By Chris Seiter

Updated on February 27th, 2021

This site is mostly focused on helping women get their ex boyfriends back. Thus, it makes sense that most of the things I write for it are geared towards an audience of women who are desperate to win back their man. Of course, every once in a while I get bold and decide to go the opposite route and talk to the general population about general relationship topics.

This is one of those times.

One of the most popular “guides” on my website has to do with long distance and how to win back a boyfriend if the two of you broke up. Well, lets imagine for a moment that you were in a long distance relationship with an ex boyfriend and you just happened to get him back.

What are you supposed to do after you get him back?

You are both still long distance and will likely have many of the same problems that caused you to break up in the first place.

What is it that you can do differently the second time around to make this thing work?

That’s what this guide is going to be all about, how to make a long distance relationship work.

The Problem With Long Distance Relationships

theres your problem

Take it from someone who has been in a long distance relationship before, they aren’t easy…

If you have truly fallen for someone then you want nothing more than to be next to them all the time. Of course, if you are long distance it’s kind of impossible to do that and therein lies our problem.

The Problem = No Physical Contact

One of the best parts about dating someone new for the first time is that you often can’t take your hands off each other.

  • You hold hands…
  • Kiss…
  • Cuddle…
  • Have passionate hugs…
  • I think you get the idea.

My point is simple, in a long distance relationship you only get to do those things in short bursts. For example, lets say that you and I were in a long distance relationship and we only see each other for a few days every single month. Well, we would get to do the things listed above during those days we have together but then all of a sudden when we are separated its a bit shocking because all of a sudden you are taken away from the thing you want most in the world.

Now, I suppose an argument can be made that “absence does make the heart grow fonder.” However, absence also can caused weak minded individuals to stray from the relationship. I believe this is the “out of sight out of mind” mindset.

So, which is more likely to happen in a LDR (long distance relationship?)

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“Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder” Vs. “Out Of Sight, Out Of Mind”

abscence out of sight

Before I tackle this age old question and how it relates to LDR’s lets take a moment to define what each of these quotes mean.

Lets start with,

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

This basically means that the less you see someone the more you will want to see them. For example, if you and I were in a long distance relationship and we saw each other only twice a month then we would both probably want so badly to see each other for the next months two days during the “absent period” that our feelings for each other would grow.

Of course, there will always be those people that absence has the opposite effect on.

“Out of sight, out of mind.”

The idea behind this quote is that the less you see of someone the more likely you are to look elsewhere for the “physical benefits” if you catch my drift. Again, lets pretend that we have a long distance relationship and see each other only two days every month. Well, turns out that those two days aren’t enough for you and you begin to stray and end up cheating on me because I was never around due to the distance.

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So, out of these two quotes which is more likely to happen.

Which Quote More Accurately Describes Long Distance Relationships?

Both actually.

Obviously a lot of it depends on the two individuals in the relationship and how committed they are to making it work. However, from my vast experience dealing with a lot of different long distance situations on this site I would have to say that both quotes are extremely accurate.

In fact, they almost form a hybrid quote,

“Absence makes the heart grow fonder… unless it’s too long… and then it’s out of sight out of mind.”

So, what does this hybrid quote mean?

Simple, absence often makes the heart grow fonder. However, if you stay absent for too long then it’s likely that the other person is going to stray.

For example, I had a woman comment here on the site once that she cheated on her (now) ex boyfriend.

Why did she cheat?

Well, it turns out that they were in a long distance relationship and her (now) ex boyfriend just stopped paying attention to her. In effect, he became totally absent and she didn’t like that very much. Eventually he became so absent that she started to stray and eventually ended up cheating on him with one of her guy friends.

So, his absence made her heart grow fond at first until she couldn’t take the absence anymore and decided to do something to “dull the pain.”

This begs an interesting question.

What is the best way to ensure that the absence doesn’t grow so bad that your significant other strays?

I’m glad you asked!

The Importance Of A Consistent Routine


One of the most interesting aspects of relationships is how a couple gets into a routine.

For example, a common routine for a couple in a long distance relationship would be to text each other all day and then call, FaceTime or Skype each other at night. These types of routines are good because it gives each person something to look forward to each and every day.

Of course, the problem with this routine in a long distance relationship is that even though each person is paying attention to one another constantly there still isn’t any physical contact being made.

Remember what I said above during the “absence makes the heart grow fonder” vs. “out of sight, out of mind” argument above?

In order for a LDR to thrive physical contact needs to be made consistently.

Now, this is where the actual distance between the couple comes into play.

The Two Couple Example

long distance

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I would like to take a moment and illustrate an important point about routine and distance by using two examples of couples. Each couple is in a long distance relationship and is separated by a certain amount of distance.

  1. Couple 1 is separated by 100 miles
  2. Couple 2 is separated by 1000 miles

So, the question I want to pose to you is how often should each of these couples get into the routine of seeing each other in person?

Couple 1- 100 Miles

While being separated by your significant other by 100 miles is certainly considered long distance it isn’t like you are being separated by 1000 miles like the other example I am about to pose. I think it is fair to say that a couple separated by 100 miles should be seeing each other in person 2-4 times a month.

So, if we were to draw up a “perfect LDR routine” for a couple who is separated by 100 miles it would look like this:

  • The two people would text each other throughout the day (building a strong emotional connection.)
  • At the end of the day (or even throughout the day) the couple should call each other, FaceTime or Skype.
  • Every week or every other week the two people should take turns visiting each other (face to face) to strengthen their physical connection.

Lets take a look at a more complicated relationship, a LDR where the couple is separated by thousands of miles.

Couple 2- 1000 Miles

When it comes to long distance relationships a couple who is separated by a thousand miles has it pretty rough.


Because, traveling across the country or into another country can be quite expensive. I mean, it’s not like you can just drive a couple of hours and see them every weekend. No, in order to see your better half you have to buy a plane ticket and make sure both of your schedules are cleared.

So, what is an ideal number for the amount of times a “1000 mile LDR couple” should see each other in person?

At least one time a month…

Lets draw up a “perfect” routine for this couple now:

  • The two people text each other throughout the day (strengthens emotional connection.)
  • The two people call/FaceTime/Skype each other a bit more frequently than the 100 mile couple above.
  • At least once a month this LDR couple should take turns visiting each other.

The One Thing No One Talks About With LDR’S

no one told me

Long distance relationships have a very interesting aspect to them that I don’t hear that many people mention.

What is this aspect?

They cost money!

Hmm… how can I put this in a way so you understand.

Ok, which couple do you think is more likely to have a successful LDR.

A couple in which both people have established careers in which they earn a decent amount of income every year?


A couple where both people are just out of high school where they don’t have much money at all?

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If you guessed the couple with the established careers then you would be right.

But why?

It’s quite simple really. Seeing your better half if you are separated by a considerable amount of distance is going to cost money.

Lets use the two couple example I gave in the last section (100 miles vs 1000 miles.)

It’s pretty much common sense that the 1000 mile couple is going to have to pay a lot more since plane tickets can cost a lot of money. Of course, don’t discount the fact that gassing up your car to drive one hundred miles to see your significant other is going to set you back a bit financially as well.

It is my firm belief that in order for a LDR to work both parties have to be willing to spend money to see each other and for some younger couples this isn’t really an option (I am looking at you high school couples.) Now, am I saying that your LDR relationship is completely doomed if you don’t have money to spend on trips to see your partner?


I am simply saying that if you don’t have money to spend on a trip then it is going to make your LDR that much harder to succeed.

The Role That Time Plays Into A LDR

I have been pretty adamant about the fact that I think LDR couples should get into a consistent routine of seeing each other in person. Well, you know what seeing each other in person requires?


