This is it…

I can tell you in full confidence that this is going to be the best guide that I will ever write for this website. I haven’t even finished the first paragraph and I already know that this is going to be it. In fact, I am so confident that this guide is going to be great that I challenge you to go around the internet and find something better.

I am betting that you won’t.

What I say within the confines of these pages is going to be the most informative insight into ex boyfriends, husbands (or just men in general) ever written. Probably for the first time in your life you are going to see the TRUE mind of a man and what he finds attractive.

There are going to be sections in this guide that may be hard to read. You may get angry at some of the things I say and swear off this site for the rest of your life. The truth is that I don’t care if this guide rattles any cages. In fact, I aim to misbehave. Nothing gets accomplished (with your personal goals) if I feed you a spoonful of information that you want to hear.

So, consider this your first and FINAL warning. Every word that is written from this point on will be the information that you NEED to hear.

What Is The Ungettable Girl?

(To learn more about the Ungettable Girl and how you can use it to get your ex back click on this link: Ex Boyfriend Recovery E-Book.)

ungettable girl

Three women walk into a bar.

(For fantasies sake we will name these three women:)

  • Woman 1
  • Woman 2
  • Woman 3

The bar that these women will be walking into is just like any other bar found in the United States. This means that there are plenty of men occupying it.

Woman 1 will be walking into the bar first. We will classify her as an average looking woman with a great personality. As she steps foot into our “fake” bar no one notices. No men actively pursue her and she has a fun night out with her friends.

Woman 2 is going to be walking into our bar after Woman 1. I have decided that she is going to be a beautiful woman with a bad personality. When she enters the bar she gets a lot of attention. Men will actively pursue her. Of course, with her personality her prospects of a lasting relationship are not very high.

Last but not least is woman 3. This woman is the whole package. She is has the beauty and the brains. She is going to enter the bar and get a lot of attention just like Woman 2 did. Men will pursue her continually and since her personality is great she has a good chance of establishing a lasting relationship.

So, what was the point of this shallow example?

Simple, I wanted to get to the heart of what I consider an ungettable girl to be.

The Ungettable Girl- The highest quality girl that there is. She is both beautiful (physically) and has the personality to match her beauty. This type of girl is extremely rare and not every woman can achieve the “ungettable” status.

I want you to think of the “ungettable” status like an aura surrounding a person.

Now, I am sure that we are all adults here so my next statement shouldn’t upset you. Have you ever gone out (as a woman) and just admired the way another woman looked or acted?

Hey, I am as straight as a straight guy can get but even I have gotten jealous over the way another guy looked or how smooth he was with the ladies. It is just human nature.

This phenomenon is what I call the “ungettable” aura. Now, contrary to popular belief it is not something that you are just “born” with. It is obtained with a lot of practice and (I will be honest) some good genetics. I will be talking a lot about how looks play a role into the ungettable persona throughout this guide but for now I want to talk about how personality plays a role into the “ungettable.”

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Looks And Personality Are Equal In The Long Run

looks personality

I don’t want to avoid the fact that UG’s (ungettable girl) are very rare. A few weeks ago I was interacting with a reader of this site on Facebook. She was telling me how insightful she thought my writings on the ungettable girl was. She then proceeded to tell me that while she was out with a few of her male friends she ran the UG theory by them and they all agreed that it was true.

This made me think about her friends.

She told me that they were all male so I know how they think. Deep down I am not sure they truly understood what an ungettable girl is. You see, society places too much emphasis on looks. When most men hear about the UG they still don’t quite grasp the concept of what one actually is.

Throughout this site I have established that men are visual creatures by nature. So, I am sure that when my female fan explained the concept of the UG to her male friends they assumed it meant “the prettiest girl in the bar.”

The ungettable girl is so much more than that.

Look, I am not denying that looks play a HUGE role into an ungettable girl. In fact, there are some women that cannot achieve the legendary status because they don’t have the right look but those few women that do tend to run into an even greater problem, personality.

You see, looks are only one part of the UG equation. To me, and every man personality is truly what seals the deal.

As an adult male I can tell you that looks grab your attention but it is the personality that keeps it. One of my best friends in the world said it best:

Looks will get you in the door but your personality will keep you in the house.

The Ungettable Point System

(Learn more about the Ungettable Girl and how it relates to your ex boyfriend by checking out: Ex Boyfriend Recovery E-Book.)

I put a lot of thought into this system so I want you to listen up.

I have created a point system that will give you an idea of how much a personality truly matters to becoming an ungettable girl. Also, (for fun) you will be able to give yourself a score. Of course, it is impossible for everyone to be unbiased about themselves but I kind of built that little fact into the system.


I will explain that in a moment but first it is important that I explain the overall point system to you. Take a look at the graphic below:

ungettable point system

If you are confused by this graphic I wouldn’t be too shocked. Don’t worry if you stick with me everything will become clear.

Men typically grade women’s looks on a 10 point scale. For example, sometimes my buddies and I will be out and we will see a pretty girl walk into a bar and we will say something like:

“Hey, check out the 9 that just walked in.”

In other words, this is man speak for “a really beautiful girl just walked into the bar.”

Well, the ungettable point system outlined in the graphic above uses a 10 point system for both looks and personality. That means, we are assuming that in order to be a “true” ungettable girl your personality has to be just as good looking as you are ;).

Alright, the next thing I want to talk about in the graphic above are the four different categories I placed women into.

  1. The Ungettable Girl- Well you already know all about them ;).
  2. The High Quality Girl- A step below an UG. Most men would be happy dating one.
  3. The Average Girl- Probably the most common type of woman out there.
  4. The Below Average Girl- If you find yourself in this territory…. you have some work to do.

Lets talk about the actual point system. The graphic establishes that in order to be an UG you have to score between an 18 or a 20. In other words, that doesn’t leave a lot of room for error on your part. Lets assume that you are a 10 on the looks scale but only a 6 on the personality one. Well, I am sorry to break it to you but you aren’t an ungettable girl. Instead you are the lowest rank of a high quality girl.

I wanted to use this particular scoring because it can demonstrate how someone who is not as good looking as you can be a higher rank than you according to men. For example, someone who is an 8 on the looks scale but a 10 on the personality scale IS an ungettable girl.

Now, this raises an interesting question.

Who determines your rankings? Well, that would be other men of course.

Your looks rating is determined within seconds of meeting a man while your personality rating could takes months to truly determine. Oh, and in case you were wondering ALL men do this UG calculation in their heads. You see, we (men) are all striving to get that ungettable girl and we are grading you to see if you meet our standards for it.

