This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Whenever I help someone through this site I often hear them refer to me as an expert at “getting ex boyfriends back.” The truth is that I am not. In fact, I don’t like being call the “ex expert” for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I don’t have some sort of psychological degree that says I am an expert at repairing relationships. Secondly, whenever I think of these “ex boyfriend gurus” I often view them as sleazy.

The truth is that I am an expert on the male mind. The reason I am an expert on the male mind is because I am a male!

We are stubborn, fickle, stingy, under romantic, over romantic and scared of being alone. That is men in a nutshell!

The whole reason I created this site was to give you a window into the mind of a man. Using that window it has been my hope that you could use your new found knowledge to help in your campaign to recover your boyfriend. Some women have and some women unfortunately haven’t.

I have been doing this for a while now and I just want to tell you that I am seeing a very big problem occurring. Women who try to get their exes back are far too impatient.

I Am Going To Coach You… For FREE!

And that’s where I come in!

Secret 4 Step Training

What if I were to tell you that I have put together an “On Demand Coaching Class” where I am going to coach you for free?

All you need to do if you want to join my FREE coaching class is click the green button below,

Yes, I Want You To Coach MeSign Up For Free On Demand Coaching

I thought would be kind of cool to show you some of the actual results women have gotten through my “On Demand Coaching,”

Oh, and if you were wondering “Jennifer Christina” is my wife 😉 .

This is another Facebook testimonial from someone who is on the Private Facebook Group.

I’ve got about 300 more Facebook testimonials just like this.

If you are interested in joining my Free On Demand Coaching please click the link below,

Sign Up For My Free On Demand Coaching

The Three Timelines

timelines

I don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. You don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. Heck, no one can know how long it will take to get him back. While I am not a fortune teller, I am in a unique position to help you understand the mechanics behind the time it will take to recover an ex.

Below I have listed three different timelines. These timelines are the most common instances in the amount of time it takes to recover an ex boyfriend.

  1. Short Timeline
  2. Medium Timeline
  3. Long Timeline

Now, before I move on I want to say something. This entire page won’t matter unless you have a plan. Since this is my site and I am familiar with my plan to get an ex boyfriend back I am assuming that you have already read the website or gotten my E-Book. These are important things to do because the three timelines I discuss above integrate directly into the plan in my E-Book.

Click Here To Learn More About My E-Book

The Short Timeline

short term

I wanted to talk about this one first because this is the timeline that most people want their recovery process to go down. Before I start getting technical lets take a moment to define what “the short timeline” actually is.

The Short Timeline- Can occur when someone gets their ex back in 1-3 months.

This is the timeline that every woman coming to my site hopes for. Ironically, this is the timeline that almost no woman gets. The short timeline is rare. Now, I am not saying that it is impossible because I have seen instances where it can happen. Heck, even a few of the successes in the success section of this website have gone down the short timeline. However, most people end up going through the medium or long timelines (which I will define for you a little bit later.)

The Positives I See With The Short Timeline

positive

In this section I would like to talk about the positive aspects that I see from couples who get back together during the short timeline. Now, after I give you the positives of getting an ex back during this time period I will also give you the negatives. It has recently been brought to my attention that while I am really good at giving you the “how to” of getting an ex boyfriend back I really don’t do that good of a job in giving you what to expect after you get them back which is kind of why I wanted to give you some of the negatives so you can know what to expect.

Success Is Increased

Lets forget about all the technical things that go with attempting to get an ex boyfriend back for a minute. Lets focus on something really simple. I can tell you straight up that your chances of success (in getting your ex back) are increased during the short timeline.

Now, I realize that some of you may be a little confused by that statement so allow me to simplify it for you.

The short timeline definition above basically puts a 1-3 month time-frame on getting an ex boyfriend back. That means that if you do happen to succeed in getting your ex back between that 1-3 month period you did so under the “short timeline.” One thing I have learned through dealing with multiple situations in helping women like you is that the first few months after a breakup are really important to getting a boyfriend back. The things you do during those first three months can have the greatest impact in raising your chances to get your boyfriend back.

The opposite rings true as well. You can seriously harm your chances during those first three months as well if you do the wrong things.

Problems I See With The Short Timeline

problem

I do a better job of explaining this in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO but I will do my best here.

If I am being completely honest I didn’t want to write this particular guide to help you. I wanted to write it to vent my frustrations with you..

“Wait.. WHAT?”

Yes, in the last four months I can honestly say that I am getting frustrated with you and I am about to explain why. I want you to know that I understand you. I understand you a lot better than you think. I know that after a breakup you will be impulsive, you will say something and then change your mind a few days later and swear that you hate your ex boyfriend but deep down you know you are kidding yourself.

I understand that at the core of all of that is a deep pain. It is this pain that tells you that “you can’t live without him.” Some women will lose their appetite while others will get so emotional even taking a step is scary.

The point I am trying to make here is that I understand you but I still can’t help but be frustrated with you and I am about to explain why.

Problem 1- You Will Force Things

At the beginning of this guide I mentioned that I was an expert at understanding men. Well, I am also pretty darn perceptive when it comes to women now too. That comes from having over 6,000 conversations with them through this site. The thing I have learned about you is that you want results NOW.

I believe we call this “impatience.” As a society we have been conditioned to get things NOW. Let me give you an example.

A few days ago I was driving in my car and my stomach started growling. Obviously this was an indicator that I was hungry. Well, when I get hungry a series of thoughts run through my mind.

“I wonder what I have at home?”

“Oh wait… that will probably take a while to cook won’t it?”

“I will just go get fast food so I can take care of my hunger problem NOW!”

The point here is that when I get hungry I want the end result NOW (the end result being to not be hungry anymore.) Of course, can this type of thinking be translated over to relationships? You bet it can and I have proof to back up my claims. Every single day women contact me with a message that looks a lot like the one below.

“The no contact period is so hard, this is taking too long. I don’t know if I can last…”

The truth is that we are all impatient and want results immediately. A lot of women will come to this website, get my E-Book and want results immediately. Well, when it comes to this stuff results can take time. When women don’t like the fact that it will take time they grow impatient and begin to force the process.

This is one of the main problems I see with the short timeline. Women will be seduced by this fantasy that if they do everything right their ex will be back in their arms by the end of the month. When that doesn’t happen in real life a lot of women get frustrated and force things.

The results can sometimes be catastrophic as they fall back into their old habits and turn their ex off completely.

Problem 2- The “What Changed?” Effect

Lets shift our focus to the actual successes of the short timeline. I want you to know that I take this site very seriously which means that I really want you to succeed. However, when I talk about succeeding I am not just talking about you getting your ex back. I am talking about you getting your boyfriend back and having a long lasting relationship with him.

I haven’t really talked about this a lot but there is a dark side to getting your ex boyfriend back. There are some women that will come to me and say something like:

“Oh my gosh…. I am so surprised. What you said actually worked and I got my boyfriend back.”

Well, yea I am totally awesome like that ;)! All kidding aside there are some times when about a month later I will receive an email like this:

“My ex just broke up with me again. Things haven’t been the same at all since we got back together.”

This is the dark side of getting your ex back. After dealing with about 6 instances where this happened I began to notice a disturbing pattern. Almost all of the breakups that happened were from couples the reunited in the short timeline. Now, I do have a theory for why I think this happened.

Most couples who I have helped that seem to last the longest take time for themselves before they get back together. That means that there is a problem with getting back together in a short time frame. I like to call this problem the “what changed?” effect.

The “What Changed?” Effect-  Instead of moving forward down a new path, creating a new relationship with a new outlook they pick up right where they left off by continuing their old relationship which is ultimately doomed because it failed before.

The WC effect is more likely to occur in the short timeline because getting back together after such a short amount of time doesn’t give the two parties (you and your ex) enough time to find themselves and come back stronger than ever. Now, I do want to say something really important here for a second. There are actually some cases where couples get back together in the short time frame and last for a very long time. So, I am not saying having a happy ending is impossible all I am saying is that having one is less likely if you rush back into things with your ex boyfriend.

The Medium Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the process of the medium timeline and how it relates to getting your ex back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

strategy

I am going to be honest with you here. This is by far my favorite “timeline” to talk about out of the three that I will be talking about in this guide.

Why?

Simple, almost everyone underestimates it!

Before we really dive in to the medium timeline lets take a look at it’s definition.

The Medium Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 4-8 months

This is one of the timelines that women are scared to go down and I simply don’t understand why. I don’t want to go into too many details right now because I am going to be talking about everything in the sections below but I do want to point one thing out. The medium timeline gets a lot of hate. If your own personal timeline has already crossed over into “medium” territory do not freak out. It might actually be a good thing.

The Positives Of The Medium Timeline

positive thinking

Before you read on I want you to hit the pause button for a minute and go up and look at the first timeline we discussed (the short one.) I hope you noticed that there were actually more negatives than positives. While I am a firm believer that if you are trying to get your ex back you should get them back whenever the opportunity presents itself it is sometimes a bad thing to take them back too soon.

Anyways, here are all the positives I have found with the medium timeline.

Needs Vs. Wants

Now, before we can get to the meat of this point there is a mindset that I need you to grasp. This goes way above what we are talking about here. In fact, what I am about to talk about is something that you really need to master even before you attempt to get your boyfriend back.

(See Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for more information on how to do this.)

What is this mindset?

You are allowed to WANT your ex boyfriend back but you are NOT allowed to NEED your ex boyfriend back.

In order to understand this statement we need to study the timeless war between:

Want vs. Need!

What is a need?

Simple, a need is something that you can’t live without. Here are some basic needs:

  • Food
  • Water
  • Shelter

What is a want?

A want is something that you CAN live without. Here are some personal examples:

  • I WANT a million dollars.
  • I WANT that new video game.
  • I WANT to walk in the room, have everyone bow and chant the words “chris is awesome…” (too much?)

All kidding aside the point I am trying to make here is that if you can master the mindset above and truly be able to say that you can live without your ex boyfriend the world is your oyster!

Now, I am betting that you are wondering how this relates to the medium timeline. Well, I am not an ignorant person. I have dealt with enough “emotional” women to understand that obtaining the correct “want vs. need” mindset isn’t going to happen overnight. In fact, I have actually helped women who have told me one day that they are better off without their ex only to have them come back the next day crying saying “why doesn’t he love me?”

The truth is that it is highly unlikely that you are going to obtain the correct mindset if you get your ex boyfriend back during the short timeline. However, it IS likely that you can obtain the correct mindset under the medium or long timelines.

Establishing A Lasting Relationship

What have we already established for new relationships forming during the short timeline? Sometimes they don’t tend to last very long. It all ends up tying into the “what changed?” effect that I discussed above. Well, in this section we are focusing on what happens during the medium timeline.

Interestingly I have found the opposite to be true.

Essentially, your chances of having a lasting relationship if you get back together with your boyfriend during this timeline are much higher. While obviously nothing is guaranteed it puts you in a really good position. You see, a lot of women I deal with are so desperate and frantic to get their exes back they don’t think too far ahead to what getting back into a relationship with their ex would be like. Instead, they just focus all of their energies on the actual “getting him back” part. While I suppose there is nothing wrong with focusing energies in one place to accomplish a goal I think that you should put your overall happiness above a goal.

