You don’t need to chase after your ex or jump through ten different hoops to get them back; instead, you should let them come back to you.

I know it sounds great, sure; who wouldn’t want an ex to come back to them on their own, but how realistic is that?

Well, it’s as realistic as you make it.

Today we’re going to take you through the tried-and-tested reasons why our success stories swear by letting your ex come back to you.

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Why You Should Let Your Ex Come To You

Over the years, we’ve interviewed several success stories – people who went through our program and got their exes back – to gauge what actually works versus what sounds good in theory but doesn’t work in real life.

Perhaps the most consistent and interesting theme across all our success stories is:

People who get over their exes seem to have a much better chance of success.

That’s right; you need to let your ex go if you want them back.

Let’s see this in action with the Backwards law.

The Backwards Law

The backwards law proposes that the more we pursue something, the more we achieve the opposite of what we truly want and the more disappointed we ultimately feel.

Simply put – the harder we try, the less likely we’ll succeed.

On the flip side, when we stop trying, we’ll achieve what we want.

Now this is a controversial idea because it goes against everything we believe. We were all raised to think that we need to put all our efforts into something to succeed, whether that’s good grades in school or promotions at work. For example, you can’t go into a weight loss endeavor with a mentality of “the more I try, the more I’ll fail, so I might as well do nothing” because that is not how the backwards law works.

Sure, it can be applied to getting an ex back in its original meaning if we consider that desperately acting to get an ex back by blowing up their phone will probably blow up in your face, and you will fail.

However, there’s a lot more nuance to the backwards law. That’s why I came up with my own interpretation of the backwards law that’s a bit different from the official definition.

My take on the backwards law – the more we seek, the less we find.

Let me elaborate – most of the time, when you approach a goal with blinders on, you blind yourself to all of the other potential possibilities. As a result of your blinders, you may miss something that could’ve helped you achieve your goals, or you may even miss a much better goal post.

Think back to the weight loss example – if you give everything to losing weight, you may lose the weight but realize you forgot to work on your self-image in the meantime. So even if you’ve lost weight, you may not feel as great as you thought you would.

The Backwards Law And Getting An Ex Back

In the context of breakups and getting exes back, closing yourself off to other options and opportunities in life by hyper-focusing on your ex is a disservice to yourself and your overall goal.

People who are successful at getting their ex back seem to be the ones that take the opposite approach of what you would expect. They don’t approach getting their ex back with blinders on; they approach getting their ex back by trying to get over their ex and opening themselves up to all of the different opportunities out there.

Often, people with this blinder approach to getting an ex back always want to push the boundaries of what’s acceptable. They’re the ones always reaching out first, chasing their ex, showing up at their ex’s doorstep, etc.

Now compare that to someone with a confident “I’m not going to try too hard, let the chips fall where they may” approach. If you were someone’s ex, would you chase them if they’re already chasing and annoying you, or would you chase them if they were mysterious? That takes us into another crucial element of getting your ex to come back to you – becoming Ungettable.

The Ungettable Person

I’ve coined this concept of becoming Ungettable in the journey of getting your ex back.

The Ungettable mindset stems from the idea of an Ungettable girl, so most women run with it. That’s not to say men can’t be Ungettable – they totally can! I’m just talking directly to females here since I’ve written a whole book on this concept, but most of the mindset changes can be applied to men as well.

Now, most people’s initial thought when they hear “the Ungettable girl” is someone hard/impossible to get, but there’s so much more to it than that.

An Ungettable person is a LOT of different things, so I decided to ask my Private Facebook support group about their definitions of an Ungettable person, and here are some of their responses:

  • Someone impossible to get (the obvious one, of course),
  • Someone who is extremely confident in themselves and deals with the world as it comes,
  • Someone who has the exact witty thing to say at the exact moment.

A lot of the responses had one thing in common: An Ungettable Person looks inwards and does not seek approval from others. Their self-worth is not dependent on how much others want them; instead, it’s all about being the best possible version of themselves.

I’ve always viewed someone who’s Ungettable like an ancient samurai. I know this is a weird analogy but before I lose you, let’s look at the fundamental belief of samurais –

Ancient samurais led their lives with the pursuit of perfection. They knew perfection was a journey and not an ultimate achievable destination, so they spent every day trying to get as close to perfection as possible. Their days were filled with self-reflection and self-improvement to become the best possible version of themselves.

