Welcome to episode 38 of The Ex Boyfriend Recovery Podcast.
Wow, this turned out to be the longest episode in the history of the podcast at just a tad over 40 minutes.
A pregnancy episode being the longest one.
Well, as it turns out I have a lot of experience in dealing with pregnancy.
What’s my experience?
Well, the first success story I ever had in helping a woman get back with their ex was with a woman who was pregnant. The other type of experience I have had with dealing with pregnancy is the fact that right now my wife is pregnant.
We are expecting a baby girl and as a result of this I have had a lot of experience in seeing the pregnancy emotions firsthand.
Why is this important you ask?
Simple, it allows me to really inform you as to what is going on in an ex boyfriends mind if a breakup does occur while you are pregnant.
But enough of this stuff…
Lets get to the actual situation at hand.
Today we are going to hear from a woman who didn’t feel comfortable giving her name so we are going to call her “anonymous.”
Anonymous has found herself in a bit of a pickle.
- She has just found out that she is pregnant
- She is highly emotional due to her pregnancy
- She dated her ex for a total of 4 months
- They had amazing chemistry and went very fast
- SHE broke up with him over a silly argument
- He shut down after that
- She feels like she can’t lose him
Lets take a look at some of the things I am going to cover in this episode.
What I Talk About In This Episode
- Pregnancy emotions & how they are a real thing
- Considering an exes perspective
- What goes through his mind during pregnancy
- My first success story
- Pregnancy & The No Contact Rule
- Tide Theory
- Being level headed
- The importance of check ups
Important Links Mentioned In This Episode
The Game Plan
If you are pregnant and are trying to get your ex back then there is a relatively simple game plan that I want you to follow.
The game plan is divided up into four parts.
- The No Contact Rule
- Tide Theory
- Level Headed-ness
- Check Ups
Lets go down the list one by one and talk about these four parts.
The No Contact Rule
It’s a bit harder to do during pregnancy but it can still be done.
The only big change you are going to have to make is that you are allowed to break NC if he reaches out and wants to know about the baby or things of that nature.
That’s it though.
This one is a little too hard to explain in a short little write up.
My best recommendation is that you pick up Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO as the process is explained there.
It is important to stay level headed if you are trying to get an ex boyfriend back.
Now, I do realize that this is a pretty big ask of a pregnant woman but you are going to have to try.
The Check Ups
In this episode I talk about how check ups are the perfect excuse to get an instant date.
In other words, a check up is almost like a built in date if you use them the right way.
Besides, what person can resist seeing a baby on an ultrasound for the first time.
Welcome to Episode 38 of the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Podcast. Today we’re going to be covering an interesting topic about pregnancy. Before we get into that, I want to talk to you about some of the things that I’ve been working on behind the scenes.
As you know, over the last few podcast episodes, I’ve been talking specifically about this coaching idea that I had. It seems that my wife and I are going to do some personal coaching for some of the men and women from both Ex-Boyfriend Recovery and Ex-Girlfriend Recovery. Right now, I’m going to be running a test trial in a month or two, depending on a number of factors, which I’ll explain to you a little bit later in this podcast.
I’m going to run this one-month trial to see how long it’s going to take. The coaching will not be too expensive. It will be a couple hundred bucks. You’re going to get way more value than anyone out there is giving you. There will be a time constraint on my part because I’m going to guarantee a response at least once every 24 hours. I want to give you a heads up and tell you that is still a go. I’m still working on that.
In addition to that, I’m working on a few other things. I’m going to tell you a story about the early days of Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. When I had the idea for Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I didn’t necessarily think it was going to be a success. I looked around. I couldn’t find any other blogs out there that specifically dealt with helping women get their exes back. There were one-page websites that had five or six articles total, but I couldn’t really find a website that I wanted to create.
Nevertheless, I went out there and created it. So far, it’s been doing pretty well. I have an ebook, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. I have a podcast, which you’re listening to now. Every week, the site is updated with either 5,000 to 7,000 word in-depth articles on a particular situation. My goal with Ex-Boyfriend Recovery is to create this ultimate resource that women can come to in order to help them with their breakup.
