In this post you’re going to learn exactly what to do when your boyfriend breaks up with you.
It doesn’t matter if you want to get your ex back, which is what our website was originally known for or if you are simply heart broken and looking for a way to stop the pain.
After years of stress testing and learning from our mistakes my team and I believe we’ve come up with the ideal way that everyone should approach a breakup for optimum success no matter the goal.
And if you stick around until the end of this article I’m going to show you our three step strategy for doing just that.
First things first though.
Watch this video immediately because I put a lot of work into it and truly think it will help give you a base knowledge of what we’re going to be talking about today.
Did you do it?
This article is going to talk about five main points.
- The Difference Between Him Breaking Up With You And You Breaking Up With Him
- Understanding What The No Contact Rule Is And Why It’s Important
- The Before The No Contact Rule Phase
- The During The No Contact Rule Phase
- The After The No Contact Rule Phase
Part One: The Difference Between Him Breaking Up With You And You Breaking Up With Him
I started Ex Boyfriend Recovery in 2012 but it didn’t really take off until 2013 when I started writing articles consistently.
Two of the first articles I ever wrote had to do with a boyfriend breaking up with his girlfriend and the other way around.
So, is there a difference?
Well, yes there are actually a few notable differences.
First off, most of the women I interact with on a daily basis are unfortunate enough to be caught on the receiving end of the breakup.
In fact, it’s almost hilarious how crazy the discrepancy is. I’d estimate that as much as 80% of the traffic to this website is in the “he broke up with me” category.
That means the remaining 20% are in the “I broke up with him” category.
So, what’s the main difference between the two?
Well, usually it all revolves around positioning.
It’s a lot easier to convince someone to take you back when you were the one to tell them they weren’t good enough as opposed to having them tell that to you.
Don’t get me wrong, both are difficult situations to be in but I will admit that I do see an edge that goes to the women who broke up with their exes.
But here’s the interesting thing.
Out of the two articles I wrote for the two categories there is a crazy discrepancy between the reading time and it doesn’t go the way you’d think.
Every website owner that is worth his salt is constantly looking for ways to improve their website. One of the best ways to do that is to determine how long users are staying on pages and reading.
So, for the article where “he broke up with you” the overall average reading time was a little over four minutes.
For the article where “you broke up with him” the overall average trumped it at over nine minutes.
So, why the opposite discrepancy?
Honestly, I think it has to do with the quality of the articles.
I put a little more work into building out the article for women who broke up with their exes as opposed to the other way around.
Thus, this article is my ultimate gift for women whose boyfriends have broken up with them.
It’s my ultimate redo.
So, I know I can get a bit wordy at times but I promise you this is going to be the very best article you’ve ever read on the subject.
Part Two: Understanding The No Contact Rule And Why It’s Important
I feel like a broken record as I say this but it’s so important that I feel obligated to continue to push that proverbial rock up the hill.
The no contact rule is the foundation for every conceivable successful outcome related to your ex.
This means that it’s the perfect strategy to implement if you want to win your ex back.
It is also perfect if you want nothing to do with him and just focus on moving on.
I’ve written a lot about the no contact rule and it’s applications on this website. I’ve filmed countless videos.
But what I hardly ever talk about is what separates how we apply the no contact rule versus our competitors.
At face value it appears that no contact is only meant to aggravate your ex enough to make them realize that they actually miss you.
In fact, many times I struggle to explain the other benefits to it to my personal coaching clients.
Lately I’ve been trying to do a complete paradigm shift for Ex Boyfriend Recovery. You see, what I’ve come to learn is that sometimes the best way to get an ex back is to not try to get an ex back.
Think of it like this.
The average woman who attempts the no contact rule obsesses about her ex so much that she places him on a pedestal.
Whether she realizes it or not by doing this she effectively grants her ex power over her.
And with power comes the inherent desire to abuse that power.
Instead of spending all of that time during the no contact rule obsessing about what their ex is doing and trying to dissect every little action he takes I try to get my clients to take the opposite approach.
Focus on what’s really important, yourself.
Initially it may seem odd.
But what happens is quite interesting.
When the no contact rule is complete and it becomes time to actually start “re-attracting” your ex your mindset is completely different.
You take the power back and I don’t think I need to tell you how much more success women in power have versus women who have none.
But we are getting ahead of ourselves here a bit.
After simplifying our process we determined that the best way to structure our overall strategy was to divide things up into three distinct phases.
- The Before The No Contact Phase
- The During The No Contact Phase
- The After The No Contact Phase
This may sound familiar if you’ve listened to any of my more recent podcast episodes as I’ve been talking about it a lot.
But that’s how important this new way of looking at things is.
Let’s talk about what goes into each of these phases.
The Before The No Contact Rule Phase
So, what is the before the no contact rule phase?
Well, it’s not rocket science. It’s basically referring to all of the things that you should ideally be doing before you enter into the no contact rule.
Of course, if you’re anything like me you’re probably sitting there and thinking,
Wait, what is supposed to happen before the no contact rule? Don’t you just jump into it?
Well, that’s actually what we used to teach but research and experience has taught us that doing the following things is what you probably want to be doing first.
If that image didn’t come through for you here’s a quick rundown.
- You should do a breakup assessment
- Learn everything you can about the no contact rule
- Learn if you’re in one of those situations where you’ll need to modify no contact
- Understand the no contact parameters
- Take a look at and interpret your exes behavior
- Learn the importance of emotional intelligence
- Don’t fall prey to the manana principle
- Understand the difference between knowing and implementing
If this sounds like a lot to wrap your head around don’t be intimidated.
That’s what my team and I are here for.
Let’s move on and take a look at the “during the no contact phase.”
The During The No Contact Rule Phase
So, if you really take a step back and look at the “before the no contact rule” phase it’s all about understanding the basics of this process.
Think of it like the “prep work” for a test.
I know that’s a horrible analogy but it’s the best one I can think of because when you actually have to implement the no contact rule is when the true test begins.
Did you know that our research has found that 80% of the clients we work with fail the no contact rule?
Yep, it’s the one part of the whole process where we see the most failure and it’s mostly because no one knows what they should be doing during the actual no contact phase.
Luckily, I’m about to outline the whole process for you.
Again, if that picture didn’t come through for you let me do a rundown.
- Here is where we start talking about your value
- You are introduced to the idea of being “ungettable.”
- We introduce you to the holy trinity which we actually talk about in this article
- We teach you how to properly use social media
- How to handle the individual social media platforms
- What to do if you accidentally run into your ex
- And last but not least what to do if you break your no contact rule
Let’s move on and talk about the part you’re most eager to hear about.
What to do after you complete the no contact rule.
The After The No Contact Rule Phase
Here’s where we get to the meat of this entire process.
It’s also why I’m very proud of the way we’ve restructured things. You see, if you’ve gone through the first two phases and still want your ex back then it tells me you have the right stuff. If you’ve gone through the first two phases and don’t want your ex back anymore then you’ve successfully “gotten over him.”
That’s the power of this new way of looking at things.
It truly gives you the best of both worlds.
So, what are some of the things you should be doing after the no contact rule?
From the top.
- You’re going to want to learn the basics of re-establishing contact with your ex
- Learn everything about texting
- Calls, Skype and Facetime
- What Your Options Are
- Deciding To Get Back Together
- Maintaining A Healthy Relationship Once You Do Get Back Together
- Retaining a sense of self
- And finally if you choose, learn to move on
Again, that’s a lot to handle.
I don’t want you to be intimidated.
If you want to go the longer way all the answers can be found on this website if you’re willing to be patient and learn.