How to Be Confident When You Feel Like Crap After a Breakup

What’s Around You… or Rather… Who’s Around You

Ditch the Negative People

There will be people who will have trouble understanding your decisions. There will be people who will listen to you go on and on and on about your breakup and get fed up with the talking. It happens. There will be people who tell you to forget your ex or that he’s not worth it.

Who knows? They might all be right.

But the truth is that you have to do what is best for you.

And if people care about you, even if you are driving them crazy, they take your best interest to heart and they support you.

I’ve talked about it before in other articles, but I wear two rings at all times just to remind myself that I need to remember to make choices that are in my best interest. I mean I tend to take care of other people constantly, so I kinda need a reminder sometimes.

So, If there are people who can’t support you in making decisions in your best interest, then it is time to give yourself a little space from those people. You need to make YOU your priority while you go through this.

It is important to stay positive throughout the process because it is so easy to go into a spiral. A fact that I am sure you already know.

So, when someone starts being negative with you,

…whether it’s family, a friend, or your hairdresser…

If they are holding you back you are going to tell them the following…

“Look, I know that you are trying to help, but I really need to keep a positive outlook. So, I need you to support my decisions or at least not stand in the way of them. Otherwise, I am going to ask you to give me some space until I get through this.”

And don’t just start doing this with everyone who disagrees with you. There is a difference between being negative and being realistic.

Take it from me, I tell people things they don’t want to hear every single day and there is a reason that they don’t push me away. I don’t let my opinion cloud my judgment and my friends and family know that. Even if I absolutely dislike a friend’s boyfriend, but he loves her and makes her happy, I will help her patch things up with him, because it is their lives. I won’t keep telling her to dump him because he ALWAYS has onion breath… always!

So, if you have a friend that you know doesn’t let their opinions get in the way of reason, and they are telling you that it’s a bad idea… those are the people you listen to even when you don’t really like what they have to say.

But you can tell your mom to mind your own business if she is trying to set you up with all of her friends’ grandsons.

Learn How to Stand Up for Yourself

I talk to a lot of women… every day… all day…

And most of the time, they let the men in their lives steer the direction that their life or relationship is going. And I find myself fighting the urge to ask them…

“Why?”

“Why would you get in the car with someone who doesn’t have your best interest at heart when you could be the one driving?”

You don’t have a driver’s license? You get one?

You’re to short to reach the pedals? You get a car with hand controls.

It’s your life, you should have a say in the direction it goes. The reason you haven’t stood up for yourself doesn’t really matter. You just have to decide to do it.

The only situation I don’t suggest it is if your ex or current partner was physically abusive.

So, let’s talk about the how.

But first… you need to decide that you are ready to make your life your own.

Have you decided?

I’m going to assume you just said yes.

So, you have to teach the people in your life how to treat you, what’s acceptable. You get what you tolerate.

You see you’ve already taught everyone that treating you poorly was acceptable in the past. In order to change that, you have to earn their respect by taking control of your life.

Don’t wallow in a state of the “poor me’s.”

Work at building an Ungettable Girl Life. And when someone treats you poorly, you say,

“Hey! I don’t deserve that.”

or

“Hey! I deserve better than this.”

So, the way that you do this is to recognize those thoughts of self-pity. They’re along the lines of,

“Why do these things always happen to me?”

When you recognize thoughts like these sneaking in, you need to shut them out and tell yourself,

“Hey, I deserve more!”

Once you master your own mind and how you see yourself, you won’t tolerate anyone else treating you without respect.

When they do, you should speak clearly and with authority. (That means no crying or begging.)

So, with a strong, solid voice say,

“Excuse me, I don’t deserve to be treated this way. If you intend to continue being a part of my life, you will treat me with respect or you will no longer be a part of my life. Is that understood?”

If they say anything other than yes, you interrupt them and say,

“No, this is non-negotiable. You’re either in, or you’re out. It’s up to you.”

You’d be surprised how effective this is. Fill your life with people who respect and support your decisions. And distance yourself from those that don’t.

What are You Made of

Feeling like crap is completely normal after a breakup, but if you are hanging out in your sweats eating Cheetos and pizza, and binge-watching Netflix then you are NOT doing yourself any favors.

Pay Attention to What You Put in Your Body

Your body can only create energy from what it has access to. If you fill it with crap, then you’ll feel like crap. If you eat better, then your body will supply you with clean energy and you will feel better.

Make taking care of yourself a priority.

It’s important.

You can’t muster confidence when you feel like a slug.

Hydrate too. Most people don’t drink enough water to begin with. However, the body uses water to flush out toxins and to get the proper amount of oxygen to the brain. Your brain can’t function without oxygen. The rest of your body can’t function without your brain… So, it’s kind of a big deal.