For example, are you truly happy when you are with your boyfriend? If deep down you aren’t then you are definitely not going to be happy when you get him back.

The medium timeline comes into play because it gives you a lot of time to do some soul searching and thinking. However, this isn’t only true just for you. It is true for your ex as well.

In the end it all boils down to two simple concepts.

  1. Relationships formed during the short timeline are usually done during a period of emotion. These types of relationships typically DON’T tend to last in the long run.
  2. Relationships formed during the medium/long timelines are usually done after a period of emotion. These types of relationships DO tend to last in the long run.

Problems I See With The Medium Timeline

problem kid

Not everything is all dandelions and cotton candy! Just like a coin there are two sides to everything when it comes to relationships. In this section we are going to study the negatives of the medium timeline. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning as I am not going to pull any punches here. I am going to straight up tell it like it is and some of the stuff you may read in this section could potentially upset you.

Other Women

I wanted to start off with a bang so here we go. When you are dealing with this amount of time (4-8 months) you should expect other people to get involved. Now, when I say other people I am talking about other women. Lets not skirt around the issue here. I know for a fact that the number one fear that women who visit this site have is if their ex boyfriend is dating someone new. Heck, maybe you are experience the heartache of still having romantic feelings for an ex who is dating someone else.

I am the type of person that likes to take a “big picture” look at everything (you will learn about “big picture” looks in the next section.) When I look at the big picture for relationships in general I have some potentially upsetting news for you, ALL OF THEM END.

A few weeks ago I said something that seemed to ruffle some feathers of the visitors. I am not entirely sure why it did but it did. The truth is that every single relationship in this world will eventually end.

Either because someone will break up with the other person.

or

One of you will die.

While that is a gloomy way of looking at things lets take another big picture look at other women dating your ex boyfriend to connect the dots.

The chances of your ex boyfriend dating someone new during the medium timeline are significantly increased. Now, before you jump out your window and hunt this new girl down I want you to do something that is going to be unbelievably hard. I want you to stay calm. Take a few deep breaths because I am about to dissect the situation for you in a big picture view.

So, you are in the medium timeline and your ex is dating someone new. Just realize that right off the bat that new relationship will eventually end. Now, I don’t know how long it will take for the new relationship to end but what I do know is that it will eventually end so you will have a window of opprotunity again (lets just hope that window of opportunity doesn’t occur when you are 82 years old haha.)

Your Chances Of Success Slightly Decrease

As much as I would like to tell you that being in a medium timeline is a great thing for raising your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back I just can’t. The truth is that the more time goes by the more your chances of success drop. Now, I don’t want you to freak out or get upset because I have known (and worked with) people in all three categories (short, medium and long.)

I do want to focus specifically on women who have gotten their exes back in the medium time-frame so I can tell you their experience. In the next few paragraphs I am going to tell you a story. This story is important because it is really the reason this site exists.

This is the story of one of my best friends (who for her protection I am not going to name.) But if I were going to name her, her name would be Ashley!

Ashley is a remarkable woman because she has gotten her ex boyfriend back a total of two times. Interestingly, the first time she got him back was during the medium timeline while the second time she got him back was during the long timeline. For this particular section I want to focus on her first success.

What I found amazing about her is the fact that she was able to overcome the decreased chances of getting her ex boyfriend back not once but twice. So, I want to take a moment to study exactly how she did that.

Of course, the first time she tried to get him back this site wasn’t even in existence. Both her and I had no clue what we were doing. I can honestly say that I didn’t give her too much advice because I knew nothing about getting exes back at that time. Instead, I mostly just listened and offered support to her when I could. However, after her success I began to educate myself on the subject since I thought that other people might be going through the same things she just went through.

I remember texting her a few months ago asking her what she thought the most important ingredient was to her success. She gave me a pretty simple answer.

Time and patience…

The Long Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the long timeline and how it relates to getting your ex boyfriend back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

life

Ah yes, the scary long timeline. If there was ever a timeline that people want to avoid it’s this one. Funny thing is, I don’t think the long timeline is half as bad as most make it out to be. In this section as always we are going to be examining the positives and negatives of this timeline. But first, it might be helpful if we define exactly what the long timeline is.

The Long Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 9-12+ months.

Before we move on I do want to clarify something. I mostly consider LT (long timeline) cases to span over an entire year. In fact, some of the most successful relationships that I have helped put back together have occurred during the LT so don’t be discouraged if it takes you this long to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Positives Of The Long Timeline

positive

As always there are positives and negatives with any timeline. I thought that for the LT we would start with the positives. A few things to note here. As you read through this section I want you to notice that some of the positives found here are better than any of the other positives in the other sections. So, while it may be a little troubling to hear that it could potentially take an entire year before you get your ex boyfriend back I also want you to realize that sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Ok, now on to the positives!

A Big Picture Perspective

I alluded to this in the previous part of the guide. So, what is a big picture perspective? Quite simply it is the ability to remove yourself from a situation and look at things in the grand scheme of things. This is actually one of the reasons that you have read this far down this page. It is one of the reasons that you come back to this website waiting for new content to be added. It is one of the reasons you find my guides interesting.

You see, I have a big picture perspective on your situation while you do not.

I can look at your situation and give you a game plan without any emotion. While it is common sense that positive emotions are the cornerstone of any successful relationship they can get in the way when it comes to coming up with a proper plan to get your boyfriend back.

So, how does being in the long timeline help you get a big picture perspective on things?

Well, one thing that I hope you are noticing by now is that as time goes on people tend to get less and less emotional. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule but in general the initial statement is true. Lets use this guide as an example. During the short timeline one of the negatives was that you could get back together with an ex on a whim (too early emotionally) and the end result would be an unhealthy cycle of the two of you breaking up and wanting to get back together again. During the medium timeline your emotional state began to come back down to earth as you could work on developing a want vs need state.

A big picture perspective won’t come easily. Even if you are in a long timeline. Deep down it is hard to not get emotional over someone you really care about. However, there is a distinct advantage to removing yourself from a situation and looking at an overview of things.

For one, you can begin to diagnose your overall chances of success. Having the BP state gives you the ability to figure out if the two of you have a chance anymore, if the he even wants you, if you even want him. You can look at your situation without emotion and trust me when I say that is a very good thing.

You Can Become The Ungettable Girl

The ungettable girl is kind of a big deal when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back. While I am not going to go into specifics on how to become one because I do so in my E-Book I will give you a “big picture” view of one ;).

The Ungettable Girl- Is an idea. Essentially it is a woman of higher value. A woman that any man can’t resist (especially your ex.)

Becoming the UG is not an easy task and it will take time. Luckily, one of the great things you have in your favor during the long timeline is the fact that you have time. While I could have technically put the ungettable girl section in the medium timeline I thought that the long timeline would be ideal for it because becoming an UG does not happen overnight.

Sure, you may be pretty. Sure, you may have a great personality but the truth is even if you have those things you are not an UG. A true ungettable girl has an aura that surrounds her. She can walk into a room and time will stop (literally this happens when I see an ungettable girl.)

Not to get too off topic here but I have developed a sense for locating ungettable girls. A few years ago I attended a high level college course. Like any male my age during the first day I am not really concerned with how the course is going to work, I am concerned with where I am going to sit. Usually I like to sit next to someone who looks interesting and when I mean interesting I mean I want to find a pretty girl to sit next to.

It took me a while but I finally found her. Then I began to notice something, I wasn’t the only one sending attention her way, the entire male portion of the class was! That was when the light bulb went off, this was an ungettable girl. She had this aura around her that just drew men in. While it certainly helped that she was both pretty and took care of her body that wasn’t the whole package. The most attractive thing about her was this aura of mystery surrounding her.

Now, I have talked with enough ungettable girls to know that you have to be very brave to approach them. I knew that I had an advantage over the rest of the males in class because while they would be sitting around debating an approach in their head I would be the one acting. Sure enough after class I caught up with her, introduced myself and learned a little about her. There were two things I found interesting about her.

First, she slipped in the conversation that she had a boyfriend. The fact that she mentioned this to me meant one of two things. She was happy in her relationship and didn’t want me to get any ideas or she simply didn’t want to be hit on.

Second, she told me that she was a professional powerdancer…. for a well known basketball team!

Wow, that one shocked me!

The Negatives Of The Long Timeline

smile

We are almost done I promise. I know this has gotten kind of long. In this section like always we are going to be focusing purely on the negatives of the long timeline. You will find that this is going to be a shorter section than it’s predecessors. While there is a reason for that I do want to take an opportunity to give you a few nuggets of knowledge.

There are going to be times during the long timeline that you will get discouraged. You may find yourself asking “if he wanted me back he would have asked me back by now.” I understand where you are coming from completely. However, things aren’t always as black and white as that.

There is a popular saying that goes “the greatest mystery in the universe is women..”

Well, have you ever noticed that only men tend to say that?

I think the more accurate saying should go “the greatest mystery in the universe is men AND women..”

Getting an ex boyfriend back can sometimes take years. The thing that you have to ask yourself is if waiting for him to come around is worth it or not?

Now, lets examine why this section is going to be shorter than the others.

Interchangeable Negatives

I want you to scroll back up to the medium timeline. Once you get there make sure you take a look at the negatives.

…….

…….

Have you done it yet?

Well, the long timeline has the exact same negatives as the medium timeline. That makes the negatives interchangeable. That means that you can expect to have:

  • Decreased chances of success.
  • Other women

As the big negatives of this section. I don’t know if there is much more to say. Maybe that I will see you again soon and don’t be afraid to comment below to ask questions. As always I am here to help you!

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (619)

  1. nikki - 0

    nikki

    Hi,

    Question about a 2nd breakup and months of no contact. The first time we broke up after 6 months of dating I followed this plan and we were back together in under 3 months. It was short lived. We did not fix the problems that led to the first break up and he dumped me again. This was over a year ago. In that time we have had some contact and we did hook up. Last week he texted me late one night saying he missed me but in the morning he texted again to say that he was drunk and didn’t mean it. It had been 6 months since I spoke with him. When I replied to last week’s text he said he should respect the breakup and not contact me again. I’m confused I thought I was over him and now how do I get him back! Do I wait 3 months?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Not necessarily 3 months, but maybe just 3 weeks before rebuilding rapport again

  2. Ali - 0

    Ali

    Do I need to tell my ex about the NC rule?

    Reply
  3. Ana Valentin - 0

    Ana Valentin

    Hello there! My bf of a year and a half broke up with me last week (exactly). he said the reason was to focus on himself, figure out his life and his goals again. But also he felt like we couldnt communicate and I know where this stemmed from. When he first broke up with me we cried and spoke about it all night, then the next day he kept crying and saying I’m perfect and he loves me and he feels like an idiot throwing that away. We come to the conclusion of maybe trying again. But I told him to go home and think about it because I’d rather him make a clear decision than a foggy one with me crying in bed next to him. We have one last perfect date day, it was amazing and he goes home. Before he goes he kisses my forehead and tells me he’d be an idiot to let all that we built go. So I have hope. But he calls me the next day and says he doesnt want to be in a relationship anymore. I ask him why and he says to focus on yourself, make new friends, perform and write music. And so I’ve been in no contact ever since. Do you think we have a chance? I feel like we do….I just hope I can make this marathon. Im working on bettering myself so that when we do get back together something HAS changed (but also just for the sake of myself)

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ana,

      does he know you’re doing a 30 day nc?

