Your boyfriend says he wants a break and I am guessing you don’t.

Maybe you’ve told your friends and family that you sense a breakup is coming and then when they press you for details all you can tell them is,

I just have this feeling

But they aren’t locked in your head. They haven’t obsessed about every detail and interaction you’ve had with him.

And then it comes…

The dreaded,

Let’s take a break

And that leads us to the topic of today’s article.

What the heck are you supposed to do if you find yourself in this situation.

Well, what if I told you that I have come up with a very unique three step process to guide you through this very difficult time.

The Three Things You Need To Do If Your Boyfriend Says He Wants A Break

You’ll find that where I stand on this situation differs from most outlets.

You see, most people like to tell you to handle things the “politically correct” way. They’ll tell you that you shouldn’t play games and that if you set something you love free it’ll come back.

I don’t subscribe to these beliefs.

All I care about are results.

And in my experience letting things “just sit” doesn’t work too well.

But more on that in a minute.

There are three things that I want you to do if you find yourself in a situation where your boyfriend says he wants a break.

  1. Understand that the two of you are broken up, you aren’t a break
  2. Don’t try to fix things immediately
  3. Utilize a form of no contact

I’d like to go through each of these things one by one so that you know exactly where I stand on them and you can have an idea of what can ultimately get you results.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

Take the quiz

1. Understand That The Two Of You Are Broken Up

Every time I gear up to write one of these articles I do research.

This research comes in many different phases.

  • First, I’ll map out a strategy that I think will work
  • Next, I’ll cross reference that strategy with what I am seeing with clients or other people that I am working with
  • Finally, I’ll search and see what my peers are recommending to see how my strategy compares to theirs

Interestingly when I started looking at my peers for this article I learned that our strategies are vastly different.

The general consensus with them was,

See if you can work it out by setting ground rules for a break

Honestly, I think they’ve just watched a few too many episodes of friends,

Now, you may not agree with what I am about to say but honestly is there any difference between being on a break and being broken up?

People will have you believe that if you are on a break that you can pause the relationship.

That you need time to sort out your feelings and that when the break is over you can let your partner in on those feelings. But I find reality is much harsher than fantasy.

In almost every case I have found that a break is simply the gateway to a breakup.

And if you think about it, it makes a lot of sense.

You go on a break when something doesn’t feel right.

You go on a break when you feel that something with the relationship is broken.

You don’t go on a break when things are great.

Break = Broken Up

I want you to do something for me.

Every time you think of this “break” I want you to replace that terminology with “break up.”

The sooner you undergo this paradigm shift the better for what’s to come.

Actually, rather than having me ramble on here I’d like to talk about what’s to come.

2. Don’t Immediately Try To Fix Things

Human beings tend to be reactionary when it comes to breakups.

It’s a bit of cause and effect at play.

Your ex breaks up with you (cause)

You try to fix things as soon as possible (effect)

But what if I told you that the worst thing that you could do would be to try to fix things right now?

You found this article, probably through Google, which means that you typed in some variation of,

“What am I supposed to do if my boyfriend tells me he wants to go on a break?”

This implies that it was him that initiated the “break up.”

So, from his perspective he is in a position of power and you are in a position of weakness. Understanding that it would make total sense if you tried to fix things as soon as possible.

If you begged…

Pleaded…

Hoped…

And you want to know why I think these are huge mistakes.

Because you are trying to fix things from a position of weakness.

It’s not that I am not a fan of “fixing things.” On the contrary, the whole purpose of this article is to put you in a position to where you can begin fixing things. However, I play to win.

So, I am going to recommend the course of action that’s going to get you the best results.

And what gets you those results are two simple concepts,

  1. Perception
  2. Timing

We are going to cover the timing aspect of this strategy when we start talking about the no contact rule. So, for now I’d like to talk to you about perception.

How Perception Plays A Role

I started this website back in 2012 to create an environment that cut through the BS out there. I wanted to get right to the heart of the matter and teach people what really worked.

