Okay. First of all, let’s lay out the scenario, because a lot of ladies come here to read all of my fantastic advice, but not all of you show up for the same reason.

There are 3 types of women that would benefit from this article.

  1. The woman who’s ready to get her ex back
  2. The woman who’s ready to land the man she’s into
  3. The woman who’s wants to keep the man she already has

Now, usually we focus on the “get your ex back” variety of advice, but I want to help each and every one of you. So, we are going to cover tactics that will help each of you.

But we’re going to avoid confusion today, so let’s just stick with the basics. Okay? These are the things that will work in ANY of these situations. 

If you are trying to get your ex back though, I’d work the Ex Recovery Program first to actually get results.

They are called the basics for a reason. They’re basically the same whether you are in situation 1, 2, or 3!

So, let’s jump on in.

What Makes a Man Commit in the First Place?

Commitment is a word that is both equally terrifying and perplexing.

You can say the word commitment and most men will run for the hills, some women too.

The truth is that the idea of commitment is different for everyone.

You see, each person has a picture in their head of what amount of effort they should have to put into a relationship and how much effort the person they are dating should be putting in as well.

I mean, don’t you have a template of the man you want that you hold men up to in your mind?

I mean think of the last guy you turned down… why did you turn him down?

Well, guys have that going on in their heads too.

As if relationships aren’t already complicated enough already, in today’s dating world it seems that there are about a kabillion different “levels” of dating, it seems.

Let’s see if I can think of a few (in no particular order, of course)

“Just Friends”

“Talking”

“More Than Friends”

“Hooking Up”

“Dating”

“Exclusivity”

I’m sure I missed a few, but you get my drift. It’s not exactly a cakewalk to know where you stand with someone.

Wait a minute! I don’t have to tell you. You’re here, which means you already know how crazy the dating scene can get.

So, let’s be clear, when I talk about commitment I mean EXCLUSIVITY!

All women want to know what makes a man commit and there are THREE key factors that make a man want to commit.

  1. Satisfaction
  2. Alternatives
  3. Investment

The Satisfaction Factor

There is a certain amount of expectation that every single person on this planet has for the person they intend to end up with.

Don’t try and tell me you don’t have some idea of what the person you will end up with will be like.

One of my editors was lucky enough to find the actual list her guy had written down and she was pleased to find that she met about 95% of her guy’s criteria. So, that was helpful.

But if you aren’t that lucky you have to have actual conversations with your guy and pay attention to the things he says are important.

I know it’s terrible right? Having to actually pay attention when someone talks.

The upside is, as humans, we are naturally self-absorbed. We talk about what we know best and what we know best is ourselves.

He’ll mention at some point what he finds attractive.

Now, I can’t tell you specifically what it is he is looking for but I can tell you the things that most men look for in a woman and in a relationship.

Character

You can be absolutely beautiful and still have no character and no personality.

You’ve heard the saying, “Be yourself.”

You know the person that you are when no one is around?

Be that person.

It’s genuine and guys love it.

Extra points if that person happens to be a good one. We like the idea of someone who would make us look better, you know?

Respect

Men don’t throw this information around. In fact, there are Every man wants a woman he can respect.

We like subtlety and intrigue.

These days social media allows you to post about everything you do online. It’s basically like a overview of who you are to anyone looking in on the outside.

Whether he’s just a guy you are hoping to catch, your current boyfriend, or your ex, every guy wants a girl who can hold her own. That means no insecurity. So, while, yes we advise you to catch your guys attention by looking your best and living an active lifestyle, that doesn’t mean running around flashing a lot of skin and hanging all over any man you can get your hands on. Acting in this way screams insecurity and it’s  not attractive.

Hold tight to that old saying.

“All things in moderation.”

Instead of going on a barhopping Instagram spree, find that thing that makes you feel confident and whatever it is lean into it and be the best version of yourself. Own it.

A woman who loves herself and her own flaws will love a man with all of his. Not only that, she will help him reach all of his goals too.

