What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

What To Do On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend

Throughout this site I talk a lot about how to get your ex boyfriend back. I talk about the different strategies, tactics and methods that you can employ to help your ex find his way back into your loving arms. Of course, visitors have often pointed out to me that one area that always seems to be lacking is my knowledge on what to do on a date with an ex boyfriend.

You see, I talk a lot about how to get the date but I never talk about the details of what you should do on that date to get him back.

Well, that is about to change starting right now!

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What This Page Is About?

(If you would like to learn more about HOW you can get a date with your ex boyfriend click here.)

dating

Wherever I looked online I always seemed to come up empty in my research on what you should do on a date to get an ex boyfriend back. Your specific situation is very different than the normal “what should I do on a date?” inquiry that many women are wondering.

That extra element that makes your situation unique, your ex, changes the rules on what you should do on your date entirely. So, I decided to put this guide together. It’s main focus is going to be helping you to understand how to reattract an ex while you are on a date with him. I will be talking about concepts like:

  • Push/Pull Theory.
  • How To Act On Your Date.
  • Big No No’s.
  • Where To Go On Your Date.
  • How You Need To Look.
  • How Long It Should Last.
  • Whether To Kiss Or Not.
  • The Second Date

None of that really made a lot of sense huh?

No worries, I am going to be going into so much detail on all of the points above that you will be begging me to stop ;). So, rather than listen to me ramble on all day lets just cut right to the chase!

Push/Pull Theory

push_pull

Before I even talk about “the date” there is an important concept that I need you to understand. In fact, it’s so important that both my books,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

&

The Texting Bible

Use this concept.

I thought a lot about how I could best explain this to you (I even spent 30 minutes mapping it out on my computer.) I eventually decided to explain it like this:

Push/Pull Theory- A concept that states that we pursue that which retreats from us. The puller (one who shows interest) will not be pursued by the pusher (one who shows disinterest.) Meanwhile, the puller (interest) will most likely pursue the pusher (disinterest.)

Lets apply this new found, albeit complicated, knowledge to YOU!

I could be entirely true that one of the biggest reasons you want your ex boyfriend back is because you feel rejected. In other words, you are the puller while your ex boyfriend is the pusher.

Still confused?

Hmm… let me see if I can simplify this for you.

  • The Puller- The person that shows an extreme interest in someone else.
  • The Pusher- The person that shows an extreme DISinterest in someone else.

Get it yet?

Push/pull theory is a very important concept for you to grasp before you go out on a date. I will explain why in a moment but first I need to explain the effect push/pull can have on men. One of the biggest advantages to this site is that I am a member of the male species so I can give you direct insight that not many others could give you.

When I learned about push/pull I found it very relevant and true.

The women who I seem to be the most attracted to are always the ones that are pushing me away at the beginning a little bit. Of course, there is more to it than that as I explain with the ungettable girl but when generalized the women who I have to chase and “pull” are the ones that have me wrapped around their fingers.

Let me give you a real life example.

One attractive woman I ended up wanting to date was a great pusher! I ended up spotting her across a room and I was drawn in by her looks. Now, I am not saying that she had perfect looks but she had something that drew me in. She had this aura about her.

Of course, when I actually tried talking to her she showed extreme disinterest in me, which of course made me want want to chase a little more.

This is the push/pull theory at work!

Remember, (as I have stated a thousand times throughout this site) men always want what they can’t have.

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How Can You Apply Push/Pull To Dating?

push_pull date

One of the biggest issues I see from women who go out on dates with their exes is that they automatically assume that the hard part is over.

I am sorry to break it to you but the hard part just began.

You see, before you went out on a date with your ex (where you have to see him in person) you were most likely able to hide behind your phone. I am not saying that like it is a bad thing as it gives you time to think before you try something. It’s just that when you are out on a date you don’t have any time to think.

Why is it important to have time to think?

If you are familiar with this site then you may realize that everything I teach you to do pre-date I am doing to show you how you can become a pusher. It’s all about getting your ex to chase you again and the best way to accomplish that is to make him the puller.

Of course, when you are on a date you have to be aware that the push/pull mechanisim is in play here. It’s likely that the more you show interest in him the less likely he will be to show interest in you. Of course, the untrained (get your ex back professional) may point out that if this is the case then the smartest play is to show your ex disinterest. Unfortunately, it isn’t as easy as that either.

Let me break it down for you because that last paragraph was a lot to swallow.

Lets say that you and I are on a date. For the purposes of this example I am your ex boyfriend and you entered this date with one goal, to improve your chances of getting me back. Now, using the push/pull theory we know that if you show me a lot of interest I will show you disinterest. I really want to break this down for you so you can understand what you can expect to happen here.

I hear from a lot of women who have this exact thing happen to them. They go on a date and show their ex a lot of interest only to get hurt by his inability to show interest at a later date.

Using (you and I) as an example you are going to show a lot of interest in me on our date. Of course, interest to a guy is always flattering so I am going to appear very happy to receive that interest. You see this exact thing happening with women who sleep with their ex boyfriends. Those women show interest to their exes in the form of sex. Of course, the ex isn’t going to turn down sex so he is going to accept that initial interest (sex.) The only problem here is that the initial interest the ex accepted was not real. He just did it for sex. What we are looking for here is REAL interest.

Now the question becomes: How do you get your ex boyfriend to show REAL interest in you?

As I stated above, some women, who employ the push/pull theory, think that showing disinterest in their ex is the way to go. However, I am afraid that the situation isn’t that easy to figure out.

How do you think I would react if I went out on a date with you and all you did the entire time was show disinterest to me? I may have a few choice words for you but I would also be under the impression that there is no way that we could ever get back together (because you don’t want it to happen.)

Newsflash, the goal here is to get your ex boyfriend back. Not to scare him away so much that he never thinks he has a shot.

So, understanding this knowledge what are you supposed to do to get an ex to show you interest?

The answer is really right in front of your face. You need to show interest while showing disinterest! You essentially combine the two concepts (pushing and pulling.)

Now, combining pushing and pulling isn’t exactly easy to do. I mean, your ex has to think he has a shot and then he has to think he has not shot only to think he has a shot a few minutes later….

Kind of complicated huh? Don’t worry, that is what the rest of this guide is for!

Main Goals You Need To Accomplish On Your Date

(If you would like to learn about what to do to get a date with your ex please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

goals

I am the type of person that needs goals to accomplish. You see, at the beginning of every week I write down what I want to accomplish in that week. Once I can visualize those goals I focus my energies solely on achieving them. In a way, I am hoping you are the same way.

So, I have decided to set aside a section based solely on the goals you need to accomplish while you are on your date. This way, after the date is over you can come home and see how you did on the date. Of course, it’s a little more complicated than that as I am about to explain but the general idea here is to give you a checklist to see how you did on your date.

Lets get started!

Goal 1- Making The Date Memorable But Not Over The Top

bachelor

(I am about to lose some serious man cred here but what the heck.)

Have you ever watched that show “The Bachelor?”

If you have then probably the thing that sticks out to you most is the amazing dates that these women get taken on. When you take your ex boyfriend out on a date (or he takes you out) you are not aiming to have a bachelor like date. Thats…. a little too strong.

At the same time you have to keep in mind that no one remembers the average dates. Instead, they remember the memorable ones. One of my favorite, albeit campy lines that I like to use whenever people ask me about dating is:

I don’t go on dates, I create memories

It is an extremely corny line but at the same time there is some truth to it. When your ex leaves his date with you, you want him to remember it for the right reasons. In essence, you want him to have a positive memory about it.

Here is where things get tricky though, you can’t make him remember it by taking him on a bachelor-esque date. Like I said above, that’s too much. You need to make the date exciting but at the same time you need to make it calm. Unfortunately, I can’t help you very much in this area because every guy is different and after all you know your man better than I do.

Don’t worry though, I am going to be talking exclusively about where to take him on a date later in this guide. For now just realize that you need to make it memorable but not “bachelor” memorable.

Goal 2- Getting A Second Date

made out alicia

This is really THE big goal.

In fact, this is a very revolutionary idea that I introduce in PRO since I think too many women try too hard just to secure date one.

I am not ashamed to say that I have been on a lot of dates in my life. A few years ago I began to notice a trend with all the dates I have been on.

