What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back

How to Prove to Your Ex Boyfriend That You Are Changing

When my boyfriend broke up with me, one of my first thoughts was “I have to move out of this apartment as soon as possible.” I knew immediately that I wanted him back, and I knew that the best way to do that would be to create a lot of distance. After all, he couldn’t miss me when I was so available. I was already planning on doing the No Contact Rule before I knew what it even was. I knew that my ex didn’t understand the reality of the choice he had made, and I knew the only way to make him understand was to make him face the repercussions of his decision.

Over the course of our relationship, my ex and I had become complacent with one another. We got lazy and stopped trying. We changed in many ways over our time together, some good, and others not so good.

I mention this because a huge part of getting your ex boyfriend back is proving that you have changed. Like my ex and I, it is likely that you became comfortable in your relationship and things fell by the wayside. Maybe you started nagging a bit more frequently, maybe you stopped hanging out with your friends. Maybe you stopped going to the gym, or didn’t feel the need to look as nice. It’s natural for those things to happen.

But if you want your ex back, you’re going to have to show that you’ve changed. It is the first step in re-attracting him back to you. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally as well.

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Step One: No Contact

Ex Boyfriend Recovery is not just about getting your ex back, or getting over your ex. It is also about your own personal recovery. Being broken up with is really hard, and it causes your self confidence to take a beating. That is why it is absolutely essential that the first step of getting your ex back is to get you to fall back in love with yourself and realize how amazing you are again.

No Contact works to attract your ex back, we’ve discussed that. It gives him the time to miss you, and it gives him the space to think through his actions. But it helps you, too, and that is what I want to focus on here.

If you’ve been broken up with, you’ve been deeply hurt. I know you may want to rush through the process to get your ex back, but it is absolutely imperative that you take the time to yourself to heal. I’d say that for your first week of No Contact, you should just do a bunch of things that make you happy (but please don’t be self destructive). Get your nails done. Drink wine and take bubble baths. Watch hours of crap TV and eat bad food. Allow yourself to do things that make you feel better, if not temporarily.

But after that week is up, commit yourself to doing No Contact the right way. I’d say the biggest mistake I see women make in our facebook group is that they don’t approach No Contact with the right mentality. Instead of looking at is as a golden opportunity to do some reflection and self-work, they constantly check their phone and count down the days.

THIS IS NOT HELPFUL.

Instead, make a list of things you want to accomplish. Maybe you always wanted to learn to play the violin, or maybe you want to start writing. Whatever the things are that you’ve always wanted to do, do them for YOU. You have the time now. Take a dance class, buy a pottery wheel to experiment on, start reading Socrates, I don’t know. Do things that will bring you joy in this time of mourning.

Step Two: The Holy Trinity

While you are in No Contact and doing things that will make you happy, you should also be tackling things that will make you more appealing to your ex. While in No Contact, focus on the three aspects of the Holy Trinity: Health, Wealth, and Relationships.

When it comes to health, we all slip a bit as we get comfortable in our relationships. I’m not just talking about going to the gym, either! I’m talking about overall physical appearance. I want to mention that exercise isn’t just good for you physically, it’s good for you mentally as well. It releases endorphins in your brain that literally make you happier. So don’t just hit the gym because it will make you look better. It will make you feel better, too.

Other things you can tackle in the health column cover all physical things – maybe get a new wardrobe if yours is getting a bit old. Go get your teeth whitened, go get your eyebrows done or get eyelash or hair extensions. These things will show that you are taking care of your appearance, and they’ll also make you feel great.

Wealth is a pretty simple one: Put extra time in at work if a promotion is on the table. Or if you are unhappy at your current job, work to get another one that will make you happier. Take up a side gig. These things will not only bring more money in, they will also distract you from the pain of losing your ex, and they will make you feel more valuable.

Relationships are an important thing to tend to during this No Contact period. I’m not necessarily talking about other men, though it is important that you try dating (more on that in a minute). But what is important is spending time with those who love and care about you.

