Typically, there are three outcomes to a break up, you can initiate the break, he can end it or you can both agree that you need to go your separate ways. This page is going to focus solely on the women who initiated the break up. So, the ideal person for this page would be a woman who wants to get her boyfriend back after breaking up with him.

Or, you might just be considering the prospect, still unsure if your ex boyfriend is worth the trouble.

There are a lot of possible breakup scenarios that can unfold. These situations can involve someone who broke up with their ex boyfriend and now he won’t talk to her, thus making her efforts to make up and move forward nearly impossible.  It can involve a girl who says she ended it and now wants him back.

It can also involve situations in which the  girl is experiencing great pain and confusion: “I broke up with him, but it hurts and I don’t know what to do.” Or it could involve a woman who is struggling with her ex lashing out at here, “my ex boyfriend hates me because I left him. I never thought it would come to this”.

Broken spirits and broken hearts are things that are not new to the dating scene. Yet when it happens to you and you are struggling with whether your boyfriend still loves you or if he misses you, it can be heartbreaking, particularly if you think you may had made a mistake. You may have acted rashly, too swiftly to end it with him and now the regret of your decision haunts you.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend To Forgive You For Breaking Up With Him?

Before I get going there are a few things that I feel are really important to mention. First off, while I am going to do my very best to give you a winning strategy for getting your ex back, even if you did the breaking up, I want you to know it is possible your boyfriend will just move on.  Sometimes the damage of the being dumped by your girlfriend is so overwhelming, the act of feeling betrayed just becomes too much to overcome.

But most of the time, the pain eventually subsides, the emotions settle down, and cooler heads prevail with a couple finding their way back to each other.

S0 if you are looking for a way to improve your chances, you are in luck as I just updated this page that will literally break everything down for you step by step and teach you how to get your ex boyfriend back. You are going to get the short version and the longer version.

Oh, and FYI, it is going to take you some time to read this post completely from start to finish!  Be sure to follow all the links as they will help with those nagging questions you might have about whether you can really convince your ex to forgive you for breaking up with him.

And a Reminder! Make no mistake, your ex boyfriend is going to be pretty hurt.  Your ex bf is also going to be awful mad at you too for getting dumped, especially if this sort of thing has never happened to him before.  So read up on everything my friend to give yourself the best chance.

What Are Your Chances of Getting Your Ex Boyfriend Back?

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Are You Ready To Learn the Latest Tips on How To Get Your Ex Back If You Dumped Him!

So you ended it with your ex boyfriend.  It was time to end things you thought.  Your ex had given you plenty of reasons to break up, so that is what happened.  Whatever crap he was putting through, you decided you had enough.  It’s over, you told him.  He sure didn’t like being the one dumped.  But now you are through with him.
At least that is what you thought at the time.  But now things have changed.
Lucky for you, I just updated this post and have included some new tips and ideas. So we are going to get to that right now!
Then a bit later, I would like to talk to you further about your reasons for breaking up with your ex boyfriend in the first place.   We will go over the common causes and reasons why you decided to dump him.  I also think we should also talk about whether you are truly making the right decision in trying to get him back.
But look, I know you may have landed here wanting to grab some ideas about how you can set things straight with your ex.  So I am going to give you a little mini plan on just how you do that.  Then we will talk about the other breakup stuff to make sure you are connected with why you left him in the first place and why you think he is worth getting back.
Deal?   Deal!

9 Proven Steps To Get Your Ex Boyfriend Back If You Are the One That Caused the Breakup

At this point, I am going to assume you are in a hurry to hear what you should do.  Let’s say you broke up (ended it with your ex) and now you want him back. Maybe you acted rashly.  Maybe he even has a new girlfriend now  Sounds like a near impossible situation, doesn’t it?  Well, it’s not.  He could be in a rebound.  I know it hurts in ways you can’t even describe.  And I know you still love him are you wouldn’t be here.

So let’s get right down to it.

1.  Allow For Some Time To Go By Before You Try To Make Any Serious Effort To Re-establish Contact With Your Ex.

Chances are that he is upset, angry, and resentful for getting dumped.  Whatever the cause, it clearly ended badly and since you are the one that let him go, his predominant feeling will be one of anger and rejection.  So you don’t want to walk into a firestorm of your ex boyfriend’s wrath. Some time needs to elapse for things to settle down

2. You Need To Give Yourself a Chance To Reevaluate Whether Your Really Want Him Back

You broke up with your ex boyfriend for a reason.  Maybe you ended things with him for good cause.  So it’s not unusual for you to have conflicted feelings about what has happened to the relationship. So be careful about fully trusting your judgement at this stage.  You might have a panic attack, fearing you made an awful mistake.  The sheer pain of separation may be weighing on you, thus creating doubts in your mind if you did the right thing to leave your ex boyfriend.  He may have begged and pleaded for you not to go through with breakup and now you are feeling guilty.  So you need to allow yourself time to process all of this and make sure you don’t cycle right back into the mess that caused you to leave him in the first place.

3. Even If You Initiated the Breakup, Implement a Brief No Contact Rule Period

In most cases, even if you are the one that precipitated the  split up, it is best to observe a No Contact period. I would recommend a shorter No Contact period (2-3 weeks).  It will help you to get more centered and experience some healing and allow your ex boyfriend to calm down and potentially become more receptive to your efforts.  There is much you can accomplish during the NC period to rebuild attraction.  It’s there in your ex boyfriend, but it might need some nurturing to bring out and there are tactics you can use to show him you are out there still available.  During this period there is subtle messaging you can use to convey to your ex boyfriend that you may have acted hastily or you have gained a greater  appreciation of what he means to you.

