By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 27th, 2021

Whenever I help someone through this site I often hear them refer to me as an expert at “getting ex boyfriends back.” The truth is that I am not. In fact, I don’t like being call the “ex expert” for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I don’t have some sort of psychological degree that says I am an expert at repairing relationships. Secondly, whenever I think of these “ex boyfriend gurus” I often view them as sleazy.

The truth is that I am an expert on the male mind. The reason I am an expert on the male mind is because I am a male!

We are stubborn, fickle, stingy, under romantic, over romantic and scared of being alone. That is men in a nutshell!

The whole reason I created this site was to give you a window into the mind of a man. Using that window it has been my hope that you could use your new found knowledge to help in your campaign to recover your boyfriend. Some women have and some women unfortunately haven’t.

I have been doing this for a while now and I just want to tell you that I am seeing a very big problem occurring. Women who try to get their exes back are far too impatient.

The Three Timelines


I don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. You don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. Heck, no one can know how long it will take to get him back. While I am not a fortune teller, I am in a unique position to help you understand the mechanics behind the time it will take to recover an ex.

Below I have listed three different timelines. These timelines are the most common instances in the amount of time it takes to recover an ex boyfriend.

  1. Short Timeline
  2. Medium Timeline
  3. Long Timeline

Now, before I move on I want to say something. This entire page won’t matter unless you have a plan. Since this is my site and I am familiar with my plan to get an ex boyfriend back I am assuming that you have already read the website or gotten my E-Book. These are important things to do because the three timelines I discuss above integrate directly into the plan in my E-Book.

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The Short Timeline

short term

I wanted to talk about this one first because this is the timeline that most people want their recovery process to go down. Before I start getting technical lets take a moment to define what “the short timeline” actually is.

The Short Timeline- Can occur when someone gets their ex back in 1-3 months.

This is the timeline that every woman coming to my site hopes for. Ironically, this is the timeline that almost no woman gets. The short timeline is rare. Now, I am not saying that it is impossible because I have seen instances where it can happen. Heck, even a few of the successes in the success section of this website have gone down the short timeline. However, most people end up going through the medium or long timelines (which I will define for you a little bit later.)

The Positives I See With The Short Timeline


In this section I would like to talk about the positive aspects that I see from couples who get back together during the short timeline. Now, after I give you the positives of getting an ex back during this time period I will also give you the negatives. It has recently been brought to my attention that while I am really good at giving you the “how to” of getting an ex boyfriend back I really don’t do that good of a job in giving you what to expect after you get them back which is kind of why I wanted to give you some of the negatives so you can know what to expect.

Success Is Increased

Lets forget about all the technical things that go with attempting to get an ex boyfriend back for a minute. Lets focus on something really simple. I can tell you straight up that your chances of success (in getting your ex back) are increased during the short timeline.

Now, I realize that some of you may be a little confused by that statement so allow me to simplify it for you.

The short timeline definition above basically puts a 1-3 month time-frame on getting an ex boyfriend back. That means that if you do happen to succeed in getting your ex back between that 1-3 month period you did so under the “short timeline.” One thing I have learned through dealing with multiple situations in helping women like you is that the first few months after a breakup are really important to getting a boyfriend back. The things you do during those first three months can have the greatest impact in raising your chances to get your boyfriend back.

The opposite rings true as well. You can seriously harm your chances during those first three months as well if you do the wrong things.

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Problems I See With The Short Timeline


I do a better job of explaining this in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO but I will do my best here.

If I am being completely honest I didn’t want to write this particular guide to help you. I wanted to write it to vent my frustrations with you..

“Wait.. WHAT?”

Yes, in the last four months I can honestly say that I am getting frustrated with you and I am about to explain why. I want you to know that I understand you. I understand you a lot better than you think. I know that after a breakup you will be impulsive, you will say something and then change your mind a few days later and swear that you hate your ex boyfriend but deep down you know you are kidding yourself.

I understand that at the core of all of that is a deep pain. It is this pain that tells you that “you can’t live without him.” Some women will lose their appetite while others will get so emotional even taking a step is scary.

The point I am trying to make here is that I understand you but I still can’t help but be frustrated with you and I am about to explain why.

Problem 1- You Will Force Things

At the beginning of this guide I mentioned that I was an expert at understanding men. Well, I am also pretty darn perceptive when it comes to women now too. That comes from having over 6,000 conversations with them through this site. The thing I have learned about you is that you want results NOW.

I believe we call this “impatience.” As a society we have been conditioned to get things NOW. Let me give you an example.

A few days ago I was driving in my car and my stomach started growling. Obviously this was an indicator that I was hungry. Well, when I get hungry a series of thoughts run through my mind.

“I wonder what I have at home?”

“Oh wait… that will probably take a while to cook won’t it?”

“I will just go get fast food so I can take care of my hunger problem NOW!”

The point here is that when I get hungry I want the end result NOW (the end result being to not be hungry anymore.) Of course, can this type of thinking be translated over to relationships? You bet it can and I have proof to back up my claims. Every single day women contact me with a message that looks a lot like the one below.

