One of the most popular questions I get on this site is “how do I get my ex boyfriend back after a year apart?” It’s an interesting question. I will admit that so far every single page I have created for this site has been geared towards women who are wanting their boyfriends back almost immediately post-breakup. The truth of the matter is that time plays a very significant role in the type of strategies you can employ to get your ex back. So, the strategies that I outline on my super guide to getting your boyfriend back won’t necessarily work for women who are a year removed from a breakup.
What This Page Is About?
Every time I write a page for this website I have one major goal, to create the best free page in the world on the topic I am writing about. Admittedly, some pages on this website are better than others but in all, I feel I do a pretty decent job of providing value that is very rare in this day and age. For this particular page I am going to try to go as in-depth as possible. Fair warning though, there may be some sections on this page that don’t seem like I am going in-depth or they may seem like I am cutting a corner, I am not. In those specific cases I am simply going to be linking to a larger guide that can explain the concept better than I can on this page.
Alright, now that we have the formalities out of the way, what exactly is this page about?
Well, this page is going to give you an exact step by step method to getting your ex boyfriend back but ONLY if you have been apart for a year or more. It is important that if you have not been apart for at least a year that you go to my guide detailing how to get your ex boyfriend back here.
Of course, even the page I link to above can’t cover everything that needs to be covered. Getting an ex back is such a complex task that there is literally an infinite amount of possibilities that can occur. If you are looking for something more, something that can lay out a game plan for you to follow then I highly recommend checking out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
Different Set Of Rules
The first thing you need to realize about trying to get an ex back after this amount of time is that an entirely different set of rules have to be implemented for you to even have a chance. The whole game has changed. A lot of time has passed, he may have dated new people, you have probably dated new people and both of you are mostly over the initial heartbreak of the breakup. What you really have to determine is why you want your ex back?
Now, I am not saying this to call you into question, I am doing this to help you. As much as I want you to get your ex back you have to come to terms with the fact that sometimes two people just aren’t right for each other and are better off staying apart. That is why I need you to be completely honest with yourself. What is your reasoning for wanting your ex back? Do you just miss them? Do you think you can’t live without them? Because, I am sorry to say but reasons like that aren’t going to be good enough. You need to have a truly legitimate reason for wanting to get back together. Your reason needs to be so good that it is worth getting them back. Here are a few examples of reasons that are “legit.”
Good Reasons For Getting Your Ex Back
- You broke up on a whim (impulsively)
- You broke up because of a fight (and it was the only fight you had)
- You were both truly happy together for most of the relationship (Most = 75%)
- You both want the same things out of life together.
No, No Contact?
If you have spent any time looking around this site then I am sure by now you have realized that I am a huge fan of the no contact rule. Almost every page on this site mentions it.
Heck, I even talk about it in my books:
Because that is how important I feel it is and while I am mentioning it, yet again, it is for an entirely different reason. The no contact rule won’t really work in this specific case (getting an ex back after a year (or more) apart.) Why won’t it work? Well, unless you have texted, called or emailed your ex throughout the entire year you have been apart then you will have already done your own version of no contact.
The no contact rule is as much about timing as it is about cutting your ex off after a breakup. For example, if I was dating you (don’t get too excited 😉 ) and we broke up then implementing the no contact rule immediately after the breakup would be an effective tactic because of the timing. You are going to be fresh on my mind and I am going to be eager to talk to you again after NC of course. However, it is an entirely different situation after a year has passed and the timing is no longer there for the NC.
So, what are you supposed to do?
Well, we are going to get to that but first I think it is important if I address a burning question that I think everyone is going to be wandering.
Is It Too Late?
No, it is never too late to get your ex boyfriend back. Women seem to be under the impression that as more time goes by, their chances of being able to successfully get their ex boyfriend back drop. While that may be true in some cases I think overall there are quite a few advantages to being “late.” The first thing that you need to realize is that guys are always thinking about their exes. Heck, I still even think about my ex from FIVE YEARS ago. However, I would say that the biggest advantage is the fact that you have a history with this person (hopefully a good one.) Your goal is to use your history with your ex to bring up romantic feelings in him.
The best way I can describe this phenomenon to you is like this. Have you ever heard a really good song? Something that just makes you groove to the beat. Have you ever wondered why you react that way? My theory is that the particular song did a good job of touching your emotional center in turn, making you feel something. I have often found that my favorite songs are weird choices that bring up certain feelings within me. Some make me happy, some make me excited and others make calm.
Now, can you imagine saying something to your ex that can have this same effect on him? THAT IS WHAT WE ARE TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH!
You Need To Look The Part
I talk a lot about “looking the part” in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.
