Throughout this site I talk a lot about how to get your ex boyfriend back. I talk about the different strategies, tactics and methods that you can employ to help your ex find his way back into your loving arms. Of course, visitors have often pointed out to me that one area that always seems to be lacking is my knowledge on what to do on a date with an ex boyfriend.
You see, I talk a lot about how to get the date but I never talk about the details of what you should do on that date to get him back.
Well, that is about to change starting right now!
What This Page Is About?
(If you would like to learn more about HOW you can get a date with your ex boyfriend click here.)
Wherever I looked online I always seemed to come up empty in my research on what you should do on a date to get an ex boyfriend back. Your specific situation is very different than the normal “what should I do on a date?” inquiry that many women are wondering.
That extra element that makes your situation unique, your ex, changes the rules on what you should do on your date entirely. So, I decided to put this guide together. It’s main focus is going to be helping you to understand how to reattract an ex while you are on a date with him. I will be talking about concepts like:
- Push/Pull Theory.
- How To Act On Your Date.
- Big No No’s.
- Where To Go On Your Date.
- How You Need To Look.
- How Long It Should Last.
- Whether To Kiss Or Not.
- The Second Date
None of that really made a lot of sense huh?
No worries, I am going to be going into so much detail on all of the points above that you will be begging me to stop ;). So, rather than listen to me ramble on all day lets just cut right to the chase!
Before I even talk about “the date” there is an important concept that I need you to understand. In fact, it’s so important that both my books,
Use this concept.
I thought a lot about how I could best explain this to you (I even spent 30 minutes mapping it out on my computer.) I eventually decided to explain it like this:
Push/Pull Theory- A concept that states that we pursue that which retreats from us. The puller (one who shows interest) will not be pursued by the pusher (one who shows disinterest.) Meanwhile, the puller (interest) will most likely pursue the pusher (disinterest.)
Lets apply this new found, albeit complicated, knowledge to YOU!
I could be entirely true that one of the biggest reasons you want your ex boyfriend back is because you feel rejected. In other words, you are the puller while your ex boyfriend is the pusher.
Hmm… let me see if I can simplify this for you.
- The Puller- The person that shows an extreme interest in someone else.
- The Pusher- The person that shows an extreme DISinterest in someone else.
Get it yet?
Push/pull theory is a very important concept for you to grasp before you go out on a date. I will explain why in a moment but first I need to explain the effect push/pull can have on men. One of the biggest advantages to this site is that I am a member of the male species so I can give you direct insight that not many others could give you.
When I learned about push/pull I found it very relevant and true.
The women who I seem to be the most attracted to are always the ones that are pushing me away at the beginning a little bit. Of course, there is more to it than that as I explain with the ungettable girl but when generalized the women who I have to chase and “pull” are the ones that have me wrapped around their fingers.
Let me give you a real life example.
One attractive woman I ended up wanting to date was a great pusher! I ended up spotting her across a room and I was drawn in by her looks. Now, I am not saying that she had perfect looks but she had something that drew me in. She had this aura about her.
Of course, when I actually tried talking to her she showed extreme disinterest in me, which of course made me want want to chase a little more.
This is the push/pull theory at work!
Remember, (as I have stated a thousand times throughout this site) men always want what they can’t have.
How Can You Apply Push/Pull To Dating?
One of the biggest issues I see from women who go out on dates with their exes is that they automatically assume that the hard part is over.
I am sorry to break it to you but the hard part just began.
You see, before you went out on a date with your ex (where you have to see him in person) you were most likely able to hide behind your phone. I am not saying that like it is a bad thing as it gives you time to think before you try something. It’s just that when you are out on a date you don’t have any time to think.
Why is it important to have time to think?
If you are familiar with this site then you may realize that everything I teach you to do pre-date I am doing to show you how you can become a pusher. It’s all about getting your ex to chase you again and the best way to accomplish that is to make him the puller.
