Welcome to the ultimate Guide in understanding how to use the No Contact Rule after a breakup.

In short, the No Contact Rule is about shutting down communications with an ex for a certain period of time such that you create space for each other allowing for healing, self recovery, and an opportunity for both of you to potentially come back together as a couple.

In some circles, this all encompassing strategy is also referred to as implementing Radio Silence with your ex boyfriend.

I guess we could also call it shutting down all communications or going quiet.

I suppose we could even describe it as giving your ex the silent treatment.  Or if we take it a step further,  the No Contact Rule could also be described as refusing to talk and communicate with your boyfriend on every level for the sake of your own recovery and eventually getting him back.

Guess what we are going to do!

We are going to dig into this much talked about, but poorly understood concept.  I consider it one of the most effective rules you will need to embrace during the Post Breakup Period.

And I want to be very clear about something:

This isn’t some lame “does the no contact rule work?” post that I just slapped together in fifteen minutes.

It is so much more than that!

What Is The No Contact Rule Really All About?

People want to know if this non communication strategy really works.

Will it work for me” is the most frequent question men and women have about using Radio Silence as a breakup strategy. People expect to learn what it is, what it can do for them, and how and why it works.

People want to know “what should I do if I break the no contact rule?

Many who hear about it’s usefulness in helping get an boyfriend back often are curious about why it is so effective and how long it will take to work.  Clients will ask me, “my boyfriend is really stubborn.  Are you sure the no contact rule work on him?”

I get men and women everyday confessing to me that they didn’t implement the Radio Silence Treatment correctly.  They will tell me they broke off Radio Silence early.  They want to know if by breaking no contact, did they screw up and will they still get him back.  They will ask if they should start it all over again.

So as you can see, there are just so many questions.  I think you deserve answers because how else can you optimize your chances of getting him back, right?

Well, you have come to the right place, my friend!

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Does Ignoring Your Ex Really Work?

With this Guide you’re going to learn everything that I’ve discovered from my 6+ years of working with clients who’ve used the no contact rule to success after a breakup.

So, if you’re looking to utilize this break up recovery strategy and are hoping that it will help you get through this difficult time, then you’re going to need a comprehensive and instructive Guide.

I am going to give you that and much more.  But first, let’s explore the big picture of how this NC rule can make a huge difference in bettering your chances of getting your ex coming back and opening up.

This next section of my Guide will offer you 10 Novel Reasons Why Ignoring Your Ex Can Work To Your Adva so well in helping you get your ex boyfriend back a whole lot faster than you would imagine.  If you think its all over and your ex boyfriend will never want to see and speak to you again, well guess what?

You have a secret ex recovery weapon!

10 Intriguing Benefits of Not Talking To Your Ex Anymore

1. Stop The Bleeding Caused By the Break Up.

It hurts like hell when your ex boyfriend breaks up with you.  Heck, it’s painful as heck even if you initiate the break up.  However it all went down, chances are you and your boyfriend’s nerves are shot,  that emotions are on edge, and if there isn’t some relief soon, what is left of the relationship is going to implode.  So Radio Silence is like a circuit breaker.  You are kicking off the communications and creating some space so you and your boyfriend can breathe on your own again.

2.  Implementing Radio Silence Helps Your Ex Boyfriend Experience Some Healing.

If you want to optimize your chances over the long run, you need to separate from your ex boyfriend in the short run for a lot of reasons, least of which is your ex boyfriend needs to get better.  He might be acting like an angry bully or may be undergoing serious emotional difficulties.  Depression may be setting in.  His inability to cope with these new emotions makes him unapproachable.  And if you try to reach out to your ex during this emotional packed time, do so at your own risk!  So allow him some time to navigate through his stages of grief.

3.  Hey, What About Your Own Healing After a Break Up?

That’s right.  You too need to get your emotions centered, so healing is a two way street.  Neither of your are going to be of much good to the other during most stages of the post break up period.  You might agree to go your separate ways amicably, but later those feelings of rejection, resentment, anger and all the rest are going to descend upon you.  Getting through all that will take you some time.

4. The No Contact Rule Allows You To Reset The Relationship After The Breakup

Somewhere along the way, you and your boyfriend blew up the relationship. There can be tons of reasons for that.  By using Radio Silence right after the break-up, you are in effect resetting the Breakup Clock.  The old relationship is dead.  Now you are in the post break up period.  The idea though is to work through this period to do a lot of things that will allow you to reset the Relationship and hopefully come at it in a better way, armed with greater knowledge and insights.

5. Ignoring Your Ex Allows You To Create Attraction

When you buy my eBooks, you learn all about how to maximize the No Contact Period such that you are doing things not just for your own self recovery (healing), but also taking many steps to rebuild attraction and plant seeds of arousal.

6. Rolling Out Your NC Strategy Allows You To Create a Self Recovery Plan

There are two sides to the after breakup period.  Like two sides of a coin. There is the part where you do things to optimize your chances to win your ex boyfriend back.  Then there are things that you do for yourself to get better in all aspects of your life.  I refer to this as optimizing your Holy Trinity of improving your health, wealth, and relationships.  And the wonderful thing about it is by doing this for yourself, you give yourself protection in the event you never get your ex boyfriend back.  You will have so much more balance and perspective about your place in life.  And interestingly, this side of the coin (self recovery) helps you with the other side of the coin (creating attraction and interest from your ex boyfriend).

7. Going Silent With Your Ex Boyfriend Gives You Time To Rebuild Your Confidence

There is not much worse than feeling discarded and rejected and disappointed by your ex boyfriend, over and over again.  It can take its toll in your personal confidence department.  So use this time of Radio Silence wisely, and focus on things that will rebuild your confidence and sense of self value.  Remember, it is ultimately your ex boyfriend’s loss if he can’t find his way back to you.  That is not on you.  You will execute your plan and he will have his opportunities, but whatever happens, you can hold your head up high and walk with confidence.

8. Using the No Contact Rule Helps You With Enhancing Your Value

One of the things I talk about in all my Ebooks is the importance of striving to become the Ungettable Girl.  This is where you focus on not just becoming the best version of yourself, but you seek to be everything your ex boyfriend may have imagined as his dream girlfriend, except he can’t quite have you right now.  That is the place you want to arrive and there are many tactics you can draw upon to get there.

9. By Ending Contact With Your Ex Boyfriend It Open Your Eyes To Other Paths and Alternatives

Right now you are probably thinking of your ex boyfriend with great intensity.  It might be fair to say your are obsessed with thoughts about him and what he did and why it didn’t work out and how you can get him back just as quickly as possible.  But some of my clients, once they have gone through the entire No Contact Rule period, will come out the other side with an entirely different perspective of what they want.  And it may not be their ex boyfriend that they want to return to.  It may be something new you will want.  You may come to appreciate that your ex boyfriend’s spell over you has ended and he is not what you need after all.

10.  Once You Pick Up One Of My Ebooks and Start In On Ending Communications With Your Ex, You Will Learn About Psychological Reactance.

Don’t you just love fancy scientific sounding words!  Well, this one actually works.  Indeed, just the fact that you are shutting down communications with your ex boyfriend plays well with this psychological principle.  In short, it goes like this.  Your boyfriend is not use to not getting what he wants.  The more your deprive him of contact, the greater his desire will be to regain that which he lost.

How To Get Your Ex Back With The No Contact Rule

Get your ex back with no contact

Now it’s time to dig in deeper into the subject of using Radio Silence on your ex boyfriend. If you want to use the no contact rule to get your ex back then there are really seven key things that you need to grasp.  They include:

  1. Understand how this Radio Silence Principle Works!
  2. Figure out how long you should make use of this strategy of not contacting your ex boyfriend
  3. Implement this Non Communication Strategy by harnessing a two pronged approach
  4. Embark on “The Holy Trinity” during this period of avoiding your ex
  5. Understand the cases where you can break the No Contact Period early
  6. Know when NOT to use Radio Silence with your boyfriend
  7. Understand how these  important concepts link together and why staying disciplined is important

The end…

No, I’m just kidding.

Buckle up because this is going to be one heck of a ride teaching you everything you need to know to be a success.

1. Understand How Refusing To Communicate With Your Ex Can Work Wonders

Understand what the no contact rule is.

If you are familiar with my work on Ex Boyfriend Recovery then you would know that I often like to compare getting an ex back to a puzzle.

It just so happens that the no contact rule is the largest piece of that puzzle.

What do you see?

It’s a puzzle that is divided into two sections.

The top section


The bottom section

Now, let’s pretend that the top section of the puzzle is considered to be “the no contact rule” and the bottom part of the puzzle is considered to be the rest of the “ex recovery” strategy that I teach on this site.


And in order to successfully get your ex back you need to merge the two puzzle pieces.

In other words, you can’t just rely on one side of the puzzle to do the work for you. I have noticed that over the years that people who come to this site always seem to be under the impression that all they need to do to win their ex back is implement the no contact rule.

That’s not true.

Yes, the no contact rule may, without a doubt, be the most important aspect of ex recovery but it isn’t going to get you over the finish line alone.

Why would I tell you this?

I want you to manage your expectations going in to reading this article. I want you to understand that there is still more work after this.

Now, I also don’t want to give off the impression that the no contact rule is easy.

It’s not.

But perhaps I should stop rambling and start explaining.

I enjoy making things as simple as possible for people and that’s what I am going to do here.

The No Contact Rule = The premise behind NC (no contact) is that you basically cut off all communication with your ex for a certain amount of time with the intent of making them miss you while at the same time facilitating a recovery (more on that in a second.)