Getting the first date is relatively simple if you know what you are doing. However, getting a second date can be much harder. Why is that? Well, with any first date I am vetting a girl to see if she is worth taking out again. Of course, I know for a fact that the girl is doing the same exact thing to me.

There have been times where I opted to not take someone on a second date because I don’t see the point of ever seeing them again if there is no future there. On the flip side, there have been times where I desperately wanted to go out on a date with a girl and she completely blew me off.

Here is where things get interesting though, every time I get a second date with a girl I find that, that girl always ends up wanting to date me.

Second dates are key!

Of course, we are dealing with a situation where you are going out with your ex boyfriend so does the “second date” rule still apply?

You bet it does!

I have found that the women who tend to get their exes back are ALWAYS able to get a second date. Now, I am not saying that if you get a second date with your ex you are automatically going to get him back but you will be in a very good position to do so.

Keeping all this in mind there is still something I need to discuss with you.

Second Date Reminders

In the section above I alluded to the times where I desperately wanted a second date with a girl but never got it. I want to explore this train of thought a little bit further because it will help you understand the situation.

A big problem that I see when it comes to women, exes and second dates is that the women tend to count their chickens to soon. What do I mean by that? Well, just because your ex says he wants to see you again doesn’t mean that you will get the implied second date.

Every time I asked those girls who ,I did not get a second date with, if they would like to go out again they always replied with a simple:

“Sure, that sounds like fun!”

or

“Absolutely, lets do something next week.”

Of course, by the time the day of the date would come around I would always get a phone call like:

“Oh, something came up I can’t go…”

or

“I completely forgot…. sorry 🙁 .”

In fact, there was one time a girl literally stood me up for a second date by NEVER TEXTING ME AGAIN. So, just because your ex says he wants to see you it doesn’t mean much until you are actually on that date. THEN you can start counting your chickens!

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How To Act On The Date

(If you need help on actually getting a date with your ex please click here.)

dating game

Ah.. Dating!

Going out on dates can be very fun. Of course, if you are going out on a date with your ex you are likely going to be very nervous. In this section I am going to talk a lot about the general rules of the date. Essentially it will show you how you need to act on the date.

The first thing I want to talk about with you is about hype!

Don’t Hype It Up

hype traing

A few years ago I asked a very pretty girl on a date. Now, I am used to going out on dates so asking another girl out shouldn’t have been all that big of a deal. Except in this case something was different. I found this particular girl a lot more attractive than any girl I had ever asked out before.

As a result, I began to hype the date up. That hype created pressure on my part to be perfect. I remember I felt so much hype for the date that I ended up washing my car, buying new clothes and planning out the first few things I would talk to her about.

The funny part was that I had never done this for a date before. Sure, I have been nervous before but I had never bought new clothes or felt the need to “script” what we would talk about. What it all boils down to was the hype I was feeling for this date. Since I thought this particular girl was more attractive than any of the girls I had ever taken out I thought that she was used to a certain standard on dates. This one simple little thought (that I had) is what created the hype I felt for the date.

Here is the funniest part about the whole thing though, the date I went on with her was by far the worst date I had ever been on. Not to ruffle any feathers if that particular girl is reading this page for some reason but I found her weird. She was very closed and quiet. She refused to have a normal conversation with me. It’s almost like she felt this sense of entitlement to have everything handed to her and I really did not like that.

Look, the main point I am trying to make here is do not hype your date with your ex up. That creates a pressure for things to go perfectly. The truth is that the date you go on with him doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be good enough to get a second date.

No Pressure Vibe

no pressure

Obviously I don’t want you to feel pressure when you go on a date with your ex. However, at the same time I don’t want your ex boyfriend to feel pressure either. Do your best to maintain a cheerful and happy vibe.

Would you like to know an interesting fact about men?

When I look back at all the dates I have been on in my life there is one that always sticks out in my mind. The funny thing is that the date wasn’t anything special. In fact, I am sure that almost all of the women reading this site have been taken on dates 10 times nicer than the one I am about to tell you about.

While the date wasn’t anything special the thing that really stuck out to me was that the girl I took on the date made me feel comfortable and safe. At the time I was relatively inexperienced with dating. It was only the second date I had ever been on and I was very nervous.

I think she could sense that too.

I remember my heart beating very fast, as if I had run a mile. I truly felt like a deer in the headlights. Two things stick out to me when I think back to that date.

The first thing was how nervous I was (as I have already stated.) Specifically, I was so nervous that as I was driving (at night) I forgot to turn my headlights on…. (I know, I know…)

The second thing was how my date could sense I was nervous and how at ease she put me about the whole thing. I remember as I was driving I felt this soft hand on my knee. I looked at her as she looked back at me and said:

“Hey, it’s ok you don’t have to be so nervous there is no pressure here!”

That one comment put me at ease and allowed me to relax.

The point of all of this is that if you can make your ex feel comfortable (because no doubt he will be feeling pressure too) you will be in a very good spot to obtain that second date.

The Friend Vibe

friend meme

So, how in the world are you supposed to create a no pressure vibe?

Again, your circumstances are unique because you have already had a relationship with the person you are about to take on a date so your approach needs to be different. I have found the best thing you can do to accomplish this is to create a “friend vibe.” Now, before you freak out on me for the fear of being friend-zoned I am not talking about a “friend vibe” in the context of being friend zoned. I am talking about a “friend vibe” in the context of how safe you feel when you are with your friends.

At one time you dated your ex boyfriend and had a relationship with him. I don’t care what you say to me, if you convinced him to enter into a relationship with you there had to be a connection he felt. That connection will always be there so you will always have that to your advantage.

Of course, when you are on your date with him I do want you to tap into that connection but not as much as you expect. Too many times have I seen women bank on the connection they built with their ex (in their previous relationship) while on their date only to fall flat on their faces. I will talk about how you can carefully tap into your past connection with him later but first lets get back to the friend vibe.

Any time you go out with your friends you feel safe. When you feel safe you are more likely to have fun. When you have fun, chances are that you want to see the person you had fun with again. That is the beauty of giving off a “friend vibe.” It allows you to fly in under the radar while giving you the opportunity to carefully rebuild attraction in your ex boyfriend.

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Looks Matter

(I aim to misbehave in this section so buckle up.)

looks matter

Whoever said “looks don’t matter” is an idiot…

Yes, I said it ok (deal with it 😉 .)

I think it’s a pet peeve of mine when I hear someone saying that “looks don’t matter.” I remember there was an English teacher that I had in high school that went on this rant about looks not mattering. Now, I am a pretty well behaved guy when it comes to school but this teachers rant really set me off.

I remember calmly raising my hand and basically doing my best to dispel this guys (the teacher) “looks belief.” I admit that I could have handled it better than I did but still, I felt he was wrong about what he was saying and I was sticking to my guns. Anyways, the girls in the room (who were clearly buying into this teachers rant) laid in to me. I mean, they really let me have it. Here is the problem though, they were all wrong.

I am a straight male and I can tell you up front that looks really do matter to me and all the other men out there. Personality matters just as much in the long run (as I explain in the ungettable girl guide) but with initial first impressions it’s all about the looks.

The truth is that looks shouldn’t matter but they do so you just have to deal with it.

Now, I bet you are wondering what this has to do with your date?

How You Need To Look On Your Date

Michelle-Trachtenberg-michelle-trachtenberg-487160_1920_1200

Amazing…. you need to look absolutely amazing.

You only get one chance to impress your ex boyfriend with your looks on this date and you better take advantage of it.

A few weeks ago one woman asked me “how should I look on my date?

Unfortunately, I chickened out of giving her a proper answer because I was tired and in order to give her the proper answer I needed to give a long in-depth explanation of something very complicated, the imagination effect.

The Imagination Effect

This is good stuff so you may want to pay attention here. I am about to give you the secret to attracting any man (including your ex.)

We have already established above that men always want what they cant have (refer to push/pull.) However, another interesting thing about men is they want what their imagination wants.

…. Wait, WHAT?

It is kind of hard to explain (I’ll admit that) but I think I can do it best with an example. I want you to take a look at the picture below:

beautiful girl staring

What do you see when you look at this picture?

