Number one, he’s paranoid about you cheating on him. Number two, he’s also wondering whether or not you’re actually talking to your girlfriend or if you’re talking to some guy.
Be willing to show him the actual text messages. You can say, “I want to show you where I’m going at all times. I want you to trust me.” Be willing to prove your innocence. Too many women, especially ones who have cheated on their exes, think it’s a breach of privacy to show their boyfriends their text or Facebook messages.
I’m not saying that you have to give him your password. If he has a question, be willing to prove to him that nothing is going on and you are his completely. Be willing to prove your innocence. You will get accused. You will get angry when you get accused. That just goes with the territory.
If you do get accused, don’t take it too personally. Again, he’s paranoid. He doesn’t have a lot of trust in you. You have to work to earn that trust back. Be willing to do that by proving your innocence. Show him, “Nothing is going on. This is exactly what I say it is. I’m not going to lie to you.” Be willing to pull up your Facebook messages.
You can say, “This guy Facebook messaged me and wants to go out with me. I wanted to let you know because I want you to trust me. I want you to understand that nothing is going on. I’m not responding to anything like that.” Some women may think that’s a little crazy. I think it is a little bit, but when it comes to getting an ex back who you cheated on, assume that he is extra paranoid about everything you do. Be willing to prove your innocence to cure his fears.
There are a lot of steps and hoops that you have to jump through to get your ex-boyfriend back if you cheated on him. You have to be willing to put in the time and work. That is the game plan. That is how I would approach it if I were trying to get me back.
That’s it for Episode 20. Tomorrow is Episode 21. I’m excited to see you then. If you want to ask me another question, Brianna, please feel free to follow up. I love hearing back from past guests. Episode 19 was about that. A woman named Shannon got her ex-boyfriend back.
I hope you enjoyed this episode, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery listeners. Please go to iTunes and subscribe to the show. Leave a review. An honest review is all I ask. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for listening.