Lets take the 1000 mile relationship for example. Not only do you have to set time aside every single day to be close to your significant other via texts and phone calls but you have to clear your schedule months in advance for a face to face meeting.

Some couples don’t have this luxury as they work full time and don’t have that many vacation days they can use.

In other words, not only do LDR’s create financial hardships for certain couples but they can also create headwind in the form of time as well.

This leads me to my next point.


You Can’t Stay In A Long Distance Relationship Forever


Out of everything I am going to say in this guide this is without a doubt the most important section.

So, listen up!

Most long distance couples have their heads in the sand when it comes to thinking about the future.


My guess is that they don’t like to think about the possibility of not being together long term. For example, lets say that you and I are in a long distance relationship and neither of us have the finances or time to be together permanently. In other words, we are stuck where we are and the possibility of seeing each other every day (like most couples) isn’t feasible.

Well, neither of us wants to think about things like that because it hurts too much and we both have strong feelings for each other.

Well, while keeping our heads in the sand will be nice for a little while eventually one of us is going to want a more permanent situation and that is where reality sets in and we realize that we probably aren’t going to work out.

I see this happen with a lot of long distance couples as they don’t have the means to be together permanently.

The Key To A Successful LDR


You want to know what separates the amazing long distance couples from the average ones?

The amazing ones stop at nothing to find a way to be together permanently.

Lets say that you and your long distance boyfriend live across the country from one another (you live in Pennsylvania and your boyfriend lives in Texas.) Well, obviously the two of you should be looking for a more permanent solution where you can be together to see each other in person more frequently.

That means that either you or your boyfriend are going to have to move to each other.

Now, asking someone to pick up their entire life and move to you or you to them is kind of a scary thought which is why most people in a long distance relationship aren’t willing to make the necessary sacrifices.

What sacrifices have to be made to ensure that the relationship is successful?

Sacrifices That Will Have To Be Made For A LDR To Work


You know, most people say things like,

“The key to relationships is compromise.”


“The key to marriage is compromise.”

Well, when it comes to LDR’s the key to them is sacrifice. Both people involved have to be willing to make sacrifices in order for it to work.

What kind of sacrifices?

Someone Is Probably Going To Have To Move

I have already established that for a long distance relationship to work there has to be an overarching goal in which the two people involved in the relationship see each other on a daily basis to satisfy each others physical needs. This means that for those couples separated by a considerable amount of distance someone in the relationship is going to have to move to the other one.

This is a sacrifice that scares the hell out of most people.


Because you are asking someone to leave their friends, family and job for a relationship that has no guarantee of working out.

This is why most long distance relationships fail because someone isn’t willing to make this kind of sacrifice.

You Might Have To Live Together

Lets pretend for a moment that your significant other (who lives in another state) has agreed to make a move to come live in your state. Well, if your better half is willing to make that kind of sacrifice then you might have to be willing to make a sacrifice of your own by living together.

Now, this site is full of women who have a lot of different views on living together. Some of these views are very old fashioned in that some women believe it isn’t right to live together until you get married.

While I personally don’t have any problem with this view if someone is moving across the country for you then it might be disrespectful to them to say,

“Oh, by the way even though your moving across the country for me you are going to have to get your own place and we can’t live together until I see some type of major commitment like marriage.”

Look, if you get another human being to put his or her life behind them to be with you then what greater commitment to your relationship is there than that?

How Age Factors Into LDR’s


This may be a hard section for some of you to hear. However, I feel it is important that you hear it.

Believe it or not but age can play a massive factor in a long distance relationship. Now, I know you are probably sitting there wondering,

“What the heck does age have to do with anything?”

Well, by looking at someones age you can make certain assumptions (which most of the time end up being true.) I know stereotyping isn’t necessarily a good thing but in this case we are going to do so just lay off me for a bit ok 😉 .

Two Important Assumptions Based On Age

Really what I want to look at here is how age affects a long distance relationship.

Well, in my experience I have found that age can affect an LDR in two big ways.

What are those two ways?

  1. Money
  2. Maturity


Lets use two men as an example here. Lets say that one of the men is 30 years old and the other is 18 years old. Both of these men are currently in long distance relationships with someone of a similar age.

Here is the question I pose to you,

Which one of these men is more likely to have more financial stability?

Well, if you look at these men simply based on their age you are going to guess the man who is 30 years old?


Probably because he is completely finished with his schooling, has settled into a career and he has had a lot more time to save up money. I mean, an 18 year old is still in high school, doesn’t have a career and hasn’t really had any time to save up money.

It probably doesn’t take a genius to realize what I am getting at here.

The older you are in a long distance relationship the more means you have available to you to make things work.

Take a look at the sacrifices I mentioned in the above section (someone is going to have to move, you will have to live together most likely if someone does move.) Well, I know it is easy to get caught up in the romance of a long distance relationship. It’s so nice to plan things out and daydream at how great things can be if you do wind up together with your significant other but eventually reality has to set in and the reality of a long distance relationship is that in order for you to come to a permanent solution where you can have a non long distance relationship with this person you or the person has to have the finances to make it happen.

(It’s not inexpensive to move and getting a place together will certainly cost money.)

An 18 year old kid with no money isn’t going to be able to make those kind of sacrifices.

Lets take a look at the other way age can affect a LDR, maturity.


Lets stay with our example of the two men (one aged 18 and one aged 30) for the maturity example.

I am going to ask you a really simple question,

Without knowing these two men (18 year old/ 30 year old) personally which one do you think is the more likely to be mature?

90% of people would probably answer the 30 year old and they would probably be right. Of course, there are always those exceptions to the rule where you find an exceptional person who is wise beyond his or her years but we are stereotyping here, remember?

A 30 year old man is probably going to have a lot more life experience to draw upon which means that he is going to know the best way to handle all kinds of situations. Also, you can’t discount that a 30 year old man has probably been through a number of relationships in his personal life so he will properly know how to handle the feelings he is having.

Lets compare that to an 18 year old boy in high school who doesn’t have much life experience of his own. Why is life experience important for a human being to have?

Because it allows us to find our identities!

It gives us a purpose and teaches us what we want out of life.

Of course, an 18 year old most likely doesn’t have any experience with a serious relationships at all so he will probably be experiencing a lot of new emotions at once and how does that famous saying go?

When emotions run high logic runs low.

Of course, I still haven’t answered the million dollar question yet.

Why is being mature important to a long distance relationship?

A friend of mine told me something really interesting a long time ago.

Being in a relationship is almost like being addicted to a drug. At times it can feel like you can’t breathe without the other person.

I feel that this quote holds true in so many different cases. Of course, your feelings can almost intensify tenfold if you are long distance (remember, absence makes the heart grow fonder 😉 .) It takes a very mature individual to be able to deal with the distance and make the decisions necessary to ensure that the relationship thrives and as sad as this is to say I feel that younger people experiencing relationships for the first time are at a disadvantage.

How to Handle Common Long Distance Obstacles

obstacle explosives

Every relationship has at least one obstacle it has to overcome. Well, it just so happens that long distance relationships have a lot of obstacles.


Perhaps it would be a good idea if I took a moment to explain what I mean by “obstacle.”

For me, an obstacle is anything that is going to stand in the way of making your relationship succeed. Off the top of my head the most common obstacles that I can think of that a long distance couple is likely to encounter are:

  • The distance (which can cause fights)
  • Jealousy/ Fear of infidelity
  • You can’t be physical with each other very often.

The Distance Can Cause Fights


Have you ever heard that phrase,

In long distance relationships 90% of your problems stem from the distance and not from actual relationship problems?

