Most of the visitors I get to this site are women who are trying to get their ex boyfriends or husbands back. So, I am assuming that most of the people who are going to read this article are out of a relationship and left wondering what went wrong. Today I thought I could shed some light into the male mind and give you a guide/reference page that you can look at to decipher why he may have lost his feelings for you during the course of your relationship.

I actually got the idea for this article from someone who commented on this site. So, I want you to buckle up because this is going to be a very long and informative page.

What This Page Is About

As stated above, this page is all about the things that women can do in relationships that will cause men to lose interest in them. Think of this page as more of a guide teaching you what NOT to do. Now, I do want to point out that this page is going to be quite long. Here is how I constructed it:

  • Using my own experiences and research I jotted down everything I could think of that would cause a man to lose interest.
  • I will be giving an in-depth description of each “cardinal sin.”

Lets get started!

Cardinal Sin #1- You Are Too Emotional

emotional woman

Make no mistake about it, men and women are very different creatures. In my guide to understanding men I talked a lot about this cardinal sin. One thing I have learned about women through my interactions with them is that women can be quite emotional. I will admit that I have talked to some men that have broken down in front of me but that is actually quite rare. Generally speaking, it is the women that are the more emotional creatures. Now, some may think that being too emotional is a disadvantage, however, I see it as an advantage in a weird sort of way. Since it is the social “norm” for women to be emotional they are used to dealing with emotions.

Men on the other hand are not. Emotions to us are frightening things. Let me give you an example. As many of you know, I run Ex Boyfriend Recovery alone. This means that every single day I have to think about writing posts, moderating comments, answering emails, talking to people on Facebook and in some cases calming very emotional women down. I think it is safe to say that I am experienced at dealing with emotions in women. However, in spite of all my experience it is important to remember that I am a male and because of that I am very different than you. There are certain times where I just roll my eyes on certain comments/emails that are sent to me. It is not because I hate the particular person commenting or anything of that nature. It is the simple fact that the person commenting is over emotional and that just really annoys me at times.

Let me give you a more in-depth example. I once received a comment that was 3,770 words. To put that in perspective, there are certain posts on this website that aren’t even close to being that length. When I get comments like that I start to see why a boyfriend may have broken up with that person.

I am not going to lie to you, I cannot date someone who is over emotional and I think a lot of men are with me on this. You see, to me an over emotional woman is a sign that this woman might freak out over any little thing. It is my, and a lot of other men’s greatest fear to be in a relationship with a “psycho.” Someone who is too emotional begins to display those psycho/unstable signs that are a complete turnoff.

Have you ever daydreamed about dating your dream celebrity? Any guy you could potentially have. I am hearing a lot of chants saying Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Hugh Jackman. Well, guys do the same thing. For me, if I could pick any celebrity to date I would go with a relatively unknown actress named Laura Vandervoort (pictured below.)

vandervoort

Now, lets assume for a minute that by some miracle I ended up dating her, the dream celebrity. Let’s also assume that she was way too emotional, emotional to the point where I branded her a “psycho.” I guarantee you I would drop my celebrity girl no matter how hot she looks because of her over emotional personality.

I hope that drives the point home on how much of a turnoff being over emotional is to a guy.

Cardinal Sin #2- You Give Him Too Much Too Soon

it's too much

This is a pretty common mistake I see with women in relationships. In fact, I even have a whole section dedicated to it in PRO. One thing that I have already established on this site is that men are attracted to the “ungettable,” they always want what they can’t have. For some reason women think that, that fact is changed when they are in a relationship with their men.

NEWSFLASH, once you are in a relationship with him you have to work even harder to keep him interested. The way I see it, for you, it is all about keeping him interested in you and not giving him everything all at once. Now, I am about to lose some serious man points here but one of my favorite guilty pleasure shows to watch is True Blood.

In season 6 one of the male characters in the show is afraid that he is going to be r*ped by a female vampire. The female vampire stops and says something along the lines of

“I will not harm you, not only that but when the time finally does come for us to sleep together you will be begging me, you will get on your hands and knees and literally beg to have sex with me and once you do that I WILL STILL MAKE YOU WAIT!”

Sure enough, fast forward to episode 10 and there is the male character literally begging to sleep with the very sexy vampire. Well done sexy vampire, well done!

What it all boils down to is the fact that men think of themselves as conquerors and we look at women as mountains. It is the mountains that are the hardest to climb that we are most intrigued by. Don’t be an “easy” mountain to climb.

Cardinal Sin #3- You Are Too Controlling

mind controlAgain, another popular issue that is talked about in PRO.

When you enter a relationship there is an unwritten agreement between the two of you. This agreement states that the two of you are equals. Unfortunately, some women fail to realize this and manipulate their way into controlling their boyfriends into doing what they want. A few months ago I was talking with one of the visitors here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. This particular woman really wanted her boyfriend back and told me her story. She thought that the reason her boyfriend broke up with her was because she was too controlling and she was absolutely right.

I remember there was one time where I was so afraid of him cheating on me that I yelled at him for being in a car with his best friend and his girlfriend. I was very uncomfortable with him around other girls and would do everything in my power to make sure he wouldn’t be around them.

Houston we have a problem!

Imagine this for a moment. What if you went through life scrutinized for every decision you made by your boyfriend? What if every time that you even interacted with a member of the male gender your boyfriend were to step in and yell at you for it? While I will admit that those are some pretty extreme examples it can be extremely annoying for a guy to have a girl control his life.

Sadly, I have experience with this cardinal sin. I have found that a lot of the “controlling” is a result of the fear of someone cheating. I have never cheated in my life and I never will. However, I have had a girlfriend that tried to control me because she was uncomfortable with other girls around me. While at first it is kind of flattering to have an actual member of the female species care about you that much eventually it hits a point where their fears about you cheating become very annoying.

Not to mention, women’s constant fears of men around other females are a giant slap in the face to men. I understand that you can’t help how you feel. However, every time you feel the need to control a man because he is talking to another woman it just proves that deep down you don’t trust your man.

