In this post you’re going to learn exactly what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you.

It doesn’t matter if you want to get your ex back, which is what our website was originally known for or if you are simply heart broken and looking for a way to stop the pain.

After years of stress testing and learning from our mistakes my team and I believe we’ve come up with the ideal way that everyone should approach a breakup for optimum success no matter the goal.

And if you stick around until the end of this article I’m going to show you our three step strategy for doing just that.

First things first though.

Watch this video immediately because I put a lot of work into it and truly think it will help give you a base knowledge of what we’re going to be talking about today.

Did you do it?

Good.

This article is going to talk about five main points.

  1. The Difference Between Him Breaking Up With You And You Breaking Up With Him
  2. Understanding What The No Contact Rule Is And Why It’s Important
  3. The Before The No Contact Rule Phase
  4. The During The No Contact Rule Phase
  5. The After The No Contact Rule Phase

Let’s begin.

Part One: The Difference Between Him Breaking Up With You And You Breaking Up With Him

I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery in 2012 but it didn’t really take off until 2013 when I started writing articles consistently.

Two of the first articles I ever wrote had to do with a boyfriend breaking up with his girlfriend and the other way around.

So, is there a difference?

Well, yes there are actually a few notable differences.

First off, most of the women I interact with on a daily basis are unfortunate enough to be caught on the receiving end of the breakup.

In fact, it’s almost hilarious how crazy the discrepancy is. I’d estimate that as much as 80% of the traffic to this website is in the “he broke up with me” category.

That means the remaining 20% are in the “I broke up with him” category.

So, what’s the main difference between the two?

Well, usually it all revolves around positioning.

It’s a lot easier to convince someone to take you back when you were the one to tell them they weren’t good enough as opposed to having them tell that to you.

Don’t get me wrong, both are difficult situations to be in but I will admit that I do see an edge that goes to the women who broke up with their exes.

But here’s the interesting thing.

Out of the two articles I wrote for the two categories there is a crazy discrepancy between the reading time and it doesn’t go the way you’d think.

Every website owner that is worth his salt is constantly looking for ways to improve their website. One of the best ways to do that is to determine how long users are staying on pages and reading.

So, for the article where “he broke up with you” the overall average reading time was a little over four minutes.

For the article where “you broke up with him” the overall average trumped it at over nine minutes.

So, why the opposite discrepancy?

Honestly, I think it has to do with the quality of the articles.

I put a little more work into building out the article for women who broke up with their exes as opposed to the other way around.

Thus, this article is my ultimate gift for women whose boyfriends have broken up with them.

It’s my ultimate redo.

So, I know I can get a bit wordy at times but I promise you this is going to be the very best article you’ve ever read on the subject.

Let’s go!

Part Two: Understanding The No Contact Rule And Why It’s Important

I feel like a broken record as I say this but it’s so important that I feel obligated to continue to push that proverbial rock up the hill.

The no contact rule is the foundation for every conceivable successful outcome related to your ex.

This means that it’s the perfect strategy to implement if you want to win your ex back.

It is also perfect if you want nothing to do with him and just focus on moving on.

I’ve written a lot about the no contact rule and it’s applications on this website. I’ve filmed countless videos.

But what I hardly ever talk about is what separates how we apply the no contact rule versus our competitors.

At face value it appears that no contact is only meant to aggravate your ex enough to make them realize that they actually miss you.

In fact, many times I struggle to explain the other benefits to it to my personal coaching clients.

Lately I’ve been trying to do a complete paradigm shift for Ex Boyfriend Recovery. You see, what I’ve come to learn is that sometimes the best way to get an ex back is to not try to get an ex back.

Think of it like this.

The average woman who attempts the no contact rule obsesses about her ex so much that she places him on a pedestal.

Whether she realizes it or not by doing this she effectively grants her ex power over her.

And with power comes the inherent desire to abuse that power.

Instead of spending all of that time during the no contact rule obsessing about what their ex is doing and trying to dissect every little action he takes I try to get my clients to take the opposite approach.

Forget him.

Focus on what’s really important, yourself.

Initially it may seem odd.

But what happens is quite interesting.

When the no contact rule is complete and it becomes time to actually start “re-attracting” your ex your mindset is completely different.

You take the power back and I don’t think I need to tell you how much more success women in power have versus women who have none.

