I’ll never forget the day my daughter was born.

I was so nervous/scared/confused out of my mind that I didn’t sleep at all while my wife was going through labor. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity there she was.

A little 6lb baby.

And since that day almost every action I have taken in my life has been to protect her.

I know it sounds cliche but it’s true.

So, why am I telling you this?

Well, I want you to know that this is how things are supposed to be.

Mothers are supposed to be loving and supportive and fathers are supposed to be protective but most importantly, they are supposed to be around.

And that leads us to the topic I would like to tackle today.

The baby daddy!

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What Is A Baby Daddy?

So, what is a baby daddy?

Well, Urban dictionary has an interesting definition for you,

Urban Dictionaries Definition: Usually a broke as* man; Who you met through a friend and had sex with when you were upset and confused. Now you have his baby and he doesn’t pay child support.

While I appreciate a good joke this isn’t necessarily the definition I want to be using as we go forward.

So, what is that definition?

Well, I generally define a baby daddy as a man whose baby you have had even though you aren’t involved and he isn’t around to man up (which he should be.)

In other words…

Baby Daddy: The father of your child, whom you are not involved with and he is not anywhere to be found.

Getting an ex back who you have a child with has been a hot topic on Ex Boyfriend Recovery and I can’t tell you how many emails and podcast voicemails I get about this topic.

But the interesting thing is, is that when it comes to getting a “baby daddy” back there doesn’t seem to be anything out there on Google, Yahoo or any of the other big search engines teaching women exactly what to do if they determine they want to get their baby daddy back.

Until now…

One of the reasons that Ex Boyfriend Recovery has become so popular is the fact that I am a little crazy.

No seriously, when it comes to writing these articles I go way overboard. In fact, I am sure that half the people who land on my pages are completely turned off because of the sheer size of them.

They are probably thinking,

“Hell no… I am not going to read this. It’s too long!”

In fact, I have on more than one occasion gotten complaints from my visitors that everything I write is too wordy and I go into too much detail. That’s fine I completely understand what they are saying BUT I will say that “ex recovery” is a complex process and every word I use to explain something has a purpose.

Sometimes it takes 6,000 words to explain a concept because this is something that I don’t want you to mess up.

One of the things that you won’t hear a lot of experts out there talking about is that you don’t have infinite chances to get your ex back.

This isn’t some video game where you can start over if you fail at completing the level,

Realistically you only have a few chances before your ex loses interest and moves on to someone else.

And if I have to be overly “wordy” to help you understand things that could impact your love life for the better than I am going to be overly wordy.

This is especially true when there is a child involved.

Getting a baby daddy back isn’t the type of thing you want me to rush through.

Trust me.

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So, Here’s What This Article Will Help You To Accomplish

I want you to close your eyes and imagine something for me.

Think back to your relationship with your ex/baby daddy and focus in on a memory that gets you excited inside.

You know the feeling.

The one where it literally feels like you have butterflies flying around in your stomach.

That’s the feeling I want to give you again with your ex.

That’s what I am trying to accomplish with this article and you have perhaps the greatest advantage any woman can have on her side. You see, you have something that connects you to your ex for the rest of your life, a beautiful child.

And no matter how much of an idiot your baby daddy is at some point in his life he is going to become curious about his child, usually sooner than later.

Of course, women often look at having a child with an ex as a huge hindrance but I have the opposite view. I think the fact that the two of you have created a life together bonds you in a very special way.

It’s just that maybe your “baby daddy” hasn’t realized that yet.

Now, some of you may be sitting here reading that and going,

Well, why the fu*k hasn’t he realized that yet?

Great question, let’s explore something that a lot of men are afraid to admit.

The Thing Most Men Won’t Admit About Being A Dad

Now, I am going to tell you something really personal and a little embarrassing.

Throughout my life I never really thought much about being a dad (I am one now.)

I just figured that when the time comes I would “figure it out.”

And then my wife got pregnant.

The time for me to “figure it out” had finally arrived and all I could think were selfish thoughts like,

  • I wonder if I am going to get any sleep?
  • Will I still be able to have the freedom to do what I want when I want?
  • Am I going to be one of those lame soccer dads?

Ultimately all of these thoughts scared the living daylights out of me. It’s not that I didn’t want a child it’s that I had never had one before so I didn’t know what to expect.

Oh, and for the record,

  • I didn’t get any sleep for about 2 months but it’s all good now.
  • I am blessed with an awesome family who pretty much lets me do what I want even though some freedom is a bit more restricted than it was before.
  • I hope my daughter doesn’t play soccer… Because I will totally be a lame soccer dad.

Here is my point.

All of these strange thoughts I had before my daughter was born was simply cultivated out of fear.

Fear that I wouldn’t be able to be free… like the bird I once was.

But looking back on the whole experience I am really glad I got a little scared because it gave me some incredible insight into how the male mind works when a woman gets pregnant and has a child.

You see, before I could never understand why a man wouldn’t stick around to raise a child and make a family whole.

I could never understand why he would leave.

But I think I get it now.

Most men may be afraid to admit what I am about to say but I’m not.

WE ARE AFRAID!

Of course, men react to fear in many different ways.

For example, some men will high tail it out of there whereas you have the other segment of men who “man up” and stay.

But I think deep down you already know all of this about your “baby daddy.” The real question you are wondering at this point is if it’s even possible to get him to come back.

