The no contact rule has been well documented on this site.

It is a time to separate yourself from the pain and sadness of the recent break up and focus on yourself. No contact also gives your ex a chance to miss you and realize that he made a mistake breaking up with you.

During no contact, you’ll be honing in on relationships, health, and wealth all while your ex wonders just how you’re managing to keep that spring in your step and carry on without him.

But what happens when you just can’t cut your ex off entirely?

What do you do when no contact seems impossible?

Limited no contact of course!

Indeed, if you really want to know everything about this NC process, then go pick up a copy of my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book“, you won’t be disappointed.

However, this is NOT meant for everyone. In many cases, no contact is the MOST effective way of getting an ex back.

So, what is Limited contact?

Limited Contact: Essentially the same thing as the no contact rule except you are allowed to break the no contact rule for certain instances (which will be covered in this article.)

In fact, there is no use beating around the bush anymore, lets talk about who should use limited no contact?

Who Should Do it?

Before we jump into how, exactly, limited no contact works, let’s look at who qualifies for this method of ex recovery.

First are the women who have children with their exes.

Children should never be forced to choose between parents and doing a complete no contact at the expense of children is never a good idea.

Next, if you share bills with your ex try to switch the accounts or splits the bills so that you no longer must pay together.

However, if you are unable to separate the bills you may contact your ex only regarding payments.

If you have school or work with your ex.

Then you will be able to utilize this form of no contact as well.

Finally, if you and your ex live together you might be eligible for limited no contact.

It is important to make every attempt possible to move out or have your ex move out, but we will talk more about that later.

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How to do it?

The key to making limited no contact work is to really invest in yourself.

Lets assume that you are going to be seeing your ex at least once a week if not more.

Actually, no…

Lets step back a little further.

Lets assume that you were dating a man and you broke up with him. You did not want this man anymore and decided that you just didn’t love him. Now, you see this man somewhere at least once a week. Every time you see him he looks miserable.

He starts badgering you about getting back together.

He cries in public, in front of your friends even.

He’s unwashed and his hair is greasy and he’s just a mess. Are you going to regret your decision to break things off with this man?

Heck. NO. You’re going to run the other way and honestly probably laugh at his desperate attempts.

Now…

Let’s imagine you break up with the same man, for the same reasons, and just like before you must see him once a week or more. Every time you see him he smiles, nods, and walks right by you. You notice that he’s been working out. Every time he passes you he smells like heaven and Sharon in accounting SWEARS he’s been out on the town with a new girl AND he’s up for the next promotion in his department.

What then?

You’re going to want that man back!

Now I’m sure you can see where this is going… Be the second man!

If you must (and I mean must) see your ex be bold, beautiful, and bubbly.

But how?

Bubble It Up.

No one likes a sad sack.

On the other side of things, you need to maintain limited no contact.

It’s a sensitive balance.

Lets say that you both live together.

You wake up Saturday morning and without saying a word you get yourself ready to go out for a day with friends. On your way towards the door your Ex calls over,

“Are you leaving?”

You reply,

“I sure am!” and out the door you go.

Now let’s say he asks,

“Where are you going?”

You reply,

“Just out” with a sweet little smile and bubble your way right out the door.

Use this bright but reserved manner in all situations.

Dropping off the kids?

Smile, relay any CRITICAL information (no small talk.), and then away you go.

Beauty Vs. the Beast

As we mentioned before no one is going to regret breaking up with you if you look like a swamp monster.

So, what to do, what to do?

The most important part of being beautiful is FEELING beautiful.

If you aren’t confident it’s going to show.

Even if you don’t really feel confident fake it.

Now that you are a confident creature it’s time to shine.

Make sure that you look your best whenever you might bump into your Ex.

Pick Up Your Copy of My Popular eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book“.  It is epic in length and comprehensive in detail!

Have your hair brushed and styled, try to dress in the most flattering manner possible.

Have those pearly whites brushed, and wear a favorite perfume. T

o go beyond the encounters with your Ex start trying to eat healthier and drink more water (it’ll do wonders for your waist line AND your skin). Also attend fitness classes, hit the gym several times a week, or just commit to walking some laps during your lunch break.

