There is a rule when it comes to breakups.
Everyone always chooses a side.
That’s just the way it is.
Your exes friends and family will be on his side and your friends and family will be on your side. Often times your loved ones will give you these patented speeches,
“You are better off without him.”
“I never liked him anyways.”
“Now we can have fun being single.”
It’s funny, I will never forget the time that I went through my very first breakup. My best friend ended up showing up at my house and taking me out for the day to try to make me feel better. He must have given me the speeches above about twenty times. When word finally got around to my parents my dad ended up sitting me down and explaining that I was still young and I was going to find someone better down the road.
(P.S. He was right.)
My mother on the other hand told me that I was the most handsome person she knew and any girl would be lucky to have me….
(P.S. She was right.)
It was at this moment that I began to realize that troops were beginning to rally around me in order to offer their support.
Who were the troops?
My friends and family!
Of course, I wasn’t the only one who had troops rallying around them. No, my ex did as well.
The point I am trying to make here is pretty simple.
In every single breakup sides are chosen.
Now, this little tidbit of information is kind of what this whole article is going to be about. You see, the troops that rallied around you for support during your breakup with your ex boyfriend will be your greatest asset in overcoming the pain surrounding the breakup.
However, when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back you may find that they are your greatest liability.
This article is all about how to handle that unfortunate situation.
How Society Views Exes
Society has a very different view than you do about your ex boyfriend. I mean, this article pretty much assumes that you are trying to win your ex boyfriend back which of course means you view your ex boyfriend as someone you can fall in love with.
So, in order to understand the view that society (including many of your friends and family) takes on your ex boyfriend I want you to take a look at the picture below,
I picked this picture for a number of reasons.
In general the picture is saying that if you read the same chapter in a book nothing new is ever going to happen. Thus, if we apply this logic to your ex boyfriend we can assume that if you get back with your ex boyfriend history is simply going to repeat itself with another breakup.
You will find that this is mostly societies view of breakups and exes.
You see, most people have a one and done approach.
“If it doesn’t work out with someone once then it can never work out.”
Well, this is simply not the case.
The Flaw With Societies Logic
What have we learned so far?
Well, we learned that after every breakup people close to the couple are going to pick sides. Some people will gravitate towards you and some will gravitate towards your ex boyfriend. We also learned that society believes that nothing good can ever come from getting back with an ex.
(Remember, the picture with the book?)
Here is the truth…
Societies logic on this matter is flawed.
I have seen my fair share of breakups through this site and the thing that always amazes me is now how often that people get back together but it’s how often they stay together. Seriously, when I first started this site back in 2012 I knew I had the chops to teach women how to get back with their exes. I mean, come on, I know exactly how men work and what buttons to press to hook them. However, I didn’t really think many of the couples would end up together long term.
I was wrong…
A lot of the women who ended up getting their exes back as a result of this site are still with them to this day. Heck, I have even heard my fair share of proposal and marriage stories from these women too.
This tells me that sometimes an ex boyfriend is worth fighting for and people who tell you,
“Moving on is the best thing for you.”
Can sometimes be flat out wrong.
Speaking of these people…
What Many Of Your Friends And Family Think About You Getting Back With Your Ex Boyfriend
I have some good news and some bad news.
What would you like to hear first?
The good news?
Your friends and family love you and they usually want the best for you. So, contrary to popular belief they do want to see you happy.
Ok, now it is time for the bad news.
In your friends and families minds they do not think that you can be happy with your ex boyfriend.
Remember what I said above about how society often thinks there is no hope for a couple who has broken up? Well, more often than not your friends and family are going to share that belief. So, it may not be to your advantage to let them in on your plans of getting your ex boyfriend back because they could fill your head up with more questions than answers.
Case Study: A Family Who Wouldn’t Support A Woman Trying To Get Her Ex Boyfriend Back
I am going to let you in on a pretty interesting situation that came to my attention in 2013, two years ago.
If you have ever stumbled across my, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO page you may have noticed a testimonial from a woman named Ashlee that kind of sticks out among the rest.
Why does it stick out?
Well, because this woman not only got her ex boyfriend back but she got him to marry her.