Let’s explore that.

Is It Even Possible To Get A “Baby Daddy” Back?

I’m a straight shooter.

Always have been.

So, here is the answer,

Yes, it’s possible to get your “baby daddy” back but only if you do something RADICAL that you probably won’t want to do.

Now, I know what you are thinking,

“RADICAL? How radical are we talking?”

Well, before I “radicalize” you it’s important for me to give you a bit of background.

Do you know what I hate more than anything?

When someone ignores incredible advice.

You may not know this about me but it really pis*es me when I put my heart and soul into giving someone great advice on their ex and they get all fired up about it but when it comes time to actually implement that advice they end up falling short.

I can’t tell you how many times I have seen women do this with their exes and almost every time they end up failing to get him back.

For some reason they convince themselves that they know better than I do.

You don’t…

I have been doing this a very long time and have had some incredible successes,

Hell, I coach people on exes for fun on my podcast!

I live and breathe this stuff every day of my life.

And the thing that I have seen time and time again with the women who actually succeed at getting their exes back is the fact that they do something that most women are afraid to do.

They move on.

Well, perhaps I should rephrase that.

They project to their ex that they are moving on

Pretty radical, right?

It seems so counter-intuitive but I can’t tell you how often I have seen women do this time and time again and have their ex suddenly fall into their lap.

I’ll give you an example.

This was a success story that I got yesterday on Facebook,

Does anything look familiar here?

How about this,

She started focusing on herself and her children and, BAM, all of a sudden her ex is back in the picture.

(Oh, and it doesn’t hurt that her ex was her baby daddy either 😉 .)

Look, I don’t believe in coincidence when I have seen this type of thing time and time again.

Women who properly project to their ex that they are moving on with their lives seem to have some strange effect on their exes.

And for the longest time I couldn’t figure out why but the more and more I look at it the more the picture starts getting clearer and clearer.

I have a theory…

My Theory On Why Projection Is Key

Most men out there won’t want me telling you this but it’s something that you need to know.

Our existence only has meaning when we feel wanted by women.

I’ll tell you a really embarrassing story about myself to prove this point.

Before I met my wife I was essentially single for five years straight. Sure, I went on 20 or 30 dates throughout that time but I never committed to anyone.

Well, perhaps I should rephrase that.

Out of those 20 to 30 dates I went on I maybe felt a connection with a handful of women.

Of course, every single time I felt a connection with a girl and made an attempt to date them I was turned down.

In fact, I can remember every single time very vividly because it made me want to date less and less.

I was once turned down in the rain after spending 10 minutes running to this girls house,

Another time I was stood up on a date (seriously),

Ah, but my personal favorite was when I literally broke my foot on a date after it was going so well (she didn’t call me after that,)

Of course, somewhere along the way, after losing out on opportunity after opportunity I decided that I needed to do something proactive to help my chances.

Immediately my mind jumped to the most vain of reasons,

My looks, it has to be because of the way I look.

That’s when I got an idea.

Wait, what if I started working out a lot and got a really fit body? There’s no way any woman could turn this down,

Essentially I had resided myself to working out and getting fit, not because it was the right thing to do (like it should have been) but because I wanted women to want me as much as I wanted them.

Ah, and now we can come full circle.

By projecting that everything is ok, that the breakup hasn’t broken you, you are aggravating your exes reason to exist.

You see, after the breakup your ex boyfriend is expecting you to act like this,

Why?

Because god forbid you can’t live without him.

And the truth is that after a breakup most women DO act like this which only re-enforces his belief that you can’t live without him.

I say take the opposite approach.

Instead of being an emotional wreck, act like this,

By acting strong and confident after the breakup (even if you aren’t) you will project the fact that you CAN live without your ex and that fact is going to drive him nuts.

Trust me on this!

Of course, I still haven’t answered one of the most pressing questions on your mind.

“How the he*l do I get my baby daddy back?”

Well, the projection aspect I am talking about here is essential BUT there is a lot more to it than just pretending you are ok without him.

In fact, I have a very specific strategy that I want you to follow.

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The “Baby Daddy” Strategy

What have we covered so far?

Well, we have only really talked about two big things thus far.

  1. Most men are afraid of having a child and can run away due to that fact
  2. If you project that you are ok after the breakup (even if you aren’t) you are more likely to make your ex want you back

These are two very important points that I want you to keep in mind as I teach you my “baby daddy” strategy.

Here is the gist of the strategy,

If this graphic makes sense to you then I would be shocked.

Don’t worry, I am going to really detail each and every thing I listed out on it and it really starts by talking about the two main components of the strategy.

So, when you look at the graphic above the gist of the strategy is divided up into two parts.

  1. The No Contact Rule
  2. The Rules For Communication

And within each of those components are certain things that I want you to be doing.

So, here is how this is going to work. I am going to take each component and detail each and every little thing I want you to be doing within it.

Sound far?

Let’s get started!

Component One: The No Contact Rule

Ah the no contact rule…

I feel like I have taught this every single day of my life for the last five years.

Oh wait… I HAVE!

People don’t pay me to be nice to them. They pay me to get results for them and often times results translates into me helping them get their exes back.

And one thing that has become very clear in my research is that the no contact rule is without a doubt one of the best strategies for getting an ex back.

