Lately, I’ve had a lot of women coming to me and asking if they can use Facebook in any way to get back with their exes. I will admit that when I did all the research for this site it never occurred to me to dive that deep into the ex recovery process. I did think about it but I never really thought it was important enough to research.
Boy, was I wrong.
According to a recent study conducted by a Western University student completing her Master’s thesis nearly 9 out of 10 Facebook users keep an eye on their exes profiles. Let’s take a step back for a moment. That means that literally 90% of Facebook is obsessed with cyber stalking their exes.
What This Page Is About
I wanted to create a page on how you could best optimize your Facebook profile to give yourself the best chance to get your ex boyfriend back. Since I am a guy I have a pretty good idea on what the perfect Facebook profile should look like to give yourself the best chance to reignite your exes feelings and ultimately get your ex boyfriend to come back to you.
However, I do feel it is important to mention that while I think I am a pretty good indicator of the “average” male I would be a fool to not point out that some guys have completely different tastes than I do. So, don’t be offended if you try out the tactics on this page and they don’t work. There are still a lot of things you can do to improve your chances of getting your boyfriend back.
Speaking of getting your boyfriend back,
What About That Rare 1 out of 10 Who Isn’t A Stalker?
In this section I am going to talk about some of the things you can do to improve the chances of your ex stopping by your profile. Unless you completely skipped the first few paragraphs of this page then you know that there is pretty much a 90% chance that your ex boyfriend is stalking your profile ;). So, the chances are already good that his eyes are on your page. However, by doing the things below you will raise those odds even more:
Do not contact him via Facebook- Not only could this be viewed as desperate but as you are about to find out, actually not contacting your ex is a smarter strategy.
Do not unfriend him- I hear from women far too often who are contemplating unfriending their ex, because “it hurts too much.” I can understand why it hurts to see him. However, you need to start looking at Facebook as a tool that can be used to further your chances of getting him to have those romantic feelings towards you again.
Implement A No Contact Rule- I actually recommend doing this in almost every situation to get your ex back. One of the many reasons it is so effective is that it makes your ex go a little crazy. When it is really working you can bet that he will try anything to get a hold of you. I have heard stories of exes getting family members phones to get a hold of you, showing up at doorsteps and even spamming your FACEBOOK!
The Importance Of A No Contact Rule To Your Facebook
(If you need more explanation of how the No Contact Rule works into Facebook please read my system.)
So, I want to take a moment now and discuss how important the no contact rule can be to your Facebook efforts. Obviously, the no contact rule is exactly what it sounds like, having no contact with your ex boyfriend for a set amount of time (usually 30 days.) The question is, why is it so important when it comes to Facebook?
Well, to answer that we have to back up a little bit and go inside the mind of a guy.
Lets pretend that you and I used to date. Unfortunately, we broke up and now you want me back. Your first order of business is to implement a no contact rule. Around day 12 I decide to check up on you via a text message. I am eagerly waiting a response… but I don’t get one. Slowly but surely I am starting to get frustrated and a bit angry. I decide to text you again, “surely this time she will respond.” Only you don’t. Ok, now I am angry. After I am done with my initial rant I decide to log onto Facebook to see if you are still alive.
Ok, let’s hit the pause button here for a second and dissect what you have done.
By essentially ignoring your ex boyfriends texts, you have forced him to come over to Facebook and check your profile out. You have him right where you want him. The focus now becomes, what you should have been doing during your NC period.
What You NEED To Do During No Contact
I am going to be extremely harsh now. Men are very visual creatures. We often will judge a book by it’s cover before reading the actual book. I know that it is unfortunate to hear but it is the truth. There have been a lot of times that I have looked past a girl because she didn’t meet my “looks” requirement. I know that is a horrible thing to say BUT if you truly want to get your ex boyfriend back this is something you absolutely need to understand. Guys can often be cruel with their thoughts about how women look (if they aren’t at their best.) Your ex boyfriend may have gotten tired of the way you looked and it contributed to the breakup.