Now, one thing I haven’t done yet is describe the different types of ways that women can control men.

Telling Men They Can’t Ever See Person (A,B,C) Ever Again

This kind of goes hand in hand with what I was talking about above with the fear of cheating. I see this in a lot of women who are very worried about their ex cheating on them. Typically, a woman will say things like:

“I never want you to see her again.”

“It’s her or me, choose..”

For men this literally feels like you are telling him who he can or cannot see. I don’t think I can stress enough how annoying it is when women do this. A lot of times women who do this cause their men to think thoughts like:

“She isn’t the boss of me.”

“I will do what I want, I answer to no one.”

“I’ll show her.”

You Are Insecure

I am a softie. I guarantee you that if I was talking to you in person and you were to ask me if you were insecure (and you were) I would tell you no. You see, for me I can’t stand the sight of a woman who is sad. I suppose that makes me very easy to manipulate but like I said, I am a total softie. However, I am lucky that the internet and websites exist because I can kind of tell you exactly how it is.

If you are a very insecure person then I would say it is HIGHLY LIKELY that you can control a man (that doesn’t mean you will.) With insecurity comes a need for control. And what better form of control is there than to start controlling others?

Specifically your boyfriend.

With Tears

I think we were on to something up there with me saying that I am a softie. Like I said above, I have trouble delivering bad news to a woman in person because I know they are going to get really upset. A woman who really knows me will know that I am absolutely easy to control/manipulate. All you have to do is fake some tears and BAM, you have me wrapped around your finger.

Of course, I am not the only man like this. In fact, I would say that a good 60% of men are just like me and will bend over backwards to please a crying woman. Of course, I am not THAT dumb. The “crying” control may work two or three times but eventually a point will come where you overplay your hand and I start to catch on to what you are doing.

When that happens watch out, my feelings for you will start to decline..

With Sex

This is really it isn’t it? The ultimate way that a woman can control her boyfriend.

Remember above when I said that I think about 60% of men will fall for the “fake tears.” Well, 99% of men will fall for the sex ploy. Very manipulative women will use sex as a ploy to control their man into doing something. Now, here is where it gets tricky. Is it right or wrong?

Now, I know what you are thinking:

“Of course it is wrong how is this even a question?”

Well, is any man going to complain about getting sex? I don’t think so. Now, while the girl may be manipulating the man by using sex the man isn’t exactly complaining about it. Of course, it is the women who overplay their hand that eventually get in trouble.

If a man figures out that you are just having sex with him to get your way then you better watch out because his feelings could deteriorate fast. For me, I would be extremely upset if this happened. Not because it is wrong or anything like that. I think I would be more upset about the fact that the only reason you wanted to sleep with me was because you wanted to get your way. It wasn’t because I made you feel a certain way or that you really loved who I was as a man but because you wanted to manipulate me.

Cardinal Sin #4- You Are High Maintenance

high maintenance

What is a high maintenance girl? I think we need to define one so we know how to proceed. A high maintenance girlfriend will have the following qualities.

  • She has problems with the way her boyfriends car looks (though I can see where they are coming from.)
  • Her boyfriend doesn’t dress sophisticated enough for her to be seen in public with him.
  • If she goes on a trip she is going to have a minimum of 10 bags (you get the picture.)
  • She is CONSTANTLY frequenting the hair and nail salon.
  • It takes her a minimum of two hours to get ready to go out.
  • She is clingy.
  • It is always about HER needs and not about her mans.
  • If a man stops spending money on her she will dump him.

You may read the list above and think I am kidding but I am not. High maintenance girls really annoy me beyond belief. I am a pretty lenient guy but if I have to spend money on a girl constantly to make her love me then she isn’t going to have me for very long.

The funniest part about high maintenance girls is that they often don’t realize they are high maintenance. Personally, when I think of a high maintenance girl I think of someone who is impossible to please. It is like nothing that you can do is ever good enough.

Oh, and in case you were wondering I am not the only male who despises high maintenance girls. A few years ago I was over at my friends house and he was having a get together with some of the “guys.” Anyways, we actually logged on to Facebook actively searching for girls and stumbled across this update,

“I am high maintenance, but I am worth it!” ……………. No, no you are not.

Newsflash, if you are high maintenance then the only guy you will have a lasting relationship with is one that has low self value.

Cardinal Sin #5- Is He Admired Anymore?

admire

In my article on how to get your ex back if he broke up with you I talked a little about a mans need to feel desired. In this section I am going to expand on that. So, in case you are oblivious to who I am, my name is Chris Seiter and I am THE man behind this site. For this section I am going to drop my defenses a little bit and let you into my mind.

(Be careful while you are in there and stay away from the left side of my mind. No one wants to see whats in there πŸ˜‰ .)

One thing I can tell you with certainty is that men love to be admired. Well, I suppose everyone loves to be admired however, it is especially true for men. One of the things that can cause a man to lose interest is the fact that he doesn’t feel admired by you anymore.

Here is how this phenomenon can unfold:

Billy and Sally just started dating. Sally is constantly telling Billy all kinds of nice things. However, as the relationship wears on Sally doesn’t tell Billy those nice things anymore. Instead, it is just complain, complain, complain or nag, nag, nag. As the days wear on Billy begins to lose interest in Sally. Simply because he doesn’t feel admired by her anymore.

Here is the part where I let you into my head. I have actually experienced this phenomenon before. I was dating a girl that I really liked. However, I kept getting the feeling that she didn’t like me as much as I liked her. At the time I began to lose my feelings for her because I felt that she didn’t admire me anymore. Now, I didn’t lose my feelings to the point where I broke up with her but it was a contributing factor.

Me losing feelings for her caused more fights, more fights caused more threats to breakup and more threats triggered an actual breakup. So, while you may be sitting there thinking “so what if I didn’t admire him enough” it is important to understand that while “admiring” a boyfriend won’t directly cause a breakup it could cause a domino effect of circumstances that eventually can.