But we are getting ahead of ourselves here a bit.

After simplifying our process we determined that the best way to structure our overall strategy was to divide things up into three distinct phases.

  1. The Before The No Contact Phase
  2. The During The No Contact Phase
  3. The After The No Contact Phase

This may sound familiar if you’ve listened to any of my more recent podcast episodes as I’ve been talking about it a lot.

But that’s how important this new way of looking at things is.

Let’s talk about what goes into each of these phases.

The Before The No Contact Rule Phase

So, what is the before the no contact rule phase?

Well, it’s not rocket science. It’s basically referring to all of the things that you should ideally be doing before you enter into the no contact rule.

Of course, if you’re anything like me you’re probably sitting there and thinking,

Wait, what is supposed to happen before the no contact rule? Don’t you just jump into it?

Well, that’s actually what we used to teach but research and experience has taught us that doing the following things is what you probably want to be doing first.

If that image didn’t come through for you here’s a quick rundown.

  • You should do a breakup assessment
  • Learn everything you can about the no contact rule
  • Learn if you’re in one of those situations where you’ll need to modify no contact
  • Understand the no contact parameters
  • Take a look at and interpret your exes behavior
  • Learn the importance of emotional intelligence
  • Don’t fall prey to the manana principle
  • Understand the difference between knowing and implementing

If this sounds like a lot to wrap your head around don’t be intimidated.

That’s what my team and I are here for.

Let’s move on and take a look at the “during the no contact phase.”

The During The No Contact Rule Phase

So, if you really take a step back and look at the “before the no contact rule” phase it’s all about understanding the basics of this process.

Think of it like the “prep work” for a test.

I know that’s a horrible analogy but it’s the best one I can think of because when you actually have to implement the no contact rule is when the true test begins.

Did you know that our research has found that 80% of the clients we work with fail the no contact rule?

Yep, it’s the one part of the whole process where we see the most failure and it’s mostly because no one knows what they should be doing during the actual no contact phase.

Luckily, I’m about to outline the whole process for you.

Again, if that picture didn’t come through for you let me do a rundown.

  • Here is where we start talking about your value
  • You are introduced to the idea of being “ungettable.”
  • We introduce you to the holy trinity which we actually talk about in this article
  • We teach you how to properly use social media
  • How to handle the individual social media platforms
  • What to do if you accidentally run into your ex
  • And last but not least what to do if you break your no contact rule

Let’s move on and talk about the part you’re most eager to hear about.

What to do after you complete the no contact rule.

The After The No Contact Rule Phase

Here’s where we get to the meat of this entire process.

It’s also why I’m very proud of the way we’ve restructured things. You see, if you’ve gone through the first two phases and still want your ex back then it tells me you have the right stuff. If you’ve gone through the first two phases and don’t want your ex back anymore then you’ve successfully “gotten over him.”

That’s the power of this new way of looking at things.

It truly gives you the best of both worlds.

So, what are some of the things you should be doing after the no contact rule?

From the top.

  • You’re going to want to learn the basics of re-establishing contact with your ex
  • Learn everything about texting
  • Calls, Skype and Facetime
  • Meetups
  • Dates
  • What Your Options Are
  • Deciding To Get Back Together
  • Maintaining A Healthy Relationship Once You Do Get Back Together
  • Retaining a sense of self
  • And finally if you choose, learn to move on

Again, that’s a lot to handle.

I don’t want you to be intimidated.

We’ve written entire products on how to do all of these things to make your life easier and we also uniquely shape your situation to the mold of this strategy in our one on one coaching sessions.

If you want to go the longer way all the answers can be found on this website if you’re willing to be patient and learn.