Oh, in case you didn’t know what my version of the no contact rule is here is a quick refresher,

My Version Of No Contact: A period of time where you ignore your ex with the intent of making them miss you while at the same time working on cultivating your own personal life.

Of course, you are in a bit of a strange situation aren’t you?

You are trying to get the father of your child back.

So, does that mean that we can waive the no contact rule for you?

Not exactly!

The no contact rule is actually perfect for your situation since it’s going to allow you time to project (remember we talked about this earlier) and give your ex time to accept the reality that he is your babies daddy (see what I did there?)

Now, when you look at the handy dandy graphic I made for you above and specifically focus in on the no contact rule part of it,

You will notice that there are three little strategies that I want you to employ during it.

  1. Projection
  2. The Alteration
  3. Dating

Again, these are strategies that can only be done when you are actively ignoring your ex via the no contact rule.

But lets talk a little more about the no contact rule before we dive into the three strategies above.

Now, not a lot of people realize this but the no contact rule is really meant to be used as a tool to weed out the people who don’t have a good chance of getting their exes back.

Pretty shocking to hear me say that, huh?

Well, bear with me and I promise it will make a lot of sense.

You see, every person who thinks to themselves,

“I want to get my ex back”

Is going to have a certain percentage chance of success.

For example, someone who didn’t cheat on their ex is going to have a much better shot at getting their ex back when compared to someone who did cheat on their ex.

Of course, when I first started Ex Boyfriend Recovery I thought that the best way to help people was to come right out of the gate and tell them what kind of chance they had.

And that’s when I met Jackie!

Jackie was… well, Jackie was a little crazy.

As she was explaining her situation to me I knew right away that there was no way that she could ever get her ex back.

Again, are you shocked to hear me admit that?

Well, let me tell you a little about Jackie and you will understand what I mean.

She was obsessed with her ex.

Kind of like Gollum from Lord of The Rings,

Ahem… well ex in her case was loosely defined. Technically she had never dated him before but they were really good friends.

And that’s when she told me the craziest thing.

Jackie had a really beautiful friend that she decided to hire to go to her “exes” (again loosely defined) work and hit on him.

She wanted to see how he would react.

He reacted as any man probably would by asking for her number.

Jackie was devastated and it was at this point that I felt that as a relationship consultant I needed to do what was best for her and that was to look at the big picture and get her ready to move on.

So, I decided to not string her along with false hope and just level with her and tell her that she had no chance.

That she had “creeped” her ex boyfriend out so much that he would never look at her the same.

Jackie reacted as I expected.

She appreciated my honesty and then kept on being creepy towards her ex.

And that’s when I got an idea,

What if instead of overwhelming people with brutal honesty that they aren’t ready to hear in the moment I created some sort of gauntlet to push them through so they would realize if they had a chance or not on their own.

And that’s when my version of the no contact rule was born!

The No Contact Gauntlet

I look at the no contact rule as a way of segmenting people into two groups.

So, in a perfect world my no contact rule would look like this,

Do you see how in my perfect world the no contact rule segments people into two groups.

  1. Basically those with a good chance
  2. And those who should move on

But this is only if the no contact rule is properly done.

What my team and I have found is that the no contact rule segments people into three groups,

Look, my team and I have literally worked with thousands of individuals which is why we know that the only reason that third segment gets created is when someone doesn’t do the no contact rule properly.

Usually they break it…

 

Give in to their addiction of talking to their ex…

 

They don’t make any meaningful changes with their lives…

 

They don’t ask themselves the hard questions like,

 

“Is there truly a future with him?”

These are all things you have to do during the no contact rule.

Ah, but I haven’t even gotten to the best part.

As I am explaining all of this to you, you are probably terrified of ending up into these two groups,

But I am here to tell you that you only need to be terrified of ending up in one.

Care to take a guess at which one that is?

Yup, it’s the third segment where you have no chance but still try to get your ex back anyway.

But why not the other one?

Well, we have actually found that a huge portion of our success stories come from people who use the no contact, decide that they have no chance and move on.

Why do you think that is?

Well, this is a perfect segue.

It’s because of projection.

The Importance Of Projection During (And After) The No Contact Rule

Have you ever heard of “The Grass is Greener Syndrome?”

If you haven’t then here is an article I wrote on the subject. But for those of you who aren’t in the mood to read here’s a quick crash course.

GIGS: The grass is greener syndrome basically occurs when your ex boyfriend believes that by breaking up with you he can find someone better than you.

Lately I have been noticing that this is the root cause of a lot of the breakups that my clients have been coming to me with.

And it completely makes sense if your ex left you as a single mom.

Not only is he trying to run away from fatherly responsibilities he is trying to replace those responsibilities with something “better.”

You see, in your exes (baby daddy) mind being involved in relationship where he has to man up and take care of a woman and a child is scary.

So, a better situation is to enter into a relationship where he doesn’t have those ties.

Of course, understanding why he left isn’t going to do anything for you. What you really want to know is how you can get your baby daddy back in this situation.

Well, that’s where projection comes into play.

Above I mentioned that I have been noticing this really interesting trend where women get fed up of trying to get their exes back and determine that they need to move on.

The interesting trend is due to the fact that women who do this end up somehow magically getting their exes back and I posited that it was because of this idea of projection.

Basically whats happening is that their ex boyfriend is keeping tabs on their life and sees that instead of acting like this,

They act like this,

And this triggers something within him. It makes him look at his ex in a more desirable light.

