Most of the visitors I get to this site are women who are trying to get their ex boyfriends or husbands back. So, I am assuming that most of the people who are going to read this article are out of a relationship and left wondering what went wrong. Today I thought I could shed some light into the male mind and give you a guide/reference page that you can look at to decipher why he may have lost his feelings for you during the course of your relationship.
I actually got the idea for this article from someone who commented on this site. So, I want you to buckle up because this is going to be a very long and informative page.
What This Page Is About
As stated above, this page is all about the things that women can do in relationships that will cause men to lose interest in them. Think of this page as more of a guide teaching you what NOT to do. Now, I do want to point out that this page is going to be quite long. Here is how I constructed it:
- Using my own experiences and research I jotted down everything I could think of that would cause a man to lose interest.
- I will be giving an in-depth description of each “cardinal sin.”
Lets get started!
Cardinal Sin #1- You Are Too Emotional
Make no mistake about it, men and women are very different creatures. In my guide to understanding men I talked a lot about this cardinal sin. One thing I have learned about women through my interactions with them is that women can be quite emotional. I will admit that I have talked to some men that have broken down in front of me but that is actually quite rare. Generally speaking, it is the women that are the more emotional creatures. Now, some may think that being too emotional is a disadvantage, however, I see it as an advantage in a weird sort of way. Since it is the social “norm” for women to be emotional they are used to dealing with emotions.
Men on the other hand are not. Emotions to us are frightening things. Let me give you an example. As many of you know, I run Ex Boyfriend Recovery alone. This means that every single day I have to think about writing posts, moderating comments, answering emails, talking to people on Facebook and in some cases calming very emotional women down. I think it is safe to say that I am experienced at dealing with emotions in women. However, in spite of all my experience it is important to remember that I am a male and because of that I am very different than you. There are certain times where I just roll my eyes on certain comments/emails that are sent to me. It is not because I hate the particular person commenting or anything of that nature. It is the simple fact that the person commenting is over emotional and that just really annoys me at times.
Let me give you a more in-depth example. I once received a comment that was 3,770 words. To put that in perspective, there are certain posts on this website that aren’t even close to being that length. When I get comments like that I start to see why a boyfriend may have broken up with that person.
I am not going to lie to you, I cannot date someone who is over emotional and I think a lot of men are with me on this. You see, to me an over emotional woman is a sign that this woman might freak out over any little thing. It is my, and a lot of other men’s greatest fear to be in a relationship with a “psycho.” Someone who is too emotional begins to display those psycho/unstable signs that are a complete turnoff.
Have you ever daydreamed about dating your dream celebrity? Any guy you could potentially have. I am hearing a lot of chants saying Brad Pitt, George Clooney and Hugh Jackman. Well, guys do the same thing. For me, if I could pick any celebrity to date I would go with a relatively unknown actress named Laura Vandervoort (pictured below.)
Now, lets assume for a minute that by some miracle I ended up dating her, the dream celebrity. Let’s also assume that she was way too emotional, emotional to the point where I branded her a “psycho.” I guarantee you I would drop my celebrity girl no matter how hot she looks because of her over emotional personality.
I hope that drives the point home on how much of a turnoff being over emotional is to a guy.
Cardinal Sin #2- You Give Him Too Much Too Soon
This is a pretty common mistake I see with women in relationships. In fact, I even have a whole section dedicated to it in PRO. One thing that I have already established on this site is that men are attracted to the “ungettable,” they always want what they can’t have. For some reason women think that, that fact is changed when they are in a relationship with their men.
NEWSFLASH, once you are in a relationship with him you have to work even harder to keep him interested. The way I see it, for you, it is all about keeping him interested in you and not giving him everything all at once. Now, I am about to lose some serious man points here but one of my favorite guilty pleasure shows to watch is True Blood.
In season 6 one of the male characters in the show is afraid that he is going to be r*ped by a female vampire. The female vampire stops and says something along the lines of
“I will not harm you, not only that but when the time finally does come for us to sleep together you will be begging me, you will get on your hands and knees and literally beg to have sex with me and once you do that I WILL STILL MAKE YOU WAIT!”
Sure enough, fast forward to episode 10 and there is the male character literally begging to sleep with the very sexy vampire. Well done sexy vampire, well done!
What it all boils down to is the fact that men think of themselves as conquerors and we look at women as mountains. It is the mountains that are the hardest to climb that we are most intrigued by. Don’t be an “easy” mountain to climb.