That level of introspection and desire to better oneself is one of the hallmarks of an Ungettable person. Most Ungettable people value themselves much higher than they value other men or women, and that is a very attractive quality in itself.

So how do you get that kind of swagger? How do you become that Ungettable person? Ultimately we all want to be Unforgettable people who are SO confident and secure with ourselves that we put out subconscious vibes that attract other individuals to us.

A lot of people confuse being Ungettable with being physically attractive. Now don’t get me wrong – I do believe that looks are a large part of the attraction in relationships. Anyone who says looks don’t matter is just trying to be politically correct because looks can’t be entirely ignored.

The truth is looks do matter but not as much as you think because someone who’s truly Ungettable won’t care about how they look. They’ll value and improve all the areas of their lives that are not about looks. In turn, that makes them more attractive to others.

Another aspect of being Ungettable and comfortable in your skin is not comparing yourself to others. My wife and I recently watched one of those HGTV kinds of shows where each contestant gets a budget to re-design a house a certain way. We loved seeing how the designers acted because everyone but one designer tried to spy on others.

Everyone was interested in what’s happening in other people’s projects, but this person only cared about doing their best, regardless of the others. They were so engrossed in their renovations that they had no time or interest to peek at everyone else.

That is the essence of being Ungettable – not caring about what others think or do as long as you’re doing your best. Ungettable people are contrary when everyone else is pushing for conformity because it takes a certain level of confidence to go against the majority.

Now, if you want a guy to chase you, you need to become Ungettable, and the only way to become this is to understand and adopt a secure attachment style.

Key to Becoming Ungettable – Secure Attachment Style

I’ve spoken at great lengths about attachment styles throughout my website and YouTube channel because understanding different attachment styles is the key to successful relationships. Here’s a quick overview of the 4 main attachment styles:

  1. Anxious attachment: The kind of person who blows up their exes phone after a breakup and acts incredibly insecure/anxious because their self-worth is inextricably tied to their ex.
  2. Avoidant attachment: The kind of person who avoids emotional intimacy and vulnerability and tries to ignore their ex by distracting themselves with a string of rebound relationships.
  3. Fearful attachment: A rare combination of both anxious and avoidant attachment styles, someone whose emotional pendulum swings back and forth so you can never guess their next move.
  4. Secure attachment: The holy grail of attachment styles: the kind of person who is not overly bothered with whether their ex comes back because they know their worth, regardless of their relationship status.

Let’s focus on secure attachment styles because that’s the ideal everyone should strive towards. A single adjective consistently comes to mind when I think of secure attachment styles – Fortitude.

Everyone thinks that someone with a secure style, someone who’s Ungettable, isn’t allowed to feel sad or rejected when a guy breaks up with them, and that’s simply not true. They do feel sad; they just don’t let that sadness define them. They have the fortitude and emotional control to know that while the breakup hurts now, it will get better.

Many of our clients have anxious tendencies, and the thought of “accepting” the breakup is a huge struggle for them because they always want to fix things ASAP as if the breakup never happened.

Our biggest advice to them is to learn from all the success stories that came before them:

Having the ability to let go of your ex and be okay with it is the key to a secure attachment style.

It’s not like our success stories didn’t want to get their exes back; they did at some point. They just eventually started working on themselves and realized that they’ll be okay whether their ex comes back or not. This kind of fortitude and self-confidence cannot be faked.

You have to earn the truth that will set you free.

It’s not enough to say you are secure and okay with losing your ex; you have to truly believe and embody it. You have to consciously work on yourself and earn a secure attachment style.

The only way your ex will chase you is if you display the mentality of being okay with losing your ex forever.

You see, when you accept that worst possible outcome, you start putting out confident vibes that your ex (and others) will pick up on. This is especially relevant if you go from an anxious to secure attachment style because it’ll leave your ex guessing how you got over them!

Conclusion:

I know what you’re thinking: this is all too basic high-level stuff. Well, that’s true. But the high-level paradigm shift is the single most crucial aspect of getting your ex back.