I’d wager a guess that your friendships suffered as a result of your relationship, am I right? Take the time to spend quality time with your friends – and don’t just spend the whole time crying over your ex boyfriend. Do something fun. Take a pole dancing class together! In addition to spending time with friends, spend some with your family, too (though maybe nix the pole dancing and do a tame game night instead). These people love you, and sitting alone in your room is not going to help you feel better. Spending time with people who love you and make you happy will. There are all sorts of love in this word. Romantic love is only one percentage of it.

Now, I mentioned dating. I’m not saying you need to jump back out there, looking for your next boyfriend. Not at all. What I am saying is that going out there and trying dating again will help build your confidence back up. I was on a dating app for months before I ever swiped. But once I did, my self confidence blossomed again with the amount of high caliber men who were vying for a date with me. Dating also can show you that there are other quality options out there. Your ex is not the end of the line. Dating during No Contact can also work in the frame of jealousy.

Who knows? Maybe you’ll actually end up enjoying yourself!

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Step Three: Social Media

Back in ancient times (aka the 1990’s) when the internet was just a dream that no human could comprehend, it was a lot harder to keep tabs on our ex’s. We had to pick up the phone to call them, send snail mail, or show up at their home or work to catch them.

There have been lots of articles written about how social media has made it harder for us to move on from our ex’s. The temptation to snoop is always there, and it’s so EASY.

However, as detrimental as social media can be to the moving on process, it can also be extremely helpful when you are attempting to get your ex back. It takes strength, because you should snoop on his profile barely at all, but you want to beef up your profile so that he is snooping on a daily basis.

If you’ve done No Contact correctly, you’re going to have lots of social media-worthy things to post. Post that photo of your pole dancing class on instagram, or post a facebook status about the hilarious combo of cards you put down in your family’s game of Cards Against Humanity.

Pinpoint all the changes he wanted you to make, and that you wanted to make, and use social media to accentuate those parts of yourself.

Sometimes, I actually choose the “view as” function on my facebook so that I can see what my profile looks like from my ex’s eyes, just to make sure it is as UG as possible.

Social media can also be used to fuel the jealousy angle. Check in to places with male friends. Take a photo of a great meal that you’re having that just so happens to have a guy’s beer and arms in the background (never mind that the arms are, in actuality, your brother’s).

Social media can be tough to use post-break up, and if you are moving on, it may be better to delete your guy entirely. But if you’re attempting to get him back, it can be a great tool to show him how much you’ve changed.

Step Four: Interactions

The final way that you can show your ex how much you’ve changed is thorough your interactions with him. Actions speak louder than words. You’ve changed yourself, genuinely during No Contact (not just having appeared to change), you’ve showed those changes on social media. Now you’re in contact with your guy.

There is a famous quote that goes “the best apology is changed behavior.” That applies here to. The best way to show someone you’ve changed is to show them.

So say you guys are texting and he stops responding. Old you may have started gnatting him asking why he’s ignoring you. But not the new you. Instead, you curb that impulse, and pretend this his lack of response isn’t bothering you. He’ll notice. Trust me.

This goes for the physical stuff too, of course. The first time you and your ex meet up, he’ll see those physical changes you’ve been working on. And you can talk about it, too. Don’t do overboard, obviously, but feel free to tell him about all the cool stuff you’ve been doing.

If he’s anything like the ex’s on the facebook group, he’ll be surprised by all you’ve done, and then he’ll feel badly about himself, because he hasn’t changed at all. This may cause him to feel like he’s slipped out of your league, which could potentially make him want to chase after you even more.

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It Starts With You

I was relieved when I finally moved out of the house I shared with my ex. I was sad, but I was also motivated. I had the thought

“this is where the real work begins.”

I knew that I had to work on myself. For myself. If it attracted my ex back, great. But if not, I’d be a better person for the next lucky guy, and more importantly, for myself.
Change starts with you. You can’t control what your ex or anybody else does, but you can control what you do. The change starts with you but only if you take those first steps to embrace No Contact. Give yourself even a fraction of the mental energy that you are giving your ex.