  4. Surabhi - 0

    Surabhi

    Its been more than 9 months that ms bf broke up nd went off.. We didnt had any such fights nd serious issues to break up.
    He just said we have difference between each other we have no future together and left me.
    But i loved him truly Im not able to get him out of ma head.
    I’m suffering a lot. But he moved on so easy easily.. I want him.
    But the way he insults me i feel he don’t deserve me.
    He makes me feel he is not worth for ma tears!
    I loved him. I still love him.
    Its just Giving me pain…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Surabhi,

      you mean you’re moving on?

  5. Him - 0

    Him

    Hi, my ex broke up with me about 3 months ago. I think I was his rebound relationship, but he was my first serious boyfriend and I really liked him and I get the feeling that he really liked me as well, but a) our timing wasn’t right and b) I became too dependent on him to keep me happy. It’s been 3 months now, I tried the NC rule but after asking him to come back and being refused, and when I contacted him after the NC period, he didn’t respond. I have also tried to forget and move on but I can’t seem to do that… So I am back in NC, it’s been about a week, we’re in the same uni but I’m back home in a different country for easter break… I think I want to text him after I get back, but don’t know what that might make him want to respond to me… Any advice?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Him,

      be very active in improving yourself and in posting in social media.. he has to think you’ve understood and accepted his decision.. compile interesting topics for him and check this one:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  6. Eunicee - 0

    Eunicee

    Hello still waiting for your advice,have now spent a 7days without speaking with him,am just into prayers and thinking of money for school. please advice me on the earlier comment.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Eunicee,

      that’s good that you’re praying..mix faith with actions because it’s really just being active.. aim to be an ungettable girl.. follow the advice on this link:
      The Ungettable Girl

    • Eunicee - 0

      Eunicee

      I actually saw my ex boyfriend today at work but because am in the NC period i decided to pretend i didnt see him. am not sure wheather he saw me or not since we work in the same organisation. and yesterday i called a friend of his to pick up his things and give them to him. hope am doing the right thing here.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yup, that’s right..

    • Eunicee - 0

      Eunicee

      Dear Amor!
      Yesterday my ex boyfriend came to my office just to say hi and tell me that i was smart and if am ok…. all i responded was thank you and that i was fine. then today he just passed by but didn’t come around to my office. because i responded to him yesterday when he came to my office, does this mean that i have to start my NC period again. because i had really stayed without contacting him for about 8 days now,or should i just continue with my NC. A m getting confused here please advice me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope.. you kept it short and direct..that’s ok

  7. Ellie - 0

    Ellie

    Hi, my ex and I broke up five and a half months ago. I admit that it was my fault because I was becoming needy that I kept on pestering him on why is he becoming distant. He was extremely busy then as well with his major subjects while I became laid back on mine because I was already done. He’s an incredibly sweet guy when he gets attached to you but has firm goals in his life which he prides himself on as of now. I was his first serious girlfriend and as he was mine. I’ve tried the no contact rule before but failed miserably. This got kinda weird for a while because I sent him a couple of e-mails, a few texts and a phone call over the course of 3-4 months.

    I haven’t heard anything that he’s dating someone new. I’m open to the possibility that he might have taken interest in a few girls but prohibits himself from initiating anything romantic because he really does want to focus on himself.

    He said that he just wanted to be friends with me because he realized that he’s not ready for the commitment and he wants to improve his skills. Even though with that being said, he never initiated contact except for when my birthday came and he greeted me and we had a short chat. And he said that he would give me something although he wasn’t sure when yet because he’s really struggling as of the moment with a lot of things and I said okay but I dont think that time is ever gonna come?

    And then last week I saw him at an event in our school where he was a part of the organization that came up with the event. I don’t wanna go into detail but some bits felt movie-like but it was short-lived. We chatted for a bit and then he excused himself and was already walking around the place talking to his friends. I left early with my friends because I felt like I couldn’t be in the same room where I couldn’t touch him.

    I miss him a lot and I think as of now I’m doing better in fighting the urge to contact him again in anyway. Although his birthday is only a few months away and I’m planning on greeting and giving him something as a token of appreciation that I wasn’t able to give last year due to the break up. Is this a good idea to do? I’m not entirely hoping for any compensation from him right now but I really am hoping for us to be back together no matter how long it takes for that to happen.

    There’s a part of me that would just be happy enough to become his friend again and be able to talk to him without becoming awkward but I don’t want to get completely friendzoned.

    I don’t have any strategies for the “big picture” but I’m hoping to get some from here thanks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ellie,

      you have to build rapport now because the longer you wait, the less chances you have and the harder it will be to build it

  8. Eunicee - 0

    Eunicee

    Hello please i need your advice,i broke up with my ex boyfriend in November 2016 its now 4 months and 13 days.. recently it was his birthday and i got him a birthday cake and sent it to work that was on 7th march. fine he appreciated it but later on in the evening i met him along his area where he lives and he thought i was stalking him going to his place, he then told me that if i want him to pay back the cake i bought for him on his birthday he will pay and he goes a head telling me if i want to know he has like 4 girlfriends. but all i concluded with him was that i told him i will always take him as a friend and right now my intentions is to go back for my further studies. i really want him back in my life again for a long lasting relationship, we work together in the same organisation. what could all this mean,his reactions and ego and attitude? its now 4 days ago i havent contacted him and i want to do a NC period for 45 days without any word to him. kindly guide me how to handle this situation, what should i do and where can i start from.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Eunicee,

      that’s good that you’re praying..mix faith with actions because it’s really just being active.. aim to be an ungettable girl.. follow the advice on this link:
      The Ungettable Girl

  9. tina - 0

    tina

    Dear please help me,I met my ex yesterday we broke up in November 4 months ago and was telling me if I want to know he has 3girlfriends right now what could that mean please help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tina,

      It just means he wants his ego to be rubbed, it can also mean he’s trying to make you jealous, but it still goes back to his ego..

  10. Cansas B - 0

    Cansas B

    My sister is having her birthday at a bar in my exes town that he lives in. We’re getting hotels etc. She’s having it the day it will be 31 days of no contact. I feel like I want to invite him. What should I do with this situation? It’s going to be so hard going there because his house is 6 mins away. Not only that, it’s St. Patrick’s Day weekend and I’m worried about that:(

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Cansas b,

      It might be too early for a personal meet up but if you can handle it, invite him…

  11. OBA - 0

    OBA

    Hi i broke up with my ex 4months ago,initially i was so much in touch with him,but along the way after all the fights and insults have decided to do the NC period,its now 9days without contacting him,we work together but i even make sure i don’t meet him along my path way since we are in different departments. could it be possible that he has someone new in his life? could he be with a new girl? or do you think he will contact me during the NC period? am i not going to loose him completely if i don’t call what should i do now? should i continue with the NC till the days are up???

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Oba,

      has talking to him in the past months helped? Why do you think he has someone else? Check this one too:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • OBA - 0

      OBA

      Talking to him in the past months didn’t help me at all, and why am thinking he has someone else its because of his actions towards me when i call,he is rude and he tells me i shouldn’t have hopes of getting back together with him. that makes me feel like he has someone else in his life. but i will just continue with my silence.

    • OBA - 0

      OBA

      And how long should i wait then i contact him! can i contact him after 4 months or should i do the NC period when am done then i contact him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Try the nc period. I think you need to do at least 45 days. Don’t just wait, be very active in improving yourself.

    • OBA - 0

      OBA

      since am in the medium timeline, do u think after the 45days of nc it would be ok to contact him through text message, how about if he has moved on with another woman! should i just let go and not contact him since he has another woman.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      That would depend on your standards if you still want to try.. If you want, you can initiate.. check this one:
      Handling The First Time You Talk To Your Ex After The No Contact Rule (Live Coaching Session)

    • OBA - 0

      OBA

      My worry is that,he is the one who broke up with me.. what if during the NC period of 45days he doesnt contact me at all what could that mean? could it be that he is guilty or he has moved on with a new woman.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      can be but most of the time it will be because of stubborness. And if he did move on by himself or with another woman, would he regret that seeing you after nc or by seeing your posts?

    • oba - 0

      oba

      I met my ex yesterday morning and he told me that it seems am stalking him yet I was doing my own things and he goes ahead and says if I want him to pay for anything I have ever bought for him I should tell him the amount he will pay it back and the funny but he told me if I want to know he has three girlfriends right now. Why do u think he is telling me all these things,could he just be transferring his anger towards me or he is frustrated with the women he has in his life right now. And now I need to start my nc period afresh

      This time round have decided to block him in all the social media’s Facebook, wats app and even his numbers have blocked all of them untill 45days is done then I will unblock him. Please advice me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Make your posts public.. Did you post anything before that relates to his life or his posts? Maybe that’s the reason why he thinks you’re stalking him. He probably said those to make you jealous. If you didn’t reply to him just continue on the count but if you replied or if the past days we’re not focused in improving yourself, then you have to restart the count.

  12. Jenny T - 0

    Jenny T

    Hi! Please help and tell me what I am doing right or wrong. Almost two months ago, my boyfriend of 2+ years broke up with me,.. Out of the blue, over a stupid little argument, saying he needed to be by himself and not with me anymore. We were serious and planning to move in together this summer. We are both in college (I’m in grad school and he has a year left) and even talked quite a bit about our future together. He truly loved me, treated me well. He often said that he sees himself married to me – Even up to the day before he broke it off. Since the breakup, I took the advice to just leave him be – The hardest most painful thing I have ever done in my life. He has contacted me, via text or snapchats, but never a phone call. His messages are never conversations about us, just funny things in remembrance of us, even once asking to come over to borrow something. He will text daily for a few days then nothing for a week!! I keep every conversation very vague- friendly but short. Then I won’t hear from him for awhile. Never on weekends. He did come over to get what he asked to borrow but he obviously didn’t want to come in so I made it short and simple when handing him what he needed. It was basically “here you go, thanks, goodbye…” conversation. Maybe he was wanting more interaction from me but I got scared he would run even more, so I just let it be. Is he waiting for ME to initiate a text or any type of contact? My friends feel he is since he has a hard time communicating and I have basically blown him off with every contact he has made to me. He will never be the one to come to me asking for a reconciliation. He hadn’t in the past, I’m usually the one running back to him after an argument. But it’s been awhile since the breakup and I feel I’m losing him more as time goes on. What should I do? Wait for him, because he won’t be the one to make the first move. Thank you for your help.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jenny t,

      talk to him first if he’s consistent with breaking up do a full no contact period of 45 days

  13. Tiffany - 0

    Tiffany

    My boyfriend of 4 and a half years broke up with me yesterday. We had a good relationship and we were good for each other. But, we both made mistakes. He said to me yesterday that he lost romantic feelings for me and didn’t see a future with me. But, he wants to keep me as a friend. I have a weird gut feeling that he’s the one and that this isn’t over. So does one of my friends who also has known him a long time. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Tiffany,

      start the 30 day no contact rule period. Staying friends now will probably make you fiendzoned

  14. Lg - 0

    Lg

    Hi- I posted a question yesterday but it seems to have disappeared from the page.