Now, I said I was going to make this as easy as possible for you to understand so let’s break this definition down piece by piece.

Let’s start with this part,

Cut off all communication

There is nothing too out of the ordinary here.

Cutting off all communication means that you don’t talk to your ex at all in any way shape or form.

Well… this isn’t exactly true all the time (as I will teach you later) but for now just roll with it.

If your ex texts you, you ignore them.

If they call you… Yup, you ignore them.




Get it?

Got it?


Ok, the next part of our definition is,

For a certain amount of time

Of course, in order to explain this I think we are actually going to have to move on to concept number two.

2. How Long You Should Avoid Contacting Your Ex Boyfriend

figure out how long your no contact should be

One of the most popular questions that I get here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery is,

“Chris, how long should my no contact rule last for?”

It’s a good question because it depends wholly on your situation. You see, I used to claim that everyone should stick to a very basic 30 day rule. In other words, if you were going to try the no contact rule you should ignore your ex for a month.

But experience has taught me that this isn’t always the best practice.

For some situations 30 days may be too long and for others it may not be long enough.

That’s why you will see me recommending three different time frames when it comes to the no contact rule,

  1. The 21 Day Rule
  2. The 30 Day Rule
  3. The 45 Day Rule

Now, each of these rules have a different purpose.

So, what I would like to do now is help you determine which of these time frames is ideal for you.

(Side Note: There are pros and cons to each of these rules. So, consider everything before you pick one.)

The 21 Day Period Can Work For Some Breakup Situations

The 21 day rule is the shortest rule that I am willing to recommend here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery. It’s perfect for those situations where you think your ex is going to freak out if you ignore them.

Some think its the sweet spot.  Sometimes you can adapt your period as I discuss in my BEST SELLING No Contact Rule Book!

Let me give you an example.

Imagine that you were to use the no contact rule on your ex and you got a string of text messages that looked like this,


I have found that it’s counter productive to continue ignoring an ex for too long when you are getting the type of messages you want to be seeing from them.

But that leads us to an interesting question.

What if you aren’t getting the type of responses you want to see from an ex?

What if they freak out but not in a good way?


Well, then the 21 day rule isn’t going to be ideal.

Instead, you may want to look into the 30 or 45 day rule.

Speaking of the 30 day rule…

The 30 Day Period Is A Good Balance of Creating the Effect You Want With Most Guys

The 30 day no contact rule is what I like to call the basic no contact rule.

In other words, it should be your ideal starting point.

Take a look at the graphic I put together for you below,


This graphic is meant to represent what I want every person who does the no contact rule to do.

I want them to start off by doing a 30 day rule and then based on how their ex reacts to the no contact rule I want them to adapt.

So, let’s say that you are doing the no contact rule on your ex and you receive the positive messages that you received above with the 21 day rule,


But this doesn’t just happen once.

No, this is the third time something like this has started to happen.

Well, in that case then you probably want to move your 30 day rule to a 21 day rule,


Of course, the opposite is true if you receive negative text messages.

If that ends up happening then you probably want to turn your 30 day rule into a 45 day rule,


Let’s move on and talk a little more in-depth about the 45 day no contact rule.

The 45 Day Period Is About As Far You Want To Go

45 days is the longest I am willing to recommend for a no contact rule.

I know that may shock some of you who are familiar with what other experts recommend but there is a reason for why I don’t think a no contact period should ever last longer than 45 days.

On average how long do you think it takes a human being to break a habit?

According to research, 66 days.

So technically speaking it may only take your ex 66 days to get out of the habit of thinking about you. Now, can you imagine if you flat out ignored your ex for 90 days and then all of a sudden out of the blue you texted them.

Wouldn’t that be weird?

They may already be over you and you may not even have a chance at getting them back.

But lets move on from talking about time frames for a second and keep defining the no contact rule,

The No Contact Rule = The premise behind NC (no contact) is that you basically cut off all communication with your ex for a certain amount of time with the intent of making them miss you while at the same time facilitating a recovery,

Hmm… I think this one deserves it’s own section to be honest with you.

3. Implement Using A Two Pronged Strategy

the two pronged a

The way I teach the no contact rule versus the way other experts out there teach it is a little different.

Take a look at the graphic below,


This is how I teach the no contact rule.

You see, the no contact rule gives everyone who uses it an opportunity to implement a two pronged strategy.

  • Prong One = Making An Ex Miss You
  • Prong Two = Facilitates Recovery

Lets talk about each of the prongs for a bit first.

NC Prong One (Making Your Ex Boyfriend Miss You)

If you were to ask any person what their ideal outcome would be if they were to use the no contact rule it would be that their ex goes so crazy over being ignored that they want to get back together as soon as possible.

In other words, their ex would exhibit the behavior of someone who misses a lover.

And I am not going to lie, the no contact rule does do this.

This is one of the BIGGEST assets of implementing the no contact rule which I cover in great detail in my best selling ebook, “THE NO CONTACT RULE BOOK.

However, it’s rare for an ex to ask you to get back together so I wouldn’t really bank on it. What I will say is that the no contact rule can drastically increase the chances of making an ex miss you and their is scientific proof backing this up.

Have you ever heard of psychological reactance?


“Psychological Reactance is defined as a motivational reaction to offers, persons, rules, or regulations that threaten or eliminate specific behavioral freedoms. Reactance occurs when a person feels that someone or something is taking away his or her choices or limiting the range of alternatives.”

Now, that may have been a lot to swallow if you weren’t a psychology major so allow me to break it down.

Psychological reactance assumes that there are a set number of freedoms that a person has. However, when one of those freedoms is taken away the person will react to it. Usually in a way where they try to reobtain that freedom.

So, let’s look at what’s happening here.

By ignoring your ex you are denying them certain freedoms (the freedom to talk to you.) So, according to psychological reactance they are going to react in a way to try to try to get that freedom back.

Think of it like this.

Let’s say I offer my daughter a cookie and she accepts it.

A simple premise, right?

Let’s shake things up.

Now let’s say that I offer my daughter a cookie and right when she reaches for it I end up taking it away and placing it on a nearby table.

(I am definitely a horrible parent 🙁 .)

What do you think she is going to do?

Well, she understands on a basic level that her freedom to have that cookie has just been taken away and she is going to do everything in her power to get it.

That’s psychological reactance at work.

Her freedom to have the cookie was just taken away and as a result she behaved in a way to get it back.

NC Prong Two (Facilitating A Recovery)

I am a little appalled of how little people talk about the second prong of the no contact rule.


Because in my opinion it’s the most powerful aspect of NC.

Think about it, in the end all you can do is influence your ex to feel a certain way. Truthfully, you don’t have any control over what they think or the actions they take.

However, when it comes to prong two you have complete control because prong two focuses heavily on you.

Think of it this way,


By facilitating a recovery you are going to become more confident in yourself. As you grow more confident in yourself you are going to appear more attractive towards the people around you.

That includes your ex.

Such was the case for Natalie, the woman featured in episode of three of the ex boyfriend recovery podcast (https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/episode3/). You see, she ended up moving on a facilitated a recovery.

The result = Her ex ended up contacting her and hitting on her.

But this begs an interesting question.

How do you facilitate a recovery?

Well, you want to utilize what I call “The Holy Trinity.”

4. Embark On The Holy Trinity

the holy trinity in no contact

It’s actually three things.

Health, wealth and relationships.

I’ll tell you what. I am going to go put together a report for you explaining this.

One sec….

Ok, here you go,

(Holy Trinity)

This book will explain the basics of “The Holy Trinity.”

In a nutshell, you can divide the most important aspects of your life into these three categories.

Well, during the no contact rule you want to only be doing things that positively impact these three aspects of your life.

I talk about this briefly in the holy trinity report.

But here’s something I don’t talk about in the report.

The three aspects of the holy trinity are interconnected. What affects one aspect will end up affecting the other aspects.

Let me give you an example.

Let’s say that you lose your job. Thus, your “wealth” category is negatively impacted,


Common sense, right?

But as a result of losing your job you become very depressed and your “mental health” becomes impacted,


With your “mental health” compromised you begin to take your frustrations out on your significant other and as a result they break up with you,


All in all, everything gets impacted negatively. It’s like quicksand. One bad thing happens and everything gets pulled down with it. However, if we are going to buy into this theory of everything being connected that also means that when something positive happens to one of the aspects everything else gets impacted as well in a positive way.

For example, let’s say that you start working out and look the best you have ever looked before,


As a result you gain more confidence and end up doing great in a job interview and get a new job,


With more confidence and a great new job word gets around and eventually reaches your ex who looks at you in a whole new light,


What impacts one aspect of the holy trinity will impact the others in some way, shape or form. Remember this as you aim to facilitate your recovery. Now, I am going to talk a lot about the holy trinity when I talk about the “no contact rule” calendar later.

For now, let’s move on and talk about the other aspect of facilitating a recovery.

Facilitating A Recovery Within Your Ex

I have a simple question for you.

Do you think you will have a better chance of getting your ex back if they are angry at you or if they are a little calmer?

Calmer, right?

Well, the other great thing about facilitating your own recovery from the breakup is that it gives your ex a chance to facilitate their own recovery from the breakup.

Why do you want them to recover from the breakup?

Well, because it’s going to allow them to be more rational for when the time finally comes for you to reach out to them.

But we will talk about that later.

Now that you have a good idea of what the no contact rule entails let’s turn our attention to a very common question that we get here on Ex Boyfriend Recovery,

“Can I ever break the no contact rule?”

