Whenever I help someone through this site I often hear them refer to me as an expert at “getting ex boyfriends back.” The truth is that I am not. In fact, I don’t like being call the “ex expert” for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I don’t have some sort of psychological degree that says I am an expert at repairing relationships. Secondly, whenever I think of these “ex boyfriend gurus” I often view them as sleazy.

The truth is that I am an expert on the male mind. The reason I am an expert on the male mind is because I am a male!

We are stubborn, fickle, stingy, under romantic, over romantic and scared of being alone. That is men in a nutshell!

The whole reason I created this site was to give you a window into the mind of a man. Using that window it has been my hope that you could use your new found knowledge to help in your campaign to recover your boyfriend. Some women have and some women unfortunately haven’t.

I have been doing this for a while now and I just want to tell you that I am seeing a very big problem occurring. Women who try to get their exes back are far too impatient.

The Three Timelines

timelines

I don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. You don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. Heck, no one can know how long it will take to get him back. While I am not a fortune teller, I am in a unique position to help you understand the mechanics behind the time it will take to recover an ex.

Below I have listed three different timelines. These timelines are the most common instances in the amount of time it takes to recover an ex boyfriend.

  1. Short Timeline
  2. Medium Timeline
  3. Long Timeline

Now, before I move on I want to say something. This entire page won’t matter unless you have a plan. Since this is my site and I am familiar with my plan to get an ex boyfriend back I am assuming that you have already read the website or gotten my E-Book. These are important things to do because the three timelines I discuss above integrate directly into the plan in my E-Book.

Click Here To Learn More About My System

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The Short Timeline

short term

I wanted to talk about this one first because this is the timeline that most people want their recovery process to go down. Before I start getting technical lets take a moment to define what “the short timeline” actually is.

The Short Timeline- Can occur when someone gets their ex back in 1-3 months.

This is the timeline that every woman coming to my site hopes for. Ironically, this is the timeline that almost no woman gets. The short timeline is rare. Now, I am not saying that it is impossible because I have seen instances where it can happen. Heck, even a few of the successes in the success section of this website have gone down the short timeline. However, most people end up going through the medium or long timelines (which I will define for you a little bit later.)

The Positives I See With The Short Timeline

positive

In this section I would like to talk about the positive aspects that I see from couples who get back together during the short timeline. Now, after I give you the positives of getting an ex back during this time period I will also give you the negatives. It has recently been brought to my attention that while I am really good at giving you the “how to” of getting an ex boyfriend back I really don’t do that good of a job in giving you what to expect after you get them back which is kind of why I wanted to give you some of the negatives so you can know what to expect.

Success Is Increased

Lets forget about all the technical things that go with attempting to get an ex boyfriend back for a minute. Lets focus on something really simple. I can tell you straight up that your chances of success (in getting your ex back) are increased during the short timeline.

Now, I realize that some of you may be a little confused by that statement so allow me to simplify it for you.

The short timeline definition above basically puts a 1-3 month time-frame on getting an ex boyfriend back. That means that if you do happen to succeed in getting your ex back between that 1-3 month period you did so under the “short timeline.” One thing I have learned through dealing with multiple situations in helping women like you is that the first few months after a breakup are really important to getting a boyfriend back. The things you do during those first three months can have the greatest impact in raising your chances to get your boyfriend back.

The opposite rings true as well. You can seriously harm your chances during those first three months as well if you do the wrong things.

Problems I See With The Short Timeline

problem

I do a better job of explaining this in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO but I will do my best here.

If I am being completely honest I didn’t want to write this particular guide to help you. I wanted to write it to vent my frustrations with you..

“Wait.. WHAT?”

Yes, in the last four months I can honestly say that I am getting frustrated with you and I am about to explain why. I want you to know that I understand you. I understand you a lot better than you think. I know that after a breakup you will be impulsive, you will say something and then change your mind a few days later and swear that you hate your ex boyfriend but deep down you know you are kidding yourself.

I understand that at the core of all of that is a deep pain. It is this pain that tells you that “you can’t live without him.” Some women will lose their appetite while others will get so emotional even taking a step is scary.

The point I am trying to make here is that I understand you but I still can’t help but be frustrated with you and I am about to explain why.

Problem 1- You Will Force Things

At the beginning of this guide I mentioned that I was an expert at understanding men. Well, I am also pretty darn perceptive when it comes to women now too. That comes from having over 6,000 conversations with them through this site. The thing I have learned about you is that you want results NOW.

I believe we call this “impatience.” As a society we have been conditioned to get things NOW. Let me give you an example.

A few days ago I was driving in my car and my stomach started growling. Obviously this was an indicator that I was hungry. Well, when I get hungry a series of thoughts run through my mind.

“I wonder what I have at home?”

“Oh wait… that will probably take a while to cook won’t it?”

“I will just go get fast food so I can take care of my hunger problem NOW!”

The point here is that when I get hungry I want the end result NOW (the end result being to not be hungry anymore.) Of course, can this type of thinking be translated over to relationships? You bet it can and I have proof to back up my claims. Every single day women contact me with a message that looks a lot like the one below.

“The no contact period is so hard, this is taking too long. I don’t know if I can last…”

The truth is that we are all impatient and want results immediately. A lot of women will come to this website, get my E-Book and want results immediately. Well, when it comes to this stuff results can take time. When women don’t like the fact that it will take time they grow impatient and begin to force the process.

