By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 27th, 2021

This website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery is flawed…

I spend most of my time on this site helping women find inner peace and teaching them to become an ungettable girl that I sometimes overlook some of the most basic “get your ex back” strategies.

Talking on the phone is one of those strategies and today I intend on remedying this mistake.

This article is going to teach you everything I know about talking to your ex boyfriend on the phone from start to finish.

  • I will cover how to get your ex on the phone.
  • What to do when you have him on the phone.
  • How to keep him interested on the phone.
  • When to end the conversation.
  • How to transition from a phone conversation to a face to face meeting.

Pretty cool stuff.

They Told Me I Should Charge You For This Information


What I am about to cover here isn’t just good it’s great.

In fact, some of the closest people to me have told me that I should be charging you for this information.



In fact, I imagine a lot of the “ex back” experts out there will probably hate me for giving away this information for free because what I am about to teach you with this article is on par with the quality that they force people to pay for.

Now, I don’t want you to get confused.

This isn’t a step by step guide for getting your ex boyfriend back.

While this whole website may be dedicated to that this guide is just focusing on one piece of the puzzle, talking on the phone.

It is important that you remember that.

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The Three Building Blocks Of Getting An Ex Back (Post NC)

When you just generally look at the process of getting an ex boyfriend or husband back you can typically divide the process up into three main parts after the no contact rule.

I like to call these three main parts the three building blocks of getting an ex back.

I created a graphic below to illustrate what these three building blocks are,

(Forgive the beginner looking graphic I am trying my best.)

Alright, so the thing to remember about this graphic is that all of these building blocks occur after the no contact rule.

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So, priority number one is always going to be the no contact rule and what to do during it. The building blocks come into play AFTER the no contact rule.

Building Block One = Texting

Building Block Two = Phone Calls

Building Block Three – In Person Encounters

Here is how the building blocks work.

After the no contact rule has been successfully completed you start building attraction with your ex boyfriend by using a specific set of text messages (building block one.) After you have built up enough attraction you transition from text messages to talking on the phone and work on building attraction there (building block two.) Once you feel you have built up enough attraction you can transition from phone calls to an in person encounter or a date and work on building attraction there (building block three.)  Once enough attraction is built in person you and your ex should be close to getting back together.

Do you see how each building block builds upon one another until the ultimate goal of winning an ex back is accomplished?

That is how this process is supposed to work.

Now, this guide is only going to be focusing on building block two, phone calls.

So, that means that if you are wanting the full step by step process of getting an ex boyfriend or husband back then you are going to have to find a guide that merges these three building blocks together.

Remember, this particular page is only focusing on building block two or the phone call portion of the process.

My recommendation is picking up my book,

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO

If you are looking for a way to merge all three building blocks together.

What Does Building Block Two Entail?

In the section above we discussed the three building blocks of getting an ex back after the no contact rule.

If you remember correctly, which I don’t know why you wouldn’t because we LITERALLY just talked about it, the second building block was all about phone calls.

Well, that means that this guide is going to be focused specifically on building block two or talking on the phone with your ex.

So, what does building block two encompass?

What goes along with it?

  1. Transitioning from a text to a phone call.
  2. The rules of talking on the phone with an ex.
  3. What to say to build attraction on the phone.
  4. When to end the conversation on the phone.
  5. How to transition from a phone call to an in-person encounter.

So, if that sounds like something that would interest you then this is the guide for you.

Lets start first with transitioning from a text message to a phone call,

Transitioning From Texting To A Phone Call With Your Ex

Transitioning from a texting conversation to a phone call isn’t as hard as you may initially think.

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Of course, the thing to remember is that it’s not a great idea to call your ex out of the blue and expect to have an amazing conversation with him. Instead the smarter play is one where you take an existing texting conversation and leverage it to turn it into a phone call.

What do I mean by this?

Lets pretend that you and your ex boyfriend are texting back and forth and the conversations are looking like this,

willow text

Not bad right?

What I would like to do now is show you how to turn the conversation above into a full blown phone conversation.

You are going to do this by utilizing something that I like to call “the transition story.”

What Is A Transition Story?

Simply put, a transition story is a story that is started over a text message and is so good/interesting/amazing/long that it has to be finished over the phone.

The beauty of a transition story is the fact that its ten times more effective than just calling your ex out of the blue. With a transition story you are going to be keeping things relevant and transitioning from a text to a phone call is going to seem completely natural.

Below is an example of a transition story told through text,

two women fighting

The idea is to create a “set up” that interests your ex boyfriend enough to where he would want to accept a call from you.

Notice how when I said,

“I saw two women fighting over a…”

I completely cut the story off there.

I did this for one reason, to create interest in your ex.

You want him thinking,

“What could these two women be fighting over?”

You can use this as leverage to get your ex to accept a phone call from you.

Lets move on!

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Oh, you don’t want me to move on?

You want me to tell you the full story?

Alright, here it is,

I came out of the mall one day and witnessed two women having an argument and then they began to get physical. What are they fighting over? I wondered to myself. Pretty soon the “why” became apparent as a small little man (a midget) tried to break them up. Apparently he was cheating on both of the women with each other and they found out and were fighting over it. That’s not the best part though. Both of the women were very attractive. This little guy had some serious game!”


Did you notice how I put part of the story in bold above?

The part that is bold is the part that I put in a text message. That is the part that is supposed to catch your ex boyfriends interest enough to want to talk on the phone with you.

Now, when you do have him on the phone then you complete the rest of the story. You know, the part that isn’t bolded.

After the story is complete then you are golden because you have succeeded in getting your boyfriend on the phone and you can take the conversation anywhere you want from there.