You can often hear this from guys:
“She is just a little too pudgy.”
“She never gets dressed up for me anymore.”
“She never cares about attracting me anymore.”
“She has gained 60lbs since we have been together…”
During no contact I want you to focus on two big things. Figuring out how to become the sexiest version of yourself that ever existed and NOT contacting your ex no matter what. The second thing is pretty self explanatory but lets take a moment to focus on what you can do physically to become an uber hottie!
- Cleaning up any skin problems you may have (acne)
- Losing weight (sometimes this may require you to lose a significant amount.)
- Updating your wardrobe.
- Getting a haircut.
- Looking your best… always!
The key point I am trying to make here is that your Facebook profile is a reflection of you. So, when he stops by I don’t want him going “Oh, same ol’ same ol” I want him to go “OH MY GOD, she looks amazing!”
Deconstructing The Perfect Facebook Profile
I am going to be completely honest with you, using Facebook to get your ex back isn’t ideal. I could give you all the rules about how to approach the situation but it isn’t ideal. So, from this point on I am going to be defining how your Facebook profile should look like to him when he comes stopping by. That is really the most powerful thing that Facebook can do for you, paint you in the best light possible. If you are interested in a truly in-depth method to getting him back then I suggest you visit this page and this page.
So, what does the perfect Facebook profile look like?
Well, I suppose that everyone has a different perspective when it comes to a “perfect profile.” It’s that whole eye of the beholder thing. Nevertheless, I like to think that I am a pretty good indicator of the average guy (or in this case your ex boyfriend.) I decided that the best way to approach this was to go through the friends on my personal Facebook profile and jot down some of the women that stood out to me. Now, here is the criteria I looked at:
- Her profile picture had to be appealing.
- Her cover photo had to be interesting.
- Her profile really had to catch my attention.
- The girl had to have multiple guys commenting on her wall.
- She had to have a minimum of 500 friends.
- She had to have a minimum of 30 pictures.
- She had to be single.
Here is the deal, if I find the girls I chose to be attractive then you can bet your ex boyfriends would be as well. My goal is for you to take the information I provide here and “pimp out” your profile. I want your profile to not only make your ex go “WOW” but I want other guys to give you the attention you deserve! I am looking for trends here. So, if a lot of the attractive women I chose did something then you should probably do it too.
I ended up choosing 20 women, I will not be giving you their names though so don’t go fishing around here because you will be disappointed.
The Profile Picture
I am starting with the most important section of the Facebook profile first. I don’t think it takes a genius to recognize how important your profile picture is to catching someones attention. Without a doubt, all the women I chose for this case study had excellent profile pictures. The big thing I began to realize right off the bat was how important it is for you to take a close up of your face. The thing that caught my eye the most was women who had the confidence to look at the camera for a close up. Let me give you an example of what I am talking about:
(Disclaimer- I did not choose any photos from the women I did the case study on. These are pictures I found on the internet doing random searches.)
Good Profile Picture
Now, I know what you are thinking, “that woman is a model, I can’t take a picture like that..” Your wrong! When I go through my friends pictures there were some women who had profile pictures that rivaled this one. Let this be a lesson, women who went the extra mile with their profile picture will catch a mans attention.
Also, I want you to notice that whoever took this picture caught the sun perfectly to give it a sort of “too beautiful to be real” look. As I go back I count three women who I chose for this case study who employed that very method. Interestingly, those were the three women who I voted as having the best profile pictures (HINT HINT.)
It might also be helpful for me to explain some of the things that turned me off of including some women on the “list.” If they had a profile picture of them with their friends, if they had other guys in the picture or if were drinking alcohol I did not want to include them because it lowered their value in my eyes.
- Make sure you profile pic is tastefully done and it is a closeup of your face.
- Aim to have a “too beautiful to be real” type of look.
