This Is How Long It Will Take To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

Whenever I help someone through this site I often hear them refer to me as an expert at “getting ex boyfriends back.” The truth is that I am not. In fact, I don’t like being call the “ex expert” for a couple of reasons. Firstly, I don’t have some sort of psychological degree that says I am an expert at repairing relationships. Secondly, whenever I think of these “ex boyfriend gurus” I often view them as sleazy.

The truth is that I am an expert on the male mind. The reason I am an expert on the male mind is because I am a male!

We are stubborn, fickle, stingy, under romantic, over romantic and scared of being alone. That is men in a nutshell!

The whole reason I created this site was to give you a window into the mind of a man. Using that window it has been my hope that you could use your new found knowledge to help in your campaign to recover your boyfriend. Some women have and some women unfortunately haven’t.

I have been doing this for a while now and I just want to tell you that I am seeing a very big problem occurring. Women who try to get their exes back are far too impatient.

BUT FIRST… There’s Something Important You Need To Know

I have been helping men and women get back with their exes for over half a decade and I have learned that most people have preconceived notions when they end up on my site. They think that all they have to do is follow the directions that I give them on the page and they are good to go. Now, while this may hold true in some cases I will say that getting an ex back is usually such a complex process that I can’t explain everything there is to explain in one simple article.

Luckily, I have created an “ultimate resource” for you to follow to not only get your ex back but to understand why they are acting the way they are acting.

All you have to do learn about this resource is to click the button below!

Get Relief FasterWith Tactics I Can't Put on the Blog...

 

The Three Timelines

timelines

I don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. You don’t know how long it will take to get your ex boyfriend back. Heck, no one can know how long it will take to get him back. While I am not a fortune teller, I am in a unique position to help you understand the mechanics behind the time it will take to recover an ex.

Below I have listed three different timelines. These timelines are the most common instances in the amount of time it takes to recover an ex boyfriend.

  1. Short Timeline
  2. Medium Timeline
  3. Long Timeline

Now, before I move on I want to say something. This entire page won’t matter unless you have a plan. Since this is my site and I am familiar with my plan to get an ex boyfriend back I am assuming that you have already read the website or gotten my E-Book. These are important things to do because the three timelines I discuss above integrate directly into the plan in my E-Book.

Click Here To Learn More About My E-Book

The Short Timeline

short term

I wanted to talk about this one first because this is the timeline that most people want their recovery process to go down. Before I start getting technical lets take a moment to define what “the short timeline” actually is.

The Short Timeline- Can occur when someone gets their ex back in 1-3 months.

This is the timeline that every woman coming to my site hopes for. Ironically, this is the timeline that almost no woman gets. The short timeline is rare. Now, I am not saying that it is impossible because I have seen instances where it can happen. Heck, even a few of the successes in the success section of this website have gone down the short timeline. However, most people end up going through the medium or long timelines (which I will define for you a little bit later.)

The Positives I See With The Short Timeline

positive

In this section I would like to talk about the positive aspects that I see from couples who get back together during the short timeline. Now, after I give you the positives of getting an ex back during this time period I will also give you the negatives. It has recently been brought to my attention that while I am really good at giving you the “how to” of getting an ex boyfriend back I really don’t do that good of a job in giving you what to expect after you get them back which is kind of why I wanted to give you some of the negatives so you can know what to expect.

Success Is Increased

Lets forget about all the technical things that go with attempting to get an ex boyfriend back for a minute. Lets focus on something really simple. I can tell you straight up that your chances of success (in getting your ex back) are increased during the short timeline.

Now, I realize that some of you may be a little confused by that statement so allow me to simplify it for you.

The short timeline definition above basically puts a 1-3 month time-frame on getting an ex boyfriend back. That means that if you do happen to succeed in getting your ex back between that 1-3 month period you did so under the “short timeline.” One thing I have learned through dealing with multiple situations in helping women like you is that the first few months after a breakup are really important to getting a boyfriend back. The things you do during those first three months can have the greatest impact in raising your chances to get your boyfriend back.

The opposite rings true as well. You can seriously harm your chances during those first three months as well if you do the wrong things.

Problems I See With The Short Timeline

problem

I do a better job of explaining this in my book, Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO but I will do my best here.

If I am being completely honest I didn’t want to write this particular guide to help you. I wanted to write it to vent my frustrations with you..

“Wait.. WHAT?”

Yes, in the last four months I can honestly say that I am getting frustrated with you and I am about to explain why. I want you to know that I understand you. I understand you a lot better than you think. I know that after a breakup you will be impulsive, you will say something and then change your mind a few days later and swear that you hate your ex boyfriend but deep down you know you are kidding yourself.

I understand that at the core of all of that is a deep pain. It is this pain that tells you that “you can’t live without him.” Some women will lose their appetite while others will get so emotional even taking a step is scary.

The point I am trying to make here is that I understand you but I still can’t help but be frustrated with you and I am about to explain why.

Problem 1- You Will Force Things

At the beginning of this guide I mentioned that I was an expert at understanding men. Well, I am also pretty darn perceptive when it comes to women now too. That comes from having over 6,000 conversations with them through this site. The thing I have learned about you is that you want results NOW.

I believe we call this “impatience.” As a society we have been conditioned to get things NOW. Let me give you an example.

A few days ago I was driving in my car and my stomach started growling. Obviously this was an indicator that I was hungry. Well, when I get hungry a series of thoughts run through my mind.

“I wonder what I have at home?”

“Oh wait… that will probably take a while to cook won’t it?”

“I will just go get fast food so I can take care of my hunger problem NOW!”

The point here is that when I get hungry I want the end result NOW (the end result being to not be hungry anymore.) Of course, can this type of thinking be translated over to relationships? You bet it can and I have proof to back up my claims. Every single day women contact me with a message that looks a lot like the one below.

“The no contact period is so hard, this is taking too long. I don’t know if I can last…”

The truth is that we are all impatient and want results immediately. A lot of women will come to this website, get my E-Book and want results immediately. Well, when it comes to this stuff results can take time. When women don’t like the fact that it will take time they grow impatient and begin to force the process.

This is one of the main problems I see with the short timeline. Women will be seduced by this fantasy that if they do everything right their ex will be back in their arms by the end of the month. When that doesn’t happen in real life a lot of women get frustrated and force things.

The results can sometimes be catastrophic as they fall back into their old habits and turn their ex off completely.

Problem 2- The “What Changed?” Effect

Lets shift our focus to the actual successes of the short timeline. I want you to know that I take this site very seriously which means that I really want you to succeed. However, when I talk about succeeding I am not just talking about you getting your ex back. I am talking about you getting your boyfriend back and having a long lasting relationship with him.

I haven’t really talked about this a lot but there is a dark side to getting your ex boyfriend back. There are some women that will come to me and say something like:

“Oh my gosh…. I am so surprised. What you said actually worked and I got my boyfriend back.”

Well, yea I am totally awesome like that ;)! All kidding aside there are some times when about a month later I will receive an email like this:

“My ex just broke up with me again. Things haven’t been the same at all since we got back together.”