4. Test The Waters – Send Your Ex Boyfriend a First Contact Text Message

At some stage, if you have not already heard from your ex boyfriend, then you want to put a plan in place to make first contact with him.  This can be accomplished by way of a text.  Think of sending him a message that is going to strike a chord because it is friendly and inviting him to respond.  Check my website for examples.

5. Rebuild Trust Though Texting Over Time

Remember, your ex boyfriend may still feel quite insecure about talking to you.  There will be a part of him that wants to protect his own feelings, avoiding any future disappointment. Your ex may also still be harboring some angry feelings and has yet to work through them.  Those resentments may come out in different ways.  He may be moody, saying one thing, then later retracing.  Texting may be irregular.  So for these reasons and more, just think of this as a process and be patient and understanding of any volatile behavior coming from your ex boyfriend.    But at some point, you need to graduate from texting to a face to face meeting so you can take the next step of winning over his confidence.

6. Set up a Meetup With Your Ex to Restore and Repair the Relationship Foundation

Try to arrange to meet with your ex someplace public and informal.  Keep it casual like a lunch or a coffee.  Don’t make it a date or anything that puts pressure on you both to jell.  He may not be ready for that.  Or he might want to badly talk about the relationship. Just steer him away from it, telling him there will be time for that.  Tell him, “lets just enjoy each other now”.  Don’t show up with an apology in hand or ask your ex boyfriend to forgive you for breaking up with him.  Getting into those discussions starts off the encounter with a negative and swings the conversation to relationship type of talk, and you want to steer away from that.  So avoid talking at this stage about the problem that triggered the breakup.  Take the time to simply enjoy each other. It could take your ex some time to learn to trust you again, so don’t rush things. I recommend that you both resume the relationship as if you were first dating each other gain, getting to know each other again.

7. Don’t Rush Right Back To Normal Routines

Things are not normal and won’t be for awhile.  So don’t pretend that it can all go back to normal.  While your ex boyfriend and you may love each other very much, you need to allow for your feelings to be calmed and trust to be restored. Past negative memories and grievances may be ready to spring out as they linger just below the surface.

8. Jointly Discuss What Must Change For You Both To Be a Successful Couple

After some time, it will be evident that the two of you have largely forgiven each other for whatever went on in the past. You and your ex will find joy and comfort in being in each other presence.  So when the signs of your connection are consistently positive, then you both need to talk about what you can do to avoid the issues that triggered the breakup from happening again.  Jointly come up with a plan and agreement on what you are going to do going forward to prevent conflict, confusion, or misunderstandings.  You want to make a vow that you both will do more or less of whatever is needed to keep a  breakup from happening again.  Write down what you both agree to.  Make a vow that you will honor this plan.  Do something to symbolize your commitment.

9. Celebrate Your Renewed Commitment

Once you have gotten this far in restoring the vitality back into the relationship with your ex, do something together to celebrate how important it is that you are both back together again. Cement this new commitment with something that symbolizes your new start as a couple.

5 Common Reasons Why YOU Broke Up With Him

couples break up

There are a lot of different reasons that women break up with men (some being their fault). I feel it is important to understand these reasons because it will let you know if your ex is really worth trying to get back. I know right after the breakup, your emotions will be pulled in all sorts of directions.  Part of you wants to stand by your decision to end it.  Another part of you will have this sudden panicky feeling that you have done something awful for which you will never recover.

So you will likely have a bundle of confused thoughts and some of them may lead you right back to a potentially toxic situation.  So be aware of that.

I don’t say this to you as a blanket statement that going back to your ex boyfriend will never work out.  That is not necessarily true. But I want to help you and sometimes helping someone is telling them that their ex may not worth going back to.

So, here is how this is going to work. I am going to list some of the most common reasons that women break up with their boyfriends and give my thoughts on each of them. Lets take a look at our reasons:

  • You believed there is someone else better for you (other fish in the sea)
  • You were worried or convinced that your ex was cheating on you (but it turns out he wasn’t)
  • He actually did cheat on you.
  • As time went on you became less and less attracted to your ex boyfriend
  • There was a huge fight that resulted in a breakup.

1. You Thought You Could Do Better.

I can do better

At some point in your relationship you thought you could do better. However, after the breakup you realized that you didn’t have it so bad and he was a more positive force in your life than you gave him credit for. This is a theme that is all too common among women so it is nothing to be ashamed of.  We can’t know all things and sometimes we need to other experiences to put our love lives in perspective.

While certain people might want to make you feel bad for feeling this way, I actually understand where you are coming from. I think everyone deserves to get the best they can in the relationship department. Now, I will say that if your ex treated you poorly (ex: physical abuse, mental abuse) please do not go back to them.

However, if they treated you OK then things are looking up. In fact, your ex boyfriend might welcome you back quite quickly. but don’t expect things to be smooth sailing right out of the gate.

2. You Were Worried Your Ex Was Cheating On You – But he Wasn’t

jealousy

Look, I can massage your ego as much as possible to soften the blow on this one but you messed up. It never feels good to get blamed for something that isn’t true, especially from someone who is supposed to have your back. Nevertheless, you are going to have to work on your jealousy issues. I am not saying that you are wrong for being jealous. Actually, being jealous is natural and everybody who is in a serious relationship will feel it at some time. However, you are going to have to do a better job on dealing with it in the proper way.

