What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)

What’s up?

I apologize for being a bit late for posting this video. It was a very rough weekend for me. Anyways, I have it up now.

In this video I teach those of you who cheated on your ex boyfriends how to get him back.

Check it out!

P.S. To date this has been my favorite video. You know what that means right? It’s hilarious!

Video Transcript

Hey what’s up, today we’re going to be covering how to get your ex back if you cheated on him. Now a great way to start off this video would be to look at the reason why you cheated.

Wait don’t we know the reasons we cheated on our exes?

Well that’s certainly true, I’m going to be talking about reasons you may be a little bit  embarrassed to admit. So I just like to get everything out there so we can move forward. Let’s begin.

Can anyone tell me why you cheated on your ex?

Chris: Because I totally felt like it.
Erika: Because you made me
Chris: Because I’m the most handsome devil in the world.

Close.

Let me just teach you.

There seems to be this common believe now a days that when it comes to cheating men and women cheat for different reasons. Now I’m certain that it can be true in certain cases but it’s not always true. So what’s this believe, well its that men cheat for physical reasons and women cheat for emotional reasons.

Does this theory that men cheat physically and women cheat emotionally hold? Let’s ask phsycotherapist, Dr. Ester Perel rather lets look at some of her studies on the subject. She is one of leading therapist that has studied cheating for a living in the entire world. She’s found that the number 1 correlation for men and women who cheat is the excitement they get from cheating. There’s a thrill to it. Theres the rush. The general excitement of cheating appeals to people and that is an underlying reason why people cheat.

And it may be a reason you think or feel that your not willing to admin publicly. But I’m just going to through it out there its very possible and this theory, this excitement is going to come up later when I starting talking about what you can do to get your ex boyfriend  back if you cheated on him. Speaking of which I’m going to give you my top 5 steps on what to do if you cheated on your ex boyfriend.

Step One: The No Contact Rule
girl pushing

Ah the good old no contact rule. Now it may seem counter intuitive to ignore your ex after a breakup when you were the one at fault. But if you actually look at the purpose of the no contact rule it will make sense. So what’s the purpose of the no contact rule?

Well theres really two points to it. To make your ex miss you and to erase any bad feelings he may have towards you. And thats the big thing we are trying to do here. We are trying to calm him down because if you cheated on your exboyfriend his anger level will be at a maximum. So lets wait till it comes down to a minimum before you try to get him back.

Step Two: Say your Sorry And MEAN IT!
not listening

I know what your thinking. “Well I can just apologize it’s not like haven’t done that before.”

Your not listening, you have to apologize and mean it. A few sections ago we talked about Ester Perel the worlds leading psychotherapist and how she found that people cheat for the thrill and rush of it. That plays into it this because often times when it come to feeling bad or guilty people don’t feel bad for their actions because its exciting and fun for them. They feel bad for how they made the other person feel. They feel bad for hurting their significant other. Men are good at picking this up when you apologize to them. They can tell if your really sorry or not. So make an effort when it comes to apologizing to them to really show them that you are guilty. That will go a long ways.

Now I’m going to teach you a method I call the hamburger method. Basically this is going to involve the no contact rule.

Look to my right, your left you will see a graphic of a hamburger and the way this works is the meat of the hamburger is going to be considered the no contact rule. The top part above the meat is the apology. I want you to give a meaningful apology before you enter the no contact rule. The no contact rule you don’t talk to your ex at all. After the no contact rule you give another apology when it makes sense. You need to reiterate this apology because one apology is not enough for this type of behavior.

Now lets move on to the third thing you can do to get your ex back.

Step Three: End the Relationship

slap

End the relationship does not mean you end the relationship you have with your ex boyfriend. It means you end the relationship with the person you cheated with. Basically you erase them from your life. Erase them from the world. They do not exist. Do not talk to them. Do not do anything regarding them. Throw out their phone number. Lose them. If you are serious about getting your ex back this is a step you will have to take.

Step Four: Show Intense Commitment

hercules

Showing intense commitment is easy to say but really hard to do. Now what do I consider an intense commitment? I consider an intense commitment to this process. Your going to have to swear off men in general. No flirting, no taking pictures, no kissing, definitely no dates. None of this is going to help you get your ex boyfriend back if you cheated on him because you cheated on him he is on red alert around you 24-7. If he is starting to feel like he wants you back he is going to dive into what has been going on after the breakup and if you’ve been with other guys. If you have been with other guys that’s not going to help you.

Step Five: Rebuild Attraction

rebuilding

The final step of getting your ex back if you cheated on him is starting the original process that I teach on my website ex boyfriend recovery and in my ebook ExBoyfriend Recovery Pro. So rather then detail that for you here I’m going to recommend that you go right now this moment to my website www.exboyfriendrecovery.com. Search and read some of the content there you will get a really good idea of what you need to do to win him back. Also if you want a step by step game plan right now check out my ebook which you can find at www.exboyfriendrecovery.com. The ebook is called Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro and if you want to learn more about texting messaging. I have a really great e-book called the texting bible. Basically its a dictionary with 250-300 texts messages that you can use in any situation that you can think of.

Hey we just wanted to say, yes we just wanted to say thank you for getting to the end of this video. We really appreciate you. Again like I said if you want to learn more about getting your ex boyfriend back go to www.exboyfriendrecovery.com.

And I’ll let the elf take it from here. If you wanna get your ex boyfriend back or you have any comments please comment in the YouTube section below. Thank you!

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

88 responses to “Fix Your Relationship If You Cheated On Your Ex Boyfriend Before Its Too Late (Video)”

  1. Rachael says:

    my bf of 5 years finally broke up with me about a month ago. we were incompatible from the start and i knew it wouldn’t last forever but he became my best friend. the breakup was mutual and respectful and for a full week afterwards we were still texting like best friends. but then i admitted to him that i had been cheating on him at the end of our relationship and he immediately wanted nothing to do with me. of course i don’t blame him for that and i don’t think we should ever get back together as boyfriend and girlfriend but i do miss my best friend. do you think it’s possible he will ever want to be friends again? should i bother trying to find out since i know that he thinks it’s unhealthy for him to even talk to me right now?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Rachael,

      Yeah someday when much time has passed.. It depends from a person to person but a safe bet would be maybe after 6 months or a year he would have moved on..