Originally, when I was thinking about writing a book, I wondered why no one had ever put together something that was like a dictionary of texts that someone could use in a situation to get their ex back. I came across a few other programs that claimed to have that.
They said, “In any situation, you can pull out this book and there will be a number of text messages that you can use. It will help you get your ex back.” When I did research for Ex-Boyfriend Recovery and I was looking into these things, I found that there was nothing out there really like that. There was no true dictionary of text messages. There was no texting bible on what texts to follow to get your ex back. The more I thought about it, the more I began to realize it is a monumental task to create something like that.
The more I began to think about it, I thought, “That would be an incredible resource for women to utilize. It could be a massive texting bible they can use to get their exes back.” Recently, I’ve been working on creating one. That’s the idea behind it. I can’t guarantee that it will be perfect.
I’m going to do my best to include text messages for how to deal with almost any situation that you can think of. The whole purpose of the text bible that I’m creating is that I want it to be a cheat sheet. If your ex texts you something and you don’t know what to respond, you can pull out this book and use it. I’ve been working really hard on that.
Yesterday is when I started writing it. I’m getting some help from a few outside sources to complete it so that it’s high quality. There will be well over hundreds of text messages. There will be examples of what to do and when to use a text as well as the principle behind the texts. I’m excited to get that out there. I think it’s something a lot of you really want.
If you’re looking to buy a product, this would be the type of product that you want. I’m going to create it for you. This is a heads up. I’ll be giving you details through the podcast and the email list, if you signed up for the Kai versus Sarah case study. You’ll be getting periodic updates on the texting bible that I’m creating. If that sounds like something you’d be interested in, please leave a comment in the comments section for the show notes of this episode.
Let me know if this is something you would be interested in. I’m pretty sure that I already know the answer because I get so many women who contact me on a daily basis. They say, “My ex-boyfriend sent me this text. What should I respond?” I’m creating the ultimate resource for that. It will not be as expensive as Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. That is a total of $47.
I do not want to make the text bible that high of a price range. I’m going to try to make it a little more affordable for people who are interested in getting the bible. I’ll give you a few updates here and there about it. Hopefully I’ll have another update for you in a week or two. I’m hoping, by the end of this month, I will have this entire thing done. It’s a lot of work. If I ignore any of you in the comments or your voicemails, just know that I’m working on a resource to try to help you out.
Today we’re going to be talking about a situation involving pregnancy. The person who left me a voicemail didn’t give her name. We’re going to call her Anonymous for now. I’m going to play her message for you. She’s talking really fast. It might be hard for some of you to hear her. Know that I will be going over her situation after you hear from her. I’ll give you a recap.
Let’s hear from Anonymous right now:
“Hi, Chris. Right now, I’m pregnant and highly emotional, which is unlike me. This guy and I had been dating for four months. Everything was great. We have major chemistry. Everything went quickly. We professed our love and made things official only a few weeks ago. We got in a couple minor disagreements but they were quickly resolved.
The last disagreement was my fault. I was rude. I lashed out and I broke up with him. Like I said, I’m highly emotional right now because of the pregnancy. Two days later, I apologized but he said it was too late. Things got rather mean. He asked for his things back and he shut down. I found out after the breakup that I’m pregnant.
I wasn’t going to tell him in hopes of not seeming desperate, but I did. He’s still ignoring me. It has been a full week since I saw or spoke to him. I did text him a few times at first before I found out, and then yesterday. I just don’t understand how he could totally change and treat me like that even after I apologized over something that now has a legitimate explanation.
Please let me know what I need to do. This is unlike me to be in this situation. I’m not really myself right now because of the pregnancy. I can’t lose him. I need his help. I know he probably thinks I’m crazy because I did tell him I was pregnant, but he knows me. He knows that I’m not like that. Thank you.”
Thanks for your question. I’m really happy to answer it. It seems like you asked this question a few days ago. I’m a little bit late to answer it. Just know that I’m going to do everything in my power to help you out.