Of course, when you are on a date you have to be aware that the push/pull mechanisim is in play here. It’s likely that the more you show interest in him the less likely he will be to show interest in you. Of course, the untrained (get your ex back professional) may point out that if this is the case then the smartest play is to show your ex disinterest. Unfortunately, it isn’t as easy as that either.
Let me break it down for you because that last paragraph was a lot to swallow.
Lets say that you and I are on a date. For the purposes of this example I am your ex boyfriend and you entered this date with one goal, to improve your chances of getting me back. Now, using the push/pull theory we know that if you show me a lot of interest I will show you disinterest. I really want to break this down for you so you can understand what you can expect to happen here.
I hear from a lot of women who have this exact thing happen to them. They go on a date and show their ex a lot of interest only to get hurt by his inability to show interest at a later date.
Using (you and I) as an example you are going to show a lot of interest in me on our date. Of course, interest to a guy is always flattering so I am going to appear very happy to receive that interest. You see this exact thing happening with women who sleep with their ex boyfriends. Those women show interest to their exes in the form of sex. Of course, the ex isn’t going to turn down sex so he is going to accept that initial interest (sex.) The only problem here is that the initial interest the ex accepted was not real. He just did it for sex. What we are looking for here is REAL interest.
Now the question becomes: How do you get your ex boyfriend to show REAL interest in you?
As I stated above, some women, who employ the push/pull theory, think that showing disinterest in their ex is the way to go. However, I am afraid that the situation isn’t that easy to figure out.
How do you think I would react if I went out on a date with you and all you did the entire time was show disinterest to me? I may have a few choice words for you but I would also be under the impression that there is no way that we could ever get back together (because you don’t want it to happen.)
Newsflash, the goal here is to get your ex boyfriend back. Not to scare him away so much that he never thinks he has a shot.
So, understanding this knowledge what are you supposed to do to get an ex to show you interest?
The answer is really right in front of your face. You need to show interest while showing disinterest! You essentially combine the two concepts (pushing and pulling.)
Now, combining pushing and pulling isn’t exactly easy to do. I mean, your ex has to think he has a shot and then he has to think he has not shot only to think he has a shot a few minutes later….
Kind of complicated huh? Don’t worry, that is what the rest of this guide is for!
Main Goals You Need To Accomplish On Your Date
(If you would like to learn about what to do to get a date with your ex please check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
I am the type of person that needs goals to accomplish. You see, at the beginning of every week I write down what I want to accomplish in that week. Once I can visualize those goals I focus my energies solely on achieving them. In a way, I am hoping you are the same way.
So, I have decided to set aside a section based solely on the goals you need to accomplish while you are on your date. This way, after the date is over you can come home and see how you did on the date. Of course, it’s a little more complicated than that as I am about to explain but the general idea here is to give you a checklist to see how you did on your date.
Lets get started!
Goal 1- Making The Date Memorable But Not Over The Top
(I am about to lose some serious man cred here but what the heck.)
Have you ever watched that show “The Bachelor?”
If you have then probably the thing that sticks out to you most is the amazing dates that these women get taken on. When you take your ex boyfriend out on a date (or he takes you out) you are not aiming to have a bachelor like date. Thats…. a little too strong.
At the same time you have to keep in mind that no one remembers the average dates. Instead, they remember the memorable ones. One of my favorite, albeit campy lines that I like to use whenever people ask me about dating is:
I don’t go on dates, I create memories
It is an extremely corny line but at the same time there is some truth to it. When your ex leaves his date with you, you want him to remember it for the right reasons. In essence, you want him to have a positive memory about it.
Here is where things get tricky though, you can’t make him remember it by taking him on a bachelor-esque date. Like I said above, that’s too much. You need to make the date exciting but at the same time you need to make it calm. Unfortunately, I can’t help you very much in this area because every guy is different and after all you know your man better than I do.
Don’t worry though, I am going to be talking exclusively about where to take him on a date later in this guide. For now just realize that you need to make it memorable but not “bachelor” memorable.
Goal 2- Getting A Second Date
This is really THE big goal.
In fact, this is a very revolutionary idea that I introduce in PRO since I think too many women try too hard just to secure date one.