- Avoid taking a picture of you with friends, other guys or drinking alcohol.
(Funny Fact- The profile picture on my profile is atrocious. I should really take my own advice 😉 .)
Cover Photos, Do They Matter?
Yes and no. Most guys will tell you that they don’t matter. In fact, when I was pre-writing this page I almost skipped the cover photo section because I thought it was insignificant. However, my mind changed when I logged on to Facebook and started screening my women friends. Some of them just have horrible cover photos and it reflects really badly on them. Of course, it is like hitting gold when you click on a girl who has a tastefully done profile picture and her cover photo reflects really positively on her. Rather than rambling on and on I am going to give you an example of what I considered a bad cover photo and a good one.
Bad Cover Photo
I actually took this cover photo from one of the women who I did NOT include on the list. Yes, it’s space, its actually kind of pretty but it is a completely missed opportunity. Here is the problem I have with it. This particular photo can not go hand and hand with a profile picture. The girl who had this as her cover photo was actually very pretty. However, not only did she miss on her profile picture but the cover photo made her profile unattractive to look at.
Good Cover Photo
This is another example I took from a girl who is on my friends list. While she didn’t have the best profile picture I think she knocked her cover photo out of the ballpark. Yes, it may be a little goofy but her cover photo truly says something, it has meaning. The only missing component for her was that she didn’t find a way to make her great cover photo and her profile picture to work together.
- Cover photos matter more than you think.
- The best cover photos are ones that work together with your profile picture.
- You want your cover photo to mean something. Bland images like space aren’t good enough.
Surviving The “Photo” Scan
This is the section where I may get a little…. mean. Guys are the most shallow creatures you will ever meet. I want you to get that through your head. I don’t care how nice a guy is, somewhere, deep down, he is thinking shallow thoughts. This is especially true when it comes to your Facebook photos. Oh, and don’t think that I am immune to the “shallow disease,” I can be just as mean as the rest of them. Let me give you a glimpse into the mind of the average male looking through Facebook.
Rick (our designated male personality) is looking through Facebook. Immediately he sees someone he deems as “hot” and clicks on her profile. Now, most women I speak with think that Rick will read their wall, see if they are single or see how many guys are commenting on their status updates.
Ah, but they forget something that is even more important. Men are very visual oriented so while all that other stuff matters to us the first place we go is to check out your other pictures. The profile picture alone was enough to capture Ricks attention but there is a problem. It seems as if this “hot” girl isn’t so hot anymore. He saw the first picture she had to offer in her album and it did not paint her in the best light. It seems as if this “hot girl” needed to lose some weight. Rick had seen enough, it was time to move on and find the next potential prospect.
I am not kidding when I say that, the mock story I told above (shout out to Rick 😉 ) is exactly how 99% of men operate. I am not afraid to admit that I did exactly that during my scan through my friends. Literally just one bad picture is enough to turn a guy off. However, we are dealing with an ex boyfriend here so are the rules any different?
In my mind, they are not. You want your ex boyfriend to scroll through your pictures and say “God #$%$ why did I ever let her go” not “She looks more horrible than I remember her.” The point I am driving home here is that really the profile picture is just there to show off the “bow” of the present. The rest of your pictures are the rest of the package. You want to make sure that you strut your stuff in the rest of the pictures so to speak.
So, any bad picture that you have, toss it. Any bad picture that you are tagged in, toss it. I want you to look amazing in all of your pictures so by the time your ex comes around his jaw will literally hit the floor.
- Guys are shallow and will judge you based on one picture.
- You should look amazing in all of your pictures.
Status Updates & Hurt Feelings
What usually happens after a breakup? Perhaps I should rephrase that, what usually happens to women after a breakup? Well, I am one of the few men that could actually tell you that because I deal with so many women on a daily basis. In my experience this is what the average girl does after a breakup:
- She cries.
- Gets overemotional.
- Texts, emails or calls her ex way too many times.