“The no contact period is so hard, this is taking too long. I don’t know if I can last…”

The truth is that we are all impatient and want results immediately. A lot of women will come to this website, get my E-Book and want results immediately. Well, when it comes to this stuff results can take time. When women don’t like the fact that it will take time they grow impatient and begin to force the process.

This is one of the main problems I see with the short timeline. Women will be seduced by this fantasy that if they do everything right their ex will be back in their arms by the end of the month. When that doesn’t happen in real life a lot of women get frustrated and force things.

The results can sometimes be catastrophic as they fall back into their old habits and turn their ex off completely.

Problem 2- The “What Changed?” Effect

Lets shift our focus to the actual successes of the short timeline. I want you to know that I take this site very seriously which means that I really want you to succeed. However, when I talk about succeeding I am not just talking about you getting your ex back. I am talking about you getting your boyfriend back and having a long lasting relationship with him.

I haven’t really talked about this a lot but there is a dark side to getting your ex boyfriend back. There are some women that will come to me and say something like:

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“Oh my gosh…. I am so surprised. What you said actually worked and I got my boyfriend back.”

Well, yea I am totally awesome like that ;)! All kidding aside there are some times when about a month later I will receive an email like this:

“My ex just broke up with me again. Things haven’t been the same at all since we got back together.”

This is the dark side of getting your ex back. After dealing with about 6 instances where this happened I began to notice a disturbing pattern. Almost all of the breakups that happened were from couples the reunited in the short timeline. Now, I do have a theory for why I think this happened.

Most couples who I have helped that seem to last the longest take time for themselves before they get back together. That means that there is a problem with getting back together in a short time frame. I like to call this problem the “what changed?” effect.

The “What Changed?” Effect-  Instead of moving forward down a new path, creating a new relationship with a new outlook they pick up right where they left off by continuing their old relationship which is ultimately doomed because it failed before.

The WC effect is more likely to occur in the short timeline because getting back together after such a short amount of time doesn’t give the two parties (you and your ex) enough time to find themselves and come back stronger than ever. Now, I do want to say something really important here for a second. There are actually some cases where couples get back together in the short time frame and last for a very long time. So, I am not saying having a happy ending is impossible all I am saying is that having one is less likely if you rush back into things with your ex boyfriend.

The Medium Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the process of the medium timeline and how it relates to getting your ex back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


I am going to be honest with you here. This is by far my favorite “timeline” to talk about out of the three that I will be talking about in this guide.


Simple, almost everyone underestimates it!

Before we really dive in to the medium timeline lets take a look at it’s definition.

The Medium Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 4-8 months

This is one of the timelines that women are scared to go down and I simply don’t understand why. I don’t want to go into too many details right now because I am going to be talking about everything in the sections below but I do want to point one thing out. The medium timeline gets a lot of hate. If your own personal timeline has already crossed over into “medium” territory do not freak out. It might actually be a good thing.

The Positives Of The Medium Timeline

positive thinking

Before you read on I want you to hit the pause button for a minute and go up and look at the first timeline we discussed (the short one.) I hope you noticed that there were actually more negatives than positives. While I am a firm believer that if you are trying to get your ex back you should get them back whenever the opportunity presents itself it is sometimes a bad thing to take them back too soon.

Anyways, here are all the positives I have found with the medium timeline.

Needs Vs. Wants

Now, before we can get to the meat of this point there is a mindset that I need you to grasp. This goes way above what we are talking about here. In fact, what I am about to talk about is something that you really need to master even before you attempt to get your boyfriend back.

(See Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for more information on how to do this.)

What is this mindset?

You are allowed to WANT your ex boyfriend back but you are NOT allowed to NEED your ex boyfriend back.

In order to understand this statement we need to study the timeless war between:

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Want vs. Need!

What is a need?

Simple, a need is something that you can’t live without. Here are some basic needs:

  • Food
  • Water
  • Shelter

What is a want?

A want is something that you CAN live without. Here are some personal examples:

  • I WANT a million dollars.
  • I WANT that new video game.
  • I WANT to walk in the room, have everyone bow and chant the words “chris is awesome…” (too much?)

All kidding aside the point I am trying to make here is that if you can master the mindset above and truly be able to say that you can live without your ex boyfriend the world is your oyster!

Now, I am betting that you are wondering how this relates to the medium timeline. Well, I am not an ignorant person. I have dealt with enough “emotional” women to understand that obtaining the correct “want vs. need” mindset isn’t going to happen overnight. In fact, I have actually helped women who have told me one day that they are better off without their ex only to have them come back the next day crying saying “why doesn’t he love me?”

The truth is that it is highly unlikely that you are going to obtain the correct mindset if you get your ex boyfriend back during the short timeline. However, it IS likely that you can obtain the correct mindset under the medium or long timelines.

Establishing A Lasting Relationship

What have we already established for new relationships forming during the short timeline? Sometimes they don’t tend to last very long. It all ends up tying into the “what changed?” effect that I discussed above. Well, in this section we are focusing on what happens during the medium timeline.

Interestingly I have found the opposite to be true.