5. Understand The Cases Where You Can End No Contact

know when to break no contact early

This is one of those things that I constantly get asked.

Seriously, I must have been asked this at least 500 times.

Originally I was of the mindset that you shouldn’t ever break the no contact rule. In fact, I think if you go to (this article link) you will notice that I say just that. However, lets say you find yourself in a scenario where you are doing the no contact rule and your ex texts you with something like this,


Are you allowed to break the no contact rule?

Well, according to my earlier advice you wouldn’t be able to.

Do you see the flaw with that type of thinking?

I am all about adapting and updating which is why I no longer think it’s necessary to stay in a no contact rule given the right circumstances.

Now, the keyword there is “right circumstances.”

One of the sad facts that I have learned about the people who visit my website is that if I give them a little bit of leeway they will take advantage of that. In other words, if I sit here and tell you that you can break the no contact rule early an idea gets planted in your head where you may potentially look for any reason to break it early.

Which is why I am very strict about the rules you can utilize to break the no contact rule early.

There are seven factors that you need to look at when determining whether or not you can break the no contact rule early.

Those seven factors are,

  1. How long you were in the relationship with your ex for?
  2. How many days have passed since you started the no contact rule?
  3. How many times have you broken up with this person before?
  4. Where are you in your own personal recovery?
  5. What was the cause of the break up?
  6. Who initiated the break up?
  7. How many positive communications have you received from your ex since starting the no contact rule?

Let’s take each data point and talk a bit about it.

I believe you will be better prepared to make a decision on which “road” to take, if you understand each piece of the puzzle. Only then can you fit them together and see what picture emerges.

You see, there is a synergistic relationship between these 7 data points. They need to be evaluated and considered together as a whole.

Sort like the 3 Musketeers!

(Even though D’Artagnan is never counted.)

You know…one for all and all for one!

Except in this case, we have the 7 Musketeers!

Factor One: How Long Were You In A Relationship With Your Ex For?

This can be a useful data point because if you have been involved with your Ex for a lengthy period of time, then this history between the two of you should give you some valuable insight on how to approach the situation.

If the history reveals a relationship plagued with many conflicts and multiple breakups, then you should take note of this pattern. It is probably telling you something. You may benefit more from staying on course with your No Contact strategy.

Then we have the situation in which the relationship was only weeks or a few months in duration.

Relatively speaking, that is not a very long time to build a solid foundation.

Breaking up after such a short time, suggests that something is not working out for one or both partners. In such a situation, making an exception and ending your No Contact is probably not a good idea.

Maybe things will work out.

Maybe not.

But I would think long and hard before breaking off the No Contact.

Factor Two: How many days have passed since you started?

If you hear from your ex on day 5 of your No Contact Period, it may be too early to make an exception.

While not a “deal breaker”, since all of these data points need to be considered as a whole, you should know that your ex reaching out to you so soon may be more to do with their “rebound emotions”.

You both may need more time to sort things out on your own, before you try to do it together.

Now on the other hand, if your ex reaches out to you on day 26 of your 30 day No Contact Period, I would be inclined to recommend you consider ending “No Contact” and exploring what is on their mind.

Unless, of course, your ex was spewing some nasty venom.

Which leads us to the next factor.

Factor Three: What Is Your Track Record With Your Ex?

If you guys have had multiple breakups in the past, then it probably is not in your best interest to make an exception.

The on again, off again relationship cycle is not healthy.

Where on the other hand, if you guys have been pretty solid in the past, that bodes well for your future.

Maybe you can cut short your No Contact Period on the strength of this factor and other data points.

Factor Four: Where Are You In Your Personal Recovery

Are you truly ready to talk to your ex again?

How much time has gone by since you last spoke?

How far along are you in your No Contact Period?

The more time that has gone by, the better, because it takes TIME to heal.

Have you been able to set aside the angry and resentful feelings you may have had following the breakup?

Do you feel you have progressed emotionally in other ways?

Are your drawing closer to becoming the best version of yourself?

Can you honestly say you have learned something meaningful about yourself?

These are the kind of things you need to think about. The last thing you want is to try to re-enter your relationship when your wounds have not healed.

Factor Five: What Caused The Breakup

If your ex cheated on you, then I am not an advocate of ending the No Contact Period early. Not unless all of the other Data Points are strongly and positively in place.

When weighing whether an exception should be made, one really needs to put a lot of weight on what caused the breakup.

Ask yourself, how severe and ugly was the ending of the relationship?

The more severe, the longer one should stay with No Contact. Breakups can be damaging and both parties need to time heal.

All breakups are going to hurt, no matter the degree of severity.

But it is usually easier to spring back from breakups if they did not cause considerable spite, anger, and hate.

Factor Six: Who Initiated The Breakup

The forces of “personal power” play a role during and after the relationship.

If you initiated the breakup, you have more personal power, at least on this matter.

But be careful with power.

It can go straight to your head in a matter of speaking, but you may not be thinking with the right side of your brain.

If you are feeling really cocky and confident about this new development of your ex reaching out to you, you may not be in the right place “emotionally” to properly gauge your situation.

Now, if your ex initiated the breakup and is now reaching out, you still need to weigh things carefully. On its surface, it may appear that the balance of personal power has swayed to your favor. Perhaps, your ex realizes they made a mistake.

Just tread carefully. In other words,

You Initiating The Breakup > Your Ex Initiating The Breakup

Factor Seven: How Many Positive Communications Did You Receive?

I saved the best and most important data point, for last! This is why I call it the Golden Factor.

What you should be looking for are multiple positive messages sent by your ex to you. One attempt to communicate, even if it’s made in the most positive way, is usually not enough, particularly if the other data points are not favorable.

When an ex reaches out to you and tells you something really nice and pleasant, that demonstrates good faith. If it is repeated, that shows the person probably really cares. If you receive a few more communications, that demonstrates a persistence.

As long as those messages sent to you have a positive energy, that bodes well for you.

Now if you get bombarded with negative message after negative message, to a point where it seems like your ex is obsessing….well, that is not a good thing.

If that happens, I would suggest you ignore those many obsessive contacts.

Positive contact can come in multiple forms.

It could be text messages. It could be emails. It could be phone messages. It could be old fashioned letters. It could be a message in a bottle. It could be a bouquet of flowers or a gift with a card.

Hell, it can even be on Facebook or Snapchat.

The main thing is that such messages need to number more than one.

They need to be positive, friendly and respectful. And they need to occur within a brief period of time (e.g. over a few days, perhaps over a week).

What if they show up at your door?

Don’t fall for it the first time around. Be nice and tell them you need more time. If this happens a few times and your ex conducted themselves respectfully, well, an exception may be in order.

Remember, I said it may be in order! You need to look at all of the data points and judge whether you wish to end your No Contact Period.
Is there any magic number of data points which have to be met, before you make an Exception?

Yes, and that leads me to my next point.

The Rule Of Four When Dealing With Breaking No Contact

Do you remember above when I mentioned that if I give people too much leeway they will take advantage of it and look for any excuse to break the no contact rule.

Well, that’s what the rule of four is meant for.

There are a total of seven factors that you need to look at if you are considering ending the no contact rule early. Well, what if I told you that you only needed four of those factors to break it.

It’s just that one of those factors has to be the “golden factor,”

The Golden Factor = Receiving Multiple Positive Communications From Your Ex

For example, let’s say that you have checked off every other factor except the golden one.

Are you allowed to break the no contact rule?

No, the golden factor is essential for breaking no contact early.

But what if you have the golden factor but you don’t get any of the other factors?

Can you break no contact?

No, obtaining three other factors is just as essential as obtaining the golden factor.

That’s the rule of four.

Get it?

Got it?


6. Know When NOT To Use The No Contact Principle

when NOT to use the no contact rule

This is where things tend to get a bit more complicated. You see, in addition to understanding the rules for breaking the no contact rule early (which I am just going to tell you upfront is very rare) you will also need to understand that there are going to be certain situations that you may find yourself that will require you to alter the no contact rule.

Now, altering a no contact period is completely different than breaking it.

What’s the difference?

Altering No Contact = You are still technically under the no contact period you just might be playing with a slightly different set of rules.

Breaking No Contact = You should be advancing to the next phase of the strategy to get your ex back.

Now, there are actually a lot of different situations that may make you alter your no contact rule BUT I don’t have the time to list out each and every one of them.

Instead, I thought that it would be best if I just listed out the 6 most common alterations I see people having to make,

  • If Children Are Involved
  • If You Work With Them
  • If You Live With Them
  • If You Go To School With Them
  • If You Unexpectedly Run Into Them
  • The Item Exchange

Now, since this is Ex Boyfriend Recovery and we are committed to creating the best content in the world relating to exes we are going to go above and beyond for you by teaching you the alterations you are going to have to make for each of these situations.

Let’s start from the top.

1. The Alterations You Need To Make If Children Are Involved

This is always a difficult situation to alter because more often than not if you and your ex share a child you are going to be living together (which we will talk about next.)

So, rather than addressing what to do about the living situation let’s talk about what to do if you decide to use the no contact rule on your ex and they send you something like this,


Oh, and in case you couldn’t read between the lines “Carter” is your kid.

How do you deal with this?

Ok, here is my rule for when it comes to communicating about kids during no contact.

The Rule: You can break no contact to talk about the kids and that’s it. After you interaction about the kids is over you are going right back into no contact.

Pretty simple, right?

Well, things get a bit more complicated when you take into account that more often than not if you share a child with your ex you are probably living together.

How the hell are you supposed to handle no contact?