  2. Fig says:

    We were in a long distance relationship. We were previously in a very committed and serious relationship. A close guy friend made a move on me because he knew we might be on the verge of breaking up. (just a kiss, nothing more.) I told my bf about it and we broke up. He did give me a second chance but it was so tiring on my end. I felt that he changed as he did not treat me with the same affection as he used to. I felt that I was treating him better than I treated myself and I was being very unfair to myself, and I got hurt very very badly by him. We ended it for good recently. I told him I dont want to be friends but I do regret it. I still want to get in touch with him and I still care. What should I do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Fig,

      start the no contact rule and treat as a restart after.. Initiate contact and slowly rebuild rapport..

  3. Tanja says:

    My ex-fiancé & I broke up last July because I cheated. Ever since then we have been kinda on again off again if seeing & going out with each other. I have made all the mistakes of begging being a text & calling gnat shoring up st his house & even getting angry & saying mean ugly things to him because he won’t take me back completely. He has gone out with other girls is on every dating site you can think of but yet still talks to me & sees me when he wants. He has showed up at my house I’ve asked to him leave only for him to show up again. I be gone like 2 days without responding to him but then I always give in & text him. He will text right back with a response & ask y I ignored him & I would say I didn’t want to argue or fight & he would say I understand. I feel he still wants us but I also feel he’s stringing me along to at times. Just testing yo see if there’s something else out there but keeping me close forcehrn there’s not. Now with it being 8 mos since we broke up IDK if it’s too late to start a NC since we’ve been on & off or what to do. I have apologized many times & right now he’s away out of town on. Vaca & he wouldn’t tell me who he was going with. Idk if he won’t cause he’s playing mind games or if he took another girl but I have heard from him since he’s been gone which was yesterday. That was the last time we talked. So I’m not sure what to do now. Also he posted a pic of us on fbook but he used a big smiley face emoji to cover my face which I felt was very childish & Idk y he did that unless it was to get a reaction out of me or hurt me. & this was recently but he still text me like we are ok. Also he showed up at my house last Saturday says he still loves me wants us but he doesn’t know if he can trust me & then goes out with another girl Saturday night. It’s just a big mess & im not sure what to do now.
    Thanks

  4. Yola says:

    Hi Chris

    I cheated on my bf…we were right for two weeks then my ex contacted me so he thinks I’m still saying him he told his friends he wants nothing to do with me and we will never get together with me…is there hope after such.

  5. Kay says:

    Hi,
    I’ve been reading the site and looking at comments.. I cheated on my boyfriend about a year ago, and he found out a couple of weeks ago and immediately broke up with me. We’ve been together 5 years and I know in my heart that this isn’t it for us, but I don’t know how to make him see that now. He’s very angry and hurt but I just want him back. I’ve only tried to contact him once in 3 weeks and it was by letter, not a great response. I’m willing to try NC, but after watching your webinar, I’m not confident in how to make contact after. With this situation I don’t think texting him and saying “guess what happened” will be a good idea, there is a lot to be resolved. Can you guys be of any help?? What should my next step be?? I just need to make it right, I never wanted to hurt him and now it’s all a mess. We were going to be moving in together in a few months, he was going to start saving for a ring… I’m just lost

  6. chelsea says:

    Hi,

    I cheated on my boyfriend in June 2016 with my ex-boyfriend. He found out and was very hurt. We broke up for maybe a week and ended up back together. The trust was never 100% since that. In December 2016 he saw a text to my ex-boyfriend to meet him to talk about a problem and I had sent him a picture. He broke up with me on the spot and we tried to remain friends, that lasted for about a week until I had a breakdown and went “crazy” on him. Now we are not speaking as of late December. We have only sent a couple texts, and that was in order for him to arrange to pick up all of his clothes and items from my house. He says he is done and he is hurt. I am respecting that he and I both need to heal and am trying your NC rule. Is there anything else i should do/not do to help in our healing and hopefully our re-connection? Is there any hope or should I let this go?

    Thank you so much in advance.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Chelsea,

      what was the problem and the picture and why didn’t you cut ties with your ex?

    • chelsea says:

      the problem was a girl that my ex-ex had been dating was telling mutual friends that my ex-ex and I were seeing each other/dating. This was untrue and I wanted to meet him in person to discuss the issue. the picture i sent was a selfie of myself, one that i should have only sent to my boyfriend at the time. it was wrong. I had cut ties with my ex-ex completely prior to the issue with the girl spreading weird rumors. Since my last post, my ex and I spent 3 days together….and now we are not speaking again, aside from him sending me very emotionally fueled texts telling me I ruined our life together. I don’t know if I should respond, do the no-contact order (since I am in the wrong here) and let him have time and space to cool off so we are both in a better space….? How long should I wait to respond to him?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      let him cool down for a week and then explain, if he still doesn’t believe you then do the no contact rule

  7. Kat says:

    Hey Chris or Amor,
    I have loved looking through the articles and videos on your website and they have lifted my mood and made me feel a lot more confident about saving my relationship!
    However, I still need help…I have been in a relationship for a year and a half with my boyfriend, which has been the most special and amazing time of my life, and he truly became my best friend and soulmate during that time, however in September I moved to college in a different country whilst he stayed at home to work so the relationship became long distance, and at first it was good and we were calling each other and texting every day and were completely happy.
    However, as our time apart continued, I started liking another guy at college and contacting my boyfriend less and less and spending more time with the new guy I met at college. Over the holidays, I stayed at the new guys house, met his family and had a great time, and we got drunk and slept together one night. As soon as I came back from break, I called my boyfriend and decided to break up with him and admit that I cheated on him and wanted to be with someone else. However, NOW i have realized that was the worst decision of my life and I love my boyfriend so much and I want to get him back and stay with him for the rest of my life, because losing him has been the most painful experience I’ve ever had to go through, and I truly believe he is my soulmate, I just lost connection with him during these past months and took him for granted. He now hates me but said there may be a chance for us to reconcile and get back together in the future, but for now he says he cannot forgive me, and is betrayed and disgusted by what I did, making me hate myself but want him back so much! I am seeing him over Christmas when I get back home (in a months time) and we are going to meet up and talk. I have cut contact with the new guy in college and want to focus all my attention on getting my ex back, because he means the world to me and I cannot function without him, and I have learnt from this huge mistake and know I will never ever hurt him like this again.
    I am starting the NC rule today but am unsure its going to work/help in this situation, what do you think I should do/my action plan should be from now on? I have accepted that its my fault and apologized intensively for the last 2 days, and begged for him back, but he doesn’t want to listen to any of it.
    He says he wants to stay friends and know what’s going on in my life, even though I’ve told him I’m cutting contact with him for a while, so should I stay friends and reply to his messages, then see what happens at Christmas, or should I follow the NC rule and ignore his messages until I am home again.
    Please let me know whats the best thing to do,
    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Kat,

      try to follow the no contact rule and focus in improving yourself.. because being friends now, will have more risk of being friendzoned.