Cardinal Sin #6- Time…

time

Perhaps I should rephrase that. After all, you can’t control time and if you can then I would like you to contact me at [email protected] because I have a few favors to ask you. I debated on whether to mention this as a cardinal sin or not (because technically it isn’t a cardinal sin) however, after a lot of thought I decided to include it because I want you to know everything about why a male can potentially lose his feelings for you.

As human beings we crave new things all the time. Those of you who are devout readers of this blog come back every day hoping that I will write a new post. We are constantly going to new movies. Oh, what about that new episode on T.V.? Do you see what I am getting at here?

Relationships are no different. As human beings we can’t help but want to experience something new with someone new. While you have absolutely no control over this it is important to understand that it exists. Your boyfriend may have lost his feelings for you simply because the two of you have been dating for a long time.

I can’t really take credit for this one because I didn’t think it up. I actually owe this one to my best friend. You see, we were out at a restaurant and I was asking him how his relationship was going with his girlfriend of two years. Initially he said the usual stuff.

“Fine”

“She is a bit annoying but I love her.”

But then he said something that I found extremely interesting..

I don’t know man, to be honest I am getting tired of her. I love her more than anything but sometimes it is just a bit old. I have been with her for two years and I kind of want to experience something new.

When I heard that the light bulb went off. The more time you are in a relationship with someone the higher the chances are that the man will lose interest. This is an undeniable fact and the only way to keep him interested is to do what my buddies girlfriend does, keep things interesting.

Cardinal Sin #7- You Let Yourself Go

let yourself go

Throughout this site I have tried my best to explain that men and women can sometimes speak different languages. I have found that when women talk you have to pay attention because they drop very subtle hints that are meant to test you and understand what you are thinking. So, when you say..

“Do I look fat in this?”

You aren’t really asking, “do I look fat in this?” What you are really asking is “do you think I am fat?”

Of course, my fellow bros and I will always answer “no” even if you look like a whale in those pants. We will not fall for that one ladies, nice try!

But what if you are really fat in those pants? What if you let yourself go during the course of the relationship with your boyfriend? The two of you got a little too comfortable together, well comfortable enough for you but not for him. Do looks even matter to someone who you have already gotten?

You bet your butt they do!

Before I think about dating someone she has to pass a series of tests. One of the tests I like to call the wake up test. Essentially I take the woman I am considering dating and ask myself this question:

Could I be happy waking up next to her in the morning?

If I determine that, that particular girl is not “wake up” material then I won’t consider dating her. While that may be shallow of me (pretty bad I know.) I think it is important for you to understand how I think because this is how almost every other guy out there thinks.

My worst nightmare is to get married to a beautiful girl and then wake up ten years later and she looks like this…

fat woman

Too graphic?

Sorry but I had to make a point. Letting yourself go during the course of a relationship is a surefire way to cause him to lose any romantic feelings he felt towards you. I am sure I am going to get a lot of emails about this section condemning me…

Let me save you the trouble of emailing me and give you my response.

I hope you get angry reading this. I hope it makes you so angry that you go out and lose the weight you need to lose to turn into the beauty that we all know you are.

Of course, being a tad bit overweight isn’t the only thing that can make him lose his feelings for you. I have had multiple friends of mine (that were men) complain that their girlfriends don’t dress up for them anymore. While most men may not be fashion gurus we do enjoy it when a woman dresses up for us.

Lets rewind to your first date with your ex boyfriend. I am betting that you went all out dressing up for him. Now lets fast forward to date 50. Chances are, you didn’t dress up for him like you did for date one. While I agree that can be a picky thing to complain about it, it can also kind of have that domino effect that ultimately leads to a breakup.

Cardinal Sin #8- Drama and Fights

drama queen

I hate drama… let me repeat that: I HATE DRAMA.

It sounds like such a high school term to use doesn’t it? Truth is, the most dramatic situations I have ever encountered have all occurred AFTER high school. Time and experience has taught me that drama knows no age. I have met 50 year old’s that are as dramatic and annoying as 16 year old’s. So, just because you may be above 25 doesn’t mean you can skip this section.

No relationship is perfect. In every relationship there will be a hint of drama here, some fights there and every once in a while you will have a monster argument. These types of things go with the territory. Where it becomes a problem for men is when it becomes a common occurrence.

Personally, I don’t like drama. It actually upsets me to the point where I can’t even work, eat or do any physical activity. I am thinking back to the time that my now ex girlfriends parents called me over to their house and yelled at me on their lawn. To this day I have no clue what I did to my girlfriend to cause them to do that but it happened and the drama affected me for the entire next week. Not only did it make me not like her parents anymore but it made me lose feelings for her instantly. I remember forcing myself to try to like her on dates after the drama blowup with her parents happened.

Unfortunately, by then my feelings were long gone and everything she did annoyed me and made me angry. In the back of my mind the drama blow up with her parents was always there but perhaps the thing that annoyed me most was I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG????1

See, even now (4 years later) that whole drama thing still upsets me.

Anyways, drama is a bad sign. So, if you are known to have a lot of drama in your life then it is entirely possible that your ex boyfriend lost his feelings for you because of that. Lets stop talking about drama for a moment and focus on fights.

The reason I paired drama and fights together is because usually the two go together like two peas in a pod. Sure, every once in a while a couple will fight over dumb things like if they left the lights on when the left but it is usually the MONSTER FIGHTS that are caused by drama.

Let me give you a few examples.

  • A girl can flirt with a guy in front of her boyfriend causing a monster fight (caused by drama.)
  • A girl can accuse her boyfriend of cheating (caused by drama.)
  • A girl can cheat on her boyfriend causing a monster fight (caused by drama)

I think you get the picture here. It is that domino effect thing I keep talking about. The end takeaway here: DON’T CAUSE DRAMA!!!

281 thoughts on “The Things That Women Do That Can Cause Boyfriends To Lose Interest In Them”

  1. Avatar

    Alana

    June 15, 2019 at 12:36 am

    Hello, so my boyfriend of almost 3 years dumped me 28 days ago. He said that he fell out of love with me a few monthes before he ended it because I was too emotional and too clingy. I should add that he started becoming depressed way before this due to other things like his parents divorce and said everything, not just us, was overwhelming. I started no contact 3 days after he broke up, so it’s been 25 days no contact. My mutual friend says he has a lot of pent up anger and that he feels guilty for ending it, but that he loves me like family or a friend and doesnt miss me. We were very compatable, did everything together, hardly ever faught. What should I do to get him back?