And let’s not kid ourselves.

YOU HAVE SO MUCH TO OFFER HIM!

Way more than some other girl that he may think he wants.

You are the mother to his child for god sakes!

You have something that will connect you to him forever.

And that’s why my first recommendation during the no contact rule is to project that you are moving on.

I know…

I know…

It sounds so counter-intuitive but trust me when I say that this is what needs to happen if you want to get him back.

Look, I am not saying that you have to move on.

All I am saying is that project that you are.

Your chances will be better for it.

Your No Contact Rule Needs To Be Altered Slightly

If you were to ask me 5 years ago about the no contact rule and how to handle your ex during it I would have given you an answer like this,

You cannot break the no contact rule NO MATTER WHAT!

Well, luckily after 5 years I am not giving that stupid advice.

Generally speaking I have a strict “no breaking the no contact rule” policy.

However, as I have learned more as a coach and consultant I found a flaw in this way of thinking.

What if you share a child with your ex and he sends you a text like this,

It’s not like you can just ignore him, right?

I mean, in this case you probably do want someone to pick up little Ricky at school.

I know…

I know…

Ricky is such a lame name for a make believe kid but bear with me here people.

If you are trying to get your baby daddy back AND you are in the midst of a no contact rule I want you to make one simple alteration.

If your ex texts you about your child you are allowed to break the no contact rule for one simple interaction with him about that child.

Now, let me be clear.

This isn’t me saying that if your ex texts you about your kid that you can open up the floodgates of emotion and turn into miss chatterbox.

I am not saying that at all.

There are very clear rules that I want you to follow.

  • You are only allowed to respond one time IF he is the one that brings up your child
  • You are NOT allowed to reach out to him during no contact to talk about your child
  • If he calls you, you cannot pick it up
  • If he calls you and leaves a voicemail about your child then you are only supposed to respond to him with one text message answering his questions

Get it?

Got it?

Good!

Let’s move on.

I Want You To Do Something Controversial For Me… Go On A Date

If I am being honest with you I came up with this idea as a gut feeling.

My gut is telling me that this will work like gangbusters…

And to be honest with you my gut is very rarely wrong.

In fact, almost every woman who has tried this tactic out has seen some type of positive result from it and it perfectly aligns with my theory on projection.

So, what is this idea?

I want you to go on a date.

I know…

I know…

You are a single mom… (That doesn’t mean you can’t go on a date.)

You don’t have time… (Make time!)

Won’t that just piss him off? (Here’s an idea… Who cares?)

Look, I have a 1 and a half year old daughter (at the time of this writing) and I know how much of a time commitment she requires. It is literally an all day job taking care of her.

In fact, the only reason I am able to sit in my office and pump out these articles is due to the fact that my awesome wife watches her all day.

Without that I am pretty sure this site would disappear into oblivion (scary I know.)

I get that children require a huge time commitment and I am betting your ex understands that to.

So, lets just go out on a limb and assume the he understands that.

In his mind there is no possible way that you could make time to go on a date.

Imagine the shock on his face when he hears through the grapevine that you are on a date.

His view of your reality will completely change and that’s a good thing.

What’s that famous phrase they use about consumers?

Competition is a good thing…

And in this case it definitely is.

Use your time during no contact to go on a few days. Really sell the projection idea.

The Rules For Communication

Now we are getting to the good stuff.

Below are the rules that I want you to follow after you have successfully employed the no contact rule,

  • No Talking About Children First
  • Disciplined Conversations
  • Hit On Similarities
  • Prove You Are Picky But Still Like Them

Now, I realize some of you may be reading this and thinking,

“Holy Crap! How the heck am I supposed to do all of this stuff? What does it even mean?”

If this is you please take a deep breath and know, like always, I have your back.

I am going to go down the list above and explain each little rule in detail!

No Talking About Children First

I know this seems a weird rule but it’s here for a reason.

You see, a few months ago I interviewed a woman by the name of Marina Margulis where we talked about empowering women after a breakup.

You can watch our interview below,

Somewhere in the interview we got to talking about couples who have kids together and I mentioned that now that my wife and I have our own little bundle of joy a lot of our conversations revolve around the baby.

What Marina said next even shocked me…

“That can be dangerous! One of the biggest issues with couples I see now-a-day’s is the fact that all of their conversations revolve around children.”

And the more I thought about it the more I thought that she was right.

If a couple talks non stop about their children together then it’s almost like the identity of their relationship becomes about that child.

And that’s a problem I see a lot of women with kids fall into with their ex.

Instead of trying to talk about things that will re-attract him they talk about their kids and while kids can be a great anchoring point they probably aren’t going to re-attract him.

So, here is the rule I want you to abide by when you text, talk on the phone or in person.

I don’t want you to bring up your children at all. Let him do it.

If he does then you have my permission to open up the floodgates with cute baby pictures,

Get it?

Got it?

Good!

Let’s move on.

Disciplined Conversations

What do you think I mean by disciplined conversations?

Well, when I talk about being disciplined what I am really harping on is how you are ending your conversations.

One thing I see all too often with women is the fact that when they finally do start talking to their “baby daddy” they get enamored with the conversation and forget to end it first.

Ending the conversations first and leaving a man wanting more is key to the strategy I teach.

And I have found that the women who do it successfully have incredible results.