Being in a long distance relationship can be extremely frustrating at times. I mean, the more serious you are about the relationship the more you just want to be next to that person all the time yet the distance between you prevents that from happening. Look, some couples can handle the distance with grace but most couples can’t.

It’s frustrating to want something so badly and to know you can’t have it at that moment.

When I was younger I always loved eating this certain TV dinner. Every time my family would go grocery shopping I would get this one specific TV dinner and I would just crave it at different times throughout the week. Well, whenever I would crave it I would run downstairs, open the refrigerator, pick it out and make it. I will never forget this one time when my little brother decided to take the last TV dinner for himself. Of course, I didn’t find out until I got my usual cravings for it, came downstairs and discovered that the TV dinner that I loved so very much was nowhere to be found.

I knew who took it right away, my little brother.

Oh… I was so angry at him. I mean, he took food that I had clearly set aside for myself and had gotten away with it.

Being in a long distance relationship is a little like that. Sometimes the distance can become so annoying that you start to take it out on your partner.

For example, lets say that an imaginary man and woman (lets call them Harry and Sally) are in a long distance relationship. Well, one day Sally starts to feel that the distance is beginning to get unbearable and she becomes extremely irritable at every little thing. When Harry calls her that day she begins to take her irritability out on him. Of course, Harry doesn’t take too kindly to this and he begins to get angry with her and then the next thing you know the two are fighting about pointless things.

(FYI this is not an uncommon situation that occurs in LDR’s.)


I think it’s smart to have something to hold onto like a goal that the both of you have to achieve.

Any idea what type of goal I am talking about here?

Hmm… perhaps one where both of you find a permanent way to get rid of the distance?

Imagine this for a second.

Instead of getting irritable at how much the distance is bothering the both of you what do you think would happen if you both were so fierce in your commitment to each other that you just focused on getting rid of the distance?

Do you think you would be having silly fights over pointless things caused by the distance?

Having that permanent solution is something that absolutely needs to happen.

Jealousy & The Fear Of Infidelity


Everyone in every relationship can get a little jealous from time to time. Some experts out there would have you believe that being jealous is a bad thing that can potentially harm your relationship in the long run. While I definitely think that too much jealousy can be harmful I also believe that a little jealousy can be a good thing because it is an indication to the other person to show them that you really care about them.

Of course, when you are dealing with a long distance relationship everything is intensified because of the distance.

Take this situation for example.

Imagine that you and your significant other are dating one another and are in a long distance relationship. All of a sudden your partner calls you up and tells you that they got invited out to lunch with a member of the opposite sex and they accepted.

When presented with this situation you are probably going to experience two emotions.

  1. Anger
  2. Jealousy

You will experience anger because it is going to feel like your long distance partner went behind your back and went on a date with someone else.

You are going to experience jealousy because human beings tend to have possessive qualities here and there and the thought that your partner could find a connection like the one they have with you is going to scare you a little bit.

Now, lets stay with the example here because I feel it allows me to illustrate multiple points.

As your significant other goes to this “lunch” with a member of the opposite sex all kinds of thoughts are going to enter your head. Perhaps the most scary thought is going to revolve around cheating.

“Are they cheating on me with this person?”

When you add in the distance to this craziness you can get someone who becomes extremely paranoid. I mean, thoughts like this wouldn’t be uncommon,

“If they are cheating on me I would have no way of knowing because I am so far away… They could get away with everything and I wouldn’t have the slightest idea.”

Look, I have never met a person who isn’t afraid of getting cheated on at some point. It is a fear that everyone has because no one wants to get betrayed on that level. Unfortunately, this fear is multiplied in long distance relationships because of the distance and being so far away.

Remember, the fear of “out of sight, out of mind.”

So, if you are in a LDR where you or your partner are plagued with jealousy and infidelity fears how are you supposed to handle them?



You handle issues and fears like this with extreme closeness.

Do you remember how earlier in this guide I suggested that you and your partner do everything you can to combat the distance by staying close to each other via texts, phone calls, Skype and Facetime? Well, one of the benefits of doing that is that you can kind of combat any fears of infidelity with extreme closeness.

Now, obviously the risk of being this close is that you could come off as being overbearing. This is where your own knowledge of your partner comes in handy. For example, if you know your better half isn’t a huge fan of talking every five seconds then it is ok to give them some space. Yes, you still want to be close with them but instead of keeping them close to the chest you keep them at arms length.

Knowing your partner is extremely important here.

No Consistent Physical Contact

physical contact

This is the one that I think most people struggle with when it comes to a long distance relationship.

Lets take a normal relationship (not separated by distance) for example. Lets say that a couple like this is going to see each other around 3-5 times a week. That means that every time this couple sees each other they can do things like hold hands, kiss, cuddle and have sex.

A long distance relationship doesn’t have this advantage. It can sometimes take months before you see your partner and while when you finally do see each other you probably won’t be able to keep your hands off one another your time together isn’t forever as you or your partner will probably have to go back to their stomping grounds hundreds of miles away.

Some people just aren’t cut out for this type of wait for physical contact.

How are you supposed to remedy this?


In my mind there are two solutions to the lack of consistent physical contact.

The first one I have talked about multiple times, HAVE A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO BE TOGETHER!

Look, one of the biggest benefits to having a relationship with someone is how you can be together physically and no I am just not talking about sex. I am talking about simple things like holding hands, intimate hugs and passionate kisses. If you and your partner have something worked out to where you can be together permanently in the future you both having something to work for.

The second solution is all about setting up times to see each other until you can reach that permanent solution.

In other words, see each other as much as possible in person until you can find that permanent fix!

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142 thoughts on “What It Takes To Make A Long Distance Relationship Work”

  1. Julia

    July 19, 2021 at 3:32 pm

    I don’t know what to do. My boyfriend and I were together for 4 years. I moved for medical school 6 weeks ago. We’ve known where I would be going for 3 years and he planned to move with me up until about 3 months before. He decided it wouldn’t be good for his career (my med school isn’t exactly near a tech hub and he’s CS). He was devastated by that choice, so I told him we could try distance (2 hours) if he wanted. I made it clear that he would largely have to drive for longer visits as I have 3 pets and live alone. He agreed and seemed so happy that I was willing to try. He works from home 2 days a week, so he could stay at mine for long weekends. He visited once two weeks after I moved (the weekend before he was helping his parents with roofing). Everything was great– he told me he loved me unprompted, said he’d be up for long weekends all the time. Offered to pay an expensive vet bill for me unprompted two days later. We video call daily, but didn’t video call that Wednesday or Friday because I was visiting family (we’re used to only seeing each other in person on weekends as we lived an hour apart before). He never showed up for his visit on Saturday (he texted saying he “probably wasn’t coming up” when I asked where he was), and Sunday he broke up with me over video call. He said he couldn’t handle only seeing me a couple times a month, and that he couldn’t handle distance for four years. He said he’d only decided in the last couple days. I told him it was actually two years, because I have to move after my preclinical years, but he couldn’t handle the idea of two. He cried while he was breaking up with me and couldn’t see any way to work through it. He said he wasn’t built for distance and that he need more physical interaction. He said he still loves me, but he doesn’t see how we could make it work, even though I said I was willing to move to him during rotations. It’s been 3 weeks with NC (I messaged him once the night of the breakup to ask what happened, and twice later that week about meeting up to get his things- he didn’t respond to any of them, so I stopped). I don’t know what to do. I’m still devastated (starting therapy this week). I don’t even know how to move forward. I don’t know how to message him when I’m ready. Acting like everything is okay and being casual seems so contrived, but he doesn’t want to try to work on things anymore and I don’t know what to do.

