It’s been said that men are among the most complicated creatures in the world to understand.

I’ve never really got that but then again, I’m a man.

Today I’m going to open up, share all of my experience and teach you how to get your man back.

I’ve decided the best way to do this is by using data that I’ve acquired from real life success stories of clients who’ve read and used the advice in my best selling book.

Over the years there have been four things that have struck me as essential to getting a man back and I’m going to teach you about those four things right here, right now.

The 4 Most Important Ways To Get A Man Back

I started this website in 2012 and the advice I gave to women (and men) back then has dramatically changed. If you want proof you just need to look at my very first article.

It’s not that my advice back then was bad, on the contrary, a lot of people have read that article and gone on to see some great results. However, after years of stress testing and starting my own coaching practice I’ve learned more efficient ways to win a man back.

Below are my five biggest takeaways (which will ultimately create a foundation to help you get your ex back.)

  1. Utilize A No Contact Rule
  2. Understand The Value Ladder
  3. The Girl Who Is Willing To Lose The Guy Will Get The Guy
  4. Have An Outlet To Air Your Frustrations Out

Now, before we get started I do want to point out that each of the big takeaways I listed above I have only found by leading thousands of individuals to success. To further reiterate this point I have decided to include proof to back my claims up.

I am going to do this by providing screenshots, interviews or email excerpts backing up how each of these takeaways work.

Let’s begin.

I Want My Ex Back
Do You Have A Chance?

1. Utilize The No Contact Rule

If you aren’t familiar with the no contact rule then you are in for a treat.

In short,

The No Contact Rule – Is a period of time where you ignore your man, on purpose. The idea is that by doing this it will cause him to miss you and it will also allow you some time to get your life together after a breakup

Oh, and if you’re not really into reading then you can simply watch one of my videos to further explain it,

I’ve always known the no contact rule was an important rule for getting your ex back.

After all, I spent a month writing this article.

However, it wasn’t until I had the brilliant idea one day to look at all of my success stories (i.e. people who had gotten their exes back using my program) and try to pinpoint any commonalities I could find.

It became very clear after conducting my experiment that the big commonality was that women who got their exes back used the no contact rule.

70% of them to be exact

And I’d even put an asterisk next to that figure because a lot of times I would get a success story the person would literally reach out to me with a,

“Hey Chris, I got my ex back thank you so much.”

Kind of like this,

For the record, Jen is my wife in case you were wondering.

Anyways, notice how Nathalie above didn’t really specify how she got her ex back. She didn’t make any mention of the no contact rule. But since she is in our private facebook group that you can get added to with a purchase of my book, PRO I know for a fact that she utilized a no contact rule on her ex.  So, that 70% number I have quoted above might in reality be more like 90%.

All in all here’s my point.

The no contact rule works and it works really well.

2. Understand The Value Ladder

The value ladder is something that I often have to explain to coaching clients.

It may be a little complicated to grasp at first but once you understand the essence of it you’ll start changing your paradigm on how a lot of things in your life work.

Ok, so the best way I can think to explain this is by first discussing how successful businesses become so successful.

Let’s say that you created a product that you are very proud of and you decide to sell it.

Sales are ok but ultimately you don’t make any money.

It takes you $1.00 to make this product and $5 to advertise it. You need to make $6 to get your investment back. People are buying your product (like I said above) but when it’s all said and done you are only making $4 for every $6 spent.

In other words, you lose $2 every time you make a sale.

Not exactly a winning business model.

However, what if I told you that you actually had a very successful business model you’re just missing a value chain?

Take a look at the graphic below,

The secret to making a lot of money is not in the very first product you make. It’s in selling the next product to someone and that’s where the value ladder comes into play.

As long as you can provide value through each “rung” of the ladder people will be lining up to buy what you’re selling.

I’ll give you a real life example.

You go to the dentist…

🙂

And they tell you that your teeth look really good but they are a bit stained and yellow. You might benefit from some teeth whitening.

You look in the mirror and say to yourself,

“Hey, I would benefit from some teeth whitening.”

Bam, they just sold you by moving you up the value ladder which looks something like this,

And then after that the dentist says,

“You might actually benefit from this special waterpik toothbrush.”

You hear that and think,

“You know what, I might!”

He’s moving you on up that value ladder,

The dentist can only do this if he convinces you of the value of the next thing he’s selling you.

Which looks like this,

Pretty cool, right?

But the real question here is how the heck do you apply this to your man? How can you use this concept to get your man back?