Its quite an interesting concept if you really step back and take a look at the big picture. I mean, the way your face, body and body languge looks/is will determine the score for the “looks” portion. Meanwhile the way you act, the rapport you build and other personality factors will determine your “personality” score.

Of course, every man has a different definition of what he considers to be an ungettable girl. So, a woman that might score high on his scale might score poorly on another mans. It truly is “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

I have found that this scale can also work great for people who are looking for an explanation of why their ex broke up with them.

I prefer to look at the ungettable point scale as a living, breathing and changing thing. Lets pretend for a moment that you and I are dating. When we first started dating I scored you as a 19 on my scale. That means I gave you a 9 for looks and a 10 for personality. However, as the years went by I grew less and less attracted to you.

I will be the first to admit that looks very rarely change on a mans scale unless you gain a lot of weight or something crazy like that happens. It is the personality that can go up and down. So, initially you were a 19 when we first started dating but by year 3 of our relationship you dipped down to a 15.

While your looks didn’t change your personality according to me did. So, initially you were given a 10 on the personality scale but by the end of year three of the relationship you were downgraded to a 6. This little four point declined dropped you from being an ungettable girl to just an average one.

Eye opening isn’t it?

Interesting Truths About Looks

good looks

This is one of those sections that might potentially upset a few people.

So, what can I say about looks?

They matter!

In fact, they matter a lot. Anyone who tells you differently is either lying to you or doing you a great disservice. Throughout this section I may refer to the ungettable point system. I will be doing this because it will do a good job of outlining the things I would like to talk about here.

So, where should I start?

Not everyone can be an ungettable girl right out of the gate. Remember, you have to score between an 18 or 20 to become one. That means the lowest possible looks score you can have is an 8 out of 10. Again, that doesn’t leave a lot of room for error.

Here’s an interesting question. Why did I choose such a high score to become an ungettable girl? For one, it forces the person to become quality not only in looks but in personality as well. However, lets shift our focus solely to the looks portion of that score.

The simple fact of the matter is that an UG cannot be unattractive in any way physically. A guy doesn’t go out, see an average looking woman and say “wow, it’s an ungettable girl!” Sorry to break it to you but that just doesn’t happen. That may be a little hard for you to hear but don’t give up hope yet because there is still something that you can use to your advantage.

In order for me to explain this advantage we are going to have to take a few steps back.

One thing that I established with the ungettable point scale is that your looks rating is given to you in a matter of seconds and rarely ever goes up or down. Well, I would like to talk about one of the rare cases where it can actually go up.

Years ago I had just started dating this girl. My initial looks rating for her was a 7. That means that when I met her I immediately sized her up and gave her a 7. The two of us dated a total of 12 months. Throughout the course of those 9 months something interesting happened to her “looks” in my eyes.

Now, before I move on I need to make one thing clear. I am picky. I don’t even think words can describe how picky I am. Of course, I am generally a kind hearted person but when it comes to looks I can be just as cruel as the rest of the guys out there. I am telling you this to drive home the point that for a girl to move up in the looks scale for me is extremely rare.

However, this girl that I dated for 12 months did it and I am about to tell you exactly how.

When I look at all relationships I can generally put the time of the relationship into three different categories.

  1. The Honeymoon Period- The period right at the beginning of the relationship where your partner can do no wrong. Everything is like a dream and there are no fights at all.
  2. The Emotional Connection Period- This is where an emotional connection is either made or not made.
  3. The Downhill Period- The time after the emotional connection where things tend to go downhill, the couple either breaks up or if they were lucky enough to stay together throughout their relationship one person will die (gloomy huh?)

The way that this particular girl that I dated raised her looks rating was by establishing an intense emotional connection with me during the emotional connection period.

Our relationship lasted a total of nine months. The honeymoon period lasted 2 months while the emotional connection period lasted from month 3 to month 5.

So, what happened during months 3-5? Simple, this girl went from a 7 on the looks scale to a 10 and it was all because of this emotional connection I was feeling from her. I remember when it happened too. I was sitting on the couch with her at her house and I remember looking over at her and it was like seeing a beautiful girl for the first time.

Soon, her imperfections became her perfections and to me for that moment she became a perfect 10. The thought of it excited me. I remembered so clearly that I gave her a 7 when I first started dating her but now she was a perfect 10. It has been years since that moment so I have had a lot of time to think about why that happened to me.

I think that different rules are applied to women that you are in a relationship with. The deeper your emotional connection with them is the more you can look at them and get past their imperfections. This is something that is impossible to do when you are getting to know someone or meeting them for the first time.

Thus, the women reading this guide who have established deep emotional connections with their ex boyfriends may have an advantage in the looks department when it comes to that particular male.

The Qualities Of An Ungettable Girl

(Want to learn about the other qualities of the UG that aren’t mentioned here: Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Now we are really getting to the meat of this guide. This section is without a doubt going to be the longest one because there is a lot to discuss here. Personally, I believe that this will be the most informative section because it will kind of show you what most men consider to be qualities of an ungettable girl.

I bet you are wondering how I came up with this long and in-depth list of qualities? Lets just call it 24 years of research as a human being interacting with women.

Ok ok… it is more like 24 years of trying to date an ungettable girl and failing but still this list is golden 😉

The Daydream Quality


Every ungettable girl has one special type of quality that immediately comes to mind, the daydream quality.

Men are interesting creatures because we very rarely talk to other men about our inner most thoughts. How do I know this? Well, because I am a man and I am this way. Whenever I meet what I think can be an ungettable girl something really interesting happens in my mind and I can see it happening to other men as well. Allow me to explain.

You see, the ungettable girl has to have the ability to make a man daydream.

This “daydream effect” is important because it starts like a virus in the mind and slowly takes over. It is the DE (daydream effect) that constantly keeps a man coming back from more.

The Popularity Quality


Have you ever noticed how we are always attracted to popular people? I mean, there are entire magazines that bend over backwards to get a celebrity to appear on the cover. Heck, there are products that actually pay celebrities to say they use the product because they know that an endorsement like that will make people buy it.

I know when I was in high school I was always more attracted to the popular people in the school and I am sure you were too.

Well, popularity plays a role into the ungettable girl too and in this section we are really going to explore the essence of that.

I used to be an avid Facebook person. I would log in three to four times a day and just explore things. Of course, I am a guy so a lot of that exploring meant admiring the pretty girls I was friends with. I no longer do that anymore because I literally can’t without being mauled with messages about exes. However, I remember back when I used to be able to roam freely ( 😉 ) and I began to notice something interesting. All of the girls I was attracted to were wildly popular or at least they appeared to be.

So, how does our society define popularity? Well, if I am being honest many different ways. However, the kind of popularity I am talking about here with the UG is social proof popularity, being preselected by other members of our society.


