What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

Whenever I help someone through this site I often hear them refer to me as an expert at “getting ex boyfriends back.” The truth is that I am not. In fact, I don’t like being call the “ex expert” for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I don’t have some sort of psychological degree that says I am an expert at repairing relationships. Secondly, whenever I think of these “ex boyfriend gurus” I often view them as sleazy.

The truth is that I am an expert on the male mind. The reason I am an expert on the male mind is because I am a male!

We are stubborn, fickle, stingy, under romantic, over romantic and scared of being alone. That is men in a nutshell!

The whole reason I created this site was to give you a window into the mind of a man. Using that window it has been my hope that you could use your new found knowledge to help in your campaign to recover your boyfriend. Some women have and some women unfortunately haven’t.

I have been doing this for a while now and I just want to tell you that I am seeing a very big problem occurring. Women who try to get their exes back are far too impatient.

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The Three Timelines


I don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. You don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. Heck, no one can know how long it will take to get him back. While I am not a fortune teller, I am in a unique position to help you understand the mechanics behind the time it will take to recover an ex.

Below I have listed three different timelines. These timelines are the most common instances in the amount of time it takes to recover an ex boyfriend.

  1. Short Timeline
  2. Medium Timeline
  3. Long Timeline

Now, before I move on I want to say something. This entire page won’t matter unless you have a plan. Since this is my site and I am familiar with my plan to get an ex boyfriend back I am assuming that you have already read the website or gotten my E-Book. These are important things to do because the three timelines I discuss above integrate directly into the plan in my E-Book.

Click Here To Learn More About My E-Book

The Short Timeline

short term

I wanted to talk about this one first because this is the timeline that most people want their recovery process to go down. Before I start getting technical lets take a moment to define what “the short timeline” actually is.

The Short Timeline- Can occur when someone gets their ex back in 1-3 months.

This is the timeline that every woman coming to my site hopes for. Ironically, this is the timeline that almost no woman gets. The short timeline is rare. Now, I am not saying that it is impossible because I have seen instances where it can happen. Heck, even a few of the successes in the success section of this website have gone down the short timeline. However, most people end up going through the medium or long timelines (which I will define for you a little bit later.)

The Positives I See With The Short Timeline


In this section I would like to talk about the positive aspects that I see from couples who get back together during the short timeline. Now, after I give you the positives of getting an ex back during this time period I will also give you the negatives. It has recently been brought to my attention that while I am really good at giving you the “how to” of getting an ex boyfriend back I really don’t do that good of a job in giving you what to expect after you get them back which is kind of why I wanted to give you some of the negatives so you can know what to expect.

Success Is Increased

Lets forget about all the technical things that go with attempting to get an ex boyfriend back for a minute. Lets focus on something really simple. I can tell you straight up that your chances of success (in getting your ex back) are increased during the short timeline.

Now, I realize that some of you may be a little confused by that statement so allow me to simplify it for you.

The short timeline definition above basically puts a 1-3 month time-frame on getting an ex boyfriend back. That means that if you do happen to succeed in getting your ex back between that 1-3 month period you did so under the “short timeline.” One thing I have learned through dealing with multiple situations in helping women like you is that the first few months after a breakup are really important to getting a boyfriend back. The things you do during those first three months can have the greatest impact in raising your chances to get your boyfriend back.

The opposite rings true as well. You can seriously harm your chances during those first three months as well if you do the wrong things.

Problems I See With The Short Timeline


I do a better job of explaining this in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO but I will do my best here.

If I am being completely honest I didn’t want to write this particular guide to help you. I wanted to write it to vent my frustrations with you..

“Wait.. WHAT?”

Yes, in the last four months I can honestly say that I am getting frustrated with you and I am about to explain why. I want you to know that I understand you. I understand you a lot better than you think. I know that after a breakup you will be impulsive, you will say something and then change your mind a few days later and swear that you hate your ex boyfriend but deep down you know you are kidding yourself.

I understand that at the core of all of that is a deep pain. It is this pain that tells you that “you can’t live without him.” Some women will lose their appetite while others will get so emotional even taking a step is scary.

The point I am trying to make here is that I understand you but I still can’t help but be frustrated with you and I am about to explain why.

Problem 1- You Will Force Things

At the beginning of this guide I mentioned that I was an expert at understanding men. Well, I am also pretty darn perceptive when it comes to women now too. That comes from having over 6,000 conversations with them through this site. The thing I have learned about you is that you want results NOW.