This is one of the main problems I see with the short timeline. Women will be seduced by this fantasy that if they do everything right their ex will be back in their arms by the end of the month. When that doesn’t happen in real life a lot of women get frustrated and force things.

The results can sometimes be catastrophic as they fall back into their old habits and turn their ex off completely.

Problem 2- The “What Changed?” Effect

Lets shift our focus to the actual successes of the short timeline. I want you to know that I take this site very seriously which means that I really want you to succeed. However, when I talk about succeeding I am not just talking about you getting your ex back. I am talking about you getting your boyfriend back and having a long lasting relationship with him.

I haven’t really talked about this a lot but there is a dark side to getting your ex boyfriend back. There are some women that will come to me and say something like:

“Oh my gosh…. I am so surprised. What you said actually worked and I got my boyfriend back.”

Well, yea I am totally awesome like that ;)! All kidding aside there are some times when about a month later I will receive an email like this:

“My ex just broke up with me again. Things haven’t been the same at all since we got back together.”

This is the dark side of getting your ex back. After dealing with about 6 instances where this happened I began to notice a disturbing pattern. Almost all of the breakups that happened were from couples the reunited in the short timeline. Now, I do have a theory for why I think this happened.

Most couples who I have helped that seem to last the longest take time for themselves before they get back together. That means that there is a problem with getting back together in a short time frame. I like to call this problem the “what changed?” effect.

The “What Changed?” Effect-  Instead of moving forward down a new path, creating a new relationship with a new outlook they pick up right where they left off by continuing their old relationship which is ultimately doomed because it failed before.

The WC effect is more likely to occur in the short timeline because getting back together after such a short amount of time doesn’t give the two parties (you and your ex) enough time to find themselves and come back stronger than ever. Now, I do want to say something really important here for a second. There are actually some cases where couples get back together in the short time frame and last for a very long time. So, I am not saying having a happy ending is impossible all I am saying is that having one is less likely if you rush back into things with your ex boyfriend.

The Medium Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the process of the medium timeline and how it relates to getting your ex back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

strategy

I am going to be honest with you here. This is by far my favorite “timeline” to talk about out of the three that I will be talking about in this guide.

Why?

Simple, almost everyone underestimates it!

Before we really dive in to the medium timeline lets take a look at it’s definition.

The Medium Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 4-8 months

This is one of the timelines that women are scared to go down and I simply don’t understand why. I don’t want to go into too many details right now because I am going to be talking about everything in the sections below but I do want to point one thing out. The medium timeline gets a lot of hate. If your own personal timeline has already crossed over into “medium” territory do not freak out. It might actually be a good thing.

The Positives Of The Medium Timeline

positive thinking

Before you read on I want you to hit the pause button for a minute and go up and look at the first timeline we discussed (the short one.) I hope you noticed that there were actually more negatives than positives. While I am a firm believer that if you are trying to get your ex back you should get them back whenever the opportunity presents itself it is sometimes a bad thing to take them back too soon.

Anyways, here are all the positives I have found with the medium timeline.

Needs Vs. Wants

Now, before we can get to the meat of this point there is a mindset that I need you to grasp. This goes way above what we are talking about here. In fact, what I am about to talk about is something that you really need to master even before you attempt to get your boyfriend back.

(See Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for more information on how to do this.)

What is this mindset?

You are allowed to WANT your ex boyfriend back but you are NOT allowed to NEED your ex boyfriend back.

In order to understand this statement we need to study the timeless war between:

Want vs. Need!

What is a need?

Simple, a need is something that you can’t live without. Here are some basic needs:

  • Food
  • Water
  • Shelter

What is a want?

A want is something that you CAN live without. Here are some personal examples:

  • I WANT a million dollars.
  • I WANT that new video game.
  • I WANT to walk in the room, have everyone bow and chant the words “chris is awesome…” (too much?)

All kidding aside the point I am trying to make here is that if you can master the mindset above and truly be able to say that you can live without your ex boyfriend the world is your oyster!

Now, I am betting that you are wondering how this relates to the medium timeline. Well, I am not an ignorant person. I have dealt with enough “emotional” women to understand that obtaining the correct “want vs. need” mindset isn’t going to happen overnight. In fact, I have actually helped women who have told me one day that they are better off without their ex only to have them come back the next day crying saying “why doesn’t he love me?”

The truth is that it is highly unlikely that you are going to obtain the correct mindset if you get your ex boyfriend back during the short timeline. However, it IS likely that you can obtain the correct mindset under the medium or long timelines.

Establishing A Lasting Relationship

What have we already established for new relationships forming during the short timeline? Sometimes they don’t tend to last very long. It all ends up tying into the “what changed?” effect that I discussed above. Well, in this section we are focusing on what happens during the medium timeline.

Interestingly I have found the opposite to be true.

Essentially, your chances of having a lasting relationship if you get back together with your boyfriend during this timeline are much higher. While obviously nothing is guaranteed it puts you in a really good position. You see, a lot of women I deal with are so desperate and frantic to get their exes back they don’t think too far ahead to what getting back into a relationship with their ex would be like. Instead, they just focus all of their energies on the actual “getting him back” part. While I suppose there is nothing wrong with focusing energies in one place to accomplish a goal I think that you should put your overall happiness above a goal.

For example, are you truly happy when you are with your boyfriend? If deep down you aren’t then you are definitely not going to be happy when you get him back.