First, I want to congratulate you on your pregnancy. This is a topic that’s very near and dear to my heart for a couple of reasons. We’re going to go back in time before Ex-Boyfriend Recovery was created. I’m going to give you some of the historical references that came about to create Ex-Boyfriend Recovery. Before I created Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I had a friend who got pregnant with her boyfriend. Her situation almost mirrored yours exactly.
The only difference is that she didn’t break up with her boyfriend, her boyfriend broke up with her. A day or two after the breakup with her boyfriend, she found out that she was pregnant from him. She found out that she was pregnant and she did what you’re trying to do. She wanted her ex back more than anything. I had a front-row seat to witness everything that happened during that time period.
She ended up getting back with her ex. It took seven or eight months. It was towards the end of the pregnancy that she ended up getting him back. With a lot of the principles that I talk about on Ex-Boyfriend Recovery, I always think back to that situation. That was something that I had front-row seat for.
I didn’t really advise her. I was more listening. I did feel bad for her situation a little bit. It can be difficult when you hear someone’s in trouble and not at least offer your opinion. I offered a few of my opinions. She followed the advice and was lucky enough to get her ex back.
I do have experience with your situation, Anonymous. I don’t want you to feel like I don’t know what I’m talking about. I doubly have experience with your situation because, as we speak, my wife is pregnant. She’s been pregnant for 30 weeks now. I can’t remember the exact number. I can definitely sympathize with you when you say that you’re highly emotional.
That’s a pregnancy symptom. It’s something that there is a legitimate explanation for, like you said in your message. I’ve witnessed firsthand the pregnancy emotions and some of the things that go along with it. I have to say, my wife is absolutely incredible. There were only one or two times total during the pregnancy when I thought to myself, “The pregnancy has a hold of her emotions.”
For the most part, she’s been very calm, cool and collected. She thinks about me a lot and tries not to start things over trivial matters that a lot of other women would probably succumb to. I want to take a moment to thank her for that. She’s made my life way easier. The one thing that I was not expecting was just how bad the morning sickness aspect of pregnancy can be.
Morning sickness is not a really good term to describe what women go through in the first trimester. It turns out, it’s more like an all-day sickness. In the movies, you watch a pregnant woman throw up in the morning. Then she’s good for the rest of the day. In real life, that’s not actually the case. What really happens is that you could feel nauseous the entire day.
You could throw up throughout the entire day. It doesn’t go away until probably the second trimester. They say that the second trimester is this period where you feel better than you’ve ever felt. I don’t think that’s entirely true. The reason why women say that the second trimester feels so much better than the first trimester is the fact that they felt so bad during the first trimester that, even getting back to normal feels like some sort of huge deal.
With all of this stuff going on in the first trimester for you, Anonymous, it’s very understandable that your emotions are all over the place. Unfortunately, your ex doesn’t really understand this. My wife and I are married. We planned to have a child. We knew it going in. It’s not like either one of us were unprepared for it.
I sympathize with you. I can understand your pregnancy emotions. From your message, I can tell that you’re a little rushed and frantic. You really want your ex back. We’re going to approach this from a “get your ex back” position. I’m going to try to tailor a game plan towards your situation.
I wrote down your situation. For those of you who are listening and you didn’t get a good grasp of her situation, here’s a quick recap. Right now, anonymous is pregnant. She’s highly emotional, which she says is not normal for her. She feels like she’s a grounded person normally but the emotions are out of whack.
Now she’s having trouble staying consistent emotionally, which is very understandable. I really do get it, Anonymous. I’m not here to criticize you. I’m here to sympathize with you and tell you my thoughts on how you can get your ex back.
You dated your ex for four months. There was incredible chemistry. You went super-fast. You got into an argument and you broke up with him. He shut down. You found out you were pregnant. You told him you were pregnant. The whole situation is a mess.
The first thing I’d like to do is talk a little bit about your ex. You broke up with your ex-boyfriend. When I look at breakups with women, there are two categories that you can go into. You either initiated the breakup or he initiated the breakup. I’m not a big believer in, “We both agree to break up amicably.”
I think, usually in those cases, there is one person who really dictates that. Even though you say, “We broke up together. It was a joint decision,” usually, one person wanted it more than the other. That’s been my experience. If you disagree, feel free to fry me in the comments. I don’t mind.