Probably my favorite episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer ever is the finale of season 2. It begins with the following voiceover, which is think it pretty applicable here:

“There’s moments in your life that make you, that set the course of who you’re gonna be. Sometimes they’re little, subtle moments. Sometimes they’re not. I’ll show you what I mean” – Whistler, (Becoming: Part 1).

Your break up can make or break you. Don’t let your heartbreak define you. Instead, use it as fuel to become a better version of yourself. No matter what may happen in the future with your ex, giving time to care for yourself is always a worthwhile use of your time.

	https://www.exboyfriendrecovery.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/chris-avatar.jpg	

Written by EBR Teamate

Chris Seiter

26 thoughts on “How to Prove to Your Ex Boyfriend That You Are Changing”

  1. Sammie

    December 12, 2017 at 1:35 am

    Do the rules still apply when it was me who BU with my ex? I understand he’s hurting. He has not reached out to me or replied to my sincere apology. Are there any success stories from women whom BU with their ex?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 4:40 am

      Yup, the rules still apply even if you’re the one who broke up with him.

  2. Amber

    December 10, 2017 at 10:25 pm

    Okey let´s start. My boyfriend and I started at the same school last year in august, and he had a huuge crush on me for several months. Everyone told me and he even told me himself that he liked me. We met at a few parties, but I always ignored him and made him accidentally like me more. I actually agreed in April this year to hang out with him. We hanged out a couple of times and he started liking me even more. After two months I ended it because I didn´t have any feelings for him at that time. He cut all contact with me, and three weeks later I actually sent him a message that I wanted to hang out with him when I got home from my vacation. So we met and had such a great time together. After that day we both travelled on separate vacations with our families, and talked threw snapchat all the time. We had a great relationship for about two months, but after that time everything started to change. The spark was gone and everything seemed normal again. He said he had started to loose some of his feelings for me… we never really fought, but we were more like friends. We didn´t feel any lack of psyicall attraction, but more mental I think. In october we broke up, but we decided to try again the day after our break up. Now one month later he said that he had lost all of his feelings for me and felt that he couldn´t give me anything anymore, and that he had to let go of me. Our break up feels so wrong, because we only talked about it in real life when he was drunk. I said that I believe that we needed to talk about it when both were sober, and he said that he kind of disagreed, so I told him that I didn´t want to have anything to do with him anymore. He seemed quite sad after that, like he sent me a message telling me that he wanted to speak with me about it after school the next day. I have been ignoring him for two weeks since that. One week ago he made out with another girl at a party, and the day after that he sent me a message telling me that it didn´t happen, but I saw videos of him doing it, so he was lying.. he also said that this wasn´t the way he wanted us to be after our breakup, he thought and hoped that we could still be friends. That is now one week ago, and I know I need to do some self-improvment now. I need to find happiness in my self, but what I am really wondering about is that if he still has feelings for me deep down or that if it is actually possible to lose all feelings for me. He seemed to have moved on pretty fast.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 12, 2017 at 5:34 am

      Hi Amber,

      Either he had slowly started falling out of love from you, or he still.has feelings

  3. AshleyJ

    December 6, 2017 at 10:28 am

    Hello,
    I am following your advice and have focused on a new career path, worked out more seriously and spent time with friends and family. Also planning a trip that I have always dreamt of.
    However, I am not sure how to show my progress when I don’t have social media. Is it best to just continue NC (2 weeks in), and when the time comes for contact, stear the conversation into this way without showing off?
    Any thoughts?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 10, 2017 at 5:43 pm

      Hi Ashley,

      Open up social media accounts, don’t add him yet but add mutual friends, make your posts public and do posts that just stays there unless you remove them…do at least 30 days and check this one:
      “Can I Text My Ex On His Birthday?” Let’s End This Discussion Right Now