The medium timeline comes into play because it gives you a lot of time to do some soul searching and thinking. However, this isn’t only true just for you. It is true for your ex as well.

In the end it all boils down to two simple concepts.

  1. Relationships formed during the short timeline are usually done during a period of emotion. These types of relationships typically DON’T tend to last in the long run.
  2. Relationships formed during the medium/long timelines are usually done after a period of emotion. These types of relationships DO tend to last in the long run.

Problems I See With The Medium Timeline

problem kid

Not everything is all dandelions and cotton candy! Just like a coin there are two sides to everything when it comes to relationships. In this section we are going to study the negatives of the medium timeline. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning as I am not going to pull any punches here. I am going to straight up tell it like it is and some of the stuff you may read in this section could potentially upset you.

Other Women

I wanted to start off with a bang so here we go. When you are dealing with this amount of time (4-8 months) you should expect other people to get involved. Now, when I say other people I am talking about other women. Lets not skirt around the issue here. I know for a fact that the number one fear that women who visit this site have is if their ex boyfriend is dating someone new. Heck, maybe you are experience the heartache of still having romantic feelings for an ex who is dating someone else.

I am the type of person that likes to take a “big picture” look at everything (you will learn about “big picture” looks in the next section.) When I look at the big picture for relationships in general I have some potentially upsetting news for you, ALL OF THEM END.

A few weeks ago I said something that seemed to ruffle some feathers of the visitors. I am not entirely sure why it did but it did. The truth is that every single relationship in this world will eventually end.

Either because someone will break up with the other person.

or

One of you will die.

While that is a gloomy way of looking at things lets take another big picture look at other women dating your ex boyfriend to connect the dots.

The chances of your ex boyfriend dating someone new during the medium timeline are significantly increased. Now, before you jump out your window and hunt this new girl down I want you to do something that is going to be unbelievably hard. I want you to stay calm. Take a few deep breaths because I am about to dissect the situation for you in a big picture view.

So, you are in the medium timeline and your ex is dating someone new. Just realize that right off the bat that new relationship will eventually end. Now, I don’t know how long it will take for the new relationship to end but what I do know is that it will eventually end so you will have a window of opprotunity again (lets just hope that window of opportunity doesn’t occur when you are 82 years old haha.)

Your Chances Of Success Slightly Decrease

As much as I would like to tell you that being in a medium timeline is a great thing for raising your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back I just can’t. The truth is that the more time goes by the more your chances of success drop. Now, I don’t want you to freak out or get upset because I have known (and worked with) people in all three categories (short, medium and long.)

I do want to focus specifically on women who have gotten their exes back in the medium time-frame so I can tell you their experience. In the next few paragraphs I am going to tell you a story. This story is important because it is really the reason this site exists.

This is the story of one of my best friends (who for her protection I am not going to name.) But if I were going to name her, her name would be Ashley!

Ashley is a remarkable woman because she has gotten her ex boyfriend back a total of two times. Interestingly, the first time she got him back was during the medium timeline while the second time she got him back was during the long timeline. For this particular section I want to focus on her first success.

What I found amazing about her is the fact that she was able to overcome the decreased chances of getting her ex boyfriend back not once but twice. So, I want to take a moment to study exactly how she did that.

Of course, the first time she tried to get him back this site wasn’t even in existence. Both her and I had no clue what we were doing. I can honestly say that I didn’t give her too much advice because I knew nothing about getting exes back at that time. Instead, I mostly just listened and offered support to her when I could. However, after her success I began to educate myself on the subject since I thought that other people might be going through the same things she just went through.

I remember texting her a few months ago asking her what she thought the most important ingredient was to her success. She gave me a pretty simple answer.

Time and patience…

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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The Long Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the long timeline and how it relates to getting your ex boyfriend back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

life

Ah yes, the scary long timeline. If there was ever a timeline that people want to avoid it’s this one. Funny thing is, I don’t think the long timeline is half as bad as most make it out to be. In this section as always we are going to be examining the positives and negatives of this timeline. But first, it might be helpful if we define exactly what the long timeline is.

The Long Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 9-12+ months.

Before we move on I do want to clarify something. I mostly consider LT (long timeline) cases to span over an entire year. In fact, some of the most successful relationships that I have helped put back together have occurred during the LT so don’t be discouraged if it takes you this long to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Positives Of The Long Timeline

positive

As always there are positives and negatives with any timeline. I thought that for the LT we would start with the positives. A few things to note here. As you read through this section I want you to notice that some of the positives found here are better than any of the other positives in the other sections. So, while it may be a little troubling to hear that it could potentially take an entire year before you get your ex boyfriend back I also want you to realize that sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Ok, now on to the positives!

A Big Picture Perspective

I alluded to this in the previous part of the guide. So, what is a big picture perspective? Quite simply it is the ability to remove yourself from a situation and look at things in the grand scheme of things. This is actually one of the reasons that you have read this far down this page. It is one of the reasons that you come back to this website waiting for new content to be added. It is one of the reasons you find my guides interesting.

You see, I have a big picture perspective on your situation while you do not.

I can look at your situation and give you a game plan without any emotion. While it is common sense that positive emotions are the cornerstone of any successful relationship they can get in the way when it comes to coming up with a proper plan to get your boyfriend back.

So, how does being in the long timeline help you get a big picture perspective on things?