2. The Alterations You Need To Make If You Work With Your Ex

There are two words I want you to get very familiar with.

Strictly Business!

Now, it’s important to remember that the goal here isn’t to p*ss off your ex and that can definitely happen if you work together and completely ignore him. Instead, I don’t want you to initiate any conversations with him. Let him initiate all the conversations and if he does then keep the conversation short and sweet.

The only fly in the ointment, so to speak, is if your have to communicate due to a work related activity.

In that case make sure the scope of the conversation is STRICTLY BUSINESS!

In other words, if you are talking about something business related that is completely fine but if he veers off and starts talking about something “non business related” then I want you to subtly redirect him to talking about business.

Get it?

Got it?


3. The Alterations You Need To Make If You Live With Your Ex

I am just going to be blunt with you.

The no contact rule is always going to be more effective if you aren’t living with your ex. That’s just the way it is and anyone who tells you anything differently is lying straight to your face.

BUT the no contact rule can still be effective if you live with the person so don’t go into a depression just yet.

It’s just that it isn’t going to be as effective.

So, what’s the rule regarding living with your ex?

The Rule: If it’s possible move out.

Now, the keyword that you want to look at there is “IF IT’S POSSIBLE.”

If moving out isn’t an option then don’t do it. Don’t worry, I have a specific strategy that you should employ but before I let you in on that I want to put my money where my mouth is.

Meet Jessica,


Jessica is someone who I personally worked with on Facebook.

I advised her to enter into a 21 day no contact period and also to move out of the house she was staying at with her ex boyfriend.

She did exactly what I said and when it was all said and done she had her ex chasing her and begging for her back. Oh, and he proposed.

This alteration produces results.

But let’s say that you can’t move out. Let’s say it’s not an option.

What do you do then?

Simple, you are going to act as cordial as possible when you do see your ex so they don’t think you are a d*ck but you NEVER want to start a conversation. Hmm…. perhaps this would work better as an example.

Ok, let’s pretend that you are dating me!

(I’m pretty awesome, I know!)

We are living together and you decide you want to utilize the no contact rule.

One day I come home from work (because in this example I am a high powered business man 😉 ) and I look pretty stressed. Every fiber of your being is going to want to ask me a simple question,

“Are you ok?”


“How was your day?”

But you aren’t allowed to.


Because you are in the midst of a no contact rule.

Now let’s answer one of the most asked questions I get about this situation.

Let’s say that instead of me looking stressed and angry when I come home that particular day I look pretty happy and I even go as far as to ask you how your day was.

What do you do?

Most women make the mistake of thinking that they should ignore their exes at this point.

That’s a mistake because that will just create more animosity between the two of you and that’s the last thing we want. Instead, the best way to handle this situation is to engage me in a conversation but keep it short and sweet.

The idea is not to linger too long.

4. The Alterations You Need To Make If You Go To School With Your Ex

Out of all the alterations I talk about in this section this is probably the easiest one to grasp.

In fact, the alteration here pretty much boils down to two steps.

Step One: Avoid your ex

Step Two: If it’s impossible to avoid them then keep it short and sweet

So, let’s talk about these steps really quick.

I want you to avoid your ex at school at all costs. Yes, I realize some mumbo jumbo expert out there may disagree with me but believe me when I say that this is for your own good.


Well, because I have often found that people will look for any conceivable excuse to “bump into their exes.”

But let’s assume you are in a situation where “step one” is impossible.

Let’s say that you are in the exact same class as your ex and it’s pretty much impossible to avoid them. Well, in that case I want you to keep everything short and sweet.

What do I mean by that?

Well, for starters I don’t want you to start any conversations with your ex. However, let’s say that your ex starts a conversation with you (like my example above when you live with an ex.)

Well, keep everything short and sweet.

Engage them but don’t engage them fully.

Be nice but not too nice.

Short and sweet.

That’s the name of the game.

5. The Alterations You Need To Make If You Unexpectedly Run Into Your Ex Boyfriend

Imagine for a moment that you are walking down the street and all of a sudden you see your ex…

You panic…

You get that deer in the headlights look…

And you pull a “kramer,”


Now, do you think that is the proper way to utilize the no contact rule in this situation?


Absolutely not.

Instead, the correct move here is to walk up to your ex, say hi and leave it at that.

Less is more…

Now, before we move on to the final alteration I do have one thing to say. DON’T GO LOOKING TO RUN INTO YOUR EX ON PURPOSE! If you do that and they catch on to what you are doing then without a doubt you are going to appear to be desperate and that is going to have the opposite effect of what you are supposed to do.

6. Alterations You Need To Make For An Item or Possessions Exchange With Your Ex

Ah, and here it is…

The ultimate no contact question that I get asked on pretty much a daily basis.

“Chris, am I allowed to break the no contact rule if my ex has items that I want back?”


“What about if my ex asks me for their things?”

Ok, let’s tackle the easy one first.

If your ex asks for their things back then you have to give them their stuff back. No if’s, ands or buts about it.Therefore, you are allowed to break the no contact rule but just in this one instance. After the items are exchanged then I want you to go right back into the no contact rule.

How do you handle the interaction when you are exchanging things?

Good question.

Generally you want it to be short and sweet.

This isn’t a time to linger and relive the worst or best parts of your relationship.

Get in, exchange items and get out.


Now, lets tackle the more difficult question.

What if your ex has something of yours that you want back. How do you handle that?

Well, the first question I would ask you is how important is it to you?

If we are talking “toothbrush level” type stuff then I think you can live without it and should probably stay in the no contact rule.

But what if it’s something of grave importance to you?

Something like your mothers ashes… Well, then you have my permission to break the no contact rule to get them back.

Fun Fact: Did you ever see the Malcolm in The Middle episode where the babysitter is fighting with her ex over her mothers ashes (I did obviously 😉 .)

7. Understand These Four Important Concepts To Stay Disciplined

Stay disciplined by doing these things

Now that you have a pretty good idea of how the no contact rule works I want to move on to the next step.

There is a philosophy that I want you to adopt.

It’s called “Dating Yourself.”

In fact, I did a whole interview with a dating coach named Veronica Grant where she pretty much summed up “dating yourself” better than I ever could,

(In case you don’t have the patience to watch the entire interview here is her summarization of “dating yourself,”)

Dating yourself is kind of what it sounds like. Doing things for yourself that you would either want or expect your significant other to do for you. So, it can be things like buying yourself flowers, writing yourself a love note, taking a hot bubble bath, taking yourself out for a drink or for a nice dinner but really the deeper essence of it is making yourself feel how you want to feel on your relationship.

Now, I am absolutely in love with this idea, especially during the no contact rule.


Well, it kind of serves as a gauntlet for weeding out the people who aren’t serious about getting their exes back and simply want to move on. And that’s a great thing because usually half the battle is finding a way to get on the right path.

So, how does this “gauntlet effect” work?

1. The Gauntlet Effect

It’s hard to admit (because I was a young buck when I first started Ex Boyfriend Recovery) but I have been doing this for over half a decade. But most of the people who come to this website want one thing and one thing only,

They want to get their exes back.

And I feel I have certainly catered to those people a lot (Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO anyone?)

But sometimes a person comes to me with a horrifying story that makes me think,

“Hmm… maybe you shouldn’t get back with your ex.”

And being me, I usually verbalize my thoughts without thinking a lot of time.

Now, usually when I tell someone this they are very respectful and often times they agree with me. However, when it comes time for them to take specific actions revolving around getting over their ex they actually do the opposite.

Now, after five years of his happening to me I have finally wised up to what’s going on.

Nothing I say will convince a person otherwise and I have simply decided to let people go through their own process (because sometimes that’s what it takes for them to realize their ex is not the right fit for them.)

Ah, but that’s where “The Gauntlet Effect” comes into play.

By utilizing the “date yourself” philosophy during the no contact rule you are essentially putting yourself in a gauntlet to see if you are still interested in your ex by the end of the no contact rule.

Allow me to explain in more detail.

Let’s pretend that you are doing a 30 day no contact rule and you decide that on top of utilizing the “two prongs” that I talked about above you are going to also utilize the “date yourself” philosophy.

And while you are dating yourself you come to the realization that,

“Hmm… my ex never treated me as good as I am treating myself right now..”

And pretty soon this singular thought evolves into,

“I don’t think I want him back.”

Well, that’s the gauntlet effect in play right there. It essentially helps you determine what you really want going forward. Of course, if you come out the other end of the gauntlet and you still want your ex back then you absolutely positively have my permission to do everything in your power to get him back.

Of course, let’s not get too far ahead of ourselves now.

WARNING: Most People Who Try The No Contact Rule End Up Failing It

I think I may have mentioned this before but it never hurts to re-iterate.

The odds aren’t in your favor to successfully make it through the no contact rule. In fact, I would say that the vast majority of people I have met have ultimately ended up failing at the no contact rule.

Now, what does that mean?

Well, usually that means that you decide to do a period of no contact and somewhere during that period you end up contacting your ex.

And it’s easy to understand why.

We live in a digital age where temptation is all around us.

I mean, think about it.

How tempting would it be to check your exes Facebook profile?

What about check and see the last time they logged into WhatsApp?

Of course, it’s my job to ensure that you don’t fail at the no contact rule so here’s what I have decided to do for you. I have put together a list of the very best ways that you can safely remove temptation. In other words, if you do the following things then your chances of successfully completing the no contact rule will drastically increase.

  • Getting A Friend To Hold The Number
  • Making Yourself So Busy You Don’t Have Time
  • Keeping A Journal
  • Unfollow On Facebook

Let’s talk a little about each of these initiatives.