Of course, before you go crazy with your newfound tactic here lets set some guidelines for talking on the phone with your ex.

The Rules For Talking On The Phone With Your Ex

more like rules

I don’t want to chain you down with too many rules so I am going to keep this as brief as I can.

Below I have compiled a list of the three major guidelines that you need to follow when you are on the phone with your ex boyfriend.

  1. Do NOT Fight Under Any Circumstances
  2. Stay Away From Your Past Relationship
  3. Always End The Conversation First

I am going to talk briefly about each of these guidelines for a second now.

Guideline #1- No Fighting

fight my way

Exes have this nasty habit of constantly getting into fights.

Maybe you say something that sets him off or he says something that sets you off and before we know it the two of you are red in the face and screaming at each other over the phone. It is very important that you remain calm because it is ten times easier to get “set off” on the phone when you can hear your exes voice and how he reacts to things on the spot.

Think about this in a very logical manner.

Will getting into a massive argument with your ex over the phone help you get him back?


So, don’t do it even if every fiber of your being tells you to.

Guideline #2- Stay Away From Your Past Relationship

stay away

(Ouch Cordelia… Comment if you understand this reference 😉 .)

Ideally I would like you to have more attraction built before you bring your past relationship up.


Because men are more accepting of things that make them upset when they have STRONG feelings for someone. For example, if my wife spent $1,000 on something and then the next day broke it if she were to tell me right there and then that she broke it I guarantee you I would not have a good reaction.

Of course, if she waited to tell me until I was in the best mood ever then I probably wouldn’t be as upset.

Same principle here.

Wait until you have enough attraction built up before you touch that topic.

Guideline #3- End The Conversations First

time up

I have a very unique way of teaching women to end conversations first on the phone and I am going to teach it to you on this page, just not right this second.

So, I would prefer to save my groundbreaking strategy until then!


How To Build Attraction Over The Phone

What is the first thing that pops into your mind when I say,

“You need to build attraction with your ex boyfriend over the phone?”


Dirty talk?

Phone sex?


The truth is that I am not talking about any of those things when it comes to building attraction on the phone.

Take me for example, I was in a long distance relationship with my wife for close to six months which meant that we had to talk exclusively on the phone and build attraction that way.

Do you think our conversations were limited to dirty talk and phone sex?


Rather we always seemed to have interesting things to talk about.

Our phone conversations would start by talking about our days and then somehow we would wind up discussing tsunamis and what we would do if we ever encountered one.

The point I am trying to get at here is that we always seemed to have something interesting to say and quite honestly it created this bond between the two of us that proved to be unbreakable.

Preparing Interesting Things To Say


Lets run through a quick scenario for a second here.

You and your ex boyfriend are about to talk on the phone and you are super excited about this fact.

There is just one problem…

Once you are on the phone you realize that you don’t have anything to talk to him about and you panic.

There are a lot of “uhhhhs” and awkward silences where one person is waiting for the other person to take control of the conversation.

Don’t let this happen to you.

Don’t go into this conversation unprepared.

Think of it like this.

If you go into talking on the phone with your ex boyfriend without being prepared it’s like bringing a knife to a gun fight.

Preparedness is key here.

Here is my recommendation for you,

Before you call your ex boyfriend make sure you have a list of at least 5 interesting things to say while you are on the phone with him.

(Remember, 5 things is the minimum. Personally I would feel more comfortable with 10 things prepared but that’s just me.)

So, what constitutes something interesting to say?

Good question!

Interesting Things To Say If You Were Talking On The Phone With Me

We are going to do something with me that you should be doing to your ex.

A background check!

Below I am going to tell you five things about myself and using these five things we are going to come up with an interesting script to use against me if you were hypothetically trying to get me back instead of your boyfriend.

Chris Seiter…

Jennifer Chris W-010-X2

A man’s man!

He dresses well…

Talks well…

Makes love well…

Too much?

Ok, i’ll get off the ego trip.

What makes Chris Seiter, Chris Seiter?

Well, here are five interesting things that you probably didn’t know about me,

  1. I love TV shows like Breaking Bad, Game of Thrones, House of Cards and The Walking Dead.
  2. My favorite sport is Tennis.
  3. I love beaches (Favorites Include: Florida, Hawaii and Key West (technically FL.))
  4. I am fascinated by Entrepreneurship specifically people who make a living selling products over the internet.
  5. I am very family oriented.

So, I just gave you a run down of five topics that I would enjoy discussing if I was on the phone with someone.

Lets pretend that your ex and I did a role reversal and swapped places. In other words, instead of trying to get your ex back you were trying to get me back. Well, using the above knowledge (the 5 things I just told you about myself) what would you talk about on the phone with me?

Most likely you would talk about the five things above, right?

Here is an idea of how that conversation would go,

(We are just going to assume that you used the text-phone call transition and pick things up from there.)

Remember, this is just a sampling of what the conversation should look like.

Me: So, what’s up with you?

You: Oh, nothing much… I actually just got done binge watching the latest season of House of Cards! It was so good (1)

Me: ME TOO!!! I loved it so much. Especially that ending. WOW! I am just kind of depressed that we are going to have to wait an entire year for the next season to start.

You: I know, that’s kind of the downside of the way Netflix releases the entire season all at once. You can just binge watch an entire season in a day and then you have to wait another year for that to happen.

Me: Yup, so you see any other shows lately?

Now, obviously this conversation could be fleshed out even more but if I actually fleshed it out we would be here all day.

My point is simple,

Do you see the advantage to having these strategic “interesting points” to talk about on the phone?