At least that’s what he’s hoping.

Intelligence

No matter who you are or what you look like, you have to generate some interest from a man or he’ll get bored.

Do you have goals? a life outside of your relationship or your quest for a relationship? Having a pursuit of your own can be a very attractive trait. Especially if the knowledge you gain from having a pursuit is interesting, it give you something you can share with him that he may not know otherwise. Mystery and interest, that is what we are trying to cultivate here.

As I’ve always said, being the best version of yourself can only make you more attractive. Right?

Touch

And don’t underestimate the power in a light touch. When you laugh at his jokes or need to get his attention, gently lay your hand on his forearm for a moment before removing it. This allows a bond to be built without being overt.

A surefire way of knowing if it is working is by doing every time you talk for a while and then not touching him at all during an encounter after making it a habit for a while. If he instigates touch in some way, then he’s feeling the distance and your bond has been created.

Be Interested

Yes, you should be interesting… but are you interested?

Are you genuinely interested in what he has to say or are you too busy thinking about your next move or what you are going to say next.

You have to be willing to let him geek out a little bit about the things he loves. Ask him questions and actually listen to what he has to say. As I said before we all have one thing in common and that is that we can be a little self involved.

There is nothing more attractive than a woman who isn’t afraid to be herself, but second to that is a woman that encourages a man to be himself.

Find out why he is passionate about whatever he gets pumped about.

And he’ll want to be around you more.

These things are just the standard things that men look for in a woman aside from good looks.

If he is getting these things from you, both in a relationship or before you get into a relationship, then you can bet he will be satisfied and less likely to look elsewhere. If the two of you dated already and you are trying to get him back, then keeping things light-hearted is a good plan. Don’t go overboard you want him to notice these characteristics and miss you, not think that you’ve undergone a complete personality swap.

Men are more likely to commit to a woman that he feels satisfied and fulfilled with.

The Alternative Factor

You can create a sense of satisfaction all you want and a guy will want to be around you more.

But the fact is that if he isn’t satisfied and that has plenty of other options out there he is less likely to commit.

This is just something that affects his ability to commit.

You see, men fear on thing above all else. Rejection.

If they think that they are going to have to face rejection after rejection after rejection if they chose to get back in the dating pool they are less likely to jump in head first.

Of the three factors this is the only one that is negative and the only one you have no control over.

You CAN increase the other two,though. And the more satisfied and invested he is, the less likely he is to even notice other women.

The Investment Factor

A guy is more likely to commit to a relationship that he has invested in in some way.

But that’s common sense.

So, what does he have to invest?

Time?

Money?

Emotions?

How about all of the above? Mostly time and emotions.

Basically anything he puts into the relationship will make it have more value in his eyes.

So, right about now you are saying, “Okay, Chris. But, what can I actually DO to make him commit?”

Creating Interdependence

The greatest part of dating is having someone you can trust, someone you can turn to.

Well, guess what. That is true for him too.

So, how do you forge a feeling of dependency and trust in this guy?

Well, a lot of it depends on how you make him feel. The goal here is to create a sense of trust in you.

  • Let him rely on you for something, anything, multiple things. Don’t be afraid to let him need you a little.
  • Need him. Ask him to help you with something, open a jar, help with your car, an issue with your computer. Make him feel manly and needed.
  • Trust him with a secret. Keep it small but meaningful. Confide in him.
  • Do what you say you are going to do when you say you are going to do it.
  • Be genuine. Don’t be one person with him and then another when you are with everyone else.
  • Allow him to be himself, even his goofy parts.

Balance and Mystery

Maintaining balance is one of the most important things you can do in a relationship of any kind. A man is more likely to stay interested if the relationship is interesting and less likely to stay interested if you are stuck to his side 120% of the time.

You can achieve balance and mystery by making sure that you have a life of your own that doesn’t involve him, your own friends, hobbies, and life. Make decisions. When the decision of where to eat comes up, choose a place. Don’t hesitate. Choose a place.