I believe we call this “impatience.” As a society we have been conditioned to get things NOW. Let me give you an example.

A few days ago I was driving in my car and my stomach started growling. Obviously this was an indicator that I was hungry. Well, when I get hungry a series of thoughts run through my mind.

“I wonder what I have at home?”

“Oh wait… that will probably take a while to cook won’t it?”

“I will just go get fast food so I can take care of my hunger problem NOW!”

The point here is that when I get hungry I want the end result NOW (the end result being to not be hungry anymore.) Of course, can this type of thinking be translated over to relationships? You bet it can and I have proof to back up my claims. Every single day women contact me with a message that looks a lot like the one below.

“The no contact period is so hard, this is taking too long. I don’t know if I can last…”

The truth is that we are all impatient and want results immediately. A lot of women will come to this website, get my E-Book and want results immediately. Well, when it comes to this stuff results can take time. When women don’t like the fact that it will take time they grow impatient and begin to force the process.

This is one of the main problems I see with the short timeline. Women will be seduced by this fantasy that if they do everything right their ex will be back in their arms by the end of the month. When that doesn’t happen in real life a lot of women get frustrated and force things.

The results can sometimes be catastrophic as they fall back into their old habits and turn their ex off completely.

Problem 2- The “What Changed?” Effect

Lets shift our focus to the actual successes of the short timeline. I want you to know that I take this site very seriously which means that I really want you to succeed. However, when I talk about succeeding I am not just talking about you getting your ex back. I am talking about you getting your boyfriend back and having a long lasting relationship with him.

I haven’t really talked about this a lot but there is a dark side to getting your ex boyfriend back. There are some women that will come to me and say something like:

“Oh my gosh…. I am so surprised. What you said actually worked and I got my boyfriend back.”

Well, yea I am totally awesome like that ;)! All kidding aside there are some times when about a month later I will receive an email like this:

“My ex just broke up with me again. Things haven’t been the same at all since we got back together.”

This is the dark side of getting your ex back. After dealing with about 6 instances where this happened I began to notice a disturbing pattern. Almost all of the breakups that happened were from couples the reunited in the short timeline. Now, I do have a theory for why I think this happened.

Most couples who I have helped that seem to last the longest take time for themselves before they get back together. That means that there is a problem with getting back together in a short time frame. I like to call this problem the “what changed?” effect.

The “What Changed?” Effect-  Instead of moving forward down a new path, creating a new relationship with a new outlook they pick up right where they left off by continuing their old relationship which is ultimately doomed because it failed before.

The WC effect is more likely to occur in the short timeline because getting back together after such a short amount of time doesn’t give the two parties (you and your ex) enough time to find themselves and come back stronger than ever. Now, I do want to say something really important here for a second. There are actually some cases where couples get back together in the short time frame and last for a very long time. So, I am not saying having a happy ending is impossible all I am saying is that having one is less likely if you rush back into things with your ex boyfriend.

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The Medium Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the process of the medium timeline and how it relates to getting your ex back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


I am going to be honest with you here. This is by far my favorite “timeline” to talk about out of the three that I will be talking about in this guide.


Simple, almost everyone underestimates it!

Before we really dive in to the medium timeline lets take a look at it’s definition.

The Medium Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 4-8 months

This is one of the timelines that women are scared to go down and I simply don’t understand why. I don’t want to go into too many details right now because I am going to be talking about everything in the sections below but I do want to point one thing out. The medium timeline gets a lot of hate. If your own personal timeline has already crossed over into “medium” territory do not freak out. It might actually be a good thing.

The Positives Of The Medium Timeline

positive thinking

Before you read on I want you to hit the pause button for a minute and go up and look at the first timeline we discussed (the short one.) I hope you noticed that there were actually more negatives than positives. While I am a firm believer that if you are trying to get your ex back you should get them back whenever the opportunity presents itself it is sometimes a bad thing to take them back too soon.

Anyways, here are all the positives I have found with the medium timeline.

Needs Vs. Wants

Now, before we can get to the meat of this point there is a mindset that I need you to grasp. This goes way above what we are talking about here. In fact, what I am about to talk about is something that you really need to master even before you attempt to get your boyfriend back.

(See Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for more information on how to do this.)

What is this mindset?

You are allowed to WANT your ex boyfriend back but you are NOT allowed to NEED your ex boyfriend back.