  2. Avatar

    Kelly

    December 2, 2018 at 10:29 am

    Hi Team,

    My boyfriend and i broke up a few days back and his reason was because he lost interest in me and that we didn’t know each other well enough (we dated for 2 months before making it exclusive for two months). He also said he didn’t feel we were compatible. (i don’t really understand why he feels this way? we didn’t have huge fights, just small arguments here and there, in which both of us apologised and agreed to change and learn.. and we have only been in the relationship for 2 months, how do feelings fade so quickly?) When we broke up, he did suggested to be friends and a day later, i said yes i dont mind being friends. And i added that perhaps, exam stress (he’s having finals), alongside expectations and monetary issues, were stressing him out and i just added to his stress, hence losing of interest. However, he told me to move on.. This morning i told him to come to me when he’s ready to talk.. and he’s been unresponsive so far.. (we didn’t meet face to face, we broke up over text…) I know that things take time, i just would like to know if i should reach out to him when the time is right and from then, slowly build up the relationship again? Does he mean it when he said i should try to move on? What are the chances he will reignite the feelings? It’s such a fresh relationship and i just want to try again..

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 2, 2018 at 5:05 pm

      Hi Kelly! I know you are still in that “hurting” period, but with a focus on your healing, you will come thru this. Sometimes giving each other space and time can help in many ways. Hop on over to my Home Page and check out the many resources and tools I have there!

  3. Avatar

    Sara

    October 18, 2018 at 2:58 pm

    Hai,it’s been many months since i broke up with my exbf. There are a few times he asked me back(1 week after the breakup and second one is 1month later and third one is 4months later),yet i refused all of em coz i dont trust him enough.Meanwhile, i did say to him i still like him.He is sometimes mean and callin me names and tryin to piss me off.The breakup reason is he lost feelin for me.As i’ve been refused him few times,should i initiate and confess my feelin to him? What is he thinkin?I have never begged him back and no gnat.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      October 18, 2018 at 11:10 pm

      Hi Sara….not wise of your ex to be calling you names. When he stops misbehaving, you should initiate contact in the way I teach in my program!

  4. Avatar

    Hanna

    April 22, 2018 at 9:01 am

    So how to rebuilt interest when you are blocked everywhere and in a long distance?
    flying over would rather look like stalking then :’)

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      April 22, 2018 at 11:04 pm

      Certainly LDR have their challenges. Instituting NC is suppose to help with that and their is a schedule of texting messages you can employ at the right time as discussed in my ebook. I once had a client that mailed a message in the bottle and got results…so getting creative can help once there has been an adequate period of time of No Contact.

  5. Avatar

    Katy

    April 6, 2018 at 11:30 am

    I have been broken up for 2 months now. I haven’t done no contact but I am planning on starting that on Wednesday as we are meeting up. I know he just wants sex but I am not going to give in.

    I work with him- can I use this to my advantage?

    1. Jennifer Seiter

      Jennifer Seiter

      April 7, 2018 at 3:12 am

      Yes if you meet up with him, do so in a public place so there isn’t an opportunity to have sex. At work be flirty with him and see how he responds to light flirting.

  6. Avatar

    Alice

    December 28, 2017 at 5:15 am

    So the guy I had been dating for the last 7 months literally broke up with me last night as he lost feelings for me. I know I’ve been a drama queen and I’ve been emotional. We had been fighting these last few days as I got him a Christmas present when he didn’t want one and that we hadn’t seen each other in a while. I mean, he works nights and weekends. I work days and weekdays. We rarely get to go on dates anyway. However, I do want to continue this relationship. Things were fun before we started fighting. We may not have seen each other a lot but we talked everyday. I don’t know how I can just go cold turkey from that. How can I get these feelings back? I am terribly insecure about myself but now, right now, I just feel lost.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 28, 2017 at 6:16 pm

      Hi Alice,

      if by cold turkey, you mean the no contact rule, then of course we can’t force you to do that.. but it looks like you’ve been friendzoned for a long time now and keeping in contact isn’t working for the better right?

  7. Avatar

    Alice

    December 27, 2017 at 10:21 pm

    So literally last night, the guy I’ve been seeing for 7 months said that he wasn’t feeling ‘us’ anymore and it tore me apart. I have been a drama queen, I’m insecure and lately we have been fighting a bit about not being able to see other recently. He works nights and the weekends, I work days on only weekdays. I don’t know what to do. I still want to continue seeing this guy. I still dress up, still trying to lose weight, still hang out with my friends and don’t stop him seeing his. I just want to continue us. How can I gain that feeling back?

  8. Avatar

    anon

    December 14, 2017 at 7:15 pm

    Ugghh, If a guy really loves you, a bit of weight, and these other superficial things wouldnt matter. A relationship works on mutual love and respect, if a man expects all these from a women he sure as hell should work to give the same to her -_-

  9. Avatar

    Mary

    April 20, 2017 at 8:12 am

    hi! I think my bf broke up with me because Im high maintenance and drama queen?I how can I get him back? I finished the nc

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 25, 2017 at 9:52 pm

      just dont be a drama queen again.. what do mean by high maintenance? what made you think you are one?

  10. Avatar

    Ashley

    March 2, 2017 at 4:54 am

    Hi,

    I have known my ex-boyfriend for 7 years. Since then, we have always been on and off and always got into fights. From the beginning, I had very bad issues with trust and I very much assumed that he would only be going out with his friends to be surrounded by girls. We broke up 2 weeks ago and I can’t stop thinking about what i did wrong in the relationship and how to fix it. I want another chance with him, but he doesn’t want to give me one. He said that we didn’t have any interests, we always fought, and he really wanted to just move on from me. He said that he would consider being friends in the future, but he wants time away from me right now. He has blocked me on every social media and my phone number. I did the whole begging thing after we broke up and I believe that made it worse for my situation. I honestly don’t know what to do at this point. I want him back for all the right reasons because I really took the time to look into what i did wrong and this is why I keep dwelling on the idea that I made all the mistakes. Do you think I have any chances of getting back together with him or should I not hold onto that hope?
    Thank you.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 2, 2017 at 11:44 pm

      Hi Ashley,

      Try the no contact rule first. If it doesn’t work, then move on. Check the link below:
      She Got Him Back After Contacting HIM First After The No Contact Rule!