And for the most part I feel like I succeeded in doing that.

But learning about what works to re-attract someone after a breakup is a little funny. As time went on and I worked with more individuals on a one on one capacity I began to refine my strategies. In other words, the current version of Chris Seiter has way better advice than the version who started this website.

Why?

Well, it’s all about perception.

Last night my daughter got sick and the first thing my wife and I did was quarantine me from the situation. Children are like little biological weapons that infect everything they touch.

(Parents, you know what I am talking about.)

Now, generally I don’t mind getting sick but ever since I started this business it’s one of my greatest fears.

Why?

Because if I go down pretty much everything else I’ve built up does.

Needless to say, I ended up sleeping in a different room from my wife and my daughter (both who are sick now) in an effort to avoid catching this nasty cold. So, I found myself with a bit of free time. I did what any self respecting person does with free time.

I fired up Netflix and started looking for a show to watch.

Ultimately I settled on a show called Peaky Blinders,

I bought into the show after about 2 minutes.

I don’t really know why but I found myself captivated. In fact, I was so captivated I stayed up till 4 AM just devouring the first few episodes.

Which in hindsight is kind of a dumb thing to do if you are trying to avoid getting sick.

Anyways, in one of the episodes a character said something that really struck me,

You don’t parley when you’re on the back foot

This quote is essentially all about perception.

For those of you who don’t know a “parley” is,

Parley: holding a conference with the opposing side to discuss terms.

So, back to the quote.

It’s all about perception because if you go into a parley where your opponent thinks they have the upper hand it isn’t going to go well for you. However, it’s a completely different story when you go into a parley and your opponent thinks you have the upper hand.

Again, it’s all about perception.

If your ex views you as,

  • Weak
  • Desperate
  • Gnatty
  • Sad

It gives them this strange upper hand and removes any mystery from the equation. And in case you didn’t know you need mystery working for you if you are going to get your ex back.

So, rather than trying to fix things immediately I say you wait until you can approach the situation from a position of strength.

Wait, how the hell can I do that?

I’d like to introduce you to the no contact rule.

3. Utilize A Form Of No Contact

Above I mentioned two ideas that tend to get more results than anything.

Do you remember what those were?

  1. Timing
  2. Perception

Well, above I talked all about perception.

The no contact rule is where timing comes into play.

Let me ask you a question.

Let’s say that the shoe was on the other foot and you told your boyfriend that you’d like to go on a break from him. It’s clear that he doesn’t want to cooperate but he plays along holding on to a shred of hope. Then, unexpectedly, your father passes away.

You and your father were unbelievably close and you are crushed by the news.

Would that be the opportune time to win your heart back if your (now) ex boyfriend tried?

Probably not.

Why?

Because the timing isn’t right.

You aren’t in a state where you are even open to the idea.

Do you see where I am going with this?

Pretty much a massive part of this battle is getting your boyfriend to the correct state where he can view you romantically.

And right after he asks for that break isn’t that time.

So, what can we do to help the “right” time to come about?

Utilize a no contact rule.

What Is The No Contact Rule? 

I’ve talked a lot about the no contact rule here, here and here.

I’ve also done quite a number of awesome videos over it,

But if you want a quick crash course,

The No Contact Rule: A period of time (21, 30, 45 days) where you completely ignore your ex in an attempt to make them miss you. It also gives you an opportunity to improve aspects of your life that you need to work on so that you can truly hit that UG status (UG = Ungettable Girl)

It’s worth mentioning that sometimes a straight no contact period isn’t ideal for your situation. If you find yourself wondering if you should be using a limited no contact rule check out that article.

Phew…

I know that didn’t look like a lot but that took a bit of work tracking down all of those links and videos 🙂 .

Anyways, you are probably sitting there wondering,

How does this even benefit me? Why should I do a no contact rule?

Well, I’ve been thinking that a lot lately.