Well, one thing that I hope you are noticing by now is that as time goes on people tend to get less and less emotional. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule but in general the initial statement is true. Lets use this guide as an example. During the short timeline one of the negatives was that you could get back together with an ex on a whim (too early emotionally) and the end result would be an unhealthy cycle of the two of you breaking up and wanting to get back together again. During the medium timeline your emotional state began to come back down to earth as you could work on developing a want vs need state.

A big picture perspective won’t come easily. Even if you are in a long timeline. Deep down it is hard to not get emotional over someone you really care about. However, there is a distinct advantage to removing yourself from a situation and looking at an overview of things.

For one, you can begin to diagnose your overall chances of success. Having the BP state gives you the ability to figure out if the two of you have a chance anymore, if the he even wants you, if you even want him. You can look at your situation without emotion and trust me when I say that is a very good thing.

You Can Become The Ungettable Girl

The ungettable girl is kind of a big deal when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back. While I am not going to go into specifics on how to become one because I do so in my E-Book I will give you a “big picture” view of one ;).

The Ungettable Girl- Is an idea. Essentially it is a woman of higher value. A woman that any man can’t resist (especially your ex.)

Becoming the UG is not an easy task and it will take time. Luckily, one of the great things you have in your favor during the long timeline is the fact that you have time. While I could have technically put the ungettable girl section in the medium timeline I thought that the long timeline would be ideal for it because becoming an UG does not happen overnight.

Sure, you may be pretty. Sure, you may have a great personality but the truth is even if you have those things you are not an UG. A true ungettable girl has an aura that surrounds her. She can walk into a room and time will stop (literally this happens when I see an ungettable girl.)

Not to get too off topic here but I have developed a sense for locating ungettable girls. A few years ago I attended a high level college course. Like any male my age during the first day I am not really concerned with how the course is going to work, I am concerned with where I am going to sit. Usually I like to sit next to someone who looks interesting and when I mean interesting I mean I want to find a pretty girl to sit next to.

It took me a while but I finally found her. Then I began to notice something, I wasn’t the only one sending attention her way, the entire male portion of the class was! That was when the light bulb went off, this was an ungettable girl. She had this aura around her that just drew men in. While it certainly helped that she was both pretty and took care of her body that wasn’t the whole package. The most attractive thing about her was this aura of mystery surrounding her.

Now, I have talked with enough ungettable girls to know that you have to be very brave to approach them. I knew that I had an advantage over the rest of the males in class because while they would be sitting around debating an approach in their head I would be the one acting. Sure enough after class I caught up with her, introduced myself and learned a little about her. There were two things I found interesting about her.

First, she slipped in the conversation that she had a boyfriend. The fact that she mentioned this to me meant one of two things. She was happy in her relationship and didn’t want me to get any ideas or she simply didn’t want to be hit on.

Second, she told me that she was a professional powerdancer…. for a well known basketball team!

Wow, that one shocked me!

The Negatives Of The Long Timeline

smile

We are almost done I promise. I know this has gotten kind of long. In this section like always we are going to be focusing purely on the negatives of the long timeline. You will find that this is going to be a shorter section than it’s predecessors. While there is a reason for that I do want to take an opportunity to give you a few nuggets of knowledge.

There are going to be times during the long timeline that you will get discouraged. You may find yourself asking “if he wanted me back he would have asked me back by now.” I understand where you are coming from completely. However, things aren’t always as black and white as that.

There is a popular saying that goes “the greatest mystery in the universe is women..”

Well, have you ever noticed that only men tend to say that?

I think the more accurate saying should go “the greatest mystery in the universe is men AND women..”

Getting an ex boyfriend back can sometimes take years. The thing that you have to ask yourself is if waiting for him to come around is worth it or not?

Now, lets examine why this section is going to be shorter than the others.

Interchangeable Negatives

I want you to scroll back up to the medium timeline. Once you get there make sure you take a look at the negatives.

…….

…….

Have you done it yet?

Well, the long timeline has the exact same negatives as the medium timeline. That makes the negatives interchangeable. That means that you can expect to have:

  • Decreased chances of success.
  • Other women

As the big negatives of this section. I don’t know if there is much more to say. Maybe that I will see you again soon and don’t be afraid to comment below to ask questions. As always I am here to help you!

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716 thoughts on “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Avatar

    Sara

    April 22, 2020 at 10:34 am

    My ex-fiancee and I were together for 4 years, we bought a home together and were planning a wedding. We broke up 2 months ago, he dumped me saying he wasnt happy, and didnt have feelings for me anymore, and moved out two weeks later. I begged, I cried, i got mad, I text gnatted, I did all the wrong things. However the first month and a week after the breakup we continued to text everyday, he kept saying he wanted to work things out but needed to be alone for a while, we were still sleeping together, and he would get incredible jealous if he even thought I was speaking to a new guy. After a big argument after he spent the night then kinda ignored me all weekend, I decided I was done for now. I removed him from my social media and stopped talking to him. After 10 days he reached out and was being much more polite, texting me first everyday, being sweet, offering to come help with things no sexual contact was made and we didnt talk about out relationship. I thought this was great. Suddenly he became very cold and rude one day, he had found out I was on a dating app, then told me he doesnt care about me and to never speak to him again. He refused to answer any of my text the rest of the day. I found out a few days later he went facebook official with his new gf, who is the girl he dated briefly (for less than 6 months) before we started dating 4 years ago. I have not tried to speak to him since he told me never to speak to him again. I dont know if it’s too late, if no contact will even work at this point. He I not trying to talk to me it’s been 11 days. What should I do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 10:52 am