Well, I am not a woman but I imagine you see a pretty blonde girl staring out of the window/porch. I mean, that is what is technically what’s happening here.

Want to know what men see when they look at this picture?

(or better yet what they imagine?)

When they look at this picture I see a potential girlfriend. They see someone who you can curl up on the couch and feel safe with (but alive at the same time.) They see someone who is gentle but playful. Someone who isn’t afraid to look them in the eye. Someone with a beautiful smile. Someone they could have long intense conversations with. Someone who wants to be held. Someone worth holding!

In other words, men can insert themselves into an alternate reality with them.

Do you get the imagination effect yet?

Men tend to imagine what life could potentially be like with the woman they are on a date with. There are times where I am on a date and I will find myself daydreaming about what a “potential future” with this girl could be like. If I like the future then that makes me more attracted her. Of course, if I don’t like the future then her chances with me are over. I’ll admit that it’s a warped way to look at things since reality is NEVER as good as a daydream but this is how men can sometimes choose women.

So, are you still wondering how you need to look on your date?

It’s quite simple really.

You need to look how you want to be perceived or imagined by your date :).

The Big No No’s On A Date

(If you need help getting a date with your ex boyfriend check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

no bear meme

Lets talk about what NOT to do on a date. Believe it or not but I think you are going to get a lot from this particular section.

The way this works is simple. I am going to talk in-depth about the biggest no no’s that women can commit on dates. So, when you look below and see “Big No No # (insert number)” it will be the particular mistake I will be focusing on in that section. I really want you to understand everything so I am going to do my best to explain it to you.

Lets get started!

Big No No #1- Getting Into An Argument

chuck norris

Couples fight…

It is completely normal to get into an argument while you are dating someone. In fact, I would be worried if you never got into one. However, if you are out on a date I need you to take an unbreakable oath:

“I will under NO CIRCUMSTANCES get into an argument with my ex while I am out on a date with him.”

Think of it like this. What gets accomplished with an argument? You clearly want your ex boyfriend back so do you think arguing with him is going to help you achieve that goal? This is one of the challenges of going out on a date with your ex. You see, it is a lot easier to remain calm, cool and collected when you are texting because you have time to think and process. The entire game changes when you are seeing your man in person. No longer do you have time to think. Everything is going to happen fast and the second he says something you don’t like you are going to make a face. When you make that face he is going to get angry. When he gets angry you are going to get angry and then we have our very own full blown argument.

DO NOT GET INTO AN ARGUMENT.

I cannot stress this enough. If he says something you don’t like bite your lip and just take it. Of course, most arguments tend to get started when you talk about your previous relationship…

Big No No #2- Talking About Your Previous Relationship

fight club

The first rule of fight club… “We do not talk about fight club.”

The second rule of fight club… “WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB.”

Ahh… I love that movie. Ahem, nerdiness aside.

The first rule of going on a date with your ex boyfriend… “We do not talk about our relationship.”

The second rule of going on a date with your ex boyfriend… “WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.”

I am sorry I couldn’t resist ;).

Why am I telling you to not talk about your previous relationship with your ex boyfriend?

Could it be that, that is a hotbed for another argument? Well, that is a part of it but there is more to it than that. Talking about a failed relationship always bums me out. Heck, sometimes talking to you guys in the comments bums me out because I feel so bad for what you are going through. When you take your ex out on a date you don’t want him to remember it as the date where he had to remember a relationship that failed. That usually isn’t the way to get a second date.

Now, with that in mind there may be a time where you ex boyfriend actively brings up a memory from the failed relationship. If he does this do your very best to not react to it (him talking about the memory.) Just listen to what he has to say, nod your head a lot and be cool with everything.

If you have to, agree with them, to mellow things out. In this case I want you to do more listening than talking.

Going on a date with an ex is all about living in the moment. Not remembering the past.

Big No No #3- Not Keeping The Date Short Enough

talk to much

Sadly this is something that I have personal experience with (which is why I know it’s a mistake.)

I like going out on dates, I really do. Well, let me be more specific. I like going out on dates with women I actually want to date. Unfortunately, I have made a lot of mistakes in the past during my dates. Probably the biggest one is spending too much time with them on a date.

One girl in particular springs to mind. This particular girl was someone I desperately wanted to date (which as I learned any time “desperation” is involved it is a recipe for disaster.) I ended up meeting her on a Friday and we stayed up the entire night (until 5 a.m.) texting back and forth. Somewhere in the craziness of texting she suggested that we go out on a date on Saturday (the very next day.) I think the date started at 11 a.m. on a Saturday and ended at 9 p.m.

So, I went on a 10 hr date (math isn’t my strong suit so correct me if I am wrong.)

Boy was that a mistake. I could tell the next day that she was burnt out and I had ruined my chance. If I had just kept the date short and left her wanting more I might have ended up dating her… but I didn’t (and I only have myself to blame.)

If you are going to see your ex boyfriend for the first time in a while I don’t want you to spend a lot of time with him. Your main goal here is to get a second date and the best way to do that is to intrigue him while you are on the date with him and then suddenly “have to leave.”

So, this raises an interesting question.

What is an ideal timeframe for a date with your ex?

I would say keep the date somewhere between 30min – 1 hr and 30min. Preferably the one hourish range. That leaves your ex intrigued but wanting more ;).

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Where To Go Out On A Date?

dont be a hero

I am one of the simplest guys out there. I haven’t been on many “true” fancy dates. It’s not that I am opposed to it. In fact, I would very much like to go on a fancy date. I have just learned something about dating through my own personal experience. It doesn’t take a “fancy date” to have a great time. It’s all about the connection you build with the other person. A girl could take me to a McDonalds and as long as I have a strong connection with her I would be more than happy.

With that being said, I do have a few tricks up my sleeve for “date ideas.”

Now, I will admit that you are at a bit of a disadvantage because I am a guy and I have a guys perspective on “date ideas.” Nevertheless, I am going to tell you my personal views on dating location and you can take from it what you want.

If I am really interested in a girl I am not going to take her to the movies. Too many guys make the mistake of doing the dinner/movie combination. I can understand why they do it too because it’s easy. However, spending two hours in a dark theater surrounded by strangers is hardly my idea of a way to form a connection with someone. That is the biggest problem with the movies. You can’t form any real connection because you are forced to be quiet.

I want to go somewhere that can be fun (for both parties) but quiet enough to where you can talk and build or rebuild a connection with someone.  My go to date for women I am taking out the first time is going to sound corny but it works.

Laser tag!

I actually go the idea from How I Met Your Mother and let me tell you it works! You see, laser tag is exciting enough to remember but it also can be fun if you get put on the same team. Besides, after the game is finished you can sit down and talk. The way I like to incorporate laser tag on a first date is pretty simple. What I will do is ask a girl out on a date but I will do so in a very specific way. I will call her up and ask her something like:

“Hey, my friends and their girlfriends are going to play laser tag do you want to come?”

If she says yes then I know I am golden because not only will she have a great time at laser tag but I can get my friends to say good things about me which will shape her perception of me.

Plus I have a lot of interesting stories from this tactic. I will tell you one before I move on.

I took one girl to laser tag (but I just asked her to do it one on one with no friends involved.) At the time I was nursing a stress fracture in my left foot. It was in the process of healing but it was still pretty messed up. Anyways, playing laser tag with this girl on a date was not a good idea because I refractured my foot during the game and couldn’t walk after that. I was in an extreme amount of pain.

I remember that we had taken my car so I had to drive her back. The entire drive my foot was screaming in pain and I couldn’t wait to just get her out of my car and go home. When the time finally came to drop her off she looked over at me and smiled. I could tell she was giving me the “signs” for a kiss.

“She actually wants a kiss?”

She reached in for a “hug” that I think she wanted to turn into a kiss. As she stopped hugging she looked up at me for the kiss and I said the following:

“Well, it was fun I am going to go home now.”

I didn’t want to kiss her. I had a broken foot and I wanted to go home and ice the darn thing. I essentially threw here out of my car (in a nice way of course.) A decision that I don’t regret because I don’t think there was a future there with this girl.

Laser Tag Ideas May Be Too Big For You

Picking a date location, when it comes to your ex boyfriend, will mostly depend on your overall grasp of the situation you are in.