  2. H.N

    August 3, 2018 at 6:57 pm

    iam not sure if my comment still there or how can i find it ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 4, 2018 at 2:40 am

      Hey there! I changed to a new comment system so it may not be archived

  3. Sarah

    June 8, 2017 at 9:01 am

    Hi all,
    i huv submitted this comment already but i don’t know why i can’t see my comment
    i have been in this long distance relationship for 4 years since i met him…we didn’t meet in these whole years only for twice or three times… we really love each other a lot …sharing everything together..we live in two seperated continents …he is very honest guy that don’t have any bad behaviors or dating other women or even talk bad things…he is the perfect guy and the man of my dreams…but the problem is we keep fighting a lot for nothing actually…he hate nagging and i’m that kind of girls who keep nagging… the problem also he don’t forget anything…everytime we fight, he keep reminding me of every single fight we had before and saying stop fighting i’m a quiet person i don’t like fights….so our behaviors starts to change by time…he don’t like when i keep nagging and become angry and i start the fight and he get more angry and we keep saying harm words for each other and then it ends with a block from him (most of the times)….so i was very sad why he changed like this why he is not the same person i knew….so i tried to change my behaviors in case they were the problem …and he get back after i change but once we fight again the things back to the same way…so i thought that he has problem with listening to me or understanding me…so i started to do the wrong thing which is…in every time we fight i go and make a fake facebook account and talking to him as i am (my sister) to convince him to get back to me ….everytime i did this it was worked…but i was feeling very guilty because i’m very honest with him with everything and also i didn’t feel that i have a high value …so last time we fought he was very angry and said u will never change at all and u destroy my life and i don’t wanna be with u anymore and pls don’t let any of ur sisters come and talk to me again… u didn’t make any privacy to our relationship….in that time i exploded …i told him i never tell a person about our personal life it was me all the time trying to get u back to not go away and leave…but i guess i messed it…after hearing me he was much more angry….and this become the main reason he left me…i tried to reach him many times….but he kept blocking me… but one night he unblock me only on viber and said i love u and i forgive u for everything u have done but i’m not going back to be the same person u knew before….i told him the time will prove to u that i’m a good one and u know that truly …he said ok but i will not talk to u untill i finish my exams….so two months passed after that without any contacting and i was depressed and miserbale a lot …so i talked to him about 10 days a go saying i can’t handle this anymore i can’t keep being like a footer in ur life while u don’t care if i’m alive or not…he said ok u can go and live ur life if u want …and rudly, he said actually i forgot u but i won’t forget any thing u did wrong to me…. and now i’m really sad…the thing that i did is not a big deal actually it was to save our relationship so that we don’t reach this point….i don’t know why he think about it in a negative way….
    any help?? 🙁

    1. Sarah

      July 31, 2017 at 8:29 pm

      I know how wrong it was to send that msg but i’m a human i’m not a piece of rock… and sometimes i reach to that point when i just want to see him just to say everything that is hurting me into his face and then i will just walk a way after that…being in this silence alone is such a hell..i just don’t deserve the way he ended everything with me and there is no single reason that justify the way he left..
      i’m really trying to move on and try to forget him…but i keep fail in doing this…as my heart still love him so much…sometimes when i think i need something or even if i don’t know how to solve the problems that facing my life..i go to his number and just keep looking at it as this will make me happy…he was really my best friend for 6 years but all i know now is that i was in a dream.
      I know i should not think about him anymore neither hoping for any chance and let it go but how???!

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 1, 2017 at 4:30 pm

      Because it’s not about forgetting or trying to avoid the feeling.. It means choosing to move forward and do the things that help you more, despite of being and feeling heartbroken.. It will be hard but if you continue to do the right things over time it will help you move on

    3. Sarah

      July 30, 2017 at 7:19 pm

      It is been one month and 3 weeks since i huv posted this comment..i tried to do with ur advice but nothing happened…it was my thesis defence (viva) last week and i sent him msg saying i really wanted u to be here in this day supporting me and stand by my side but i really hate u more than my love and need…..i huv said lot of things that to make him know how does he really broke my heart…but no response at all…he is like a ghost …i didn’t hear any single word from him since our vreak up….the problem is i really love him…but i can’t get rid of anything that brings the good memories with him…i can’t delete his no. Neither through all the gifts he sent before…i keep crying every single night and pray just for seeing him or talking to him one more time….i’m really broken…i can’t move on…i huv tried but i couldn’t…i’m even cry right now and it is 3 am…i don’t wanna be very dramatic but i’m really lost,empty and very depressed…i huv even stopped talking to anyone about my feelings including best friends and my family …i huv hated that feelings when they kept saying u r really foolish ..why u r doing like this to ur self and he doesn’t know what is really going on with u..he left u in ur most hard times…stop beeing like this and move on….i really hate him sometimes…but i still love him…i wish just to get rid of that pain inside my heart…sorry for this long post but i’m really done

    4. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 31, 2017 at 3:48 pm

      Sending that message you didn’t change.. If you mean you’re moving on..That’s good..

    5. Sarah

      June 11, 2017 at 9:04 am

      Thank u dear
      but i have done all these things…it is been 2 months and half since we broke up…i have done the no contact rule for one month and half and tried to get busy with my study and moving on my life and changed all my attitudes that he really don’t like it but with a little hope that he will come back and start a conversation… but after the no contact period finish i couldn’t stand and handle all that and i wanted him to see that i can live without him and move on (but inside i really don’t want that at all) but he was always seeing me as clingy and dramatic when we arguing…so i sent him msg saying that i can’t handle this anymore and i’m breaking up with u for good…. do i have a chance to save this relationship one more time? and do i have to say something or restart the no contact rule which i’m already doing since i sent him the last msg,
      PS: we used to be best friends before we started dating…and we really respect each other and he is the one that like to share everything with me even when he is baking food or shopping…and when i ask him why u do this he say “i don’t like u to feel that u r a way from me”…he is the one that start every conversation and skype call…i mean i’m clingy just when it comes to a fight 🙁 🙁

    6. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 9:54 am

      That means you have to change that totally.. You have to be indifferent..until you are that and have your own life, to him you’re still clingy.. Because clingy people will continue to ask, check, blame or ask again.. If you’re indifferent, it means you have moved on or is moving on because he’s not a loss anymore if it doesn’t work out