    I’ve been on your site a lot. You helped me get through the first stage and I had a great date with my ex. But then the issues in me (PTSD) flared up again and I freaked out and was anxious and my anxiety drove him away. That was 6 months ago.

    I’ve been going to therapy and things are getting better. I’m more in control of my emotions. I still really love him and want things to start again with us. He has a new girlfriend. He says he doesn’t want to “keep me on the hook” and that I should move on. But he keeps texting me. I told him yesterday that I couldn’t talk to him for awhile. Then he emailed me a job opportunity.

    What can I do? Is it hopeless?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lg,

      I actually agree with your decision that you need to heal first.. Do that first. Heal and continue to improve and grow at the same time before going back to rebuilding rapport..Date around too.. it doesn’t matter how long it takes but just make healing a priority..

  15. Lg - 0

    Lg

    Hey- you were very helpful in assisting me to get through the first phase of getting my ex back in the summertime. However, I lost him again because of the first reason I feel like caused me to destroy things- because of PTSD symptoms and fear of abandonment- which I’ve been working at aggressively to fix (therapy, meds etc.). We were only together 9 months, but I miss him terribly. The only thing is that he has another girlfriend and when I told him I missed him and asked if he thought we might be able to be together in the future, he just told me he doesn’t want to keep me on the hook and he’s in a committed relationship. She even spends time with his daughter. I don’t know what to do, I miss him a lot and don’t want to give up but every time I talk to him I become pathetic. I told him today I can’t talk to him anymore, because I feel like I’m not healing. What can I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lg,

      I actually agree with your decision that you need to heal first.. Do that first. Heal and continue to improve and grow at the same time before going back to rebuilding rapport..Date around too.. it doesn’t matter how long it takes but just make healing a priority..

  16. Anna - 0

    Anna

    hi! I am writing because my bf of 7 years broke up with me about 3 months ago. the breakup was civil and mutual. he had some problems with himself and it was affecting the relationship. Also for about a year and a half i have been talking about a more serious commitment ( marriage or at least a conversation about more future things as a couple) but he didnt want to talk or always said that he was committed but he didnt want to get married yet. So when we broke up I told him not to come back unless he was ready for a serious commitment with me. We havent talked since the break up that was 3 months ago. I havent contacted him and he hasnt either. about a month into the breakup i left on a long vacation/work for 3 months and im not back yet. is there a chance of getting him back?

    Reply
    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      or what should i do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,
      Its been a long time but how much did you improve during it? And I think yoi should check this one too even if it hasn’t been a year:
      Getting Him Back After A Year (Or More) Apart

      and this one too:
      How Do I Get My Commitment Phobic Ex Boyfriend Back?

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      I am good about the whole thing. this is what it had to happen and im ok with that. we have been nc for 3 months. is there a chance that after 3 months he will break the nc? I dont know anything about his life right now. what should I do. i dont want to contact him because I said that if he wasnt ready for a serious commitment he shouldnt come back.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh I mean how much did you change in health, wealth and relationships aspect in your life in the last 3 months? hmm.. I thinknit would be better to read the suggested links first because they can help you more than what I can say..if you have any questions after that dont be shy to comment

  17. Kikki - 0

    Kikki

    Hi

    I did the nc rule and messaged him today, he got mad saying he wouldnt take me back because he thought that that must have been the reason for me contacting after all this time. I told him I had no intention on getting back with him because he had changed so much which is obviously a lie but I thought it was the best thing to say and I also said I didnt want to talk about drama so we ended up talking about interesting things, it was quick and I am sure he is still a bit mad but at least we texted a bit. Did I handle the situation well? Also should I text him everyday? And how often should I send him a message?

    Thanks in advance 🙂

    Reply
    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      I also forgot to mention that he kept pressuring me into finding another man, that he would never want me unless I change my religion and all… it made me upset so what do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kikki,

      how long did you do nc? how much did you improve during nc and are you still doing that now? what was the first text? if religion is his non negotiable, are you going to convert?

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      To give some more detail, I would never change my religion and he knew that sinds the beginning. He decided to convert and we were doing well together until I pressured him and hurt him (which I regret deeply), he broke up with me and I begged and pleaded and cried but nothing worked. I then came across your site (thank god) and decided to do the no contact rule, I did it for a full 30days no interuptions. He never contacted during that time and after the 30 days I contacted him. He got mad because he didnt think I would have the power to ignore him. He kept saying things like “I know you are trying to get me back because I know you too well but I cant deal with you religion anymore, if you ever find yourself still alone and without any faith than we can try something out” I think he kust trying to still be in control so I said I have no intention on getting back with him. What do I do next? I really want him back because my love for him is too deep for me to give it up. I did well with no contact, he got mad which means he loves me but he doesnt text unless I do first. I know he still loves me and wants me but he is too stubborn and using religion as an excuse. Please help me! You truly are amazing if you can help my situation 🙂

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      My first text to him was a funny inside joke about my room being painted pink for a second time (I hate pink and our first convo was about the colour pink). He reacted mad and annoyed and said he thinks I want him back

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok if he really is just making religion an excuse and he still loves you, then he has to think first that you’ve really given up and decided to move on..because if he is just being proud, that’s because he knows he can be like that becaude you’re still there.. But if he doesn’t love you and he’s saying the truth about religion, then you have to move on. The only thing that can increase your chances despite that is if he’s really attracted to you to the point that he knows that he either has to compromise or change religion because he knows you’re not his anymore and you’re not changing religion..

      that means you have to stop talking to him and focus more again on moving on without totally moving on because he’s just annoyed with your efforts..set the limit on until when you would do that..maybe at least 60 days before initiating again or to totally move on if you decide to stop trying at that point. If hes angry after that 60 days of massive improvement then move on.

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      We are in a long distance relationship I know he still loves me but when he never cares to send me a message unless I do than he just answers but he never contacts first? Should I send him something everyday?

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      What should I do because of the distance? I literally cannot be without this guy I love him too much to give up and he loved me too, I am sure this can be saved but 60 days of no contact?! I cant do that!! 30 days killed me and I did that perfectly because I was serious about getting him back but 30 days was almost impossible let alone 60! He probably will think I moved on which I dont want him to think… I love him strongly and I want him to stop being spiteful anymore. Before I started nc he would say that he wanted me to continue saying I love you and I miss you to him but now he seems like he has gotten colder than ever. I made him this way so I can only blame myself. I want him to be the sweet guy he always was… thank you for all the help you are providing me with, I consider you a friend for helping me out here 🙂 you are amazing Amor!!

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope you didnt make him like that.. from how you sound, if he said before that he wants you to keep saying i love you and to talk to him, you did it right? what pushed you to start nc in the first place?

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      I do blame myself for making him cold because I tried to break up with him a few times and he would get so hurt and cry begging not to leave him so I would take back what I said because I realised that he loved me so much and I would love him more and more but I was so stressed one time that I told him I was tired of him so I ignored him for a week (to get myself together and I regret it deeply) At this point he said he was done with me and my behaviour as it kept hurting him. He is now blaming my religion for it (because that was one of the reasons why he was stressed sometimes). When he broke up with me I was devastated and he knew that so he started being spiteful so I would understand his pain. He would give me false hope by saying he still loves me but the next moment he would say he doesnt feel that much love for me anymore because of what I did to him 🙁 but he would tell me I can still say that I love him and all that so I guess he felt pride because he knew that I love him but he started saying that I am pushing him away by being so clingy I guess and this is why I started doing the nc rule. I decided to do the nc rule on him so he would no longer be in control of me and slightly because I wanted him to think I was doing great without him. I really feel bad for what I did so it would be my wish to reverse it and make him love me again and make him the happiest man alive …

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, but realistically if he doesn’t want to talk now, and you kept pushing it means you’re back in square one right? In order to have a chance of a restart, someone has to break the cycle of him being angry and you chasing him.

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      Sorry I put this exact message under someone elses question XD

      I only text him every other day so he will miss me a little bit…I texted him today and kept talking about interesting things and I am sure he liked it but he would only respond with short 3 word answers like “that is good” or “yeah you too” so he wont stop being cold but I am all bubbly when I text him and once it gets interesting I tell him I gotta leave. I know that should help but should I continue doing this until he stops being cold and opens up to me more?

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      I think it is very unfair of him to break up with me the way he did because he knows it killed me and he knew how I felt about him. During our relationship I told him I would marry him and he told me the same. I also said that I would never love anyone else which essentially is true because I am like a wolf, I only ever love one man and after him there would never be anyone else I literally will never love anyone else because I know myself. I am way too loyal :S

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hmm.. sooner or later that will become predictable because he’ll notice that you’re texting every other day only.
      if you’re not going to rest, you have to keep doing new things and meeting new people and making new friends instead. Widen your world so you can gain new perspective and grow

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      Yeah you are right. He wouldnt stop being cold so i sent him a text saying that it took a lot for me to finally get over him and I wouldnt annoy him or bother with him anymore. I guess I shouldnt contact him until he wants me back (which I am not sure if it will happen or not) this is not what I want but I guess I have no choice. It seems like I fell in love with a hard case here ;(

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      set a limit on until when you would wait and continue being an ungettable girl

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      Uhmm… I afraid I dont really know what that means, I read the article about the ungettable girl but I am not sure on how to do that especially because we are in a long distance relationship. Can you help me please?

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      Oh also would a month be enough to be an ungettable girl?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      if you meant the nc period,nope it’s not..the nc period just helps you sto start the routine of being an ungettable girl. It means being active on growth.. continuing to improve yourself everyday no matter what. That is the physical, health and relationship aspects of your life. Continue working out, explore new work outs and food, meet with friends make and maintain friends and family relationship, learn new skills..

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      But what benefit does it have in getting him back? Sure I will improve myself but will he want me back because of it?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      will he want you back if you dont? It’s not a guarantee ofcourse but if you dont change, nothing will change too.. And do the change for yourself, that’s why it’s important to set a limit until when you would wait because you have a life too..your world doesnt revolve on him..

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      It did for a long time though… I feel pretty much lost without him but thats just how I love I guess. I am going to give it a try by doing things I enjoy and I hope that will help me heal until he hopefully tries again with me. I really wish for a future with him and still feel like I have so much to lose when it comes to him. I am in distress so I should work on myself first. Thank you so much for your advice on everything I hope it helps me become a better person and eventually get him back. I am so grateful to you for your patience and time so once again thank you a lot!!! :* 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you’re welcome! Think of this as adventure that later on wilk make you a better person

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      I will do and I will make sure to let you know how it goes with me or if I got him back 😀

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      thank you Kikki! 🙂

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      Hi Amor I know it hasnt been too long but I tried being an ug but I failed after he got my hopes up saying that he would help me with maths if I needed the help. I ended up thanking him a lot and saying I loved him as a friend. Now he has been ignoring me and it is really harsh. I sent him 2 emails, he didnt respond… and today after 5 days I sent him one again just asking if he would prefer a male or female pet (I am thinking of getting one and I cant choose so I asked his opinion). He still wont respond though… what should I do? I am so scared and I feel like this is hopeless please help me 🙁

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      dont be beat yourself up… it’s a process.. Just pick yourself up..learn from the mistakes..It’s not yet too late.. Let’s just say that, those are a blessing in disguise because it helps you see more clearly, that chasing doesn’t help

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      Okay I wont care anymore, he just makes me nervous and anxious. I will wait until he comes back around.