  8. Sharon C says:

    Hey Chris or Amor! ive been reading your articles for about 2 weeks now. I LOVE the NC rule and everything you explain behind it. I have a situation on where I would love your advice. I had a bf for about 5 years. hes my longest relationship. we both loved eachother very very much. we were planning on getting married and all. early this year in 2016, in Febuary to be exact, I had a one night stand where I got black out drunk, & was without him. I regretted every minute of it afterwards and decided to keep it a secret for all eternity because I didn’t want to hurt my bf in any way. I decided to cut of all communications with the guy I slept with ad he understood why. fast forward 7 months later I come to find out that im pregnant by my boyfriend. we were SO HAPPY. dream come true! when I was about a month pregnant, someone anonymously decided to text my boyfriend and tell him EVERYTHING which included some lies that never happened. I know it wasn’t the dude I slept with bc had no contact with us like that. he ended up leaving me, and I moved out. started to deny the baby was his. we went without talking for about 3 weeks the longest. right now, we are in good terms.he calls the baby his now bc he knows its his daughter. I have the date we conceived, im 100% positive its his. I still love him without any doubt and want to get back with him and have the family that ive always wanted. he is currently “talking” to some chick. tells me that he doesnt want to be in a relationship with her. shes just to pass time but it hurts me SO MUCH that hes even just conversating with someone, which I know she doesn’t have anything on me. but still hurts ya know? :\ </3 since ive been BEGGING for him back, we even slept with eachother last week but he got upset afterwards and emotional and said "I just still feel bitter to be honest" ive been getting taking him lunch, his favorites specially. you know? try to make him remember how good I could be to him again. we feel our baby move together. we talk now but we don't fight because the fights affect me and my baby.he helped me get car. ive pretty much been doing everything wrong from what ive read on your articles. YESTERDAY I decided to start the NC rule. yes, I am on day one. lol last message I told him was that I was letting him go bc I couldn't do this anymore and I was just being hurt over and over again and expecting an outcome that possibly would never happen. he replied a long message how he understood and how loved me forever and always and "who knows what the future holds for us, im not against getting back together completely, im just not ready to try at this moment.im not ready to make a commitment like that to you, its not that it could never happen im just not there yet. and she (meaning girl hes speaking too) is not more important than you or my baby she just makes me happy right now. im not looking for a relationship from her because ive been in a relationship for the past 5 years and Im going to be single and enjoy myself for a while. thanks for wanting me to be happy and I will always love you too and never forget it" and I haven't replied. just need some advice on it. how long do you think I should do the NC for? and if I have the urge to speak to him what do I do. I feel so lost without him sometimes. probably most of it is my hormones as well. but I need to be strong and be independent to him and act as if I don't need him but I literally think about him NON stop. im so heartbroken I just want to fix this. I take back everything I ever did wrong. do you think Im doing the correct thing by the NC? do you think he will miss me? do you think we will get back together? btw, I am now 6 months and we have been separated since. but trying to be civil. but I want him as my lover again. I haven't given up on us. im afraid that he wont ever want to be together again even with me giving him his first child. My first baby too. thank you for your time.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Sharon c,

      It looks like there’s a good chance someday..Does he know it was just a one night stand and that you’ve cut all ties with the guy?

  9. kay says:

    Hi there firstly I would like to thank you for what you are doing. I went on a date with a married guy and my ex found out,he said he had forgiven me and we continued our relationship,this happened in June August was hell on and off depending on what he felt,we tried working things through then that married guy popped up unannounced,that made things worse and last Sunday he broke up with me. I have apologised a thousand times even suggested counselling but he wont take me back. He says he would rather have me as a friend which is really painful. He talks to me texts me but just wont date me. Am meeting him on Saturday to say bye and part ways which is painful. What do I do,I need this guy back. The married guy wont leave me alone too pops up at work calls even drives by my place. What do I do please help me

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Kay,

      did you mean you dated the married guy during your relationship? Well, if he really is bothering you and won’t listen, get a restraining order. Just be civil with your ex. Be calm. Don’t be emotional. Follow what’s advised in the video above and take it slow after nc..

  10. rachel says:

    So me and my ex broke up 2 months ago. It has been chaos ever since. He is alwys angry msging me claiming that i have slept with this guy and that. He has a long list of guys that he has made up in his mind that i have slept with. I have tried explaining to him countless times but he doesnt seem to be working. I even read the article that states if i have been falsely accused of cheating.
    I have tried everything, i followed that article and not spoken to him for more than a week but i alwys ended up replying to him because of his angry msgs daily.
    I got really fedup and i knew where he was working ysterday, i showed up and he wsnt pleased. We had a huge fight, with him walking away and me following him and him throwing his phone and asking me to leave but i didnt. I begged him to make it work with me but he kept refusing and saying he hasnt had feelings for me in a long time even when we were together. It was very hurtful, it ended up with him getting into his car and driving away.
    I went home all numb and he continued angry msging me in the middle of the night, he sent me a video of him cutting up our picture together, That really HURT !
    He is really angry at me and no matter what i do, he just keeps getting angry at me. He seems so adamant on never getting back together, he is at a point where he hates me ! He has been extremely angry at me for 2 months straight and after last night it got way worst ! Again he deleted my number in front of my face and he has blocked me everywhere including whatsapp now.
    I guess i have to work with this programme as he is heavily convinced that I have cheated on him.
    What should i do ? Please advice.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Rachel,

      stop feeding the fire Rachel.. I know you’ll keep doing what you want to do and I understand that and I also think that’s the only way that can help you realize that the more you answer, the more you show up, the more you beg, the more it will make him angry or take advantage of that power by continuing to be angry at you.

      You basically keep on reacting to him and it’s making him feel good. Take the high road. Ignore and improve yourself. Learn to live life that he’s the only who’s angry.

      You’ve explained. That’s enough. Don’t lower your value by continuing to chase him.

      Stop reacting to him.. It’s like you keep riding the worst ride in the carnival and expecting it to make you feel better the next time you ride it.

  11. What happens now? says:

    Hey there! My husband and I have been married four years and have a two year old son. He is currently on a 6 month deployment overseas. 6 weeks ago I had a one night stand with another woman. Our relationship was good but I wanted to explore my sexuality and was unable to resist the temptation of an open opportunity. I confessed and he told me that we were done. I didn’t follow no contact at first and apologized over and over for about a month. Through the month, he sent me mixed signals by telling me a few times that he loved me still but he is very hurt. A few days ago he told me he’s dating a woman who he was flirting with a few years ago. I have been doing no contact since he told me he’s dating this woman. He’s been texting me twice a day since he’s told me about the other woman and I have not replied to any of them. There was once he asked to Facetime our son and during the call, I went into another room. What do you suggest I do?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It’s ok to talk about your son only but if he’s not wanting to get back with you, don’t respond to that or tell him you’re not ready to talk about that stuff yet.