Don’t just do things when it’s convenient for him. Don’t rearrange your schedule just because he asks.

This maintains respect and establishes balance and power.

Don’t Force It

Last but not least, you are going to feel the need to rush things and push things to happen instead of letting them unfold naturally.

There is a difference between guiding events to happen and trying to force them to happen. that difference is resistance. The second you feel any resistance, you need to pull back give the man some breathing room before resuming your efforts.

If you are texting back and forth and he seems to notice that you are inching him towards commitment, that is when you end the conversation on a high note and excuse yourself. Then, wait till he texts you again. By letting him pursue you, you can make him feel less pursued. This will counteract any resistance he might have.

That is how you keep a man interested.

Let’s Review

What are the three components that need to be addressed for a guy to stay interested?

Let’s list them off.

  1. Satisfaction – Everyone has qualities they hope to find in their life/ wife/girlfriend/relationship. On what level do you understand what it is he actually wants?
  2. Alternatives – Men fear rejection. And they will do anything they can to avoid it. If he walked away from whatever the two of you have, what is the likeliness he’d have to fight to find someone new?
  3. Investment – There is no one that enjoys putting in effort and getting no return. Has your man invested in you, in your relationship?

If you use the tools I’ve laid out in this article, you can optimize your man’s desire to commit. If you need further assistance, we have plenty of articles and as always, my team’s available for coaching.

20 thoughts on “How to Keep a Man Interested”

  1. Avatar

    Ciara

    July 3, 2019 at 2:18 am

    Hi Chris its ciara from your blog comments how to make him realise what hes lost. It wont let me comment on there
    Says duplicate comment but I havent! Take 2!
    its Ciara from a couple days ago. Again its so dedicated that you actually take the time to personally respond to all of us, its crazy! No one does that. I have just ordered the EBR bundle, sorry I’m overseas and things have been super busy. Also a student so a bit too broke for private coaching unfortunately :'( the EBR bundle is really well priced though.
    I had one quick question & totally understand if you cannot respond to it cos its time consuming but a follow up on my previous message, would really appreciate if you can respond.

    We are currently together and I am a very affectionate and loving person and I keep showering him with love, memes and big messages about why i love him every day. I send him heaps of cute snaps, I compliment and turn his into my lockstreen. His response is ALWAYS one word. No effort. Minimal talk. He would rather read or sit at home and do nothing but he still says he loves me he just does not want to put in effort anymore. Bear in mind this has been the case for almost an entire year but this is the same guy who once upon a time stayed up till 3am baking me cupcakes as a surprise. It has been a year though of no effort and I keep putting in mine, I never am able to stop and be chill. I am either extra loving or pick a fight with him about why he isnt.
    Is this redeemable at all or should I work on becoming ungettable in order to move on? Please let me know!

  2. Avatar

    Dissapointed

    June 23, 2019 at 8:20 pm

    Hey Chris,
    I feel like i lost trust in love.i obeyed my ex boyfriend as much as i could.Because of my ex boyfriend i lost my friends (he made us fight with each other by creating misunderstandings), i lost my family (because they don’t like him but i want him), i lost my relatives (he just want me to be there with him always not going to any relatives) he just want me to be his girl.and all i want was my ex.because of him i ended my contact with everyone because i thought he is there all i want.but he suddenly disappeared from my life without saying a word of goodbye. I text him he ignores.He ignores me on social apps.He don’t want to see me.he is busy in doing his studies.his job, and is enjoying with other girls.he is partying well.If he really wanted to do this to me why he made me to fall for him.i think he chased after me for 6 months then i just opened myself to him.he kept sharing about his old memories with me, about his friend, family and himself by his ownself i never asked him anything.
    I never forced him to be mine.he always kept chasing me. But because of my pre relationships it was really hard for me to trust a man again.and when i blindly trusted him he left me alone.and this is not my first break up.but how many times i am going to get betrayed.is there anything wrong in me? Do i don’t know what is love or how to love? I thought i had already gone through many break ups so it will be a little easy this time.but no it is not. I had done NC, i partied hard, i tried to concentrate on my studies. I am eating healthy.i workout but everytime what i feel is that everything is incomplete or like something is missing.or like emptiness.when i eat i feel incomplete.i think whether he had his meal or not,whether he is sleeping nicely, or is he okay.but i am helpless i can’t force him.because that is not what i want.i miss his talks, his advice, his presence, his care , his smile,and so on. I just don’t understand how can we live with each other.he made me cry since he got in my life.he showed so much care towards me.i really those happy moments when he used to be happy because of me.it all vanished like a dream in just a moment .and i was the one who was left alone.now how to trust that another man will not do this to me.there are many guys who chase after me they are younger than me, elder than me, married, in a relationship or singles.but no one seems to be a partner all seems like womanizer.It was good when we were kids and bond between us was pure.no selfishness, no greeds , no needs.but now people are just loving and leaving.i ended up with distracted peoples everywhere.it feels like God forget to give me my the one.