3. They Actually Cheated On You.

not end well

I am going to be straight with you.  A lot of “experts” out there are going to preach forgiveness and I agree with them to a certain extent, but I disagree with the ones who don’t acknowledge that it is likely you aren’t going to have a happy ending with the person who cheated on you. So, I am not going to say anymore about this other than I don’t like cheating, but if you are considering getting back with this person, make sure you figure out if his cheating was an isolated incident or has happened frequently. If he cheated on you with other other girls, that doesn’t bode well. So you are looking for patterns.

4. You Became Less and Less Attracted To Them.

unattractive

Have you ever heard the phrase, familiarity breeds contempt. That is partly what may have happened here. You were in a relationship so long with a person that everything they did (what they wore, how they talked, how they yawned) just got on your nerves and made them less attractive to you.  The newness and excitement may have worn off.  So you broke up with them but soon realized that they were the best boyfriend you ever had.  Now you want them back ASAP. Just know it is going to take some work, but you can definitely salvage the situation with the right ex recovery plan.

5. There Was a Huge Fight That Resulted in a Breakup.

fight

If you have spent any time reading this site you may have noticed that I put together a page about legitimate reasons for wanting your ex boyfriend back. On that page I noted that one of the best reasons for wanting your ex back is if your relationship ended abruptly or impulsively as the result of a big fight. Fights aren’t ever a fun experience. However, you definitely have a shot at getting him back because with time and space, angry and upset feelings will slowly balance out and you both will start thinking rationally.

Is Your Reasoning For Wanting Your Ex Back Ok?

broke up

Now that I have listed some of the most common reasons that caused you to break up with your boyfriend.  It is time to do some soul searching and figure out if it is OK for you to actually take steps to getting him back.

In case you are wondering, I would not recommend that every woman visiting this site go back to their boyfriend. In my view, it is all about your happiness and sometimes going back to your ex, while it could make you happy in the short term, isn’t always the best choice. So, the next big step I want you to take is to take out a piece of paper and write a detailed explanation on why you want your ex back.

Writing this explanation down is important for a number of reasons. First off, it might allow you to take a more objective look at yourself. I know that when I write down an explanation like this, then take a break and later come back to read it, it will help me see the bigger picture.

I can sometimes have an epiphany like “what was I thinking.” Secondly, it is going to force you to figure out if you wanting your ex back is just an impulse at this moment or a much deeper feeling. Again, I highly recommend that you check out the legit reasons for wanting your ex back article. That page pretty much sums everything up.

What Are The Frequently Asked Questions About Getting An Ex Back You Dumped?

One thing I have learned is everybody has a story and each person’s is situation is unique.  Digging into the details and understanding the facts around the relationship and what led to the breakup blowup is important.  But knowing something about the history of the relationship also matters.  Let me give you taste of some of the frequently asked questions people have around this topic.

1. I broke up with my ex bf months ago and it still hurts and I regret doing it.  Has he moved on?

The real question is whether you have moved on.  Dumping your ex for the right or wrong answers will always leave you hurting.  You just can’t get away from it.  Think about it.  The two of you, despite whatever checkered past you may have had together, invested a lot into each other.  So in a way, you both are vested in each other and those feelings just don’t go away quickly.  So right now, think less about whether your ex has moved on, but focus on answering for yourself if you made the right decision and if you did, then focus on your self recovery.

2. I left my ex boyfriend and now he won’t talk to me.

This is not uncommon and there can be lots of reasons why this is happening. Remind yourself that if it is early in the breakup phase, it is probably best neither of you are talking.  Now there are always exceptions depending on the circumstances of the split up and your history together.  But you probably left your ex for a good reason and so your focus right now should be on healing and involving yourself in new healthy routines.

3. I had to end it with my ex bf because he was too emotionally abusive.  Lately he has been nicer to me.  Should I give him another chance?

I say no.  It your ex was consistently emotionally abusive, then it should take a lot more than a brief period of him being nice to you.  He is probably trying to seduce you back, but it may very well turn out to be a disappointing experience if you take him back.

4. I told my ex that it wasn’t working out for me and we ended the relationship.  He wants to start over, clean slate he says.  Should I try?

There is probably a good reason why you ended things in the first place.  It is not uncommon to have second thoughts and begin doubting yourself.  Take out a sheet of paper and write down all the things that caused you to break up with him.  Then write down all the things your ex bf is doing that make you really happy. Be honest with your appraisal of his strengths and weaknesses.  For your ex boyfriend to be a keeper, he should have far more positives than negatives.

5. I ended a long relationship with my boyfriend. Now he is seeing another girl, but keeps telling me he wants me back.  What should I do?

It can be hard to walk away from a relationship, even if it is not working out.  Your mind will churn over all the possibilities about whether you made a mistake or acted too hastily.  But trust in yourself. If you have been with a guy for a long time and you finally ended things, then unless it was a rash and impulsive decision, you probably ended things for really good reasons.  So honor your decision and recognize that the jealousy you feel about him being with this other girl is natural.  But ask yourself, does it change anything about him that you don’t already know.  Most likely, you have your ex boyfriend pegged correctly because you have had plenty of time to evaluate the relationship.

The Get Your Ex Back Strategy

A few months ago I had an idea. You see, at that point I was getting a lot of emails from women every single day asking for step by step plans to get their exes back under all kinds of circumstances, just like we are talking about here (i.e. getting him back after you let him go).