Let me break it down for you in simpler terms.

If I was going to a party or social gathering and saw a beautiful girl that I was interested in I am going to keep my eye on her. Sure, if she sits in the corner, friendless, she will be more approachable but there is something too “easy” about that. Lengendary women are the most challenging ones to obtain. This is where social proof comes in.

If I am at that party and see that beautiful girl not only preselected by other men but women as well then something interesting happens. All of a sudden she has the makings of an UG. I guess we can call this the “celebrity effect.”

Again, let me put this in easier terms for you to understand.

If you were at the imaginary party where I was and all of a sudden Brad Pitt (or George Clooney) or whatever celebrity is hot right now walks into the party pretty much everyone is going to flock to him. While that celebrity may be physically attractive to you there is also something uber attractive about someone who has social proof or the ability to appear liked by others.

Ungettables have this quality. They can walk into a party and be the rock star and that will make men more attracted to them!

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The Physical Appearance Quality

(This is another one of those sections that could potentially ruffle a few feathers so consider yourself warned.)


I want you to think about something for a moment. On the right side of this site I make a pretty big picture of myself available. Have you ever wondered why I did that?

It is because I understand that looks matter.

Look, I am a pretty humble guy (who has been humbled by women on multiple occasions) but with all of that in mind I do know that I am an attractive male and I can use that to my advantage when I talk to you. Attractive people get advantages and one of those advantages is that when you run a site, full of women, that talks about men those women tend to listen to the attractive guy teaching.

I admit that if I was fat and had a Dumbledore beard I wouldn’t be able to run this site. I mean why would you even take me seriously? If this doesn’t prove that looks matter then I don’t know what will.

Lets apply our newfound knowledge to the ungettable girl.

We have already established that the lowest “looks” score that a woman can possibly have and still become an untettable girl is an 8. Now, this is where things get a little bit complicated. A few sections above I alluded to the fact that different men have different tastes. So, what I consider to be an 8 may be a 5 for someone else. Though I will say one thing, I have found that I am pretty in touch with what other men consider to be attractive. Nevertheless, the main point I want you to grasp here is that you shouldn’t be discouraged if someone tells you that you are not at least an 8 on the looks scale, somewhere out there, there is a guy that will think you are a 10!

When I explain that looks matter to a lot of the women on this site I get all kinds of reactions. Most women will tell me straight up that I am absolutely right. However, every once in a while I will get chewed out for being “shallow.” Well, to those people that think I am shallow answer me this.

Would a shallow person run a website with one goal, helping women achieve their relationship goals?

Would a shallow person NOT be afraid to tell you the truth no matter how hard it is to hear?

Would a shallow person go in-depth about some of the most embarrassing experiences in his life?

(Ok, maybe yes to that last question.)

If you think I am shallow then you are really not going to like what I am about to do next. Lets talk specifically about what men find attractive.

Two Components To Attractive Women


I debated on whether or not to share this with you but in the end my logic won out over my fear of being viewed as shallow. The truth is that this is something you need to hear. It is the inner most “looks rating” system of a man (me.) Again, I want to reiterate that what I find attractive may not necessarily be what other men find attractive but I have found that I am usually a pretty good indicator.

(Just another word of warning, I will not be pulling punches here.)

I am going to divide this up into two parts. I figure we can cover ground much more efficiently that way. The two parts of an attractive woman are:

  1. Face
  2. Body

Lets start with the face!


Your face is kind of a big deal. As a general rule when men look to date someone over the long term they judge attractiveness more by the face. When men are looking for just sex they choose women based on attractive bodies. So, your face matters just a little bit when you are looking for a lasting relationship ;).

It is kind of unfortunate that what is considered the biggest deal in “attraction” we have the least control over. Genetics can be extremely rewarding or extremely cruel. Why am I telling you this? Well, I want you to remember that no one has a perfect face. We are all imperfect in our own ways and men will take this into account. Granted, they don’t take it into account as much as they should but it is taken into account.


The way this section is going to work is pretty simple. I am going to carefully go over what attracts me to women characteristic by characteristic on the face. Lets start with the hairstyle.

I don’t know much about hairstyles I will be the first to admit that. However, I do know what I find attractive and there is one big takeaway here. For me, short hairstyles are less attractive than longer ones. Now, I am not saying that I am completely opposed to shorter hair styles but I will say that I am definitely more attracted to women with longer ones. Lets take a look at a celebrity so I can make my point.

Victoria Beckham is a woman with an attractive face. I don’t think anybody can deny that. However, I find her a lot more attractive with longer hair than shorter. Lets take a look at her with short hair:

victoria beckham hairstyle 2

Again, I want to reiterate that I still find her wildly attractive with short hair but for some reason I think it makes her look older than she needs to look. I like that the hairstyle makes her look more sophisticated but you need to remember that most guys aren’t turned on by powerful women that don’t seem approachable. In fact, a powerful woman scares just about any man (it turns us on but it can be scary.) The short hair almost makes her look too powerful though. She looks like she would be very demanding of anyone and that can turn some guys off a little bit.

Lets move on to Victoria Beckham with a longer hair style:

victoria beckham

Now that I am looking at her with longer hair I can definitely say that I like it so much more. To me she still looks powerful but the difference is that she looks powerful AND approachable. With the short hair she looked powerful and unapproachable. I have actually talked to a few of my buddies about this and they all agree that longer hair on women is more attractive.

Skin & Smile

That is kind of a weird pairing isn’t it?

Believe me there is a method to my madness.

Today I ended up seeing a girl that I would definitely classify as pretty but she had two things that turned me off a little bit. Want to take a guess at what those qualities were?

Yup, her skin and her smile.

I actually ended up pulling up next to her at a stoplight when she had her window down. She was chattering away on her cellphone and doing something that I am not a fan of but not overly judgemental of, smoking. It was the smoking that caught my attention as she flicked her cigarette and it hit my car. She was obviously oblivious to the way that the world perceived her as she didn’t even look over to apologize.

Already we are off to a bad start, she and I.

When I took a good look at her I saw potential. She had the template for a beautiful face but it was obvious to me (even from my car) that she had not taken care of her body or face as she looked a lot like this:

lindsey lohan skin and smile

Why do we as a society find Lindsey Lohan unattractive?

Personally, when I look at her face I see the template of someone who can be devastatingly beautiful. Her main problem is that she looks like she is in her mid fifties (and she is only like 25.) She has this dirty look. No, not “dirty” dirty (get your mind out of the gutter.) I am talking about dirty in the sense of ” she hasn’t showered in days.” Also take a look at that smile.

