Stage 5 Clinger – Getting A Boyfriend Back If You Were Too Clingy

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

It seems pretty simple doesn’t it?

Since the beginning of time there has been one thing that almost all relationship experts agree on,

Being clingy or needy is a complete turn off to men.

Before you entered into a relationship with your ex boyfriend you knew that deep down being clingy and needy was probably going to be a turn off to him but as you developed a deeper connection with him you couldn’t help yourself.

You just wanted to talk to him all day every day…

You wanted to hear his voice before you went to bed…

You wanted to know what he was up to throughout the day…

You didn’t really want him talking to any other girl that wasn’t you…

Essentially you wanted his entire life to revolve around you…

They say that love makes people do crazy things. This fact was evidenced when I opened up my Facebook Page one afternoon and saw this meme posted by one of my subscribers,

clinger

Now, I am not insinuating that you approached anything close to this when you broke up with your ex boyfriend I am just saying that I know what it’s like to be in love and I know that sometimes it can make you do some clingy or needy things.

In this guide I am going to be talking about how you can recover from these clingy or needy things that occurred in your relationship with your ex. Essentially, what I am shooting for here is a way to wipe your slate clean with your ex so that you can give yourself the best shot of getting him back.

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The Positives & Negatives Of Being Clingy

I bet you weren’t expecting me to say that being clingy can have a positive aspect to it, huh?

As it turns out there is a way in which being clingy and needy can be an attractive thing to men. In this section I am going to talk a little about that but I will also be giving you the low down on all the negatives that go along with being clingy and needy.

So, if you have ever wondered what kinds of things a stage 5 clinger does to turn off a man then the section entitled, The Negatives Of Being Clingy, is going to be especially interesting to you.

First though, lets talk about the rarely talked about positive aspects of being needy.

The Positives Of Being Clingy

gf

Whenever you do research on women who are clingy or overly needy you often hear experts scolding them for that type of behavior. You actually never hear about the positives that go along with being clingy or needy. You see, as a man I can tell you that, as weird as this is going to sound, I like a woman to be a little clingy or needy.

Wait, WHAT????

The keyword there is “a little.”

Hear me out for a second.

To me if a girl gets a little clingy it means she really has strong feelings for me and I like that. I want my woman to care about me on a level so deep that no one else can compare. I want her to want me to be the last person she talks to before she goes to bed. I want her to think about me constantly throughout the day.

Essentially, I want to be the most important person in her life.

Is that selfish of me?

Probably…

Do I care?

Not really…

Let me put it to you like this.

Whenever a girl exhibits clingy behavior like jealousy, constantly wanting to be around me and texting me a lot I kind of like it. To me it is these things that tell me she really cares about me.

I just gave you three little examples of clingy behavior that I said I liked, right?

What were they?

  1. A little jealousy.
  2. Wanting to be around me all the time.
  3. Texting me a lot.

Ok, now I want to make a little tweak regarding these three examples.

What is the tweak?

I want to tell you about what a girl can do to all of a sudden make those cute little clingy behaviors into overly clingy to the point where it becomes a turn off.

One thing we have already established about me and most other men is that we like needy behavior but only to a certain extent.

Lets pretend that you and I are dating and at the beginning of the relationship you would exhibit the three clingy behaviors I mentioned above. Well, at the beginning I found it kind of cute. I liked the fact that you got a little jealous because it meant you cared. I liked that you wanted to be around me all the time and I also liked that you texted me a lot.

Of course, as time went on I began to notice a gradual change in the intensity of these behaviors.

For example, any time you would get jealous you would get jealous to the point where you would start a huge argument and you wouldn’t trust me about anything. In fact, your jealousy got so bad that at one point you literally forbade me to talk to anyone of the opposite sex.

You also became so clingy to the point where any time I would go into a room you would have to follow me in there. You know how your shadow follows you around everywhere? Well, you essentially became my new shadow.

The reason = “I couldn’t bear to be away from you even in a different room.”

Ah, and now we get to the texting.

You see, at the beginning of our relationship we had a nice 1:1 text ratio going. This means that we were completely even when texting each other.

  • You text
  • I text
  • You text
  • I text

Of course, as our relationship grew deeper the texting ratio changed completely to a 3:1 ratio. This means that for every one text I would send you would send three in return. On top of that you would literally get angry if I wouldn’t respond immediately to your texts.

Do you see the difference between positive neediness as opposed to negative neediness?

Speaking of negative neediness lets talk a look at some of those qualities.

The Negatives Of Being Clingy

don't be so clingy

You have an incredible advantage over almost every other woman searching the internet.

You see, when most women search the internet for advice on clingy behavior most experts list out all the needy behaviors that you need to avoid but almost none of them do a good job of explaining WHY you need to avoid them. It is rare to find someone who will explain why men react badly to clingy behavior but I am going to because I am a man and I know how I would react if someone got overly needy.

I suppose we can start with a common clingy behavior, text gnatting.

Clingy Behavior 1- Text Gnat

A lot of you are already familiar with the term I coined called a “text gnat.”

If you aren’t familiar with it then allow me to take a moment to educate you on it.

Imagine for a moment that you are walking down the street and all of a sudden you hear this buzzing around your head. You look around and discover that a bunch of gnats are following you around. No matter how many times you swat at them they still stay put. No matter how fast you run they still seem to follow. It’s like no matter what you do you can’t seem to shake these annoying bugs.

It is entirely possible that this is how your ex boyfriend viewed you in your relationship if you were too overbearing with how you texted him.

Above I mentioned how an ideal texting ratio between a couple should be 1:1.

Meaning their text messages should look something like this,

1_1 text ratio
Notice how this string of text messages follows the classic 1:1 text ratio meaning,

  • One person texts
  • The other person responds
  • One person texts
  • The other person responds

One of the best ways to determine if you were a text gnat or not is to look at your last 100 text messages between you and your ex.

If the ratio is close to 50:50 (it can be a little off here or there but has to be close) then that means that you are doing well to stand by that 1:1 ratio.

If for example, the texting ratio ends up being something like 70:30 where you have sent him 70 text messages and he has only responded to 30 of those text messages then that probably means you are venturing into text gnat territory where you are becoming kind of overbearing.

Why Being A Text Gnat Annoys Men

One word,

Desperation

Someone who is a text gnat screams desperation and no guy wants a serious relationship with a woman who is desperate. They want a serious relationship with a woman who is confident enough to know that she actively chose to be with a guy.

Have I ever been text gnatted before?

Absolutely.

In fact, I remember a long time ago there was one girl who had such a crush on me that she would text gnat the heck out of me. Now, I don’t really like hurting anyone’s feelings so I didn’t have the guts to tell her that I didn’t like her “in that way.” So, when she would text me I simply wouldn’t respond hoping she would get the hint.

She didn’t…

She kept texting me to the point where it really started annoying me and I eventually had to say something to her.

Why was her gnatting such a turn off to me?

Because she seemed totally desperate and if I am going to be attracted to anyone it was going to be a woman who is smart, independent and NOT desperate.

Clingy Behavior 2- Extreme Jealousy

jealousy

I personally believe that a little jealousy is good in every relationship.

Why?

Because it shows how much you care about each other. Of course, jealousy can become very dangerous if it starts to develop on an extreme level.

What do I mean by “extreme level?”

I suppose a role playing example would be best to illustrate this.

Lets say that you and I are currently in the middle of a relationship. As our relationship wears on I begin to notice that you get jealous any time I mention another girl.

“Hey, my friend Tina texted me today and told me that she is hosting a party and she wanted us to come.”

Now, a normal girlfriend should be excited about the prospect of going to a party with her boyfriend.

You, however, aren’t a normal girlfriend. No, you are the insecure controlling type (not really hopefully.)

Instead of being excited about the party you get angry at me for texting another girl and accuse me of cheating.

“Who is this Tina? How did you meet her? When was the last time you saw her? Are you cheating on me?”

“Tina is an old friend (a married mother of two.) I met her through work. I haven’t seen her in years and no, I am not cheating on you.”

My answers aren’t good enough for you though.

You become so threatened by Tina that you forbid me to ever text another girl for the rest of my life. In fact, if you ever catch me texting another girl throughout our relationship you threaten to break up with me.

Wow…

You are psycho.

Why Extreme Jealousy Annoys Men

In my opinion, extreme jealousy has a direct correlation to a woman trying to control a man and nothing annoys a man more than a woman who tries to control him.

Look, we chose to be in a relationship with you. We chose to become exclusive with you. However, that doesn’t give you the right to try to control us. If you show us a little trust it can go a long way.

Nothing says,

“I don’t trust you”

like extreme jealousy/controlling does.

Clingy Behavior 3- Shadowing

dude

I have only heard of one example of shadowing in my personal life but I have heard of multiple examples through this site which is why I know it exists.

So, what is shadowing?

Shadowing- Becoming so dependent on another human being that you have to be around them all the time. In some cases it is so extreme that you can’t even let them leave a room without you going by their side. It is an extreme form of being controlling.

If you are still a little confused when it comes to this concept don’t feel bad, it is a little complicated to grasp.

Perhaps it would be best if I used the example from my personal life to illustrate.

When I was in high school a very long time ago I knew a guy that would get angry at his girlfriend for the dumbest things. I remember he once told me that when he was over at her house she left the room without him.

When I heard this I was baffled at why he would have to accompany her if she simply wanted to leave the room.

Me: “Was she leaving you alone in her house permanently or something?”

Him: “No, she just wanted to get a drink in the other room.”

Me: “Are you kidding me?”

Him: “She should have asked my permission to leave the room.”

Me: “Why? It’s her house not yours?”

Him: “She is my girlfriend. It’s disrespectful.”

What we have here is a case of someone who is so insecure that he wouldn’t even let his girlfriend leave the room without him. Look, I get being so in love with someone that you hate it when you are apart. However, if you have become so clingy or controlling that you literally have to go with them from room to room then that is a big issue.

Of course, that example was an extreme form of shadowing.

Some of the more common forms of shadowing I have seen is the classic invasion of alone time.

Look, sometimes men need their alone time where you aren’t constantly badgering them with questions or the latest drama that went on at work. We need time to recharge sometimes before we can consume everything you want us to consume.

Oh, and when a guy tells you that he wants to hang out with his friends don’t get angry if he doesn’t invite you. If you feel the need to accompany him everywhere he goes then that is a form of shadowing and he isn’t going to appreciate it.

Why Shadowing Annoys Men

Do you know what the definition of a stalker is?

Stalker- a person who harasses someone with unwanted and obsessive attention

Every time you “shadowed” your boyfriend in your relationship you were technically a stalker.

Think about it, if your ex wanted to have a guys night out with his friends but you insisted on tagging along you were harassing him with unwanted attention which is technically the same behavior a stalker engages in.

If you were so insecure that you couldn’t even let him have an hour on his own to recharge his batteries then you are technically defined as a talker.

In other words,

Shadowing = Stalking

Oh, and the last time I checked no one likes stalkers.

Clingy Behavior 4- Controlling

controlling

I deal with a lot of failed relationships every day.

That means that every day whenever I read your comments on this site I can kind of get bummed out because, to me, it sometimes feels as if all I see are failed relationships. Lately, in an effort to change this I have been reading up a lot about the most successful relationships so I can get some positivity back in my life which in turn will help me give out better advice.

You want to know what I am learning about successful relationships?

Neither person involved in the relationship tries to control the other person. Rather they work together as a team to discuss their issues.

It baffles me to this day why some women feel the need to control their boyfriends.

Look, I want you to get something through your head.

You cannot control another human being. It is impossible.

The only way that you could ever try to control another human being is if you had developed some type of superpower like “mind control” but since no one in the history of the world has ever developed a power like that I am afraid you are out of luck.

Why Controlling Behavior Annoys Men

I think it’s best if I use myself as an example here.

The thing about me is that I am the most loyal man you will ever meet. Whenever I am in a relationship with someone I don’t let anyone threaten that relationship.

For example, if you and I were dating and one of your friends texted that she wanted to hang out with me (when you weren’t around) I would respond like this,

loyalty

In other words, I am basically saying that the only time I would hang around other girls is if my girlfriend (you in this imaginary case) was there. I feel this is an extremely rare quality in men now-a-days and it also says a lot about my character.

So, lets pretend that you are really insecure about other girls around me, even though I have proven to you multiple times that I am the most trustworthy man on the planet.

In fact, you have become so insecure about other women that you constantly try to control me and basically order me to never talk to any of them ever again.

This is going to annoy me on a lot of different levels because not only are you essentially saying that you don’t trust me but I also feel I have been completely loyal to you and you don’t appreciate that at all. Not to mention you are trying to control me and no man likes being controlled.

In fact, most of the time by you controlling a man you push him to do the behavior you don’t want him to in the first place.

How Do You Save Face With Your Ex If You Were Clingy?

