The Ungettable Girl

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

This is it…

I can tell you in full confidence that this is going to be the best guide that I will ever write for this website. I haven’t even finished the first paragraph and I already know that this is going to be it. In fact, I am so confident that this guide is going to be great that I challenge you to go around the internet and find something better.

I am betting that you won’t.

What I say within the confines of these pages is going to be the most informative insight into ex boyfriends, husbands (or just men in general) ever written. Probably for the first time in your life you are going to see the TRUE mind of a man and what he finds attractive.

There are going to be sections in this guide that may be hard to read. You may get angry at some of the things I say and swear off this site for the rest of your life. The truth is that I don’t care if this guide rattles any cages. In fact, I aim to misbehave. Nothing gets accomplished (with your personal goals) if I feed you a spoonful of information that you want to hear.

So, consider this your first and FINAL warning. Every word that is written from this point on will be the information that you NEED to hear.

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And that’s where I come in!

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Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

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What Is The Ungettable Girl?

(To learn more about the Ungettable Girl and how you can use it to get your ex back click on this link: Ex Boyfriend Recovery E-Book.)

ungettable girl

Three women walk into a bar.

(For fantasies sake we will name these three women:)

  • Woman 1
  • Woman 2
  • Woman 3

The bar that these women will be walking into is just like any other bar found in the United States. This means that there are plenty of men occupying it.

Woman 1 will be walking into the bar first. We will classify her as an average looking woman with a great personality. As she steps foot into our “fake” bar no one notices. No men actively pursue her and she has a fun night out with her friends.

Woman 2 is going to be walking into our bar after Woman 1. I have decided that she is going to be a beautiful woman with a bad personality. When she enters the bar she gets a lot of attention. Men will actively pursue her. Of course, with her personality her prospects of a lasting relationship are not very high.

Last but not least is woman 3. This woman is the whole package. She is has the beauty and the brains. She is going to enter the bar and get a lot of attention just like Woman 2 did. Men will pursue her continually and since her personality is great she has a good chance of establishing a lasting relationship.

So, what was the point of this shallow example?

Simple, I wanted to get to the heart of what I consider an ungettable girl to be.

The Ungettable Girl- The highest quality girl that there is. She is both beautiful (physically) and has the personality to match her beauty. This type of girl is extremely rare and not every woman can achieve the “ungettable” status.

I want you to think of the “ungettable” status like an aura surrounding a person.

Now, I am sure that we are all adults here so my next statement shouldn’t upset you. Have you ever gone out (as a woman) and just admired the way another woman looked or acted?

Hey, I am as straight as a straight guy can get but even I have gotten jealous over the way another guy looked or how smooth he was with the ladies. It is just human nature.

This phenomenon is what I call the “ungettable” aura. Now, contrary to popular belief it is not something that you are just “born” with. It is obtained with a lot of practice and (I will be honest) some good genetics. I will be talking a lot about how looks play a role into the ungettable persona throughout this guide but for now I want to talk about how personality plays a role into the “ungettable.”

Looks And Personality Are Equal In The Long Run

looks personality

I don’t want to avoid the fact that UG’s (ungettable girl) are very rare. A few weeks ago I was interacting with a reader of this site on Facebook. She was telling me how insightful she thought my writings on the ungettable girl was. She then proceeded to tell me that while she was out with a few of her male friends she ran the UG theory by them and they all agreed that it was true.

This made me think about her friends.

She told me that they were all male so I know how they think. Deep down I am not sure they truly understood what an ungettable girl is. You see, society places too much emphasis on looks. When most men hear about the UG they still don’t quite grasp the concept of what one actually is.

Throughout this site I have established that men are visual creatures by nature. So, I am sure that when my female fan explained the concept of the UG to her male friends they assumed it meant “the prettiest girl in the bar.”

The ungettable girl is so much more than that.

Look, I am not denying that looks play a HUGE role into an ungettable girl. In fact, there are some women that cannot achieve the legendary status because they don’t have the right look but those few women that do tend to run into an even greater problem, personality.

You see, looks are only one part of the UG equation. To me, and every man personality is truly what seals the deal.

As an adult male I can tell you that looks grab your attention but it is the personality that keeps it. One of my best friends in the world said it best:

Looks will get you in the door but your personality will keep you in the house.

The Ungettable Point System

(Learn more about the Ungettable Girl and how it relates to your ex boyfriend by checking out: Ex Boyfriend Recovery E-Book.)

I put a lot of thought into this system so I want you to listen up.

I have created a point system that will give you an idea of how much a personality truly matters to becoming an ungettable girl. Also, (for fun) you will be able to give yourself a score. Of course, it is impossible for everyone to be unbiased about themselves but I kind of built that little fact into the system.


I will explain that in a moment but first it is important that I explain the overall point system to you. Take a look at the graphic below:

ungettable point system

If you are confused by this graphic I wouldn’t be too shocked. Don’t worry if you stick with me everything will become clear.

Men typically grade women’s looks on a 10 point scale. For example, sometimes my buddies and I will be out and we will see a pretty girl walk into a bar and we will say something like:

“Hey, check out the 9 that just walked in.”

In other words, this is man speak for “a really beautiful girl just walked into the bar.”

Well, the ungettable point system outlined in the graphic above uses a 10 point system for both looks and personality. That means, we are assuming that in order to be a “true” ungettable girl your personality has to be just as good looking as you are ;).

Alright, the next thing I want to talk about in the graphic above are the four different categories I placed women into.

  1. The Ungettable Girl- Well you already know all about them ;).
  2. The High Quality Girl- A step below an UG. Most men would be happy dating one.
  3. The Average Girl- Probably the most common type of woman out there.
  4. The Below Average Girl- If you find yourself in this territory…. you have some work to do.

Lets talk about the actual point system. The graphic establishes that in order to be an UG you have to score between an 18 or a 20. In other words, that doesn’t leave a lot of room for error on your part. Lets assume that you are a 10 on the looks scale but only a 6 on the personality one. Well, I am sorry to break it to you but you aren’t an ungettable girl. Instead you are the lowest rank of a high quality girl.

I wanted to use this particular scoring because it can demonstrate how someone who is not as good looking as you can be a higher rank than you according to men. For example, someone who is an 8 on the looks scale but a 10 on the personality scale IS an ungettable girl.

Now, this raises an interesting question.

Who determines your rankings? Well, that would be other men of course.

Your looks rating is determined within seconds of meeting a man while your personality rating could takes months to truly determine. Oh, and in case you were wondering ALL men do this UG calculation in their heads. You see, we (men) are all striving to get that ungettable girl and we are grading you to see if you meet our standards for it.

Its quite an interesting concept if you really step back and take a look at the big picture. I mean, the way your face, body and body languge looks/is will determine the score for the “looks” portion. Meanwhile the way you act, the rapport you build and other personality factors will determine your “personality” score.

Of course, every man has a different definition of what he considers to be an ungettable girl. So, a woman that might score high on his scale might score poorly on another mans. It truly is “beauty is in the eye of the beholder.”

I have found that this scale can also work great for people who are looking for an explanation of why their ex broke up with them.

I prefer to look at the ungettable point scale as a living, breathing and changing thing. Lets pretend for a moment that you and I are dating. When we first started dating I scored you as a 19 on my scale. That means I gave you a 9 for looks and a 10 for personality. However, as the years went by I grew less and less attracted to you.

I will be the first to admit that looks very rarely change on a mans scale unless you gain a lot of weight or something crazy like that happens. It is the personality that can go up and down. So, initially you were a 19 when we first started dating but by year 3 of our relationship you dipped down to a 15.

While your looks didn’t change your personality according to me did. So, initially you were given a 10 on the personality scale but by the end of year three of the relationship you were downgraded to a 6. This little four point declined dropped you from being an ungettable girl to just an average one.

Eye opening isn’t it?

Interesting Truths About Looks

good looks

This is one of those sections that might potentially upset a few people.

So, what can I say about looks?

They matter!

In fact, they matter a lot. Anyone who tells you differently is either lying to you or doing you a great disservice. Throughout this section I may refer to the ungettable point system. I will be doing this because it will do a good job of outlining the things I would like to talk about here.

So, where should I start?

Not everyone can be an ungettable girl right out of the gate. Remember, you have to score between an 18 or 20 to become one. That means the lowest possible looks score you can have is an 8 out of 10. Again, that doesn’t leave a lot of room for error.

Here’s an interesting question. Why did I choose such a high score to become an ungettable girl? For one, it forces the person to become quality not only in looks but in personality as well. However, lets shift our focus solely to the looks portion of that score.

The simple fact of the matter is that an UG cannot be unattractive in any way physically. A guy doesn’t go out, see an average looking woman and say “wow, it’s an ungettable girl!” Sorry to break it to you but that just doesn’t happen. That may be a little hard for you to hear but don’t give up hope yet because there is still something that you can use to your advantage.

In order for me to explain this advantage we are going to have to take a few steps back.

One thing that I established with the ungettable point scale is that your looks rating is given to you in a matter of seconds and rarely ever goes up or down. Well, I would like to talk about one of the rare cases where it can actually go up.

Years ago I had just started dating this girl. My initial looks rating for her was a 7. That means that when I met her I immediately sized her up and gave her a 7. The two of us dated a total of 12 months. Throughout the course of those 9 months something interesting happened to her “looks” in my eyes.

Now, before I move on I need to make one thing clear. I am picky. I don’t even think words can describe how picky I am. Of course, I am generally a kind hearted person but when it comes to looks I can be just as cruel as the rest of the guys out there. I am telling you this to drive home the point that for a girl to move up in the looks scale for me is extremely rare.

However, this girl that I dated for 12 months did it and I am about to tell you exactly how.

When I look at all relationships I can generally put the time of the relationship into three different categories.

  1. The Honeymoon Period- The period right at the beginning of the relationship where your partner can do no wrong. Everything is like a dream and there are no fights at all.
  2. The Emotional Connection Period- This is where an emotional connection is either made or not made.
  3. The Downhill Period- The time after the emotional connection where things tend to go downhill, the couple either breaks up or if they were lucky enough to stay together throughout their relationship one person will die (gloomy huh?)

The way that this particular girl that I dated raised her looks rating was by establishing an intense emotional connection with me during the emotional connection period.

Our relationship lasted a total of nine months. The honeymoon period lasted 2 months while the emotional connection period lasted from month 3 to month 5.

So, what happened during months 3-5? Simple, this girl went from a 7 on the looks scale to a 10 and it was all because of this emotional connection I was feeling from her. I remember when it happened too. I was sitting on the couch with her at her house and I remember looking over at her and it was like seeing a beautiful girl for the first time.

Soon, her imperfections became her perfections and to me for that moment she became a perfect 10. The thought of it excited me. I remembered so clearly that I gave her a 7 when I first started dating her but now she was a perfect 10. It has been years since that moment so I have had a lot of time to think about why that happened to me.

I think that different rules are applied to women that you are in a relationship with. The deeper your emotional connection with them is the more you can look at them and get past their imperfections. This is something that is impossible to do when you are getting to know someone or meeting them for the first time.

Thus, the women reading this guide who have established deep emotional connections with their ex boyfriends may have an advantage in the looks department when it comes to that particular male.

