Today I want to share with you five ways you can make your ex want you back after a breakup.
First, I need to be honest.
Too often when I create videos, articles, or podcasts, I feel a bit derivative.
I am talking about the same concepts over and over again.
So, I thought an interesting way to discuss this topic was to pull from real life examples of five people who used our strategies to get their exes back.
One of the things I’m most proud of is the private Facebook group I established for members of the Ex Recovery Program to interact with others experiencing a breakup.
In this group, members can partner with each other to provide breakup support and encouragement.
This group is also an excellent opportunity for my team to communicate and learn from clients.
What began as a fun idea to create a members-only Facebook group quickly evolved into a valuable resource for our team.
By listening and talking with thousands of members who are going through breakups, we learn what’s working, what isn’t working, what to say, what not to say….. everything you can imagine about what is working well in the breakup scene today.
Today I’d like to give you a glimpse inside the group and share five real life success stories from members of our Facebook group.
After years of interacting with thousands of members in our Facebook group, we’ve noticed five reoccurring trends that have led to happy new beginnings for countless clients.
- The No Contact Rule Works Really Well
- Conversation Mediums Matter
- Achieving The Ungettable Mindset Is A Must
- Moving On Without Moving On Really Works
- Sometimes Going On The Rebound Works Too
Let’s talk about these concepts in-depth
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizTrend #1: The No Contact Rule Works Really Well
The No Contact Rule may seem like the original gangster of getting your ex back, but it still holds a lot of power today.
Just look at what this success story had to say about it:
“After my ex broke up with me two weeks ago, I can say that we are now back together. He initially broke up with me because he was moving back to Sweden with his family for college and was having doubts about the long distance. He said he wasn’t ready for a relationship. There were no warning signs before he broke up with me and he immediately blocked me everywhere. I kept messaging around the clock for 5 days until he angrily told me to leave him alone and said he didn’t want to be with me. I then found the ExBoyfriend Recovery Program, however, and went into no contact after that. I was 6 days into no contact when my ex reached out and apologized for his behavior. We agreed to talk as friends, but he said he wouldn’t be ready to date for a while. However, two days later he revealed how much he missed about our relationship, how much he still loved me, and that he never wanted to leave me.”
In this success story, I want you to notice two things.
First, the No Contact Rule worked quickly in this situation.
Generally speaking, we recommend three different no contact time frames:
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz- A 21-day rule
- A 30-day rule
- Or a 45-day rule
Depending on your specific situation.
However, we have noticed that it’s so effective that it can get faster results.
What I mean to say is, if your ex contacts you after 14 days to say, “Let’s talk. I miss you. Let’s get back together,” it is worth ending the No Contact Rule to have that conversation.
I will admit that this member’s scenario is a bit on the rare side.
Nevertheless, as you read through the other success stories I am about to share, you will notice that each one went through a period of no contact.
I wanted to highlight this scenario, however, to show that it not only works, but can also work extremely quick.
So, if you are on the fence about the effectiveness of the No Contact Rule, look no further for proof than what I just shared.
Trend #2: Conversation Mediums Matter
One of the things that separates me from my coaching peers is the concept of the Value Chain and the Value Ladder.
Basically, these two concepts refer to when and where you have conversations with an ex after the No Contact Rule ends.
This is exactly what this next success story highlights well:
“Hello ERP! I got him back! It’s early days yet, but we transitioned while on vacation from texts to calls to video calls. He eventually told me he loves me, missed me a lot, and thought about me the whole time we weren’t talking. He said he wants to be with me, but I played it cool because right now we’re still LDR and the same issues will come up if I jump back into things, but it feels so good to be in control!”
I want to highlight the first few sentences of this particular story, because it really shows how this member effectively applied the concept of the value chain in communicating with her ex.
If you read further, you’ll notice that she followed the No Contact Rule too, but her work did not end there. After the No Contact Rule ends, you will have to transition and build value. She started with text messages and transitioned to phone calls.
Then from phone calls, she transitioned to video calls, before moving to in person interactions.
This member completed this stair-stepping method almost perfectly and it worked.
It seems crazy, right?! But it can all fit together in a relatively seamless way after the initial No Contact Rule foundation is applied.
Trend #3: Achieving The Ungettable Mindset
After you begin applying the No Contact Rule, your work has only just begun.
This is not a time to sit and wait for your fortunes to turn and your ex to come to his senses.
I recommend that members use the period of no contact wisely and actively on themselves.
That’s right, you shouldn’t be focused on your ex at all. This is all about focusing on you.
As I started recommending this concept to clients and seeing the positive results, I named this strategy the Ungettable Girl.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quizIt’s basically about striving to become the girl that every man wants, but no man can get.
This is something this next member’s success story explains so well.