I am not ashamed to say that I have been on a lot of dates in my life. A few years ago I began to notice a trend with all the dates I have been on.
Getting the first date is relatively simple if you know what you are doing. However, getting a second date can be much harder. Why is that? Well, with any first date I am vetting a girl to see if she is worth taking out again. Of course, I know for a fact that the girl is doing the same exact thing to me.
There have been times where I opted to not take someone on a second date because I don’t see the point of ever seeing them again if there is no future there. On the flip side, there have been times where I desperately wanted to go out on a date with a girl and she completely blew me off.
Here is where things get interesting though, every time I get a second date with a girl I find that, that girl always ends up wanting to date me.
Second dates are key!
Of course, we are dealing with a situation where you are going out with your ex boyfriend so does the “second date” rule still apply?
You bet it does!
I have found that the women who tend to get their exes back are ALWAYS able to get a second date. Now, I am not saying that if you get a second date with your ex you are automatically going to get him back but you will be in a very good position to do so.
Keeping all this in mind there is still something I need to discuss with you.
Second Date Reminders
In the section above I alluded to the times where I desperately wanted a second date with a girl but never got it. I want to explore this train of thought a little bit further because it will help you understand the situation.
A big problem that I see when it comes to women, exes and second dates is that the women tend to count their chickens to soon. What do I mean by that? Well, just because your ex says he wants to see you again doesn’t mean that you will get the implied second date.
Every time I asked those girls who ,I did not get a second date with, if they would like to go out again they always replied with a simple:
“Sure, that sounds like fun!”
“Absolutely, lets do something next week.”
Of course, by the time the day of the date would come around I would always get a phone call like:
“Oh, something came up I can’t go…”
“I completely forgot…. sorry 🙁 .”
In fact, there was one time a girl literally stood me up for a second date by NEVER TEXTING ME AGAIN. So, just because your ex says he wants to see you it doesn’t mean much until you are actually on that date. THEN you can start counting your chickens!
How To Act On The Date
(If you need help on actually getting a date with your ex please click here.)
Going out on dates can be very fun. Of course, if you are going out on a date with your ex you are likely going to be very nervous. In this section I am going to talk a lot about the general rules of the date. Essentially it will show you how you need to act on the date.
The first thing I want to talk about with you is about hype!
Don’t Hype It Up
A few years ago I asked a very pretty girl on a date. Now, I am used to going out on dates so asking another girl out shouldn’t have been all that big of a deal. Except in this case something was different. I found this particular girl a lot more attractive than any girl I had ever asked out before.
As a result, I began to hype the date up. That hype created pressure on my part to be perfect. I remember I felt so much hype for the date that I ended up washing my car, buying new clothes and planning out the first few things I would talk to her about.
The funny part was that I had never done this for a date before. Sure, I have been nervous before but I had never bought new clothes or felt the need to “script” what we would talk about. What it all boils down to was the hype I was feeling for this date. Since I thought this particular girl was more attractive than any of the girls I had ever taken out I thought that she was used to a certain standard on dates. This one simple little thought (that I had) is what created the hype I felt for the date.
Here is the funniest part about the whole thing though, the date I went on with her was by far the worst date I had ever been on. Not to ruffle any feathers if that particular girl is reading this page for some reason but I found her weird. She was very closed and quiet. She refused to have a normal conversation with me. It’s almost like she felt this sense of entitlement to have everything handed to her and I really did not like that.
Look, the main point I am trying to make here is do not hype your date with your ex up. That creates a pressure for things to go perfectly. The truth is that the date you go on with him doesn’t have to be perfect. It just has to be good enough to get a second date.
No Pressure Vibe
Obviously I don’t want you to feel pressure when you go on a date with your ex. However, at the same time I don’t want your ex boyfriend to feel pressure either. Do your best to maintain a cheerful and happy vibe.
Would you like to know an interesting fact about men?
