By Chris Seiter

Updated on August 9th, 2021

Texting an ex who you want back after a breakup is always one of the most difficult things to successfully pull off.

A part of you wants to get on your hands and knees and beg to your hearts content but you know that you can’t do that because people don’t exactly find that attractive.

How many texts should you send your ex?

What should you say in those texts?

What if they don’t respond?

Well, I thought it might be interesting to consult someone who very recently got her ex back and see if she had any advice.

I’d like to introduce you to “anonymous” (she wanted to remain anonymous) who just got her ex back.

For those of you interested she is a member of our private support group and her story behind how she got her ex back has garnered so much attention on the group that she is constantly getting requests for it,

This is a little snippet of a conversation I had with her where she told me that she was interested in writing about exactly what she did to get her ex back.

Her ideas on texting are revolutionary.

So, I am just going to hand her the microphone and let her take over from here,

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Exactly What To Text Your Ex And Send Them On Social Media After A Breakup

Raise your hand if you want to have a step by step guide of how to approach the campaign to win your ex back?

“Why do I need a plan?” I hear you ask… well Benjamin Franklin once said,

“If you fail to plan, plan to fail”

And he was right; studies have shown that you are 39% more likely to succeed in anything if you have a plan.

Today is your lucky day because this article is going to give you some tools that will show you how to plan out your texts and your social media posts to ensure that you increase your chances of getting your ex back.

We are going to take you through all the information you need to know about:-

  • Understanding your areas for self-improvement
  • Making the most of you social media
  • The best topics to text your ex-boyfriend about
  • How to track your texting progress

Are you excited?….. Then go grab a pen and some paper and let’s get started!

This article is going to draw a lot of information from the articles and books relating to the becoming the “Un-gettable Girl” and the “Types of Texts” so if you haven’t read those…. Make sure you read them too!

Many of you will be confused about what you need to do to go get your ex back.

To understand what you need to post and text you will need to create five lists:-

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  1. Things your ex liked about you.
  2. Things your ex didn’t like about you.
  3. Your ex-boyfriend’s hobbies and interests
  4. Places you went together and experiences you shared.
  5. The qualities that men look for in girlfriend

Take time to really think about these in detail as you need these later. The more items you have on each of your lists the easier you will find the next few activities.

What Should I Post On Social Media?

To understand what you should post, you will need to look at the first two lists you have made.

The list of “Things your ex liked about you” are the thing’s in your life you don’t want to change about yourself. Let’s refer to these from now on as your ‘core appeal’.

The things your ex didn’t like about you are your areas for improvement and you should think of ways to tailor your efforts to become the Un-gettable Girl based on this list. Below is a table that will give you an idea of the sort of things you might consider listing.

Now you have your lists, use the things he liked about you to think of ways to you can expand on them.

Example 1
If he liked your shared sense of music, you could go to concerts or learn an instrument.

Example 2
If he appreciated your intelligence, you could show him you are striving in your career or reading new books.

The things you have identified he didn’t like about you are the areas you need to work on the most and you will need to find ways to improve yourself.

Example 3
If you had clingy behaviour a good way to highlight you have changed is to do new activities and make new friends.

Example 4
If you were uncaring show public gratitude to your friends and family from time to time or think about doing some charity work.

All of you will have lists unique to your own circumstances that you can use to develop. Make sure you cover off each of the three Un-gettable Girl categories for self-improvement, ie health, wealth and relationships.

Making the most of your social media

I want you to start thinking of your social media as a way to advertise something people will want……That thing is you!

You need to start showing to your ex that you are the un-gettable girl by advertising it on social media for him to see.

This means you should post interesting and exciting material about yourself living a happy life. Please avoid posting anything that seems sad or angry, this will not have the effect you want when trying to win back your ex-boyfriend.

How is this going to work?

When you are following your no-contact period, your ex will wonder why you haven’t contacted them yet, eventually they will become curious and start checking your social media to see what you have been up to lately.

If you are not currently connected on social media I recommend you start making some of your posts visible to the public on Facebook and making your entire profile visible on accounts like Instagram where that is socially acceptable. This will make it easier for your ex to see the new, awesome, improved life you are advertising on social media!

Look more popular

I want you to gather some trusted friends to help you. These friends are going to help you by liking and commenting on your social media posts, this will make you seem more popular and increase the level of attraction your ex feels towards you when viewing your profile; this is due to your perceived social proof.

A really fast way to gain extra followers and seem popular is to investigate internet marketing companies, who, for a few dollars will gather 100’s of new friends or followers for you. These marketing companies will increase the number of comments your posts will receive and can also ensure you appear at the top of your ex-boyfriends newsfeed so they never miss a post.

Companies like, and all offer internet marketing services but I suggest you undertake some research to find a company that suits your needs.

A good way to make your posts more popular on sites like Twitter and Instagram is to ensure that you are including a few popular hashtags, this will attract new viewers to your profile.
Sites like can help you find the best hashtags to include with your posts.

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Get some new profile pictures

Websites like and will often have amateur or student photographers who are willing to undertake work for free in exchange for images they can use for their portfolio of work. This is an effective way to get some new profile pictures taken or have some professional images of an event done without spending any money and will give your profile a new look with which to surprise your ex-boyfriend.

You can also make your profile more appealing to your ex by following these basic photography tips for any pictures you take yourself.

Take photographs from unusual angles

Stand in the middle of group photographs as it will make you seem more popular.

Apply interesting filters to your photograph using apps like Photoshop, Fantasia or Facetune

What if my ex–boyfriend has limited access to social media?

If your ex-boyfriend only has a few moments a day to access the internet you may want to create photographic montage made from several images; this is a quick way for your ex to see everything you have been doing in a couple of seconds.