How To Use The Value Chain To Get Your Man Back

Ok, before I get started I do want to say that this is without a doubt one of the most important concepts for you to grasp if you want to dramatically improve your chances with your ex. The problem is that I can’t do it justice in an article. So, my recommendation to you is pick up my book so that you can get this strategy explained to you perfectly.

If you aren’t really the “reading type” then my other recommendation is to set up a coaching session with me or one of the other coaching sessions so that we can have a few hours to explain it to you.

Here’s the crash course.

Without a doubt there are four strategies that we’ve found to be the most important to get an ex back.

These strategies I like to call “the power four” because there are four of them and they make up the foundation of almost every successful campaign that we’ve had here at Ex Boyfriend Recovery.

  • The No Contact Rule (which I wrote about above and have even written a whole book dedicated to the topic)
  • Text Messages (which again, is such an important strategy I’ve written a book about it as well.)
  • Phone Calls (this includes anything from talking on the phone, facetime, skype, etc)
  • Dates (in person interactions is something i’ve written about exclusively on this website.)

So, the idea here is that if you use these strategies in tandem with a value ladder you’ll be able to move your man up the ladder until he eventually wants to get you back.

It looks something like this,

The idea behind it is like this.

You are purposefully going about this in as natural a way as possible because we’ve found that one of the biggest mistakes that women tend to make is rushing things.

Notice how you aren’t ever jumping from something like the no contact rule to a date.

Why?

Because I want to ensure that you’ve had time to build up rapport and value so that by the time you get to that date it’s electric.

Too often I see women going from a no contact rule to a date only to come back to me when things didn’t go the way they were hoping.

“Why didn’t it work, Chris?”

It didn’t work because you didn’t build up any type of value before you saw your man in person.

I Want My Ex Back
Do You Have A Chance?

3. The Girl Who Is Willing To Lose The Guy Will Get The Guy


Stop me if you’ve heard me say this before.

The girl who is willing to lose the guy will get the guy…

A few years ago, when I first started my p0odcast I got a listener question from a woman who asked if it was ever possible to get an ex back after you’ve moved on. She cited that it had been years since her breakup and she had completely moved on. In that time her business had taken off and she really got her life together.

And then, like a comet, her ex boyfriend started trying to win her back.

This wasn’t the first time I had heard about this phenomenon. In fact, I noticed from interviewing a lot of my success stories  that they had experienced this phenomenon as well.

But why?

Well, that’s a little hard to decipher.

Quite frankly, I’m still trying to work that out. However, I do have a hypothesis.

My Hypothesis On Why This Works So Well

Most of the people coming to this website want their exes back more than anything.

I’ve seen some crazy things that would make you shocked (I’ll just leave it at that.)

The important thing to grasp here is the motivation behind doing those crazy things.

They want their exes back.

And therein lies the problem.

Trying too hard to get an ex back reeks of desperation.

Everyone knows that in life it’s often the person with most of the leverage that wins and when you act overly desperate you basically lose any leverage over your ex.

However, here’s where things get really interesting.

Chances are that you are not your exes first relationship. The odds say that you are probably going to be somewhere between his third of fifth serious relationship which means he has some experience with breakups.

And women who have been broken up with will beg for their exes back at one point. So, he probably has this preconceived notion about you begging for him back. So, when the opposite happens it almost intrigues him and creates leverage for you.

By truly being willing to “lose him” you gain leverage that you need to get him back

Now, the keyword I want you to take note of is the word “truly.” Most women aren’t truly willing to let go of their exes. In fact, imagining a future without their ex is the thing that keeps them up at night haunting them.

But you have to be willing to go there.

And that’s not an easy thing.

4. Have An Outlet To Air Your Frustrations Out

People don’t like the idea of getting an ex back.

That’s something that I’ve learned in the last half decade. Whenever I tell people that I am a professional relationship consultant specializing in breakups they give me this weird look like I have the plague.

And I’m sure you’ve had your own experiences with this, right?

You tell your friends and family that you want your ex back and they tell you that it’s a bad idea and try to do everything to prevent you from accomplishing your goal. Of course, this creates a nagging worry that if you do end up getting your man back your friends and family are going to make your life a living he*l.

So, in essence a lot of women go through this process alone.

And that can be a dangerous thing.

I’m here to tell you that you aren’t alone.

When I created Ex Boyfriend Recovery I thought I was creating a place where people could come and interact to vent their frustrations about the process out. The problem is that all this website really does is start a conversation between you and me. What really needs to happen is that a conversation needs to be started between you and other people in your EXACT SITUATION!