When I look back at all the dates I have been on in my life there is one that always sticks out in my mind. The funny thing is that the date wasn’t anything special. In fact, I am sure that almost all of the women reading this site have been taken on dates 10 times nicer than the one I am about to tell you about.
While the date wasn’t anything special the thing that really stuck out to me was that the girl I took on the date made me feel comfortable and safe. At the time I was relatively inexperienced with dating. It was only the second date I had ever been on and I was very nervous.
I think she could sense that too.
I remember my heart beating very fast, as if I had run a mile. I truly felt like a deer in the headlights. Two things stick out to me when I think back to that date.
The first thing was how nervous I was (as I have already stated.) Specifically, I was so nervous that as I was driving (at night) I forgot to turn my headlights on…. (I know, I know…)
The second thing was how my date could sense I was nervous and how at ease she put me about the whole thing. I remember as I was driving I felt this soft hand on my knee. I looked at her as she looked back at me and said:
“Hey, it’s ok you don’t have to be so nervous there is no pressure here!”
That one comment put me at ease and allowed me to relax.
The point of all of this is that if you can make your ex feel comfortable (because no doubt he will be feeling pressure too) you will be in a very good spot to obtain that second date.
The Friend Vibe
So, how in the world are you supposed to create a no pressure vibe?
Again, your circumstances are unique because you have already had a relationship with the person you are about to take on a date so your approach needs to be different. I have found the best thing you can do to accomplish this is to create a “friend vibe.” Now, before you freak out on me for the fear of being friend-zoned I am not talking about a “friend vibe” in the context of being friend zoned. I am talking about a “friend vibe” in the context of how safe you feel when you are with your friends.
At one time you dated your ex boyfriend and had a relationship with him. I don’t care what you say to me, if you convinced him to enter into a relationship with you there had to be a connection he felt. That connection will always be there so you will always have that to your advantage.
Of course, when you are on your date with him I do want you to tap into that connection but not as much as you expect. Too many times have I seen women bank on the connection they built with their ex (in their previous relationship) while on their date only to fall flat on their faces. I will talk about how you can carefully tap into your past connection with him later but first lets get back to the friend vibe.
Any time you go out with your friends you feel safe. When you feel safe you are more likely to have fun. When you have fun, chances are that you want to see the person you had fun with again. That is the beauty of giving off a “friend vibe.” It allows you to fly in under the radar while giving you the opportunity to carefully rebuild attraction in your ex boyfriend.
(I aim to misbehave in this section so buckle up.)
Whoever said “looks don’t matter” is an idiot…
Yes, I said it ok (deal with it 😉 .)
I think it’s a pet peeve of mine when I hear someone saying that “looks don’t matter.” I remember there was an English teacher that I had in high school that went on this rant about looks not mattering. Now, I am a pretty well behaved guy when it comes to school but this teachers rant really set me off.
I remember calmly raising my hand and basically doing my best to dispel this guys (the teacher) “looks belief.” I admit that I could have handled it better than I did but still, I felt he was wrong about what he was saying and I was sticking to my guns. Anyways, the girls in the room (who were clearly buying into this teachers rant) laid in to me. I mean, they really let me have it. Here is the problem though, they were all wrong.
I am a straight male and I can tell you up front that looks really do matter to me and all the other men out there. Personality matters just as much in the long run (as I explain in the ungettable girl guide) but with initial first impressions it’s all about the looks.
The truth is that looks shouldn’t matter but they do so you just have to deal with it.
Now, I bet you are wondering what this has to do with your date?
How You Need To Look On Your Date
Amazing…. you need to look absolutely amazing.
You only get one chance to impress your ex boyfriend with your looks on this date and you better take advantage of it.
A few weeks ago one woman asked me “how should I look on my date?”
Unfortunately, I chickened out of giving her a proper answer because I was tired and in order to give her the proper answer I needed to give a long in-depth explanation of something very complicated, the imagination effect.
The Imagination Effect
This is good stuff so you may want to pay attention here. I am about to give you the secret to attracting any man (including your ex.)
We have already established above that men always want what they cant have (refer to push/pull.) However, another interesting thing about men is they want what their imagination wants.