You are welcome to explore our website and learn about our techniques of getting an ex back, such as the no-contact rule and the value ladder/chain.

But none of that will truly help you until you adopt a secure attachment style. You can do all the right things with the wrong mindset and end up failing on this journey so it’s crucial to work on your attachment style first.

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163 thoughts on “You Should Let Your Ex Come To You; Here’s Why!”

  1. Avatar

    Rory

    April 25, 2021 at 11:19 pm

    My ex boyfriend and I got into a friends with benefits situation a couple months after he broke up with me. I did limited no contact immediately after the breakup (work colleague) and soon enough we wrote every day, saw each other about once a week and even often talked about our old relationship and worked on our problems. Nevertheless we weren’t officially together and started having sex on the regular. I know though that you guys don’t recommend sleeping together unless you get a commitment, even if things are looking good. As you would’ve predicted, it seems he felt no pressure to officially commit.

    So about 1,5/2 months ago I ended the fwb arrangement. On the evening we even talked about getting back together, I wasn’t trying to talk him into it (I said I think we’d make a good couple but that most importantly the arrangement right now isn’t working for me anymore). We had a nice evening, he himself said we have to talk about it again. He basically left it open-ended.

    I still went into no contact afterwards and reached out again after 3-4 weeks. He replied immediately and was very interested. Since then contact has picked up again, he always replies quickly, I can call him anytime I want and we have met up two times but once I didn’t have much time to hang out and the other was a get together with other friends. He was touchy but not overtly so – leaning on me, sitting too close, hugging a little too long – and he was basically asking me if I’m dating (“who are you meeting up with? Anyone new in your life?”) but he hasn’t initiated a conversation about getting together. We haven’t talked about our last conversation at all but all interactions are friendly and fun.

    He also very rarely initiates when talking. The last time we talked on the phone he very enthusiasticly said again and again that we’ll talk soon but I just said “sure” cause I’m not waiting anymore. I’m kinda not eager anymore to initiate all the conversations, even though I know that a huge part of him not initiating is his huge fear of rejection. On the other hand I feel like those long periods of not talking (we write from time to time and talk on the phone about once a week) aren’t building enough momentum to Foster an environment where he feels comfortable enough for him to want to talk about the relationship and ask the question.

    My question is basically whether I should keep at it or just friendzone him completely. I love him and still think we’d make a good couple. Should I initiate the conversation? Make a meet up more romantic or act more like friends? I have a feeling he wants to leave his options open but at the same time doesn’t seem eager to make up his mind. I don’t want to pose an ultimatum to him though.

    I’ve also asked myself whether he decided for himself that we’re better off as friends but doesnt want the conversation. On the other hand I feel like then there’d be more interactions of the “I’m so glad we’re friends, let’s talk about dating” variaty but he seems to avoid the topic altogether.

  2. Avatar

    Anna

    March 30, 2021 at 11:26 pm

    He dumped me a week ago. I did not even respond, becausr I want to let him sit with his decision. We had been together 1 year and had met each others’ families. It was awesome, he helped me with alot of things, and I always listened to his rants about work. Had great little weekend trips, so lots of memories. I feel like he is the one, but I know I cannot convince him. He sent me a recording of his breakup message, not even a face to face breakup. I was heart broken. His reason is he does not like that my brother swears alot and has no respect for those sitting in the room, which is true. But what bothered me is that he didnt even want to talk about it, he just dumped me and it feels like he shut the door in my face. My brother does not have to come to see him, nor does my ex even need to visit him. He should have just told me and I would have worked something out. I want him to come back, but he is very stubborn. He is also hard to read. I need peace and closure if he does not come back so I can move on, otherwise I wont have healthy relationships in the future, as I will always be thinking about him.
    He broke up with me once before, and his family even said he was making a mistake. We are both in our late 30s with no kids. We felt so happy and comfortable around each other but I feel betrayed since our last day together we had sex and he kissed me bye, even though he knew he would dunp me. He has ghosted me since and I have too. Do you think he will reach out? What should I do to get peace? I need questions answered because it is bothering me and I want him to know I am not a fool, and he is a coward for not breaking to face to face.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 21, 2021 at 9:23 pm

      Hi Anna, so the closure you are looking for really isn’t going to come from him because he isn’t going to be man enough to end the relationship in person he isn’t going to give you straight answers either. I would suggest that you either – follow the program and reach out to him after 30 or 45 days no contact and follow Chris’ texting articles and video advice. Or you accept its over and start working on moving on with your life.