For example, if you know that your ex boyfriend isn’t going to be receptive of going to laser tag you may need to opt for something more quiet and serene. I have had many fantastic “mini” dates at Starbucks. The reason I mention Starbucks is because the one where I live has a lot of comfortable couches and chairs that you can sit in and just carry a conversation.

Whatever you choose to do with your ex boyfriend make sure it is somewhere where the two of you can just enjoy each others company.

Physical Contact

(Need help actually getting a date with your ex? Check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

don't touch me

Ah! now we are getting to the good stuff. In this section I am going to touch (well punned 😉 ) on a complicated subject, physical contact.

I am going to be talking about things like hugging, kissing and whether or not you can use them on your date. I want to take a timeout for a second to voice my frustration with dating and physical contact. Essentially I am about to go on a rant so if you want to skip it just move ahead to the “rules for hugging” section below.

One of my biggest frustrations about dating is that whenever I go on a first date I never know what to do. Should I kiss her? Should I not kiss her? I literally wish there was a class that they taught in high school covering this stuff because I could have saved myself from some extremely embarrassing situations (don’t worry you will hear all about them.) Nevertheless, I have learned a lot from the school of hard knocks and picked up some valuable knowledge along the way. So, please feel free to view this section as your “physical contact” handbook because that is what I am intending to do here.

Rules For Hugging

hug

Hugging is only awkward if someone makes it awkward.

I remember when I first started dating the biggest question in my mind was always “should I hug her right off the bat?” The answer to that question is a resounding YES!

Look, hugging breaks the barrier for physical contact. Any time I go on a date with someone the very first thing I do is walk up to them with my arms outstretched (the universal sign for a hug) and they accept my hug every single time. I recommend that you do the same thing. It doesn’t have to be an awkward thing either. Just walk up to your ex with a big smile and arms outstretched and the next thing you know the two of you are hugging eachother.

Now, where I see some women getting in trouble with hugging is when they hold the hug longer than it should be held.

Let me break it down for you.

There are two types of hugs. The short hug and the long hug.

  • The Short Hug- A quick, painless hug. It is not held for a long time. It is a simple hug and release.
  • The Long Hug- This hug has meaning behind it. It IS held for a long time. There is either no release or the release happens a 10-30 seconds after the initial hug.

So, we have already established that we are going to start the date off with a hug now the question becomes which hug should we start with?

Well, I guarantee that you are going to freak your ex boyfriend out if you see him and then give him one of those long hugs right off the bat. Remember the push/pull section above? People who do long hugs (when the time ISN’T right) are immediately put in the pull category. Remember pullers are people who show too much interest.

That means that you are shooting for a short hug. Walk up to him (smile and arms outstretched) and give him a nice hug. BUT it is really important that the hug doesn’t last a long time. It is just a simple hug and release like I explained above.

Rules For Kissing

now kiss

This is the subject I really wanted to cover. I have some interesting stories to share and also some interesting information I learned.

I think I want to start first by saying you aren’t required to kiss your ex boyfriend on a date. Though, I will say it is a good thing if you do because it is a sign that he really has some feelings for you. BUT in spite of all of this you need to make sure that the kissing doesn’t lead to sex. Remember, one of our main goals here is to get a second date (it isn’t to sleep with him.) I feel compelled to mention that because I see some women making this mistake and it usually never works out for them.

Knowing IF You Should Kiss Him Or Not?

This is kind of a big deal. There will be some ex boyfriends who are “kiss ready” while at the same time there will be some that aren’t. I am going to give you a brief rundown of some of the signs that your ex could be “kiss ready.”

  • If he is flirting and making no apologies about it.
  • If there is a lot of physical contact initiated by him.
  • If HE holds the initial hug longer than you do.
  • If he can’t take his eyes off of you.

What can happen if an ex isn’t kiss ready? Well, I have a little story for you.

When I was 20 years old I ended up going on a date with a girl one night. I wasn’t really date savvy at the time so I made a lot of mistakes. For one, I did the dreaded dinner and movie combination but the biggest mistake I made was not reading the signs correctly and going in for a kiss when I had no reason to.

I was very nervous but I really wanted to kiss this girl. So, after I got my courage up I went in for the kiss. I can still see her face to this day.

She had this disgusted look on her face and looked at me like I was an idiot.

“What do you think you are doing?”

Oh…. God….

I panicked immediately “Ummm… I don’t know.”

She proceeded to tell me that I was a “really nice guy” but she just saw us as friends. Yup, I got friendzoned after that.

So, as a guy I learned from that experience. I know that you have to search for the signs that a girl wants you to kiss her. This leads us to our next point:

Free On Demand Coaching
Yes, please

How To Get A Guy To Kiss You

kiss meme

I have never had a girl initiate a kiss with me…. (unfortunately :(.)

Instead, I have always had to initiate a kiss with a girl and I can tell you that for 98% of guys out there it is the same. When I look at your situation (you being on a date with your ex) I am under the firm belief that these societal standards should remain in place. That means that if you want a guy to kiss you he is going to have to do so under his own power.

Of course, there are certain hints that you can drop (that he will pick up on) that will tell him it is ok for him to kiss you. Men will be looking for these hints and if they deem the situation appropriate they will kiss you. It is as simple as that. Lets take a look at a few of the most popular hints that you can drop.

A flirtatious Smile When You Look At Your Date

You can think one of my friends for this little nugget of information (she is a model so she knows what shes talking about.)

If you send a flirtatious smile your exes way throughout the date you can (in a way) condition him to kiss you. Now, a flirtatious smile alone isn’t going to be your ticket to a kiss but it can be a stepping stone to one and in my book that is a very good thing.

Play With Your Teeth/Lips

This is something I began to notice women do when they are very attracted to you. I think a visual aid here is the best way to describe this phenomenon. I want you to take a look at the picture below:

megan-fox-left-thumb-teeth

Wow! Just looking at that picture kind of turns me on! Do you see how she is kind of dropping the hint “hey, I want you to kiss me here?” If done correctly this can be another amazing stepping stone to getting him to kiss you.

Play With Your Hair Nervously

This is my favorite thing in the entire world. Seriously I live for making a woman do this. One thing I have noticed about women who are attracted to me (and want me to kiss them) is they do this funny thing with their hair. Again, I want to give you another visual que to look at.

hair flip

What do you notice about this picture?

I will tell you what I notice. I notice a girl who is in the process of pulling her hair back behind her ear (my favorite thing that women do EVER!) A woman who does this on a date after something I say definitely likes me. It is like this nervous tick that is genetic among all of you and I love it.

Though back to the point playing with your hair is a big indicator that you want a man to kiss you.

The Head Lean Que

This is an obvious one.

(So, obvious that I actually missed this hint once upon a time.)

Before I tell another embarrassing story let me explain what the “head lean” que is. Basically, any time you are sitting next to a guy and you lean your head on his shoulder it is another way of dropping a hint that you want to be kissed.

Now, lets get to the good stuff, more embarrassing stories!

When I was 20 years old I was always hanging out with a girl that was very pretty.  We weren’t out on a legitimate date when the “head lean” happened but we were just hanging around after college classes. Anyways, eventually we got into a situation where we were sitting next to each other and she leaned her head on my shoulder.

I was schocked.

I think deep down I knew what she was “hinting” at but I was too scared to do anything about it. In other words, I was a big chicken and froze up. She gave me multiple opportunities to kiss her as well but I would always freeze up every time. She’s “out of my league” I would think.

I know, I know I am a total idiot and I regret it every single day. However, it was that failure that caused me to take more chances. So, in a way it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

353 thoughts on “What To Do On A Date With Your Ex Boyfriend”

  1. meghan

    November 2, 2017 at 2:00 am

    Hi Team,

    I have a ‘meet up’ with my ex tomorrow night. Obviously I am planning on looking my best, and giving off a uncaring /friend vibe to make him comfortable…… but he explicitly said he only wants to catch up as friends, and close the book on our relationship in a positive way……

    The back story is, we had been seeing each other for almost 2 years but never were exclusive because I lived in another country for 3 months at a time.

    I finally moved to the same city as him, and invited him to my big birthday party at my family’s cabin, where I had about 35 people staying over. He basically was within 10 miles of my place but ‘couldn’t make it’ and blew it off.