…. Wait, WHAT?
It is kind of hard to explain (I’ll admit that) but I think I can do it best with an example. I want you to take a look at the picture below:
What do you see when you look at this picture?
Well, I am not a woman but I imagine you see a pretty blonde girl staring out of the window/porch. I mean, that is what is technically what’s happening here.
Want to know what men see when they look at this picture?
(or better yet what they imagine?)
When they look at this picture I see a potential girlfriend. They see someone who you can curl up on the couch and feel safe with (but alive at the same time.) They see someone who is gentle but playful. Someone who isn’t afraid to look them in the eye. Someone with a beautiful smile. Someone they could have long intense conversations with. Someone who wants to be held. Someone worth holding!
In other words, men can insert themselves into an alternate reality with them.
Do you get the imagination effect yet?
Men tend to imagine what life could potentially be like with the woman they are on a date with. There are times where I am on a date and I will find myself daydreaming about what a “potential future” with this girl could be like. If I like the future then that makes me more attracted her. Of course, if I don’t like the future then her chances with me are over. I’ll admit that it’s a warped way to look at things since reality is NEVER as good as a daydream but this is how men can sometimes choose women.
So, are you still wondering how you need to look on your date?
It’s quite simple really.
You need to look how you want to be perceived or imagined by your date :).
The Big No No’s On A Date
(If you need help getting a date with your ex boyfriend check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
Lets talk about what NOT to do on a date. Believe it or not but I think you are going to get a lot from this particular section.
The way this works is simple. I am going to talk in-depth about the biggest no no’s that women can commit on dates. So, when you look below and see “Big No No # (insert number)” it will be the particular mistake I will be focusing on in that section. I really want you to understand everything so I am going to do my best to explain it to you.
Lets get started!
Big No No #1- Getting Into An Argument
It is completely normal to get into an argument while you are dating someone. In fact, I would be worried if you never got into one. However, if you are out on a date I need you to take an unbreakable oath:
“I will under NO CIRCUMSTANCES get into an argument with my ex while I am out on a date with him.”
Think of it like this. What gets accomplished with an argument? You clearly want your ex boyfriend back so do you think arguing with him is going to help you achieve that goal? This is one of the challenges of going out on a date with your ex. You see, it is a lot easier to remain calm, cool and collected when you are texting because you have time to think and process. The entire game changes when you are seeing your man in person. No longer do you have time to think. Everything is going to happen fast and the second he says something you don’t like you are going to make a face. When you make that face he is going to get angry. When he gets angry you are going to get angry and then we have our very own full blown argument.
DO NOT GET INTO AN ARGUMENT.
I cannot stress this enough. If he says something you don’t like bite your lip and just take it. Of course, most arguments tend to get started when you talk about your previous relationship…
Big No No #2- Talking About Your Previous Relationship
The first rule of fight club… “We do not talk about fight club.”
The second rule of fight club… “WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT FIGHT CLUB.”
Ahh… I love that movie. Ahem, nerdiness aside.
The first rule of going on a date with your ex boyfriend… “We do not talk about our relationship.”
The second rule of going on a date with your ex boyfriend… “WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT OUR RELATIONSHIP.”
I am sorry I couldn’t resist ;).
Why am I telling you to not talk about your previous relationship with your ex boyfriend?
Could it be that, that is a hotbed for another argument? Well, that is a part of it but there is more to it than that. Talking about a failed relationship always bums me out. Heck, sometimes talking to you guys in the comments bums me out because I feel so bad for what you are going through. When you take your ex out on a date you don’t want him to remember it as the date where he had to remember a relationship that failed. That usually isn’t the way to get a second date.
Now, with that in mind there may be a time where you ex boyfriend actively brings up a memory from the failed relationship. If he does this do your very best to not react to it (him talking about the memory.) Just listen to what he has to say, nod your head a lot and be cool with everything.
If you have to, agree with them, to mellow things out. In this case I want you to do more listening than talking.