Now that you have a pretty good idea of what clingy behavior is and why it annoys men lets take a look at what you are going to have to do in order to overcome that clingy behavior to have a chance at getting your ex boyfriend back.

Many of you are aware that I am a fan of putting graphics together for this site. Well, below you will find a graphic that i put together that will teach you how to overcome his reservations about taking you back because of your clingy nature.

easelly_visual

As you can see I have divided the process up into four separate parts,

  1. Understanding how you are perceived.
  2. Giving him time.
  3. Reclaiming your identity.
  4. The new you.

Now, before I get started on explaining what I mean by these four pillars I feel it is very important to discuss the point of what we are trying to accomplish here.

One thing we already know is that you want your ex boyfriend back. However, it doesn’t look like that is going to happen since you were way too clingy. Well, in order to have a chance at winning him back you are first going to have to overcome his impression of you (he thinks you are clingy.)

The point of this section is to show you what you have to do in order to achieve that goal.

Oh, and don’t worry, once I show you how you can do that I will guide through every step of the actual “getting him back” process.

For now, lets get cracking on these four pillars.

Pillar 1- Understanding How You Are Perceived

I understand

If the main goal that we are trying to accomplish here is overcoming your exes impression of you then it is probably a really good idea to figure out what that impression is.

For example, if you and I dated each other and I was constantly telling you how I hated the fact that you were always trying to control me then you would know that the clingy behavior that you would really have to work on is to NOT be controlling.

In other words, what we are trying to do here is to figure out what behaviors you exhibited that needs to change for you to even have a shot of getting him back.

How are you supposed to figure this out?

Well, a little empathy can certainly help but there is actually a better way.

I want you to think back to your fights and arguments with your ex. You see, if there is one thing I have learned over the years it’s that anger has a way of extracting the thoughts you have that you know you shouldn’t really say. So, when you think back to you and your exes fights what was it about you that he was complaining about that could be classified as clingy.

(Disclaimer- We are only looking for clingy behavior here. Anything ridiculous that he complained about that isn’t clingy you shouldn’t change.)

Using a personal example from my own life I can think of one off the top of my head.

While I never actually was in a relationship with this person (I never even went a date with her actually) she exhibited some super clingy behavior from the get go that made me immediately want to not talk to her.

What was her clingy behavior?

Any time I wouldn’t respond to a text message she would send she would grow frustrated and berate me with insults. Look, sometimes I don’t respond to my text messages right away (sometimes I don’t at all if I don’t like the person.) However, usually I always get around to it. If this girl was more patient we probably wouldn’t have had a problem. But she wasn’t…

I immediately classified her behavior as clingy and controlling and I did not want a presence like that in my life.

Do you have an idea of what clingy behaviors you have exhibited in the past with your ex?

If you don’t then you need to find out immediately.

Pillar 2- Giving Him Time

give it time

Most women fall into the clingy trap after a breakup occurs with their boyfriend.

What is this trap?

They call, text or skype their ex so much that it can sometimes go beyond regular clingyness.

If you need a refresher on how creepy this can be take a look at the very first picture I posted on this page of the woman who called her ex 77,000 times after her breakup with him.

A year or two ago one of my friends told me something really interesting about relationships.

In most relationships men put the most effort into making the relationship happen. However, once the relationship has already commenced then the women take over from there and do everything in their power to keep the relationship going.

While I am sure there are exceptions to this rule I have found it oddly accurate.

You see, men can sometimes have this nasty habit of getting comfortable in a relationship. In other words, they grow lazy and spoiled and get used to women doing everything for them. As a result, when a breakup occurs they almost expect that YOU are going to be the one that contacts them first begging for a second chance.

By being clingy and needy with phone calls or texts you are playing right into what they already believe is going to happen.

If I am being completely honest with you it annoys me when I see women begging for their exes back because to me that means they don’t know their own value.

Men aren’t attracted to neediness, they are attracted to women who know their value, women who know they can replace him in a heartbeat (kind of like that Beyonce song irreplaceable.)

So, rather than playing right into what he already believes is going to happen after a breakup (you getting all clingy with phone calls) I would recommend that you do the exact opposite of that. You should do what a strong woman would do, not contact him at all.

Many of you are aware of my thoughts on the no contact rule. Well, I am of the mind that giving your ex space (after you have been clingy) is the smartest thing you can do.

Why?

Men have this constant need to feel admired by women. Of course, when you shower a man with constant attention that attention is going to lose some of its value over time because he is going to get used to it.

By doing a no contact rule for either 21 or 30 days (depending on the situation) you are going to accomplish two things.

Thing 1- Giving Him Time To Cool Down

Here’s a fun question.

Who do you think has a better chance at getting her ex back,

A girl who tries to get her ex boyfriend back when he is extremely upset with her?

or

A girl who tries to get her ex boyfriend back when he is not that angry at her?

If you guessed the girl who tries to get her boyfriend back when he is not that angry then you guessed right. The no contact rule is perfect for giving your ex boyfriend time to cool down which in turn is going to increase your chances to seem less clingy and also get him back.

Thing 2- Gives YOU Time To Reshape Your Image

I am going to be talking about this a lot more in-depth in the next section but for now I can give you a little teaser of whats to come.

While you are using the no contact rule to give your ex time to cool down you can also be using it as a way to get rid of your clingy habits and reshape your image so that your ex no longer views you as clingy.

In other words, you can use it for self improvement.

Pillar 3- The New You

human patch

Self improvement is key if you don’t want to be looked at as clingy or needy anymore.

It’s funny, I was scrolling through Facebook the other day and noticed one of those overused motivational quotes that always seem to get shared.

It said something like,

Your amazing just the way you are…

On the surface it’s a really nice sentiment isn’t it?

However, when you sit down and really peel back the layers you will find that, that quote has a flaw.

It is essentially saying that it’s ok to be the way you are and you don’t have to change or improve for anyone.

Well, I take offense to that because I personally believe that self improvement should be something every human being should strive for. I mean, what is wrong with wanting to become a better version of yourself?

Now, I am not saying you should compromise your morals or do something your not comfortable with but I think it is completely ok to want to be a better version of yourself.

Since this is a page dedicated to eliminating neediness lets focus on how you can improve yourself if your neediness is tied directly to your own insecurities.

Dealing With Your Insecurities

A lot of clingy behaviors can be traced directly back to our own insecurities.

For example, we often get overly jealous because we are afraid our significant other might cheat on us. How about the fact that a lot of women don’t believe they are good enough for their boyfriends so they shower them with too much attention which can be viewed as clingy.

Getting rid of these types of insecurities can be quite tricky.

I mean, you can try to turn your feelings off as much as possible but in the end we are all human beings and not robots. We can’t help but feel jealousy and insignificance from time to time.

So, what I would like to teach you is the method I try to employ when dealing with my own personal insecurities.

(Yes, you will get to hear my own insecurities about relationships right here, right now.)

I would have to say that without a doubt the biggest insecurity I have when it comes to relationships would be the fear of being cheated on.

How did this insecurity develop?

When I was in High School I remember the first girl I asked out very clearly. You see, I liked her and she liked me, or so I thought.

Turns out she liked someone else and was just using me for fun. So, the day I asked her out she explained to me that she didn’t like me in “that way.” I’ll admit I was a little bummed out but I took it in stride and didn’t cause any unnecessary drama.

The very next day I found out that she started dating another guy, someone who she had been pursuing since I started pursuing her.

While she didn’t cheat on me it was my first experience with deception and I did not like how it felt.

As I gained more experience in dealing with the opposite sex I learned more and more about how women could sometimes use deception to get away with things. In fact, I became so frightened of being deceived that I started plotting out worse case scenarios in my head and trying to figure out if I would be able to survive if it ever occurred to me.

By far the worst deception I could think of was infidelity and it scared me.

Unfortunately, this site doesn’t help that insecurity at all when I come face to face with infidelity on a daily basis. You see, it has the ability to make you a little paranoid and that can be extremely unhealthy.

However, I figured out an excellent way to deal with this insecurity so it doesn’t make me exhibit clingy behavior.

You see, the fear of infidelity can sometimes cause you to get jealous over unnecessary things. This means that for me I can sometimes get touchy when other men are introduced into the equation around my relationship. So, rather than getting overly jealous I am always telling myself that I am setting such a high standard that no other man can compare.

Whats even better is that I am using my insecurity to force me to set that type of high standard.

You see, as long as I keep that standard so far out of reach for other men I have nothing to worry about because my significant other would literally have to be an idiot to stray.

In other words, I find a way to use my insecurities as a strength.

Pillar 4- Reclaiming Your Identity

identity

I am about to make you aware of the ultimate form of neediness.

Some women become so enthralled with their relationship that they lose themselves in it.

For example, lets say that before you met your ex boyfriend you had a long list of hobbies,

  • Running
  • Watching movies
  • Painting
  • Swimming

However, as you fell deeper into the relationship you slowly but surely started losing your hobbies. Whats worse is you adopted all of your exes hobbies.

Now, there are two trains of thoughts when it comes to stuff like this.

Thought 1- It’s sweet that you can fall so deeply in love with someone that their passions become yours.

Thought 2- It’s dangerous to fall so deeply in love that you lose yourself in that person.

I personally believe that it’s ok to adopt your significant others hobbies as long as you don’t lose yourself in the process. It’s not ok to just stop something that you love (your hobbies) to make room for all of your boyfriends or husbands hobbies.

Remember, your ex boyfriend fell in love with you, the girl with her own hobbies.

He didn’t fall for the girl that stole his…

February 1, 2017

"I Can't Believe I Actually Have a Chance of Getting Him Back!"

With over 7 million women just like you coming to this site ever year, I’ve seen about every situation you could imagine. Most of the time, I can just ask a few questions about your situation and know in seconds the chances that you have of getting back together with him. I’ve compressed all of that wisdom into a single calculator What Are Your Chances of Getting Your ExBoyfriend Back.

Take 4 Minute QuizAnd Find Out Your Chances!

What Do You Think? (720)

  1. Kayla - 0

    Kayla

    Hello,

    First off thank you so much for these articles, they’re very helpful and I appreciate the explanations! And now to the point…

    I am almost a successfully divorced 42 year old mom who dated my next door neighbor (I know…I know) who is 10 years younger (doh!) for a few months. At first it started off pretty awesome and innocent too – he’d text me, come over for a few minutes to give me hugs and kisses (I established a no PDA rule in front of the kids from the get go), take me to dinner, make dinner and bring it over and even drop off flowers. He was sweet, easy to get along with and it appeared he really liked me. About the second month into it we slept with each other and then shit hit the fan with the divorce as well as my job and I started to get a little insecure. At first I didn’t want to tell him what was going on because I didn’t know how he would react. He knew I was having problems and encouraged me to trust him which I did, eventually telling him everything.

    We hadn’t established a relationship yet and I asked him what he wanted from me and he said he just wanted to “go with the flow” whatever that meant. Then in my confusion I told him I wasn’t really in the right frame of mind for a relationship but that I didn’t want to have sex with him if he’s going to have sex with other girls because I’m not like that. I also told him that I liked him and still want to see him and hang out. I was just kind of messed up and didn’t want to rely on him entirely for my happiness which I felt I was doing. He said he totally understands, he’s not having sex with anyone else and he’s glad we’re on the same page. He still kept in contact with me, although just one liner text messages and only came over when I asked him to. He was there for me when my kids went with their dad for a month (I was a basket case) and even asked me to come over to hang out with him and his roommates and brother.

    Well, I was invited to go to Mexico for 5 days with my friend Julio who is like a brother to me. It was last minute but I felt I needed a vacation from the craziness of my life. I’d known Julio for 20 years, never dated him and we’d traveled together before. Heck, I even lived with his brother and mom when I was in Costa Rica and I know his wife. I told Alex (the neighbor) because I’m not the type of person who keeps secrets. He said “OK” and said to come home safely, then gave me a hug and kiss the day before I left.

    Alex texted me once in Mexico then I texted him back and then…nothing. I texted him the day before I left Mexico but again…nothing. It’s been over 2 weeks since I’ve been back and he knows I’m back. Plus my friend saw him and usually he says hi to her but he ignored her too. I feel confused. He isn’t my boyfriend so I feel like I don’t really owe him anything and I didn’t do anything wrong. I feel bad that he just stopped talking to me and I feel a little angry too, like I didn’t deserve this. Any advice or any articles I can read would be awesome. Thank you for listening!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kayla,

      does he know the kind of friendship you have with Julio?