While I am always happy to help them out with getting your ex boyfriend back after they ditched their ex, it is such a complicated subject.  So there is no way for me to describe, in detail, how to do it correctly in a short email or post . So, I came up with an idea.

I was going to create a step by step guide that I could point to any time someone wanted the exact process of getting an ex back. Well, the Guide took multiple months for me to write but I am so happy I did it because it has helped so many women already (seen here.)

You can check out the guide below!

Ex Boyfriend Recovery PRO (The Step By Step Guide)

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528 thoughts on “You Broke Up With Your Ex Boyfriend And Now You Want Him Back”

  1. Avatar

    Esya

    May 2, 2020 at 3:37 pm

    I have been with this guy for a year now. He always says to go with the flow and late october, he cheated on me. December, he came back, telling me that he had no one to talk to.. and all along, i have been transparent with my feelings towards him but he didn’t give me an answer. I’ve been thinking for weeks if i should leave him for good and when i made my told him about my decision, he said that he was planning to get engaged with me. I feel so lost because all this while, I don’t know if he had feelings for me. And i feel like i blew my chance away. So, now, I don’t know if i should try getting him back or simply move on. Or will he comes back?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 7, 2020 at 7:37 pm

      Hey Esya I would suggest that you take some time apart in a No Contact where you decide what you want for yourself, do you want to be with him? do you trust him? If he is not very open emotionally then it is going to be that way consistently and you are not going to force him to openly speak about his emotions to you. If you decide you want him back then it is a 30 day NC and work on your holy trinity, then start the texting phase but avoid emotional conversations

  2. Avatar

    Morgan Waters

    May 1, 2020 at 1:59 pm

    I dated a guy for a year. We grew a lot together. We go engaged last year in November. I broke it off with him three weeks after because I got scared: he was my second boyfriend, we slept together (my first) and I thought that clouded my judgement, my parents didn’t like him, and it was my second engagement that was only a year later (the first guy was a total mistake). I loved him with my whole heart and he was so invested. I felt bad for being sort of unsure. I needed time to think and grow up a little. I had asked him for space (move out and stop having sex) to help me get my head on straight, but he freaked out and talked me out of it (because he was scared I guess). I broke up with him sort of rashly and moved out. Then we didn’t talk for six months except twice. That’s when I texted him, just wanting to talk with him and see how he was doing. He was very kind, but I found out that he was seeing someone else. That broke my heart, but I don’t blame him. We have been texting a little and we met up to talk once. We both agree that we still love each other, but he doesn’t trust me yet. He is still seeing the other girl. She looks just like me. It’s painful to talk to him knowing this, but it’s also therapeutic because he’s still my best friend. Should I keep talking to him? Is this not fair to the other girl? I don’t want to ask him to leave her as I’m still trying to work out my broken heart and figure out my life before I’m ready to jump back in. It was the reason I broke up in the first place. I need to work on myself and break myself if codependency and a host of other issues. What next? Is he playing me?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      May 9, 2020 at 5:08 pm

      Hey Morgan, I wouldn’t say he is playing with you, but you need to be sure that you do not do the being there method end up breaking up his new relationship and then leave again. I suggest you speak to him as a friend while you decide if you want to try and get him back. If it is just the fact that you are lonely or missing being with “someone” then I would say that you need to stay away. I agree working on yourself, make sure that you are happy and secure being single before getting into a relationship again

  3. Avatar

    Kelly

    April 30, 2020 at 8:52 pm

    Hi.
    I’ve been seeing someone since November. It recently got more serious over the past 3 months and he said he wanted the relationship to progress… There was just one problem. He would never sleep over. We would be intimate and then he would leave. Most of the time, he said it was because his kids were home, which I understood, but lately, even when they weren’t home, there was always an excuse. We’ve been seeing each other weekly during quarantine as he is back and forth between the city and his country house. He calls me every day and we FaceTime almost every day. He says he cares about me, but it feels awful that he won’t sleep in the same bed as me. I told him last week that I needed a few days to think about some things (which freaked him out) and then I called him and told him how I feel about him not staying, that it makes me feel used and that’s not a scenario I’m interested in going forward. I told him I didn’t want him to do anything he’s uncomfortable with and that if it’s a problem for him, we should move on. He apologized, said he understood and again said how much he cares for me and that he wants to get more serious. He came over last night and we had a great time. I went to give him a toothbrush and he informed me he wasn’t staying over. This really upset me, because I blatantly told him the other day how hurtful that was for me. I told him he should have told me before we were intimate that he wasn’t going to stay over and that I felt used and felt he disregarded my feelings. He made a dumb excuse about not wanting to walk home early in the rain and face his doorman when we are supposed to be social distancing. BS. So, I told him I’ve never felt so expendable and I don’t think we should speak anymore. I said I don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t want to share a bed with me and I don’t want someone to share my bed out of obligation. He keeps saying he’s disappointed, he’s sorry, he thought we had a special connection and he cares about me. I wished him luck. That was that. I’m confused. I care about him a lot, but this is a dealbreaker for me. I’m hoping some time without contact will change things. He’s been married before and had a live in girlfriend in the past. So, he’s obviously shared his bed with others.