      Hi Sara, even though its hard I would make sure you do not watch any of his social media accounts or the girlfriends activity either. I then would complete an active 45 day NC where you focus on yourself, working to get over the break up and focus on how to be happy by yourself for a short while. Then reach out after 45 days and follow the being there method if you want to get him back by that time

  2. Avatar

    Beth

    March 27, 2020 at 7:48 am

    Hello,
    My ex and I have been broken up for 9 months. It has been an absolute roller coaster. The first four or five months after the break up, we had been on and off. Now there are periods where he will not reach out to me, so we have no contact, and there are periods where he is extremely involved with me. I don’t know where to take it from here. He still tells me he loves me but most often he is uninterested, as if I was a stranger almost. After our break up, it was clear that he still wanted a future with me but now, whenever the topic of a relationship is brought up he shys away, telling me he doesn’t want me to hope while at the same time he tells me he hopes for a life with me, romantically. How do I turn my current situation and make him desire me more than ever? Or should I give up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Beth so to reattract your ex you need to work on the Holy Trinity and Ungettable information. Appearing to move on is how you are going to make your ex think of you in a romantic way, if you appear to be dating he is going to start realising other men find you desirable where he is then going to increase his desire to be with you

  3. Avatar

    Leila

    January 25, 2020 at 5:06 pm

    Hi EBR

    What to do if he still on a dating website and we sleep together after a break up? He rarely initiates, but it’s developing – he didn’t see the future before didn’t want to talk was distant now at least there is warmth..but perhaps dating other people at the same time. I feel I am stalking him…

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2020 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Leila definitely do not sleep with him again, and try not to watch what he does on social media or on dating sites. If you are in the texting phase and meeting up make sure you are being Ungettable and staying composed. Do not react to other women but do not give him boyfriend privileges until he is in a relationship with you again

  4. Avatar

    Sweetie

    January 25, 2020 at 10:18 am

    Hi EBR
    So he is kind of back but not really – we meet, we talk, we kiss, he is quite compassionate when with me but then he goes to his ‘cave’ and I don’t hear from him for days after that. He doesn’t initiate much. He justifies it with work but it upsets me that it’s not the same as when we have just started..even when we were just dating at the beginning.
    I see that there is an improvement in his attitude but it’s tiny and we’ve been for 6 months now into a break up. So the progress is very very slow.
    He is not asking me back, so I am in limbo…Dreading ‘friends with benefits’ scenario.
    Have you seen this before? Anything to read on that?
    Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2020 at 10:49 pm

      Hey there so as long as you are not sleeping with him then you do not fall into a friends with benefits situation. Go to “romantic” locations, visit places you did as a couple again and hopefully he will start talking about being together officially again. It is a slow process mainly because you are gaining his trust gradually. Keep being patient

  5. Avatar

    Sweetie

    January 12, 2020 at 2:33 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for the article.
    So my timeline is the following: end of August – break up. The break up was my fault- I broke up in the first place (there was a loss of me seeing him as a man, which unfortunately I told him) and then regretted my decision then he broke up because we’ve been constantly arguing.

    well I had no other choice but to do a no contact ( for 2 months). I contacted first after that to get my stuff back.
    Then we had planned to exchange things for another month. Then we met and had sex. I really worked hard on myself and he has seen it and complimented me the whole night so I lost control and trusted him (which I shouldn’t).
    Then for around 2 weeks now I am trying to see him again (he is talking to me and invited to come over but I never did as I want dating). Dating doesn’t happen. What is my next step now? I don’t want a no contact again..Is there any chance without no contact? But I feel nothing could be done with rational brains.
    4 and a half months now since the break up. I have a feeling there is another woman he is chancing on the horizon. Some coaches say: always be nice and warm when he comes back..But I have a feeling it’s just not working even though he felt hurt by my words in the first place and I feel guilty because I apologised multiple times and can’t take it back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 8:54 pm

      Hey, so you have apologised for your part, that’s it done. Do not apologise again. You go into a no contact and you work on yourself for some time. Read all articles that apply to your situation and use that information to cultivate this new image of yourself, to be the best version of yourself in time to start the texting phase with your ex

  6. Avatar

    Mary

    August 9, 2019 at 8:03 am

    Hello, my boyfriend of 2 yrs broke up with me exactly 2 weeks ago. We were both dealing with our own problems & i have anxiety issues so i told him i needed him & he ignored me & the next day i told him that we needed to talk because it was messed up that he ignored me & we went to a park & he cried & cried & i cried & he said he needed time & that his heart was telling him one thing & his mind another thing so he brokeup with me.i reached out a week ago & his sister was getting married & he started to cry as soon as i mentioned missing him & he said he didn’t want to talk about it at the moment & that he didn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment.i miss him & we went through a lot.yeah we fought a lot but our love was always stronger.do you think he’s coming back? Or is he done for good? Should i try to talk to him in person now? Please help im losing my mind

  7. Avatar

    Rachel

    August 7, 2019 at 1:51 am

    Hi there, my ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Since then I’ve seen him twice, the first time was about 2 weeks ago when he helped me move into my new place. The second time was last Wednesday because I told him I really need closure to move on and heal. He was nervous but seemed open when we talked and I believe him when he tells me that he needs to work on himself before he’s in a relationship. I have started the NC rule but am unsure how long to do this for and if this is even the first step I should be taking?? I really want him back, he was the love of my life and I don’t want to mess up my chances of getting him back.