The real challenge you face is that you are going to have to put together a list like the one I gave you for your ex boyfriend. Now, what was important about the five things I gave you above?

They were all topics I like talking about!

In other words, I find them interesting and as a result I will associate you as an interesting person if you bring them up.

This is where knowing your ex boyfriend really comes in handy.

For example, if he doesn’t like TV shows then he isn’t going to find chit chat about the new season of House of Cards or Game of Thrones interesting.

Stick to topics that he finds interesting.

Got it?

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Why It’s So Important To Be Interesting On The Phone


If you really think about it your main goal while talking to your ex on the phone isn’t to just to build attraction (though that is a goal.)

No, it’s to build up so much attraction that either he asks you out on a date or says yes to you asking him out on a date.

Obviously in a perfect world it would be HIM asking you out but there are cases where you will have to take the bull by the horns and ask him out but more on that later.

The thing you have to remember is that men don’t ask uninteresting women out.

I can tell you from personal experience that I have never asked a girl out who I thought was uninteresting. I mean, if you really think about it no man has ever asked a girl out who he thought was uninteresting.

He never sits there and goes,

“Wow, this girl is so uninteresting that I am going to ask her out.”

Umm… I am afraid to break it to you but no man in the history of the universe has ever done that.

No, we want a woman of higher value.

I always like to give this example because it illustrates my point perfectly,

Imagine that your ex is talking to two women.

You and another girl.

Looking at you and this other girl from a physical standpoint you are much better looking.

If we were to chart your looks on a 1-10 scale you would be a 9 and she would be a 6.

So, why is it that he finds the other girl (a 6) more attractive than you (a 9?)

Well, it’s because on the phone you are a bore and the 6 is fascinating.

Besides, he already dated you and he knows what you are all about.

You have brought nothing new to the table.

This brings up an interesting point.

How do you become interesting to an ex boyfriend when he already knows everything there is to know about you.

Creating A “Newness Factor” On The Phone

new day

You need to throw your ex boyfriend a couple of curve balls on the phone.

Things he hasn’t seen before.

You need to deviate from your normal behavior so he has a fresh opinion of you.

There are a couple of major things that you can do that stand out in my mind to accomplish this task.

  1. End conversations prematurely
  2. Give him mixed signals

Now, there are specific ways I want you to accomplish these two things on the phone.

So, lets take a moment to explore exactly how you can do that.

Lets start first with ending the conversation prematurely.

How To End Conversations Prematurely On The Phone

What I am about to teach you about ending conversations prematurely on the phone is truly a game changer.

In fact, I can’t even take credit for this little nugget of knowledge.

I have to give credit to my wife for using this on me to build attraction when we were still dating.

I found this little tactic super annoying but it was oddly effective.

Let me set the stage for you a bit here.

When my wife and I started our relationship we were in a long distance relationship.

1,600 miles apart to be exact.

So, our whole relationship hinged on two things.

The ability to send text messages and the ability to make phone calls.

Now, I would never admit this to my wife in person (can’t let her get a big head) but she was a master on phone tactics to build interest and attraction. She surpassed even me when it came to this stuff.

I have never seen anything like it.

So, with this section and the next one I am going to give you her entire “phone strategy” that worked so well she landed a guy like me.

I actually won in the end because she is here (imagine me raising my hand super high) and I am down here (imagine me lowering my hand super low.)

Again, don’t tell her I said that.

End The Conversation At The High Point

There was actually one time before my wife and I got married that we were having a conversation on the phone that was absolutely amazing.

I mean this conversation had it all.

It was interesting…


Supercharged with emotion…

Right as it was getting to the good part her phone suddenly “shuts off” and I don’t hear from her for an hour.

It drove me absolutely insane.

Was I angry? Yep.

Was I disappointed? Yep


More than anything I wanted to get back on that conversation.

It turned me into a madman.

I must have called her 8-10 times trying to get a hold of her and each time there was no answer.

It didn’t make sense…

How could her phone go out right when it was getting to the good part of the conversation?

Now, to this day she will claim that her phone was really bad and she needed an “upgrade” but when this happens to you literally 20 times you start to wonder.

Even if her phone was bad it was an ingenious tactic because she left me always wanting more.

She put me right in the role as the “chaser.”

And hey, it worked out for her.

We got married,

Jennifer Chris W-023-X2

So, why did her tactic of leaving the conversation work so well?

Simple, it always left me wanting more.

It was something I haven’t ever experienced before and on some level it fascinated me and made me want to work until I was the most important thing to her.

So, the lesson I want you to take from this is the fact that it’s not just about leaving the conversation early.

It’s about leaving the conversation at the right time.

Look at the graph below,

Screen Shot 2015-03-05 at 9.19.10 AM

Notice how the graph goes from low to high and then from high to low.

This graph is meant to represent a phone conversation.

Ever single good phone conversation I have had in my life follows this trajectory.

The conversation starts out kind of slow with both parties feeling each other out and then with enough attraction or interest being built the conversation picks up. Eventually the conversation gets to the high point. This is equivalent to the point of the conversation where you stop and think to yourself,

“Wow, this is actually a lot of fun.”

Of course, if you stay on the phone with someone too long then you will wear out your welcome.

The conversation starts to dip as you run out of ideas on what to talk about or you simply just get tired of talking. Hey, we are all human after all.

This part of the conversation is represented in the dip after the high pint in the graph above.

So, when is an ideal time to cut the conversation off?

Right at the high point or for our visual learners out there, here,

Screen Shot 2015-03-05 at 9.19.10 AM

This is exactly where my wife used to kill our conversations and let me tell you it was the most effective tactic ever.