When I look at these two situation, either you broke up with your ex or he broke up with you. When I think of getting an ex back, I always think it’s easier for the person who broke up with her ex to get the ex back. Right now, this puts you in a very good position.
But let’s consider his perspective. You’re wondering why he’s acting the way he’s acting. Let me explain it to you. Three things happened. Number one, you broke up with him. That always creates resentment in men. Why? I know this is not a common thing for men to talk about, but I’m going to talk about it. Men are just as sappy as women when it comes to relationships.
Don’t believe that they’re not. Deep down, we want a woman who is going to be supremely dedicated to us, who will never falter, who will never threaten to break up even if we threaten to break up. We want someone who’s going to be there for us 100% of the time. The mere fact that you broke up with your ex-boyfriend, Anonymous, means that you’re not that for him.
In other words, you broke up with him. He worries that, if he ever gets back with you, you’ll do it to him again. He’ll feel hurt again. His worry is that you’ll get into this endless cycle where, you get back with him, but when something goes wrong, you threaten to break up. Then you break up with him. It just goes on and on. Believe it or not, men do not want that. There is going to be resentment from him.
He might think, “You broke up with me. I’m not good enough for you.” or “You broke up with me after some silly fight. We’re supposed to work through this kind of stuff together. What’s wrong with you?” These are common objections that he’s going to have if you end up talking to him. You’re going to have to overcome them. One of the ways that we can explain some of his behavior is that he’s resentful towards you.
Let’s move on to the bigger issue. You’re pregnant. This is the first child I’ve ever had. I’m not going to lie. It can be a little bit scary at times. Anytime you do something for the first time, you’re always scared.
I like to think back to the first time I entered college. All throughout grade school, you’re usually in the same school, in the same town. You know the same people. You move from sixth to seventh grade. Usually, you get a new class but you’re around the same schoolmates. These schoolmates follow you all the way up until you graduate from high school.
When you go to college, it’s different. The classes are different. It’s a completely different feel and experience. When you go into a classroom in college, there are two versions of a classroom, in my experience. You can either go to class two times a week or take a class one time a week but the class is extra-long. It’s a three-hour class. I would always do the one time a week three-hour class. It was a whole different experience for me. Before I went into it, I had a mental breakdown because I had never done it before. I was scared.
I look at men who are having children the first time in the same way. Men often say, “My life is over.” That’s not really true. When it comes down to having a child, your life is not over. It’s just beginning. My wife always tells me these funny stories about the men who have children that she talks to at work. They always have a similar story.
They say, “Before my wife or girlfriend got pregnant, I didn’t want kids. But now that I have one, I’m obsessed with them. I love my son or daughter more than anything in the world.” There is something beautiful about creating a human being who is a miniature version of you.
Right now, what I think is happening with your ex is compounded by the fact that you just broke up with him. He’s resentful about the breakup. He’s also very frightened. He probably has this mentality that his life is going to be over because you’re pregnant.
He’s thinking, “My free time is gone. I’m not going to be able to do what I used to do anymore. I have to worry about a child. Will I have to pay money?” That’s a hot topic with men who are financially motivated. Will they have to pay child support? There is probably a lot going on in his head that’s causing him to run away from the situation, Anonymous.
There is one more thing I’d like to talk to you about with regards to your ex and looking at things from his perspective. The first thing we talked about is the fact that you broke up with him. He’s resentful about that. The second thing is that you’re pregnant. The common association that men have with pregnancy is that their life is going to be over. I imagine that he’s experiencing some of that.
The third thing is the fact that everything happened so quickly. He only dated you for four months. It happened quickly. You were in love quickly. Then you burned out quickly. Now you’re pregnant. Everything is happening super-fast. When a human being goes through a lot of change in a very short amount of time, it can be very jarring.
I’ve experienced this myself. For the longest time, I lived at home. I had the same friends. I saw my parents every single day. Then when I met my wife, I had to move across the country for her. I was based in Texas. She was based in Pennsylvania. The only way that our relationship could work was the fact that I would have to move from Texas to Pennsylvania to get her.