So, last year I decided to open up a private facebook group for people who were my clients.

Slowly but surely as we grew I began to realize what a good idea this was.

Not only are people in that group having higher success rates but they are making lifelong friends and it’s a resource that everyone can use no matter where they are in the process.

And something I’d take advantage of if I was you!

16 thoughts on “How To Get Your Man Back”

  1. JEM

    September 7, 2018 at 11:51 pm

    so my ex and i have been broken up for 9 months now we reconnected in end feb and March and then I thought things were moving along great until in May he suddenly says that he only sees me as a friend and that he had other potentials. I then cut contact with him for a month (30 days) to gain emotional control. we established contact after that with him texting daily and we met up twice. he recently told me he has two potential women in his life one of which he seems more interested in. this was after he asked me a lot of questions aboit my dating life. I still have some feelings for him and i don’t know how to tackle this. is nc necessary again? I’ve done like 2 no contacts

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 9, 2018 at 5:39 am

      Hi JEM!

      I do think NC is necessary again, but this time do it for yourself, not for him. He seems to be wanting to live the life of a playboy, yet find time to be jealous of any interest you may have in dating. Think about if this is the guy you really want. But don;t try to answer that question now. Find that place were you can detach from him and look at things with greater perspective.

    2. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      September 9, 2018 at 5:39 am

      Hi JEM!

      I do think NC is necessary again, but this time do it for yourself, not for him. He seems to be wanting to live the life of a playboy, yet find time to be jealous of any interest you may have in dating. Think about if this is the guy you really want. But don;t try to answer that question now. Find that place were you can detach from him and look at things with greater perspective.

  2. Cassandra

    September 2, 2018 at 9:15 am

    Hi, I really need to know if I have any chance to win him back.. My story is a little bit complicated….. 🙁
    I am French and I met my boyfriend online in march. He is Korean and we speak in Korean as I am fluent in the language. We then began chatting everyday for 2 months as we both knew that we would meet in South Korea in April (I am there with a working holiday visa – 1 year). At that point we were just friends, but when we met each other we both realized we were in love so we agreed to be together on the second date. The problem is that at that time he had also just began working as a marine police officer, 3 hours away from Seoul where I live (he is also from Seoul), but since we were both ready to give it a try, we gave it a try and indeed we met twice a month without any problem… He was equally invested in the relationship as I was.
    He told me that his work was difficult for him and also physically tiring because it is new for him, and me too I had a lot of problem with my work because the job was not meant for me and I wasn’t happy and he knew it….. So I knew that I had to find another work soon, and a company willing to sponsor my visa to allow me to stay longer in Korea but I had told him that I would succeed !
    But then about 2 weeks ago (after dating for 3 months and a half) he sent me out of the blue a long text were he explained me that he doesn’t know if meeting each other in these conditions is a good idea as he is tired, busy because of his work… After that I let him alone for one week and sent him a text but he still responded to same way, that for him it was not the good timing to have a relationship, that he didn’t understand himself either and couldn’t explain clearly what was on his mind.. I tried to convince him that there is no problem without solution and that we could overcame any difficulty (because 3hours by bus is nothing comparing to LDR)… We then texted this past week and he just told me that he wanted to be alone, and that his feelings for me were maybe not as strong as they should be to be able to overcome obstacles and difficulties… Since then we are in NC..
    What do you think of this situation ? He had even spoken about me to his parents (in Asia you only do that when you are serious about your partner)…

    There is also another problem.. I did not have the opportunity to meet his friends, and he has no social media. We only texted through the equivalent of WhatsApp in Korea.. Do you think NC may help him to realize to depth of his feelings for me ? If I found a new job allowing me to stay in Korea and post it, may he change his mind ?
    It’s so difficult… (Sorry for the mistakes, English is not my first language…)

  3. Chris Seiter

    Chris Seiter

    August 17, 2018 at 3:14 pm

    Hi Anna…yes…..i think the normal plan applies here, with an emphasis on reinforcing your value through subtle indirect ways.