  11. Avatar

    Chloe

    February 1, 2017 at 6:44 pm

    We broke up 3 days ago. I’m still on the verge of pain and desperation.

    Before we broke up, I noticed that he seemed uninterested anymore. This was because of a major fight few weeks ago that was caused by me being too controlling. I learned that he’d been chatting with a certain girl where there’s a really big difference in his responses. His responses to mine was short while to the other person were sweet and fast. I noticed this that made me insecure even more so, I end up getting mad about him going out even more. I don’t really know because he keeps everything to himself. The day we broke up, I provoked the fight because it was me interrogating him over again. That time he cried so hard and asked for a break up. We’ve been in a relationship for 2.5 years and not even once have we experienced a break up. This really gave me a shock because he told me I was choking him. Hes is not happy with me anymore and that he’s been enduring the relationship all this time. He never complains about my attitude nor has he tried opening up matters about me that he finds annoying. That’s why it was a total shock to hear all his complains in just that moment. I wasn’t given enough time to change. If I had known earlier, the relationship could have been saved. Now, he reached the point where he can no longer bear it. I begged him, I cried so hard. I don’t know what to do without him. He cried along with me saying he still loves me, he really does but he needs some time to find the happiness he lost when he stayed with me. I begged and begged for him to give a chance to make up for it, I won’t stop crying that’s why he said okay let’s give it another try. But, that whole day his responses seemed more uninterested but I really did my best to make him feel I love him. But, late that night he texted me he wants to talk to me. That time I was already trying to prepare myself to accept that he’s really going to break up with me now, officially. I was shaking but I put up a strong front because this time I don’t want to beg anymore. So when he said he doesnt truthfully think it’s going to work out and cried while saying it, all I did was stare at him painly. He hugged me but all I said was that I’m okay with it. I’ve already tried my best to make him stay but he just doesn’t want to work it out. It’s taking a toll on my studies. I want him back, I’m not sure if he’ll ever come back. P.S there’s no third party involved. I think it’s his way of entertaining himself since he is really bored with me

    Do you think I’ll still be able to make things up? I want him back but he won’t. I don’t know anymore. Up till now he hasn’t tried contacting me and he seemed well. Do you think he still really loves me as he said back then?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 2, 2017 at 4:52 pm

      Hi Chloe,

      I cant assure you of what he truly feela but the fact is, he broke up with you. So now, do you want to try the no contact rule and do the advice above?

  12. Avatar

    R

    January 20, 2017 at 8:47 am

    I m really confused about my ex bf I want him back and also I don’t want because at the time of brkup he talked very rudely and he broke just because I disrespected him in the past… Please help

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 21, 2017 at 5:54 pm

      Hi R,
      Try to do the no contact period first..so you can have time to reflect