  3. Avatar

    Renee

    February 21, 2021 at 6:05 pm

    I broke up with my ex on February 16,2021…we had been together for 4and a half years ..we had been going through the motions these last couple of months..he never told me he loved me, always had something negative to say..never had anything positive to say to me..I was always at his beck and call.. whatever and whenever he needed me I was always there… Valentine’s day was the last draw, he left me at home for 6 hrs alone..came back with a box of chocolate covered strawberries..I had prepared a nice dinner..with candles and wine..he sat at the table on his phone the entire time..later on his phone started ringing at 1:30 a.m.and he kept cutting the ringer off…. Finally he got up and left for work..I cudnt sleep..I got up and packed my stuff..I left him a 6page letter explaining that I was through…I text him that I can’t take it anymore..he said OK..

  4. Avatar

    Sara

    January 25, 2021 at 7:44 am

    I ended things with me because he kept pushing me away and I didn’t feel like a priority at all. I went into no contact he reached out 2 weeks after asking me what happened I told him I felt unappreciated. He asked for a second chance I wasn’t in a healthy place to give him a second chance. This is the second time I end things because he pushed me away. First time was because of family death but second idk. I just completed my no contact after breaking it. I think I am going to wait for him to initiate because I dont think if I reach out he will know how to appreciate me. Idk tho

  5. Avatar

    Melissa G

    December 15, 2020 at 2:50 am

    I’ve recently started talking with my ex again. Not sure how long it will last. We are in the push and pull stage. We may talk a few days but then I may not hear from him for several days or a week. Then I send a message. I know I shouldn’t. Today he said he couldn’t wait to see me again and I said I know its been forever. So he has been contacting me the last 2 days. Should I continue on the same path? Let him do all the texting? Last night I told him I wasn’t feeling well so today I went to doctor. So when I got back I texted him to let him know the results. Was that wrong of me? He responded with a sweet text.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 23, 2020 at 10:46 pm

      Hey Melissa, if you have completed a NC and you’re in the texting phase then no it wasn’t wrong of you to tell him about your day just make sure that it is also interesting and fun conversations to keep him interested in conversations too

  6. Avatar

    I Vatinchik

    December 3, 2020 at 11:51 pm

    My ex and I dated for a year and covid made us live with his parents for 3 months and then in his room for a month before we started arguing over space and then i didnt get the message as I got attached (classic! Gave too muchlove away!) and so he suddenly asked me to leave and find another house. As of covid, it was so hard to find anything fast, and the room became available next door in the community house. I asked him back once a week after breakup by writing a letter but he was cruel and said he was happy with the decision. 3rd month now, originally was solid anxiety and crying on my side, and no talking, but then he started to come randomly to my house garden as his house can use our hose pipe etc. Recently he started giving me hot and cold behaviour, hot only once by talking nice to me on the street when we bumped into each other and complimented my new hair. Then he messaged me randomly over the last 2 weeks, to ask about his lost suit, and yestetsay he was very mean to me over the texts making drama about me blocking other people’s car and then being even rude when I stood my ground! It ended up me blowing up at him back, saying I won’t take this attitude and he needs to leave me alone if being a jerk, and so he apologised and said its just living so close making little things winding him up. What’s your thoughts, does he still have feelings for me and tries to stay in touch even being horrible at times, or trying to move on, but cannot bcuz i live next door? (I’m gonna move out netx month now that u cam afford it too) surely I don’t understand if he really is uncomfortable around me, or pretending and wants to find a way of getting closer? (clearly struggled with the way of doing it) much appreciated any advice!!
    With love, Iris

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 28, 2020 at 6:44 pm

      Hi vatinchik, I would say that he is maybe going through the emotions people do during a break up and knowing you are next door isn’t helping that. I would suggest that you follow a No Contact rule again after your last fall out and start working the program by reading the articles on this website to help you through

  7. Avatar

    Rachel

    December 3, 2020 at 3:56 am

    I screwed up by removing him as a follower on Instagram he can see my posts but not my stories.. he did look up my page the one night just to view my story specifically but nothing after that night

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 10:29 pm

      Hi Rachel, chance your account to public? I’m pretty sure they can see everything then?

