If you’re thinking about deactivating your social media or just taking a break from it after your breakup, you’re definitely in the right place.
I’m going to answer the big question right off the bat – should you deactivate your social media after a breakup?
No, Absolutely not.
Taking a break from social media accomplishes absolutely nothing, except maybe letting your ex see how much power he has over you. Instead, today I would like to talk about the power of social media and how it should be wielded after a breakup.
Here’s How You Should Use Social Media After Your Breakup
Ultimately a lot of people try to make this into a crossroads type of a question and the crossroads are to act one way on social media if you’re trying to get your ex back and another way if you’re trying to get over your ex.
We’ve actually found that to be counterproductive because there is a tried and tested one-size-fits-all strategy to handling things after a breakup.
Before we get into the strategy of using social media, let’s look at two facts regarding social media and breakups:
8.9 out of 10 people Facebook stalk their exes after a breakup.
This statistic comes from a 2012 graduate study where people going through breakups were asked how many times they stalked their exes on Facebook.
Why is this important?
Well because there’s a very high chance (about 90%!) that your will be stalking your social media after a breakup.
Now because this study was conducted in 2012 there obviously wasn’t much mention of Instagram or Snapchat etc but based on my professional experience, your ex can stalk you on almost all the possible social media platforms.
We’ve even had cases where you block your ex or make it so they can’t see your social media activity and they make a fake profile or use a mutual friend’s profile to stalk you.
This just furthers the point that your ex will do whatever possible to see what you’re doing on social media.
They just have this urge to see your social media activity so why not use that in your favor?
Why I Believe Social Media Is The Single Greatest Tool You Can Use After A Breakup
Social media is the single greatest tool you can use after a breakup to make your ex pay attention and cultivate the image you want to have cultivated.
So I’d like to switch gears for a little bit here and talk about some of the overall strategies that we’re finding are working better than anything.
Truth be told, most people don’t like what I do. They don’t like the fact that I’m helping people recover their relationships because of the whole “there’s other fish in the sea” idea.
Interestingly there’s this paradox between people who think that you should let your ex go after a breakup and people who actually just got broken up with.
Most of the time my clients don’t want to move on immediately after the breakup – they want to get back together and fix things as fast and as soon as possible which causes them to push for a solution immediately.
Most of the clients that I work with immediately want to get their exes back and they will do pretty much anything to make that happen.
That kind of immediate desperation to get your ex back can fail miserably because neither of you has had enough time to work through your initial post-breakup emotions. What I believe is that to get your ex back you first have to kind of move on from them.
The Ungettable Mindset
If you’ve followed me for a while you’ve probably heard me explain this idea with the concept of developing an Ungettable mindset:
Someone with an Ungettable mindset is so powerful that they are almost Ungettable.
They always leave men wanting more.
I talk about this concept not only because I know it works and I’ve seen it work but it’s this concept of kind of moving on and finding a better priority than your ex after a breakup.
Now you may be sitting there wondering why am I going on and on about this mindset stuff when this is supposed to be about social media but you need to understand the mindset you need to have and display over social media.
You see if the name of the game is to try to get over your ex or show them that you don’t care about the breakup anymore, there’s probably no better tool to indirectly explain that to them than social media. In other words, social media allows you to act a certain way to elicit a certain response from an ex.
There’s a spectrum to using social media after a breakup and you have to learn to balance it.
You want your ex to think you’re Ungettable but uploading pictures of you making out with your new romantic conquests might be pushing it.
We’re not trying to push your ex to the point of no return.
We’re trying to showcase your internal process of growth.
It’s about getting into the right headspace emotionally and philosophically and then posting pictures or videos of things that you are doing that are making you happy.
Now you might ask yourself if you can “fake” it and 9 times out of 10, that won’t work. This is a problem I see all the time on my private Facebook support group for people going through breakups who purchased my program.
People will do all the right “tactical” things like taking the perfect picture using the two-thirds rule etc but they forget to focus on their main strategy of trying to get over their ex and not caring whether he comes back. No amount of tactical approaches will succeed if it’s obvious that you’re not in the right emotional headspace.
So, before implementing any social media tactics or uploading any carefully crafted posts to show your life off, ask yourself “are you truly happy and don’t care if your ex comes back?” Because if you’re not, your ex will probably see through your social media façade. It’s always better to work on yourself before you start showcasing your life to your ex on social media.
Now that you know about the strategy and mindset behind using social media after a breakup, let’s get into some specific tactical approaches.
How You Should Be Using Social Media
Social media is a great tool and you can do SO many things on it like posting pictures and videos, having conversations with people in the comments, doing status updates, etc… and all of that is great and I could talk about it forever. But most of us already have a decent idea of how to use social media. So today instead of that I want to talk to you about the frequency of your social media posts.
So, a lot of people think that when they go through my program, they need to be more frequent with how they post on social media and that’s true…to a certain extent. You only need to take up your posting up a notch or two but some people do way too much.
So for example, let’s say you were posting three posts per week on your Instagram (or whatever social medium you prefer) before your breakup. If you start posting 10 to 20 times a week it would look like you’re trying way too hard. A better approach would be to take it up to five posts a week so it’s a more gradual change.
Besides, the exact number of posts doesn’t really matter as much as the content does. Don’t post something that is kind of average, post something that’s a little outside the norm and exciting. So maybe instead of your same typical morning coffee, surprise your followers with a picture of you on a rooftop with some wine.
Anything intriguing and eye-catching will make people (including your ex) pay more attention to you and that’s the goal! As a general rule of thumb if you take nothing else from this video, take this piece of advice:
If you post something and get the attention of a bunch of other men, you’re doing social media right.
You should never consider shutting off your social media after a breakup.
In fact, your ex will probably be stalking your social media so you should share posts and updates that make it look like you’re living your best life without him.
This can draw him in and even consider getting back together with you.