Her teeth are literally the color as her hair. Granted, this photo may be photoshopped but even if it is it is still great for helping me make my point.

Lindsey Lohan has the face template of someone who can be a 10 but because she neglcted to care for her face the way it needs to be cared for most guys would end up giving her a 5. Yes, it is THAT important.

Lets turn our attention back to my experience in the car with the cigarette chick. She had a lot of the same problems as Lindsey Lohan did. She had a beautiful face but her skin wasn’t taken care of. I saw her smile as she was talking on the phone and could see the yellow from my car. It is unfortunate because if she just tried a little bit she could have been something special.

Oh, and in case you are wondering what someone who has a perfect smile and skin looks like I want you to meet Laura Vandervoort :).



This section is probably going to be shorter than the face section above because there is not a lot I can say that you probably don’t already know so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

Your weight does matter to men but not as much as you initially think. I will talk about that in a second but first there is a concept I need you to grasp.

When I say that your weight matters to men I bet you automatically assumed that I mean “women who were overweight.” While that was certainly implied I was also talking about the women on the opposite end of the spectrum too.

Line Theory

I want you to imagine a straight line. Better yet, I want you to take out a piece of paper and draw a horizontal line. Using this horizontal line I want you to take your pencil and go to the end of the line on the left side and write “skinny.” After you have done this I want you to go to the far right side of the line and write down “overweight.” Finally, I want you to go to the center of the line and write down “perfect.” When it is all said and done your line should look like this:

line theory

I hope by now you are started to see the point I am about to make. The ideal “weight” you should be shooting for is the perfect weight which is in the middle between overweight and skinny. Lets take a moment and discuss why men find women who are too skinny unattractive.


A few months ago I re-watched one of my favorite television series of all time, Band of Brothers. The show, to me at least, seemed like a very real depiction of World War Two. Towards the end of the series the “band of brothers” that we have grown so invested in have the very foundations of their worlds shaken when they happen upon a Nazi concentration camp.

Even as a viewer I started crying because of what these people were put through. The camera panned around and showed the most physically starved individuals I have ever seen in my life. They literally looked like walking skeletons. The American soldiers immediately went into “help” mode as they scrambled around trying to find food to feed these poor people. It wasn’t until an Army doctor came around and explained that they have to stop feeding the concentration camp survivors because they could eat themselves to death that you full realized the gravity of this horrible situation.

So, I have yet to understand why some women feel that this is an attractive way to look?:


I picked this picture for a few specific reasons. Obviously this girl is way too skinny. However, I want you to take a good hard look at her face. She is actually beautiful. She has the face of a 10. I mean, if I had just taken a picture of her face you would probably think that she is one of the prettiest girls you have ever seen in your life. Unfortunately for her, the allure of being “the ungettable” goes away since her body looks malnourished and unhealthy. I feel sorry for her because society has convinced her that this is an attractive way to look when it is clearly not. I know for a fact that I am an attractive man and I do not find her attractive at all. Sure, she has a pretty face but I would never date her because she looks malnourished and unhealthy.


Now we are going to jump to the opposite end of the spectrum and talk about those individuals who are overweight. If this is a touchy subject for you then I apologize. It’s just I can’t pull any punches here because you need to know the truth that goes on in the minds of men.

Overweight women are almost never attractive to men. What’s worse is that I think that overweight women realize this and become extremely self conscious about everything. So, it is kind like a domino effect of badness that occurs. For example, a woman will realize that she is overweight which will in turn make her more self conscious which will eventually make it very hard for her to display confidence.

Lets take a look at a picture of someone who is overweight and use it for our own benefit.

pretty fat woman

The best I could find is a drawing so bear with me here.

When I look at this picture I see the template (I keep using that word haha) of someone who can be ungettable. If she lost the weight and found that “perfect” balance between skinny and overweight she would be a bona-fide 10 on the looks scale. There is no question in my mind. She has a beautiful face and from her facial expression you can tell she’s a bit fiery (which most men will like.) Men would be lining up to date her if she found that ideal weight.

Of course, I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to see the positive with being overweight. The truth is that being overweight is easily fixable. It will take some hard work and dedication but it is something that you can control!

Perfect Weight

The perfect weight is a balance between skinny and overweight. One thing to keep in mind is that I would estimate 70% of men like a little meat on their women so the perfect weight doesn’t necessarily mean you need to have six pack abs. You just need to look fit, healthy and aim for a flat stomach and that is it.

One of the most attractive bodies I have seen recently belongs to Kim Kardashian. Now, I am by no means a Kim Kardashian fan. In fact, I think she is so needy she doesn’t constitute even being close to an ungettable girl but one thing she does have is a killer body. Take a look below:

kim kardashian body

I specifically want you to notice her stomach. It is completely flat. She doesn’t have a set of six pack abs but she does have a healthy flat stomach. There is that word again, healthy. Kim Kardashian has a very healthy body. I don’t think anyone can deny that. Men realize this (among other things ahem…) and put her on a pedestal.

The Attitude Of An Ungettable Girl

(Want to learn more about the Ungettable Girl and your ex boyfriend? Try out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Now we are getting to the fun stuff!

I have approached a lot of ungettable girls in my life so I feel I am qualified to talk about their attitude (I am even friends with a few.) Each one has a set of specific qualities that makes up their personality. So, if we are going to refer back to the ungettable point system above this would be the start of the “personality” score part.

Great Rapport Builders


About three years ago I was really excited to go on a date with a girl that I had met in one of my college classes. I was instantly attracted to her from the moment I saw her. Luckily, I worked some magic, got a number and a date.

What commenced after that was probably the most boring date of my entire life. Whenever I would try talking to this girl it was like talking to a wall. I would ask her a question, get a short answer and then she would get quiet again. She was obviously very shy but after about an hour of this I began to wonder if it was me that was the problem.

It couldn’t be. This was the first time that anything like this had ever happened.

Minute by minute I grew angrier and angrier as it seemed like she didn’t even want to be on the date with me. Soon, the excited feeling that I had gotten all day turned into disdain and I just wanted it to be over. I kept my composure on the outside of course but on the inside I was bored out of my mind.

Shockingly, when the date ended and I dropped her off at her apartment I remember her looking into my eyes and pausing for a moment.

“Does she actually want me to kiss her?”

“The worst date I have been on and she wants me to kiss her? No thanks!”

I don’t care how attractive you are if you are not good at building rapport with someone you are not going to be an ungettable girl.

Now, lets compare this boring date experience (where no rapport was built) to the day I met one of my friends (who happens to be an UG.)