  13. Avatar

    Ash

    January 8, 2017 at 12:01 am

    Hi, I’ve been on this site reading these posts over the last few weeks. I’m in a situation, and I honestly do not know if I should have hope he will come back or if I should move on all together (I really do hope he comes back). I would really appreciate some insight into what you guys think since you all seem to be the experts! After a full year of nonstop rejection and heartbreak, I met the perfect guy for me. I’ll admit that at first I was not too sure about him, and I tried my hardest to play it all cool because sometimes I’m worried I can come across too eager when entering a new relationship. I tend to do all the pursuing, so backing off and letting him pursue me was a first. After our first date, we began texting and snap chatting each other all day and he tried to see me almost every day during the first week. I’ve never had a guy make me feel so wanted. I also liked that there were no games with him. I never once worried about texting too much because he was so crazy about me. We still took things slow even though we clicked so well. On our third date, we kissed for the first time. I’m a more traditional, conservative person, and I was really happy to find out that he was too. I found out that he didn’t have much experience with dating, even though we are in our twenties. He’s always just been focused on college. His last relationship was two years ago. He said that he is just really picky. I have only dated one person (it was six years though). Both of us also have had two sexual partners, and when we discussed sex, we both seemed to be on the same page of waiting for a little bit and not rushing things. I fell very hard for this guy very fast, and from how he acted and talked, I though he fell just as hard and fast for me. We saw each other as often as possible, and most of our dates were initiated by him. He even made plans for me to meet his family. He fixed things around my house, always sent good morning texts with heart emojis, constantly offered to do things for me, asked me to future events, ect. Even though we got along so well, we did have our differences. Basically, even though we had the same morals, goals, and values, we had some different interests. He’s a small town country boy. Im a little more city and nerdy. It never seemed to be a problem though. I would watch his TV shows and movies with him without complaining and he would do the same with me (that’s not the only difference, it’s just an example of how I never thought it was a problem). Even though we also decided to wait before sex, our physical connection was crazy. After three weeks of dating, he spent the night and we did fool around. That night he said he wanted to have sex with me sooner than he thought he would. I asked why and he said “being with you just feels right.” I thought this was a good sign, right? We still never went all the way though. Four days after that, he sent me a long text on how he thought we should slow down because he didn’t want to rush things and one of us get hurt and how he wanted to make sure of his feelings before he fully committed. That confused me, because I thought we were committed. I mean, this guy was constantly texting me and wanting to see me. He even learned songs for me on his guitar and bragged about me to his friends. It did scare me, but I was understanding in the texts. I just thought maybe things got serious too fast and he got scared. Then he went into further detail and told me how he finally stepped back and looked at the big picture and noticed we were completely opposite. Again, I was confused. I had brought up how we were opposite in the beginning, and he acted like it was fine and he liked me because I was different. After that message, I told him how we weren’t that different, but I did let him know that I was a little worried about what he was saying and that I thought things were going well. He told me he thought they were too, but he was worried the connection was just physical. The physical connection was strong, but he worried about the emotional connection. I was completely and utterly confused as hell after that. Yes, our physical connection was strong, but the relationship was new and both of us hadn’t really been with anyone in awhile. I just assumed that had a lot to do with it. The emotional connection was good too I thought! I told him a lot of things and started opening up to him. I wasn’t going to hit him with everything I’ve ever experienced within the first few weeks of our relationship! I ended the conversation that by telling him I was going to bed and needed to think. The next day we didn’t talk until 5pm. I texted first. He apologized, but I told him it was okay and if he did have concerns, we needed to discuss them. We decided to keep seeing each other. We hung out a few more times that next week. The first time I mentioned how he was worried about of differences and asked what he was worried about. He could only name one difference which was music (he likes country, I like rock). I told him that shouldn’t be a big issue. He said it wasn’t, but he just worried we would disagree on something big one day. I told him disagreements would happen, but I respected him enough to find a compromise. I also brought up how we had the same views on a lot in life (goals, values, and morals). He just said “yeah, that’s true” like he never realized it before. He told me how he needed to stay focused on grad school. I told him that I knew this and I would never distract him on it. I even sweetly said how I would have dinner for him after hours of studying. He told me he did worry about getting distracted, but he liked me and I seemed to be a perfect fit for him. He asked me to spend the night that night, but I had to get home because I had work early the next morning. Also, we did fool around again that night. The last time I saw him he came over to my house. I had a busy day at work, so I was completely tired. We just watched movies all night and cuddled. He was flirtatious and everything as usual. I asked if he was staying the night, and he said no because that was his way of forcing himself to slow down. Again, I was confused because two days ago he asked me to stay. The next day I texted him and asked. He apologized for confusing me and explained how he just didn’t want to rush anything. I told him I understood and jokingly said I was just making sure he still liked me. He said “I do still like you, but not as much as you like me.” That comment hurt. It was rude. I appreciated his honesty, but damn. The next two days were weird. We didn’t see each other, but we talked a lot. I noticed he seemed to dodge most flirty or sweet texts and would change topic. When I seemed to back off and give small replied, he became flirty. On Friday, he broke up with me. He apologized and told me he just didn’t want to drag me along and that it was unfair to me. Normally, I would’ve tried to fight back. I didn’t. I just said he was right and I was glad he ended it before I got more attached. Then I sent a longer text explaining how I thought he was wrong about us just having a physical connection. He told me that maybe I was right, but he knew how he felt and he just didn’t think anything was there. He also said he didn’t feel anything special like he should the last time we were together. I simply said “I understand.” He’s told me before that once he makes his mind up, it stays. Therefore, I didn’t see a point in saying anything else. He thanks me for understanding and told me to not be afraid to call him if I ever need anything. That was it. I know, it was just a month long relationship, but a lot can happen in a month, right? It’s been exactly one month since our breakup. We talked twice. Once was a week after the break up. He posted a snapchat story of a movie he was watching (one we both were excited about). I caved and texted him asking how it was. He said it was good and that he was going to text me about it. I told him I needed to see it, he was yes, and I made a joke about sending my review afterwards. That was it. Then I read about no contact. So I started it! He texted me this past Monday saying he hoped I had a good Christmas and New Years. I texted back saying “thanks, same to you! I hope you relaxed some over your break!” He sent back “it was great! Haha, not at all, I had plenty to do with family!” I almost didn’t reply, but I felt rude. I sent back “I’m sure it was nice!” And he replied with “yes indeed!” I didn’t text back. I admit that I have stalked his social media. He posts nothing. This week he started making a lot of snapchat stories, which is unusual because he doesn’t do that that much. My questions: do you think he may come back judging from everything? What even happened? Also, did I handle his text okay and should I try to talk to him soon?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 8, 2017 at 8:45 pm

      Hi Ash,

      there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but if you keep doing the same things you were doing that didn’t work, then nothing will change. If you want to leverage the no contact rule to your advantage, stop replying and stalking him. Focus in improving yourself..

  14. Avatar

    Justice

    December 22, 2016 at 11:08 pm

    Hey admin!

    My deadly sin is giving too much and being too available. This past week, he has been slowing down communication. I tried to be more flirty and sexy but he ignored it (I now feel kind of ashamed for trying so hard). He called me twice but doesn’t answer my texts or when he does, he answers with one word hours later. I called him at work and he rushed me off the phone saying he had to get back to work. He’s never done that before. He used to talk to me the whole time, even while he was working. And when he was busy, he used to promise to call me back and he always did. Now, this week, he promised to call me 4 different times and forgot each time. He asked me to stay over his place this weekend I said yes but now ‘m thinking about cancelling on him. I feel like I need to send a message that I’m not going to deal with this. Do you think it’s smart to spend the weekend with him and try to focus on having a good time or should I just cancel and tell him that I rather do something else?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 27, 2016 at 2:43 pm

      Hi Justice,

      did you go?

  15. Avatar

    Amy

    November 15, 2016 at 2:37 pm

    Hello. I need your help. I have read near enough every article/guide on this website and have let the advice sink in as much as possible but I need some help on my personal situation.

    My bf split up with me 9 days ago today. We were a bit hungover on a sunday afternoon and i started to nag and annoy him which made him flip out dramtically and him scream “I cant do this anymore” and leave the house. I fb messaged him the next day to say he was a coward to leave me like that no real explanation and he just confirmed again saying i just cant do it with you anymore. I told him he was nothing to me and since then I havnt spoken to him since as im trying to give him space and using the no contact rule but i feel like i havnt a clue what is happening, especially in his head.