2. Getting A Trusted Friend To Hold Onto Your Exes Number

Now, I am not going to lie to you.

This one is a bit flawed.

But more on that in a second. For now, let’s just grasp what this initiative is.

Essentially the way this works is that you write your exes number down on a piece of paper and then you erase that number from your phone. After that, you take the piece of paper to a trusted friend and tell them not to give it to you until your 21 – 45 days are up.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“I get it and everything but what’s the flaw?

Well, let’s say that I am the trusted friend who you gave your exes number to. And let’s say that your ex contacts you at some point. It will probably still show up on your phone but just as a number you don’t recognize.

Nevertheless, I have seen this method work for a lot of women who have tried it so it isn’t without it’s merits.

3. Making Yourself So Busy You Don’t Have Time to Think About Him or Do Something You Will Regret

I am a big fan of this one.


Well, because IF you do the no contact rule the way that I am recommending you to do it then this is going to happen naturally.

Think about it…

The holy trinity…

Dating yourself…

These are things that are meant to keep you buys and most importantly keep your mind off of your ex which is a HUGE problem we are facing. So, the idea here is that you keep yourself so busy that you don’t even have time to contact your ex.

Now, I realize that it’s unrealistic of me to say,

“Ok, as long as you just make yourself busy you won’t ever have time to contact your ex.”

That’s not true.

If someone is motivated enough they will always find time.

But here is the point I want to hammer home for you.

As long as you couple this strategy with a few others you should be golden.

4. Keeping A Journal Can Make The Breakup Blues Go Away

I have to admit that I can’t take credit for this one. This is the brain child of my wife.

So, the way this works is that you go out and buy a journal. Now, the thing about this journal is that it’s only meant for the no contact rule. In other words, this is your no contact rule journal 😉 .

Ok, lame joke aside you are going to utilize this journal to write down your feelings during the no contact rule.

It’s a way to exercise how you are feeling and also a way to prevent yourself from contacting your ex.

Now, let’s say you are going along down the no contact rule and all of a sudden you get this urge to contact your ex. It’s overwhelming and your fingers are literally on the phone typing in their name.

Well, instead of doing that you are going to pull out your journal and write down how you are feeling.

Write down what you want to write…

Write down how angry and upset you are…

Get it all out.

Get it all out until you don’t feel the urge to contact them anymore.

Unfollow Your Ex On Facebook

Notice how I said “unfollow” and not “unfriend”

Believe it or not there is a difference between the two.



Basically by unfollowing your ex they won’t show up in your feed anymore. Now, if you want more details on why I recommend not to fully unfriend your ex then I recommend going here.

So, that’s going to do it for my epic guide on the no contact rule?

What do you think?

Are you confused about anything?

Do you need help with anything?

We would love to hear from you in the comments below!

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6,393 thoughts on “The No Contact Rule (The Definitive Guide)”

  1. Evs

    July 26, 2013 at 12:23 am

    Your article has been extremely helpful, as I was reading it, I felt much better. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost one year and we have been good friends two years before that. Last week we broke up on mutual terms. For the past three months we had quite a few arguments over small things, and I felt as if everything I did was wrong. He started to not care as much about the things I did and all affection he had for me in the beginning was gone. We slowly started to drift apart. During our break up he told me he had lost some feelings for me and wanted time and space to himself. Things hadn’t been working for a while but I had no idea he felt like this. He is Christian, and I am not, although I have been to Church a few times. This may have been the fundamental reason why we broke up.

    His birthday was yesterday and it was impossible for NC which leaves me back at square one. I have asked if we could meet to talk over things and sort out what really happened, but he wasn’t ready to meet. I have reflected on the break up though and I do realize that although he was controlling and dominant at times, I have a lot of problems that may have pushed him away with time. Most of all, I am confused about how I really had no idea I was hurting him with my problems and I had no idea he started to lose feelings. I have decided that I need to move on, but if there was another chance I would take it instantly. I’ve always thought NC might push someone even further away, if they get the impression that you no longer want to speak with them..

    1. admin


      July 26, 2013 at 3:19 am

      So religious differences contributed to the breakup? I am so sorry to hear that :(.

      I think if you play your cards right with NC that it won’t push an ex away. It will actually make them want you more. I am an optimist by nature though so I try to see the positive in every situation.

  2. Lisa

    July 25, 2013 at 9:45 am

    Dear sir, i left a comment here yesterday. After i submitted, i saw my comment showed up on the website but was labelled as “waiting for moderation (?). However, I can’t find my comment anymore this morning. I wonder whether i did anything wrong? How can I leave a comment properly? Thanks a lot in advance!

    1. admin


      July 26, 2013 at 2:47 am

      Hi Lisa,

      I moderate all the comments because there are a lot of people who try to spam this website unfortunately and I only want the legitimate comments being live. I am sorry if your comment got lost in the fray but if you want you can just reply to this and we can go from there.

    2. Lisa

      July 26, 2013 at 5:29 pm

      Hi Sir, my comment showed up below along with your reply.. Thanks again!

    3. Robin

      July 27, 2013 at 2:09 am

      This also just happened to mine. Booo. ):
      I was saying how I fear the no contact rule will only result in him hooking up with someone else. is breaking it all off complete really going to do me good, cause i feel like its only going to cause more damage and pain for me.

  3. Lisa

    July 25, 2013 at 4:03 am

    This man broke up with me > two weeks ago, but promised to be in my life as a close friend. He said he likes me a lot and said he will check in on me and figure out a way to stay connected after we both calm down. I have been struggling emotionally in the beginning, crying alone, doing nothing, but I did not contact him. Then I started my “emotional healing”: dancing, spending time with my girlfriends, shopping, trying to be happy (without him). During this time, he texted me 3 times and called me once, i texted back briefly, saying i am doing well, pretending nothing happened and sounded happy.. Though I was really heartbroken in the beginning, I do feel stronger and better in control of my emotion… But till now, i still feel that i love this man a lot and really want him back.. Though i am confident I can remain NC for a period of time, I was wondering how I should respond when he texts me or calls me.. I really appreciate your post and would love to hear your advice!

    1. admin


      July 26, 2013 at 2:31 am

      Hi Lisa,

      Do you mind if I use your comment in a testimonial section for saying how stronger you have gotten through the NC rule?

      I am so proud that you have taken control of your situation and feel much stronger. Here is what I would do the next time he texts you.

      Start a conversation with him. It is important that you hook him into the convo. Right when you feel you have him hooked fall off the map for a couple of days. You are establishing control and he is going to want to come back for more.

    2. Lisa

      July 26, 2013 at 5:26 pm

      Dear Sir, thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions and for your nice word! I will need to think about how to start a coversation to hook him up then if he ever texts me again – I have been reading on the other articles on your website, all of them are so helpful… Yeah, it is my pleasure if you want to use my comment on your testimony section. Although I still miss him a lot from time to time, in a way, I feel that the pain I have been through during these NC period and the amount of self control I need to have, will make me a “better” person – emotionally stronger and more confident in every aspect of my life..In this sense, I am proud of myself as well…

      Your article is also absolutely right and helpful, – this period forces me to think about the reasons why the relationship went wrong, give me an opportunity to figure out whether he is the person I truly want to have in my life, and to work on bringing out the best version of myself (happy, sensual, fearless, and “beautiful”, which might have attracted him in the first place, but somehow got lost/compromised when I started to focus so much on him and cared so much about him…so I might appear as needy..).

      Thank you again!!

    3. admin


      July 28, 2013 at 3:56 am

      Your welcome Lisa. If you need anything feel free to comment or contact me. I do my best to make myself available!

    4. Lisa

      July 29, 2013 at 10:21 pm

      Dear Chris, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind offer and appreciate your kindness to help us who are in need.. Best wishes!


  4. IronBian

    July 24, 2013 at 5:28 am

    i just want to consult my situation. my partner/gf is having this unreasonable and uncontrollable tantrums to the point that she throw a curse on me. she always gets mad at me even for such little things. one morning, i brought her food but didnt appreciate at all. she seldom text me. she seemed so near yet so far to me. it seemed that she doesnt care anymore. i known her to have a strong mood swings. for almost 2 years that weve been together, it almost the same years/months that she is asking for break up. but everytime we see and talk to each other, it seems that nothing had happened. but every time she is in bad shape, she always ask for break up. im thinking of giving her up now like what she wants to do with me. it just so sad to think that a am doing nothing but to love her in the way i know. what will i do with this kind of personality and how will i habdle our relationship and also myself?

    1. admin


      July 25, 2013 at 1:42 am

      Try this out: try going a full week without contacting her. No matter what happens do not contact her. You might be surprised at how much she will miss you.