- Unintentionally acts so desperate that she totally turns her man off.
Now, here is the scary part. Almost all guys expect this kind of behavior after a breakup. Let me be a little more accurate here since we are discussing Facebook. Almost all guys expect some overemotional status update talking about your “feelings are hurt.” I know that may sound mean but let me tell you a story.
I log on to Facebook pretty much every day and without fail I am greeted by some girl posting about how her now ex boyfriend “hurt her feelings.” Usually these status updates go something like this:
(It literally took me a minute to find that and I literally just grabbed it off my Facebook dashboard in the middle of writing this page)
It is obvious to everyone and their mother that this is a status update about a boy who did this particular girl wrong (probably a boyfriend or an ex.) Of course, this “bad boy” is going to see this update and know immediately that his actions are having an effect on this girl. That is a really bad thing because it means he is in a position of power and he knows that anything he does is going to have a certain amount of sway over this girl.
Why would you even give an ex the satisfaction of knowing that his actions are hurting you? That is just dumb and has no benefit at all to you. I wouldn’t even acknowledge it. The smarter thing to do is use your Facebook updates for interesting and important things.
Speaking of Facebook status updates..
Repeat After Me- “I Now Have An Active Social Life”
There was one amazing trend that I saw when I did my Facebook study. Each person I picked looked like they had fun and interesting social lives. Think about that for a second, I went out searching for women that I straight up found attractive and each one looked like they were having a blast in their photos with friends. Oh, and just so you know, I am not a hardcore party guy at all. I actually probably need to get out more. Nevertheless, I don’t think it was a mistake that I found women attractive who all looked like they had active social lives.
And since I am the voice of the average male, I think it is safe to say that your ex boyfriends would also find these women and their active social lives attractive as well. This means, if you don’t have an active social life I think it is about time for you to get one.
Now, it is probably important to point out that there is a right way to display your social life and there is a wrong way to.
The Wrong Way
- Drinking alcohol while dancing/grinding with guys at a club… to most guys this is a total turnoff and it will definitely be to your ex boyfriend.
- Making out with other guys who aren’t your ex boyfriend.
- Making out with one of your girl friends. Actually keep that photo up… No I am kidding.
The Right Way
- A lot of pictures out with your girl friends.
- Sprinkle in pictures with some of your guy friends (see jealousy in next section.)
- Taking a photo of the crowded event you are at (a party at Vegas for example.)
- Photos where you are out on a boat with a group of people and showing off your hot body in a bikini ;).
- Show you are well traveled by taking pictures of places you have been.
Facebook = Jealous Haven
I saved the best section for last. Now, doing the things outlined in this section are completely optional. People respond differently to jealousy. However, I can tell you that if you use Facebook for jealousy in a tasteful and smart way the results can be tremendous.
I hope by now I have convinced you that the chances are very high that your ex boyfriend will be visiting your profile at some point in the future. So, what if when he stops by he sees you getting cozy with some other guy? Most likely, he will get jealous. The true point of this section is to show you the correct way to take a picture with another guy to:
A. Not completely send your ex boyfriend off the rails with anger.
B. Make him extremely jealous.
Have you ever heard the phrase, less is more? Well, in this case that certainly holds true. It won’t take a lot to make him jealous if he still has feelings for you. However, if you do something like this:
I think you can pretty much kiss (no pun intended) your chances of getting him back goodbye. Not only is that poor taste but your ex will view you as trashy and once you get that label it is really hard to shake it. Not to mention it is a total turnoff to see some stranger guy macking on your ex. I wouldn’t go back to an ex if she did that right after a breakup.
Instead, you need to shoot for a picture like this:
Notice how in the picture it is hard to tell if this is a couple or if they are just a couple of friends. You need to aim for something like this. Something that says, I MAY like this guy but he is clearly into me. When your ex sees this picture he won’t be turned off. Instead, he will be angry that another guy is impeding on his woman.