This is the dark side of getting your ex back. After dealing with about 6 instances where this happened I began to notice a disturbing pattern. Almost all of the breakups that happened were from couples the reunited in the short timeline. Now, I do have a theory for why I think this happened.

Most couples who I have helped that seem to last the longest take time for themselves before they get back together. That means that there is a problem with getting back together in a short time frame. I like to call this problem the “what changed?” effect.

The “What Changed?” Effect-  Instead of moving forward down a new path, creating a new relationship with a new outlook they pick up right where they left off by continuing their old relationship which is ultimately doomed because it failed before.

The WC effect is more likely to occur in the short timeline because getting back together after such a short amount of time doesn’t give the two parties (you and your ex) enough time to find themselves and come back stronger than ever. Now, I do want to say something really important here for a second. There are actually some cases where couples get back together in the short time frame and last for a very long time. So, I am not saying having a happy ending is impossible all I am saying is that having one is less likely if you rush back into things with your ex boyfriend.

The Medium Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the process of the medium timeline and how it relates to getting your ex back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

strategy

I am going to be honest with you here. This is by far my favorite “timeline” to talk about out of the three that I will be talking about in this guide.

Why?

Simple, almost everyone underestimates it!

Before we really dive in to the medium timeline lets take a look at it’s definition.

The Medium Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 4-8 months

This is one of the timelines that women are scared to go down and I simply don’t understand why. I don’t want to go into too many details right now because I am going to be talking about everything in the sections below but I do want to point one thing out. The medium timeline gets a lot of hate. If your own personal timeline has already crossed over into “medium” territory do not freak out. It might actually be a good thing.

The Positives Of The Medium Timeline

positive thinking

Before you read on I want you to hit the pause button for a minute and go up and look at the first timeline we discussed (the short one.) I hope you noticed that there were actually more negatives than positives. While I am a firm believer that if you are trying to get your ex back you should get them back whenever the opportunity presents itself it is sometimes a bad thing to take them back too soon.

Anyways, here are all the positives I have found with the medium timeline.

Needs Vs. Wants

Now, before we can get to the meat of this point there is a mindset that I need you to grasp. This goes way above what we are talking about here. In fact, what I am about to talk about is something that you really need to master even before you attempt to get your boyfriend back.

(See Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO for more information on how to do this.)

What is this mindset?

You are allowed to WANT your ex boyfriend back but you are NOT allowed to NEED your ex boyfriend back.

In order to understand this statement we need to study the timeless war between:

Want vs. Need!

What is a need?

Simple, a need is something that you can’t live without. Here are some basic needs:

  • Food
  • Water
  • Shelter

What is a want?

A want is something that you CAN live without. Here are some personal examples:

  • I WANT a million dollars.
  • I WANT that new video game.
  • I WANT to walk in the room, have everyone bow and chant the words “chris is awesome…” (too much?)

All kidding aside the point I am trying to make here is that if you can master the mindset above and truly be able to say that you can live without your ex boyfriend the world is your oyster!

Now, I am betting that you are wondering how this relates to the medium timeline. Well, I am not an ignorant person. I have dealt with enough “emotional” women to understand that obtaining the correct “want vs. need” mindset isn’t going to happen overnight. In fact, I have actually helped women who have told me one day that they are better off without their ex only to have them come back the next day crying saying “why doesn’t he love me?”

The truth is that it is highly unlikely that you are going to obtain the correct mindset if you get your ex boyfriend back during the short timeline. However, it IS likely that you can obtain the correct mindset under the medium or long timelines.

Establishing A Lasting Relationship

What have we already established for new relationships forming during the short timeline? Sometimes they don’t tend to last very long. It all ends up tying into the “what changed?” effect that I discussed above. Well, in this section we are focusing on what happens during the medium timeline.

Interestingly I have found the opposite to be true.

Essentially, your chances of having a lasting relationship if you get back together with your boyfriend during this timeline are much higher. While obviously nothing is guaranteed it puts you in a really good position. You see, a lot of women I deal with are so desperate and frantic to get their exes back they don’t think too far ahead to what getting back into a relationship with their ex would be like. Instead, they just focus all of their energies on the actual “getting him back” part. While I suppose there is nothing wrong with focusing energies in one place to accomplish a goal I think that you should put your overall happiness above a goal.

For example, are you truly happy when you are with your boyfriend? If deep down you aren’t then you are definitely not going to be happy when you get him back.

The medium timeline comes into play because it gives you a lot of time to do some soul searching and thinking. However, this isn’t only true just for you. It is true for your ex as well.

In the end it all boils down to two simple concepts.

  1. Relationships formed during the short timeline are usually done during a period of emotion. These types of relationships typically DON’T tend to last in the long run.
  2. Relationships formed during the medium/long timelines are usually done after a period of emotion. These types of relationships DO tend to last in the long run.

Problems I See With The Medium Timeline

problem kid

Not everything is all dandelions and cotton candy! Just like a coin there are two sides to everything when it comes to relationships. In this section we are going to study the negatives of the medium timeline. Now, I do want to give you a word of warning as I am not going to pull any punches here. I am going to straight up tell it like it is and some of the stuff you may read in this section could potentially upset you.

Other Women

I wanted to start off with a bang so here we go. When you are dealing with this amount of time (4-8 months) you should expect other people to get involved. Now, when I say other people I am talking about other women. Lets not skirt around the issue here. I know for a fact that the number one fear that women who visit this site have is if their ex boyfriend is dating someone new. Heck, maybe you are experience the heartache of still having romantic feelings for an ex who is dating someone else.

I am the type of person that likes to take a “big picture” look at everything (you will learn about “big picture” looks in the next section.) When I look at the big picture for relationships in general I have some potentially upsetting news for you, ALL OF THEM END.

A few weeks ago I said something that seemed to ruffle some feathers of the visitors. I am not entirely sure why it did but it did. The truth is that every single relationship in this world will eventually end.

Either because someone will break up with the other person.

or

One of you will die.

While that is a gloomy way of looking at things lets take another big picture look at other women dating your ex boyfriend to connect the dots.

The chances of your ex boyfriend dating someone new during the medium timeline are significantly increased. Now, before you jump out your window and hunt this new girl down I want you to do something that is going to be unbelievably hard. I want you to stay calm. Take a few deep breaths because I am about to dissect the situation for you in a big picture view.

So, you are in the medium timeline and your ex is dating someone new. Just realize that right off the bat that new relationship will eventually end. Now, I don’t know how long it will take for the new relationship to end but what I do know is that it will eventually end so you will have a window of opprotunity again (lets just hope that window of opportunity doesn’t occur when you are 82 years old haha.)

Your Chances Of Success Slightly Decrease

As much as I would like to tell you that being in a medium timeline is a great thing for raising your chances of getting your ex boyfriend back I just can’t. The truth is that the more time goes by the more your chances of success drop. Now, I don’t want you to freak out or get upset because I have known (and worked with) people in all three categories (short, medium and long.)