I want to take a step back and talk a little about the no contact rule, more specifically, the only part of the no contact rule that you absolutely have to use. I am just going to make a general assumption here and say that while you are really wanting your ex back you haven’t seen him in person in quite some time. If that is the case, then I need you to do something. I need you to become the sexiest version of yourself as possible.
Because, I want the first time that your ex sees you to be special. I want him to look across the room and have his heart stop. I want him to think “wow, I made a mistake leaving her.” In essence, you have to look the part of someone who successfully got over the breakup and is better than ever. I suggest you do the following things:
- Hit the gym (get in the best shape of your life)
- Update your wardrobe
- Get a new haircut
- Start eating healthier
- Take care of any skin problems (acne, etc)
- Take care of your teeth (not smiling more I mean dental work if you need it.)
You Need To Feel The Part
Looking good, while certainly helpful, isn’t going to get you the result you want to get by itself. Remember what Arnold said, when you look good, you feel good and when you feel good you do good ;). Ok, ok, that was pretty goofy but he was right about one thing, you need to feel confident, so confident, in fact, that you won’t need to feel that you need your ex boyfriend back at all. I know it sounds crazy but guys are attracted to women that don’t want them. It’s pretty simple actually.
Have you ever heard a guy call a girl a (expletive) because she didn’t like him? Let me break down what is really going on here. The guy isn’t really angry at the girl for not liking him. He is actually angry because he feels insecure about himself because he wants the girl so bad but can’t get her. So, instead of doing the healthy thing and accepting that fact he decides to call her a name. The end lesson here: the guy really wanted the girl, badly.
Alright, so you know how important it is for you to achieve a feeling of (you not needing to be with your ex). The question now becomes how exactly do you do that? Prepare yourself because I have another list for you to go through.
- Accept the fact that there is a chance that you may not get your ex back (once you accept this you can live a more stress free life.)
- Focus on work. Sometimes it is ok to work a lot to get your mind off progressing things with your ex.
- Go out with your friends, a lot!
What, When And How To Contact Your Ex
Now we are getting to the good stuff huh? Just like the no contact rule, things are a bit different when it comes to contacting your ex after a year (or more) apart. However, before I talk about the differences let me tell you about one thing that hasn’t changed, what you use to contact your ex. In my mind, having someone who you haven’t spoken to in a very long time contact you, seemingly out of the blue, can be a little awkward. In my opinion, the best way to combat this awkwardness is to use text messaging. It’s personal, quiet and the social norm now-a-days. If you still need some convincing on why this is the best way to contact your ex I suggest you check out this page.
Now, before I move on I do feel it is important to mention that in this section I have one big goal for you and it is not to get your ex boyfriend back. WAIT! WHAT?
While getting your ex back is the real “objective” in order to do that you are going to have to meet with him in person. My goal for this particular section is getting you in a position where you can do just that, meet with him in person. So, I am trying to get you to go on a date with him. Hopefully, if everything goes according to plan you won’t even have to suggest a date, he will.
I am going to level with you…
I don’t do a great job of covering everything you need to know about texting an ex boyfriend on this page.
Because there simply isn’t enough time or room for that.
Heck, I even wrote a book about it. That’s where I would recommend for you to go if you want a more in-depth look at the in’s and outs of texting.
The big difference between the normal version of getting your ex back and the one where you have been apart for a year really occurs here. You see, I usually recommend breaking the ice with a simple “remember when” text. Basically, it is an interesting text that will cause your ex boyfriend to remember a good memory (with you in it.) You can usually get a gauge on how interested he is based on the response. However, the “remember when” text really only works well if you are a few months past the breakup.
So, what do you do then?
Well, you are going to have to initiate a conversation, the only question is, what is the best way to do so? First, it is important that you establish a few ground rules when texting.
Texting Ground Rules
- No one word texts like “hey” “sup” “hi” (each text has to have substance and depth. I always like to say that your text has to be so good it’s impossible not to respond.)
- YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO END THE CONVERSATION. (Ok, “always” is a bit strong but do your best to be the one to end the conversation.)
- You can not get angry, no matter how angry he makes you.
- Keep your texts positive and pleasant.
- Don’t text back immediately.
How To Initiate The Conversation
Initiating a conversation with your ex doesn’t have to be as hard as some women make it out to be. I have created three simple rules for you when it comes to the first text you send. If your text doesn’t meet these three rules then I would not send it because chances are, you are not going to be able to establish a conversation thread with your ex.
- The first text has to have substance behind it BUT it cannot be too long.
- You have to put yourself in your exes position and determine what he would think if this text was sent to him out of the blue. (happy, creeped out, angry?)
- You cannot ask your ex out to dinner/hangout/etc.
Alright, so what I am going to do now is give you a (positive) example text and break it down using the three rules I have established above.