“So, my ex told me yesterday that he wants us to get back together! Ever since I broke my 21 day no contact by two days, my ex has been texting me every couple of days saying that he can’t stop thinking about me and all the UG (Ungettable Girl) things I told him he needed to do to change and be better. He proceeded to pour out all of his feelings and explain what he did to make us break up. He never felt breaking was the right thing to do, but the only thing he could do because he felt like a failure and pushed me away because he didn’t want me to see his weakness. Surprisingly, I can honestly say I feel like I am in a great place mentally, emotionally, and physically coming into 4 weeks after breaking up. I am feeling really UG and I don’t need him or feel emotional over him anymore.”
There are two things I want you to notice about this success story.
- First, she followed the No Contact Rule and, while she ended it a little early, he asked for her back.
- And second, he asked for her back because he noticed the amazing difference in her and he grew to feel regretful about their breakup.
And that’s the point.
The No Contact Rule gives you chance to become the Ungettable Girl.
Most women think,
“Oh no! I’m going to get all this time to myself and become super depressed thinking about him all the time”.
But the successful women do the exact opposite.
They make him regret the breakup by moving on with their lives and doing things that make him feel left out.
That is part of being an Ungettable Girl.
If you want the longhand explanation of the Ungettable Girl, check out my book “Ungettable: Becoming the Woman Every Man Wants”.
You can purchase it on Amazon for only $19 and read start to finish the complete game plan on how to become ungettable.
Trend #4: Moving On Without Moving On Really Can Work
It’s no mistake that I mention the next trend of “moving on without moving on” after discussing the Ungettable Girl.
They are related, but this concept is a bit more difficult to explain.
Essentially, it’s the idea of giving up on your quest to get your ex back.
This, ironically, often leads to your ex coming back into your life.
It’s probably the weirdest trend I’ve seen and one that’s difficult to fully explain, other than to say it is a mindset shift.
When you begin to mentally move on and give up on chasing your ex, they tend to sense it and start chasing you.
This is something our next success story highlights well.
What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?
Take the quiz“Hi everyone! I haven’t posted on here at all yet, but reading success stories, especially when I first joined, always helped so I wanted to share my own! I joined near the end of my no contact and honestly I thought that my case was a lost cause because he told me all the lines: we’re never getting back together, it just didn’t work out, blah, blah, blah.
Fast forward a month later, he had not reached out at all and when I first started texting him he seemed to respond positively at first and would become short. So I actually decided to just move and I didn’t want to chase after someone. Well, something happened, and I had to talk to him and since I decided to move on I deleted his number and had to talk to him in person. It was so awkward, but I kept it short, told him what I had to and left. Immediately after I left he started texting me and really opened up about his feelings. We saw each other a couple days later and I had not intention of bringing up any relationship talk at all but he brought it up, apologized to me, in detail about EVERYTHING.”
The important part of this story is how this member mentions moving on.
She essentially gave up trying to get her ex back and was happy.
Then, when she was in touch with her ex again, the most amazing thing happened, and he began to see her in a new light.
So, when I tell people to move on without moving on, this mindset shift is exactly what I mean.
We see this trend work repeatedly through the comments we receive on our Facebook, website, and podcast pages.
All I can say is that moving on without moving on actually seems to work.
Trend #5: Sometimes Going On The Rebound Can Work Too
The final trend that may make your ex want you back is going on the rebound.
That’s right, I said rebounding.
Weird stuff starts to occur when your ex moves on to a new girl and you move on to a new guy.
Usually, this causes an ex to start paying attention. So, while we realize dating someone new can be difficult, it is also an effective strategy.
Let’s hear from a member who successfully followed this trend:
“Me and my ex broke up in May and it wasn’t easy to say the least. We worked together as well, and my boss even put our desks next to each other to see if we would have drama (cruel I know). It was rocky for me at first. I fell into depression very rapidly. After some time, I began to pick up. I made new friends, found new hobbies and each day I grew stronger. He could see that everyday through work and social media, even to finding out I had been on a date. We slowly became friends again. Last night, he asked me on a date. This is what we both want. We both had rebounds during the breakup and decided it wasn’t what we wanted. The best thing anyone can do is work on yourself. The positivity can do more than you can imagine.”
So, why does moving on to someone else work?
Why does going on the rebound – meaning, your ex going on the rebound and you going on the rebound – seem to work?
Well, I think this relates directly to the Grass is Greener Syndrome.
Most of the time, when you break up with someone or they break up with you, there is one primary reason.
You think you can do better.
Often, however, when you go out and see if you can do better, the next person just doesn’t measure up.
You see, sometimes it’s important for your ex to move onto someone else, and sometimes it’s important for you to move onto someone else, as well.