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      Hey Amor,

      My ex seems to not want to contact me anymore. When I send him a message he will respond a day or sometimes two later. Could it be that he has moved on from me? He also said he doesnt want to call me and we havent called eachother since we broke up which has been a long time now. If I get him to want to call me, do you think he will be more emotional? Or has he really moved on? It seems to me that he enjoys the single life and uses his friends to get over me… please help me with your magical advice Amor 🙂

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      from your previous comments, more probably yes, he has moved on.. So, that means you either move on too or approach it from that perspective. That if he has moved on, would you be someone he would be interested to get to know now? Would he think you have moved on or just chasing?

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      I dont understand exactly what you mean, are you trying to say that if he has moved on there is no use in trying to get him interested in me? What exactly do you mean with taking action from that perspective? If you are asking me if he would be interested in me now, I would say yes. In the time I havent been with him I learned to value what I have and that I shouldnt be selfish. I feel like I am suffering a lot not having him around but I can hide it really well now so I learned to control my emotions. I really feel that I have matured a lot since we broke up and I cant wait to show him but it hurts so bad that he is taking two steps back everytime I take a step forward towards him. I think he might be scared I will hurt him again and he doesnt trust me. I really need your help because I already blame myself so much for the things I have done wrong in my relationship with him but the fact that I have felt guilty all this time has made him forget all the things he did wrong in our relationship. It really hurts me so much because I dont care about what we both did wrong cuz if we were to get a fresh start I am positive everything would turn out well this time. My biggest fear is losing him forever that is why I am really clinging onto whatever hope is left. Please tell me I still have a chance because the effect it is having on me is intense and for the sake of him taking me back I havent allowed myself to show any emotions at all and the only times I do is when I cry alone in my room. I might seem happy but I am dying inside, its awful. What do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Oh no.. the more desperate you are, the more you wouldn’t get someone back. I understand it hurts, you love him, all you want is to get him back. But desperation will show no matter how much you hide it. What I meant is that, if he has moved on, he wouldn’t want you to be chasing him because all he wants is for you to move on too.. If he sees that, if he knows that, there’s a higher chance that he would be willing to be friendly again because he knows both of you have moved on..

      You have to go to therapy. It would be better to get professional help. Bottling your emotions is not healthy. You know if you’ve really matured, you have to forgive yourself. If he doesn’t remember the bad things he did, that means he has forgiven himself. And if you think he’s afraid of you, that means he still sees the old you.

      You can blame me or be angry at me if you think I’m not helping you, but the best course of action is, to accept first that there’s a possibility that you have to really move on. If you know that, you wouldn’t be desperate and the healing and improvement would benefit you more. Don’t pretend. Do that first, when you know you’ve healed, that it’s ok for you to lose him if it doesn’t work out, then that’s a better time to try to start building rapport.

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      Ahh I now understand where you are coming from and you are absolutely right. I know it is bad to bottle up my emotions but thats what I have always been used to do and it doesnt bother me at all. I have already accepted the fact that I might be running after a train so to say and as much as it hurts I am aware of the fact that I might lose him forever that is also why I managed to do the things I never thought I could do before like holding back from trying to reach out to him, acting like I am enjoying life, etc… the reason why I am doing all of this is not necessarily to get him back but more to minimize the chance of never being with him again if that makes sense. I really want him to take me back when the time is right and I wont lie, I wish it would be as soon as possible but I know I need to work on myself more than I already have and I realize that because of you so I am thankful to you for that. All I am just confused on now for the moment is what to do exactly right now, as you know, he has beenmoved ignoring me and I stopped chasing after him because it felt desperate and I knew I didnt want to be like that but if I leave things as they are, will he ever contact me again? Moreover, wouldnt he just forget about me after a while? To me that is the scariest thought especially because of our, long distance….

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Get professional help first because that would really help a lot. If you want to build rapport now while being in counseling, do so. Just take it slow, be more active in your own activities and have fun conversations.

    • Kikki - 0

      Kikki

      I appreciate the advice but counseling wont be it for me but I will try to open up more about my feelings so no need at all to worry about that. I will be fine and will just continue with my life because I am done with trying so much now. I give up.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Ok, I understand.

  18. Megan - 0

    Megan

    So my fiance and i were going to get married september 2017. I thought everything was fine and he always told me that he loved me and would even write me letters and show me how much he cared. On a saturday night a few weeks ago i let a friend of mine prank call him for two seconds literally saying “ayy papi” and handing the phone to me. He got upset and i understand he doesnt like it when i let other people use my phone to mess with him. But im young and like to play around sometimes. It was only meant to be a joke. We got into an argument that night but i thought i ended the conversation off well. We were even making plans for what to do tomorrow. But the next morning he says he just got off the phone with “a few people” and calls me just to tell me he has had enough and hangs up on me. He doesnt let me speak and blocks me and my family on everything. Instagram, snapchat, facebook. I’ve talked to his mom and im close to his family. His mom said he is hurting just as much as i am and he even told me that a part of him will always love me. But a couple weeks go by amd i call him. He said he was unhappy with the relationship and that he talked to a premarital councelor but that all he saw was negatives in our relationship and that he didnt care anymore. He said he stopped loving me but i dont understand if only a couple weeks ago he said something different. He said he wont be dating for a long time. Me amd him are both in the military now im marines and he is navy. We dated before the military though but he was always so proud of me for going out and achieving my goals. But after he broke up with me he said that i wasnt taking care of myself and i wasnt independant enough. But im in the marines how can i be more independant than that? I don’t know what i did wrong and he refuses to talk to me. He says that he has made up his mind and wont go back to the relationship but i just want to fix what i did. I don’t know how to get him to listen to me or what to do. But i thought we were so happy together he never told me anything was wrong.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Megan,

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  19. REN - 0

    REN

    I have been with my ex for 6 months and we broke up on 5th of november 2016, he still wants me to be friends with him,we work together in the same organisation,i have tried the no contact period but it didnt work for me,he usually comes to say hello to me at my office and even comes to my home. what should i do now because recently he asked me to get tickets for a movie and we go watch together,he even called me one day and told me how much he wanted to come over to my place and prepare food..why all these signals? and if i ask him about a second chance in the relationship he repels and doesnt want to hear about the relationship… what should i do now? please advice me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Ren,

      how many days did you do nc before and did you make it clear that you needed space at that time? That you’re not comfortable of him going in your home? But right now, just let the following days play it out.. but dont be easy.. dont sleep with him..if he wants to go out, go out and have fun

    • REN - 0

      REN

      Amor, should i just be friends with him or i should cut off the friend zone with him,because he wants to be friends with me and we work in the same work place,the nc period is really failing because he comes around work and my home,though he made it clear to me that he dosent want to talk about the relationship and what happened to us in the past,because he claims the wounds are still fresh.

      Is it ok with me to move on to another relationship beacuse i really tried all my best to get back with my ex but its failing and i feel like time is really running out on my side??

    • REN - 0

      REN

      Dear Amor,please advice! what could be all the signs he shows like he is coming back! why doesnt he want to talk about the relationship and getting back together yet he wants to go out with me for a movie, He says what if the relationship doesnt work out,does it mean he has moved on already with someone new.?

      should i move on with my life and also get someone else,am so confused just advice me please.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      let the days play out what he really wants from you..go out with him if he asks you..if after two weeks nothing progresses, then proceed to nc

    • REN - 0

      REN

      Dear Amor,
      please advice me,yesterday i got tickets to the movie which my ex wanted, then when i told him he rejected and changed his mind that he nolonger wants to go out with me. and later on he didnt want to show me his home,but a friend showed me his house and i went there, he shouted at me so badly and held my hands almost threw me down and told me there is no chance of us getting back together anymore.he embarassed me infront of his neighbours. now what should i do? should i just move on with my life?

    • REN - 0

      REN

      Actually after the quarell yesterday evening when i went to his place, he told me he never wants to be friends with me anymore in his life and i should never ever call him again in life. now what should i do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      for me, if I were you after that, I will move on but if you really want to try, do 45 days nc

    • REN - 0

      REN

      Well Amor, i will try the NC period but will it even work out, because we work together and me working in accounts he always comes around to sign for vouchers or even transport.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      there’s no guarantee that it will work but it’s better to do that than chase him.. Check this one too:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • REN - 0

      REN

      Hi Amor, i was just wondering, after that terrible fight with my ex boyfriend last friday,the abuses and the insults and the tensions,i havent contacted him since then,am now trying the NC is still there chance of getting back toegther.?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s lesser.. so you have to avoid fighting with him again..

    • REN - 0

      REN

      yeah i will make sure i complete the world month without a word, and now what should i do his birthday is in march 7th do u think its a good thing to surprise him with a birthday cake at work or i just leave it.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      nope because you’re in nc..

    • REN - 0

      REN

      Just a question, when an ex keeps on saying we are never getting back together repeatedly after the break up,could he be meaning what he says every time or he just wants to use it to hurt the recipient. because we work together and if i say i want to talk about something else he thinks i want to talk about us getting back together. could that be a weapon against me or what?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it can be but it can also mean he sees you’re not over him and he doesn’t want you to expect

    • REN - 0

      REN

      Hello Amor, just a question! is it possible after three months of the break up wit my ex boyfriend to move on to another relationship with a new girl.?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      there can be a new girl but less likely on totally moving on and not comparing her to you

  20. Regina - 0

    Regina

    Hi everyone 🙂

    I read your e-book and it gave me a lot of insight, thank you for that.
    However, I do have some questions about my specific situation so I apologize in advance because this is going to get pretty long.

    My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. We definitely started our relationship too early as I had just ended things with my boyfriend of 3 years 3 months prior. I had told my boyfriend that I really liked him and would like to be friends with him but that I wasn’t ready for a new relationship because I wanted to get my life in order before I started seeing someone else. He seemed fine with it at 1st but then started pursuing me even more, he was very charming and persuasive. Ultimately I fell for him because he made me feel very special and wanted and we started seeing each other way too soon.
    It didn’t take long for us to start fighting about the smallest things which I will take full responsibility for. He was very patient and always tried to work things out while I was struggling with myself and my life. Fast forward, he broke up with me 7 months into the relationship saying he never wanted to talk to me again.
    Back then I didn’t know about you guys but am somewhat proud to say that I did exactly what you recommend, I didn’t contact him and pretended to be happy. It took him 5 days to come running back and literally beg me to be with him again.
    Once again, I knew better but I made the same mistake and took him back. He said he’d be patient and help me however he possibly could.
    Fast forward another 4 months and he broke up with me again, this time saying he wanted to be friends. I told him I couldn’t be friends with someone I’m in love with and went into hiding for 2 weeks. I turned off my phone and didn’t go to work because we work together and I couldn’t stand seeing him.
    I went back to work after the 2 weeks and he was looking for me and finally got me to talk to him. I knew if I didn’t act like I didn’t care, I’d get emotional and start crying. He was pretty hurt by my “attitude” and called me the next day and told me how much he missed me and all that. Over the course of the following month we got back together. Again, I kinda knew better because I spent most of the time apart hurting instead of making improvements to myself.
    Fast forward another 4 months, we’re broken up again. This happened a week and a half ago. We got into it over the phone, I told him off and hung up on him. He sent me a text a few minutes later saying he unfriended me on Facebook and deleted our relationship status and if I ever call him again it better be important. I didn’t respond so half an hour later he sent me 5 super long texts about why he can’t stand being with me anymore, etc. Then he tried calling me. Then he sent me 5 more super long texts saying he doesn’t hate me but still going on about why we can’t be together anymore. Then he tried calling me again. Then he sent me another couple texts saying how all he wanted was me and all he needed was me by his side but that we will never get along for longer than a week. His last text was a picture saying “I love you forever”.