There are a couple of things to notice here. First off, notice how polite and simple the text is. Jane (our imaginary girl) sent a sweet text that clearly stated she was wondering about her ex, Jason. Now, if you were wondering where I came up with this text message then look no further from my real life. After I graduated high school I went to a local community college. Upon my first day I received a text from an ex girlfriend saying something very similar to the text above. If you are wondering how effective this text was let me tell you that the breakup that we experienced was real nasty. Horrible name calling, vouching to never see each other again, you get the picture. Well, even after all that I was ecstatic to hear from her. I almost got up from my desk, at college, and ran up and down the halls. So, this text can be very effective. The key component to it’s working though is that time has had to have gone by, a lot of time. Lets take a look at how this text stacks up to the “3 rules” we have created.
1. The first text has to have substance behind it BUT it cannot be too long.
This is a perfect text by this rule. It explains very sweetly that the guy has been on a girls mind a lot (guys love to feel wanted) and it seems very genuine. Notice though, how the length doesn’t border on the insane. Not much else to say on this front. Lets move on to rule number 2.
2. You have to put yourself in your exes position and determine what he would think if this text was sent to him out of the blue. (happy, creeped out, angry?)
Lets assume that this imaginary couple above had a really nasty breakup. However, over a year has ended so the emotional heartbreak has died down and for the most part, both parties have moved on. How would the ex boyfriend react to a text, out of the blue? Well, I can only speak for myself but I personally love it when I get texts out of the blue like this. Besides, I basically give you the inside scoop on how I came up with this text (the story above about my ex and I.)
3. You cannot ask your ex out to dinner/hangout/etc.
This is pretty simple, the point of this text isn’t to ask your ex out to a date, it’s to simply start a conversation and prove that YOU control the thread. This leads me to my next point.
Always Always Always Be The One To End The Conversation
Every time a conversation is started a thread is created. It is up to you to control that thread. How do you control the thread? Simple, you have to be the one to decide when it ends. Almost every girl that I have pursued unsuccessfully tend to have a certain trend. Why am I telling you about girls that I have failed to get? I think it’s important for me to explain how crazy I went because I couldn’t get them, which only made me want them even more. After a while, I began to notice that these girls weren’t the prettiest, they weren’t the smartest they just knew how to control the thread of a conversation.
Stop for a moment and take that in, these girls held ultimate power over me not because they were the most beautiful, or the smartest but because they knew how to control the thread. Alright, I know you are getting eager to know exactly how they were able to control the thread. It’s quite simple really.
First, they would start a conversation and get me hooked
For this to work they had to get me hooked in a conversation. They would respond to my texts, I would respond to theirs, it was a nice flow.
Secondly, right before our conversation was about to hit the climax they would bow out.
If you have read my other guide on getting an ex boyfriend back I suggest that you be the one to end the conversation with a simple, “Hey, I have to do xyz I will catch you later.” While you are in control conversation doing that, it is the polite way of ending the conversation. If you want some real power, simply cut the thread and never respond. This is advantageous for a couple of reasons.
- You will make (whoever you are talking to) absolutely crazy (it made me crazy) and it will make you more wanted.
- You establish that you are in control of the thread. Instead of you chasing your boyfriend he will be put in a position where HE has to chase you.
- Send a sweet, short text message.
- Get your ex hooked on a conversation.
- Bow out of the conversation (essentially cutting the thread)
Wait, There’s More!
So, those are the basics but doing the tactic above won’t get your ex back for you alone. You are going to have to do a lot more. Think of it this way, while you want to be in control of the conversation thread at all times, you also want your ex to feel the feelings he felt about you (the positive ones) when you were dating. The tactic above simply opens up a dialogue and gets you in a position where you can slowly but surely send text messages to remind him of how he once felt about you. Now, I am going to shorten this section and link to one that explains those tactics in detail: how to get your ex back with text messages.
Three’s A Pattern
Texting is nice and all, but the real goal here is to go on an actual date with your ex boyfriend. Here is the thing though, it is easy to get one date. I can call a girl up right now and say “hey, would you like to go out for some coffee?” I would count that as a date. So, my challenge to you is simple, rather than go on one date with your ex boyfriend, go on three.
Three dates equals a pattern and it means your ex has genuine interest in reuniting. Now, how do you get the date with your ex? Well, if you are smart about your texting communication HE WILL ASK YOU. Of course, every single guy is different. Some guys are really shy and won’t ask you out on a date even though they really want to. It is up to you to gauge the situation and figure out if the signs are there that your ex still wants you back. In the case that your ex doesn’t ask you out on a date I recommend calling and asking for one. I explain in detail how to do this at the bottom of this page.