    • Kayla - 0

      Kayla

      Nope, he doesn’t know. He didn’t ask.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      He probably thinks you’re in a relatioship or going to with Julio..so he stepped back.. Your first mistake is sleeping with him.. So you’re friends with benefits with him and now he probably thinks you are with julio too..but dont explain that to him now.. Start the no contact rule first for at least 30 days..be active in improving yourself and in posting..take this as a restart and then slowly rebuild rapport after

    • Kayla - 0

      Kayla

      Thank you! The last time we spoke was July 7 so I have 8 more days yah? And what do you mean by posting? He doesn’t have social media and yes I’ve been working on a much better version of me. I just miss him and feel kind of bad.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Even if he was not active, your posts as your indirect way of showing improvements.. So extend for two more weeks before initiating

  2. Maria - 0

    Maria

    HI…i came across this website. I am with this guy for 5 months now. I am normally very in control of myself and very self secured. Suddenly I became this jealous person and insecure person. The reason is my boyfriend is very famous among girls and where ever we go there will always be girls hanging on him and kissing him. One day I got out of hand and throw my toys because he don’t introduce me to them and also don’t show we in a relationship although we together. I said things I did not mean like killing myself such stupid words. Then everything change in our relationship. He distracted himself emotionally but wee still together. Now because of that he don’t kiss and hug me and I have to deal with his friends who he don’t mind kissing and hugging in front of me. He knows I don’t like it. I started feeling rejected and it make me worse. I love him so much. We fight a lot but he still comes to me almost every night. There is no intimate or cuddles between us. He will still hold me when we sleep. I am loosing myself. He told me that he feel like running because of my behavior. What must I do to wake him up and get control of myself again.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria,

      Do you want to try the advice above?

  3. Mellisa - 0

    Mellisa

    Hi Amor,
    Can you tell me what should I do? So, I’ve been together with this guy for 4 months. He never asked me to be exclusive, we’re just kinda seeing each other. We went of 4 dates and been talking on phone and texts everyday for about 2 months. He came off very strong and said he liked me and stuff but gonna wait before it was official because we never known each other before. The last couple of months was terrible. He started to cancel the dates, he kept being busy because of work and family stuff. He said so, he needed time to resolve things at work and home. I got it, actually. But I told him, him disappearing like this, I can’t be tolerant to that. He said sorry and asked for time to fix this. Still, no change for him so I became clingy onto him and kept the conversation to be emotional and he kept avoiding it. I once become a text gnat all day until he replied to my texts and he was being angry of why I overreacted in such small matters. (him not replying to my texts is small matter to him).

    I basically initiated all the contacts for the last couple of months and I couldn’t keep doing it. I was frustrated and he never wanted to talk about it. He said he still wanted to work for us but that was just words, no action, and he wanted me to not smothered him with long texts if he didn’t reply. He asked me not to text him with those emotional messages anymore. He had enough and tired with that kinda conversation. I was very angry and told him I need to walk out of the relationship and need time for myself. and he agreed. what was that??

    what do you think I should do? Is the NC for 30 days? He never asked me to be his girlfriend, so I dont know if we were exes or not. The chemistry was still there, but he just seemed to keep losing interest. Looking forward for your advice. Thanks before!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Yeah I think you should do at least.. You told me him you xant be tolerant, but your actions said another… If you really dont tolerate his actions, why are you still there?

  4. Marcy - 0

    Marcy

    Hello, Ive hit a roadblock all of a sudden. NC finished a long time ago and after NC ended, our closeness has deteriorated A LOT. For the past few weeks ive been talking to my ex as a friend but its so hard to build up rapport and its even harder because we dont see each other in real life anymore. He also seems very reluctant to meet up so i really dont know what to do. How can i get him to warm up to me and what do i do to gain attraction? Even being an UG doesnt seem to help. Im losing hope.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      how are you being a ug? what are the topics you use, how do you end the conversation, how long have you been building rapport?

    • Marcy - 0

      Marcy

      Basically I got fit and tried to dress nicer, and Ive been posting on social media very actively and putting on a more confident and happy facade. Mostly our topics are about either school or our shared hobby. Occasionally we would have a deeper sharing session about our insecurities and stuff. Our conversations dont really end, just one of us falls asleep first and would reply the next morning. We’ve been talking consistently since mid-May but there is little to no progress.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      those are good but what about new things or activities? Shared hobbies are good topics but do you have new ones about that is interesting for him? You need to end the conversation at high note too or in cliff hanger style. Do you also do the push pull theory?

  5. Al - 0

    Al

    Hey,
    So my ex of 4 years broke up with me 3 months ago, we have been in contact for the most part since, but recently decided just to do the no contact, on day 6 today. To give more background, he lives less than 5 minutes away and is around areas I conveniently have gone to for years. I’ve tried to avoid going around his area, but found myself in a store nearby last night. When driving home, I decided to take the shortcut that goes by his street, knowing I could possibly see him, I still drove down it. I started to panic when I saw his car parked there and kept my speed going as I noticed he was in it as I was driving by. I’m not sure if he saw me but as I drove by all I could think to do was lightly wave and keep driving. HOLY HELL, I want to be back with him so bad, but I think I f**ked it all up by deciding to drive down his street and him potentially, most likely seeing me. I didn’t text or call him afterwards and neither did he, I just went straight home and tried to keep my mind off of things, telling myself he didn’t see me, even though I feel like he did. I don’t know what to do other than continue to do no contact and avoid that area as much as possible like the plague. What if he did see me?! Did I just blow my chances of getting him back completely? I shouldn’t have even driven down that way, and can’t believe my horrible timing! Any other advice on what I should do? Please help!

    Reply
    • Al - 0

      Al

      Also just to say, since the break up, I had been engaging in clingy behaviors that now, in hindsight, I can see them coming off as desperate, UUUUUGH! Total moment of weakness and bad decision with driving down that street last night. I think it was the universe telling me to avoid him at all costs for as long as I can or at least until my no contact is over. Should I just restart my no contact or make it longer? It’s hard to not beat myself up over my stupid decision, but am willing to do what ever it takes to make up for this, even if it means being out of contact, I know I need to give my myself time to heal, I just hope I didn’t completely blow my chances…

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      you have to restart nc but you dont have to make it longer

  6. Ann-Kathrin - 0

    Ann-Kathrin

    Hello Armor,

    i met a guy online, we have been talking back and forth for about two weeks before we met up. The date we went on were really great , we kissed and we both agreed on that we had a really great connection.
    we talked the next day and wanted to meet up again during the next week . Unfortunetly i was clingy and came off to strong via texting . He told me that we rather should not meet again since he felt pressured and he said that our communication were unrelaxed..

    i tried to convince him to give us an other shoot but he did not answer so far..
    what can i do ?? i want to see him again and date him since we have such a great chemistry ..

    should i do no contact and then contact him or just let him go `?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      rest just a week before slowly building rapport again instead of doing nc

    • Ann-Kathrin - 0

      Ann-Kathrin

      i did contact him, i told him i was sorry and that i would like to make a restart..since we all do mistakes sometimes..
      he did not reply yet… i dont know what to do anymore..it seems hopeless, but yet i dont think that i screwed up so bad , why isnt he even responding to me? maybe i should just move on ?

    • Ann-Kathrin - 0

      Ann-Kathrin

      He has not replied to me…
      I dont know what to do. is there anything that i can do to make him Open up again?
      I dont know what to do

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If he doesn’t want to get back with you, he really will not reply to that.. That’s chasing..

  7. Ann-Kathrin - 0

    Ann-Kathrin

    Hello

    i met a guy online, we met up and we connected really well. He even kissed me and we both said that we had a really great connection. We wanted to meet up again but i became clingy because he was busy at the weekend and i did not know.. i kind of behaved clingy and that is why he cancelled our date and told me that he felt pressured by me wanting and expecting so much since we only met once… i said sorry that i acted clingy and told him that i never had such great instant connection with anyone so far that i just met.. i want to see him again but now i dont dare to contact him again.. what can i do to get him to meet up with me and that start all over ?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      rest just a week before slowly building rapport again instead of doing nc

  8. Jane - 0

    Jane

    I’m going through so many mixed emotions and I really need advice please. I had a great guy in my life for about three years on and off. One of our main problems were due to my insecurities and the fact that I always doubted him and thought he was cheating on me. I have trust issues because I was previously cheated on. It got to a point where he couldn’t take it anymore and left me. I had been through his phone once without him knowing, but then he caught me the last time with his phone in my hand, he said it broke his heart when he see saw me. This lead to our final break up two weeks ago. He said he couldn’t take it anymore being with someone who is controlling and constantly on his watch. I love him and I miss him and I feel so guilty. We immediately cut contact; he didn’t even read my last message to him. I’ve been thinking about apologising for my behaviour and everything I’ve done. I’m also seeing a psychoanalyst for my problems, he said I shouldn’t apologise. Can you please help? My heart is in a million pieces. Will he ever forgive me and speak to me again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Jane,

      that’s good that you’re in therapy, are you going to do the advice above?

  9. maddie - 0

    maddie

    At times, mostly i asked my bf to share to me. Sometimes i went quiet for a while, when i got jealous of one of his female friends but i always shared my feelings without argument. Yet he always got angry at me. He also liked to send message to my male friends to stop commenting on my photos on facebook or asked me to delete them… I never complained about his behaviours. However, one day, I could not stand of one of my friends who tried to get closer to him. I sent her message that I would delete her from my facebook. I havent talked to him yet or accused him of doing anything. I didnt plan to ask either of them to stop their friendship. It was first time, I did that kind of act. Next thing I knew he got mad because she reported it to him. He didnt ask for my explanation. He broke off our relationship. Was my jealousy too bad or fatal? That was the first time. He blocked me and already has new gf after few days of our break up. I miss him and i dont know why I still love him even though he was telling bad words to me and he has moved on. I dont know what should I do. He was in rush to have new gf which was his other friend. He quickly told me he had new gf so I should move on.

    Reply
  10. Rose - 0

    Rose

    Hi!

    I met a guy last year and we dated for 2 months. People( including most of his friends) told him that I was a catch and not to screw things up with me. We got into a big fight and he told me not to contact him again. I didn’t and he only barely reached out to me. I understood it was because of his pride but I didn’t reach out either because of my ego as well.

    After a few months we met again and got back together. I tried to be the perfect gf this time, but felt like he wasn’t putting in the same effort and decided to end it after three months. I never told him why because I didn’t want to fight anymore.

    We haven’t spoken in a few months. It’s just him liking some of my photos on social media. He avoids speeding time with our mutual friends and therefore seeing me. I decided to go NC. I am working on myself because I am aware that we were both toxic to each other. He is the player type and I won’t take any of his bullshit. He said that besides me he hadn’t had anything serious in the three years since he broke up with his long term gf.

    Although he never told me that, I believe he really loved her but for some complicated, yet stupid reason, he cheated on her and only regreted losing her a while after they broke up.

    I want him back but at the same time I don’t because I am afraid that things won’t work again and that I will end up like his last serious gf who I never met but I think she was a great girl.
    I think that I have controlling and clingy tendencies, but I always tried to keep them in check. Plus, I am a busy person so I don’t really have time to be clingy.
    Sometimes he complained that I wanted to talk to him every day and other times he complained that I don’t call him enough and that I don’t give him enough attention. I am confused. Should two people in a relationship talk every day? My friens talk every day to their bf so I believe this is the norm. This may sound like I am emotionally constipated, but please bear with me.

    So my questions are:

    How can I make him want me again and ask me out( preferably without being obvious and desperate about it because then he will think that I will accept his BS)?

    How can I get rid of these problems in this relationship, and if he doesn’t want to try again, how can I make sure that I won’t encounter the same problems in the future in another relationship?

    PS. I have some insecurities just like everyone else, but I am working very hard on them and on myself. I always felt pressured in our relationship to be perfect, even if he never asked much ofe because I was already a perfectionist and wanting to grow for myself.

    Thank you.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You can’t force somebody to change, because you can’t control others. That’s why we need to have standards. If they don’t fit in, you walk away. What you allow, is what you get. Focus in healing and improving yourself for now.

    • Rose - 0

      Rose

      Thank you!

      Also, I am 20 years old and he is 18, so I thought age might be a factor, but I guess you’re right and I should move on, which is what I am doing.

    • Diana - 0

      Diana

      My boyfriend/ex (confused as to what to call him right now) and I fell in love very quickly. It was very deep, very emotional and very passionate. We moved in together very quickly. I was 28 and he was 38. We went ring shopping after 3 months, he purchased a diamond and all was going well. Him being slightly older, he has quite a dating past. prior to me he dated a lot but hadn’t had a relationship for over three years. He was engaged to the previous girl and I felt slightly insecure about this even though it was in the past. I know how much he loves me but instead of embracing the positive, I just put him down about his past because of my own insecurities. We spent the past year and half fighting over absolute rubbish and a few weeks ago after a wine fuelled fight he made me move out. I have been to see a psychologist because I know the only reason we were fighting was over stupid insecurities and i have been working hard to change these behavioural patterns.

      We have slowly been spending time together but as soon as we get close he backs off. He keeps saying that he tried for over a year and every time i said i would stop these fights, i would start them again. He says he feels as though our relationship has been run to the ground. He still texts me daily, calls me baby and tells me he loves me.