In my mind, when I was in Texas, I thought that this move would be a super easy thing. It turns out that it wasn’t. It was difficult going from comfort to something that was a little uncomfortable at first. I’m comfortable now but I’ve been here for a year. I’m used to it here now.
In the year that I moved here, my wife and I got married. Now we’re having a child. That can be a little jarring for someone. I’m probably better equipped to deal with his kind of stuff. Some men are stronger than others, and I’m going to stroke my own ego here.
I imagine, for your ex, the fact that you broke up with him, you’re pregnant and everything is happening so quickly all compounds and causes him to run away from the situation. In my opinion, that’s what’s going on in his head. I don’t see any other thoughts that he could have. These are the main thoughts that are going to stick with him.
Let’s move on to figuring out a game plan for you. Let’s figure out how you can move from point A, where you’re pregnant and alone, to point B where you get your ex-boyfriend back and have a beautiful family together. I don’t want to get your hopes up because I cannot guarantee that everything I’m going to talk about here is going to work. But I will guarantee that, if you do follow this advice to a T, your chances will become better. You will have a better chance of getting your ex back. I’m not just basing this off knowledge that I’ve read about or heard. I’m basing this off real-life experience.
I’ve had experience dealing with pregnant women. I think I can get inside the mind of a man who has a girlfriend or wife who is pregnant better than most experts out there. I’ve also dealt with a situation where a friend of mine was pregnant and ended up getting her ex back. I’m going to use all of my knowledge to help you get from point A to point B.
We’re going to do four things. The first thing is that you’re going to want to utilize the no contact rule. I know that it’s harder to do if you’re pregnant because you will be having lots of checkups throughout the pregnancy. There are a lot of pregnancy checkups for a reason. You’ll be giving blood the very first time. Your first real checkup will require you to give blood. You’ll have to pee in a cup a lot.
You usually go once a month until you reach a certain point. Then you go once every other week. Then you go once a week. When you’re getting very close to your due date and the baby is still not here, you usually go every day. It’s like a sliding scale. You start off going just once a month. Then you go every other week. Then you go every week. Then you go every day.
These are going to serve as opportunities down the road for you to see your ex. I’m assuming you are very early in your pregnancy. Right now, the 30 day no contact rule is an ideal thing to do. You will only have to go to the checkups one time a month at this point. I imagine that it’s early on in the pregnancy and you’ve haven’t seen the doctor yet. Usually you have to wait about six to eight weeks before you see the doctor for the first time in case there are any complications. We’re seeing the doctor every other week at this point.
I want you to do the no contact rule with one little twist in there. If your ex does contact you during the no contact rule and brings up the baby at any point, you are allowed to break the no contact rule and respond to him. Just be very cordial and short. Don’t engage in any other topics. If he talks about your relationship or anything other than the actual pregnancy, do not engage him. Just don’t respond. If you can, please refrain from talking on the phone with him. Keep it to text messages at this point.
I want him to feel the fact that there’s something wrong. Eventually, his man wiring is going to kick in. He’s going to think, “I need to provide for my family.” Trust me, this is very strong wiring. It’s very scary and jarring wiring. This is coming from a man whose wife is pregnant right now. It’s there. The wiring will happen after he gets out of this state of shock.
For 30 days, try to do the no contact rule with the limitations I gave you as best as you can. After the no contact rule, I want you to implement something I like to call tide theory. Tide theory is a bit complicated to explain.
I’m not quite sure I can explain it in this episode without talking for an hour and a half. It’s that complicated. The best piece of advice I can give you here in regards to tide theory is to pick up my book, Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro. That will explain the way you need to structure your text messages when you’re trying to get your ex back.
For those of you listening who may be pregnant or are interested in getting your ex back and you want to learn more about tide theory, pick up the Ex-Boyfriend Recovery Pro ebook. I’ll link to it in the show notes. I’ll give you a quick crash course on tide theory. When you walk on the beach, there’s a low tide and a high tide.