  8. Avatar

    Kim

    November 30, 2020 at 1:33 am

    I was hurt about something and might have taken it the wrong way, he did sort of say he was sorry. Then he turned it and said I was insinuating he was insensitive. I tried talking it through after a little bit I asked if we could start the weekend over because I drive an hour to see him and he just seemed mad at me and asked me to leave. I said i have to drive an hour and we don’t get much time together just the weekends could we not talk and just finish the weekend together he still wanted me to leave. We haven’t talked in 2 days.

  9. Avatar

    Melissa

    November 15, 2020 at 10:48 pm

    I was swept off my feet by a man who chased me so hard that I almost avoided him, because it seemed like an abundance of red flags in words and behaviour. We have mutual friends, and one swore he had a good heart and encouraged me to give the relationship a try. I let me guard down, and genuinely loved being with him, and started to feel myself falling for him…only to notice about 7 weeks in, him slowly retracting from the relationship. Gone were the amazing good morning and good night messages about how he can’t stop thinking about me, and how lucky he was to have found me…hours would pass before my texts were responded to. Weekend getaway plans never came to fruition, slowly plans got cancelled last minute with a frequency of “I’m not feeling well.” Gone were the evenings of reservations at amazing restaurants. In the beginning, he had originally told me he was divorced for 2 years…I found out 3 weeks in from a different friend that he was actually still married – albeit separated. His excuse for his dishonesty was that “it’s semantics,” he’s about to sign the agreement, and he knew I wouldn’t date him knowing the truth (untrue I told him – lying is more of a dealbreaker for me though). When his behaviour towards the relationship clearly started to flip, I gave him weekly outs – asking if he needed time for himself, since he no longer seemed invested in the relationship. I also found him on dating apps that he told me he was deleting early on, since he “only wanted to be with me.” Always an excuse why the profile was there – but he was adamant he wasn’t actually on any apps. He would get upset at me for asking this, begging me not to break up with him, and promised things would get better. Week after week, things just got worse – until finally be divulged he’s been really ill, blind spots/night tremors, and that he’s seeing his doctor. The divorce had taken a turn he didn’t see coming, and his financial loss to be huge. The stress was taking a toll, and his feelings towards me hadn’t changed – but he wasn’t handling anything well. After over a week of not seeing him, we spent an evening together as though nothing had changed. The next day a friend screen shotted his “recently active” profile on tinder and I snapped. I forwarded it to him, along with a slew of assertions of horrible he had treated me, and wished him well. He called me immediately, denying again – claiming he just went out to make sure he was off, and proceeding to cry about how stressed he’s been feeling and this is just adding to it. As usual, I consoled him to stop crying and said I believed him. We were supposed to do something Saturday, but all day he dodged my texts and calls – so again I snapped and called it quits Saturday morning. He then called me saying he needed a 1 week break from me, he couldn’t handle all the stress I was putting him under with the accusations. I told him it was a permanent break, and that no one had ever made me feel better and then worse about myself in such a short period of time. He assured me I could do what I wanted, but he’d be here waiting for me – not on any apps, not dating anyone else. 2 days later I found him back on tinder – and snapped, called him a liar once again, and thanked him for teaching me to be less naive. He said he was bored, and went on to see what he had missed in the past 3 months, and that he never wanted to break up with me, and that he still cares about me, and isn’t chatting with anyone else. A few days passed with no contact, and I couldn’t help but miss him, and asked if we could talk…he’s texted a bit, but hasn’t given me a time for when he’s ready to discuss anything. I know I should have gone cold, but I’m having so much trouble processing how something that was amazing for 2 months could flip so quickly. I’m heartbroken.

  10. Avatar

    stacy rico

    November 5, 2020 at 6:38 pm

    He’s not on social media. Im connected with a lot of his family members and we still engage with each other. We broke up almost 3 weeks ago. I haven’t heard a word from him. He got back on dating site immediately.