You’ll start to notice that you look better and the endorphins released will give you an energy and a confidence boost.

Win, win!

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Dare to be Bold.

In this limited no contact situation you are going to have to take some risks.

If you and your Ex have children together make a point of having him watch the kids so that you can go out on a date.

(Pro Tip: 100% try to go on an actual date. But if it just doesn’t happen for you, get dolled up and go visit with a friend or see a movie by yourself. If your ex thinks you’re out it will be somewhat effective, but actual dates are the best.)

If you work with your Ex have flowers delivered to your desk for him to see.

And make a bit deal about it on social media because we all know men spy on their exes on social media after a breakup. Positing a simple picture like this will do,

Use social media to play up your independence as well. Show him that you truly are getting along just fine without him.

Remember, he broke up with you.

He decided that he did not want you anymore. Do NOT limit your experiences to spare his feelings. If he didn’t want you to see other people he would have kept you. Do not be afraid of upsetting him or making him angry. If you get an angry response it means that he still cares. If he asks you about your dating life give a quick “I’m doing what makes me happy” and remove yourself from the conversation.

Inevitably your Ex is going to notice that you are only talking to him about the important stuff and aren’t making or engaging in small talk. When he asks, “What’s going on with you?”

Do your best to dodge the conversation. If you can give a quick smile and throw out a “nothing” before removing yourself from the situation then great.

However, if your ex corners you and you have no method of dodging the conversation REMAIN CALM. Simply take a deep breath, look him in the eye and say “You broke up with me. Remember?” if he tries to continue the conversation just state “I really have nothing else to say.”

Just stand your ground and eventually he will get the hint that you are strong woman who can’t be swayed and will drop it.

Remember, HE made this decision.

HE needs to face the consequences of those choices.

You are worth more than he is giving you credit for. Simply hold on to your confidence in front of him, once you’re alone let your breath out and pat yourself on the back for standing strong.

Think you’re going to scare your Ex away by being “mean” and maintaining your limited no contact?

Lets use Hollywood here for a minute. I’m sure most of us have seen the Notebook.

Did Allie give in to Noah right away?

Did she badger him and beg him and text him 40 times in a 10-minute period?

No. She laughed in his face and told him she wasn’t interested.

So, what did he do?

He CHASED her!

Go ahead and think about any other movie you want. Men don’t go for the groveling girl. They go for the girl who KNOWS HER WORTH.

So, know yours.

The Live-In Situation

I cannot stress enough the importance of moving out.

Don’t let ridiculous excuses like pets or who would get the sofa stop you. If you can move out, do it.

This will increase your odds of success greatly. Now, let’s say that for financial reasons you absolutely CAN NOT move out, and neither can he. There are some tips and tricks that will make a world of difference.

First, do your best to stay out of the house as much as possible.

If you are both just lounging around you are inevitably going to get sucked into a conversation and just like that you are going to have to restart limited no contact all over again. So, go out on dates with other suitors, visit friends, or just take yourself out for some me time.

Getting yourself out of the house will make him wonder where you are spending your time, and more importantly WHO you are spending it all with.

Second, be prepared to see and hear things that you aren’t going to like.

Your ex is a human and therefore is going to have urges. Especially now that they are newly single. You are going to see them getting dressed up to go out on dates.

You may see them smiling at their phones and get the sinking feeling that it’s a new love interest. Your Ex may sleep with other people. They may date other people. You MUST take these things in stride.

Remember that he is NOT YOURS.

You have no right to forbid him from seeing other people. Whenever you notice these things either ignore it or go for a walk or a drive. Leaving the situation will give you time to cool down and remember what the long-term objective is.

Third, living with your Ex means that he is going to see you when you are not looking your best.

Do your best to limit these times. Try not to spend too many days lounging around in pajamas with unwashed hair. Also, draw attention to your… ahem, assets.

Buy yourself some scandalous pajamas (shorty short, teddies, etc.) and make sure to wear it around in front of him.

If he’s living in the living room get those jammies on and strut your way into the kitchen for a glass of water.

He is sure to notice and it will get him missing you.

Which brings me to number four, do not sleep with your ex.