I do want to focus specifically on women who have gotten their exes back in the medium time-frame so I can tell you their experience. In the next few paragraphs I am going to tell you a story. This story is important because it is really the reason this site exists.

This is the story of one of my best friends (who for her protection I am not going to name.) But if I were going to name her, her name would be Ashley!

Ashley is a remarkable woman because she has gotten her ex boyfriend back a total of two times. Interestingly, the first time she got him back was during the medium timeline while the second time she got him back was during the long timeline. For this particular section I want to focus on her first success.

What I found amazing about her is the fact that she was able to overcome the decreased chances of getting her ex boyfriend back not once but twice. So, I want to take a moment to study exactly how she did that.

Of course, the first time she tried to get him back this site wasn’t even in existence. Both her and I had no clue what we were doing. I can honestly say that I didn’t give her too much advice because I knew nothing about getting exes back at that time. Instead, I mostly just listened and offered support to her when I could. However, after her success I began to educate myself on the subject since I thought that other people might be going through the same things she just went through.

I remember texting her a few months ago asking her what she thought the most important ingredient was to her success. She gave me a pretty simple answer.

Time and patience…

The Long Timeline

(If you would like to learn more about the long timeline and how it relates to getting your ex boyfriend back grab Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO.)

life

Ah yes, the scary long timeline. If there was ever a timeline that people want to avoid it’s this one. Funny thing is, I don’t think the long timeline is half as bad as most make it out to be. In this section as always we are going to be examining the positives and negatives of this timeline. But first, it might be helpful if we define exactly what the long timeline is.

The Long Timeline- Can occur if you get your ex back within 9-12+ months.

Before we move on I do want to clarify something. I mostly consider LT (long timeline) cases to span over an entire year. In fact, some of the most successful relationships that I have helped put back together have occurred during the LT so don’t be discouraged if it takes you this long to get your ex boyfriend back.

The Positives Of The Long Timeline

positive

As always there are positives and negatives with any timeline. I thought that for the LT we would start with the positives. A few things to note here. As you read through this section I want you to notice that some of the positives found here are better than any of the other positives in the other sections. So, while it may be a little troubling to hear that it could potentially take an entire year before you get your ex boyfriend back I also want you to realize that sometimes the best things in life are worth waiting for.

Ok, now on to the positives!

A Big Picture Perspective

I alluded to this in the previous part of the guide. So, what is a big picture perspective? Quite simply it is the ability to remove yourself from a situation and look at things in the grand scheme of things. This is actually one of the reasons that you have read this far down this page. It is one of the reasons that you come back to this website waiting for new content to be added. It is one of the reasons you find my guides interesting.

You see, I have a big picture perspective on your situation while you do not.

I can look at your situation and give you a game plan without any emotion. While it is common sense that positive emotions are the cornerstone of any successful relationship they can get in the way when it comes to coming up with a proper plan to get your boyfriend back.

So, how does being in the long timeline help you get a big picture perspective on things?

Well, one thing that I hope you are noticing by now is that as time goes on people tend to get less and less emotional. Sure, there are exceptions to every rule but in general the initial statement is true. Lets use this guide as an example. During the short timeline one of the negatives was that you could get back together with an ex on a whim (too early emotionally) and the end result would be an unhealthy cycle of the two of you breaking up and wanting to get back together again. During the medium timeline your emotional state began to come back down to earth as you could work on developing a want vs need state.

A big picture perspective won’t come easily. Even if you are in a long timeline. Deep down it is hard to not get emotional over someone you really care about. However, there is a distinct advantage to removing yourself from a situation and looking at an overview of things.

For one, you can begin to diagnose your overall chances of success. Having the BP state gives you the ability to figure out if the two of you have a chance anymore, if the he even wants you, if you even want him. You can look at your situation without emotion and trust me when I say that is a very good thing.

You Can Become The Ungettable Girl

The ungettable girl is kind of a big deal when it comes to getting an ex boyfriend back. While I am not going to go into specifics on how to become one because I do so in my E-Book I will give you a “big picture” view of one ;).

The Ungettable Girl- Is an idea. Essentially it is a woman of higher value. A woman that any man can’t resist (especially your ex.)

Becoming the UG is not an easy task and it will take time. Luckily, one of the great things you have in your favor during the long timeline is the fact that you have time. While I could have technically put the ungettable girl section in the medium timeline I thought that the long timeline would be ideal for it because becoming an UG does not happen overnight.

Sure, you may be pretty. Sure, you may have a great personality but the truth is even if you have those things you are not an UG. A true ungettable girl has an aura that surrounds her. She can walk into a room and time will stop (literally this happens when I see an ungettable girl.)

Not to get too off topic here but I have developed a sense for locating ungettable girls. A few years ago I attended a high level college course. Like any male my age during the first day I am not really concerned with how the course is going to work, I am concerned with where I am going to sit. Usually I like to sit next to someone who looks interesting and when I mean interesting I mean I want to find a pretty girl to sit next to.

It took me a while but I finally found her. Then I began to notice something, I wasn’t the only one sending attention her way, the entire male portion of the class was! That was when the light bulb went off, this was an ungettable girl. She had this aura around her that just drew men in. While it certainly helped that she was both pretty and took care of her body that wasn’t the whole package. The most attractive thing about her was this aura of mystery surrounding her.

Now, I have talked with enough ungettable girls to know that you have to be very brave to approach them. I knew that I had an advantage over the rest of the males in class because while they would be sitting around debating an approach in their head I would be the one acting. Sure enough after class I caught up with her, introduced myself and learned a little about her. There were two things I found interesting about her.

First, she slipped in the conversation that she had a boyfriend. The fact that she mentioned this to me meant one of two things. She was happy in her relationship and didn’t want me to get any ideas or she simply didn’t want to be hit on.

Second, she told me that she was a professional powerdancer…. for a well known basketball team!

Wow, that one shocked me!

The Negatives Of The Long Timeline

smile

We are almost done I promise. I know this has gotten kind of long. In this section like always we are going to be focusing purely on the negatives of the long timeline. You will find that this is going to be a shorter section than it’s predecessors. While there is a reason for that I do want to take an opportunity to give you a few nuggets of knowledge.

There are going to be times during the long timeline that you will get discouraged. You may find yourself asking “if he wanted me back he would have asked me back by now.” I understand where you are coming from completely. However, things aren’t always as black and white as that.

There is a popular saying that goes “the greatest mystery in the universe is women..”

Well, have you ever noticed that only men tend to say that?

I think the more accurate saying should go “the greatest mystery in the universe is men AND women..”

Getting an ex boyfriend back can sometimes take years. The thing that you have to ask yourself is if waiting for him to come around is worth it or not?

Now, lets examine why this section is going to be shorter than the others.

Interchangeable Negatives

I want you to scroll back up to the medium timeline. Once you get there make sure you take a look at the negatives.

…….

…….

Have you done it yet?

Well, the long timeline has the exact same negatives as the medium timeline. That makes the negatives interchangeable. That means that you can expect to have:

  • Decreased chances of success.
  • Other women

As the big negatives of this section. I don’t know if there is much more to say. Maybe that I will see you again soon and don’t be afraid to comment below to ask questions. As always I am here to help you!