The simple truth is that when our clients begin dating someone new, an ex takes notice. This is why our jealousy techniques, while subtle, can be so effective.
Don’t just take our word for it, though.
Listen and learn from countless members, like the ones above, who have successfully applied these trends to get their exes to want them back.
Willow
July 31, 2020 at 8:05 am
Hi!!
My ex and I broke up about a month or two ago. It was extremely stressful and I totally didn’t follow the no contact rule, it was a 9 month relationship and everything was perfect. He was always scared of loosing feelings, and he did for two weeks. Then it ended. I see him everyday at work, we interact briefly however he sends so many mixed messages. I.e ignoring me during the day/only brief convo and checking if I’m okay over text at 9:30 at night. I feel like I should give him space to re-evaluate his feelings of me but what we had was special and strong, I want him to be reminded of that. He could be scared. What’s the best possible thing to do at this point?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
July 31, 2020 at 1:02 pm
Hi Willow, you need to read about the limited no contact where you only speak to your ex in work about work related issues when you MUST. Do not make small talk, or answer his texts asking if you are ok in the night. You need to stop replying to them. Let him think you are doing good without him and that you are no longer wanting the relationship. This is how you get him to think the way you want him to. The way you get him questioning if this is what he wants
Mari
June 9, 2020 at 9:31 am
Hello,
My ex and I broke up two years ago. We started communicating through Instagram DM for 2 weeks now. In those two weeks, we had deep talks through DM: Him telling me he loves me and that he missed me and thought about me everyday during our separation. I’m just concerned that he hasn’t initiated a phone conversation. We are currently long distance. Could he be scared or is he uninterested? Should I initiate?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 11, 2020 at 1:28 pm
Hi Mari, from the fact you have been broken up two years ago and having positive (although emotional) conversations you could initiate phone call conversations if you wanted to advance to that
Nessharra
June 5, 2020 at 5:03 am
Good day
My ex says he has to be true to himself.he says he says tried to forgive me for the past several months but it didn’t eventuate into forgiveness so he is letting go and not try to pursue a relationship.We love each other very much and he confesses without a doubt the he really does love me but says it’s just him.he can’t get over what I did.i hurt him in the relationship.we tried to reconnect in December and we’re almost reconciling but he quickly got upset again over a slight misunderstanding.and went cold and said he has to be true to himself,he is failing to forgive me .Since then he has been distant and cold.i tried no contact,he didn’t contact me,I reached out after 21 days,he responds generally,It’s been 3 months.some personal questions he ignores totally.bit a hello he quickly responds.i feel he is just being polite.he is not a social media person but only WhatsApp so I don’t know how to play ungettable. Since he says it’s just him,he can’t forgive certain things and that he wants to be clear so that he doesn’t waste my time.I have sort of lost hope,it hurts.The lines of communication are still open.
NattyLorraine
June 3, 2020 at 6:43 am
Hie.i have decided to go into no contact again.i had initiated contact beginning of April after 3 weeks of no contact.Yes he responds but very selectively.he never initiates dialog.he only responds to the casual hello how is work.if i ask about family,try to initiate ordinary conversation on things like investments(we are both professionals) he responded once.So i have run out of what to say.i feel he is not responsive enough.we spoke on the phone last week.after i initiated,we talked for 45 mins about the relationship.he is still hurt..then i asked again if we could talk again but he said he is not free to talk,maybe another time.then i initiated general conversation showing him the new stock prices,,and asked him his areas of interest.but he didnt read the message fpr 2 days…read it on the 3rd day and has never replied .its now 5 days..so maybe i am forcing myself to talk..
Kate
May 27, 2020 at 9:30 am
Hey,
I need some help on this. I started talking to an ex again after a few years.
He was very interested in what i did and if i changed and whether i was dating someone/fuckbuddy/ lots of tinder matches. Asked it all.
Now i feel like im the one mostly initiating conversation, he always answers within a day at least, but if i dont initiate we dont talk at all. I asked him and he said it was because i wasnt giving him the chance, obviously this is not true. When i dont initiate, he will initiate only after 2,3 or more days.
So basically, hes responsive and flirty, getting back memories etcetera, but is busy and silent when i dont innitiate conversation. Its confusing me. I dont know if he really is that interested.
I havent talked to him for 3 days now, i wonder if you know something i could do, just stop initiating at all or? Im a bit lost. + its long distance.
X
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 7, 2020 at 11:35 am
Hey Kate, it really depends on what you want to do. If you want to get him back then you need to follow the information about the texting phase and how to capture his interest. While also working on yourself to be Ungettable
Elaine
May 26, 2020 at 11:07 am
Hi.