  8. Avatar

    Charlotte

    June 23, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    I’m not sure what to do… my boyfriend of 8.5 years broke up with me last week and we haven’t had contact since. We have been together since we were freshmen in high school. He has been somewhat aloof and distant the past month because he has been trying to ‘figure things out’ on what he wants in life. He just got his first adult full time job around that time and starts this coming week. It has been a very miserable month because of his behavior…. but we have had a really good and happy relationship. Two months ago we were talking about buying a house and getting married. When he broke up with me, he said he doesn’t feel like he used to and that it’s not fair to keep putting me through this. Around the time he started having these questioning thoughts he met a girl (I heard from a mutual friend)… and I don’t know if he broke up with me because he has to figure out who he wants to be with or if he really doesn’t want to be with me. He said that when he figures things out maybe he will want to get back together with me, but he wouldn’t blame me if I wouldn’t want to get back together. I want to talk to him so badly because now I have so many questions on the why’s of the break up and if he does think we will get back together… I’ve accepted that this relationship may not be meant to be after all. But, I don’t want to keep this hope that he might come back. If we aren’t getting back together, I want to know sooner than later so I can start healing. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 23, 2019 at 7:58 pm

      HI Charlotte…I think employing No Contact so you can focus on your healing and recovery, while doing the other things I talk about in my Program

  9. Avatar

    Deeshi Parikh

    June 18, 2019 at 5:24 pm

    Hey,
    My name is Ninna.
    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend since the past 3years, no we haven’t broken up, but yes we have had on and offs many times. Despite of those on and offs we have decided to get married now, both our parents know about our relationship and close friends know about it. You would be thinking then what get me to this page.
    The thing is that my boyfriend loves me to the fullest when I am with him, like when we meet but once we don’t meet for days he starts acting distant, he doesn’t like talking to much on the phone, whenever I call him he waits to disconnect the call , hardly uses wats app, he hardly posts our photos anywhere, we don’t have a single photo clicked uptil now, when ask him to click one he ignores it, he prefers sleeping like taking a nap rather than spending time with me, whenever I call him he says I am busy call you later, it’s not that he doesn’t call back ..he does but again he says the same I am busy and disconnects the calls this has been happening past a really long time, it hurts me, I have told him but he doesn’t understand….I do trust him a lot, like I am dam sure there is no expect me in his life because more than me he wants to spend his future with me, I have seen trying to win, from my parents, but these things puzzle me up what should I do? I want him to value me and make me his priority.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      June 18, 2019 at 7:37 pm

      Hi Ninna…that is the right idea….you want him to come to value you more and in my Program I emphasize how important that is and provided you with a roadmap on how to do that. But what is most important is learning to value yourself more because “you” are the most important person to yourself.

  10. Avatar

    Taylor

    June 6, 2019 at 2:27 pm

    Hi,

    My ex and I were in a relationship for almost 6 years. We had lived together at one point and for the last year have been long distance with the plan to move back in together in the same state. My ex broke up with me about a month ago to “find himself” and we had not spoken for a little over 2 weeks. He has reached out at random times about my posts on social media and even told me I could come visit him. However, he said that he thinks I’m reading too much into him inviting me and that this isn’t him trying to get back together. He tells me I am the love of his life, the person he would like to marry, and the person he wants to have kids with. He also recently told me he wants to have a kid. I can see that he’s trying to make steps to improve his life and I’m willing to wait for him. However, when I ask him if he wants me to wait he won’t give me a straight answer. He tells me that it’s my decision. I’m just lost on what to do. I’m currently staying with my parents and the plan was to stay with them until we got a place together, but now we’re broken up. My exes lease is up in August and I’m lost on whether I just need to get my own place or wait for him. I keep getting mixed signals and I don’t know what to do. I love him and I want to be with him, but this hurts more than anything. What should I do?

  11. Avatar

    Rebecca

    May 6, 2019 at 9:18 am

    So me and my ex were together for roughly 4 years and we had actually moved in together for the last 9 months of our relationship. I’ve known him for 6 years as we met at the beginning of university, and we have the same circle of friends. Our break up was very out of the blue, didn’t see it coming at all, and every single person I have spoken to has told me how shocked they were when they heard the news of our breaking up. Even his family and his closest friends had no idea it was coming.

    On reflection there were things wrong towards the end, as he became moody, upset and snappy with me. I never thought our relationship was making him so unhappy and I thought all of this behaviour was because his job was making him unhappy and he wanted to leave but didn’t know where to go next. Turns out he had been internalising ALOT and he wanted to do lots of traveling which I was up for doing, but I had told him I wasn’t going to drop everything and run away with him right that second. I wanted to plan and organise the trips and didn’t want to make any impulsive decisions.

    He told me that the things he wanted to do changed things for him, and thats how he lost feelings for me. He said we had become too comfortable in our flat, he felt trapped and he felt we were heading down different paths (which I agree with but only because there was poor communication on his side!)

    My Ex told me it would be best for us not to contact each other for awhile to help us move on, but that was impractical in the beginning as we needed to sort out our flat and cancel bills and contact the landlord etc. When we finally finished sorting out the flat I texted him saying goodbye for awhile, and I would respect his wishes for no contact and I would let him get on with his life. The minute I texted that he came back saying he still wanted us to be friends as we were such good friends before, and had so much history between us. I shot that down as I wasn’t going to be friend zoned and I wanted him to truly understand what he had lost by breaking up with me.