It usually starts out low and becomes high. If you walk on the beach, you see that there’s a low tide. By the end of the day, there’s a high tide. You watched the water move from low tide to high tide. It’s not like there’s any one moment when it goes from zero to sixty. When you’re texting your ex, you don’t go from zero to sixty right away.
You don’t go from doing the no contact rule to calling him up and asking for a date or begging for him back. You have to do it in increments. You go from zero to five, from five to ten, from ten to fifteen, from fifteen to twenty-five, and so on. It’s an incremental process. You need to implement this type of thinking in your text messages. You’re not going to text him 64 times, right off the bat.
You’re going to text him one time, then two times and then three times, as the days go on. You’ll progressively get into deeper, more meaningful conversations with him. This is the premise of tide theory. This is something that I really think you should implement, Anonymous. Go pick up my ebook if you haven’t already.
Next I’d like to talk to you about being more level headed. This is probably going to be the hardest thing for you. I don’t think you’ve hit the morning sickness part yet, but when that happens, trust me, you will not be level headed. You will be even more emotional and upset than you already are.
For the most part, when you’re engaging with your ex, do your best to try and stay level headed and not take anything he says or does personally. A lot of the emotions that you’re experiencing right now are going to be magnified. Right now, you’re experiencing a lot of hurtful emotions. We want you to be as level headed as possible throughout this process. The more emotional you get, the more risk you run of getting into an argument or having a setback. We don’t want any setbacks.
Try your very best to remain as level headed as possible. I realize that’s a difficult ask for a pregnant woman. I get it if you’re not able to. I’m going to warn you, I’m looking at this purely from the perspective that you’re trying to get your ex back. If you’re trying to get your ex back, level headedness is an asset. Emotional is not. Being level headed is an asset. Being emotional is not.
Step one was to do the no contact rule with the limitations that I gave you. Step two was to implement tide theory after the no contact rule. Step three was to remember to be level headed.
Step four is something that is unique only to you. You have the ultimate excuse to see your ex-boyfriend in person. It’s almost like you don’t have to work for a date because of these checkups. I explained how the checkups work. It usually starts with once a month and then goes to every other week. Then it goes to four times a month and progresses to every single day.
This is the premise of tide theory, in a nutshell. It starts off slow. This is done by your doctors to monitor the child. It’s also the perfect excuse to see your ex and have an instant date after the checkup. You’re going to do your best to influence him enough during these checkups to get an instant date afterwards.
There is nothing like seeing your baby on an ultrasound for the first time to bond two people closer together. Some men might be scared at first. Just bear with it. I recommend to get one of the 4D ultrasounds when you’re 28 to 32 weeks pregnant. It is the coolest thing ever. It will really bond you and your ex together. There’s nothing like seeing your child in the womb. There’s nothing like it. As a man, you’re proud. You think, “I made that. That’s a version of me.” We’ll play on to this.
Use these checkups to not only see your boyfriend but to rebuild chemistry with him. I know that’s general and I didn’t go into specifics of what you need to do during the checkups, other than the fact that you need to build up chemistry and attraction. You can ask me more questions in the comments.
I hope I helped. I hope I gave you some insight into your pregnancy, your ex and what he’s thinking about during your pregnancy. I feel really proud that my wife is pregnant. I can honestly say that I know a thing or two about getting an ex back if you’re pregnant.
I’m probably better equipped than anyone currently online right now because my wife is going through pregnancy. I really hope I helped. If you have any questions or comments, please comment in the show notes of this episode. I really enjoyed talking today.
If you’re interested in the texting bible idea that I’m writing about, please let me know in the comments. Anytime I see a comment from you, encouraging me to do something, for example if someone says, “I’m interested in the coaching idea,” I get really fired up and want to write more of the sales page or the process that I’m going to implement when I’m coaching people.
If you tell me that you’re excited or you want a book that is a dictionary of the text messages you can use to get your ex back, I’m going to be so fired up to write that thing that it will get done faster. If you’re interested in that, please let me know. It really does help.
That’s going to do it for today’s episode. I hope you enjoyed it. Even if you’re not pregnant and you’re listening to this, there are a lot of valuable nuggets in this episode. Please go back and re-listen to it. That’s going to do it for today.