    Now, I didn’t respond to any of that. I simply didn’t know how to handle that texting tangent of his. I simply went online and stumbled upon your guide. I figured if anything it would keep me busy reading and I would learn about the make mind.
    Within a couple days of the break up he deleted everyone associated with me on Facebook (except his mother, she’s still friends with me). A few days later (a week after the breakup) he left the closed Facebook group we have for our job (after seeing a post a co worker made wishing me well since I’m recovering from surgery). Another few days later he blocked me on Facebook, despite already having unfriended me and me not being able to see anything on his page anyway because he has everything set to private. Oddly enough, that happened within a couple minutes of me updating my profile picture which wasn’t even a picture of us. So I’m assuming he was snooping around while I was doing that, haha.
    He hasn’t blocked me anywhere else, I can’t look at his other social media because we’re not friends but I’m only blocked on Facebook for some reason. I don’t know for sure why he did it but I feel like he’s fishing for a reaction because he hasn’t gotten anything from me since I hung up on him and to be honest that’s unusual for me. Normally if we got into it over the phone/text, I would respond but this time I’ve had it.

    I have a whole list of things I want to accomplish in the new year, so I was very happy to read about the Holy Trinity 🙂 I just wish I had actually listened to my better judgement from the get go but I can’t change it now.

    Anyway, regardless of my plans for my own life, I can’t help but be in love with him. So I guess my questions are: what are my chances of getting him back based on our break up track record, this being the 3rd time. Not anytime super soon obviously because I’m finally learning from my previous mistakes, just in general. Also, would like to know how to apply NC at work in case he tries to approach me like he has in the past because I’m determined to follow through this time. And does anyone understand what’s going on in his mind while he’s doing all his little social media stuff? 😀 is he really looking for a reaction or is it something else? What am I missing here?

    Thank u for everything guys 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Regina,

      the more you break up and get back together, makes the relationship on and off which gived you higher chance of getting him back but not making him stay.. usually for on and off couples we recommend at least 45 days.. he probably wants to show you he’s doing fine through his posts, just ignore it..and check the link below for applying the no contact rule at work:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • Regina - 0

      Regina

      Thank you, I read the guide and will apply NC accordingly. However, earlier today he actually reached out to me asking me to let him know when he could stop by to get his things. I haven’t responded and really don’t want to since we’re in NC and I’m not planning on going back to work for another week. How do I react if he shows up at my house? Should I just not open the door? Or when he approaches me at work next week? It’s not hard to avoid him at work without making it obvious, should I just go with that?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just be civil and polite.. don’t initiate any relationship talk

  21. Morgan - 0

    Morgan

    This is kind of a long one but I figured I’d give a shot. My ex and I were together for almost five years and have three kids together. He left me shortly after our third child was born and moved into his current girlfriends house almost immediately. Flash forward eight months and they’re still together. He tells me that their current relationship is not the same and that he’s not always happy, but he’s alright. Is there anything that I can do to get him back? He’s said that he misses me but thinks that the damage is irreparable. I know deep down he still has feelings for me, but I’m not sure if it’s too late or not.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Morgan,

      is it because he still sees the old you in you?

  22. Franzi - 0

    Franzi

    So my boyfriend broke up with me half a year ago and I cant forget him and I can’t stop loving him. it all started will problems from my side I had a few problems after we came back a really long trip and I was really clingy and wasn’t really nice to him because of my problems. I told him everything just one thing I didn’t told him because he Couldnt got along with all my problems and we had a lot of fighting because we Couldnt understand each and so he broke up in a fight half a year ago and I don’t know what to do anymore. I started with the no contact rule and then I contacted him and he said it’s too early to have contact now so I don’t know because i don’t know what to do I never really fight for him because I knew I need to give him space and I don’t know it didn’t work out so what do I have to do. I am really sad and crying a lot last weeks and I’m thinking about him all this time and I really want to do some action to proof and how I am now and that I’m the same girl he fell love with at first time and I don’t know how to do this and I really want to tell him the reasons why I was so mean to him all this time but I think he might miss understand all this and just think that I want to tell HIm just to justify myself. Then he can fall in love with me again because that was never a problem he was in love with me after he broke up with me but he couldnt handle all my problems and our problems. if I could tell him what was the reasons from both of our sides I think we might get back together but I’m so scared that he will push me back again if I will tell him now I think it’s more about A month that we didn’t saw each other and we didn’t contact but he also can see all the time my snaps and my Instagram photos and all what I’m doing on Facebook so can you please help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Franzi,

      you need to let go of the previous relationship because that was done..If you want a chance, take this as a restart.. dont be the same girl because he left that.. be better.. you said it’s just been a month since you last saw each other, so that means you saw each other 5 months after the break up but you didn’t explain? or he didn’t ask you? If you didn’t massively improved and changed yourself, do that first instead of trying to convince him with words

  23. Sammy - 0

    Sammy

    My ex bf broke up with me one week ago (we were together 3 months) and it was out of blue he said he can’t make me happy anymore I deserve batter blah blah blah but on the day he decided to be single, he still said let’s meet up more than couple of times a months okay ? I just focused on explaining why I didn’t met him, I should said let’s improve and meet more. So after couple of conversations, he told me he felt every worse bexuse it didn’t help. So he was not sure if he want this relationship, but he still like me as a person( this upset me actually) I have been review out relationship I have so many love to him he felt pressure and also before we broke up I didn’t meet him often he told me asked me go out often and I didn’t He also said we didn’t flirt anymore now he wants to be single And very sure after we broke up he doesnt talk to me Even when I msg him he seems not interested I kinda told him let’s just have some fun while your in my city Becaus you can make me happy He said: haha that’s fine then I thought you were upset, I said I was because it happened so sudden now I understand why, so I m not upset anymore. He just replied: ah okay………. I feel like he is not interested in me at all ! He has never texted me first during these two weeks. What should I do now !

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,

      even if you didn’t meet and talk for a month, if you didn’t focus in improving yourself, that’s not considered as a no contact period. So, start the count for 30 days after reading this and focus in improving yourself.

  24. Saya - 0

    Saya

    Its about 5 month we broke up . I had a great relationship with My boy friend and for both of us this kind of relationship with so much love was new and we liked it so much and we enjoyed of being in love .
    After 8 month of being so much in love and having best memory he started to talking about break up . I didnt gave up and tried my best . But i felt he looking for some bullshit to convicded me and himself that this relationship doesnt work anymore . I was sure its not about other girl and he didnt cheated on me . I knew he had so many problem in his work and his family . And sometimes we had some small fight like every couple . He told me i cant stand it anymore we had so much fight . I think we cant fix it anymore . But it was an excuse. i tried to understod i didnt fight with him anymore . even when he said lets just be friends i accepted . I just wanted him to be calm but After four month nothing changed and he didnt want to came back and fix our relationship . Everything was just like before we were faithful everyday we saw eachother we had sex just like before . but there was no feeling from him . And he afraid to being romantic with me again . One day he told me i dont know what we are . I am confiused about everything in my life and i’m not happy anymore . I dont know what i want . I asked him its becouse of me? He said no everything in my life is so missed up and i dont know what to do . Then i told ok if you want to go i let u go . . I tried my best for u . He said i know i’m sorry i didnt want to hurt you .
    That was soooo hard for me but i didn’t want to push him to stay with me .
    i knew he loved me and I thought if he has space to think about me and everything i done for him he will regret . So i did this with hoping that he’ll come back to me very soon .
    But he left and did NOTHING after our break up not even one text . I did no contact rule more than 2 month and was just like hell . I cried so much i crashed but never let myself to text him .
    nothing happend . Eventually I called him about 1/5 – 2 month ago . I didnt talk about us or our break up i acted cool and just talked about normal stuff and he was so so so nice and kind and said i’m glad you called . but he didnt say he wants to see me and didnt called me or texted me .
    I dont know what to do anymore . I cant move on because i still love him and care about him . I know he loved me so much but he afraid and tried turn off his feeling . In this 5 month i tried to find myself and be a better person . I’m ok if it takes time but i want him back . What can i do ??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Saya,

      You can’t force somebody who doesn’t want to be with you. But in those months, how much did you really improve? How different are you from the girl he broke up with? And in the last conversation, if you chased him, that means you didn’t change much.

  25. Kady - 0

    Kady

    So me and my ex were together on and off for almost 5 years (high school and college). I officially ended things in 2011 because of trust issues since we were long distance and both of schedules were crazy since we were in college. In 2014, we reconnected briefly but I found that I was not over him and asked that we refrain from speaking. He was upset and begged that we remain friends because I was such an important person in his life but I stressed that it would not be healthy for me and he respected my wishes. This weekend I got to thinking about him so I sent him a friend request on facebook (we stopped being facebook friends in 2010 as it was an area of tension) and yesterday I sent him a message. He responded positively and we talked half of the day about life in general. Throughout the conversation he mentioned how surprised he was to hear from me, how nice it was to talk to me again, that we should talk later and not to let 2 years go by before we speak again. The conversation was also loaded with emojis such as the winky face, blushing face, and laughing all from him. I feel that we may be able to have a better relationship this time around since we have both grown and are not kids anymore. I definitely want him back but I don’t want to get my hopes up since he is currently in the military and will be gone for at least 2 more years. How should I proceed from here?

    Reply
  26. Pippa - 0

    Pippa

    So after reading this article the suggestion is that a long term approach to getting back with your ex is advisable – is that right?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pippa,

      yep, it’s the long term approach

  27. Lia - 0

    Lia

    Five weeks ago (early October) my boyfriend moved out whilst I was away. He left a letter saying he had doubts/something missing that he couldn’t shake and didn’t want to waste any more of my time, knowing I wanted kids. We’d been together for 3.5 years. In May he’d suggested we buy a house, he even suggested a rough budget. In June work was intense/he was unhappy at his work and then his Dad got sick. It wad full on. By July he told me he needed space and moved out but quickly came back as I got injured and was on crutches. We carried on and had an amazing holiday to Asia and were talking about getting cats, christmas and plans and then this happened. I was brave and met him two days after he moved out and told him u agreed to split, we couldn’t carry on like this but thought it was a massive mistake. I tried texting him after a month -light breezy text and got no reply. His sister in law told me he said he is sticking to his decision. Our mutual friend thinks it is panic but said I shouldn’t chase him, he is not worth it. He offered to try and speak to him but doesn’t aee him very often. His sister in law is going to ask his brother to pass on a message that if he wants to get in touch in few weeks, I would like to speak even as friends My ex has left some things at my place that I think he’d want (sofabed, table, etc). I am considering next steps. Do I a) text and say I need to sort a few things out Inc arrange for him to get his stuff? (Pros: shows I am moving on, gets him to see me, cons: riskier approach, comes across as final). B) wait a while and try a new interesting text… Pros: gentler approach, he may need more time cons: doesn’t deal with his stuff at my place/drags out pain… C) text his mum to say how much ive valued being part of her family and farewell, id hoped he’d change his mind, say I miss him/her – say I now accept situation. Message will likely get relayed to him. (Pros: get insider knowledge, gives impression i still care but am moving on; cons: could be awkward….D) write him a letter in due course starting how i really feel. And respond to some of the points in his letter. Knowing then I’ve tried everything Draw a line under it and move on. I’d very much welcome advice.dont want to do anything in a rush if I ruin my chances as I love him dearly despite his actions.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI lia,

      if you are going to do the no contact rule, it’s ok to talk to him about giving things but if it’s not that important, it would be better to just focus in healing and improving yourself for at least 30 days..