And while I can sit here and throw out some insane statistics like how 100% of our successes within our private facebook group have utilized the no contact rule that wouldn’t really explain why it works.

Why The No Contact Rule Works

I think more than anything it’s due to the fact that it speeds up the timing of your boyfriend “being ready.” But just ignoring him for a certain amount of time isn’t going to be enough to do that alone and that’s really where the secret sauce comes into play.

Secret Sauce = What You Do During No Contact

I get upset when I am working with a client one on one and we both agree on a course of action that they need to take during a no contact rule and ultimately they don’t do it.

The no contact rule doesn’t yield the results that they were hoping for and they call me back and tell me that it didn’t work.

No….

It didn’t work because they didn’t do the most important aspect of the no contact rule and that is to use that time to change your exes perception of you.

Did the lightbulb go off yet?

There is a synergy between everything I am teaching you here.

The no contact rule hits on the timing aspect by simply ignoring your ex but it’s up to you to change his perception indirectly by using that time away wisely.

Now, how do you do that?

Well, that’s where I am going to recommend that you check out some of the other articles on this website!

What to Read Next

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By Chris Seiter | 118 comments

Doing This Can Make Your Ex Come Crawling Back Ahead Of Time

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You Should Let Your Ex Come To You; Here’s Why!

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106 thoughts on “What To Do If Your Boyfriend Says He Wants A Break”

  1. Avatar

    Priscilla

    April 26, 2021 at 8:06 pm

    We’re in a long distance relationship & Last night he told me that he wanted a break after a disagreement we had, and honestly I was so surprised because he told me before that he doesn’t believe in breaks. It’s either we are together or we are not.

    He said because I don’t understand him & due to our communication issues.

    I called him & he was being so off, I got upset on the phone so then he FaceTimed me and said he’s sorry and that he’s just frustrated with not being able to see me & the distance and that he won’t ever say that to me again.
    But feels like I misunderstand him a lot.

    Today I can’t help but feel like things feel a bit different. He doesn’t seem like he usually is to me & all I can think about is that he wanted a break. Not sure what to do at this point..?

    I know he’s currently stressed about some things. He’s currently taking a course and took on a second job so he could save. So I know he’s got a lot on. But seriously I just don’t know where I stand with him right now. And I feel really sad

  2. Avatar

    Miss M

    December 21, 2020 at 6:14 pm

    Hi so my boyfriend recently became super busy. I guess I didn’t understand and I became a little clingy. It led to him forgiving my all the time but I kept on doing it so he could no longer handle the stress… he therefore went ahead to block all my numbers on WhatsApp and told me we should only communicate over text .. right now he has stopped responding to my texts and calls and said we will talk after he is done with his project that he is working on which is in one month time. I’m super afraid.. I hope he hasn’t met someone else. He still calls me his girlfriend but says I trouble him too much and he cannot cope with his project and me. He once promised to reach out to me first but I’m just scared he won’t come back..

    I also went back on tinder when my boyfriend was not responding to me. His friend saw me there and told him now I don’t know if that might have ruined our relationship for good.

    I’m really scared and really love him.. what do I do?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2020 at 6:51 pm

      Hi M, so I’m asking myself why you would go on tinder if you knew you were still together and he was just overwhelmed with stress and workload? You need to understand your behavior of being needy/clingy while he was stressed made you look insecure, but then to go on a dating app makes it look as if you are also unfaithful. I would suggest that you respect his request for some space and leave him alone for 30 days, if he reaches out to you great, if not then you need to start following the program and in the mean time stay off dating sites.

  3. Avatar

    IrenA

    December 21, 2020 at 6:09 pm

    I did everything that is been said in the article when my boyfriend asked for a break. Its been 5 months in no contact and i am not sure what i should be doing. I really don’t want to give up on things as our relationship was good. He blocked me on whatsapp a month after we took break, not on IG and fb. Do you think i should talk to him and ask him if he is open to talk about the break thing?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 22, 2020 at 6:52 pm

      Hi Irena, you say you have done everything it says in this article, but our no contact periods are not 5 months, they are 21, 30 or 45 days. If you want your ex back you need to be following the program where you reach out to your ex and start an organic conversation as Chris explains in his articles.