  4. Avatar

    Cece

    April 18, 2020 at 4:44 pm

    So kind of a long story but basically we’ve dated almost 2 years. From January to about March I felt like something was off with him. Finally came clean right before quarantine began and told me he was completely hammered one night and a girl and him kissed at the bar for a moment. Obviously I was upset. And he felt awful and was terrified to lose me. We agreed we needed space. But he kept texting me snapping me, the works. So he saw every emotion of me working through it. The highs and the lows. I wasn’t sure whether we were working on things or broken up. So when I finally had worked through it I wrote him a note that said I think our relationship is worth fighting for, this was a few weeks later. He said he thought we’d been broken up for weeks. That he could see himself growing old with me but the indecisiveness made him indecisive he loved me but doesn’t know, said he needs time idk very confusing. So I was like ok i respect that and i wish you the best of luck. He was like what im always gonna be here? Didn’t respond for a few days. HE KEPT REACHING OUT. So i finally sent him a long text basically saying hey you broke up with me please respect my space as I am trying to respect yours. He says you broke up with me I explained how I viewed it all, and he never responded. Basically ignoring me from that point on. Unsure really what to do now. I wanted to work on things but I feel like I screwed things up by being so indecisive and now saying for him to respect my space. Did i blow it?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      April 25, 2020 at 5:24 pm

      Hey Cece, so I would reach out to your ex with a text that Chris suggested but 21days form the time you sent the text asking him to leave you be

  5. Avatar

    Grace

    March 27, 2020 at 4:44 pm

    Hi. I recently moved abroad for college and I had the most perfect boyfriend for 2 years, the stress and moving really messed with my head and I broke up with him twice in the process of our long distance relationship even know he did nothing wrong and it was all me, after the 2nd time he had enough, he said he doesn’t think he could be happy with me anymore, I regretted the break up immediately and told him how sorry and regretful i am i but his family and friends have told him I’m not worth it anymore and to move on and I really feel like he is listening to them and won’t let me back in because I really meant it this time that I would change my actions for us, he told me he still has feelings for me but I went too far this time. I have started the no contact rule for afew days now but he hasn’t texted me once and I don’t think he is going too. I really don’t know what to do anymore, do you have any advice because I’m nothing but heartbroken since

  6. Avatar

    Dami

    March 25, 2020 at 12:10 pm

    Hi,
    Me and my ex have been together for almost 3 years and I left him at the beginning of this month because I think he’s cheating on me and someone confirmed that he is. I asked him and he said he’s not cheating. After we broke up, the girl posted a video of them both(dancing), which made me not believe him again. But it’s been so hard living without getting texts or calls from him like I used to.
    It doesn’t seem like he regrets or misses me. And I’m not sure whether to ask him, if he wants to get back together, please help me because I’m tired of waking up crying.

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 28, 2020 at 9:39 pm

      Hi Dami make sure you stick to your No Contact, the fact he has behaved the way he has shows he is not too upset especially if there is a video with him dancing with the same girl. Keep to a 30 day NC and then reach out if you still want him back at the end of that

  7. Avatar

    Krisha

    March 18, 2020 at 8:41 am

    Hey….so I broke up with my boyfriend of 14 months about 3 months ago over text….It was pretty bad….he even begged me not to but i did….I had been bored of him n I felt like it wasn’t the perfect fairytale romance…..I didnt listen to him n broke up….however now I miss him really bad n have realized that I still love him alot….but he refuses to talk to me n says that I’ve lost my place in his heart….I don’t know what to do….please help….

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 19, 2020 at 11:41 am

      Hey Krisha, so if you want to get your ex back then you need to start the process with no contact, if you got bored of the relationship the first time around then chances are the same is going to happen if you and your ex do not communicate better the second time around

  8. Avatar

    hayley

    March 10, 2020 at 5:26 pm

    Hello,

    So i have frantically been scrolling through your site and it has become very helpful however i’d like some advice on my personal circumstance. Basically I’ve been seeing this boy since October so around 5 months. Everything had been going great, i had met his friends and family but it seemed that this was taking it’s toll as i think he was finding it a bit intense. He also said he thought we sometimes spoke for the sake of it. Which i can understand as i am a person who is on my phone a lot and i have been working on that as a personal flaw. 2 weeks ago things started becoming quieter and as it was approaching the weekend (we have hung out every weekend since we met) he was due to come to a gig i was performing at. My family were going to this gig so it was a big deal to me as he hadn’t met them yet. I asked him if he still wanted to come and if i was still going home with him afterwards. To which he replied yes of course. So he came to the gig and met my family and everything was fine however when it finished and we got home things seemed a little different. Myself and him have a very close chemistry especially sexually so lets just say its not often we go home and just watch tv. But this evening we did and then we went to bed, he said goodnight and rolled over to go to sleep. Of course i was worried as this had never happened before. In the morning when we woke up same thing he didn’t want to touch me pretty much. I got a bit upset and that’s when he said he doesn’t think this is working. He said he thought something was missing but he didn’t know what was wrong as he has feelings for me and he cares for me. He finds me very attractive and loves spending time together … so i am totally confused. He’s only ever had one girlfriend before me and it was 8 years. He is a lovely boy and isnt the type to mess people around but i think he became freaked out with his feelings and maybe things were going too fast for him. I tried to be understanding and give him some space but we ended up messaging all week. Then unplanned but we ended up at the same pub at the weekend (with his ex and her new partner) we all ended up hanging out and i ended up going home with him. We couldn’t stay away from each other but now i feel even more confused. I haven’t spoken to him since Sunday night and im finding it hard not to message him but im trying to make him miss me.