The story of when I met this girl is actually interesting. We were both in some sort of beginners art class in college. Interestingly, the class was very early in the morning and both of us arrived very early. So early in fact that we were the only ones there.

It gave us about ten minutes to talk and both of us felt an instant connection. She could hold her own against me and I could hold my own against her. Rapport was being built in record time. When the class was over we both stood by our cars and talked for an extra hour. I was instantly attracted to her and I am sure she was attracted to me as she invited me out to go get lunch.

Ah! but then she did something interesting.

Leave You Wanting More


What did she do?

She left me wanting more. Interestingly, this is a quality that I talk about extensively in my E-Book and this girl (who I am now good friends with) was about to do it to me.

“Ohhh… I forgot it is my friends birthday today and I have to go buy her a present. Rain check?”

I am sure that she didn’t do what she did intentionally but it worked like a charm. You see, the rapport that she built with me created an emotional connection in me that made me want to spend more time with her. I was at my emotional high point of this particular experience and right when I wanted more she pulled the rug out from under me.

What effect did this have on me?

Well, it just made me want to see her even more.

Ungettable girls have this uncanny knack for leaving men wanting more. You see, things are never done on the mans schedule. They are always done on her schedule and if she leaves a man wanting more HE IS TOTALLY FINE WITH THIS!

How To Leave A Male Wanting More

Well, I essentially just told you with my story above but I will simplify things for you.

Step 1: Build rapport with a male.

Step 2: Once enough rapport is built the male will begin developing an emotional connection.

Step 3: Once the emotional connection is built pull the rug out from under him essentially leaving him wanting more.


This is where most women tend to struggle.

A friend of mine recently made a point to me that really struck a chord.

Women tend to dress how they feel.

What does that have to do with confidence? Simple, a confident woman will dress one way and a woman who isn’t will dress another way.

Ungettable girls are confident. It’s as simple as that.

But how does confidence manifest itself? Is it how we dress like I was talking about above? Well, yes that is a part of it but that isn’t the whole picture.

People often appear confident based on their body language. So, in my opinion the most important way to be confident is to have confident body language that is perceived as confident by other males. Confused yet?

Allow me to explain.

Now, I am not some sort of expert on body language I am just going to tell you about the women who I perceive to be confident. I would like to introduce you (again) to Laura Vandervoort.


The image above is like a collage of Laura Vandervoort. I chose this picture because I think it does a good job of displaying confidence. Now, there are a lot of depths to why I chose this picture so I am going to take things one step at a time. First things first, the way she dresses.

Her Wardrobe

Very professional don’t you think?

Granted she was professionally dressed for whatever this movie is (she is an actress) but through the way she dresses she appears to be in control and confident and I really like that. One of her biggest advantages in my opinion is that she has a friendly face. So, even though she has professional type clothes on she still seems very approachable. This is the type of girl that just oozes that daydream quality I was talking about when I started writing this article.

Her Posture

I want you to look very carefully at every single picture in the collage. Do you notice anything?

I certainly do!

The first thing I notice when I look at her posture is how proper it is. She is not hunched over and she is not afraid to look you in the eye when she talks. You can just tell by looking at her that it’s true. If you also look in the bottom right hand corner of the picture there is even a photo of her sitting down on a desk. Again, i want you to notice she doesn’t have her back hunched over. She is confident with who she is on the outside. Now, I am sure the same insecurities that every human being gets is going on inside of her head but it’s clear that she does a fantastic job of  projecting confidence. So, even if she may feel a bit uneasy inside you can’t tell because to the casual observer she is confident.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

That’s It?

This concludes the Ungettable Girl guide! Think I ended too soon?

Haha I guess I am going to have to leave you wanting more?

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335 thoughts on “The Ungettable Girl”

  1. Avatar


    November 8, 2020 at 1:48 am

    Hey! So as I was reading this I felt a huge amount of deja vu since my ex used to tell me that I have every single one of those UG qualities even though I really think it’s just the way he precieved me and I totally believe that I’m an average girl, that’s when something so weird happened, this very same guy who used to make me feel like my insecurities do not exist changed drastically one day and then things went downhill so fast to the point where he now does not want to talk to me or see me or even keep in touch with me not even as friends, I cannot really put my hands on a reason for why things ended up so bad because he just recently told me that he “never fell out of love with me” but I definitely do think that my points scale for him dropped so low somehow even though I did not change at all from the time we started dating till right now, and now my no contact period is over but I don’t think I can ever be the ungettable girl in his eyes once more, so could you please tell me what should I do next?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 8, 2020 at 6:00 pm

      Hi Lola, keep in mind a lot of being an UG is making a guy feel that he CANT have you. So that is part of this process, during your NC did you work on yourself? On your trinity goals? When you reach out make sure that you are using Chris’ methods to get your ex interested in what you have to say

  2. Avatar

    Charmaine Van Zyl

    September 16, 2020 at 2:31 am

    Wow, as a mature woman, that was such an interesting insight. And yes, mature women can be Ungettable too. Dame Judy Dench comes to mind. The posture, the well looked after glowy skin, her secretive smile that makes you wonder what she is thinking, and yet she looks approachable. Now thats something to strive for. I just lost my partner, so I need to do some work on hairstyling, looking after my skin, teeth whitening and going for walks to improve weight, health and confidence. Well done, you “nailed it”. Thanks for the inspiration.

  3. Avatar


    September 6, 2020 at 5:00 pm

    Hi! Really neeed your help!! 🙁 What if my long distance boyfriend ghosted me after he became distant and demotivated due to the pandemic?

    We were supposed to meet this June but now it cannot happen, and we havent seen each other since December. His messages started dwindling since June and it caused some problems cos i felt we were drifting apart. Emotions surfaced and im guilty of that. Quarantine effects. But anyway he became distant and he hasnt been responding so i confronted him and asked whats going on and he said he wasnt ready to talk about it. I thought he was thinking of breaking up so i brought it up and he responded again he wasnt ready to talk about it. I feel like i pushed and when i realized it, i said i was sorry and said we can talk again after a week. He didnt respond anymore so thought i should give him space. Sent him happy messages in between but not expecting replies. After 3 weeks of no contact, i followed up with an email asking for clarification, hoping he’d choose to stay, love him, this timenis temporsry so we shouldnt give up, etc. and saying i will wait for his answer. And he didnt respond.

    Im lost as whether this means it’s over or hes just needing more time. Should i follow up with a message to say basically ‘ok i understand this means we are broken up, i wish you well,..’, so he now knows im not waiting but walking away / letting him go? Then i can start no contact? Or should i just not send anything at all? Maybe he’ll think im just waiting all the timeee. i love him and i would like for us to get back together because i know we are good together. It’s just thst the uncertainty of not seeing each other again maybe had a different effect on the both of us — he became super frustrated to the point of demotivation to avoid ‘suffering’ and just want to escape the situation, and i tried too hard to compensate by clinging on and asking more time to spend together. 🙁

    I hope we can see each other again and reconnect after the pandemic or even soon, but i would like to know how to best increase our chance of getting back together.

