Something interesting happened to me last week.
A visitor who had commented on one of the posts here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery asked a question that made a light bulb go off in my head,
“Chris what if we think we are dating a player? What can we do to get him back? What would he think of us?”
That’s an excellent question and one that I thought was so good that I would create an entire guide on it.
Truth be told, I am a little shocked myself that I have never written about this especially when I am always making these bold claims about being the “bridge” into the mind of a man,
Yup… kind of dropped the ball there. I am not going to lie.
Nevertheless, I am about to rectify that problem with this page as I talk about exactly what you need to do if you think your ex boyfriend is a player.
Now that is an interesting question.
Is your ex boyfriend a player?
Before we can talk about what needs to be done to get a “player” back we first need to determine if you dated one.
What Is “A Player”
First things first,
What the hell is “A Player?”
You know I have my own internal definition of what I think a player is but oftentimes before I make claims on this website I like to see what my version of a player is like when compared to everyone elses’ version.
My version and everyone elses’ version didn’t match.
In fact, a lot of the definitions I found out there didn’t match.
You know what that means?
People view “players” in different ways.
Of course, that isn’t going to help us for our purposes now is it? No, we need one clear cut definition that we can always point to and say,
“Yup, that’s a player.”
So, lets create that definition and move forward from there.
First though in order to understand “a player” we need to understand “the game.”
So, when it comes to men, dating and “games” there is only one thing that I can think of that a man would deem his time worth playing over.
That thing is SEX
Don’t believe me?
Well, I have a funny story to tell you.
I had a friend who became so obsessed with having sex with women that he went out and bought every type of “pickup” book he could get his hands on.
In other words, he bought training material to play “the game.”
Did any of it work?
No way… He just ended up looking super stupid trying it. But I find it interesting that the fact that it even exists is that men (and even some women) want the type of lifestyle where they can master “the game” and have lots of sex with lots of different people.
So, by this logic a player is someone who is completely motivated by sex. In other words, they only want you for sex AND their need for it doesn’t just end with you. It will extend to other people. Oftentimes while they are still in a relationship with you.
Of course, there will be some of you out there who challenge this definition by saying that it’s a human for everyone to want sex (especially men.) But if you think that then you clearly aren’t reading the definition.
A player is someone who wants you ONLY for sex. In other words, everything that they say and do is meant to move towards that one goal with you.
And that brings me to my next point.
How can we determine 100% that your ex boyfriend is a player.
How To Figure Out If Your Ex Is A Player
When it comes to sniffing out players I have developed a very effective tactic for doing so.
But in order for it to work I need a few things from you.
Thing #1- Your undivided attention
Thing #2- Information about your past relationship with your ex
Thing #3- An understanding of “action theory”
Lets talk about action theory first.
What Is “Action Theory”
I have a question for you.
In your opinion what is more powerful?
Someone who says something and doesn’t do it.
Someone who says something and does it
Unless you can’t read it’s clear that someone who says something and then does it is more powerful. In fact, someone who says something and then doesn’t do it is a hypocrite. Think of it like this.
Babe Ruth is the most famous baseball player of all time. He’s been dead for 68 years and we still talk about him like he’s a baseball god.
But out of all his accolades there is one act that he is remembered for more than anything else.
It’s when he pointed to the stands and said that he was going to hit a home run and then the very next pitch he did just that,
Now, what made this act so incredible wasn’t the fact that “he called his shot.”
Anyone could have done that.
Hell, I could have done that.
No, what made it so incredible was the fact that he actually did it. The action he took of swinging his bat and hitting a home run is what made the feat legendary. If that doesn’t sum up the power of “actions” for you I don’t know what will.
So, what does any of this have to do with action theory?
Simple, if you truly what to understand someone’s motivation one must ignore all words and study actions. It will give you the ultimate insight into what is going on in a mans brain.
Let me give you an example.
If I said that I was going to go on a diet and then my actions did not back that claim up then you would be left to assume that deep down I didn’t really care about going on a diet. However, if I were to say that I was going to go on a diet and you definitely saw a change in my eating habits then you could assume that I meant what I said.