Montage are also an excellent at showing the improvements you have made over a period of time, this is especially useful when losing weight and getting fit.

Do you remember in the film Rocky where they used a montage to show all of Rocky’s fitness progress in a few seconds?………. I bet you started feeling invested in Rocky’s progress and excited to watch more?

I want you to use that same montage effect to grab your ex-boyfriends attention and get him feeling invested in your progress and excited to learn more about you.

How often and when should I post?

Go back over your social media accounts for the month before you broke up and look at how often you posted to each of them. Try to use this as a guide of how often you can post to social media from now on.

For those of you who rarely posted beforehand or currently have no social media, try posting once a week and slowly building up to a few posts, following the table below as a guide.

The posting calendar

Next step is to get a month on a page calendar and mark on it days when you will post, what you will post, what category you will post and to which type of social media. Keep in mind that you can only post in line with your normal frequency.

It is a good idea to color code each of your posts on the calendar depending on the categories they fall under, this will help you see if you are posting evenly across the month. The calendar above uses green for health, blue for wealth, yellow for relationships and purple for core appeal.

You only have a limited number of posts you can make per week so if possible try to combine categories wherever possible such as a day hiking with friends, this would allow you to combine health (hiking) with relationships (friends). In combining categories you can convey more improvement in your life in a smaller amount of posts.

Will the time of day I post matter?

I’m going to tell you that the best time for you to post to your social media is 12:00-13:00 on a weekday and between 12:00 – 15:00 at the weekend.

This is because people most commonly check their social media updates during their lunch break.

If your ex-boyfriend lives in another time zone remember you need to factor in the time difference so the post goes up during his lunch hour and not yours.

I don’t have the time….

There are apps that you can use to create and store posts weeks in advance for all your social media accounts and set the time and day you would like it to upload.

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Apps like Everypost, Later, Buffer, and Besttime will allow you to plan in advance and will automatically post on your behalf when you are too busy being the Un-gettable Girl to be playing around on social media!


Now onto the exciting part….. let’s discuss your texting!

During your 21 days no contact, I want you to start planning and drafting your texts. This is going to help keep you organised and prepare you for your texting stage.

Start by collecting funny memes, interesting photographs and videos that you can attach to your text messages based on the lists we made earlier on.

Once you have a stockpile of images create some pre-drafted texts that you can use during the Texting Phase.

How do I know what to text?

Your texts will be drawn from the third and fourth lists you created earlier. I want you to use the items in your lists to give you topics you can talk about in your texts.

The list of hobbies and interests your ex has should be used to help you draft the “First contact” text message as well the “Guess what?” and finally the “Damsel in Distress” type text messages.
The places you went and experiences you shared should form your “Memory” texts and also can be used for “Guess what?” texts.

Once you have predrafted your texts using the other articles or the Texting Bible the next step is to try and pair a few of your texts so that they link in with your social media posting calendar.

Linking your posts to your texts will increase your ex’s curiosity in your life and will increase his likelihood of replying to your texts. Below are some examples of how you could link your social media posts to your texts.

Example 5

One of the experiences you shared together was a trekking holiday. You could link a post about a hiking trip with friends with a memory text a day or two after your post that references how it reminded you of the holiday.

Example 6

One of his interests is cycling. You could post about getting fit and then link it to a text asking for advice on cycling helmets a few days later.

Now that you have created a library of texts and know which social media posts they link to, you should also mark the dates you want to send your texts on the calendar.
Ideally you want to leave at least 24 hours between a post and a text but no more than three days.

It is ok if you have several texts and posts overlapping in your schedule, it is also not a problem if not all of your texts link to a post.

The Fifth Element

There was a list we haven’t used yet……. This is the magical factor that ties everything together. I call it the “Fifth element” because I love that movie!

When you reach the texting phase I want you to refer to the list you created of “The qualities men look for in a girlfriend”, this should include things like being honest, trustworthy, kind, supportive, funny etc.

Each time you have a conversation either by text or on the phone you should find a way to weave a “fifth element” that appears on your list into the conversation when your ex responds.
This is going to help you appear more valuable to him as a potential girlfriend.

Example 7

Your ex-boyfriend tells you he has an interview. Try and seem interested and supportive of his efforts to get a new job.

Example 8

Your ex-boyfriend is feeling down. Try to cheer him up using your sense of humour.

Each time you manage to weave in a “fifth element” I want you to tick it off your list so you can keep track of what has happened.

How do I know if the texting is working?

Once you start the texting phase, you should record some data about how your ex-boyfriend responds.

  • Things you might want to consider recording are:-
  • Time of day text was sent
  • Who initiated the conversation
  • Who ended the conversation
  • How many texts you sent
  • How many texts he sent
  • Total text length of the conversation
  • What medium you sent the message (text, whatsapp, messenger, email etc)
  • What attachment you sent (video, photo, gif)
  • The subject matter of the text

Recording these in a computer spreadsheet is idea but if you don’t have a computer you can easily track your progress on paper by making a table.

This is an example of what your table might look like.

Here you will see it has been color coded red, yellow and green to show positive, neutral and Negative/No reply. You will also notice that some rows are lighter in tone than others, this highlights whether you or your ex-boyfriend initiated the conversation.

Laying the information out like this gives you a way to see patterns in your ex-boyfriends behavior; it will help you figure out what works and doesn’t work when texting your ex.

Example 9

Using the table above we can see that:-

  • That this particular ex-boyfriend doesn’t like .gifs or video attachments
  • This ex does not respond well to snapchat or instamessage
  • He doesn’t reply between 8:00-9:00am or 3:30-5:00pm

If you find this sort of information is very helpful to you, you may want to consider making a chart like this:

I’m a big fan of charts as these will help you to visualise who is controlling the conversations.