    Any advice would be amazing?

    Thanks

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      March 23, 2020 at 4:47 pm

      Hi Hayley, so if you want him to miss you then you have to complete a No Contact, this includes his family and friends for the time being too. Read the articles about being Ungettable and how to complete an active No Contact and this will help keep you busy during this time.

  9. Avatar

    Dee

    December 8, 2019 at 6:33 am

    Hi Shaunna,

    Thanks for your response.. I will try to follow the program.. I know it’s gonna be difficult, but worth a try..

    Thanks again!!

  10. Avatar

    Dee

    December 6, 2019 at 7:04 pm

    Hi Chris,
    l met this guy on an online dating app.. we have been chatting/calling since 3 months now.. we haven’t met in person.. after the first month of chatting, he had to go to his native n he s gonna b there for next 3-4 months.. there is no internet or sms service in that area so we would only call each other.. he seemed very emotional, honest guy and cared for me.. he calls me every morning and we would talk for 20-30 mins everyday.. his parents got divorced when he was a kid and had a difficult childhood.. he was in relationship with many girls and says he is not good with relationships and doesn’t want a commitment as of now…. last month he stopped calling me all of a sudden and answering my calls for 2 days n third day he picked my call but gave me blunt answers.. i got emotional and started to cry and confessed that i am falling for him, in turn he said that he is into me and because he doesn’t want a commitment he stopped answering my calls, as at a later stage it ll hurt us a lot.. i was so attached to him that i wouldn’t let him go.. n we started to call each other again.. from the very beginning i have noticed that he doesn’t like me going out with friends for a movie or party or anything..n whenever i do, we end up arguing or he stops answering my calls.. he advises me to spend more time with my parents, which is good i agree .. but i need a social life too.. he does not socialise much and doesn’t talk to anyone much.. he mentioned this several times in past 3 months that he likes talking to me and he has never spoken to anyone as much as he does with me.. i know he likes me.. this last fight was again because i went for a bday party with friends(though he did not admit it)..he called me that evening but doesn’t want to talk n said i m busy i ll call u later..i called him again n again n he got irritated n asked me not to bother him..i was upset that he fought over a silly thing n i texted him “” I am really sorry about yesterday… I have never called anyone in my life so many times when they said they were busy.. i think i m interfering a lot in your Life..even though i like you a lot doesn’t mean i can bother you so much… you take care of your health and family and have patience in life… Thanks for your short visit in my life- i m gonna cherish it forever… I ll miss you.. take care again !! Bye !!””…. and i deleted his entire chat conversation ( when there is internet, he ll receive this text) .. i regretted it later, but i cant do anything now, the chat was already deleted .. I thought he s angry n needs some space so i called him after 4days, he did not pick.. i tried again the same afternoon and next morning, he didn’t pick again.. after a week, he replied to my text saying ” wishing you a great life ahead.. it was great talking to you.. be good and happy in life.. take care and bye .”is it over? i like him and want things to work out.. i know moving on is an option but i dont want to giveup so soon..

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      December 6, 2019 at 10:38 pm

      Hey Dee so if you want to try get this guy back then following the program is your best bet, but if he is not willing to invest time into talking with you then there is a chance this can be a long process where you will need plenty of emotional control and patience

  11. Avatar

    Lee

    October 14, 2019 at 7:07 am

    Hello,
    My ex and I dated for two and a half years. I broke up with him after we both suffered a loss and he wasn’t there to support me. We got back together after he poured his heart out to me and promised to change (which he did). We got engaged and talked about moving in together. However, I was never able to forgive him for abandoning me during a time of need. It’s been two years since we broke up. I still love him. I’ve been wanting to reach out to him but I haven’t been able to find the words and the longer I waited the harder it got. I’m pretty sure it’s too late but I can’t stop thinking about him.

  12. Avatar

    BE

    October 5, 2019 at 4:00 pm

    Hello there,
    My ex and I dated for 2 and a half years. We moved in together and got a dog. About 4months ago, I started feeling unappreciated and so I gave my ex the cold shoulder for 2 months before leaving him alone in the apartment and moving back with my dad. A few days after that, I ended things with him.

    I quickly regret doing that but felt it was wrong to try and take it back, so I just left it at that. About a month ago, I told him I still had feelings for him and he said he wasn’t sure if we should get back together because of how I made him feel in those 2 months I completely rejected him before breaking up; we agreed on friendship and i let him control the interactions. Recently, I told him again how I felt and apologized for everything I did and that I regret what I did and he told me that he definitely couldn’t get back with me because it hurt too much (even though he said he really wanted to); we once again agreed on friendship but he hasn’t spoken to me since (it’s been about 2 days). Will NC and following your steps work for a situation like mine?

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      October 6, 2019 at 3:11 pm

      Hey BE, so you’ve hurt him so he needs time to get over that but you also need to earn his trust again as a possible romantic partner. I suggest doing the NC and then doing the being there method even though there isn’t another woman on the scene essentially you need to show him how you are the best choice for him out of anyone he potentially does get to know over the next few weeks.

  13. Avatar

    Darcy

    September 18, 2019 at 9:41 am

    My name is Darcy. I am interested in winning back my ex boyfriend. I am not sure of my chances of it working or not, or how to go about it in an appropriate way. Let me explain mine and my ex boyfriends situation.

    Two years ago I was accepted into a position that would allow me to work in another country. This position had always been a dream of mine and I explained this to him before him and I were even a couple.