November 8, 2016

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (510)

  1. Regina - 0

    Regina

    Hi everyone 🙂

    I read your e-book and it gave me a lot of insight, thank you for that.
    However, I do have some questions about my specific situation so I apologize in advance because this is going to get pretty long.

    My boyfriend and I were together for a year and a half. We definitely started our relationship too early as I had just ended things with my boyfriend of 3 years 3 months prior. I had told my boyfriend that I really liked him and would like to be friends with him but that I wasn’t ready for a new relationship because I wanted to get my life in order before I started seeing someone else. He seemed fine with it at 1st but then started pursuing me even more, he was very charming and persuasive. Ultimately I fell for him because he made me feel very special and wanted and we started seeing each other way too soon.
    It didn’t take long for us to start fighting about the smallest things which I will take full responsibility for. He was very patient and always tried to work things out while I was struggling with myself and my life. Fast forward, he broke up with me 7 months into the relationship saying he never wanted to talk to me again.
    Back then I didn’t know about you guys but am somewhat proud to say that I did exactly what you recommend, I didn’t contact him and pretended to be happy. It took him 5 days to come running back and literally beg me to be with him again.
    Once again, I knew better but I made the same mistake and took him back. He said he’d be patient and help me however he possibly could.
    Fast forward another 4 months and he broke up with me again, this time saying he wanted to be friends. I told him I couldn’t be friends with someone I’m in love with and went into hiding for 2 weeks. I turned off my phone and didn’t go to work because we work together and I couldn’t stand seeing him.
    I went back to work after the 2 weeks and he was looking for me and finally got me to talk to him. I knew if I didn’t act like I didn’t care, I’d get emotional and start crying. He was pretty hurt by my “attitude” and called me the next day and told me how much he missed me and all that. Over the course of the following month we got back together. Again, I kinda knew better because I spent most of the time apart hurting instead of making improvements to myself.
    Fast forward another 4 months, we’re broken up again. This happened a week and a half ago. We got into it over the phone, I told him off and hung up on him. He sent me a text a few minutes later saying he unfriended me on Facebook and deleted our relationship status and if I ever call him again it better be important. I didn’t respond so half an hour later he sent me 5 super long texts about why he can’t stand being with me anymore, etc. Then he tried calling me. Then he sent me 5 more super long texts saying he doesn’t hate me but still going on about why we can’t be together anymore. Then he tried calling me again. Then he sent me another couple texts saying how all he wanted was me and all he needed was me by his side but that we will never get along for longer than a week. His last text was a picture saying “I love you forever”.

    Now, I didn’t respond to any of that. I simply didn’t know how to handle that texting tangent of his. I simply went online and stumbled upon your guide. I figured if anything it would keep me busy reading and I would learn about the make mind.
    Within a couple days of the break up he deleted everyone associated with me on Facebook (except his mother, she’s still friends with me). A few days later (a week after the breakup) he left the closed Facebook group we have for our job (after seeing a post a co worker made wishing me well since I’m recovering from surgery). Another few days later he blocked me on Facebook, despite already having unfriended me and me not being able to see anything on his page anyway because he has everything set to private. Oddly enough, that happened within a couple minutes of me updating my profile picture which wasn’t even a picture of us. So I’m assuming he was snooping around while I was doing that, haha.
    He hasn’t blocked me anywhere else, I can’t look at his other social media because we’re not friends but I’m only blocked on Facebook for some reason. I don’t know for sure why he did it but I feel like he’s fishing for a reaction because he hasn’t gotten anything from me since I hung up on him and to be honest that’s unusual for me. Normally if we got into it over the phone/text, I would respond but this time I’ve had it.

    I have a whole list of things I want to accomplish in the new year, so I was very happy to read about the Holy Trinity 🙂 I just wish I had actually listened to my better judgement from the get go but I can’t change it now.

    Anyway, regardless of my plans for my own life, I can’t help but be in love with him. So I guess my questions are: what are my chances of getting him back based on our break up track record, this being the 3rd time. Not anytime super soon obviously because I’m finally learning from my previous mistakes, just in general. Also, would like to know how to apply NC at work in case he tries to approach me like he has in the past because I’m determined to follow through this time. And does anyone understand what’s going on in his mind while he’s doing all his little social media stuff? 😀 is he really looking for a reaction or is it something else? What am I missing here?

    Thank u for everything guys 🙂

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Regina,

      the more you break up and get back together, makes the relationship on and off which gived you higher chance of getting him back but not making him stay.. usually for on and off couples we recommend at least 45 days.. he probably wants to show you he’s doing fine through his posts, just ignore it..and check the link below for applying the no contact rule at work:
      EBR 032: What To Do If You Work With Your Ex Boyfriend

    • Regina - 0

      Regina

      Thank you, I read the guide and will apply NC accordingly. However, earlier today he actually reached out to me asking me to let him know when he could stop by to get his things. I haven’t responded and really don’t want to since we’re in NC and I’m not planning on going back to work for another week. How do I react if he shows up at my house? Should I just not open the door? Or when he approaches me at work next week? It’s not hard to avoid him at work without making it obvious, should I just go with that?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      just be civil and polite.. don’t initiate any relationship talk

  2. Morgan - 0

    Morgan

    This is kind of a long one but I figured I’d give a shot. My ex and I were together for almost five years and have three kids together. He left me shortly after our third child was born and moved into his current girlfriends house almost immediately. Flash forward eight months and they’re still together. He tells me that their current relationship is not the same and that he’s not always happy, but he’s alright. Is there anything that I can do to get him back? He’s said that he misses me but thinks that the damage is irreparable. I know deep down he still has feelings for me, but I’m not sure if it’s too late or not.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Morgan,

      is it because he still sees the old you in you?

  3. Franzi - 0

    Franzi

    So my boyfriend broke up with me half a year ago and I cant forget him and I can’t stop loving him. it all started will problems from my side I had a few problems after we came back a really long trip and I was really clingy and wasn’t really nice to him because of my problems. I told him everything just one thing I didn’t told him because he Couldnt got along with all my problems and we had a lot of fighting because we Couldnt understand each and so he broke up in a fight half a year ago and I don’t know what to do anymore. I started with the no contact rule and then I contacted him and he said it’s too early to have contact now so I don’t know because i don’t know what to do I never really fight for him because I knew I need to give him space and I don’t know it didn’t work out so what do I have to do. I am really sad and crying a lot last weeks and I’m thinking about him all this time and I really want to do some action to proof and how I am now and that I’m the same girl he fell love with at first time and I don’t know how to do this and I really want to tell him the reasons why I was so mean to him all this time but I think he might miss understand all this and just think that I want to tell HIm just to justify myself. Then he can fall in love with me again because that was never a problem he was in love with me after he broke up with me but he couldnt handle all my problems and our problems. if I could tell him what was the reasons from both of our sides I think we might get back together but I’m so scared that he will push me back again if I will tell him now I think it’s more about A month that we didn’t saw each other and we didn’t contact but he also can see all the time my snaps and my Instagram photos and all what I’m doing on Facebook so can you please help me