BCAA’s are like my secret weapon. It’s short for Branched-Chain Amino Acids.

They can be found in foods that contain protein, like chicken, beef, salmon, eggs, and whey protein. Personally, I prefer to drink mine. I prefer these…

They have good flavors.

  • They are great for lots of things and are used primarily by athletes.
  • They help with recovery time after a workout.
  • They are a good source of clean energy.
  • They help sustain muscle cells.
  • They help cut down on body fat.

It’s like drinking an energy without all the bad stuff that is bad for you mixed in.

Not to mention, if you hit the gym, it’ll help speed along the results.

Just an idea.

I suppose it’s kind of a “You are what you eat, situation.”

It’s just a factor that plays into the way that you feel. AND it’s something you have control over.

How You Appear

The Power of Makeup

My grandmother used to give me a sort-of blessing that always ended with,

“…may you be able to stop a man in his tracks and your eyeliner be sharp enough to kill a man.”

She was kind of awesome. She had a point though.

Putting effort into the way you look changes the way you feel about yourself. You walk differently, you talk differently, and people treat you differently.

Random Beauty Tip: If you are suffering from bags under your eyes, you can make a cup of green tea and chill the teabags in the fridge and place them over your eyes. Not only is it relaxing, the caffeine shrinks the blood vessels around your eye and reduces puffiness and dark circles. I like to keep my eye cream in the fridge too.

Power Outfit

That’s right! It is time to ditch the sweats!

You know that whole “dress for the job you want?” thing?

Well, now I am telling you is to dress for the life you want.

If you are reading this I am going to assume that you are tired of feeling like crap. So, let’s change that, okay?

Everyone has that one outfit that makes them feel invincible.

And if you don’t have something that makes you feel that way, it might be time for a wardrobe update.

  • Take a shower.
  • Do your hair.
  • Put on the makeup and some heels that won’t quit.

Do Something! It’s Science.

Get up and go do something. Anything positive.

Go for a run or even a walk. Go! Have dinner with a friend and talk about ANYTHING except your ex.

Remember… positive.

Do anything that takes your mind off your breakup and makes you feel alive.

Newton had three law’s regarding motion.

First law: In an inertial frame of reference, an object either remains at rest or continues to move at a constant velocity, unless acted upon by a force.

Second law: In an inertial reference frame, the vector sum of the forces F on an object is equal to the mass m of that object multiplied by the acceleration a of the object: F = ma. It is assumed here that the mass m is constant. (Don’t worry I’ll say that in English in a second.)

Third law: When one body exerts a force on a second body, the second body simultaneously exerts a force equal in magnitude and opposite in direction on the first body.

I know. I know. it’s science-y.

But bear with me.

Right now, I understand having some trouble making a move or taking that first step. You are thinking of every possible reason that you should just stay were you are.

Believe it or not, his three laws can be rewritten to be less science-y and more suitable. They can be transferred into a way of thinking.

  1. If you don’t find the proper motivation, something that drives you, then nothing will change. ( A ball doesn’t roll until it is pushed)
  2. The distance, or amount of change, depends on how powerful that motivation is. The motivation you find has to be more powerful than the weight of your loss that is keeping you still.
  3. If you work against your own motivation, it will get further away. Fear has a way of making us push against the forces that drive us forward.

This last one is hard to put into words. This should make it easier.

 

So, get up, do the things I’ve laid out in this article. And the more you move forward, the easier it will get.

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Go For Small Wins at First

Confidence comes from believing that you can do something. Up until this point, the general idea is to get out of the after-breakup rut that I’m guessing brought you to this article in the first place.

But this… this is about setting small goals up and knocking them down.

Getting up and getting outside of what has become your after-breakup norm is one of those goals. Knock that down and you are on your way.

I prefer to hold myself accountable.

To do this you could set up a habit tracker… I like this one from allaboutthehouseprintablesblog.com

Although there are plenty of other versions on Pinterest.

You only have to set a few habits and stick with them.

You can also make it more likely if you make it WORTH something.

Join a gym or a group that you have to pay for.

I’ve found that when you pay to join something, like a gym, you tend to care more about actually attending.

Once you start seeing the results or see that you have a streak going, it makes it easier to keep it up.

Instead of setting a goal of losing 15 lbs, you can make a small goal of going to the gym 3 times a week for a whole month.

Going three times that first week is a small win. The second week is another small win. Going for a full month is a slightly bigger win.

Before you know it you start SEEING results in your appearance, the way you feel, and the way your clothes fit.

Then you can start setting bigger goals.

Well, what are you waiting for?

GET GOING!

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Written by EBR Teamate

EBR Team Member: Ashley