    Him and I dated casually, then became an official couple for about a year and a half. I ended up applying to this job and was accepted in. It was a very difficult decision for me to either leave for two years abroad, or stay with him. I ended up leaving because I knew if I didn’t, we may end up breaking up in the future and I would then decide to leave abroad, or worse, him and I would stay together and a part of me would hold onto resentment that I didn’t fulfill my dream. So I left the relationship, knowing the risk of losing him. Him and I decided together to not attempt long distance. He supported my decision, although I always knew he wished I would have stayed, but did not want to be selfish. Overall though, him and I had a great relationship and ended on very good terms.

    Him and I have talked and caught up on life every few months during the time I’ve been abroad. Ive been gone two years and I am now returning home in two months. 

    I recently heard he had been seeing another woman. I reached out to him directly to ask. He confirmed and said he has been seeing her casually for about a year, and that they became official ‘a bit ago.’ I then told him how I felt about him still and that I had thought a lot about reaching out to try it again with him. Then I found out this information and I was very confused and disappointed, but that I would respect his relationship. 

    I am wondering now what the chances are that he may come back to me? Is there any way I can pursue him while still respecting his current relationship, or is that not possible? There are many factors involved and I am confused on my next best step to take, if any step at all.

    What should I do?

    Darcy

    1. EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      EBR Team Member: Shaunna

      September 19, 2019 at 5:19 pm

      Hi Darcy, so if you were to want your ex back, you need to read about the being there method. You do need to have some no contact period between you both too as this interaction was emotional and he just told you he was in a relationship now. So NC 30 days minimum and work on yourself in that time to be the ungettable girl (you can also read up on this topic through many articles)

  14. Avatar

    Caitlin

    July 20, 2019 at 3:31 am

    Hey Chris & team

    I have a unique situation and I am in need of some advice. My ex boyfriend and I dated for 1 year and I broke up with him. I’m a teacher and I needed to move to a new state for my career and he is moving to a new state for Grad School. We’ll be about 1000 miles apart! We both knew of each others situation when we started dating and we planned to move together but I was not mentally straight and I was having a lot of stress and anxiety and I got cold feet about moving and I broke up with him and immediately regretted it! We didn’t talk for about 35 days and now we’re talking again. I just bought your program so everything thats been happening between he and I for about 3 weeks was before your program! We started talking strong and its been good so far but lately I’ve been communicating with him more and he’s been kind of “bland” with our conversations. Just wondering what level should I be focusing on in your program? And how to make a long distance relationship a possibility? Thanks!

  15. Avatar

    Patricia

    May 22, 2019 at 7:21 am

    Hi Chris,

    This is Patricia, I met my ex four months ago and it felt as if I was meeting my soulmate , we share the same interests, values , dreams and it feels as if he is the male version of me. He’s Irish and I’m Spanish and through the relationship we have encountered kind of language barrier / cultural problems about how we understand each other, nevertheless I always felt this was something we could overcome.

    He asked me out very early on on the relationship because he also thought I was his soulmate and even I thought this was very early I was very excited and I accepted to formalize our relationship.

    Through the relationship , his attitude changed and I started feeling I wasn’t a priority and or as if he wasn’t giving his 100% and this of course affected me and I communicated with him. After a while he realized he needed time to think and he says he is figuring himself out , but he is afraid of losing me and never again finding someone he matches as much as he does with me.
    I felt attacked and I decided to split up with him , because him thinking made me feel as if he was questioning my worth, I established the no contact rule but it’s been almost two days and this has been killing me , I feel worse than ever and with a huge fear of loosing who I consider my soulmate forever , just because of a huge misunderstanding.

    I want to get him back in a committed way, but this distance is killing me and I actually feel devastated. Please give me some advice.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 22, 2019 at 2:07 pm

      Hi Patricia…I know it can be tough in the early days. It might help you to pick up my Program (EBR PRO Bundle) as it includes a lot of material and also free access to my Private Facebook Support Group

  16. Avatar

    Tonia

    May 21, 2019 at 2:36 pm

    Good day, I

  17. Avatar

    Felicia

    May 19, 2019 at 5:16 pm

    Hey! My ex boyfriend and I have been dating for about 6 months now. We love and trust each other with everything. It is an online relationship so we mostly talk on the phone, text, and game together. One time we were gaming and his friend (a female) has joined and started talking to him. They both speak English and Spanish, and I dont understand Spanish. She was making fun of my voice and said “why does she sound like that” and mocking me in Spanish and he was laughing, but then whenever she said something in Spanish, he would reply in English (im assuming he did that to let me know what they’re talking about). At that moment, my body was shaking, I was so hurt because she was dissing me and all he did was laughing with her. He didn’t even defend me or ask her to stop. So I left and he texted me saying that she’s been his friend for the longest time and this is the first time she acts like that. He even said that she was just hating. I told him that she probably had a crush on him and she saw me as a threat, he said he doesnt know. I was so hurt because he supported her bullying me (when he laughed along) and I was crying. He said at that moment he was caught of guard and did not know how to react. I even heard him calling her “baby” as they spoke in Spanish, and i feel that they have something going on. That is why i called him fake because he did not pick my side. At first he was telling me to grow up and not make a big deal out of it, and that I shouldnt abandon him because of that incident, but I told him that this incident has shown me a lot about him. When I asked why did he laugh with her at me, he said “it sounded a lot funnier in Spanish” And tried to play the victim. The next day I told him I’m done and he started to apologize and telling me how much he loves me and I mean to him, but I told him that he probably likes her is why he picked her side and did not even tell her to be nice. Then I blocked him.