Here is the testimonial in case you are wondering,
(Click The Picture To Enlarge)
Now, while Ashlee did get a very happy ending to her love story we can’t really learn anything from that so I want to take you back to the time where she and her ex boyfriend were broken up.
You see, Ashlee was absolutely head over heels for this guy and he broke up with her for some weird reason (to be honest I can’t remember because this literally happened like two years ago.) Anyways, what I do remember from the situation was how UN-supportive her family and friends were of her attempt to get back with her ex.
They would tell her things like,
“It will never work out between you two…”
“Once an ex, always an ex…”
“I really think you should move on…”
Ashlee was very upset with her friends and family for how they were acting and it was starting to get to her. In fact, it was starting to bug her so much that she contemplated just giving up altogether on her ex boyfriend.
She asked me the question that 50% of the women ask me on this site every single day.
“Is it worth it? Do I even have a chance? Should I just give up?”
I spurred her on and gave her a little confidence to keep going forward but as confident as I made her about her ex boyfriend her friends and family were always there to thwart my progress with her. Fortunately, Ashlee was still deeply in love with her ex boyfriend so anything that her friends and family did say to her went in one ear and out the other.
It took her a while but she ended up getting her boyfriend back and then a few months later he proposed. They have now been married since late 2013.
So, what was the point of me telling you this little case study?
Well, even though a lot of people out there (I am looking at you friends and family) believe that exes should stay exes the truth is that a lot of times a relationship is worth fighting for.
This is a prime example of that.
Imagine if Ashlee had listened to her friends who told her to not go after her ex. How about her family who told her that he was not worth it?
Well, if she had done that then she probably wouldn’t be married I can tell you that much.
How To Handle Friends And Family Who Disapprove
I am going to be bold here for a minute.
If you are trying to get your ex boyfriend back and you make that knowledge available to your inner circle (friends, family, co-workers, etc) there is going to be at least one person that is going to disapprove and try to talk you out of it.
Whether or not you listen to them is entirely up to you. However, since my main function through this site is to help you get your ex boyfriend back I am going to talk a little bit about what you need to do to smooth things over so that you can set yourself up for a successful “get your ex back” campaign.
Should You Tell Anyone That You Are Trying To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
This is kind of a tough question to answer if I am being completely honest.
Well, because if you talk to your friends and family about your desire to get your ex boyfriend back and they get on board with you then not only will you have the support of Ex Boyfriend Recovery to fall back on but theirs as well and that can do wonders for your confidence.
However, if they don’t approve…
Well, then things become more complicated and it can put you at odds with them since technically they will be trying to derail your progress by constantly telling you that its not worth it to get your ex back.
So, do you tell people or not?
I think in order to answer this question we should take a look at what women with successful “get your ex back”campaigns have done.
What Successful Women Have Done
I have had some unique experiences interacting with women in this instance.
In fact, I have had some unique experiences interacting with mothers. No seriously, a lot of times I will have moms messaging me and begging me for my advice to help their daughters get their ex boyfriends back. These particular experiences have always stuck out to me.
Well, firstly it’s because if a mom is going to go to that deep for her daughter to ask a complete stranger (ME) for help then that means that she is most likely the type of person that is going to help and support her daughter in what she wants.
Now, I don’t know about you but if I was trying to get an ex back that is the type of person that I would want in my corner.
So, if you have a member of your family or a friend that is willing to be that type of person for you that they would support you in your attempts to win back your ex then you could probably trust them enough to let them in on what your plans are.
However, if you have friends or family who you are unsure about then I would recommend not letting them in on your plans just yet.
FYI most successful women have one or two people that they can trust enough to tell their ambitions to.
Usually not more though.
What To Do In A Situation Where Your Network Of Friends And Family Disapproves Of Your Intentions Of Getting Your Ex Back
Lets assume a worst case scenario here.
Lets say that your friends and family absolutely hate your ex boyfriend and disapprove of your idea of getting him back. Your friends constantly berate you for even wanting to get back with him.
Your family on the other hand, well, they absolutely forbid it.
Of course, you want nothing more than to get your ex boyfriend back so you are really caught between a rock and a hard place.
How do you smooth the situation over with your friends and family so they aren’t impeding your progress?