Essentially, your chances of having a lasting relationship if you get back together with your boyfriend during this timeline are much higher. While obviously nothing is guaranteed it puts you in a really good position. You see, a lot of women I deal with are so desperate and frantic to get their exes back they don’t think too far ahead to what getting back into a relationship with their ex would be like. Instead, they just focus all of their energies on the actual “getting him back” part. While I suppose there is nothing wrong with focusing energies in one place to accomplish a goal I think that you should put your overall happiness above a goal.

For example, are you truly happy when you are with your boyfriend? If deep down you aren’t then you are definitely not going to be happy when you get him back.

The medium timeline comes into play because it gives you a lot of time to do some soul searching and thinking. However, this isn’t only true just for you. It is true for your ex as well.

In the end it all boils down to two simple concepts.

  1. Relationships formed during the short timeline are usually done during a period of emotion. These types of relationships typically DON’T tend to last in the long run.
  2. Relationships formed during the medium/long timelines are usually done after a period of emotion. These types of relationships DO tend to last in the long run.

Problems I See With The Medium Timeline

problem kid

Not everything is all dandelions and cotton candy! Just like a coin there are two sides to everything when it comes to relationships. In this section we are going to study the negatives of the medium timeline. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning as I am not going to pull any punches here. I am going to straight up tell it like it is and some of the stuff you may read in this section could potentially upset you.

Other Women

I wanted to start off with a bang so here we go. When you are dealing with this amount of time (4-8 months) you should expect other people to get involved. Now, when I say other people I am talking about other women. Lets not skirt around the issue here. I know for a fact that the number one fear that women who visit this site have is if their ex boyfriend is dating someone new. Heck, maybe you are experience the heartache of still having romantic feelings for an ex who is dating someone else.

I am the type of person that likes to take a “big picture” look at everything (you will learn about “big picture” looks in the next section.) When I look at the big picture for relationships in general I have some potentially upsetting news for you, ALL OF THEM END.

A few weeks ago I said something that seemed to ruffle some feathers of the visitors. I am not entirely sure why it did but it did. The truth is that every single relationship in this world will eventually end.

Either because someone will break up with the other person.


One of you will die.

While that is a gloomy way of looking at things lets take another big picture look at other women dating your ex boyfriend to connect the dots.

The chances of your ex boyfriend dating someone new during the medium timeline are significantly increased. Now, before you jump out your window and hunt this new girl down I want you to do something that is going to be unbelievably hard. I want you to stay calm. Take a few deep breaths because I am about to dissect the situation for you in a big picture view.

So, you are in the medium timeline and your ex is dating someone new. Just realize that right off the bat that new relationship will eventually end. Now, I don’t know how long it will take for the new relationship to end but what I do know is that it will eventually end so you will have a window of opprotunity again (lets just hope that window of opportunity doesn’t occur when you are 82 years old haha.)

Your Chances Of Success Slightly Decrease

As much as I would like to tell you that being in a medium timeline is a great thing for raising your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back I just can’t. The truth is that the more time goes by the more your chances of success drop. Now, I don’t want you to freak out or get upset because I have known (and worked with) people in all three categories (short, medium and long.)

I do want to focus specifically on women who have gotten their exes back in the medium time-frame so I can tell you their experience. In the next few paragraphs I am going to tell you a story. This story is important because it is really the reason this site exists.

This is the story of one of my best friends (who for her protection I am not going to name.) But if I were going to name her, her name would be Ashley!

Ashley is a remarkable woman because she has gotten her ex boyfriend back a total of two times. Interestingly, the first time she got him back was during the medium timeline while the second time she got him back was during the long timeline. For this particular section I want to focus on her first success.

What I found amazing about her is the fact that she was able to overcome the decreased chances of getting her ex boyfriend back not once but twice. So, I want to take a moment to study exactly how she did that.

Of course, the first time she tried to get him back this site wasn’t even in existence. Both her and I had no clue what we were doing. I can honestly say that I didn’t give her too much advice because I knew nothing about getting exes back at that time. Instead, I mostly just listened and offered support to her when I could. However, after her success I began to educate myself on the subject since I thought that other people might be going through the same things she just went through.

I remember texting her a few months ago asking her what she thought the most important ingredient was to her success. She gave me a pretty simple answer.

Time and patience…

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The Long Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the long timeline and how it relates to getting your ex boyfriend back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)


Ah yes, the scary long timeline. If there was ever a timeline that people want to avoid it’s this one. Funny thing is, I don’t think the long timeline is half as bad as most make it out to be. In this section as always we are going to be examining the positives and negatives of this timeline. But first, it might be helpful if we define exactly what the long timeline is.

The Long Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 9-12+ months.

Before we move on I do want to clarify something. I mostly consider LT (long timeline) cases to span over an entire year. In fact, some of the most successful relationships that I have helped put back together have occurred during the LT so don’t be discouraged if it takes you this long to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Positives Of The Long Timeline


As always there are positives and negatives with any timeline. I thought that for the LT we would start with the positives. A few things to note here. As you read through this section I want you to notice that some of the positives found here are better than any of the other positives in the other sections. So, while it may be a little troubling to hear that it could potentially take an entire year before you get your ex boyfriend back I also want you to realize that sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Ok, now on to the positives!