  4. Avatar

    Tausha Haney

    December 21, 2020 at 2:12 pm

    Hi,
    I guess I just need some guidance. My partner and I have been dating for about 6 years, and we have been engaged for about 3 of those years. More recently, she has kind of started going out on the weekends, which I don’t do. She kind of has a small issue with alcohol that deeply effects her ability to make rational decisions and will stay out all night or not be very nice to me. It has caused some tension, and because of this, I kind of pull away sexually. It isn’t intentional, but I just could not lay with somebody I love when they are not showing signs of loving me back. Anyway, she has had far too many drunken episodes and recently she has asked for a break. Now we live together, and I have a child from a previous relationship. She still wants to eat dinner with us, cuddle me at night, tell me she loves me and says we are getting married. But insists we are on this break. SHe goes in and out of loving me and needing space. And to be fair, I have not been the most easygoing with this as it is days away from Christmas and my heart really, really hurts. What is some advice I can have? How do I separate myself from somebody I live with where neither of us live around family and neither of us want to have my child involved in a negative situation. I really don’t know what to do and I my anxiety and hurt is really taking over my life. Any advice would be really appreciated.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      January 19, 2021 at 10:10 pm

      Hi Tausha, so I would suggest that you ask her to move out from your home while she works out what she wants, explain that you are not going to sit in limbo while she makes her mind up. There are articles and videos to advise and help you with limited no contact while you work together, but you also need to explain that her behaviour of mixed signals needs to stop.

  5. Avatar

    Alli

    December 17, 2020 at 5:59 pm

    My boyfriend suggested a break, included in the break he set some rules. The rules are we dont date, try to talk to other people or sleep with them. Just self reflection and deciding if getting back together is the right thing. I haven’t been needy or rude and have respected his wishes, he calls and texts daily almost like we are still together. He told me last night he needs to get his life settled first before considering ever getting back together. We spent the other day together and he bought me a few things and shoveled my driveway then tried having sex with me. I’m very confused on what I’m supposed to be doing in this situation with him.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 20, 2020 at 7:05 pm

      Hi Alli, it sounds as if he considering staying with you but I would suggest that you have a calm conversation first about where you both stand before allowing sex or any intimacy to happen between you both

  6. Avatar

    Jess

    December 12, 2020 at 7:35 pm

    We spent a lot of time together quite quickly for about a month and a half after we met. Everything was going great. Unfortunately, after this 1.5 months, we are unable to see each other for two months due to university break. When we discussed break, he disclosed that being home was very hard for him due to sickness in the family and that talking constantly would not be ideal. He said he wanted to pause and reconnect after the break, citing that the whole university break was not ideal. When I asked about communication, he said he didn’t mind if I reached out. We have barely talked. Will he forget me and move on over university break? Should I move on?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 12, 2020 at 8:34 pm

      Hi Jess, he wont forget you for Christmas break, I would suggest that you do not reach out to him until at least boxing day just to see if he messages you on Christmas day itself.

  7. Avatar

    Bell

    December 3, 2020 at 10:11 pm

    Me and my boyfriend have been dating for four years, yesterday I told him something which he critic me about before walking away. He didn’t call neither did I call him after. So today I chatted him up with a long text on how I feel when he critic my every mistake. And the next thing he will ask was ‘if I needed a break from the relationship’. I was lost because I know things don’t go right after a break. I know I am a wrack but I love him unconditionally and selflessly and I don’t want to lose him . So I directed this question to him ‘ can u wake up one morning and think of taking a break from me’. He said yes. I have been speachless

  8. Avatar

    Faith

    December 2, 2020 at 9:37 pm

    Hi. Great article, but what if he wants a break after he found out you cheated and isn’t sure if he still wants the relationship or not?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 10:33 pm

      Hi Faith, so if you cheated you need to understand they need this time and space to decide if they can forgive and move passed this issue. If they choose to end things then you need to follow a 30 days no contact and understand that you broke their trust and it is going to take time to move passed this.