  4. Help pls

    August 17, 2018 at 12:07 am

    Hey
    Together on and off for 5 years I’ve always done the chasing every time. We have 2 children and things have got so bad between us j can’t see things getting better I decided friends with benefits was better than losing him altogether only we acted like a couple staying over having dinner doing family stuff and dates. He kept saying it wouldn’t b more I kept pretending I didn’t care he said he was going thro a lot after his sister was murdered and he hasn’t dealt with it. We broke up this time cause he started uni and meet loads of friends and stared drinking a lot and acting nasty at times. I thought there was another girl I lost it and broke up with him I was preg at the time and very emotional I tried a week later to get him back and he said enough was enough and he wasn’t coming back this time. Said I had hurt him a lot thro the 5 years and that he wouldn’t give me the chance to do it again ect. Situation went on for months and he started to get snappy and nasty to me and then he would b ok again he’s been acting weird not just with me with other people and family to it’s like he has had a personality change all his morals and things he believed in has seemed to have gone and in its place is a nasty selfish man who I don’t k ow any more. I see the old him sometimes but as soon as we start getting close he gets nasty again. Anyway I again think there maybe another girl I’ve seen him comment o her pics and stuff he says he does like her but he isn’t interested in a relationship says he isn’t over me or dealt with our break up but he don’t want to try again I said if things were so bad between us u didn’t want this why carry on seeing me so long see the person I knew wpykd never use someone like that he never had b4. I’ve started nc after confessing how j feel and what I want he said he couldn’t see us working. Should I do no contact I feel bad leaving him when he says he is depressed ect and I’m worried he will think I’m selfish and not care he says a lot he doesn’t think I love him. I’m so confused in my head trying to make sense of all this as he acted like he lived me and then acts like he hates me and I can do nothing right.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 17, 2018 at 2:06 pm

      Hi there!

      I think you made a wise choice in starting NC. Remember, it is designed to help you recover and focus on your needs and being the best “you”. Obviously, there are important secondary benefits such at re-attracting your ex…making him miss you….maybe making him a bit jealous…showcasing your value to him…etc. Do help you do all this, it helps to have a plan of action. I talk about this thru out my site and as a shortcut, go to my home page so you can plug into some of the tools and resources I make available

  5. Kayla

    August 13, 2018 at 5:46 pm

    Hi Chris:

    My boyfriend of 5 years and I broke up 3 weeks ago. We lived together for 2 years and we have a dog together. We argued a lot and a lot of people expressed that he doesn’t treat me the way I should be treated, so I had doubts more recently (past year or so). In the last few months I was distant to try and make sure this was what I wanted. I realized after this time- it WAS. Then about a week later he said he didn’t love me anymore and packed his stuff and moved out. I am devastated. I never saw HIM being the one to leave, and it hurt more that I had just taken the time to make sure this was what I wanted and I did. The hard part is I can’t exactly do the NC rule because we have the same group of friends/best friends. I don’t text or call him but I will almost 100% see him on the weekends, which I have been. We have had talks in person of me saying this doesn’t feel right and I want him back. That I was depressed and lost before and if we rekindled things it would be a different relationship. But he doesn’t want to hear it and said “I don’t see myself with you in the near future”. We have had sex 3 times since breaking up. We discussed it was “meaningless” and it’s the best sex we’ve both ever had. I’m working so hard to try and convince him I’m the girl who will give him the world and a different relationship if he lets me.. but I can’t get him to let me. I just want the love of my life back.

  6. Natalie

    August 12, 2018 at 8:52 pm

    Hi,
    I was dating this guy for a couple months, things were going great and he told me on many occasions he was happy. I got an job offer abroad and was considering it. He never really want to speak about me potentially moving and what it would do to us. He was happy and he wanted to keep it this way- he wanted me to stay. Things got a bit busy for both of us, and one thing led to another which caused us to have a little tiff (- so I thought). He told me he couldnt put his life on hold for me, so I reluctantly said bye (all via txt).

    I then decided 2 weeks later not to move and told him. Turns out the tiff reminded him of an ex-girlfriend and put him off. I tired to ask to meet to talk but work didn’t allow plans to be made. It has been a week since our last message. Can I change his mind about this do you think? I would like to but I’m scared I will push him away further.