  3. Avatar

    Devi

    June 23, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    Hey Chris Seiter,
    I contacted my Ex after 7 months.Its been a whole day.My Ex is not replying my message.He is actively ignoring me.Because he is active on social apps but ignoring me.So after how many days should i text him again or should i call him? (Well this is really making me cry and sad) Why is he doing this to me?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 23, 2019 at 7:55 pm

      Hi Devi…you might want to try again in a few days. But if he does not respond, then return to No contact and put all of your focus on your healing, recovery and self growth. Ultimately, if he does not come around to connecting with you, then it’s his loss and remember, you will always have many other relationship paths to explore.

  4. Avatar

    Devi

    June 23, 2019 at 4:42 pm

    Its been 9 hours.He is not replying to my message. He is actively ignoring me.so after how many days should i contact him or should i move on?

  5. Avatar

    Anna

    June 16, 2019 at 8:55 pm

    Hey! Just wanted to let you know that I got back with my man thanks to your advice, and now after being back together for 9 months he proposed! So thanks a lot.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 16, 2019 at 9:51 pm

      That is terrific news. It probably because you did such a great job of becoming the “Ungettable Girl” which all guys really want bad.

  6. Avatar

    Yara

    May 3, 2019 at 5:46 pm

    Hi Chris!

    I just listened to your podcast episodes about social media and the one about the “being there” method. So my ex does NOT have any social media that I know of but I have noticed that in my recent quest to become the “ungettable girl” his best friend has been communicating with me a little via instagram. I sent him a text recently after I completed 45 days of no contact (our situation was BAD) and I want your thoughts on kinda placing myself in areas I know he frequents (but are also super public, i.e: a shopping mall) in the hopes that we bump into each other. I don’t need to speak, nor do I want to. I just want him to SEE me (because men are super visual) looking hot and remember how attracted he is to me. Is this a bad idea, should I just stick to social media in hopes that his circle of influence is doing their job?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2019 at 10:24 pm

      No, I think its a good idea and belongs in most ex recovery plans.

  7. Avatar

    C

    April 26, 2019 at 7:48 pm

    Hi Chris,

    I was dating a guy for 2-3 months but broke it off because he was pulling away and wouldn’t commit to a relationship.

    I then went through a successful no-contact period of 35 days, successful texting and phone calls, where he was openly still attracted to me. I had been planning a casual meet-up with him over text when I fell victim to a street robbery. I was distraught and my ex came over to my place to keep me company. He stayed for an hour, we chatted, and kissed (nothing more). While the setting wasn’t ideal and my head was spinning, I think the outcome was the same as it would have been in a casual meet-up so I see it broadly as a positive meeting.

    How do I make him see me as a girlfriend when I wasn’t his girlfriend before? Why would he not just walk away as he did last time? I will be using the urgency – scarcity – fear of loss tactic as best I can and will most definitely not be doing anything more than kissing, but I fear I’m in a less powerful position now that we kissed and he probably knows I’m still into him.