In order to understand this statement we need to study the timeless war between:

Want vs. Need!

What is a need?

Simple, a need is something that you can’t live without. Here are some basic needs:

  • Food
  • Water
  • Shelter

What is a want?

A want is something that you CAN live without. Here are some personal examples:

  • I WANT a million dollars.
  • I WANT that new video game.
  • I WANT to walk in the room, have everyone bow and chant the words “chris is awesome…” (too much?)

All kidding aside the point I am trying to make here is that if you can master the mindset above and truly be able to say that you can live without your ex boyfriend the world is your oyster!

Now, I am betting that you are wondering how this relates to the medium timeline. Well, I am not an ignorant person. I have dealt with enough “emotional” women to understand that obtaining the correct “want vs. need” mindset isn’t going to happen overnight. In fact, I have actually helped women who have told me one day that they are better off without their ex only to have them come back the next day crying saying “why doesn’t he love me?”

The truth is that it is highly unlikely that you are going to obtain the correct mindset if you get your ex boyfriend back during the short timeline. However, it IS likely that you can obtain the correct mindset under the medium or long timelines.

Establishing A Lasting Relationship

What have we already established for new relationships forming during the short timeline? Sometimes they don’t tend to last very long. It all ends up tying into the “what changed?” effect that I discussed above. Well, in this section we are focusing on what happens during the medium timeline.

Interestingly I have found the opposite to be true.

Essentially, your chances of having a lasting relationship if you get back together with your boyfriend during this timeline are much higher. While obviously nothing is guaranteed it puts you in a really good position. You see, a lot of women I deal with are so desperate and frantic to get their exes back they don’t think too far ahead to what getting back into a relationship with their ex would be like. Instead, they just focus all of their energies on the actual “getting him back” part. While I suppose there is nothing wrong with focusing energies in one place to accomplish a goal I think that you should put your overall happiness above a goal.

For example, are you truly happy when you are with your boyfriend? If deep down you aren’t then you are definitely not going to be happy when you get him back.

The medium timeline comes into play because it gives you a lot of time to do some soul searching and thinking. However, this isn’t only true just for you. It is true for your ex as well.

In the end it all boils down to two simple concepts.

  1. Relationships formed during the short timeline are usually done during a period of emotion. These types of relationships typically DON’T tend to last in the long run.
  2. Relationships formed during the medium/long timelines are usually done after a period of emotion. These types of relationships DO tend to last in the long run.

Problems I See With The Medium Timeline

problem kid

Not everything is all dandelions and cotton candy! Just like a coin there are two sides to everything when it comes to relationships. In this section we are going to study the negatives of the medium timeline. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning as I am not going to pull any punches here. I am going to straight up tell it like it is and some of the stuff you may read in this section could potentially upset you.

Other Women

I wanted to start off with a bang so here we go. When you are dealing with this amount of time (4-8 months) you should expect other people to get involved. Now, when I say other people I am talking about other women. Lets not skirt around the issue here. I know for a fact that the number one fear that women who visit this site have is if their ex boyfriend is dating someone new. Heck, maybe you are experience the heartache of still having romantic feelings for an ex who is dating someone else.

I am the type of person that likes to take a “big picture” look at everything (you will learn about “big picture” looks in the next section.) When I look at the big picture for relationships in general I have some potentially upsetting news for you, ALL OF THEM END.

A few weeks ago I said something that seemed to ruffle some feathers of the visitors. I am not entirely sure why it did but it did. The truth is that every single relationship in this world will eventually end.

Either because someone will break up with the other person.


One of you will die.

While that is a gloomy way of looking at things lets take another big picture look at other women dating your ex boyfriend to connect the dots.

The chances of your ex boyfriend dating someone new during the medium timeline are significantly increased. Now, before you jump out your window and hunt this new girl down I want you to do something that is going to be unbelievably hard. I want you to stay calm. Take a few deep breaths because I am about to dissect the situation for you in a big picture view.

So, you are in the medium timeline and your ex is dating someone new. Just realize that right off the bat that new relationship will eventually end. Now, I don’t know how long it will take for the new relationship to end but what I do know is that it will eventually end so you will have a window of opprotunity again (lets just hope that window of opportunity doesn’t occur when you are 82 years old haha.)