  5. Danaira

    July 21, 2013 at 3:52 pm

    Been with my high school sweet heart since 16 and stood together for 3 solid years .In April he got kicked out his parents house and lived with me for a month or two getting towards Jun he started acting funny , showing less affection and more absent minded . I knew he had a ton if stress on him with trying to find a place to live and having enough hours to make good enough money . Last month on June we had a talk and he told me he wanted space to get his life in order he said he didn’t know how long it was going to be but he wanted me to wait for him , Two weeks passed I got desperate for a solid answer to see if I was waisting my time and I showed up at his job after he texted me saying he couldn’t talk and wanted to talk the next day . I showed up at his job anyways when he was closing up his job . I asked calmly if I was waisting my time and he flipped out on me && we got into a huge argument , things where said on his part that should never had been said but I ignored it . I refused to leave till he told me what was our relationship status && he was so PO’d I never seen him so mad . I left his job got in the car and cried . 3 days later he texted me saying he got suspended at work for two weeks and possibly fired. I never replied till the 4th of July . 5days later I called him to wish him a happy birthday and we talked a little and I tried to apologize for that night but didn’t want to hear it and said we will have a talk after his birthday about it but he never came around so I’v tempted to arrange it a week ago & he came to me about it but I told him Im to busy for It . So last Wednesday told him to meet up but he claim he couldn’t so I asked him Thursday he agreed I show up and he didn’t come at all blew me off . I called him & he acted like I never told him about the talk . And AGAIN he was to busy & he would call me tomorrow so we can talk , Instead of me arguing and getting worked up like I would I’d normally react I agreed and said fine calmly . Its been two days and he still didn’t call me about our talk to see what we are going to do with our relationship . I’m just tired of trying to reach out first and fix us . I Love him more then anything . He was my bestfriend first before being my boyfriend . I don’t know what to do anymore . Is the NC rule going to help our situation? I just don’t want to chase him anymore he never calls me or text me , I’v been doing it . I NEED HELP

    1. admin


      July 21, 2013 at 11:13 pm

      Ok, you made a BIG mistake.

      You shouldn’t have shown up at his job. That was not cool at all. You need to understand that, that is not ok. In fact, doing that landed you in the crazy ex girlfriend territory and that is not a place you want to be.

      I think the NC rule will be beneficial to you esepcially for letting time go by so you can calm down and HE can calm down.

  6. Lexi

    July 19, 2013 at 3:07 am

    Hi I’m 6months pregnant and after a break up with my ex almost 3 weeks ago. We’ve tried talking as friends but I’m so hurt by this break up. I’m recently on day 5 of NC but it hurts. He claims he still thinks of me as a close friend and that it maybe possible to salvage our relationship later on but I was constantly messing it up because I was just a word away from being a emotional mess and I would cry. He said he would get bothered by my crying and I would get vicious with my words telling him he’s a jerk for breaking his promises and no man would leave his pregnant gf no matter how difficult. Safe to say I’ve practically nailed my coffin shut but I’m hoping with my NC he can actually have time to see what he’s missing out on. He even told me why do you doubt that I can fall in love with you when I’ve loved you for five years.

    Ugh I just want him back. I hope this NC can help even if it is just to make me less dependent on him. What’s your advice in all this?

    1. admin


      July 19, 2013 at 8:31 pm


      Definitely do the NC rule. However, you really need to work to try to stop being so emotional. Emotions to guys is like the super plauge if they happen too often.

  7. Meggie

    July 18, 2013 at 5:18 am

    So I was dating this boy for about 9 months. We just celebrated our monthly anniversary and a few days later he dumped me with no warning. He tried to be friends with benefits with me after but I said no, yet somehow we still ended up having sex and I don’t know why I guess i thought it would make him want me back which was stupid I know. But he used the line “it’s not you it’s me” he told me I’m perfect and that I’ve done everything right with him but he didn’t want to be in a relationship for this long and he wanted to “do his own thing” for a little while. He said he wanted to “break up” and not “go on a break”. And he said he wants to be with me but he wants to do his own thing. I’m really close with him and his family, he was my best friend and they were like a second family to me, and maybe that’s why its so hard for me to let all of them go because they’ve made up such a huge part of my heart… He was a player before me that hooked up with a lot of girls and we are each others longest relationships. I know he still cares because the last couple of days he’s come over and brought me food because he found out I wasn’t eating. In really miss him and want him back desperately but I don’t want to beg him anymore. I want him to her back with me because he wants to not because he feels guilty. My friends say he was probably just confused and a bit scared of his feelings and that’s why he just walked our all of a sudden but still sticks around me even though we haven’t done anything sexual since we broke up. I want to understand why he ended things but he won’t give me a valid reason. Today was my first day of the “no contact rule” since we broke up and it was really hard, but I don’t want to stop texting him because I don’t want him to forget about me and move on with someone else, even though he’s not much of a relationship guy. I need to know if I should just continue to ignore him and pretend I’m over it? Should I even try to get him back, or do you think he’s just leading me on and giving me false hope that someday we’ll get back together?

    1. Meggie

      July 18, 2013 at 5:32 am

      Please respond to this one! I’m really torn up I need some specific advice.

    2. admin


      July 19, 2013 at 1:46 am

      Of course I will respond!

      Ok, here is your BIG problem. I talk a lot on this site about protraying an “ungettable” persona. Guys like a challenge and right now, the way you are acting pretty much tells him that he can get you any time he wants.

      Going NC for you is super important and I think you are going to have to take the risk of doing it.

  8. Belle

    July 17, 2013 at 11:13 am

    We’ve been together for more than 4 years and he broke up with me because he said he dont love me anymore..Prior to that,he always want break up but i never agreed that last for 4 years..He said that He is not happy anymore..I cannot accept that so i beg for Him to stay,.We are always fighting even physically, im the one whose proving him to do that..He did all the things that would hurt me like cheating and all..
    I dont know what to do, I still want Him..Help me please

    1. Belle

      July 17, 2013 at 11:16 am

      He asked for space and break up and He said dont expect that He will come back..Im afraid that will look for someone else by that time..

    2. Belle

      July 17, 2013 at 11:20 am

      Do u think He still love me and all he want is just space to think?I have a fear that if I let Him go he will realize that it is lot happier without me,,

    3. BELLE

      July 18, 2013 at 12:32 am

      Im the one whose provoking him to do that..

    4. admin


      July 17, 2013 at 7:16 pm

      If you are being physically abused then he is not someone you want to get back with.

  9. Jinx

    July 17, 2013 at 10:46 am

    Hello again, I don’t mean to hog Admin, but I just wanted to give you a quick update to my situation. I heard from a close mutual friend that my ex has quit abusing prescription drugs! 🙂

    Also, a close friend of mine spoke with him the other day. He invited her to hang out, and she didn’t want to for whatever reason, and his reply was, “So we can’t be friends because I dumped Jinx, right?” Is it a good or bad thing that that was his first instinct? I mean… it means I’m on his mind, right?

    1. admin


      July 17, 2013 at 7:14 pm

      He definitely has you on his mind. However, I wouldn’t get too overexcited. It is just a simple comment.

  10. jemi

    July 17, 2013 at 9:18 am

    but he said he won’t come back?

  11. Zaphrille

    July 16, 2013 at 2:07 pm

    I need your advise. I’m with my boyfriend/ex boyfriend (Im not sure with our status) for 6 years & 6 months. 3rd week of June, we had a heated argument thru text messaging that result to me breaking up with him. After that, I couldn’t sleep all night. I felt that somehow I’m responsible so on the following day I went to his house and woke him up by saying sorry and hugged him. The following week (4th week of June)
    while he was driving me home, he suddenly changed. Became silent. When I asked what was his problem, he says nothing and just looked me in the eye. I kept on asking him what’s the problem he just said that he’s still bothered by the arguments that we had. So I got upset then went out of the car. He chased me but I managed to ran because I rode on a public vehicle just to get home. A day after he called and texted me but I never reply on any of his messages. Weekends, he suddenly came by in my house and so I went with him. We were in the car, in his house but we were not talking. This Monday he didn’t even call/ text me the whole day. He is not like this before. So I send a message to him that,”if he needed some space fine I give it to you but the reason why we are fighting because you can’t even say your problem. He didn’t even send a reply. So it’s been 2 days that we are not communicating.

    1. admin


      July 17, 2013 at 6:46 am

      Honestly, to me it sounds like he didn’t do anything wrong. He admitted that he was bothered by the arguments you two had and you didn’t like it and this whole crazy situation was created now.

      I would say let some time go by before you reach out to him again. Wait till both of you are less emotionally hurt before you try to have a conversation.

    2. Zaphrille

      July 18, 2013 at 8:12 am

      4 days past and I still don’t see him. He is not like this before. If we have a problem he usually came by to my house to talk things over and settle our misunderstandings. I don’t know what’s happening to him.I don’t want to reach him because he should be the one who will make the first move. And also what I stated earlier on our first fight I’m the one who approached him to end the heated arguments that happened. I’m quite sadden by this whole thing.

    3. admin


      July 19, 2013 at 1:54 am

      Hang in there, do something to get your mind off the situation for a while.

    4. Zaphrille

      July 20, 2013 at 1:25 pm

      Do I need to apply the NC rule?

    5. admin


      July 21, 2013 at 10:18 pm


    6. Zaphrille

      July 30, 2013 at 6:30 am

      I went up for him last June 26- Friday after his work. I tried to talk things over and fix our relationship. He said that he needed “one year SPACE”. What does it mean? I hate it because he keeps me hanging.If he wants to break up, he should already said that straight to my face. What if he never comes back. I don’t know what to do. This my 2nd day of NC rule.

    7. admin


      July 30, 2013 at 6:04 pm

      Hahaha you need to complete the NC thats what you need to do!

  12. patricia

    July 15, 2013 at 9:46 am

    i broke up with my guy 5months ago! cut all communications and moved to a new apartment where he cannot find me! i also changed my phone number! i cut all possible communication! we had an off and on relationship where we got back together after a week or some days! he has become more tough on me!we had sex and he did not call after, he just faded away! so i called and told him i could not do it anymore. he said “okay” (maybe thinking that i will come back after a week)
    how long do i keep this up?? i a year too much?? and could he be missing me!??? we have no mutual friends!

    1. admin


      July 15, 2013 at 11:33 pm

      Whoa, you went on a 5 month no contact period? Maybe you should reach out now.