      Is there any hope or way of me being able to fix this relationship and to prove to him things will be different? I am beyond confused and devastated

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      do you want to try the no contact rule?

  11. Natalia - 0

    Natalia

    Hi Amor,
    I met him on Tinder, we were attracted to each other. We kept in touch and after being in contact about 1.5 months, we had sex. I was virgin before that and he was very surprise. From the begining, he was not really into serious relationship but time by time, he respect me such as tried not to come to me when he was drunk, invite me out for dinner or text to me at least 1 time per week, and me either, every week text to him like : have a nice week ahead, have a nice weekend and just wait until when he wants to meet me. We did not know much about each other, just know in general what is his job, where does he work and he brought me to his home once. I feel like I very like him and wanted to be gf,bf but I did not express that to him. I know that each of us need time. But somehow, in last 2 weeks, when I was super drunk, he texted me and wanted to meet me, I ran to him and talk like want to be gf, bf with him, he told me that we slowly can be but need time. Actually I was super drunk so I was so clingy at that time tried to approach him by call and sms and made him freaked out. I was super impolite when tried to catch him in those 2 days. After thoes 2 days, I found my mind and realized that I ruined everything even it was not started. Then I asked him to forgive me and he texted like: he doesn’t want to ruin my day, but he doesn’t think that we should consider to meet again. I said: I understand, but at least pls forgive me, Im sincerely sorry and I mean it. Do you still want to keep in touch? He said: sure, but as friend. Then 1 week later, I just send sms as normally we send to each other: have a nice week ahead, he still replied. I asked him if to ship to him the things that I bought for him before everything happened. I texted: ” I remember 1 time you told me that you was super mad and got wet because the raincoat was blown by the wind. I bought already couple weeks ago a raincoat for you, which could not be blown, and waited for meeting to give it to you. But as we will not meet again, so can I send it to you (by a shipper) ? then I will not worry that you might not get sick in coming rainy season?” He replied: ” you re so sweet, we can meet again as friend. Drink or dinner.
    I had been 2 weeks from that day. I feel like I want to make him turn back, but on another hand, I want to give him more time about 1-2 months to recover. Could you please let me know what I need to do ? Is there any chance to return him back?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Natalia,

      do you want to try the advice above?

    • Natalia - 0

      Natalia

      Hi Amor,
      Which advice do you mean?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      the no contact rule and do you agree with the pillars?

    • Natalia - 0

      Natalia

      Yes, I’m following the no contact rule at this moment. How do you think? Is there any chance to get him back or better to move on no matter what? I really feel that he is my right man. What does he mean we can meet again as friend?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      he’s trying to friendzone you.. yes, there’s a chance.. Try to make the most of the nc process first. Improve yourself during and after while slowly building rapport. If it doesn’t work out then move on.

    • Natalia - 0

      Natalia

      Hi Amor! How have you been?
      After NC about 2 month, I just started contact to him last night after sending him a gift without any notice in advance, But he still doesn’t reply yet. So does it mean that he already moved on?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      did he reply now?

    • Natalia - 0

      Natalia

      Still didn’t reply until now…

    • Natalia - 0

      Natalia

      Hi texted him like: “Hello, how have you been? actually I has sent you some stuffs. I don’t know if you need them or not but I think I should tell you, otherwise you don’t feel being respected. Hope they will be useful for you. Good night.”
      He even did not respond. How do you think. what I should do ?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, first, sending gifts to your ex looks like chasing.. he probably didn’t answer because he doesn’t want to give you false hope. Come from a point that he has moved on, and then slowly build rapport.. Honestly, it’s a small chance because you already did two months of nc..even if it was long, because of the gift, it doesnt look like you have moved on.. at this point, either you move on too or do one last nc of at least 3 weeks.. and dont send gifts, dont chase, dont stop improving yourself.. just be friendly.. dont ask to be friends, or if it’s ok to be friends… just be friendly.. if he doesnt answer, then move on.

    • Natalia - 0

      Natalia

      Thanks for your recommendation, Amor.
      I just sent gift because before everything’s happened, I has bought the raincoat and talked to him already that I’m going to send him otherwise he might get sick, there was not any other purpose, so I might were wrong when sent it to him.
      I have another concern:
      I’m changing job to work for another company, I was contacted by Headhunter and I’m hired to work with a great offer. But what are the odds, the company I’m going to work in the end of June is located in the same building with his. I don’t know do I need to inform him or not? I don’t want he think and feel like being chased by me. Honestly I chosen that company because of great offer, but I afraid of that I will accidentally meet him sometimes. How do you think? Is the chance too small to get him back or even there will be no chance? I really really want to return him back but in a good way to be respected.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      If I were your case, I wouldn’t do that because being defensive just looks plain defensive.. I mean, I dont care whatever he thinks because I know the real reason why Im there.. if he thinks that way, that’s his problem..if he asks, then good, you can say the truth direct to the point, that you were hired by a head hunter…that’s it, period. That would be a good chance to show the new you and to be a little indifferent ar first and then friendly later on

  12. Marie - 0

    Marie

    Hi Amor,

    My ex and i met last year and we were friends for a while before realising we had feelings for each other. We had a healthy relationship and we always made each other happy. Last month, he was so busy with stress and negative feelings, he said that made his feelings towards me fade a little. When we broke up we agreed to go back to our “close friend” status. Then i tried NC a few days after that. After trying (and failing) NC after 5 days, i broke and talked to him. He kept giving false hope like asking me to go out with him but whenever he saw me in rral life, he was cold. So i acted extremely desperately and pretty much went crazy, messaging him everyday and i even broke down very badly one day and he saw everything. Right now im trying NC again, and he hasnt contacted. Im worried because he always told me that he cared about me more than anyone else. Im wondering if i still have a chance especially when he “lost his feelings for me” and doesnt bother to check up on me now. Thank you.

    Reply
  13. Monica - 0

    Monica

    Hey.

    I will like to have some insights about my situations, is it possible?

    I’ve been in a long distance relationship (5 hours away) with my boyfriend for eight months now. We see each other regularly even with the distance. Everything is so smooth, fun, energetic, happy, passionate; like a lot of connection and chemistry between us. We texted and talk on the phone regularly too. I’m not too much into texting and talking on the phone, but he reached out for me constantly. At the second month of our relationship, I get a call from an unknown girl telling my boyfriend is a liar, a womanizer, a player, that he was with so many women and tear their hearts apart. I have heard some similar story (not that exagerated) from one of his closest friend, telling that he was really hurt in his last relationship (she cheated on him) and he didn’t wanted anything serious, until he met me. When I received this call, a deep doubt rooted on me. I told him about the calls, in a calm even funny way. He get upset, he said that he wasn’t upset with me but with those people. I need to say that he’s an opera singer and he have tons of women trying to seduce and get him. He asked me to let him figured that thing out, and that he was sorry. I started to see the photos he posted with other women at work, he is kinda flirtatious; I saw he was liking so much pictures of women dressing sexy (or naked) in facebook, instagram (not because I wanted or I was looking for, but in the newsfeed). So, doubts started going deeper. I started to wait more reassurance from him, and he started a period of distancing a little bit, so a grew more insecure. Then another call. And then, two months later, he left me hanged with a text message for seven hours. I knew he was about to have a presentation the next day, but then I saw he was with his collegues at a beach, and he took from one of his collegues and she posted it on facebook and then he commented: “Wow, what a beautiful blonde!” I was mad. I texted him: “Well, I see you have time to comment that woman pic but no time to reply me”. And he get mad. He barely texted the next days, making me feel guilty, and I even apologized for how I reacted. And on and on. I just didn’t trusted him anymore, but I told my self it was my own insecurities, and I worked on them going to therapy, etc. Things went well, we kept having amazing time when together and exchanging funny and flirty message. Until, last month, he made a drama out of nowhere when one day I told him I will go to see him one day before to take care of him because he was sick. He said: “no, let me clean the house, I’ll wait for you tomorrow as planned”, I thought, “ok, maybe he doesn’t like to be cared when sick”, so I texted him (not mad at all, even kinda joking): “ok, if you don’t want me to take care of you I understand. I will arrive tomorrow”, and he get mad. Long story short, I didn’t get why he was so upset, telling that I was always thinking of him being with someone else, etc. I explained my self, we closed the discusion as a misunderstading. I arrived. Without wanting I saw a message to a woman saying: “yes, my father came to stay with me”, I even thought he wasn’t talking about that moment, but I handled to saw on his phone the full conversation, and yes, he was talking about that day, and then I saw that this woman was about to go to his home the day after! We argued. I was so hurt. I told him I didn’t want lies on a relationship, and asked him to be honest. He said it was his boss (she is) and he said that because he wanted her to realised that he was very sick to go to work and for him to stay with me. I said, “ok”, I understand. But my insecurity grew deeper. Next time I went to see him, I couldn’t stopped myself and I chekced his phone. I found flirty (and even sexual tension) messages with a girl. I freaked out and we argued again. He get really mad at me for checking his phone, and I told him to tell me if he wanted to be with other girls, that’s fine, but not in a relationship with me. He said he wasn’t, that it was just a game and he wanted to be with me (actully the messages where from last year, but he already had an exclusive relationship with, that he asked for!). After that, we get into other arguments by phone, texting, until he told me he didn’t know anymore if this was working, if we were a good fit for each other, and propose to go to couples therapy. I see this as a sing for his interested, but he stopped writing me and calling me. I asked him and he told that he thinks is the best now to stop future arguments and get things worse until we see the therapist. What do you think? Was I needy and very insecure? Was I looking for too much reassurance? Is he really honest?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Monica,

      obviously, he’s not being honest which what fueled your insecurity.. are you going to do the no contact rule?

    • monica - 0

      monica

      Yes. I’m applying it, we are supposed to meet a d talk until couples therapy in about two weeks. Was I really needy or just insecure with reasons? I’m having difficulties to seeing clearly between that line. Thank you so much for your answer!

    • monica - 0

      monica

      Oh, I have another doubt. Why is he treating like I’m the problem? He seems to be the offended one, and I don’t understand. I accept I was pushing him for clear answers and reassurance, but I don’t see why he get that upset with me. Any idea?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s probably just his way of gaining control. If you’re going into couples therapy, just keep being active in improving yourself and don’t initiate contact after the therapy.. Don’t tell in the therapy that you’re already doing the no contact rule.

  14. Rene - 0

    Rene

    Help! I relocated to ATLANTA about 9 months ago to be with my boyfriend. About two weeks ago he left. I tried calling and texting but all it does is lead to him yelling at me. So I’ve started the nc rule, this is day two. Yesterday he texted stating that he is hurt about the situation and he invested a lot of time as well (but he was the one who wanted to leave), I did not respond to his text and he hasn’t called or text. I’m here in Atlanta alone no family or friends. I’m currently living with his friends who don’t really care for me. What should I do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rene,

      it would be better if you move back home and treat this like an impending ldr

  15. Maria - 0

    Maria

    Quite an interesting and good read. Most of this I knew and I have a huge need to be on my own myself – and then my boyfriend basically burnt out, not going into details but he lost someone, and he is completely overworked.
    And trying to be there for him I have turned into the clingy one, and I find it really really hard to break my pattern – a pattern that is so unlike who I really AM, but something that I have been pushed into the last year. We are both in a miserable place right now and I know I am close to losing him – and while that in a way maybe would be the best for at least me, I love him and really don’t want to let him go. He means the world to me
    But I am way too clingy

    I have muted him on all channels now and really hope I manage to give him the space he so desperately need – however I am also, at the same time, worrying sick as I know he is very unhealthy right now
    We can’t save them all though, and furthermore, I can’t save anyone if I burn out too. He has to take responsibility for himself.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Maria,

      that’s right.. He has to take responsibility for himself..

  16. kt - 0

    kt

    My ex boyfriend dumped me on30/12/2016(near 4 years relartionship) through whatsapp. He said we were not match.He said he gave me plenty of chances but every time i became god for a while and then return to be the same again.
    He typed he wouldnt marry me and if i kept saying not to break up then he would hate me so much.
    Then i went to him home and waited him to come back after counting down for 2017.He was so sleepy that he slept with me(no sex just hug), but after we woke up he insisted to break up and said he had no feelings for me.
    His friend told me they discussed it and my ex said it was because of a lot of trivial things and thought we are no longer suitable for each other. My ex deleted all my photos on his social media.
    On 5Jan, I reflected on myself and sent him a very long text about what mistakes I made and claiming i would be a better person, but did not say I want him back.