  • You will see in the example chart that not every conversation will last as long as the last and it is normal for this vary day to day.
  • The thing you are interested in is the progress overall, if on average you can see that the length of conversations is increasing then you are seeing positive improvements with your ex-boyfriend.
  • If you are seeing your conversations shrink in length, then you should review your table to figure out the reason he isn’t responding positively.

By taking the time to record some information you can make every text work to your maximum advantage!

Now that you have a step by step guide on your social media posts, texts and progress tracking you are ready to start winning your ex back…….. Good luck!!!!

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55 thoughts on “What To Text Your Ex After A Breakup (And How To Incorporate Social Media)”

  1. Leah

    July 15, 2019 at 3:20 am

    So, i was dating my ex for about a month and it was both of our first relationships. We are both 20 by the way. Everything was going so well, we were both so happy but for some reason he just broke it off. This was 5 months ago. When he did tell me it was over, he said he wanted to be friends but needed time, which was understandable as I needed time as well. However he just ultimately stopped talking to me, hasn’t texted or reached out to me for 5 months. He hasn’t liked any of my posts, but hes always looking at my stories. I want to text him, but im not sure what to say since its been so long, and the only reason i havnt texted anytime before that is because i was afraid i was annoying him or he just didnt want to talk to me but now i feel like he doesnt care about me at all. We didnt have a fight or anything, we ended on good terms so i just feel like i have no chance of getting him back now. Please help, I really miss him and im just so lost.

  2. Anne

    June 22, 2019 at 4:35 pm

    You wrote about when the NC rule is not a good idea. I’m concerned with whether or not a full 21-45 day NC is right for our situation.

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years. We have lived together for a year and everything seemingly was going good. We even moved across the country together, and we have no family where we are. We talked about our future and were excited to move into a nicer place.

    He had started a new career path 1 month ago and seemed to be really excited about it. Then, a week ago, we are shopping for new appliances for our new place – we were supposed to move in 3 weeks – and going grocery shopping, planning for our meals. When we finally get home he holds me close and says he needs a break because he isn’t sure what he wants. He said sometimes he sees us having an amazing life together and sometimes he doesn’t. He said he loves me very much and doesn’t understand why he needs this space, but he knows it’s what he needs. I definitely broke down because he immediately packed up his things (I even helped him load the uhaul). He asked for a break and moved in with some friends (both of whom are in long-term committed relationships) the day after he asked for the break.

    It’s been a week and I’ve done a lot of reflecting on my life tract and what I want out of life. I know that I am in love with him and it was hard for him to hold me, say he loves me and then kiss me goodbye. I even had to be the one to pull away from the kiss. He didn’t give a true reason behind the break, just that he needs to “work on himself and figure out what he wants”.

    We have been in NC for 1 week. I can see how much more active he has been on social media. He is on way more than he ever used to be. Lately I’ve been posting about putting together my new furniture, going hiking (which we both love, but haven’t been doing much since he got this new job 3 weeks ago) and my dog, who he absolutely adores. He said he’d contact me when he was ready because we have too much history and love to just walk away and never look back. He said he wants us to be friends during this time.

    It’s been difficult for me to reconcile why things have gone south so fast when everything seemed to be going well. He even said the day before he asked for the break was one of the “best days we’ve had in awhile” – referring to the fact our jobs the last few weeks have made it so we only see each other for 2 hours each night before bed and weekends we’ve been trying to focus on moving and have been “dating” less. Between the day he asked for the break and the day he moved out, he stayed at the place he lives now and admitted he missed me.

    I want to be patient and give him all the space he needs, but the entire situation feels so strange to me. I tried to ask him what this means for us – going “on a break”. He said right now he only thinks of this as a break, not a break-up, and swears there is and has never been anyone else and he really doesn’t want to see anybody else. He said there’s no way he can guarantee he will come back, but that he really is only thinking of this as a break.

    In this situation, should I really be striving for a full NC? I’ve already decided I would wait until he reaches out to me and try to take things slow. I already know he is going to “reach out so we can get a drink” because he told me he was going to do this when he feels ready. And since our lease is up in 3 weeks, he gave me all of our savings to move and offered to help me move our couch when I find a new place. Why say he needs space, but then keep making references about how he wants to stay in my life?

    I’m concerned this break is because he lost his job, and thus we wouldn’t have the money to move into the new place and maybe felt our lives were moving really fast. His best friend just married his girl friend about 2 months ago, and there were together only a few months longer than he and I. At one point he said, it’s been three years, it’s commit or quit time and he said right now he isn’t sure what he wants for himself, so how can he be sure what he wants for us? He cried a lot (which he never does) and we talked about how easy it was for us to fall in love and how we’ve both never felt so strongly for anyone else before. We have joint accounts for everything and I’ve been the one closing them all (because I can’t afford to keep joint bills).

    He said he isn’t happy, but that the feeling comes and goes and is never constant. He said it’s only been off and on for a few weeks – since he started the new job. I asked if he tried to talk to anyone about the way he feels. He said he tried to talk to his best friend back home about this feeling, but that his friend “really wasn’t much help” and even said that his best friend “loves me”. I asked if he told his family we were going on this break and he said no. I told him when he does finally decide to tell them to just say I was a mean, horrible person who kicked him out. We both laughed at that and he said he could never say anything about me like that, that I’m one of the most caring, loving and supportive people he’s ever known.

    I am very, very confused and hurt. I really don’t know what to make of our situation.

    Please, do you have any advice?

  3. Yaya

    February 26, 2019 at 2:28 am

    Hi! I’m 19 and my boyfriend is 17! We where dating for 1 year and we in the past have broken up but only for a day! We’ve always have had different lives as in we are different ages, different school and stuff! When he broke up with me yesterday he told me a lot of stuff that I found hurtful but said stuff such as, we have different morals, you don’t deserve me as a boyfriend, I kind of fell out of love with you, and you want something I can’t give to you. And it all sucks because all I ever wanted for him and us was for him to be happy when we are together, for him to know that I believe in him and support him and trust him always! I don’t know he also said that he isn’t really ready for a relationship now. I am so broke up about it and feel so lost, I don’t know what to do or how to function or how to think. He seems like he doesn’t care and just moved on. I want him to want to get back together because ultimately we did have a connection and we loved each other and he says he still cared about me. I have no idea what to do or how to think but I miss him and love him.

  4. Jenny

    February 22, 2019 at 5:40 pm

    Hi there!

    Confusing situation… he doesn’t have a smartphone, barely touches FB and I don’t use it at all. We’ve been emailing, but he usually only looks at it during work, so he is not responding to me frequently.

    Also, he has commitmentphobic tendencies. We’re both “older”. We’re among the only two singletons left in our social circles.

    I’m not sure what to do.

    Should I go back to NC or pull back for a bit?


    1. Chris Seiter

      February 23, 2019 at 4:32 am

      Hi Jenny….try pulling back, before upping the ante with a full on NC.

  5. josie

    February 4, 2019 at 8:50 pm

    Hi there,

    **We’ve known each other for 2 years and we’re best friends. About a year into our friendship he began pursuing me and i kind of ran but eventually became comfortable with that idea after realizing how long he’s waited and been there for me. Throughout this whole relationship (friendship and dating) he has always pursued me and was the first for everything…i wanted to take me time a little more. 1.5 years in we started dating and after 6 months this is what happened 🙁

    I have been following nc for about 2.5 weeks and our breakup was about 3.5 weeks ago. He blocked me on everything possible but we both are still friends with our mutual friends on social media. I’m just a little concerned because he’s a tough one and not sure if any of these tactics will actually work :/ He told me he didn’t want to see me anymore and since the bu i’ve had time to think things through. Before we bu he had mentioned us “losing ourselves” and i agreed thinking we could work through it, however, i was more determined to take that task on than he was because he said he didn’t want to just solve this situation NOW and later “STILL be lost with our own selves” thus creating a cycle. He pretty much was saying let’s take a break ( i honestly panicked because i thought that meant forever and did plead for him to stay) but we had bad things happen to us that just had really bad timing on that as well.

    When these bad things happened he was not in the right mindset to help me or even himself get through it. This created more of the feeling of “being unworthy” (as he says it) and he thinks it was bad timing and that i could find someone better. Myself on the other hand, knows that it probably was a mix of bad timing and losing ourselves that were some factors in our bu HOWEVER i know it’s something that can’t be conquered. Bad timing doesn’t mean it will still be bad timing after we’ve had time to work on ourselves. I always told him ” i know potential and the best when i see it and my heart and soul knows it when i feel it.” Apart of him believes me when i told him this but the greater part in this moment is telling him not to believe it. That being said, he is pretty prideful and has told me before “if anything happens to us we absolutely canNOT get back together because it just won’t work after that.” However, he made that “wall” because his last two girlfriends cheated on him and he was extremely hurt by that, but no matter how much i said ” cheating goes against my self respect and respect for YOU” he wouldn’t listen…i feel like he has always had his guard up to SOME degree that way and he usually would counter that statement of respecting him with “well all girls end up cheating eventually.” oh boy…i never really knew how to help with that fully and i wish i could’ve had a better way of assuring him and making truly trust me other that just my statement and love as proof.

    On that note, i’m just not sure how to “convince” him that coming back wouldn’t be a tear to his ego BECAUSE i didn’t cheat on him…his “rule” of “not coming back after a bu” really only applies to his past relationship/cheating situations and i DON’T think he realizes that. This was not us AT ALL we are so good for each other but sometimes we just got to caught up with helping each other we lost ourselves. Nothing that can’t be fixed though. I legitimately want nothing but the best for him and many of his “friends” bully him with putting thoughts in his head such as “she’s really pretty and she’s with you (saying he’s ugly)…you don’t thinks she’s here for other reasons..” I am absolutely not shallow and could care LESS about how much ridiculous money he is going to be making…i could make that myself and WILL be making it myself. He had blocked me on everything and im just not sure if even me not attempting to reach out will even “bring him back and contact me” AND im not sure how long my no contact should be. How long for NC? What if im still blocked after no contact? If he does eventually reach out, i’m not sure if the texting formats will even work on him…he’s a tough one…? Im confused on what to do :/
    Things ive done
    *Working on bettering myself ( still kind of a process)
    *recently just put a “time limit” on when i need to cry, reminisce, etc.
    *Not looked at any old memories unless it’s within my “time limit”
    *created a posting calendar for social media
    *Working on the Trinity

    **i just need a clearer view on what to do. I find myself lost very often when thinking about how and what to do about this whole situation. I didn’t just lose my partner but i lost my best friend 🙁

    1. Chris Seiter

      February 4, 2019 at 9:24 pm

      Hi Josie….so it seems to me you are doing some really positive things to advance your own recovery, so be proud of that. As to all the questions around No Contact and the rest, I encourage you go get me epic long, 485 page eBook, “Ex Boyfriend Recovery Pro” as it will break down all the things you ask about and those other matters you have thought of yet!

  6. H.N

    August 7, 2018 at 1:07 pm

    hello , i am trying to post a comment but its always disappear

    anyway could u please advise me
    i know a person for 5 months i know its a short time we are also LDR but we have been talking daily and almost 24 hour . he likes to talk all the time

    we stopped talking once for 3 weeks . then he received a gift from me so he talked to me back

    second time we fight and i stopped talking to him and blocked him 2 months . i unblock him, so he received a message i sent before blocking him and he answered the message .that happen before 1 week ago

    i feel he wanted to talk but he is so stubborn and thats really make me sad.
    i mean if i dont make any sign . he will not talk ! and he also letting me so easily
    ( thats why i feel anger and fight with him always i want to change that )

    we start talking and he was so cold .. careless telling me to find my way
    then we start to talk normally now . but he keep telling me he let it go in that day i left
    and he is not ready for me . he wasn’t even ready for me .and lots of stuff like that
    at first i was trying to tell him we was good but he did not try
    then i told him i dont want to talk about the past lets be friends ( is that good ? or i might make it worse by saying that ) ?can u give me ur advise and what should i respond here?

    and also could you advise me should i talk normally and answer him like before ?
    i have read what u said that i should not send him daily ” but i have a different satiation here.
    1. he is the one who sending me daily now so what should i do ? pretend that i’m not seeing the messages for day or two ? or just few hours ? or what ?
    2. the other thing that our relation is still new and it need a strong base ” i’m afraid if i did not build a more nice memories he might find someone to give him the attention ” because he need to talk daily that what he said when we talk first time ever
    3. now he start to send a lot of positive things then he say oh i should not do that because ” he is making his guard down ” he was refusing to tell me details about his day now he is telling me or he is say sorry when he dont respond something
    so should i tell him that i like his good behaviors ? and be postie with him or pretend normal and ignore more ?

  7. Confused

    February 11, 2018 at 5:48 pm

    I feel that our texting pattern is weird. Like the convo doesnt end, and its flowing a but veryy very slowly. He replies after a few days, and it seems to be a pattern. Wondering what is your take on my situation

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      February 15, 2018 at 6:06 pm

      What do you talk about?

  8. Jean

    January 8, 2018 at 10:59 am

    I’m inspired! I’m signing up on the EBR Private Group on FB. Will I be able to see her story posted there? (I’m on an LDR as well)

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      January 9, 2018 at 10:12 pm

      Hi Jean,
      You can.. just ask in the group who the author of this post is and search for her name in the group and you’ll see her older posts.

  9. Wondering

    December 8, 2017 at 3:04 pm

    My ex and i broke up about a month ago. We were together for about 4-5 months. He broke it off because he wanted to focus on himself. I did the crying and pleading during the initial breakup. We didn’t speak for a week but I texted him the second week, not much was said except that he wasn’t going to change his mind and he said “I hope you understand” and I replied by saying “I know there’s not much else to say that. I wish things were different between us”. He never replied. I decided to do NC after that. It’s been about two weeks since that last conversation. I have been pretty quiet on social media, and haven’t posted anything about the breakup. My posts have become less frequent. But I’m going out with a few friends on the weekend which is also his birthday.

    Should I post pictures of going out with friends? Something I’ve never had a post of before.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      December 11, 2017 at 10:17 am

      Yup you should.. That’s your indirect way of showing you’re moving on and not chasing

  10. Anon

    November 5, 2017 at 8:08 pm

    So my ex has been the one saying “I hope we can be friends” ever since our break up (4 months ago) and at first I said no because I couldn’t handle it. I did 45 days of nc, during which he contacted me twice. Now I’m trying to build rapport through text. We’ve had a few positive text conversations, one in which we agreed to be friends, but I’m the one initiating most of the time. Is that a bad sign? I don’t text him everyday, the last text convo we had was a week ago. So I was going to text him again soon. The thing is though he said multiple times that he wanted to be friends (I only brought up being friends right after the break up then I changed my mind) but now it feels like he’s not interested anymore because he’s not really initiating anything. But here’s the major problem: He started dating another girl a WEEK after our break up and they are still together and a couple weeks ago he actually told me that she helps him 100% but then proceeded to tell me he hopes we can be friends, and in that same conversation he asked me how many guys I’ve slept with (he was drunk). Then a week later we actually ran into each other when I was going to a halloween thing at some bar. But I didn’t really realize it was him until we walked past each other so nothing was said, but then he texted me right after saying sorry, he didn’t know what to do and sent me 16 text messages in a row saying hey, hi. He said he walked over to the bar I went to and didn’t see me so he left. And finally, a few days ago, he requested to follow me on Instagram again (I sent him something funny on IG).
    Right after the break up (like a month) I didn’t really beg for him to come back when he broke up with me but I did say that he wasn’t perfect either and that he hadn’t been putting in much effort lately (I was saying these things because I felt like he was putting all the blame on me and I was very upset). I told him I was working on myself and all I was asking for was a second chance but, back then, he said it was for the best that we don’t get back together. So we had an emotional talk over text but I wasn’t begging.

    So my questions are: Is it bad that I’m always the one that initiates text convos?
    Do you think I even have a chance of getting him back now after he told me his new relationship helps him 100%? They’re going on 4 months, so it’s looking less and less promising.. :/

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      November 6, 2017 at 8:03 pm

      It’s ok that you’re initiating, what’s more important is you’re the one ending the conversation at high point. Don’t focus in the other girl. Focus in continuing improving yourself and building rapport and attraction with him.

  11. Confused

    October 12, 2017 at 4:15 pm

    So I work with my ex and he broke up with me 2 and a half months ago. I was really devastated and acted very needy and clingy and cried a lot to him and begged for him back for a couple of weeks. After that didn’t work I gave him some space but he seemed to be much happier without me, he started dating other girls online around this time and started being really distant. He saw me in the street one day and looked the other way so I decided to go no contact for 30 days. I took him off my social media too. He did not contact me and if we saw each other in the office he would say hello if he had to but not anything more and I did not try to initiate conversation. After no contact I messaged him and he replied within a minute but was really casual. I did not contact him for another 2 days and in this time he left some old raincoat of mine from a camping trip on my desk but I did not mention it and the next day he began loudly laughing and flirting with a new girl in his team who he works closely with daily. The next day I contacted him and I even went and spoke to him face to face. He told me lots of personal stuff but did not ask anything about me, when I said I had to go he said chat later. I sent him a follow up message and said have a nice day, later in the day the girl was laughing and trying to flirt but he didn’t respond and replied to my message towards the end of the day (I wasn’t expecting a response). I didn’t respond and was planning on messaging him again in 2 days. That was yesterday and today he has resumed the flirting and giggling really loudly and he was even showing her a funny video on his computer during work hours and they were giggling together. Everyone in the office except her knows we were together and that we broke up recently… I find it really inappropriate and horrible that he would do that in front of me but he has only acted this way since I contacted him. I was not worried about them before, she started right after we broke up and I feel like he is doing it deliberately?

    I have not found any advice on if your ex is trying to make you jealous after you start communication after no contact. I have followed all your advice on no contact and making myself better and I am in a much better place than I was before. I am not acting needy at all and being really friendly to him and he was much more receptive to me than before no contact.

    Is he trying to make me jealous and why?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      October 12, 2017 at 6:42 pm

      Hi Confused,

      Let’s say yes.. that probably means he’s doing it to feed his ego or to see how you would react or to get the power back after being ignored.. just let him be but keep building rapport slowly.

  12. Ranz

    August 1, 2017 at 1:22 pm

    Hi. I need help. I broke NC after 27 days. So here’s my story. We dated for 2.5 years and we were in an on off relationship. He broke it off last month and says his reasons are he wants to focus on his studies and that the relationship was broken anyway. I begged for him for 10 days and he didn’t reply to anything before starting NC. He blocked me on social media and from his phone. A week into NC he messaged me on Viber to call me out for having a viber account. I didn’t have a viber acct when we were in a relationship. He maybe assumed I was talking to other guys already. I was insulted because he was the one who broke it off and then he’ll contact me for that? I didn’t reply. Two weeks into NC he unblocked me from facebook and started checking out my social media stories. He’s even checking my blog. Now, 27 days into NC, I messaged him about an activity we were both interested in and I thought Id share it with him. His reply is a disinterested tone, “I need to graduate first before that.” His responses were very neutral. I ended the convo saying good luck on his studies and take care in going back to university. He then said thanks. And then the convo ended. The day after, I messaged him again and attached a picture of something funny. It was sent in facebook messenger and even though it appears to me that he is active, he is not opening my message. It’s been two hours. I don’t know what to do. I feel bad really. I think I will be doing NC for a week before contacting him again. What do you guys think? Helpppp. What’s with all this? Do I have a chance to get back with him? Should I try contacting him again? I really feel bad now after all those time I resisted from contacting him, now I’m back at square one and the ball is in his court again :/

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      August 1, 2017 at 5:18 pm

      Yeah do one week nc and go back to being active in improving yourself and in posting..he probably thinks youre5 trying to get him convey indirectly through your posts that you have a life

  13. Laura

    July 25, 2017 at 3:27 am

    Hi, Amor
    I’m not sure about how can I flirt by text messages(tbh I think I’ve never done flirting on purpose on my life, so I don’t have any idea about it)… Any advice? Won’t it seem like chasing? -My ex is of the kind of “need a little push” (I saw that in one of your articles)- So, because I begged I don’t wanna be chasing, but I also want to get him back as soon as possible, I don’t know how to push him

    1. Laura

      July 26, 2017 at 9:41 pm

      So, if he wants to be friends, I have to use flirting and he will see me as a possible romantic partner again? I’m kind of worried about getting friendzoned

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 28, 2017 at 5:50 pm

      Not always.. be friendly too, intellectually interesting especially about his interest, be funny but most of all be genuine but dont be desperate..

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      July 25, 2017 at 5:41 pm

      flirting can be a lot of ways like being funny or cheeky or intellectually challenging, or teasing. Anything that gets him interested in you and would want to talk to you more

  14. Gwen

    May 24, 2017 at 11:13 pm

    Hi Amor,

    If I text him and then he answers next day should I wait to answer him or do I answer right back? Because it’s the third time it happens and the two first times I answered the same day, but today he has answered after one whole day and I’m thinking about answering tomorrow…
    I’m a bit lost too because I did NC for 2 weeks after the NC I did of 30 days because things were not going very well and I decided to start again. I’m trying tide theory and right now I’m in the funny text part, just I don’t now if it’s ok to write the funny text two consecutive days as the plan says or if it’s ok and it doesn’t afect tide theory waiting more days…?

    1. Gwen

      June 13, 2017 at 3:14 pm

      Oh and btw what I answered exactly after he told me he likes me but he still isn’t ready and all of that was that it’s ok and we will see what happens in time, and that maybe he just needs time to think about everything. I wanted to calm the conversation and not make it uncomfortable. Then we just went to sleep.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 14, 2017 at 3:35 pm

      hmm.. it’s ok to say its ok but not ok to tell him that maybe he just needs time because it sounds like you’re just there and he can have all the time in the world.. just show more through your activities that if he doesn’t act fast, he could lose you

    3. Gwen

      June 13, 2017 at 3:08 pm

      Yes we are talking and I feel I’m not following the plan so much because I don’t want our conversations to be weird but we are talking more and I didn’t tell him anything directly but he answered as knowing I still liked him and anyway the other day it happened again that in the conversation we talked about these things and I told him. Maybe I shouldn’t have told him that… :/ I feel I’m being easy and not ungettable. This last weekend we talked a lot on the phone. But then he didn’t answer to me yesterday and I haven’t answered today, I don’t know if I should answer without waiting.

    4. Gwen

      June 8, 2017 at 2:34 pm

      You mean when he told me he likes me? As he started telling me he wants to come here because he misses me and then he started being cute I asked him directly if he still likes me and he answered me with all of that telling me that he truly likes me and that I’m the only person he would think about for a relationship when he feels ready because he has felt a lot with me and then all about the problems in his life

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 11, 2017 at 4:32 pm

      oh sorry.. i wasnt clear..i meant when he told you he likes you, what did you reply to him? are you still talking now?

    6. Gwen

      June 5, 2017 at 4:09 pm

      Hi Amor,

      I was trying to go slow, he started calling and writing everyday, I was worried about this before because I always iniciated but now he iniciates more than me. However I think I did something wrong. I was sending him a memory text and it went well but when I was going to finish the conversation he told me not to go that he wanted to keep talking. We kept talking normal but ended flirting too much and he telling me he misses me and wants to come and see me as soon as he can (it was LD). The worst is that he started sexting I just answered with emojis and ended that type of conversation because I know I have to avoid that for the moment. But then he started telling me he really likes me and I’m the only woman he thinks about for having something serious but he has many problems in his life and a lot to think and bla bla bla. So in short he is afraid of commitment. What do I do? Just continue with the plan andnavoid sex conversations??

      (I’m having problems submiting comments and I don’t know if I post them more than once sorry)

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      June 7, 2017 at 5:12 pm

      what did you tell him when he told you that?

    8. Gwen

      May 28, 2017 at 12:33 pm

      Yes I know but then he acts weird these days he has been writing more and called me, I think he called me last night being drunk but I answered anyway and I don’t know if I shouldn’t have done it but anyway it was just a normal conversation, I’m a bit worried because of talking to much just in three days even though I try to end conversations soon, but at least we are talking. Should I go slower talking with him or it doesn’t really matter if it’s him who calls and all of that?

    9. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 29, 2017 at 7:34 pm

      it’s a good sign 🙂 it’s just that, you are more rational and proactive if you come from a perspective of starting over.. like in that instance, you would view it as a little win, a data for the next move, but that’s not enough to invest everything and then hope that he would too..

    10. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2017 at 1:54 pm

      Hi Gwen,

      that’s normal because you’re hoping.. but avoid doing it again.. come from a perspective that your ex doesn’t really care.. it’s not his duty to reply to you because you’re not his gf.. if he somebody that is not interested in you, how are you going to approach the situation?

  15. Carolina

    May 23, 2017 at 10:56 pm

    Hi, I was in a great long distance relationship that ended last October, since then I did exactly what I was supposed to do, no contact rule, not showing him that I wanted him back, but still being very friendly, like sending him a Christmas video message, or just saying hello emails, he would answer back very politely but like 20-30 days later, always keeping things friendly, both of us have never implying anything else, but he was always asking that if I was already dating somebody else, or telling me that I deserve to find someone that takes good care of me, because I’m amazing and I deserve the best.
    The thing is that lately his emails have been more sexual, like I miss you in my bed kind of things, or telling me that he has been dreaming about me and that I’m like a perfect combination of good sense of humor, personality and body and that that made me amazing.
    what I would like to know is how should I answer to his emails because I want him to keep being interested but not only in the sex part, i be going back the where he lives in a couple of months and I want our relationship to prosper.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 25, 2017 at 4:57 pm

      Sorry Carolina I’m confused. I just want to make it clear, did you mean you still talked in a friendly way with during the no contact rule? Because if you did, that’s not a no contact period..

  16. Kandace

    May 23, 2017 at 1:02 am

    My boyfriend and I broke up almost 24 hours ago because of religious views. We dated for about 7 months
    . He came over to my house last night and hung out with my family. But we broke up last night because of his bishop. I decided to do no contact right away. I haven’t heard from him today, but I did change my FBprofile picture back to only being me. I have a good feeling he’ll be back in a day or two to talk.

    We didn’t fight or I haven’t texted him constantly. I just dropped off the face of the earth. I need help, as I really would like to see us together again.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2017 at 1:45 pm

  17. Mor

    May 20, 2017 at 10:03 pm

    My ex and I broke up around December 2015. We were in contact till Jan 2016 and that’s it, he just wished me a happy birthday after that. i haven’t been worrying too much about him, I’m open to the possibility of getting him back but I’m not doing anything to do so. However, recently I’ve been wanting to text him, I want to know how he is doing, it’s been so long since we’ve talked, and I’ve even considered trying to be his friend.
    I’m scared to do that though, because he might not respond. Is it a good idea to check up on how he’s doing?

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 22, 2017 at 6:35 pm

      you wont know if you don’t try..

  18. Lala

    May 18, 2017 at 6:15 am

    Preliminary details:

    Dated for nearly 4 years
    He broke up with me because I was too needy
    Made it through 50 days Nc
    It’s been 4 months since the breakup and we’ve talked 5 or so short text conversations and 1 in-person meet up to exchange an item. All of it was initiated by me and he responded nicely.

    So should I just keep initiating? I feel like he’s just being friendly back. What if he asks me why I keep starting up conversation? Should I text each day or wait a few days? Can I ask him out to lunch soon?

    1. Rachel

      May 20, 2017 at 4:09 am

      I’ve been trying for the past 3 weeks or so but only intimated conversation 3-4 times. Should I text him each day to get the ball rolling? He ended some and I ended some but I’ll start ending all of them if possible. And yes, I am.

