Tell me if this scenario sounds familiar.
You are dating a guy.
Over time your feelings begin to develop from liking him to loving him. Just when it seems like the two of you have hit your stride as a couple he drops a bombshell and breaks up with you.
Some time passes and with it, it seems as if your ex boyfriend has gained a new lease on life.
And with this new life he has a new found respect for your past relationship. In fact, the respect has grown to a level where he is willing to give a relationship with you another shot.
So, you agree to start a new relationship with your ex and things are great between the two of you.
You hold hands like you used to..
He kisses you passionately like he used to…
He makes love to you softly…
All in all, things are looking pretty good in relationship land for the two of you.
However, after some time has passed he calls you up one day to feed you this line,
“Hi, I am just not feeling this anymore. I thought being with you would fix things but it didn’t. I think the two of us should go our separate ways. Bye…”
Does this sound familiar to you?
Welcome To The Ultimate Page For Getting An Ex Boyfriend Back (If You Have Gotten Him Back In The Past)
Welcome to my page on getting an ex boyfriend back (assuming you have already gotten him back in the past before.)
For those of you who are relatively new to this site my name is Chris Seiter,
Yup, that’s me on my wedding day to my lovely wife.
(Yup, I am off the market ladies, sorry..)
I am just going to level with you here.
In my opinion I take horrible pictures. However, the one above (on my wedding day) I absolutely love because I didn’t even know it was being taken so I look natural.
Of course, we had also hired a professional photographer for that picture so I don’t know if that’s why it looks so good or if it’s the fact that I didn’t know a picture was being taken of me.
Anyways the point of telling you all of this is that I am just a regular guy.
In fact, I am pretty sure if you were to ask my wife she would describe me as a stereotypical male in a lot of ways.
Granted, I do have my AWESOME moments but for the most part I am just an average joe with the body of a greek god 😉 .
(Ok, not really…)
I feel it’s very important for you to understand who I am so you know who you are learning from.
Now, I know what you are thinking.
“If you are just an average joe why should I listen to you?”
Why You Should Listen To Me
On top of being an average joe I am also one of the top relationship consultants online.
I currently own and operate two major websites focused specifically on helping men and women repair their relationships with their exes.
I have helped THOUSANDS of women to get back with their exes.
To date, I have 3,940 clients who have purchased one of my best selling books on getting an ex boyfriend back.
Don’t believe me?
Oh, and here is information on my best selling book on how to get your ex boyfriend back,
Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend BackLearn More
But none of that really matters.
The fact of the matter is that all that you care about is my ability to help you.
And that is more than fair.
If I was you that would be all that I cared about.
So, I am going to give it to you straight.
The fact that I am an “average joe” actually gives me incredible insight and knowledge about how the male mind works.
So, using this knowledge and insight I am going to be able teach you a lot about what to do to get your ex boyfriend back if the two of you are constantly getting back together and breaking up again because I know how pretty much all men think. I am one after all.
But before I move on I do want to make a quick promise to you.
My Promise To You
I promise to be straight with you and tell you how things really are.
I also promise to use this page to do everything in my power to substantially raise your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back.
Oh, and what the heck, I will also promise to answer any questions or comments you have in the comments section of this page but don’t be mad if I can’t get to you right away. I am a busy guy after all.
So, what do you say we get to the meat of what this page is about.
What This Page Is About
I am always looking for weaknesses in this site.
Part of my quest to have the best “get your ex back” relationship website in the world means that I constantly have to do audits and go into massive detail on topics that I would have never thought of.
I am always on the lookout for these types of topics.
Well, it turns out that I overlooked one of the most basic topics of them all.
What do you do to get an ex boyfriend back if you have already gotten him back before?
Well, that’s what this page is going to be all about.
I am going to be answering all the questions you have in your head (if you have found yourself in a situation like this.)
I will be covering,
- On and Off Relationships
- The Overall Outlook For On Again/Off Again Boyfriends
- The Game Plan For Getting A Normal Ex Back
- The Game Plan For Getting An Ex Back In This Particular Situation
Seems like a short guide, huh?
Trust me, it’s not.
Lets start with on and off relationships.
What You Need To Understand About On And Off Relationships
What is an on/off relationship?
Ok, imagine that the two of us have started dating in January (I bet your excited 😉 .)
Well, if we were to have an on and off relationship it would mean that we would be dating, go through a breakup and start dating again. This process would happen multiple times.
For example, I mentioned that the two of us started dating in January.
Well, from January to March we are on an “on” phase in which we are dating. Of course, somewhere in March I catch you flirting with some guy and break up with you.
We stay broken up from March to May.
In other words, March – May we are on an “off” phase in which we are not dating.
Sometime in the middle of May you beg for me back and being the great guy that I am I decide to give our relationship another chance. So, from May to August we are in an “on again” phase in which we continue to date.
What happens in August?
You guessed it!
We break up again.
(Coincidentally I catch you flirting with another guy…. You really need to work on that.)
We stay in this “off phase” until November in which we both feel a little lonely and don’t want to be alone on the holidays. So, what do we do?
We start our relationship up again (the on phase.)
Do you see how the on again, off again thing works?
It is like a tennis match where your relationship is the tennis ball.
When it get’s hit to this side of the court,
You are considered to be in the “on again” phase.
And when it gets hit to this side,
You are in the “off again” phase.
The relationship ball keeps getting hit back and forth until one of two things happen.
- You stay together permanently
- You permanently go your separate ways and move on
Obviously, what I am here to teach you is how to stop the never ending tennis rally and get your ex back permanently (which I bolded above.) However, before I can get into that I would first like to take a step back and look at your overall outlook if you have found yourself in an on again/off again relationship.
The Outlook For On Again/Off Again Ex Boyfriends
Believe it or not but this is something I see quite often on Ex Boyfriend Recovery.
I can’t tell you how many times I have come across women who send me a message like this,
“My boyfriend an I were in a bit of an on again, off again relationship (we are in the off again phase right now.) How can I get him back?”
Believe it or not but on again/off again relationships are actually quite common.
According to Psychology Today a study was done in which 752 married couples and 323 couples that were living together were asked if they had ever been in an on again/off again relationship with one another.
Turns out that a lot of them had.
23% of the married couples stated that they were at one point.
And a staggering 37% of couples living together reported the same.
Now, since I am not writing this article specifically for women trying to get with their on again/off again ex husbands (how the heck does that work?) I would like to zone in on the 37% of couples living together that reported that they were in a on again/off again relationship at one point.
323 couples living together were asked that question…
37% of them said yes…
That means that out of the 323 couples surveyed 120 of them were in an on again/off again relationship with their significant other at one point.
You know what that means, right?
120 of the women were able to get their exes back and at the time the study was conducted the couples were all together.
For a very long time I have always had an interesting hypothesis when it came to on again/off again relationships.
George Gordon Byron once said,
“History, with all her volumes vast, hath but one page”
In other words, history repeats itself.
That seems to be the case continually throughout history.
- People will always hate to be taxed…
- We will always find a reason to start a war…
- We will always love the fries at McDonalds…
Ok, that last one wasn’t exactly “history worthy” but you get what I am saying.
You know what also repeats itself?
And an ex boyfriend who you were in an on again/off again relationship with is a perfect example of this.
So, here is my hypothesis.
An ex boyfriend who you had an on again/off again relationship with will be easier to get back based on his past history of coming back.
The numbers above certainly seem to point towards the fact that my hypothesis is true and even a lot of the success stories I have had here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery seem to point that way.
This begs an interesting question, though.
Why is it a little easier to get an on/off ex boyfriend back?
To understand this I think you have to understand one of the prime reasons for why the “off again” phase happens.
The Most Common Reason The “Off Again” Phase Happens
In my experience here is how most “off again” phases happen.
A man and a woman are dating.
Everything appears to be fine until a disagreement occurs. Lets say that the disagreement revolves around the woman getting caught flirting with another man through text messaging.
The man in the relationship gets very angry and perceives the flirting as dangerous. After all, men are hardwired to hunt and a woman flirting with one can sometimes be the equivalent of a shark picking up the scent of blood in the water.
The woman on the other hand makes the claim that the guy she wasn’t flirting and the guy she was talking with was just a friend and that her boyfriend (the man) needs to trust her.
Relationships can’t work very well if no trust is involved.
So, what we have here is two people in a relationship sticking to their guns.
- The man believes that his girlfriend should not be flirting with any other men.
- The woman believes that she didn’t do anything wrong since the guy she was talking with was just a friend and nothing more.
This is a problem because the man isn’t going to back off his point and the woman isn’t going to back off hers.
What happens next?
Well, with each person in the relationship sticking to their guns they both become more angry with one another (the man more-so than the woman.)
This is going to sound really sexist but you want to understand men, right?
Some men don’t like it when they don’t have the support of their women. They don’t like it when they feel they are in the right and their significant other is in the wrong.
I guess what it all boils down to is the fact that men like to feel they are always right.
It’s funny, a few days ago I was watching one of those old timey game shows called the Newlywed Game. The premise of the game was quite simple. They took three married couples (some were newlyweds and some were couples that had been together for years and they asked each person a question a question pertaining to their relationship (the other person was off stage so they couldn’t hear the answer.) Eventually the other person (who was off stage) would be called back on and asked the same question. If their answer was the same as the person they were married to they got a point. If it wasn’t the same hilarity ensued (since some couples really took it personally) and they wouldn’t get a point.
Simple enough, right?
Well, as I watched this show there was one couple that stood out to me.
The man in the relationship in particular.
Now, the thing you have to remember is that this show was set all the way back in the 70’s.
Why is that important?
Because how he acted I see a lot of in men today.
When his wife was asked a question she gave an answer. He was then called on stage and asked the same question and gave a completely different answer. Apparently the answer he gave was right and the one his wife gave was wrong.
His wife had forgotten something and answered incorrectly. While he had remembered it and answered correctly.
However, rather than laugh off the mistake like most of the couples had been doing he took it very personally and took some time to berate his wife for answering incorrectly saying,
“You are always wrong… You see, she always gets these simple things wrong”
His wife, clearly embarrassed by her mistake said that she was sorry but that she wasn’t always wrong about things.
“No” he replied.
“You are always wrong and I am always right. Tell me that I am always right. You know it’s true.”
His wife rolled her eyes and sarcastically stated,
“Yes, you are always right and I am always wrong.”
First off, this guy is a total jerk to his wife.
Second, I think what he said is interesting because it sums up a lot of men out there.
A lot of us have to be right most of the time.
A lot of us really believe in arguments like the one that I gave in the example above that we are right and our significant others are wrong.
Of course, more often than not women are the ones who are right. So, when these disagreements do occur and both people are stubborn about sticking to their views they tend to get into some pretty epic fights.
Breaking Up As Emotional Warfare
Lets go back to the example above.
A man is clearly upset because he believes that his girlfriend is flirting with another guy.
The woman does not believe this is the case since the guy is just a friend and she can never see herself with him.
Both people are sticking to their guns here and a fight ensues.
Pretty soon the fight evolves into something… scary.
All in all, it’s a pretty scary fight.
Well at one point during this fight the man is going to think to himself,
“I am losing control here. What can I do to gain it back? What can I say to really control her and make things the way I want them? Oh, I know I will just break up with her. That will get my point across.”
Yup, some men out there will use a breakup as emotional warfare to punish/control you if things aren’t going their way.
Think of it like this, in a man’s mind if he believes that you are flirting with another man and you believe you aren’t the only way for you to understand how much he dislikes that behavior is to break up with you since deep down he knows it is something you don’t want.
In his mind if he breaks up with you, you are going to sit in your room crying all day and night about how big of a mistake you made just because you wouldn’t stop talking to some guy friend who doesn’t mean much to you at all.
In other words, your boyfriend is using a breakup as emotional warfare to get his way.
He knows it will hurt you and he knows it will most likely get you to stop the behavior he doesn’t want to see anymore.
Of course, he is just shooting himself in the foot because deep down he didn’t really want to break up with you at all.
So, what do you think happens next?
Yup, you guessed it.
An on again/off again relationship ensues where whenever he doesn’t get his way he breaks up with you, regrets it and then gets back together with you again.
So, now that you understand more about the most common reason an on again/off again relationship occurs lets move on to what you can do to stop the endless cycle of breaking up and getting back together.
A Normal “Get Your Ex Back Plan” Vs. An “On Again/Off Again Get Your Ex Back Plan”
I think its important that before I start getting into “game plans” and stuff like that, that we talk a little about the main goal you are trying to accomplish if you are trying to get an on again/off again ex boyfriend back.
The main goal that we are trying to accomplish here with this guide is to not only get your ex boyfriend back but to stop the endless cycle of being in an on again/off again relationship.
Being in a relationship of this nature is damaging because eventually if you keep spinning around in this merry-go-round you are going to crash and burn and your relationship will be too damaged to recover from.
Yes, I said it.
An on again/off again relationship is destined to ultimately fail if something doesn’t change.
Of course, right now we are assuming you are in an “off again” phase. So, our first task is going to revolve around getting your boyfriend back.
(I will get to keeping him in a second.)
Generally in this circumstance, to save time, I would make some generic statement like,
“Just follow the basic rules of getting an ex boyfriend back to get your on again/off again ex back.”
Unfortunately, the basic rules aren’t going to be as effective on your ex in this case since we kind of have to keep our end goal in mind (to stop this endless merry-go-round cycle of breaking up and reconciling.)
Here is what the basic rules for getting an ex boyfriend back look like,
Well, when you are dealing with the situation we are talking about in this particular article the rules above no longer apply.
They have to be altered for a number of different reasons.
Before I get into the alterations let me give you the new “revised” game plan that you need to be following with an on/off ex boyfriend,
Notice the difference between the two game plans.
The on/off game plan is a little bit longer and even has a few stars above it.
I took the liberty of putting stars above the aspects of the game plan that have been altered or added when compared to the previous general game plan.
Other than these alterations the game plan remains the same.
For example, the texting, calling and date rules outlined in Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO,
Get the Fairy Tale Feeling Back again with our Step-by-Step Guide to Getting Your Ex Boyfriend BackLearn More
Are exactly the same.
The alterations however…
Well, I might have some explaining to do as to why I want you to do them.
So, what I would like to do now is go over every alteration in the new game plan one by one and explain my reasoning behind it.
Lets start first with the longer no contact rule.
Game Plan Alteration #1- A Longer No Contact Rule
Lets take a step back and study the nature of a relationship that has an on again/off again nature.
In all re-connections where a couple gets back together there is always one person that is pushing for the reconnection and one person that is agreeing to it.
Granted, there may be some cases where both people mutually agree to get back together but even if this happen someone has to initiate the, “lets get back together” conversation.
Lets do some role playing here and pretend that you and I are dating and are in the midst of an “off again” phase.
One day you come to me and start trying to get me back.
You wine and dine me…
Take me to my favorite movie…
I think you get the picture here.
Eventually you are the one that initiates the “lets get back together” talk with me and I agree to getting back into a relationship with you. Unfortunately, our relationship doesn’t last long and we break up again a few weeks later.
Now, lets assume this process repeats itself a couple more times.
The process = The two of us breaking up, getting back together and then breaking up again.
Somewhere along the way a thought is going to enter my head.
What’s the thought?
“Hmm… based on the past she always comes back to me. I can get her anytime I want.”
You remember what I always say about men, right?
They always want what they can’t have.
Well, if your ex boyfriend is under the impression that you will always come back to him then that is a major problem because he has no fear of losing you (which can be quite effective in getting a man to come back to you.)
So, assuming that you are in a position like this where your ex boyfriend is thinking that he can get you back no matter what (based on the past) what can you do to overcome this?
By using a longer no contact rule of course.
Introducing The Longer NC Rule
(If you don’t know what the no contact rule is then please check out my E-Book.)
The general no contact rule that I typically recommend to women is a 30 day no contact period.
Well, for a man that you were in an on again/off again relationship with and is under the impression that you will come back you are going to have to do something drastic to make him think,
“Wow, she may be gone for good this time…”
This is why I would recommend a no contact rule in the 45-60 day range.
Now, that may seem like a lot of time but lets look at this logically.
If you end up sitting in the no contact rule where you have no contact with him whatsoever for two whole months all of a sudden he is going to go from thinking,
“I can have her any time I want.”
“Maybe she is gone for good this time…”
If you get your ex boyfriend thinking that you have him right where you want him.
Game Plan Alteration #2- Last Chance Recovery
This is going to be a little controversial but I think it is a necessary step to break the endless on again/off again cycle.
Part of the reason you are in this predicament is that deep down you know that the potential to get back together is always there if the two of you ever break up.
Above I explained why that can be dangerous due to a man’s psyche.
Well, it is also dangerous for yours.
Now, this is going to sound drastic but bear with me here.
Imagine that you were walking down the road one day and accidentally bumped into a witch.
Yes, I know that sounds ridiculous but give it a chance.
When you bumped into this witch she got quite angry at you,
As a result of her anger she decided to put a curse on you.
What was the curse?
If you get your ex boyfriend back (since you are in an “off again” phase) and end up breaking up with him again then you will die the instant you try to get him back.
Can you imagine if you had this curse?
Something tells me that the on again/off again cycle would be broken because you would wouldn’t want to get him back again since you would die.
That is how I want you to approach this relationship with your ex boyfriend.
Enough of this on again/off again nonsense.
I want this to be your last chance as a couple.
The two of you have already given each other plenty of chances in the past and they all failed.
So, lets just assume that you do get out of the “off again” phase with your ex boyfriend. Well, all I am asking you to do is to set him aside and set the precedent.
Explain to him that this is the last chance that the two of you have as a couple (if you get back together.) If the two of you fail to survive this upcoming “on again” phase then you are just going to leave each other for good.
Make your ex boyfriend understand that you are serious about this and that you mean it when you say that this is your last chance together.
Oh, and it is VITALLY important that you mean it.
You need to believe that this is an all or nothing kind of thing.
If you can’t make it work this time then you are going to have to move on.
Now, this is a perfect lead into the next alteration of the overall game plan.
Game Plan Alteration #3- Preserve The Relationship
University of Texas professor Renee Daily has been studying relationships for years.
In fact, she ran a study on couples who admitted that they were in on again/off again relationships and had some very interesting findings.
She basically found that couples who were in these types of relationships reported less behaviors to help maintain the relationship. In other words, on again/off again couples weren’t safe guarding their relationships the way most other people do.
Now, this begs an interesting question.
What kind of behaviors are on again/off again couples not exhibiting?
Below I have compiled a small list of the most common complaints from men and women in these types of relationships.
- One person in the relationship doesn’t feel good about themselves.
- There is a lack of physical intimacy between the two members of the relationship
- There is a lack of trust between both participants
- Someone is not included in activities
The smartest thing you can do if you get your ex boyfriend back to prevent from falling into an “off again” phase is to safe guard your relationship.
Yes, a relationship is a two way street that requires both of you to put in effort but the fact of the matter is that you can’t control what your boyfriend says or does.
However, you can control your own actions and in my experience a man is going to treat you a lot better if his needs are being taken care of in the relationship.
For example, if my wife treats me really well one day then I am more compelled to spoil her. On the other hand, if she constantly fights me on things or puts me down then there is no way that I am going to go out of my way to spoil her (don’t tell her I said that, though.)
The point I am trying to make here is that by making sure your boyfriends needs are met you can almost get him to treat you the way you always wanted to be treated by him.
It’s a weird form of control, huh?
By treating your man well you get treated well in return.
Like a snowball effect.
So, how can you go about this?
How can you safe guard your relationship for the future?
To be honest it’s a bit complicated and it would take me tens of thousands of words to describe. Luckily, I have already put together a guide on how to do that.
So, my recommendation is that you check that guide and put the information that you read there into action.