    Would appreciate any advice on what to do! Thankss!!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 18, 2020 at 3:28 pm

      Hi Tiffany, you would need to complete a solid NC where you do not reach out at all even “likes” on social media for a set amount of days I would say at least 30 days. Read some more articles to help you understand the program and what it is you nee to do for yourself and to open a conversation with your ex after a no contact period is complete

  4. Avatar


    March 11, 2020 at 9:10 am

    So, I’m already the UG (according to my male boyfriend, who isn’t trying to get in my pants). I have my PhD, a good job, own a home, in shape, good looking and have a wicked sense of humor. On top of practicing Jiu jitsu, liking firearms and driving a pick-up. Not trying to brag. My ex and I broke up about two months ago, and all contact stopped a week ago. Problem is he is 22 and I am 39. We had issues that I thought were fixable, but he kept it to himself (insisting he was happy with my daughters (even calling them his daughters), despite my openness and willingness to have a kid. I really think the breakup has to do with him feeling like he has to go find himself in regards to a career and financial “security”. I never put that pressure on him. I’ve been focusing on me more, so regardless I come out better, we just had such a connection (he was wise and pretty mature for his age) and he pursued me hard core for almost a year, no one has done that before. Maybe the chase got addicting to him, but we had a connection at first glance, which was a first for both of us. I know the age probably makes this an impossible relationship (though the quiz gave it a 78% chance) and I know he is on tinder. I have no social media for him to see. Is this a futile effort? He seems quite made up and in our last conversations I was very final with him, as it was torturing me, since he essentially told me he “knows” it’s best to move on, and sent dramatic goodbye messages. He even asked for our photos as memories (if he can’t have me “physically”). Did I then end it for good? Because I know he’s been active on Tinder, etc. Thoughts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 9:52 pm

      Hi Kristen, so if you feel that you have a future and want this guy back then it is worth giving this system a go, but the sounds of things it you have it together and are going to be able to deal with the No Contact and understand that he is dating or using as a distraction if he is struggling with the break up himself. If you want this guy back then definitely follow the programs information to guide you along the way

  5. Avatar


    February 8, 2020 at 9:05 pm

    We have been together for 3 years, and about 6 months ago, he started getting weird, he kept asking if we could go back to the way we were. He felt as if the flame was not burning as bright, I did not feel like that at all, I am crazy about him and always made sure I let him know.
    We are both super ambitious and he said he we needed to break up because he did not know what he wanted and I quote – I am too perfect for him and too good and he feels like he can’t give me what I want –
    I never felt like such and never intentionally made him feel like that. Thing is, I have a clear vision of what I want and he does not. It never really bothered me. Lately I have really been upgrading, I launched my second business and I am about to finish my MBA and instead of being proud of me, it only drove us apart. He stresses a lot about the future.
    6 days ago we broke up and it was so unexpected because I really thought we were working on it, we never fight and we are best friends. I’m heartbroken.
    I want to do the no contact rule but we have a business together and it makes it so hard not to talk, I can’t just ignore him because I want to keep the business rolling. I don’t know what to do, please help.

    ps.- I have not been so good at keeping my text light and happy, I have let a few emotional text slide here and there. But never begged him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 17, 2020 at 9:33 am

      Hi Maria, so I would suggest that you do a No Contact where you just allow him some time to miss you and question his decision to end things. As you have had emotional conversations this is also going to be needed to change his perspective about you. Even though you are working so hard you are more focused on him when right now you need to be enjoying the accomplishments. If he cant handle that you are doing so well then that is on him and his own insecurities. Like you said he should be proud of you!

  6. Avatar

    Katie Lew

    February 8, 2020 at 5:45 am

    So, I recently got dumped by an amazing guy. Probably the first guy that I felt could be out of my league. I’m not going to apologize for thinking that, he was all around a great guy. Everything was going perfectly until one week it gets weird and I can tell something is up. Turns out his ex came back into his life and he decided to give her another chance. She cheated on him and doesn’t seem like a great person. At first I was awful with my texting, but I finally did no contact.

    Since I messed up with texting a lot after the initial break up am I screwed with this? I want to make him realize that I’m the UG and she’s just average. I know that I have a better personality than her and that I’m better looking. I just know that he has that emotional attachment to her more. We definitely had emotional attachment, but not as much as they did.

    His birthday is in March, would that be good to break the no contact, or will everyone be hitting him up that day and I should wait? I just need help. I’m working on getting my confidence after all of this. Any advice??? Thanks in advance.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 8, 2020 at 4:53 pm

      Hey Kaite… issue number 1… NO ONE IS OUT OF YOUR LEAGUE. Do some work on becoming Ungettable and realise your worth!! The reason he went back to the ex is because she made him feel not good enough, and that feeling of getting validation from the person who made you feel that way can be hard to walk away from. The more you work on yourself and the more you realise your worth the better all your relationships will be. Do not break the no contact because of a birthday, make sure it only lasts 30 days and reach out with a text like Chris suggests. That way you get to talk about something he is interested in and generic. All I can say as far as working the UG is focus on what is going to make you happy (not including him) and work towards that.

  7. Avatar


    January 30, 2020 at 8:23 pm

    I’m happy to say I am that girl. I very outgoing with a personality to match not to mention very very attractive. I attract men of all races, age and stature. I’m not one to rely on my looks sometimes it can be overwhelming. Plus I hate the dick pics hard to get a man to respect your looks and not assume you will jump into bed with him. Right now I recently been broken up with due to my drinking, ugh. I’m very much in love with this guy and he has my matching personality. My bad so now I’m doing the No contact room and ignoring any text or calls from him, hard as well. Once the 30 days are up I will shoot him a good morning and leave it there to marinate. He had told me the last fight made him feel differently about me and he was not missing me like he should. I knew it was because he was still thinking of the fight so we agreed to be friends, then the next day he gave me more attention and asked me to lunch I kept it short and sweet but thought I don’t want to be friends zone as I knew he was putting me on the back burner while still trying to date a girl he’s been chasing for 3 years. So the next day I cut him off. We will see but one thing is forsure I already know he misses me and know he is worried and it will drive him crazy. Don’t care as he should have been respectful and not use me a doormat, plus I’m that confident. I know once I make contact he will be all over that, but I need to focus on taking it slow and making him jump the hoops not me anymore, the things we do for love sucks and you disappear in the process. Wish me luck

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 5, 2020 at 9:27 pm

      Good for you Laura!! Wishing you all the luck 🙂

  8. Avatar


    January 16, 2020 at 4:22 pm

    So basically what you are saying here is this….If you are an ordinary woman like me….great personality, good heart, popular and not unattractive…..I still don’t stand a chance at getting a guy who loves me because I’m not ungettable?…
    I did everything you said, I didn’t argue over the breakup, I haven’t contacted him, I have worked on myself….changed my lifestyle, lost weight, looking so much healthier….
    But reading this I’m not sure I should have bothered. He hasn’t contacted me and reading this I just think I may as well give up. 🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 16, 2020 at 10:16 pm

      Evie, that is not what is being said here. It is saying you need to learn to love yourself put yourself first and be the best version of yourself so that you are happy with or without him. Knowing that you did everything you could to be the best person. But you are not going to be able to control what is going on in their lives or in their heads. So doing this work benefits you and your life and in that time if you get your ex back great, if not then its his loss because look how amazing you are!

      Have you reached out to your ex during this process? Have you been posting on social media how well youve been doing in life lately where he can see it?

  9. Avatar


    November 6, 2019 at 1:13 am

    Hi Chris.

    So about 5 weeks ago I got dumped. I didn’t see it coming.. The past 6 months were long distance relationship even though we saw each other once a week. Things were getting to me like the lack of communication while in long distance and how I made all the plans for our relationship. I wanted to work things out so we talked face to face and discussed what would work. A month passed, everything was good. A holiday was booked, plans were being made, date nights etc. The day long distance was over I was dumped, I was in so much shock as I didn’t see it coming. My ex mentioned he lost feelings the past month even though a holiday, plans and dates were booked. He mentioned he was buying time, and just making excuses for how he felt. I’ve been with many guys before and know what to expect whereas my ex hasn’t been with many women. So there were problems of not knowing how to do basic things in the relationship, which sometimes I actually had to tell him to do things that seemed unfair. We have travelled together, had the best food together, had so many good times. I’m really sad that he didn’t express how he felt, and just decided to dump me. I had no say in this result which is really annoying me. The sex drive the past weeks beforehand had been down and I presumed it was stress of exams, so I asked if he was ok and then he mentions he has lost interest and feelings in the relationship. This is probably my worse heartbreak and a part of me wants him back but I’m also pretty scared to get hurt again. I haven’t contacted him since 4 weeks ago and I want to be an UG I was one before I met him and I was loving being single, but I miss him and I just don’t know what I should be doing right now.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 9, 2019 at 1:31 am

      So you need to do a No Contact, if you have already done that then you need to be the Ungettable girl where you show your ex through social media posts how amazing you are and all the interesting things you are doing with your life

  10. Avatar


    October 30, 2019 at 3:32 pm


    I have completed the 30day no contact rule and worked on myself to be UG by working on myself and my mental health which included going therapy, working on my physical appearance and spent time studying. Me and my ex broke up for the 2nd time because he said he doesn’t trust me as I’ve hurt his feelings before the first breakup 6months ago. During NC I received 2 positive texts and the last one was putting the ball in my court to talk if I want to. Now NC is over should I wait for another message or not? I’m scared because of all the horrible and selfish things he said when we broke up – he knew I was going through a rough time mentally and didn’t care. I can’t tell if the message was a test or genuine care after stalking my Instagram story when I was on a night out I got a message soon after…

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 30, 2019 at 7:40 pm

      Hi J, so your NC is over so you can reach out but I would do it with something asking for his advice on something you know he would be knowledgeable about (cars/movie suggestions/ tv series) something where you can send a message that would say “I need your help…” and wait for his reply. then going from there build up your friendship gradually over the weeks lessening the days you spend not texting

  11. Avatar

    Your wandering soul

    October 27, 2019 at 5:05 pm

    Hey Chris, I don’t really get how to achieve the day dream quality. Is it just smth you have or smth you don’t have? Would lobe a bit more explanation 🙂 thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 27, 2019 at 7:57 pm

      Hey there, so to become a day dream quality you need to make sure you are striving to be the best version of yourself in all areas of your life and also doing things that you know he would be interested in doing. Be that a sport, a hobby or social group of sorts with mutual friends you need to make sure your life is cultivated in a way that your ex sees you as perfect for him, where you are talking often with a bit of flirting / friend zone / flirt again so that he questions if you are an option to him or not

  12. Avatar


    September 23, 2019 at 9:02 pm

    Hi Chris!
    I’d like to thank you for the article. I broke up with my boyfriend about 4 months ago. He had moved to another city, and said that the stress of it all was too much. I understood, but he wanted to press on and then out of nowhere ended the relationship. My pride was hurt, obviously, but I sucked it up and moved on. He and I were close, including his parents and friends all loved me, but I was willing to move on and work on myself. Then after almost two weeks of no contact, we talked. He admitted to not being able to get me out of his head; even cried when he saw the same type of dog in his new apartment complex. He hasn’t even told his parents and it’s been a month. When I confronted him, he said he was worried too but would eventually. And then he said he needed to block me, to make things easier on himself. I wasn’t clingy, and we barely spoke. It seems as though the break-up has hurt him worse than myself.
    I’m working on myself, and my graduate degree and entertaining hobbies and other dates. I just.. I want some clarity as to why he won’t just pull the plug completely?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 26, 2019 at 9:50 pm

      Hi Bajihie, it’s a tough one to answer and its just an assumption that he may regret the break up or isn’t sure of what he wants himself. I would also assume if you wanted him back that you’re in a good position to do so.

  13. Avatar


    September 22, 2019 at 2:14 pm

    So I’ve been dating this guy 2 months we’re both young we have undeniable chemistry, my kids loves him and that’s rare. He’s a gentleman he’s caring, so I was ready to have him to myself. But I admit, I’ve been entirely too clingy, and bitchy lately. Well on September 20th he told me “that he doesn’t wish to continue and that I do too fucking much” I didn’t protest, I just didn’t simply reply, I’ve started the no contact but how long should I do the no contact since he cut me off, and we haven’t been dating long? He thinks i’m irresponsible 🙁 When should I reactivate my Facebook? (I deactivated due to personal issues not because of him) he hasn’t deleted or blocked me which he has blocked me before. I want him back more than anything but this time the right way and I need to make him mine. My attitude turned him off, I need to reach my UG status.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 23, 2019 at 5:15 pm

      Hi Elektra, you’ve actually answered your own questions. You need to be Ungettable, the UG is not clingy, or obsessive, or needy. She is in complete control of her emotions and she knows where boundaries are. As for your NC I would do 30 just because of how intense you made the relationship sound. And as for facebook, I would wait until you feel you are ready to deal with social media again.