Going on a date with an ex is all about living in the moment. Not remembering the past.
Big No No #3- Not Keeping The Date Short Enough
Sadly this is something that I have personal experience with (which is why I know it’s a mistake.)
I like going out on dates, I really do. Well, let me be more specific. I like going out on dates with women I actually want to date. Unfortunately, I have made a lot of mistakes in the past during my dates. Probably the biggest one is spending too much time with them on a date.
One girl in particular springs to mind. This particular girl was someone I desperately wanted to date (which as I learned any time “desperation” is involved it is a recipe for disaster.) I ended up meeting her on a Friday and we stayed up the entire night (until 5 a.m.) texting back and forth. Somewhere in the craziness of texting she suggested that we go out on a date on Saturday (the very next day.) I think the date started at 11 a.m. on a Saturday and ended at 9 p.m.
So, I went on a 10 hr date (math isn’t my strong suit so correct me if I am wrong.)
Boy was that a mistake. I could tell the next day that she was burnt out and I had ruined my chance. If I had just kept the date short and left her wanting more I might have ended up dating her… but I didn’t (and I only have myself to blame.)
If you are going to see your ex boyfriend for the first time in a while I don’t want you to spend a lot of time with him. Your main goal here is to get a second date and the best way to do that is to intrigue him while you are on the date with him and then suddenly “have to leave.”
So, this raises an interesting question.
What is an ideal timeframe for a date with your ex?
I would say keep the date somewhere between 30min – 1 hr and 30min. Preferably the one hourish range. That leaves your ex intrigued but wanting more ;).
Where To Go Out On A Date?
I am one of the simplest guys out there. I haven’t been on many “true” fancy dates. It’s not that I am opposed to it. In fact, I would very much like to go on a fancy date. I have just learned something about dating through my own personal experience. It doesn’t take a “fancy date” to have a great time. It’s all about the connection you build with the other person. A girl could take me to a McDonalds and as long as I have a strong connection with her I would be more than happy.
With that being said, I do have a few tricks up my sleeve for “date ideas.”
Now, I will admit that you are at a bit of a disadvantage because I am a guy and I have a guys perspective on “date ideas.” Nevertheless, I am going to tell you my personal views on dating location and you can take from it what you want.
If I am really interested in a girl I am not going to take her to the movies. Too many guys make the mistake of doing the dinner/movie combination. I can understand why they do it too because it’s easy. However, spending two hours in a dark theater surrounded by strangers is hardly my idea of a way to form a connection with someone. That is the biggest problem with the movies. You can’t form any real connection because you are forced to be quiet.
I want to go somewhere that can be fun (for both parties) but quiet enough to where you can talk and build or rebuild a connection with someone. My go to date for women I am taking out the first time is going to sound corny but it works.
I actually go the idea from How I Met Your Mother and let me tell you it works! You see, laser tag is exciting enough to remember but it also can be fun if you get put on the same team. Besides, after the game is finished you can sit down and talk. The way I like to incorporate laser tag on a first date is pretty simple. What I will do is ask a girl out on a date but I will do so in a very specific way. I will call her up and ask her something like:
“Hey, my friends and their girlfriends are going to play laser tag do you want to come?”
If she says yes then I know I am golden because not only will she have a great time at laser tag but I can get my friends to say good things about me which will shape her perception of me.
Plus I have a lot of interesting stories from this tactic. I will tell you one before I move on.
I took one girl to laser tag (but I just asked her to do it one on one with no friends involved.) At the time I was nursing a stress fracture in my left foot. It was in the process of healing but it was still pretty messed up. Anyways, playing laser tag with this girl on a date was not a good idea because I refractured my foot during the game and couldn’t walk after that. I was in an extreme amount of pain.
I remember that we had taken my car so I had to drive her back. The entire drive my foot was screaming in pain and I couldn’t wait to just get her out of my car and go home. When the time finally came to drop her off she looked over at me and smiled. I could tell she was giving me the “signs” for a kiss.
“She actually wants a kiss?”