  12. Jess says:

    Hi, I’ve got two of your ebooks and read tons of articles. I’m so grateful for all your help. But I have a question, that I can’t seem to find on here. I’m into day 27 of no contact, and after some soul searching and meditation, I’ve realised that there were a few things I did that would have been hurtful to my ex. We both did, but I’ve come to realize we were both to blame. We had a great relationship, but it just got very stressful for both of us (work commitments, buying a house) He broke up with me and after the god send that is the 30day NC, I have come to realise that there are things I would like to say sorry for. Though I’m not sure when I should say them. Should I say something before first contact text or after? Like when the conversation starts flowing again? Again thanks for your help. It’s amazing to come across a site like this and not have to pay millions for BS!!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Jess,

      thanks for buying and appreciating our books! hmm.. how heavy is it? I mean, according on how well you know him, and from what happened, are those things something you should say sorry first? If you start talking first, would he think about them rather than just talk to you?

      If you say it first, would it cause tension or it’s just something you could say while in the conversation and then he would forgive and move on?

  13. Blue says:

    I had to go through NC for 15 time last year. Our dates that he initiates are always unforgettable and then he withdraws again. He can not forgive that I was in rebound relationship after our breaking up 2 years ago, even though I cut all ties with my rebound and I returned back to my ex. He arranged beautiful date again a month and half ago. We had beautiful 2 days like we used to have before. And then nothing. This rollingcoster of hot and cold behavior kills me. Again NC from my side and he does not respond my emails anymore. What is this? what should I do next?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Blue,
      by 15 times, do you mean 15 all completed nc?

    • Blue says:

      yes,it took little bit longer then a year. one year and half . but it finishes with the withdrawal again. And I have to restart again and again. any advise?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hmmm, take it slow after nc this time..Make him work for you.. And also, I think you have to focus on you this time of nc instead of just aiming to geet him back..

  14. kathryn says:

    I have bought all your products, have listened to your iPod casts etc but still am having problems with get a response out of my ex. I was in a 10 yr relationship with my high school sweetheart and 4 months ago he left me because I had depression and it caused me to cheat on him twice. he was heartbroken and told me he was falling out of love with me (probably due to my depression and cheating) and I haven’t heard from him since. he’s completely blocked me out of his life Facebook, email, phone, texts etc. I have tried everything and he was able to handle the first event of cheating on a reasonable level to the point he wouldn’t leave me. a few months later i was in a bad situation another guy forced himself on me and i took responsibility for it and told him i cheated on him again. We’re 27 and have been through 10 years of everything, ups and downs long distance – everything we have gotten over it until now. Its been 4 months I haven’t heard from him since October and I don’t know what to do. I feel there is no hope or chance to regain his love for me again and to have him want to come back and contact me without me trying to contact him first. He doesn’t reply to any emails, phone calls or texts etc. How can I fix this and have him want to be with me again?
    I have read all your “books” and have done non contact for 30 days and haven’t heard anything from him. i have no way of reaching out and feel i could be waiting for him to get to me for months or a year or more for him to want to come back. he has put he’s single on Facebook and changed his profile pics. I’m worried I have no way of bringing him back.

    Thank you

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Kathryn,

      was all your efforts during those four months while you were blocked?

    • kathryn says:

      i did no contact for the past month only because i was trying to contact him first after he broke with me so i did the efforts after that 30 day no contact

    • kathryn says:

      i don’t know what specific steps to follow i have listened to pod casts and i am wondering do i do another 30 day no contact which will be easy since he’s cut me out completely! and then send a text but i don’t know how to approach him without his defence mechanisms going up and completely ignoring me its been 4 months since I’ve heard a word from him and I’m trying to break this wall of silence he’s put up

    • kathryn says:

      no he blocked me after he broke up with me last october than i only did 30 days no contact last month and i tried to contact him last week with a text message i got nothing back. I’m willing to pay anything for step by step guidance on how to approach him i have used psychologists and relationship therapists on what i should do and nothing has worked. he blocked me completely last october and i haven’t heard anything at first i was texting him a lot and calling him and did things i shouldn’t have i did the 30 days no contact sent a text didn’t get a reply and now i don’t know what i should do – do i need to do another 30 day no contact

  15. Betty Salt PLEASE HELP says:

    I know you receive a lot of questions, so I’ll try to keep it as brief as possible. He and I were together for 10 months. I cheated on him (kissed and held hands with someone else only). I felt guilty and admitted to it. He got very angry, but decided he wanted to work through it. I kept hanging out with the person (as friends only), and ended up admitting it to him. He then broke up with me. A few days later, he desperately begged for me back, and even after I told him to give me more time, he rushed me, so not being completely sure of what I wanted, i told him we were not good for each other. After 2 weeks of silence, I begged for him back, realizing I had made a huge mistake, but he told me no (that I had broken his heart, trust, and made him humiliated). It has now been an additional 14 days since we have spoken, as I am implementing the NC rule. My question is, his birthday is in 2 days. Given the situation, should I say anything to him or stay silent? It will have only been 16 days of NC rule. I know that I am the one at fault, so I’m struggling with whether to show I care or to hide it. And finally, the magical question, do I even have a chance? How good of a chance?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Betty salt,

      it’s ok of you’re just greeting him but don’t engage a talk with him and also, you have to cut all ties with the other guy so, you will have a better chance after nc

    • Betty Salt PLEASE HELP says:

      I have cut ties with the other person, but I suppose there isn’t any way for my ex to know that. Does it matter if he knows? Also, just to confirm, telling him happy birthday does not break NC? I thought the point of NC was no contact at all, so I just want to be absolutely sure it won’t mess up my chances. If I do say happy birthday to him, should I do it somewhere less personal like on his Facebook wall, or actually text it to him?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      For me as long as it’s just happy birthday and no talking..hmm yeah it’s better if it’s less personal so there’s less chance of a talk

    • Betty Salt PLEASE HELP says:

      Okay, so it has been about 30 days, so I sent my ex a message, and he responded. I’m not really sure where to go from here though. What do I do next? Here is the convo: “I was packing up my room the other day and found ticket stubs from a concert we went to, and it obviously made me think of you. Honestly, it really made me smile. I’m happy and grateful that I got to experience so many interesting and exciting things with you. I hope you’re doing well.” And he said, “you too, take care”. I said “thank you”. I thought about waiting a couple of days and telling him about a funny experience I had at the karaoke bar (a place we used to spend time together), or I could send him a message genuinely apologizing to him about my actions during the relationship. I already did the apology before the nc rule, but im wondering if it will have a bigger impact now. I’m not sure what to do from here. Help please!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      if you’ve already apologized..that will do.. focus on making the next text more engaging.. don’t say or ask on the karaoke text of he remembers how you spent time together there, one remembrance is enough for now..it has to be in a way that he will desribe or tell a story…like starting the text with, “hey what’s up,I went to the karaoke bar and blah blah..”