Don’t forget to end conversations first.

Hit On Similarities

This is something that a lot of women forget.

Last night my wife and I were watching “The Bachelor.”

Now, before you judge me based on the fact that I was watching that cr*p I do want to say that technically I can call it research?

Ok…

Ok…

It’s a pretty lame excuse but just bear with me here.

On the first episode of a season of “The Bachelor” 30 women try their best to convince a man to give them a rose.

Of course, if a woman secures a rose she gets to stay in the competition for another week.

But what really interested me last night when I was watching was the fact that there is this thing called “The First Impression Rose.”

Essentially this is a rose that’s given out before all of the other ones to the girl that the bachelor likes the most.

And last night before the bachelor gave the first impression rose out I turned to my wife and said the following,

That girl right there is going to get the first impression rose.

Of course, my wife being in an argumentative mood decided to disagree with me.

What do you think happened next?

Yup, the first impression rose was given to the woman I thought it would.

“How did you know she would get it?” my wife asked.

Well, for one, I understand how men think.

Secondly, I watched and listened the the conversation the bachelor had with this woman and it became clear to me that the two of them had more in common than any of the other girls vying for his heart.

Similarities is essentially the same thing as attraction to men…

And I want you to use that to your advantage with your ex.

When you talk to him make sure you hit on those similarities that you have with him as much as possible.

Prove That You Are Picky But At The Same Time Still Like Him

Getting a “baby daddy” back is a fine line.

One part of you wants nothing more to jump into his arms and beg for him back.

Another part of you wants to tell him to fu*k off…

Which issue do you think we have had more of an issue with here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery?

Yup, most women just want nothing more to jump into his arms and beg for him back.

But sometimes that’s not the best play.

It proves that you are desperate.

It’s ok to make him work a little for your love.

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314 thoughts on “Here’s How To Get Your “Baby Daddy” Back”

  1. Avatar

    Sierra

    February 21, 2021 at 6:26 am

    I’m so happy I found this website. It’s helped a lot the last few days. My ex and I were together for almost
    5 years. We have children together that are still in diapers. 2 months before he walked out on us we were having a rough time. I found out he was distant because he’d talking to other women and was starting to feel like he wanted out. I was beyond devastated but I said if he was planning on leaving he needed to do the right thing for me and our kids and just tell me. He said thats the last thought I should even have. I knew our relationship had been taken over by routine, parenting, chores and us never getting much of a break or time together. 2 months after that suddenly he’s leaving to move in with another woman. He went back and forth at first about us working on things and I made the gigantic mistake of begging him to come home to his family. For 3 weeks I’ve been no contact except about the kids and try to seem like I’m moving on. When he comes to see the kids he is either here at our house (the same house we lived in as a couple) or wants me to go if he takes the kids anywhere which I don’t understand because he now he acts like he’s moving on for good with her. Shes a late 40 something year old that works for him. I’m 29. I’ve been reading and listening to your podcasts but I’m still so worried I’ll eff everything up. Do I even have a chance at getting him to come home back home to his family?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 23, 2021 at 3:47 pm

      Hi Sierra, so stop going with him if he wants to take the kids out somewhere, and if he stays in your house. Leave. Let him see what it is like to be a single parent without you around helping him! Let him feel that pressure! Stick with a limited no contact starting from today for 45 days. Work on yourself, do as much as you can with the Ungettable information. There is a chance you can get him back, but you need to make him realise you are not sat around waiting while he spends time with this other woman! Check this article out to give you some extra help – https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-when-you-have-a-child-with-them/

  2. Avatar

    Nympha

    February 17, 2021 at 11:42 am

    Hey guys am nympha, my ex and I have a 3months old baby…we broke up when I was still pregnant and he decided to be with his first baby mama…she foundout about me and his baby and has done her best to cut my child’s father off from me and the baby…I try my best to talk to him and he also talks to be but told me to give him time because of his first baby mama he claims she checks his phone and whenever she finds out he has contacted me or talked to me she has fights with him and in return he distances himself from me…so one time I asked him why he was distant from me and his daughter he told me he was being blackmailed by the woman and that because she was his first woman he bought assets and opened joint accounts and also have joint shares on everything he owns…he told me he was afraid to loose his assets and money and also his son whom he had with his first woman…actually he told me she threatened him using that as an excuse so due to his fear to loose his property and son he talks to me in secret and asks me not to call or text him and only wait for him to contact me…he also told me to give him time to figure things out and claims went he solved his issues he is going to come find me and his daughter…I really don’t know what to do…please advise me because I love him and want us to raise our daughter together what can I do????

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 19, 2021 at 12:25 pm

      Hi Nympha, while I understand your situation is difficult. If he wanted to be in your childs life he would not let another person stop him. So while she has a part to play he is also to blame here. If he does not want to lose his access to his child and his “assets” then he should sort that himself so that he can spend time with BOTH his children, not just his son. Regardless of the other woman. Your daughter should not be missing out because he has a manipulating ex!