26 thoughts on “What To Do When Your Boyfriend Breaks Up With You”

  1. Avatar

    Hannah Jones

    December 4, 2019 at 8:27 am

    Hey Chris! My boyfriend and
    I dated for 5 months. It was amazing and we made each other so happy. He told me daily how
    Happy I made him and how positively I impacted his life. He was the best I’ve ever had, and everything was going so smoothly. We spent increasingly more time together, on his terms because I knew he was busy. However, he was always bad about texting me, and after a long and brutal day at work as a nurse, I was upset and voiced my complaints. The next morning, he broke up with me and was in tears the whole time (he never cries). This was out of absolutely nowhere. The day before, he told me how much he missed me after 2 days apart when I was with family. We truly understood each other completely and he voiced it all the time. Even others could tell we were great together and that he was a great guy. He constantly cared about
    Me and showed it, even on bad days. We always were open with communication as well. I am so confused about why he broke up with me. He said “I’m not in a good space right now, and I’m unworthy of you because you deserve the world, and give too much. I can’t give you that” even though he did. I am heartbroken. Do you have any insight behind his reason? This was out of nowhere, truly, since he expressed his love fully for me the day before.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 8:55 pm

      Hi Hannah, it is really difficult to know the exact reason for him ending the relationship, but the reason he gave you sounds more like he is having some sort of mental or emotional problems himself. Stress possibly? You have been together for a short amount of time which means you can do the 21 day No Contact so that is a positive but dont be surprised if he wants space for long if he is going through some things. Just focus on yourself for the time being.

  2. Avatar

    Ivy

    December 3, 2019 at 12:06 pm

    Hi! I’ve been dating with my boyfriend for 9 months. We’re both 20. 2 months ago he suddenly texted me that he wanted to break up, because he didn’t think we’re compatible and he’s tired for the relationship. Somehow he thought that I’m also exhausted, but certainly I’m not. He felt like he didn’t love me as much now, so he couldn’t give us more time and it’s better to put an end. It’s my first time to hear this and I begged him for giving us a one-month cooling off period. He agreed but after a month of no contact, he started to avoid me and refused to talk to me. I was confused and sent him some long paragraphs. 2 weeks ago I asked his friend for help, and then my boyfriend told me he didn’t want the relationship, and even didn’t want to see me anymore. He begged me not to find him and his friend again. I then accepted the breakup, apologised, thanked him and wished him all the best. He just replied thank you. Since that we haven’t been talking and he didn’t reach out to say happy birthday to me as well.
    We’re happy throughout the months and didn’t even have a fight, except that a week before he mentioned about the breakup, he told me he wanted some time to deal with his schoolwork since it’s his final year of college. He is very stubborn and rarely talks about his feelings. I’m not sure if the no contact could work for the second time, and 30 days after the breakup will be his birthday. What should I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 8:27 pm

      Hi Ivy, so reading your situation and the fact that his birthday would be 30 days after your No Contact do the 45 day no contact instead and this gives you more time to work on yourself and the Ungettable factors you need to add to your life before you reach out to him

  3. Avatar

    Heartbroken

    December 3, 2019 at 12:16 am

    Can I save this relationship?
    We were into 3-4MO relationship. Previously I went out with a male friend who had feelings for me and he kissed me at the end of the night. With excessive guilt. I came out clean and told my bf back then. He was upset and heartbroken but he still held onto our relationship. Stupidly enough, I went out on a lunch with this guy friend who I ended on bad terms previously and I wanted a closer. Knowing that if I told my bf the truth he’d get upset, I instead made up some BS excuse and lied to him about it. Somehow one of my bf’s friends was at the lunch spot and she/he gave my bf a call. This time, he was just calm and he told me it was over. He was emotionless and yet he wouldn’t even want to hear me out. I loved him and he loved me equally if not more. We were just so amazing together and I don’t want to let this go. Do I have a chance to save this relationship?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 7:09 pm

      Hi there so what you have done is broken his trust, not once but twice here. Even though you were open about your guy friend kissing you, you then went back and had what youe ex is going to imagine is a date. You need to choose between your ex and this guy (if you get your ex back that is) because he is not going to be happy with you hanging out with him considering your friend clearly has some sort of feelings for you. You need to read up about the process and also about how to get an ex back if you cheated, as it is all about gaining your exes trust again

  4. Avatar

    T

    December 2, 2019 at 5:12 pm

    Hi, I’ve dated my ex for 1 year. We have had a tough year filled with arguing, alot of insults on my part due to overthinking. I did alot of bad things, getting both of our families involved. It was bad however, we both forgave each other. Recently we have been more calm. We keep getting back together but if I say something he dont agree with, he ends the relationship. So every week, we break up. I did alot of begging and I feel like every week, I have to beg him to return. We got back together but he is distant. Its like I have to force him to visit or go out..he kept saying he enjoys being alone, playing games in his bed all day. I went out for a few hours with some friends and he was in all agreement. I actually did it to test him to see if he would care. When I returned, he was annoyed that I was busy. He showed jealousy which to me was a sign. The next morning he brought it up again and we got into an arguement. He said he will not return. I think he believes im always here and will always beg him. I really want him to desire me again but my plan is to not beg him or call. Im going to see if he will message me. Im not going to beg him because I feel like he is losing interest. I dont know what to do. I dont think no contact with work because he already is enjoying being alone. Please advice