    Of course I was furious, and he tried to make it up to me over a birthday dinner the next week- I told him that it was not cool and that I needed some time to think about things….

    Here’s where shit hits the fan. 2 days later I got too drunk at a concert that we went to separately, found him and then cursed him out and yelled at him in front of all of his friends……

    this was in august, he has been reaching out on snapchat / Instagram here and there probably once a week, but I haven’t seen him since- I have tried to apologize in person but he has been out of town every weekend for the last 2 months.

    So tomorrow is the day- he said the last time we hung it really threw him off, and thinks catching up should be friendly if anything.

    Is there anything I can do further? Are my chances out to change his mind. I want him back so badly.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 3, 2017 at 10:03 pm

      Hi Meghan,

      Start the no contact rule after it..

  2. meghan

    November 2, 2017 at 12:07 am

    Hi Team,

    I have a ‘meet up’ with my ex tomorrow night. Obviously I am planning on looking my best, and giving off a uncaring /friend vibe to make him comfortable…… but he explicitly said he only wants to catch up as friends, and close the book on our relationship in a positive way……

    The back story is, we had been seeing each other for almost 2 years but never were exclusive because I lived in another country for 3 months at a time.

    I finally moved to the same city as him, and invited him to my big birthday party at my family’s cabin, where I had about 35 people staying over. He basically was within 10 miles of my place but ‘couldn’t make it’ and blew it off.

    Of course I was furious, and he tried to make it up to me over a birthday dinner the next week- I told him that it was not cool and that I needed some time to think about things….

    Here’s where shit hits the fan. 2 days later I got too drunk at a concert that we went to separately, found him and then cursed him out and yelled at him in front of all of his friends……

    this was in august, he has been reaching out on snapchat / Instagram here and there probably once a week, but I haven’t seen him since- I have tried to apologize in person but he has been out of town every weekend for the last 2 months.

    So tomorrow is the day- he said the last time we hung it really threw him off, and thinks catching up should be friendly if anything.

    Is there anything I can do further? Are my chances out to change his mind. I want him back so badly.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 3, 2017 at 3:41 pm

      Hi Meghan,

      Don’t be desperate.. Because that will show once you get frustrated with him..

  3. Christina

    August 30, 2017 at 3:44 pm

    So my boyfriend of 1.5 yrs broke up with me 1.5 months ago. I did everything wrong begged, pleaded very desperate. We had a great relationship as far as we got along great, we had so much fun together, we rarely fought. I also go very close with his family we would go to family dinners and events every week. His grandmother still texts me today. He is 25 and I am 30. I have been in a couple LTRs the last one being 7 yrs, however I was his longest relationship. He lost his mother when he was in high school so he has learned how to deal with crazy loss and bottle it up and push it down. He is a very logical person and I am more wacky. We met at the gym and fell hard for each other. However, I had just been out of my 7yr relationship for only a couple months, I was not expecting to meet someone else right away. I think I was still dealing with a lot of inner turmoil and grief from the last relationship (I broke up with him, but still care about him a lot). So I think there was a lot with me under the surface and about 6 times throughout the 1.5 yrs I had moments where I just lashed out and compared him to my ex, yelled, was frustrated and it was bad when it did happen, this would only happen if I was very intoxicated. This was have a very big effect on him and he would pull away and have the talk with me “this cant happen again or I’m gone” type thing. so needless to say we went 10 mths of bliss, however, I became very clingy, needy. I lost a lot of friends when my 7yr ex and I broke up and I felt very dependent on my new boyfriend for my happiness. He is very independent and had a lot going on and I feel like I didn’t have anything going on. I did when we started dating and I think that is what attracted me to him. I also gained 20lbs while we were together, due to a new job, my inner stress, we both got minor injuries so we both stopped the gym for a while and that was something that really bonded us. I think we just got into a very routine relationship. When he broke up with me he told me he just didn’t see a future with me, he doesn’t think he can make me happy, I’m not the one. So after a all the begging (we hooked up twice) and LC for a month (had to get my things from our house) we were always friendly and there would be sometimes a week where we wouldn’t talk and he never initiated any contact, it was me but it was always friendly between us. I went NC after a month and did it for 11days (very difficult). This is the longest I had ever gone with out talking to him. Well I had some of my camera equipment still at his house (we do freelance videography together), so I just texted him after the 11 days asking if anyone was around his house where I could come get my equipment. He then replied quickly and said he was around for a couple hours. So we live near each other (I had to move in with my mom while I find a new place, she lives 5 min from him). So the gym that we both go to is near his house so I was planning on getting the equipment and going to the gym. So I went there, and in this 1.5 mths I have (even during the LC for the first month) I have been hanging out with friends, going to the gym more trying to focus on myself and I have since lost most of the weight I gained while we were together so I have to say I was looking pretty good in my gym clothes when he saw me. He got up and gave me a really good hug, smiling. He then proceeded to tell me I look great and he can tell I have been working hard. I acted happy, no cares in the world. We talked for a little bit and caught up it was not awkward. So after 10-15 min of chatter I told him that I had to head out. He asked if I was going to the gym and I said yeah. He then proceeded to say “well I could probably go to the gym, I need to go to the gym” to which I replied very chill-like “well I’m headed out, you can jump in the car if you want but I gotta get moving” he then said “yeah okay I wanna go.” so we went to the gym together…take you mind this is something that brought us together and we used to work out together all the time. While we were there I was very upbeat, friendly, no pressure. I did not try to be very flirty, just smiley and chill.. friendly. However, he was “playground” flirting with me. Smacking my stomach during crunches, cute little pokes. He even wanted to extend our workout, but I said I had plans that evening so I couldn’t stay longer. while we were hanging out he also suggested hitting up this new natural food market that opened up near us saying “we should go check that out this week” which caught me off guard. I also rock climb a lot, his injury gets irritated when he rock climbs but he also was like “maybe in a few weeks, I can come rock climb with you.” I mean this is coming from someone who has not initiate contact or a hangout with me in pretty much 1.5 mths, for the first month after the break up it was always me. Then we said goodbye he gave me a good hug and said “okay so yeah, i’ll talk to you in a couple days” which in my mind I was like “why, we have nothing more to do or talk about” but I just said “okay” smiled and left. So the next day he was set to have 2 wisdom teeth pulled. I told myself to just go back to NC, we had a great time hanging out and he was showing signs of interest so I did not want to push it, so I did not text him the next day.. but HE TEXTED ME in the morning just saying something like a countdown to his teeth pulling.. he then proceeded to have a text convo with me.. I was friendly but short with each reply. This is the first time he has texted me first in a LONG time. This transpired yesterday, that is why I am writing now. He was very engaged in texting and he has never been much of a text convo person to begin with so it was surprising he kept the conversation going. so that night (last night) he asked if I would like to hangout, watch a movie chill sometime this week. He is swollen up from the wisdom teeth so I know he is not trying to hook up. I think when we went to the gym and he saw that I was moving forward, looking good, no pressure on him, no negativity it may have sparked something in him. I replied with … well yah I may be able to hang out this week, I was so excited he has not done this and has been “drawing the line” since we broke up. He then said “yeah great, maybe tomorrow evening or the next day if your free” … I was actually free both nights but not to seem too desperate I said.. I think I could hang for a little bit on Thursday evening (tomorrow). This conversation happened yesterday. We are going to have a little wisdom teeth milkshake party (two of us) due to his wisdom teeth…so after all that my question is, how should I act… we are just going to be at his house. He can’t really go out and do anything right now since he just got his teeth yesterday. I was planning on looking awesome (casual but awesome) going over being upbeat, friend like.. happy. So if we end up watching a movie or something should I sit on a different couch then him? How long should I stay. I know after reading all the articles this is not the “ideal” hangout date for an ex.. but it is a big step with how he has been acting towards me and I don’t want to scare him away by turning away when it feels like it would never get to the point where he would try to initiate contact with me. I love him so much.. and I just want to go over.. have a fun night, make some milkshakes. I’m not planning on being touchy.. and today I am not texting him since I will be seeing him tomorrow and we texted today. Sorry so long, just need to know how I should act tomorrow night, what should I do after.. go back to NC or LC?

    1. Christina

      August 30, 2017 at 4:55 pm

      last sentence was supposed to read “and today I am not texting him since I will be seeing him tomorrow and we texted yesterday” .. and to add.. part of me wants to text and check on him as far as his healing, but I’m going to try not too.
      I also meant to say earlier in the message that “we had 10 mths of bliss and then I had another freak out” which I think was what got the whole breakup ball rolling. I know he loves me. I am the first girl he has told he loves, his longest relationship.. and we are so good together. I am seeing a counselor to get over my issues so I have no more drunken random freakouts.. which like I said are very few and far between.. for the most part I think the break up was due to routine, boredom and maybe some lack of attraction.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2017 at 7:19 pm

      Limited nc is for co parents and co workers or housemates only.. So that means you have to do full nc, at least 30 days and to stick to it this time because the more you do it, the less it can help you

  4. Kim

    April 3, 2017 at 8:07 pm

    Hi there! I broke it off & moved out of my ex’s house. I hurt him by leaving. It’s been (4) months. I do hope, after some growing on both our parts, we can get back together, if it’s right.
    We have remained friends. I never approach him; he approaches me. So we have dinner about once a month.
    At this juncture, I have no idea if he still has any feelings for me. I’m assuming he only sees me as a friend.
    Last week, he picked me up and we had dinner, then we went to our old ice cream place. He was apologetic for things like his road rage that night lol, and texting while with me etc. That surprised me! He’s not a big apology person.
    We had a great time. Very relaxing evening. Some laughs. He walked me to my door after. He came in, said hi to my dog, whom he hasn’t seen since I moved out.
    I walked him out. He hugged me. It was a slightly longer hug.
    Here is where I get confused and am in agony. After the hug, it looked like he was about to lean forward for kiss/cheek kiss. But then he stopped himself. So to let him know the “door is open” I leaned upward, ending with us simultaneously kissing the other on the cheek.
    Our evening felt like a first date. And he did kiss me on the cheek on our first date when we met.
    We always hug after our monthly dinners. But this is the first time he’s put his lips on me, in about 5-6 months.
    My confusion lies in, I am unsure of how he feels for me. And it hurts. Does the kiss on the cheek, mean anything? I was trying to be just friends with him bc I didn’t think I had a chance with him again. But this evening we had, I could still sense a connection between us. I don’t know where he stands. What do you think? Does he still have feelings for me, when I thought he didn’t?
    I don’t know if I should leave the door open or not.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2017 at 5:17 pm

      Hi Kim,

      why don’t you ask him? Because for me, you’re broken up, there’s no need to see each other once a month anymore after that

  5. Alex

    March 7, 2017 at 6:10 pm

    Last night, I asked my ex if he would like to come to a basketball game with me. He said it may be best if bring someone who is close to me, and I spoke to this and told him that I understand we aren’t as close as we used to be, and that it is unfortunate, but that I thought of him immediately (he was always saying that he valued memories and experiences more than anything) when I got the tickets, and I just was hoping for a no pressure fun basketball game. He sort of lashed out and said that he doesn’t understand how it would be “no pressure/fun” – this is because I ventured into needy territory a bit, but have since worked those kinks out. I reiterated that I understood his reservations considering how hot and cold and emotional I had been in the past. This seemed to sort of let his guard down a bit, and we exchanged pleasant “goodnights” – mind you, this is the most positive interaction I’ve gotten from him in over a month. As part of my ending with the goodnight, I said that the offer stands, and I’d lover him to come. He never shot down the offer officially, and I figured I’d let him sit on it today, and not contact him until Wednesday morning to follow up. I’ll be fine if it doesn’t happen, of course – I’m still going to go. But, I’m a bit worried of how to approach him with following up.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 10, 2017 at 3:15 am

      Hi Alex,

      why not try to do a full nc instead?

  6. Brenda Rose

    January 3, 2017 at 12:16 am

    My boyfriend broke up with me after 4 years because I said that I wanted marriage or for us to live together. I went 8 months with no contact and asked him to a sporting event in a city half way between where we are both living. I will be staying in a hotel. How do I politely decline if he wants to be intimate? I do want to get back with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 5, 2017 at 1:04 pm

      HI Brenda,

      just say no.. if that is really you’re non-negotiable, say it.

  7. Anna

    December 19, 2016 at 10:24 pm

    Hi

    So I dated my ex boyfriend for 6 months. We had some really good times and were very in love. We live about an hour and 30 mins away from each other. He broke things off quite suddenly saying that it was to hard during the times we weren’t together and that he thought we were just to different (something I disagree with). I went straight in with NC for 3 weeks and then messaged him. Sometimes he replies and sometimes he doesn’t. Re establishing contact has very much been led by me. But when he has messaged back he has been positive and friendly. I then called him and we. Are meeting next week for tea. On the phone he said he was worried that the meeting might make me upset. this along with the texts makes me feel like I’m on the back foot and that he still doesn’t have any thoughts about getting back together with me dospite my friendly and positive texts. Should I be disheartened? Do you think I have a chance or am I wasting my time? How can I turn things around?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 22, 2016 at 12:38 pm

      Hi,

      You can’t attract somebody with just one date. How much did you improve during that 3 weeks and are you still improving now? If there was no rapport and attraction built during the texting and calling phase, the meet up is less likely to be well.. But, the best you can do right now is to use that meet up as an opportunity to leave a good impression by looking your best and having fun..

  8. Avaa

    December 7, 2016 at 1:33 am

    I will be meeting my ex (we were together 6 months) this weekend exactly 3 months since we last saw each other (we officially broke up a month after) I did no contact for just over 30 days and we have been texting now for around a month just light friendly texts but he hasnt shown me any emotion or feelings but he has been consistently asking to see me so finally I have agreed to go to his city. We live 250 miles apart so I will stay in a hotel that night. I am worried that he might suggest staying there with me and obviously I know that’s not the way to go so how do I tell him no? Also he will be going away for the holidays straight after the weekend and we probably won’t be able to see each other again until Feb as I will be travelling in Jan. Is this going to be too much of gap between a second date? I really want to catch up with him but I am starting to wonder if it’s a good idea. Or is it better to see him and leave him to think about me again for the next month or so?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 10, 2016 at 7:37 pm

      Hi Avaa,

      tell him it’s not the right time to be sleeping together literally and figuratively. I think the gap can work for your benefit because you’re going to travel. You’re going to have more time for yourself to improve and think.

    2. Avaa

      December 12, 2016 at 11:19 pm

      Well thanks for your advice but can you imagine that he stopped replying to my messages on Wednesday when arranging the meeting and I haven’t heard from him since so needless to say I didn’t go! I don’t know why he would do this after asking me multiple times to come! I don’t even know what to do now 🙁

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 14, 2016 at 10:58 pm

      Focus in improving yourself. Look like it didn’t shook you because you have your own life.

  9. Sam

    December 2, 2016 at 11:57 pm

    Hi. My ex fiancé and I broke up and have had no contact for 4 years after an 8 year relationship. My ex discovered I was cheating at the time and I fully accepted the painful consequences. I didn’t think there would ever be contact again but, I received a message recently asking to meet for tea. I’m confused and a bit afraid to meet since I’ve missed my ex profoundly. Not sure what to do. Move on, not meet and forever wonder or, potentially open up old wounds? Both seem kinda tragic. Thoughts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 3, 2016 at 3:23 pm

      Hi Sam,

      meet up..dont.over analyze..

  10. Louise

    November 23, 2016 at 11:10 am

    My ex boyfriend (of almost three years) broke up with me about 10 weeks ago because “we couldnt make eachother happy anymore”, I think we had been arguing a lot because he started a new job and his priorities had changed and he got bored of that… I did no contact for 30 days, but he didnt try to contact me either. Since then hes been hot and cold, sometimes wanting to start a conversation, and then sometimes abruptly ending one. We eventually met up for a drink two days ago, and it went well.. I was confident and I asked him lots about his life, not giving too much away about my own.. I regret that I probbaly let it go on for too long. There wasnt much left to talk about at the end that would require another date (I regret that). But, on our journey towards home (we live close by) he couldnt take his eyes off me, I was getting such a good vibe from his body language towards me… and at the end when we said goodbye he held on so long in the hug and I genuinely thought he might kiss me after he pulled away, as he just stared deep into my eyes and we smiled cheekily at eachother. Eventually I walked away without a kiss as I didnt know whether it would freak him out. When I got home I messaged him saying it had been nice to see him, but he hasn’t responded, or reached out since.. what do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 26, 2016 at 10:38 am

      Hi Louise,

      how much did you improve during the no contact period? Are you still continuing the activities you started in it? After the no contact period, how long did you build rapport before asking out?

  11. Charles

    October 26, 2016 at 3:18 pm

    My ex and I have been been broken up since June 2016. We have had contact here and there since then, but in September I told him i wanted to move on without him in my life. At that point he said well what if I said I wanted you. We talked about that but never completed the conversation because something came up. But he said he wanted to meet and talk. Since then he has told me twice he still wants to meet and talk without me bringing anything up, but claims to be so busy. Why would someone suggest meeting multiple times? I never mention it, he does. I even told him it was not necessary, but he says he wants to but never actually sets a time. Why would someone do that???

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 28, 2016 at 2:30 pm

      Hi Charles,

      it’s either it just so happens that he’s busy or he just wants to string you along..

  12. Jennifer

    October 19, 2016 at 8:23 am

    Hi there,

    So my ex and I broke up 14 months ago now. Cue me having hysterics for the first three months then a month of NC.

    I studied a LOT and became the ungettable girl and we re-established contact.

    We’ve spent this year rebuilding connection (he always said we needed to start from scratch and said that if I gave him enough space he could give me everything I wanted – he’s got a lot of issues).

    We spent the first few months of the year having “catch ups” going to dinners and movies. In the last few months he’s actually coming to find me at work (we’re in the same building) to ask me on dates (his words) the last one he even used the phrase “hot date”.

    The last few dates the physical closeness has increased. He sits right next to me in movies (don’t worry, we have dinner first so lots of time to talk) whereas earlier in the year he would sit on the other side of the chair away from me and he walks super close to me like he can’t get close enough. Second to last date we were kissing quickly goodnight and managed to do a split second mouth kiss.

    We had another date last Saturday night and he even announced before we’d had dinner that he thinks someone at work knows “him and I” are a thing and we’ve got something going on so he was basically confirming we are involved.

    After the movie he put his arm around me and then held my hand (fingers intertwined) on the way to the car but when we got to my house I tried to kiss him and he basically wouldn’t. I’d had quite a bit to drink and I don’t know if that was the reason or he didn’t want to get involved to the point where he might want to come inside (I’m pretty sure he’s not ready for that yet) but the rest of the signs are all there yet I’m baffled as to why he didn’t want to kiss me.

    This week I’ve seen him once at work and he looked insanely happy to see me. I left some vouchers on his desk that I was keeping in my clutch on the weekend and forgot to give to him and it took him two days to say thanks as if he suddenly had an excuse to message me. Then I messaged back saying “no problem, let me know when you’re ready for another movie ; )” he’d been sounding me out on the weekend about a new release coming out but I didn’t even get a reply to my text.

    Totally confused.

    J

    1. Jennifer

      October 19, 2016 at 8:34 am

      Ps after the non kiss, I remained happy and composed and waved goodbye cheerily. One of the reasons I’m sure he broke up with me is because I’d sulk if I didn’t get my way and now I’m the complete opposite.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 21, 2016 at 12:02 am

      Hi Jennifer,

      That’s good! But I think you need to be less available.. looks like he’s getting comfortable with your routine now and if it prolongs, you’re going to be friendzoned…

  13. Amanda

    October 4, 2016 at 10:53 pm

    I have a date with my ex tomorrow and I have no Idea what to do ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 6, 2016 at 10:22 pm

      Hi Amanda,

      sorry for the late reply. How did it go?

  14. Sasha

    September 17, 2016 at 8:40 am

    I broke up with my ex of 9 months about 2 months ago. I contacted him after over a month of no contact and he was very happy to talk to me again.
    We met on a date, and there was so much chemistry, we held hands and hugged the entire time. During the week after that we spoke a couple of times, all messages were very sweet and friendly. Then we went on date 2, which was very romantic, and ended with us spending the night together and sleeping together, but i feel like he was surprised i’d give it to him so fast. He also admitted that he felt so good being in my arms, and he said that the break up made him realize how much i meant to him.
    The next day though he became a bit distant. I invited him to an event on the same day and he said he cant go. So I decided to give him some space.
    2 days later he sent me a text message with just my nick name and a question mark. I am not sure if he missed me, or if he is playing games. he asked how i was. I responded with short answers.
    The next day I messaged him, and he complained about having a rough day at work, but he never initiated a date after that second date that we had. I know for a fact that he is free over the weekend, and it’s been a week since our last meet up, but he hasn’t asked me out again. I’m afraid of coming off as clingy if I initiate date number 3. He is also aware that I wont be available the 2 or 3 coming weekends.
    During our date i have spoken about things we could to together in the future and implied in different ways that I want to get back together with him, so im wondering if that might have scared him.
    In our most recent message exchange when he complained about having a rough time at work, I messaged him a solution to his problem, but he never responded. I texted him again saying, that he could at least say thank you, and he told me he was caught up with work. then I told him that I dont feel a friendly vibe from him, and that i feel like he is still holding a grudge, and that changed since the last date, and it might have been a bad idea to reconnect. He said “don’t say that baby” and appologized and admitted that he hasn’t been communicative enough.
    I’m worried that after he sensed my interest that he decided to keep me around until he finds something better.
    Should I open up and ask him bluntly if he wants to get back with me? Or should I wait for him to contact me and ask me out, knowing that he might never do, since it seems like im the one initiating everything? Is there a way to make him initiate a date again? And should I be texting him again or wait until he does?

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 19, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      Hi Sasha,

      what if he’s just really busy during this time? Take it slow. If he’s not initiating a date and then the last thing you would ask is to get back with you.

  15. Lita

    September 17, 2016 at 1:48 am

    So i saw my boyfriend yesterday after a month
    on the phone he acts big and bad but when he saw me he just melted in a since, telling me i was pretty in yellow ( i had on a yellow dress) and was trying to hug me . i kinda pushed away seeing that his been hot and cold with me alot and i felt like it was not right. Anyway today i told him i was sorry for not hugging him , i also knew about him doing so work training around were i live at a bowling alley, i asked if he wanted to do something after he was done .

    he told me he would let me know once he was out of work seeing he works in the morning .

    im not sure if this is a date but its just the two of us , im a little worried on what to do
    i don’t want to mess this up

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 19, 2016 at 10:52 am

      hi lita,
      take it as a date..but dont rush too.. check this one too:
      EBR 043: How To Handle The First Date With Your Ex Boyfriend

  16. Busie

    September 7, 2016 at 8:14 am

    Hi…. My ex and I broke up last year December after 4 months of no contact he contacted me and we started chatting but recently he’s been calling for hours and we went on our first date a while ago where he said he was happy alone, now he asked me on a date again and I don’t if I wanna go since I feel like he’s giving me mixed signals… Should go?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 8, 2016 at 8:28 am

      Hi Busie,

      the question is, go and talk to him calmly about what you think

  17. Lisa

    August 31, 2016 at 1:53 pm

    Hi so my boyfriend broke up with me about a month and a half ago I did nc for about 4 weeks he reached out to me we have been talking since texting and on the phone initially he asked me on a date but we couldn’t wait to see each other alcohol involved we had sex he then continued to reach out to me asking me if I wanted to hang out we ended up going out to a club we used to go too just us he was very flirty all night and I ended up sleeping over but we didn’t have sex this time I refused all night I haven’t heard from him since but I’m leaving to go away on Saturday and won’t see him for a while should I contact him to hang out again or go into a nc period and wait for him to contact me?

    1. Lisa D

      August 31, 2016 at 2:03 pm

      Also we dated for 8 months and I havnt heard from him in 5 days

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 4:11 pm

      Hi Lisa,

      when was that message and how long will you be gone?

    3. Lisa D

      August 31, 2016 at 4:25 pm

      I’m going away for school so I will probably be gone till thanksgiving and we hung out last Friday night so I haven’t messaged him since

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 31, 2016 at 5:11 pm

      Hmm.. asking him out again can be tricky.. try to initiate a conversation first. If it goes well, ask him out

    5. Lisa D

      August 31, 2016 at 5:13 pm

      So I shouldn’t wait for him to text or call me first ?