A Big Picture Perspective

I alluded to this in the previous part of the guide. So, what is a big picture perspective? Quite simply it is the ability to remove yourself from a situation and look at things in the grand scheme of things. This is actually one of the reasons that you have read this far down this page. It is one of the reasons that you come back to this website waiting for new content to be added. It is one of the reasons you find my guides interesting.

You see, I have a big picture perspective on your situation while you do not.

I can look at your situation and give you a game plan without any emotion. While it is common sense that positive emotions are the cornerstone of any successful relationship they can get in the way when it comes to coming up with a proper plan to get your boyfriend back.

So, how does being in the long timeline help you get a big picture perspective on things?

Well, one thing that I hope you are noticing by now is that as time goes on people tend to get less and less emotional. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule but in general the initial statement is true. Lets use this guide as an example. During the short timeline one of the negatives was that you could get back together with an ex on a whim (too early emotionally) and the end result would be an unhealthy cycle of the two of you breaking up and wanting to get back together again. During the medium timeline your emotional state began to come back down to earth as you could work on developing a want vs need state.

A big picture perspective won’t come easily. Even if you are in a long timeline. Deep down it is hard to not get emotional over someone you really care about. However, there is a distinct advantage to removing yourself from a situation and looking at an overview of things.

For one, you can begin to diagnose your overall chances of success. Having the BP state gives you the ability to figure out if the two of you have a chance anymore, if the he even wants you, if you even want him. You can look at your situation without emotion and trust me when I say that is a very good thing.

You Can Become The Ungettable Girl

The ungettable girl is kind of a big deal when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back. While I am not going to go into specifics on how to become one because I do so in my E-Book I will give you a “big picture” view of one ;).

The Ungettable Girl- Is an idea. Essentially it is a woman of higher value. A woman that any man can’t resist (especially your ex.)

Becoming the UG is not an easy task and it will take time. Luckily, one of the great things you have in your favor during the long timeline is the fact that you have time. While I could have technically put the ungettable girl section in the medium timeline I thought that the long timeline would be ideal for it because becoming an UG does not happen overnight.

Sure, you may be pretty. Sure, you may have a great personality but the truth is even if you have those things you are not an UG. A true ungettable girl has an aura that surrounds her. She can walk into a room and time will stop (literally this happens when I see an ungettable girl.)

Not to get too off topic here but I have developed a sense for locating ungettable girls. A few years ago I attended a high level college course. Like any male my age during the first day I am not really concerned with how the course is going to work, I am concerned with where I am going to sit. Usually I like to sit next to someone who looks interesting and when I mean interesting I mean I want to find a pretty girl to sit next to.

It took me a while but I finally found her. Then I began to notice something, I wasn’t the only one sending attention her way, the entire male portion of the class was! That was when the light bulb went off, this was an ungettable girl. She had this aura around her that just drew men in. While it certainly helped that she was both pretty and took care of her body that wasn’t the whole package. The most attractive thing about her was this aura of mystery surrounding her.

Now, I have talked with enough ungettable girls to know that you have to be very brave to approach them. I knew that I had an advantage over the rest of the males in class because while they would be sitting around debating an approach in their head I would be the one acting. Sure enough after class I caught up with her, introduced myself and learned a little about her. There were two things I found interesting about her.

First, she slipped in the conversation that she had a boyfriend. The fact that she mentioned this to me meant one of two things. She was happy in her relationship and didn’t want me to get any ideas or she simply didn’t want to be hit on.

Second, she told me that she was a professional powerdancer…. for a well known basketball team!

Wow, that one shocked me!

The Negatives Of The Long Timeline


We are almost done I promise. I know this has gotten kind of long. In this section like always we are going to be focusing purely on the negatives of the long timeline. You will find that this is going to be a shorter section than it’s predecessors. While there is a reason for that I do want to take an opportunity to give you a few nuggets of knowledge.

There are going to be times during the long timeline that you will get discouraged. You may find yourself asking “if he wanted me back he would have asked me back by now.” I understand where you are coming from completely. However, things aren’t always as black and white as that.

There is a popular saying that goes “the greatest mystery in the universe is women..”

Well, have you ever noticed that only men tend to say that?

I think the more accurate saying should go “the greatest mystery in the universe is men AND women..”

Getting an ex boyfriend back can sometimes take years. The thing that you have to ask yourself is if waiting for him to come around is worth it or not?

Now, lets examine why this section is going to be shorter than the others.

Interchangeable Negatives

I want you to scroll back up to the medium timeline. Once you get there make sure you take a look at the negatives.



Have you done it yet?

Well, the long timeline has the exact same negatives as the medium timeline. That makes the negatives interchangeable. That means that you can expect to have:

  • Decreased chances of success.
  • Other women

As the big negatives of this section. I don’t know if there is much more to say. Maybe that I will see you again soon and don’t be afraid to comment below to ask questions. As always I am here to help you!