So, action theory is meant to look at someones actions to determine what is going on inside their head.
Now, action theory is going to be essential for determining if your ex is “a player”
I am glad you asked!
How To Use Action Theory To Figure Out If Your Ex Is “A Player”
Alright, so there are two things that we are going to be looking at here.
- His Actions During Your Past Relationship
- His Actions After Your Breakup
Now, what are we looking for specifically?
Well, if you remember our definition of a player above you would remember that a player is after one thing, sex. So, what we are looking for is to see if his actions all point towards that.
Let me give you a few examples during your past relationship with your ex.
Actions Pointing Towards Sex During Your Past Relationship
Let’s pretend that you and your ex boyfriend are still in the middle of a relationship with each other and one night he starts putting the moves on you. Now, you are very much in love with him but you start to get the feeling that it’s about to be “your time of the month” so you calmly tell him that you aren’t quite in the mood tonight.
Upon hearing this he erupts with an anger like you’ve never seen before.
Now, it’s never nice to feel rejected but this isn’t the first time that this has happened. In fact, whenever he wants to have sex with you and you decline him he always throws a tantrum like that.
This is a good starting indicator that, that may be all he is after.
Oh, and I suppose it would be smart of us to cover how your ex talks with other girl.
There are more women then men in this world so it stands to reason that at some point of his life he is going to interact with a member of the opposite sex that isn’t you.
How he handles this interaction is important.
Does he flirt?
Does he treat the girl with respect but doesn’t bring up sex at all?
These are important things to notice.
Now, a little flirting may be normal. What I am really talking about here is if he is flirting to the point that the other girl thinks she has a chance. Now, have I ever encountered this type of a man?
Sure, one of my friends ended up cheating on his girlfriend five times I believe.
Here’s kind of how it went.
His girlfriend was away at college so it was a long distance situation. Now, in my buddies defense she had broken up with him once already and then somehow they had gotten back together (I don’t remember the exact details.) The important thing to remember here is that he felt like their relationship wasn’t exactly sturdy so he decided to fill this insecurity with other women.
He would definitely flirt with the intention of having sex with other women.
And he did.
So, when you are remembering you and your exes past relationship I want you to remember if you ever caught him flirting with a girl where sex was brought up.
If it was… then that is a very bad sign.
Now, I really want to hammer the sex flirting home with what I mean by that.
Lets take my friend as an example.
When he would flirt with a girl he would bring up sex in a specific type of way.
Imagine him sending this text message,
If you catch your ex boyfriend talking about his favorite sex positions with another girl then you have my permission to go on red alert.
Now, I know I made a big deal about “actions” and technically him sending a text message like the one above are words. BUT for a man to go outside his own relationship to talk about sex positions is an unacceptable action in my mind.
A man would not engage in this kind of a conversation normally with a member of the opposite sex.
Sure, it is normal to shoot the shit with your buddies but when it comes to a one on one conversation with another girl then that’s an entirely different thing.
Now lets move on and talk about what kind of actions that your ex boyfriend may be engaging in post breakup.
Your Exes Actions Post Breakup
I want to take a moment to introduce you to something that I like to call…
The Breakup Line
Take a look at the graphic below,
So, that big red line in the middle is what I like to call the breakup line.
Why is it important to know what the line is?
Well, everything to the left of the line is considered everything that happened between you and your ex before the breakup. And everything to the right of the line is everything that happens after the breakup.
In the section before this one we were studying your ex boyfriends actions to the left of the line.
Do you care to take a gander at what we are going to be looking at now?
Yup, the right of the line.
In other words, if you notice that everything your ex boyfriend is doing in this area,
is an attempt to try to have sex with you (or other people) you may have a player on your hands.
Now, I am not going to lie to you.
Way too many people end up having sex with their ex after a breakup. In fact, I found that a recent poll that stated that over 30% of people who go through breakup end up sleeping with their ex at some point.
To me that is INSANE!
And maybe one of the worst mistakes you can make assuming you want to get back with this person.
But more on that in a second.
Right now we are talking about studying your ex boyfriends actions post breakup.
What kind of actions should you be keeping an eye out for?
I want to tell you another fun story of a person that I met through this site who had the ultimate player ex boyfriend.
Now, to protect this persons identity I can’t tell you her name. So, we are just going to use a fake name and call her “Awesome!”
Hey… don’t make fun of my cool pick for a fake name.
Actually on second thought it is kind of lame.
Lets make it “Super Awesome!”
Alright, so “Super Awesome” found my website and wanted to get her ex back. So, she put my teachings into practice and thought she was seeing some very positive progress.
But as she was making her progress she began to notice that no matter how long her and her ex would take there was always one topic that was constantly relevant.
Somehow her ex always seemed to manage to steer the conversation back to it.
So, I decided to give her a test to give him.
I told her that the next time he brought it up say this exact phrase,
“Is sex all you think about?”
And then say nothing else for a while.
If he continued to talk about sex then hang up on him and be blunt about it. Make him feel bad.
So, she followed my advice and she got a classic player reaction.
The second she said,
“Is sex all you think about?”
He freaked out on her.
But this begs an interesting question.
Assuming your ex boyfriend is a player how do you get him back? How do you get him to commit?
Well, allow me to give you some insight into the mind of a player.
How The Player Mind Works
I want you to take a look at the graphic I put together for you below,
This is meant to represent the mind of a player or what makes a player who he is.
You see, in order to understand how you can get your ex boyfriend back (assuming he is a player) we must first understand his make up or what makes him who he is.
You will notice that in the graphic there are four different topics that I touch on,
- Needing Validation
- Wanting Power
- Loving “The Chase”
I am going to take some time now and cover each one of these aspects.
Lets start with insecurity.
I am not sure if I should tell you this story but since I have made a commitment to be transparent with you guys I guess I will have to.
I was not always good at talking to women.
In fact, I sucked at it.
I remember in my early twenties I would come home from college every day depressed that I couldn’t get a girl to like me. It got to the point where it was so bad that I started buying books on the topic.
Seriously… I was the guy that bought books to teach him how to talk to women.
Now, as you can imagine a book that teaches a man to talk to a woman isn’t just about how to talk to them.
No, it’s about getting them in bed.
In other words, the marketers of the world knew that there were a lot of frustrated men out there who didn’t know how to talk to beautiful women so they would capitalize on that insecurity.
Anyways, one of the books that I read always stuck in my mind because it didn’t read like a “how to” guide. It read like an actual story.
It was basically this story of how this average ugly guy became some super pickup artist that could get any girl he ever wanted.
Anyways, I remember thinking while I was reading the book,
“Man, the whole reason that these men want to sleep with women is because they feel insecure about themselves and I kind of could sympathize with them because I felt insecure about myself at that time.”
So, I think every player has a bit of insecurity hidden behind that “alpha exterior” he tries to exhibit.
I am about to say something very strange to you.
All men seek validation from women.
“Wait, that’s not that strange?”
Well, I haven’t gotten to the strange part yet.
Consider a pickup artist.
Pickup Artist- The ultimate player. A man whose sole purpose in socializing is to have sex with every woman who he deems to be attractive.
In other words, he is seeking validation from the women who he sleeps with.
And by sleeping with him the women give him the validation he craves.
It all feeds his ego.
Look at it like a bank account balance.
Every time that a pickup artist successfully sleeps with a woman the bank account balance rises and he gains more confidence. Of course, every time he gets rejected from the woman he tries to sleep with the bank account balance lowers.
And if the balance gets to a low enough level he starts to lose his self worth.
Don’t worry, we are going to use this to our advantage when we talk specifically about how you can turn your “player” ex boyfriends world upside down.
For now, lets move on to the next little insight into the mind of a player.
Power and validation closely relate here because if a man becomes confident enough then obtaining power is almost trivial for him.
Now, what do I mean by power?
Well, when I talk about power I am talking specifically about power over women.
Look, most of these so called “players” grew up as the class clown or the nerd over in the corner who couldn’t even get a girl to talk to him.
So, to them, the ultimate form of power is to have a woman at their every beck and call and you are playing into that every single time that you act desperate or needy after your breakup but I am getting off track here.
I want to tell you a story about my friend…. let’s just call him Josh.
So, I met Josh in high school and my first assesment of him was that he was a pretty good looking guy but he couldn’t get a girl to talk to him to save his life.
Neither could I of course and that’s probably why we bonded so well.
Now, at that time dating and relationships wasn’t too high on my priority list. But it was to Josh. You see, he was a persistant little bastard.
Even now I was in awe of how persistant he was.
He would try to get a girl to talk to him and then came the inevitable rejection. Now, where this would have gotten me down it didn’t phase him one bit.
Instead, it just lit a fire within him as he kept talking to woman after woman honing his craft.
Eventually he got to a point where he wasn’t rejected at all. Instead, he actually had the women fawning over him. He gained supreme confidence… supreme power.
Now, did the power get to his head?
It’s sort of like pandoras box.
Once he opened the box all hell broke loose.
He had a girlfriend who he of course cheated on with something like five different women. He slept around a lot and definitely lived the player lifestyle.
So, here is my ultimate point.
A lot of players are still heavily tied to their roots where they were constantly rejected by women and when they finally do crack the code of getting a girl to talk to them they go crazy with their newfound power.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Men want what they can’t have.
How many times have you heard me say that phrase on this site?
It’s getting up there now, huh?
Well, that’s because it’s true!
Oh, and in case you haven’t been reading my more recent articles there is definitely scientific basis backing this up. Have you ever heard of psychological reactance?
Well, psychological reactance is a scientific theory that basically states that when you remove someones freedom to have something (or someone) their desire/attraction for obtaining that something (or someone) increases.
So, in other words by telling an ex boyfriend that he can’t have you or he has lost the freedom to have you he will find you more attractive.
It’s the na na na na boo boo… effect.
Sort of like how when you were a kid and you would be playing tag. Of course, you would say something like,
“Na na na na boo boo… you cannnn’tttt gettt meeee…”
And the person chasing you would just go bat sh*t crazy trying to chase you.
Well, players love the chase.
Don’t forget that because we are going to use it on “your player.”
Speaking of “your player” how the heck are you going to get him back?
The Strategy For Getting A “Player” Ex Boyfriend Back
I always think that these strategies work better when you have a visual of what to do so here is my visual for how to get an ex boyfriend back if he is a player,
So, obviously your game plan is divided into three steps.
Well, because I like to keep things simple and if I sat here and gave you fifty steps to follow half of you would give up because it’s “too much work.” While the other half of you would have selective hearing and end up following the wrong steps.
So, three steps is manageable.
The three simple steps are as follows,
- The No Contact Rule
- Standing Out
- Making Him Chase
Lets start from the top.
STEP ONE: The No Contact Rule
This makes the five hundredth time that I’ve mentioned the no contact rule on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
It seems like on every single one of my articles I mention it.
But that’s how important it is.
You see, lately I have been making a HUGE effort to improve the advice I give on this website. So, one of the things that I am looking at or taking note of are successful trends. In other words, what do the people who are actually getting their exes back have that the people who can’t get their exes back seem to lack.
One of the biggest trends that I have been taking note of is the no contact rule.
I mean, in some of my most recent articles I reference a study that I did where I determined that without a doubt the no contact rule is the number one thing that all of my success stories had in common. In other words, if someone used my website or book to succeed in getting their ex back the vast majority of those people utilized a form of the no contact rule at some point.
Now, if that doesn’t tell you how important the no contact rule is I don’t know what will.
But how does it tie into getting a player back?
How The No Contact Rule Helps You With A Player Ex
I am about to break my golden rule.
What’s my golden rule?
Golden Rule: Not to give you advice that I usually give to the men over at Ex Girlfriend Recovery.
Oh ya… if you didn’t know this already I actually have a brother site to this one where I dish out advice to men wanting to get back with their girlfriends and while a lot of the advice I give them is the same there are some distinct differences.
But there is one piece of advice that I have given them that I have never made available to you.
That’s about to change.
Because if you want to get a player back you absolutely have to do this.
But lets back up for a second first.
The no contact rule is a period of time where you ignore your ex.
We all know this.
I have talked about it multiple times in multiple different places.
But what I hardly ever talk about is one of the biggest assets of the no contact rule.
It gives you time to “get your ducks in a row” so to speak.
Look at the situation you are in right now.
You are sad…
All in all, it’s pretty bad.
And since you are on this site I am assuming that you have tried to get your ex boyfriend back and failed, right?
If things keep going the way they are going you aren’t going to get him back.
That’s a certainty.
But that’s where the no contact rule comes in. Not only do you get the added benefit of potentially making him miss you but you also get TIME.
Now, how you use this time is ESSENTIAL which is why I want to introduce you to something that I like to call…
The Gatsby Method
Have you ever read the famous book by F. Scott Fitzgerald,
“The Great Gatsby?”
Well, if you haven’t read the book then maybe you’ve seen the movie.
(There are actually two of them.)
One with Robert Redford that was made in 1974,
And then one that was made rather recently with Leonardo Dicaprio,
Of course, if you aren’t one for reading then that’s ok because I am going to give you a quick synopsis of the book right here.
In the book and the movie there is a character named Jay Gatsby (The Great Gatsby) who is madly in love with a woman named Daisy.
Now, the book was actually written in 1925 and was also set during that time. And during that time social status mattered a lot. In other words, someone who was clearly rich would either be looked down upon or even flat out forbidden to marry someone who was poor.
In the story, when Gatsby first meets Daisy he is struck by her beauty, innocence and wealth. So, one thing that we know right off the bat here is that Daisy is clearly upper class and from a very rich family.
This is a problem for Gatsby since he is from poverty. So, understanding that Daisy is going to turn him down if she finds out that he’s poor Gatsby decides to lie to her about his “status.”
Now, Gatsby and Daisy are clearly attracted to one another but Gatsby has enlisted to go to war.
Before he leaves he and Daisy make a promise to each other, that they will wait for one another.
A promise that she doesn’t keep as she marries another after he goes off to war.
Here is where things get interesting though.
Gatsby, who clearly understands that he needs to improve his position to win a girl like Daisy, begins doing things after the war to acquire the wealth he needs to gain the same type of social and financial status to attract Daisy.
Of course, what he does to acquire that wealth is an entirely different story.
What I would like to look at here is the actual idea he had of improving his position.
Gatsby knew what he had to do in order to get Daisy, amass a fortune.
What I would like to do now is take the idea that Gatsby had of improving his position and duplicate it for your situation.
Look, if you keep doing things the way you are right now you aren’t going to improve your position.
Nothing is going to change.
Your ex boyfriend will keep being the player he is and you will keep being the sad girl you are.
Something has to change and that something is how you are approaching the situation.
We need to amass your fortune.
And the no contact rule is the perfect time to amass it.
That’s the Gatsby Method.
We are basically using the time away from your ex via the no contact rule to improve your position so it creates this drastic effect when he actually does see you again.
Maybe I should use a visual representation to explain this.
Ok, imagine that the two of us were dating and I wanted to win you back.
Now, when we were dating I wasn’t exactly in the best shape.
Lets say that I looked like this,
But then after the breakup I decided to implement the gatsby method and amass my own personal fortune which to me is getting in excellent shape. So, the next time you see me I end up looking like this,
I am betting that after seeing such a drastic change you might begin regretting your decision a bit.
But that’s not even the best part of the gatsby method.
No, the best part is that it’s a win-win for you.
By amassing your own personal fortune you are simultaneously improving your position in life and working towards getting your ex back.
Now, in this section you have heard me talk a lot about “fortunes” and amassing your own personal fortune.
What do you think I mean by that?
Well, that’s going to be covered in step two.
STEP TWO: Standing Out
What I mean by amassing your own personal fortune is that I want you to acquire something new.
But that “something new” has to be incredible.
It has to make you stand out which just so happens to be step two in our process of getting a player back.
Your personal fortune can be something as simple as a new look and as complicated as learning a new language.
Though generally speaking the harder it is to obtain that something new the bigger your fortune will be.
I will give you a more personal example using myself in a minute but first I want to explain the effect we are going for.
Your player ex boyfriend has a certain way that he looks at you right now. Because of this way that he looks at you he makes certain assumptions about you and he thinks he has you figured out. Now, as you will learn in step three men love mystery… they love the chase and they are not going to chase after a woman that they already have or think they know everything about.
But with the no contact rule you are going to be taking an extended vacation from him and then you are going to amass your own personal fortune so that when you do talk to your ex boyfriend again he is going to see a new side of you.
A side that he didn’t think you had in you.
It’s at this point that ideally he is going to look at you in a new light and think to himself,
“Maybe there is more to this girl than I thought…”
It’s going to peak his interest and of course, being the player he is he is going to start chasing.
That’s what we are going for.
However, the only way to really accomplish this is if you make some drastic changes.
Let me give you an example from my own life.
When I was about 19 years old I noticed my dad was watching something on TV. So, I decided to investigate and see what he was doing. To my shock, he was watching a tennis match between Rafael Nadal and Roger Federer.
Now, my dad is a great tennis player.
He was a former tennis professional and taught people for a living.
So, this guy knows his tennis which is why what he said next shocked me,
“Rafael Nadal is the best tennis player I think I have ever seen.”
It shocked me because coming from my dad that was very high praise. So, I started watching this “Rafael Nadal” and even I was impressed.
I liked him…
He ran around like a barbarian and clobbered the ball.
After watching him in that match I became a fan.
I kept an eye on him over the years and eventually it got to the point where I started like tennis.
I think I was about 21 years old when I asked my dad to teach me.
And he did…
But I soon learned tennis was not an easy sport to conquer. You see, I was always very athletic growing up and was the best pitcher on my baseball team and placed in 2nd in my district track meet.
Sports came easy but tennis did not.
And it definitely showed.
But when I start something and commit to it I don’t quit… EVER.
So, I practiced and practiced.
Oftentimes on my own at a place called Stevenson Park. They had a nice set of tennis courts. Actually, let me look through my phone and I will show you guys directly because I think I have a few pictures of the courts,
This is them at night.
Yup, I practiced on those courts every day for about three years.
But out of those three years there are two days that stand out the most to me.
The First Day That Stands Out To Me
If you look really closely at picture above you will notice that there is an open area outside the tennis courts. Well, that open area is actually a sand volleyball court. Yup, the volleyball courts were right next to the tennis courts.
Well, I will never forget this day because I was practicing my serve on my own on the court that was closest to the volleyball court.
And as a beginner I…
Well, I sucked.
Anyways, I did what all beginners did.
I threw the ball up to serve and completely whiffed when I swung.
But not as embarrassing as what happened next.
There were a group of teenagers on the court next to me that witnessed the whole thing and started laughing and making fun of me.
Now, I ignored them.
But it really hurt my feelings. I was trying to get better and I was getting laughed at for it.
But more on that later.
Lets talk about the second day.
The Second Day That Stands Out To Me
It was about two years since that embarrassing moment and I had improved a lot….
In fact, the tennis pro that taught on the tennis courts every day was impressed with my dedication and we started hitting together.
So, on top of having my dad drill me to death every day I had a tennis pro pounding me to death after my dad.
I’m not going to lie…
I was getting good.
Don’t believe me?
Here is footage of me and my dad hitting last summer,
Here is more footage of us,
Oh, and my serve has improved as well,
Anyways, I was practicing with my dad and the other tennis pro, Kory. It was a two on one drill meaning that I would get no breaks at all.
I always found this to be the toughest drill because while my dad hits a slower accurate ball, Kory hits a very topspin heavy one (albeit not as accurate.) My point is that it takes everything you have just to stay in the rally.
Well, you aren’t going to believe who was watching us that very day.
Yup, the same kids that made fun of me for missing the serve.
Except this time they weren’t laughing. No, they stopped their entire game to watch us in awe…
They hadn’t seen tennis like this up close before.
And after a great point from me they actually clapped!
Do you see what I am getting at here?
My personal fortune was tennis. That’s the skill I chose to put a lot of my effort into.
I turned people who thought I was horrible into people who would actually cheer me on.
And I want you to have this exact type of experience when you try to get your ex back. But you need to find something that makes you stand out.
Your fortune needs to be unique to you.
Maybe it’s a skill…
Maybe it’s a new look…
Whatever you decide to make it make sure that it can have a drastic effect on your ex. That’s the most important part.
Lets move on to step three.
STEP THREE: Make Him Chase
And now we are at the final part of the strategy.
Man, this was a long one.
Hope you didn’t get too bored along the way.
In my humble opinion I think that step three (making your ex chase you) is without a doubt the strongest strategy for getting a player back.
It’s that powerful.
I am going to go out on a limb here and assume that your ex is a player… a good one.
Meaning that getting girls is really easy for him.
If that’s the case then he is used to being in control all the time He’s not used to chasing after women. He’s used to women chasing after him.
So, what you need to do is position yourself as the one girl that won’t chase him. You need to be the one girl that he finds himself chasing.
How can we accomplish something like that?
Well, I am not going to lie to you it’s not going to be easy. BUT I have a few tricks up my sleeve for you.
First though, I think it’s important to put you in the right frame of mind.
The Importance of Time & Jealousy
A few days ago my wife and I were watching the bachelor.
It’s one of our little guilty pleasures since we both work in the “dating field.” Let’s just chalk it up to research 😉 .
Anyways, on last weeks episode of the bachelor something very interesting happened. The show had progressed to the point where the bachelor had to go meet four women’s families.
Talk about nightmare…
Anyways, one of the women, when she got home, found a set of roses and a note waiting for her. So, she did what any woman would have done had she found herself in that situation. She excitedly rushed over to them, picked them up and started reading the note.
She was under the assumption that the flowers and the note were from the bachelor himself but that wasn’t the case.
The flowers and the note were actually from her ex.
The note was pretty standard.
“TAKE ME BACK!”
Now, it’s hard to cite the bachelor as a reference since I think 80% of that show is set up but I don’t think this was set up. Sure, the flowers may have been added there by producers but when the contestant called her ex after reading the note he seemed to have a very legitimate reaction and immediately started saying that he wanted her back.
There are two lessons I think that you can learn from this.
- Lesson #1: Time Needs To Pass
- Lesson #2: Jealousy Really Seems To Work
Lesson #1: Time Needs To Pass
I can’t tell you how many times I have come across a situation where all it takes for someone’s ex to come back is time.
Seriously, sometimes that’s all it takes.
Now, I have talked a lot about this phenomenon throughout this website multiple times and even dedicated an entire podcast episode to it.
The truth is, is that I am bored of talking about this aspect.
I would rather jump to lesson two.
Lesson #2: Jealousy Seems To Work
Let’s consider that bachelor contestants situation for a second.
She goes away on this show for at least a month (time) all to win the affection of a guy (jealousy).
This combination of time and jealousy seemed to do the trick as that was all it took to win the affections of her ex back. Now, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that jealousy is an extremely effective tactic.
Recently I did a deep study on my own success stories and I found that jealousy was prevalent in quite a few situations.
So, jealousy can be effective.
Now, am I saying that all you will have to do to win your ex back is take some time and make him jealous?
I don’t think that will necessarily work in your case.
Remember, your ex is a player and a player wants to be free to have sex with a bunch of different women.
So, we are going to add our own amendment to the rule.
We need three ingredients to win a player back,
- A Chase Condition
I know what your thinking,
“A chase condition? What the hell is that?”
Easy, its a condition that will make your ex boyfriend chase after you. I will give you an example.
Let’s assume that I was a woman who was trying to get YOUR ex boyfriend back. My condition to get him to chase me would be to engage him in a conversation and then right before the conversation gets good I would end it.
I would do this during every conversation we have and it would create this endless loop where he is constantly put in a position wanting more and what do people do when they want more of something?
They chase it!
Here, I will give you an example.