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2019 at 9:45 pm

      Hi T so you need to go into no contact and do the work that is expected of you while doing no contact, if you want your ex back then you need to follow the program step by step dont skip anything and this will give you, your best chance

  5. Avatar

    Barbara

    November 30, 2019 at 9:23 pm

    We were together for 3 years. My ex broke up with me because i am always making plans with him (travel, live together, etc) and he doesn’t like to make plans, he wants to live “now”. What can i do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 30, 2019 at 10:48 pm

      Hi Barbara, I am sorry but that seems like a ridiculous excuse to end a relationship. Start your no contact and do the things you wanted to do with him, with a friend or by yourself if you feel comfortable doing so. Show him what hes lost and missed out on not being with you

  6. Avatar

    Anonymous

    November 28, 2019 at 1:50 pm

    I have an odd situation. My ex and I dated for 6 months, then he moved back home in March to prep for a 5 month hiking trip which he finished about a month ago. I actually drove across the country with him and we did some hiking/exploring on a 10 day road trip, knowing we were about to break up though and we wanted to remain friends. During his hike he had very little cell service and I begged him a lot to get back together after he finished and he cut me off, which is when I finally started doing no contact. Now that he’s done I’ve managed to get him to be friends again but he told me he doesn’t like to text much. He usually responds when I text him but only for one or two texts unless I ask him a direct question, then he disappears again for a week or so until I text him again.

    To complicate this, he lives on the other side of the country now, is unsure of his future as he has to figure out his career after a 2 year break to travel, and recently decided he wants to explore dating men. He’s 29 and I’m 25, but this was only his second relationship and my first – we’re both demisexual/bisexual but I’ve dated a lot more than him just never met someone to want a relationship with before him, whereas he put off dating until recently. I know I have to let him figure all of this out on his own, but how do I get him to stay engaged in conversation with me and keep me as an option/someone to compare to while he’s dating?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 1, 2019 at 9:20 pm

      Hi, so its great you are so understanding, but you need to focus on you right now if he is going to start dating men and trying different routes to find who he is. You need to start focusing on yourself, you can stay his friend in a way where you are in contact but you do not want to become his “friend” and he sticks you in that friendzone area and you get stuck. You need to start dating and meeting others and making sure he is aware that you are so he can feel that he does NOT have you as an option

  7. Avatar

    HopefulGirl

    November 26, 2019 at 5:36 pm

    I was wondering if these strategies work on relationships that were shorter. We only dated 2 and a half months but we were incredibly happy during that time. Then he brought up taking a break all of a sudden. I was so sad and I cried and kept trying to convince him not to. Then a week later we officially broke up. We decided to cut off contact for a while but I was wondering if there is a good chance he will miss me.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 26, 2019 at 7:00 pm

      Yes there is still a chance you just have to follow the program as best as you can and work out what attracted him to you in the first place

  8. Avatar

    Marianne

    November 25, 2019 at 8:34 pm

    Hi im new here my situation is very weird cause i had a boyfriend for almost 2 years then he broke up with me because of jealousy (i think it was because of the influence of his friend’s ) . Then he started to text me every week asking if i had a boyfriend if we could go out , then one day i heard that he was talking with girls that were like my “look a likes” so i decided to start NC and blocked him on instagram and whatssap otherwise he wouldn’t stop texting me . Then i started NC after the firts of second week he tried to get my attention with messages , then last week he told me he wanted to say something and he said he would never regret our relationship he is thankful cause because of me he is who he is now ,we ended in not a good way our relationship and that he would never forget our relationship and that he learned about it. I just ignored that text cause i dont want to fail at my NC.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 26, 2019 at 7:52 pm

      Hi Marianne, it is good that you didnt answer as he is just trying to get an answer from you to see if you are willing to speak with him again