Cardinal Sin #3- You Are Too Controlling
Again, another popular issue that is talked about in PRO.
When you enter a relationship there is an unwritten agreement between the two of you. This agreement states that the two of you are equals. Unfortunately, some women fail to realize this and manipulate their way into controlling their boyfriends into doing what they want. A few months ago I was talking with one of the visitors here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery. This particular woman really wanted her boyfriend back and told me her story. She thought that the reason her boyfriend broke up with her was because she was too controlling and she was absolutely right.
I remember there was one time where I was so afraid of him cheating on me that I yelled at him for being in a car with his best friend and his girlfriend. I was very uncomfortable with him around other girls and would do everything in my power to make sure he wouldn’t be around them.
Houston we have a problem!
Imagine this for a moment. What if you went through life scrutinized for every decision you made by your boyfriend? What if every time that you even interacted with a member of the male gender your boyfriend were to step in and yell at you for it? While I will admit that those are some pretty extreme examples it can be extremely annoying for a guy to have a girl control his life.
Sadly, I have experience with this cardinal sin. I have found that a lot of the “controlling” is a result of the fear of someone cheating. I have never cheated in my life and I never will. However, I have had a girlfriend that tried to control me because she was uncomfortable with other girls around me. While at first it is kind of flattering to have an actual member of the female species care about you that much eventually it hits a point where their fears about you cheating become very annoying.
Not to mention, women’s constant fears of men around other females are a giant slap in the face to men. I understand that you can’t help how you feel. However, every time you feel the need to control a man because he is talking to another woman it just proves that deep down you don’t trust your man.
Now, one thing I haven’t done yet is describe the different types of ways that women can control men.
Telling Men They Can’t Ever See Person (A,B,C) Ever Again
This kind of goes hand in hand with what I was talking about above with the fear of cheating. I see this in a lot of women who are very worried about their ex cheating on them. Typically, a woman will say things like:
“I never want you to see her again.”
“It’s her or me, choose..”
For men this literally feels like you are telling him who he can or cannot see. I don’t think I can stress enough how annoying it is when women do this. A lot of times women who do this cause their men to think thoughts like:
“She isn’t the boss of me.”
“I will do what I want, I answer to no one.”
“I’ll show her.”
You Are Insecure
I am a softie. I guarantee you that if I was talking to you in person and you were to ask me if you were insecure (and you were) I would tell you no. You see, for me I can’t stand the sight of a woman who is sad. I suppose that makes me very easy to manipulate but like I said, I am a total softie. However, I am lucky that the internet and websites exist because I can kind of tell you exactly how it is.
If you are a very insecure person then I would say it is HIGHLY LIKELY that you can control a man (that doesn’t mean you will.) With insecurity comes a need for control. And what better form of control is there than to start controlling others?
Specifically your boyfriend.
I think we were on to something up there with me saying that I am a softie. Like I said above, I have trouble delivering bad news to a woman in person because I know they are going to get really upset. A woman who really knows me will know that I am absolutely easy to control/manipulate. All you have to do is fake some tears and BAM, you have me wrapped around your finger.
Of course, I am not the only man like this. In fact, I would say that a good 60% of men are just like me and will bend over backwards to please a crying woman. Of course, I am not THAT dumb. The “crying” control may work two or three times but eventually a point will come where you overplay your hand and I start to catch on to what you are doing.
When that happens watch out, my feelings for you will start to decline..
This is really it isn’t it? The ultimate way that a woman can control her boyfriend.
Remember above when I said that I think about 60% of men will fall for the “fake tears.” Well, 99% of men will fall for the sex ploy. Very manipulative women will use sex as a ploy to control their man into doing something. Now, here is where it gets tricky. Is it right or wrong?
Now, I know what you are thinking:
“Of course it is wrong how is this even a question?”
Well, is any man going to complain about getting sex? I don’t think so. Now, while the girl may be manipulating the man by using sex the man isn’t exactly complaining about it. Of course, it is the women who overplay their hand that eventually get in trouble.
If a man figures out that you are just having sex with him to get your way then you better watch out because his feelings could deteriorate fast. For me, I would be extremely upset if this happened. Not because it is wrong or anything like that. I think I would be more upset about the fact that the only reason you wanted to sleep with me was because you wanted to get your way. It wasn’t because I made you feel a certain way or that you really loved who I was as a man but because you wanted to manipulate me.