Your Chances Of Success Slightly Decrease

As much as I would like to tell you that being in a medium timeline is a great thing for raising your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back I just can’t. The truth is that the more time goes by the more your chances of success drop. Now, I don’t want you to freak out or get upset because I have known (and worked with) people in all three categories (short, medium and long.)

I do want to focus specifically on women who have gotten their exes back in the medium time-frame so I can tell you their experience. In the next few paragraphs I am going to tell you a story. This story is important because it is really the reason this site exists.

This is the story of one of my best friends (who for her protection I am not going to name.) But if I were going to name her, her name would be Ashley!

Ashley is a remarkable woman because she has gotten her ex boyfriend back a total of two times. Interestingly, the first time she got him back was during the medium timeline while the second time she got him back was during the long timeline. For this particular section I want to focus on her first success.

What I found amazing about her is the fact that she was able to overcome the decreased chances of getting her ex boyfriend back not once but twice. So, I want to take a moment to study exactly how she did that.

Of course, the first time she tried to get him back this site wasn’t even in existence. Both her and I had no clue what we were doing. I can honestly say that I didn’t give her too much advice because I knew nothing about getting exes back at that time. Instead, I mostly just listened and offered support to her when I could. However, after her success I began to educate myself on the subject since I thought that other people might be going through the same things she just went through.

I remember texting her a few months ago asking her what she thought the most important ingredient was to her success. She gave me a pretty simple answer.

Time and patience…

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The Long Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the long timeline and how it relates to getting your ex boyfriend back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Ah yes, the scary long timeline. If there was ever a timeline that people want to avoid it’s this one. Funny thing is, I don’t think the long timeline is half as bad as most make it out to be. In this section as always we are going to be examining the positives and negatives of this timeline. But first, it might be helpful if we define exactly what the long timeline is.

The Long Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 9-12+ months.

Before we move on I do want to clarify something. I mostly consider LT (long timeline) cases to span over an entire year. In fact, some of the most successful relationships that I have helped put back together have occurred during the LT so don’t be discouraged if it takes you this long to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Positives Of The Long Timeline


As always there are positives and negatives with any timeline. I thought that for the LT we would start with the positives. A few things to note here. As you read through this section I want you to notice that some of the positives found here are better than any of the other positives in the other sections. So, while it may be a little troubling to hear that it could potentially take an entire year before you get your ex boyfriend back I also want you to realize that sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Ok, now on to the positives!

A Big Picture Perspective

I alluded to this in the previous part of the guide. So, what is a big picture perspective? Quite simply it is the ability to remove yourself from a situation and look at things in the grand scheme of things. This is actually one of the reasons that you have read this far down this page. It is one of the reasons that you come back to this website waiting for new content to be added. It is one of the reasons you find my guides interesting.

You see, I have a big picture perspective on your situation while you do not.

I can look at your situation and give you a game plan without any emotion. While it is common sense that positive emotions are the cornerstone of any successful relationship they can get in the way when it comes to coming up with a proper plan to get your boyfriend back.

So, how does being in the long timeline help you get a big picture perspective on things?

Well, one thing that I hope you are noticing by now is that as time goes on people tend to get less and less emotional. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule but in general the initial statement is true. Lets use this guide as an example. During the short timeline one of the negatives was that you could get back together with an ex on a whim (too early emotionally) and the end result would be an unhealthy cycle of the two of you breaking up and wanting to get back together again. During the medium timeline your emotional state began to come back down to earth as you could work on developing a want vs need state.

A big picture perspective won’t come easily. Even if you are in a long timeline. Deep down it is hard to not get emotional over someone you really care about. However, there is a distinct advantage to removing yourself from a situation and looking at an overview of things.

For one, you can begin to diagnose your overall chances of success. Having the BP state gives you the ability to figure out if the two of you have a chance anymore, if the he even wants you, if you even want him. You can look at your situation without emotion and trust me when I say that is a very good thing.

You Can Become The Ungettable Girl

The ungettable girl is kind of a big deal when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back. While I am not going to go into specifics on how to become one because I do so in my E-Book I will give you a “big picture” view of one ;).

The Ungettable Girl- Is an idea. Essentially it is a woman of higher value. A woman that any man can’t resist (especially your ex.)

Becoming the UG is not an easy task and it will take time. Luckily, one of the great things you have in your favor during the long timeline is the fact that you have time. While I could have technically put the ungettable girl section in the medium timeline I thought that the long timeline would be ideal for it because becoming an UG does not happen overnight.