  9. Avatar

    Victoria

    November 19, 2020 at 5:32 am

    Hey Vixendaily,
    My boyfriend asked for a break as he was not in a very good situation and is overwhelmed all the life issue. He didn’t wanted to lose me and asked for some time until things gets fine. I didn’t wanted to pressure him, saw couple of video of your and I gave him break happily by being supportive with sharing a paradigm shift as you said. After that I went in no contact. No begging, no clingy behaviour. Just a radio silence. After 30 days of no contact he blocked me on Whatsapp as i changed my profile picture. I didn’t reacted anything and went to another city to meet my friends. Its been over 3 months, I posted a story of it as we met so long after lockdown and he viewed my story, wishing my best friend on her birthday.Not sure if he is missing me. Can you say something?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 4, 2020 at 9:30 pm

      Hi Victoria – so the idea is that you reach out after your 30 day No Contact. But if you want to move on then you are doing great! Good for you keeping emotional control.

  10. Avatar

    Elena

    November 5, 2020 at 11:12 pm

    Hello. My bf and I have been together for 12 months now . When we first started talking I lied to him about something and now it’s hard for him to trust me also he has major trust issues in general . He said he needs time to come at peace with his mind and etc. Idk what to do . I’ve never loved anyone like I love him and I’m scared that he’s going to leave me

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      November 7, 2020 at 3:29 pm

      Hi Elena, be sure to be truthful with him going forward and respect that he needs some time right now

  11. Avatar

    Catherine

    October 22, 2020 at 12:53 am

    Hi
    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 years, we actually started dating when we were 17. So on Monday he asked for a break,on reasons that we have lost our connection,we quarrel too often,he finds it difficult to impress me, individual issues. I know things hasn’t been going smoothly for either of us. This year has been the toughest for us, we quarreled more often than recent years. The thing is we love each other, maybe I love him more. But I feel this break will be the end of us and I don’t know if I can take it, I felt like reaching out to him and apologizing,but I don’t know what I would be apologizing for. I don’t know what to do. I really feel sad that I am about losing my best friend and the love of my life.

  12. Avatar

    Hannah

    September 25, 2020 at 4:08 pm

    My boyfriend and I are currently going on a break. But I fear it’s a break up not a break. He said he’s been stressed and overwhelmed with everything in his life and I have been putting too much pressure on him. And he’s not sure if our relationship is right for me. I’m going crazy. I’ve never loved anyone like I love him, and I don’t want to lose our life together. Please can anyone help

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 25, 2020 at 8:37 pm

      Hi Hannah, if it is a break then make sure you allow him space by not reaching out to him for at least a week, if he then breaks up with you. You need to go into a full No Contact for 30 days before reaching out again, make sure you work on your holy trinity in that time

  13. Avatar

    clevi

    September 11, 2020 at 9:57 am

    Hi, me and my bf are together from past 12 months and i found him talking to this another girl and he said he is not able to fall in love with me and he wants a break to figure out his feelings for me. I love him so much, is he ever going to come back? what should i do

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 11, 2020 at 9:06 pm

      Hi Clevi, it sounds as if he has grass is greener syndrome so make sure you read about that article on this webpage. Also to follow the program is going to give you, your best chance at attracting him back so make sure you are starting with your NC and focusing on yourself for at least 45 days

