Okay. First of all, let’s lay out the scenario, because a lot of ladies come here to read all of my fantastic advice, but not all of you show up for the same reason.
There are 3 types of women that would benefit from this article.
- The woman who’s ready to get her ex back
- The woman who’s ready to land the man she’s into
- The woman who’s wants to keep the man she already has
Now, usually we focus on the “get your ex back” variety of advice, but I want to help each and every one of you. So, we are going to cover tactics that will help each of you.
But we’re going to avoid confusion today, so let’s just stick with the basics. Okay? These are the things that will work in ANY of these situations.
If you are trying to get your ex back though, I’d work the Ex Recovery Program first to actually get results.
They are called the basics for a reason. They’re basically the same whether you are in situation 1, 2, or 3!
So, let’s jump on in.
What Makes a Man Commit in the First Place?
Commitment is a word that is both equally terrifying and perplexing.
You can say the word commitment and most men will run for the hills, some women too.
The truth is that the idea of commitment is different for everyone.
You see, each person has a picture in their head of what amount of effort they should have to put into a relationship and how much effort the person they are dating should be putting in as well.
I mean, don’t you have a template of the man you want that you hold men up to in your mind?
I mean think of the last guy you turned down… why did you turn him down?
Well, guys have that going on in their heads too.
As if relationships aren’t already complicated enough already, in today’s dating world it seems that there are about a kabillion different “levels” of dating, it seems.
Let’s see if I can think of a few (in no particular order, of course)
“More Than Friends”
I’m sure I missed a few, but you get my drift. It’s not exactly a cakewalk to know where you stand with someone.
Wait a minute! I don’t have to tell you. You’re here, which means you already know how crazy the dating scene can get.
So, let’s be clear, when I talk about commitment I mean EXCLUSIVITY!
All women want to know what makes a man commit and there are THREE key factors that make a man want to commit.
The Satisfaction Factor
There is a certain amount of expectation that every single person on this planet has for the person they intend to end up with.
Don’t try and tell me you don’t have some idea of what the person you will end up with will be like.
One of my editors was lucky enough to find the actual list her guy had written down and she was pleased to find that she met about 95% of her guy’s criteria. So, that was helpful.
But if you aren’t that lucky you have to have actual conversations with your guy and pay attention to the things he says are important.
I know it’s terrible right? Having to actually pay attention when someone talks.
The upside is, as humans, we are naturally self-absorbed. We talk about what we know best and what we know best is ourselves.
He’ll mention at some point what he finds attractive.
Now, I can’t tell you specifically what it is he is looking for but I can tell you the things that most men look for in a woman and in a relationship.
You can be absolutely beautiful and still have no character and no personality.
You’ve heard the saying, “Be yourself.”
You know the person that you are when no one is around?
Be that person.
It’s genuine and guys love it.
Extra points if that person happens to be a good one. We like the idea of someone who would make us look better, you know?
Men don’t throw this information around. In fact, there are Every man wants a woman he can respect.
We like subtlety and intrigue.
These days social media allows you to post about everything you do online. It’s basically like a overview of who you are to anyone looking in on the outside.
Whether he’s just a guy you are hoping to catch, your current boyfriend, or your ex, every guy wants a girl who can hold her own. That means no insecurity. So, while, yes we advise you to catch your guys attention by looking your best and living an active lifestyle, that doesn’t mean running around flashing a lot of skin and hanging all over any man you can get your hands on. Acting in this way screams insecurity and it’s not attractive.
Hold tight to that old saying.
“All things in moderation.”
Instead of going on a barhopping Instagram spree, find that thing that makes you feel confident and whatever it is lean into it and be the best version of yourself. Own it.
A woman who loves herself and her own flaws will love a man with all of his. Not only that, she will help him reach all of his goals too.
At least that’s what he’s hoping.
No matter who you are or what you look like, you have to generate some interest from a man or he’ll get bored.
Do you have goals? a life outside of your relationship or your quest for a relationship? Having a pursuit of your own can be a very attractive trait. Especially if the knowledge you gain from having a pursuit is interesting, it give you something you can share with him that he may not know otherwise. Mystery and interest, that is what we are trying to cultivate here.
As I’ve always said, being the best version of yourself can only make you more attractive. Right?
And don’t underestimate the power in a light touch. When you laugh at his jokes or need to get his attention, gently lay your hand on his forearm for a moment before removing it. This allows a bond to be built without being overt.
A surefire way of knowing if it is working is by doing every time you talk for a while and then not touching him at all during an encounter after making it a habit for a while. If he instigates touch in some way, then he’s feeling the distance and your bond has been created.
Yes, you should be interesting… but are you interested?
Are you genuinely interested in what he has to say or are you too busy thinking about your next move or what you are going to say next.
You have to be willing to let him geek out a little bit about the things he loves. Ask him questions and actually listen to what he has to say. As I said before we all have one thing in common and that is that we can be a little self involved.
There is nothing more attractive than a woman who isn’t afraid to be herself, but second to that is a woman that encourages a man to be himself.
Find out why he is passionate about whatever he gets pumped about.
And he’ll want to be around you more.
These things are just the standard things that men look for in a woman aside from good looks.
If he is getting these things from you, both in a relationship or before you get into a relationship, then you can bet he will be satisfied and less likely to look elsewhere. If the two of you dated already and you are trying to get him back, then keeping things light-hearted is a good plan. Don’t go overboard you want him to notice these characteristics and miss you, not think that you’ve undergone a complete personality swap.
Men are more likely to commit to a woman that he feels satisfied and fulfilled with.
The Alternative Factor
You can create a sense of satisfaction all you want and a guy will want to be around you more.
But the fact is that if he isn’t satisfied and that has plenty of other options out there he is less likely to commit.
This is just something that affects his ability to commit.
You see, men fear on thing above all else. Rejection.
If they think that they are going to have to face rejection after rejection after rejection if they chose to get back in the dating pool they are less likely to jump in head first.
Of the three factors this is the only one that is negative and the only one you have no control over.
You CAN increase the other two,though. And the more satisfied and invested he is, the less likely he is to even notice other women.
The Investment Factor
A guy is more likely to commit to a relationship that he has invested in in some way.
But that’s common sense.
So, what does he have to invest?
How about all of the above? Mostly time and emotions.
Basically anything he puts into the relationship will make it have more value in his eyes.
So, right about now you are saying, “Okay, Chris. But, what can I actually DO to make him commit?”
The greatest part of dating is having someone you can trust, someone you can turn to.
Well, guess what. That is true for him too.
So, how do you forge a feeling of dependency and trust in this guy?
Well, a lot of it depends on how you make him feel. The goal here is to create a sense of trust in you.
- Let him rely on you for something, anything, multiple things. Don’t be afraid to let him need you a little.
- Need him. Ask him to help you with something, open a jar, help with your car, an issue with your computer. Make him feel manly and needed.
- Trust him with a secret. Keep it small but meaningful. Confide in him.
- Do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it.
- Be genuine. Don’t be one person with him and then another when you are with everyone else.
- Allow him to be himself, even his goofy parts.
Balance and Mystery
Maintaining balance is one of the most important things you can do in a relationship of any kind. A man is more likely to stay interested if the relationship is interesting and less likely to stay interested if you are stuck to his side 120% of the time.
You can achieve balance and mystery by making sure that you have a life of your own that doesn’t involve him, your own friends, hobbies, and life. Make decisions. When the decision of where to eat comes up, choose a place. Don’t hesitate. Choose a place.
Don’t just do things when it’s convenient for him. Don’t rearrange your schedule just because he asks.
This maintains respect and establishes balance and power.
Don’t Force It
Last but not least, you are going to feel the need to rush things and push things to happen instead of letting them unfold naturally.
There is a difference between guiding events to happen and trying to force them to happen. that difference is resistance. The second you feel any resistance, you need to pull back give the man some breathing room before resuming your efforts.
If you are texting back and forth and he seems to notice that you are inching him towards commitment, that is when you end the conversation on a high note and excuse yourself. Then, wait till he texts you again. By letting him pursue you, you can make him feel less pursued. This will counteract any resistance he might have.
That is how you keep a man interested.
What are the three components that need to be addressed for a guy to stay interested?
Let’s list them off.
- Satisfaction – Everyone has qualities they hope to find in their life/ wife/girlfriend/relationship. On what level do you understand what it is he actually wants?
- Alternatives – Men fear rejection. And they will do anything they can to avoid it. If he walked away from whatever the two of you have, what is the likeliness he’d have to fight to find someone new?
- Investment – There is no one that enjoys putting in effort and getting no return. Has your man invested in you, in your relationship?
If you use the tools I’ve laid out in this article, you can optimize your man’s desire to commit. If you need further assistance, we have plenty of articles and as always, my team’s available for coaching.