I would constantly be chasing her and subconsciously I would think in the back of my head,

“Wow, she is a really powerful woman. She’s hard to pin down.”

Remember, men like women they can’t have or women they have to chase and work for.

(That’s what the tactic above accomplishes.)

Lets move on to transitioning from the phone to an in person encounter.

How To Get A Real Life Date From The Phone


It’s funny, the very first article I ever wrote for this site was a 10,000 word guide to getting your ex boyfriend back.

While a lot of ideas in that guide are still very relevant there are some that are a bit outdated (as much as I hate to admit it.)

For example, that guide is predicated around the idea that if you build up enough attraction through text messages (building block one) you are supposed to call your ex boyfriend and ask for a date on the spot.

It’s been close to three years since that guide has come out and I must admit that, that is not the best way to approach getting a date with your ex.

Instead, the smartest thing you can do to get a date with your ex boyfriend is to build attraction through texting AND phone calls and once you feel you have hit a point where he won’t say no that is when you pull out the date card.

Of course, that is only a last resort.

In a perfect world you will have built up enough attraction to where your ex would ask you out on a date on his own accord without you having to take charge and make a date.

So, that means that your chances of success for a date are completely reliant on how well you build attraction not just in text messages but on the phone as well.

What To Look For In Your Ex Boyfriend If You Have To Ask For A Date

Before I get into the meat of this section I feel compelled to mention that if your ex boyfriend asks you out say yes.

It’s as simple as that.

You will have accomplished your goal and you can move on to the “in person” portion of this process.

What I would like to talk about now is what to do if your ex boyfriend has not asked you out on a date yet.

First though, lets talk about a woman’s attitude about asking a man out.

This Is No Place For Your Wounded Pride

I see this a lot with the no contact rule.

A woman will come to this site, read about my no contact strategies, implement them and then when her ex doesn’t contact her during the no contact period she freaks out and promises not to break down and contact him first.

In other words, her pride takes over and she refuses to keep it in check.

This is not a place for your wounded pride.

We are dealing with the art of making another human being fall for you again and sometimes things aren’t going to go exactly as planned so if you get hung up on this idea of,

“He has to contact me first…”

Then I have some really bad news for you.

You aren’t going to have a lot of success.

Sometimes you have to go out of your way and contact your ex for a date.

Sometimes he is too scared to do it himself so you have to tell him its ok with your actions by asking him out.

Now, if you are sitting there saying,

“There is no way that it will ever work out for me if I ask him out on a date first.”

While it is definitely not an ideal situation it definitely doesn’t mean things won’t work out for you.

Look, before we were even dating my wife was the one that asked ME out on a date first…


So, swallow your pride and maybe you will get a guy to do that to you.

The Signs To Look For

What do we know so far about asking an ex out on a date?

Well, firstly there is the fact that usually the only way an ex will say yes to a proposed date is if enough attraction is built on your part.

But how do you know when enough attraction is built?

Look for these signs,

  • He responds quickly to your text messages.
  • There is a 50/50 split on who texts who first.
  • Your phone conversations consistently last 45+ minutes
  • You have a minimum of 3 phone conversations that last 45+ minutes
  • He always seems to be in a good mood to hear from you
  • He is flirty with you

If your ex boyfriend has the qualities above in his communications with you then you can move on to the phone tactic that I am about to explain below.

How To Set Up A Date On The Phone


Setting up a date with an ex boyfriend is an art.

It’s an art that requires subtlety on your part and a bit of brains on his part.

Now, before I move on I do want to mention that 8 times out of 10 if you do build enough attraction your ex boyfriend WILL be the one to set up a date on his own accord. Remember, men are supposed to be the hunters.

Of course, if he is displaying the “signs” I told you about above and still hasn’t asked you out then it might be time for you to subtly suggest a meet up and let him do the rest.

But how do you do that?

How do you subtly suggest something like a date to an ex boyfriend?

Good question!

Imagine that you are on the phone with him and around 25 minutes into the phone call you take a step back and think to yourself,

“Wow, this phone call is going really well.”

The moment you think that you have a few options you can put into motion.

Option A- Continue the conversation and end at the high point like I taught you above.

Option B- Subtly ask for a date.

If you do decide to opt for option B (which we are for the purposes of this article) then you can only do it when the conversation is going well.


Because your ex is more likely to say yes to a date when he is having fun in a conversation as opposed to when he isn’t.

So, half the battle to getting a yes is timing.

But how do you go about subtly asking him out on a date?

I have always found that the best way to do this is by following the following script,

You: You aren’t going to believe what just happened.

Him: What happened?

You: Someone told me that they are closing down Bakers (your favorite restaurant together)

Him: What? NO WAY?

You: Ya, I am so disappointed…

Him: I hope it isn’t true…

You: Me too… Maybe we should go there for old times sake before it closes?

Him: I would like that very much.

Now, I realize that this script is very specific and not every couple has a bakers together but this can work with anything.

For example, maybe your favorite movie theater is closing down?

Maybe your favorite Starbucks is moving locations?

Now, the funny trick here is that your favorite place together doesn’t really have to be closing down. As long as you get the information from a “friend” you can always blame the friend for being wrong.

So, pick a favorite place the two of you constantly frequented when you were dating and go from there.

Once you plant the date seed he should catch on and take the reigns about asking you out even though technically you made him do it!

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74 thoughts on “How To Talk To Your Ex Boyfriend On The Phone”

  1. Christine miller

    October 9, 2021 at 9:47 am

    Ive got some comfort from all your articles chris. But I do think you must get really really bored about talking about the same issue?