    On 22Jan, as I helped him bought something online so he came to collect the stuff. He was nice in person maybe he wanted to treat me as his friend. Since then I started whatsapp him, but it’s 100% me initiate the contact. His replies were short but he did not ignore. When I said I was going to learn driving, he suggested me to learn the more difficult one, I think it’s because he is so interested in driving. I said I was afraid to fail and hoped that the teacher would not scold me. He said I can wear deep V so that I will pass. I said I have no boobies and the conversation ended. I am wondering, if he wants to be distant, he could just say no worries or even not to reply after I said I was afraid to fail. I am sure he would not initiate contact if I don’t. When I first met him he was shy. And now obviously he is not interested in me so he probably wouldn’t initiate contact to me. We are 24 and 25years old and are each other’s first love.

    He was a relaxing man while I was his contrast. I like expressing my feelings and thought that after I talked about it then its ok. But he tends to tolerate. He never loses temper until I lost. I think there are some arguments but never think we would separate. In November he was still very sweet to me. I guess it’s because I lost temper in a trip in December.
    Since then, he was colder but still pretended to be good in x’mas.
    Actually before the day he dumped me, he asked me to join his friends and count down together. I was really shocked when he suggested break-up. And this time, he did not say that in an argument, meaning that he thought about it really seriously.
    Thanks

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      hi Kt,

      it looks like you’re friendzoned.. do you want to try the no contact rule?

  17. Anna - 0

    Anna

    I’m in a pretty bad situation. I dated a guy for 6 months long distance and were very serious- he met my family, I spoke to his, our parents talked- we were on the marriage track. 4 months into it he told me that he was unemployed. It threw me for a loop but I forgave him knowing how important his career was for him, and how much influence his family had on him. I tried my best to help him with opportunities, but it seemed like over time he wanted less and less of my help.

    Around the 6 month mark I went to go visit him and on my last day of my trip asked about our future and an engagement, and he broke down. He told me he was struggling, had low confidence, and was scared of that kind of commitment. I came back home and a week later he broke up with me. Said he wasn’t ready for a relationship, and that he couldn’t do it anymore- he had suffered some anxiety attacks because of his life situation too. I asked him to go on a break, and not break up because this was about his work and I wanted to be a partner with him. We agreed to checking in every 2 weeks for 2-6 months.

    As the weeks went by, it got harder for me to stay afloat. I tried my best to be positive, but sometimes would have outbursts during the calls asking what was going on or if things were going to get better. Around the 3 month mark he started to get very distant and specific with the 2 week breaks, he refused to talk to me otherwise. He told me he was also being distant from his friends and focussing on work. He then got a contract job and started doing better, said he was open to talking to me more often than the 2 week check ins, but that it took him a while to get back to people so I shouldn’t be alarmed if he doesn’t text right away.

    The next week he went to see his family for thanksgiving and I didn’t hear from him at all for a few days, called and messaged, nothing. He got back to me saying he was fine and that whenever I text and call so many times it makes him feel suffocated and harassed. I told him I was sorry, I was just worried for his safety. A week later he had an event to go to that he had been working on, I asked how it went and nothing. I saw that he was talking to some friends on his Facebook wall, and got upset and called him out. I told him it hurt that he had time for others and not for me, called him a bunch of times, and texted him all day with apologies and heard nothing. It has now been 6 weeks since then.

    I reached out to him for 3 following weeks every few days asking for forgiveness, apologizing, and he hasn’t said a single thing. It has been 2 weeks since I last reached out. Now that it’s been so long and he’s been separating himself from me, what are my options? Will no contact even work in this situation? Please help. I’m so confused and lost. This was the guy I thought I was going to marry.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anna,
      there’s no guarantee that the no contact rule will work but it’s better to do it do you can improve yourself than to keep on chasing him

  18. susan mcdonald - 0

    susan mcdonald

    Your comment is awaiting moderation.
    hi, my name is Susan, i have written you before regarding my dilemma, and you gave good advice, back in Oct/Nov-id mentioned i was with my ex from 2012 until July of this year, we had lived together briefly after that, he was not financially stable as i was(we are ten years apart, i’m 10 years older then him), so my ex name is Mel. when i last wrote you it was him saying after the break up in July of 2016 to give him time to get himself together financially and then we can try the relationship again, since after the break up in July, he hadn’t been communicating much with me, texting, calling seeing me as much as i wanted, i would be the one to do that, so the holidays roll around, thanksgiving, Xmas, new years eve, he goes out of town because he has family six hours away from where he lives, he hadn’t invited me to come along, unlike last year i spent all three holidays with him and got to meet his mom that lives out of town and his grandparents, so i said to him can we at least spend one holiday together, he says we will, that would’ve been new years, new years he says we can, he texts me back after i asked where and what time did he want to meet he says i am just going to spend time with my family, so i was very upset and sent him a text like lets throw in the towel on this i’m done, ton top of that i am moving sat Jan 7th and i gave him $60 to help me move and i said in fact don’t bother helping me f**** move, give me back my money and go f*** yourself, he calls and says i said for months give me time to get myself together for financial reasons and you have been pressuring me all this time, you are extremely needy and clingy and immature and need to grow up, your a kid that if they do not get there way they last out, he said i needed you when i was at a down point in my life, all you did was emasculate me because i wasn’t as financial stable as you and kick me out of the house and now you expect me to just forget. i didn’t reply after that so at this point i read your read up on being clingy and how to overcome that, and looking back after the break up he was being pressured by me, because i text him every other day to give me a chance and that he never sees me and doesn’t give me, love, affection and attention and we have no sex life, I’ve made it very clear to him that i have not been dating since the break up in July and he said i just need to relax. my goal this time around is to not call, text and after the move not give him keys, invite him over, ask to hang out which i would do all the time after break p, to mirror his image, so he doesn’t see me as clingy anymore, he even blurted out that is why he became so distant because after break up i was calling and texting and he felt smothered and that i was too old to be acting like that. there would be times he would block me because i would just get so upset with not seeing him and hearing from him i would create a burner number and call him from that and he said that is immature. so since that argument this past weekend, i haven’t called or text and my plan is not until sat for the move, because he is helping me and after that wait 30 days this time and let him see i’m not needy and clingy and immature like he thinks. i just really love him and miss him, he is not dating anyone and he after the break up and having kicked him out he end up staying with a couple that has two kids, i offered that if comes back to live with me, i wont let him feel less then a man, and smother him, he said he would think about it., but that was Thur and the fight was this weekend. at this point what would i do, I’ve realized I’ve been going overboard, what suggestions do you have for me and do you think i can get him back at this point with all the clingy and smothering I’ve been doing.
    do you think him still even talking to me is a good thing or he is just doing it out of pity? he has been the only guy I’ve been with since moving from Mass to Florida in 2012. PLEASE I NEED HELP. starting the 30 day no contact rule today Jan 2, but it will be interrupted do to him helping me move on Sat and resume after Jan 8th to Feb 8th, do you think that would even matter after all that’s been going on with us?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Susan,
      actually 30 days is not enough if he sees you that way.. It’s just too predictable that everything you’re doing is trying to get him back. Frankly, for someone to believe you have moved on or starting to move on that is in the same case as you, it has to be long time of no contact… maybe 3 months is the least, but realistically it would be 6 months to a year.

  19. Kylie - 0

    Kylie

    My situation is a little bit tricky. I’m fwb with a guy. It’s been going on for a little over a year now. I met this guy at work. We became pretty good friends and then started hooking up. At first it was once every two weeks, then once a week, and then twice. I’m 21 and he’s 22 and we both go to the same college. When we got closer I suggested we take a class together and at first it seemed like he was unsure but eventually he agreed and we did. This was 6 months in when we started the class. Monday-Thursday we’d go to class, then work, and then I’d go over to his house and spend the night then repeat. During this time everything was going really well. We became really close. I confessed to him that I had lost my virginity to him. Everything was great until I found myself contacting him on Friday-Sunday when we didn’t have school and our work schedules were different that I realized that I would be upset when he didn’t want to/or couldn’t hang out with me. That’s when I started realizing that I was being clingy. This was towards the end of the summer semester. I started contacting him less and I noticed that on days where I wouldn’t text/call him he’d text/call me. Eventually things got weird. We started arguing about stupid things. We’d argue over work and stupid things like that. We started talking about our arguments and tried to fix them. Sometimes we’d be fine for a while but eventually we’d argue about some nonsense. I noticed he started withdrawing from me. I asked him about it and he said it was because “he’d rather deal with not seeing me because it guaranteed that we wouldn’t argue”. Ironically shortly after we both got different jobs. I thought this was a good thing because I realized that a lot of our arguments were work-related so I figured that if we didn’t work together then we wouldn’t argue as much. Boy was I wrong! ( I’ll get into that after this). One night we’re we had both been drinking I told him that I was in love with him. He said he liked me too but that he wasn’t ready for a relationship. ( He had just broken up with his ex of 4 years when we started talking). I started saying “I love you” to him all the time. At first he reciprocated the affection (he never said it back though) and after a couple weeks he began to withdraw from me. I realized I was the only one making an effort to see him or communicate with him. I questioned him about it and he said he felt pressured. During this time I found out that he still kept in contact with his ex. I asked him if he panned on getting back with her. He told me he “didn’t think so but the fact that he still responded to her messages said something”. I KNOW that at this point I probably should be stopped seeing him but I was so in love. Going back to the arguing, we continued to argue A LOT. Our arguments got worse to the point of me going to his house without his consent and him kicking me out and me refusing to leave. We had a bad argument once on a Sunday. I refused to leave his house and he carried me out. When I finally realized how out of control the situation was I panicked. I asked him to call me (I was at work) and after much pleading he did. I begged him to see me after work and he finally accepted. We talked and both apologized for our wrong-doings. He said he needed space so I didn’t contact him for 4 days (I know that’s not much). But we agreed to hangout on Friday. I texted him to see if we were still going to hang out at 5pm and he said yes. So I decided to go and buy drinks for us (we had agreed to drink that night). I texted him when I was at the store to see what he wanted to drink and he didn’t respond. I waited. Texted him at 6:30 to see if we could meet up already and he didn’t respond. I waited. Called him at 7 and no response. Finally at around 9:30 I called and got no answer. I drove by his house and saw that his friends car was there. I was upset cause we had agreed to hangout and it appeared that he had been blowing me off for his friend. I texted him shortly after saying something along the lines of ” if you don’t want to hang out anymore it’s fine. I don’t want to be an annoyance to you” he texted me back and said “that I was doing the most and that of course he didn’t want to hang out with me now” I called him and he didn’t answer. Called again asking him if we could talk. He refused. I went to his house. His friend was leaving when I got there. I asked him if we could talk. He refused initially but then agreed. That ended terribly with him calling the cops on me since I refused to leave. I agreed to leave and he agreed to call me when the cops had left. He called me an hour and a half later. I apologized and in he middle of me explaining myself he hung up on me. I decided not to call him back to give him some time to cool down. When I tried calling him 30 minutes later his phone was off. So I called his house phone and left a message apologizing. I texted him the next day and no response. Called and no answer. Text and called him the day after that and no response. 3 days later I called him and got no answer. 2 days after that I texted him and nothing. 2 days again and nothing. 3 days after that I texted him asking if we could talk. He responded and said he couldn’t because he worked. I asked him if he worked the next day and he said no. So I asked if we could talk and he agreed. I worked that day and got off at 5 so I texted him an hour before I was off to ensure that he still wanted to. No answer. So stayed at work until 5:45 and he called me at the time I got off. We talked and it was weird at frist. He was really distant and then somehow it seemed normal again. I drove home while I was talking to him and when I got near his house asked to see him (his house is on my way to my house)He didn’t really want to but agreed. We talked. We both said we missed each other. We got food and hung out. We ended up sleeping together. I thought things were back to normal but he was really distant now. He wouldn’t respond to a lot of my messages and when he would he’d respond hours later. This was about two weeks ago. We hung out Sunday night and I spent the night. Also last night. I don’t want to jinx it and I know that I could be very wrong but things seem to be going well again. I can see myself getting pushy/clingy again so my dilemma is this: how do I continue this without being like before (clingy and needy) and if possible get him to want to be with me in a real relationship (I could be wrong but I feel like the main reason he wound want to be my boyfriend is because of my clingyness. I’m sure he thinks it would intensify if we were in a REAL relationship.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Kylie,

      if you really want a chance for a serious relationship,.dont ever sleep with him. Because, why would he commit when he can knows you’ll give what he’s wants without it? And yes, you’re clinginess is also one of the big reasons he won’t too. How to stop being clingy? Don’t ever demand. First, you’re not together. Second, even if you’re together, it’s not healthy to be too clingy. It shows you make your world revolve around him because you don’t have your own life..