Cardinal Sin #4- You Are High Maintenance
What is a high maintenance girl? I think we need to define one so we know how to proceed. A high maintenance girlfriend will have the following qualities.
- She has problems with the way her boyfriends car looks (though I can see where they are coming from.)
- Her boyfriend doesn’t dress sophisticated enough for her to be seen in public with him.
- If she goes on a trip she is going to have a minimum of 10 bags (you get the picture.)
- She is CONSTANTLY frequenting the hair and nail salon.
- It takes her a minimum of two hours to get ready to go out.
- She is clingy.
- It is always about HER needs and not about her mans.
- If a man stops spending money on her she will dump him.
You may read the list above and think I am kidding but I am not. High maintenance girls really annoy me beyond belief. I am a pretty lenient guy but if I have to spend money on a girl constantly to make her love me then she isn’t going to have me for very long.
The funniest part about high maintenance girls is that they often don’t realize they are high maintenance. Personally, when I think of a high maintenance girl I think of someone who is impossible to please. It is like nothing that you can do is ever good enough.
Oh, and in case you were wondering I am not the only male who despises high maintenance girls. A few years ago I was over at my friends house and he was having a get together with some of the “guys.” Anyways, we actually logged on to Facebook actively searching for girls and stumbled across this update,
“I am high maintenance, but I am worth it!” ……………. No, no you are not.
Newsflash, if you are high maintenance then the only guy you will have a lasting relationship with is one that has low self value.
Cardinal Sin #5- Is He Admired Anymore?
In my article on how to get your ex back if he broke up with you I talked a little about a mans need to feel desired. In this section I am going to expand on that. So, in case you are oblivious to who I am, my name is Chris Seiter and I am THE man behind this site. For this section I am going to drop my defenses a little bit and let you into my mind.
(Be careful while you are in there and stay away from the left side of my mind. No one wants to see whats in there 😉 .)
One thing I can tell you with certainty is that men love to be admired. Well, I suppose everyone loves to be admired however, it is especially true for men. One of the things that can cause a man to lose interest is the fact that he doesn’t feel admired by you anymore.
Here is how this phenomenon can unfold:
Billy and Sally just started dating. Sally is constantly telling Billy all kinds of nice things. However, as the relationship wears on Sally doesn’t tell Billy those nice things anymore. Instead, it is just complain, complain, complain or nag, nag, nag. As the days wear on Billy begins to lose interest in Sally. Simply because he doesn’t feel admired by her anymore.
Here is the part where I let you into my head. I have actually experienced this phenomenon before. I was dating a girl that I really liked. However, I kept getting the feeling that she didn’t like me as much as I liked her. At the time I began to lose my feelings for her because I felt that she didn’t admire me anymore. Now, I didn’t lose my feelings to the point where I broke up with her but it was a contributing factor.
Me losing feelings for her caused more fights, more fights caused more threats to breakup and more threats triggered an actual breakup. So, while you may be sitting there thinking “so what if I didn’t admire him enough” it is important to understand that while “admiring” a boyfriend won’t directly cause a breakup it could cause a domino effect of circumstances that eventually can.
Cardinal Sin #6- Time…
Perhaps I should rephrase that. After all, you can’t control time and if you can then I would like you to contact me at [email protected] because I have a few favors to ask you. I debated on whether to mention this as a cardinal sin or not (because technically it isn’t a cardinal sin) however, after a lot of thought I decided to include it because I want you to know everything about why a male can potentially lose his feelings for you.
As human beings we crave new things all the time. Those of you who are devout readers of this blog come back every day hoping that I will write a new post. We are constantly going to new movies. Oh, what about that new episode on T.V.? Do you see what I am getting at here?
Relationships are no different. As human beings we can’t help but want to experience something new with someone new. While you have absolutely no control over this it is important to understand that it exists. Your boyfriend may have lost his feelings for you simply because the two of you have been dating for a long time.
I can’t really take credit for this one because I didn’t think it up. I actually owe this one to my best friend. You see, we were out at a restaurant and I was asking him how his relationship was going with his girlfriend of two years. Initially he said the usual stuff.
“She is a bit annoying but I love her.”
But then he said something that I found extremely interesting..
I don’t know man, to be honest I am getting tired of her. I love her more than anything but sometimes it is just a bit old. I have been with her for two years and I kind of want to experience something new.