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Franzi,

      you need to let go of the previous relationship because that was done..If you want a chance, take this as a restart.. dont be the same girl because he left that.. be better.. you said it’s just been a month since you last saw each other, so that means you saw each other 5 months after the break up but you didn’t explain? or he didn’t ask you? If you didn’t massively improved and changed yourself, do that first instead of trying to convince him with words

  4. Sammy - 0

    Sammy

    My ex bf broke up with me one week ago (we were together 3 months) and it was out of blue he said he can’t make me happy anymore I deserve batter blah blah blah but on the day he decided to be single, he still said let’s meet up more than couple of times a months okay ? I just focused on explaining why I didn’t met him, I should said let’s improve and meet more. So after couple of conversations, he told me he felt every worse bexuse it didn’t help. So he was not sure if he want this relationship, but he still like me as a person( this upset me actually) I have been review out relationship I have so many love to him he felt pressure and also before we broke up I didn’t meet him often he told me asked me go out often and I didn’t He also said we didn’t flirt anymore now he wants to be single And very sure after we broke up he doesnt talk to me Even when I msg him he seems not interested I kinda told him let’s just have some fun while your in my city Becaus you can make me happy He said: haha that’s fine then I thought you were upset, I said I was because it happened so sudden now I understand why, so I m not upset anymore. He just replied: ah okay………. I feel like he is not interested in me at all ! He has never texted me first during these two weeks. What should I do now !

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi,

      even if you didn’t meet and talk for a month, if you didn’t focus in improving yourself, that’s not considered as a no contact period. So, start the count for 30 days after reading this and focus in improving yourself.

  5. Saya - 0

    Saya

    Its about 5 month we broke up . I had a great relationship with My boy friend and for both of us this kind of relationship with so much love was new and we liked it so much and we enjoyed of being in love .
    After 8 month of being so much in love and having best memory he started to talking about break up . I didnt gave up and tried my best . But i felt he looking for some bullshit to convicded me and himself that this relationship doesnt work anymore . I was sure its not about other girl and he didnt cheated on me . I knew he had so many problem in his work and his family . And sometimes we had some small fight like every couple . He told me i cant stand it anymore we had so much fight . I think we cant fix it anymore . But it was an excuse. i tried to understod i didnt fight with him anymore . even when he said lets just be friends i accepted . I just wanted him to be calm but After four month nothing changed and he didnt want to came back and fix our relationship . Everything was just like before we were faithful everyday we saw eachother we had sex just like before . but there was no feeling from him . And he afraid to being romantic with me again . One day he told me i dont know what we are . I am confiused about everything in my life and i’m not happy anymore . I dont know what i want . I asked him its becouse of me? He said no everything in my life is so missed up and i dont know what to do . Then i told ok if you want to go i let u go . . I tried my best for u . He said i know i’m sorry i didnt want to hurt you .
    That was soooo hard for me but i didn’t want to push him to stay with me .
    i knew he loved me and I thought if he has space to think about me and everything i done for him he will regret . So i did this with hoping that he’ll come back to me very soon .
    But he left and did NOTHING after our break up not even one text . I did no contact rule more than 2 month and was just like hell . I cried so much i crashed but never let myself to text him .
    nothing happend . Eventually I called him about 1/5 – 2 month ago . I didnt talk about us or our break up i acted cool and just talked about normal stuff and he was so so so nice and kind and said i’m glad you called . but he didnt say he wants to see me and didnt called me or texted me .
    I dont know what to do anymore . I cant move on because i still love him and care about him . I know he loved me so much but he afraid and tried turn off his feeling . In this 5 month i tried to find myself and be a better person . I’m ok if it takes time but i want him back . What can i do ??

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Saya,

      You can’t force somebody who doesn’t want to be with you. But in those months, how much did you really improve? How different are you from the girl he broke up with? And in the last conversation, if you chased him, that means you didn’t change much.

  6. Kady - 0

    Kady

    So me and my ex were together on and off for almost 5 years (high school and college). I officially ended things in 2011 because of trust issues since we were long distance and both of schedules were crazy since we were in college. In 2014, we reconnected briefly but I found that I was not over him and asked that we refrain from speaking. He was upset and begged that we remain friends because I was such an important person in his life but I stressed that it would not be healthy for me and he respected my wishes. This weekend I got to thinking about him so I sent him a friend request on facebook (we stopped being facebook friends in 2010 as it was an area of tension) and yesterday I sent him a message. He responded positively and we talked half of the day about life in general. Throughout the conversation he mentioned how surprised he was to hear from me, how nice it was to talk to me again, that we should talk later and not to let 2 years go by before we speak again. The conversation was also loaded with emojis such as the winky face, blushing face, and laughing all from him. I feel that we may be able to have a better relationship this time around since we have both grown and are not kids anymore. I definitely want him back but I don’t want to get my hopes up since he is currently in the military and will be gone for at least 2 more years. How should I proceed from here?

    Reply
  7. Pippa - 0

    Pippa

    So after reading this article the suggestion is that a long term approach to getting back with your ex is advisable – is that right?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Pippa,

      yep, it’s the long term approach

  8. Lia - 0

    Lia

    Five weeks ago (early October) my boyfriend moved out whilst I was away. He left a letter saying he had doubts/something missing that he couldn’t shake and didn’t want to waste any more of my time, knowing I wanted kids. We’d been together for 3.5 years. In May he’d suggested we buy a house, he even suggested a rough budget. In June work was intense/he was unhappy at his work and then his Dad got sick. It wad full on. By July he told me he needed space and moved out but quickly came back as I got injured and was on crutches. We carried on and had an amazing holiday to Asia and were talking about getting cats, christmas and plans and then this happened. I was brave and met him two days after he moved out and told him u agreed to split, we couldn’t carry on like this but thought it was a massive mistake. I tried texting him after a month -light breezy text and got no reply. His sister in law told me he said he is sticking to his decision. Our mutual friend thinks it is panic but said I shouldn’t chase him, he is not worth it. He offered to try and speak to him but doesn’t aee him very often. His sister in law is going to ask his brother to pass on a message that if he wants to get in touch in few weeks, I would like to speak even as friends My ex has left some things at my place that I think he’d want (sofabed, table, etc). I am considering next steps. Do I a) text and say I need to sort a few things out Inc arrange for him to get his stuff? (Pros: shows I am moving on, gets him to see me, cons: riskier approach, comes across as final). B) wait a while and try a new interesting text… Pros: gentler approach, he may need more time cons: doesn’t deal with his stuff at my place/drags out pain… C) text his mum to say how much ive valued being part of her family and farewell, id hoped he’d change his mind, say I miss him/her – say I now accept situation. Message will likely get relayed to him. (Pros: get insider knowledge, gives impression i still care but am moving on; cons: could be awkward….D) write him a letter in due course starting how i really feel. And respond to some of the points in his letter. Knowing then I’ve tried everything Draw a line under it and move on. I’d very much welcome advice.dont want to do anything in a rush if I ruin my chances as I love him dearly despite his actions.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI lia,

      if you are going to do the no contact rule, it’s ok to talk to him about giving things but if it’s not that important, it would be better to just focus in healing and improving yourself for at least 30 days..