I repeat, do not sleep with your ex.

We all see what that leads to.

It’ll be easy access and he will more than likely try but just don’t do it. You are in limited no contact so that conversation should not come up at all. But say he’s bold and just flat out asks or goes for it- do not do it.

They say that there’s no reason to buy the cow if you’re getting the milk for free. If you give in to having sex with your Ex then you’re taking away a good reason for him to commit.

Performing limited no contact correctly can result in two situations.

Either you get your Ex back and he recognizes your worth and treats you the way that you deserve to be treated… Or you find yourself.

You recognize your worth and you find another man who treats you the way that you deserve to be treated.

Just remember that even if you do not end up with this man it does not mean your life is over. If you follow you Limited No Contact and work on your health, wealth, and relationships you will find yourself stronger and more independent than you were before.

(This was a guest post written by Elphie Upland)

29 thoughts on “What Is The Limited Contact Rule?”

  1. Simran

    September 16, 2018 at 8:53 am

    Hi Chris,
    I have been in no contact for almost now 20 days and tomorrow is the 21st day of my no contact period. I decided to do 30 days of no contact but I might have to meet him on the 25th or the 26th day of the no contact period.

    My situation was that I had given a project to my ex boyfriend before the break up and we were sort of working on it together.
    During this no contact I had to communicate him regarding the work, and made sure to just text him and not call him. And kept the conversation really short.
    After a few days which he had to take something from brother and I had to be the one to give to him, as no one was available at home. And the meeting was literally 3 sec as I just greeted him with smile and handed over what I had to give and just said bye. It seemed like he wanted to say something but then he was simply shocked that I just said goodbye without taking the conversation further. And we both left.

    I have been updating my Instagram and flaunting my new transformation. And he likes my pictures and also sees my Stories that I share. I have been working out and utilising the every moment of the no contact period.
    I am still in the process of my transformation. And still have to update some more pictures.

    So my question is should I continue the no contact rule for 30 days or should I keep it till 21 days as I night have to meet him regarding work on the 25th or the 26th day.
    Or should I just keep the meeting only about the work and continue with 30 days no contact?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 17, 2018 at 9:29 pm

      Hi Simran!

      I talk about all of this in my ebook “The No Contact Rule Book”. That is partly why I wrote it because I get some many questions trying to understand how NC works in every detail. I encourage to check it out. But I would recommend just curb your NC to around 21 days. Its adaptable based on how things develop.

  2. Sinh

    February 28, 2018 at 3:37 pm

    But we have moved beyond nc…I can say we are in texting phase…we have a chat sometimes…we have good talk when we meet…he talks about past as well as future…he behaves too friendly and close… everything is great…he even wants to be with me, says he is not that happy without me…but despite of all this he is just afraid of a commitment…he says he is not ready for a relationship…and we both have already healed from the breakup…so doing no contact will take me back to the first step.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 1, 2018 at 11:27 am

      He doesn’t want to get back with you..so staying in contact now will make you more friendzoned because why would he need to commit to you if he can still talk and see you without it.

  3. Sinh

    February 25, 2018 at 5:12 am

    Hi,

    Actually my bf broke up with me before 5 months…we used to have too many fights and the time was just against us…we are in college now so its not possible to do the no contact…but without nc, we have come to the next stage where we both have healed from the breakup. We talk almost everyday, like to spend time with each other and we know everything is better and on the right track now!! My ex bf still have feelings for me, wants to be with me but is afraid of hurting me again if we get back together…I tried to explain him that its not true…but he is just afraid of committment!
    How do I make him commit?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 27, 2018 at 12:02 pm

  4. Kimo

    February 22, 2018 at 1:15 pm

    Reply to the previous comment..

    It is not possible for me to do the no contact as we have to meet almost daily due to college project.
    Though I talk limited but its kind off hard to ignore him due to work.
    How do I make him miss me in this case?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 26, 2018 at 4:13 pm

  5. Kimo

    February 18, 2018 at 11:44 am

    Hey,

    I have been trying to do the limited contact as we are in same college.. but whenever I post pictures on social media to make him jealous and insecure.. he texts me asking where am I and with whom!

    If I dont reply he gets a bit furious.. and if I reply saying I am with my friends which include boys he gets jealous.
    He says I am confused about us being together again because you are hanging out and drinking with boys which I dont like.

    What do I actually do now?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 20, 2018 at 12:44 pm

      Nothing.. Restart nc and don’t reply.. You’re not together, you’re not obligated to reply to him.. His anger is his form of control so don’t reply even if he’s angry..

  6. K

    February 18, 2018 at 9:32 am

    Hey,
    I have been trying to do the limited contact as we are in same college.. but whenever I post pictures on social media to make him jealous and insecure.. he texts me asking where am I and with whom!

    If I dont reply he gets a bit furious.. and if I reply saying I am with my friends which include boys he gets jealous.
    He says I am confused about us being together again because you are hanging out and drinking with boys which I dont like.

    What do I actually do now?

  7. shelly

    December 17, 2017 at 8:21 pm

    hi,
    my boyfriend and I broke up a month ago after 6 months of dating. I gnatted at him for a few weeks, before giving up and starting no contact. however, it had to be limited contact because we sit right next to each other in school. he told me while I was gnatting that he needs space from me, but he wants to be friends in the future and remain friends in class. but when I tried doing nc, he got very angry with me for not talking much to him in class and ignoring his texts. he began to block me on all forms of social media because he thought I didn’t want to be his friend in the future and wanted to cut me out of his life for ignoring him. so I started to talk to him more (only in class) and it’s been very flirty…not the same as when we were together obviously but he spent a lot of time talking and being nice/fun/flirty with me. What does this mean? should I go back to ignoring him and restart nc? or is us being flirty and almost friends a positive sign and something I should pursue?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 20, 2017 at 7:05 pm

      HI Shelly,

      tell him, the current situation is not workable for you and thank him for everything and then restart nc, and follow the advice here:
      EBR 009: The No Contact Rule If You Work With Your Ex

  8. Julie James

    November 7, 2017 at 1:26 am

    I have enforced NC a month after the split as we had joint accounts etc. that we needed to sort. We had been together for 4 years and he split with me. There were also two “harsh” emails from me when I found out he was with someone else(after breaking up with me because he needed time on his own). Then I enforced NC, a week and a half after this he saw me out. I was confident(and looked good if I do say so), I smiled as he walked in but other than that I had a great time and did not even look his way – just enjoyed myself. He later was with his new flame and out the corner of my eye I would see him go close to her each time I was near(although I won’t be to sure about this as I said, I was not focused on him).

    A few days after he has seen me out he has emailed me about more admin – accounts etc. They are not urgent or costing him money( I have taken them over) – they just merely have both our names on.

    I do not understand why now as this could have been done six weeks ago when the break up happened.

    I realise I need to respond to the email but I dont want to break NC. How do I go about this? Do I reply politely and kindly – bubbly even but without being too forthcoming?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 8, 2017 at 6:00 pm

      HI Julie,

      if you really need to respond to it, respond professionally because it’s about business right?

  9. Travis Patterson

    August 23, 2017 at 6:54 pm

    During a limited Nc can you talk about your kids? Funny stories, cute pictures, things you did. This is what confuses me the most. A week ago or so we went to the zoo as a family but should we just stick to dropping my daughter off and only talking about the important things. I mean a big part of our connection is and would be our child. Just needs some advice on how to handle things.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 24, 2017 at 10:49 pm

      you can use that kind of conversation when you’re in the building rapport stage but during nc, only talk about important things and just be civil around her.

  10. Emily

    July 3, 2017 at 8:04 am

    My boyfriend or ex now I guess told me I could come back home. He said he would try. This was just yesterday. Then he goes and gets drunk and says he doesn’t want to be with me anymore again. He didn’t come home and I’m scared he may have been with a girl tonight. I want to be with him but something is going on with him and his drinking is starting to get out of hand. I don’t know what to do anymore. The friends he drinks with aren’t good influences and are all single and drink constantly. His other friends who actually act their age say he’s been drinking too much and hasn’t been treating me right by going back and forth between wanting me when he’s sober but not when he’s drunk. I just moved in with him, why can’t he just give us one more chance and actually try?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 5, 2017 at 1:51 pm

      he’s an adult..he makes his own decisions..just like you..it’s either you wait or be proactive with yourself and in your life..if he wants you back, then he should make an effort aside from just saying sweet words to you

  11. Emily

    June 29, 2017 at 4:59 am

    My boyfriend and I have been together for close to a year. We have had our issues but usually get through them. Then a week ago while he was out drinking he told me he didn’t want to be with me anymore and that he didn’t love me. The next day when he came home from lunch he told me he did love me and he doesn’t want me to leave. Then he goes back and forth for a week then decides to break up with me. We talked some and agreed to just take a break and I am staying at a friend’s house. I did stay with him for the first couple of nights just because I didn’t have a place to go yet. He said I could stay if I wanted to. While we were going back and forth he would still give me a hug and kiss goodbye before he left for work. We have texted some the last couple of days. I had to go over there after I got off of work to get a couple of things and I was not able to leave before he got home. I text him apologized that I wasn’t gone before I let. He told me it was fine and that I could stay as long as I wanted. I told him no I was good, I have plans tonight but thanks. Well that started him asking what I was doing, to have fun on my date and I told him we are on a break and I wouldn’t do that. He replied with you better not and then he asked me my plans and I told him and he acted jealous. I don’t know if this is a good sign or not. I try not to text him too much unless it is about me coming over or like this morning when his mom asked me to lunch I asked him if I should tell her about us being on break but he had already done that the day before. Not sure what to do besides to try not to contact him much if at all. I just know i’m ready to go back home to him and work out our problems.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 30, 2017 at 11:41 am

      I think you should try a full nc..unless you’re moving back together

  12. Andi

    June 20, 2017 at 6:31 pm

    A couple of months ago my husband told me that he did not think that he loved me anymore. We lived in limbo for a while with me begging, pleading and crying to change his mind and promising we could fix any issues but he took the decision to move out last week. We have been together for ten and a half years and married for six, and have 2 children together. They are so upset that Daddy has left and he is now coming round a lot to see them which once again upsets me as I love him very much and want to be with him and mend our marriage. All he has said is that he feels we have drifted apart and he sees no hope. Tonight I tried to initiate limited contact when he came round and just focus on the kids and he had a go at me for ignoring him and once again I got upset. I just don’t know how to implement this effectively when he is here all of the time to see the kids and phoning them every night. I am so worried that the mistakes I made when this first happened have ruined my chances of saving my marriage. Please help!

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 23, 2017 at 2:49 pm

      It’s not yet too late..check this ones too:
      How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them

  13. Andi

    June 20, 2017 at 4:28 pm

    A couple of months ago my husband told me he didn’t have any feelings for me and then last week he moved out. We have been together ten and a half years, married for 6 years and have 2 kids. I am really struggling with limited contact when I see him. I don’t contact him unless about the kids but when I see him I fall apart and find it so hard not to have a conversation with him and look for signs that he missed me or will change his mind. I miss him so much and want to save our marriage. All he has said is we have drifted apart and he doesn’t see us together. Can this be saved as I don’t want this to be the end of my marriage but I don’t know what to do to save it if I am the only one who wants to.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 23, 2017 at 2:49 pm

      It’s not yet too late..check this ones too:
      How To Get Your Ex Back When You Have A Child With Them

  14. Em

    June 16, 2017 at 12:27 pm

    No it hasn’t really been the first time, but this just felt worse, him and I are on our graduation trip and things are going well. The only problem is that I feel like he is interested in this other girl that he has been talking to. I really don’t know what to do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 18, 2017 at 5:32 am

      don’t nag him about it.. have you followed the advice on this one?
      How Do I Prevent My Boyfriend From Ending Our Relationship

  15. Em

    June 11, 2017 at 2:39 am

    Hey so I just have a question…
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for two years in July. It’s been amazing, but the past two weeks he’s been telling me he is busy all the time, sorta not answering me, convos have gotten sorta dull, we hung out but kissed once and to me it seemed like he was avoiding me. What do I do? He seems like he is losing interest, I’ve been so upset about this.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 9:44 am

      Is this the first time he’s been like that? If not, what did you change before?

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