  4. harshita

    November 10, 2017 at 10:47 am

    My ex boyfriend and i had a fight nd than he said that if you don’t wanna be with me so tell me we’ll break up so being in fun mood i said okay lets break up and than i realized that he took my saying seriously and when i tried to clarify with him he is saying that he doesn’t want to be with me now and his family won’t accept me as i m from different culture and its been more than two months since we broke up and we go in same classes so we see each other every day and now he is being more close to a girl from our classes and she is from my culture only So m not getting that he is doing all these stuff for making me jealous or is seriously getting more close with that girl and if he is getting close with her so how come his family will accept her coz he said that his family won’t accept me coz m from different culture and even that girl is from my culture so how can he do this to me m just confused and he is blaming me that i dumped him and he is telling our mutual friends that she left me and all that stuff but m just confused about one thing that why he is going for that girl i mean he is really going for her or is just making me jealous by doing this all
    And please help me to get him back

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 12, 2017 at 11:20 pm

      it’s either he lied to you on his break up reason about his family not liking you, or he’s just using the other girl as rebound.. check this one:
      What Is The Limited Contact Rule?

  5. jdani928

    November 6, 2017 at 7:55 pm

    So me and my ex were together for 2.5 years before we broke up last year. After our breakup I decided to read this website and take a lot of advice including successfully completing the no contact rule! It worked and he started to pursue me again. We still hadn’t made anything official and I just found out why. Here’s the back story lol. When we broke up, he began to date someone else. I decided that I needed to move on and I began to date other men, but I never made anything official. Well during this time I began liking one of his friends because we all hung out in the same circles. He was very kind and I liked him a lot, but we never kissed, held hands, but went on a couple of dates. After a while I found that I wasn’t that attracted to him and stopped trying to date and just wanted a friendship with him. It was innocent and was never trying to hurt anybody, and I didn’t think it would be that bad since they weren’t that close anymore. I ended up telling my ex so that I wouldn’t keep any secrets from him. He was upset, but after a while he decided he wanted to forget and forgive. However, after me and my ex decided to try again, and after 3 months of no commitment, he told me that he still was upset and couldn’t understand how I didn’t want to understand him in the situation. He told me that I wasn’t trying to really listen to him and it’s hard to love somebody like that. He says he’s tired of trying. I tried reassuring that I can and have changed in the past and I want to because I hate being someone that doesn’t seem to care. He really thinks that I have an inability to care about people because I’ve never had to, but that’s not true at all. Have I really screwed up, or do I have a chance to fix this?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:08 pm

      HI Jdani928,

      I’m confused. What is he pertaining to that you weren’t listening about? Is it his excuse of not wanting to be official?

  6. Anon

    November 6, 2017 at 2:53 pm

    Lol I’m not going to start with a casual conversation he would murder me. The event thing isn’t too much for ME. it’s a normal non-manipulative action.

  7. Jdani928

    November 6, 2017 at 2:33 pm

    Did my message disappear? I can’t find it on here anymore.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:08 pm

      HI Jdani928,

      I’m confused. What is he pertaining to that you weren’t listening about? Is it his excuse of not wanting to be official?

  8. Jdani928

    November 6, 2017 at 12:03 am

    So me and my ex were together for 2.5 years before we broke up last year. Well I applied mostly everything on this site on getting him back even successfully completing the no contact rule, and it worked! He contacted me again and we began to date, but we never made our relationship official again. Before we began dating again, he was in another rebound relationship. I was single and I began talking to one of his childhood friends; we’ve never kissed, held hands, or had sex, but I liked him for a little while. Well, fast forward to a couple of months later, I told him about it and he got really upset; however, my ex told me that though he was really upset about it, we couldn’t see eye to eye and he was going to try to forgive and forget and I thought All was good except he would never commit to me. He blamed it on his goals and what he wanted to accomplish. Well 2 days ago, I told him that I didn’t want to wait anymore because I felt like I wasn’t being appreciated. He in returned told me that he was still upset about me liking his friend and every time he wanted to commit and give me his all that he would think about that. He told me that I wasn’t trying to understand him and that made him want to give up trying. He said that I never listen to understand and it was against my nature to care about people because I’ve never had to before. I really want to change because I know how terrible this is and I want to be better. I also really want him back! Am i stupid for trying to get him back? And how do I even do that after messing up so bad? Sorry for the long response.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:09 pm

      HI Jdani928,

      I’m confused. What is he pertaining to that you weren’t listening about? Is it his excuse of not wanting to be official?