  11. Avatar

    Tracy

    November 4, 2020 at 2:17 am

    We broke up June 14, 2020. HUGE fight where he left town and I immediately packed my stuff and moved out. He actually blocked me via everywhere but I was already going to go no contact. After 25 days he reached out to me, but was just being rude and insulting mostly (probably reacting to my abrupt move out) so I immediately went no contact again. He tried contacting me about once a month through friends or family, I ignored and did not respond. During my first no contact I went on a couple mini vacations, hit the gym and reconnected with girlfriends. During the second NC I focused and got a promotion at work. All of which was posted to social media even though he still had me blocked on social media. On 9/3/20 he unblocked me and liked a status i put up on FB, so I actually immediately blocked him then. I was not ready to end NC. On Oct 4th he contacted several friends/family and asked them to tell me he misses me. He did get a GF in the month of September which did not phase me. I figured if that’s what was to be then so he it. They broke up in Oct…and he was reaching out to me the whole time. So finally on 10/10 i unblocked him on my phone only. On 10/20 I got a text “tracy”. So I responded. We talked quite a bit that day, even a little about the fight where he apologized heavily. Nothing else after that. Then 10/23 I let him stop by my house to pick up some of his stuff but Kept it brief. No fuzzies. No hugging no acting like I want to get back Together. After he left he texted “you smell so good” then he texted “I’m so stupid”. I said nothing. A few hours later I actually passed him in my car and he texted “headed to the store?” I responded yes to pick up a script. That is the last I heard from him. However on 10/26 he shopped at the store KT daughter works at. He NEVER goes there. It is actually out of his way. I am going about my days. I haven’t reached out. Not even to say hey my kid said she saw you. So I haven’t heard from him right now for 4 days but I’m not sweating it and I’m not rushing it. I think I’m still gunna make him come to me. After all, he screwed up, then continued to. This is 5 months later. I got this far now haha

  12. Avatar

    Mel

    October 19, 2020 at 3:30 pm

    We were together for over a year. We moved in together but it did not last long and we decided to move out the place back to our parents and I also decided to end it because we were fighting way too much to the point I began resenting him inside. In his head we could’ve have a great love, in mine we were not compatible and I think we would be better fit friends and not romantically involved. Since the break up I moved back home and have been focusing on school. Ive been ok for the past few weeks but lately I’ve been breaking down wanting to talk to him but been holding back contact between us incase he doesn’t answer and I feel worse. I just want to know if it will always be this way. If we will ever talk again or if he will ever initiate contact or will he just pretend it doesn’t bother him and block any thoughts of me.

  13. Avatar

    Lisa

    September 30, 2020 at 3:13 pm

    My ex became distant and sometimes unreachable for a day or two, I told him it bothers me and he did try to work on it but sometimes he would and sometimes he wouldn’t, so I stepped back a little because it was frustrating when to me it felt like he did stuff knowing it would make me upset so I’d say I need space so many times he started telling me the ball was in my court which I didn’t understand then one day he hung up on me and ignored me so I texted him and told him I’m gonna start seeing other people he’s way too disrespectful and I’m not gonna take it but we could b friends I only did it because I felt like he was taking me for granted and I was tired of it

  14. Avatar

    Nicole DB

    September 26, 2020 at 10:11 am

    My ex boyfriend and I had been dating for 3.5 years (I’m 23, he’s 24) and doing a long distance relationship the past year. Once the coronavirus hit everything got thrown into a tizzy. My ex had to move back in with his parents and search for a new job. He’s really stressed out because he’s not sure what he wants to do with his life and where he wants to live. However, we hadn’t gotten in any sort of fight and he seemed to still love me. Then out of the blue last week he calls me and says he doesn’t think he sees me in his future. That after 3.5 years we would have to either get serious or end the relationship and he doesn’t want to get serious. What should I do? He’s never acted this way before and I really want him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 6, 2020 at 11:08 am

      Hi Nicole, that can be hard to understand but I think your ex is going through a “cross roads” mindset right now where he doesn’t really know what he wants. For you, you need to go into a No contact so that he can see what life is like without you in it full time. Work on yourself during this time, and show him you are doing great using social media and any mutual friends you share. Read about the holy trinity and being ungettable and apply this, then at the end of your 30 days you can start reaching out again to start re building rapport and your connection.