  20. Anonymous - 0

    Anonymous

    What would be appropriate of me the first time I run into my ex? It will be a public event that he doesn’t know I will also be attending, and his friends and some mutual friends will be there as well because of our common activities; it will have been about 3 months since our break-up and any contact with each other. It was long distance and we’d only see each other about 4 times a year at most if we didn’t make our own plans; this is one of those 4-ish times. He left because I was clingy and he didn’t want too much attention or to feel obsessed over, and by the time he made his decision, he didn’t want anything to do with me whether that was being in a relationship, being friends (though we’d probably be on these terms had we studied at the same school and saw each other regularly) or keeping lines of staying in touch open (he blocked my number and me on social media so now I can only get to him through mutual friends and he never responded to me directly when I initially tried to sort things out). Soon after he told me he doesn’t want a relationship I had made it clear to him that if we run into each other in the future I most likely won’t be ignoring him because it’s not in my personality to ignore anyone no matter what our current terms are and I think it’s always nice to see people you know after a while, and I want him to take it that objectively, but I am afraid he won’t do that when a preconceived notion of clinginess could be in the mix to prevent him from seeing that the way I act is because I’m approachable and friendly in most cases. If nothing like a break-up had happened between us and say we were still just friendly as before our relationship, I would usually smile a lot and be enthusiastic (especially when it had been a long time since we had seen each other) and conversational with him, showing interest in how he had been since we last saw or contacted each other, but I don’t know how I can feel free to be in how I interact with him this first time, hopefully in a way that might make him reconsider me such as through seeing that I don’t really have clinginess about me or beginning to enjoy my company and conversation again. My goal for now is to get him interested in speaking to and being in contact with me again and go from there. I am also not sure whether for this to work, it would require conversation and for him to initiate it; if so, what would be best to do in a case he might not? He is generally shy and not really outgoing unless he is interested in someone, and he isn’t interested in me at the moment as far as I know, and I see that he might feel awkward in this situation, especially when other people we know will be around. Thank you so much for any insight.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Anonymous,

      if he broke up with you because you’re clingy and you really made it a point that you would approach him and talk to him in person, if he doesn’t want that, he will avoid you or he would wait for you to come for a catch up talk and probably prepare on how he would make you feel that he’s serious about the break up. So, give him the unexpected.. Dont search for him. if you ever get in really close proximity, just smile and then walk away. Look your best..if he approaches, talk and then walk away at the high point of conversation, excuse yourself and then mingle with other people..

  21. May T - 0

    May T

    2 months ago ex broke up with me because of clinginess. Did no contact for 24 days. He does hot and cold reaction towards me when I contact him. 2 weeks ago I met up with him and everything was great. He initiated in some intimacy but it ended with us agreeing to stay friends until things are figured out. I text him at least once a week since then but usually no reply back, so now I’m doing active no contact again for 3 weeks. How do I show that I have changed? Is there anything else I can do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi May,

      stop making the effort.. 24 days was too short and keeping in contact also didn’t help. Thing is, you were in contact in a long time after break up, it looked like chasing. So the higher chanc3 of reversing that is to stop contacting him for a long time, stop responding and just have your own life..

    • Gabby - 0

      Gabby

      Hi I haven’t actually broken up with my bf yet but it’s getting to the point where he’s withdrawing and even told me he gets irritated when I ask to hangout. I know I have been clingy and am trying to work on it now seeing that however I’m not sure how to go about it. I have been doing most of the work in the relationship I ask to come over and I plan all the dates. It’s clear that I over pampered him and it feels like the relationship is one of convenience now for him. I want to prevent the break up bc I can tell it’s close as we fight constantly right now always the same him not spending time with me or planning something and him declining bc he’s in a bad mood or over worked (which is true he works a lot) how do I recover before it gets any worse ? Anything I can do to stop the clinginess and get him to feel happy with me not annoyed?

    • Chris Seiter - 4
  22. May - 0

    May

    2 months ago ex broke up with me because of clinginess. Did no contact for 24 days. He does hot and cold reaction towards me when I contact him. 2 weeks ago I met up with him and everything was great. He initiated in some intimacy but it ended with us agreeing to stay friends until things are figured out. I text him at least once a week since then but usually no reply back, so now I’m doing active no contact again for 3 weeks. How do I show that I have changed? Is there anything else I can do?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi May,

      stop making the effort.. 24 days was too short and keeping in contact also didn’t help. Thing is, you were in contact in a long time after break up, it looked like chasing. So the higher chanc3 of reversing that is to stop contacting him for a long time, stop responding and just have your own life..

  23. rolex - 0

    rolex

    He is not my boyfriend but i like him alot, we even had sex. i became clingy after wards and he ended up hating me and told me to “leave him the hell alone” but i just couldn’t, he blocked me on social media. but i have stopped contacting him for a week now, although i bombed into him today, i hope that hasn’t ruined everything for me though.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Rolex
      how did you act when you saw him? Are you improving yourself? Aim to be the ungettable girl..

  24. Charlene - 0

    Charlene

    After reading this article I am like wow everything I read was so me! It explained what I was doing to my boyfriend exactly and now I feel like an idiot! It really helped me understand a mans point of view when having someone clingy like myself. He just texted and asked what to I was doing later and my response was I was busy because that more guy needs much needed space from my clingy little self haha thank u Chris I think u just saved our relationship if it wasnt already too late

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Charlene,
      It’s never too late to be better 🙂

    • Zoey - 0

      Zoey

      I was in a long distance relationship for 7 months and my ex decided he needed to take a break from dating to figure out what he wanted in life and also because he’s going in deployment next year. So I did the no contact rule successfully. He started liking all my pictures. Then after no contact we started texting again. Unfortunately, I started to get a little clingy. I texted him twice and called him. Then I texted him again the next day. He hasn’t replied since. Should I not talk to him for a week and see what happens? I’m not sure what to do

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Zoey,

      how long have you been texting?

  25. Imagine - 0

    Imagine

    This is by far the most helpful article I have read on being clingy. My boyfriend and I have not broken up but I have done a few of these acts, specifically being unnecessarily jealous. A few months ago, I found out that my boyfriend had been hanging out w his long ago ex girlfriend. He lied to me about who she was from the beginning. I wouldn’t have cared if he told me that he was hanging out w her, but he didn’t tell me. I first found out because we were watching a video on his phone one night and she texted him about his dog. At this point he told me that she was a friend but later that night he told me that she was his ex and that he still had feelings for her as anyone does an ex. I understand this and I think it’s fine. Yes we are adults and have had significant others in our lives. He told they had met to walk their dogs together the week before. I asked why he didn’t mention it. He swept it aside and I told him that it’s fine to hang out w her if there isn’t anything there more than friendship why not, but just let me know. That if he hides it, then it’s doing both of us a disservice. Fast forward a few months and I was on his phone on his Facebook – he asked me to write something on there for him. I noticed she was his “favorite” and they text a lot. I opened the messages (he was next to me) and saw that he had been reaching out to her to hang out, quite a lot, on nights we were not together. Those nights, I wouldn’t ask what he was doing, but we’d text as normal and wish each other good night. I figured he was either w his neighbor or alone, no big deal. I saw that he had asked her to hang out on numerous occasions and they did, granted the texts were all platonic and not sexual. Still I broke up him then and there. I thought okay, there is way more to this and I’m not interested in being in the middle of these two. He begged and pleaded and said he would stop. For the most part he has and I he now tells me when she contacts him. Unfortunately this has made me very insecure and I don’t have trust for him. I know he is a good guy and won’t cheat on me, but he lied to me about hanging out w her and that is what is hurtful. So now I freak out if he doesn’t respond right away or if she writes. Of course there is way more to this story, but the bottom line is I feel betrayed and I am definitely acting out as a result. I am controlling now. I don’t like this and he hates this. He feels that he couldn’t tell me in the first place because I would have freaked out. I feel that had he been honest from the very beginning, if he suggested that we all hang out or at least for me to meet her, none of this would matter. I have to take some steps back and regain some of myself. Thanks again for the article and allowing the space to write.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Imagine,

      I think your reaction to what he did, you being you right now is normal. It’s not nice to keep seeing your ex and then hide it. Are you going to do the no contact rule?

  26. Sophia - 0

    Sophia

    I was in a long distance relationship and it’s safe to say my ex broke up with me because I was clingy and made him feel like my life was starting to revolve around him, especially when I started to make a lot more effort to see him despite my busy student life and the distance at times he couldn’t do it himself. I asked if we could still be friends and he said he didn’t think we should stay in touch; after that, he blocked my number but we are still friends on Facebook. One of his friends had explained to me that it made sense he wanted to avoid me because it felt as though I’d be feeding off of any type of interaction with him when he didn’t feel the same way for me anymore (most likely because clinginess was a major turn-off) and my expressing my want to at least stay friends seems like persistence in this situation that is driving him away. I do want to get back with him, but would also be happy to make the progress of going back to the friendly terms we had before being together, but when he expects me not to contact him anyway because he told me I shouldn’t and our interaction became more in-person during our relationship when we’d see each other about weekly or so, I don’t know how no contact will work, and rare are instances in which I’d be able to say I bumped into him because we go to different schools that are not very close to each other. I fear I won’t be able to improve my situation because we don’t see each other and there’s no one associated with him who would convey to him my progress on self-improvement. I want to show him I won’t make the same mistakes again and at least that we’ll do fine as friends by acting normally, friendly, and staying calm about what happened among other needed factors, but I don’t know how I can do this when we don’t see each other anymore and I can’t reach him without him likely feeling that I didn’t listen or consider his wishes to an adequate degree and seeing it further as a clingy action. What should I do in this situation? And if an occasion does come up when we see each other again without making plans to, such as an event where both of our schools are involved and we’d have to come, which will be happening at least once this year but he may try to avoid coming if he knows I might, how to act with him? Also, how should I act with his friends, who still keep contact with me so that I don’t ruin my chances? I don’t want to give them a negative impression that will be reported back to him on. They are trying to support me and help me feel better after the break-up and I’m finding it hard to resist talking about how I feel and how I’m not over him, and I worry that they’ll start to view me as something along the lines of desperate, needy, clingy, etc., which wouldn’t be proving my ex otherwise. Today is the 16th day we haven’t been in contact; what should be my plan in terms of no contact, and within what range of time should I give him until we talk again either in person or via phone, like messaging? Thank you so much!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You have to be active in posting is social media.. whether he has an account or not, because there is still a big chance that he will check your account once he gets curious why you stopped chasing.
      I didn’t understand your last question though..If you meant you were clingy, that means you weren’t active enough in your own time because if you were active in your time, you wouldn’t be clingy. Yes, you are distant, but I think what you meant is that you were demanding? Correct me if I’m wrong. That still means you’re clingy. He has to see during and after nc that you’re more busy. You don’t have much time for him and you’re not asking nor demanding more time from him anymore because you have a lot on your plate.

      He has to see that you’re starting to move on during nc, so that there’s a higher chance that he will initiate during it or he would think that you’re just being friendly after nc if you initiate. That’s why you have to keep the routine that you will start during nc while your’e rebuilding rapport with him slowly.

    • Sophia - 0

      Sophia

      Thank you! I believe I could clarify my last question and say that I perhaps started to seem too obsessive about him to him when he knew I already had a lot on my plate; my question was with this long distance and not being in touch, how I can show him otherwise and that I’m not focused on him an unhealthy amount? He already knows I’m a very busy person from the start and that I probably still am and will be, but I guess that isn’t changing the impression that I can’t think about anything but him, an idea that makes him uncomfortable with being in a relationship or being friends again. What can I do other than no contact and continue the busy life I have that he’s already aware of so he can start to see past this impression that I’m clingy and obsessive and become interested in me again?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      I know this can seem repetitive but the only way he will see your progress is through social media.. If you were clingy, that means you always demanded time or blamed him..so if you’re busy before and still clingy, that means you have to choose agtivities that really make you grow and focus in yourself more

    • Sophia - 0

      Sophia

      Facebook has been our only common social media, and he blocked me on it yesterday. I didn’t try contacting him and my activity on it wasn’t unusual, but that’s what happened. What do I do?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      You still have to be active in posting in it and make your posts public because there’s a chance that he check that when he gets curious..

  27. Jit - 0

    Jit

    hi i just met a girl at night out…. we slept together…. we started texting each other…….. she said she is not ready for a relationship as she had recently break up with her boyfriend.. and she has been trying to things sorted out with him… and she put me as a friend… she suddenly stop texting …… i was too clingy i think… this think just happened within first week and done… i want her back again.. thinking to text her as her daughter’s birthday is coming soon ( within our first meeting)…. pls advice

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      HI Jit,

      when was this? How long were you talking to each other? Do you want to try the no contact rule?

  28. bluie - 0

    bluie

    Me and my ex girlfriend were together for 6 years as a couple and dated for a year before that. She called it quits this year coz i was ‘too much’. Its been 4 months now and she is with someone new (thats what she said last time we talked), she met this person a month post breakup and got together with him right away. I still love her. I regretted being clingy making her feel smothered and suffocated since i loved her too much and I was insensitive that I was making her feel that way. Post breakup a lot of things happened like rumours from our friends and my sister also argued with her. I didnt really wanted those to happen since I dont want to hurt her, just that people acted on their own and I didnt even knew about it at first. I have told her that I am sorry for hurting her, and sorry for how my side acted on when we broke up, just that they didnt expect my ex to move into another relationship right away causing me to be mentally and emotionally wrecked (hurting those who loves me then disappointed with my ex since they expected better from her).