  14. Avatar

    Emily rose

    August 26, 2020 at 4:58 am

    My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for over a year now and we barely see eachother due to being so busy and a lot happening in life but we pushed through it cause we love each other very much but last week I was really upset on how my life was going and didn’t know what I was doing in my future and I lashed out on him and said some very hurtful things to him which I regretted and apologized right away and told him I was just doing a lot of thinking and then he proceeded to tell me we both need a break and for us to let go a bit,I told him I don’t need a break but if he wants one that’s okay and to txt me when he’s feeling better and it’s been a couple of days and I miss him very much and I don’t know if I should check up on him even though I told him to text me when he’s doing better or I should just wait for the response.im extremely scared that he’s gonna go to break up with me after this break is over.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 6, 2020 at 9:47 am

      Hi Emily, often a break is what happens before an official break up – I would suggest that you give him a week of peace. Then reach out to him to see if you can sort your issues, but also prepare yourself for him to end the relationship where you control your reactions and accept the break up which you then go into a No contact

  15. Avatar

    Lilly

    August 19, 2020 at 7:37 am

    Hello, We had some issues lately due to lack of communication, so I flagged him about it. After a couple days he was reflecting his actions and we had a talk. When he left he suddenly broke up with me via text after a couple hours, I was really surprised by this, because we had a good talk, I thought.

    A couple days later I’ve decided to clear things up, so we had a talk again. He told me that he is having some difficulties with himself and he does not want to drag me into it, because he is already aware that I already got hurt. So I told him that if he needs to figure things out, I will give him the space. Both of us didn’t want to let each other go, so I asked him what are we now? He told me it’s complicated. Meanwhile, I did informed him I don’t want to be friends with him, due to my feelings and if he wants a break up I will respect that.

    He told that this is a break. Now I’m really confused, he wanted a break, but he still texting me almost one time per day. I’m not sure how to deal with this situation right now, since this doesn’t feels like a break. I still wants him back, but I also respect his choice that he wants space. So I’ve been keeping myself on a low profile. What should I do? Do I still need to apply the No contact rule in this situation? If yes, how and do I need to inform him since we still have almost daily contact by text? Is he testing the water?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 5, 2020 at 8:39 pm

      Hi Lilly, so when someone asks for a break – take this as the pre break up warning. I would suggest that you be very laid back for the time being. Answer him when he reaches out but let him do most of the work. IF he comes to you and ends the relationship you then go into a NO Contact and you do not tell him that you are doing one, you just disappear.

  16. Avatar

    SMS29

    August 18, 2020 at 12:22 am

    Hi so, my boyfriend and I have been together for over 3 years now.. we live about an hour away from each other he lives in the city where his transportation is mostly trains or buses. While mine is a car so usually I am the one traveling back and forth to spend time with him.. I’ve been doing so for literally the entire relationship he has Come out to see me maybe a handful of times.. anyway since Covid happened his job mandates to work as a live in so he is always at his job little time for “ US time” but we try to make it work.. Recently he told me he felt like I wasn’t putting out as much supportive energy as he was and that I had some healing to do within myself and his. I don’t have the best living situation and he does. Well he asked for a break until we “fixed our issues”. Being with someone for over 3 years is so hard to just drop them after communicating with them everyday. I have never really believed in having good outcomes when couples go on a “break”.. so I’m actually really scared of losing him even though he claims that he isn’t going anywhere and this break is only intended to make us more stronger for our future..

  17. Avatar

    Danah

    July 25, 2020 at 10:37 am

    My boyfriend and I have been happily and healthily together for a year and a half. I’m 32 and this is the best relationship I’ve ever been in. Everything lines up. We had our first blow out this past weekend and it completely tore him up. He went back to live with his parents and suggested he just needed a few days to recover.

    Yesterday we decided we would talk, and he showed up in hysterics. He told me he was worried he wasn’t ready for a relationship (I’m his first girlfriend), and that he’s had those thoughts occasionally but since he loves me so much he’s pushed them down. He spent the nignt sobbing, trembling and shaking while saying he knows he needs a break in order to practice self love and fix some negative traits about himself. He kept going back and forth with “I’m making the biggest mistake of my life” and “I’m so stupid what am I doing?” type talk to himself.