    I lived on a boat with my ex for 4 years. I moulded myself around him as he made it clear this was his life and wouldnt adjust for anyone. It was very romantic. We were going to be together forever. But he became selfish took me for granted and lacked interest in anything i wanted to do. I followed football and took up fishing with him. One night we had a row about isdues and i left the boat taking absolutely everything with me.
    No contact for ten weeks. He now te xts and called in at my house once. Said he misses me but has made no attempt to apologise or ask me out.
    Im confused and frightened of doing the wrong thing. My heart says i love him but my head say i deserve better.
    But im 62!!!!!! Hes 64. This is probably my last chance.
    im not expecting you to reply. But any advice would be appreciated. Ive alwzys been unlucky in love. I dont want to die wondering what if?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 10, 2022 at 4:38 pm

      Hi Christine, I think each situation with every person is unique and that is why we do what we do here, especially Chris.

      It’s really difficult to advise here, you say you love him but you know you deserve better and if he is not willing to give you what you want from him then that is not going to change unless he realises that it is a make or break in the relationship. I would suggest that you be mindful that you do not end up in the friendzone. If what your relationship was, is enough for you then consider having the conversation about dating again, if not then I would suggest that you make comments about your hobbies and see if he shows interest now even if its not thrilling the attempt to show interest may show he knows he made mistakes. Here is an article here to help you with what to look out for with the friendzone

  2. April

    May 3, 2020 at 5:26 am

    Can you still get him
    Back if he says we are better off as friends and we come from two different worlds and you rushed into things to fast ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 3, 2020 at 9:55 am

      Hi April, yes but I would suggest that you do the longer 45 day No Contact and focus on your Holy Trinity before you re attempt to contact him

  3. Beth

    February 28, 2018 at 9:59 pm

    My boyfriend were together a year when he broke up with me. I did no contact, he texted me two months later, then we talked, then I went to see him and he immediately wanted me back, even insisting I move in with him. So for the last six months I lived with him and things were great. Until January 3rd, when I told me he had gotten the job he applied for – but they were going to move him to Florida for it. (we were in Texas) He had already accepted the job. I asked him what would happen to us when he left. He said things would be over between us. I asked him if he were staying in Texas, would we still be together? He said yes. So why would moving to another state mean we have to break up?? He gave me every reason in the book why we couldn’t stay together, (he was really scraping for reasons) and that once he moved he would need some time alone so he could adjust to the move and new job without any ’emotional distraction.’ (by the way, he didn’t move to Florida because of someone else, he doesn’t know anyone there, and the company that hired him, also hired his entire team he worked with in Texas)
    So we went from sleeping together, having dinner together, him calling me if I was late running errands because he was worried about me, telling me he loved me – to nothing. All contact ceased after he got there and he texted me to let me know he got there safely. Thirty days of no contact later, (neither one of us contacted the other) he called yesterday to wish me happy birthday. I was dumbfounded, because I was wondering if I would even get a text from him wishing me happy birthday; I didn’t expect a call. We ended up talking for two and a half hours. Mainly me just letting him talk about the move, the new job, how he was doing. He did ask about me, I told him I was doing great. (new job, new wardrobe, lost weight, went traveling – all true by the way) He even asked about all my animals by name. We had a good conversation, in which he brought up missing things about me and our relationship, saying ‘it’s hard to go from living with someone and having them there, to suddenly having nobody.’ He made several remarks that implied he wasn’t dating anyone, and he also said he’d been depressed the last several days. I asked him for advice about my business plan, (damsel in distress) and he gave me lengthy advice that I thanked him for and told him I appreciated. When we said goodbye, he said he was glad I was happy, (he sounded very sad and wistful) and I told him I was happy for him with his new job, that I missed him, and that I was happy he called to wish me happy birthday.
    So now what? He’s 4 states away, so it’s not like we can just continue the normal conversation that progresses to us seeing each other. That being said, I made it clear before he moved that I’d even willing to move out there to be with him. He also makes more than enough money to afford to fly back to Texas, or fly me out to him. What now? What do I say/text/call now, to get me back into his life, when he’s in another state?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 2:13 pm

      Hi Beth,

      You have no other choice but to do that..that’s just how it is with ldr.. Longer time spend on texts or calls..check this one:
      The Complete Guide To Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back In A Long Distance Relationship

  4. SIobhan

    June 11, 2016 at 2:11 pm

    Hey! I got my ex to agree to a conversation on the phone, I was wondering if I should start with “how have you been?” or should I sart with my list of things to talk about?

  5. Anonymous

    April 16, 2016 at 10:00 am

    Hello there! The last time I spoke to my ex over the phone was in Nov. He had ended things with me a few months prior and we were still in touch and I was down so I called him to speak to him, we ended up talking about our past relationship and I kinda told him I still had feelings for him and wanted him back. he was obv not very happy and said we would never happen again, etc but we still stayed in touch over text all the way till now. I think he’s scared to talk to me on the phone lest I bring up something again. I have not done no contact yet! What should I do?

  6. Kelsey

    April 13, 2016 at 8:42 pm

    Hey Chris! My NC period will be ending soon and I’ll be trying to contact him. The breakup was one-sided and I was definitely desperate afterwards and made a lot of mistakes before finding your website 🙁 I felt like his reasons for the breakup didn’t make any sense and was really obvious and up-front about wanting him back. Huge mistake, I now realize! I’m so worried he won’t even text me but we’ll see. My ex also never really liked talking over the phone before, and I’m worried that once I get to that point he’ll realize what I’m doing or will just say no. How can I get around this?