    To be honest I still want to be with her but I will keep my word to her that I will not pursue her and take her from the new guy if that what makes her happy. Im sad that she never understood why i was too much (because I didnt trust the friends she met two years ago, since they were the kind who’ll flirt alot despite having boyfriends and didnt want to influence my ex).

    Any advice on how I can move on? It’s my priority right now. Coz i want to stop hurting already and just be happy with her. I’m leaving everything with fate.

    To my first true love, and also im her first.. you’ll always be special and I am thankful coz you made me happy.

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Bluie,

      Dont rush. Take it step by step. Start a new routine, and acknowledge every time you think about her. That’s ok. Just dont stay that way. Acknowledge and then go back to your activity. Do something with progress like volunteering, do new things, improve yourself and make new friends.

    • bluie - 0

      bluie

      Hi Amor,
      Yeah it has been and still is rough for me. I’ve been volunteering, going out to socialize and stuff. Still it is hard since it was a long time that I spent with that person. And it disappointed me a lot on how she just tossed things that easily. And replaced me right away also.

      Not to mention she has been pretending to be the victim and her girl friends had been spreading nasty talks about me so they’ll come clean.

  29. Vicky - 0

    Vicky

    after fun first happened with the I went and told a close friend of ours what had happened and she said he was a really private person etc but as time went on I kept asking her for advice and telling her things.s So last night I came clean to him about talking to our close friend about what had happened between us and he was really calm and just said “well there goes the trust thing” and that we are now strictly friends and that’s it. He asked me to delete the pics of him I had as he’s deleted mine. Why didn’t he get annoyed at me? And why does he still want to be friends with someone who’s dishonest

    Since then I’ve said that I miss him in the Fwb way and maybe about in the future something to happen ? I also said that I was sorry for hurting him and asked whether he regrets anything that happened between us. He responded:

    “I’m done with the aspect of fwb, but being friends sounds great. You didn’t hurt me. But not really. I don’t really think about it”

    What does all this mean?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Vicky

      why did you want him to be angry and why are you offering to be friends with benefits? Dont do that again. Dont lower your value.

    • Vicky - 0

      Vicky

      I guess I just would like him to miss me but not sure how to do it?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      ok, but dont offer to be friends with benefits again. The best approach is to be your best self and when you talk or interact, have fun and then go back to your own life.. Dont be too available..

  30. Vic - 0

    Vic

    We had a friends with benefits going on and I went and told his friend about it and got her advice etc and tonight I admitted to my friends with benefits guy that I told her and he didn’t get angry at all, all he said was that “there goes the trust thing” and that we were strictly friends and that’s it. We’ve since spoken on other social media and it’s as if we’re back to just friends again Why wasn’t he hurt and why does he want to be friends with me when I told his friend personal things? I’m confused

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Vic,

      Correct me if I’m wrong. He said, “There goes the trust thing” Because he thinks you don’t trust him enough because you ask advice with your friend? What did he want you to trust enough? And why did you want him to get hurt?
      Frankly, do you want him to be more emotionally attached to you? Because that’s the reason why you’re just friends with benefits, and not in an exclusive boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. SO, it’s not that surprising that he’s not reacting so emotionally about the situation.

    • Vic - 0

      Vic

      We are friends but why does he want to still be friends with me? Should I do the nc?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      From how you say it, it looks like it’s just because that’s the civil way to do.. yes, you should do the no contact rule. Do it for yourself to heal and improve.

  31. Fe - 0

    Fe

    I’m still really confused

    Reply
  32. Nina - 0

    Nina

    I need help…my boyfriend and I where together for almost 2 years and living together for 10 months..we broke up before because I was too jealous of an ex which is his bother’s sister in law…(she will always be around actually lives with her sister and his brother) we got back together and I promised to change however I never stopped being jealous…and things got worse when his brother got engaged..so now I am sure she will be around forever…we were constantly fighting since I was feeling insecure that maybe they could get back together or he could cheat on me with her…his bother’s wedding date was scheduled and I got more and more insecure since my ex is the best man and she will be the maid of honor…we started fighting even more constantly…he gave me warnings that he was getting tired of the whole thing and I didn’t listen until one night I checked his phone and their messages had been deleted and I asked him why? (I know stupid me) he got so mad that he left in the middle of the night (it was Sunday) and went to his mom…I tired calling and texting no answers. On Wednesday didn’t text or called him however when I came home from work he had stopped by and took all his stuff…didn’t text or call…nothing…I freaked out and called him no answer..texted the same no answer..next morning went to his mom and he said he is done that he loves me but he can’t live his life like this…I feel awful…I know he is right..now I don’t know what to do I been trying to work on myself and the things that I know I shouldn’t have done it…has been a week and I haven’t contacted him (first time we broke up I chased him for a week and the following we got back) but I don’t want to do the same since I know I was wrong…any ideas what should I do?? I love him and I know he loves me..
    Any help would be great. Thank you!

    Reply
  33. Mia - 0

    Mia

    I’d love some insight from someone about my situation, as it is quite interesting and I can’t seem to find an answer directed at my particular situation.

    We were dating for almost 3 1/2 years. We lived together for over a year and have a dog. He was offered a full scholarship to play baseball at a university about 5 hours away in a different state, which he obviously accepted. He left for school on August 20th, 2016. It has only been 2 months since he has been gone. I still live in our apartment with our dog. Things were great before he left. I was supposed to move with him, but his school failed to tell him that he couldn’t live off-campus until 2 weeks before his move-in date. He raised a big stink about it and even told the school I was his Fiancée.. This obviously didn’t change anything. So anyway, things were going good until I started to question some things. I started to get jealous or worried if he didn’t text me or call me back right away, I found myself constantly asking him what he was doing, who he was with, etc. Basically, I became super clingy and he kept saying I was overwhelming him and that I needed to chill. Well, I didn’t chill.

    The last straw for him was about 2 weeks ago when he told me that he was going to his schools homecoming that weekend. Now, that is perfectly fine if he wants to go to his schools homecoming!! I would never tell him not to attend something like that, that’s just silly. However, a few weeks prior to his homecoming, I had asked if he was going and he just kept saying “no, it’s lame”. I was planning to surprise him by showing up to his school that weekend for his homecoming, but because he said he wasn’t going, I just left it alone and decided not to even try (he was coming home the next weekend for his cousins wedding anyway). So, when he told me that he was “all of a sudden” going to homecoming, I immediately assumed the worst and thought that he just didn’t want me to go because he was taking someone else, or would be dancing with other people, etc. (silly, yes, I know that now) and as a result of these assumptions, I told him that I didn’t want him to go and if he did, there would be problems with us. Well, he stood up to me and said that he was going anyway and if I didn’t like it, oh well. This made me even more fearful of my assumptions and caused me to be irrational and tell him that I wanted a few days to myself. I told him this for two reasons: 1. In that moment, I felt betrayed and truly thought that “if he loved me, he wouldn’t want me to feel this way, and he wouldn’t go like I asked”, and 2. I almost wanted him to beg me not to take a few days, as if that would make me feel more secure or something. Although he wasn’t happy about it, he tried to respect my wish. I ended up ignoring him for several hours that night after he texted me 3 or 4 times. I did this because I wanted him to feel what I THOUGHT I was feeling when he didn’t answer me right away, etc. (he never ignored me intentionally, that was just my way of trying to get through to him. Again, silly, I know). I ended up falling asleep before even responding to any of his attempts and woke up around 2am with no further attempts from him. This created new assumptions of “he doesn’t care”, “I can only imagine what he’s doing if he’s not trying to talk to me”, those types of things. Soo, per my assumptions, I started blowing up his phone with calls and texts until he answered. He was drunk. He was angry and told me that it’s not fair for me to ignore him and then just expect him to just be there when I call, which is completely true.. That’s not fair. But again, I didn’t see that until recently.

    For the next few days, he was a bit stand-offish with me. He didn’t seem interested in talking to me, was very short with me, and he just wasn’t being himself. Then, he said he wanted his own space. This hurt me and more assumptions started pouring in. I got even more clingy and needy and I kept bombarding him with questions before giving him a chance to answer the last one. He began to stop replying at all and after a few days I just gave him the space I should have given him when he asked. We didn’t talk much the last two days before he came home for the wedding. To give you an idea of the time frame of all of this, the wedding was October 22, 2016, exactly one week from his homecoming on October 14, 2016.

    He arrived to my/our apartment on the day before the wedding and said that he really wanted me to go as his date and that he didn’t want anyone else to be there. However, he said that during the few days we spent apart, and I wasn’t blowing up his phone, it felt like a huge weight was lifted off his shoulders and it seemed like it was less stressful and just easier that way. Keep in mind, he is a college athlete and is a double major so he is extremely busy and after really thinking about this for a little bit, it seems like I was just adding extra stress and I understand that a girlfriend is supposed to do the opposite of that!! Basically, he went on saying that even though he loves me so much and wants to be with me, it just isn’t working right now. And he said he was sticking to that because he needs to worry about himself and his future right now. I still went to the wedding and we had such an amazing time. We had so much fun together and he was acting like there was nothing going on, AKA kissing me, touching me, hugging me, making me laugh, etc. We even slept in the same bed!! He fell asleep with his phone next to him and in the morning, a girl texted him saying “good morning handsome. Why was your mom mad at you?”. I immediately jumped out of bed and started asking questions. The end result came to be that this girl is just a friend of his. He hangs out with her from time to time but never alone. When asked why his “friend” would be calling him handsome, he said that he really had no idea and he didn’t know what she was even talking about, as he hadn’t talked to her since Friday afternoon and it was Sunday morning at that time. He said that he is “friendly” with her and only talks to her about school, baseball, things like that. He said he hadn’t ever flirted with her or touched her inappropriately, but he is friendly with her, whatever that means. But I want to add that when I was questioning him about this, he was following me around the room trying to hold me and he looked really sad. I was angry and heartbroken and he knew it. He is very stubborn and I always know when he is sincere about things, because if it wasn’t sincere, he wouldn’t even bother to try. But he was trying very hard to get me to understand that she is just a friend, and I appreciated that. He left to go back to school that evening.

    I’ve read the above article about how to get him back when I’ve been clingy (about 3 times actually) and the article on no contact. I’ve started no contact but it has only been 3 days lol. He texted me Sunday night when he got back to school just so that I would know he was safe but I didn’t answer. We didn’t talk Monday at all. He texted me yesterday afternoon to ask how my birthday was (which was Sunday, btw. Best birthday ever, huh?!?!) and I replied “it was good, went downtown”, his response: “good I’m glad you had a good time”, my response: “thanks, how are you?”, his response: “okay, how bout you?”, my response: “good”, and that was it. I guess I didn’t follow no contact but we didn’t end on bad terms by any means so I felt strange eliminating him completely. He is still my best friend and I love him dearly, I could never hate him! I don’t plan to contact him or answer if he tries to contact me for a little while. I am just really confused on how to go about this because this is where it’s tricky: I move out of my apartment on November 13th, which is a little over 2 weeks from now. He is coming to help me move everything out, as most of the furniture belongs to him and he still has a ton of things here. I am keeping the dog, as he was a gift to me. How am I supposed to continue with no contact if he comes back in 2 weeks? Is there anything I should do differently? And how do I act when I finally see him??? Do you think it sounds like I have a shot to get him back or do you think this new girl “friend” will keep him occupied and he’ll forget about me?

    I’m following all four of the “pillars” of success during this no contact period and I’m feeling really good about this. Those are just the minor flaws I need answers to!!! Sorry this is so long!! Thank you so much for any tips or advice!! I can’t even tell you how much this site has helped me these last two weeks!

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Mia,

      I’m confused, he didn’t actually broke up with you right? He just said, it felt better when you were silent? I think you should hold off on the no contact until you moved out.. For now, just lay low.. answer if he contacts you..

    • Mia - 0

      Mia

      Hi Amor,

      No we are not together. He did break up with me when he left, as he said that it’s not working right now. I still haven’t spoken to him since our last conversation a few days ago. He has removed my name from his bio on Instagram and started deleting sweet captions under photos that were directed towards me in the past. However, he hasn’t deleted any of the actual pictures of us and we are still friends on all social media. I’m so confused by his actions, it’s almost like he’s playing a game and trying to get me upset without actually doing anything wrong. Testing me, maybe?

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      maybe, or he’s just confused with his feelings too.

  34. Frost - 0

    Frost

    Hello Amor!