  9. W

    November 5, 2017 at 7:32 am

    Hi Amor, i have a feeling that if i stop contacting him and do the no contact rule, he wouldnt find me at all, and he’ll just move on even quicker.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 10:35 am

      Chasing him isn’t going to stop him from moving on and it’s unattractive

  10. Anon

    November 4, 2017 at 9:14 am

    Can’t figure out if this is a stupid thing to do. Four months no contact after 6 months of your advice. Not interested in getting back together, but I would prefer to be on non-enemy terms.
    So here’s the thing: this really cool coincidence happened to him last year, and it’s something that happens every year. I put it in my calendar when we were together. Should I remind him it’s on? He won’t have put it in his calendar, only I’m that lame.

    Last message I had from him 4 months ago was filled with rage. Thought I might just send a screenshot of the calendar. Don’t want to do it if it seems like I want to get back together or if it will make him mad.

    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 5, 2017 at 6:13 am

      Hi Anon,

      that’s too much.. just start with a casual conversation.

  11. W

    November 3, 2017 at 7:08 pm

    Hi. My e told me that he is currently enjoying his free zone where he can actually hang around freely with his friends and it’s not abt relationship anymore. How can i make him get more into me again ?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 4, 2017 at 1:08 am

      HI W,

      why not try the no contact rule?

  12. Anon

    October 23, 2017 at 7:53 pm

    Hi Amor:
    I was already doing NC, all fine until I fell into temptation and checked his profile, but no messages nor calls whatsoever, I just saw stuff that made me feel sad.
    Thanks, though 🙂

  13. Anon

    October 17, 2017 at 8:43 pm

    Hello, I’m so lucky to stumble across this post. Ex broke up with me two weeks ago and we’ve been doing no contact since then, but today I felt so bad that I went to his facebook profile and saw he erased all our pictures, and even changed the privacy so I can’t see his posts after the break up happened, I feel so bad.
    We loved each other but he was overwhelmed with uni and told me I would be better without being dragged into his misery (his grades were getting lower and he was so stressed), and things weren’t getting better in our relationship, we were having some minir problems too. We cryed a lot, we held each other. He told me I could still talk to him if something important happened (I don’t know what that could be if we’re no longer a thing).
    I’ve been taking care of myself and going out, but I still feel like waiting for him to contact. Please, help me..

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 17, 2017 at 10:07 pm

      Hi Anon,

      Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  14. Anonymous

    October 11, 2017 at 9:29 am

    Me and my boyfriend broke up after 3 years together and he is moving abroad and he told me to stop contacting him. The thing is that he still loves me but keeps telling me that he will move on because he doesn’t want a relationship because it is stressful. He never had a girlfriend before me. He kept telling me how important I am to him and that he wants to be with me forever and he means it. He cried while telling me this. Lately we had alot of fights and broke up so many times but we couldn’t stay apart for more than 5 days and got back together,but the arguing kept happening all the time. Not because of me, because he is not treating me like he used to at the beginning. I tried to tell him about it and he always got annoyed, he said that I am too childish,but I am totally not. I just wanted him to be more careful and nice because I love him and it breaks my heart that he changed…he always got the jealousy problem, he told me that he doesn’t trust anyone. Not even me! Now he said that he can’t take it anymore and that it’s over and there is no chance for us to work. After we broke up the last time he told me that he talks to another girl. After a week or so, I think he felt guilty and sent me a text saying that he lied about it so I would hate him for it. I was so upset but I talked to him anyway,tho he still doesn’t want to be together. I don’t know if it is a temporary decision or he really means it. I just started NC and I don’t know what to do because I am always tempted to talk to him and he always says to stop saying cute stuff to him because he is going to block my number.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 11, 2017 at 10:40 am

      Hi Anonymous,

      aside from the advice above, check this one too:
      How To Stay In No Contact

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