    I know he has gone ahead and planned 2 trips away, which means he wont be in the country for roughly 4 months. We are also coming up to the 3 month mark of our break-up but I am classing the start of last week as our official start date for no contact. I know I will see him again in the future when he is back from his travels at a friends birthday, but I am worried that by pushing him away in the way I have, cutting off contact like I have, he will take the huff and never come back to me. I also worry that while he is travelling things will change so much between us that he will grow away from me, or he will even meet someone new! I am worried the situation is too complex to fix and I have lost him forever!

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2019 at 3:31 pm

      So No Contact can help in many ways, but yourself and also act as a way to get your ex to better appreciate your value. Usually its best to try something different if what you have been doing is not getting results.

  12. Avatar

    Alice

    May 6, 2019 at 5:35 am

    Hello, my story is a confusing one so I will make things short and straight to the point. My ex broke up with me about two weeks ago, we have been together for four years. We are also long distance but we would spend a lot of time together when I went to see him. He broke up with me because I had done some things that he considered to be betrayal. The biggest thing he was hurt by was i ended up taking a coworker of mine to his house in secret for three months, then one day… I ended up going into his house and my coworker tried to kiss me. This was about 8 months ago, and I stopped talking to this coworker the whole time and my ex forgave me and we stayed together all those 8 months. Throughout the 8 months he would sometimes get upset about it again. And I guess his breaking point was when I told him that I spoke to this guy again. He says he couldn’t be in the relationship any longer remembering and feeling the pain of the betrayal. It’s been a rollercoster because at first he said it was just a break but then he really called it quits. BUT then he got back together with me after I was very drunk and upset but it didn’t last for long because he broke up with me for sure after a day (that was 2 weeks ago). And that was the last of that. It’s funny because I’ve thought of this “no contact” rule before reading it here, so I tried it with him but i kept failing at it because it’s probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. And the last time I failed at it was when I was drunk again and i sent him messages telling him that he ruining my life. But since then I’ve tried to do it again, and I think it might be kind of working because he unblocked me on WhatsApp and he sent me messages, I replied though… so I guess I failed again. But after reading everything I could on this website, I will try my best to do the NO contact rule. And that includes ignoring him if he contacts me correct? I think my biggest fear is him finding someone else or forgetting about me but I read what you had to say about that. My question is: what are your thoughts? Do you think he’ll really come back? He seemed to be very sure about his decision, I begged him a lot and he even told me to stop because he knew I was trying to convince him. He said that i had to realize that everything had an end, so he seems to be done with me. He even said that he was feeling better and doing better without me. I know he still loves me, but I don’t know if he would want to try again…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 6, 2019 at 3:33 pm

      Hi Alice…its usually serves you to have an ex recovery plan. No Contact can be part of that, but its important to understand how to effectively implement it. Go pick up my EBR PRO Bundle as it can help show you the way.

  13. Avatar

    erin

    September 11, 2018 at 9:45 pm

    My boyfriend of 3 years and I broke up almost 6 months ago. After a few weeks we began talking again and it was off and on at first but then going really well. I left for a vacation and when I came back a few weeks later I became too clingy and he started to pull away. about a month ago we got in an argument bc he canceled plans and i got mad and him and he told me he sees no future together and we are not meant to be together. He said he’s taken time to think about it and we won’t work for each other but he wants me to be happy. He said that we are addicted to each other and it wasnt healthy. I freaked out and basically begged him to keep an open mind (i know)- we saw each other a few more times after that with me reaching out and being again too clingy but the last time we talked we got into an argument again and he told me I make him angry and he never wants to be back together ever again. We calmed down after talking it through and parted ways and agreed to be friends and take some time and space but after a few weeks out of the blue he unfriended me on fb/ instagram. I panicked again and called him and he told me it was making him depressed to see me on social media. We talked and he said he thinks I was trying to force him into a relationship and doesnt want me to have the wrong idea anymore- he doesnt want to be with me. I told him I wasn’t intending to do that and i was sorry and just wanted to be friends. After that conversation we are friends again on facebook but not insta (i requested him back) but he restricted his profile so I cant see anything- he can still see mine. He also wished me a happy birthday a month ago and has reached out to talk about logistics (we lived together, had a dog and bills together). Last week he came to pick up our dog which will now live with him and we had a very positive interaction- it was obvious the chemistry is still there- he kept looking me up and down, made comments on my hair and he asked a lot of questions about my life. He also talked about some bills and things we need to take care of in the future together- and said he would come back to help with a few things around the house which makes me think he still does want me in his life. I planned to start NC after that but a few days ago he texted me a question about the dog which wasn’t an emergency so i didnt respond at first. He followed up a few hours later so I gave him a short answer. Should I go back to nc? I know it will take time and patience and I have been working to be that ug girl again- i have a new job, have been getting out and starting to do much better and actually feel content right now. I’m ok with taking plenty of time and space- before I would have been panicking. I’m scared that he is actually happier without me and will realize that when he has this space and freedom (he works 70+ hour weeks and wants to focus on that). But I have a gut feeling we are meant to be together because although we used to fight a lot, we had so much love for each other. At the end of the day- even if I put in the work- his actions and words are confusing me and making me question if I should give up. What do I do? Do I have any chance in time?