  8. Avatar

    Tya

    April 18, 2019 at 3:28 pm

    Hi Chris:
    My question is very simple and complex at the same time. How can I get to be his priority? The guy I want to is not my ex, he likes me back but he is in love (not dating, just friends with benefits) with another girl. And there’s distance involved when it comes to me, but he never told me that that was a problem.
    I feel I’m competing with this girl (who has been “there” way longer than me) and it’s getting hard because I am starting to love this guy. How can I “win” this battle?

  9. Avatar

    Sandy

    April 13, 2019 at 7:24 pm

    Hey Chris,
    Can i take autograph of my ex after 3 months of breakup …to keep his remembrance…because he was my caring teacher.

  10. Avatar

    Amira

    April 9, 2019 at 9:08 am

    Hey Chris,
    He really supported me in my life.So to remember him I want his autograph.Because this will be our last meeting.We won’t see each other again because he is leaving city for further studies…and I don’t know how to control my tears infront of him..Please reply soon.I don’t want to be weak infront of him..I have done no contact for 2 months ..and went on a date but it still break my heart.I still cry for him.Please help me..I need your help to recover.

  11. Avatar

    Amira

    April 8, 2019 at 8:56 am

    Hey Chris ,
    Is it ok to take autograph of ex ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 8, 2019 at 10:41 pm

      No sure what you mean by getting his autograph??

  12. Avatar

    Amira

    April 6, 2019 at 12:04 pm

    Hey! Chris please reply soon…

    I broke up with my boyfriend because he was leaving the city for further studies and he did not informed me about it. I don’t know why he did this… then i have done no contact for 2 months.and now he is coming to my college as an examiner. I don’t know how to face him.and i want his autograph too because this will be our last meeting…Can i ask him for autograph? I really missed him…but i can understand that we can’t be together…thats the reality i have to face…ofcourse! I am strong i can overcome this with your help…your advices are really helpful.

  13. Avatar

    Mary

    April 5, 2019 at 7:45 pm

    I literally just started no contact. He said recently that we are done and have no chance to ever work things out. I begged. A lot. Then, I realized I deserve mutual effort. So, here’s no contact. He sent me a picture of himself since it’s hunting season and I knew he was going. Should I respond?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 5, 2019 at 11:17 pm

      Probably not best to do if you are in No Contact. You might want to take a look at picking up my eBook, “EBR PRO” as it provides detailed examination of how you can proceed over 485 pages.

  14. Avatar

    Pakiza

    April 4, 2019 at 11:25 am

    I broke up with my boyfriend because he was leaving the city for further studies and he did not informed me about it. I don’t know why he did this… 🙁 then i have done no contact for 2 months.and now he is coming to my college as an examiner. I don’t know how to face him.and i want his autograph too because this will be our last meeting…Can i ask him for autograph? I really missed him…but i can understand that we can’t be together…thats the reality i have to face…ofcourse! I am strong i can overcome this with your help…your advices are really helpful.

  15. Avatar

    Lola

    March 20, 2019 at 9:17 pm

    Hey Chris!
    My boyfriend broke up with me last may, and I am happy to say we got back together in August, seven months ago! He changed a lot for the better during our separation and I did too. However things have been spiraling down lately.. He started pulling away so naturally I did too and now he just told me the main problem was that I was too distant and did not show my love enough, wasn’t “needy” enough etc… I thought men usually pulled away when receiving too much love for their taste? He also said I’m not cheerful enough and that all I do is complain.. I feel like everything’s at risk.. what advice can you give me? I’d like to save this relationship
    Also, he’s become very mean, when we fight he insults me and uses my weaknesses, he likes to convey a sense of superiority, and he does the “gaslighting” thing a lot, I don’t know if he notices or if it’s subconscious.. I tried talking to him but he thinks he can’t be blamed or criticized for anything and I’m at fault for his hurtful behavior by being such a negative person to be around. It’s true I’ve been very caught up with my studies and family problems lately, but is there a way I can make this hurtful behavior stop?

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