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733 thoughts on “This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back”

  1. Laila

    October 29, 2021 at 1:20 am

    My boyfriend and I were together for over six years . He’s actually been apart of my life for nearly 13 years. Things were pretty good for a long time but the past few months have been rocky for us. We didn’t see each other much. He likes to drink and I recently lost my father so I needed time to mourn (which my Bf gave me and tried to be there for me as best as he could ). Over the last two weeks , I noticed my Bf begin a little distant. He dissappeared for a few days and was trying to contact him. This past Friday, he finally calls me and tells me he has this random job at a restaurant in Florida and moving in with guy friend down there. We are in Virginia btw. He says he been wanting to marry me for a long time but he’s fed up because I keep telling him to get his life together first. He said he’s deciding to go down there (with a guy he just met btw) so he can work down there. He said if I can’t come with him, then we are done. We had an hour long convo full of emotions, disagreeing and talking about his “plan” in Florida . I asked him if I could see him to at least talks before he leaves and he said ok but to leave him alone right now. It’s been a week and I’m devastated .. I texted him multiple times (yes, I’m embarrassed) begging to talk. He’s not avoiding me and removed me from social media. I know I need to give it time for him to at least have a convo with me but is he going to come back? We had a great relationship over the years and he ended it randomly over impulse .

  2. Chidinma Emilia

    April 13, 2021 at 6:24 am

    My ex broke up with me because he said he got a message that am not the right person for him but I don’t know where that message is coming from and I don’t know who told him that and he refuse to tell me anything so I have stop calling him and he has stop calling me too. Pls do u think he can still come back. I truly love this guy I always pray for him, I always pray for us to be together I wanted him to be my last bustop in relationship I meant well for him. But he said am not the right person for him and I did not do anything to him just like that. Pls what should I do. I know my own case may not be easy but do u think he can come back to me. How long will it take. Pls i need him back to me am ready to forgive him if he apologize to me.

  3. Melody

    November 12, 2020 at 3:53 am

    6 months post breakup my ex bf contacted me, told me he still had feelings, misses me, etc. That was 6 weeks ago. We text about every other day, which is REALLY not enough for me and we haven’t talked or video-chatted. I’ve expressed that I’d like to talk more, and he said he would like that too. He said he felt like I was in a hurry, and felt pressure, so I backed way off, I might initiate 1:3.
    I feel like things haven’t progressed and are slowly tapering off. Do I give myself another month? 2, 3? Do I tell him this isn’t working and I hope he has a good life? I’m used to getting attention, I’m used to people being excited to see/talk to me, and I don’t feel that from him. I do want him, but I’m not going to compromise my needs either. Help me, please!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 12, 2020 at 5:31 pm

      Hi Melody you have to do what is right for you, if things are not working and you are in a relationship then explain your feelings towards the relationship calmly without blaming him as such. As for the amount you speak, speaking every other day is quite a lot if you are LDR and newly back together. You dont want to rush things, as you have only been back together 6 weeks.

  4. Liz

    September 18, 2020 at 6:36 pm

    My bf and I had a relationship that lasted 2 years (tho he always counts it as 3 for some reason). During the first 6 months of our relationship he got a female friend who made him happier than me back then. He once considered he was happier with her than with me but then our relationship got better and he set more boundaries with her. Everything was fine until the last months of our relationship. I started getting mad at him every time he asked for favors or help bcuz i saw him as way too needy. But i never communicated this problem with him calmly and i would just say some terribly hurtful stuff until the day he broke up with me. That day he asked for a phone number of our university and i just said “do it urself” and we proceeded to snap at each other. After we broke up, 2 months later he fell in love with that same girl that made him happy back then. Its been 5 months now and now they’re in a relationship together. He still keeps saying/hinting that we’re just friends and thats all we’ll ever be. However, I’ve already done no contact, did personal development, got him to see my change, implemented some techniques to make him miss me, and advanced until the phone call stage. Is there anything else i can do to make him see me under a more romantic light?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 4, 2020 at 9:38 pm

      Hi Liz to get him looking at you in a more romantic situation you need to have meet up with the setting be a possible “date” and increase the romantic settings each meet up, where you flirt and let him imagine what things could be like with you as a partner again

  5. Precious Love

    August 22, 2020 at 3:45 am

    My bf and I were together for a few wonderful months. We loved spending time together and things were progressing at a fast pace. He recently broke up with me saying that he didn’t see a future but while he was doing that he was crying and said he feels like he’s regretting this. It seemed like he was confused. I stayed calm. He said that I make him so happy. I told him that I was confused too because I did feel him pull away but he said it was because of his career situation. So I supported him(cheered him on) and stayed positive as he said he felt depressed the week prior to breaking up. All the while he said that I deserve someone else with more time who can adore me would be better for me. He cried more and more and said he wanted to be friends. I said no. That I need 110% from him. And I could tell that made him mad and more upset. I too of course was upset but I know he can give me 110% just as he did up until the week before breaking up. I honestly feel he sabotaged our relationship because he’s had some pretty bad ones in the past. And I treated him so well. Love to hear thoughts on this. I love this man. I just want him back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 11:49 am

      Hey there, so if he felt that he can not be in a relationship right now because of his own mental situation and work – then you have to respect that. You need to follow the rules of no contact and reach out after 30 days or 45. Understanding that even if he does love you and thinks he is making a mistake his putting himself first, which is what we all should do when we feel we are not ourselves.

