Every breakup is different, but there’s always a common denominator in every breakup I see – loneliness.
For most people, loneliness comes with the inability to cope with it healthily.
Most of my clients want one thing- to get their exes back.
This process makes them feel incredibly lonely because they’re constantly yearning for their ex and thinking back to how things used to be. In fact, I talk about this phenomenon exclusively in one of my latest YouTube Videos.
I’ve always stressed this idea of routines that people fall into after getting into a serious relationship.
While that may be spontaneous at first, you eventually start sleeping, eating, talking, and basically doing everything at the same time and fall into a habit.
Becoming a slave to your routine with your ex means that when that routine is interrupted by a breakup, we can experience extreme loneliness because all of a sudden, we can’t do things the way we used to.
Perhaps one of the biggest mistakes I see women making after a breakup is putting their ex on a pedestal because all the happy elements of their routine lives keep coming back to them.
This is especially true for people trying to get their ex back because they start believing that their life has no meaning without their ex. This is an incredibly dangerous thought process because it just gives them more power over you and makes your loneliness worse.
It might seem odd to mention putting your ex on a pedestal in an article about loneliness, but they’re both perfectly linked together.
How you ask?
Stop Viewing Your Ex As A Demi-God
The first step towards getting rid of your loneliness is to stop looking at your ex like a demi-god.
Because your ex isn’t one. If he was, would you have broken up with him? Probably not. Your ex is just as human as you and putting him on a pedestal is a disservice to yourself because it blinds you to all his faults.
There is a concept I often refer to in my articles and videos known as the holy trinity of life.
It basically refers to three of the most significant areas of your life:
There’s this synergy and connection between these three categories.
For example, if your relationship area takes a hit, it’s very likely that your health and wealth will also take a hit.
It works the other way too. If you improve your health and wealth, your relationships will improve as well.
In my experience, people who experience the worst spells of loneliness after a breakup have their holy trinity completely off balance.
What does that mean?
Well, a breakup definitely makes your relationship category take a plunge, and that can leave you depressed and lonely, which spills over into your mental and physical health as well as your productivity at work
Focus On Everything Except Relationships
So, one of the key components to helping you overcome your loneliness is to focus on everything except relationships.
I know it sounds counter-intuitive, but let’s see how it helps with an example.
Let’s say you just had a terrible breakup and you’re feeling sad. You decide to go for a run to take your mind off things, and you feel GREAT because it’s been so long since you’ve been on a run on your own. You then carry this energy into work the next day, and you make a huge sale. This sale could allow you to meet new people you never thought you’d meet. Next thing you know, you’re doing great in life and feeling good about yourself.
These kinds of interlinked connections are what the holy trinity of life is all about!
Focus on other areas of life and let that positivity flow through to all areas.
The Importance Of Surrounding Yourself With The Right People
In my opinion, the best way to overcome loneliness after a breakup is to surround yourself with individuals who understand and know what you’re going through.
And while this may be hard to hear your friends and family aren’t always the right people to be with during this time.
Well, they can give you general advice like “there are other fish in the sea!” or “why are you still obsessing over this?” or “why are you still sad about this.”
But they don’t understand what it is really like to love someone so much that their loss makes you experience such an extreme soul-crushing burden of loneliness.
They can’t comprehend what you’re going through, and this can even make them lash out at you for missing your ex after a few months of breaking up.
Well, who should you speak to then?
This might sound weird coming from the guy who runs a business talking to people like you about dating problems; I’m actually a pretty anti-social guy. So much so that when my wife came up with an idea for me to start a group for people going through a painful breakup, I brushed the idea away because I didn’t care for the extra socialization.
After a year of her pestering me, I eventually gave in and started a private Facebook group for people who are going through breakups and bought our products.
I wanted to see how people would interact with each other.
That group now shows me examples of kindness and empathy every day as people support each other because of their shared experiences. Most interestingly, when I interview people who end the ex-boyfriend recovery process and get their exes back (or not!), they say that the Facebook group was one of the BEST things they’ve ever seen because they are allowed to surround themselves with individuals who can relate to them.
Don’t believe me?
They finally have an avenue for expressing their loneliness without feeling judged or ignored.
There is nothing more powerful than hearing someone say that they have felt the way you did, and they were able to get past it and that you can do it too.
You’re probably wondering how you can access this Facebook group to get the peer support you need. Well, I’m not trying to sell you anything here, and I do offer lots of great advice on my blog and YouTube channel for everyone out there.
However, the requirements for our Facebook group are strict, and you must purchase our product before having access to it.
Well, I think to provide constructive interactions in the Facebook group, members need to start off on the same foot, and that’s what our product gives.
But we’re not the only group out there. There are SO many amazing virtual groups that you can join to speak to people who truly understand you.
Sometimes, even a trusted friend who understands what you’re going through can also be of great help.
For someone who’s really lonely, it’s imperative that you don’t surround yourself with people who tear you down, and sometimes close friends and family tend to do that because they feel frustrated at you for not moving on.
To them, their anger is justified because they care for you and want you to get over your ex. But them pushing you too much can make your loneliness way worse.
You want to surround yourself with people who not only encourage you but also help you curb your worst impulses.
This is why entering a private Facebook group like ours is one of the best things you could do to keep yourself in check during the no contact rule.
People in the group will build you up when you’re at your lowest and want to reach out to your ex by telling you that it gets better.
This Too Shall Pass… Your New Mantra
The age-old idea of “this too shall pass” resonates strongly in times of loneliness after a breakup.
I’ve experienced several roadblocks throughout my life, and this phrase has always helped me get through it. Just knowing that a bad situation cannot linger forever and that good times are coming van give you immense strength and patience.
I know it’s easier said than done because the feelings of loneliness you’re going through right now might seem endless. It’s hard to look at your life from a bird’s eye view and see the bigger picture because you’re feeling all the negative emotions of a breakup in full force.
I believe that you should let yourself go through the stages of grief, but it is still important to have a certain perspective about your life that helps you accept that your loneliness will come to an end. Ever heard the phrase “will it into existence”? Well, if you keep telling yourself that you will get over your loneliness and emerge stronger- that’s exactly what will happen.
On the flip side, if you keep demotivating yourself and thinking that this will never end, that can become a self-fulfilling prophecy too. So, be mindful of your thoughts.
The only constant in life is CHANGE.
Great changes don’t always happen suddenly.
So, stop thinking that your life will never go back to normal after a breakup.
Because it’s going to take some time.
But when you bear your loneliness and sadness just understand that this too shall pass.
If you take anything from this article, let it be this:
- Your situation WILL change.
- You can help nudge that change by having positive thoughts and empowering peer support.
- The loneliness you feel right now cannot define you if you don’t let it
- So step up, get the support you need, and overcome these feelings.