The no contact rule has been well documented on this site.
It is a time to separate yourself from the pain and sadness of the recent break up and focus on yourself. No contact also gives your ex a chance to miss you and realize that he made a mistake breaking up with you.
During no contact, you’ll be honing in on relationships, health, and wealth all while your ex wonders just how you’re managing to keep that spring in your step and carry on without him.
But what happens when you just can’t cut your ex off entirely?
What do you do when no contact seems impossible?
Limited no contact of course!
Indeed, if you really want to know everything about this NC process, then go pick up a copy of my ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book“, you won’t be disappointed.
However, this is NOT meant for everyone. In many cases, no contact is the MOST effective way of getting an ex back.
So, what is Limited contact?
Limited Contact: Essentially the same thing as the no contact rule except you are allowed to break the no contact rule for certain instances (which will be covered in this article.)
In fact, there is no use beating around the bush anymore, lets talk about who should use limited no contact?
Who Should Do it?
Before we jump into how, exactly, limited no contact works, let’s look at who qualifies for this method of ex recovery.
First are the women who have children with their exes.
Children should never be forced to choose between parents and doing a complete no contact at the expense of children is never a good idea.
Next, if you share bills with your ex try to switch the accounts or splits the bills so that you no longer must pay together.
However, if you are unable to separate the bills you may contact your ex only regarding payments.
If you have school or work with your ex.
Then you will be able to utilize this form of no contact as well.
Finally, if you and your ex live together you might be eligible for limited no contact.
It is important to make every attempt possible to move out or have your ex move out, but we will talk more about that later.
How to do it?
The key to making limited no contact work is to really invest in yourself.
Lets assume that you are going to be seeing your ex at least once a week if not more.
Lets step back a little further.
Lets assume that you were dating a man and you broke up with him. You did not want this man anymore and decided that you just didn’t love him. Now, you see this man somewhere at least once a week. Every time you see him he looks miserable.
He starts badgering you about getting back together.
He cries in public, in front of your friends even.
He’s unwashed and his hair is greasy and he’s just a mess. Are you going to regret your decision to break things off with this man?
Heck. NO. You’re going to run the other way and honestly probably laugh at his desperate attempts.
Let’s imagine you break up with the same man, for the same reasons, and just like before you must see him once a week or more. Every time you see him he smiles, nods, and walks right by you. You notice that he’s been working out. Every time he passes you he smells like heaven and Sharon in accounting SWEARS he’s been out on the town with a new girl AND he’s up for the next promotion in his department.
You’re going to want that man back!
Now I’m sure you can see where this is going… Be the second man!
If you must (and I mean must) see your ex be bold, beautiful, and bubbly.
Bubble It Up.
No one likes a sad sack.
On the other side of things, you need to maintain limited no contact.
It’s a sensitive balance.
Lets say that you both live together.
You wake up Saturday morning and without saying a word you get yourself ready to go out for a day with friends. On your way towards the door your Ex calls over,
“Are you leaving?”
“I sure am!” and out the door you go.
Now let’s say he asks,
“Where are you going?”
“Just out” with a sweet little smile and bubble your way right out the door.
Use this bright but reserved manner in all situations.
Dropping off the kids?
Smile, relay any CRITICAL information (no small talk.), and then away you go.
Beauty Vs. the Beast
As we mentioned before no one is going to regret breaking up with you if you look like a swamp monster.
So, what to do, what to do?
The most important part of being beautiful is FEELING beautiful.
If you aren’t confident it’s going to show.
Even if you don’t really feel confident fake it.
Now that you are a confident creature it’s time to shine.
Make sure that you look your best whenever you might bump into your Ex.
Pick Up Your Copy of My Popular eBook, “The No Contact Rule Book“. It is epic in length and comprehensive in detail!
Have your hair brushed and styled, try to dress in the most flattering manner possible.
Have those pearly whites brushed, and wear a favorite perfume. T
o go beyond the encounters with your Ex start trying to eat healthier and drink more water (it’ll do wonders for your waist line AND your skin). Also attend fitness classes, hit the gym several times a week, or just commit to walking some laps during your lunch break.
You’ll start to notice that you look better and the endorphins released will give you an energy and a confidence boost.
Dare to be Bold.
In this limited no contact situation you are going to have to take some risks.
If you and your Ex have children together make a point of having him watch the kids so that you can go out on a date.
(Pro Tip: 100% try to go on an actual date. But if it just doesn’t happen for you, get dolled up and go visit with a friend or see a movie by yourself. If your ex thinks you’re out it will be somewhat effective, but actual dates are the best.)