    This happened yesterday and ever since then i feel so depressed and guilty because I’m not sure if i did the right decision. I am so hurt and I want him back because I really love him, but he keeps gaming with her and even if they dont have anything going on behind my back, I will always feel jealous because he is playing with a girl that dissed me.
    I want him back because when I feel like I was a bit mean to him and did not give him a chance to talk, I called him fake and blocked him right away.
    Please help me. What should I do now?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      May 19, 2019 at 9:21 pm

      Take a look at picking up my Program (EBR PRO Bundle) as it will give you some tools to figure out how all this works. Sometimes just having some space and time apart can make a big difference, especially if you are doing things to reinforce your value.

  18. Avatar

    Sabrina

    April 13, 2019 at 8:57 pm

    My boyfriend and I recently fought and it was all my fault. The relationship is new (2 months) and we’re still figuring things out. We are also in a long-distance relationship .

    One day he told me he was sick from over fatigue and didn’t tell me about it until I messaged him. That pissed me off so I snapped with “how would I know?” I started to pick a fight with him and told me to stop because it’s not helping the situation.

    I told him I feel bad that I’m not there to take care of him. My emotions got the better of me and I ended up saying things I shouldn’t. One being what set everything off: I broke up with. Even told him he’s better off without. I knew I should think twice in sending that message, but I sent it. He read it and after a few hours later I apologized for my behavior.

    He didn’t respond on my messages so the next day I asked him if he’s still mad at me. He said “no, I’m just being silent.” He then said that he’s always been patient of my outbursts but what happened yesterday was just alarming and he needs time to think and recover from his sickness.

    The next day I apologized again and this time he told me that doesn’t think he can go on. He told me the following things which were hurtful:

    “You’ve hurt me so much.”
    ” i guess I won’t go on. I’ll just get the love and longiness from my kids”. (he’s a single dad
    “i’m bad at handling trauma and you already gave me one”

    He sent me a lot of messages saying that I’m selfish and that I’m just adding to his existing problems. I was crying because it felt like talking to an entirely different person. I asked him to give me another chance and he said “I can’t right now, you’re not helping in my recovery ”

    Now I’m actually confused if he did mean to break up with because he sounded uncertain. But at the same time he said that he needs to compose himself. I stopped messaging him and wonder if that breakup was official because he seemed unsure of it. He used words like “I think” and “I guess” like for example he said “I guess I should leave” instead of “I should leave”.

    At this rate I just don’t know if he wants to go back to me after the pain I put him through. I hurt him so bad and I know no amount of apologies can make him feel better. What should I do at this point? I’m going to give him time, but is it going to work seeing I gave him trauma from sending him a breakup message that I didn’t mean?

  19. Avatar

    bee

    April 11, 2019 at 3:10 am

    Hello, Chris!
    This is going to make the most sense if I provide to you the whole background.
    My ex and I were together 2 years before he left me for another woman.
    3 Months passed, I felt the worst heartache of my life, he was my soulmate.
    I almost got into a new relationship but right before i did, he came into my life again, very apologetic and reality slapped him in the face. We had a very deep soul connection I love him so much. So within the next 3 months we got a house together, I moved in for the first time, he bought us a puppy, put a down payment on a car for me, and of course, proposed to me.
    It sends chills throughout my body to call him my ex fiancé.
    Because all I’ve ever wanted in life was to marry my soulmate (who doesn’t?)
    The excitement lasted for a few weeks until I realized what all was happening.
    Feelings started to resurface for the guy I almost dated before my ex came back into my life.
    Literally weeks before we got engaged I snuck out while he worked night shift to see the man I almost dated and kissed him (but nothing more)
    He went through my phone and found out
    He was devastated
    He never treated me the same after this
    The guy used to be a good friend of his years ago
    So my ex became very mentally abusive and clearly resented me. I tried so hard to make it up to him, I wanted to marry him for Christ sakes. But he became more and more hostile. I was frightened and didn’t know how to fix it. All my friends told me to leave him because they thought it was the only solution. So I did. And boy did that create a whole world of problems that I wasn’t prepared for.
    So here I am in love with two people. I spend time with the new guy now and I do love him but it absolutely feels like my soul is calling for my exes. The bond and love we shared is so unexplainable. He texts me occasionally but seems very hurt and angry no matter how much I profess my love for him it seems like he doesn’t care. I’m 21 almost 22 living with my parents again. I can tell they are upset with the situation. He texted my mom while she was away and asked her how her and the family are.
    I’m so sick to my stomach about this and it is causing so much depression in my life
    I’m stuck in a rut and don’t know what to do
    Any advice would be appreciated
    Thank you so much

  20. Avatar

    Florence

    December 2, 2018 at 9:57 pm

    Hi Chris,
    I broke up my ex because I didn’t feel I was a priority, despite us speaking about it one week prior. I realise now that it was a mistake however since the breakup we’ve hooked up with each other twice. He says that he cares about me, we have great chemistry etc but by me breaking up with him he realised he needed to work on himself. Is it too late to start the steps? Is there hope?

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      December 3, 2018 at 9:33 pm

      There is always hope Florence, but your focus should be on your own healing and recovery. Implementing no contact can help you with that and tapping into my Program can give you the big picture view of how you should proceed going forward!

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