  6. Mackenzie

    August 12, 2020 at 3:07 am

    My boyfriend and I have been broken up for almost 4 months. I have done no contact and we have started communication again, but he still said he doesn’t want to try again because he said he can’t trust me. I just want him back and I feel like all hope is lost.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      August 15, 2020 at 3:15 pm

      Hey Mackenzie, ideally you should not be asking him to get back together when following this program you need to make it seem like it is his idea. Go back into a NC and start working on your holy trinity again, you know he is willing to talk to you so just make sure that you stop rushing the process and show you are not going to hurt him or break his trust by taking your time and being patient.

  7. Emma

    July 30, 2020 at 12:24 pm

    Heya, this is my story.. me and my ex were together 4 years … he broke up because I was needy and called and text him a lot.. he said he needed space … he didn’t let me know this bothered him before in fear of upsetting me(so confused) .. so we had a chat about the break up I agreed , I didn’t beg/ text I did no contact for 30 days., I reached out it was positive Asking how eachother are etc .. until I talked about how I was Feeling he told me he didn’t wanna chat as old friends.. this hurt.. I went into no contact again for about 2 weeks, he’s sent me Snapchat’s of puppies.. I sent a picture of a teddy bear he bought me and got a Positive response.. but still no message asking how am I etc.. which is confusing me .. not sure what next step I should take ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 31, 2020 at 3:51 pm

      Hi Emma the mistake you made was having an emotional conversation at the start we need to keep things fun and light, like you do when you meet someone for the first time. You wouldnt have spoken to him like this when you first got in touch with him about your feelings as there wasnt any there. You need to treat this program as if you are trying to attract someone new. You need to read some texting articles to help you follow the advice Chris gives correctly.

  8. N/A

    July 24, 2020 at 9:22 pm

    After a two year relationship, I was really confused as to why he broke up with me. We were happy, and it came out of no where. He basically blamed me for his faults, but he’s not the type to admit to that. He bought an engagement ring (I’ve seen it so I know he has it!), and after the breakup I found out that he cheated on me. Despite all of this, I still seem to want him back. I know I need to give myself time, but i was quite pathetic, and as soon as we broke up I begged for him back. No one has a crystal ball to tell me when he’s coming back or IF he’s coming back. I just have a gut feeling based on his track record with his ex’s. After the breakup, I blocked him on everything, and I don’t know what to do next! I see his family everywhere and he’s seen mine. I don’t know if these are signs or if I’m just getting my hopes up just to let myself down.

  9. Maria

    July 4, 2020 at 12:30 am

    My exboyfriend broke up with me almost 3 months ago. We are co-workers, which makes it hard. The first 2 months post break up he completely ignored me and I did the same. About 3 weeks ago we started talking again (work related only). Sometimes I get the feeling that he has feelings for me and others he stops talking to me completely again. What do you suggest I do, if there is a chance of us ever getting back together?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 2:33 pm

      Hey Maria, so if you are to work on getting your exes attention again like before you got together. Showing him you are the person he met before. But also knowing your worth so that you are not spending your time chasing him. Work on the limited no contact where you only speak about work while following the information in the Holy Trinity articles and Ungettable information. Then you start following the texting information. It should get him talking to you slowly and you can re build your connection keeping in mind that it can take some time to get an ex back that you work with so do not rush the process

  10. Flora

    July 3, 2020 at 5:01 am

    Almost 4 weeks, I said the word like “It’s Over” when we fought, but I didn’t mean it. I said so because I was mad. Therefore, he blocked all my socials or game account and didn’t talk to me or replied to me at all. At first 2 weeks, I tried to made my ways to contact him and apologize over and over. Until I found that he bloked me all new accounts as well. Once I asked if “we already broke up?” He said: We did since the day I said It’s over. I stopped to contact but left the long message in Email to explain that I didn’t mean to leave at that time, and no contact after that. A few days later, he replied my email. I felt like he is sarcastic and think I have a new BF already, so I replied him back that I have no one new and asked if he really thinks I cheat on him? He said: He didn’t think that I cheat but he wanted me to push one guy who I asked for help to talk to him instead. And he also told me that “He is not online on the dating website and asked me “Happy now?” I’m so happy since he replied me even a bit after 26 days passed. Day 27, I sent email with his photo that I took again but he didn’t reply me now already. And I started to not contact him again. Do I have a chance to get him back? After many days he seems no talking and then why he replied my email? I’m confused. He never said that he wants to break up with me. And I didn’t leave him as well. I don’t even know now if we broke up or what happened to us now. We are like this just after we fought and he blocked me. 2 days more, it will be 4 weeks that we didn’t talk already. (We are LDR)

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 26, 2020 at 9:59 am

      Hey Flora as you have gone the 4 weeks without talking, have you worked on your Holy Trinity in that time? You can start following the texting articles if you feel you have successfully completed 30 days of NC