Sure, you may be pretty. Sure, you may have a great personality but the truth is even if you have those things you are not an UG. A true ungettable girl has an aura that surrounds her. She can walk into a room and time will stop (literally this happens when I see an ungettable girl.)

Not to get too off topic here but I have developed a sense for locating ungettable girls. A few years ago I attended a high level college course. Like any male my age during the first day I am not really concerned with how the course is going to work, I am concerned with where I am going to sit. Usually I like to sit next to someone who looks interesting and when I mean interesting I mean I want to find a pretty girl to sit next to.

It took me a while but I finally found her. Then I began to notice something, I wasn’t the only one sending attention her way, the entire male portion of the class was! That was when the light bulb went off, this was an ungettable girl. She had this aura around her that just drew men in. While it certainly helped that she was both pretty and took care of her body that wasn’t the whole package. The most attractive thing about her was this aura of mystery surrounding her.

Now, I have talked with enough ungettable girls to know that you have to be very brave to approach them. I knew that I had an advantage over the rest of the males in class because while they would be sitting around debating an approach in their head I would be the one acting. Sure enough after class I caught up with her, introduced myself and learned a little about her. There were two things I found interesting about her.

First, she slipped in the conversation that she had a boyfriend. The fact that she mentioned this to me meant one of two things. She was happy in her relationship and didn’t want me to get any ideas or she simply didn’t want to be hit on.

Second, she told me that she was a professional powerdancer…. for a well known basketball team!

Wow, that one shocked me!

The Negatives Of The Long Timeline


We are almost done I promise. I know this has gotten kind of long. In this section like always we are going to be focusing purely on the negatives of the long timeline. You will find that this is going to be a shorter section than it’s predecessors. While there is a reason for that I do want to take an opportunity to give you a few nuggets of knowledge.

There are going to be times during the long timeline that you will get discouraged. You may find yourself asking “if he wanted me back he would have asked me back by now.” I understand where you are coming from completely. However, things aren’t always as black and white as that.

There is a popular saying that goes “the greatest mystery in the universe is women..”

Well, have you ever noticed that only men tend to say that?

I think the more accurate saying should go “the greatest mystery in the universe is men AND women..”

Getting an ex boyfriend back can sometimes take years. The thing that you have to ask yourself is if waiting for him to come around is worth it or not?

Now, lets examine why this section is going to be shorter than the others.

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Interchangeable Negatives

I want you to scroll back up to the medium timeline. Once you get there make sure you take a look at the negatives.



Have you done it yet?

Well, the long timeline has the exact same negatives as the medium timeline. That makes the negatives interchangeable. That means that you can expect to have:

  • Decreased chances of success.
  • Other women

As the big negatives of this section. I don’t know if there is much more to say. Maybe that I will see you again soon and don’t be afraid to comment below to ask questions. As always I am here to help you!


Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

673 responses to “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Emerald says:


    Pls help me! I am now dying coz I was so frantic and continously textes to my ex to get back with me. He said No No and he was demanding to stay seperately. I asked if I should wait, he said ”Don’t”. He has another girlfriends, I asked him is there a serious relationship so far, he said ”he doesn’t not, know yet but he will have to see”. So after all he doesn’t reply me anymore or he doesn’t call me back although he said he would call me the other day. He seriously cut me off.
    Help meeeeeee….! I am dying..I love him so much, he was my first and only relationship in my life. We had been together for 14 years and 5 mnths.
    Btw I haven’t really started NC rule.

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It’s not a guarantee that it will.. The best you can do, is to focus in improving yourself and get a therapist..

  2. Emerald says:

    Hi Amor…
    What should I do? Before I started the NC rule about a week, I had sent him a lot of msgs to reconsider to get back with me. Becoz I saw him he’s hanging out and flinging with many girls these days after the break up.SoI was very frantic and like annoying him. Now I am going to do the NC rule all over again.

    Will it going to work for me? Help meeeeee

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      It’s not a guarantee that it will.. The best you can do, is to focus in improving yourself and get a therapist..