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 10, 2017 at 8:23 pm

  4. Sarah

    June 8, 2017 at 6:19 am

    I have submitted the same comment on other post but i’m a fraid it didn’t submitted correctly. #repost
    i have been in this long distance relationship for 4 years since i met him…we didn’t meet in these whole years only for twice or three times… we really love each other a lot …sharing everything together..we live in two seperated continents …he is very honest guy that don’t have any bad behaviors or dating other women or even talk bad things…he is the perfect guy and the man of my dreams…but the problem is we keep fighting a lot for nothing actually…he hate nagging and i’m that kind of girls who keep nagging… the problem also he don’t forget anything…everytime we fight, he keep reminding me of every single fight we had before and saying stop fighting i’m a quiet person i don’t like fights….so our behaviors starts to change by time…he don’t like when i keep nagging and become angry and i start the fight and he get more angry and we keep saying harm words for each other and then it ends with a block from him (most of the times)….so i was very sad why he changed like this why he is not the same person i knew….so i tried to change my behaviors in case they were the problem …and he get back after i change but once we fight again the things back to the same way…so i thought that he has problem with listening to me or understanding me…so i started to do the wrong thing which is…in every time we fight i go and make a fake facebook account and talking to him as i am (my sister) to convince him to get back to me ….everytime i did this it was worked…but i was feeling very guilty because i’m very honest with him with everything and also i didn’t feel that i have a high value …so last time we fought he was very angry and said u will never change at all and u destroy my life and i don’t wanna be with u anymore and pls don’t let any of ur sisters come and talk to me again… u didn’t make any privacy to our relationship….in that time i exploded …i told him i never tell a person about our personal life it was me all the time trying to get u back to not go away and leave…but i guess i messed it…after hearing me he was much more angry….and this become the main reason he left me…i tried to reach him many times….but he kept blocking me… but one night he unblock me only on viber and said i love u and i forgive u for everything u have done but i’m not going back to be the same person u knew before….i told him the time will prove to u that i’m a good one and u know that truly …he said ok but i will not talk to u untill i finish my exams….so two months passed after that without any contacting and i was depressed and miserbale a lot …so i talked to him about 10 days a go saying i can’t handle this anymore i can’t keep being like a footer in ur life while u don’t care if i’m alive or not…he said ok u can go and live ur life if u want …and rudly, he said actually i forgot u but i won’t forget any thing u did wrong to me…. and now i’m really sad…the thing that i did is not a big deal actually it was to save our relationship so that we don’t reach this point….i don’t know why he think about it in a negative way….
    any help </3

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 10, 2017 at 8:23 pm

  5. Caro

    April 4, 2017 at 11:41 am

    I was dating my guy for about 4 months. We had both been in bad breakups so we tried to take it slow. However we had an instant connection and fell into really having feelings for each other and after the first week we both freaked out and gave each other space for about 3 weeks. We still texted but we didn’t see each other during this time and both saw other people. We realized we missed each other and when we decided to see each other again it was like we’d never been apart. We spent almost every day together and talked non stop every day. What put a wrench in this was he was moving to another city 2 hours away. We decided to enjoy the time we had while we could. The feelings got deeper and he put off moving for almost 2 weeks to spend more time with me. When I asked if we could try long distance he said he’d never done that and wanted something more open. I told him I didn’t and we talked through the night and decided to just break up even though we care about each other a lot. After 3 days he missed me and I went to visit him, I met his parents and spent the night. Then I went up again4 days later and same thing. So I asked if we could make this work. He said he wasn’t ready for that commitment so I told him I deserved someone who only wants to be with me and I left and started NC. It’s only been a week but he hasn’t texted me. He’s looked at my snap chat stories and liked some of my FB posts but that’s it. I miss him like crazy. Is this a lost cause?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      April 4, 2017 at 5:57 pm

      Hi Caroline,

      That’s ok… I don’t think it’s a lost cause.. try to finish nc first and see where it goes.

  6. Pink

    November 6, 2016 at 8:57 pm


    So this was what happened last week. My husband of three months asked a bit of help to do something and I said ok. After all that had been done, he still ranted and raved about the matter. I told him that the matter has already been resolved. (I see the too much noise like some crazy woman complaining).

    When we ended the call, I texted him that after all unneccessary noise, he didnt bother to say thank you to me. And you know what I get? 3-4 days of NO CONTACT. I thought he lost his phone or got disconnected from network. After that some days, I managed to grab hold of him and he suggested that we talked on watsapp. I was like, oh i see….internet didnt get disconnected, after all.

    My husband has a habit of doing that now. It is a long distance marriage and we do meet up a couple of few times each month.

    1. I dont want to entertain his kind of behaviour like he is the upper hand of the situation. Hes expecting me to call him, even when he has done something wrong.
    It will be 3 days and it might lengthen to 5 or 6 days. I want to stop this madness and talk like adults.

    2. SInce hes my husband, he still has to talk to me to find out what is going on in my life. Do i wait for him to call me or do i have to call him after a period of time?

    Before this behaviour get ingrained in him, I want to do something that will wake him up. How on earth am i going to do that?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 7, 2016 at 5:09 pm

      Hi Pink,

      Talk to him first. Communicate your feelings and how you hope to get his side to understand him, so you can work things out… If he doesnt want to talk or he ignored it, observe first if he changes or shows it through his actions instead.

      If he still doesnt change then do a no contact rule and think about what you really want and what your standards are. Because you cant change other people, for me you shouldnt settle. You get what you allow in your life.

  7. Anon

    September 26, 2016 at 12:54 am

    My boyfriend and I dated for about 4 months. Three nights ago, everything was fine and we had an amazing phone call. The next night, he broke up with me because a. He wasnt ready for the commitment. b. He couldn’t handle the distance. And c. He thought he was getting in the way of me making friends in college. We started out living a few minutes away and saw each other almost everyday during the summer, but now I’m in college and almost an hour away (I mean it’s really not too far) with no car and he’s busy with sports and his parents don’t trust his car to let him up here. He already is accepted to my college for next year, and intended to attend my school anyway. He wanted to just stay friends for now and at first i was like, this is the only way I can still be able to show him i love him, until I found this website. Starting today I’m going to try my best and do NC, but theres one small problem. The day my 30 days would be up is really close to Halloween and I intend on staying on campus and participating in Halloween activities. And, ill be home in two weeks and ill be hanging out with our only friends and seeing him is almost inevitable. I think he’s already realized we could’ve made it work because he already sent me a snap a little bit under an hour ago and I usually am on the job to reply to anything he sends and I usually double text. He just sent me a text in the middle of writing this. He told me last night he wasn’t in the mood for fun (he had homecoming and didn’t get to enjoy it because he’s sad about this). Do you think he already misses me? He made it very clear during the breakup he still wanted to be my “best friend” and that he cares about me a lot. And, he never used the word “break up”. Instead, he used “i think we need some time apart”. Also, yesterday out of nowhere he said he could come visit me today (his parents ended up changing his mind). Obviously I want him back really bad too.

    Okay that was more information than necessary so here’s what I’m wondering:

    – Do you think he already misses me?

    – Do you think 14 days would be enough no contact since I’ll be home then and we’re going to probably see each other anyways? And, after just 9 hours of no contact he already is trying to talk to me.

    -Do you think NC even has a good chance of working? Or is there something better I should try?

    -Should I tell him I’m going to not be texting him since I did tell him i still wanted to be his friend?

    1. Anon

      September 28, 2016 at 5:46 pm

      Update for whomever reads this:

      It didn’t take me the 30 days of NC to get him back.

      It took 30 hours. After the first few hours, it was already evident that he missed me. He sent text after text telling me he wasn’t going to bother me anymore. The first time, I semi-believed him. But not even 20 minutes later he sent me another one on a different platform, and a whole bunch regarding him wanting to know why I was ignoring him. He said “Whatever you’re doing is working.” And then, he sent another goodbye text. At that point I looked at my friend and said, “I know this isn’t the last time he’s going to text me. I’m pretty sure he’s going to call me by the end of the night.” I walked downstairs to the lobby of our dorm to pick up some cookies we ordered. It was 10 minutes and by the time we went back into the room, I was exactly dead on right. He called me, I missed it. He also left me this insanely beautiful yet tragic text and I knew if I called him back, he would want me to take him back. So that’s what I did. We’re back together quicker than anticipated and I’m already excited to see where we go this time 🙂

      Moral of the story: I honestly thought going into it he was just going to think I was being a huge bitch, but he didn’t. It worked even though I didn’t expect it to, and it worked quicker than expected.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 30, 2016 at 11:39 am

      Wow! Well, you’re very blessed.. congrats to you!