I’m in NC (while he’s in a rebound relationship) and I feel that he’s getting mad at me for not talking to him, but he didn’t initiate either. Is just that I did’t text him for something I could have done (and I didn’t because NC and also I didn’t feel like talking to him). He’s apparently super happy in his new relationship, he hasn’t texted me in a week and a half (after that I started NC) and still he seems to be mad at me for not reaching him, is that possible? Why?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 1, 2020 at 11:01 pm
Hey Elaine, one when someone expresses how they are SUPER happy in a relationship. Usually its overcompensating. Plus if he moved on really fast then he is in a rebound so you know that it isn’t truly how he feels right now. You NC needs to be 45 days and you stick with it. If he gets angry that you are not talking to him that is not your problem. He ended the relationship this is what he “wanted”. So stick with your NC and work on your Holy Trinity during this time
Naby
May 25, 2020 at 3:31 am
Hello!
My ex and I had a 9 month relationship really intense and we broke up on October, since there I never really thought about getting him back. because I was leaving the city we met at. So I initiated the break up as was afraid of not being able to make it work but then regret it but my doubts make him be sure that a long distance relationship didn’t going to work. I didn’t want to break up at the end but I decided to accept the break up as i truly believe this was better for both of us (professionally)
So at the beginning I was really down, he seemed okay and wanted to keep talking and stay good friends. We kind of did that. I never initiate the conversation he did. And I think I push him away by not responding as I use to. And also because I was really in a bad period not only because of him. So I was really negative. Then he stopped message me. I notice it and send him a message near Christmas he respond but it was quick. And I started realize that I really miss him so I secretly wait for him to message me but he didn’t. I message him at the beginning of February about stuff I needed to get back, the conversation was formal, we finish by schedule a weekend In April when I was going to come and get back my stuff. I tried to create a connection With him by sending him our friendversary challenge in Facebook but he never reply. This really hurt me as he say he wanted to stay friends and this is what I was looking for at this moment but he wasn’t interested anymore apparently..
Then I started really wanted him back. And then I learn that he was dating someone and I got angry about him moving on so fast. I start working on myself and I discovered your podcast. The quarantine started and it really help me get back all the self confidence I lost. I call him during the lockdown but he didn’t answer, he text me asking if everything was okay. I answered : “everything alright what about you? Hope you well and your family as well! Just calling to hear from you in this difficult times I guess” But I never get an answer, then I learn that he was lockdown with his new girl friend. Thin news make me feel angry and sad. So I did the no contact and start to post a lot of stuff on social média. On the 34th day of the no contact he interacts with me using a story in Instagram I answered he respond and then I stopped the conversation.
But since then nothing happened. I don’t know what to do if I should send him a message or if I should continue on the no contact waiting for him to reach me again. I’m also afraid to contact him and have no answer as he is with the new girl in the lockdown.. I don’t know if they doing well or if they struggled I’m really lost on what should I do next. So please Chris can you help me with that?
(Sorry for this huuuuge message)
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 15, 2020 at 8:44 pm
Hi Naby, so your No Contact period should have been 45 days as he has met someone else, so if you have not broken yet, be sure that you are spending 45 days focused on yourself and working on your Holy Trinity and then you start following the being there method. This takes a lot of emotional strength so make sure you understand how the process works before you reach out to your ex
Lilly Henry
May 21, 2020 at 7:22 pm
Hi
I just wanted some advice. I am currently in no contact and feel at peace. If it gets to 45 days and there has still been no contact, do I bother reaching out? Or just leave it? FYI we both deleted each other’s numbers because it ended badly…so if I did reach out it would have to be via email, so not sure what I would say? Would a friendly message be okay?
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
May 29, 2020 at 10:25 pm
Hi Lilly, so if you want to get him back then at the end of your No Contact you are going to have to reach out to follow this program. Read some more articles so that you understand what each stage requires. Chris is taken time to write articles about the types of messages you are supposed to send to your ex after a NC is complete
Veronica
May 21, 2020 at 4:41 am
Hey Chris,
I completed my No contact and went into texting phase with my ex, his responses were positive and many a times he used to initiate texting me and he even asked me to go on a trip with him, and even called me to know how I am doing, but on the 10th day of texting him I became too emotional and texted him that I still love him and asked him to get back together and he reply “after whatever happened he don’t think so that we should get back together” and then I still told him to take time and think about it more and then reply. It’s been 2 days since then and he has not replied. I wanted to know if I ruined my chances of getting him back.
And what should I do now.
EBR Team Member: Shaunna
June 4, 2020 at 9:03 pm
Hey Veronica, so as you got emotional too soon you need to go back into a NC I would suggest 21 days this time around, as you have skipped the value chain and he has gone straight back to the reasons you shouldn’t be together, you need to work on your Ungettable too so that he can see you are not the person you were in the last relationship