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    Ivy

    February 16, 2021 at 5:21 pm

    Hello,Ivy here,
    So,my bd whom we’ve been together since 2016 recently told me he didn’t feel anything for me for those years we were together..everything was okay,until last year when he went to another city for work..He stayed there and I got to realise that ever since he went there,he met up this girl whom he told that he didn’t love me and that he used me to get over a heart break and that the pregnancy happened during that time..our baby will be 4yrs this year and he says that he loves the other lady and that me and him will never work out..he told the other everything about me and my baby and apparently,the other lady is the one pushing him to say that he will co parent..should I just let him be?!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 19, 2021 at 10:02 am

      Hi Ivy, you need to follow the limited no contact rule where you only speak to him about your child otherwise I would not engage in any conversation with him. This needs to be for at least 45 days if you want him back then you need to read and learn about the being there method. Check out this article to help you along the way – https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/how-to-get-your-ex-back-when-you-have-a-child-with-them/

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    Jasmine

    February 11, 2021 at 9:09 pm

    Hi my name is jasmine, and me and my baby daddy have a 2 month old and during my pregnancy he cheated on me and so we stop talking for a while and we started back . So he “moved on “ and he has a girlfriend now and so he thinks it’s okay to still talk to me and his girlfriend and so I felt like that wasn’t okay because he trying to have his cake and ice cream too. In the beginning I’ve gave him a chance for us to work on our relationship but he told me to wait and be patient until he’s ready so I wasn’t finna do that. So just recently something else had happened and so I told him that I wanted to stop talking to him because of what he did and he was upset when I said that I wanted us to stop talking. But cutting him off I felt was the right thing to do so my feelings won’t get hurt and even though I cut him off I still want us to be together and start back talking and try to be this family that I want us to be, but it’s like he won’t leave me alone but won’t cut her off, I know he wants to be with me (I think )but he won’t admit it ,but how can we move forward when he is still talking to his girlfriend? Or should I just completely move on and focus on me and my child and just forget about rekindling the relationship since he’s not willing to make it work?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 13, 2021 at 10:55 pm

      Hi Jasmine, so in this situation he knows he has you both! You need to explain to him that you are not going to be in this situation anymore and that you are walking away, that’s when you follow a limited no contact (only speak to him when it is about your child) and then otherwise follow the rules of NC. If he has a girlfriend then coming to you too, you need to stick to your standards.

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    Georgia

    January 28, 2021 at 2:33 am

    My name’s Georgia and my bd broke it off with me after a 3 year relationship and I have our 5 month old son but like a dumbass I begged for him back and he said he needed to think about it what should I do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      February 2, 2021 at 8:40 pm

      Hi Georgia, you definitely are not “dumbass” it is totally normal for people to ask to get back together. You need to work on your self esteem for some time and stick with a limited no contact. Follow the program and use this if you still want to get your ex back after 30 days.

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    Alina Motaung

    December 30, 2020 at 11:06 pm

    Am Lina
    I have been dating my baby daddy for almost 8 years now and it’s a long distance relationship,he started cheating with this girl 1 year back when i found out we almost broke up but somehow he mananged to convince me that they broke up with the girl recently i just found out that they still dating. Now he’s breaking up with me and he has chosen the girl he saying he’s afraid of hurting me again. The thing i still want to be with him so please advise

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 1, 2021 at 8:59 pm

      Hi Alina, if you want this guy back then you are going to have to work on being ungettable while following the limited no contact period. Going forward when you start to reach out after 45 days you need to follow the program along with the being there method.

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    Asia Brooks-Smith

    December 4, 2020 at 12:35 am

    Hello my name is Asia and I need some advice. I want my sons father back and I read the article above and most of the things mentioned as far as the no contact and stuff I do. Here’s my dilemma… I told him two weeks ago how I felt after he left almost five years ago( for personal reasons). We didn’t really break up he just left because he wanted to better himself for his son. We haven’t spoken just general stuff about our son and that’s it. I don’t know if he has a girl or anything but I know during the time after he left he had two girlfriends but things didn’t work out. Currently he’s in Connecticut( still there to my knowledge). The problem is he’s moving back to New Jersey and is working on himself which I’m happy about because I want him to be the best version of his self and I know he’s a good dad. But I feel stuck because when I told him how I felt he was in a way surprised I guess given the whole time frame and how he just left. But he told me he appreciated me being honest, that I was a good mother and that maybe in the future we could possibly be together again but right now he wants to keep focusing on his self. It was a hard pill to swallow but I swallowed it. Since he left I’ve been on a few dates but always felt this guilt because I wanted him back(even though he was moving on as well). I just want to know should I keep the faith and wait patiently or should I completely just move on with my life? I’m truly stuck between a rock and a hard place

    Side note: when we met I just turned 17 and he was 25. He already had one child but haven’t been with the mother since before the baby was born and I have his second child. I got pregnant unexpectedly before we reconnected and got together after I told him I was pregnant.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 6, 2021 at 10:10 pm

      Hi Asia, I would say that you continue to try to move on while he works on himself as you do not know if in the end he will want to come back. However, you can follow the program and work on trying to get him back, while also living your life, if you meet someone you really like in the mean time great, if not then you can always approach him again.

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    Luna

    December 2, 2020 at 2:39 pm

    My Baby father decided that he doesn’t love me anymore after 10 years of being in a relationship with me. We are continuing to live together, because we both don’t have the money to move. My heart hurts, and he is already talking to someone new. I don’t know how to do this without him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 2, 2020 at 5:03 pm

      Hi Luna, it is hard to live with your ex when you share a child and want them back, but you need to follow the limited no contact rules and stick with it as best you can. Read articles on this website that relates to your situation and work on yourself in the mean time.