  9. Anona - 0

    Anona

    My ex boyfriend and I broke up two months after his mom’s passing. I really wish you would elaborate on men who are grieving and how that can affect a breakup. My ex boyfriend and I got into a petty message via text messaging a few weeks ago. Usually one of us calls the other the patch up our differences within a day or two. (We live two hours away from each other). Long story short I tried to contact him after a week, and his response was cold. He now refuses to answer my calls and blames me for our predicament. This stonewalling from him is painful and my only conclusion is this is a breakup. I have given up contacting him and deleting him from my Facebook account. A petty disagreement and now we’re not talking. I feel that his grief is pushing him away from me.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anona,

      you have to give him space and let him grieve.. Try doing a 30 day no contact period. At least that way you could focus in improving yourself..be active in social media..

  10. Clarice80 - 0

    Clarice80

    So my ex dumped me over a text message 3 weeks ago and I have not heard much from him since.
    So we had been together for 2 years and had a great relationship. We rarely fought or argued. We had fairly good communication. Back in June we had a fight which led to us taking a break, but not actually break up. This was for about 2 weeks. Our fight had been about moving in together. Hes not ready. I let it go. A few before this last fight, i asked if he thought wed ever move in together. He said yes, but he wants to not only be good with it, but each of our kids. Cool….i just want to know we’re on the right path.
    But then i think I pushed too hard and part of our fight this last time was about moving in, because im stressed where i live (with roommates). So i said i wished he was ready to move in. He got a bit irritated and said i thought you were going to get a place closer by me. I told him that was the plan, but though i can make the monthly payments, its hard to save for the deposit. He got more irritated and asked why i hadnt asked him for help. I told him it was a pride thing and that i wasn’t with him for his money. He was so upset that i didnt ask him. I hadn’t seen him so mad before. He calmed down and said if we are going to have a future we cant not ask the other for help, money or otherwise. I agreed.
    So he asked how much I’d need, i wasnt sure. We talked more about future plans etc, again feeling like we’re on the right path.
    Before i left i asked him if we were good, he said absolutely. He said he was excited to see where we’d be and how much he loves me.
    Fast forward 5 hrs, a dumping by text. No explanation or reason. I blew up his phone for the 1st 4 days no response, i left him alone for over a week, then asked about my stuff. No response. Finally after a few more days i get him to msg me about my stuff. And he briefly talks to me over text. Saying hes not in love anymore and that his descion is made. He wouldn’t answer me anything else. Im broken, ive even spent time in the hospital because i cant eat or drink so ive made myself sick. Now im feeling better a bit, not to say that I dont cry or anything, but im making a plan to better me, getting that place without his help….going back to school and joining the gym.
    Im restarting NC because i failed at it.
    I don’t know what happened with this, but i want to try to fix this and i hope hes willing in the long run. We had an amazing relationship and connection ive never had with anyone else. He loves me deeply and i have a hard time believing he just turned it off.
    I was thinking nc 30 days, but not sure….advice? Thank you!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Clarice80

      Yeah, Try at least 30 or 45 days. The most important thing is that you improve and heal yourself.

  11. Shirley T - 0

    Shirley T

    Hi there, so I was in one of those off and on relationships for two years, and we got back together three times during the short timeline.

    We broke up in February of this year. I recently sent him an email of gratitude and acceptance this past week, and have been in actual no contact for 8 months in order to heal and actively soul search. I tried dating a bit, but nothing serious, and he had been the main person that I still think is the one for me. We were discussing engagement plans and whatnot before we broke up and lived together.

    However, hehas not responded to the email and I’m wondering if I should just let go and move on for good.

    Could I have advice on how I should approach this?

    Thanks!!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Shirley,

      It looks like it’s weird for him to receive that after 8 months. So, maybe he doesnt want you to expect..

  12. Anna - 0

    Anna

    We were together for 4 months but things moved quickly so it was very intense. Two months into the relationship he disappeared for a week and would not answer any of my calls, he came back and said that he had left because he was a commitmentphobe but he would never disappear again. I was the first girl he dated since his ex a few years ago so I think he is scared of getting hurt again. However, two months later he disappears again for a week only this time sending a text that he doesn’t want to do it anymore. We met in person the next day but he couldn’t give me a reason for wanting to end things. Since then he hasn’t replied to any of my texts or calls. I have done 30 days no contact but he still hasn’t replied. He reads my messages and still follows me on social media but won’t respond even though we ended things well. I don’t know what to do.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,

      how much did you improve during no contact? We’re you clingy? If he’s a commitment phobe, most of the times, what makes them commit is when they know you’re not going to be needy or clingy because you appear as the ungettable girl. Check the link below:
      The Ungettable Girl

    • Anna - 0

      Anna

      Yes I was clingy! I have been contacting him once a month so he expects to hear from me. I have been improving myself which he knows because he has been watching my social media posts. I decided to delete him off facebook but am keeping my posts public so he will realise I am serious about moving on. is this a good idea?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yep! Because he needs to see those posts.

  13. Spitfire - 0

    Spitfire

    Me and my ex dated for 4 years
    We mainly broke up because thingd got hard the last three mouths of us dating.
    We have bee apart for 4 months now.

    The reason we broke up was because i didn’t really habe my life together, and we wete both stressed out with other things that we startrd to have more and more argument.

    After we broke up we tried to start over and be friends but ended up sleeping together or fighting. He would bring up the past and tell me how i messed up , or now if i tried to talk to him the same cute texts i send to all my friends he gets upset about, saying its weird.

    He tells me things like he doesn’t care what i do with my life he pays close mind to what i put on facebook.

    Lately his been hanging out with a girl that he knows i dislike , saying he likes spending time with. He makes it seem like he likes het and wants to be with her.

    The other day we got into a fight and i saw i can’t talk to him.

    I feel like his rebounding and what hurts more is that he tells me his changed with everyone else but me , saying i have not changed when i am (slowly).

    I started the 30 day no contact today.
    I broke before when trying this the frist time..but i know i can do the 30 days now seeing im a little more stronger.

    What i ask is what is he doing?
    Do i still have a chance with him?
    Is he acting out?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Spitfire,

      I think you should do 45 days because you’ve stayed friends and slept with him after the break up.. It looks like he is rebounding and acting out, which in a way is a good sign. But you have to focus in healing and improving yourself if you want your chances to be higher.

  14. LG - 0

    LG

    Hey- I posted immediately after my breakup and your advice did help me get to a point where things were starting to heal… but then I messed them up again. I have PTSD and was mixing it with alcohol and destroyed things again. That was one month ago or so.