    Personally, I didn’t fight him. Who can fight the person they love who is so clearly broken? I told him he was making the right decision by taking time to better himself, and that I’d rather this happen now and perhaps our roads can connect again than us forcing it and possibly crumble entirely.

    I’m heartbroken, but I know this is best for him and ultimately for us.

    I’m implementing NC, but is there anything else I should be doing? I truly love this man – unconditionally and selflessly.

  18. Avatar

    Leyb

    July 20, 2020 at 4:12 am

    I’ve been with my bf for 1 year. I’m 22 and he’s 31. We have a big age gap and so we had lots of differences. We fight almost everyday and now he broke up with me cuz he said I was being toxic to him but I didn’t want him to. Now he started talking to me and gave me a lat chance. But before we get back together, he asked for a year to unwind. And that’s making me sad. One year is such a long time

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 25, 2020 at 8:15 pm

      Hi Leyb, a year is a very long time! And I think you should show him you are not willing to wait that long for him and start dating casually. If he views the relationship as a toxic relationship then you need to go into a longer no contact period so that he has time to reflect on the positives of your past too. Work the ungettable information and make sure that you are living your life with your friends and family during this time

  19. Avatar

    Jane

    June 22, 2020 at 11:24 am

    Hi, me and my boyfriend have been together for about 9 months and I thought everything was going great till about a week ago he didn’t want to see me all weekend. I then asked to see him on the Friday which he then made an excuse not to see me. That night I asked him if everything is okay he replied that he doesn’t know how he feels about me anymore and that its not fair on me to carry on like this. We spoke on the phone for a bit and decided on a break till middle of July. He did say that he is very stressed with exams and doesn’t know what to do or how he feels. I feel like my heart is broken and we are just in a limbo stage to then break up which isn’t what I want but I think thats what he wants, as a break almost a gateway to breaking up. We still snapchat each other a few times a day but don’t speak in conversation. Do you think i should stop snap chatting him? and he says he doesn’t feel the same way about me as he did at the start of the relationship so i don’t know if a break will work because we are just gonna grow more apart. Do you think a break is the right option and will work? I also worry about him as he has been drinking more recently and has been more sad so I want to reach out and ask if he is okay but also want to give him space and time. How long should I wait to ask if he is okay or should I not ask at all?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      July 17, 2020 at 11:23 pm

      Hi Jane, yes it sounds as if a break is right, but be prepared for your ex to then end things with you so that you can control your emotions and follow a strict No Contact. In the mean time work on yourself and your Holy Trinity and being Ungettable so that your ex sees how great you are doing without him. Your NC needs to be around 30 days, but that is if he ends things with you. During your break if you are still together I would not go over 21 days of NC

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    Savannah

    June 15, 2020 at 5:24 pm

    Hi,
    my boyfriend and I have been together almost a year now. He has some severe trust issues due to his ex girlfriend cheating on him. We have had minor fights in the last year that all let back to his trust issues. None of which we didnt resolve in a day or so. We have a very loving relationship and have always been very obsessed with each other. Since March when we both got laid off due to COVID-19, we decided I would stay at his house all the time because we were both not working and wanted to just spend time together. The last week I felt as though things were a bit off with us. He hasnt been touching me hardly at all, which is NOT like him. He barely tells me he loves me anymore. I feel like its because we got way too much time together way too fast. Finally last night I asked him why he was acting this way and if he still wanted to be with me and he said he thought we just need some time apart. Things had been weird lately and he did not know why, and I don’t either. I believe that because I thought he wasnt acting normal, i started not acting normal. And it just escalated over nothing. But I dont know for sure. He always assumes I dont want to be with him when I’m acting “weird” but this time, it was mostly him. I moved most of my stuff out of his house and have been back in my apartment for the last day. I tried to talk to him but he didnt seem like he really wanted to. I dont know what to do. I want to be with him and I want him to stop feeling so insecure with me but maybe he really just doesn’t want me anymore.

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