    2. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 21, 2017 at 6:44 pm

      5 or less messages for 3 weeks, isn’t going to build rapport but it’s good that you tried. So, for now, rest for 5 days and aside from the advice above, check the link below, so you know which style of texting you want to follow and keep ending the conversation at high point, keep improving and keep being active in posting:
      Texting An Ex Boyfriend (The New Rules)

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 9:17 pm

      how long have you been trying to build rapport and were you the one ending the conversations at high point? are you still actively improving yourself and in posting?

  19. Jack

    May 18, 2017 at 2:14 am

    I started texting my ex after no contact. She was pretty receptive, positive and enthusiastic but didn’t ask me any questions. Her last response was hours later saying she had work. I waited a full day to reply and now she hasn’t said a word. What do I do? She seemed to be showing interest beforehand. When do I send a second text if at all? We have texts that usually are 2 paragraphs each. I was paralleling her length in response.

    1. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 19, 2017 at 9:14 pm

      if you mean that was your first day of texting, that’s normal because there’s no rapport.. Think of her as a stranger that you like but doesn’t have interest in you.. would you expect her to be enthusiastic in texting you the first day? No, right? The goal is to get her interested in you.. how much value do you put in the table? how much did you improve? were you active in posting during and now after nc? are your topics interesting? did you end the conversation at high point?

  20. Lily

    May 17, 2017 at 10:15 am

    Almost five months after the break up, my ex and I were in kinda friendly terms. He texted each other once a week but with funny stuff or news about common interests. I was trying to gain him back, getting him closer. But…now he has a new crush. This is very recent, this happen these days and obviously he didn’t told me but I can know it for social media and this kind of things. We live in different cities, but near, and he hated the distance. This girl lives in the other side of the country and well, she has a boyfriend but they fought these days and I think she is using my ex for company (by distance) and probably for ego. My intuition says that this is a short nightmare, that she will figure out things with her man and verything will go back to normal. But my body feel sick and I am really scared. My ex seems illusioned and I know that he may need this for understanding what is real and what not but…I am always scared about the “what if…??”.
    I’m not doing something directly, I’m not texting him (and I doubt he does right now) but I am having a really bad time

    1. Lily

      May 28, 2017 at 11:16 pm

      Thank you Amor, you’re right. I am trying to figure out how to get his attention again without being obvious and this is difficult. I texted him yesterday to wish him good luck for something and he texted me back in two minutes, very kind and he exchanged a few texts (I stopped when the conversation was dying, letting his text being the last one, it was something specific and I didn’t want to force the things). I guess that was a step but I am so scared of not getting him back that I can’t see it…

    2. Lily

      May 24, 2017 at 9:57 pm

      They are not together, at least they don’t know each other in person (and thats long distance, not like with me we live just an hour in train) and she is still with her boyfriend… I only know that they talk a lot and have some complicity, I feel substituted and it hurts.
      I feel invisible to him. He didn’t text me since ten days ago, I didn’t either because I am afraid that he may ignore me or something… I don’t know what to do for making him “see” me. If I could build rapport again… But he has “walls” when it comes to me, like he didn’t want to fall again, so if I could, it would be a very long way… I don’t mind that, but now there is no way and I don’t know what to do to make him starting to feel interested in me…

    3. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 27, 2017 at 1:43 pm

      just keep doing your own thing.. if he really has walls, then if he realizes you haven’t chased and just kept moving on, he’ll probably lower his guard because he can see there’s no point in having it.

    4. Lily

      May 22, 2017 at 8:47 pm

      I know because of social media…they are very close and he is acting like bewitched, I can’t explain, but he is like obsessed… I was trying to build rapport with him but this has broken me… I didn’t text him and he didn’t text me since last Monday (this crush story started like last weekend, ten days ago). I know that I can’t control it but I need to figure out how to winhim back…
      Of course I am doing things with my life and keeping my interests, my friends…but it is being very very hard to focus, I miss him and every time I think “never more”… feel a pain I’ve never felt before (I have been in love before and I got my heart broken several times but the pain in this case is awful, never felt like this)

    5. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 24, 2017 at 6:17 pm

      ok, let’s say what they post is true, so that means they’re in the honeymoon period.. but also, keep in mind, you dont post bad stuff. People post to maintain an image.. since you can only control yourself, sometimes it helps to think like a bitch.. they dont care if the guy has a gf, because they know what matters most is what the guy feels when he is with her, or talking to her and what the guy thinks when he sees her.. You dont have to be total bitch.. that’s not good of course. Just copy a little from that mindset. The ungettable girl thinks like that. They know how to play the game of attraction but they also know when to walk away. Bad girls dont, they do everything even if it wrecks a lot of people and even if it wrecks themselves.

    6. Lily

      May 21, 2017 at 1:25 am

      Please help me… He is getting more and more obsessed with this girl, even if she lives far, has a boyfriend and is very young (my ex likes girls older than him, so this is weird). I don’t know what to do, this hurts me because I feel that he is substituting me, and he is getting attached to he very very quick. They doesn’t know each other in person (this is online contact) and I think she is not really interested, but she likes having someone chasing her, because she seems happy again with boyfriend. My ex is..”bewitched” and I am suffering a lot. I want him back and I was trying, not forcing things but this is devastating me. Of course, since this started (a few days ago) I didn’t text him and I won’t: he is “blindfolded” with this and nothing from me would work right now… Our “contact” nowadays is only through a chat group with our friends, where I am acting normal, happy and positive (the “me” I want him to see) but I don’t know how to fight this situation with him having that huge crush (she is not our friend , I don’t know her and I don’t know if he knows that I am being aware of this). Please, is there anything I can do??

    7. EBR Team Member: Amor

      May 22, 2017 at 7:01 pm

      how did you know that? have you been putting your energy on things you can control? Like your efforts, on what you think, you activities?