The Qualities Of An Ungettable Girl

(Want to learn about the other qualities of the UG that aren’t mentioned here: Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Now we are really getting to the meat of this guide. This section is without a doubt going to be the longest one because there is a lot to discuss here. Personally, I believe that this will be the most informative section because it will kind of show you what most men consider to be qualities of an ungettable girl.

I bet you are wondering how I came up with this long and in-depth list of qualities? Lets just call it 24 years of research as a human being interacting with women.

Ok ok… it is more like 24 years of trying to date an ungettable girl and failing but still this list is golden 😉

The Daydream Quality


Every ungettable girl has one special type of quality that immediately comes to mind, the daydream quality.

Men are interesting creatures because we very rarely talk to other men about our inner most thoughts. How do I know this? Well, because I am a man and I am this way. Whenever I meet what I think can be an ungettable girl something really interesting happens in my mind and I can see it happening to other men as well. Allow me to explain.

You see, the ungettable girl has to have the ability to make a man daydream.

This “daydream effect” is important because it starts like a virus in the mind and slowly takes over. It is the DE (daydream effect) that constantly keeps a man coming back from more.

The Popularity Quality


Have you ever noticed how we are always attracted to popular people? I mean, there are entire magazines that bend over backwards to get a celebrity to appear on the cover. Heck, there are products that actually pay celebrities to say they use the product because they know that an endorsement like that will make people buy it.

I know when I was in high school I was always more attracted to the popular people in the school and I am sure you were too.

Well, popularity plays a role into the ungettable girl too and in this section we are really going to explore the essence of that.

I used to be an avid Facebook person. I would log in three to four times a day and just explore things. Of course, I am a guy so a lot of that exploring meant admiring the pretty girls I was friends with. I no longer do that anymore because I literally can’t without being mauled with messages about exes. However, I remember back when I used to be able to roam freely ( 😉 ) and I began to notice something interesting. All of the girls I was attracted to were wildly popular or at least they appeared to be.

So, how does our society define popularity? Well, if I am being honest many different ways. However, the kind of popularity I am talking about here with the UG is social proof popularity, being preselected by other members of our society.


Let me break it down for you in simpler terms.

If I was going to a party or social gathering and saw a beautiful girl that I was interested in I am going to keep my eye on her. Sure, if she sits in the corner, friendless, she will be more approachable but there is something too “easy” about that. Lengendary women are the most challenging ones to obtain. This is where social proof comes in.

If I am at that party and see that beautiful girl not only preselected by other men but women as well then something interesting happens. All of a sudden she has the makings of an UG. I guess we can call this the “celebrity effect.”

Again, let me put this in easier terms for you to understand.

If you were at the imaginary party where I was and all of a sudden Brad Pitt (or George Clooney) or whatever celebrity is hot right now walks into the party pretty much everyone is going to flock to him. While that celebrity may be physically attractive to you there is also something uber attractive about someone who has social proof or the ability to appear liked by others.

Ungettables have this quality. They can walk into a party and be the rock star and that will make men more attracted to them!

The Physical Appearance Quality

(This is another one of those sections that could potentially ruffle a few feathers so consider yourself warned.)


I want you to think about something for a moment. On the right side of this site I make a pretty big picture of myself available. Have you ever wondered why I did that?

It is because I understand that looks matter.

Look, I am a pretty humble guy (who has been humbled by women on multiple occasions) but with all of that in mind I do know that I am an attractive male and I can use that to my advantage when I talk to you. Attractive people get advantages and one of those advantages is that when you run a site, full of women, that talks about men those women tend to listen to the attractive guy teaching.

I admit that if I was fat and had a Dumbledore beard I wouldn’t be able to run this site. I mean why would you even take me seriously? If this doesn’t prove that looks matter then I don’t know what will.

Lets apply our newfound knowledge to the ungettable girl.

We have already established that the lowest “looks” score that a woman can possibly have and still become an untettable girl is an 8. Now, this is where things get a little bit complicated. A few sections above I alluded to the fact that different men have different tastes. So, what I consider to be an 8 may be a 5 for someone else. Though I will say one thing, I have found that I am pretty in touch with what other men consider to be attractive. Nevertheless, the main point I want you to grasp here is that you shouldn’t be discouraged if someone tells you that you are not at least an 8 on the looks scale, somewhere out there, there is a guy that will think you are a 10!

When I explain that looks matter to a lot of the women on this site I get all kinds of reactions. Most women will tell me straight up that I am absolutely right. However, every once in a while I will get chewed out for being “shallow.” Well, to those people that think I am shallow answer me this.

Would a shallow person run a website with one goal, helping women achieve their relationship goals?

Would a shallow person NOT be afraid to tell you the truth no matter how hard it is to hear?

Would a shallow person go in-depth about some of the most embarrassing experiences in his life?

(Ok, maybe yes to that last question.)

If you think I am shallow then you are really not going to like what I am about to do next. Lets talk specifically about what men find attractive.

Two Components To Attractive Women


I debated on whether or not to share this with you but in the end my logic won out over my fear of being viewed as shallow. The truth is that this is something you need to hear. It is the inner most “looks rating” system of a man (me.) Again, I want to reiterate that what I find attractive may not necessarily be what other men find attractive but I have found that I am usually a pretty good indicator.

(Just another word of warning, I will not be pulling punches here.)

I am going to divide this up into two parts. I figure we can cover ground much more efficiently that way. The two parts of an attractive woman are:

  1. Face
  2. Body

Lets start with the face!


Your face is kind of a big deal. As a general rule when men look to date someone over the long term they judge attractiveness more by the face. When men are looking for just sex they choose women based on attractive bodies. So, your face matters just a little bit when you are looking for a lasting relationship ;).

It is kind of unfortunate that what is considered the biggest deal in “attraction” we have the least control over. Genetics can be extremely rewarding or extremely cruel. Why am I telling you this? Well, I want you to remember that no one has a perfect face. We are all imperfect in our own ways and men will take this into account. Granted, they don’t take it into account as much as they should but it is taken into account.


The way this section is going to work is pretty simple. I am going to carefully go over what attracts me to women characteristic by characteristic on the face. Lets start with the hairstyle.

I don’t know much about hairstyles I will be the first to admit that. However, I do know what I find attractive and there is one big takeaway here. For me, short hairstyles are less attractive than longer ones. Now, I am not saying that I am completely opposed to shorter hair styles but I will say that I am definitely more attracted to women with longer ones. Lets take a look at a celebrity so I can make my point.

Victoria Beckham is a woman with an attractive face. I don’t think anybody can deny that. However, I find her a lot more attractive with longer hair than shorter. Lets take a look at her with short hair:

victoria beckham hairstyle 2

Again, I want to reiterate that I still find her wildly attractive with short hair but for some reason I think it makes her look older than she needs to look. I like that the hairstyle makes her look more sophisticated but you need to remember that most guys aren’t turned on by powerful women that don’t seem approachable. In fact, a powerful woman scares just about any man (it turns us on but it can be scary.) The short hair almost makes her look too powerful though. She looks like she would be very demanding of anyone and that can turn some guys off a little bit.

Lets move on to Victoria Beckham with a longer hair style:

victoria beckham

Now that I am looking at her with longer hair I can definitely say that I like it so much more. To me she still looks powerful but the difference is that she looks powerful AND approachable. With the short hair she looked powerful and unapproachable. I have actually talked to a few of my buddies about this and they all agree that longer hair on women is more attractive.

Skin & Smile

That is kind of a weird pairing isn’t it?

Believe me there is a method to my madness.

Today I ended up seeing a girl that I would definitely classify as pretty but she had two things that turned me off a little bit. Want to take a guess at what those qualities were?

Yup, her skin and her smile.

I actually ended up pulling up next to her at a stoplight when she had her window down. She was chattering away on her cellphone and doing something that I am not a fan of but not overly judgemental of, smoking. It was the smoking that caught my attention as she flicked her cigarette and it hit my car. She was obviously oblivious to the way that the world perceived her as she didn’t even look over to apologize.

Already we are off to a bad start, she and I.

When I took a good look at her I saw potential. She had the template for a beautiful face but it was obvious to me (even from my car) that she had not taken care of her body or face as she looked a lot like this:

lindsey lohan skin and smile

Why do we as a society find Lindsey Lohan unattractive?

Personally, when I look at her face I see the template of someone who can be devastatingly beautiful. Her main problem is that she looks like she is in her mid fifties (and she is only like 25.) She has this dirty look. No, not “dirty” dirty (get your mind out of the gutter.) I am talking about dirty in the sense of ” she hasn’t showered in days.” Also take a look at that smile.

Her teeth are literally the color as her hair. Granted, this photo may be photoshopped but even if it is it is still great for helping me make my point.

Lindsey Lohan has the face template of someone who can be a 10 but because she neglcted to care for her face the way it needs to be cared for most guys would end up giving her a 5. Yes, it is THAT important.

Lets turn our attention back to my experience in the car with the cigarette chick. She had a lot of the same problems as Lindsey Lohan did. She had a beautiful face but her skin wasn’t taken care of. I saw her smile as she was talking on the phone and could see the yellow from my car. It is unfortunate because if she just tried a little bit she could have been something special.

Oh, and in case you are wondering what someone who has a perfect smile and skin looks like I want you to meet Laura Vandervoort :).



This section is probably going to be shorter than the face section above because there is not a lot I can say that you probably don’t already know so I am just going to cut right to the chase.

Your weight does matter to men but not as much as you initially think. I will talk about that in a second but first there is a concept I need you to grasp.

When I say that your weight matters to men I bet you automatically assumed that I mean “women who were overweight.” While that was certainly implied I was also talking about the women on the opposite end of the spectrum too.

Line Theory

I want you to imagine a straight line. Better yet, I want you to take out a piece of paper and draw a horizontal line. Using this horizontal line I want you to take your pencil and go to the end of the line on the left side and write “skinny.” After you have done this I want you to go to the far right side of the line and write down “overweight.” Finally, I want you to go to the center of the line and write down “perfect.” When it is all said and done your line should look like this:

line theory

I hope by now you are started to see the point I am about to make. The ideal “weight” you should be shooting for is the perfect weight which is in the middle between overweight and skinny. Lets take a moment and discuss why men find women who are too skinny unattractive.


A few months ago I re-watched one of my favorite television series of all time, Band of Brothers. The show, to me at least, seemed like a very real depiction of World War Two. Towards the end of the series the “band of brothers” that we have grown so invested in have the very foundations of their worlds shaken when they happen upon a Nazi concentration camp.

Even as a viewer I started crying because of what these people were put through. The camera panned around and showed the most physically starved individuals I have ever seen in my life. They literally looked like walking skeletons. The American soldiers immediately went into “help” mode as they scrambled around trying to find food to feed these poor people. It wasn’t until an Army doctor came around and explained that they have to stop feeding the concentration camp survivors because they could eat themselves to death that you full realized the gravity of this horrible situation.

So, I have yet to understand why some women feel that this is an attractive way to look?:


I picked this picture for a few specific reasons. Obviously this girl is way too skinny. However, I want you to take a good hard look at her face. She is actually beautiful. She has the face of a 10. I mean, if I had just taken a picture of her face you would probably think that she is one of the prettiest girls you have ever seen in your life. Unfortunately for her, the allure of being “the ungettable” goes away since her body looks malnourished and unhealthy. I feel sorry for her because society has convinced her that this is an attractive way to look when it is clearly not. I know for a fact that I am an attractive man and I do not find her attractive at all. Sure, she has a pretty face but I would never date her because she looks malnourished and unhealthy.


Now we are going to jump to the opposite end of the spectrum and talk about those individuals who are overweight. If this is a touchy subject for you then I apologize. It’s just I can’t pull any punches here because you need to know the truth that goes on in the minds of men.

Overweight women are almost never attractive to men. What’s worse is that I think that overweight women realize this and become extremely self conscious about everything. So, it is kind like a domino effect of badness that occurs. For example, a woman will realize that she is overweight which will in turn make her more self conscious which will eventually make it very hard for her to display confidence.

Lets take a look at a picture of someone who is overweight and use it for our own benefit.

pretty fat woman

The best I could find is a drawing so bear with me here.

When I look at this picture I see the template (I keep using that word haha) of someone who can be ungettable. If she lost the weight and found that “perfect” balance between skinny and overweight she would be a bona-fide 10 on the looks scale. There is no question in my mind. She has a beautiful face and from her facial expression you can tell she’s a bit fiery (which most men will like.) Men would be lining up to date her if she found that ideal weight.

Of course, I am a glass half full kind of guy so I choose to see the positive with being overweight. The truth is that being overweight is easily fixable. It will take some hard work and dedication but it is something that you can control!

Perfect Weight

The perfect weight is a balance between skinny and overweight. One thing to keep in mind is that I would estimate 70% of men like a little meat on their women so the perfect weight doesn’t necessarily mean you need to have six pack abs. You just need to look fit, healthy and aim for a flat stomach and that is it.

One of the most attractive bodies I have seen recently belongs to Kim Kardashian. Now, I am by no means a Kim Kardashian fan. In fact, I think she is so needy she doesn’t constitute even being close to an ungettable girl but one thing she does have is a killer body. Take a look below:

kim kardashian body

I specifically want you to notice her stomach. It is completely flat. She doesn’t have a set of six pack abs but she does have a healthy flat stomach. There is that word again, healthy. Kim Kardashian has a very healthy body. I don’t think anyone can deny that. Men realize this (among other things ahem…) and put her on a pedestal.

The Attitude Of An Ungettable Girl

(Want to learn more about the Ungettable Girl and your ex boyfriend? Try out Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Now we are getting to the fun stuff!

I have approached a lot of ungettable girls in my life so I feel I am qualified to talk about their attitude (I am even friends with a few.) Each one has a set of specific qualities that makes up their personality. So, if we are going to refer back to the ungettable point system above this would be the start of the “personality” score part.

Great Rapport Builders


About three years ago I was really excited to go on a date with a girl that I had met in one of my college classes. I was instantly attracted to her from the moment I saw her. Luckily, I worked some magic, got a number and a date.

What commenced after that was probably the most boring date of my entire life. Whenever I would try talking to this girl it was like talking to a wall. I would ask her a question, get a short answer and then she would get quiet again. She was obviously very shy but after about an hour of this I began to wonder if it was me that was the problem.

It couldn’t be. This was the first time that anything like this had ever happened.

Minute by minute I grew angrier and angrier as it seemed like she didn’t even want to be on the date with me. Soon, the excited feeling that I had gotten all day turned into disdain and I just wanted it to be over. I kept my composure on the outside of course but on the inside I was bored out of my mind.

Shockingly, when the date ended and I dropped her off at her apartment I remember her looking into my eyes and pausing for a moment.

“Does she actually want me to kiss her?”

“The worst date I have been on and she wants me to kiss her? No thanks!”

I don’t care how attractive you are if you are not good at building rapport with someone you are not going to be an ungettable girl.

Now, lets compare this boring date experience (where no rapport was built) to the day I met one of my friends (who happens to be an UG.)

The story of when I met this girl is actually interesting. We were both in some sort of beginners art class in college. Interestingly, the class was very early in the morning and both of us arrived very early. So early in fact that we were the only ones there.

It gave us about ten minutes to talk and both of us felt an instant connection. She could hold her own against me and I could hold my own against her. Rapport was being built in record time. When the class was over we both stood by our cars and talked for an extra hour. I was instantly attracted to her and I am sure she was attracted to me as she invited me out to go get lunch.

Ah! but then she did something interesting.

Leave You Wanting More


What did she do?

She left me wanting more. Interestingly, this is a quality that I talk about extensively in my E-Book and this girl (who I am now good friends with) was about to do it to me.

“Ohhh… I forgot it is my friends birthday today and I have to go buy her a present. Rain check?”

I am sure that she didn’t do what she did intentionally but it worked like a charm. You see, the rapport that she built with me created an emotional connection in me that made me want to spend more time with her. I was at my emotional high point of this particular experience and right when I wanted more she pulled the rug out from under me.

What effect did this have on me?

Well, it just made me want to see her even more.

Ungettable girls have this uncanny knack for leaving men wanting more. You see, things are never done on the mans schedule. They are always done on her schedule and if she leaves a man wanting more HE IS TOTALLY FINE WITH THIS!

How To Leave A Male Wanting More

Well, I essentially just told you with my story above but I will simplify things for you.

Step 1: Build rapport with a male.

Step 2: Once enough rapport is built the male will begin developing an emotional connection.

Step 3: Once the emotional connection is built pull the rug out from under him essentially leaving him wanting more.


This is where most women tend to struggle.

A friend of mine recently made a point to me that really struck a chord.

Women tend to dress how they feel.

What does that have to do with confidence? Simple, a confident woman will dress one way and a woman who isn’t will dress another way.

Ungettable girls are confident. It’s as simple as that.

But how does confidence manifest itself? Is it how we dress like I was talking about above? Well, yes that is a part of it but that isn’t the whole picture.

People often appear confident based on their body language. So, in my opinion the most important way to be confident is to have confident body language that is perceived as confident by other males. Confused yet?

Allow me to explain.

Now, I am not some sort of expert on body language I am just going to tell you about the women who I perceive to be confident. I would like to introduce you (again) to Laura Vandervoort.


The image above is like a collage of Laura Vandervoort. I chose this picture because I think it does a good job of displaying confidence. Now, there are a lot of depths to why I chose this picture so I am going to take things one step at a time. First things first, the way she dresses.

Her Wardrobe

Very professional don’t you think?

Granted she was professionally dressed for whatever this movie is (she is an actress) but through the way she dresses she appears to be in control and confident and I really like that. One of her biggest advantages in my opinion is that she has a friendly face. So, even though she has professional type clothes on she still seems very approachable. This is the type of girl that just oozes that daydream quality I was talking about when I started writing this article.

Her Posture

I want you to look very carefully at every single picture in the collage. Do you notice anything?

I certainly do!

The first thing I notice when I look at her posture is how proper it is. She is not hunched over and she is not afraid to look you in the eye when she talks. You can just tell by looking at her that it’s true. If you also look in the bottom right hand corner of the picture there is even a photo of her sitting down on a desk. Again, i want you to notice she doesn’t have her back hunched over. She is confident with who she is on the outside. Now, I am sure the same insecurities that every human being gets is going on inside of her head but it’s clear that she does a fantastic job of  projecting confidence. So, even if she may feel a bit uneasy inside you can’t tell because to the casual observer she is confident.

That’s It?

This concludes the Ungettable Girl guide! Think I ended too soon?

Haha I guess I am going to have to leave you wanting more?

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (281)

  1. Joanna - 0


    Hello there. I need an honest opinion on my situation. I broke up with my boyfriend after four years of on and off. the longest off period lasted 6 months, 2 years ago. he now seems very determined to keep things like this because he says that it is obvious that we don’t know how to be together and didn’t find a way to make things work and we would only waste time. He even started going to a therapist. I did the NC for 5 weeks but needed to stop to wish him happy birthday. during this time there was no word from him and eventually he replied on my happy birthday message, with a simple thank you. to be honest, it does seem to me like there is no going back this time.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      How much did you improve and we’re you active in posting in the past weeks?

  2. Chane-lee Seejiram - 0

    Chane-lee Seejiram

    Hi Chris. Love the advice. Thank you so much.

    I was wondering what your thoughts are on if you feel like becoming the ungettable girl would take 6-12 months. I do still want my ex back but I don’t want to get back into the relationship until I feel like I’ve accomplished all my goals and the things that make me happy. He broke up with me by the way… But it was exactly what we both needed. Thoughts?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      For me, you can do that and then treat everything as a restart..or start building rapport and just continue improving yourself while doing it

  3. Astor - 0


    I have a bit of a situation that I’d like input on. I never officially dated this guy but we were friends for around a year. The entire year there was a lot of sexual tension but he had a girlfriend. Finally, we got involved but I immediately regretted it. I admit, being inexperienced, I made some rookie mistakes and immediately contacted him, made myself readily available to him, and probably inflated his ego a lot.

    Then I read this and implemented the no contact rule and was successful, working on myself and trying my best to improve on myself. I went on a trip and he stalked my social media for weeks. During that time, he contacted me asking when I’d be back. I told him, “In April,” keeping it short and sweet with no other details.

    Now it might sound like I’ve gone cold on him and maybe I have in some ways. I’ve wised up to his game but now I want to know what to do going forward. I believe there’s something special between us and that there is a connection which attracted him to me to begin with. But I also know it’s gonna take a lot of work on his part and restraint on my part for it to manifest into something more.

    I’m back in town now and I’m wondering what I should do? Keep up with the no contact rule until he contacts me again? Or show up and show him that I’ve changed for the better. Although I do have good instincts, my inexperience has had me commit a few fauxpas in the beginning.

  4. Andreea - 0


    I want to tell my story here. And I am sorry for the long write. I need to know your opinion and if I have any chance of a proper relationship with this man.
    I met this wonderful funny guy last year in May. We actually met online and on our first date we had a lot of fun. But soon my life got interrupted as I found out my father has cancer. I had to move back home (another country) for a while and be with my family. All this time, we’ve texted a lot. He was encouraging me and sending words of comfort every day, trying to make me smile. In July I travelled back and we met again. We had our 2nd official date and a kiss happened. We both felt butterflies and after I went back home to my parents, he kept texting me a lot. After a month and a lot of struggles, my father passed away. He was there for me every single day even if from the distance. When I travelled back, we entered an official relationship. For 2 weeks we dated every other day and we agreed on being together in a relationship. We felt so happy with each other. I had to go back home for a few days again and when I came back, I felt like all the struggles in my family were over and I could finally somehow relax and let go. We slept together for the first time. And things kind of started to change after that. I felt he was pulling away and I was puzzled. A lot of insecurities surfaced and I started to overcompensate with extra attention for him and his needs or what I thought they were. We spent a nice weekend away for his birthday but even on that weekend, everything seemed different. He wasn’t as happy as before. After a few days I asked him what’s wrong. He said he is trying to feel more than think about us and that nothing is wrong. 2 weeks later he was breaking up with me saying that everything looks perfect on the paper but there is something missing. He didn’t know what. I got so attached to him in this whole period that the break up really crushed my heart into pieces. He broke up with me gently, holding my hand and hugging me the entire time and that made things even worse for me. I didn’t understand.
    He said we can still see each other, like staying friends and that I can tell him anything I want and feel. And I did that for a couple of weeks and then stopped. I realised I was becoming too needy and I had to move on. But I still sent him a Christmas gift (although we broke up towards in October). He said thanks and seemed surprised. Then we had less and less contact. In January he contacted me and told me he would like me to join him on the formula 1 driving experience that I gave him as a present for his birthday. I said he can enjoy that with his friends but he insisted I share that with him. But he ended up booking that for March and I thought, by the way he said it, that he will actually go alone or with some other friends.
    Anyway, time passed again, no communication in between. And in February, close to Valentines day, he wrote and asked how I am and if I would like to meet for a walk and catch up. I proposed a day but on that day, he wrote back and apologise that he had to cancel due to work stuff. He proposed another day but I was away for that entire week and couldn’t do it. So, when I was back, I wrote him and asked if he would like to meet. He said yes and we met at my house. I proposed cooking something together and have a relaxed dinner, talk and laugh and he was ok with it. He then reminded me about the driving experience and that he still wants me to go with him. I was pleasantly surprised.
    Everything went well but we got too relaxed, we both drank a bit too much and I ended up giving him a back massage because he was in pain. We both lied down on the bed afterwards and he leaned fwd and kissed me. I asked what changed and I got silence for a few moments. Then he kissed me again. And I let him, I was powerless and thought that maybe this attraction and closeness meant something. There was no sex and no skin to skin contact but we fooled around for quite a bit. I let him without realising that he gets what he wants without any effort and I lose my self respect by doing that. He thought he can easily have me. He left that evening kissing me on the way out and I haven’t heard from him afterwards for almost a week. When he asked if I had a hangover after that night. Found that message totally disrespectful and insensitive and I didn’t answer. But after a week and a half of silence, I said to him that I think we both acted immaturely and we should have a short walk together to clear the air. And that I didn’t want things to stay awkward between him and me. After I sent that, I felt like I’ve made the biggest mistake and once again, lost my self respect with this man. His answer was that he doesn’t think anything is wrong from his side and that a walk would be great but he was busy for the rest of the week and we could only meet at some point during the next one. Although I already realised he doesn’t care about me, this message made it even more clear that I am not a priority at all. So I chose to retract myself from the whole situation.

    I wrote him that while it was lovely to see him again, I came to realise that we are in 2 different places right now and that nothing connects us really and I believe it is better to not keep in touch at all anymore and wished him all the best. I blocked his number and removed him for Facebook and cried my eyes out afterwards.
    I really think he is a great guy and that we are very good for each other. We think and feel alike about so many things. I believe we got together at the wrong time and that’s why it didn’t work. We also entered the relationship too quickly, I was an emotional wreck after the death of my father and him being there for me, got me very attached to and needy of him.
    When we first met, before having the event with my dad, I was in such a good place with myself. Really happy with my life, just moved to another country, made new friends, things were great. But then my world crushed down on me. And everything was a chain reaction. I am now trying to collect myself from the floor and rebuild my self respect and confidence again.

    I think of him often and would definitely want to have a fair try on a relationship together (after I have worked on myself) but I believe, with all that happened so far, that I am probably as low as possible on his ‘women who he would want to be with’ list. I also ended all form of contact so where to go from here?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Andreea,

      just take this as a restart.. do at least 45 days and aim to be the advice above..

  5. GINA - 0


    Disgusted with the ungettable girl analogy. Basically if you are woman number 1 who enters the bar and is decent looking with a great personality but not drop dead gorgeous you will never be sought after. Much like nice guys finish last? At least you are honest about it.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm..for me a decent girl with a great personality is drop dead gorgeous.. if you mean a a conservative girl, who doesn’t wear sexy clothes, she can still be gorgeous..

      It’s more about confidence.

      Dont be nice. Be kind. Nice is saying yes, even when you really mean no, because the person is not strong enough to stand up for what he really wants..
      When you’re kind, you can still say no in the way that’s not disrespectful..

  6. Bibi lanna - 0

    Bibi lanna

    So my boyfriend of almost two years broke up with me I was heart broken and depressed but I wanted to do something about it and I miraculously stumbled onto EX Boyfriend Recovery and I initiated the NC immediately. I had a competition due the 21st of January, the day before what would be our anniversary. He scooped me up and held me, hugged me. And told me he loved me. I didn’t say anything in return…. I didn’t know he would go and show up, but he was there. I went home and I saw he had sent me a text that said he loved me….. But we couldn’t be together “not yet…… Or not ever if you realize you’re better off without me”. And I was confused. Do you think I have a chance?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bibi,

      yeah, what he did and said are good signs

    • Bibi lanna - 0

      Bibi lanna

      So what should I do now? Should I keep distance from him? Talk to him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Slowly build rapport by talking to him. Just don’t be all like, “This is not to get back with you.” Just be friendly.

  7. Lyla - 0


    After reading a truckload of contents from this site, I am not even sure if I want to be in a relationship with a man ever again. What do you even get out of it? If I were perfect, beautiful, popular, and with a great personality, I would be enjoying it alone instead of sharing the same boat with a loser dude.

  8. Jen - 0


    We’ve always been friends. Eventually became fwb. I want to know if there’s any way of us being in a relationship? From the beginning he said he wanted to just be friends. (He had just gotten out of a 4 year relationship) We became fwb for a year and have argued a lot more recently. We had a really big argument in which he didn’t talk to me for two weeks. He then started talking to me again. When we talked about the argument he told me that he had developed real feelings for me and that all the arguments we had ruined those feelings. He wasn’t the same after this. He was really distant. I’d text him and he’d respond hours later. He wouldn’t return my calls until hours later either. In the middle of this there has been some “good days” where it’s felt like when things were going really great: So I’ve decided to do no contact. I’m on day 3 of no contact. Before I continue it I would like to say that I’ve always been the one to initiate conversations or meeting up (at least 9/10).
    So here’s my dilemma. We were never a couple so do I have a shot at us becoming a couple? And should I continue with the no contact?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jen,

      you have a shot or higher chance of being official if you dont sleep with him again, if you dont chase and if you raise your value

  9. Marie - 0


    How should I respond to my ex? He blew me off twice when we had plans to meet, and I ended up ignoring it. As an ungettable girl is it best to voice my disappointment that he didn’t meet me, or should I show him through my actions? (via ignoring). I think actions speak louder than words, and this weekend he’s coming to my company’s Christmas party (we have mutual friends and he’s tagging along one of them). I was going to ignore him at this party, but is this petty? Should I at least acknowledge him? Not sure how to handle this situation. I don’t want him to treat me like a doormat, or to think it’s okay to blow me off.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Marie,

      Next time he sets up a plan to meet, refuse it. Be the one to set a date, if he doesn’t come, go someplace else with friends. Be polite at the party but go more with someone else too.. If he approaches you, be polite but be short with your replies.

  10. Jami - 0


    Hi, me and my ex had a brief period when we got close again, in a friendly way, but i rushed things and it led nowhere. A few weeks later, he called me really late and showed up on my doorstep. He was drunk. We spent the night together. Two days later he took me on a date, proceeded to humiliate me with nasty comments, to finally dump me. He called me a cheap woman, deleted my number, blocked me and ignores me at work ( we are coworkers). It left me devastated. Is there any way to redeem myself? I’m not asking for the relationship, but my respect and dignity.

  11. Monica - 0


    Hi, I’m curious, does relationship period could be a benchmark of whether there is possibility of him coming back or reaching out first or not at all? So those who had been together for years could have higher chance of getting their ex back compared to those who’s been there in under one year?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Monica,

      yes, those who have been longer together have a higher chance of getting back together

  12. Holly - 0


    Hi, so I have been in a relationship for the past two years on and off with my boyfriend. It hasn’t been completely smooth sailing due to unfortunate circumstances like him cheating and then wanting me back. We got back together after the cheating situation however i made sure to do the no contact rule on him. We were together another 4 months until he decided to break up with me two weeks ago, saying that he didn’t know if he saw a future for us… How do i change his mind? We have spoke a little since the breakup but mostly just me trying to get across my feelings. I’m unsure what to do and how to do it. The end goal is to get him back and to keep him, i just don’t really know how to make this happen.

    Please Help!
    Thank you.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Holly,

      you cant force him to change his mind, especially if he already made a decision. You would like you’re contradicting what he wants.. the best you can do is to agree and to improve yourself.. aim being the ungettable girl.. were you clingy?

    • Holly - 0


      I wasn’t clingy no. i had a lot of trust issues with him cheating. over the past week we have been talking great… he was messaging me and having really full conversations. Until Friday when he suddenly just started to ignore me. he then later text me saying he was going to block me on the saturday. Then on the saturday night he decided to unblock me and text me just to cause an argument. we have spoken today but not in a very nice way at all. it annoys me because one minute he says he wants to be friends and then the next he doesn’t care and he doesn’t want to be. should i do not contact on him?


    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, I think you should

  13. amy - 0


    Hi Amor again,
    As I mentioned earlier, he texted me with about 10 texts included gtalk (hang out) for three days straight and told me he realized how I feel and said sorry. But he stopped contact me after he texted and called my mom. My mom already answered him that I am fine. But I just broke NC rule after 10 days since my ex boyfriend tried to make a plea to forgive him right after I read page 25 in Ex bf recovery pro.

    At result I got his positive texts included positive pics ( total 6) from him. But I broke the NC rule with 3 texts while he didn’t texting me back. But I don’t feel right since he only making me feel better and seems not thinking to make us go back to be relationship. Maybe cuz I texted him 4 texts straight right after NC to explain that I am sorry that I didn’t text him back because my head is still spinning. His last text is “All you said is that you’re head is still spinning. …. spinning from what?”

    I already know he is seeing another girl but I don’t know what is his situation now. So I am wondering should I stay in tide theory or NC?

    Thank you for have a time to listen me

    • amy - 0


      I know texting him with 4 texts straight without his response is yacky which I didn’t follow tide theory.
      I and he have been together for 3 years and I broke him up and since I felt he is not passion with me. He have been begging me to go back to him for two month and I decided to get back to him but it was too late since he was starting date with a new girl but he dumped her after he realized she is crazy and a cheater. But he want to get back to me maybe after a year but can’t be guarantee.

      For now, I feel like I would like to tell him that “if you are still seeing a girl, it hurts my feeling. And would not like to talk to you for awhile or never.” But seems it s not right thing to tell him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh ok.. I think it’s too early to expect him to ask to come back with you, especially if he has a new girlfriend.. I think he was just worried. For me, you should restart the no contact rule.

  14. Surreal - 0


    I can’t believe I’m posting anything here, but as you can tell, I think I’m living in some sort of alternate reality. Its so weird and surreal the last two months. Long story short, I first met my partner years ago. At the time, I was doing well professionally (office manager with a long time employer) and my spare time I was an competitive athlete (and successful at that). Basically, an “ungettable girl”. I met my future partner and we had started dating and it began intensely. Year later, we were living together. A couple years after that, we moved to his hometown. I had to look for new work and well, this was a new, smaller town and I knew no one; while my partner had contacts and knew everyone. Roles were switched. He became the breadwinner. All the while, I started to feel small and…awkward. And we started to drift. All through this, we were adopting “kids” (animals) and they were our kids (I love them dearly and miss them terribly). There were some good times…but the last year, I’ve been plagued with headaches/migraines and whatever stress related crap from trying to become successful and he, with the one working car, going to work and being away 10-12 hours a day and when he did come home, doing so drunk. He would also make me feel like the most unattractive and most ungainly person in ANY room. He developed “crushes” with female co-workers, often gushing about their interests (which were similar to mine). He would also complain about my not “contributing” (I would, when I could), and it was hurtful because I was all aware of it and WANT to contribute. The sex became less and less frequent and the kisses goodbye and the little “I love yous” became infrequent and then, stopped.
    The breakup happened a couple of months ago, suddenly. But not “so” suddenly, as I had been in a massive depressed state, knowing that this all was just…not right. I wished this was a truly interdependent relationship – knew it could, since at one time, was. His drinking was taking over as was his need to impress others. This was not the guy I first met years ago; but then, neither was I the same gal. I had become this co-dependent “thing” that I no longer recognized and what I saw, I didn’t like. We were both growing frustrated and unhappy. And we had stopped talking to each other. So, one day, it all came to a head and while he announced “the end”, we both walked away. I moved out and have been staying at a friend’s house. I no longer am starting my day with a headache or migraine. I feel healthy. I cut off my hair took it back to its awesome shortness (that is similar to how I had when I first met my partner – it was he who wanted me to grow out my hair and I’ve always disliked it). I’m getting back in shape, dropped several pounds and will be working at my old gym, too. And my business is STILL growing. I do miss him. I miss our “kids” like crazy (and that makes me cry myself to sleep every night). At first he was so angry. And I didn’t know about NC, so I’d still text or try to call. He wouldn’t respond. Now, I’ve been doing a partial NC due to needing to get permission to go out to the house to see the “kids”. But I planned for a specific day/time so that I no longer need to text him. He was civil this last time, too. However this, I LIKE that I’m going back to my old self. I like becoming how I once was, self-reliant. I don’t want to move back into the house. But I miss him – the old him. I miss hanging out with him and the “kids”. I miss all of that. BTW, this relationship is 12 years long. Thats the gist of my story.

    • Surreal - 0


      Let me add a couple of things: He was always ultra secretive about finances to the point we almost lost the house due to his not paying the mortgage for a few months. I helped save it by using up ALL of my retirement. And he would often, hold off from paying compliments or kudos to my successes. He is the one who (and I should say it this way), I allowed to stop me from training (my first love is being physically active), calling it only a “hobby”. That training and physical activity had let me to become a reference model for artists (who need a fit, muscular [but feminine] female). And I’m doing that, again (which I’m excited about), btw. Its just that for so long, he was my partner “in crime”. But the last time I saw him, he looked paunchy, older, puffy/red faced. Know its due to all the alcohol but not sure if some of that is due to him being depressed, lately, too.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Surreal,

      at first I thought the relationship was a short one, so I was surprised to know it span to 12 years.. so, if ever you get back together what happens to you and your business?

    • Surreal - 0


      Hi, Amor:

      At this point, I am comfortable with the idea of continuing on my own way. Its scary since I’ve not been single in so long, but my support network has been amazing and I’m looking forward to some adventures. If we ever reconciled? First off, I wouldn’t move back into that house. Secondly, my business would be fine. Because from now on, boundaries will be laid and set in stone and never again will I put up with as much of the crap I’ve put up with before. My former self is back. I’ve been back at training and feel GREAT. I’ve initiated NC and as much as its destroying me inside, I’ve not gone back out to the house to see the fur/feather kids. Its been over a week since the last time he texted me. I’m just gonna focus on me now, thank you very much.

  15. Confused - 0


    I dated my ex for 3 years. We were happy together I would say until he cheated on me last year. We never really broke contact and we’re still sexually involved but didn’t get back together until 3 months later. However, I had hard time trusting him again. I always thought something was going on which led him to break up with me. He said that I’m “drama”. After we broke up I didn’t contact him but he contacted me asking if I could still do bf and gf things together … We continued to talk and do normal things but neve got back together. I started thinking he was leading me on because every time I’d ask if we’d get back together he’d be like yeah. However, recently found out he’s been playing two other girls and “dating” one of them in another state. He told me that he still had feelings for me, cared about me, and will always be there for me but it left me so confused. After I found all of that out I had enough and went into NC rule, it’s only been 2 weeks and he reached out once out of nowhere sending laughing emojis. I didn’t respond back, cause I think he just wanted attention. I’m so confused, I miss him and idk what I should do. He says the main reason for us breaking up was because I’m drama. Do I still have a chance or should I just move on ?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Confused,

      do you trust him now? Coz if you don’t, it’s better to stay separated until he gets your trust back.

  16. Anon Phil - 0

    Anon Phil

    Hi just wondering when would you think the Ungettable Girl E-book will be available solely on its own. Thank you!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      sorry for the late reply.. if you bump into him just smile.. if he initiates a convo be polite but answer shortly direct on what he said.. I’m not sure if it will be available on it’s own but you’ll learn a lot from the other books with, it’s worth your buy

  17. Cindy - 0


    I’ve been in no contact with my ex for 10 days now. He’s contacted once on day 3 with a ‘sorry’ message that wasn’t a leading message. I made all the mistakes as soon as we broke up and the last message I sent said message me if you ever want to talk. But then I read about no contact and am sticking to it. The problem I have is a mutual friend out of the blue has started messaging me so I just kept it brief explaining that we’d broke up and when it was and said I didn’t want to talk about it. I then went on to talk about all the fun things I’m doing right now like organising a holiday etc, I don’t know if this friend is messaging me because he has asked them to find out how I am so I don’t know if I’m handling it correctly. Also a family member of his has just added me on facebook and I would have thought he would have told them about the split so I’m concerned with what the motive is there and how to handle it if they contact me. Hope you can help.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cindy,

      you handled it right. He might be using them to get through to you so, don’t talk too much to them. Only go about your improvements and what they themselves have been up to, but don’t disclose feelings or relationship plans.

    • Cindy - 0


      He messaged me again saying he’s sorry, he loves and and misses me. I’ve ignored it even though it was heartbreaking to. The reason he broke up with me is because he feels his head is messed up and he’s got issues and baggage to deal with and he can’t give me what I deserve and isn’t ready and doesn’t know when he ever will be. I’m also a mom and my child grew to know him as Daddy. He lives an hour and a half away and missed a couple of weekends when he was supposed to come up because he went out with friends and said he missed them (he’d just moved back to his home town when we got together) and the last weekend he missed was when he ended it as he felt so bad about letting me down again . Am I right to go NC when he’s emotionally unstable? Do I even have any chance of us getting back together? Is it harder when someone has emotional problems?

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he is serious about changing, it’s ok to break nc.. but if not, let him have space so he can think

    • Cindy - 0


      Thank you so much for getting back to me! 🙂 I’m on day 22 of no contact and I haven’t heard anything else & made the mistake of looking at his profile. I thought one time can’t hurt but I was wrong. He appears to have been out having loads of fun with friends in all different places, nothing bad just him looking incredibly happy, and I’m left feeling that he’s actually much happier being single and maybe I should have responded to that last message. He had mentioned to me that he had wanted to live the single life before we got together (we met when we were both in relationships) but that he loved me so much. Now I’m thinking he’s living the life he really wanted because my ignoring him.

  18. Miss O. - 0

    Miss O.

    Is there any way to get just the ungettable girl e-book? I’ve looked everywhere on the site but only see it as a package deal with the recovery pro program

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Miss O,

      I”m sorry it’s only available with the package for now.

  19. Elena - 0


    Like one of the other girls, who commented here, I would love to have the Ungettable Girl e-book, but I simply don’t need the entire Ex-back Package. Please, consider putting a package together for girls who believe self-improvement is more important than getting an ex back.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Thanks for the suggestion Elena..I’ll forward this to Chris!

  20. Ashley - 0


    So, my ex and I dated for a year and half and we broke up 10 months ago. He moved away 8 months ago, but we’ve kept in contact randomly here and there. We broke up because he said he wasn’t ready for what I wanted. I’m 25 and a single mom and he’s 28 with no kids. He adores my daughter and treated her as though she was truly his. He just told me yesterday he is coming in town next month, specifically to see me, for a week. My daughter leaves for the summer a week before he gets here so I don’t have to worry about that side of it. I have no idea what to do, or how I should be towards him. I need serious advice.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ashley,

      just have fun.. create memories that would make him want to be with you more.. but don’t sleep with him..

  21. Michelle - 0


    So I am 42 have 2 children. My tummy will never be Kims. Its full of stretch marks and paunchy. My ex loves my tits, my ass etc. He said I had ana amazing body. But I think he thinks I am not enough to impress his buddies with. So I guess I am ruined for life and should just pack it in as I am no longer loveable. Nice.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Michelle,

      you have to stop that to yourself because how you treat yourself will how most people will treat you.

  22. Ankita - 0


    Hi Chris,
    You are every girl’s best guy friend. I was in a relationship with my bf for 6 years and thanks to extensive reading and analysis of your website and your virtual support of course, I am finally over him. It took me 3 months to realise but without an expert like you, I might still be crying over him. I won’t get into details of why he dumped me. But I still need your help. I want to become the ungettable girl again. I don’t want your entire ebr pro but just the ungettable girl ebook. I am tired of sending mails to you as they keep getting bounced. So this is the only way I can communicate with you now.
    Thanks again.
    And girls, either to get him back or to get over him or if you are in between, Chris Seiter is your man!

  23. fiona - 0


    Hi Chris, stumbled across your site and it’s quite interesting the things you are saying.
    I have been in a relationship for 5 and half years it has now ended because I chose not to want to gave another child.I already have a daughter of 17 from a previous marriage, I am 42 and my ex is 39.
    He had said that even if I didn’t want kids he wanted to be with me.But he left a week and a half ago.We had a very instable relationship always triggering eachothers old wounds and stuff but we worked through a lot with therapy but we just couldnt make it work..still I really miss him even though I do feel less stressed.My mind is going crazy thinking of him with sime young beautiful girl who can have lots of kids with you see or hear any kind of space for us to get back together?he was always so in love with me but a lot of all talk and not bringing us to the next level kind of thing..ok well writing to you from Holland and purchasing your ebook along with a few other girlfriends of mine!!thanks!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Fiona,

      if he really wanted kids, then that would be a situation but if he’s really fine without having kids, then you can try nc and maybe space and a kind of reset is all you need.. though I can’t guarantee that it will surely work for you.. at least you can try or talk to him first… if the talk doesn’t work… Do nc

  24. PB - 0


    Hey Chris! I`ve been given this UG a lot of taught.
    First I did not taught I was one, but then I remebered a couple of guys for whom I most definetly am, an UG.
    And then …the “scary” thing came up…Dont mean to sound like a b**** but, for them… I kinda am.
    So I guess mi QUESTION is: Are we supposed to fake it? Is that even possible when you are actually atracted to whom you are trying to come out as UG?
    Thank you!
    Sorry for my weird writting

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pb,
      It’s better if you really work on being the ungettable girl.. Because that way, you will value yourself more.. Yes, it’s possible to be attracted to a guy while being the UG, it will just mean you know you’re boundaried

  25. Mel - 0



    My boyfriend and i recently broke up. Two weeks ago.
    He still wants to be friends and says he likes me and find me attractive, but he needs some space.
    I asked him if he does not want to call it a break instead of a break up. He said no, I need space.

    So days passed by and we still communicate online. Now he asked me if I can have dinner with him this wednesday?
    What do I do? I want to see him, but I also want him to chase me and want me back.
    I responded with ‘euhm, I’ll think about it’

    Do I already go on this date or is it to early?


    • Chris Seiter - 0

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mel,

      For me why not go and assess how he wants to go with your relationship and try the push pull method while you’re there.

  26. T - 0


    Hi Chris,

    I think that it is wonderful that you are trying to help women get their ex boyfriends back. However, I find this article rather disturbing. I think this is article gives bad advice for 5 reasons:

    1. Telling women to base their value on their attractiveness to men does not lead to a happy life or healthy relationships

    2. Propagating pernicious beauty standards that lead women to not value their natural born beauty has serious consequences. We’re all born different and that’s what’s beautiful. Telling women to look like Kim Kardashian is really missing the point of trying to empower women to be better.

    3. Fetishization; it’s okay to admit that men and women have/want fantasies, but they are fantasies and we all have to acknowledge them as such. Telling women to look and be like Barbie (surround yourself with people and act this way, and look this way) is just setting people up for misery. Why not tell people: “Hey do you.” If a man/woman does not love you for who you are, then hell with it! you guys were not meant to be, you can find someone better for yourself. At the end of the day, a relationship is built on loving each other for who you really are, not some fantasy UG whatever.

    4. If a guy is rating you on a points system– RUN. Run far, far away.

    5. Change for yourself. Don’t change to attract guys/girls. If you love yourself and think you’re beautiful, men/women will come. So do you. If you’re happy with yourself, other people will be happy with you too. So don’t worry about UGs and points and popularity. (If a guy/girl really cares about all that then he/she’s probably not someone you want to be with anyways.) Love yourself for who you are.

    Chris you have a loud voice in this community, so I hope that you will start promoting self-acceptance and self-empowerment instead of this weird points system and male fantasy. You can help make healthy, important changes in people’s lives.

    Best wishes.

    • Jessica - 0


      Thanks for posting this, T. My thoughts exactly! While I have found some good advice here, this article left a bad taste in my mouth, so to speak.

      I hope the author realizes that reading these things can have a huge impact on a woman’s self-worth. Creating a dialogue where women feel like they must compare themselves to celebrities, or derive their sense of worth from looks at all is incredibly damaging. We see all the time that celebrities like Kim K bow under the pressure of this and submit to surgery.

      Of course your appearance matters to a degree. I look and feel better when I’m staying healthy and wearing clothes that flatter me. But not all guys are shallow enough to rate me on a points system. Male friends I’ve talked to about this think it’s incredibly immature to go around arbitrarily scoring someone, and usually stems from a guys own insecurities.

      This is for all the women out there (and probably young girls) reading this who, in the back of their minds, had the same thought.

  27. Chloe - 0


    Hi Chris,
    I left you two comments about a week or two ago regarding my ex, and never heard back from you (I understand if you’re busy with the baby, congrats btw). Its been two weeks of NC with my ex and he hasn’t tried to contact me at all, he’s even fixed things with his new girlfriend and they are continuing to pursue a relationship together. I’ve decided to give up on my ex, my life is better without him (which, if you’ve read my comment about our 9 year history together, you probably knew that already). My question has to do with becoming an ungettable girl… There is someone new I would like to attract, but he has flat out told me he would never date someone older than him, and I am older than him. But he always goes out of his way to talk to me and check up on me, and he has been trying to make sure I stay strong and stay away from my ex. Is it possible an ungettable girl can make a man change his ideas about things like age limits?

  28. Broken hearted - 0

    Broken hearted

    Hi Chris, I want my ex back, and I wanted your advice. I never cheated on him or anything and 9 years ago ( our relationship lasted for 9 years) he use to put me on a pedestal, and was an amazing boyfriend that did anything for me. He did a lot for me, and I may have taken him for granted ( that was years ago) because I felt like h would always be there. Thinks got bad at least 5 years in he cheated on me by making out with this girl, and completely hit it from me. That was 5 years in and after he had went cold and distant. He begged for me back and promised change, and that he would never go distant on me ( eg shut down ignore my calls ) and that we would talk about are problems, and he will build my trust. He’s efforts seem genuine. But it got to the point where he was telling me to let go of the past. Sometimes I just wanted him to help me and be there and reassure me, but it seemed like he wanted me to let it go and just trust him. He given me everything, his bills, his phone account and evern something to track him. But I couldn’t trust him, and would shut down. I do feel like I could forgive him. Chris he shut down on me again, and were friends for a while, eventually we got back together and promised a better future. At this point I would test him to see if he is all in. He would say stuff like I have now I’m never letting you go again. but one day after about a year it felt like he just gave up. I’m rather confused. He started saying he loves me like a sister and that I’m like a business partner when before he told be he wanted to be with me.? This is a 9 year relationship ( no sex before marriage) we did flirt and did other stuff, and were actually discussing marriage. He wanted to get engaged this year, and now its like he suddenly changed his mind? Saying he isn’t ready to get married till 35? and now are lifestile are different ? I am on nc for about three months he called me once saying he cared but I can text if I want, but I don’t have to if I don’t want to. That was the last I heard from him. After 9 years ? seven days later he is dating someone on Plenty of Fish. II love this guy deeply, but I feel so betrayed, ive been in the hospital by his side when he went for surgery and really would have taken care of him if he was a vegetable.

    • Broken hearted - 0

      Broken hearted

      I believe I was once this perfect girl in his eyes, and he wanted no one else. Now I feel like that has shifted. Ever since the brake up, I have been focusing on me and was able to rediscover certain aspects of myself, and became more independent and was able to face many of my fears, I am even on the verge of feeling like I can let the past go and forgive him for his mistakes, When we broke up this time I had said may be we shouldn’t to together out of frustration, he said he still wanted to be together, but later I felt like he was breaking up with me. Three days later that’s when he is saying we are on different wavelengths, and he sees me as a sister … yet he didn’t mind flirting with me.. like he would sayone last kiss etc.. and I wouldn’t kiss him. Any clue one what happened to our 9 years ?? and why he would just shift gears and give up? Do you think it’s fixable?

  29. SnowWhite - 0


    It is with most discomfort, that I relate to you that I had full respect in you until… this post. I’ve heard term “ungettable” before, but does it not imply that the guy “wishes” to be forever empty-handed? But also for the girl — why should she be empty-handed? What king of a crazy idiocy of of “love” this is? In my mind I’m “ungettalbe” cause I don’t want the guy. Period. What’s the purpose of pretending of being ‘ungettable’, just to feed the man’s ego when he ‘gets you’? Makes 0 sense. Sorry.

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      I’m sorry you feel that way, The main purpose of this article is to inspire women to be the best version of themselves not to feed the man’s ego. When women become the best versions of themselves, they become more confident and attract men more easily.

  30. Z - 0


    Hi Chris,

    I royally messed up it seems. I ran into my ex after NC for 2-3 months. We were intimate and I continued being intimate with him for a month and half. I was the one who broke things off, I even admittedly cheated on him. I think he used me but he’s not the type to intentionally do so, regardless I thought things were going well because we were intimate and loving but he said he wasn’t ready to forgive me…but he was ready to sleep with me. I did all the “wrong” things. I complimented him, I answered every call/text and all in the name of not wanting to play games. We’ve always had an honest, forthright relationship. It was all very confusing and he even made a special trip to come see me when I went out of town. Though when it was his turn to be out of town he ended up sleeping with someone and therefore ending it with me. I said goodbye with dignity, saying that I didn’t want contact and such. I am very distraught by the whole situation.

    This person gave him what he called, “finally the perspective he was looking for on what a healthy relationship looks like”. He knew this woman for 7 days–I don’t buy it. I think, and correct me if I’m wrong, that I boosted his ego and at his first chance he slept with someone else.

    When I ran into him after NC I was happy, I was in a good place. Now I’m a mess and I feel like am imbecile. Is there any chance in salvaging this? I planned on not contacting him for 6 months to a year or more. We both need a break but I’m worried I did irreparable damage when I could have gotten him back.

    Help! I’d love your thoughts.

  31. becca - 0


    What happens if it’s popular belief with friends and family that a guy ended with you coz you were too good for him?I was with my ex 5 years and always stood by his side. I was a flirty person before and naturally just got on with guys better, but since being taken I stopped being as flirty just out of respect to myself and to my boyfriend.. but in those 5 years he kissed two girls and that destroyed me.. we broke up both times but then got back together after talks hugs and tears we seemed fine and ready to put those mistakes behind us.. but then after I took him back he ended the relationship about 4 months later with no real reason to it, this was this time last year and he’s been with another girl ever since although mine and every one of my freinds opinion just thinks that their relationship will end coz of what this girl is like.. they were friends before, she was married to another for 7 months as well so it just didn’t look right for them from the start and now she’s starting to slam him and his family in her social media account and to me, it’s not fair at all.. if there’s a problem she should just say it rather than post a status about it, coz we all know it’s aimed at him.. (I’ve never met her though so can’t say much more tbf)
    So yeah, alot of people think he only ended it coz he felt so guilty about what he did and that I didn’t do anything to get back at him coz as I said at the time “two wrongs dont make a right” and to be honest, I couldn’t live with myself if I did something with a guy just for revenge.. thats not in my nature at all.
    My question is do you think that he can come back to me coz if he loved me that much to have to let me go then that’s in my favour right? I still absolutly love him to bits and just miss his company and what he bought to my life.. I know he’s made mistakes in the past but thats where it should stay.. I just hope he doesn’t think the same about me and our relationship.. 🙁 thanks in advance, becca x

  32. ank - 0


    hi chris,
    I don’t want my ex back. I just want your opinion because I’m confuse in something. I just want him to come and text me that he made a mistake by leaving me for a girl.

    My situation is- we had 2.5 years of good relationship. he left me in march 2015 and gone to another girl. I did mistakes, as i fought with his girlfriend , GNAT, calls, Beg..
    then after trying everything I came to your site and right now I’m in my NC rule.

    Yesterday, i got to know that his girlfriend is in modelling, and my ex got a fit muscular body, he is gymaholic and he is uploading great pictures and now he has actually become the ungettable man.. every girl is commenting on his pictures..he is getting great likes.. he is just surrounded with every self-esteem crash..
    I’m a student and like to go in a corporate world and I’m in perfect shape, still prefer going gym.. I’m beautiful as well and I was a perfect girlfriend,, I always try to hold the relationship.. and I know it will take me years to get over him

    As he has got the modelling girl in his hand and he has become a narcissist actually..
    WILL HE BE ABLE TO REGRET THAT HE LEFT ME.. I don’t want him back, but i want him to come and chase me again, beg me again like I did when he broke up for a girl.. and yes He has unblocked me a week back.. May be to show me that he is happy that he left me.. or to show that he has become a hero for girls… I need your help chris..

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      Frank Sinatra said it best.

      The best revenge in life is massive success.

  33. Lover2 - 0



    So, I consider myself an “ungettable girl” and so have my male friends. I take care of my looks…gym everyday, great, skin, hair, teeth and dress very well. Also, I am outgoing and have a warm personality. Well, considering all of this…my ex is super handsome and he is an “ungettable guy”. He is handsome and charming. he is the whole package. Let’s say I’m a 9 on the looks scale, would a 10 girl who is a model (which he could date if he wanted to) beat out someone like me who he has a more emotional connection with?

  34. Adeline - 0


    Hey Chris, it’s a great write up on being an ungettable girl. Just a quick question, I did the 30 days NC rule, met up with my ex boyfriend, and we hooked up. I spoke to him regarding a committing relationship but he told me he wasn’t up for it. However, he says that in his eyes, even if I am not the most beautiful girl nor the prettiest girl on earth, he is still attracted to me and he doesn’t know why. He’s not ready to commit. Does that mean that I am an UG in his eyes at the very least? He hasn’t texted me after we met up though. What should I do? Should I go through the NC rule again?

    Thanks in advance!

    • Chris Seiter - 0

      Chris Seiter

      The problem is you did things a bit out of order.

      Gethim to commit first and then sleep with him.

      You lost some of your UG flair but its definitely salvageable.

  35. lose a few? - 0

    lose a few?

    I’m overweight and have been on the journey of lifestyle change (feels so much better) and weight loss. I have an eating disorder due to my anxiety. I just am not sure even when I do hit the ideal weight if my body will even look good because of skin (obsessively trying to prevent). I have a few men interested, but the ex became a marine so I feel body image is even more important to him now. He has told others he never loved anyone more. I was untreated for my anxiety when we were together, and in a position to lead a club we were part of. Long story short it felt like some people were very mad I didn’t have the means to give them what they wanted, so they tried to drive a wedge between us which I didn’t take well at first. There was a lot of panic attacks in those days, and it is still painful for me. It felt like a lot of mind games from some people I really thought were my friends, who put a lot of effort to drive us apart. It made me wonder if they thought I wasn’t good for their friend, and I took a lot of the negativity to heart but as soon as I gave away my position they stopped being his friend. It was really hard to try to balance what everyone wanted, but even more difficult to feel like I was a failure in the eyes of the one I loved. There was another woman who I lost a lot of sleep staying up to comfort because she was suicidal, who pressured me to do things because she founded the club. I trusted her but then she would flip the switch. I even remember a time she acted like a man was abusing her so I stepped in and tried to help like she asked me to, but when I did it was revealed she lied to him to tell him I pressured her to leave him which felt like a ruse to get him to trust her again and put all his doubts on me. I guess you can see how confusing this would be, and this is one example of many. I began to feel foolish to empathize and try to help, wondering what sort of trap was on the other end. I hate it because before I met any of these people I felt so.much empathy and desire to help others. My ex was really the only reason I put up with it. He told me months after we broke up he still loved me and hoped when he got out of the marines we could meet but didn’t want any relationship. Things are distant now, he is leaving soon. The whole scenario broke my heart because I feel we never got to be just us. I feel heart broken I couldn’t do more to help, and even more so now when faced with the fears, mistrust and emptiness I feel. I mentioned other men, and yes I realize for a big girl it is probably strange. I still try to be pleasant so I suppose that helps. But with new men I feel nothing. Even given a recent one was far better looking…nothing. Just an empty void, a sense of hopelessness and overall heart break. I am not sure how to move forward.

  36. lala land - 0

    lala land

    Hello chris
    My bf of 5 years and 11 months left me for no reason at all…saying its better for us later ( dno wht he means )
    he never said he likes to go partying or anything now its been 3 months and he did not show me anything that he cares about me he keep on posting picture of him and his frnds partying and having fun… thats a bad sign that he moved on ? And yes i complited my nc but i dont wana talk to him now because iam still hurt alottt anf i dont want him to feel special or anything and iam not ready yet…
    Are those a sign that he is moving on ?

  37. Why bother? - 0

    Why bother?


    What is interesting to me is that you suggest the girl reaching out to the guy after 30 days NC if she has not heard anything but then you also suggest that the girl becomes the Ungettable Girl?

    I don’t think the Ungettable Girl would ever reach out to an ex?

    • Why bother? - 0

      Why bother?

      I would also like to add that is has been 30 days since we broke up and 3 weeks since our last contact with eachother. I truly believe that we broke up due to his commitment issues.

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      She would if its from a position of power and she hooked him?

    • AJ - 0


      Turns out I was right. He updated his ok cupid profile one day after I wrote this and said he doesn’t want monogamy. It was relief to read because I knew that I didn’t do anything wrong. He told me I didn’t do anything wrong. He just didnt want to commit! Although, I wish he would have told me when he broke up with me that he wanted to see other women. It would have made the whole thing easier to understand. What a chicken.

      Can you write an article about red flags to watch for?

  38. ido - 0


    So my bf knows that i am an ungettable girl and their are many mam who are trying to get a relationship with me even when i was with him .
    So we broke up with each other 2 month ago for a reason that we are fighting all the time but iam sure he loves me …. and know he is always keeping himself busy partying and going out alot with friends! And its been 23 days he did not ask about me or anything at all .. does that means he is trying to forget about me after a 7 years of love

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      What was causing all the fights?

    • Rime - 0


      Well it started like this : before we broke up 6 month ago he traveled and we had a fight when he was at the airport and he stoped talking to me for 7 days and i was confused and i tried to contact him a lot he did bot reply until he came back saying he is so sorry and wanted to have fun and i was really hurt of what he did and he followed me for 1 month to forgive him and did the impossible so i forgave him but deep down i was still hurt and from this point i lost my trust in him and we started fighting a lot but we always makeup untill he broke up with me…

      And now its been 3 month … and i am on my nc its been 25 days he did not ask about me the last 25 days and he is going out a lottttt each weekend with new friends ..
      Does that mean he wants to forget about me or have anything to do about me

  39. Julie - 0


    I love this concept! The problem with being the UG is that it’s harder to have true female friends because they are constantly judging themselves against you.

    I sometimes forget that I have the ‘UG’ status — but remembering my worth and how any guy would be Lucky to have me and what I bring to the table allows me to get my head back on straight.

    Thanks for this!

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      Haha I never thought of that… Yes, women can get jealous of other women can’t they?

  40. em - 0


    I agree with almost everything written here except for using the image of kim kardashian. I also like her body but I believe she is not the best example for the perfect balance of an ideal woman’s weight as her body is totally fake. Her body is made under surgery…big boobs, curvy hips and butt…it will only make women feel pressured to achieve this body.I know some guys who likes fat women exactly as the picture you used for that overweight woman and still thinks they’re perfect. I believe that the way you think about a woman’s ideal body weight is really coming from a typical man’s view and that’ s exactly your point because you are a man. But what girls really need in their life is not the typical man. We need a man who really wants to know & understand women as well.

    Some girls are even born naturally super skinny and no matter what they do, they are really skinny and they are still perfectly healthy and active. I believe the weight does matter if it makes them look unhealthy and prevents them to be at their best. Each woman has their own body type that contributes to their weight.
    A woman can be at her perfect weight and still look fat because they have naturally fat cheeks or flabby arms. Weight is something more personal and it should not be defined by an hour glass figure because there are athletic types, pear shapes, and sticks. An hourglass figure is great but only tiny amount of women can achieve that and usually by the means of surgery.

    The “perfect weight” should be a picture of an average woman who is neither skinny or fat… (just to give in to the idea of a woman’s perfect weight) boobs and hips and flat stomach has nothing to do with it. Though having a flat stomach is great but c’mon real women are not like that in real life!

    It looks like its just your personal ideal body preference.

    • Chris Seiter - 0



      I was just trying to explain what men considered to be an ideal body image for a woman to give women an idea of the preconceptions they are up against.

  41. Angeliyz - 0


    Miriam Dosse

    I’d say i sort of look like that illustration of the Redhead on top of ur page minus the blue eyes. (i’m originally dark haired, but my hallmark look comprises a subtle red hue, & my face contour, forehead & look resemble the girl to a good extent) . I feel wherever i go i often get noticed probably for my good looks especially with my barely there makeup baby face combined with my deep eyes.

    But that’s just one side of the story! The other side is that at my late teens i have developed 2 neurological disorders, none of them is life threatening or visible on the physical level, however i’m quite sure their impact on my self-esteem, having to take anti-depressants for the past 5 years & not having achieved myself on the work level DOES reflect massively on me socially, & in turn on my relationships.

    Everyone is chasing me, well or a handful of those who get to see me first, not unil my insecurities begin to show when they know i can’t do alot of stuff on my own, such as maintain a fultime job or drive because im constantly dizzy & i already struggle with shyness & anxiety.

    You see it’s a very tricky situation for me because intially in my self-estimation i always felt like a naturally goodlooking girl since i was little, but also kind, creative & very dreamy & emotional, so i always pictured myself with the guy of my dreams, then i end up scaring away or unapproaching the guys i like because of my insecurities , yet settling for the losers doesnt really seem to suit my ambitions.

    What do u think i shud do, Chris? Do i need to hide my insecurities or not mention my autoimmune disorders to guys ? Or do i need to stop lookin for hot guys & start realizing im much less than my estimations?


    • Chris Seiter - 0


      I think honesty is always the best way to go. If someone can’t accept you for you then they aren’t worth your time.

      That’s just my two cents.

    • Angeliyz - 0


      Good response! But as a guy, do u honestly think i’m worth the trouble despite all of my shortcomings especially combined with being shy & constantly worrying about stuff?

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      I think it depends on what you can bring to the relationship. You are focusing on the negatives. What positives can you bring?

  42. anonymous - 0


    Hi Chris,

    I attracted a guy because I was the ungettable girl. But within a month of talking, I got carried away and am afraid I may have come off a little needy/clingy. He took my number in October, but he had seen me over the summer and he remembered me from then, though I didn’t remember him. We weren’t exclusive, but we talked as though we were.

    Unfortunately, we only got to meet once alone before he got sick and then the next weekend had friends over from out of town. I felt the attraction was dying because we weren’t seeing each other and became a text gnat, but he still seemed interested. Anyways, having misunderstood from a friend that he had publicly answered how many girls he had slept with in a game, i became curious to know since he was always telling me he was very experienced. I kept pushing him and he kept telling me to let the past be the past and that it was inconsequential. I went so far as to try and provoke him into telling me. Eventually he said “stop will you.” The next day I never got a text from him so in the evening I sent a text that said “hi” and after a couple hours with no response another that said “mad?” and finally I called after another hour. He eventually texted “talk later.” The next day we had movie plans, I sent a text that said “how are you?” and after no response I apologized for being demanding and pushy and he said I need to relax. I asked “movie tonight right” and he said “no,” so I said “why not? I thought we had plans” and he said “not anymore” so I said “care to explain” and he said “I will later.” I haven’t heard from him since then and I haven’t texted either. It has been a week and a half since. We have mutual friends and I know that he told them he wasn’t interested because I was immature and my age, but I know this is probably just an excuse. He can easily say this as he is 5 years older than me. That conversation triggered him.

    It turns out he had never even answered that question publicly and I misunderstood. Since his friends and me run in the same circles, I am bound to run into him and see his friends. I do want this guy back, but I’m not sure if I can salvage the situation? Do you think it is possible? Especially after I was the ungettable girl and quickly let my emotions get to the best of me and let go of myself? Any advice you can offer would be appreciated.

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      May I ask the age difference? Like how old are you compared to him?

      Go into NC. You need to get your ungettable groove back.

    • anonymous - 0


      I am currently following NC after he told me “i will later.” I haven’t texted him since. We are 5 years apart in age. I’m 25, he is 30. I am a mature girl. I just let my insecurities get to the best of me and was extremely pushy and demanding with him which I’m sure scared him and made him frustrated.

      I have apologized but despite this, most people thing I have messed this up beyond repair. I want to believe that there is hope and after some time has passed, he will forget about this and it will blow over. Is there still hope?

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      25 is plenty mature.

      I don’t think you messed things up beyond repair either.

    • Heather - 0


      Okay, I have a tough one. I dated this Guy for about a year about six months into it I lied to him about a mutual friend and told him that I was sleeping over friends house when I actually went to this guys house. At that time we were having problems and this friend was helping us out. He would sleep over my boyfriend and I’s house once in a while but I was so mad at my boyfriend that even tho I knew he wouldn’t wabt me to go over I still did. Nothing happened, but we both accidentally fell asleep. The next morning I recieved a million texts from him. This is when it gets worse. Like most people I had an Instagram. There was this guy I knew from Texas who followed me and I followed him. We were always flirty people even tho it meant nothing to us it looked bad. He would leave comments on my pictures and I would do the same, make eachother our mcm or wcw all of it. Completly innocent but did look bad. That same night my boufriend now ex boyfriends friends took photos of my instagram and sent them to my boyfriend. So I get home and he asks me, who’s michael? At this time he had no idea about the accidental sleepover, we got into a huge fight almost broke up but eventually patched things up. Then he goes on the computer to mssg his friends somthing and this mutual sent him this long parahraoh telling him he’s sorry. He also said nothing happend. I was planning on telling my boyfriend myself but after that, how could I?? But he found out and we broke up,.. We lived together so it lasted a solid 3 days before we got together again. We worked on it and he said he was doing better. 5 months later he comes home from work. 4 hrs prior we were completly fine. So he comes home very upset. I ask him what’s wrong and he blows up saying how he can’t pretend that he can get over this and he can’t and we broke up. I moved out. He already had a lot of trust issues and he’s really sensitive. Now its 4 days later and I told him how I want him back and I love him but he just keeps saying he can never trust me and he can’t get back with me but I can try. We are acting like were together soon we still even have sex just today we went to dinner and a movie. I admit those last 5 months were not perfect but they didn’t have anything to do with wgy we broke up. I never actually cheated on him, never kissed has srx with hooked up nothing with anyone else. And the story goes on. After we broke up this guy started texting me. He was very sweet and one time he called me beautiful and I said he was handsome inside and out, he’s a friend it meant nothing but my ex boyfriend saw it and he said it hurt him. I blocked him and I don’t text him anymore but I just think that was the star that broke the casuals back. But we still talk like we’re togethervand he says all the time how he has Nooo interest with anyone and he’s still in love with me he just can’t be with me, do I have any hope??? Please tell me what I should do I love him and I only want to be with him. Pleaseee any advice comments anything would help.

  43. felicia - 0


    How can one be an ungettable girl if she is the one reaching out to him through text and he hasnt been reaching out himself?

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      well, this isn’t an overnight process. YOu are going to have to work to improve your situation first. But the ungettable girl is more of a mindset (plus the other obvious stuff.) You should do it for yourself and not just a man.

  44. An ex UG - 0

    An ex UG

    Can an UG keep her status when she gets older?
    Let’s face it. As you said, looks DO matter and I totally agree.

    I’ve been very lucky with genetics and I’m 37 and can’t really complain.
    Probably the personality might even get better when a woman reaches a certain age, but the score on the looks will definitely go down. Like it or not.

    What do you think about it?

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      She absolutely can!

      However, looks do fade no matter what. This is where you personality or connection with the person has to come into play.

      Luckily you have good genetics as you said. so I think you are going to be fine!

  45. M. - 0


    Hi Chris,
    First, let me say I love your website. I’ve been coming here on and off for the past month reading your articles and have found them insightful, playfully witty and very well written. I don’t know if your e-book will help me but I plan to buy it as I think you give wonderful advice.
    My story/question:
    I am the UG. I always have been and have never been in this situation before because of it. I finally fell in love and was in a 3 year relationship. It ended in April when he moved out. However, he and I spent almost every day together until 4 weeks ago going back and forth whether or not we were going to work it out. He met a girl at work a (she was just hired), spent a day or two with her and that was that. He said he never wanted to hear from me again. I did the NC for a month and he contacted me the 31st day. It was brief. Asked how I was, I said good, I asked the same and left it at that. We also work together and he has been talking to me over the past weekend (yes, the three of us work together…fun times). I texted him today (using your advice on the website). I was out to lunch and mentioned how we used to make it a game to find the most delicious item on the menu. No response.
    Being the UG girl I did a few things when he met the other girl and called it quits for good. He said he was done. I said goodbye. I didn’t text him, I threw out everything we had together from pictures to pillows, deleted him from everything on my IPhone and moved into a new apartment. I completely washed him from my life. Yet, with that said, I am not completely walking away. But a girl can’t wait either.
    Fun facts:
    New girl- unattractive (to the point everyone has asked him what is he doing???), bi-polar- everyone at work has called her [email protected] crazy, they fight a lot, she cries hysterically at the drop of a dime. They don’t consider themselves a couple as she isn’t interested half the time and thinks he’s crazy.
    Ex- has been black out drunk almost every night since he told me goodbye. No matter where I am at work he is always looking at me. His life has gone downhill dramatically. He is self-destructing.
    Me- going out with friends, finishing my degree this semester, buying a new sports car (if I can’t have a man might as well have a fast car right? ;)). My life is actually better than it was minus the bf.
    How does an UG get her ex back? Admittedly, he and I grew apart because of my school work. I didn’t devote enough time to him in the last 6 months of our relationship. I had hoped he would hang in there as I was going to make it up to him. But he didn’t. He has said he wants freedom to date and find something “new.” His friends look at him like he has 3 heads and slide their number to me (just kidding…not really). He is having a life crisis I suspect. Losing his freedom because he found “the one” (his words and his best friend’s words on “the one”) to wanting to party as it’s his last year at college (he’s almost 26) and having a blast with lots of girls. But he also said just 5 weeks ago (same conversation), I am the love of his life and he doesn’t want to lose me. He will never find someone like me again, etc. etc. you know the drill. So, what do I do? Go on? Is there a game plan for an UG? Do you have a case study about a UG girl and how she deals with this type of situation (lol, do you want one?)? I am caught between knowing I have options and letting go completely to knowing I won’t find a love like this again. Yes, I’ll love. But he is “the one” for me too. That type of love doesn’t come around many times. Every ex I have I could call right now and they would drop their life for me. But this one…He, like Elvis has left the building.

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      Ya guys love to feel like they are the center of a guys universe. Sounds like the last six months your man didn’t feel like that.

    • M. - 0


      I agree. He didn’t…small Update, he responded to my text (not one word) and with a smiley face. progress!…Now I wait to respond. And then send another uplifting remember the good times text…btw, I’m getting my degree in psychology and yet I can’t figure this guy out…so thank you for this site and your “guy” wisdom :).

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      He just responded with a smiley face? No other words?

  46. Also aChris - 0

    Also aChris

    What if you don’t think you want him back? What if you really hate mixed messages? And what on earth do you do if you are an ex boyfriend magnet? I think I am really tired of all the text messages and I know the difference between bored and serious. How do I deal with the ex who keeps texting with no follow through when we have so many mutual colleagues and friends? I want to keep things good but I am sick of his sentimental messages when he hasn’t pursued a relationship.

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      You probably leave him completely and then he will chase you.

  47. Sasha - 0


    My ex and i broke up almost 2 months ago for reasons I am jsut now figuring out. I was confused as to why at first but i realized i gave my power away and let his priorities over shadow mine and my needs. He works alot and cares for his dad.He chased me for 3 months before we started and i was unsure of him. we got along great fell in love talked about kids, moving in together etc. but the closer he got the more his dad would interfere and say he needed him to do this or that. i started to think he was doing it bc he felt like he was losing him to me and wanted to reign him back in. Speaking with his mom it turned out that was the case, and that she said my ex always adored me and didnt know what happened till i told her my side without blame.
    long story short His grandma recently died and i sent him condolences and that was around the 1 month NC. he responded abd i was shocked. he then a few days later told me he missed me but nothing else. his birthday was a few days ago and i wished him a happy birthday. he said thanks beautiful. i found out yesterday he is with a younger immature girl. so i was like was the really meant for me? so i asked and he said it was meant for me and it wasnt it was just i miss u. i left it alone and last night he said i do miss u. is he being geniune and trying to get back with me since he found out the grass isnt greener or is this a game?

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      Who broke up with who?

    • Sasha - 0


      He broke up with me.earlier that week he kept saying how much he loved me and how he missed seeing me bc he worked so much. One night a month before we broke up he came to my apt crying hysterically saying how much he loved me and how I deserve better.. how he wanted to give me the world and wished he had the time to do and how perfect I am. It was a huge breakthrough moment bc he hides his emotions alot. He cried for 20 minutes in my arms.
      He sent an I miss u text a 2 weeks ago and on Tuesday.

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      Sounds like he opened up and made himself pretty vulnerable and got scared by it.

    • Sasha - 0


      Aside from the few I miss yous he hasn’t said much or attempted to see me. So I don’t know if it was genuine or a moment of weakness. He has text back and forth a few responds but nothing significant

  48. I'm just a girl - 0

    I'm just a girl

    Definitely. I now laugh a little when he texts me and I don’t respond. Evil? Maybe. But this NC is for ME not him. I’m more worried about him showing up at my apartment or work!
    There’s this quote I like to remin myself of… “”The woman is very nice. She is as sweet as a Georgia Peach. But inside every sweet peach is a string pit.”

    • Chris Seiter - 0


      Love your attitude. LOVE IT!

      If he shows up just be really short with him.

    • I'm just a girl - 0

      I'm just a girl

      Hahaha will do. That may be the ultimate test. Ill hopefully keep you updated!

  49. I'm just a girl - 0

    I'm just a girl

    No. I got te courage to ask him finally and he said he isn’t in a good place to date right now. Next day he took a girl on a date. I got my answer! So ill put on my red high heels and move along. He can watch me walk away

  50. I'm just a girl - 0

    I'm just a girl

    Guy I’ve liked and talked to for 3-5 months is acting weird.
    I think he’s actually playing the ungettble guy!
    He works all day then does school all night.

    He won’t text me until i text him so im on day 4 of NC.
    Am I right to think that if he is serious and still wants to talk that he will somehow make time? Am I right to think that I can go on dates and talk to other guys since this is seeming to decline?


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