    • Betty Salt PLEASE HELP says:

      I just wanted to say thank you. As someone who cheated and was trying to get my ex back, I was definitely losing hope, but after following all of your advise, he’s now talking to me again and wants to work things out. It has been exactly 2 months since he and I split up, and it was certainly a process, but things are looking good from here.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      You’re welcome! I’m happy he’s talking to you again!

  16. May says:

    I was in a LDR and cheated on my ex, I didn’t want to lie or keep anything from him so I almost immediately told him. He asked no questions about anything, it was just over. That was about a month ago… we were only together about three months but we already said “I love you”. In that time, we got to meet once for only a day and it was about a week or two into the relationship. Anyway, after a day, he messaged me and said to give him time and “the best course is to start over from the beginning. Friends.” Before I went into NC (it’s been about 10 days), we kind of talked and he would respond, we even had a skype call. I’m just not really sure if he actually meant that we could start over from the beginning and work our way back to being together or if he just said it to be nice. I’m just really unsure of what to do altogether.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      He’s right, you have to start over as friend and if he’s telling the truth, you have to cut all ties with the other guy. and most of the effort will likely come from you to regain trust.

  17. Alana says:

    Hi Chris,
    I really like your site, I find it very helpful. I want to apologize in advantage if my grammar is not proper, English is not my first language.
    So, thing is, I cheated on my boyfriend four months ago. I was flirting with a coworker and didn’t expected for that to happen. But I let it happen: he touched my leg and I touched his back. Then he touched my crotch and I didn’t want him to, but I couldn’t stop him. I was paralized since we were in a car with more people in it and I didn’t want to make them notice the situation. Then I went home and told my boyfriend just a bit of what happened. He was pissed for a week and then forgave me. A month ago I told him a little more, but not everything again because I was too afraid. Two days later we were ok. Last week I told him all of it, and the crotch touching was considered as a full cheating act in his eyes. Well, he said he needed to think and that we will met up in his house later to go to his mother’s birthday. And the next day we had planned a date. He later cancelled all those things and said he needed space and that he didn’t want yo go with me to Europe (we have planned vacations for next week). I tried to convince him very calmly but he just won’t listen. The other day ge said he was thinking about the trip, but didn’t want to be with me anymore. I tried to convince him again, but it didn’t work. I want to clarify that these conversations were by messages, never in person. He wanted to me up in person but I said I didn’t want to talk to him until he have dropped the anger away and also that I was very busy at work to worry about this. Two days ago he said he want to talk in person again. I tell him again that I couldn’t, and call him at night. I was really calm and told him that I was very sorry about this, that I want him back but I don’t want to push, that I want him to come to Europe with me and think about this when we were home. I also tell him that this situation was enterely my fault and it was caused by my insecurities which had nothing to do with him. He said he has decided to break up, that I’m not gonna change his mind, but ge will be going to Europe with me as a friend. I told him I understand but that I wanted to Keep is mind open to a other idea. He said that he don’t think it will worth the effort. I said him I feel like a new person and that I want him to allow me demostrate it. He accepted to have “date” with the new me tomorrow. I told him I have bought the tickets and just now he replied ‘ok’.
    What should I do? How do I act around him? Why should I say? What are we gonna do about this situation un Europe? Thank a lot for your time 🙂

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Alana,

      YOu managed to get him agree on a date but is it because he really liked to go with or he just agreed to go? How do you picture yourself demonstrating the new you? How many days from now is the Europe trip?

    • Alana says:

      Amor, thanks for replying. I ask him for a chance to met the new me in a date, and he a tree but doesn’t show excitement at all. I haven’t see him since I told him the entire truth and I’m going to see him im a few hours. He ask me before we talk on the phone and agree to have a date to bring his clothes and stuff he had in my place. I asked him the same. I a little insecure about that right now… But since I agree that out previous relationship is dead I’d like to denmostrate him that I’m able to go throught this. I would like to show him that I’m not begging him to take me back, that I’m not an insecure and desperate person and I asume my mistakes but I’m not going to punish myself for that. Anyway I am very nervious :/
      We have scheduled our trip for next Saturday.
      Thanks a lot for your time again!

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Okay, if you only have a week, even though you can’t really do full nc, at least make that week like it.

  18. Leah says:

    Hey,

    I had an affair on my long distance boyfriend that I met online. He found out when he visited me for the very first time one month ago. Immediately, he asked for answers and I told him everything. However, he still doubts my honesty because of the extent of which I tried to hide the affair. I have cut all ties with the person I had the affair with. I have tried giving my ex-boyfriend space. I don’t want to bother him. I don’t text or call first. However, he has contacted me every day since finding out. More and more. He is devastated that I could do what I did. He hates that I am that kind of person. Especially, because he considers our relationship to be the happiest time of his life and doesn’t think he could find someone like me. He feels that, by moving on, he would be settling for less. I can say the same. I am deeply sorry for what I have done. I have sent him letters and I have voiced my regret to him many times. But, he feels as though I am only sticking around because I feel bad and he thinks that I may have done more wrong than I am letting on. He thinks that soon after he stops talking to me, I will give up on him and possibly pursue the kind of lifestyle that enabled the affair. I try to express that I have changed. My actions have caused me great unhappiness. I have really defined myself coming out of this. I know the kind of life I want to lead. I want to pursue my dreams with him alongside me. I would never make the same mistakes again and I have voiced that to him many times. He tells me that he’d never get back with me. He tells me he wants to, but he’d be stupid to. There have been so many occasions where he says he will no longer speak to me. But, then he messages me the next day asking me how he could ever let me go. He tells me he loves me. He tells me he wishes he never met me. He tells me he couldn’t be happier with anyone else. He tells me he has to force himself to leave me. He’s struggling with how he should proceed. I’ve hurt him so much, yet he still loves me. But, he thinks he’d be stupid to stay with me because of what I have done that has caused him so much pain. What do I do? How can I show him that I want to reestablish our open and honest communication? How can I show him that I’m genuine? How can I show him that it wouldn’t be a mistake to come back to me? I’ve never felt so certain in wanting to pursue something in my entire life. This experience has really realigned my values. I want this man in my life. I want to be the one to make him his happiest. What can I do? Thank you.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Leah,

      The least you can do is send a heartfelt message of assurance and then after that I think it can help if you share more about your day a little. A video clip, A short event of an interesting thing that happened. If things work out, whenever you meet up do new things. Build new memories but if you really can’t have a proper talk. Give him space but be sure you’ve sent that heartfelt and sincere assurance to him, so he can think about it.