  28. Anona - 0

    Anona

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up two months after his mom’s passing. I really wish you would elaborate on men who are grieving and how that can affect a breakup. My ex boyfriend and I got into a petty message via text messaging a few weeks ago. Usually one of us calls the other the patch up our differences within a day or two. (We live two hours away from each other). Long story short I tried to contact him after a week, and his response was cold. He now refuses to answer my calls and blames me for our predicament. This stonewalling from him is painful and my only conclusion is this is a breakup. I have given up contacting him and deleting him from my Facebook account. A petty disagreement and now we’re not talking. I feel that his grief is pushing him away from me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anona,

      you have to give him space and let him grieve.. Try doing a 30 day no contact period. At least that way you could focus in improving yourself..be active in social media..

  29. Clarice80 - 0

    Clarice80

    So my ex dumped me over a text message 3 weeks ago and I have not heard much from him since.
    So we had been together for 2 years and had a great relationship. We rarely fought or argued. We had fairly good communication. Back in June we had a fight which led to us taking a break, but not actually break up. This was for about 2 weeks. Our fight had been about moving in together. Hes not ready. I let it go. A few before this last fight, i asked if he thought wed ever move in together. He said yes, but he wants to not only be good with it, but each of our kids. Cool….i just want to know we’re on the right path.
    But then i think I pushed too hard and part of our fight this last time was about moving in, because im stressed where i live (with roommates). So i said i wished he was ready to move in. He got a bit irritated and said i thought you were going to get a place closer by me. I told him that was the plan, but though i can make the monthly payments, its hard to save for the deposit. He got more irritated and asked why i hadnt asked him for help. I told him it was a pride thing and that i wasn’t with him for his money. He was so upset that i didnt ask him. I hadn’t seen him so mad before. He calmed down and said if we are going to have a future we cant not ask the other for help, money or otherwise. I agreed.
    So he asked how much I’d need, i wasnt sure. We talked more about future plans etc, again feeling like we’re on the right path.
    Before i left i asked him if we were good, he said absolutely. He said he was excited to see where we’d be and how much he loves me.
    Fast forward 5 hrs, a dumping by text. No explanation or reason. I blew up his phone for the 1st 4 days no response, i left him alone for over a week, then asked about my stuff. No response. Finally after a few more days i get him to msg me about my stuff. And he briefly talks to me over text. Saying hes not in love anymore and that his descion is made. He wouldn’t answer me anything else. Im broken, ive even spent time in the hospital because i cant eat or drink so ive made myself sick. Now im feeling better a bit, not to say that I dont cry or anything, but im making a plan to better me, getting that place without his help….going back to school and joining the gym.
    Im restarting NC because i failed at it.
    I don’t know what happened with this, but i want to try to fix this and i hope hes willing in the long run. We had an amazing relationship and connection ive never had with anyone else. He loves me deeply and i have a hard time believing he just turned it off.
    I was thinking nc 30 days, but not sure….advice? Thank you!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Clarice80

      Yeah, Try at least 30 or 45 days. The most important thing is that you improve and heal yourself.

  30. Shirley T - 0

    Shirley T

    Hi there, so I was in one of those off and on relationships for two years, and we got back together three times during the short timeline.

    We broke up in February of this year. I recently sent him an email of gratitude and acceptance this past week, and have been in actual no contact for 8 months in order to heal and actively soul search. I tried dating a bit, but nothing serious, and he had been the main person that I still think is the one for me. We were discussing engagement plans and whatnot before we broke up and lived together.

    However, hehas not responded to the email and I’m wondering if I should just let go and move on for good.

    Could I have advice on how I should approach this?

    Thanks!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shirley,

      It looks like it’s weird for him to receive that after 8 months. So, maybe he doesnt want you to expect..

  31. Anna - 0

    Anna

    We were together for 4 months but things moved quickly so it was very intense. Two months into the relationship he disappeared for a week and would not answer any of my calls, he came back and said that he had left because he was a commitmentphobe but he would never disappear again. I was the first girl he dated since his ex a few years ago so I think he is scared of getting hurt again. However, two months later he disappears again for a week only this time sending a text that he doesn’t want to do it anymore. We met in person the next day but he couldn’t give me a reason for wanting to end things. Since then he hasn’t replied to any of my texts or calls. I have done 30 days no contact but he still hasn’t replied. He reads my messages and still follows me on social media but won’t respond even though we ended things well. I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,

      how much did you improve during no contact? We’re you clingy? If he’s a commitment phobe, most of the times, what makes them commit is when they know you’re not going to be needy or clingy because you appear as the ungettable girl. Check the link below:
      The Ungettable Girl

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Yes I was clingy! I have been contacting him once a month so he expects to hear from me. I have been improving myself which he knows because he has been watching my social media posts. I decided to delete him off facebook but am keeping my posts public so he will realise I am serious about moving on. is this a good idea?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yep! Because he needs to see those posts.

  32. Spitfire - 0

    Spitfire

    Me and my ex dated for 4 years
    We mainly broke up because thingd got hard the last three mouths of us dating.
    We have bee apart for 4 months now.

    The reason we broke up was because i didn’t really habe my life together, and we wete both stressed out with other things that we startrd to have more and more argument.

    After we broke up we tried to start over and be friends but ended up sleeping together or fighting. He would bring up the past and tell me how i messed up , or now if i tried to talk to him the same cute texts i send to all my friends he gets upset about, saying its weird.

    He tells me things like he doesn’t care what i do with my life he pays close mind to what i put on facebook.

    Lately his been hanging out with a girl that he knows i dislike , saying he likes spending time with. He makes it seem like he likes het and wants to be with her.

    The other day we got into a fight and i saw i can’t talk to him.

    I feel like his rebounding and what hurts more is that he tells me his changed with everyone else but me , saying i have not changed when i am (slowly).

    I started the 30 day no contact today.
    I broke before when trying this the frist time..but i know i can do the 30 days now seeing im a little more stronger.

    What i ask is what is he doing?
    Do i still have a chance with him?
    Is he acting out?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Spitfire,

      I think you should do 45 days because you’ve stayed friends and slept with him after the break up.. It looks like he is rebounding and acting out, which in a way is a good sign. But you have to focus in healing and improving yourself if you want your chances to be higher.

  33. LG - 0

    LG

    Hey- I posted immediately after my breakup and your advice did help me get to a point where things were starting to heal… but then I messed them up again. I have PTSD and was mixing it with alcohol and destroyed things again. That was one month ago or so.

    I’m now hoping to repair things. Here’s what happened. We broke up almost 3 months ago. I only did 1 week no contact. We were texting and such while he was away, and when I returned he made a date to see me. It was 6 hours and amazing. But soon after, I let my fears and insecurities eat me, and it exploded pretty fast. That first time we reconnected I had told him I couldn’t just be around as friends.

    Now we’re talking again but I’m also not doing well with the break up. This time around he’s telling me that I need to move on. I don’t want to be a pest but I still have hope we can get past it. I’m starting therapy in a week and I have been taking medicine and doing better. I saw him to give him his stuff back recently and fell apart.

    Do you have any advice? Should I go back to NC? I know it’s pathetic but I haven’t felt this way about anyone before and I want to be able to show him I can do better. We were together for 9 months before we broke up, if it makes any difference.

    Reply
    • LG - 0

      LG

      He is being unclear about whether he’s serious with someone else. I know he’s dating, but he won’t tell me anything else.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lg,
      he probably doesn’t want to talk to you about it because it’s going to get emotional and he doesnt want a confrontation… him telling you, that you need to move on means he thinks you’re chasing and hoping.. so, stop talking to him for now and focus in your therapy

    • Lg - 0

      Lg

      How long do you think I shouldn’t talk to him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it depends on how much and when you will heal.. put him aside and put yourself first… if it takes 6 months for you,.so be it..

  34. Dee - 0

    Dee

    my ex broke up with me after a fight 2 months ago…n now that i m trying to get him back he s negative bc he says that i wont change ..since i hadnt the past 2,8 years we were together…but his bigger concern is that he s scared for dragging me since i am 36yrs old n he s not sure if he wants a future w me… he says he still loves me n misses me but if he s not 100% sure then he s not willing to give in. i said that i am willing to take my chances n wait for him.. we have contact here n there n 2weeks ago when he called me to see how i was i said that maybe its time i take my stuff from his house (wich they are quit alot) so that he doesnt feel pressured..he kinda freaked out n then he offered to keep them longer since i dont have much space at my place…we left it there…so whats going on? how can i handle it so that i win him back…?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dee,
      what does he want you to change? What do you think about the no contact rule?

  35. AaronB - 0

    AaronB

    Me and my ex girlfriend were together for a little over two years…. Things happened so fast in the beginning of our relationship that after only a few months we split up. We did the short term getting back together scenario and things seemed to be great. After about six months old problems appeared. We split up again….. This time after a month of our split , she moved a man into her house. I was devastated and wanted her back! In a couple days we were back together , again not fixing the problems in our relationship. We broke up again and she started dating shortly after our breakup! We got back together and still not fixing what was wrong in our relationship. We are broke up now but this time i started dating a friend of mine that I’ve known for 30 yrs but Ha vent seen in over 20. We’ve been together almost 4 months now and throughout the 4 months my ex has been texting , calling and showing up at my job and house. When she texts i respond because I feel guilty and I know I still love her. SAD. Why can’t i shake my ex and be happy in my new relationship? I went no contact with my ex for 2 weeks now.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi aaronb,

      if yoyu love your ex and she wants you back, just do it.. why make the situation complicated?

  36. Carla C - 0

    Carla C

    Hi
    My bf broke up with me last month. We were together for more than 3 years. We were really happy before that sad day happened. He told me that he loves me a day before that. I really didnt expect that he’ll do it. He got into med school and really stressed. He said that he loves me but his head was messy that time, we need a break and be friends.

    I texted him after the break up and I dont receive any reply. I am at my 16th day of NC and I havent heard from him. I do not know what to do. Please help me get him back.