    1. Kelsey

      April 14, 2016 at 8:12 pm

      I don’t know what you mean?

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 14, 2016 at 9:05 am

      Hi Kelsey

      firstly have you been active during..if he saw your post, woulf he think you’re moving on?

  7. Kate

    February 29, 2016 at 2:03 am

    Hello Amor,
    Me and my ex boyfriend of 2 years never really talked on the phone at all. Should we start now? or should I skip talking on the phone and go straight to in person after enough rapport has been build?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2016 at 7:26 am

      Hi Kate,

      hmmm.. you’re texters? If you think you can build enough rapport just through text to meey up, go ahead.. 🙂

  8. A

    January 17, 2016 at 3:07 am


  9. M

    December 8, 2015 at 6:47 pm

    Chris, I am slightly confused on something. I used the story text and got a phone call. It was great. We talked about ten minutes and I ended it at a high point. Now we went back to texting. How do I get another phone call. Is it okay to call whenever? or should I send another warning text?

  10. Jackie

    August 21, 2015 at 1:22 pm

    Hey Chris,
    My ex recently moved to China to work for 8 months. We decided to break up on good terms. It been a month since he’s left and we haven’t talked since. He messaged me the other day that I should skype Him soon. I only have a couple days left of NC. What should I do?

    1. Chris Seiter

      September 1, 2015 at 9:18 pm

      You can skype him after nc but keep it short!! Very important to keep it short and think of interesting things to talk about before you get on.

  11. Jos

    August 4, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    Hey Chris, what do you when you have followed all the steps, but cut the no contact rule about a week early? Basically, I contacted him on the phone and our conversation went great. I kept it short, he seemed really happy and excited to hear from me, and it seemed like old times. He asked if I was available tomorrow for coffee. Unfortunately, I didn’t see the part where I was supposed to say yes, and I wasn’t available the next day due to work and finals that I need to study for. I told him no, and my reasoning, and he seemed bummed out. He said he’d talk to me later or something. And we didn’t reschedule for another time. I’m not sure where to go from here.. if I should contact him again, or wait for him to contact me about coffee some other time?

  12. Tamara

    May 18, 2015 at 5:46 am

    Dude, I’m sorry but . . .

    If I was Cordy and I got stabbed through the stomach after searching for my boyfriend only to find him kissing his best girl friend, I’d tell him to take a hike too. 😉

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 19, 2015 at 7:12 pm

      Haha I liked Xander and Cordy together. I was so upset when they did that to their relationship.

  13. CLR

    April 15, 2015 at 5:34 pm

    Hopefully you’ll respond to this (not sure if you’re strictly responding to podcasts now). I’ve asked this a couple of times and haven’t gotten a response so I’ll try and keep this as brief as possible:

    1- My NC period will be ending in a few days.
    2- The reason for the break up was not clearly stated by him, but did end fairly amicably (no intensely heated arguments, he even said for me to try calling him in two months…oddly specific).
    3- My ex is NOT a social media/texting type. Never was. This is not to say he won’t do it, but it’s not his go-to means of communication. Thus, his responses are short in length (like 1-3 words) or he doesn’t respond at all and ends up just calling anyways.
    4- So…how do/would I approach him under these circumstances? Do I text him anyways, or bite the bullet and call? Even if I texted him, that doesn’t guarantee I’ll get a response in any form, as in I wouldn’t know *why* he’s not responding. At least, not without calling and finding out that way. If that makes sense.

    Since we didn’t communicate via text and mostly phone, it’ll be weird for me to all of a sudden text him. Conversely, we haven’t talked in a month, so would it be weird to just call out if the blue?

    1. CLR

      April 21, 2015 at 4:25 am

      Yeesh, 500 comments! And since this is a site geared toward women, being male Oprah is not an easy task lol. You really need like a statue or nationally recognized holiday in your honor.

      So…without reading your response beforehand, I did mull over my first text. Which…I did not use, I modified it. It might not have been the strongest, but I still wanted to sound like “me,” you know? The text basically said how I’ve been busting my hump in my drawings again and howiI’ve been using all the art supplies he had gotten me, and how grateful of how supportive he’s always been of my craft (seriously, he REALLY loved it when I was in hard core artist mode. I think he loved my intense passion for it). Again, maybe not the strongest first contact, but it might have piqued his interest a bit since I had ceased to be productive in my craft lately. And actually, I’m trying to build up to something major because there has been a couple of life-changing events that happened that do involve my works.

      Thing is… I got no response. BUT!!! I’m not surprised at all, a little hurt, but not surprised for a number of reasons. So what happens with no response? When should I try contacting him again? And since he’s not a text-er anyways, and my so-called lack of calling him was apparently a source of contention with him, when should I just call him in this case? I don’t necessarily wanna keep texting him, but I also have no idea what his state of mind is right now.

    2. Chris Seiter

      April 21, 2015 at 5:46 pm

      Chris Day!

      I like it.

      Though not sure that’s good for my ego.

      Wait a week and contact him again with no response.

    3. CLR

      April 17, 2015 at 4:57 am

      Thank you, that is very helpful. And I can see how you could get behind on responses (I’ve seen the number of comments/questions you receive lol. Should start calling you Saint Chris!)

      I do have two follow-up questions, though:

      1) Would this be a viable first text- “Hey. I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I have a bunch of exciting news to tell you about! Hope all is well on your end. Talk to you soon :D.”