  11. Sara

    April 22, 2020 at 10:34 am

    My ex-fiancee and I were together for 4 years, we bought a home together and were planning a wedding. We broke up 2 months ago, he dumped me saying he wasnt happy, and didnt have feelings for me anymore, and moved out two weeks later. I begged, I cried, i got mad, I text gnatted, I did all the wrong things. However the first month and a week after the breakup we continued to text everyday, he kept saying he wanted to work things out but needed to be alone for a while, we were still sleeping together, and he would get incredible jealous if he even thought I was speaking to a new guy. After a big argument after he spent the night then kinda ignored me all weekend, I decided I was done for now. I removed him from my social media and stopped talking to him. After 10 days he reached out and was being much more polite, texting me first everyday, being sweet, offering to come help with things no sexual contact was made and we didnt talk about out relationship. I thought this was great. Suddenly he became very cold and rude one day, he had found out I was on a dating app, then told me he doesnt care about me and to never speak to him again. He refused to answer any of my text the rest of the day. I found out a few days later he went facebook official with his new gf, who is the girl he dated briefly (for less than 6 months) before we started dating 4 years ago. I have not tried to speak to him since he told me never to speak to him again. I dont know if it’s too late, if no contact will even work at this point. He I not trying to talk to me it’s been 11 days. What should I do.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 10:52 am

      Hi Sara, even though its hard I would make sure you do not watch any of his social media accounts or the girlfriends activity either. I then would complete an active 45 day NC where you focus on yourself, working to get over the break up and focus on how to be happy by yourself for a short while. Then reach out after 45 days and follow the being there method if you want to get him back by that time

  12. Beth

    March 27, 2020 at 7:48 am

    My ex and I have been broken up for 9 months. It has been an absolute roller coaster. The first four or five months after the break up, we had been on and off. Now there are periods where he will not reach out to me, so we have no contact, and there are periods where he is extremely involved with me. I don’t know where to take it from here. He still tells me he loves me but most often he is uninterested, as if I was a stranger almost. After our break up, it was clear that he still wanted a future with me but now, whenever the topic of a relationship is brought up he shys away, telling me he doesn’t want me to hope while at the same time he tells me he hopes for a life with me, romantically. How do I turn my current situation and make him desire me more than ever? Or should I give up?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 29, 2020 at 11:12 pm

      Hi Beth so to reattract your ex you need to work on the Holy Trinity and Ungettable information. Appearing to move on is how you are going to make your ex think of you in a romantic way, if you appear to be dating he is going to start realising other men find you desirable where he is then going to increase his desire to be with you

  13. Leila

    January 25, 2020 at 5:06 pm

    Hi EBR

    What to do if he still on a dating website and we sleep together after a break up? He rarely initiates, but it’s developing – he didn’t see the future before didn’t want to talk was distant now at least there is warmth..but perhaps dating other people at the same time. I feel I am stalking him…

    Thank you

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2020 at 10:52 pm

      Hi Leila definitely do not sleep with him again, and try not to watch what he does on social media or on dating sites. If you are in the texting phase and meeting up make sure you are being Ungettable and staying composed. Do not react to other women but do not give him boyfriend privileges until he is in a relationship with you again

  14. Sweetie

    January 25, 2020 at 10:18 am

    Hi EBR
    So he is kind of back but not really – we meet, we talk, we kiss, he is quite compassionate when with me but then he goes to his ‘cave’ and I don’t hear from him for days after that. He doesn’t initiate much. He justifies it with work but it upsets me that it’s not the same as when we have just started..even when we were just dating at the beginning.
    I see that there is an improvement in his attitude but it’s tiny and we’ve been for 6 months now into a break up. So the progress is very very slow.
    He is not asking me back, so I am in limbo…Dreading ‘friends with benefits’ scenario.
    Have you seen this before? Anything to read on that?
    Thank you!

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 25, 2020 at 10:49 pm

      Hey there so as long as you are not sleeping with him then you do not fall into a friends with benefits situation. Go to “romantic” locations, visit places you did as a couple again and hopefully he will start talking about being together officially again. It is a slow process mainly because you are gaining his trust gradually. Keep being patient

  15. Sweetie

    January 12, 2020 at 2:33 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Thanks for the article.
    So my timeline is the following: end of August – break up. The break up was my fault- I broke up in the first place (there was a loss of me seeing him as a man, which unfortunately I told him) and then regretted my decision then he broke up because we’ve been constantly arguing.

    well I had no other choice but to do a no contact ( for 2 months). I contacted first after that to get my stuff back.
    Then we had planned to exchange things for another month. Then we met and had sex. I really worked hard on myself and he has seen it and complimented me the whole night so I lost control and trusted him (which I shouldn’t).
    Then for around 2 weeks now I am trying to see him again (he is talking to me and invited to come over but I never did as I want dating). Dating doesn’t happen. What is my next step now? I don’t want a no contact again..Is there any chance without no contact? But I feel nothing could be done with rational brains.
    4 and a half months now since the break up. I have a feeling there is another woman he is chancing on the horizon. Some coaches say: always be nice and warm when he comes back..But I have a feeling it’s just not working even though he felt hurt by my words in the first place and I feel guilty because I apologised multiple times and can’t take it back.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 17, 2020 at 8:54 pm

      Hey, so you have apologised for your part, that’s it done. Do not apologise again. You go into a no contact and you work on yourself for some time. Read all articles that apply to your situation and use that information to cultivate this new image of yourself, to be the best version of yourself in time to start the texting phase with your ex