  19. Trice says:

    Hey! My ex dumped me because he thought I was cheating ( I was). It was going to b an untold secret but he said some mean things n I spilled the beans. I’m not proud of cheating, I actually really regret it. However, n this may seem crazy, but iI’m still seeing the guy I cheated on him with even though Im not really interested in him. We broke up about 2 weeks ago. We spoke once n that Convo was terrible. He was livid, but he did continue to text until we agreed to never speak again. I think about him all the time and if I should try getting him back or if I should let it go. We had been dating off and on for 4 yrs with a few disagreements but I think this one took the cake. I cheated, I feel bad, i still want him but i kno he hates me. Should I move on?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Trice,

      Do you want to move on? If not, go with NC period. Let the negative emotions subside

  20. Mia says:

    Hi, Jennifer,
    thanks, I know, I’ve already done everything rigth when we broke up the first time but I’m not sure how to deal with this situation. Should I move and forget about him? I really love him but he is pushing me away, he lies about his feelings and we lasted only two months after reconciliation… Am I fool for wanting a third chance? Is it even possible to last after two break ups?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Mila
      No, you’re not a fool. You’re just willing to try again. It doesn’t matter how many breakups you had or going to have. what matters is if both people in the relationship are willing to make it last one more time.

    • Mia says:

      Thanks Amor. I’ve read all arcticles on this blog, some of them several times and I know the procedure but I would like if you or Chris of Jennifer could write something about trying hard in relationship when you got ex back. Because, I’ve read those texts and I was trying to do everything right and show my affection and love but he was refusing sex, I always initiated it and also, I was the one hugging and kissing him much more…

      Chris wrote that after you got your ex back it is very important to implement Five languages of love and so on but my ex was annoyed with my affection because he wasn’t ready for living together and my presence obviously annoyed him. So I am wondering, is it possible to not be ready for living together or is this some lame excuse and he would me treat me the same if we were just seeing each other?
      I wanted him to feel loved and wanted but he didn’t appreciate that, even though he says he was in love with me during that time, despise his behaviour.

      My biggest question is, do I have play games in the relationships? Because, getting ex back is sort of a game, hot and cold game and I wonder, do guys really need a girl to be hot and cold and a little unavailable to stay deeply in love with her? I would really like sincere answer because even if I don’t suceed in getting my ex back, I would like to know for the future relationships. My mother was always telling me that guy must love me more than I love him and I always thought that was bullshit but after some experiences where guys shut themselves down after they got me, I wonder if that was true…

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hello again Mia,

      First, are you back and living together now or you’re pertaining to events before you broke up?
      It is possible that someone is not ready yet to live together with somebody but if he refuses sex all the time, that’s a different issue. There is a problem if he always refused your requests.

      The key to relationships is that both of you should be a good addition to each other’s lives.Not a burden. Not a responsibility.
      Since women are more emotional, when we fall in love we tend become so in love, we lose balance in our life and all we want to do is be with the one we love. Men, then tend to think you’re a responsibility if you turn like that.

      Man or Woman, we should always keep ourselves and our lives intact away from our partners. We should have our own identity, because come to think of it, he were attracted to you at first because of your good traits. Be that physical or personality wise.But most of the time, when we get comfortable in a relationship, we lose that. We forget to do new things for ourselves. We don’t grow. We just want to be with our partners all the time and do things together all the time. Sometimes we even stop tending to our look.So, in a sense, we lose the person they were attracted to. People are attracted to the things they want to have or they want to be or they think are the same as them.
      Nobody wants a person who’s needy.

    • Mia says:

      *despite his behaviour, not despise, wrong spelling 🙂

  21. Keira says:

    Hi, I was casually seeing a guy 2 years ago for 6 months until I found out he was still in an unhappy relationship with his baby mumma, he moved far away and they broke up not long after he made contact with me recently saying he still always thinks about me and is ready for something serious now, he paid for me to go see him and said he wanted to be with me. I agreed we could try even though would be very long distance. It was very new I had to go overseas to take my daughter to see her Dad ( my ex). He was convinced I would cheat on him we fought when I was there and then he stopped making contact we had a kind of break up text in the end I slept with my ex, I instantly regretted it I told him and he is furious saying he knew it and was testing me and making out I cheated but I said he froze me out and we weren’t together. I acted really desperate calling and texting trying to explain for a week I want him back but he doesn’t want anything to do with me now. Do you think there is any chance of getting him back and because its my daughters dad?

    • Jennifer Seiter says:

      Is he still in a relationship with her? When is the last time you spoke to him?

      (P.S. I am helping Chris out with his comments so more people will get answered)

  22. Konfused says:

    I have written on here before. A few posts ago actually. After NC I sent an email describing all I didn’t get to say when he dumped me. I realised after I sent it that I may have sounded nasty but it was too late. That night I got a missed call on private and it wasn’t from my family/friends. But because I missed it I may never find out. Each day that I looked at my phone and saw no msg I became resentful and used his email to sign him up for silly stuff. It sounds terrible, but I thought a negative reaction would still be a reaction…but nothing…either he doesn’t know it’s me or just doesn’t care. He’d said all this shit about how he was about to give up on love before he found me yet it was so easy for him to ‘give up on me’. I only have his email, his number is deleted and we share no mutual friends so idunno how or even if it’s worth contacting him again. What do I do? I really think my anger got the better of me

    • Jennifer Seiter says:

      After no contact you should really send him a text that is more positive. You have to take it more slowly. Rebuilding attraction takes a lot of time. What was the exact cause of the breakup? Cheating?

      Wait two weeks and then send him a text that would make him feel good. What are his interests?