  14. Avatar


    August 21, 2019 at 1:34 am

    Wow this is such BS… You say the most important thing is personality, as it’s the constant, but you wrote the whole article on looks…which decreases as time goes on. Yeah you left me wanting more… Like the subject… Maybe take a few moments and take about what personality traits men need and desire for the long haul.

  15. Avatar


    June 7, 2019 at 6:36 am

    Very enlightening site. Thx for the articles.

    Me and my ex were together just 6 months, but it was amazing. Best relationship of my life, and I’ve been married before. We had so many things in common, and such a great rapport. We would talk on the phone for at least an hour every night. Never ran out of things to talk about. Just a deep connection.

    The problem is my ex had a very bad, toxic relationship before me. It was traumatic. He is also emotionally immature but I’ve only realized this through the breakup. I think his fears, that go back to his mentally ill ex, caused him to sabotage us. Becuz after 6 months he got very cold and distant, to the point that I broke up with him. I regretted it right away and a cpl days later, asked him to meet me for coffee. Which he did. And we agreed to see each other weekly but to go slowly. See each other as friends “for now” (his words.) It was very positive. I was sooo happy.

    Then we went out on our first post breakup date. Everything was great til the end, and he broke down in my car and cried. Told me how awful me breaking up with him was, and how I can never do that again. I promised i wouldn’t. I was truly truly sorry. He projected his ex again…I guess I kept triggering him. I felt so bad.

    After that, he got cold again. Like..he was really apologetic for getting so emotional. Honestly I was not sure if he was really ready for a relationship as it seems he has stuff to work through. But I wanted him more than anything. I am so crazy in love with him like I haven’t been with anyone, in a long time. I asked if he thought we should move on or if I should wait for him to work some of these things out. He said it wouldn’t be fair of him to ask me to wait. He wanted to move on because he didn’t want to build something just to get over his past.

    I was crushed.

    FF to now, 2 mos later. I tried a cpl times to get him back..the first time he just fought with me. Most recently, I sent him a love ltr telling him all the things I miss about him and how great he is (I guess that is like begging, huh). I wanted to see him on my birthday, which was today.

    Not only did he not see me but he told me straight out, I don’t want to be with you anymore. I wish you would just wish me the best and hope I find happiness. He sounded like he is over me. But at the same time refuses to talk about what happened between us because he said it will hurt him too much.

    I told him he wouldn’t hear from me again.

    But I am devastated.

    I guess it is back to NC. But honestly I have no clue what to do from there. How long before I try to contact him again? SHOULD I contact him again? I feel lost. 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 8, 2019 at 1:52 am

      Hi Pandora… it seems NC is the best medicine to apply here. Good for you and the space and time can help bring things to some balance.

  16. Avatar


    April 15, 2019 at 3:32 am

    Hi Chris. Kind of messed up. My ex told me he was fantasising about a threesome I had mentioned when we were dating as it really turned him on.

    I was initially furious as he is in another relationship, then a couple of days later teased him eg inviting him on a holiday to Spain as we both had a thing for Spaniards, which he enjoyed, then felt emotional and texted that I wanted stability and what was point of us fantasising when we were building fresh lives. Also that I remembered feeling like a woman with him and his son (ouch, I know)… Then friend zoned him in an attempt to regain a tiny bit of pride after being pathetic.

    Not sure if there is any way of restoring his sexual interest after showing I was affected by his words and being so needy…

  17. Avatar


    February 22, 2019 at 1:07 am

    Hello. I dated my ex back in May, and we had been talking since January. He was head over heels for me, even seeing him breakdown(on his knees in tears)over me not being sure about my feelings for him at first in the early stages of our relationship. I decided to initiate a breakup with him in July because of my insecurities about how people view me, and he decided to tell me he understood and frankly was tired of me keeping the same problems. He always told me he would fight for me to stay, so it came a bit as an eye opener that I was making the wrong choice and losing an amazing guy. However, he said he didn’t want to go back on his word and said that he liked me, but didn’t want to get hurt anymore. At the beginning of senior year, we would flirt and he would be extremely hot and cold(trying to make me jealous, trying to be intimate but I rejected it, etc.) We stopped talking after I figured out he was flirting with another girl, and it’s been 5 months since then. They started dating, but the thing is that she’s is college and so they rarely talk.. and he’s always depressed about personal things. He covers it up with his cocky attitude, and is pretty mean to me. I have a strong poker face, and I’m having fun in my life. But I do miss him. I’m not sure if they’re dating anymore, but the issue lies more of me being unsure if I should talk to him and if he might be rude for whatever reason. What should I do?

  18. Avatar


    December 25, 2018 at 8:09 pm

    After reading most of your articles when i was in road to recovery i realised that the guys i was chasing after weren’t even worth the chase. It takes alot of courage to let go and move on and this website actually helped me know my own worth and what i shouldn’t tolerate.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 25, 2018 at 11:25 pm

      Good for you! Take yourself out on a date and keep your focus on your own self discovery, healing, and seeking to be the best “you”!

  19. Avatar

    Ruth nsama

    December 10, 2018 at 3:02 pm

    I started knowing about you when I broke up with my boyfriend. I was so desperate that I starting in on the internet to see if there was anything that could give any ideas on how to get your ex back. That the term, the law of attraction and got inrested to know what it was. When I went through I got to know about the no contact rules and came to know about you.then I I continued reading your I found the boyfriend recovery. I apply the no contact, how to be unforgoteble girl and the law of attraction itself and it worked for me and my boyfriend came back and it’s a year now we are still in love. Thanks for helping a woman like me and others in the same condition.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 10, 2018 at 11:24 pm

      Glad to her things worked out for you so well. You should be proud of yourself…because it was ALL you.

  20. Avatar


    October 18, 2018 at 1:04 am

    Hey Chris and team, I’ve been very depressed after my breakup and although I did not beg or plead for my relationship and I immediately implemented NC with no slip ups, I’ve done almost nothing towards becoming an UG. I’m too down in the dumps and instead I’ve been sleeping a lot and just trying to get through life. I’m just now starting to feel better. Is it okay to extend NC until I make progress towards becoming an UG? I was with my ex for 5 years and we had a great relationship and a very strong bond and emotional connection. The breakup happened 3 weeks ago and I’m therefore in week 3 of NC.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 18, 2018 at 11:20 pm

      Hi Luna!

      Sorry to hear you are feeling down, but you are doing a lot of the right thing and you should be proud of that! Feel free with extending

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