  7. Zara

    August 3, 2018 at 4:02 pm

    So I’m in a very weird situation, one of my best friends and I recently hooked up, over a month or so ago and he had told me he had romantic feelings for me throughout our 3 year friendship. I recently started getting feelings for him especially after we were intimate. Then we stopped having sex, but never had a conversation about it, my feelings kept growing even after this. During that time, we just continued as friends for about a month, but he was giving me mixed signals throughout, by holding my hand, being cuddly and thoughtful – but no kissing or anything sexual.
    So about 3 weeks ago, we spoke about it and he just said he wants to stay friends, as he would be moving away back home in Ireland, we both currently live in England. This was news to me. He said he wouldn’t be dating anyone soon either because he was moving away which meant it wouldn’t go any further, so I believed it was to do with circumstances, not because his feelings changed for me etc.
    About a week ago now, he told me he was going to date someone he’s dated before, but it would be casual etc. This really hurt me and we spoke about this. He said that he doesn’t have romantic feelings for me anymore – just because he felt there was a slight pressure for us to be together. He started bringing up things from the past from us, romantically and things got escalated and we got sexually intimate again. The next day I had to face him at work and it was fine. I tried kissing him and he moved away so I couldn’t – I felt so humiliated. He didn’t say anything about this though.
    I am still having to face working with him for the next two weeks, before he leaves for Ireland. So the NC rule for now is a little difficult for me to apply… and would it even work if he was to move away?
    What can I do? I would eventually like to be romantically involved with him, because we do see each other as soul mates. I also really like him a lot and I think he had strong feelings for me in the past. What can I do at this stage? It’s such a weird situation I am in, as I want to be with him, but I think he wants to just be friends. He is indecisive about a lot of things, and changes his mind easily. Please help, as I really think I would want to explore things with him romantically…

    Thank you.

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      August 4, 2018 at 2:57 am

      It was insensitive of him to tell you he was going to date someone casually. I agree NC is the way you want to go.

      I think you need to dive into one of my ebooks to get a fuller picture of how to optimize your chances as there are a lot of moving pieces to rolling out NC properly.

  8. Lucy

    July 28, 2018 at 3:43 pm

    I’m having trouble seeing the comment section on my phone, so I hope I’ll be able to read it…
    So my boyfriend held through 3 months of what my family now calls an “emotional maelstorm”. It got too much for him (it’s already getting too much for my friends and family and I treated him waayy worse), so he ended it. He really had the feeling he was making me unhappy and as this was making him unhappy (plus the added problem of not having enough space), he decided to end it. He wishes me all the happiness in the world, has told me and a mutual friend that he hopes I get through this and find someone I love and can be happy with. He has also given me my stuff back. I’ve tried no contact twice, once he approached me and kept asking how I was feeling until I finally cracked and the other time I gave in too early and agreed to go to his birthday party (which he asked me to three times, once through a mutual friend). He has made it very clear he doesn’t want to give me any false hopes. On the other hand, the third time I really implemented no contact I started noticing him staring at me across the classroom. My friends also noticed (which is how I got the information as I wasn’t looking at him at all). They also tell me he does his absolute best to not look at me at all. Sometimes he seems fine, but lately he seems sad. He askes a mutual friend how I’m doing and talks about me occasionally (only positives however and how he doesn’t want a relationship) I don’t know if this means that no contact is actually working or if the situation even has any hope left. I don’t want to lose him, especially since I now see what I did wrong and am willing to change that (as I don’t like that about myself either). I’ve now stopped talking about him to the mutual friend as it isn’t helpful. Is there a chance I can get him back? Is there a chance I can change his mind? Sorry that the comment is so long…

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 29, 2018 at 1:47 am

      Hi Lucy…do you have an ex recovery plan? Best to grab up one of my books or start pouring thru this website so you can make use of the best tactics and it all starts with you own healing and recovery so you can find the emotional balance needed to make good decisions goring forward.

  9. Zan

    July 27, 2018 at 5:15 pm

    Hi Chris,
    So I dated this guy last summer for a few months and everything was well but then he ended up going ghost. I text gnatted him. So I did the no contact rule. It’s been 9 months and he apparently seen me somewhere and decided to text me. We tried making plans and he told me he would work with my schedule. But he acts very hot and cold in text messaging. Sometimes he’ll take a few days, sometimes he won’t text back at all. So the last time we texted he said we would have dinner in the week and to let him know a day. So I did and he never texted back. I’m honestly confused. I would like things to work with him. But I don’t appreciate all this toying with my feelings. Is there anything I can do about this or should I just leave him altogether?

    Thanks,
    Zan

    1. Chris Seiter

      Chris Seiter

      July 27, 2018 at 9:26 pm

      Hi Zan!

      I understand why you would be confused. I think your return to NC and working on your recovery as the future is unclear with this guy and you don’t want to have to rely on him. Tap in to my posts, my popular ebooks, and podcasts to help you going forward!

  10. Chris Seiter

    Chris Seiter

    July 27, 2018 at 4:19 pm

    For those looking for some insights about how to get your man back, then by all means weigh in so we can have a discussion about what might be going on with your situation!

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