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      September 26, 2016 at 11:21 am

      Hi Anon,

      Yes on , he is going to miss you and doing just 14 days. There’s not guarantee that nc will work but I think it’s your best option and nope, don’t tell him that you’re going to ignore him

  8. Lena

    May 3, 2016 at 3:41 pm

    Hello. I did NC last March and by the time I talked to my ex, he was happy and ecstatic. NC is indeed effective! He was back on his old self and we’re having conversation like long lost friends. I mentioned out of the blue that I will go to another city (where he also lives and works). He then told me to just text him. A few minutes of our conversation, he asked me to watch a movie with him. I was surprised by that proposal. I don’t want to hope but it was so weird that he asked me out.

    The whole April we talk about everything and sometimes our chat only consist of sending each other Facebook messenger stickers and emojis. In the middle of the same month, I asked him a question. Our conversation went on like this.
    ME: Do you believe in second chances?
    HIM: Yep 🙂
    M: Like in a relationship? Have you tried that before?
    H: Never tried or experience it. But it’s not impossible.
    M: But are you willing though?
    H: Depends if I want to.
    M: Well, I want to give it a try. If I ask you to give us a second chance, what would it be?
    H: The thing is, we need to be both sure of our feelings.
    M: But are you willing to try?
    H: I can’t give you an answer right now.

    So did I do the right thing? Because at that point on, I thought it was the most opportune moment. Also, he shared a sort of poem in his Facebook page. The title is “A Letter to The Girl I Left Behind”. This is the whole prose:

    I don’t know when I’ll be back
    Maybe in four months, maybe in six, maybe in a year

    I have so many places to see

    so many people to meet

    so many things to experience

    so many memories to built

    I don’t know when I’ll be back

    I have so many things to do before I come home

    And I say ”home” because for me home is where you are

    I’m homeless

    Just my backpack and my memory of you

    fading in the desert’s sand

    blown away by the Moroccan wind

    I don’t know when I’ll be back

    I have so many cultures to discover

    different religions

    different musics

    different flavors,

    I have to find out who I am before I come back

    Then I’ll be ready to love you,

    to give you my soul


    spiritual free

    I don’t know when I’ll be back

    I’m not ready yet

    But when I’ll do it I just hope to find you there

    I asked who was that for and he said “just random words”. I am so confused it seems like he is stringing me along. He hardly contacts me since last weekend because he said he is tired lately from work. He said he is still up for the movie date around May. I’ve got the feeling that he’s trying to suppress whatever his feeling towards me. I don’t want to sound too hopeful. Was the poem just really a bunch of random words he happened to like without any feelings? They say that whatever you share in your Facebook a reflection of what you are feeling or that you greatly relate to it.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 4, 2016 at 12:12 pm

      Hi Lena,

      it’s not so bad that you asked but I think he’s taking it slow now because he doesn’t want you to be too hopeful.. I think he just wanted to be friends, and he’s not “there” yet when you asked him..

  9. J

    September 11, 2015 at 3:22 pm

    Hi Chris

    I’ve met a guy online, we started with texting and it went very well. After a week or 2, we decided to meet up for lunch, and we like each other a lot then we meet again next day.
    Because of work, we are only able to meet up during weekend and sometimes if we can’t wait until weekend, I’ll drive up to him and when we back to each other home, we can’t wait to see each other again. If possible, we would like to be with each other everyday!
    Until one day, he said that his work is finished here and have to back to his country. He said it was not fair if he ask me to wait. I thought about it a lot and asked him if I wait, what do he think and he was so happy and he promise he will come back for me. So we started with this long distance thingy. It was okay for the first month. Yes the missing is unbearable but he still try his best to text and make calls. And suddenly he become busy, less texting and calling. I started with all these lengthy texting to him and even myself feel regret after that, it sounds like I do not understand him enough. ( TBH, I felt very worry and feel very insecure )Then he disappear for whole day without any reply. When he replied, he said things went too fast for him and he took sometime for it.
    Ever since then he don’t read my text even he is online on his whatsapp. I asked what are we now but he never answers. When I text him about something else, he replied with simple text. I’m not sure are we still in the relationship or how.

    We met online, started with texting, get together almost 1 month and he left went back to home country. I know it’s short timing but I really do like him a lot, and when he is around, I can feel his seriousness. He met my family members, he even say that I should meet his as well in the future, but in just a few days time everything is changed.

    I’ve no idea what is he thinking, are we still in the relationship ? I don’t dare to ask anymore because I worry he will say no and demand for break up.

    The last message i texted him, just when I think he will never reply, and I almost give up, he replied. Even though is very short but he still replied only like 15 hrs after i texted him.

    I have not yet reply his text. I don’t know what to do.

  10. Sydny

    August 21, 2015 at 1:47 am

    My ex performed the full block out, somehow information is spread between mutual co workers and passed around to me. So I find out things about his life still, vise versa. He recently moved to be with his mom who has cancer, he has a lot on his plate. But I don’t want to contact him, he will see me as very vulnerable and he will know he has control. Am I supposed to just wait until he contacts me so I don’t seem eager ?

    1. Chris Seiter

      August 25, 2015 at 9:04 pm

      No you can contact him in 30 days. Good job on the block out.

  11. Confused & Depressed

    July 2, 2015 at 12:49 am


    I need your expertise.

    So I’ve been with my guy, now ex, for almost 2 years. We are in LDR when he broke up with me (last 4 days ago) – although he did ask for a break up before, like four times (and now it’s official), I just didn’t want to accept it and I kept on forcing him to not to give up. We were in an 8 months relationship together, not LDR, in Asia (where I am currently staying) – we were schoolmates, he was an exchange student from Europe – and everything was fine (although I never liked it when he lies, or leave some things unsaid, like most of the time, which caused me to lose ‘a bit’ of my trust in him – until our relationship finally ended).

    Moving on, he left Asia after the term ended – well, he actually stayed a few months more for me – so we went LDR for about 3 months (he was in Europe and he worked there in order for him to get a ticket to visit me again)… I know, why leave and work when he can just stay until the new school term (in Europe)? Well that’s because his parents missed him, he already had the ticket and he already had extended his stay for months). ☺️

    To cut things short, he went back to Asia to be with me, for 2 weeks. We talked about our future and that he’ll be with me after he’s done with his studies (after 8 months, year 2015).

    We went LDR. We did what the typical LDR couples would do… By I can see that we were going down the line in the middle of our 8-month LDR. He was being annoyed on suppose, but won’t say it, he’d act it out though. He’s a good guy and he does what I asked, and I’m used to that… Until March this year, he first broke up with me for some petty issue, my fault. But we didn’t really break up. Then 2nd and 3rd break up, still, it didn’t happen – I keep asking him not to. I love him. Then on May, the 4th time he asked for a break up, but this time his reason was different… Even his plans changed by the way (after the 2nd break up initiation): he said he planned on studying/working again for about 2 years. He still have plans on going back to visit me after his studies which ended on June (but he has to have a work before he flies to me, and he got hired! Both happy).

    He was so excited and happy about it just last Friday… But then after he got back from the 2nd party (in which he didn’t contact me for the whole day, second time he did it. I was so pissed, of course), I noticed something’s wrong with him. He has been distancing himself after the 1st party (he was mad at me, he thought I went clubbing). You see, I don’t want him with girls – specially that one particular girl who’s so close to him I think they had something in the past. I think they were together during that 1st party (the sh*tty part is that he didn’t even mentioned that that girl was there too at the 2nd party)! Since that day he’s kind of changed – no idea if it’s because of me or if it’s because of another girl. Futhermore, during that day he took his Viber and Skype off. I think he got annoyed with me, my fault too, I was b*tching out a lot – I never liked being ignored but he kept doing it!