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    Omecca wilson

    October 19, 2020 at 4:48 pm

    I have been with my sons father since we were 19 we are now 22. When I met him he told me he was fighting a case. He had mom issues , out in the world on his own since 17. I took him in my home. We were together 4 months I got pregnant with our son and he went away when I was 8 weeks pregnant. I came to every visit pregnant made sure he was ok. 2 months after I had the baby I went out had some drinks with my friends saw my ex and I cheated. Then I cheated again 6 months later someone else. I just wanted my needs met. I was so tired of being alone. He found out broke up with me was really mean . I went through depression I ended up sleeping with my childhood friend when he came to my house to comfort me . My sons dad came back a month later asking for me back and he understands I was sad but he pushed me away when he found out the way he talked to me he never has and I didn’t know who he was. I was turned off. I continued seeing my friend and going out and for 3 months He begged . He got out of jail came home to be with me and ended up telling him about me and my guy friends affair when we broke up and he doesn’t want to be with me now. He lived with me , went out all hours of the night with girls I’m sure, disrespectful, always throwing stuff in my face . Now he’s coming home decent times , staying out the streets more but it’s still no commitment . He’s here and holds me every night. We go out with the baby , grocery shopping, he did our laundry the other day . I cook every night for him , I do not talk to other guys, I stay home with the baby when I am not at work. We were suppose to get married when he got out now he says he will never give me that or will never get married. And he says we are not together he does not want a relationship. We are still sexually active and living together . He says he loves me and kisses me everyday before going to work or leaving out but he’s just still not there. This is the same person that used to surprise me with gifts and flowers . Never had to question his loyalty or where I stood. Now I just don’t understand. I still love him I always have. I just want him back and committed to me again.

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    Sparkle

    October 16, 2020 at 6:00 am

    Thank you this helped me a lot and I’m definitely trying the no contact method

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    Belle

    October 13, 2020 at 1:23 pm

    My baby daddy and I broke up about a week and a half ago. He cheated on me and broke my trust a year prior to that, and never made a genuine effort to gain it back, instead he kept making things worse by continuing to hide things, lie, not really being honest with me, and being sneaky. I started snooping through his phone, and he felt like I was invading his privacy, which I understand, but he violated my trust first. Snooping was the only way I could know if he was lying or hiding anything because he wouldn’t be honest with me when I would ask him about something. We ended up breaking up last week over an incident where he called me crazy because I questioned him about his whereabouts (his location showed he was somewhere he wasn’t supposed to), so I told him I didn’t want to be with him anymore. I tried to talk things out with him the next day but he refused to and said that he knows how i see him in my eyes and that the talking phase was over. I really miss him so much, he was my best friend, and when we were good it was amazing. But now he’s acting like he doesn’t care and giving me mixed signals as to whether we’re ever going to work it out or not. We were engaged.

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    Georgie

    September 29, 2020 at 8:42 pm

    My little girls dad cheated on me and left me for another girl, he is now seeing her and stays at her house most of the time (all the time) he says he’s happy now and appears to be but he left because he didn’t feel wanted or appreciated but when he mentioned it it was too late and he left, he was screaming at me sometimes shouting “don’t you think my heart was broken, I had the perfect little family and now that’s gone my heart is broken to”
    So I know he has gone into this relationship and hasn’t actually had to be along time To think about things And heal. What can I do to win him back over. Yes I’m upset that he cheated but I cannot help that I live the man and we have made this beautiful baby girl together. I want my partner back and to be a family again, please help….what shall I do!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 15, 2020 at 6:13 pm

      I get how you are carrying this as a blame situation, but he did not tell you how he was feeling and he cheated, so for him to pass the blame to you is unfair selfish and an easy way out! You need to follow the rules of limited no contact because you share a child, but you need to avoid speaking with him as much as possible for 45 days, allowing him to spend time with this other woman long enough for him to pass the honeymoon phase, which is when you start following the being there method

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    Pretty

    September 10, 2020 at 7:30 pm

    I broke up with my BD last month and our son it’s only 1 month he found out that I was cheating on him and then he decided to break up with me and now he is not calling me just to hear how is the child it’s only his grandmother who call me to ask about the child after 3 weeks I love my BD cheating on him was a biggest mistake of my life. I don’t know if he would come back to me I need him in my life we need to raise our on and only son 2gether

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    Carolyn

    August 26, 2020 at 4:02 pm

    I am currently pregnant with me and my baby daddy second child. We broke up but I ended up having a weak moment and texting him a long paragraph about how I want us to make it work. No respond, not nothing. Its only been a couple of days that we have been broken. I wanted to give him space but no too much as I was the one who stopped talking to him. But overlooking the situation I seem that I may have over reacted and now he is playing hard to get and ignoring me, and very distant. I hate that I am so emotional but I really do want our family back. I mean, we are having a second kid together and I am tired of the back and forth, break up to make up. We’ve been on and off for about 5 years, and I just want things to right. I mean we both cheated, but we’ve been trying to rebuild. I need your help !!!!
    🙁

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 7, 2020 at 8:48 pm

      Hey Carolyn, what is the issue is that you are cheating on each other and the back and forth – you are falling into this bad habit of breaking up when things get rough. You need to identify what made you both cheat. And as for wanting your family back together. You are still a family even if broken up. You just need to be willing to work on yourself and learn how to interact with you BD with out arguments or falling outs. Start the program with a limited no contact where you only speak with him about your children (when you must)