    I’m now hoping to repair things. Here’s what happened. We broke up almost 3 months ago. I only did 1 week no contact. We were texting and such while he was away, and when I returned he made a date to see me. It was 6 hours and amazing. But soon after, I let my fears and insecurities eat me, and it exploded pretty fast. That first time we reconnected I had told him I couldn’t just be around as friends.

    Now we’re talking again but I’m also not doing well with the break up. This time around he’s telling me that I need to move on. I don’t want to be a pest but I still have hope we can get past it. I’m starting therapy in a week and I have been taking medicine and doing better. I saw him to give him his stuff back recently and fell apart.

    Do you have any advice? Should I go back to NC? I know it’s pathetic but I haven’t felt this way about anyone before and I want to be able to show him I can do better. We were together for 9 months before we broke up, if it makes any difference.

    Reply
    • LG - 0

      LG

      He is being unclear about whether he’s serious with someone else. I know he’s dating, but he won’t tell me anything else.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Lg,
      he probably doesn’t want to talk to you about it because it’s going to get emotional and he doesnt want a confrontation… him telling you, that you need to move on means he thinks you’re chasing and hoping.. so, stop talking to him for now and focus in your therapy

    • Lg - 0

      Lg

      How long do you think I shouldn’t talk to him?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      it depends on how much and when you will heal.. put him aside and put yourself first… if it takes 6 months for you,.so be it..

  15. Dee - 0

    Dee

    my ex broke up with me after a fight 2 months ago…n now that i m trying to get him back he s negative bc he says that i wont change ..since i hadnt the past 2,8 years we were together…but his bigger concern is that he s scared for dragging me since i am 36yrs old n he s not sure if he wants a future w me… he says he still loves me n misses me but if he s not 100% sure then he s not willing to give in. i said that i am willing to take my chances n wait for him.. we have contact here n there n 2weeks ago when he called me to see how i was i said that maybe its time i take my stuff from his house (wich they are quit alot) so that he doesnt feel pressured..he kinda freaked out n then he offered to keep them longer since i dont have much space at my place…we left it there…so whats going on? how can i handle it so that i win him back…?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Dee,
      what does he want you to change? What do you think about the no contact rule?

  16. AaronB - 0

    AaronB

    Me and my ex girlfriend were together for a little over two years…. Things happened so fast in the beginning of our relationship that after only a few months we split up. We did the short term getting back together scenario and things seemed to be great. After about six months old problems appeared. We split up again….. This time after a month of our split , she moved a man into her house. I was devastated and wanted her back! In a couple days we were back together , again not fixing the problems in our relationship. We broke up again and she started dating shortly after our breakup! We got back together and still not fixing what was wrong in our relationship. We are broke up now but this time i started dating a friend of mine that I’ve known for 30 yrs but Ha vent seen in over 20. We’ve been together almost 4 months now and throughout the 4 months my ex has been texting , calling and showing up at my job and house. When she texts i respond because I feel guilty and I know I still love her. SAD. Why can’t i shake my ex and be happy in my new relationship? I went no contact with my ex for 2 weeks now.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi aaronb,

      if yoyu love your ex and she wants you back, just do it.. why make the situation complicated?

  17. Carla C - 0

    Carla C

    Hi
    My bf broke up with me last month. We were together for more than 3 years. We were really happy before that sad day happened. He told me that he loves me a day before that. I really didnt expect that he’ll do it. He got into med school and really stressed. He said that he loves me but his head was messy that time, we need a break and be friends.

    I texted him after the break up and I dont receive any reply. I am at my 16th day of NC and I havent heard from him. I do not know what to do. Please help me get him back.

    Reply
  18. Carla - 0

    Carla

    Hi,
    My boyfriend and I broke last month, please help. We were together for more than 3 years and we were happy. He told me that he loves me before that sad day came. He was the one who left me. I really didnt expect that he’ll do that. I asked him why, he told me that he loves but his head was really messy. He just entered into med school and he got so stressed. After the break up, I texted him but I dont get a reply. He is ignoring me until now. I do not know what to do. I am at my 14th day of no contact with him. Please help me get him back. What to do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Carla,

      are you actively improving yourself and making a new daily routine now?

    • Carla - 0

      Carla

      I am trying to be fit because I lost a lot of weight. I cannot sleep at night and I cry a lot. I am really depressed.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Carla,

      you need professional help.. There’s no use in doing nc and sticking to a count if you’re not getting better even minimally each day.. If you’re still depressed after 30 days, then you have to restart count..
      check this one too:
      EBR 060: “Dating Yourself” During No Contact With Veronica Grant

  19. Diana - 0

    Diana

    So I met my ex half year ago (B), when i just started dating his friend(A). The friend thing(A) didnt work out because i found myself liking my ex (B) way more. So i broke up with his friend(A) and two months later my ex (B) and i started dating dating. We did fell in love and he is just my type of guy, same views in life, hobbies, goals, values. A couple days back my ex talked to the friend and i was dating before to tell him he was dating me. The friend told him he felt dissapointed and betrayed because he saw my ex as a big brother. And as much as my ex wanted to be with me he broke up with me because he said he was not ok with the perspective of being happy while someone else is being miserable because of him. He wanted something long term with me but he also wanted something good and pure not mixed up with bad feelings and regrets. I want him back but i know he needs space and his friend (A) need to be over the topic and ok with us before we even think of going back together. We havent talked since the breakup and i dont think we will soon, but i do want to get back with him, i see a future of shared lifes with him. We did not have any infernal fighting just external issues which causes the breakup

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Diana,

      treat 30 day no contact as giving him space while improving yourself, that will also give him more reason to miss you..

  20. SLK - 0

    SLK

    My ex and I were together for over 5 years and no breaks. We got together at such a young age, 14 and 15. In about a month we will be 20 and 21. A month after our 5 year anniversary, his mom announced that she wanted to divorce his dad and left for a different state with another man. About a month and a half after that, he decided he was unhappy and broke things off with me. Our relationship was rocky during years 2-4, but we got passed it and we were happy. We didn’t have a bad break up, we ended on good terms. He said we could still be friends, but there has been no contact. He acts as if our relationship meant nothing to him and I meant nothing to him.

    At the beginning of the break up, he was always so unsure about what he wanted. If he wanted to get back together or wanted to stay single. We haven’t talked much in the past 6 months. Maybe a total of 6 or 7 times. I would send him long really mushy texts about why I love him but he would never respond. We have a mutual friend who told me that he still checks on all my social media, but he never asks me how I am personally.

    Recently I saw on Facebook that he is talking with some girl and has even been on a date or two with her. I don’t know what is going on between them, from what I’ve seen it doesn’t look like it means anything, she lives hours away from us.

    I sleep and dream about him mostly every night and most of them he tells me that he wants me back and it messes with my feelings.

    Reply
    • SLK - 0

      SLK

      To add on to that, I struggled with depression but didn’t get it taken care of until 2 weeks ago, I wanted to better myself so I can be a much better girlfriend for him if he comes back.