    • Konfused says:

      It wasn’t a text it was an email, it’s my only way of contact..because he deleted his Facebook and I deleted his number. No there was no cheating, and he didn’t really give me an excuse as to why we broke up (we were only together 6 weeks). I cracked it at him for looking up a very trashy girl on Facebook while he was with me and then after he said he sees me more like a friend/sister which is absolute crap..he was always all over me. He likes golf, I don’t know how to bring that up in an email?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Go around the “by the way” tone, make casual. Maybee about things he can use for golf or events.. Those that can benefit him, or ask for advice about it,

  23. Erika says:

    Hi Chris! I want to stay in NC but I have a trip with my friends starting on the 16th and he’s part of the group. I and my ex broke up 2 weeks ago. I broke my NC after a week but now I’m in NC again for more or less a week now. How do I do with the trip? Just ignore him? Well, I’m not even sure if he’s coming with us but just in case he decides to go, what should I do?

    So a little background, he and I was supposedly going to a temporary breakup. I was going through a lot of stress that time and I wasn’t able to control my outburst. I think he took that as me permanently breaking it off. When I tried to apologize, he didn’t even want to talk to me. I made the breakup mistakes. Haha! Text gnat, call gnat, pleading, even meeting him unannounced. I tried to go NC but broke it after a week and sent him a letter and few more texts and calls. In that one week, he met with his ex and went on a date. This ex was an “in between girl.” I’m not really sure how to interpret or describe this but basically, this girl is someone whom he dumped before so he could go back to his ex before me. Now , my ex is with her until she goes back to Australia after a week. He went on and posted a photo with her just days afyer we broke up. I’m not sure if he’s already in a relationship with her again. He has this “I don’t like talking to an ex.” attitude but went on a date with her and now spending a week with her. Do you think that this is still a case of rebound relationship? Or it’s possible that they really rekindled the old flame and just forgot about me within 2 weeks? We dated for 10 months and I don’t really think that our relationship was bad. His family likes me so much as well and they were geniunely shocked that we broke up. I’m still in contact with his mom and insists that we go out in few days. A part of me hopes we’d fix things between us but I’m also learning to live my life without him. Haha! So I really want to go on doing NC for a while.

    • Chris Seiter says:

      Maybe you might have to do some form of limited contact in this case. If he is part of the trip I mean.

  24. Still trying says:

    Hi Chris, not related to this article, but can you please write an article based on ‘what to do if you and your ex were fighting all the time, but you think it will be different this time’ OR ‘what to do if you made your old relationship high maintenance’. Sounds like i’m a bit of a lost cause aye? But you said to never give up!

    Thanks!

    • Chris Seiter says:

      Hi There,

      I love hearing new ideas for articles.

      Question. What exactly do you mean when you say “you think it will be different this time?”

      Like if you fought a ton in your first relationship and if you got back together you think you wouldn’t fight anymore?

    • Sam says:

      I mean, we’ve been broken up for 4 months now. Did NC (for ourselves) and then got back in touch. There’s been not much talk about getting back together. But a lot of signs. Regardless of the situation, I think we’ve both come a long way. We’ve both voiced our ‘regrets’ from the relationship. And we’ve both been reaching goals and defining who we are without eachother. But I still feel like there’s a lot of love there. Basically my question is – how would we go about resuming things – IF pointless fighting was the issue. His ‘taste’ of our relationship can’t be THAT bad if we’re still in contact? Everything’s been positive since? But I’m scared we’ll fall back in our ways. What’s best to avoid that?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Still Trying,

      It’s ok to be scared. It will make you avoid things that can harm you, or in this case the relationship. You just need to keep the fear in a sensible level. If everything has been positive since, then ride the flow. Arguments can be avoided in a relationship, you just need to it manageable. It’s actually a sign of a healthy relationship as long as it’s not abusive.

  25. Zana says:

    Hey Chris, so my situation isn’t directly related to this post at all, but I thought I would comment on your most recent post. My ex boyfriend broke up with me 5 months ago after being together for 6 years. In these past 5 months, I have changed for the better and feel like I am happier within myself.

    Right, so during these 5 months, there was on and off communication, mostly from him starting the conversations with funny pics etc. But then it got to a point where it was all a bit too confusing for me so I entered a strict NC which is still on going and is 2 months now. Last night he contacted me out of the blue and said…
    “I haven’t missed anything as much as I miss you right now. I’m sorry.”

    This was so, so shocking to me, because he is an introvert and he hasn’t mentioned anything at all like this since we’ve broken up. I have not responded to this yet and don’t know if I should, what do you think I should do at this point? I still love him and would love another chance with him, but I really don’t know what to do or say to him. All I can say is that a strict NC is just the best thing to do to heal and make your ex miss you, and I have definitely learnt this from you and your brilliant site.

    Please help! I don’t know how to respond to him. Thank you.

    • Chris Seiter says:

      I think you should stay in NC for a few more days and then break it by contacting him. But keep that interaction very short.

  26. Tamy says:

    Sad to say nothing worked. Couldnt get the second date as usual he ditched on me stood me up and made up an excuse with some other plan not to go. Im over it. My self steam cant take any more. He doesnt want me and im ok with that.

    • Chris Seiter says:

      How many times did he stand you up total?

      And sometimes it’s better to have the kind of clarity you seem to have now especially if you were caught in limbo before.

  27. Laura says:

    Hi Chris,

    Thank you so much for your amazing advice! Not only has it gotten me great results with my ex… but I also feel better about myself – less needy, more empowered, and more sure that even if things don’t go forward with me & him, I will meet the right person down the road.

    That being said, I do believe my ex and I are meant to be. We have a long history – in fact, I’ve already gotten him back once! This time around, the end was very difficult. He kept telling me he “didn’t see a future” and that he “needed time to find himself,” but then begging me to stay! It was very confusing. Finally, I forced myself to leave him …by going on a date with another man. Not my proudest moment, but I didn’t know how else to force myself out of a very painful situation.

    We did no contact for a month, and since then I’ve been doing my best to follow your advice – I even bought your ungettable girl email course! The results have been good – he got over his initial bitterness, and now we chat fairly frequently. We saw each other in person once and it went well. He apologized for how things ended and is making a concentrated effort to handle his chronic depression and anxiety – which I think is really why the relationship devolved in such a confusing manner. We had some problems (from my perspective, fairly minor), but it’s difficult to be optimistic when you’re depressed.

    And therein lies my issue: How to handle an ex who’s depressed? I’m really the only one who knows about his struggle, but I have no wish to become his therapist. I do wish to support him though – can I do that and still retain my ungettable girl status?

    Also, some of my positivity feels hurtful to him. Recently he asked me not to remind him of good times (your memory texts) because it hurts too much and he’s trying to move forward. I respect that – and I understand that it comes from a place of regret that he let our relationship go… but he seems so resigned to that! He could have me back! I just don’t know how to motivate him to go for it.

    Finally, at what point is it OK to start talking about what went wrong? Is it ever? He definitely seems to want to, but I don’t want to focus on the bad times. And yet… I wouldn’t mind untangling that time, either.