    Reply
  37. Carla - 0

    Carla

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I broke last month, please help. We were together for more than 3 years and we were happy. He told me that he loves me before that sad day came. He was the one who left me. I really didnt expect that he’ll do that. I asked him why, he told me that he loves but his head was really messy. He just entered into med school and he got so stressed. After the break up, I texted him but I dont get a reply. He is ignoring me until now. I do not know what to do. I am at my 14th day of no contact with him. Please help me get him back. What to do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Carla,

      are you actively improving yourself and making a new daily routine now?

    • Carla - 0

      Carla

      I am trying to be fit because I lost a lot of weight. I cannot sleep at night and I cry a lot. I am really depressed.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Carla,

      you need professional help.. There’s no use in doing nc and sticking to a count if you’re not getting better even minimally each day.. If you’re still depressed after 30 days, then you have to restart count..
      check this one too:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

  38. Diana - 0

    Diana

    So I met my ex half year ago (B), when i just started dating his friend(A). The friend thing(A) didnt work out because i found myself liking my ex (B) way more. So i broke up with his friend(A) and two months later my ex (B) and i started dating dating. We did fell in love and he is just my type of guy, same views in life, hobbies, goals, values. A couple days back my ex talked to the friend and i was dating before to tell him he was dating me. The friend told him he felt dissapointed and betrayed because he saw my ex as a big brother. And as much as my ex wanted to be with me he broke up with me because he said he was not ok with the perspective of being happy while someone else is being miserable because of him. He wanted something long term with me but he also wanted something good and pure not mixed up with bad feelings and regrets. I want him back but i know he needs space and his friend (A) need to be over the topic and ok with us before we even think of going back together. We havent talked since the breakup and i dont think we will soon, but i do want to get back with him, i see a future of shared lifes with him. We did not have any infernal fighting just external issues which causes the breakup

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Diana,

      treat 30 day no contact as giving him space while improving yourself, that will also give him more reason to miss you..

  39. SLK - 0

    SLK

    My ex and I were together for over 5 years and no breaks. We got together at such a young age, 14 and 15. In about a month we will be 20 and 21. A month after our 5 year anniversary, his mom announced that she wanted to divorce his dad and left for a different state with another man. About a month and a half after that, he decided he was unhappy and broke things off with me. Our relationship was rocky during years 2-4, but we got passed it and we were happy. We didn’t have a bad break up, we ended on good terms. He said we could still be friends, but there has been no contact. He acts as if our relationship meant nothing to him and I meant nothing to him.

    At the beginning of the break up, he was always so unsure about what he wanted. If he wanted to get back together or wanted to stay single. We haven’t talked much in the past 6 months. Maybe a total of 6 or 7 times. I would send him long really mushy texts about why I love him but he would never respond. We have a mutual friend who told me that he still checks on all my social media, but he never asks me how I am personally.

    Recently I saw on Facebook that he is talking with some girl and has even been on a date or two with her. I don’t know what is going on between them, from what I’ve seen it doesn’t look like it means anything, she lives hours away from us.

    I sleep and dream about him mostly every night and most of them he tells me that he wants me back and it messes with my feelings.

    Reply
    • SLK - 0

      SLK

      To add on to that, I struggled with depression but didn’t get it taken care of until 2 weeks ago, I wanted to better myself so I can be a much better girlfriend for him if he comes back.

      Also, I feel as though his mom leaving has a lot to do with what happened. Even though he swears it isn’t. He said he wanted time to miss me and absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I feel like he is just trying to forget about me. He is the love of my life and my best friend. I know I’m young, but I know what I want.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi SLK,

      So, when did you exactly break up and when did you last attempted to talk to him? That’s good that you already started therapy but do it for yourself whether you get him back or not.

    • SLK - 0

      SLK

      We broke up at the end of March and I last attempted to talk to him 3 days ago after I saw his dad and heard that my ex was doing well. I just wanted to let him know that I was proud of him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok.. but do you want to do no contact rule now? If yes, you need to check this :
      The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)

    • SLK - 0

      SLK

      We’ve been having no contact. A mutual friend of ours and him went out to catch up the other night and he told her how he misses me and everything, but he also loves his freedom. He feels like if we get back together I will go back to my same routine. I sent him a super long text last night explaining how I’m trying to get better for him and that I’m changing and want us back together, but all he does is ignore me. Obviously he doesn’t miss me enough if he won’t even acknowledge me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Explaining that you’re changing shows that you’re just doing it for him and that you’re just trying to convince him.. True change is more on action and not just for him.. He probably thinks you’re just doing that to get him back.. So, you have to restart the count..

  40. cookiemonster - 0

    cookiemonster

    Hey everyone I hope you can help me with my dilemma. My ex of over 3 years and I broke up about a month ago. He broke up with me because and they were because of things that were fixable. He started a business last year and was really stressed out financially and with work and when he gets home we also argued. Overtime I did realize that I started posing myself and became more clingy/ paranoid that he would cheat with me. I was not always like this he was the one who made me psycho since in the beginning of the relationship he was the clingy one. There wee alot of guys who I was friends with that I wasn’t allowed to talk to so I figured well it should only be the same for him. He should not be hanging out with girls he used to like or had a thing for even though we’re friends. At least not by themselves it would’ve been fine if our other friends were also there but they did at one point which really pissed me off. He made up all these rules on me and when he realized how hard they ate all of a sudden I’m the bad guy. We started living together 7 months into the relationship which I thought was way too fast and I was completely against wit at first but he would get mad at me for not moving in with him already. . So eventually I started thinking maybe I should. Fast forward 2 plus years and the honeymoon phase is over, accompanied with financial problems and other issues in the relationship. These issues however can be fixed and I already told him I’m willing to work hard on them since I didn’t want the breakup to happen and he even said that he didn’t want it either. One day he just broke up with me saying he needs to think about his own well being as well and telling me it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. After the breakup I already started to accept that were never getting back together and I didn’t want to talk to him at all but my friends told me to just talk to him since they also think he’s also really having a hard time about it. Months before the break up we had a massive fight and he started to be so cold and distancing himself from me which made me think he just didn’t care at all. Stupid me listened to my finds and sent him a letter through FB telling him the gist of how I feel and that I’m willing to work on everything because I still wanted to be with him. All he said was that for him to even consider getting back together time Ia definitely needed.I went through active NC for a month and just as the month was almost up he contacted me regarding some items I left at his place. I got weak and asked to catch up with him 2 weekends from then as I wanted to get a vibe of how it is being with him and see if fighting for him would be worth it or not. During NC I have been trying to get my life together looking for a new job going to school etc. But he seems so happy with his life now that I’m not in it and he became way more active in social media. I don’t know if he’s doing this to rub it in my face or he’s actually moved on since he thoght ab9ut breaoing up for months or even more and is relieves about it and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I’m so confused whether to keep hoping or not.

    Reply
  41. Erin - 0

    Erin

    My ex and I were together for nearly 8 months but we were basically best friends for 7 years, everything was so amazing I was the happiest ive ever been but we had an argument because his replies were getting slower and slower and I got annoyed and asked him why hes ignoring me, and from then he completely ignored me and for days I tried to call and text and then I didnt message or call back, he deleted me off social media and a week later I went to see him at his work place but he turned me away, he told a colleague to tell me he didnt want to talk to me. and its been nearly 2 months now since. I have no idea what went wrong and why hes acting like this with someone ive spoken to everyday for years and years and he seems to be going out every night, yes I admit I social media stalked a little bit. If i continue to fall into complete silence, is it the case of either #’absence makes the heart go fonder’ or is it ‘out of sight out of mind’?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erin,

      He ghosted you.. He chose not to talk and see you so, I don’t think absence will make heart grow fonder because he chose to out you in his life..

      So, when you do no contact, being silent isn’t going to help much. Although we can’t guarantee that it will work, but I think you should do no contact to heal yourself and improve and show him that you’re not going to chase anymore. And then maybe when he sees that you have moved on, that you will not ask him about what happened, he might initiate contact again or wouldn’t hesitate starting out as friends again.

    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      Since he has ghosted me, the no contact rule doesnt apply because he hasnt tried to contact me since the breakup. I have stopped chasing since I visited his work place, but im wondering if he will even try to reach out to me again or not, he hasnt blocked me at all on anything, just deleted.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, just being absent won’t work much but it doesn’t mean that he won’t get curious and check your social media posts through another account or another person… There’s less chance that he will reach if he thinks or he sees that you haven’t moved on. And don’t make the posts like you’re trying to make him believe. Just be active in improving yourself and make the posts as natural as possible. Don’t caption it with “moving on” or anything negative that pertains to him.

    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      My ex ghosted me 5 months ago after trying so many times to reach out to him and visiting him where he still turned me away, so I didnt know where I went wrong. Just a few days ago he text me and all the message says is ‘Hey’. I have not opened the message and nor am I planning on to replying I just want to know why after all this time and what he has to say but he hasn’t said anything else or tried to text again. What is he thinking and whats the purpose of one worded text? Whats your input on this?

    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      Hi, Im not sure if my previous comment got processed, I didnt see it when I refreshed the page. But after 5 months of not hearing from my ex, a few days ago I received a text message from him and all it says is ‘Hey’ nothing else. I have not opened the message nor will I reply but I want to know whats going through his mind and why after so long is he texting me with only a one worded text what could be the purpose since he was the one ignoring me for days after calling and texting him and even going to see him to only be turned away at the time? Whats your intake on this pls.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erin,

      it did went through.. Maybe something reminded him of you, so he decided to text out of curiosity.

    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      Do you think I should start no contact? What if he doesn’t try again at all?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it’s been 5 months, I think it’s ok to initiate a text..

  42. Lynda - 0

    Lynda

    I met my ex at work. He’s a couple years younger than me and we became really good friends mostly talking about sports. My husband and I were on the outs, separated but still living together. One night he finally got up the courage and asked me out. We had an amazing 5 months or so together. I’ve never had so much in common with someone, felt so wanted, or been happier.
    I tried to keep feelings out of it but he fell so hard that I couldn’t help it. It was incredible. Finally I let my guard down and stopped worrying. He told me he’d never felt like this before, that he couldn’t wait until I was divorced, he wanted me to meet his family, etc. He asked to meet my son, and they loved eachother.
    Then he lost his job and decided to go back to school which was great. He didn’t want anything to change… but it did. He slowly got distant to the point where he finally said he couldn’t do this anymore. That his life was such a mess that he couldn’t be starting a relationship. Things moved too fast and it scared him b/c he had an awful breakup with his ex who also had a daughter. He still wants to be friends, I did nothing wrong, the usual “it’s not you, it’s me” stuff. I could be an idiot, but I believe he at least mostly was telling me the truth.
    We stay in some contact and have mutual friends. We see eachother every couple weeks, usually in a group but an occasional lunch alone. I’d say I initiate 80% of the contact. Sometimes it’s great to talk to him, other times he seems completely disinterested. But when we’re together alone it’s always great and I feel like everything is still there… just nothing physical happens.
    I know he’s not full-on dating anyone. But I know a couple girls were always trying to talk to him while we were together, so he may have moved on to one of them. I could never ask him. Things got weird about 3 months ago, and he broke up with me almost 2. I finally have my own place and could start fresh, but I can’t tell how he feels. I’m considering no contact since I’m usually the one reaching out… any ideas?

    Reply

Join the Conversation: