Texting an ex who you want back after a breakup is always one of the most difficult things to successfully pull off.
A part of you wants to get on your hands and knees and beg to your hearts content but you know that you can’t do that because people don’t exactly find that attractive.
How many texts should you send your ex?
What should you say in those texts?
What if they don’t respond?
Well, I thought it might be interesting to consult someone who very recently got her ex back and see if she had any advice.
I’d like to introduce you to “anonymous” (she wanted to remain anonymous) who just got her ex back.
For those of you interested she is a member of our private support group and her story behind how she got her ex back has garnered so much attention on the group that she is constantly getting requests for it,
This is a little snippet of a conversation I had with her where she told me that she was interested in writing about exactly what she did to get her ex back.
Her ideas on texting are revolutionary.
So, I am just going to hand her the microphone and let her take over from here,
Exactly What To Text Your Ex And Send Them On Social Media After A Breakup
Raise your hand if you want to have a step by step guide of how to approach the campaign to win your ex back?
“Why do I need a plan?” I hear you ask… well Benjamin Franklin once said,
“If you fail to plan, plan to fail”
And he was right; studies have shown that you are 39% more likely to succeed in anything if you have a plan.
Today is your lucky day because this article is going to give you some tools that will show you how to plan out your texts and your social media posts to ensure that you increase your chances of getting your ex back.
We are going to take you through all the information you need to know about:-
- Understanding your areas for self-improvement
- Making the most of you social media
- The best topics to text your ex-boyfriend about
- How to track your texting progress
Are you excited?….. Then go grab a pen and some paper and let’s get started!
This article is going to draw a lot of information from the articles and books relating to the becoming the “Un-gettable Girl” and the “Types of Texts” so if you haven’t read those…. Make sure you read them too!
Many of you will be confused about what you need to do to go get your ex back.
To understand what you need to post and text you will need to create five lists:-
- Things your ex liked about you.
- Things your ex didn’t like about you.
- Your ex-boyfriend’s hobbies and interests
- Places you went together and experiences you shared.
- The qualities that men look for in girlfriend
Take time to really think about these in detail as you need these later. The more items you have on each of your lists the easier you will find the next few activities.
What Should I Post On Social Media?
To understand what you should post, you will need to look at the first two lists you have made.
The list of “Things your ex liked about you” are the thing’s in your life you don’t want to change about yourself. Let’s refer to these from now on as your ‘core appeal’.
The things your ex didn’t like about you are your areas for improvement and you should think of ways to tailor your efforts to become the Un-gettable Girl based on this list. Below is a table that will give you an idea of the sort of things you might consider listing.
Now you have your lists, use the things he liked about you to think of ways to you can expand on them.
If he liked your shared sense of music, you could go to concerts or learn an instrument.
If he appreciated your intelligence, you could show him you are striving in your career or reading new books.
The things you have identified he didn’t like about you are the areas you need to work on the most and you will need to find ways to improve yourself.
If you had clingy behaviour a good way to highlight you have changed is to do new activities and make new friends.
If you were uncaring show public gratitude to your friends and family from time to time or think about doing some charity work.
All of you will have lists unique to your own circumstances that you can use to develop. Make sure you cover off each of the three Un-gettable Girl categories for self-improvement, ie health, wealth and relationships.
Making the most of your social media
I want you to start thinking of your social media as a way to advertise something people will want……That thing is you!
You need to start showing to your ex that you are the un-gettable girl by advertising it on social media for him to see.
This means you should post interesting and exciting material about yourself living a happy life. Please avoid posting anything that seems sad or angry, this will not have the effect you want when trying to win back your ex-boyfriend.
How is this going to work?
When you are following your no-contact period, your ex will wonder why you haven’t contacted them yet, eventually they will become curious and start checking your social media to see what you have been up to lately.
If you are not currently connected on social media I recommend you start making some of your posts visible to the public on Facebook and making your entire profile visible on accounts like Instagram where that is socially acceptable. This will make it easier for your ex to see the new, awesome, improved life you are advertising on social media!
Look more popular
I want you to gather some trusted friends to help you. These friends are going to help you by liking and commenting on your social media posts, this will make you seem more popular and increase the level of attraction your ex feels towards you when viewing your profile; this is due to your perceived social proof.
A really fast way to gain extra followers and seem popular is to investigate internet marketing companies, who, for a few dollars will gather 100’s of new friends or followers for you. These marketing companies will increase the number of comments your posts will receive and can also ensure you appear at the top of your ex-boyfriends newsfeed so they never miss a post.
A good way to make your posts more popular on sites like Twitter and Instagram is to ensure that you are including a few popular hashtags, this will attract new viewers to your profile.
Sites like top-hashtags.com can help you find the best hashtags to include with your posts.
Get some new profile pictures
Websites like craigslist.com and gumtree.com will often have amateur or student photographers who are willing to undertake work for free in exchange for images they can use for their portfolio of work. This is an effective way to get some new profile pictures taken or have some professional images of an event done without spending any money and will give your profile a new look with which to surprise your ex-boyfriend.
You can also make your profile more appealing to your ex by following these basic photography tips for any pictures you take yourself.
Take photographs from unusual angles
Stand in the middle of group photographs as it will make you seem more popular.
Apply interesting filters to your photograph using apps like Photoshop, Fantasia or Facetune
What if my ex–boyfriend has limited access to social media?
If your ex-boyfriend only has a few moments a day to access the internet you may want to create photographic montage made from several images; this is a quick way for your ex to see everything you have been doing in a couple of seconds.
Montage are also an excellent at showing the improvements you have made over a period of time, this is especially useful when losing weight and getting fit.
Do you remember in the film Rocky where they used a montage to show all of Rocky’s fitness progress in a few seconds?………. I bet you started feeling invested in Rocky’s progress and excited to watch more?
I want you to use that same montage effect to grab your ex-boyfriends attention and get him feeling invested in your progress and excited to learn more about you.
How often and when should I post?
Go back over your social media accounts for the month before you broke up and look at how often you posted to each of them. Try to use this as a guide of how often you can post to social media from now on.
For those of you who rarely posted beforehand or currently have no social media, try posting once a week and slowly building up to a few posts, following the table below as a guide.
The posting calendar
Next step is to get a month on a page calendar and mark on it days when you will post, what you will post, what category you will post and to which type of social media. Keep in mind that you can only post in line with your normal frequency.
It is a good idea to color code each of your posts on the calendar depending on the categories they fall under, this will help you see if you are posting evenly across the month. The calendar above uses green for health, blue for wealth, yellow for relationships and purple for core appeal.
You only have a limited number of posts you can make per week so if possible try to combine categories wherever possible such as a day hiking with friends, this would allow you to combine health (hiking) with relationships (friends). In combining categories you can convey more improvement in your life in a smaller amount of posts.
Will the time of day I post matter?
I’m going to tell you that the best time for you to post to your social media is 12:00-13:00 on a weekday and between 12:00 – 15:00 at the weekend.
This is because people most commonly check their social media updates during their lunch break.
If your ex-boyfriend lives in another time zone remember you need to factor in the time difference so the post goes up during his lunch hour and not yours.
I don’t have the time….
There are apps that you can use to create and store posts weeks in advance for all your social media accounts and set the time and day you would like it to upload.
Apps like Everypost, Later, Buffer, and Besttime will allow you to plan in advance and will automatically post on your behalf when you are too busy being the Un-gettable Girl to be playing around on social media!
Now onto the exciting part….. let’s discuss your texting!
During your 21 days no contact, I want you to start planning and drafting your texts. This is going to help keep you organised and prepare you for your texting stage.
Start by collecting funny memes, interesting photographs and videos that you can attach to your text messages based on the lists we made earlier on.
Once you have a stockpile of images create some pre-drafted texts that you can use during the Texting Phase.
How do I know what to text?
Your texts will be drawn from the third and fourth lists you created earlier. I want you to use the items in your lists to give you topics you can talk about in your texts.
The list of hobbies and interests your ex has should be used to help you draft the “First contact” text message as well the “Guess what?” and finally the “Damsel in Distress” type text messages.
The places you went and experiences you shared should form your “Memory” texts and also can be used for “Guess what?” texts.
Once you have predrafted your texts using the other articles or the Texting Bible the next step is to try and pair a few of your texts so that they link in with your social media posting calendar.
Linking your posts to your texts will increase your ex’s curiosity in your life and will increase his likelihood of replying to your texts. Below are some examples of how you could link your social media posts to your texts.
One of the experiences you shared together was a trekking holiday. You could link a post about a hiking trip with friends with a memory text a day or two after your post that references how it reminded you of the holiday.
One of his interests is cycling. You could post about getting fit and then link it to a text asking for advice on cycling helmets a few days later.
Now that you have created a library of texts and know which social media posts they link to, you should also mark the dates you want to send your texts on the calendar.
Ideally you want to leave at least 24 hours between a post and a text but no more than three days.
It is ok if you have several texts and posts overlapping in your schedule, it is also not a problem if not all of your texts link to a post.
The Fifth Element
There was a list we haven’t used yet……. This is the magical factor that ties everything together. I call it the “Fifth element” because I love that movie!
When you reach the texting phase I want you to refer to the list you created of “The qualities men look for in a girlfriend”, this should include things like being honest, trustworthy, kind, supportive, funny etc.
Each time you have a conversation either by text or on the phone you should find a way to weave a “fifth element” that appears on your list into the conversation when your ex responds.
This is going to help you appear more valuable to him as a potential girlfriend.
Your ex-boyfriend tells you he has an interview. Try and seem interested and supportive of his efforts to get a new job.
Your ex-boyfriend is feeling down. Try to cheer him up using your sense of humour.
Each time you manage to weave in a “fifth element” I want you to tick it off your list so you can keep track of what has happened.
How do I know if the texting is working?
Once you start the texting phase, you should record some data about how your ex-boyfriend responds.
- Things you might want to consider recording are:-
- Time of day text was sent
- Who initiated the conversation
- Who ended the conversation
- How many texts you sent
- How many texts he sent
- Total text length of the conversation
- What medium you sent the message (text, whatsapp, messenger, email etc)
- What attachment you sent (video, photo, gif)
- The subject matter of the text
Recording these in a computer spreadsheet is idea but if you don’t have a computer you can easily track your progress on paper by making a table.
This is an example of what your table might look like.
Here you will see it has been color coded red, yellow and green to show positive, neutral and Negative/No reply. You will also notice that some rows are lighter in tone than others, this highlights whether you or your ex-boyfriend initiated the conversation.
Laying the information out like this gives you a way to see patterns in your ex-boyfriends behavior; it will help you figure out what works and doesn’t work when texting your ex.
Using the table above we can see that:-
- That this particular ex-boyfriend doesn’t like .gifs or video attachments
- This ex does not respond well to snapchat or instamessage
- He doesn’t reply between 8:00-9:00am or 3:30-5:00pm
If you find this sort of information is very helpful to you, you may want to consider making a chart like this:
I’m a big fan of charts as these will help you to visualise who is controlling the conversations.
- You will see in the example chart that not every conversation will last as long as the last and it is normal for this vary day to day.
- The thing you are interested in is the progress overall, if on average you can see that the length of conversations is increasing then you are seeing positive improvements with your ex-boyfriend.
- If you are seeing your conversations shrink in length, then you should review your table to figure out the reason he isn’t responding positively.
By taking the time to record some information you can make every text work to your maximum advantage!
Now that you have a step by step guide on your social media posts, texts and progress tracking you are ready to start winning your ex back…….. Good luck!!!!