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    Juliana

    August 25, 2020 at 9:35 pm

    My BD bailed out on us immediately I got pregnant, we kept his family in the loop but they were mean to me and I decided to let them be and accept support from my family and friends. A week to my son’s first birthday, his mom died and I attended her service of songs with my mom and my son. Immediately I saw him I realized I still love but then I don’t want to, he acted cool though and I get the urge to reach out but I want him to apologize and fall for me like crazy but I don’t know how. His son looks so much like him that he couldn’t take his eyes and hands off him but I don’t want to think he can just be the child’s dad without any responsibility from him……I’ll be waiting for your opinion

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 10:04 am

      Juliana, if you want the guy back then follow the program but I think the lack of interest in being there for his son for 12 months is telling you exactly how he feels about being a parent and active in his life. I would suggest that you consider if this is a person you want to be in a relationship with before opening that door again. IF you do then read articles about how to attract your ex, work on your holy trinity and being ungettable.

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    Shannon

    August 23, 2020 at 8:58 am

    Split with my ex 3 weeks ago constant arguing over the same thing he has a problem (alcohol etc) coming before our baby. When he’s sober he wants to be with me but the days I call him out on it he says he’s done, his problem is me. I couldn’t deal with his problem anymore so I eventually told his family and my own. He is angry at me because I didn’t keep it between us but our baby is getting older and I was miserable having to deal with it on my own. His parents were always involved (I don’t get on with them) very false and they were enabling his problem by saying he was drinking because of our arguments (our arguments were always about the child not coming first). I don’t contact him unless he contacts me about seeing the child. I don’t let him take her places due to what he’s done before so he only sees her in my home.
    I’m hoping me cutting him off is a wake up call to sort himself out or he won’t be in my child’s life. What can I do for him to regret walking out
    And leaving us?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 10, 2020 at 7:50 pm

      Hey Shannon, to make him regret it, you need to work on yourself, focus on you and your baby and BE HAPPY without him. He will realise that he has lost something great and regret losing his family unit

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    Janey

    August 9, 2020 at 3:28 pm

    Split with my ex 2 month ago. Have 2 kids together 2 yr and 8 month old. He hasn’t really got a permanent home at minute. Comes here to see kids we go on days out he stays over stays in bed with me etc. Then says he don’t want me back our relationship was a bit toxic checking each other phones. Not spending much time apart as was always an issue when we were out alone, so we argued far too much but when not arguing was amazing. Went like that for 5 months that’s when he packed up and left, I asked him to leave take a break as I could see us getting worse he said he goes he goes for good he is sticking too he’s word. Don’t want my kids to loose out when he really wants to see them so that’s why I let him stay over etc. But feel like it’s not doing anything for me and him. He says he’s tried to get feelings back since he left but isn’t in love with me no more. he’s basically been with us nearly every day and we text all the time. I’m just going to start limited contact about kids what else should I do I want him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 6:45 pm

      Hey Janey, so for this program to work you would need to change some of the situation you have going on. While I understand that it is hard to allow him to have this. You need to let him experience what life is like without you when he has the kids. So if he comes to stay over and have the children. You need to go else where, and if you cant. He sleeps on the sofa. DO NOT share a bed with him again. He currently get the best of both worlds. Family life, and then off to do his own thing when he is not around. You also need to stop the texting, limited no contact is where you do not speak with him unless its about the children health. And then when he is due to arrive for his visits. It is hard to make those changes if you want him back then you need to be strong.

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    Raye

    August 5, 2020 at 5:49 pm

    So I was with my ex bf for three years we went threw a lot he was an alcoholic and I helped sober him throughout the 3 years together we had a baby and I found him messaging other women always sorry and stopped then ten months ago found out he had a secret fb account and had met up with a women and cheated he said he wasn’t gonna go back again as in it was a one off but she said he was ,I threw him out and for months up until March he has been trying to get me back then lockdown happened we both decided he wouldn’t see our child at the beginning and the weeks past and a lot of arguing threw text where he’d ask to see baby and didn’t get back to me Then I’d get angry and not arrange for him to see her well Iv found out he has a new gf even though until the day I found out he was telling me he was single I arranged for him to see our child but with me there due to his alcohol issues didn’t wana risk him being alone ,we got on well offered to take me and our child for food I declined then saw him again a few days later bought me and our child trainers I confessed I had feelings for him still And he said he had feelings for me as his baby’s mom and that’s it (whatever that means ) and that he’s moved on so I said I want no contact with him and would have to sort our child out via relatives he dosent listen and then started to tell me when he was free the next week and said see me a few times then if u can’t do it cus of your feeling well sort something out ,He said all he want s his contact with his child so I said ,I’m done ,just message when you want to see her and you can have he him on your own he put ..up to you …is he completely over me

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    Esther

    August 4, 2020 at 12:16 pm

    It’s was really good reading this very helpfull.

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    ShiroKate

    August 1, 2020 at 4:15 pm

    I read this article and ended up worse than I was before because my baby daddy is the ‘no reach type’. We’ve been apart for 5 years now. I’ve taken care of our child for 5 years alone with no child support. I have tried everything. Even the whole focusing on myself thing but still nothing. He tells our mutual friends he misses me and they tell him to ‘man up’ but nothing

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