When I heard that the light bulb went off. The more time you are in a relationship with someone the higher the chances are that the man will lose interest. This is an undeniable fact and the only way to keep him interested is to do what my buddies girlfriend does, keep things interesting.
Cardinal Sin #7- You Let Yourself Go
Throughout this site I have tried my best to explain that men and women can sometimes speak different languages. I have found that when women talk you have to pay attention because they drop very subtle hints that are meant to test you and understand what you are thinking. So, when you say..
“Do I look fat in this?”
You aren’t really asking, “do I look fat in this?” What you are really asking is “do you think I am fat?”
Of course, my fellow bros and I will always answer “no” even if you look like a whale in those pants. We will not fall for that one ladies, nice try!
But what if you are really fat in those pants? What if you let yourself go during the course of the relationship with your boyfriend? The two of you got a little too comfortable together, well comfortable enough for you but not for him. Do looks even matter to someone who you have already gotten?
You bet your butt they do!
Before I think about dating someone she has to pass a series of tests. One of the tests I like to call the wake up test. Essentially I take the woman I am considering dating and ask myself this question:
Could I be happy waking up next to her in the morning?
If I determine that, that particular girl is not “wake up” material then I won’t consider dating her. While that may be shallow of me (pretty bad I know.) I think it is important for you to understand how I think because this is how almost every other guy out there thinks.
My worst nightmare is to get married to a beautiful girl and then wake up ten years later and she looks like this…
Sorry but I had to make a point. Letting yourself go during the course of a relationship is a surefire way to cause him to lose any romantic feelings he felt towards you. I am sure I am going to get a lot of emails about this section condemning me…
Let me save you the trouble of emailing me and give you my response.
I hope you get angry reading this. I hope it makes you so angry that you go out and lose the weight you need to lose to turn into the beauty that we all know you are.
Of course, being a tad bit overweight isn’t the only thing that can make him lose his feelings for you. I have had multiple friends of mine (that were men) complain that their girlfriends don’t dress up for them anymore. While most men may not be fashion gurus we do enjoy it when a woman dresses up for us.
Lets rewind to your first date with your ex boyfriend. I am betting that you went all out dressing up for him. Now lets fast forward to date 50. Chances are, you didn’t dress up for him like you did for date one. While I agree that can be a picky thing to complain about it, it can also kind of have that domino effect that ultimately leads to a breakup.
Cardinal Sin #8- Drama and Fights
I hate drama… let me repeat that: I HATE DRAMA.
It sounds like such a high school term to use doesn’t it? Truth is, the most dramatic situations I have ever encountered have all occurred AFTER high school. Time and experience has taught me that drama knows no age. I have met 50 year old’s that are as dramatic and annoying as 16 year old’s. So, just because you may be above 25 doesn’t mean you can skip this section.
No relationship is perfect. In every relationship there will be a hint of drama here, some fights there and every once in a while you will have a monster argument. These types of things go with the territory. Where it becomes a problem for men is when it becomes a common occurrence.
Personally, I don’t like drama. It actually upsets me to the point where I can’t even work, eat or do any physical activity. I am thinking back to the time that my now ex girlfriends parents called me over to their house and yelled at me on their lawn. To this day I have no clue what I did to my girlfriend to cause them to do that but it happened and the drama affected me for the entire next week. Not only did it make me not like her parents anymore but it made me lose feelings for her instantly. I remember forcing myself to try to like her on dates after the drama blowup with her parents happened.
Unfortunately, by then my feelings were long gone and everything she did annoyed me and made me angry. In the back of my mind the drama blow up with her parents was always there but perhaps the thing that annoyed me most was I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I DID WRONG????1
See, even now (4 years later) that whole drama thing still upsets me.
Anyways, drama is a bad sign. So, if you are known to have a lot of drama in your life then it is entirely possible that your ex boyfriend lost his feelings for you because of that. Lets stop talking about drama for a moment and focus on fights.
The reason I paired drama and fights together is because usually the two go together like two peas in a pod. Sure, every once in a while a couple will fight over dumb things like if they left the lights on when the left but it is usually the MONSTER FIGHTS that are caused by drama.
Let me give you a few examples.
- A girl can flirt with a guy in front of her boyfriend causing a monster fight (caused by drama.)
- A girl can accuse her boyfriend of cheating (caused by drama.)
- A girl can cheat on her boyfriend causing a monster fight (caused by drama)
I think you get the picture here. It is that domino effect thing I keep talking about. The end takeaway here: DON’T CAUSE DRAMA!!!