  13. jenna

    July 13, 2013 at 2:24 am

    This guy and I dated very briefly (2 mo) and I broke up w/ him because we had a lot of things going against us at the time and I moved to another state. He was very insistent on staying in touch and I didn’t think there was much harm. We haven’t seen each other since but we’ve texted about every month of so, mostly him initiating and they were never sexual (actually almost formal). I’ve decided over these years that I would like to give us another shot, but he’s in a new relationship and seems happy. With that bit, I know I have to just lay low and be cool and let their relationship take its course. But he’s still in contact with me also.

    Am I too late to implement no contact to get my ex back if we had been broken up for 2 yrs, but have always remained in contact (text) over these years? Would it discourage him to keep in touch if I ignore his texts (something I don’t hope for!)?

    Thanks in advance!

    1. admin


      July 13, 2013 at 2:46 am

    2. jenna

      July 13, 2013 at 3:37 am

      Thanks for the response, this situation has been confusing me for a while!

      So I read the “getting your ex after a year or more” and also “getting your ex back if he’s has a gf”, since both of those apply to my situation. The steps to take for each seem to be a bit contradictory, unless I missed something, since one strongly advocates no contact while the other doesn’t. Which would you suggest I do in this case?
      Also, does this situation seem like my ex was interested still, or does he truly just wants to be friends? I haven’t been able to gauge much since all we did was text.

    3. admin


      July 15, 2013 at 5:40 am

      Well, you have a situation that is sort of a hybrid so those particular articles have deviations that aren’t for you since you broke up over a year ago and you keep in contact with that ex.

      I would say that if your in constant contact you can try out the no contact rule. Since he has a girlfriend you are going to have to sit on the sidelines a while and just focus on what you can control… your own life and figuring out how to make it even better.

    4. jenna

      July 15, 2013 at 11:11 pm

      Thanks, one time I accidentally ignored his texts because I was in another country and he texted me 3 times in a row in a span of 1 week, so no-contact seems powerful. I’m on day 4 of NC, so we’ll see how it goes…hopefully by the end of it I won’t even care so much anymore!

      Do you think it will seem weird though, if I all of the sudden drop off the face of earth after 2 yrs of more or less consistent contact?

    5. admin


      July 15, 2013 at 11:47 pm

      It’s supposed to seem weird. You clearly want him back and doing what you have been doing hasn’t been working so I say you change things up.

  14. Julia

    July 12, 2013 at 3:33 pm

    Hello. I need help and I hope you will answer me. 🙁 I’ve browsed like tons of sites of male psycology. And I want to share my painful problem which hurts me. There’s a guy who I like a lot, it’s been for 6 years, we’ve been friends and everything was great, till he said I annoy him, and why did I? because the more I fell for him the more stupid I acted. He got rid of me 🙁 And told me a lot of painful rude words at the break up and left. I cried a lot and..just went crazy, he feels pathetic for me, he says he doesn’t want to even be friends anymore and he wants no contact.. I gave him some space for like 15 days, he wrote me first and we fought, because one of our mutual friends said sth about me, so he blamed me and left. But then I couldn’t stand it and wrote him in a few days of practically “killing” myself. I wrote him once a month. I wanted explanation. He was rude with me, he told me that our mutual friends told him that I spread rumors about him and lie. But I didn’t! He doesn’t believe 🙁 And it’s been like 3 months since we’re off contact. At least he ignores me. I hear about him from some mutual friends, they say I suffocate him and he knows that I feel hurt and desperate, he didn’t want to hurt me but this is the only way, he feels harassed.
    Please say sth. I really sincerelly wish to have him as a friend at least. But he wishes no contact. How can I get him back?

    1. admin


      July 12, 2013 at 7:32 pm

      If he feels suffocated by you then trust me that is a very bad thing. You may have done some serious damage and the only way to fix it is to STOP everything you are doing right now and NOT contact him. Respect his wishes to be left alone. The crazier you get to him the worse your chances are.

    2. Julia

      July 12, 2013 at 8:28 pm

      Thanks for reply!
      Seems like my no-contact period would take more than 30 days?
      Another problem is our mutual friends, well, 1 of them, there is this one girl whom he trusts a lot and she hates me, she’ll do everything to prevent him talking to me. she threatened me to stay away from him.
      Although, he told another friends of ours that he doesn’t hate me, he’s not mad, not angry, just wants no contact. I still don’t understand what have I done wrong, he never explained. When we broke up, he was very agressive, saying the words he’s never said before. So I am pretty sure this girl has to do a lot. Plus she doesn’t talk to me as well. Ugh. We’ve all been friends for 6 years!

    3. admin


      July 13, 2013 at 2:19 am

      Well, you owe it to yourself to do some soul searching to find out the real reason you broke up. You may never be able to figure it out but sometimes you need to look at the most insignificant details to find the truth.

    4. Julia

      July 13, 2013 at 7:45 pm

      Sounds. confusing. Well, I guess I’m gonna give him 30 days off, (cause I was writing every 2 weeks, lol stupid..) he’s also such a tough person, like you know, today he’s awesome and ah amazing! Tomorrow you wanna slap him, he’s so moody and aggresive. But when he’s in a good mood, he’s awesome! I really hope it will work out.

    5. admin


      July 15, 2013 at 5:34 am

      Sounds like every guy to me!

  15. Ellen

    July 12, 2013 at 1:00 pm

    So I started dating a guy I have known for 15 years or so. We always had a crush on each other but we always were dating others. Recently we bumped into each other and started dating. It was fun and easy and really just awesome! About 5 weeks in, his ex contacts him and wants to get back together. They broke up almost a year ago and she is 10 yrs younger than us. I told him to take space and figure it put and apparently he is trying to work it out with her. From what I understand this had happened before. I am 12 days into no contact and haven’t heard from him at all since he told me he wants to work it out with her…. Of course in the same convo he told me he misses me. Do I really have a chance of getting him back!? It appears this young girl has some sort of hold over him….. Thanks for your help! I’m struggling with this….

    1. admin


      July 12, 2013 at 7:27 pm

      I think the better question you should be asking is “why does this young girl have so much of a hold over him?” and “what can you do to have the hold over him that she has?”

  16. Destiny

    July 11, 2013 at 10:46 pm

    I broke up with my boyfriend a week ago,we were together for 10months,i broke up with him after finding ex girlfriend dress in his bedroom and several pictures on his phone of him and his ex hanging out allthroughout our relationship,she knows about me and wants him back as well,its been 4 days of no contact with him,however he still continues to contact me,i really do love him and wish i could have him back,he was really nice guy who treated me really good,ive decided to go no contact with him and have ignored all his txt messages,im feeling so depress right now and feel that i cant even go on,should tell him stop contacting me and tell him how i feel or should i just continue to ignore

    1. admin


      July 12, 2013 at 2:31 am

      Continue to ignore and you should be ecstatic that he is contacting you. Most women, don’t get a guy who does that this early!

  17. saramat

    July 10, 2013 at 10:29 am

    plz help me..im with my bf for three mon`th..last week i msged him trough viber with a difrent number and picture on my profile(fake photo)just to see how he react…later he ask who iam..n i said sorry i msged u by mistake ..then he goes its ok,,,,later he asked about my name and conversation kept long he asked what im doing and wr do i live and more n more…i was so surprised how he msg a stranger girl like this friendly…then he asked to meet me and i said ok…..at night i met my bf he told me a girl msged him on his phone by mistake n wants to see him tomorow….he said that he is scared it is a trick from his wife to see how is he going as he just seprated and he has a child with his wife…i was almost going to tell him that its me but i didnt…..and after meeting him i went home….but i kept txting him with wrong number and he was so friendly and answering nicly …but when i was msging him dou he was online he wasnt answring my msgs…next day when he went to meet the fake girl he
    noticeed it was me msging him..then i gut upset y so easy he make time to meet any one msg him but not me…he gut pissed off with me paying with him like that…but later called me to talk and we met ..he said that he was qurious to know who is the girl or whether if she is some one from his wife playing with him or not..i belived him but also i gut upset …he was so upset and told me to go and he will meet me at night but i gut upset and left the car without saying bye…..after three days he msged me and said he is gona return my stuff soon as i had some clothes and money left with him….he suposse to return them much earlieer …i dont know if he says that to break up or just say something to keep in touch..i answered him next day..ok thanks…r u ok?he never reply back and i never msged more or not..now is been a week no contact from him or me to hi…im really upset and down…i love him so much and im very regret of what i did…plz help me..i just want him back with out showing my selfe weak..plz help me..plz

    1. admin


      July 11, 2013 at 1:17 am

      Keep going on No Contact, you are approaching this the right way. Everyone on this site is behind you!

  18. Hayley

    July 9, 2013 at 7:29 pm

    I was with my boyfriend for a year and we broke up about a week ago. It was a perfect relationship. The weekend before we broke up, we spent a nice weekend together and have some laughs, hugs, kisses and watched a nice film in bed. On the Monday we had an argument about seeing each other the argument got bigger until he said its over. This hurt me dramatically as I love him so much and I do want him back but I have no idea how to. First of all I was begging him to take me back and obviously he kept saying no and I kept texting him a lot. The last text I sent him was I love you and I won’t text you unless he wants to. We broke up because I was having a stressful time at college and had stuff going on at home and he said I took things out on him when I didn’t mean to. I’ve started the no contact rule but this is making anxious as I want it to work but I am not sure if it will, I don’t want to wait too long as I feel it will not work. We had a great relationship and rarely we argued but obviously things got out of hand that night. Do you know how I can get him to text me again?