    Then the coming days, he seemed okay. He was sweet and all, normal yet you do know he still wasn’t okay, yep, until that 2nd party (overnight) wherein he said he’ll go home before the girls get to that party (2nd day), but HE DIDN’T! Instead he ignored me the whole day – he said the following day that he lost his phone. When I asked his friend first (that’s the only fine too, that he only texted me), his friend said that there was no signal. I know he’s being fishy. He even said he’s scared of me. Lol. So same thing, we arguedddd. He was irritated. We were okay after eventually, but I had the feeling he’s trying to be really okay but it wouldn’t work anymore. Then in the morning, the next day, he was sweet and all, until he got annoyed and sarcastic (idk why) and said we always argue, we always text, and that he’s not sure if he can go visit me anymore… We didn’t talk much that day (as I thought he cheated on me at that 2nd party). He just slept, he said he feels like he needs to sleep a lot. So I left him.

    The next day, he said he won’t, and can’t visit me anymore. I was shocked. Then he said that our relationship isn’t going anywhere anymore that he has no other choice but to end it with me for good and he can’t survive LDR for 2 years (because he has to go back to Europe right away after that intended 2 months of visiting me), and just broke up with me… He said he doesn’t want to hurt me by cheating or lying to me. I was broken hearted because I know this time he meant the break up… And the “cheating” part. Of course I texted and begged a lot as I can’t call him anymore. He took his Facebook account off and deleted our photos from Instagram. It hurts when he knows those mattered to me. But thanks to you, I realized this is what guys do in break ups.

    Anyway… Will the LDR – NC Rule work here? I am not his priority anymore… I did felt that he took me for granted for quite a while… I do know though that it’s the situation that our relationship had to end: 2 years.

    Please, I need your advice. I really want him back… I told him I can visit him… But then he said: what, for 15 days?!
    I’m willing to put the effort. But he still don’t want it…

    I’m confused and depressed… Does this mean he has another girl, did he cheat, or is it the situation? He did say there are no girls, but I don’t know if I’ll believe him since he lies a lot lately and/or doesn’t say stuff much when it comes to girls…

    Hoping for your response! Thanks!

  12. X

    June 15, 2015 at 5:28 am


    My fiance broke up with me last Monday, before that we had an argument Sunday night and I called him selfish. He was mad and hurt because of that. Yes we are in a long distance,one reason why we always argue(because of the distance).After he broke up with me I became a text and call gnat. I leave lots of messages on Skype and send him emails.He didn’t bother to pick up or reply on all my calls and messages until Yesterday,He asked me if I am feeling better because I was sick, we had a good talk and he also talked to me last night. I asked him if we still have a chance and he said he want me to move on and he is letting me go. I asked him if it is okay with him if I will go out with another guy but he aid he will honestly not tolerate me cheating on him. I said I will never do that because in my heart he is already my husband and would wait for him even when he will have a new girl, I would still wait till he come back to me. I even asked him if he want me to change my surname on FB because when we got engage I started using his surname. He didn’t exactly said that it’s okay but told me he know me and he know that I will not change it. I kept asking him last night if we still had a chance and we ended up doing Skype sex. after the sex I said I love him and that I will wait for him to come back to me. I even asked him to call me using our endearment. He keeps telling me I am his friend. I dont know if he really mean it saying he doesnt love me anymore because that was too early for him to tell me.Today I didn’t contacted him and planning to do the NC.Any advice on what is the best thing to do and put in mind. I love him and I know he do love me too.

  13. Confused

    June 14, 2015 at 6:43 pm

    Hi Chris,
    Sooo you ex boyfriend recovery actually worked! Wooo, I was quite amazed after following your tips we soon got back together…
    However, fast forward a few months and all of a sudden things have turned bad again. lets say a situation covers more than one of your topics you talk about for instance its long distance, now currently an on/off relationship & also he can get insecure & jealous at times which comes across as ‘stand offish’ … should I gather your information across your pages and put it all together? We have been together 3 years also.
    Thank you

  14. June

    May 21, 2015 at 5:58 am

    Hi Chris!
    I found your blog a couple days ago and have been reading many of your articles,
    they are so informative and I kept reading them over and over again.
    Today I saw this article and found it suits my situation at the moment but have no idea what to do next.
    I will be very grateful if you could kindly give me some advices regarding my situation, here’s what happened…

    I am 25 and my ex is 3 years younger than me. We’d benn together for almost 6 months, and we had talked about building a life together.
    For the first month everything was perfect, we met each other everyday and had never fought,
    but then we started LDR, he’s in the USA and I am in Asia.
    Just like you quote in this article, “In long distance relationships 90% of your problems stem from the distance and not from actual relationship problems”.
    I started fighting with him with little things, because the distance made me insecure–
    most of time he said those fights were meaningless and I was just trying to catch his attention.
    I do agree that most of the fights were no big deal but about why he didn’t call or text me when he said he would,
    or why he didn’t tell me beforehand when he changed his plans…
    I had been constantly fought with him with this kind of topics because he made me feel he would care about me or this relationship less if I don’t point out the things I wish he could do for me.

    Three days ago I was mad at him about why he didn’t call me at the time he said he was going to (again),
    but he ignored my anger and chose not to call me still.
    In his last response of this argument he told me to stop contacting him, I blocked him everywhere (FB, Whatsapp, Skype…) after I saw that message, and we haven’t contacted each other ever since.
    However, I still have contact with his sister every other day since me and my ex started LDR, we always have much fun stuff to share with each other, and we actually have never talked about my ex in our conversation after we broke up.
    Today his sister told me that my ex bf keeps asking her if I messaged her and If we were talking about him.

    I am not sure what it means when he asks these questions, was it just out of curiosity?
    And I wonder if NC could also work well since we are in long distance with 12 hours time differences?
    I am worried in the end we will just step out of each other’s life forever with time and distance…

    Thank you for your attention in this matter Chris!

    1. Chris Seiter

      May 21, 2015 at 3:55 pm

      I do think NC can still work.

  15. Rosanne

    April 18, 2015 at 7:51 am

    I’ve met this guy via social media and we live in different towns (not so far) and the conversations were creative and innerself revealing. We got to know each other deeper every day and were constantly updating each other about where we are or what are we up to. Sometimes it would be short and sweet, sometimes longer, depending of work (hard working type of guy). Later on he kept telling me i understand and respect him like no other woman before, that his heart is mine and he sees his future with me, and like he feels he found the one he was looking for. He is always so attentive and respectful towards me. We made plans to meet in person these days and that he expects a ‘definite and serious response’. The thing is, along with his hardworking routine lately he started renovating and repairing his real estate, which he once told me he had purchased to live with his wife if he marries someday. So, now the contact is a bit shorter and faster, and although he assures me that it’s just the tiredness of these busy days and once it’s done he’ll have more time as he always did, I can’t help it: i feel panicked. Do you think i need to worry? Any tips? thanks in advance, Rosanne

  16. Hanna

    March 23, 2015 at 9:50 pm

    Hey there!! I’m facing such a big dilemma. My bf and I have been dating a year and I broke up with him and it hurts so much. He lives in Texas and I’m in Maryland. We saw each other once a month and continued our relationship through Fone and text! I broke up with him a few times bc of stupid things like he’s never available wen I want him to be or he won’t make time to visit me more, we both have kids from different partners. Out of anger I broke up with him in December which was breakup # 4! All the other breakups I called him the next day and apologized! This breakup I waited 20 days thinking he would call me or reach out bc every break up he never attempted too, it was always me! After 20 days of no response I tried contacting him by saying I’m sorry for being irrational and I started begging for him and now he’s completely blocked me! Wen I reached out to his sister he messaged me and told me to leave him the fuck alone! He told me when he moves on, he erases every memory or emotional attachment and moves on and doesn’t look back! He is very headstrong. I’ve apologized and begged and nothing and he keeps telling me that we will never get back together. I did the nc for 32 days and tried contacting him but nothing so I got mad at him and accused him of things and he was super pissed but it was the first time of some kind of response from him. If I text any kind of hi or hru I won’t get anything. He’s even told me that he’s gotten rid of everything I bought him and gave him. He told me that I treated him like poo during the end of our relationship, and that he doesn’t have time for my immaturity and he doubts that I ever loved him! What do I do! I can’t stop loving him! Is there hope?

