This one has been a long time coming.
I have written about a lot of situations here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery but for some reason I have always put this one off despite the fact that I get tons of questions about it.
If you need proof of this all you need to do is think back to episode 11 of the Ex Boyfriend Recovery podcast where a woman named Shannon asked me a question about trying to get her ex back when he was about to be deployed overseas via the army.
But when you take those two resources into account they are by my own admittance a bit… thin.
I mean, I am sure you could listen to those two podcast episodes and think to yourself,
“Where are the details?”
“What do I do in this situation?”
“What do I do in that situation?”
Well, that is going to end today because, for the first time ever on Ex Boyfriend Recovery I am going tell you exactly what you need to do to get your ex boyfriend back if he is in the Army, Military, Navy, Air Force or any other combat type of outfit that you can think of.
First though, I feel it is important to set the groundwork for what this page is going to cover.
There are two things that come to mind when I think about a situation like this.
Well, technically those “things” are situations in and of themselves but bear with me here.
Thing 1: There are women whose ex boyfriends have shipped away due to the Army, Navy or Military
Thing 2: There are women whose ex boyfriends are in the Army, Navy or Military and are still stateside.
Guess which “thing” we are going to be covering here today on Ex Boyfriend Recovery?
Thing 1 of course!
Now, you may be wondering why I’m not going to help those women whose boyfriends are in the army but are still at home.
The answer is quite simple.
In that case there isn’t really anything special you have to do to get them back.
In other words, a woman who has gone through a general breakup is going to have the same exact “get your ex back strategy” as a woman who has a boyfriend in the Army that is still stateside.
What we are really focusing on in this page is how to get your ex boyfriend back if he is in the Army, Navy or Military and he has been shipped away.
Now, I realize that this isn’t exactly the broad topic that a lot of the women visiting Ex Boyfriend Recovery love to read about but this guide absolutely needs to get made because I can’t tell you how many questions I have run across over the past few years from women asking what they should do if their ex boyfriend is about to get shipped away.
Well, now it’s made!
Lets start at the beginning.
Army, Military and Navy Breakups
Dating a man from the Military is kind of tough.
Look, I am definitely not into talking bad about the Army or anything like that BUT when you look at combat jobs like being in the Military or Army and you try to match it up with dating it’s just tough.
While there are a TON of advantages to being in a uniform there are also a lot of sacrifices.
For example, lets assume that you and your ex boyfriend are still dating and he gets stationed somewhere in Texas. Now, since you are a huge lover of the heat you have no problem with this at all. Just as you start to get settled in Texas his job demands that he moves North to New York in the middle of the coldest Winter ever.
“Ugh… I hate this you think to yourself.”
And then lets say the worst happens and he gets shipped off to some foreign country you have never heard of in the middle of some terrible war zone.
Not only are you worried about where the two of you stand in your relationship but now you are worried about his life.
You have read the crazy stories of a couple very much in love and then the man gets shipped overseas only to come back in a coffin…
That’s scary and it adds a lot of necessary stress to your relationship.
What Is Going Through An Exes Mind During A Military Breakup?
We already know that being in the Military adds a lot of stress to a relationship but you have found yourself in a unique situation.
Your ex boyfriend (who is in the Military) is being shipped away on tour and has broken up with you.
You have a lot of questions.
What is going on in his mind?
Why did he break up with me?
“Is it possible for me to even get him back?”
Lets take a good moment and answer some of those questions. Now, before I get started I do want to mention that I am not in the Military nor have I ever been in the Military. So, I can’t say that I know for certain what is going on in your exes mind if he is.
However, I can say that I know the mind of a man quite well so while I may not be the best person to talk to you about Army stuff I can say that I am the best person to talk to you about men stuff seeing as I am one.
So, with that little disclaimer out of the way lets get down to business.
Why Men In The Military Break Up With Women (Before Being Shipped Away)
Lets talk about this for a minute.
One day everything is fine between you and your boyfriend and then the next he tells you that he can’t do it anymore….
That he is behind where you are in the relationship…
That the two of you have moved too fast…
“What the hell is he talking about?” you think to yourself.
What I want to do now is explain the “why.”
Why would he break up with you when everything seemed fine?
Well, the big “X” factor here is the fact that he is about to be shipped away due to the fact that he is in the Army.
Most men in his position would probably think a few things.
Thought One: “I don’t want want to be tied down while I am away”
Lets pretend that you are a guy who is in the military and you have this… vision in your head.
What’s the vision?
Basically you get shipped overseas and fight for a few months until you finally get a break. While on your break you are sitting at a cafe and you meet a beautiful girl,
As you look at her she looks back at you.
The connection is undeniable.
Now flash forward to the night where the two of you are in bed together having the most passionate sex of your life.
I’ll admit it’s kind of weird painting a picture like that for women and telling them to pretend to be a man but what I am trying to do here is show you what is going on in a mans mind who is in the Army, Military or Navy.
That little fantasy isn’t possible if a man already has a woman back home.
Well, I suppose that’s not entirely true as he could always cheat on his woman back home and she would be none the wiser but we are hoping a man of the military has more loyalty than that.
Oh, but I haven’t even gotten to the funniest part yet.
What a man fantasizes about will happen almost never come to fruition.
How do I know that?
Well, if it did then every man would be walking around with a big boobed blonde/brunette girlfriend.
Oh, and that little cafe fantasy that I painted for you above.
Well, instead of that girl at the cafe looking like the one pictured above probably looks more like this,
Let’s move on to the next thought.
Thought Two: “I Don’t Want Her To Find Someone Else… I Need To Protect Myself”
Now, I realize I am talking to women here so I don’t expect you to have seen this but have you ever seen the movie “Jarhead?”
There is a specific scene that is coming to mind here.
Do you know the one I am talking about?
Let’s just call it “The Deer Hunter Scene.”
In order for me to explain this to you I need to give you a bit of background.
There is a famous movie that won a bunch of Oscars called “The Deer Hunter.”
And no this movie isn’t about hunting deer…
Well, there is actually a deer hunt in the movie… A couple of them.
But it’s a war movie.
Basically there is a deer hunt at the beginning of the movie and then once again towards the end of the movie after war.
Whatever… the movie is great and I definitely recommend it if you are into that type of thing but as you probably assumed it’s very big among men that are in the Military.
So, now lets flash back to the movie “Jarhead.”
During a break a man’s wife sends him the movie “The Deer Hunter” to watch and when he gets the movie he gathers a bunch of his fellow peers to watch it. By the end he has like 30 people all sitting and watching what they think is going to be the movie “The Deer Hunter.”
It’s not “The Deer Hunter” instead it’s a video of the wife cheating on the man with the next door neighbor…
I don’t want to get much more graphic than that so I’ll let you fill in the blanks.
What I am getting at here is that every man is afraid of being cheated on and being shipped away further prods at this insecurity for a man.
Now, before you roll your eyes and tell me that, that’s not the reason that your ex boyfriend (who is in the Military) broke up with you I want to let you know that no woman is immune to this.
You’ve heard the phrase,
“Out of sight, out of mind,” right?
Your boyfriend doesn’t know what you will do behind his back and an active imagination can be a bad thing.
So, instead of talking to you about his fears of being cheated on he decides to protect himself by breaking up with you before you have a chance to hurt him.
Thought Three: “I Don’t Believe In Long Distance Relationships”
Can I just say one thing?
Yup, I am totally guilty of this.
Before I met my wife I literally would look at a long distance relationship and scoffed at the idea of it.
Heck, my wife thought the exact same thing.
Here is the funniest part.
For 6 months the both of us were in a long distance relationship with each other.
Hypocritical of both of us, huh?
There is a point of me telling you this though.
There is a stereotype that follows LDR’s around and hardly anyone wants to be a part of that stereotype. Now, when you look at a man who is about to be shipped away due to his combat duties he is going to look at your relationship with him and think,
“Wait, when I leave this is going to be long distance… I don’t want that.”
This singular thought is so overwhelming that it can cause a man to break up with you.
Now, all this talk about breaking up has gotten me fired up to show you how you can get your ex boyfriend back.
Will The No Contact Rule Work On A Man In The Military?
You have found yourself in a very tough situation.
Your ex boyfriend has just broken up with you and is about to deploy somewhere far across the world.
Now, if you are an avid reader of this site then you would know that I am a huge advocate of the no contact rule.
If you don’t know what the no contact rule is then you can learn about it here.
BUT for those of you who are too lazy to click on a single link here is a quick crash course.
No Contact = A specific period of time (usually 21 to 30 days) where you ignore your ex on purpose for a variety of reasons (he misses you, rethinks the breakup, etc.)
Basically as you read this site the no contact rule is the backbone of almost every “get your ex back” strategy that I have ever composed.
But having an ex in the Army, Military or Navy is a bit different.
Simple, when he is deployed he can go months without any cell phone access for a variety of reasons.
For example, lets say that your ex boyfriend is a Navy Seal. He could get shipped away for some super top secret mission and won’t have any access to his cell phone.
How do you deal with that?
How does the no contact rule work in this instance?
What about if your ex boyfriend is in the Army and he gets shipped to Afghanistan or some other foreign country where his cell phone reception is horrible?
What are you supposed to do?
Well, in order for me to answer that question you first are going to have to understand a basic get your ex back strategy.
Take a look at the graphic below,
Notice how it’s basically a four step process.
- The No Contact Rule
- Text Messaging
- Phone Calls
- Re-connection In Person
Every strategy found here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery usually follows this basic system.
Sure, alterations have to be made for everyone’s situation due to the uniqueness of this process but basically you can always find a way to fit things into this four step process.
But when you look at an ex boyfriend who is in the army… Well, things are different.
I mean, if he is shipped away then it’s almost like the no contact rule happens on it’s own and loses a bit of it’s effectiveness…
Oh, and then lets say that your ex boyfriend is shipped to some country where he has little to no cell service.
You know what that means, right?
Yup, text messaging is out and if text messages are out due to poor cell service that means that phone calls are going to be out too.
Honestly the only thing that you can use out of the regular four tier strategy is the last part, a re-connection in person but there is a big downside to that. While a re-connection in person may sound good to the average reader it’s rendered useless without the first three tiers being completed.
In other words, the regular strategy that is used in the more general situations that women find themselves in on this site can’t be used on an ex who is being shipped away in the army.
So, what do you do?
Well, that’s what I am going to teach you.
The Strategy For Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back Who Is In The Army, Military or Navy
Since you are in such a unique position I have come up with a new “four tiered” strategy just for you.
Now, if you are reading this article and you don’t have an ex boyfriend who is in the army or military then I am going to point you in the direction of the strategies found in my book. However, if you do then this is the strategy that I am going to HIGHLY recommend.
I figured we would use the same four tiered graphic since that is what we are used to already.
Ok, so lets talk a little bit about this.
As you can see there are four parts to this new strategy.
- The Self Improvement No Contact
- Texting IF Possible
- If Not Possible Then Patience
- Regular Strategy When Home
So, here is what I am going to do for you.
I am going to go through this strategy and explain it to you until you understand it so well that you are sick of reading about it.
Ok, lets start with part one of the strategy.
PART ONE: The Self Improvement No Contact
Way back when I first started the Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast I got a question from a woman who was wondering why her ex boyfriend was into her all of a sudden.
You see, ever since this woman and her ex broke up the woman’s life really took off.
Her business started succeeding….
She started hanging out with more friends…
All in all her life was going well…
So, the question that this woman had was,
Does having your own life help you get your ex boyfriend back?
(Oh, and FYI this was episode 3 of the podcast.)
After all I have seen and learned here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery I can honestly say that having your own life or improving your life does have a positive correlation to getting your ex back. Now, what do you I mean when I say that?
Simple, it means that if I were to ask all the women who actually succeeded in getting their exes back the following quesiton,
“Before you got your ex back would you say that you improved your life?”
The vast majority of them would say yes.
I find that interesting because the way that I teach the no contact rule almost lends itself to self improvement.
Oh who am I kidding.
I am pretty blunt about the fact that during the time that you are actively ignoring your ex you need to be improving yourself. Again, I explain this in more detail here. You see, in my mind there are two big benefits to a regular no contact rule.
Benefit One: By ignoring your ex you increase the chances of having him miss you.
Benefit Two: It gives you time to focus on yourself/improve yourself.
Now, since your ex boyfriend is being shipped away to some foreign country where he might not be able to use his phone until he is stateside that pretty much takes care of the no contact rule right there.
However, the huge difference between this self imposed no contact rule and one that is imposed by a woman who is trying to get her ex back in a general situation is the fact that the no contact rule will probably last for more than a month. Heck, it may last as much as six months to a year.
Pretty depressing, right?
Well, after you finish crying lets do something with all this time.
Let’s use this time for self improvement.
Why It’s Important To Improve Yourself During The No Contact Rule
I am going to tell you something and I don’t want you to freak out.
The chances that you and your ex will eventually talk to each other again at some point are very high.
Yippeee…. YAY… WOOO HOOO….
Did we get that all out of our system?
When the two of you do eventually come face to face I want you to be at your best.
I want you to have interesting things to talk about…
I want you to make him laugh…
Oh, and above all I want him to be captivated by your looks.
Men are really big on looks.
In fact, I am writing an article right now for my other site, Ex Girlfriend Recovery that teaches men to become more attractive to women and on it I talk about the differences between men and women when it comes to the looks vs personality debate.
In other words, what matters more to men vs women?
Looks or personality.
Would you like to know what I concluded?
Both matter a lot for relationships but one always matters a little more than the other.
With men it’s looks…
Basically when we look at potential mates we are always basing our judgements off of their looks.
Personality definitely comes into play at some point but for men it always starts with looks.
This is especially true of a soldier coming home after a long time.
I want to take a moment and talk about something that I feel none of the other “get your ex back” experts ever touch on.
It’s a little thing I like to call “The Caged Animal Effect.”
The Caged Animal Effect
Imagine that you are a guy that has been overseas for 9 months. You have been away from your family, friends and any form of regular civilization for a long time. Oh, and you haven’t had any type of “sexual release” in all this time.
Well, coming home your sex drive is going to be going crazy.
As an ex girlfriend you can use this to your advantage.
This is especially true if you were to bump into him on the street and look the best you have ever looked before.
You might find yourself getting a text like this,
Now, this is an obvious attempt to probably release that “caged animal” that is his sex drive but like I said we are going to use this to our advantage.
What is the one principle about men that I am constantly preaching here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery?
Well, an ex boyfriend in the Army is no different.
So, lets pretend that you were to take him up on his date idea of going out and getting a drink and you were to wear one of your sexiest outfits to “rev him up” on purpose. Just as the animal in him is about to pounce you leave the date suddenly.
Pretty extreme, right?
Will it work?
Absolutely, he is going to try to ask you on another date and then another and then another and then pretty soon HE will the the one constantly annoying you instead of the other way around.
So, improving yourself is kind of a big deal during this time away from each other.
The whole part of the strategy revolves around this.
Now, I realize I haven’t given you exact instructions on self improvement.
(Hey, I have to leave you wanting more sometimes.)
My advice is if you really want to learn what to do during the no contact rule to pick up my Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO System.
Let’s move on to the next part of the strategy.
PART TWO: Text IF Possible
Yesterday one of my wife’s friends came over to help us with the new addition to our family (a baby.)
Why am I telling you this?
- I want to brag about my child
- My wife’s friend has a brother in the military
So, I figured I would ask her a few questions about a man who goes on tour to get a better idea of how the whole process works.
Here is what I found out.
When a man (or woman) who is in the military gets shipped overseas to go on tour the tour can last from anywhere between 6 months to 1 year. Heck, in some cases it can last a year and a half. However, if a man in the military does end up going on a long tour he will get a leave of two weeks somewhere in the middle of the tour where he can travel back home.
HOWEVER, according to my wife’s friend it seems like the military seems to be starting to go away from this process as of late and going to a shorter tour with no leave.
So, if your ex boyfriend is going to be going away for that long of a time then it’s kind of important to text him or have some form of contact with him, right?
I mean, it’s kind of impossible to get an ex boyfriend back without at least talking to him.
But therein lies the problem.
What if your ex boyfriend gets shipped away to some foreign country where he has no cell service?
What do you do then?
What about if you don’t even have a way of reaching him because they confiscate his cell phone due to his mission.
Lets explore this a bit more.
What To Do About The Cell Phone Problem
The first thing you always want to do is to determine whether or not your ex boyfriend will even have access to a phone.
However, for the sake of this example lets pretend that he does have access to a cell phone but he doesn’t have any cell phone reception where he is. As a result of this bad reception he can’t use it for phone calls, text messages or anything else.
Is there a way around this problem?
Soldiers are usually given a couple of computers to Skype on and a few landlines to make calls to home on but there’s a problem.
How are you going to make an ex boyfriend in the army Skype you or talk to you on the phone when HE broke up with you?
Well, I think I might have an idea for you.
I like to call it the “reminder mail method.”
What Is The Reminder Mail Method?
If you have been an avid reader of Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you know that I am not a big fan of women sending letters to exes. In my experience it really doesn’t work. I mean, for some strange reason women think that if they pour their heart out in a letter that it’s going to convince a man to come back to them but that’s never the case.
But what if a letter is the only way that you could get in contact with an ex?
I mean, if your ex boyfriend is in the Army and he is going to be gone for a long time like a year you are going to have to do something to remind him that you are still existing in the world.
But a direct letter to him can be dangerous.
So, let’s just take a step back and assess this situation.
Right now your ex boyfriend is overseas in a strange place amongst a bunch of other dudes in a platoon.
What if we could somehow get these other guys that he is around to champion your cause of getting him back?
How can we do that?
Well, I am sure you are aware of this idea of a military care package, right?
It’s basically this care package that you can send a member of the military that has a bunch of stuff in it from home. Some care packages are sentimental while others are more practical and contain things like food. So, here is my idea.
Why not send your ex boyfriend a care package that isn’t meant for just him but meant for his entire platoon.
Think of it this way.
Imagine that you sent a care package his way that had enough stuff for his entire platoon and all you wrote him was a note like,
I was just thinking about how lonely it must be for you and your platoon lately so I thought I would send you guys something.
All of a sudden all of the men he is surrounded by are going to start asking questions about you and when he tells them that you are his ex they are going to look at him like he was an idiot for letting you go.
PART THREE: If Not Possible Then Patience
What if you are in a situation where you don’t have any way of contacting your ex at all.
Oh, and the reminder mail method you can’t do due to money constraints or knowing where to send the care package.
What are you supposed to do then?
Well, in my opinion there isn’t much you can do at this point.
Perhaps I should rephrase that.
There isn’t much you can do for your boyfriend at this point to get him back.
HOWEVER, there are things that you can do to improve yourself in an attempt to get him back.
In other words, you are going to have to be patient with the way things are until he gets back.
Lets talk about some of the things that you can do to improve yourself during this time.
I am really big on setting goals so lets set a couple of goals for you to complete so you can improve yourself/bide your time for when your boyfriend comes back.
What should these three goals be.
Well, I am a big believer in the holy trinity and no I am not talking about anything biblical here.
I am talking about health, wealth and relationships.
So, lets set three goals for you with one goal satisfying each arc of the trinity.
I suppose we can start with health.
The Health Goal
This goal is really easy.
Let’s get fit!
Now, I am going to do my best not to fat shame anyone (if they are a bit overweight) but I always feel like I am walking a fine line here since men do look at a woman’s weight and judge them based on that fact. Now, beauty is always in the eye of the beholder so it’s not uncommon to find a man who does like a little more meat on his women but generally speaking men do like the fitness model look.
(Remember, there is a difference between the fitness model look and the skinny model look.)
So, my goal is for you is to achieve your definition of fit.
In other words, if you define a fit looking woman as this,
Then that is fine… go out and achieve that look.
And if you define a fit looking woman as this,
Lets move on to the next arc of the holy trinity, wealth.
The Wealth Goal
So, what kind of goal do we set for wealth?
Well, I suppose it really depends on what age you are.
For example, if you are still in high school then realistically I can’t tell you,
“Oh, you should be shooting for six figures a year.”
Hardly anyone in high school makes that much.
Now, if you are say…. 35 years old and are already established in a career then that six figure mark is probably more realistic.
So, what I would say to you is to take out a piece of paper and write down a monthly income figure that you would be happy with. Again, the key thing we are trying to achieve here to make a realistic goal that you can actually reach.
Once you have written that goal down I want you to do everything in your power to reach it.
If that means getting a job (if you are in high school) then get a job.
If that means killing it at work so you get a promotion then start killing it at work.
The Relationship Goal
Now, when most people hear me talk about relationships they assume that I am talking about romantic relationships. However, those aren’t the only type of relationships out there.
You can have relationships with,
The list goes on and on.
What tends to happen to women who go through a break up is that they become very closed off to the other relationships in their life and focus almost all of their energy on the relationship that needs to be repaired.
This is a mistake in my opinion because oftentimes you will find that cultivating relationships outside of your own will round out your life and make you happier.
In fact, they have done studies on marriages and you know what they have found?
They have found that people who are at peace with themselves often have the best marriages. In other words, it’s ok to cultivate other relationships outside of your ex boyfriend.
So, what kind of goal can we set for relationships?
How about just spending more time with friends and family?
That sounds like a pretty solid goal, right?
PART FOUR: Regular Strategy When Home
Lets say that you have done everything I have suggested throughout the six months that your ex boyfriend was away and tomorrow he is finally returning home from a long tour away from the country.
What’s the next step?
Well, that’s where the regular strategy found in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO comes in.
But where do you start the regular strategy?
Do you start over from start to finish or do you pick up somewhere else?
Since the no contact rule was kind of self imposed by his job I don’t see a need for that so I recommend picking the strategy up post no contact.
So, when you open up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO you can skip the section on no contact and jump straight to the first contact text.