    1. admin


      July 10, 2013 at 2:34 am

      Yes I do, he will text you again I am pretty sure but the key is getting him to text you the right way.

      Give him some space via the NC Rule and then text him with something so interesting that he has to respond. An example will be like:

      “I have a confession to make…”

      He will be so enthralled that he will text you again which is what you want right?

  19. Link

    July 6, 2013 at 11:15 pm


    So I have landed myself in NC land, but in a very weird, round-about way. I’m curious to hear if you think it will turn out well for me, because it keeps sitting in the back of my mind even as I try to focus on other things.

    Long story short, after my boyfriend broke up with me (in a horrifically out-of-the-blue way that he later admitted was due to a freak out on his part), I had a giant breakdown and ended up in the hospital. When I got out, I didn’t speak to him until I felt comfortable enough, and after a bit of stilted conversation at first, we ended up spending time together as friends. We both discussed that we had problems to work out on our own and that we should take baby steps forward. Which was fine with me, though he started blowing hot and cold and building up to a point where his flirting included questions asking what he had to do in order to become serious with me again. All this time I had wanted to reconcile, so I happily played into all of this, thinking that he wanted to put things back on the rails. But the next week he got incredibly quiet, and I demanded he tell me why, and his reason turned out to me that he met someone he was thinking of maybe pursuing, though he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to, maybe they’d be friends and a hundred other things.

    Anyway, after a little thinking, I decided to tell him a few days later that if he was serious about that, we shouldn’t spend time together for a bit because his inability to figure out what he wanted was getting in the way of my ability to take care of my own emotional needs. He told me not to put a time limit on it, that he’d take his space and I’d take mine, and to contact him when I felt comfortable. I was very hurt that he’d practically closed the deal on bringing us back together and then turned on a dime like that and I’d hoped that putting my foot down would help slap him in the face that he’d been out of line. Something like this worked with him once before when he was doing this hot/cold thing to an extreme, though not quite as extreme as this.

    I did reach out to him two weeks later to say I appreciated the space, it helped, and that when he had time, I was around. But I haven’t heard from him, and it’s probably to be expected. I don’t plan to text him anymore, though I do really hope he is thinking about things. I have a bad feeling is is on a downward spiral of depression, as his behavior has been erratic towards his friends as well as me, and the girl he’s apparently interested in is reputed to be a player. He even deactivated his Facebook account out of nowhere. I can’t figure out what to expect when he inevitably falls on his face, or if I should even hope that he’d look back to the people who care about him when he does. I’m ridiculously worried about him, and my instinct is to run in and help, but I know right now I can’t.

    1. admin


      July 6, 2013 at 11:39 pm

      Is your name really Link? If it is that is without a doubt the coolest name ever!

      You know, I once deactivated my MySpace profile (back when MySpace was really popular.) I did it because the girl I was dating at the time had posted all these pictures with other guys and I got uncomfortable looking at them. So, rather than start a fight about it I just decided to remove the temptation and delete the profile. Do you think your ex could be experiencing that with this new girl since she is a player?

      Definitely stay in no contact and make sure you make it through the entire period without any slip ups. I think your ex needs a little nostalgia before he can start thinking about the two of you getting back together.

    2. Link

      July 7, 2013 at 12:01 am

      Haha, no, it’s not my real name… it’s been my online handle since the dawn of… Hyrule, I guess… but more people call me Link than my real name at this point, so that’s that, haha.

      To be honest, I am not sure if he knows that much about this girl. I found out because… well… we all work for a large company in the same city, and the company is pretty incestuous, so we all know and hang out with the same people even if we work in different locations… anyway, a friend who works with him mentioned that she knew this girl’s reputation, but because she [the girl] had been involved with someone in leadership and because my friend is leadership as well, it would be messy for her to start talking about it, even to warn him. Or so she said to me. I have a feeling he has an idea it’s going to be a mess since he was already telling ME he wasn’t sure he even wanted to pursue it and was just feeling it out.

      Though I do see your point that it might have to do with her, and maybe it is, but I’m not sure. His last post before he deactivated it was something along the lines of ‘I’m really proud of myself for making all these good decisions for myself lately :)’ Which I thought was weird in and of itself because he NEVER posts personal stuff on Facebook and always goes on about how stupid it is. I know he’d recently kicked cheap beer and weed, so I figured it was something in that vein. But again, his behavior around even his/our friends has been weird enough for them to mention it.

      Anyway, I hope the nostalgia comes to him, and I always get so nervous he’ll just Kanye shrug it off and not care since I asked for the space. I know there is a lot of stuff in his apartment at least that will remind him of me, or even stuff at work since we work for the same company and share a lot of the same friends (who still spend time with me). Or the Beatles! Our friendship had been going at a pretty good clip before he pulled this move on me, with both of us equally inviting each other out, texting each other, stuff like that. I had really felt like we were making progress during that time and communicating better than before, especially on his end since he’s a pretty terrible communicator. I guess I’m just so lost about where he’s even at if he’s practically asking to be with me one second, then messing it up with thinking of maybe pursuing a girl. On the other hand, I wonder if *I* messed up by even pressing him to tell me what was bothering him when I could sense it was more than work. /sigh

    3. admin


      July 7, 2013 at 6:02 am

      Ahh… Zelda those were the good ole days! I remember being in my room for hours with the nintendo 64 going through the water temple. I always hated the shadow temple. Those creepy hands that come down from the ceiling freaked me out hahaha.

      I can understand where you are coming from. I say just give it some time and try again. Sorry for the short response but I am getting pulled in all kind of directions :/

    4. Link

      July 7, 2013 at 12:47 pm

      No worries. But okay. I just worry that all hope is lost because I had the brass balls to tell him he was being unfair to me.

    5. admin


      July 7, 2013 at 5:45 pm

      Well, I understand what you are feeling but a relationship isn’t really a relationship if one person doesn’t like what someone says. You have a right to voice your concerns.

    6. Link

      July 7, 2013 at 12:51 pm

      Or that I am too late with the NC and all.

    7. admin


      July 7, 2013 at 5:45 pm

      It’s never too late.

  20. Katie

    July 6, 2013 at 4:30 am

    I was with my boyfriend for 5 years (lived together for 2 years). He broke up with me 9 weeks ago. Right after the break-up I found out he had been emailing intimately with his ex (his first love who lives in a different state) for 3 months. Subsequently, he broke it off with her and said he realized it was just a means to an end to our relationship. he told me he had been unhappy for awhile. We fought often and he became convinced we are too different. He felt a lot of stress by my neediness and controlling ways. I feel like I can see more clearly after the break-up and I did have a lot of issues that pushed him away over time. I feel in my heart, though, that he is the one for me just as I did from day one. Anyways, I have behaved horribly over the past 2 months, crying, begging, asking a million questions over and over again, calling, texting and even showing up at my old apt, which he still lives in. He has been mean to me, then sometimes he feels bad and talks to me. Overall, he has been very patient but is starting to resent me for not respecting his wishes to go no contact. He thinks it is best so he can have some time to think and I can focus on myself and heal. He said it is slightly possible that we could have a chance in the future but that he’s not going back to me as I am now. he says I do not love myself and I am too dependent and needy. I know I need to work on these things as they have affected other relationships in my life. I am terrified to go no contact because I don’t want to lose him. I know he has been hanging out with a girl from his work recently. I also know, at this point I have no other choice. My question is, do you think I waited too long, pushed too hard and ruined all chances? Tomorrow will begin the 30 days no contact (and we have already been broken up two months). I would appreciate your thoughts on my odds. Thank you!

    1. admin


      July 6, 2013 at 4:55 am

      Hi Katie!

      Yup, trust me I am a guy and any time a girl is overly needy or “dependent” I get turned off. I mean, even if Megan Fox or some other beautiful movie star was needy and dependent I would get turned off. I am not saying this to scare you I am saying this to congratulate you on figuring out your problem!

      No contact was designed especially for women in your situation. The ones that were a little too emotional after the breakup (no offense.) I would spend a lot of time working on why you feel that you are so needy and dependent. I say being independent for a while is the best thing that can happen for someone like you!

      I want you to also accept the fact that you may not get your ex back. I mean, no one can guarantee that. Even if you do everything right you might not get him back. That applies for everyone. The sooner you accept this the better off you will be at getting him back. It’s kind of like having a mindset of “I really want him back” but if he doesn’t accept me then oh well, I know I will be ok!

      As for your odds- it is impossible to say but I think the no contact will really really benefit you and you might be surprised at how effective it is.

    2. Katie

      July 6, 2013 at 4:23 pm

      Thank you for your reply. I have an incredibly hard time every time I try to go no contact. I have friends and family that I hang out with often, but I loved this man with all my heart and soul. We were together 5 years and I thought we were going to get married and start a family soon. He is 30, I’m 27. We live close together so I see him driving and it drives me crazy speculating where he is going and who he is spending his time with now. Letting goof him is the hardest thing I have ever had to do and he knows this. Do you have any advice on making the process easier on myself?

    3. admin


      July 6, 2013 at 11:28 pm

      Sure, there are plenty of things that you can do to make this process easier on yourself.

      Hanging out with friends (go on a girls night out.)
      Exercising always helps me when I have my mind on things.
      Watching movies on Netflix.
      Reading a good book.
      Focusing a little more on work.
      Going on hikes.
      Playing video games.
      Going on dates with other guys (yes, I think this is a healthy thing to do.)
      Taking a class of something outside of your comfort zone.

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