    A bit about us – We have been together for almost 3 years now, we are best friends we do everything together, and thats because we both want to. He basically moved in with me as soon as we started seeing eachother, so have been living together near enough 3 years ( in two different houses). He loves the bones off me, hes the sweetest guy does anything and everything for me emotionally and physically. He is my soul mate the only person who gets me and i get him and he says this to me 24/7. However, the last half year or so ive been really insecure about my weight, that i have gained, ive had no job, he has been paying for everything helping me. I suppose ive got a bit lazy with myself and everything and then of course the nagging. I would always nag at him for silly things ( turning off switches to save money for electric, pick up clothes blablabla) i became a nagger, i suppose now i can see the fun had gone out of the relationship. I was always finding a way to put him down one way or another and i can see that now, he has dealt with it for a long time but i know he questions if i wanna be with him as he has mentioned openly because of how i act. But this is purely me nothing to do with him because of my insecurities i suppose.

    Last 6 months or so he has broken up with me a few times over whatsapp/text saying we need to go our seperate ways he cant do it blablabla, finding an excuse, leaving me in tears and upset, straight away i have told him not to and said sorry things will change blablabla. Of course he comes over and sees me and him being the beautiful soul he is hugs me and stays and we carry on the relationship just like that. But nothing changes, I dont change. I stay the same dont take in what has happened. Then it happens a few more times (we always make up). Until of course, 9 days ago when he stormed out saying he couldnt do it anymore, i have not gone running because im scared of that rejection now so for the first time we havnt spoke for 9 days. I am trying to give him space and use the no contact rule also.

    I am working on myself, eating healthily, excercising, ive lost several pounds already. Im not drinking. I really can see now what I have done wrong and how I let the fun get sucked out of the relationship because when we are happy my god, we are happy! We have the best laughs wiht eachother we just GET eachother so much!

    Now, my sister text messaged him, without my saying so, saying to him not to contact me now ever again and let me move on as she has seen me several times cry when he has broken up with me. I was a bit annoyed at this as I didnt ask her to get involved and now he might do exactly what she has said because he may be scared i dont want talk to him now?

    He has text her asking for the rest of his belonging which i have said i will bring to my mums for him to collect. I feel like this is all he cares about now? Or is this a front? My question now is what to do, im working on myself, i know what went wrong, i wanna give him space. I already have interviews lined up I can feel a good change already. Although, seeing as mys sister got involved will my no contact just imply that i am trying to move on like she said?

    What do i do? I want to fix this so bad! Apart from my nagging and moaning, everything was perfect! Maybe we was with eachother too much and i have decided if we was to get back together i wouldnt have him live here so we can have space more. Where do i go from here i dont want him to move on! Its hard not knowing what he is thinking.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 9:09 pm

      Hi Amy,

      you already lost several pounds in just 9 days? Congrats! Celebrate that. That’s good if he thinks you’re moving on. That way you can have a restart..Focus in continually healing and improving yourself.. Do at least 30 days

  16. Avatar

    Taylor

    November 13, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    Hey my name is Taylor,
    My ex broke up with me a month ago because he didn’t want keep trying to Change his feelings for me to the way they used to be. To me everything was normal and comfortable. We fought over little things but I know every couple fight over little things. I had a feeling he was being distant with me but it never occurred to me to ask him. I’m totally in love with him. We been together a little over 2 years. I do have a short fuse but I been working on controlling it but I release most of my anger out on him and I feel so horrible about it.
    I just want him back. His family told me they want us back together and my family said the same.
    It’s been a month and I’m still crying. I texted him (like a dummy) about how I feel and I wanted to talk in person but he told me he needed time and honestly I don’t know why he needs time when I’m the one who is broken. I just don’t understand what happened for him to break up with me out of the blue unexpected.
    Please help me get the love of my life back please.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 15, 2016 at 4:07 pm

      Hi Taylor,
      do you want to try the no cotnact rule?

  17. Avatar

    Grace

    October 10, 2016 at 8:53 pm

    I am in desperate need of help. So my ex and I dated for a year and it was honestly so amazing. He was super clingy, jealous and committed right from the start. I have anxiety so I was pretty controlling when it came to the people he hung out with (they were into drugs) and his driving. We had a 3 day break that I wanted and he flipped out. He begged and begged and begged for me back so I gave in. He fought quite a bit leading up to the breakup but it was a really stressful period in both of our lives. Anyway one night he broke up with me because he said he needed to figure out his own life, he felt trapped and wanted to sort out his life before being in a relationship. From the beginning he told me he wanted to remain friends and potentially start over but he didn’t want to force anything. I broke down, begged him to come back. Anyway, fast forward a week and I started NC. It lasted a day and he texted me saying he loved me and needed me back, anyway He told me he had been planning to get me back the whole time. So I said I felt hurt that he left me feel like he didn’t want me and that he would have to earn this relationship back. 2 days go by and he tells me because I took too long to accept him back, the feelings have set in and he doesn’t want a relationship. So for some reason I thought the best option would be to be friends with him and try and win him back. He still has photos of me on all social medias, he has just changed his profile pictures. I was the one to change the status, he said he wasn’t going to. He admitted to me that he got jealous that I added 2 guys on facebook and started adding a bunch of girls. He found out I was talking to an old flame and got extremely jealous. He kept freaking out when I didn’t contact him and one day I was going to meet friends so I said I had to go and then he messaged me saying he was upset I could just “f***” him off so easily. He invited me to the beach which I declined and continues to say he’s mad I didn’t go. We met in person so I could tell him the way he was acting was not acceptable. He flirted with me, telling me my boobs looked bigger and I had lost weight. I have packed everything he ever gave me into a box and his it away. He told me I should still wear his jewellery and use the things he got me. He told me he still wears all of the clothes that I got him. He told me he misses me as a girlfriend but admitted that he’d actually lost feelings for me. He told me because we fought and he thought I was going to end it he lost feelings for me. He said he loves me and has romantic feelings for me, they just aren’t as strong. He told me that when I don’t contact him, he loses more feelings for me. Anyway, he came to my birthday and my friend gave me pearl earrings, similar to the ones he’d given me. I said they were beautiful and I would wear them every day to which he mutters under his breath, something like “yeah they are just like the ones I got you”. He continues to call me by my nickname that he called me in the relationship and only people closest to me call me. It’s been just over a month since the breakup and I started NC three days ago. I have him blocked on all social medias except fb. He key requesting to follow my Instagram all night and kept liking my status on fb that said “like for an inbox”. I Ignored it. On snapchat he literally logged into his mothers account to view what I had uploaded. Other than that, he has made no attempt to contact me. Previously though when I stopped contacting him, he would always contact me first. No matter what I do though, he maintains the fact that he doesn’t have feelings and wants to be friends. If we date in the future then so be it, but he doesn’t want to try and make it happen because he feels like that is forced.