    1. admin

      March 25, 2015 at 7:53 pm

      You have to stay cool if he doesn’t respond.

      May I ask the exact text you reached out to him with after NC?

    2. Hanna

      March 26, 2015 at 7:28 am

      Before accusing him I just wrote something simple like hey I finally got that video game u were talking about. After accusing him I waited a 2 weeks and then texted him with do u have a min. He actually replied and said not really I’m busy what is it. So I apologized for accusing him. After that I got carried away and engaged in small talk and he just gave me one word responses and then after 5 min he stopped responding

  17. R.

    March 16, 2015 at 7:58 pm

    Hi Chris!! Im living in Germany for 6 months and 3 months ago I met this amazing guy. We were dating and by the time we should define if it was a relationship or not he decided to end it, because I have to go back to my country (in South America) and he said he is not ready for a LDR. The thing is that I’m returning in x months (not sure how many) and this time staying longer. I understand him, but I just dont know if he doesnt want me at all, or its just the distance. We are not kids and Im sure we could make it work. Since Im leaving in 2 weeks, I wish I could “fix” it and see him before. Do you think that the NC could really work in this situation? I dont fall in love so easily, so I really want to fight for him! Please help me!

    1. admin

      March 18, 2015 at 8:27 pm

      I think it could potentially work, yes.

  18. Rae

    February 2, 2015 at 7:40 am

    Hi there, I was in a LDR for the last 7 months, but we broke up about a month ago. We had a really special relationship before the long distance living and working together in different countries. It was really incredible, and we were great together. But I decided to move to NYC and he decided to stay with the company. We had a plan to eventually be together in NYC, but he kept pushing it back over and over. I was trying to be supportive because I know how much he loves his career, but I also felt that once I was out of sight, he just put the relationship on the back burner. It was so one-sided in terms of communication, and I was constantly trying to pull affection out of him. We started fighting more and more, but then actually worked everything out right before NYE. I had almost broke up with him, but he promised to try harder and he was! Then suddenly, a couple weeks later, he ignored me for an entire weekend and then broke up with through a Skype message! … Anyways… (I would say long story short, but I just wrote a book lol) I recently reached back out to him after 3 weeks of NC, honestly not really with an intention to get back together, I’m not really sure what I want yet. But just out of curiosity to see if he’d answer. He did, and then I sent a reply (all very cordial and nice going off of some of the tips from your blog) but no answer for a few days… until tonight. He messaged me out of the blue and we got to chatting, and he was being very nice but really bragging about his life! Like saying what country he was in, and that he got a big promotion and how it could lead here or there and he was nervous about it. And then saying how I should check out this club he’s going to on youtube and that he’s VIP. totally unsolicited you know? Also saying that he hopes I’m doing okay… what’s the intention here?? Why is he bragging? It really hurt my feelings because the breakup is still so fresh, and it just made me feel like he couldn’t be happier. But I don’t get it! Is he trying to prove a point or something? Because he’s the one who dumped me and basically wiped away all the plans we had. Now I’m left picking up the scraps while he’s apparently living the dream! -__- Advise? Insight? Something? BTW… he’s coming back to the US in March also for work. Do you think there is a possibility for reconciliation if I wanted? (p.s love your site! reading about breakups really kind of eases the pain for some reason lol)

    1. admin

      February 2, 2015 at 2:45 pm

      What caused the breakup?

      Just the distance?

    2. Rae

      February 3, 2015 at 3:50 am

      Yeah, I guess. The main reason he gave was that he just wasn’t in love with me anymore. You know the cliche, I love and care for you, but I’m not in love you? But if I had to really say a specific reason, I’d say he chose work over the relationship. The company is very flaky and always changing plans, so he was always getting my hopes up and then letting me down about coming to the US. Maybe he felt like I was holding him back, or he didn’t want to face me again about moving back plans because from his messages I now see he’s doing something totally different again. Idk, but I just wondered an expert’s point of view on the goal behind his messages. Maybe he’s just used to having my support? While he can be cocky, its also paired with true insecurity. So I feel like he searches for attention or to prove himself a lot. What do you think?

  19. France

    February 2, 2015 at 12:06 am

    Hey Chris! I’ve read many of your articles, but I haven’t found something that exactly fits my situation.

    I had a boyfriend for a year and then we both went to college, but we decided to stay together and try a LDR. We stayed as a LDR for about a year, seeing each other about once a month and during summer. Then, he was offered to go into this prestigious program, problem is that he’d move to France for a semester and then he’d have to stay in college during summer to make up for missed classes.
    He broke up with me because he said 8 months is just too long and due to the time differences we would barely be able to even speak. This was three months ago, and we barely even texted during that time.

    However, before breaking up I had asked him if maybe we could meet up sometime as “closure.” We weren’t sure if he would end up going to France due to money issues, but we both agreed breaking up was the best choice if he did. Anyways, we did see each other one day and we ended up making out.

    Is there even a remote chance of us getting back together? Maybe when he comes back? I realize 8 months is a long time and I might change my mind then, but right now I really miss my best friend.. I just wish I could talk to him, but all my friends advice me not to.

    1. admin

      February 2, 2015 at 2:34 pm


      Are you from France?


      There is definitely a chance but a plan has to be in place for you guys to end up together permanently.

  20. E

    January 27, 2015 at 4:17 pm

    I have a question also. I had completed no contact, initiated 1st contact a couple weeks ago (got no response), and left it at that. Yesterday I got an email from my ex saying that he still thinks I’m hot and asked if I would be embarrassed to know that he still fantasizes about me. We never had sex during our relationship. Anyway, I’m trying to play it cool. I just responded that it wouldn’t embarrass me at all, but it surprised me maybe a little. And I admitted that I fantasized about him too. That was it, short and sweet. Honestly, I think about him all the time still (and we stopped talking a couple months ago) so I was happy to get a message from him, even if it was a bit sexual in nature.

    Do you think this means he misses me and might be still interested in pursuing a relationship with me, or is this just a guy who has a strong attraction to me, was feeling a little horny and was trying to start up a sexy conversation to spice up his alone time?

    Background: We had a nice relationship, we were just at the point of talking about love but hadn’t said it to each other. He left me, just started to fade away into no contact after he felt like I didn’t trust him (I’m guessing). I had taken down my online dating profile when he asked me to, he didn’t take his down, and I had calmly told him that it bothered me. He never really said in certain terms what the true problem was nor did he verbally break up with me. He just stopped talking to me. He at one point said he was taking time to think about things. He was super busy with several events (biggest project in his company’s history, buying a new house, and spending more time with his young daughter) and with the time he had available the distance made it hard for him to get together with me (we live 1.25 hrs apart). There was never a fight, never a discussion, never any harsh words said to each other.

    1. admin

      January 28, 2015 at 3:13 pm

      I mean, it was a sexual type of message but it was a step in the right direction I suppose. Men are visual creatures and if he still finds you wildly attractive that never hurts.

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