      Also, I feel as though his mom leaving has a lot to do with what happened. Even though he swears it isn’t. He said he wanted time to miss me and absence makes the heart grow fonder, but I feel like he is just trying to forget about me. He is the love of my life and my best friend. I know I’m young, but I know what I want.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi SLK,

      So, when did you exactly break up and when did you last attempted to talk to him? That’s good that you already started therapy but do it for yourself whether you get him back or not.

    • SLK - 0

      SLK

      We broke up at the end of March and I last attempted to talk to him 3 days ago after I saw his dad and heard that my ex was doing well. I just wanted to let him know that I was proud of him.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok.. but do you want to do no contact rule now? If yes, you need to check this :
      The No Contact Rule (Version 2.0)

    • SLK - 0

      SLK

      We’ve been having no contact. A mutual friend of ours and him went out to catch up the other night and he told her how he misses me and everything, but he also loves his freedom. He feels like if we get back together I will go back to my same routine. I sent him a super long text last night explaining how I’m trying to get better for him and that I’m changing and want us back together, but all he does is ignore me. Obviously he doesn’t miss me enough if he won’t even acknowledge me.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Explaining that you’re changing shows that you’re just doing it for him and that you’re just trying to convince him.. True change is more on action and not just for him.. He probably thinks you’re just doing that to get him back.. So, you have to restart the count..

  21. cookiemonster - 0

    cookiemonster

    Hey everyone I hope you can help me with my dilemma. My ex of over 3 years and I broke up about a month ago. He broke up with me because and they were because of things that were fixable. He started a business last year and was really stressed out financially and with work and when he gets home we also argued. Overtime I did realize that I started posing myself and became more clingy/ paranoid that he would cheat with me. I was not always like this he was the one who made me psycho since in the beginning of the relationship he was the clingy one. There wee alot of guys who I was friends with that I wasn’t allowed to talk to so I figured well it should only be the same for him. He should not be hanging out with girls he used to like or had a thing for even though we’re friends. At least not by themselves it would’ve been fine if our other friends were also there but they did at one point which really pissed me off. He made up all these rules on me and when he realized how hard they ate all of a sudden I’m the bad guy. We started living together 7 months into the relationship which I thought was way too fast and I was completely against wit at first but he would get mad at me for not moving in with him already. . So eventually I started thinking maybe I should. Fast forward 2 plus years and the honeymoon phase is over, accompanied with financial problems and other issues in the relationship. These issues however can be fixed and I already told him I’m willing to work hard on them since I didn’t want the breakup to happen and he even said that he didn’t want it either. One day he just broke up with me saying he needs to think about his own well being as well and telling me it was one of the hardest things he ever had to do. After the breakup I already started to accept that were never getting back together and I didn’t want to talk to him at all but my friends told me to just talk to him since they also think he’s also really having a hard time about it. Months before the break up we had a massive fight and he started to be so cold and distancing himself from me which made me think he just didn’t care at all. Stupid me listened to my finds and sent him a letter through FB telling him the gist of how I feel and that I’m willing to work on everything because I still wanted to be with him. All he said was that for him to even consider getting back together time Ia definitely needed.I went through active NC for a month and just as the month was almost up he contacted me regarding some items I left at his place. I got weak and asked to catch up with him 2 weekends from then as I wanted to get a vibe of how it is being with him and see if fighting for him would be worth it or not. During NC I have been trying to get my life together looking for a new job going to school etc. But he seems so happy with his life now that I’m not in it and he became way more active in social media. I don’t know if he’s doing this to rub it in my face or he’s actually moved on since he thoght ab9ut breaoing up for months or even more and is relieves about it and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. I’m so confused whether to keep hoping or not.

    Reply
  22. Erin - 0

    Erin

    My ex and I were together for nearly 8 months but we were basically best friends for 7 years, everything was so amazing I was the happiest ive ever been but we had an argument because his replies were getting slower and slower and I got annoyed and asked him why hes ignoring me, and from then he completely ignored me and for days I tried to call and text and then I didnt message or call back, he deleted me off social media and a week later I went to see him at his work place but he turned me away, he told a colleague to tell me he didnt want to talk to me. and its been nearly 2 months now since. I have no idea what went wrong and why hes acting like this with someone ive spoken to everyday for years and years and he seems to be going out every night, yes I admit I social media stalked a little bit. If i continue to fall into complete silence, is it the case of either #’absence makes the heart go fonder’ or is it ‘out of sight out of mind’?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Erin,

      He ghosted you.. He chose not to talk and see you so, I don’t think absence will make heart grow fonder because he chose to out you in his life..

      So, when you do no contact, being silent isn’t going to help much. Although we can’t guarantee that it will work, but I think you should do no contact to heal yourself and improve and show him that you’re not going to chase anymore. And then maybe when he sees that you have moved on, that you will not ask him about what happened, he might initiate contact again or wouldn’t hesitate starting out as friends again.

    • Erin - 0

      Erin

      Since he has ghosted me, the no contact rule doesnt apply because he hasnt tried to contact me since the breakup. I have stopped chasing since I visited his work place, but im wondering if he will even try to reach out to me again or not, he hasnt blocked me at all on anything, just deleted.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      yes, just being absent won’t work much but it doesn’t mean that he won’t get curious and check your social media posts through another account or another person… There’s less chance that he will reach if he thinks or he sees that you haven’t moved on. And don’t make the posts like you’re trying to make him believe. Just be active in improving yourself and make the posts as natural as possible. Don’t caption it with “moving on” or anything negative that pertains to him.

  23. Lynda - 0

    Lynda

    I met my ex at work. He’s a couple years younger than me and we became really good friends mostly talking about sports. My husband and I were on the outs, separated but still living together. One night he finally got up the courage and asked me out. We had an amazing 5 months or so together. I’ve never had so much in common with someone, felt so wanted, or been happier.
    I tried to keep feelings out of it but he fell so hard that I couldn’t help it. It was incredible. Finally I let my guard down and stopped worrying. He told me he’d never felt like this before, that he couldn’t wait until I was divorced, he wanted me to meet his family, etc. He asked to meet my son, and they loved eachother.
    Then he lost his job and decided to go back to school which was great. He didn’t want anything to change… but it did. He slowly got distant to the point where he finally said he couldn’t do this anymore. That his life was such a mess that he couldn’t be starting a relationship. Things moved too fast and it scared him b/c he had an awful breakup with his ex who also had a daughter. He still wants to be friends, I did nothing wrong, the usual “it’s not you, it’s me” stuff. I could be an idiot, but I believe he at least mostly was telling me the truth.
    We stay in some contact and have mutual friends. We see eachother every couple weeks, usually in a group but an occasional lunch alone. I’d say I initiate 80% of the contact. Sometimes it’s great to talk to him, other times he seems completely disinterested. But when we’re together alone it’s always great and I feel like everything is still there… just nothing physical happens.
    I know he’s not full-on dating anyone. But I know a couple girls were always trying to talk to him while we were together, so he may have moved on to one of them. I could never ask him. Things got weird about 3 months ago, and he broke up with me almost 2. I finally have my own place and could start fresh, but I can’t tell how he feels. I’m considering no contact since I’m usually the one reaching out… any ideas?

    Reply

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