  16. Mary

    August 9, 2019 at 8:03 am

    Hello, my boyfriend of 2 yrs broke up with me exactly 2 weeks ago. We were both dealing with our own problems & i have anxiety issues so i told him i needed him & he ignored me & the next day i told him that we needed to talk because it was messed up that he ignored me & we went to a park & he cried & cried & i cried & he said he needed time & that his heart was telling him one thing & his mind another thing so he brokeup with me.i reached out a week ago & his sister was getting married & he started to cry as soon as i mentioned missing him & he said he didn’t want to talk about it at the moment & that he didn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment.i miss him & we went through a lot.yeah we fought a lot but our love was always you think he’s coming back? Or is he done for good? Should i try to talk to him in person now? Please help im losing my mind

  17. Rachel

    August 7, 2019 at 1:51 am

    Hi there, my ex boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. Since then I’ve seen him twice, the first time was about 2 weeks ago when he helped me move into my new place. The second time was last Wednesday because I told him I really need closure to move on and heal. He was nervous but seemed open when we talked and I believe him when he tells me that he needs to work on himself before he’s in a relationship. I have started the NC rule but am unsure how long to do this for and if this is even the first step I should be taking?? I really want him back, he was the love of my life and I don’t want to mess up my chances of getting him back.

  18. Charlotte

    June 23, 2019 at 3:15 pm

    I’m not sure what to do… my boyfriend of 8.5 years broke up with me last week and we haven’t had contact since. We have been together since we were freshmen in high school. He has been somewhat aloof and distant the past month because he has been trying to ‘figure things out’ on what he wants in life. He just got his first adult full time job around that time and starts this coming week. It has been a very miserable month because of his behavior…. but we have had a really good and happy relationship. Two months ago we were talking about buying a house and getting married. When he broke up with me, he said he doesn’t feel like he used to and that it’s not fair to keep putting me through this. Around the time he started having these questioning thoughts he met a girl (I heard from a mutual friend)… and I don’t know if he broke up with me because he has to figure out who he wants to be with or if he really doesn’t want to be with me. He said that when he figures things out maybe he will want to get back together with me, but he wouldn’t blame me if I wouldn’t want to get back together. I want to talk to him so badly because now I have so many questions on the why’s of the break up and if he does think we will get back together… I’ve accepted that this relationship may not be meant to be after all. But, I don’t want to keep this hope that he might come back. If we aren’t getting back together, I want to know sooner than later so I can start healing. Any advice you can give would be greatly appreciated.

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 23, 2019 at 7:58 pm

      HI Charlotte…I think employing No Contact so you can focus on your healing and recovery, while doing the other things I talk about in my Program

  19. Deeshi Parikh

    June 18, 2019 at 5:24 pm

    My name is Ninna.
    I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend since the past 3years, no we haven’t broken up, but yes we have had on and offs many times. Despite of those on and offs we have decided to get married now, both our parents know about our relationship and close friends know about it. You would be thinking then what get me to this page.
    The thing is that my boyfriend loves me to the fullest when I am with him, like when we meet but once we don’t meet for days he starts acting distant, he doesn’t like talking to much on the phone, whenever I call him he waits to disconnect the call , hardly uses wats app, he hardly posts our photos anywhere, we don’t have a single photo clicked uptil now, when ask him to click one he ignores it, he prefers sleeping like taking a nap rather than spending time with me, whenever I call him he says I am busy call you later, it’s not that he doesn’t call back ..he does but again he says the same I am busy and disconnects the calls this has been happening past a really long time, it hurts me, I have told him but he doesn’t understand….I do trust him a lot, like I am dam sure there is no expect me in his life because more than me he wants to spend his future with me, I have seen trying to win, from my parents, but these things puzzle me up what should I do? I want him to value me and make me his priority.

    1. Chris Seiter

      June 18, 2019 at 7:37 pm

      Hi Ninna…that is the right idea….you want him to come to value you more and in my Program I emphasize how important that is and provided you with a roadmap on how to do that. But what is most important is learning to value yourself more because “you” are the most important person to yourself.

  20. Taylor

    June 6, 2019 at 2:27 pm


    My ex and I were in a relationship for almost 6 years. We had lived together at one point and for the last year have been long distance with the plan to move back in together in the same state. My ex broke up with me about a month ago to “find himself” and we had not spoken for a little over 2 weeks. He has reached out at random times about my posts on social media and even told me I could come visit him. However, he said that he thinks I’m reading too much into him inviting me and that this isn’t him trying to get back together. He tells me I am the love of his life, the person he would like to marry, and the person he wants to have kids with. He also recently told me he wants to have a kid. I can see that he’s trying to make steps to improve his life and I’m willing to wait for him. However, when I ask him if he wants me to wait he won’t give me a straight answer. He tells me that it’s my decision. I’m just lost on what to do. I’m currently staying with my parents and the plan was to stay with them until we got a place together, but now we’re broken up. My exes lease is up in August and I’m lost on whether I just need to get my own place or wait for him. I keep getting mixed signals and I don’t know what to do. I love him and I want to be with him, but this hurts more than anything. What should I do?

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