  14. Avatar

    Chantelle

    August 19, 2018 at 9:48 am

    She told me her heart would always be mine but that we are better off as friends? We were together 2 years.
    Is there a chance she will change her mind?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 19, 2018 at 11:38 pm

      Two years is not easily forgotten…you both have a lot invested. Do you have my eBook or are you following an ex recovery plan to improve your chances?

  15. Avatar

    Summer

    May 2, 2018 at 6:52 pm

    Hi there. This was so helpful for me to read, so thank you. My boyfriend broke up after 6 years. Yup, SIX years. He said it was just taking space, but we are at week 5 now. He blocked me, and family, which is a red flag in my mind. He cut all ways of communication. So in my mind, this is a breakup and not space. Because I moved to a new state for him and was all alone without family–just him. All this time i have cried endlessly wondering how he could do this after such a long relationship, in our 30s. But suddenly, i dont even want to talk to him. He hurt me so bad by doing this. Obviously i love him and care. But i wont ever try to reach out to him again. Plus, I cant. I cant help but wonder though, if he’ll ever even try. After 6 years. What do you think? We cant even communicate because theres no option there. Thank you again. Hope to hear.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 3, 2018 at 12:07 am

      Hi there Summer! Yep..6 years is a good amount of time and if most of that history has been positive, then that bodes well for the two of you as roots have been laid down and such traction doesn’t simply dissipate so easily. I am so sorry for your pain. You should look into joining my Private FAcebook Support Group Community. I have about 1500 women in it know and they all have been through various relationship experiences, hence lots of synergy. (go to my website Menu/Products link to learn more!). I think it is unusual (somewhat odd) for him to just ghost you like this. So there is more to story yet to be revealed in my view. But my sense it right now you need to focus on yourself and healing and becoming the best version of yourself. I wrote a very lengthy ebook, “The No Contact Rule Book” that walks you through all of the benefits of the No Contact Period if you implement it for yourself (never mind what he is doing). About half of the book deals with recovery tactics and things you should do for your own self recovery. That is key. Neither of know the future, but you can prepare yourself to walk down different future paths and they all can lead to fulfillment. Maybe he is not in the picture – maybe he is. But your happiness should not be dependent on him. I believe this. Let me know how it goes for you Summer!

  16. Avatar

    Dee

    March 13, 2018 at 2:45 pm

    Are the timelines starting from the breakup or from the end of no contact? Thanks!

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      March 15, 2018 at 1:41 pm

      Hi Dee,

      Starting from the break up.

  17. Avatar

    Melissa

    February 13, 2018 at 6:35 am

    Hi amor,

    I have done the no contac rule. I have been very successfull going months on end with out speaking to my ex. Before recent the last time we had spoken was in November. I actually recently reached out using a funny memeroy we both shared. I honestly did not expect a response but he was quick and gave an opening to a conversation. I declined the offer and quickly ended it. We have been apart since September 2016. We talk on and off. Mostly because of me or something happened with family and we just wanted to make sure our loved were okay. I am reaching out because I am not sure what to do. Is it to late to try?

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 17, 2018 at 6:23 pm

      Not really, but how much did you improve yourself in the months you were not talking to him and up to now? And how active were you in posting? Check the link below too for texting.
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

  18. Avatar

    Melissa

    February 7, 2018 at 9:32 pm

    Hi,

    My name is Melissa. My ex and I have been apart for over a year. We were in a long distance relationship but would spend months on end with each other. We were engaged but shortly after he ended it. We speak very little. In most cases I am the one starting each conversation but I also end them. We both have dated new people but nothing serious on my end and from I hear neither his. We both keep tabs on each other via social media. I still love him and I do want him back but I am not sure where to start. If you could please point me into the right direction that would be much of help.

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 9, 2018 at 11:53 am

      Hi Melissa,

      Have you done the nc rule? If yes, when did you do it and how long? And you mean until now since you’re break up last year you’re still talking?

  19. Avatar

    Maria

    January 26, 2018 at 4:25 pm

    Awesome post!!

    Patience is hard, but key. I am in the medium timeline right now and starting to reconnect. He is still very much in love with the girl he met, not the one he left. So now I am in the process of becoming the ungettable girl again. I lost her somewhere in my 3 year relationship but will definitely get her back!

    Thanks for this knowledge, very much appreciated!

  20. Avatar

    Girl

    December 28, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    Hi
    Me and my ex were in a relationship fir 16 months (4months of ling distance) he broke up with me over a text 5.5 months ago first i dud the obvious thing and didn’t contact him he sent me a text but I didn’t rply then after some time (almost 30 days) i sent him a text and he replied but then he went silent i got impatient i asked for reasons as to why he brokeup with me i even begged him to comeback sent me many msgs he didn’t really replied( except a few times) i even cried we both did for almost an hour over the phone then something happened and i got upset and fought with him apologised and then went on no contact then failed again he blocked me from everywhere except from Facebook( thought i cant message him on that) its been 45 days i m still blocked not that I tried to contact him but i still think that im blocked I really don’t know if there is a chance or not but I don’t know but i still hope he’ll call someday its been so long but i still can’t let him go and move on though i know there is no to little chance of us getting back together
    I can’t contact him I can’t call him I can’t do anything

    1. Avatar

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 31, 2017 at 7:58 pm

      even if you’re blocked, you should be active in posting, just make them public.. How much did you improve yourself?

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