She reached in for a “hug” that I think she wanted to turn into a kiss. As she stopped hugging she looked up at me for the kiss and I said the following:
“Well, it was fun I am going to go home now.”
I didn’t want to kiss her. I had a broken foot and I wanted to go home and ice the darn thing. I essentially threw here out of my car (in a nice way of course.) A decision that I don’t regret because I don’t think there was a future there with this girl.
Laser Tag Ideas May Be Too Big For You
Picking a date location, when it comes to your ex boyfriend, will mostly depend on your overall grasp of the situation you are in.
For example, if you know that your ex boyfriend isn’t going to be receptive of going to laser tag you may need to opt for something more quiet and serene. I have had many fantastic “mini” dates at Starbucks. The reason I mention Starbucks is because the one where I live has a lot of comfortable couches and chairs that you can sit in and just carry a conversation.
Whatever you choose to do with your ex boyfriend make sure it is somewhere where the two of you can just enjoy each others company.
(Need help actually getting a date with your ex? Check out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)
Ah! now we are getting to the good stuff. In this section I am going to touch (well punned 😉 ) on a complicated subject, physical contact.
I am going to be talking about things like hugging, kissing and whether or not you can use them on your date. I want to take a timeout for a second to voice my frustration with dating and physical contact. Essentially I am about to go on a rant so if you want to skip it just move ahead to the “rules for hugging” section below.
One of my biggest frustrations about dating is that whenever I go on a first date I never know what to do. Should I kiss her? Should I not kiss her? I literally wish there was a class that they taught in high school covering this stuff because I could have saved myself from some extremely embarrassing situations (don’t worry you will hear all about them.) Nevertheless, I have learned a lot from the school of hard knocks and picked up some valuable knowledge along the way. So, please feel free to view this section as your “physical contact” handbook because that is what I am intending to do here.
Rules For Hugging
Hugging is only awkward if someone makes it awkward.
I remember when I first started dating the biggest question in my mind was always “should I hug her right off the bat?” The answer to that question is a resounding YES!
Look, hugging breaks the barrier for physical contact. Any time I go on a date with someone the very first thing I do is walk up to them with my arms outstretched (the universal sign for a hug) and they accept my hug every single time. I recommend that you do the same thing. It doesn’t have to be an awkward thing either. Just walk up to your ex with a big smile and arms outstretched and the next thing you know the two of you are hugging eachother.
Now, where I see some women getting in trouble with hugging is when they hold the hug longer than it should be held.
Let me break it down for you.
There are two types of hugs. The short hug and the long hug.
- The Short Hug- A quick, painless hug. It is not held for a long time. It is a simple hug and release.
- The Long Hug- This hug has meaning behind it. It IS held for a long time. There is either no release or the release happens a 10-30 seconds after the initial hug.
So, we have already established that we are going to start the date off with a hug now the question becomes which hug should we start with?
Well, I guarantee that you are going to freak your ex boyfriend out if you see him and then give him one of those long hugs right off the bat. Remember the push/pull section above? People who do long hugs (when the time ISN’T right) are immediately put in the pull category. Remember pullers are people who show too much interest.
That means that you are shooting for a short hug. Walk up to him (smile and arms outstretched) and give him a nice hug. BUT it is really important that the hug doesn’t last a long time. It is just a simple hug and release like I explained above.
Rules For Kissing
This is the subject I really wanted to cover. I have some interesting stories to share and also some interesting information I learned.
I think I want to start first by saying you aren’t required to kiss your ex boyfriend on a date. Though, I will say it is a good thing if you do because it is a sign that he really has some feelings for you. BUT in spite of all of this you need to make sure that the kissing doesn’t lead to sex. Remember, one of our main goals here is to get a second date (it isn’t to sleep with him.) I feel compelled to mention that because I see some women making this mistake and it usually never works out for them.
Knowing IF You Should Kiss Him Or Not?
This is kind of a big deal. There will be some ex boyfriends who are “kiss ready” while at the same time there will be some that aren’t. I am going to give you a brief rundown of some of the signs that your ex could be “kiss ready.”
- If he is flirting and making no apologies about it.
- If there is a lot of physical contact initiated by him.
- If HE holds the initial hug longer than you do.
- If he can’t take his eyes off of you.
What can happen if an ex isn’t kiss ready? Well, I have a little story for you.
When I was 20 years old I ended up going on a date with a girl one night. I wasn’t really date savvy at the time so I made a lot of mistakes. For one, I did the dreaded dinner and movie combination but the biggest mistake I made was not reading the signs correctly and going in for a kiss when I had no reason to.
I was very nervous but I really wanted to kiss this girl. So, after I got my courage up I went in for the kiss. I can still see her face to this day.
She had this disgusted look on her face and looked at me like I was an idiot.
“What do you think you are doing?”
I panicked immediately “Ummm… I don’t know.”
She proceeded to tell me that I was a “really nice guy” but she just saw us as friends. Yup, I got friendzoned after that.
So, as a guy I learned from that experience. I know that you have to search for the signs that a girl wants you to kiss her. This leads us to our next point:
How To Get A Guy To Kiss You
I have never had a girl initiate a kiss with me…. (unfortunately :(.)
Instead, I have always had to initiate a kiss with a girl and I can tell you that for 98% of guys out there it is the same. When I look at your situation (you being on a date with your ex) I am under the firm belief that these societal standards should remain in place. That means that if you want a guy to kiss you he is going to have to do so under his own power.
Of course, there are certain hints that you can drop (that he will pick up on) that will tell him it is ok for him to kiss you. Men will be looking for these hints and if they deem the situation appropriate they will kiss you. It is as simple as that. Lets take a look at a few of the most popular hints that you can drop.
A flirtatious Smile When You Look At Your Date
You can think one of my friends for this little nugget of information (she is a model so she knows what shes talking about.)
If you send a flirtatious smile your exes way throughout the date you can (in a way) condition him to kiss you. Now, a flirtatious smile alone isn’t going to be your ticket to a kiss but it can be a stepping stone to one and in my book that is a very good thing.
Play With Your Teeth/Lips
This is something I began to notice women do when they are very attracted to you. I think a visual aid here is the best way to describe this phenomenon. I want you to take a look at the picture below:
Wow! Just looking at that picture kind of turns me on! Do you see how she is kind of dropping the hint “hey, I want you to kiss me here?” If done correctly this can be another amazing stepping stone to getting him to kiss you.
Play With Your Hair Nervously
This is my favorite thing in the entire world. Seriously I live for making a woman do this. One thing I have noticed about women who are attracted to me (and want me to kiss them) is they do this funny thing with their hair. Again, I want to give you another visual que to look at.
What do you notice about this picture?
I will tell you what I notice. I notice a girl who is in the process of pulling her hair back behind her ear (my favorite thing that women do EVER!) A woman who does this on a date after something I say definitely likes me. It is like this nervous tick that is genetic among all of you and I love it.
Though back to the point playing with your hair is a big indicator that you want a man to kiss you.
The Head Lean Que
This is an obvious one.
(So, obvious that I actually missed this hint once upon a time.)
Before I tell another embarrassing story let me explain what the “head lean” que is. Basically, any time you are sitting next to a guy and you lean your head on his shoulder it is another way of dropping a hint that you want to be kissed.
Now, lets get to the good stuff, more embarrassing stories!
When I was 20 years old I was always hanging out with a girl that was very pretty. We weren’t out on a legitimate date when the “head lean” happened but we were just hanging around after college classes. Anyways, eventually we got into a situation where we were sitting next to each other and she leaned her head on my shoulder.
I was schocked.
I think deep down I knew what she was “hinting” at but I was too scared to do anything about it. In other words, I was a big chicken and froze up. She gave me multiple opportunities to kiss her as well but I would always freeze up every time. She’s “out of my league” I would think.
I know, I know I am a total idiot and I regret it every single day. However, it was that failure that caused me to take more chances. So, in a way it was the best thing that ever happened to me.