Well, below I have come up with a couple of methods to prevent any backlash from friends and family about your ex.
Method One- Nipping It In The Bud Before It Happens
I have a great relationship with my family.
I would do anything for them and deep down they know that. However, when it came to my love life I never really consulted them as much as other people probably did. In fact, I would make a point to avoid that subject at all costs.
It’s not because I was being secretive or anything like that it was because I really didn’t want their help with my love life.
I always had a strong idea with how I wanted my love life to go and experience taught me from watching others that getting other people involved in your relationship other than the two people inside the relationship isn’t a great idea.
How did I come to this conclusion.
I have my very first girlfriend to thank for that.
Looking back she was a very nice girl but the thing that constantly turned me off about her were her parents. You see, she had the worst type of parents.
They were controlling, prying and essentially made all of her decisions for her.
Yup, oftentimes when we would have an argument over something her parents would find a way to get involved and then not only would I have to cry mercy to her but to her parents as well. In fact, it became so ridiculous at one point that her father actually called me up on the phone one morning and demanded that I drive over to his house and apologize to HIM after his daughter and I got into an argument the night before.
To my great shame… I did it.
Here is the weirdest part though when I asked him what he was angry at me for specifically he wouldn’t tell me.
These type of experiences taught me never to bring these types of outside forces into relationships. More often than not they do more harm than good. So, I recommend that before you attempt to get your ex boyfriend back you don’t let the entire world know.
Don’t let your parents in on your plans (unless you really trust them) and don’t let your friends in either (unless you really trust them.)
Nip it in the bud before it becomes a problem.
Unfortunately, some of you already opened your big mouths and no longer have the “nip it in the bud option.”
If you are one of these people then I would like you to take a look at method two below.
Method Two- Make An Effort To Understand Them And Then Do What You Want
By nature I am a people pleaser.
That means that if anyone disagrees with me or if someone isn’t going to support me it is going to hit me a little bit harder than the normal type of person out there. Another interesting thing about me is that I absolutely hate conflict.
Seriously, sometimes if I have a conflict with someone I love it affects me so much to where I can’t even do work or concentrate until that conflict is resolved.
What we are dealing with here is a pretty crappy situation in which your friends and family aren’t being supportive of your intentions to try to get your ex boyfriend back. So, lets do a little role playing here so I can illustrate method two properly for you.
Lets say that you tell your best friend that you stumbled across my website, Ex Boyfriend Recovery, and you picked up my E-Book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO. After reading it’s amazing advice (I am a bit biased) you decide that you want to give a relationship with your ex boyfriend another try.
You go into this little conversation with your best friend with high hopes but they are immediately crushed when she says that your idea is dumb and that he isn’t worth your time.
It is at this point that you reach the proverbial fork in the road where you have two choices.
- You can agree with her and give up because you received a little push back
- You can ignore her push back and attempt to get your ex boyfriend back.
Now, most women who are set on getting their boyfriends back are going to do what they want and ignore their friends push back. However, the way you ignore that friends push back is very important.
For example, lets say you have an un-supportive friend who tells you that it is a dumb idea to try to get your ex boyfriend back. Well, if you immediately retaliate by saying,
“Well, your dumb for not supporting me.”
then you will be adding fuel to the fire and alienating your friend which will most likely make her not want to support you even more.
What is the proper way to handle this situation.
A famous quote immediately comes to mind here.
The actor, Robert Downey Jr. (AKA Iron Man, Sherlock Holmes and Charlie Chaplin) told an interesting story one time during an interview for a movie promotion.
He was once faced with a very tough situation. He was acting a scene a certain way and the director didn’t particularly like the way he was doing it. So, the director kept yelling,
Once the scene was stopped the director walked over to Downey Jr. and gave him advice on how he thought the scene should be acted. It was at this point that Downey Jr. gave one of the most epic quotes of all time,
“Listen, smile, agree and then do whatever you were going to do anyway”
I envision this quote any time I hear about parents or friends giving women a hard time about wanting to get their ex boyfriends back. Sometimes, if you just make an effort to listen, smile, agree and then do whatever you want in the first place the entire situation will be smoothed over with your network.