    6. Lisa D

      August 31, 2016 at 8:05 pm

      Because I want to still have him on the chase but I don’t want to fall out of touch because I’m leaving

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 1, 2016 at 11:54 am

      it’s ok to initiate as long you’re the one controlling the conversation and ending it at high point.

  18. Samantha

    August 25, 2016 at 8:10 am

    I’m not sure if I just had a “first date” with my ex today or not? I know that sounds weird, but read on and I’ll explain why….My ex and I broke up over a month ago. 2 yr relationship, he broke up with me due to him being emotionally unavailable, unable to fully commit, focused more on his goals, confused, in search of something, maybe fulfillment or happiness, I don’t know…Anyways, it hurt for the both of us. I cut off contact for a month and then shortly after we started to communicate. I have a daughter (10yrs) who adores him, loves him and has been missing him. He adores, loves and misses her too. He’s not her father. During our communication he suggests meeting up for dinner with my daughter so they can see each other (I’ve explained to my daughter that him and I are no longer in a relationship but that we do care about each other and that it had nothing to do with her, and that hopefully one day he can be our friend). I took time to think about the request, spoke to my daughter about it and decided to approve it…We went for dinner tonight. He came in and gave me a big long hug, we are, shared stories, him and my daughter laughed until tears filled their eyes, it was a good night…when we got ready to part ways, he hugged me again, walked us to my car and lingered a bit, at one point he even got into my car, but I think he did that to lure my kid back in the car because she wanted to stay with him…anyways, we left and I thanked him for a good evening, oh! He also paid for our bill, even though I asked for it to be split. When I got home he texted and said it was a very nice time and that we can meet up again next week for ice cream.

    So, I guess I’m wondering if this was a “date” or was it just for him to see my daughter again…Either way is good, because I don’t want to go back into the realation that we had, because he was so closed off…but I DO want him to be in our lives. I still love him a lot but I know nothing has changed in his situation.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 29, 2016 at 12:50 pm

      Hi Samantha,

      it’s more for you daughter.. but even if it’s that, at least you get to build rapport..

  19. Buli

    August 24, 2016 at 11:11 am

    Hi
    I’m in a No Contact with my ex boyfriend who break up with me a month ago, now the problem is I haven’t gone to my period, I took HPT for 5 times and they all saying negative I was supposed to go on the 5th and I didn’t. I was confused and stressed I decided to just send him a message and ask to meet with him but he said what for so I see there was no need to meet I can just text him well I did but he said that’s not true I can’t be pregnant, well I kept quiet ever since that day and now I don’t know if I should continue with NC or start over again, I want to ask him out for dinner on his birthday but again I feel like he will think I’m needy and I’m not.
    I miss him but if he can’t be with me well I’ll understand and move on if pregnant I’ll keep my baby and it be up to him if he wanna be park of the baby’s life or not.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 28, 2016 at 2:11 pm

      Hi Buli,

      take a blood test in a clinic, that’s more accurate.. and dont ask him for dinner.. that’s too forward..

  20. kim

    June 2, 2016 at 12:11 pm

    LONG ONE….
    My “break up” is what I would called abandoned. He blamed me for cheating which I didn’t to cover up him liking another girl. When he blamed me, I didn’t talk to him after and he didn’t either. He was a couple of years older than me and I was a Junior in high school. For a good 2-3 years after I kept in contact and even a few physical contacts (i didn’t know everything he was doing) (when I did find out the truth and the cause of him leaving me, as well as knowing he was talking to someone I broke all things off pretty much and was ignoring him. He has always been the type to contact me every few months (2 or 3 times a year). The last few good times, he has said on one occasion, I’m not trying to get with you… (I replied of course aren’t you in love with someone (as he posts to Facebook). He never said yes or no and we left it at that. The next… he did what he always do, try to force me to talk, facetime, begs to send pictures (he loves pictures), and then sends me a photo of himself which I never wanted and can find online if I did. He asks why I haven’t settled down (I’m in college) he asks when am I going to get a man, I basically had to tell him sarcastically why and that I like just dating. And he asks about my relationships. He asks to see me I say no and we have a whole conversation about that. He mentions of have I seen that he hasn’t let go of me (when I think getting into relationships like it isn’t nothing) is letting go). Recently he started this random conversation about his arm having trouble from his accident and his family (that is all he basically said) so I tried to show care but since he didn’t say much when I asked, I didn’t either. It was only to move onto asking what I was doing this weekend (which is code for I will be in the area). I said I’m going out of the states. He mentions who I’m going with and if it’s a guy and if we are close…. This guy is predictable… He asks again can he see me, and asks if I hate him, and says he wants to see his old love (but there are plenty of old loves) why me? (I’m defiantly not his type, as I can see now and he plays with me which I have to correct him or ignore him if he does). He asks did he break my heart or let me down… this is the first time I ever brought up what he done and he denies flirting with a female while dating me, the one he ended up with when I still was in High school not the current. I am not sure what is going on with them, she posts love stuff to his page knowing he doesn’t like it and he deletes it later on. All of a sudden now it’s contact Kim and ask her on a date to catch up” when I really don’t want to know anything about him. why me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 12, 2016 at 5:27 am

      Hi Kim,

      just avoid him.. he might be contacting other girls too and not just you

  21. Ritt

    May 29, 2016 at 6:53 pm

    Hi all, So here is the thing. We broke up 2 months ago- he broke up. I also posted post breakup. After a month of no contact he went on a 3 week trip, while he was travelling into the second week we started to email. Keeping it short but still kind of building up towards a date. Meanwhile I got in shape did changes just got happy on my own, moved back to my place etc. So a week before coming back to town he asks me on a date – saying lets do a bbq and he needs to talk to me. So he apologized which I absolutely needed, said that he realized how much he actually loved me and appreciates even the smallest things throughout our relationship even like little kisses and stuff. I asked him if it was the relationship he was missing or acutally me. He said he wants to regain my trust and build up to the point where we were pre-breakup. I knew I forgave him before so I could move on and I am going to give him a chance. Now here is the thing I want to go slowly so we go towards a different relationship and try to take care of both – I see his efforts too but I am totally scared he is going to leave me once he has gone through this new beginning fase. Any advice on how I can just enjoy without being scared all the time? Or how to go and build up towards a new relationship ? We went on 2 dates now …

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 31, 2016 at 11:06 am

      Hi Ritt,

      what were the mistakes before? don’t do it again.. be more patient if he makes a mistakr but don’t be naive.. don’t sleep right away

  22. Tina mrk

    May 26, 2016 at 2:58 pm

    Few days ago me and my ex fiancé broke up
    I would like to talk more about this relationship that I give up everything I have and had, I left my work , my family , my house , car and friends just to be with him , everything was perfect until during the last dinner he decide not to have kids I was over emotional I stood up I gave the ring and I asked him to take me home since I was driving his car. But he insisted me having it back n take the car and was wondering whether he will see me again or not.
    The night after I went to his place to apologize and get my ring and try to work it out because I really loved him , and he gave it back to me but I felt 60% he is canceling the engagement
    all his family members are happy with the new of calling off the wedding , m still shocked
    I really missed him and I don’t know what to do specially even the last light was the keys !! Now he is asking for them back
    Help me ! Advice me !!
    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2016 at 2:31 pm

      Hi Tina Mrk,

      his family is happy because he called off the wedding? Start with the no contact process now.. so you can start to heal.. and be more ratiinal before you get to talk to him again.. Give him the keys and be calm as possible

  23. Sarah

    May 18, 2016 at 11:46 pm

    In the article you stated not to do a Bachelor type romantic date in the beginning. However, what do you suggest if the no contact rule worked, the guy came back apologizing for the breakup on his own merit and asks you out on a fancy date? In that case I should accept to go on the fancy date or do you suggest downplaying it and trying to hang in a more casual setting regardless?

    1. Sarah

      May 18, 2016 at 11:56 pm

      I did not reach out to him at all after the breakup. Months passed then he was the first one to reach out

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2016 at 7:45 pm

      Yeah, if he is doing to make up for you, yes go with it.

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