  15. Avatar

    T.

    September 9, 2020 at 12:21 am

    My gf just dumped me after 3 weeks of her being distant and talking about going to back to her ex after 15 months of us dating. She dumped me via text. Not 4 days later she is literally telling me how upset she is that I havent chased her and about her value. I love this girl a lot but I’m also scared that this can be the new normal. Any advice or thoughts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 10, 2020 at 9:04 pm

      Hey T it is hard when they consider going back to their ex, but it is what we work with here too. If you want her back then I suggest you read some articles and apply the information to help you following the no contact rule and then the being there method if she has gone back to her ex

  16. Avatar

    Rosie

    September 2, 2020 at 7:42 pm

    Hi,
    I was with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years and he broke up with me last week. We kept arguing and tried to start fresh but he said it’s not working He doesn’t want to be in the relationship right now. He doesn’t want it to end but feels like it has to and that his mind is made up. I wanted to sort things out but he said no we’ve tried my mind is made up. He sent me an accidental Instagram Saturday night which I ignored and we haven’t spoke since Saturday morning when we gave our stuff back

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 7, 2020 at 10:02 pm

      Hey Rosie, so if you wanted to get your ex back then you need to start working the program, step one being no contact. Read articles that apply to your situation and make sure that you follow being Ungettable

  17. Avatar

    Ehu

    August 31, 2020 at 1:41 am

    After our break up I did the no contact for 30 days we ended up meeting to exchange our items that lead to dinner and then kissing and heavy petting. He told me how much he missed me and still loved me and asked if I felt the same way. The next day expected to hear from him and didn’t date you I still haven’t heard from him so I shot him a text that said what’s up I’m confused about what happened how do you feel about us and he said he still loves me and always will love me but he needs to continue to To be by himself and let God lead him to where he supposed to be… Whatever I know my worth and I know what I don’t want. I still love him but if he’s not willing to commit I’m not gonna be his or anybody’s fuck buddy. Peace out I’m done

  18. Avatar

    Maphuti Ivy

    August 25, 2020 at 7:12 pm

    Feeling empowered like I need to take control of the situation of me n my ex that I love but I broke things off because he told me of his first girlfriend and I couldn’t take it to be a second option I need to be a priority and I want him to chase me.

  19. Avatar

    minh

    August 15, 2020 at 7:00 am

    Hi. I had been with my ex-boyfriends for 4 years. We just break up 2 weeks ago. I really miss him and want he back to me even He spoke he did not love me anymore. In time No contact he blocked my Facebook, Line anything. I am so depressed. But I detected that he had my Facebook account and still accessed it. We break up because I am so hot temper. We usually argue. However, I love him so much. I can not contact him now. Do you have any advice for me? please Thank you.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 4:07 pm

      Hey Minh, you are going to be forced to follow a No Contact until you are unblocked that will come with time. For now your focus needs to be on yourself, read articles about the holy trinity and being ungettable and apply this to yourself

  20. Avatar

    Amber

    August 9, 2020 at 7:12 am

    My ex and I were together for a year. he is going through a divorce and told me he didn’t want to see other women but wasn’t ready for a full commitment as he is trying to find himself again after his long terrible marriage. he became distant and there was no affection so I left. I didn’t do no contact as we did not break up on bad terms however any contact has been initiated by him and I reply when I get around to it. he signed up for a dating site a couple of days after we broke up but has never actually messaged anyone on there (we have been split for 3 weeks). He has been messaging me more and more with one silly reason or another lately that feel like an excuse to talk to me. In time when he gets himself in a better position in life I may want to see if we can try again but I am not sure if he is just lonely or genuinely misses me. Any advice?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 11, 2020 at 7:07 pm

      Hi Amber, going through a divorce is said to be one of the most stressful things a person can deal with so I understand him wanting to be single to deal with that especially when its a new relationship. I would suggest that you follow a No Contact if he is just getting in touch with you for non essential things it is not really letting him feel that he is going to lose you. I also suggest that you read the Ungettable articles and work on that information in your own life, and let him see what he is giving up on if he does not act fast.

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