      2) If he does call after I text him (and I’m about 80-20% sure he will out of habit since he doesn’t text), do I just go straight into first phone call mode (talking about good times, compliments, etc.)? Or hold off on going for the jugular and remain coy (short conversations, end call first)? I don’t want to use all of my inticing conversation material in a span of one call. I mean, it’s only been a month lol.

    4. Chris Seiter

      April 20, 2015 at 8:29 pm

      Way behind 🙁 .

      500 comments today to get to…

      So sorry for the late response again.

      1. No It needs to be less specific but just as interesting. Try to take the focus off of you for a first contact text and put it on something else that he is interested in.

      2. No, you want to talk for about 7 minutes and then suddenly have to go. Leave him wanting more 🙂

      Hope that helps.

    5. Chris Seiter

      April 16, 2015 at 3:40 pm

      I am I have just fallen way behind.

      You can text him always in this instance a little bit and then work your way up to a call.

  14. moomal

    April 15, 2015 at 9:05 am

    Hi chris me and my boy friend had a realtionshp since 8 years few months ago he told me that he is in a realtionshp with someone else i cried alt and was queit next day he said he was jokng bcoz he knws i wil leave him afterf day i realized he is behaving rude nt taking to me ignorng me then i found xwound your site i have read al your pages and applied nc rule on my bf my nc prule period time is going to be completd on his birthday so i was confused that what should be my first msg to him chris i dunt knw what to say you but i realy love him what to marry him want him to leave that grl and love me as i do chris you r my last hope help me plz as you helped kie and sahrah plz help me out

  15. Ellen

    April 2, 2015 at 7:49 am


    First of all thank you for your articles.

    This is my story. I broke up with my boyfriend after an evening that I had dinner with friends and he couldn’t come because he was too busy with a business dinner. It was the first time he got invited to a dinner with my friends.
    When I went out with my friends after my dinner I saw him in the same club to my surprise. From a distance it seemed like he gave a girl a kiss on her mouth a big hug and he started to dance with her. I got furious that he was there while he had a ‘business dinner’, him not calling me while he promised that the same morning, him being away before to another city for almost two weeks and then seeing him kissing the girl on her mouth. I walked up to him and told him I never wanted to see him again and even slapped him in the face. A thing that I normally would never do and I regret.
    He is Spanish and has a big ego. I blocked him on everything but he could still send me a sms in my IPad apparently. The first thing he wrote is that I’m out of my mind and he never wanted to see me again either. Two days later he wrote that he was very sad and that the girl was only a good friend that he didn’t see for a long time and he gave her a kiss on the cheek, he didn’t understand my reaction. After 1,5 week I wrote him back that if he wanted and answer to what I did what I did we could have a talk without fighting. He has send me a message back two days later that he’s not feeling well because problems at work and he had to go out for a few days but that we could talk the next week. I saw on his profile picture in whatsapp that he went to a place where we were suppose to go to together..
    I have send him a kind message back, that I hoped he would get peace in his head. Gave him a hint that my company is doing well, he was quite involved in that and his reaction was very sweet. But I didn’t answer anymore and also we didn’t talk the next week.
    This is in 4 days 30 days NC and I had a missed call from him yesterday… Probably about my house keys which he could also throw over my wall.
    I’m afraid I misinterpret the kiss maybe he gave to his friend. Anyways I’ve been heartbroken and miss him a lot. I want him to chase me as I’ve been very sweet to him in our relationship and I think he found me too intense which was maybe true because I hang my happiness partly up on him. Now I’m much more self confident and I feel in that way much better.
    Anyway, should I call him back after the NC? Being the super happy girl? Or do I need to send a text message with a funny thing in it we shared together and that I saw his missed call? What do I do? I really want him to chase me and want me… Please help…

    1. admin

      April 3, 2015 at 12:48 am

      No you should text him first after NC, build rapport and then talk to him on the phone.

  16. mel

    March 20, 2015 at 11:37 pm

    What if after the no contact rule your ex still has you blocked on everything?

    1. admin

      March 22, 2015 at 4:38 pm

      Read my blocking page!

      I cover this.

  17. karen

    March 16, 2015 at 3:13 am

    Hi Chris…

    Well, heres my story: me and my ex bf were together for more than 2 years, and it was a great relationship. We loved eachother, used to laugh a lot together, have long talks about everything, etc. BUT he is a workaholic and it started to get in the middle til the point where he said he needed time to figutre his life out, quit one of the jobs etc. He said that he still loved me, would call me eventually, that I was the one etc. Its been almost 6 months from the breakup, we kept contacting eachother 50/50, even hooked up a couple of times. But one day i went to his apt – we live in the same building and said i REALLY missed him, I was jealous he was single etc. He was sweet, but the conversation led to tears,m me feeling like a needy girl, and nothing more.

    I started NC that very day. But since we used to text – the phone calls began to be rare eventually -, I decided that if he contacted me, I would be short and objective instead of just ignoring him out of the blue. Also, because he has no family around and we live so close, I am always worried he may need something, like a ride to the hospital, I dont know, but we always say we can count on eachother. Well, it was day 10 when he CALLED ME. He never calls me. Even less in the middle of the day. I answered because, honestly, I was so full with work to do, I didnt even see it was him calling. He was upset because his friends dad had died in a tragic way. He kept saying “I dont know what to do, he was so young”. I could tell he was chocked because he called me. Well, we had a brief conversation, and that night I text him just to see if he was ok since he was so sad on the phone. The answer was so cold, like “Im ok” and just that that I got very angry and stopped texting him again.I mean, YOU CALLED ME SAD, I’M JUST BEING NICE ASKING IF YOU ARE OK.

    Well, next night he calls me AGAIN at 2AM (I was sooo asleep) because he remembered I told him I had a flight and he wanted to check If I needed a ride to the airport. I said no, I would call a taxi, but he insisted, so he took me to the airport nex morning. During my trip he texted me to see if I was enjoying the trip and I was happy in my responses, but short, like “yes, you would love here”. Few days after, he texts me again asking when I was coming back, so he could pick me up at the airport. But it was late, I was back and didnt called him to tell.

    Well, I’m travelling again – he took me AGAIN to the airport and even asked ‘why I didnt call him before to ask for a ride’ – and my NC ends exactly the day Im coming back. I was thinking maybe calling him to catch up and asking for a ride back home. But I dont know. Do you think it would be too much? Also, could it be rude If I just dont ask for a ride after all this texts and rides, etc? He offered to pick me up when he dropped me at the AP, but I didnt know yet when I would be back, so I just said “yeah, i dont know, well see”.

    Help! Should I just text him after, or asking for accepting the ride would be nice? Im confused =/

    1. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 7:01 pm

      I hate putting time frames on things.

      Ideally you want to build up enough attraction before you call.

      You don’t call right after NC.

    2. karen

      March 18, 2015 at 7:48 pm

      Oh, he just texted me calling me our nickname and asking when im coming back and if i need him to pick me up.

      Should I ignore this?

    3. admin

      March 21, 2015 at 3:06 pm

      Like, when you are coming back to the relationship?

      Is he asking for you back?

  18. Sarah

    March 13, 2015 at 12:03 am

    I recently wrote to you about being a text gnat and wondering if the NC rule would work. Well, my ex and I spoke a couple times since the break up… some were good conversations and some were bad. We talked on the phone and he would talk about old memories we shared, made it seem like he wanted me back. Made a couple comments about me talking to other guys. So the conversation took a turn for the worst, and he told me I’m free to do what ever I wanted with who ever I wanted, and that he hates talking about our breakup, he’s over it and I make things easier for him to be able to be over it all because I kept talking about what happened, only because I wanted proper closure and to understand what the hell went wrong cause I feel our breakup was stupid. Anyways, I am wondering if i should cut my loses or try to stick to the NC rule for sure and eventually work my way to changing his mind. He has stated that he doesn’t want me out of his life, just doesn’t want to be with me. I’m completely lost!!


    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 8:47 pm

      Its up to you completely obviously.

      My recommendation is see the NC through either way.

  19. marry

    March 9, 2015 at 4:44 pm

    what should i do if he refuses to talk on the phone with me for more than 15 mn.he loves action series and football and video games and i have nothing to do with any one of them.and when i ask him out he says seems hopeless i know but whenever i back up he comes and talk with me.what do you think he is thinking!!!

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 4:08 pm

      Then educate yourself about them Marry!

      I like all three of those things so quiz me and I can teach you on the fly a bit.

    2. marry

      March 13, 2015 at 7:18 pm

      so you want me to continue eventhough he deleted me from his facebook is that alright that he deleted me without a word i thought that you’d say that i should give up apparently he doesn’t want me in his life since i’m i wrong !!!!!

    3. admin

      March 15, 2015 at 4:14 pm

      Very common for a breakup.

      Very common.

    4. marry

      March 15, 2015 at 5:53 pm

      no after the break up he blocked me 2 times i get it but after no contact and speaking to each other for 3 months this is not common. i thought i was doing some progress but i gess i was wrong because he deleted me again without a word and when i texted him why !! he didn’t respond at this common !! do you think there is still hope after reading that !!!!!

    5. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 6:29 pm

      It is common.

      Have you read my article on blocking?

      You can gain a lot of insight there.

    6. marry

      March 19, 2015 at 12:46 am

      yes i read it just now but i’m not blocked this time . yes he blocked me twice when we broke up but it’s been 8 months since the break up now and we didn’t have any fight he just said i want to delete you from my facebook because i don’t want you in my friends list and if you need something call me just if you need something not for having a conversation or to check on me . what do you think it seemed to me like he does’nt want anything to do with me at this point am i wrong !!!!!

    7. marry

      March 10, 2015 at 8:25 pm

      and now he deleted me on facebook without doing anything to you think he hates me.should i just give up !!!!!

  20. Shannon

    March 9, 2015 at 2:56 pm

    Hey Chris, me again. I texted him and he didn’t respond. Two questions. Should I even keep trying? And if so, when should I text him again? I texted him that I was scared to drive my manual car to school. He’s really into cars and before that’s what we were talking about so I thought he would respond. He’s interested in stuff like that. I have a gut feeling that I should just text him and tell him that I want to get back together and that I have changed and I was under a lot of stress when we were together. I moved, I missed my family, my car broke down and I got demoted at my job. And as a result it made me tense and over emotional which made our relationship tense which caused us to break up. I have everything sorted out now and I’m back to myself and I just want to tell him that.

    1. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 4:07 pm

      Hi Shannon!

      Ya, I don’t like that txting choice.

      You come off sounding needy. Like you are insinuating that he should drive you to school.

      That’s how I would take it.

      Hes a man who likes cars, right?

      Too bad the car show wasn’t in town. Then he’d really open up and talk about that.

    2. Shannon

      March 9, 2015 at 4:48 pm

      Idk what to do chris. I’m sick and tired of wasting my time and energy on him. I would love it if we got back together, but I feel like I’m just beating a dead horse. What do you think I should do?

    3. admin

      March 13, 2015 at 4:09 pm

      What do I think you should do?

      Stop trying to get him back for a week. Clear your mind and come back to the problem then. You are too tense right now. I think you need to clear your mind.

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