  9. Avatar

    Solarflare

    November 24, 2019 at 11:10 am

    Okay so update, he messaged me on Instagram again and said he loves and misses me so much and this is big biggest regret. He said he is gonna have to block me on social media because he can’t stand the thought of seeing me with another guy. Should I respond to him now? Or stay with NC?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 6:18 pm

      Hey there stick with your No Contact all of this is because you are doing No Contact and he is worrying about losing you for good. Youre doing great

  10. Avatar

    Gaby

    November 24, 2019 at 9:49 am

    Thank you for your advice Shaunna.
    Yes his ex cheated on him.. And I think he projected his past hurt on me. I will follow your advice and get to be the Ungettable girl as I was before all this.
    Thank you for your help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 24, 2019 at 6:18 pm

      Great Gaby, make sure you do! And as for him projecting he is going to do this to many people he is with until he deals with his issues that have come from his past, you are not going to be able to change that only be aware of his reactions and insecurities

  11. Avatar

    Gaby

    November 23, 2019 at 5:47 pm

    Hi
    I’m in a pretty bad situation here. My boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me, convinced I was cheating g on him which is not true. Our relationship was relly amazing in every point of view till few months ago when someone told him that I was cheating on him. He was cheated on in one of his previous relationship. After someone told him that he went compleatley of the hook. He would follow me around, check my phone, mails, fb,…. Everything… He did not fdou d anything because there was nothing… And how ever I tryed to explain him that I would never do this to him… He wouldn’t belive me. After some time like that he stated insulting me, calling me names, if I changed hairstyle it would be for someone, he checked what underwear I am wearing…… Just unbelievable and irrational things…. He accused me of sleeping with my boss…. So it was a challenge even to go to work….. After all that I started to pull away and I became upset with him, because I had enough of his accusations and defending myself for things I didn’t do…..he wanted me to confess… But I will not confess something I didn’t do. After all that he broke up with me fully believeing that it was all true. I relly want him back and try to fix this….. We talked after the brake up and all was well until I started to talk about us…. Than he will start again with accusations and call g me names….. So I am doing no contact now for few days….. I would like to have some advice for how long to stay in no contact…. I read I think almost all articles here….. Please help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 11:35 pm

      Hi Gaby his behavior is not normal, and to me is a red flag of someone who is guilty themselves. I would do No Contact for 45 days and focus on yourself, ask yourself why he is so convinced you were cheating. Has previous exes cheated on him? When you are doing your No Contact you make sure you are doing work to be Ungettable and learn your worth. This is not how you should be treated in a relationship it is controlling and it is worrying that he did this to you to the point he was searching for proof of you cheated on him

  12. Avatar

    Solarflare

    November 23, 2019 at 4:00 pm

    Okay. Thank you so much. I posted a pic to Instagram last night and a different guy commented on it and then my ex messaged me again basically saying like he’s your next chapter and that was fast. I don’t know why he thinks just because another guy commented on my pic that I’m dating him lol. I didn’t respond tho. I’m sticking to NC. I will keep you updated though!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 11:32 pm

      It really is a positive sign that he is acting this way honestly it is fear of loss its just going to make him make the decision to choose you or lose you

  13. Avatar

    Solarflare

    November 20, 2019 at 5:50 pm

    Hey guys, so I’ve been in my NC period. Currently on day 15. I feel better and more confident and doing things that make me happy. I’ve been posting on social media and it seems to bother my ex because he has been texting me. I ignored those texts and then he messaged me on Instagram asking if I blocked him. I again didn’t respond. He then sent me this long message saying that he lied to me about him cheating so I would move on, and that he loves me, and doesn’t want to see me with anyone else and just wants to see me happy. And that it will be the last message I get from him. I feel as though me posting happy things is counter intuitive now. I’m sticking with my NC period but now I’m scared it’s doing the opposite of what I want it to.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 23, 2019 at 1:33 pm

      Hi Solarflare this is great what has happened. He had admitted that he lied about cheating = positive… he told you this is the last message he will send = trying ot scare you into talking to him so well done for not breaking… he doesnt want to see you with anyone else = he still cares. You are only half way through your NC so this really is amazing progress. Keep at it and he will be so pleased to hear from you when your NC is up just make sure you read the materials here to create a perfect first message. Chris has done many articles and Youtube videos about these so do your research

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