    I’m feeling like I hit a rock somewhere and would really appreciate your insight… This is going to be long since I haven’t commented in a while as things were going great, or so I thought. I already commented earlier in the comments if you remember… So to recap: did 45 NC, it’s been about a month of texting (no calling, as even when we were together he hated calls and would never use it – called back only once only to make me happy when we first started dating – by the way is there a way to work through that? ). Let’s call him B.
    For someone who had been dating him for only two months I think our texting is doing really awesome, actually we’re exchanging even more than when we dated and I feel our exchanges are more fun and interesting. Your texting bible guide has challenged me to keep my conversation interesting and keep the chemistry going instead of just sending needy texts «when will we see each other again?» or «How are you?» . Exept, first off, I’m always the one initiating conversations. He will never text me on his own… Is this a bad sign? Only twice he didn’t answer back so i’d do 2-3 days nc, then go back to texting him. Usually he’d always text me back almost immediately.
    These two last weeks I thought things were going great! He even reposted on social media a funny picture I sent him by text (we are no longer facebook friends but some of his posts are public) , it was spot on and hit home run. Since that moment he’d sometimes answer with more than one text and we’d send each other inside jokes, and have started to get flirtatious again. Each time I’d send an opening text as suggested in texting bible such as «You’ll never guess what i did…» he’d tease me by answering with an over the top sexual practice and a joking smiley, and I’d laugh and answer my initial text. We sent each other a couple of flirty play on words, I’d send him a funny flirty picture, he’d laugh and answer that I shouldn’t tease him as he lives a nun’s life (clearly alluding more than once to the fact that he’s not seeing anyone). I know from reading your other articles that talking about sex even jokingly is a big no, but I love that we’re back on flirting terms and since we’re both basically pervs and big on sexual jokes, is that a problem? We’d both always admired each other’s wit and humor on that subject, and would laugh together on how it would usually offend others (so it might come off as odd if I suddenly wasn’t that way, it’s not like me) .
    Twice he didn’t answer as fast as he usually does, first time it happened he texted back saying he was at a work reunion and would get back to me (he could’ve not answered and I was astonished that he’d justify himself since he’d usually just not answer even when we dated), second time he got back from a party and shared the event highlights with me and after told me «You should have been there» ! Our exchanges seemed even better than before…

    I found out a week ago I was supposed to work at his private studio Saturday with another artist. Huge surprise. I didn’t want him to feel I was «stalking» him like he used as an excuse to stop contacting each other in the first place. So I sent him a text saying «I just found out I’ll be working at your studio next week, I hope this doesn’t bother you» to which he answered «It doesn’t bother me. On the contrary 🙂 » . I was over the top happy knowing this. I guess I started expecting something in this chance meeting. But still I stuck to usual friendly texting until then and kept cool. Two days before the project almost got cancelled as the artist was sick, I took my courage and told B, in our texting then suggested that if it was really cancelled suggested that we could grab a drink instead. He completely ignored it and answered on the subject of the art project and finance, when i asked again with a play of words he again dodged anwering directly, answering with jokes like we’d usually do, so I let it go and said «I might of have come off as too teasing with my suggestive jokes this time, it’s just a friendly drink 🙂 relax» and he just said he enjoys our jokes, but still didn’t answer yes or no for a drink…. I feel like in a cat/mouse game. I felt like he was stringing me along or that he’s unsure… Even reading your article on the subject I still can’t tell which it is. I can’t seem to get to the meet up point.
    So project wasn’t cancelled, last saturday went to his place, dressed comfortably but looking good. I had changed my hair back to my natural color (I’d always wanted to go back to it and he’d often mentionned how much he thought it was a beautiful shade on women), I felt much more myself and confident than when we first dated! This was the first time we’d see each other since the breakup. I expected to have a couple of seconds behind his door to think of what to say at first and adjust, but as soon as I got into the hall his door was wide open and B was standing in it looking at me extending his arms for a hug hello. I can’t tell you how much my heart was racing, I’m so afraid it showed, but I stayed calm. I hugged him back and just said «Sorry for the 5min late» (so much for an amazing come back… Ha! ) to which he laughed. I went straight to work with the artist since it was my main purpose to being here, I wanted to show that I can stay professional. Maybe I made a mistake and was too cold… B left, saying he had errands to do and trusted he could leave us in the studio while we worked (the artist he then told me that it’s what he usually does). I was a bit dissapointed, hoping he’d stay… While he was gone, seeing as he had greeted me with a hug and greeted the artist with just a casual hi, the fellow Artist looked at me strange and asked how we knew each other. I got red, A. told me «Oh okay I get it, you two have history» … Awkward. But A. at least said nothing. When B got back he just let us know with a shout in the hall and isolated himself in another room, I was hoping he’d join us… But since he knew the project was me being slighty undressed I guess he or didn’t want to see me that way or wanted to stay respectful and not intrude. Since we had sent each other flirty texts I found he was a bit cold, maybe because there was a third person there. When I’d finished changing and we’d backed back our material he came back, he kept looking away or at the floor. Tried asking him how his errands went, he just gave me a vague answer. I was hoping he’d suggest we get a drink (like I had suggested two days before), but he instead mentionned how tired he was and promptly accompanied us to the door. Again, like when he greeted us, very neutral with A, then turns to me smiling and looking at me straight in the eyes and hugging. It hurt me so much to not grab him closer and not be able to stay longer like that, it felt nice…
    When we were out A. said «Did you two leave on bad terms? Usually he talks a lot more with the other artists before heading us out. Then again he did look tired like he said.” and it sent my mind racing and in a panic. I’m afraid this was just business for him and that he didn’t feel anything… I doubt I’ll have another chance like this and I feel it was blown… I thought he’d be happier to see me, that we’d spent time since he knew in advance I’d be there and suggested that it was positive. Two hours later I sent a text thanking him for being thoughtful (as in my mind i tried to stay positive and focusing on his hug, it could’ve been worse? No? ) . He answered back saying «I was completely absent you mean ha ha!» . I sent back a message saying that he did look tired but it was nice to see him smile. No answer back. I was fine at first but thinking back at what the artist said, having such strong emotions burst back up after seeing him, I kind of broke down that night and cried. I felt sad realizing how I ruined our relationship over a misunderstanding, never having the chance to tell him this, and how much I miss him (it was a full moon too, didn’t help). I sent back a message late at night to B asking if he was asleep, that I had just got out of another job as something that bothered me during a different art set that had upset me and caused to leave, that I was feeling sick and wanted his insight on it. I received no answer… In truth I was just feeling overwhelmed from seeing him ealier the same day and just wanted a nice text or to hear his soothing voice so i could feel better. I called a friend to who I explained the encounter, who told me his reaction did seem a bit cold. Called another friend who told me she thought he was acting like a jerk for not asking me out for a drink and for not initiating contact with me, she tells me he’s stringing me along, that he probably just likes the attention and proceeded to tell me just as all friends say to each other how I could «find a better guy» as she thinks any guy who’s such a bear is just a looser (obviously that doesn’t change my mind AT ALL) …

    So to sum things up I’d really like to have your insight:
    – Do you think, just as my friends are suggesting, that his reactions were cold upon seeing me again or is it positive and that I’m just overthinking things?
    – Is it a bad thing that he’s never the one initiating contact (even when i do mini NC of 2 days) ? Knowing that he’s very introverted, he never was very demonstrative or taking charge during our relationship, I find him more talktative by text now.
    – What exactly should my next move be? My last message was late Saturday night, when asking if he was sleeping and if I could talk about something that upset me at work. We are monday and I still have no response whatsoever. Usually when a person you like even as a friend sends that you at least check up on them no :/ ? Especially that he knows I was at a big event yesterday, he could’ve asked how it was… But no news. Should I do a longer NC or am I being too sensible over nothing? Should I act like it doesn’t bother me and continue my texts like nothing happened?
    I read the «Complete Guide” page as well. I find the transition from text to a first encounter really difficult to bring on… I’m also confused about the friendzoning him part, wouldn’t that get me friendzoned as well? Should I initiate jealousy by going on dates and telling him? I feel so close having gone this far, but I’m afraid I’m stuck in limbo here…

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Frost,

      Honestly, it looks like you’re just hoping.. it’s normal that you would initiate more because he’s an introvert but avoiding the subject of grabbing drinks and saying that he was tired after your activity in his studio was a clear sign that he doesnt want to drink with you…even the artist noticed that he was aloof…

    • Frost - 0

      Frost

      What do you suggest I do then in this case 🙁 ?

    • Frost - 0

      Frost

      This is so confusing, he’s giving me such mixed signals… He’s always answering straight away and said things like “You should be here” or “I don’t mind seeing you. On the contrary : ) “, yet still avoiding a drink and never himself initiating contact? What am I supposed to do : ( ?

    • Frost - 0

      Frost

      Maybe it might help to add that I have been mostly sending him funny texts and jokes. Should I stop the ‘dirty’ jokes entirely, and show him only my sincere serious side? It’s very hard for me to reach out in another way than joking. I’m thinking about stopping the jokes and talking about more intellectual subjects (such as what I’m working on, or political contributions and recent elections). Maybe I should try one serious message tomorrow and if it doesn’t amount to at least a good conversation try 7 day no contact? Is that a good idea?
      Or is there something that I mentioned that makes you say that I’m “just hoping” here ? Which makes me a bit bummed out as I’d really appreciate insight to get things to progress and know if I still have a chance to reconnecting with the person I love.
      I’m wondering if I haven’t been hiding behind humor for too long each time to contact him. But humor is my main way to extent towards someone, and in your guides Chris says it’s a great way. Maybe I got too carried away.
      I want to make things work.

    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It looks like you’re just hoping because he didn’t want to have a drink with you despite the flirty texts you had..You even told him it’s just a drink but it looks like you sounded like you’re just trying to make him believe that..when he avoided that kind of moment with you, it means he doesnt want to lead you on.. He clearly avoided it from the moment you opened it up.. it was a short relationship too, so there’s a small chance of getting him back..

      Humor is very good but I think you went too much on the dirty jokes..he might have been avoiding because of that too, because let’s say you were left alone and something happened, then that might make things complicated and he doesnt want you to expect a relationship again.. He might still think you’re hoping for a deeper connection, so it’ll just be better to avoid a situation like that.. It’s not a good sign that another person noticed how he’s avoiding you.. even pointing out if you had a bad break up because your friend thought that that could only be the reason he’s acting different with you..

      It looks like you’re friendzoned.. For me you should move on..but if you really want to try, aim to be the ungettable girl.. date others, spend less time texting him and be involved with other activities, but when you do interact keep it fun and light..

      Ungettable girls know how much to invest at a time and they know when to walk away too..if it looks like he’s just stringing you along, walk away…

  35. Sarah - 0

    Sarah

    Hi, need advice badly. So I am recently divorced, for several months, and I met a guy through mutual friends. We hit it off and started texting a lot immediately…he came over my house and we agreed to be friends w benefits…I assumed I could be fine with it because I am not ready for a relationship…well this fun fling turned out to be amazing sex/chemistry was fabulous…everything was great except…I suppose I acted like I wanted more when he and I were together…texting a lot..getting jealous of other women in his life (friends), he called me out on it and I tried to correct it, perhaps I am just not cut out for FWB..anyway, 3 months into our “agreement”, he breaks it off….in sort of a mean way. He basically told me that it’s all over…he also gave me mixed signals making me feel perhaps he did want a relationship…so this isn’t all my fault. He is still my friend on FB, but may have unfollowed me there, not sure. After not talking for a week I texted him I wanted him to come over…he never replied…so I texted him again and he basically said it’s all over, and to quit it before he blocks me. I want him to know that I am a good, caring person who just got a little too deep in this relationship…I want to be friends. He was so much fun to hang out with. We had lots more we wanted to do together. He would always text me too, even if he said work was busy and I’d be perfectly cool with that, then he’d msg me first saying something else…I hope he is thinking about me, I just wish it didn’t end that way. He even told me in the beginning that people like me don’t happen to him and that he is allowing this to happen (he’s guarded from being cheated on too, as was I by my ex)…I’m really confused. It’s been a week of no contact. We were never a couple…but in a way I want to apologize for how I made him feel and hope we can be friends. When should I do this? Should I just leave him alone completely???

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      Hi Sarah,

      Yup just leave him alone.. If you really want to apologize, now is not the right time.. By the way, What are you going to apologize for? What do you think you made him feel?

  36. chanel - 0

    chanel

    Honestly if I ever felt creeped out by a guy I would never want to speak to him again and it would be hard for me to see them in a different light…i know i messed up, he was super nice and into me until i let my insecurity get the best of me and i lashed out over a simple question, I thought I wasn’t satisfing him anymore, he ended it before I got the chance to explain myself….. maybe I should just never contact him again?

    Reply
    • Chris Seiter - 4

      EBR Team Member: Amor

      It’s your choice.. For me, I’m not saying that there’s no chance but of course, you’re free to do what you decide to do..

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