If you work with your Ex have flowers delivered to your desk for him to see.
And make a bit deal about it on social media because we all know men spy on their exes on social media after a breakup. Positing a simple picture like this will do,
Use social media to play up your independence as well. Show him that you truly are getting along just fine without him.
Remember, he broke up with you.
He decided that he did not want you anymore. Do NOT limit your experiences to spare his feelings. If he didn’t want you to see other people he would have kept you. Do not be afraid of upsetting him or making him angry. If you get an angry response it means that he still cares. If he asks you about your dating life give a quick “I’m doing what makes me happy” and remove yourself from the conversation.
Inevitably your Ex is going to notice that you are only talking to him about the important stuff and aren’t making or engaging in small talk. When he asks, “What’s going on with you?”
Do your best to dodge the conversation. If you can give a quick smile and throw out a “nothing” before removing yourself from the situation then great.
However, if your ex corners you and you have no method of dodging the conversation REMAIN CALM. Simply take a deep breath, look him in the eye and say “You broke up with me. Remember?” if he tries to continue the conversation just state “I really have nothing else to say.”
Just stand your ground and eventually he will get the hint that you are strong woman who can’t be swayed and will drop it.
Remember, HE made this decision.
HE needs to face the consequences of those choices.
You are worth more than he is giving you credit for. Simply hold on to your confidence in front of him, once you’re alone let your breath out and pat yourself on the back for standing strong.
Think you’re going to scare your Ex away by being “mean” and maintaining your limited no contact?
Lets use Hollywood here for a minute. I’m sure most of us have seen the Notebook.
Did Allie give in to Noah right away?
Did she badger him and beg him and text him 40 times in a 10-minute period?
No. She laughed in his face and told him she wasn’t interested.
So, what did he do?
He CHASED her!
Go ahead and think about any other movie you want. Men don’t go for the groveling girl. They go for the girl who KNOWS HER WORTH.
So, know yours.
The Live-In Situation
I cannot stress enough the importance of moving out.
Don’t let ridiculous excuses like pets or who would get the sofa stop you. If you can move out, do it.
This will increase your odds of success greatly. Now, let’s say that for financial reasons you absolutely CAN NOT move out, and neither can he. There are some tips and tricks that will make a world of difference.
First, do your best to stay out of the house as much as possible.
If you are both just lounging around you are inevitably going to get sucked into a conversation and just like that you are going to have to restart limited no contact all over again. So, go out on dates with other suitors, visit friends, or just take yourself out for some me time.
Getting yourself out of the house will make him wonder where you are spending your time, and more importantly WHO you are spending it all with.
Second, be prepared to see and hear things that you aren’t going to like.
Your ex is a human and therefore is going to have urges. Especially now that they are newly single. You are going to see them getting dressed up to go out on dates.
You may see them smiling at their phones and get the sinking feeling that it’s a new love interest. Your Ex may sleep with other people. They may date other people. You MUST take these things in stride.
Remember that he is NOT YOURS.
You have no right to forbid him from seeing other people. Whenever you notice these things either ignore it or go for a walk or a drive. Leaving the situation will give you time to cool down and remember what the long-term objective is.
Third, living with your Ex means that he is going to see you when you are not looking your best.
Do your best to limit these times. Try not to spend too many days lounging around in pajamas with unwashed hair. Also, draw attention to your… ahem, assets.
Buy yourself some scandalous pajamas (shorty short, teddies, etc.) and make sure to wear it around in front of him.
If he’s living in the living room get those jammies on and strut your way into the kitchen for a glass of water.
He is sure to notice and it will get him missing you.
Which brings me to number four, do not sleep with your ex.
I repeat, do not sleep with your ex.
We all see what that leads to.
It’ll be easy access and he will more than likely try but just don’t do it. You are in limited no contact so that conversation should not come up at all. But say he’s bold and just flat out asks or goes for it- do not do it.
They say that there’s no reason to buy the cow if you’re getting the milk for free. If you give in to having sex with your Ex then you’re taking away a good reason for him to commit.
Performing limited no contact correctly can result in two situations.
Either you get your Ex back and he recognizes your worth and treats you the way that you deserve to be treated… Or you find yourself.
You recognize your worth and you find another man who treats you the way that you deserve to be treated.
Just remember that even if you do not end up with this man it does not mean your life is over. If you follow you Limited No Contact and work on your health, wealth, and relationships you will find yourself stronger and more independent than you were before.
(This was a guest post written by Elphie Upland)