  3. Emerald says:

    Hi Amor
    Before I have implemented the NC rule, I texted to my ex that..”how r u doing?” But I deleted it but then changed my mind and sent again saying like ”I was sending a text saying how r u doing? But I accidentally deleted it, so I sent again! As if he noticed my somewhat frantic behavior, he replied that ”hey hope u r doing ok! I still pray for u..pls stay cool to be ok (show thumb emoji)” so I replied him that ” yes I am staying cool to b ok and also praying for u” then he continued to ask me about my work ”how’s ur work?” I said ”it’s ok and I will change my post at the end of this month”. So he said..”ok good good, keep that on”..
    That’s all! But now I’ve decided to start the NC rule starting from today. But tbh, is there any chances that he will return to me one day according to our last conversation? How do u think? I’m quite confused whether I should consider his response and postive,netural or negative?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Hi Emerald
      Youe chances depend more on how much you improve yourself during and after nc while slowly building rapporr and how much you can build rapport and attraction…

  4. Emerald says:

    Thanks Amor…I will surely do NC rule start from today!

  5. Emerald says:

    Hi…we were in a great long time relationship for 14 years. now, me and my bf broke up only one mnth ago. The reason was I was a very jealous type and does not understand him. He’s busy with his working stress and home pressure.but I wouldn’t stop complaining him for not caring me so much and always blaming. Then he was so disappointed and then he started to date and sleep with other girls.but he told me that’s not actually what he wants, he wants some space..Now he told me to stop giving him pressures and he wanted to ”find his true self” so like we gonna have a one year break. I didn’t want to accept but I couldn’t stop him. Now I’m crying and desperaty want him back, now I understand he’s the one. What should I do? He doesn’t contact me anymore..

  6. Fanny F Yang says:

    Reading your article cracks me up. You have a hilarious sense of humor. I’m going though a breakup and this made me smile.

  7. Anna says:

    Helloooo, okay so, basically… After we broke up( about 2 months ago), we basically didn’t talk at all. after about 2 weeks, I texted him. Basically, we agreed that we should start at least saying hi at school every now and then. After that I would really only text him every now and then. At one point, I straight up said ” I want things back the way they were, can we start talking again”, he said yea, however, we never started. I did “pour out my feeling” eventually, and it didn’t go bad but it didn’t go well either. He basically said he doesn’t have time to be in a relationship. So I left it at that. After awhile, we had made plans(we BOTH) agreed to hang out after school, but things happened, and we both had to cancel. But then when my friend asked if he seen potential with me, he said no…? Basically after that, I stopped texting, stop trying, and its been about 2 weeks or so since I’ve contacted him in any way. Why do you think he was being so hot and cold? Do you think there’s still a chance?

  8. Toya says:

    So the best way in the first stage is no contact. If they need to say anything they will contact you first.?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      HI Toya,

      Sorry, I didn’t understand your question. If your ex needs something, yes, he’ll probably contact you..

  9. Ashley says:

    So I started no contact with a guy who went back to his ex girlfriend six weeks ago. Other than him wishing me a happy birthday in the middle of it and me responding with a thanks, we have had no contact. He had wanted to be friends with me and said you never know it’s possible it doesn’t work out with her and we wind up together but it’s unlikely. He felt he needed to try to make it work with her because they have kids together. He’s been back and forth between her and me for years. So I cut him off and said I didn’t want to be friends only and said if he changes his mind to let me know and went into no contact. I have been improving myself but posting doesn’t matter because he doesn’t do social media. So he doesn’t see it. I don’t want to get friend zoned or allow him to keep going back and forth like this between us. I’m not sure what to do? Do I follow the program and reach out to him at some point and be friends and build rapport like the program says? Or just continue no contact unless he contacts me and says something has changed?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      you should follow it, if you don’t want to, set a limit on until when you would wait before moving on.

    • Ashley says:

      But does anything change because he’s with someone else? And kept going back and forth between us? I don’t want to be the side thing or the support that keeps that relationship going. I also don’t want to be friend zoned. Can you advise?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      Oh sorry, I assumed you were referring to the advice in the link below.. It does change a little bit if he’s with someone else. Follow the advice on the link below. If you don’t want to, I still advise to set a limit on until when you would wait for him to initiate. Honestly, if I was in your case, I wouldn’t even talk to him at all. But I’m not in your case, so the best approach is the advice on this one:
      How To Win Back An Ex Who Is With Someone Else

    • Ashley says:

      I did read the article. I did apply the being there method and trying to steal her shine already. And it did work and got him back. But he’d just go back again to her. And it keeps going back and forth like this. That’s why I cut him off and go into no contact. So I’m not sure if I should even follow any of that stuff anymore. So personally you’d not talk to him or reach out at all (I’m 6 weeks no contact at this point) unless he reaches out and something has changed with him?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      if I were you yes, I wouldn’t initiate anymore. He has to do all the effort and you have to set a limit on until you would wait for him to initiate. So, you can move on after that.