    Thank you so much for your site and awesome advice!! Happy holidays!

    • Chris Seiter says:

      I think you need to acquire a lot of patience. Depression has a way of making things longer.

  28. helppp says:

    Hi chris
    I“m already in my 36 day of no contact, but i don’t want to text him because the last one texting was me and he ignored all the way. Should I wait until christmas or new years to see if he texts me?

  29. Lost says:

    Hi Chris,

    I cheated on my ex, and I have been trying to get him back. So I was doing the NC rule, and yesterday was day 15, which was also my ex’s birthday. One of his friends texted me to ask about us and all that. He told me that my ex was starting to miss me, however not wanting me back yet. That he was still in the stage of slowly forgiving me. So I asked if I should wish him on his birthday and he said yes. So I did. I wished him a ‘Hey, it’s your birthday and I happened to think of you and how we used to celebrate. To be honest, it made me smile. Happy birthday! You’re a really wonderful person. Hope you’re doing well :)’ however he did not reply. The Friend said that his instincts were never wrong, that he felt we would be back together again however it would take a really Long time like 1-2 years. So I asked him to help me with getting my ex back. Later that night this same Friend sent a text that it’s best if I move on and forget about my ex. I asked why? And he said sorry he couldn’t say it, and he never replied to any more of my texts.

    What does this mean? I will be restarting my NC all over again but what are my chances of reconciliation?

    Please help Chris.

  30. konfused says:

    Hi,
    Firstly I did not cheat or anything like that.
    This is the most recent post and im growing desperate. I have completed 7 days of my 21 Nc and have not broke it. But I feel my chances are growing impossible…and yes I know you said no situation is but the fact of it is we were close for like 2 months nearly hes the one who made the rash decision to dump me…saying the whole heap of excuses, that he doesnt see us being long term, sees my like a sister, thinks we rushed into things…he should realise im a catch by now…he has seen guys hit on me. I deleted his number and I can’t text him, blocked him on fb but worried by time I unblock him after NC he will be in new relationship…which i cannot deal with.

    • Chris Seiter says:

      What makes you feel that your chances are impossible exactly?

      Be as specific as possible fore me.

    • Konfused says:

      Well I felt cos we had only been together nearly two months and weren’t in love my chances weren’t great. The fact he said he didn’t see a future with me..I blew it 100% now though cos I signed him up for spam and crap (not that it’s obvious it was me) and when I hadn’t heard from him during nc…when it got to the end of nc with nothing I sent an email stating basically what an idiot he was for letting me go..that night I missed a call from private…it wasn’t my friends or family it might be him..

  31. Halee says:

    I apologize if this is crossed posted. I tried posting on the begging article but kept getting an error message and now I cannot see any comments on that post.
    I bought my now ex a birthday gift before he broke up with me; I bought it off of Etsy and asked the shop owner to ship it a week before his birthday. Until last night I completely forgot about the purchase until I received an email stating the item had been shipped. I sent the shop owner an email and she cannot reroute the shipping, she did say that my name is nowhere on the gift, Just a thank you from the shop and a note. However he will know that it’s a gift from me (unless he is in complete denial). I have been in NC for 2 weeks so far, do I continue NC and ignore him if he texts me once he receives it, or do I break NC and let him know that it was purchased before we broke up ? I don’t want him to think I am trying to “win” him back with gifts, I feel like a gift would look like begging.

    Thank you,

    • Chris Seiter says:

      I am sorry about that Halee…

      I am actually in the process of hiring someone to help me with comments since I feel I have done a horrible job.

      I would actually permit you to break NC for that one interaction when he receives the gift. Simply say that you bought it before you broke up and then go back into NC.

  32. Mia says:

    Chris, I would like to ask you something about living together and personal space. I moved to my long-distance boyfriend and we live together but he isnt’ thrilled about that because even though he isn’t very young, he lived with his parents and last year he moved to his apartment so he obviously misses that time of living alone for a while before moving in together. I moved to his city and looking for a job but we live in a country with very poor economy and it is very hard to find a job. He, on the other hand, works 10 hours daily and needs space when he comes home. I am alone all day and want to spend time with him in the evening and he is very miserable about our relationship. I got him back once, but if we broke up again, I don’t know…
    How should I act? He said he wasn’t ready for me to move in but he didn’t want to lose me and we couldn’t be in long-distance relationship anymore because he doesn’t have time for traveling with all his work and I don’t have money now.
    Can I prove him with my attitude that living together can be ok for both of us or it is doomed? I’m 30 and he’s 37. Should I leave him alone for a few hours when he comes from work or should I go out? I have some friends in this town but I can’t go out every evening….

    • Chris Seiter says:

      Just want to make sure I have the situation correct.

      Your long distance ex? Are you together are broken up?

      And you are living together as of now, right?

    • Mia says:

      He left me this summer saying he fell out of love. He admitted yesterday that he lied about that because although he was in love with me, he was afraid that he is gonna screw this relationship like previous ones. We were in LDR but I moved to his city and start looking for a job but now he said he isn’t ready to live with me because he can’t stand that hasn’t his solitude when he comes home from work (he works too much and has a stressful job). He broke up with me again, saying he lost his mind, he can’t live with me and that it’s not important if he loves me or not, he just can’t. Then after I’ve insisted, he admitted he lied about falling out of love this summer because he was afraid I won’t let it go if he says that he is in love but afraid of commitment.

      He is not so young, in late thirties, but I’m his first love, his relationships were meaningless. He says he tried so hard to work this out and I mean to him a lot. I love him, I really do, I know he loves me but I don’t know what to do. Should I try to get him back? Third chance?
      I am living with him now because in my town I can’t find job, it’s a small town, and I’am waiting for my friend to move in into her house so I can live with her next month. But I am so afraid I’ll ruin every chance staying at his place. How I supposed to act in this case where he loves me and he is ready to lie about that just to push me away. I’ve read your text about NC while living together but I’m not sure how to act. He is very confusing and contradictive because he has fears and thinks I can find better boyfriend but when I show him love, he feels trapped, annoyed and so on, not always, but last two weeks. I don’t know if I do NC while I’m at his place, will he think that I don’t love him and that he was right that I will find better boyfriend? But, if I don’t do NC, that can annoy him, because he is obviously annoyed with me living with him and paying attention to him.

      I apologize for my not so great English, I’m not from English speaking area.

    • Jennifer Seiter says:

      Hey Mia, No problem your English is good. You should move out asap if possible. Then start your no contact. You should do no contact for 30 days in this case.

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