Getting an ex to talk to you first can be tricky.
Luckily, I’ve learned quite a few tips over the years that can help you make this dream into a reality.
And we’re going to be talking about those tips today.
Oh, you want to hear the best part?
I’m also going to be taking those tips and explaining them in-depth so you understand them enough to begin implementing them today.
How To Make Your Ex Talk To You First
When I first started gathering all of my thoughts for this article I didn’t think I’d have a lot to say.
However, once I went down the rabbit hole I realized that my list of notes ended up being something like 3 pages long.
I tend to think a bit differently than the average “relationship coach” but I think you can ask any of my clients that my outside the box thinking tends to get results more often than not.
Overall there are three things I’d like to talk to you about today,
- The Idea Of Earning The Right To Be “Reached Out” To
- The Zeigarnik Effect In Texting Conversations
- Priming The Ideal Image
Let’s begin by tackling the most important concept I want you to absorb.
Tip #1: You Have To Earn The Right To Be Reached Out To
One of the biggest misconceptions I think people have out there is that they assume I can give them some magic bullet phrase to say or some magic bullet thing to do that will inevitably make their ex reach out to them first.
It really doesn’t work that way.
Have you ever heard of the Battle of The Bulge?
It was actually a battle fought in World War 2 and is considered to be one of it’s biggest battles.
I won’t get into the granular details of the battle but I do want to show you something,
All of the blue movements you see on the map are the allied forces movements and all of the red movements are what the germans did.
Do you see how back and forth this battle was.
The allies would push forward…
Only to be stopped and pushed back by the Germans.
Essentially the two forces fought to a standstill.
In fact, I heard once that every day in the United States a newspaper would be released monitoring the movement of the previous days results. People would literally cheer when they’d see the allies pushing forward and grow in despair when that advantage would be erased.
Almost like watching sports in a weird way.
This may seem off topic but I assure you it’s not.
If you want your ex to reach out to you first you are going to have to grind away and kind of enter a battle of the bulge mode to earn the right and respect to make them want to reach out to you.
That’s where my next tip comes into play.
Tip #2: The Zeigarnik Effect In Texting Conversations
Your job is to turn the tide in your favor.
In order to do that you’ll need to find a way to end conversations the right way.
Generally when someone works with me and I probe them on their conversations with their ex I notice an alarming trend.
They actually overstay their welcome on conversations.
Consider for a moment a three hour conversation.
The quality of that conversation will not stay consistent hour by hour.
Instead, it’ll look something like this,
It starts off kind of average and then slowly but surely as time creeps forward you’ll notice the quality picks up.
In fact, it picks up so much to the point where the conversation peaks.
It reaches a point where you’ll notice it can’t get any better than it is at that exact moment.
It’ll stay at that level for a little while and then inevitably the quality will drop.
It’s not like you did anything wrong for it to drop. It’s just the way it works.
Now most people end their conversations with their exes here,
They essentially wait until they’ve squeezed everything they can from the conversation and then end it.
Or they wait until their ex reaches a point where they are growing bored of talking and have the conversation end that way.
The problem with this is that it doesn’t give your ex anything to look forward to.
They don’t have a reason to want to reach out and talk to you first.
That’s where the zeigarnik effect comes into play.
What Is The Zeigarnik Effect?
I think I’ve actually done a video on this one explaining it,
Pretty interesting, right?
Essentially the zeigarnik effect is a psychological concept that states,
People remember uncompleted tasks better than completed ones
It explains why we tune into TV shows time and time again after they end on a cliffhanger.
It explains why we get annoyed when we leave for work and worry that we’ve left the hairdryer plugged in.
All of those things are uncompleted tasks and every fiber of our being begs us to complete them.
Now, if you recall my “quality of conversation” talk above you’d notice that most people are ending conversations at the end of the conversation.
I propose you end conversations here,
Ending the conversation at the high point or even a little before the high point does a couple of amazing things.
- It gives your ex a reason to want to talk to you again
- It interrupts the task they were engaged in
It’s best if you end the conversation abruptly so it’s almost a shock that you have to go.
It gives your ex an exact reason to want to contact you again.
The Battle Of The Bulge Combined With The Zeigarnik Effect
Let’s combine the two tips I’ve talked about so far.
Do not expect to end the conversation first, at the high point and have your ex just reach out to you from that point on.
It typically doesn’t work that way.
It’ll be a little like the battle of the bulge where you may have to initiate a few conversations to fully get it’s effect.
You may have to fight to a standstill before you see results but keep grinding away, it’ll be worth it.
3. Priming The Ideal Image Via Social Media
I can’t tell you how often someone who works with me will ask me if they should “unfriend their ex on Facebook.”
My answer is always the same.
No… Social Media Is One Of The Best Weapons You Can Use!
So far we’ve only talked about direct ways to make your ex want to talk to you first.
Where things really start firing on all cylinders is when you introduce indirect ways to make your ex want to reach out to you.
Well, essentially you use social media to cultivate the ideal image of yourself.
I’ll give you an example.
I was talking about this idea in our private facebook group and one of our members took it to heart and did this to the max.
You see, she noticed that her ex was an outdoor type and that she wasn’t exactly that.
So, she started posting photos of her going biking,
Her ex was also a pretty big golfer so she went to a driving range and posted a video like this,
It doesn’t seem like much, right?
And yet he reached out a few days later literally asking her about golfing.
This entire strategy is based around the fact that we know there is a very significant chance that your ex is watching you from afar via social media. So, if you combine this with the more direct way of getting your ex to talk to you, you have a killer combination.
Like always, I’m here if you have any questions about anything I talked about.
Do not be afraid to comment.
Let’s do a quick recap of what I talked about today.
- There are three big tips that we covered in this article
- You have to earn the right to have your ex reach out to you first
- You can learn a lot from history, specifically the battle of the bulge
- Use the Zeigarnik Effect to end conversations at the ideal point and create a reason that your ex will want to talk to you
- While you are using direct ways to make your ex reach out to your first don’t forget to use indirect ways
- You can do this by cultivating the ideal image you want your ex to digest on social media
Again, I’m here if you have any questions at all about anything I wrote.
Simply comment below!