    • Ashley says:

      Okay great. I agree. What do you think a good time limit would be based on your experience and this situation?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      probably 1 to 1 1/2 month.

    • Ashley says:

      Ok well it’s been almost 7 weeks at this point. I told him not to contact me unless something changes with how he feels about us and this entire situation. I’ve heard nothing other than the bday greeting. So you’d just try to move on? Do you think he’ll ever reach out again?

    • EBR Team Member: Amor says:

      yes, I would move on.. He probably will, but if he does, let him initiate more, let him invest more rather than you investing more on him.

  10. Appu says:

    I am 23, a film student. And he is 26, a 4th year medical student. We dated for 8 months, he broke up with me 11 days ago. We had a great connection and chemistry like no one else in my life and he also told me he never had such a connection with anyone else. We barely had a fights except for very civil arguments. We respected each other, and gave each other a lot of love. As 6 months past and he had to take his fourth year medical exam, things got tougher for him and I recently graduated so I had a lot more time. We did hangout a lot, in which ever way his schedule could fit me while I was applying to jobs and such. After my graduation, when we were at the height of our love, he told his mother, and she was very much against us because of their religion and community (I am Indian, born Hindu and he’s american with indian origin, catholic). After the exam he went on a trip with his parents, and they didn’t talk about us much. When he came back I told him I might go to LA. And he was very supportive in the beginning. We discussed our uncertainty in career plans before and we both decided we are completely okay with it and deal with them together.

    2 days later, he wanted to break up with me. This came out of no where. After a lot of talking he said he was too stressed and he doesn’t want to chose between me and his family. His dad called, and my boyfriend explained everything and the dad was supportive. He came to me after the call, crying, saying he wants to work on everything and really wants to give this a shot. I told him I will only be with him if it was 100 percent sure, and he said yes. During our discussion of break up, he said he needed space and sometimes feel smothered, so I asked him to be honest and take as much space as he wants. But, he asked to live with him for 3 weeks. And I said thats not a good idea, but he said he wants me to, and I did. It was a great time, we had a lot of talks and quality time and shared a lot of feelings. Then I had to go to Amazon, Peru for a documentary (my first job offer) A week before leaving, he said he loves me more than ever, and he will support me, we will figure out life’s problems as they come, but always wants to be with me.

    I came back from the Amazon, and it was great, one the first day he took my hand said, “it’s good to have you back”. The next two days I stayed with him, he was being very goofy and annoying me and pushing my buttons. I came back to the city where we live 2 hours away, from the city his was doing his one month internship. That week, his texting wasn’t great and Facetime felt like he was just doing it for the sake of it. Laughing and everything but not really into it. He planned to spend that weekend one night with me and one night with his family, so he came to the city I live, he came very late, like few hours late, in basket ball shorts, didn’t even kiss me when i got in the car. I was a little upset so I was short with him. When we reached his house he said he wanted to break up again. He said it in the harshest way possible, which is not at all like him. He said I wasn’t the girl we wanted to marry and it’s better if we break up now. I couldn’t cry, I was in shock, he didn’t even want to go inside the house. After a while we did, and he said all things that were wrong the relationship, like he didn’t feel like texting me sometimes and therefore he doesn’t love me as much. And he feels smothered by everything and he kept saying there’s no future. No matter what I said he said wouldn’t change his decision, he was adamant and wasn’t willing to listen to me.

    Recently, he came to know about the birthday surprise I was planning for him. I was collecting videos to give him a surprise of all his cousins and friends through a one of our mutual friend but, his best friend called him and told him about this while I was in Amazon. Apparently this pushed him to think about us harder, and make a decision. And he thought it was too grand of a gesture for an 8 month relationship. (While he made an entire book about me, 4 months into it) I wanted to end it on a good note, and so asked him to take me the place of our first date, under a bridge. He was adamant in the beginning but went. and he sat with me, we calmed down, said we had some good times, but he want’s to move on. Hugged me twice and left.

    I respect him and love him a lot, really want him because we never had any real issues, and it was beautiful true times we spent together. Should I even wait for him? We both are career oriented, and stressed, but a little understand and a bit compromise can make this relationship beautiful. Is there hope? Would love to hear some views.

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