    1. Avatar

      Grace

      October 10, 2016 at 9:05 pm

      Could you please just give me some direction?

      Like what chance do I have of getting him back?

      Does NC apply when he says he has lost feelings?

      Is he planning to get me back?

      Does he really not have feelings for me?

      Is he telling the truth?

    2. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2016 at 3:31 pm

      Hi Grace,

      more likely he’s just keeping you at a distance, like keeping you in the friendzone so that you stay present.. it looks like he still has feelings but he doesn’t want to commit. he wants the benefits, without the work. When he said he would lose feelings for you if you became distant, it’s probably just because he’s trying to manipulate you in a way.. Though I don’t think he means it.
      So, it’s good that you started no contact again because he has to realize that he can’t keep doing that.. Be active in improving yourself.. do at least 30 days and then take it slow after that.

  18. Avatar

    forgive and forget

    September 30, 2016 at 11:51 pm

    I am a Collage Student , My exboyfriend and I was together for 1year , 9months and 22days . My boyfriend was sweet , kind and quite boy. He started talking to a girl on ‘Whats app’ , He told me thats his Bestfriend now i hear he like like her and he wanna break up with me for her . I tell him i done he beg for me back so i said okay i will not leave . Next week we was making out we never had sex . After skl he and i was texting he ask to finger me , i told him no and then he ask me to have sex i told him no he say we done and next day i see he with a next girl kissing and loving up . One year this boy been asking me when can we have sex . i told him wait until i reach 18 …. when i ask him why he break up with me he say he want action and i not giving him nun . I am a virgin BTW. He was never lie this before . whats going on , These day i see them hugging or walking together i feel like killing her and him .

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 3, 2016 at 3:37 pm

      Hi Forgive and forget,

      honestly I think you should forgive and forget him because it looks like all he wants is to have sex with and when he didn’t get it he broke up with you.

  19. Avatar

    Jessica

    September 29, 2016 at 7:35 pm

    Hi Jam,

    I really need your advice. I’m currently in a 9 month relationship with my boyfriend. For the first 7 months of it, he didn’t want to commit to me because he “didn’t know what he wanted.” I admit that I’ve committed many of the cardinal sins. When I love, I love completely. I always go above and beyond to better his life – whether it is seeing him, spending time with him, driving him because he doesn’t have a car, getting him gifts and food, etc. Finally, 2 months ago, we had a major fight. I wanted him to make a decision. He decided he wanted to let me go so that he can go “explore what’s out there.” Long story short, it was quick. He was hurt by the girl he went on a date with once because she ended up hooking up with his best friend. He came back to me at that point and said that he now knew what he wanted and that it was me because he could trust me and I would never hurt him.

    So 2 months, we were great. I was blissful. Two-three weeks ago, however, his curiosity came back. He began flirting with a girl via text that he met at a conference. When I found out about it, he apologized and admitted to me that he still doesn’t know what he wanted but he would stop talking to her. We’ve been getting into more fights recently. I talk about our relationship like it has an expiration date. Before, he would be hurt by those statements but now, he doesn’t seem to care. When I ask him if he is still talking to that girl, he replied “occasionally.” Most recently, he signed back on OKCupid. When I confronted him about that, he told me that he was confused because it seemed like our relationship was ending based on the things I said. It hurt me because of how accepting he was of the situation. He tells me that he still loves me, but he still doesn’t know what he wants. He’s constantly making promises to me, but breaking them in hopes that I won’t find out.

    I’ve already decided that I want to break up with him in the coming weeks. I just want to enjoy our time together without the fighting and the drama. But when I see him doing stuff that he tells me he won’t do, being less affectionate, more distant, undervaluing me – it just hurts me so much. The reason I am breaking off this relationship is because I believe that it won’t be successful the way we are going. I want him to commit to me because he knows I’m what he wants. Even though I plan to break up with him, I don’t want to completely close the possibility of us being happy together – one day, eventually, for real. How should I act in the coming weeks before I end things and more importantly, how should I act in the weeks after?

    Thank you.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 1, 2016 at 12:52 pm

  20. Avatar

    Jam

    September 18, 2016 at 1:31 am

    Hi. Im not from Western culture, and my first language isn’t English. My boyfriend is white boy from Europe, we live in Asia, we’ve been dating for alomost 4 months, we met here and when we first met, he was rush on me. I could feel he really liked me and I could trust him. We met on language exchange application, it is language apps but usually people use it for dating. Anyways after we became exclusive, i told him that i want him to deactivate the account and delete the app. I already did that time, and he said yes. But I found he used it 3 days ago…I already told him How i feel and why did he use it and he didn’t reply back to me but used the app, so i was pissed off kind of things. He said he didn’t use it but just open it, and he deleted the account and apps. And he said he hated feels like accused about this kind of thing, he is dating with me so he won’t be cheating on me and find other girls. I told him i felt insecure and i just wanted him to pay more attention, and show his affection and attention to me, and he said im too deeply caring and he said we all know that we are in a relationship and like each other so we don’t have to take every 1 mins or 2 mins. I tried to understand him but he didn’t show me any efforts from this conversation….He hugs me or kisses me or holds my hand or waist when we go out, but recently he just wanted to stay at home, doesn’t want any active dating.I don’t know what should i do or I don’t know what he is/ i am looking for in this relationship. Does he lose interested on me?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 20, 2016 at 11:10 am

      Hi Jam,

      If you are doing anything that was mentioned above, then it’s time to stop doing them. Stop being too clingy and focus more other things. If you’re insecure, that means you have to start building your self confidence..

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