“But, Janell, what did you do after?”
DO NOT OVERTHINK IT.
Preparing For A Run-In Ahead of Time
“Chance favors only the prepared mind.” – Louis Pasteur
Have a Plan
Preparation is key to success in any situation. That is why it is important that you consider where you are in your Ex Recovery journey. This can be done by using if/then statements.
If I run into my ex and I have not started No Contact, then I will keep things short, sweet and to-the-point.
If I run into my ex and I am still in the process of No Contact, then I will be polite and remove myself from that situation so I can finish No Contact.
If I run into my ex and I have completed No Contact, then I will follow the guidelines laid out in EBR to get my ex back. I will do this even if it goes against what I want to do.
Short, Sweet, and To The Point
Why is it important to keep things concise?
Well, if you say too much, then you are more likely to ruin your chances. However, if you keep things cordial and remove yourself from the situation then you will avoid spoiling your relationship with your ex further.
Keeping things short keeps you from saying too much.
Consider Running Into Him “Accidentally on Purpose”
Orchestrating a run-in on your own terms after No Contact allows you to control the narrative.
If you were surprised by a run-in you had not orchestrated, then you might not be prepared, knowing what you should say and when to stop speaking.
Not to mention you will avoid looking like a hot mess when you first run into him again.
As Chris always says, you should end all of your conversations on a high note, leaving something to be desired in a future conversation.
Say No to The Booze
Drinking and doing drugs lowers the inhibitions. It might make you less anxious. However, it will also make you forget everything we’ve laid out for you in EBR. You will forget when to walk away and what topics to avoid. You will not walk away on a high note and leave him wanting more.
So, to be clear, avoiding anything that alters your perception is a good plan.
Filling in a friend or two is always a good idea. That ay you can keep things friendly and concise, but they can stand behind you to help maintain that “I got this” attitude.
This one is a big one if the two of you ended on not-so-great terms.
Remind yourself that if you want him back, you can’t just spout off whatever comes to your mind when it pops up. Think through how that might affect your success down the road and adjust to keep things pleasant and civil.
Work Backwards from the Worst-Case Scenario
If you are having trouble coming up with a plan, you can always use my favorite ay of planning.
Imagine the absolute worst-case scenario and come up with a solution for that.
How will you handle it if things go horribly horribly wrong?
You see, once you have a solution for your absolute worst-case scenario, then you can relax. Anything that isn’t a worst-case scenario is something that you can handle because you have already prepared for the worst already.
What Not To Do When You Run Into Your Ex
Don’t Let Him Lead the Conversation
There are two situations that you don’t carry control of the conversation.
- You carry on about nothing in particular.
- You expect your ex to carry the conversation.
Both of these result in you not taking the lead in the conversation. You can do this by
- being interested in what he has to say, rather than staying focused on what you are going to say. (This is where that plan comes in handy.)
- make him feel comfortable.
- stick to topics that aren’t confrontational.
Keep the Conversation Short
If you keep the conversation short, then you are less likely to screw up. Short positive interactions are the goal here.
You can make this work by simply asking how things are with him, hinting that things are going well in your life, and then excusing yourself politely for whatever reason.
Don’t Run Away or Hide
If and when you run into your ex you will be tempted to turn on your heels and hightail it out of there. That will not make you come off as The Ungettable Girl. It will, however, look like you are falling apart and like you can’t handle the situation.
So, when you do, take every ounce of bravery and confidence that you have and channel it towards not running away. Okay?
Do Not Spill Your Emotions
The one thing you will definitely be tempted to do is spill your guts. You will want to talk about the past and the problems from the relationship.
Fight that urge.
Well, the idea is to stay positive, remember?
Bringing up the problems of the past would be negative. Trying to talk about your emotions would be overwhelming to your ex, assuming he is like most guys when it comes to being emotional.
Save that conversation for when the to of you have built rapport again and are leaning towards getting back together. Even then, I would tread lightly.
What To Do After You Run Into Your Ex
So, you saw your ex. After that, your emotions are bound to be overwhelming and unpredictable. You can’t expect you rein them in easily.
Find a Distraction
Take a step back, away from the world, where you can be alone with your thoughts. Come to terms with the fact that you aren’t in control of how your ex responds to things, but you can control how you respond to things.
So, take your emotions and decide what is more important, assuaging those or getting your ex back. Because, if you don’t get them in check, then you run the risk of missing out on the chance of rebuilding a meaningful relationship that lasts.
Essentially, you need to do three things:
- Come up with a plan before you run into your ex.
- Know how to handle it when you do.
- And know what you need to do after you run into your ex.
Now that we have gone over those things, let’s talk about your situation.
- Tell me about your breakup.
- Have you already run into your ex or are you just dreading the moment you do?
- What do you think your next step is?
Our experts will start a conversation with you to help you decide what your next best step is.